INTRODUCTION

Most of the Malay nowadays believes in Islam. Islam has long since set foot in

the Malay society since the Malay Melaka Empire. That’s why Islam is a religion many

Malays belief in.

Even though the Malay society is rich with tradition and culture, it is still strong

from the influence of Islam. Although most of the originated before they belief in Islam,

they shall not do anything that Islam forbids. That’s why some of the culture that is

strong on animism fades slowly as Islam takes over. Majority of Islam nowadays belief

in Islam and the government has formed a governing Islamic body, so that some people

would not be a lost and follow the wrong Islamic teaching.

The teaching of Islam contains pillars and goals that are needed to be fulfilled in

life. That is why the Malaysian government is endorsing Islam as it is seen as a proper

and the correct way of life. With that Islam enables the Malay society to be one.
 UPON VISITING MALAY HOME

The first thing you would probably notice is that all Malaysians will take their

shoes off before entering a Malay house. The reason for this is that when we perform

our prayers with our guests, we usually do this in the living room. Therefore, should we

wear our shoes inside; the shoes would spoil the living room floor, making it unsuitable

for prayers. (We Muslim pray on a mat laid out on the floor).

Your Malay house would probably insist that you leave your shoes on, as

foreigners are not really expected to follow this Malay custom. Should you, however,

insist that you take them off, you action will be very much appreciated.

Introduction Malay style has no hard-and-fast rules but you will notice that, with

the Malays, age takes precedence over almost everything else, i.e. A younger Malay

person would very likely make the first move to Salam an older Malay person’s hand.
 MALAY HANDSHAKE

The traditional Malay handshake is known as Salam whereby both parties

extend their arms and clasp each other’s hand in a brief but firm grip. The man offers

either one or both hands, grasps his friend’s hand and brings his hands back to his chest

to mean, "I greet you from my heart".

Most Malays are aware of the Western ways so the handshake is normal. The western

way if shaking hands is quite similar to the Malays' although there are slight differences

as mentioned above. One thing to bear in mind is that Malay women do not shake

hands with men in accordance with Islamic practices. In this instance, a smile, nod of

acknowledges. The traditional Malay handshake is known as Salam where by both

parties extend their arms and clasp each other’s hand in a brief but firm grip. The man

offers either one or both hands, grasps his friend’s hand and brings his hands back tohis

chest to mean, "I greet you from my heart".

 SOME DO AND DON’TS

The head (from the bottom of the neck up) is considered sacred in Eastern

culture. Foreigners please remember that under no circumstances should touch the

head of your Malaysia friend without permission. Even if you see an insect on your

friend’s head, it is best that you let him/her know about it rather than attempt to remove

the insect yourself! An affectionate gesture like pat on the head (even to a child) should

also be avoided.

Note that such act of intimacy is not common among some Malay people and

that such an action on your part may cause a lot of unnecessary embarrassment.

Assess the situation thoroughly before you offer your cheek or yourself lean forward to

place a kiss on the cheek of your Malay fried. Please do not be offended if your Malay

friend moves away (especially if she/he is of the opposite sex from you) but simply try to

accept that this can be an alien tradition which some Malays will not accept for the

religious or cultural reasons.

The usual Malay way when entertaining people of both sexes is that the men will

be invited to sit together and the ladies will be invited to sit together, i.e. the opposite

sexes are segregated. It seem strange to foreigner but this is the way of here in

Malaysia. The more modern Malays would probably do away with this sort of secretion

but even these more modern Malay would most likely bow down to tradition when their

guests consists of the older generation.

 Alternatively, a hostess may only segregate the older Malay ladies and

gentlemen and leave the younger to mingle with each other. When traditional function

(e.g. a traditional birth or a traditional wedding) people are invited to sit on the floor.

Although there are no rules for the men, but for ladies please note that the following are

the not correct ways of sitting down in the Malay house:

• With your leg crossed

• With your legs placed straight in front of your body

• Squatting

The proper way of sitting (Malay style)

• Sit with your two legs neatly tucked against your seated body (left or right side is

fine)

• The feet must face away from people (as much as possible).

• If you can manage it, tuck your feet under the hem of your dress.

If you have brought a present with you to give to your Malay hostess, don’t be

disappointed if she puts it aside and leaves it unopened. We have always been taught

not to open gifts in the presence of the person who gave it to us. The gift can only be

open when we are alone. This maybe something to do with modesty on the part of the

receiver weather good or not, we are indicating that the present has been received with

thanks and weather is inside the package takes second place to the thought the went

behind it.
 When you are at the crowded or during a ceremony, if you want to point at

something use your thumb and not your forefinger. The correct way of doing this is to

make a soft fist with your right hand. Place your thumb directly above this fisted hand.

Only then do your point. You should never use your left hand to pointing at something.

The reason lies in tradition. It is Malay custom that we wash ourselves each time we

defecate and the left hand is used for this. Symbolically then, the left hand is considered

unclean. Therefore, for all manner of gestures such as waving or pointing where only

one hand is needed, only the right hand is used.

Even if you find yourself in the very modern Malay home with very modern

people, please bear mind that crossing the legs at the knees is considered rude in front

of older Malay people and is absolutely forbidden in front of senior Malay royalty!
 FOOD

Malay is almost automatically Muslim too. As Muslim, Malay is allowed to eat

food that is halal. Halal, which means “permissible according to Muslim law”, describe

meat of animals slaughtered for food in the manner prescribed by Muslim law. Thus,

halal describes lawful food. One of the things a Muslim is forbidden to eat by religious

laws is pork.

Variety is the spice in Malay food. The traditional culinary style has been greatly

influenced by the long-ago traders from neighboring countries, such as Indonesia, India,

the Middle East, and China. Malay food is often described as spicy and flavorful as it

utilizes a melting pot of spices and herbs.

Malay cooking incorporates ingredients such as lemon grass, pandan (screw

pine) leaves, and kaffir lime leaves. Fresh herbs, such as daun kemangi (a type of

basil), daun kesum (polygonum or laksa leaf), nutmeg, kunyit (turmeric) and bunga

kantan (wild ginger buds) are often used. Traditional spices such as cumin and

coriander are used in conjunction with Indian and Chinese spices such as pepper,

cardamom, star anise and fenugreek. Seasonings play an important role in Malay

cooking as they often enhance the food taste and flavors. Many of the seasonings are

not dried spices but are fresh ingredients such as fresh turmeric, galangal, fresh chili

paste, onions, and garlic. A combination of fresh seasonings and dried spices are
normally pounded together to make a fine paste and cooked in oil. Fresh coconut milk is

often added.

Rice is the staple diet in any Malay meal. It is often served for breakfast, lunch,

dinner, and supper too. Most meals are eaten by using your fingers, and eating utensils

are kept to a minimum. All dishes are served at the same time, accompanied by a

refreshing drink. Fish is popular in Malay cooking, as with other seafood such as

shrimps and cuttlefish. Beef and mutton are very popular choices but never pork as it is

against their religious beliefs to eat pork. The other popular white meat is chicken.

One of the most unique Malay dishes is the "roti jala" (lacy pancakes), which

sometimes replaces the staple rice. Roti jala is an ideal accompaniment to any dish with

lots of rich gravy and is often served during special occasions. It is made from a mixture

of plain flour and eggs, with a pinch of turmeric powder and butter. Desserts are a must

for any Malay meal. Easily available at most local restaurants and roadside stalls, Malay

desserts are invariably very sweet and include ingredients such as coconut milk, palm

sugar, and flour.

 EATING WITH FINGERS

Malays traditionally use the fingers of their right hand for eating. However no one

expects a foreigner invited to a local-style meal (no cutlery) to be an expert at eating with

fingers! Nevertheless, below are some useful guidelines to follow when you find yourself

in a situation where using your fingers is the only way to eat:

• Always remember to watch your hand first. If you are invited to Malay weeding

or any celebrations you will find water vessel (kendi) either at your table or being

passed for guests to wash their hand.

• Meals are always eaten with your right hand!!! Being left handed is no excuse.

• Even though you are eating with your fingers, you will find that serving spoons

are provided for all the dishes being laid out. Since the fingers of your right hand

will be soiled while eating, you are permitted to use you left hand when using the

serving spoons, although we always say “excuse me” (minta maaf) first.

• When it comes to dessert, you may well find that still have use your fingers.

Since dessert eaten with the fingers is usually dry, do wash hands before starting

your dessert. If it is some sort of pudding with a sauce or syrup, spoons will
 definitely be provided. You would wash your hands at the end of a meal using

the kendi again.

Since the kendi has been passed round from person to person, the polite thing to

do is to wash your hands using a minimum amount of water! Personally, I do not find

this very supply of wet tissues (the ones packed for the babies are ideal), which of

course makes me the most popular person at the table when I begin to pass them

around!

• The pot which holds the water

• The stand has holes in it for the water to filter through.

The other thing a foreigner should be made aware of is that is not considered

impolite for a person to leave the table once he has finished his meal. In many of the

larger households (the same can apply during meals at big functions), a person leaves

the table as soon as he is done so that he can give way to other people waiting to eat.

Washing Your Hands

• Lift the pot with your left hand and place your right hand (the hand you must use

for eating) below it, above the stand.

• Lightly rinse your hand with the water from the pot, making sure the water filters

through the holes in the stand.

• Replace the pot onto the stand.

 ISLAMIC FESTIVALS

There are only two Muslim festivals set down in Islamic law: Hari Raya Puasa

and Hari Raya Haji.

Hari Raya Puasa (1 Syawal)

This marks the end of Ramadan, the month of fasting, and is a festival of great

celebration. In Islamic countries it is a public holiday. The first Eid was celebrated in

624 CE by the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W with his friends and relatives. Muslims are

not only celebrating the end of fasting, but thanking Allah for the help and strength that

he gave them throughout the previous month to help them practice self-control. The

festival begins when the first sight of the new moon is seen in the sky. Muslims in most

countries rely on news of an official sighting, rather than looking at the sky themselves.

Hari Raya Puasa is very much a community festival and people go out into the streets to

exchange greetings, and visit friends and relatives. The celebratory atmosphere is

increased by everyone wearing best or new clothes, and decorating their homes. There

are special services out of doors and in mosques, processions through the streets, and

of course, a special celebratory meal eaten during daytime, the first daytime meal

Muslims will have had in a month. Eid is also a time of forgiveness, and making

amends.
Hari Raya Haji (10 Zulhijjah)

The Festival of sacrifice which marks the end of the Hajj or holy pilgrimage,

which is one of the 5 pillars of Islam, however it is celebrated by all Muslims, not just

those who are on the pilgrimage. The festival remembers the prophet Ibrahim’s

willingness to sacrifice his son when God ordered him to. God appeared in a dream to

Ibrahim and told him to sacrifice his son Ismail. Ibrahim and Ismail set off to Mina for the

sacrifice. As they went, the devil attempted to persuade Ibrahim to disobey God and not

to sacrifice his beloved son. Ibrahim drove the devil away. As Ibrahim prepared to kill

his son God stopped him and gave him a sheep to sacrifice instead. Ibrahim’s complete

submission to the will of God is celebrated by Muslims each year. There are also

several other special days which Muslims celebrate.

Maal Hijrah (1 Muharram)

The Islamic New Year’s Day.

This festival commemorates the Hijrah (or Hegira) in 622 CE when the Prophet

Muhammad (pbuh) moved from Mecca to Medina. This was the beginning of the growth

of Islam into a world faith. The Muslim calendar counts dates from the Hijrah, which is

why Muslim dates have the suffix A.H. (After Hijrah). There is no specific religious ritual

required on this day, but Muslims will think about the general meaning of Hijrah, and

regard this as a good time for "New Year Resolutions". The Qur’an uses the word Hijrah

to mean moving from a bad place or state of affairs to a good one and so Muslims may
think about how their faith helps them leave behind bad ways of living and achieve a

better life.

Ashura (10 Muharram)

This is a holiday for Shi’a Muslims in particular, and commemorates the

martyrdom of Hussein, a grandson of the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W in 680 CE.

Maulud Nabi (12 Rabi'ul awal)

The birthday of the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W.

At this time Muslims think about Muhammad, and the events of his life. Muslim

parents will tell stories of the Prophet’s Muhammad S.A.W life to their children. Some

Muslims disapprove of celebrating the birthday, on the grounds that it is an innovation,

and innovations in religious matters are forbidden. Why? Because if changes were

made in religious matters it would imply that Islam was not complete when it was

revealed to the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W, or that the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W did

not tell Muslims everything that was revealed to him. This would be seen as highly

sacrilegious by many Muslims.

Israk and Mikraj (27 Rejab)

The night journey and ascent of the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W, and the revelation of

Solat. The festival is celebrated by telling the story of how the Prophet Muhammad

S.A.W was visited by two archangels while he was asleep, who purified his heart and

filled him with knowledge and faith. The Prophet Muhammad S.A.W travelled from
Mecca to Jerusalem in a single night on a strange winged creature called Buraq. From

Jerusalem he ascended into heaven, where he met the earlier prophets, and eventually

God. During his time in heaven Muhammad S.A.W was told of the duty of Muslims to

recite Solat (ritual prayer) 5 times a day.

Lailat al Qadr (27 Ramadan)

The festival of The Night of Power marks the night in which the Qur’an was first revealed

to the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W by Allah. Muslims regard this as the most important

event in history, and the Qur'an says that this night is better than a thousand months

(97:3), and that on this night the angels descend to earth. This is a festival that Muslims

spend in study and prayer. Some will spend the whole night in prayer or in reciting the

Qur’an. Lailat al Qadr is a good time to ask for forgiveness. Allah's Apostle said,

"Whoever establishes the prayers on the night of Qadr out of sincere faith and hoping to

attain Allah's rewards (not to show off) then all his past sins will be forgiven." (Bukhari

Vol 1, Book 2: 34). The date of 27 Ramadan is a traditional date, as the Prophet

Muhammad S.A.W did not tell us when the Night of Power would be, although he

suggested it was in the last 10 days of the month. Because of this, many Muslims will

treat the last 10 days of the month of Ramadan as a particularly good time for prayer

and reading the Qur’an.

 Dress

A Malays have a traditional clothes such as “Baju kurung, Baju melayu, Baju

kebaya. Usually when “:Hari Raya Puasa”, Malays will wear a baju kurung for women

and baju melayu for mens. This is a custom of Malays people and on the first “Raya”

they must wear the traditional clothes. “Baju kurung” it have many type such as “baju

kurung modern and baju kurung kedah. “Baju kurung modern” have body shape and

look fluffier.

For “Baju melayu, it also have many type such as “Teluk belanga and cekak

musang. They usually wear this when there is a traditional event.

The baju kurung is a simple knee-length blouse worn over a long skirt pleated at

the side. The outfit is completed with a selendang or tudung around the shoulders or on

the head. It can be matched with the kain songket, batik and even pelikat. Nowadays,

the baju kurung can be found in different styles. These clothes are being tailored so that

they suit the person wearing it. Among them are baju kurung labuh, baju kurung moden,

baju kurung cekak, baju kurung Kedah and more.

The baiu kebaya is a lot more form fitting compared to the baju kurung and is

normally quite flattering. This makes the baju kebaya quite popular with the Malay

community as well as the non-Malays. The baju kebaya is usually matched with the kain

songket or batik.
 Among the Muslims, another mandatory piece of clothing is the scarf called

either the tudung or selendang. The selendang is used to adorn the hair. It has been

part of the Malay women's wardrobe for ages and you can see plenty of beautiful

choices available these days.

One can see the baju melayu on a grand display during special occasions or on

Fridays for the Friday prayers. Other than being matched with the seluar (trousers), the

baju melayu can also be worn with the kain pelikat. If the shirt, trousers and the

samping are worn in a similar colour, fabric or pattern and in matching styles, then it is

known as sedondon. The baju melayu is worn either in the style of kain berdagang luar

or kain berdagang dalam. In the kain berdagang luar style, the shirt is worn outside the

trousers and covers part of the sampin. In the kain berdagang dalam, the sampin is

worn outside the dress and it i covers the lower part of the shirt.

Just as hats, berets and caps are suited to their particular dressings in the

Western world, the Malay tanjak or tengkolok is worn and complements exquisitely the

traditional full Malay costume or baju melayu. The tanjak or tengkolok is actually a four-

sided cloth that is folded expertly into a head-kerchief. It is usually worn at traditional

Malay weddings by the groom during the bersanding ceremony and the tanjak he wears

usually matches the wedding suit. The tanjak or tengkolok are worn during formal and

public ceremonies as well.

 The songkok (traditional Malay cap) is a headdress worn with the traditional outfit

for Malay men. The songkok is well designed from plain black to embroider and from

cotton to velvet. It is mostly worn during festive occasions such as Hari Raya and

weddings as well as religious events such as kenduri (feasts), prayers and funerals.
 THE MUSLIM CALENDAR

The Muslim calendar also has twelve month the names of the month starting with

the first month of the Muslim calendar called Muharam up to the twelfth or last month of

the Muslim calendar called Zulhijah. The examples the names of month in the Muslim

calendar are; Muharam, Safar, Rabiulawal, Rabiulakhir, Jamadilawal, Jamadilakhir,

Rejab, Syaban, Ramadan, Syawal, Zulkaedah, and Zulhijah.

Every month in Muslim calendar has a festival, but not all the month. In the

Muharam is the first day of the month, Islamic New Year’s Day. At 12th Rabiulawal, is

the birthday of the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W). The letter S.A.W stands for Sallallahi

Alaihi Wassallam, which is Arabic for “may Allah bless Him and grant Him peace”. It is

customary for all Muslim to say these words every time the Prophet’s name is

mentioned.

At 27th Rejab, is the ascension of the Prophet (S.A.W). In month of Ramadan all

the Muslim people has to fasting for 30 day (a month). After fasting in month of

Ramadan,in the month of Syawal, the Muslim people will celebrated Hari Raya Puasa

(Aidilfitri). It is very lavishly celebrated in Malaysia. All the Muslim people will wear new

clothes in that month. In 10th Zulhijah, Muslim people celebrated Hari Raya Haji
(Aidiladha). This marks the end of the Pilgrimage. It is not as lavishly celebrated in

Malaysia as it is in most Arab speaking countries, especially in Saudi Arabia.

MARRIAGE

The different ceremonies

There are many ceremonies leading up to the actual wedding itself. A foreigner

is most likely to be invited to the final ceremony – the Bersanding (sitting-in-state) – in

the solemnization of a Malay wedding. This is a most colorful event where the bridal

couple is treated as Royalty-for-the-Day (Raja Sehari) and relatives and friends come to

wish them well. If you happen to be close to the bride or the groom (or both) you may be

invited to a few ceremonies preceding the Bersanding ceremony. These could be:

The Hantar Tanda – the statement of intent from the groom’s side

The Akad Nikah – The engagement

The Berinai - The ceremony where henna is painted on the bride and groom’s palms and

fingertips

Of all the above, the Akad Nikah is the one compulsory as this is when the

couple are religiously and legally declared husband and wife.

The Bersanding Ceremony

The bridal couple sits on a raise dais (pelamin). Behind the bride’s chair stands

her attendant and behind the groom’s chair stands his. These two people have the duty

of attending to the bride and groom while they sit in state.

As soon as the bride and groom are seated on the dais, the Blessing Ceremony

begins. If you are a foreigner having to do this honor for the first time, a women relative

seated at the edge of the dais will coach you as to what should be done.

The normal procedure is as follows: take the small handful of scented leaves

and scented flower petals (bunga rampai) and scatter them onto the open palm of the

bride and groom. Always begin with the groom’s right palm and end with the bride’s left

palm (Follow this procedure throughout). Next, take the small bouquet of leaves and dip

in the past like liquid. Shake a few drops onto the open palm of the bride and groom

(menepung tawar). Then you will be asked to scatter a few grains of saffron rice over

the shoulders of the bride and groom or sprinkle a few drops of scented water on the

open palm of the bride and groom. Once you have completed the above, you step down

from the dais. Usually at this point, you will be handed a gilded hard-boiled egg encased

in a golden or silver holder (bunga telur). Eggs symbolize fertility.

 All guests go home with a bunga telur, although these days it may not consist of

hard-boiled egg. Alternatives can be sweets or chocolates shaped like egg.

APPROPRIATED GIFTS

In Malaysia, a guest can make up his own mind as to what he feels is the most

appropriate.

Anything towards the couple’s new home would always be welcomed (especially

practical gifts like toasters and rice cookers). If you happen to know that the couple

could do with a little extra cash, by all means give them a gift of money. If your option

for this, do so discreetly by handing it to a parent of the bride when you arrive or just

before you leave. You would put the money in a small envelope (or a small packet) and

quietly, press it into the palm of this parent when you shake his/her hand in greeting or

farewell. You would also lean forward to whisper: “A small gift for the young couple – to

help them out with their new home” or words to that effect. Wedding presents can either

be sent in advance (usually to the bride’s parent’s house) or brought with you.
APPROPRIATED DRESS

The Malays would all probably turn up in National Dress (both men and women).

If you have been looking for the opportunity to wear you Baju Melayu, here is the perfect

time to do so.

Otherwise, a male guest is normally expected to turn up in a lounge suit in a

hotel or restaurant or a long-sleeved batik shirt at home.

A female guest can dress up to her hearts content. If that it was necessary, put

something that covers the knees or even the ankles. If invited to the house, a non Malay

guest may find herself invited to sit on the floor along with the Malay ladies. Having to

struggle to sit and to stand up again just won’t do (not to mention trying not to show too

much leg). Dressy trouser suits would be the answer here. By and large, trousers (if

worn modestly and elegantly) are an accepted mode of dress in Malay company.
 FUNERAL

The time between death and burial is minimal. If one person wants to pay last

respects before the body is buried, do so as soon as they are told of the death. For a

short period of time the body of the deceased is placed in the center of the living room or

the hall to give everyone a chance to offer prayers and have a slat look before the burial

ceremony.

As a non-Muslim, they may or not be invite to witness the body at close range. If

they are not, it is best that they sit outside and try to inform a member of the family that

they are there to express their condolences. Although they may not have a chance to

see the bereaved, they will no doubt be informed that they took trouble to come.

Leaving their calling card behind is permitted.

The normal mourning period is 100 days. For the first three nights following the

death, prayer (Tahlil) at homes are held daily. After that, the next prayers are held on

the seventh day, followed by the fortieth day and, finally, on the hundredth day. It is a

highly unlikely for a non-Muslim to be invited to any of these prayers. If any person did
not visit the bereaved before the burial, they can do so during the mourning period. Try

not to visit in the early evening (Maghrib) as prayers are held during this time.

Ones does not normally send wreath to a Malay funeral, although they will not be

thrown away if received. The usually happens is that wreath will be disassembled and

the flowers used to sprinkle over the new grave. Although sending letter of condolence

is not Malay practice, when received it is always appreciated. A cash donation can be

given to the family of the deceased if fell they need it. Sometime a small box or bowl is

strategically placed so that person can drop their donation into it. Otherwise, pass their

donation (in envelope) to a responsible member of the family, politely stating that they

hope the family might be able to use it for the funeral or the many ceremonies (kenduri)

held afterward. Kenduri to mark a death is usually attended by family and close family

friend only.

The Malay will normally turn p in the Baju Melayu (both men and women) using

the color white (or predominantly white). The ladies will cover their heads with a

selendang to cover their aurat. As all ceremonies dealing with death are religious, make

sure that respect this and turn up in something sober.