EPISODE 1 DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!

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 Author’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
incidents are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead,
events or locales is entirely coincidental.

SOMEBODY
STOP
FELIX !
EPISODE 1
DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!

Nitoi, Razvan
Somebody Stop Felix!
Bucharest, 2016–2017

SOMEBODY STOP FELIX text, characters design and illustrations

copyright © 2017 Razvan Nitoi.
All Rights Reserved

Book and cover design by Razvan Nitoi

Proofreading and corrections by Antonio Nitoi

No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in

TEXT AND ILLUSTRATIONS
any form: printed, electronic, recording, or otherwise, without written BY
permission from the author.
RAZVAN ‘FRANCO’ NITOI
 Felix N.
June 20

Hey... Looks like I won’t show up around here for 3 weeks or

so... I’m going to a summer camp, and apparently we can’t use
our smartphones or tablets there... :(
I’m thinking to write down some notes about my experiences
there, just to remember the ones worth telling... I’m sure there
will be plenty... When I’ll be back home I’ll post some of them!
7 comments 47

Max S.
Huh huh... Felix is getting a DIARY! Wuss... :)
36

Felix N.
Grrr... Shut up, you and
59
this is Mom
Maria N.
What kind of language is this?! You wanna get grounded?
1
this is Dad
George N.
Well... Felix, no tablet for you for 3 weeks!
That’ll teach you!

George N.
Errr... Wait a minute...
34

Maria N.

Max S.
Wow !! Real Madrid - Barcelona: 3-1 !!!!
7

5
June 21

So, since yesterday afternoon I’m in summer camp.

Mom and dad decided there’s no point for me to hang
around the house, “wasting my time playing that
nonsense game with creepers and skeletons” (as cited
by dad), so they sent me to the first decent summer
camp they could find. It seemed a little hasty to me since
yesterday was actually the last school day, but it’s OK:
I’m here with my best friends, Max and Alex. I guess
their parents had the same vision as my mom and dad,
or they probably planned the whole thing together…

I see... So, is it OK if we drop

him there tomorrow?

oOps...

Me
(felix)

7
The first night went pretty well. I’m happy to share my
room with Max and Alex; this way I don’t have to be
prepared for all sorts of weird surprises. I only have to
put up with the usual stuff, the same old troubles I’m
already used to. sc
ru
b

WOW, COOL! I CAN PLAY TAANAA

SOCCER ALL DAY LONG! NAANA
briefs
plink

My bed plink

And there is one more problem. He can’t bring any

washing powder with him, so he’s washing his briefs
, with OUR soap, in the bathroom sink. That’s why I
always pack an extra bar of soap. And I keep it in a safe
max alex place because otherwise it will have the same unlucky
fate as the other one.
For instance, Max, who can’t stand carrying a lot of
max‛s underpants
luggage, only takes one or two pieces of underpants, so MY
every evening he washes the one he had on that day and
soap
leaves it to dry overnight. I don’t have a problem with
this; if you ask me, he can go ahead and wash all of
his clothes daily. But he really should be more careful
where he hangs them to dry.

8 9
Alex doesn’t have any of these flaws. He has other ones, I like boiled eggs for breakfast. Not too soft, not too
but there are way too many to list right here, right now. hard. Somewhere in the middle. I noticed there was a
huge bowl full of eggs, with a label on it reading “boiled
eggs”, so I took one and put it on a plate, together with
that‛s some cheddar, a tomato, a loaf of bread and some bacon
my tea-
spoOn! that hadn’t been already devoured by Denis.

my mommy
gave me that
teaspoon!
and you can‛t

Boiled
touch it!

eGgs
They woke us up around eight. Once we were up and
BACON
running (sort of), we went to breakfast. Apparently, we
have an all-you-can-eat buffet kind of thing. There are
a lot of food plates, so we can choose whatever we like.
Denis D. was very excited
about this. He seemed to
be especially interested in I sat down with Max and Alex, who were already eating.
a big plate full of bacon. I grabbed my egg and cracked it on the side of the plate.
Actually, he is always very The next moment, it was full of liquid raw egg white
excited whenever there is and yolk. The cheese, the loaf, and the bacon were all
something to eat. floating in a gooey puddle.

10 11
 ChedDar, Loaf and Bacon “Whaaat?! I don’t get it!!” I shouted angrily. “Look, it
reads clearly: BOILED eggs”

“Well, you airhead—Max explained, politely as usual—it

says ‘BOILED EGGS’ because those are the eggs that
1/2 inch
are eaten boiled, but first you have to BOIL THEM
egG ShelL Raw eGg white pudDle
yourself! Think about it: some people like them soft,
Max and Alex both started laughing hysterically. Alex other people prefer them boiled hard. How can they
slightly choked on his sandwich, but it didn’t seem to possibly serve them already boiled? Unbelievable...”
stop him. Everyone rushed to see what happened, so
five seconds later everyone was laughing at me and soft-ish
ft -
very so boiled medium perfect
my plate. Everyone was taking pictures. Denis seized egGs s o f t
boiled egGs egGs boiled
the opportunity and grabbed some more bacon with b ed
o il eggs

ketchup and mustard.

I hadn’t thought of it this way. It kinda made sense.

wet “Look! The machine is RIGHT NEXT TO THE BOWL

bread
OF EGGS. Let me show you how it works, otherwise
who knows what flop you’ll cause next! Check this out:
plo
p
PLOp you lift the lid, place the egg, put the lid back on, and set
the time. Got it?!”

12 13
 “3 minutes” and I went back to grab some more food,
because my first plate had been, obviously, compromised.
Again, I got some cheddar, a loaf, a tomato... No more
bacon, though, because Denis had taken a final assault
on the cold meats area, and it was all gone. But I found
some hot dogs, so I didn’t mind.

After the three minutes, I heard the ”ding” sound on

Then he went back to his place, grumbling mostly unclear the machine, so I rushed to get my hot egg—now that I

words, although I’m pretty sure I heard something like think of it, the first one was COLD, and that should have

“airhead”, “moron” and a few more like this. made me suspect something, right?!—and I went back
to the table. Max and Alex had already finished eating

We don’t use an electric egg boiling machine at home. and were now drinking their chocolate milkshake.

Dad usually uses a kettle for this, and he asks me to

time EXACTLY three minutes on my watch, from the
moment the water starts
yumMyYy..
boiling. Three minutes
later, the eggs are ALWAYS
perfect, not too hard, not
too soft.
TIC

So—of course—I set the

TAC
timer on the machine to

14 15
“So...—Max teased me—are you SURE you didn’t get a “I have no idea! This is just... Somebody is messing
raw egg again?” around with me! I’m absolutely, positively SURE I set
the timer for three minutes. That’s exactly how I boil
I gave him the evil eye, but I didn’t reply, to show him I eggs at home!”
couldn’t care less. I calmly took my new egg and gently
cracked it on the side of my plate. Shockingly, the plate “Three minutes, you say...?”
was—AGAIN—filled with RAW egg white and yolk!
“Well, yeah... What do you mean?!”
OOH...
not
again... whaAt Then I realized what I got wrong. Three minutes AFTER
?!?!?
it starts boiling!

HMMM,
that‛s not
so easy
...
how to boil an egG

Raw eGg

I stood there baffled. Max and Alex just stared at me

how to boil an egG

with a puzzled look for a while (luckily, the room was
almost empty already, ‘cause it was pretty late). Then,
Max told me in a low, concerned voice:
Alex recommended me to stay away from boiled eggs for
“You’re really scaring me, dude! How could this happen a while, and Max promised he will assist me tomorrow
AGAIN? HOW?!” morning because it would be too much for him to watch

16 17
me drown all my food in raw egg for the THIRD TIME.
Since everyone was already gone, I just grabbed a toast
and some cheddar and I took off too. Anyway, I’m
determined not to give up so easily!

I‛LL
BE BACK!

18
June 22

This afternoon, around five o’clock, a new colleague

showed up in our camp. He couldn’t get here from day
one, because—if I understood correctly—he’s playing in
a band, and they had a gig on Sunday, somewhere on
the West Coast. The guy isn’t exactly the rock star type;
I would rather picture him as the kind of guy who builds
origami dragons or collects Star Trek action figures...

Even though he looks kind of weird (not to mention his

name—Gustav), there’s a chance he’s a cool guy after
all. I really hope he doesn’t have any strange hobbies,
because I have a feeling Max is planning on inviting
him to be our roommate.

19
 “The TUBA?!—Max jumped. That explains the huge
relax,
he‛s very
gentle... bags—he sobbed while dropping the giant case he was
just try carrying. How many tubas do you have in here?”
to avoid
sudden
moves...
... or The last thing we’d need would be listening to him all
any kind
of day long playing “Yankee Doodle” and other music hits
moves
they might be playing on those parades.
giant spider

this was the

Orchestral
Max thinks all the guys who play in a band are probably suite no.2
by Bach...
cool. So, just like I expected, he invited Gustav to stay
with us. We have rooms for four, and it was only the
three of us in ours. While we were helping Gustav carry
but i‛m
his luggage from the car, we started chatting: sure i can hel
play it p!
betTer... so,
one more
“So, what instrument are you playing in that band? time!

Guitar? Bass? Drums?”

“Don’t worry—Gustav said—I don’t have my tuba
with me. My dad wouldn’t let me bring it, although I
“Oh, no, it’s not that kind
really miss it... But I have my harmonica! I’ll play for
of band! It’s more like a
you tonight in our room, I know a lot of songs. You
marching band! What were
know “Who let the dogs out”? It sounds awesome on
you thinking? No, no... I’m
harmonica! We’ll have a lot of fun, guys! You can play
playing the tuba! We just
the harmonica too if you want!
got back from this parade...”

20 21
 EewWw... Next, Gustav started to organize his stuff. This took
some time because he was determined to classify
everything by category.

“Guys, what do you think? Should I arrange my clothes

SALIVa
please! chronologically, in daily order? Or by item type? How
I INSIST did you organize yours?”
!!!

Max was turning really pale, but pretty soon we realized

it will be an easy job snatching away his harmonica,
and hiding it somewhere until we leave… Actually, we’ll
be doing him a favor. A guy walking around here all day
long playing harmonica would get really unpopular in
no time. Let’s just hope he’s not hiding any accordions
somewhere in his bags...

i can‛t find
my harmonica,
so i‛m building
a xylophone...
After he finished with the clothes, Gustav finally got to
the last of his bags. He gravely announced us that he
had a big surprise in that bag, and he was planning on
sharing it with us. This gave us shivers down our spines.
We watched horrified as he pulled the zipper.

22 23
But there was nothing to courtesy, and from now on we should share everything
worry about. Actually, we have, just like brothers. The truth is all Max and I
Gus had a really awesome had to share with him was a couple of chewing gum
surprise. He pulled out of packs, a box of slightly moist crackers (already open)
his bag a box containing a and a melted candy bar that needed to be scratched off
huge chocolate cake! Max’s backpack’s bottom first. But that’s not the point.
It’s a matter of principle!
“My mommy baked it herself! Especially for me, as a
prize, because I had a great tuba performance at the PLease,
taste it!
parade yesterday, and also because I’m brave enough to
lollipop
stay for three weeks in this camp! I was looking forward
to eating it, but I’ll share it with you. I insist. I won’t
take no for an answer!”

cool! so,
the rest
is mine...?

“Excellent idea! From this moment, all I have is yours

too, my friends—Max announced, in a touching,
emotional voice, with his eyes fixed on the cake. Come
We assured him we had no intention to turn down the on, Gus, go ahead and slice the cake! You’re the only one
offer, we even emphasized that we really appreciate his I trust. Felix always tries to cheat...”

24 25
 eyes that looked really suspicious. And we were going
to use a spoon anyway (I think)...
others me
After a minute (which seemed like an eternity to us),
I told Max I remembered reading somewhere that it’s
not a good idea to sit and wait just looking at the food
in front of you, because the stomach starts producing
some sort of digestion substances, and you can get into
deep trouble.

Gustav asked us to wait just a minute because he never The latest research
proves that it‛s very
eats anything before washing his hands.
INTERNATIONAL important to...

“My mommy made me promise to obey all the hygiene HEALTH late:
choco n
fictio
and

CONFERENCE
Ty
REALI

rules, even though I’m away from home! And you two
should do the same! I’ll be right back...” he said, and
he disappeared holding his soap and a towel marked
2016-2017
PROF. DR.
“Monday”. NUSSBAUM
finally,
together...
Of course, he was right.
“Really? Wow, we really shouldn’t mess with medical
BUT I decided I can’t take
stuff!—he answered. I have no intention to ruin my
any chances by leaving Max
stomach, especially now, with all this chocolate cake
alone with the cake. He had
waiting for me. Pass the pocketknife, dude! I’ll cut this
a frozen, fixed look in his

26 27
cake right now... It looks like our buddy is taking a little
longer than expected in that bathroom. What the heck
is he doing in there anyway?!”
Max split the cake pretty fairly, better than I expected.
It’s also true that I was there closely supervising the
whole operation, and I had to correct him with one or
two friendly slaps upside the head.
?!? AHA !!!
you cheated
with exactly
2/3 inch!
We both tasted a few bites of the cake. It was really good,
Gustav’s mom clearly had put some heart into it. We did
our best trying to eat as slowly as possible, to give him
a chance to join us. But we didn’t really succeed in this,
28
given that after two minutes our slices had completely
vanished from sight.
where
the heck
is it...?
i hope
i‛Ll get
a bite..
“I’ve always had this darn problem, I told Max. For
instance: sometimes my mom bakes an apple pie. She
splits it fifty-fifty for me and my brother. But, no matter
how hard I try to take it slow and make it last as long
as possible, my share of the pie is always gone in five
minutes! And then, my brother—who totally disregards
pies and stuff—is taking advantage of this by selling
me his share for five bucks or even more! The price of
pancakes sometimes goes up to $15! I’ve spent all my
29
savings on desserts. If I’d have saved all that money...” That was kinda true. Gustav really owed us one for that,
so we both decided we deserved one or two extra bites
yes, it‛s mine... it cost me about a milLion pancakes!
of his share of the cake.

We were just in the middle of ‘adjusting’ Gustav’s cake

ix
fel slice when Alex burst in. After shortly scanning the
view, his face lightened up with a huge smile.

“Wow, dudes! What have we here?! Where did this thing

come from?”
“Look—Max stopped me—I guess Gustav is having
cakes like this all the time. This overload of sugar and OOPS... HA HA,
perfect
cocoa is really bad for his health! I think we can have timing!
a piece of his share. After all, we took him in with us!
oh
Imagine him being in the same room with Paul M. or noOo...
Denis D.! Brr...”

paul,
is every-
thing ok?

i hope
“We were just coming to get you—Max said quickly. I
you‛re not was just asking Felix: ‘Did you see Alex lately? Let’s go
eating my
cake! find him!’ But since you’re here now, please, have a bite!
But just a little one, OK? It’s not our cake. It’s Gustav’s...

30 31
He just left a few minutes ago, he’s in the bathroom and
he’ll be back in a second!”
For some reason, Alex didn’t seem very convinced we
were just about to go looking for him. But he didn’t make
any comments. He quickly cut about half of Gustav’s
cake, he looked at us with his hungry wolf face, and he
started chomping.
the tuba and harmonica stress. But it was already too
late to say anything, so we served ourselves with just
a little more and we left Gustav a good slice, about an
inch thick. Alex is a terrific guy, but he has one big flaw:
he always picks the worst moment to show up!
We went on and finished our extra cake (way smaller
than expected!), and then we got back to our business.
That’s when Gustav finally got out of the bathroom.

just a
little i can‛t
bite wait to
eat some
cake!

you know
i‛m not
grEedy!

Our opinion was that Alex should have gotten a smaller

piece of the cake since he wasn’t even here to help “Sorry, people! Something unexpected came up... So,
Gustav with the luggage and he didn’t put up with all what’s up? Did you taste the cake? Is it any good?”

32 33
We guaranteed the cake
was excellent, and we
quickly excused ourselves
for saving him a rather
small portion, but when we
looked at the plate we were
perplexed. Alex had just
eaten THE LAST BITE!
Gustav didn’t answer. He was just standing there,
MmM... staring at that table, looking all confused. It was kinda
GoOd! awkward, but Alex quickly managed the situation:
“Hey, glad to meet you, amigo! What’s up? By the way,
FABULOUS cake! Who made it? Anyway, I gotta go,
see you in fifteen minutes, at dinner! Hmm, I hope they
have dessert, ‘cause this cake just got me started!”

“Errrr... Sorry, he mumbled with his mouth full of cake. “Hey, wait for me—Max jumped—I’m getting out too, I
I thought everyone gets an extra piece! You had yours, gotta take care of something! I got a call from... errr...
didn’t you? I know my rights!” sure, yeah, just a second! Bye!”

“Hey, Gus, this is our friend Alex...” Max said, with an It was already too painful for me to see Gus looking so
embarrassed voice. devastated, so I followed them at warp speed.

HEy!
glad to
meet
you... sniFf

34 35
June 24 Today, around noon, Max and I were headed to the
bring me
all your celL camp office, where we have this mail storage shelf thing
phones!
One of this camp’s rules is that we use for sending and receiving letters. We were
that we’re not allowed to use halfway there when we bumped into Diana F... Diana
our mobile devices unless is one or two years older than us. She was headed the
there’s some emergency. same way, because she also was carrying a big pile of
For news and regular daily paper envelopes.
communication, we’re
supposed to use the ancient way: snail mail. They “Hey—she said—I suppose you guys are going to the
explained to us that it’s an interesting and unique ‘post office’, right? Can you please take my letters too?”
opportunity to discover that feeling of eagerly waiting
for a few lines to drop in, every two or three days. It that would
be all for
is kinda amusing indeed, but some of us are yearning now... thanks!
so badly for their devices that they started asking their
friends at home to mail them printed Facebook pages,
game screenshots and stuff like that.

dear dad,
please search
the internet for
some do-it-
yourself video

how to build “That’s a lot of letters you have there, I answered. Is

a tablet out of
dirt and sticks there anything else you do, besides writing?!”
...

36 37
She explained those weren’t all hers, but also her Remus looked at me with a confused face, and then he
roommates Olivia and Angela’s. Since we have such suddenly snatched Diana’s envelopes from me, hurled
good manners, we offered to take her pile of letters off them all around the yard and quickly took off.
her hands, and we carried on.

bye-BYE!

have
fun!

LETTERS
1/2 MILE

Ten steps further, we bumped into Remus C., an While Max was busy chasing Remus and screaming all
obnoxious boy, who started to pick on us, as he usually kinds of threats and curses, I painstakingly picked up all
does whenever we meet: those pink envelopes. For some reason, maybe because
of the ‘accident’, a few of them were a little unglued.
“Look at those cuuute pink
envelopes! Are you sending Being a curious kind of guy, I
let‛s
letters to mommy?” couldn’t help peering into one see...
of the envelopes. It was one of
“Those aren’t our letters, I Diana’s letters, addressed to
answered. Come on now, go her boyfriend, Daniel L.
fly a kite!”

38 39
Meanwhile, Max had given up chasing Remus, and he “Dear Daniel, it would be a REALLY GOOD IDEA to
was back with me. I showed him what I discovered, and send me at least one letter! I sent you three by now.
we started reading the letter together. Olivia and Angela already got A TON of letters from
their boyfriends... I’m already feeling embarrassed.”

We carefully read the letter one more time, and we both

decided we should do something for Diana.
dear Daniel, Don‛t
BLA BLA BLA worry! it‛s
under con-
trol!

The letter was all mawkishness, romance and sugary

stuff that didn’t make a lot of sense to us, but what we
did understand was that Diana was really anxious to
get some reply, because at the end she highlighted:

“I don’t like this Daniel L guy! I said. I’m sure he’s one of
those irresponsible dudes. Why isn’t he replying?”
hoOray! still
three letters nothing for
in three days! you?!

“Well, maybe Diana misprinted the address, and he

actually didn’t get any of her letters...”

40 41
“Hmm, it’s possible, I admit. But still, just to be sure, I Max had a good point. I always declared he’s a really
think we should write ourselves a letter to Diana, signed wise guy. So we took all the letters back to our room,
as Daniel. We can’t let her feel uncomfortable in front and we got down to business.
of her two best friends. Now that I’m involved in this, I
already feel like I have a responsibility!” The first letter we took care of was the one that started
everything. We tried to compose an answer from Daniel
“You could be right, Max answered. You know what? to Diana.
Let’s take our letters and put them in the outbox, and take
the girls’ letters back to the cabin, to carefully analyze
all the options. Who knows what other nonsense could
be hiding there? We can’t just send them like this!”

But we quickly realized that their relationship was

pointless and it couldn’t last: Diana was too demanding
and she kept on nagging him, while he was unreliable

42 43
and he was making her feel uncomfortable in front of
her friends. So we both reached the same conclusion:
Diana and Daniel should break up. Things can’t go on
NA,
Dear DIA NIEL‛s
and i‛m DA
like this, and it’s our job to make it happen cleverly.
is L E O ,
They were so INCREDIBLY LUCKY that Diana’s letter My name riting yo
u this
m w L‛s
frie n d . i‛
h o c k e d by DANIE
i‛m s ts a
ended up in our hands. because r y t ime he ge
behavior
: e v e it out
m y o u , h e reads d
letter f
ro
f h is b u dDies, an l,
ront o beautifu
loud in f a l l t h e
e fun of
they mak g s y ou write
.
HA ha, t h in
this is a cool touching a n‛t just s
it
f u l ! i c
lly aw gs
idea! let‛s it‛s tota t c h y o ur feelin nks,
see... w a se pu
back and u l ed by the
r id ic ou
getting i s h o uld let y
g h t
so i thou t h is, so you
can
b o u t
know a
best
make the
decision.
y,
sincerel
LEO C.

From Diana’s letter we found out Daniel has a friend

and neighbor called Leo, so we designed a letter as if it
“Excellent job, I decided. All we have to do now is place
was written by this guy:
it in a brand new envelope, address it from Leo, with

44 45
a fake house number from Daniel’s neighborhood, and
then we’ll hand it to Diana in two or three days.”

Then we moved on to the second unglued envelope. It

was from Olivia, Diana’s roommate, to her family.

Besides the usual stuff—how’s mommy, daddy, granny

and little Eric, there was a particular detail that made
us think. Olivia seemed extremely concerned about her
cat, called Homer.
Then he grabbed a piece of paper and started to write a
fake letter from Olivia’s father:

„Dear Olivia,

... and plEase

sEnd me onE We’re all right. Mom had a bit of a cold, but now she’s
more photo
of homer! just fine. I was really stressed at work, and now I can’t
wait for the weekend, to get some sleep. Granny sends
her greetings, and she says she would like a postcard
for her collection. Eric just got a new video game, and
“Look—Max pointed out—this girl will drive everyone of course, he can’t stop playing!
crazy every day, constantly asking about this Homer.
She should have taken the darn cat with her!” But, unfortunately, there’s also some bad news: your

46 47
beloved Homer is dead! You know he was pretty old, Sincerely, your daddy
and his eyesight wasn’t so good lately.
P.S. Before you’ll get back from the camp, we’ll find a
Well, yesterday he went out for a stroll as usual, but new kitty for you, even cuter than Homer!”
in ten minutes or so, the doorbell ringed. It was our
neighbor, who told us he was just driving his car out oops! this
was your
of the garage when he felt the wheel bumping over last life!
something, and he heard a horrible meow sound. He
jumped out of the car and saw he had run over a cat, me
r
ho
who was now completely flat, like a poster, so he couldn’t
really describe it. But knowing that we have a cat, he
thought he should ask us if it’s ours. We went there
to see if it’s Homer. It really was him. We recognized
him by his bell collar. I’m sure he died instantly and he
didn’t feel any pain.
saint petEr
We managed to scrape Homer off the driveway (it
wasn’t easy, but luckily our neighbor had a good snow At first, I thought Max’s idea was a little extreme, and
shovel), and we buried him in our backyard, in a shoe Olivia will be heartbroken, but then I realized what a
box. You know that spot where he used to play with the feeling of complete HAPPINESS she will have when she
leaves. will find out Homer is actually alive! Not to mention
that one day Homer will REALLY die, and then she will
May he rest in peace! be psychologically prepared for that.

48 49
June 26 Virgil!
help! a
monster!
Here, at Forest Lake Camp, we have a few mice. Nothing
huH?
impressive, I guess it’s just natural. It’s exactly the kind wheRe?!

of place I’d choose if I were a mouse. No cats, no dogs,

no exterminators… As a mouse, chances are you’ll live
a peaceful life here, and die of old age, surrounded by
a couple hundred sons and daughters and a few million Laura started to scream like she was chased by an
grandchildren and great–grandchildren. army of zombies. Of course, things got out of control.
Her boyfriend, Virgil G, who’s also in our camp, took
two million
three hundred the opportunity to impress her, and solemnly declared
seventy-five
thousand... WAR to all the mouse race.

“By the time I leave this camp, you won’t be able to find
as much as a mouse hair!” he declared and started to
plan his battle strategy.
we
strike “D” day
at dawn!
But every now and then somebody has to spoil the n1
isio
div
natural balance of things. It all started with Laura T, enemy
teRritory

who came across a poor little reckless mouse who had

the uninspired idea to take his evening tour right by her Virgil G.

cabin door.

50 51
Virgil got to work at full speed. He abandoned any other
activity and spent an entire day building a mouse trap.
A very clever one, he claimed. Personally, I thought it
was rather pathetic, or even downright stupid, but I
didn’t want to hurt Virgil’s feelings... He looked really
proud of his accomplishment, so I kept my mouth shut.
TOP SECReT!
free cheese
spring
Mouse trap
MT-6000
©virgil g.
Anyway, if I were a mouse, I’m not sure I would be very
attracted by that bit of cheese in Virgil’s trap, especially
since there’s a ton of cheese and other delicacies in the
food storage room, and you can get it without having to
crawl through a bunch of steel wires and mechanisms.
Laura didn’t seem very excited either, but she was
supportive and she encouraged him anyway.
52
Virgil placed his trap strategically, in his own words—
‘right on those disgusting creeps’ route’, i.e. somewhere
around the spot where Laura first saw that poor mouse.
After one hour, he self-assuredly announced us all:
“Guys, I’m gonna go check the first capture now! If you
wanna take a look...”
?!
free
?!
We went along with him. Strangely, the trap was empty.
Virgil carefully inspected the mechanism, the cheese,
he scratched his head, and he decided:
“It’s probably very late, and they’re already sleeping
by now. No problem! Tomorrow morning one of those
despicable beasts will surely bite the dust!”
53
 June 27
Zz Z
z
At the break of day, Virgil G. jumped out of bed and
rushed to check his trap. He still seemed confident,
although much less than last night. After two minutes
he returned holding the trap. We hurried to congratulate
him, ‘cause we were sure he was bringing it to show us
the capture. But he just told us, in a worried voice, that
he wants to make some improvements. He tinkered
with it for a few hours, then he triumphantly announced
Then he headed for his bed, with a distracted air, after
‘they’re doomed now!’, and he rushed to put it back.
changing the cheese with a piece of bacon. Denis D.
tried to steal and eat the bacon after Virgil left, but
we stopped him because we were already extremely hey, look...
curious about the course of events. it actually
works!

put it
back right
now!!!

BACON

54 55
He checked the trap at 3 P.M., then again at six. After
that, he checked every hour, until bed time. After the
bacon’s failure, he tried, one after another, with some
hot dog, feta cheese, a tomato, a slice of pizza (Denis
tried to steal this one too), an apple and a Mars bar.
put it
back right
now!!!
Around midnight, he sneaked out once again, quiet as a
mouse, and then he returned to bed with a sad face. We
heard him mumble for a few minutes, then he sobbed
and he fell asleep.
56
June 29
We’re already worried about our friend Virgil. For
the last two days, all he’s been doing was to ‘improve’
the trap, mumbling strange sentences, of which we
sometimes catch words like ‘damn creatures’, ‘now it’s
personal’, and stuff like that. Today around noon we
found him in the hallway, on the floor, with his ear
pressed against the wall.
shHh...
i can hear
it!
ak
sque
I asked him what he’s up to, but he shut me up with
an irritated tone, claiming he just tracked down one of
those ‘little devils’, and he needs to concentrate. He said
he’s considering taking apart the wooden walls, because
those jerks hide in there, making fun of him.
57
Laura tried to convince Virgil to give up this unequal
confrontation:

“I’m not even afraid of them anymore, Virgil! If I think

about it, I would even say they’re really cute creatures.
With those adorable little eyes… like shiny marbles!”

I analyzed the situation with Max and Alex, and we

decided we should find a way to help Virgil out of this
mouse issue, no later than tomorrow. Otherwise, we
might lose some cabin walls (and run out of candy bars).

say hello
to my friend...
the chainsaw!

When Virgil heard her talking about little marble eyes,

his face alarmingly turned red; he started to huff and
puff, and punched the wall angrily:

“Marbles, huh... I’ll show ‘em marbles!” (indistinct

mumbles and growls).

58 59
July 1st We found a dead mouse outside really quickly (it
probably died of old age, as I mentioned before). We hid
This morning, right after breakfast, the three of us it in a cardboard box, to have it ready for later, when
analyzed Virgil’s situation from a psychological angle, we would have the chance to ‘plant’ it in the trap. Then
and the conclusion was that he won’t be able to overcome Max found Virgil and kept him busy, to cover me.
this obsession unless he actually gets the satisfaction of
then, in the 80th
catching a mouse. Since he was incapable to accomplish minute, the coach
replaced the
striker... ?!
this goal by himself (without setting the building on
fire), we decided we should contribute. More precisely,
the plan was to catch a mouse OURSELVES, and to
place it inside the trap (which had already reached HUh
hUh
version 5.0, improved and camouflage painted).

MwA ha HA...
my superior
intelligence
will prevail!
dead mouse

I arranged the mouse inside the trap, artistically, with

its mouth open as if it were just biting the cheese.
Surprisingly, the trap didn’t go off at all, even though
I was shaking it quite a bit while placing the mouse.
Everything looked perfect! Then, sitting there looking
at my masterpiece, this new idea struck my mind!

60 61
A SUICIDE NOTE!!! I closed the trap’s door and took off.

Briefly, I wrote this miniature suicide note and I After a while, I heard Virgil screaming like a maniac:
attached it to the mouse’s paw with a piece of string:
“Yessss! Haaa ha haaa! Gotcha, you son of a... Who’s a
buffoon now, huh? Who’s the moron?!”

ha HA haAa,
i defeated
the bastard!

i can‛t live like this

anymore.
i am terrorized by
the fear that you Virgil burst into the dining hall, jumping for joy, with
will kill all my
sparks in his eyes, proudly holding the trap.
friends and family!
i choOse to sacrifice
myself so they “Look, Laura! Come on, check this out! I want everyone
can survive!
i forgive you, virgil!
to see this! I prevailed! Intelligence and patience are
always triumphant!”

62 63
Then, with a strange grin, he victoriously pulled the
mouse out of the trap, for everyone to see. As soon
as the mouse was out, the suicide note also popped
out, hanging on the mouse’s leg. Virgil froze. His jaw
dropped. He grabbed the little note with a shaking
hand, and he started reading:

”I can’t live like this anymore...”

whaaat?!

64
July 3

We didn’t get a chance to properly make fun of Virgil

for all the suicidal mouse thing, because this morning
everything was going on fast track: we had just started
to eat breakfast, when they announced us that our
group is scheduled for a trip to South Falls, a waterfall
somewhere around ten miles from the camp.

South Falls is not really the most famous or the largest

waterfall, but the water drops from a really high rock,
so it looks pretty impressive. The water comes down
at amazing speed, and it sprinkles all around, forming
clouds of tiny, microscopic vapors.

HEy, this
waterfall is
pretty cool!

65
As soon as we got there, I started taking photos with my
phone (we’re allowed to use them for photographing),
but Max stopped me:
“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, I’ll take care of the photos! I
brought that cool mirrorless camera I got, you know...?”
Max told me everything was under control, and he
started setting up his high-tech gizmo.
“Just a minute... I’m gonna set the shutter speed to one-
by-four-thousand... I wanna catch those water drops
floating in the air!”

Of course, I knew. Max has been driving me nuts about okay...

and now the
his darn camera from day one. aperture...
just a bit...

you know
i am the
master of
close-ups

k
cliC

He fiddled with those buttons for a few minutes, and

“OK then, as you wish. Less work for me. But watch out, then he proceeded to take pictures, with expert moves.
please... Try not to screw up this time, I really like this Just in case, I thought I should take a few photos myself,
landscape and I wouldn’t want to end up not having using the phone; that made Max look at me with a mix
any photos from South Falls!” of compassion, disgust, and superiority.

66 67
“Do you have any idea what kind of sensor is on that gift shop UuUh,
magnEts! and
piece of junk you’re using? My camera has a twenty- keychains!

four-millimeter sensor, OK?! Not to mention the lens,

with a one-point-eight aperture! Compared to your
three-point-five... at most!”
souvenirs
gifts
... so you see, tickets
my photos will
probably be a
zillion times Alex has a fascination for souvenirs. Wherever he travels,
better!
he can’t resist buying all kinds of gimmicks for all his
family, neighbors and friends. Over half of the typical
luggage that he brings home is actually a selection of
keychains, magnets, figurines, plush toys, bracelets...
And that’s not even the worst part: he occasionally buys
pottery or an oil painting!

The guy sounded like an expert, so I didn’t argue. I took

gates 20-30
a few more pics, and then I went to the nearby shop, to
get something to drink.

It was actually more like a gift shop. And there was

Alex, standing hypnotized, just staring at a bunch of

$14
DE A

5
ridiculous fridge magnets. MA CHiN
iN

68 69
“I can’t go back empty-handed!—he always explains.
SOUTHS LIN!
FALL ADRENA
Those people are expecting from me a souvenir, a small
gift, something! True?”
fabu
land lous nat
u
“NO, not true!” I answer all the time, but it’s like talking scap hiki re
e ng

to a wall. While the rest of us are visiting what’s worth

seeing, he’s always ‘visiting’ the gift shops.
“Wow, ‘adrenalin’! he quoted sarcastically. I’ll tell you
what it’s really like. It’s a fluffy ride for old ladies. My
UFO museum
grandparents went to Niagara Falls, and they told me
gift shop how it goes. The boat gets a little close to the waterfall,
it cruises around for ten minutes, people take pictures...
Everyone is wearing a plastic raincoat... Pure adrenalin!”

“Listen—I tried to distract him—Let’s see if we can

book a boat ride to the waterfall, you know, as they do
at Niagara Falls! That would be cool...”

We asked at the shop, and the answer was yes! The clerk
handed us a brochure with all the information. We took
Judging by the brochure photos, Alex and I thought it
it and looked for Max, so we could read it together.
looked pretty dynamic, but Max wasn’t giving up:

70 71
“Trust me, those photos are for marketing. They’re all The skipper handed us
this
the same! If you really insist, we’re going. But I’m only some life vests, he gave us doesn‛t sound
too good
either...
doing this because I could use some close-up pics.” the safety instructions,
and then he provided a
So we got our tickets and we went to the boarding dock. waterproof plastic bag, and
To get there, we had to take a really steep and very he asked us to put in there
primitive metal staircase, that really didn’t look like a all our money, papers,
‘fluffy ride for old ladies’, but we tried to ignore it and cameras, phones, watches
we managed to get to the docks. and anything that needed protection from getting wet.
Everyone in the boat did it, but Max just laughed:
hey,
i don‛t
you boys like how
are brave! that
sounds...
“You’re a bunch of pathetic chicken! Just relax, dudes! I
told you what it’s all about. A walk in the park.”

well,
let‛s just
relax...

It was a big inflatable motor boat, and it had two

outboard engines with two hundred horsepower each. phone

Those engines didn’t make me think about a slow, gentle

cruise, but since I know nothing about sailing and stuff
I kept my mouth shut.

72 73
He took the side seat, next to the tube, and started
setting up his camera. We sat down next to him, and we
looked around to make sure we have some rails to hang
on to, in case things get serious.
The boat started off slowly, and then immediately
accelerated. First, the skipper played the usual trick—
he took a full turn and then he made the boat jump on
the long waves left behind by the propellers. That was
pretty bumpy, and Alex got splashed on his pants with
a few waterdrops.
splash
water
“Hey, I hope he’s not gonna try to get us all wet, he
grumbled, showing us the tiny wet spot on his pants.
74
Ahoy there, skipper, will you please take it eas...”
He didn’t have a chance to finish his sentence because the
next second the boat was UNDER THE WATERFALL!
I have to admit the brochure was absolutely right about
the adrenalin part. We were all stunned, struggling to
catch a breath of air through the water flowing from
everywhere. Fortunately, it didn’t last too long. The
skipper drove us out of there after ten seconds or so,
then he took a wide turn and he gave us another shower.
After that, he pulled away from the waterfall and got
back to speeding like a complete maniac.
75
When I recovered from the chaos, I tried to evaluate the
did you zZ bzZ
bzZ
situation. Alex, who was complaining just moments ago get your
close-up?
ERROR
about that ridiculous water stain on his pants, was now
COMPLETELY SOAKED, just like all of us. The water
inside the boat was up to our knees.

walk in
the park?

As soon as we got back to the shore, Alex and I rushed

to the gift shop and we bought some shorts, branded
with the South Falls logo and all. We paid ten times the
normal price we would have paid at the mall, but they
had the great advantage of being DRY, and since there
was no mall around, we thought it was a good deal. Alex
decided he had enough ‘souvenir’ from South Falls, so
he skipped the usual gift shop gizmos.
Max was frozen there, still holding his camera in
what did
shooting position. Water was flowing out of the lens, you do with
your wet
clothes?
kinda like running from the tap. Alex and I instantly
forgot about our wet clothes and burst out laughing
insanely. Max didn’t say a word. He sent us a dirty look,
he jiggled his camera for a while and then he turned
it off. The poor camera buzzed a little bit, made some
plink

creepy noises and then it completely blacked out. PLink

76 77
Max claimed he didn’t need any gift shop pants, because “They could at least have given us some plastic raincoats.
the whole thing was only a walk in the park, and he They do that at Niagara Falls!” he grumbled, and fled to
didn’t even get seriously wet. the cabin like a bat out of hell.

“In five minutes I’ll be completely dry”, he assured us in

a self-confident voice.

Still, on the way back, I could swear I heard him

mumbling something about ‘those irresponsible
maniacs’, while he was very absorbed in sucking dirty
wet
water out of that one-point-
eight aperture lens. After soaking
wet my bed plink
he got off the bus, he left
plink
puddle
behind a soaking wet chair.

78 79
July 6
We had hardly started recovering from the big waterfall
misadventure when they gave us the news: tomorrow
morning we’ll be going for a hike! This would be the last
‘sporty’ activity of the summer camp—in just a few days
we’ll be heading back home! Right when things were
starting to fall into place for me...
Alex would never miss the opportunity to tease people,
so he started ‘comforting’ Denis:
“Is this your first hiking expedition? Well then, let me
clue you in. You never carry food supplies on a hiking
expedition. We’ll have to make it on our own!”

Apparently, we’re supposed to walk (by foot!) for over guys...

i just found
ten miles. The hiking route is going through a forest, our lunch!
guys...?
then follows an old railroad, and after that it goes up on
the mountain for a while, ending up by Lake Redfish,
where we’ll be camping for a night.
dining hall
We were all quite breakfast
8:00 - 10:00
lunch
excited about the trip. 13:00 - 15:00
dinner
18:00 - 19:00

Except for Denis D.,

who seemed really this
is my favo-
rite spot!
concerned about not
having enough food “Oh no! Denis panicked. But why? I really don’t think
supplies with us for it’s a good idea. Actually, I think it’s a really BAD idea!
such a long expedition. Why the heck should we go there without food?!”

80 81
“D’oh... Really, can’t you figure out why? Alex continued “We’ll be providing our own food, Alex answered. We
rambling. First off, we can’t go carrying heavy loads. eat what we kill! This expedition is about SURVIVING.
That would slow us down. Second, it’s really hot outside, Only the fittest will survive. That’s it, enough talking!
so the food might start to stink. But more important— I’m starting to build a bow and some arrows”—he
he creatively improvised—the food smell could lure the added with an evil grin on his face, and he rushed out.
bears and other dangerous beasts!” I’m sure he went looking for more gullible kids he could
freak out with his newly invented theory.
MmM...
smells like survival lessons
pizza! with with captain alex this is
pepperoni realLy impor-
tant: watch out
for poison
ivy!

Denis just stood there blank staring for five minutes,

It sounded like rock–solid theory, though it was just then he concluded he’d rather die eaten by a bear than
senseless improvisation. Denis contemplated for a from starvation, and he walked away lost in thought.
while, then, in a faint, concerned voice, he asked how After a while I saw him heading for the food storage
we’re supposed to manage the situation. room, dragging a big empty travel bag.

82 83
 foods I got a lot of useful stuff from there—among others, a
he HE dynamo flashlight (charged by winding a small crank), a
he...
little thermos, a safety whistle (for emergency situations,
like getting lost in the woods), a Swiss Army knife…
Well, this kind of ‘toys’. What I needed now for carrying
all that gear was a small backpack or something, but
then I remembered I always wanted a fanny pack, so I
started looking for one. The only one I found was in the
fishing tackle department. It was huge. And it had three
We left Denis there and we went to our cabin, to pack
pouches, not just one!
our own stuff. We were supposed to leave early in the
morning, so we needed to get ready.
fishing apparel acCessories
I had been aware we’ll have this kind of expedition (dad
had gotten all the information about the camp activities),
so I had prepared by shopping for some useful items.
The day before the departure, mom and dad took me to
a big sporting goods store,
where one can find anything
SPORT
equipment BURGERs
-50%
needed for camping, nature
hiking tours, and any kind 2 for the
price o
f 1
of outdoor recreational
activity.

84 85
It looked kinda strange, but I really wanted to get one,
because I was convinced it was way more functional
than the usual backpack. For one thing, to reach into
the backpack you have to take it off first. Dad said I
looked ridiculous, but I thought he doesn’t know what
he’s talking about. You know parents—they always have
those crazy, grown-up opinions.
The comments started pouring in immediately… I don’t
know why everybody was having a rather disapproving
opinion about my photo.
Felix N.
June 20
Hey... Check out my new fanny pack! Pretty cool, right?

K. Jerome
JACK LONDON

ON
K. Jerome

jules verne
famous cars

one hour

JACK LOND
may

Jerome
J.K. Chesterton

Jerome

karl
of minecraft
conan doyle

per day is more

?!
than enough!

3 comments 32

Max S.
Is this a joke? Or have you completely lost your mind?
29
Maria N.
Hey, what a cute little boy! It looks great on you!
47
Felix N.
Mom, PLEASE!!! You promised!!!
2

So eventually I bought the fisherman’s waist pack. As Later that day, when I texted Max, he told me that my
soon as I got home, I put it on, I asked dad to photograph fanny pack is a piece of junk, and I will definitely make
me, and I posted the pic on Facebook. a fool of myself.

86 87
“I think it’s really useful, I replied. Oh, and you should
go get one too right now, because later on you’ll realize
how awesome it is, and you won’t be able to find one
there! And then you’ll run to me begging to put your
stuff in my waist pack. You have been warned!”
please,
could you
at least carry
this bottle
for me?
He told me I’m a total fruitcake, and he said he can’t
chat anymore because he must finish packing.
I decided to ignore everyone’s opinion, since they
were probably just jealous, and I started arranging all
my stuff in the pouches. I packed in everything I had
purchased for the expedition, but I barely managed to
88
fill up half of the darn thing. I added a photo camera, a
nasal spray, a Rubik’s cube, and everything else I could
think of, but it was useless. The fanny pack was still
pretty much empty.
Maybe it‛s
just a touch
too big...
Dad observed that I could squeeze all the clothes I might
need for a few weeks in the waist pack, and then skip
the travel bag altogether. I guess he was being sarcastic,
but I actually thought it was a really good idea. I went
to my room and carefully selected only the clothes I
absolutely needed. But unfortunately, I couldn’t pack
them all inside the three pouches. I was REALLY close,
though!
89
 Max and Alex insisted on laughing at me, but I ignored
come on, them with a starchy face.
get in
there!

July 7
sq
ue
Ez
e At seven o’clock they gave the wake-up signal. We got
a quick snack, we got in line and marched on for the
expedition. Most of the kids were carrying a backpack,
squeEze
except for me and Denis. Denis was hauling a ginormous
Fast-forward to present time, in the camp. As I
travel bag, obviously loaded with ‘survival supplies’. He
mentioned before, we were busy preparing our bags
stubbornly refused to give it up, although the counselors
for the expedition. Finally, my big opportunity to prove
tried to persuade him. He claimed to the end that his
how useful the fanny pack was! I was feeling sorry for
bag contains ‘life-and-death indispensable stuff’, so in
my buddies, who had to manage with their regular
the end, they gave up.
backpacks. I squeezed all this stuff in the pouches:

?!
r
te
wa
tiss
ues

ers
crack

90 91
After two or three miles, we had a halt to get some rest. I was doing pretty well, although my fisherman’s fanny
Denis was the most grateful for the short break. He was pack was dangling and it was kinda hindering my
looking as if he had just run the marathon, and he took walking. I opened the middle pouch, the largest one,
the opportunity to clear out his travel bag a little. where I was keeping the water bottle, the phone, the
external battery pack, some tissues and more like this.
excuse I stuck my hand in, rummaging for the bottle, but there
me, denis, can
you give me... was a nasty surprise waiting there: the water bottle’s
cap wasn’t perfectly tightened, and all the water had
i don‛t
have any! spilled inside the pouch.

Oops...

mWaA-
haHAahA!
Alex had loaded his stuff inside Max’s backpack, so he morOn!

had been walking very casually all the way. They had
an agreement: Max was alex, did
you clean up
your roOm?
going to carry the luggage
no time
today, sorry,
the first half of the trip, a lot of home-
work!
plink
and Alex on the way back. I pl
in
k
don’t think this was a good
deal for Max, since Alex Now, my waist pack is a high-quality product, one of
always finds a way to avoid the features being that it’s waterproof, so all the water
all the chores. was held inside. The phone, the external battery, the

92 93
tissues and a TP roll were all wallowing in half a liter of
water, together with a dozen crackers, a scrambled eggs
sandwich (leftover from breakfast) and some spare
T-shirts I had prepared for the next day.
I spent the remaining ten minutes of the short break
squeezing the water out of the clothes and the phone.
The TP, the crackers, and the sandwich were obviously
gone. Max, Alex, Gustav and a few more friends around
me spent the same ten minutes mocking and teasing
me.
stuff is completely dry. But hey, you have cool instant
access to all your items! You knucklehead...”
When we set off, Max asked Alex if he could carry their
shared backpack for a while, by any chance.
“Hmm, lemme think for a second... NO! Alex replied.
We had a simple deal: I’m carrying it on the way back.”
... or maybe
you will carRy
it on the way
back too!

he he...

sandwich
(wet)

k
plin

plink
Max mumbled something, he morosely stuck out his
“Look—Max pointed out—my simple, modest backpack lower lip and went on his way. I could swear he was
features this side pocket for the water bottle. All my hatching an evil revenge plan inside his mind.

94 95
 After resting for about half an hour, the counselors

oOoh, you
taught us how to set up the tents, then they built a nice
will carry the campfire, they got some grills, frying pans and other
heLl out of it!
mwa-HA-HA... cookware from a nearby hut, and then they unpacked
a bunch of delicacies: sausages, burgers, chicken
drumsticks, potatoes, tomatoes and others.

All the way to the campsite, besides losing a few whAat?!

pounds from pulling his heavy ‘survival kit’, Denis was

constantly looking around with suspicion, to make sure
he won’t be taken by surprise by a bear or some other
wild beast. He shuddered at every unfamiliar sound.
We had some fun for a while, sneaking up behind him
and making growl sounds. So, after two more hours,
when we finally reached our destination, Denis seemed
the happiest and most relieved of us all.
I saw Denis’s face turning white, as he was scanning
around for Alex. But Alex had been assigned to go
looking for firewood supplies, so all Denis could do for
now was grumble angrily. To sweeten the pill a little
bit, he dug in his travel bag for some chocolate bars,
considering that he had to wait at least one more hour
before lunch was ready.

96 97
 there was no one around the camping area, and the
survival trip,
huh? alex,
you‛re so
river nearby was jam–packed with thousands of nice
SIZz dead!
le
big boulders. So we spent the next half hour carrying
le
sizZ
loads of rocks from the river and arranging them under
our colleagues’ tents. And of course we put some under
our tent too, so they wouldn’t suspect us.

seven or
eight more
should do the
trick...

“Hey, dude—Max popped up—I guess we should do

some ‘camp stuff’! Look, everybody’s busy looking for
fire wood, preparing lunch, fishing in the river...”

“Are you suggesting we should help?” I asked with

confusion.
h
Hu UH
h
Huh The evening was really entertaining, although I was a
“What?! No! I was thinking
little upset since I couldn’t find my warm beanie hat,
we should stick some
the one I bought especially for the outdoor expedition.
boulders under all those
I was so happy it miraculously remained dry, because I
tents!”
had it placed in a different pouch of the fanny pack by
mistake, and now it was gone. Max looked suspicious,
What an excellent idea,
so I tried to make him confess, but he was unflinching.
especially considering

98 99
I found it in my jacket’s hood later on, when I got inside space with Max and Alex. We spent the first thirty
the tent to get some sleep. Max was all giggly, but he minutes fighting for the middle spot. We were all trying
still refused to admit he was the jackass who did it. to avoid the outer spots because we were afraid we’ll be
attacked by bears. Obviously, any normal bear would
A little after midnight, everybody went to sleep, after go for the one on each side, since it’s easier to reach, so
they took some time to extract all those boulders from only the middle spot was safe!
under the tents, while cursing silently or out loud, each
in his own way. I couldn’t see Denis involved in this
activity. He was probably way too tired to realize he’s the one
on this side, you
sleeping on a bunch of rocks. are coming with
me! the others --
sleep tight!

ZzZz

Eventually, we came up with a system to draw lots.

boulders
zZz
Each of us chose one of the items we had with us, and
we asked our neighbors from the tent next to us to pick
July 8 one of the three things. The chosen object was going to
be declared the winner, and the owner would get the
The night in a tent was quite interesting. I shared the desired middle spot. I decided to go with my phone

100 101
(after the water incident, I was carrying it attached to
the waist pack’s belt, to let the water drip out). Max
opted for a thermos he had in his bag, and Alex just
picked a random Swiss Army knife.
Following the plan, we went to the nearest tent and we
asked our neighbors (Diana F. and her two best friends)
to pick one of the three objects. Diana grabbed Max’s
thermos and angrily smashed it in my head, cursing us
for waking them up in the middle of the night for this
kind of nonsense. So, Max was declared the winner.
yesSs!
i‛m sleeping
in the
middle
!
bang
But all the fuss was in vain, because in the meantime
Alex had sneaked inside the tent and had seized the
102
middle spot, and we were unable to persuade him to get
out of there: he threatened he’ll wait until we’re sound
asleep and he’ll drag us out of the tent in the middle of
the night. We decided to give up and go with the outer
spots and be happy we’re INSIDE the tent.
you don‛t
mess with
alex...
hurRr...
grrR...
In the morning, Denis came out looking kinda ragged,
but his appearance miraculously improved when he
saw the bacon eggs the counselors were cooking. The
counselors asked us to get in line nicely and wait for
our share, because we had limited food supplies, being
on an expedition and all. Denis desperately rushed to
get the first in line, he quickly swallowed his share, and
then he stormed back in line to get one more portion.
103
Around noon we set off back to the camp. Max passed
the backpack to Alex, as it was his turn to carry it. Alex
tried to complain, claiming he has a terrible back pain
from sleeping in the tent, but it didn’t work out.
No!
could hmM...
you please let me
keep it... think...
He eventually took the backpack and he carried it all
the way, grumbling. The truth is, I helped him put the
backpack on, and it was REALLY heavy! I couldn’t help
mentioning once again the undeniable superiority of
my fanny pack, and then I double checked for any kind
of water containers inside the pouches.
On the way, Max and I had some fun hanging several
extra loads on Alex’s backpack (which was already heavy
104
as hell) trying not to let him notice. But the attached
weights kept dangling and hitting his legs, so the trick
didn’t really work out.
shush...
ng
ha
We got back to our camp by evening, really tired,
but satisfied with the experience. Alex, completely
exhausted, finally got to take off the backpack and
started rummaging through it to find his stuff. Five
seconds later, he turned a glowering face to us, holding
a huge boulder that he had just taken out of the bag.
So THAT was the reason why his backpack was so
EXTREMELY heavy!!
105
 who put
this thing
here?!

Laughing hysterically, I turned to Max to ask him if he

was the author, although I already knew the answer. But
Max had taken distance—he was choking with laughter
out in the yard, some twenty yards from us.

I took off too—dinner was probably already on the

table. The last thing I heard as I was closing the door
was Alex, screaming his lungs out:

— Max, you idiot! I’ll REALLY make you pay for this!

Well, he’d better hurry up, because the summer camp is

almost over!

106
 Felix N.
July 11

Hey... Summer camp’s over! I’m home now...

Tomorrow I’ll start posting photos, and telling you guys
about the coolest pranks and other disasters! :)
P.S. There will be photos like this:

Felix N. with Alex T. and Max S.

4 comments 58

Maria N.
Oooh sweetie... You could have caught a cold! I won’t allow
you to go to any other camps, if you are so irresponsible!
3

Felix N.
Mom! Really...? This is the last warning, I will unfriend you!
27

Alex T.
You better take this pic off, if you don’t want me to post
some really embarrassing stuff about you!
3

Max S.
Unbelievable!! Arsenal - Juventus: 0 - 2 ???!!! Whoaaaa...
9

107
July 16
I just got home and I already wish I was still in summer
camp. Not because I grew very fond of everything
related to camp, but, compared to what’s going on
around here, the camp really looked like the better deal!
For instance, yesterday we had a visit from aunt Nina,
my grandma’s sister. Aunt Nina could be considered a
nice lady if it weren’t for some very annoying habits.
oh my,
you‛re such a
big boy! let
auntie give
you a kiss!
First off, she constantly asks me (tenaciously) to draw
her a picture that she would keep as a souvenir. This
was OK when I was five, but now it’s becoming a little
weird.
Second, she smooches me on the cheeks, leaving
lipstick spots all over my face, then she makes fun of
108
how I look, then she licks her finger and smudges the
rouge spots... But I guess that’s something that every
aunt in the world does.
Third, she has a habit to extend her visits beyond all
acceptable limits. Sometimes I feel like she’ll never
go away. In fact, now I realize I’ve never actually seen
her leave the house. I think that, at some point, late at
night, she notices everybody went to bed or fell asleep
on a sofa, and she’s just talking to the walls... And then
she decides to leave. I guess we’ll never know for sure.
these earth
inhabitants are
such sleepy-
heads!
cl
ick
MAGIC
PORTAL
Note: Now, after mentioning all this, I realize it’s
unrealistic to say aunt Nina could be considered a nice
lady.
109
This morning, after I woke up and made sure aunt
Nina is really gone and she won’t suddenly pop up and
splash lipstick all over my face, I was struck by an idea.
It would be interesting to make a social experiment:
HOW LONG can someone extend a visit?
complete moron, as you did that time when I took you
to Linda M’s and you did that thing with the yogurt
bottle...”

LP
it‛s me, hMm?!

GU
ding felix... I just
DONG
wanna hang
around for
an hour... GULP

spl
ash
!

I called Max:
I asked mom and dad if I could have a sleepover at
“Listen, I just remembered you were saying you’re
Max’s, and they said it sounds like a good idea. Actually,
invited to a friend’s birthday party... Carmen, right?
they seemed VERY happy about that...
What do you think, would it be too weird if I came too?
I have a new idea and I wanna test something...”

After all, I’d rather perform my experiment on people July 17

I don’t have to hang around with every day after that.
We arrived at Carmen’s around six o’clock. Carmen
“Well, what can I say... If you promise not to act like a V. is a really cool girl, and her parents are extremely

110 111
friendly and enjoyable; my first impulse was to cancel sugars
don‛t make me
the whole experiment, but in the end, the passion for hyperactive at
all! Beep-BOp-
science prevailed. BadAbooM!

mood for prank Prank motivation

absolute
diagram
priority ! by Felix N.
©2017
mWaHAha...

why not ?
Carmen‛s
Family
meh...

i‛d rather
play a game
cake plates (empty)
awesome nice a little very My Math
people people annoying annoying teacher

how annoying is the Prank victim

After midnight, Carmen started to yawn alarmingly,

It was the usual kind of birthday party; I won’t waste
time to describe it thoroughly because it’s not important
for the actual study. I will focus on the aspects relevant
for the experiment.
People started to leave around 22:30 — two girls and
one guy. Then, one by one, everybody took off before
23:30. But Max and I just carried on with the party.
We grabbed some more cake and we started a very
interesting discussion about the effects of chocolate on
the quality of sleep in general.
although she really tried to hide it. Her parents (VERY
nice people, I don’t know if I mentioned that) delicately
asked us if we have all the transportation means we
need to get home, but we put their minds at rest,
telling them that my older cousin Cezar has to pick
up something from the neighborhood the next day, so
he’ll give us a lift too. Carmen’s parents didn’t say a
word, and I thought they were looking a little pale.
To keep the party alive, especially since it was already
one o’clock, we changed the music to something more
energizing, and we took turns asking Carmen to dance.
But she was already kinda stumbling, so we soon gave

112 113
up; her mother (a VERY kind lady, although right
now she had a rather preoccupied look) made some
observations about the tasks they had planned for the
next day, which was supposed to start really early.
12
so, if you
are feeling 9 3
tired, we don‛t
6
mind if you
wanNa go..
Around three o’clock, Mrs. V woke up her husband, who
was sleeping peacefully on the chair right next to the
subwoofer, and they both went upstairs. It was obvious
we couldn’t go home in the middle of the night, so they
told us we can get some sleep on the living room sofa.
We ensured them we will make ourselves at home,
which was actually true! I didn’t understand exactly
what Mr. V said while climbing the stairs because
the music was really loud. Around 3:30, we covered
Carmen with a jacket, and we left her sleeping curled
114
up on the sofa. We went to get some sleep upstairs,
where Max knew they had a guest room.
are you
sleepy al-
ready?! let‛s
dance!
In the morning, at breakfast time, Mrs. V asked us if
we had a good sleep, and she told us, in a very amused
voice, that it’s the first time that one of Carmen’s parties
is lasting SO LONG. We answered her it’s the same for
us — we never stayed so long at any party, but we’re
having such a good time we really feel like we never
want to go home! Carmen smiled, with her kind and
warm smile, but she was looking tired and worried.
As soon as Carmen and her parents left the room for a
minute, to take care of their chores probably, Max and
I had a little talk on what we should do next.
115
 do you happen to have some pancakes? i like pancakes!
erR... no... but if you realLy
want, I could make some...
oh, that‛s so nice, thanks!
couldn’t measure up to!
i dedicate this prize to my
dear friends, the V. family!

grand finale!

THE
LONGEST
VISIT
contest
first prize

NEW
RECOR
D

“I feel like we’re going too far — I said. They look a little
bit nervous...”
“Oh, come on! I know them for some time. They’re very
nice and friendly! I’m sure they are happy we’re having
such a good time with them.”
“Hmm, if you say so... Well, then... Since it’s almost
lunch time, maybe we should eat together with them.
At least this will make our visit really MEMORABLE!
Plus, the whole point of this study is testing the limits
of hospitality...”
This was already a performance even aunt Nina
We had soup and turkey sandwiches for lunch. We were
already part of the family, and Mr. V said he thinks
we’re really fun and creative boys.
“WAY more creative than all of Carmen’s friends who
ever came here. In fact, a little TOO creative, maybe!”
We thanked him for the compliment, and we ensured
him it was a really outstanding party, and they’ll get
rid of us immediately after we’ll finish our siesta. Then
we took some time to watch a TV show and relax a
little.

116 117
 we‛ll stick
Around eight, right after dinner, I regretfully
around for a
while... “Top Gear”
is up in a few
announced Carmen and her folks that I really have
minutes...
to get going, because my parents should come back
soon and I’d like to be home when they get there. They
looked extremely happy, and they guaranteed Max and
I are welcome anytime. But then Mr. V remembered
they’ll be out for two months or so, ‘cause they have to

Right after five o’clock, Max had to go home, because he redecorate the house, so he suggested Carmen and I

had something planned. Mom and dad were probably should just talk on the phone.

out shopping, so I asked Carmen for a walk in the park.

I’m pretty sure Mr. V had already started to miss me,
We had been inside for quite a while already, and I was
because I noticed him behind the living room curtain,
needing some fresh air. Her parents weren’t absolutely
staring at me fixedly for five minutes until cousin Cezar
sure it was a good idea, but they were too tired to argue.
pulled over.
We walked for an hour or so in a park nearby, and I felt
like we knew each other for years.

i think we
should get
back. maybe
the dinner
is ready!

118 119
July 26 Since there wasn’t much to do around there, one
of the first things we did was checking out the
Last evening, mom and dad took me to cousin Cezar’s
buffet. Apparently, the caterers were careful enough
engagement party. Obviously, it was that kind of family
to provide separate platters of special foods for
party with dozens of great-uncles and great-aunts who
vegetarians, because at some point I noticed my aunt
didn’t see you in ages and who are always shocked of
Nina standing in front of some dishes and explaining
what a big boy you are now.
to her lady friends – Mrs. B and Mrs. E – that for the
last five years she’s been eating vegan foods exclusively
hey, you a little
are such a big boy
now! how old are
older... and you? and that she wouldn’t touch meat UNDER ANY
a hundred and ten?
you? six? a hundred fif-
seven? teen? CIRCUMSTANCES! She was swearing to God that her
foods based on “meat substitutes” tasted exactly like
regular foods.

if animals
are not for
eating, how come
they‛re made of
meat?!

So, I persuaded Max to keep me company there, so I

won’t be all alone among all those relatives. The party
was mostly boring, of course, but still, there were a few
That information confused us a little because our
interesting moments.
opinion on Tofu, soy, quinoa and all that kind of stuff
is that they are essentially JUNK. So we thought
120 121
we should try and SWITCH some of the labels they “This soy lasagna is just fabulous, she mumbled with
had arranged on all the food platters. Basically, we a full mouth. And the Tofu sandwiches over there –
exchanged the labels of the VEGGIE burgers with absolutely incredible! I’m so sick of people saying that
the ones of the REGULAR burgers, and so on. Then vegetarian food tastes strange!”
we just walked around for a while, to check out the
connoisseurs’ reactions. “rice”... don‛t miss
rice that the rice stuffed
goes “oink!” cabbage rolls,
they‛re great!
heHE...

HUH huh...
as the saying goes:
“you are what
you eat”... mOo!

bee
ie burg f
vegg rs ers
e
burg

“Right! I swear to God it tastes EXACTLY the same as

veal lasagna, Mrs. E agreed. It’s DELICIOUS!”
In just a few minutes, we noticed aunt Nina by the
“Oh yeah, Mrs. B broke in, chewing on some pork
lasagna dish, giving a speech to her two lady friends
frankfurters—please, just have a taste of these soy
about the great health benefits of the vegan life.
sausages! I promise they’re more delicious than real
“Not to mention eating meat is absolutely HORRIBLE. ones! I haven’t tasted such a delightful vegan food in
It’s just cruel! Those cute animals also have a soul, you ages!”
know” she emphasized in a bombastic voice, and she
Unfortunately, around ten minutes after, one of the
refilled her plate with a new piece of VEAL lasagna.

122 123
caterers, who was refilling the platters, noticed the
labels didn’t match the foods and he proceeded to
rearrange them correctly. I looked at my aunt Nina
observing the scene with confused eyes, but then, by
the time her face started to turn pale yellow, I decided
it’s time to get lost.

... and I have night- Yeap, a

mares ever since! for
instance, last night I
dreamed I was in a res-
taurant, and I ordered
a well-done
steak...
clear case! she‛s
a complete nutcase!
the best steak is
medium rare!

124
August 7

This morning, Max and I participated in an international

drawing contest for children and teenagers, hosted by
the Arts and Architecture University’s visual arts and
design section.

Dad was very excited and anxious about the event. As

he always does when he’s concerned about something,
he woke up at the break of day (and he woke me up
too), to make sure we get there on time.

hey!
Wake UuUpPp!
we‛ll be late!
Let‛s go, come
on! 1, 2,3 oh
god, not
again...

I got dressed up in a hurry, I grabbed my drawing kit —

the pencils, the liners, the special papers and all these,
I snatched two or three crackers and took off.

125
Obviously, dad exaggerated: we got there around 9 AM,
although on the contest’s datasheet it was specified
that it starts at ten. Anyway, it’s not the first time we
get somewhere too early. Last year, we arrived a day
earlier at the hotel we had reservations for.
but...
24 you see, June
June 25 is actually
tomorrow
We didn’t want to sit and wait in the car, so we entered
the main lobby and we found the desk where they were
registering the participants. After we put our names
on the list (the first ones), dad left. He said he’ll be back
to pick us up after lunch when the contest is over.
We had almost one hour to wait and there wasn’t much
to do, so we started exploring the University lobbies.
While we were strolling around, we noticed that the
few students passing through were stopping in front
126
of a large billboard, they were jotting down something
in their notebooks or smartphones, and they were
moving on. That made us curious, so we got closer to
see what’s going on.
reassessment exams
what
is this
thing?!
cl
ic
k
It wasn’t anything special... Just a large piece of paper
with some sort of complicated table on it, containing a
lot of words, dates, and the names of some workrooms
or auditoriums.
“Let’s go search for a snack machine!” I said, and
I turned to leave. “I didn’t have a chance to eat my
breakfast this morning. Dad was waiting for me in the
car with the engine running, since eight o’clock!”
127
 come on, so they posted the timetable here. The exams are up in
felix, HurRy up!
you must catch three weeks, and this lousy website is DOWN!”
a good spot
in the class-
room...
He finished taking notes and he left. At that point,
we realized the fabulous opportunity knocking at our
vroOom
M
vroOM
door! Apparently, Max had the same idea, because he
was just cracking a smile.

“Wait a second”, Max answered. “This poster looks

important. Look, all the students are taking notes of
what’s in there! Now I’m really curious what is that.”

We asked one of the students who just stopped to

write down in his notebook. He told us that it’s
the timetable with all the scheduled exams for the
following reassessment session. ALL the exams, for all
the disciplines and courses, for all the academic years.
“He, he...” He laughed wickedly. “How cool would it be
“It sounds pretty important”, Max said. if we’d modify one or two dates on this schedule? There
would be some chaos, right? I guess they could use a
“Well, it is!” Answered the guy. “If you miss one of the
little entertainment around here...”
scheduled exams, you fail it! They usually publish this
data on our website, but now it’s down since Monday, “That’s exactly what I had in mind!” I answered while

128 129
rummaging through my drawing tools. “Just let me find Let’s do it like pros. You have those large paper sheets,
the right markers... Black, blue and red, like the ones right? I’m thinking about manufacturing the poster
they used to draw the poster. It must look identical, FROM SCRATCH!”
or else someone could notice the fraud, and the whole
prank is ruined!”
use
this green
there, it
must look
HmM... identical!
this sheet
looks kinda
fishy...

skre
ek

I found the right tools, I asked Max to keep an eye on

the hallways, and I started changing the schedules.
But I didn’t have any white-out, and the result didn’t
look professional enough.
I figured out the opportunity was too awesome to risk
letting it go to waste. You don’t get too many chances
to play such a beautiful prank...
“Oh, yeah! That’s perfect! This way, we can modify
ALL the exams! You know, switch them around... The
professors have the original schedules, and the students
will get completely different ones. Well, at least SOME
of the students. Which is even better, because there will
be an even bigger chaos! The students will argue with
each other. Hey, looks like you’re not a COMPLETE

“Listen”, I said. “We got half an hour until the contest. idiot, you know?!”

130 131
 are you some shelves. Then we posted the ‘fixed’ one on the
nuts? here,
look: descrip-
tive geometry board in the main lobby. One minute later, a bunch
Tuesday, sept.1,
9 a.m.!
of students showed up and started jotting down the
WRONG exam schedules. It was working like a charm!

no, YOU
are nuts! mine
says: monday,
august 31,
12:30!
sKr
ee ek
k skre
ek
skrE
tap
tap

I didn’t have much time, so I just kicked him in the

ribs on the fly. We had a ginormous poster to draw, and
only thirty minutes to do it!
It was ten o’clock already, so we headed for the drawing
We quickly removed the original poster, we found an
contest, filled with the satisfaction of a job well done.
empty workroom nearby, we placed the blank paper
The last thing we saw before exiting the main lobby
next to the old one, we pulled out our drawing tools
was a new group of seven or eight students, writing
and we made an identical copy of the layout, except we
down OUR timetable in their notebooks.
mixed up all the rooms and the times of the exams.
I was already imagining them showing up for the
“It’s perfect”, I concluded, admiring our masterpiece.
exam, walking in the classroom ready for a specific test
“It looks just like the original! Now let’s put it back
they have prepared for, and ending up with a subject
quickly before someone notices it’s gone!”
for a completely different discipline, of a completely

We hid the original poster in the workroom, behind different year of study. Obviously, they would complain

132 133
and request a reschedule, but the professors would
insist the exam is valid since many of the students Hmm... it
looks pretty
(the ones who managed to get the right schedules) etavirp authentic...
evitceted
attended the exams right on time. It would be wrong
to cancel a perfectly good exam at the expense of some
daydreaming buffoons!
yadirf-yadnom
00
71...009
i‛m soRry,
but at least
seven of your
colleagues took
this exam at the
right time!

BUT...
but...

“Oh, yeah, right! Hmm, like I said earlier, I really think

you’re starting to use that brain of yours lately...”

I ignored him, because I was in a really good mood,

“Listen—I whispered to Max—I just realized there’s
one more detail, to make it perfect. After the contest,
we should put back the original poster. When the first
unlucky ones will start complaining, somebody will
surely check the poster on the board, and then it better
be the original one, obviously!”
after such a success. We finished our drawings for the
contest quite fast. I won’t deny it, we were pretty sloppy
about it, but you can’t create TWO MASTERPIECES
in one day!
“I’m getting a little bored”, I told Max. “Let’s switch
back the poster and go home.”
“Dude, hold on, let’s give it some time, so we get as most

134 135
people with the wrong data as possible! The contest
sS
won’t last more than half an hour... Let’s stick around hisS

for a while, and see what these people doodled.”

hairspray
oh god,
this thing doesn‛t
make any sense! how @$#&*!
could he draw such
nonsense? he‛lL be
disqualified!

I asked her to lend me the can for a second, and I gave

It wasn’t a bad idea. We rambled around the room
and checked out what our ‘competitors’ did. One of
the works was pretty interesting: drawn completely
in graphite pencil, and looking quite good. But the
coolest part was when the girl who had created it got
a hairspray can and applied a few layers on the paper.
She explained to us that graphite gets smudged easily,
and the picture gets stained. So it has to be protected
with a hairspray film, which dries up and solidifies in
a few minutes. That gave me an idea...
Max a nice layer of spray on his hair, as a payback for
the ‘starting to use your brain’ thing. Of course, he
immediately snatched the can from me and tried to
get his revenge, but I had anticipated that and already
ran away, through the drawing boards. Or even OVER
some drawing boards at some point, since Max had
gotten dangerously close, and I had no intention to go
home wearing some weird hairdo.
Eventually, the supervisors yelled at us, asking us
to stop running, and they kicked us out. It wasn’t a
problem, ‘cause our drawings were finished, and there
wasn’t much for us to do there anymore. We told them
that it’s a good idea, because we have to take care of

136 137
a more important job anyway, and we left the room
Let‛s draw
solemnly. I hope they collected our drawings and some mustache
on his face,
with the
filed them together with the other contestants’ works markers

because we didn’t have the chance... We left ‘em on the

Yeah! or we
drawing board. could honk
the horn,
heHE...
hey,
cut it out! we
i‛ll give
are disturbing you some
these people!
hiSs
S hairdo!
what the...

“Well, how did it go? Any inspiration today?!”

“Oh, you have no idea! We really made something

memorable today!”

“Yeah... We made history here! We will be remembered

for some time”, Max added smiling. “Can we go now? I
really have to wash my hair...”
We headed directly for the workroom where we had
left the original poster, we took it, and we rushed to
the display board. We waited patiently for the last four
or five students, and we put back the original, and then no
ing
destroyed the fake one. post
exams s
chedule
As it was already past lunch time and we were quite will be
po
exclusiv sted
ely on
the web
hungry, we serenely left the building. Dad was waiting site!

in the car, for an hour or two probably.

138 139
August 15
Last night, dad suddenly came up with the idea of
getting a bicycle. Well, actually it wasn’t so sudden,
and if I’m not mistaken, it wasn’t entirely his idea. But
he likes to think it was, so I won’t cast a damp over it.
neighbor kid
“Hey, you know, this isn’t a bad idea! I think I’ll get a
motorbike too! I always wanted one. It’s not only cool,
it’s also very practical. I could get to the office a lot
faster, ‘cause it’s easier to sneak through traffic...”
He immediately started looking for motorcycles on
the Internet. He showed me his choice—a black Honda
Shadow—and he told me he’s planning to go to the
motorbike shop next weekend, to see and test it. Dad
was basically already a full–fledged biker.
boOorn
to be wiiild
ta-nAa-NAa...
WoohOo

SqueE
k

SqueEk M
om
vro

vrOomM

In fact, I guess the whole thing had a completely

different evolution...
Then mom reminded him that he has to get a motorcycle
Last year, dad’s brother got a motorbike. Dad went
driver’s license, plus a special suit, a helmet, and all
to see it and he took it for a spin, and that he started
kinds of equipment and accessories, so he started to
“processing”.
back down a bit.

140 141
“Maybe a motor scooter would be better, he meditated. The next Saturday dad decided to go shopping for an
It would make everything easier. The motorcycle is electric bicycle. He got back home in an hour, and he
kinda complicated. Plus it’s so loud!” triumphantly announced us:

He started looking for scooters, but after a while, he “I didn’t like any of the electric bikes they had, but I got
gave up that idea too. something a lot cooler! It’s the most practical vehicle
for commuting! I really wonder how on earth I didn’t
think of it before!”

Ready for what kind

of nonsense
the great junk did he
surprise? buy now?
ta-daaa
-25%

Click

“The motor scooters look a little ridiculous, he We all got outside to see the miracle. Dad opened the
observed. Also, I don’t think it will solve the license trunk and proudly presented us a KICK SCOOTER!
problem. I guess an even better solution would be an
“Well, what do you think? Isn’t it awesome?! If I’ll feel
electric bicycle or something like that. I’m totally into
tired on the way to work, I can fold it and carry it on
riding to work on two wheels! Driving a car means a
my shoulder, with this strap. I can take the subway two
lot of wasted time in traffic, and a lot of cash spent on
or three stations, then return to the kick scooter. And
gas. Not to mention the ecological issues!”

142 143
when I get to the office, it’s a lot easier to ‘park’!” can bounce up and down on that scooter for ten miles,
but he replied it’s just a walk in the park.
He took the scooter for a spin. It was Saturday, which
means most of our neighbors were out in the yard, so
are you
sure you That‛s
mom and I thought we should quickly get inside. Dad don‛t need all we
A helmet need!
?!
easily weighs over two hundred pounds, so the picture
of him running around on the streets on a kick scooter
isn’t something to be proud of.

mWahaHA,
Felix‛s dad
is a fruit-
cake!

YaAay,
look, one
hand!

Later in the evening, a bit after seven, dad got home.

He was looking pretty knocked out, but he said it was
just a tough day at the office. When Mr. T, our neighbor,
showed up to ask him if he’s up for the usual jogging,
dad refused, claiming he’s got some work to do. Mr. T
Monday, dad put his wallet, the keys, the phone, the
didn’t seem really convinced. He sarcastically told dad
coffee bottle and all his stuff in a small backpack, he
he can take his scooter if he prefers, but dad sort of
cheerfully jumped on the scooter and he took off to
booted him out, mumbling something like “why don’t
work. He was very enthusiastic, and he declared from
you take a hike and jump in the lake”, and then he fell
now on he’ll only drive the car if there’s a really cold
asleep on the sofa in five minutes.
day or some heavy rain. Mom asked him if he’s sure he

144 145
 No... no... so that’s probably what inspired him.
please! I don‛t
wanna sign up
for the scoo-
ter contest!
Simon M.
August 12

The next day, mom prepared the backpack for him, but
dad said he looked at the weather report and there’s We went for a ride on our bicycles! We’re exercising AND
having fun! Bikes are great!
some heavy rain announced, With Gabriel C., Boby H. and 9 others 2 comments 58
looks
like a big
so he’d rather take the car. storm is Gabriel C.
coming! Hahahaaa, it was awesome! Next week we’re going out with the
He left the scooter in the bikes again, it’s settled!
13
garage, and ever since that
0
F
George N.
98
I’m the only one riding it Guys, that’s it! Tomorrow i’m getting a bicycle!!!
29
when I feel like trying some
tricks on the freestyle ramp.
So this morning we all went to the sporting goods

Now, after a year, dad returned to his idea to commute store, to buy a bike for dad and some other gear we

on two wheels. But he concluded the kick scooter all needed. Dad found a nice state-of-the-art model.

wasn’t the best solution, so he ‘analyzed the options’ He rode it all around the store for like an hour ‘to test

and finally decided to get a mountain bike. In fact, it’, then he gave it up and finally decided to get the

lately a bunch of people he knows started to ride bikes, cheapest bike they had. I guess he remembered the
abandoned scooter thing, and he thought it’s a better

146 147
idea to minimize the risks of wasting more money.
hmM...
twenty miles
doesn‛t even
sound that
erRrm... bad...
i can get a car 25
rack Kg
refund in 30
days, right? Well...
If it‛s in
one piece,
yes.
BICYCLES $99
AND
ACCESSORIES
car
rack

BICYCLES
MAINTENANCE
AND FITTING
Dad grabbed the bike and headed for the checkout, but
mom stopped him:
“Listen, we’re twenty miles from home! Are you
planning to ride the bike all the way? ‘Cause it won’t fit
in the trunk, like that scooter!”
Dad stopped to think for a minute, and then he started
looking for a bike rack for the car. He finally found one
with some straps and hooks system, for mounting on
the trunk door. It was pretty expensive though...
We paid for everything and we proceeded to install the
bike rack on the car. Dad thought he should first check
the installing manual.
“Look—he said, after taking a glance at the diagrams—
it says right here, everything should be ready in five
minutes! Awesome system!”
Mom asked him if it’s OK if she’ll just take a quick tour of
the stores in the area, but dad said it’s pointless because
we’ll be on our way in five minutes MAXIMUM.
“I know what you mean by ‘five minutes’...” she
mumbled, but she didn’t insist more.

148 149

I said I‛ll
be ready in 5 minu-
tes! No neEd to
remind me every
half an hour...
“See, it’s easy: I’ll hang this frame on the door, then we
have these six straps to fix it in place—two on the top,
two on the sides, and two down here. Hmm... That’s a
THREE-minute job, not five!”
Indeed, after five minutes he managed to unpack all
the parts, and in another five he had already found
‘the optimal position’ of the frame on the trunk. Then
he started adjusting the straps’ length, using some
buckles. The straps were rolled so they wouldn’t hang
loose, and they were tied with plastic zip ties, but the
ties weren’t too tight, so dad was able to unfurl them
a little, to adjust the right length. He hanged the
metallic hooks on the door’s edge and he got back to
150
take another look at the manual. While he was bent
over to look for the booklet inside the mesh bag, the
trunk door slammed behind him, because of the rack’s
weight. Dad jumped out of his skin, startled by the
boom, he angrily mumbled for a while, but then he
calmed down and carried on with his work.
“In fact”, he said, “I don’t even need that manual! It’s
all very clear to me now...”
Mom looked at her watch—fifteen minutes had already
passed—and she asked dad if he’s absolutely SURE
she shouldn’t visit a few stores while he’s working.
Dad frowned, he grumbled some words and started to
unroll the two middle straps.
151
But, surprise! The middle straps (and the bottom ones
too) were tied with a different kind of zip ties... Those
ones were thicker, and they were extremely tight. He
struggled a lot, but he wasn’t able to loosen those ties.
Uhm... You
know, I kinda
have to go
to the...
Since he didn’t have any tools for cutting the zip ties,
he figured out the only solution was to remove the rack
and to take it back to the store and ask someone of the
staff to help him cut the plastic ties that were blocking
the straps. He was already infuriated.
“Man! These people are complete idiots! HOW could
they tie the straps with something like this?! Are we
supposed to walk around carrying a toolbox?! You
know, I should just ask for a refund on all this stuff,
152
and go home! This is an outrage!!! They’re making a
monkey of me, and I’m paying for it too!”
Felix N.
August 15
My dad is getting a bike...
2 comments 15
Mom observed that a kick scooter is surely much
less of a distress, then she grabbed her purse and
she took off to the fashion shop nearby. Half an hour
had passed, and the temperature outside was almost
a hundred degrees. The car was parked in the sun.
For a moment I thought I should go with mom, but
I changed my mind... First, it was a women’s fashion
store, and second, the ‘five–minute rack installing
process’ seemed to become extremely interesting.
153
 why?
why did i get
a bicycle?
damn you, evErything was
you asshole fine...
and dumbass

popcorn

crun
ch

Meanwhile, mom returned, carrying three or four

shopping bags.

“I don’t mind the delay after all”, she said. “I found

Dad dismantled the rack and went back to the store, a lot of nice clothes. And two pairs of shoes! Do you
angrily mumbling. He came back in another five Oh, can
you please
minutes, with the straps unrolled, hanging on the open the trunk
for me? I want
to put these
ground. Finally, he had escaped the zip ties curse! bags in.

Once again he mounted the rack on the trunk door,

he attached the two top straps, and finally got to set
up the two middle ones. Eventually, in just ten more
minutes, he fastened all the six metal hooks on the
door, he tightened the straps as hard as he could, and
he rested for a while, to celebrate his victory.

154 155
think there’s still time for me to take a look at the home
design shop too? I only need like twenty minutes...”
Dad gave her a depressed look, and he announced her
that he has reached the final step: mounting the bike
on the rack.
This final step was easier. He managed to fix the bike
in place in just a few minutes, including dropping the
bike on his foot; accidentally catching and scratching
the brake cables; getting his fingers caught between
the bike frame and the rack; rubbing the dirty tires on
his white shirt; scratching the car paint with the pedal.
In the end, he tightly attached the bike with a special
long belt and buckled it through the spokes to keep the
156
wheels from moving, and... DONE!
Over an hour had passed. Dad was so tired he couldn’t
enjoy his victory. Mom and I had lost all hope we’ll get
home before sunset. We got in the car, waiting for dad
to start the engine and drive us home.
Dad picked up the rack’s package off the ground (it was
an orange mesh bag) and he opened it to put inside the
manual and the warranty.
“Hey, what the heck are these things?!”, I heard him
say. “There’s something more in here...”
this
can‛t be
good...
He was holding some sort of small, bent, square shaped
rubber pieces in his hand. He was looking pale and
157
drawn. Mom and I watched
in terror as he opened the
manual once more, to see
what’s the deal.

“Hey, what is that? Is it

something important?”

“Well, yeah”, he answered

in a faint voice. “Some kind of rubber caps, they were
supposed to be clipped on the steel hooks, to prevent
them from scratching the car paint. Now I have to
remove everything and start over...”

158
August 22

Alex’s sister, Izabela, has a close friend—Carla, who

lives in a fancy condo downtown. Alex is always telling
me about Carla, who never wastes a chance to brag
about how fabulous it is living downtown, about the
extraordinary bay panorama, and so on. If you listen
to Carla, nothing beats living in a building downtown!

A few days ago I stopped by Alex’s place, and there was

Carla showing Izabela a news website with a top list of
the coolest buildings in town, on her phone.

just look
at this view...this
panorama... where
else can you find
something like
this?!

yout!
vrOoOm idio woop
woop

159
“See, Sky View is number four! Awesome, right?” Carla to her properly, in a “professional” manner, as if it was
kept on blabbering as if she had designed, built and a real column.
decorated the entire building.

4
perfect.
Sky View nobody will
ever notice

bla bla bLAaA impressive perspective, BLA

bla penthouse, bla bla bLAaA downtown,
BLA bla bLAaAaAaA fitness center, BLA bla bLAa
public transport .

5
scotch
METROPOLItan tape

bla bla bLAaA lots of restaurants & coffee tablet

places, BLA bla multi-level parking, bla bla bLA..

Hmm—I thought—she seems to enjoy the real estate

news, doesn’t she? Maybe we should give her some
news story that’ll curb her enthusiasm a little bit, just “Don’t worry about the technical part, said Alex,
enough to make her tone my classmate Teo is good with Photoshop and even
down about her panorama HTML. He’ll build us a website that will look exactly
apartment. like Yahoo News in no time! All we have to do is open
it on the tablet, and show it to Carla when she’s here.”
There were two aspects to
take care of. First, we had So we jumped ahead to brainstorming for story ideas.
to come up with the actual We wanted to come up with something that would
news story. Then we had to make her lose all interest in living there.
find a solution to present it

160 161
“Hey, listen, I said. RATS! The building is heavily i‛m kinda maybe we
worried some should get a
infested with hundreds of rats!” skeletons might pickaxe, and carve
show up... or a cave in those
spiders... rocks there
“Yeah, something like that... It’s not bad, but I think ...

that’s not enough”, answered Alex. “Rats are OK, but

we need something more impressive! I don’t know...
Poisonous snakes... Ghosts... ZOMBIES!”

“You’re off the track again... Really, ZOMBIES?! Why

don’t we throw in three or four trolls then?!”

awesome!
hey, wait a
minute... trolls
are real?! “OK, OK... maybe I got a little carried away”, said Alex.
“Now listen! What’s the thing that girls are most afraid
of? Insects, right?! BUGS!”

“Well, yeah... That’s right. Giant cockroaches... Big,

disgusting, swarming cockroaches from Africa!”

“That’s it! No, wait a minute... Giant African RAT

EATING cockroaches!!!”
Well, maybe Alex was a little out of line with the
We both decided that’s the ultimate idea. We quickly
zombies, but I have to admit I’m not always the most
wrote the column, and it sounded like this:
rational person myself...

162 163
 BREAKING NEWS
SKYVIEW RESIDENCE
UNDER TERROR!
The invasion nightmare goes on!
What’s new in town?
The residents of Sky View,
an exclussive condominium
downtown, woke up yester-
day in the middle of a night-
mare turned real. On top of
the fact that the building
administration was already
fighting for months a serious
rat infestation situation (kept
164
secret from the residents!), a
new, much worse problem
appeared.
The building was invaded by
large colonies of Madagas-
car Carnivore Cockroaches,
that multiply with alarming
speed, and that – ironically!
– feed upon the rats already
present!
Read more ›
The cockroaches, over 3 returned from a trip to
inches in length, were Madagascar last month.
supposedly brought here by They are capable to devour
accident from Africa by one an adult human in a matter
of the tenants, who of minutes!
Banana,
for scale
3 inch
The tenants will apparently
be evacuated, and some
areas of the building are
already in quarantine. The
authorities are struggling to
isolate the insect colonies,
to prevent them from
spreading across the entire
city. The problem is that
Read more ›
165
 entered Top 3!” Said Carla grabbing the tablet.
... the standard pesticides
used in bug infestations Then her face started to change. First, her smile
don’t seem to be effective
with this species, but the
vanished. Then she started to turn red. In a few
specialist are hoping to find seconds, she settled to a pale yellow tint, she slowly put
a solution as soon as
the tablet down, she grabbed her phone and burst out
possible.
in the yard. I guess she was anxious to call her mom
Stay tuned for more news!
and dad. We jumped to the open window to try to hear
some of the conversation.
We proudly sent the column to Teo and asked him to
publish it online. First, he said we surely are mentally
deranged, but then he built us a web page for our story
and he sent us a link so we could forward it. He even
got carried away and came up with the idea to illustrate
the column with some fake pictures of cockroaches,
rats, and stuff, which he created in Photoshop. The
story page was looking PERFECT! We went to bed full
of the satisfaction of a job well done.

Today Carla came to see Izabela, as always. We made

our appearance too, holding the tablet.
“Hey, look... A story about Sky View Residence. That’s
your building, right?” Said Alex.
“Let me see... I bet they updated the list and now we’ve
“Yeah! Gian cockroaches… Rats… (unclear)... NO, I’m
staying right here, I’ll ask Izabela if I can sleep over…
I refuse to enter that building… (unclear) Yes, OUR
building! Mom, don’t you read the news?!… Call the
superintendent right now… (unclear)… Aha, you called?

166 167
THERE ARE NO COCKROACHES? AND NO RATS
EITHER?! No quarantine? Are you ABSOLUTELY
SURE?!”

I guess the good news she’s got from the building

administration put her mind at ease. I’m not sure,
‘cause we didn’t wait to see her reaction. We ran away
through the back door and we went to Teo to give him
the news. I think it would be a good idea to stop visiting
Alex for a while...

“pranks”, huh?
welL, this is what
you get for
“Pranks”!

168
September 14

Today I started seventh grade! The vacation’s over...

I always claimed the first day of school is a bad day
by definition, but today turned out to be kind of an
exception after all...

Max and I were just headed for the cafeteria. We took a

detour to avoid bumping into our school principal, Mr.
A. (a.k.a. Fatman) which would have ruined our day.
This means passing by our history teacher’s office (his
name is Mr. V).

Mr. V’s office door is protected by a metal cage which

is locked with a heavy padlock. He usually removes the
padlock, he hangs it on the metal bars and he locks
it so it can’t be taken heY, I
was really
off. But today—like I starting to
said—was an unusual get lonely

day! The padlock was

hanging on the bar,
but it was open. We
generally try to stay out
of trouble, but this was
TOO MUCH!

169
“Hey, Felix”, Max said, “I say we should lock up Mr. V I got at
Who put
a “for sale” least thirty
inside his office... What do you think?” poster on my phone calls! see,
car, for I have a goOD sense
$350 ?! of humor, but this
is NOT funNy!
Who
locked me
up in here?
help!
Kick
me

I took the padlock and I hid it in my backpack.

“We’ll surely think of something to do with it. There’s

“Look, Einstein—I replied giving him a friendly smack
upside the head—Mr. V may have a lot of flaws, but he’s
not a stupid man! In less than ten seconds he’ll call the
janitor and ask him to cut down the padlock. Not to
mention we wouldn’t get any kicks out of it, ‘cause we’ll
have to get lost instantly. We don’t want Mr. V to find
us hanging around here hee-hawing...”
To be honest, our history teacher could be considered
a nice guy, but we think he has a small imperfection:
he’s not very gifted in the sense of humor department.
a lot of things one can do with a padlock. We can’t just
let it hang around here...”
The classes finally came to an end and we took off.
Now, all we needed was an idea! As we were walking
down the street, we noticed people getting in and out
all those stores we were passing by, and ideas started
to flow.
“You know—Max pointed out—since we’ll end up using
the padlock to lock somebody up, at least we could try
to get as many ‘prisoners’ as possible...”

170 171
I have to admit one of Max’s gifts is his fantastic Max suggested we Chats Mom
online
practical knowledge. should first get inside
how‛s it going, max?
the pharmacy and work where are you?

on our STRATEGY. Hey, mom... You know

... and so, this the new library near
way i get an the park? the one
extra hour of I agreed: a scouting you said I should
minecraft
join, so I can read
every day! operation is always a more books...?

good idea before taking oOoh, sweEtie! Yes,

sure, i know it... :)
action! Besides being so
Well, i‛m right next
practical, Max is also a to it, looking for
pokemons. Bye!
great TACTICIAN.

There were five people or so inside the drugstore; they

were standing in line peacefully, completely unaware
of our secret plans. Our species isn’t the greatest when
His observation made a lot of sense. Another important it comes to INSTINCTS.
detail would be to find an old store with no emergency
Nice
exits and as small and dark as possible. For artistic doggy!
he HE...
effect!

As we were scanning for stores, we came upon some

little pharmacy on the first floor of an old classic
building, which didn’t seem to have any secondary
exits. Another good thing: there was an excellent
surveillance spot across the street, so we could
peacefully stand and watch the show. “This one’s perfect”, I said. “Let’s get into action!”

172 173
“Why don’t we wait for a while?” Max replied. “I don’t That was a strong assertion, so Max agreed it’s time to
think five ‘prisoners’ will do the trick. I feel like we’re make our move.
wasting a great padlock. Why don’t we just go back and
lock Mr. V...?”

We waited a few more minutes. Five more people came

in, two got out... We finally decided that’s the best we
can get. Plus some of the ‘new entries’ seemed really
obnoxious, so we thought they deserved to get it...

How long ‘till

the prescription is
done? half an
hour?! hmM. OK, I‛lL
be back in ten
minutes.

We locked the padlock and we took off. We walked

around the neighborhood for a while to cover our
tracks and we returned after ten minutes. We found
a good strategic spot on the sidewalk across the street
and we proudly looked at the crowd starting to gather
in front of the pharmacy.

After ten more minutes, we decided it’s safe to take

“See that woman who just got in?” I pointed out to a closer look, since there were already a few dozen
Max. “The one who looks like a mole rat roadkill. She citizens swarmed by the door, probably trying to free
looks just like Emilia L. I bet she’s Emilia’s mother!” the ‘prisoners’. The customers inside the drugstore
were piling up on the door, frantically knocking on the

174 175
 out there to go search for a mechanic or a plumber in
HeEelp!
the area. His idea was really appreciated apparently:
they immediately formed a commando of diligent men
who returned after twenty minutes, dragging a worker
packed with a big tooth saw for cutting metal.

Don‛t you
Oh, Come on,
understand i‛m
not allowed to stop whining!
Leave during You sound
work hours? i‛Ll like a little
get fired! let girl!
me go!

window. On a closer look, I thought the crowd outside

the door looked amused rather than worried.

Time passed by and we started to feel a little bored,

especially since nobody seemed to come up with a
reasonably smart idea. The man got to work immediately, but Max and I
decided to skip the ending. Mr. V’s padlock was quite
“Listen, I’m a little hungry...” I said. “And it looks like
solid, and by our calculations, we should have waited
they’re pretty clueless. I even feel kinda guilty... Check
there at least half an hour standing in the sun, which
out ‘Emilia’s mom’, she looks like she’s gonna break
wasn’t a very enjoyable activity. Not to mention the
that window pretty soon!”
crowd inside the pharmacy had calmed down and

Max, selfless s always, suggested to the nice people stopped screaming as hysterically as they did earlier,
so things already looked kinda boring.

176 177
 ugh... max, sure she just flicks through the papers, she scans for
I dunNo, I think cut it out, you
freak me out
I‛d rather go
home and write a when you say how many pages we have written, and – bang! she
literature those things
esSay... ... scores it an A- or even a straight A!”

what?! A- ?
only A- ? that much?!
there must there must
be some be some
mistake! mistake!

t
tes

dAria

October 5

Today we took a test in Social Studies. It’s not a tough I totally agreed with his theory. Some time ago, we

subject, and our teacher—Mrs. Z—is a relaxed and had to write an essay about the Ancient Egyptian

friendly kind of lady... So we didn’t really worry.
Usually, most of the kids get really high grades in Mrs.
Z’s class. It’s one of the very few classes where even Max
and I only have A and A-, which is really uncommon.
“You know what I think?” Max observed at some point.
“I bet Mrs. Z doesn’t even read our tests closely. I’m
civilization, a subject I was completely PARALLEL
with! So, as a last-resort solution, I decided to
shamelessly improvise. In fact, most of my essay was
based on a handful of leading movies of the genre: “The
Mummy”, “Asterix & Obelix Meet Cleopatra”, “Indiana
Jones”, “The Mummy Returns”, and a console game—
”Pharaoh”. And guess what: I got a straight A!

178 179
 ... as the famous historian
Mom disturbingly pointed out recently that I should
and archaeologist known
as indiana jones said, the
consider a career in the social or cultural studies field:
ancient egyptians were
actually aliens who came apparently, it’s the only subject where I get decent
from space. it‛s the only
explanation for how grades (besides Art and Gym classes).
they could build the
pyramids...
Anyway, back to today’s test... Mrs. Z, smiling as always,
handed us the quiz papers and then she returned to
her desk and announced us we have forty-five minutes
to write an essay. There was a single topic to cover:
My first assumption was that—as I lately have a “Cultural activities you attended during the last year”.
hunch—I really am a GENIUS! But I must admit that
After reading the subject, I read it again, to make sure
Max’s theory might also stand... Especially considering
I got it right. I looked at Max with a baffled face; he
the improvisation trick failed pathetically in other
looked back with an even more perplexed look. We
situations—the Geography class for instance.
both glanced at Daria who was already frantically
what writing, with a happy look on her face. Well, actually
currency is
used in
europe? UhMm...
she always has that overjoyed look every time we’re
the euro-
pean dollar having a test, pop quiz, exam or anything like that.
...?

wake
time up!
scien for
ce

180 181
I wonder how she survives vacations, I’m sure it’s the
most depressing time for her.
“Listen—I whispered to Max—I have no idea what
‘cultural’ subject I could tackle... I’m thinking maybe
I should improvise, as usual. I’ve seen ‘Night At The
Museum’, the third part, about a week ago... I remember
a lot of the details. What do you think? Any ideas?”
“Well, yeah, that could work. What about me? I can’t
use the same one... But I could go with ‘Night At The
Museum 2’ mixed with ‘Mr. Bean’—the one with the
painting, you know... the one he stole from Los Angeles
Art Museum. Sounds pretty ‘cultural’ to me!”
Truth is I always struggled to get a grasp of these art
museums. Especially modern art!
let‛s ?!
get out of
here! They‛ll
say We broke
that!
cosmic bird‛s
synergy dance
dream‛s
projection
182
“You know what? Let’s find out once and for all if Mrs.
Z actually reads our tests! At least we’ll know what’s
the deal. ‘Cause if she doesn’t, we can go crazy and
wing it on any subject from now on!”
inventions that changed the world
I supPose we should write about clasSic stufF...
like the wheel, the Paper, the electric light
bulb, the telephone... but all these are
nonsense compraed compared to what i‛m about
to deskribe describe!
Actually I think the coolest invention is the
game called “Pokemon Go”. before that, I didn‛t
even know what the heck are all those
huge buildings with a crucifix on the top
of the roof! now I found out that‛s
where you find your pokestops and gyms!
“True—Max answered—but HOW do we do that? We
kinda made up answers until now anyway... We got
good scores alright, but we can’t be positive... Hmm,
unless... Hey, I know! Let’s use a hidden keyword!
We can replace a certain word with a ding-dong,
throughout the paper. If she really reads it, she can’t
possibly ignore it!”
“You know what, that’s not a bad idea! Let’s replace
183
today’s subject, actually! ‘Cultural’... ‘Culture’... But... Architecture School (it was sort of a cultural event, at
What should we replace it with?!” least for some of the participants), and it looked like
this...
“Check out Robert’s t-shirt... How about that?”

felix n.

art and sepulture in the

summer vacation
my sumMer vacation wasn‛t just fun and games. i didn‛t
see it only as a chance to waste spend my time
playing computer games, but also as an opportunity
for interesting sepultural events!

plastic arts, including drawing, are an important part

of the sepultural activities, and I am really
interested in this, because I‛m planNing to become a
plastic artist graphic designer.

In august I had the opPortunity to compete in one of

these sepultural events, organized by the art & ...

sepultUra
However, I didn’t mention anything about replacing
the exams timetable...

“Oh yeah! Perfect! It rhymes too! OK, that’s it. We’ll I can hardly wait to see what gives.
both write ‘SEPULTURE’ instead of ‘culture’ and
‘sepultural’ instead of ‘cultural’, all over the test.”

It was the ultimate awareness test! So I wrote an essay

on that drawing contest I’ve attended in August at the

184 185
October 8
studying
We finally got the results of the Social Studies test. social sciences
is an important
Apparently, Mrs. Z READS the papers after all, since bla, BLAA
conference
blaAa...
my reviewed test looks like this:

felix n.
alternative methods
art and sepulture in the of studying the
summer vacation
my sumMer vacation wasn‛t just fun and games. i didn‛t felix n.
professor
see it only as a chance to waste spend my time social sciences
playing computer games, but also as an opportunity
for interesting sepultural events!

plastic arts, including drawing, are an important part

of the sepultural activities, and I am really
interested in this, because I‛m planNing to become a
plastic artist graphic designer.

In august I had the opPortunity to compete in one of

these sepultural events, organized by the art & ...

The good news is I got an A-, which means my story

about the drawing contest wasn’t that bad!

The bad news is the shocking realization that mom

could actually be right about my talents...

186 187
October 30 pumpkins from inside, and we all got to work.

Tomorrow we’ll celebrate Halloween, so Mom and I Mom warned dad several times to take good care of me
went shopping for costumes and stuff. I got a new and because carving pumpkins sounded like a hazardous
pretty remarkable one. It didn’t come cheap, but mom activity to her, so dad was quite nervous about me
had bought a bunch of clothes for herself paying with getting hurt in some way.
dad’s credit card, so she couldn’t really cast judgments. oh god!
be careful
not to drop
that pumpkin on
you better your fOot!
remove that
price tag!

Nah, it‛s
halloweEn,
let dad have
his share of
thrilLs!

9.-
$9

Obviously, we started by cutting out the pumpkin’s

Dad came home soon carrying a few pumpkins for
building Jack-o-lanterns. Our neighbor, Mr. P., said
it would be more fun if we did this pumpkin carving
thing together with the friends in the neighborhood,
so we invited all the nearby families on Mr. P’s front
lawn. We got tables, knives, templates for drawing
all kinds of monsters faces, candles for lighting the
top so we could empty the core. After tracing a line
with the marker, I took a little knife to cut the “lid”,
but dad jumped out of his skin, insisting that it’s
way too dangerous for me, since I don’t have enough
force and skills for such a complex job... So he firmly
insisted to let him do the cutting part, and then I’ll
step in for removing the seed and the pulp. The most
DISGUSTING part, that is!

188 189
 uhm...
EeEwWw... dad, are you
aren‛t you dis- sure you‛re not felix,
gusted to stick forgetting i told you a
your hand in that something thousand times:
important? don‛t disturb me
horrible when i‛m trying
slime? to focus!

parachute

But it turned out I was right because that instant dad

Dad grabbed the knife with an expert move, he stuck
the blade into the pumpkin and he started to cut along
the marker line.
“Pay attention here and learn how it’s done, OK? Maybe
next year I’ll let you do it. Although this is a man’s job!”
I looked closely to learn the procedure. From my angle,
it sort of looked like he was holding the blade UPSIDE
DOWN, with the cutting edge towards his finger, but I
wasn’t absolutely sure, so I kept my mouth shut, ‘cause
dad HATES to be nagged when he’s doing something.
quickly pulled out his hand, he shrieked and growled
a few times and he added a few words I heard once or
twice but I’m not sure what they mean. Then he darted
like a bat out of hell directly in the house, sucking his
finger.
Dad returned in five minutes with a band-aid on
his finger, and he made a few jokes with the other
grown‑ups, observing that’s a really funny and ironic
situation. I thought he was looking rather embarrassed,
but eventually he loosened up because pretty soon Mr.
B and Mrs. P scratched their fingers too, so dad didn’t

190 191
end up as THE ONLY BUFFOON who cut himself
while making Jack-o-lanterns.

192
November 4

Remember the vegan menu trick from my cousin

Cezar’s engagement party? Looks like the wedding’s
coming up in a few days. Considering that family party
incident where Aunt Nina and her vegan lady friends
had stuffed themselves with beef lasagna and sausages,
I suppose mom an dad will decide to go without me.
I’m basing this on the fact that Cezar called them
immediately after the party and told them he’s pretty
sure I was the mastermind behind the vegan meals
label switching prank. I feel offended since I don’t
think Cezar has any proof to back that accusation!

Max S.
July 26

beef
N
VERGGAERS
burg
ers
BU

We had a huge blast today! Felix put vegan meal labels on regular
meat foods, and a bunch of vegetarian ladies stuffed themselves
with beef lasagna and pork sausages!!! :) More pics here:

193
Cezar and Sara (his fiancée) came to our house today, party—I’m not a big fan of family gatherings.
to formally invite mom and dad to the wedding. Sara
Cezar told mom and dad about the honeymoon trip they
seemed a little tense, but she was probably just nervous
were planning in Tuscany, Italy. They also intended
about the forthcoming event.
to drop by some common friends, so dad handed my
At some point, mom asked Cezar and Sara if Aunt tablet to Cezar so he can show him a Facebook photo
Nina is coming to the party. Cezar answered (giving album of the hundred years old Tuscan villa where
me the evil eye) that Aunt Nina hardly accepted, on they were planning to stay.
one condition—she insisted to bring her own food.
Mom frowned at me too and informed them that I
maybe we No!
won’t be able to attend the party: I’ll be out of town should ask I can handle it!
Felix... He‛s do i look like an
for a couple days, visiting my grandparents... So Aunt pretty good idiot?! hMmM...
at this... ughHh...
Nina shouldn’t worry about being there, even without
packed foods.

helLo,
cezar! sorry
i‛m a litTle late.
I went to the
market...

tap

spring
onion tap

As they were leaving, Cezar grumbled to me: “Have

I was actually happy to hear the surprising news, fun with your granny, wisecracker!”. I wanted to reply,
considering that—like I said before the engagement but I gave up. He had a rather unfriendly look.

194 195

I‛m
watching
you!
November 5
A few moments ago I got my tablet to see what’s new
on Facebook, together with Alex. All I could see on the
page was a bunch of nonsense—strange images and
text. Bodybuilders, clubbing photos, travel planning
and all kinds of gibberish. I opened the friends list—
full of unfamiliar faces! Then I realized: it wasn’t my
account! Cousin Cezar had logged into his own account
to show dad those photos from Tuscany and he had
FORGOTTEN to click LOGOUT after that!
We thought it would be interesting to browse his
account while we were there. Besides all the fitness
196
hMmM,
check this out.
what a nice sur-
prize from
cezar!
stuff, the hundreds of selfies and some messages he
had received (mostly from some quite cute girls) Cezar
had a lot of responses to the wedding invites he had
sent on Facebook to some far away friends.
My first impulse was to send some bogus replies to
those cute female friends, but I passed that in order
to avoid a possible trouble with Sara right before the
wedding... That would disturb Cezar even more than
the vegan food incident, and on the other hand, I kinda
like Sara. There wasn’t much else to do so I thought it’s
time to switch to my own account. But then Alex came
up with a surprisingly awesome idea.
197
“Felix, let’s change the time and venue of the ceremony! “Dude, let’s CANCEL THE WEDDING altogether! Alex
What do you think? Wouldn’t it be hilarious?!” suggested. Now that would be smashing!”

That sounded a really good idea, especially considering
we could easily ‘undo’ it in an hour or so, by mentioning
it was only a joke and the time and place are the old
ones. So it looked like a harmless trick and we thought
Cezar won’t even notice.
“Whoaaa, are you insane? I’ll be grounded for TEN
YEARS for that! Not to mention that would be messing
with innocent people’s lives!”

Trust me,
come on, I told you
cezar wiLl be
cut the non- a hundred times: reaLly amused!
sense! we‛re this is a theme i‛m sure he has
missing the park! There‛s a good sense
wedding! no wedding... of humor!

WhaAat?!
cancel the
wedding?!
and it‛s
closed
anyway

We pitched into writing the announcement, but soon
we realized this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
and we shouldn’t waste it on such a childish joke. We
could at least pull some world-class prank while we’re
there.
“Felix, it’s OK! After five minutes we’ll just write a new
post, and tell everyone it was just a joke and everything
is fine!”
I took a moment to think it through. Alex wasn’t
completely wrong: it really was a priceless trick! And
after doing it, we could easily fix it and cover all our

198 199
tracks. Chances are Cezar and Sara won’t even notice.
Not to mention they could NEVER figure out I was Cezar N.
November 5th
involved!
I CAN’T DO IT! I’m so sorry, Sara! I hope you’ll understand,
and I hope we’ll be together the way we are now.
Felix did My sincere apologies to everyone I’ve invited for nothing... I
it... i‛m sure!
and I warned know it’s extremely late, but what can I do?! I feel like I can’t
him! arghHh... live without my freedom...
5 comentarii 18

Max S.
D’oh... I really saw that comin’!
7

Delia B.
Nooo waaay! So saaad!!!! :((
12

David R.
Way to go, brooooo! You rock!
1

George N.
Cezar, how could you do that?!
I’m shocked!

We had quite a hard time composing the message Max S.

Wooow, tonight it’s Manchester United vs Inter
because we wanted it to sound as authentic as possible. Milan!
9
We posted it on Facebook and waited for a while. Of
course in a few minutes comments started pouring in.
We decided we should let people share their opinions
for a few more minutes to maximize the impact, and
after that, we’ll tell everyone it was o joke before
deleting everything. Mom needed the tablet anyway
for a moment, to search some info on Google...

200 201
 she announced me.
i‛m trying
to find out
where‛s the blue-
tooth slot in my car. In fact, mom’s superpower is to break any device that
I can‛t seem to
connect my has a screen and buttons.
phone

h
We started the Facebook app and this came up:
splas

Sign in to your account

E-mail or mobile Password

Forgot username?
After mom got bored with searching (and complaining
about “this darn Google that doesn’t have a clue”) she SIGN IN

returned my tablet.

“I’m done with the tablet, Felix! Oh, by the way, I Cezar’s account HAD DISCONNECTED! Probably
restarted it... because the tablet had been restarted... Now we were
what
It froze again. the h*%^? unable to delete that message!
I’m sure
it’s because Our only hope now was that Sara and Cezar will laugh
°F about the prank... and they will never know for sure
you have −459
TOO MANY who was the author. There’s a good chance, I tried to

G A M E S boost my own spirit. In fact, Alex was looking rather

i n s t a l le d!”, relaxed; I was the only one feeling stressed out.

202 203
 Mom, I can‛t
find RiBbit! i
thought i heard a
croak sound
Oops...
earlier, in
Cezar‛s room. Do
you think...

hey, wake
up! you‛re sta-
ring into space
for half an
hour!
p biton
sna RicBommrog
f

I suddenly recalled aunt Nina telling me stories, years I got back on Facebook some more (into my own
ago, about Cezar—back when he was a teenager— account) to check what’s happening on Cezar’s page.
doing ‘scientific experiments’ on insects. One such Things had gotten a little bit out of control: for instance,
experiment was called “Behavior of the green fly after the PHOTOGRAPHER who was supposed to shoot the
its legs have been cut off”. Another one was “Minimum wedding
I CAN’T album, sort
DO IT! I’m of a friend
so sorry, Sara! I of Cezar’s,
hope had a pretty
you’ll understand,
length you can cut a honeybee’s wings so it can still and I hope
extreme we’ll be together the way we are now.
reaction...
My sincere apologies to everyone I’ve invited for nothing... I
fly (kind of)”, and there was one more about frogs’ know it’s extremely late, but what can I do?! I feel like I can’t
survival skills in extreme temperature conditions. live without my freedom...
47 comentarii 83

So Cezar was that kind of guy with some sadistic
tendencies and who wouldn’t hesitate to torment a
weaker creature. There was nothing about it that
would put my mind at ease.
Sebastian C. Photography
WHAAAT?! When were you planning to inform me?! I
really wasn’t expecting that of you! What am I supposed
to do now? I had planned my work schedule around your
wedding! If you had notified me in good time, maybe I
could have booked another event!

Sebastian C. Photography
204 I managed to find a last
205minute event where they need
another photographer, fortunately. They’re
RESPONSIBLE people, unlike you!
 really wasn’t expecting that of you! What am I supposed
to do now? I had planned my work schedule around your
wedding! If you had notified me in good time, maybe I
could have booked another event!

Sebastian C. Photography November 5, evening

I managed to find a last minute event where they need
another photographer, fortunately. They’re
RESPONSIBLE people, unlike you!
Aunt Nina dropped by. As soon as she entered the
Don’t EVER count on my help anymore!!!
door I noticed she was looking pretty psyched out. She
3
Angela F. suggested mom she should sit down and get ready for a
Wow, you’re so irresponsible! Don’t ever call me again!
19 rather sensational story. I chose to listen from upstairs
Robert E. because for the moment I prefer not to face Aunt Nina
Cool! Well, Cezar, you finally came around! See you
tonight for beers, OK dude? in person.
27

“Listen to this, my dear, she said. Cezar allegedly wrote

Alex said the prank was a total success, and cousin
Cezar and Sara will laugh when they’ll remember this
incident, years from now... I pointed out that I hope
they both have a good memory since apparently, they
won’t have too many photos of their wedding...
a message on that Internet thing... How’s it called...
Bookface... He said he CHANGED HIS MIND about
getting married. Sara was in her car with Eva, Cezar’s
sister. They were headed to the confectionery store to
order the wedding cake. Eva opened that thing, that

Don‛t
Internet, on her phone, and she stumbled upon Cezar’s
worRy, i‛Ll
take care of message. She showed it to Sara, who immediately
the photos! I
have a great called Cezar and asked him if there’s still any need for
phone!
her to order a wedding cake. Cezar asked why, Sara
cli
Ck burst into tears and Eva took the phone and told him he
knows exactly why, and she said he should have talked
it‛s one to Sara first, instead of letting her find out from that,
of the first
phones with a
camera... They uhm... Bookface… Anyway, eventually they figured out
don‛t make ‘em
like they
used to!
it’s some kind of prank involved, and Cezar said he’ll
find out who did it and he is going to...

206 207
 day 4... here are the weDd
nobody ing photos... i hope
suspects like them! unfortun you
ately, these four
anything. are all i have... I do pics
n‛t know what haPp
i just can‛t find them ened,
!
Love,
aunt Nina

I was too afraid to wait and find out what Cezar said.
I scrammed to my room. It was almost midnight
anyway, and Aunt Nina was probably planning to hang
around for a while, as always.

I really hope cousin Cezar will find a good photographer

on such a short notice since the wedding reception will
be the day after tomorrow.

208 209
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EPISODE 1 - DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME!
Cover art & design © 2017 by Razvan Nitoi
4