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Personal Paradigm
Marisol Curtis
Personal Paradigm
theories and have been told very many different things about what is best for children’s
development and how to best guide and discipline them. There have been many that I want to
remember and implement as a mother and in my career while there have been others that I didn’t
really identify with. Each person has their own personal paradigm, how they view and
understand the world and everything in it, and in mine are four theories. These theories include,
Attachment Theory
A lot of your relationship with your children all begins at infancy. Those first few years
with your child are crucial to how you and your child will interact with each other. When one
understands a little bit better about the attachment process between parent and child one can
consciously and purposely do things that will better their relationship with their child starting
from infancy.
Attachment is similar to that of imprinting in animals. It is that bond that a child has with
a caregiver on whom they are dependent on for their emotional and physical well-being. It is
important that children develop an attachment bond before the fear emotion settles in at about 8-
9 months in order to have the healthiest relationship with their parent (Ainsworth, 1978). This
can be achieved by having the parent respond to their child’s cues and being available to their
child, creating a sense of security so that the child learns that they can trust their parent (Berns,
2004).
attached children are available, sensitive, and consistent. In a room the child will use their parent
as a secure base while still exploring and looking back to make sure that they are still there and
rejecting, inconsistent, and insensitive. In a room the child won’t use the parent as a secure base.
When the parent leaves, the child won’t cry and will avoid that parent when they return.
Because of past rejection they will try to protect them-selves (Ainsworth, 1978). Parents of
insecure-ambivalent attached children are warm, nurturing, unavailable, and rejecting, thus the
parent is inconsistent in their behaviors. In a room the child is clingy and doesn’t explore. They
will seek contact but when given it, they will then resist it (Ainsworth, 1978).
In order to have that secure attachment with your child that will last throughout your
relationship with them it is important that you make yourself that person that your child knows
they can trust. Many have expressed their concern about “spoiling” their children by giving
them too much attention. This is absolutely false, especially in the early years of children.
When a baby cries, this is their way of communicating. This is how they signal what they need.
The only way that you can “spoil” a child is by not paying attention to these cues. For example,
if you are smothering them with love when it is not asked for. Therefore, it is really important to
be aware of babies’ signals and try to understand what they are trying to communicate, which
Temperament
In the text book, Child, Family, School, Community: Socialization and Support,
interaction” (Berns, 2004, p. 141). Every child when they come to this world are unique, with
PERSONAL PERADIGM 4
their own personalities. No two children are exactly the same. Once you recognize that and
truly believe it you will be able to better guide their development and know how to better
discipline them.
characteristics within temperament. Those nine were then bunched up into three different
groups: easy, difficult, and slow-to-warm-up (Berns, 2004). Easy children adapt easily and
display positive moods. Difficult children are slow to adapt and show negative moods. Slow-to-
warm children at first withdraw but then slowly adapt to their new surroundings (Berns, 2004).
Once you understand these three different types of temperament you can then adjust how you
approach children and accommodate to their temperaments so that they receive the best guidance
In Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, it lists five human motives. These motives are, starting
with the most basic: phycological needs, safety needs, belongingness or love needs, esteem
needs, and need for self-actualization (Aanstoos, 2013). Phycological needs consist of those
physical needs that are required in order to survive such as water, food, and shelter. Once those
needs are met and satisfied then they are able to move on to the next level which is safety needs.
Safety needs can exist when there are financial problems, war, natural disasters, or even abuse.
When an individual feels safe and secure in their environment, they then move to the next
motive, belongingness or love needs. This can come through friendships, family, significant
others, or any type of social group such as colleagues or classmates. After feeling a sense of
It is by understanding these motives that you will better be able to understand the actions
of children. It will be hard for a child to feel safe if they are not even receiving their basic needs
at home. Likewise, you may know a child that is having trouble with their self-esteem. If you
want to help that child you can then look to see if they are receiving everything else in the lower
tiers. Are they getting enough food and sleep? Do they feel safe in their environment? Do they
have a sense of belonging? If not then you can better know how to get to the root of the
problem. You are then able to better help the development of that child in all aspects.
Mindset
Success, is “believing that your abilities and skills can change over time with hard work and
practice.” Those who have a growth mindset want to know how they can improve and thrive on
challenges because they know that the harder the challenge, the more they will learn and grow.
Fixed mindset, as described in Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, is also a good principle
to note in your parenting or association with children. You want to be able to help your child to
reshape this kind of thinking. Those who have a fixed mindset believe that “their abilities are
carved in stone and cannot change no matter what they do” (Dweck, 2016). They are also afraid
of failure and only do things that they are comfortable with. Since they want to be seen as
perfect they usually quit when things begin to get too hard for them.
(Dweck, 2016). This may sound hard but it is very much needed. Many times, one may think
that they need to protect children’s self-esteem and in return need to protect them from failure.
However, protecting a child from failure in the long run can be detrimental. Failure, doesn’t
define the child but gives them another opportunity to learn and grow (Dweck, 2016). For
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example, if a child doesn’t do well on an exam, a parent may be tempted to talk to the teacher for
them, trying to raise their grade. However, if the child is allowed to fail they learn what they
need to do better and to receive a better grade and understand the material better.
Conclusion
For some it may be different, but for me, after better understanding these four theories I
feel that I am better able to associate with children and guide them to a better future. It has been
through studying and better understanding the attachment theory, temperament, Maslow’s
hierarchy of needs, and mindset that I feel that I can indeed do that and that is my paradigm.
Refrences
Ainsworth, M. D., Blehar, M., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A
Berns, R. (2004). Child, family, school, community: socialization and support. Belmont, CA:
Dweck, C. S. (2016). Mindset: the new psychology of success. New York: Ballantine Books,
2016