UNIT 1

The Importance of Soft Skills

What are soft skills? Soft skills refer to a very diverse range of abilities such as:

• Self-awareness
• Analytical thinking
• Leadership skills
• Team-building skills
• Flexibility
• Ability to communicate effectively
• Creativity
• Problem-solving skills
• Listening skills
• Diplomacy
• Change-readiness

Many people often refer to 'soft skills' as 'people skills' or 'emotional intelligence'. Hard
skills are the technical abilities required to do a job or perform a task: essentially they are
acquired through training and education programs.

Importance of Soft Skills

According to psychologist Daniel Coleman, a combination of competencies that

contribute to a person's ability to manage his or herself and relate to other people-matters
twice as much as IQ or technical skills in job success.

Results of a recent studies on the importance of soft skills indicated that the single most
important soft skill for a job candidate to possess was interpersonal skills, followed by
written or verbal communication skills and the ability to work under pressure.

A constantly changing work environment - due to technology, customer-driven markets,

an information-based economy and globalisation that are currently impacting on the
structure of the workplace and leading to an increased reliance on, and demand for, soft
skills.

Soft skills are not a replacement for hard- or technical-skills. They are, in many instances,
complementary, and serve to unlock the potential for highly effective performance in
people qualified with the requisite hard skills.
Self-management Skills
Self-management skills tell an employer whether or not your personality fits the
personality of the company, the bosses, and the co-workers.

Over 50 percent of the people who are not successful on the job have trouble with their
co-workers and bosses, so its important for you to show employers how you fit into their
operations.

Many employers would rather hire an inexperienced worker with good self-management
skills than an experienced worker who might cause problems.

If you are not sure what kind of management skills you have, do the exercise on the
following pages. This exercise will help you identify your strongest self-management
skills.

Review this list of self-management skills and check any three that you believe you
exhibit over 50% of the time. Place a second check next to the 10 skills that you believe
would be most important in the next job you have that meets your primary job objective.

A = I Exhibit

B = Next Job

A B self-management skill
academic
active
accurate
adaptable
broad-minded
businesslike
realistic

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

Leadership
The process of successfully influencing the activities of a group towards the achievement
of a common goal. A leader has the ability to influence others through qualities such as
personal charisma, expertise, command of language, and the creation of mutual respect.
As well as requiring strong Communication Skills and Personal Skills, leadership uses
the Background skills of mentoring, decision making, delegation and motivating others.

Networking

The ability to actively seek, identify and create effective contacts with others, and to
maintain those contacts for mutual benefit. In addition to strong Communication Skills
and Personal Skills, Networking uses the Background skills of network building and
motivating others.

Teamwork

Involves working with others in a group towards a common goal. This requires
cooperating with others, being responsive to others' ideas, taking a collaborative approach
to learning, and taking a responsibility for developing and achieving group goals.
Teamwork uses the Background skills of collaboration, mentoring, decision making and
delegation

Background Skills

Mentoring is:

• Being a trusted advisor and helper with experience in a particular field. Actively
supporting and guiding someone to develop knowledge and experience, or to
achieve career or personal goals (for example, a third-year student mentoring a
first year student, helping to adjust to the university experience).
• A mentoring relationship may be formal or informal, but must involve trust,
mutual respect, and commitment as both parties work together to achieve a goal
(for example, mentoring a younger member of a team to achieve better
performance in the lead-up to a sporting event).

Group work is:

• any activity in which students work together;

• any activity which has been specifically designed so that students work in pairs or
groups, and may be assessed as a group (referred to as formal group work); or
• when students come together naturally to help each other with their work (referred
to as informal group work).
• peer group activity in lab classes, tutorials etc

Decision making is:

 • Identifying appropriate evidence and weighing up that evidence to make a choice
(for example, gathering and assessing information to find the best way to perform
an experiment).
• Taking responsibility for a decision and its outcomes (for example, choosing a
topic for a group presentation from a number of suggestions).

Delegation is:

• Taking responsibility for determining when to ask someone else to make a

decision or carry out a task (for example, figuring out what is a fair distribution of
the workload in a group project, and sharing responsibility with others).
• Distributing responsibility and authority in a group by giving someone else the
discretion to make decisions that you have the authority to make (for example, as
the chosen leader of a lab experiment team, you could assign tasks and decisions
to different group members).

Network building is:

• Creating contacts with other people and maintaining those contacts (for example,
meeting someone at a seminar with similar interests, and swapping email
addresses with them).
• Acquiring and maintaining information about people who might be useful
contacts for specific purposes (for example, seeking out people established in an
industry you hope to work with one day).
• Using a contact in an ethical manner to help each of you meet specific goals, (for
example, collaborating on projects of importance to both of you).

Motivating others is:

• Generating enthusiasm and energy by being positive, focussing on finding

solutions and maintaining a positive attitude even when things are not going well
(for example, when something goes wrong, asking "What can we try now?"
instead of saying, "That should have worked better.").
• Encouraging others to come up with solutions, listening carefully to their ideas
and offering constructive feedback (for example, gathering suggestions for a
group project, and giving each person's ideas fair discussion).
• Being prepared to support others in taking agreed, calculated risks, and not
blaming others when things go wrong (for example, one group member's portion
of a presentation receives a poor mark - make sure that this student isn't blamed
by the group, and focus on learning from the mistakes).

TEAM WORK AND TEAM BUILDING

Man is a social being thus he needs to interact with people. Almost every individual has
experienced, in one way or another, how it is to work in a group - from his childhood
games to wherever he is now earning his living. Unfortunately, not every group succeeds
in its objectives or goals. Failure is a possible consequence whenever we get into a
challenge. However, we can always avoid this much dreaded "failure" if every member of
a group would not fail to use or exercise TEAMWORK. Yes, every group of people must
not only work as a GROUP where every individual works for his own advantage, but
instead, every one should work as part of a TEAM - where he is working towards a
common goal. When these "small contributions" build up, success is hardly
unforeseeable.

How can a person work as part of a TEAM? It's actually so easy: just remember the word
TEAMWORK as a guideline. Also remember that all these should work together - should
be there hand in hand from the conception of the team to the achievement of the final
goal. No one of these can be enough and can work in isolation to be able to come up with
a successful team.

T is for Talent

By talent, I mean a person's knowledge or capabilities. It is of course quite necessary for

a member of a team to be knowledgeable about the work that his team is going to do.
Where can these knowledge be gained? Knowledge can explicitly be learned from some
useful handbooks on whatever you are working on. However, implicit knowledge - that
which is acquired through experience and practice, is found to be much more useful.

E is for Enthusiasm

But as we will later realize, talent alone is not enough. A knowledgeable team member
must also be enthusiastic. He must seek responsibility, he must find ways to make the
talents he has useful. He must always have the energy and the drive to work. Eventually,
this enthusiasm will naturally come out of him and he will realize that his example
becomes so inspiring and motivating enough for his other teammates to work - without
him asking them any demands.

A is for Accountability

Every member is accountable not only to his team but to all his other work mates. We are
not responsible only of ourselves. It is everyone's responsibility to keep others informed.
Whenever someone keeps on forgetting what he needs to do, it is our responsibility to
keep him reminded. What he failed to do is a reflection of what we were also not able to
do ourselves.

M is for Management

Every member must know his specialization relative to what his other teammates can do
best. A good organization is really needed in proper distribution of work. The best
member of any group is he who demands work based on what he can do. When we are
assigned to do or work on something, we must also know where to go for help (just in
case we couldn't work out on something), and when those help must be asked.
Ultimately, it is every group member's responsibility to ensure that everyone has a work
to do and that every one is always the best man for his job.

W is for Work-able

When a person has all the talents and the enthusiasm in the world and yet he doesn't have
free time to work, it all turns out useless. Availability of every member is very much
needed to work as a team. If no one's there, who do you expect to pursue the team's
goals? This work-ability is not all about free-time, however, it also entails a large amount
of adaptability. Every member must be able to expect different possibilities and must
know how to react on them should they arise in the course of events.

O is for Openness

Understanding among team members is a necessity in every team for every member to be
able to work in the best of his abilities. Everyone must be open to new ideas and
suggestions. Everyone must have the capability to understand people. It is in keeping the
communication lines open that the team can more efficiently achieve its goals.

R is for Respect

Every team member must be able to practice respect so that he can expect to be respected
in return. A team could discuss things and every member could voice out his own opinion
in whatever matter they are discussing without degrading his teammate or his teammate's
suggestions no matter how irrational they are. It is one thing to listen and be able to
humbly object and it is another thing to just avoid to listen. Whenever a team is
brainstorming, everyone must be able to raise his opinions without having any hard
feelings.

K is for Keenness

Keenness is the final key in working as a part of a team. It is more than enthusiasm.
Enthusiasm comes before doing the actual work. This keenness - this intensity, is
manifested while going through the work itself. It is what pushes us to move on and keep
on working until we are finally done.

Team Building:

Team building" (or "'teambuilding'") refers to the process of establishing and developing
a greater sense of collaboration and trust between team members. Interactive exercises,
team assessments, and group discussions enable groups to cultivate this greater sense of
teamwork.
 Characteristics Of Good Team Building:

• High level of interdependence among team members

• Team leader has good people skills and is committed to team approach
• Each team member is willing to contribute
• Team develops a relaxed climate for communication
• Team members develop a mutual trust
• Team and individuals are prepared to take risks
• Team is clear about goals and establishes targets
• Team member roles are defined
• Team members know how to examine team and individual errors without
personal attacks
• Team has capacity to create new ideas
• Each team member knows he can influence the team agenda

Team Effectiveness:

When evaluating how well team members are working together, the following statements
can be used as a guide:

Team goals are developed through a group process of team interaction and
agreement in which each team member is willing to work toward achieving these
goals.
Participation is actively shown by all team members and roles are shared
to facilitate the accomplishment of tasks and feelings of group togetherness.
Feedback is asked for by members and freely given as a way of
evaluating the team's performance and clarifying both feelings and interests of the
team members. When feedback is given it is done with a desire to help the other
person.
Team decision making involves a process that encourages active participation
by all members.
Leadership is distributed and shared among team members and
individuals willingly contribute their resources as needed.
Problem solving, discussing team issues, and critiquing team
effectiveness are encouraged by all team members.
Conflict is not suppressed. Team members are allowed to express negative
feelings and confrontation within the team which is managed and dealt with by
team members. Dealing with and managing conflict is seen as a way to improve
team performance.

Team member resources, talents, skills, knowledge, and experiences are

fully identified, recognized, and used whenever appropriate.
Risk taking and creativity are encouraged. When mistakes are made, they are
treated as a source of learning rather than reasons for punishment.
After evaluating team performance against the above guidelines, determine those areas in
which the team members need to improve and develop a strategy for doing so.

Conflict Management

Clarifying Confusion About Conflict

Conflict is when two or more values, perspectives and opinions are contradictory in
nature and haven't been aligned or agreed about yet, including:
1. Within yourself when you're not living according to your values;
2. When your values and perspectives are threatened; or
3. Discomfort from fear of the unknown or from lack of fulfillment.
Conflict is inevitable and often good, for example, good teams always go through a
"form, storm, norm and perform" period. Getting the most out of diversity means often-
contradictory values, perspectives and opinions.

Conflict is often needed. It:

1. Helps to raise and address problems.
2. Energizes work to be on the most appropriate issues.
3. Helps people "be real", for example, it motivates them to participate.
4. Helps people learn how to recognize and benefit from their differences.
Conflict is not the same as discomfort. The conflict isn't the problem - it is when conflict
is poorly managed that is the problem.

Conflict is a problem when it:

1. Hampers productivity.
2. Lowers morale.
3. Causes more and continued conflicts.
4. Causes inappropriate behaviors.

Types of Managerial Actions that Cause Workplace Conflicts

1. Poor communications
a. Employees experience continuing surprises, they aren't informed of new
decisions, programs, etc.
b. Employees don't understand reasons for decisions, they aren't involved in
decision-making.
c. As a result, employees trust the "rumor mill" more than management.

2. The alignment or the amount of resources is insufficient. There is:

a. Disagreement about "who does what".
b. Stress from working with inadequate resources.

3. "Personal chemistry", including conflicting values or actions among managers and

employees, for example:
a. Strong personal natures don't match.
b. We often don't like in others what we don't like in ourselves.
4. Leadership problems, including inconsistent, missing, too-strong or uninformed
leadership (at any level in the organization), evidenced by:
a. Avoiding conflict, "passing the buck" with little follow-through on decisions.
b. Employees see the same continued issues in the workplace.
c. Supervisors don't understand the jobs of their subordinates.

Key Managerial Actions / Structures to Minimize Conflicts

1. Regularly review job descriptions. Get your employee's input to them. Write down and
date job descriptions. Ensure:
a. Job roles don't conflict.
b. No tasks "fall in a crack".

2. Intentionally build relationships with all subordinates.

a. Meet at least once a month alone with them in office.
b. Ask about accomplishments, challenges and issues.

3. Get regular, written status reports and include:

a. Accomplishments.
b. Currents issues and needs from management.
c. Plans for the upcoming period.

4. Conduct basic training about:

a. Interpersonal communications.
b. Conflict management.
c. Delegation.

5. Develop procedures for routine tasks and include the employees' input.
a. Have employees write procedures when possible and appropriate.
b. Get employees' review of the procedures.
c. Distribute the procedures.
d. Train employees about the procedures.

6. Regularly hold management meetings, for example, every month, to communicate new
initiatives and status of current programs.

7. Consider an anonymous suggestion box in which employees can provide suggestions.

Ways People Deal With Conflict

There is no one best way to deal with conflict. It depends on the current situation. Here
are the major ways that people use to deal with conflict.
1. Avoid it. Pretend it is not there or ignore it.
a. Use it when it simply is not worth the effort to argue. Usually this approach tends
to worsen the conflict over time.

2. Accommodate it. Give in to others, sometimes to the extent that you compromise
yourself.
a. Use this approach very sparingly and infrequently, for example, in situations
when you know that you will have another more useful approach in the very
near future. Usually this approach tends to worsen the conflict over time, and
causes conflicts within yourself.

3. Competing. Work to get your way, rather than clarifying and addressing the issue.
Competitors love accommodators.
a. Use when you have a very strong conviction about your position.

4. Compromising. Mutual give-and-take.

a. Use when the goal is to get past the issue and move on.

5. Collaborating. Focus on working together.

a. Use when the goal is to meet as many current needs as possible by using mutual
resources. This approach sometimes raises new mutual needs.
b. Use when the goal is to cultivate ownership and commitment.

To Manage a Conflict Within Yourself - "Core Process"

It's often in the trying that we find solace, not in getting the best solution. The following
steps will help you in this regard.
1. Name the conflict, or identify the issue, including what you want that you aren't
getting. Consider:
a. Writing your thoughts down to come to a conclusion.
b. Talk to someone, including asking them to help you summarize the conflict in 5
sentences or less.

2. Get perspective by discussing the issue with your friend or by putting it down in
writing. Consider:
a. How important is this issue?
b. Does the issue seem worse because you're tired, angry at something else, etc.?
c. What's your role in this issue?

3. Pick at least one thing you can do about the conflict.

a. Identify at least three courses of action.
b. For each course, write at least three pros and cons.
c. Select an action - if there is no clear course of action, pick the alternative that
will not hurt, or be least hurtful, to yourself and others.
d. Briefly discuss that course of action with a friend.

4. Then do something.
a. Wait at least a day before you do anything about the conflict. This gives you
a cooling off period.
b. Then take an action.
c. Have in your own mind, a date when you will act again if you see no clear
improvement.
To Manage a Conflict With Another - "Core Process"
1. Know what you don't like about yourself, early on in your career. We often don't like
in others what we don't want to see in ourselves.
a. Write down 5 traits that really bug you when see them in others.
b. Be aware that these traits are your "hot buttons".

2. Manage yourself. If you and/or the other person are getting heated up, then manage
yourself to stay calm by
a. Speaking to the person as if the other person is not heated up - this can be very
effective!
b. Avoid use of the word "you" - this avoids blaming.
c. Nod your head to assure them you heard them.
d. Maintain eye contact with them.

3. Move the discussion to a private area, if possible.

4. Give the other person time to vent.

a. Don't interrupt them or judge what they are saying.

5. Verify that you're accurately hearing each other. When they are done speaking:}
a. Ask the other person to let you rephrase (uninterrupted) what you are hearing from
them to ensure you are hearing them.
b. To understand them more, ask open-ended questions. Avoid "why" questions -
those questions often make people feel defensive.

6. Repeat the above step, this time for them to verify that they are hearing you. When you
present your position
a. Use "I", not "you".
b. Talk in terms of the present as much as possible.
c. Mention your feelings.

7. Acknowledge where you disagree and where you agree.

8. Work the issue, not the person. When they are convinced that you understand them:
a. Ask "What can we do fix the problem?" They will likely begin to complain again.
Then ask the same question. Focus on actions they can do, too.

9. If possible, identify at least one action that can be done by one or both of you.
a. Ask the other person if they will support the action.
b. If they will not, then ask for a "cooling off period".

10. Thank the person for working with you.

11. If the situation remains a conflict, then:

a. Conclude if the other person's behavior conflicts with policies and procedures in
the workplace and if so, present the issue to your supervisor.
b. Consider whether to agree to disagree.
c. Consider seeking a third party to mediate.

Negotiation Skills
The course content may include many of the exercises listed below, and any additional
material that the trainers feel is relevant to the delegates on the day.

Negotiation and the Negotiator

Lots of people have very different ideas about negotiation and the skills and qualities a
good negotiator needs. We start by exploring those ideas, looking at how each individual
currently handles negotiations and the qualities they bring.

Negotiation Preparation
We look at what preparation is appropriate for different negotiating situations, looking at
the purpose, the desired outcomes on both sides, who will be there and what is known
about them, including interests and positions of all parties. We highlight the difference
between an interest and a position and why it’s important to separate them.

Qualifying Negotiations
This simple and effective technique puts a little structure around the 'gut feeling' we have
about a negotiation so we can decide whether we should be in the negotiating arena at all.

Baseline - Negotiable - Give Away

This exercise is about working out what can be given away and what can't. The stuff in
between is the real meat of the negotiation.

Building Rapport
In the opening phase of a negotiation it is vital to establish rapport with the other party.
We look at ways of making people feel at ease and comfortable so that the negotiation
works on a human level.

Their World of Negotiation

Building on the idea of preparation we will use a set of visuals to look in more detail at
the idea that everyone sees the world differently. The others involved in a negotiation
may well be taking a very different point of view and neither side may feel like 'giving
in'.

Their level of interest

There are different levels of benefits to be offered or gained in any negotiation. Knowing
the buttons to press on your counterpart can be a useful tool.

Understanding the Rules of Negotiation

Our approach to good negotiation isn't about winning and someone else losing. It is,
however, about learning to 'play the game', because that's what negotiation is - a game.
And like any game there are rules and conventions. We help people explore their own
rules and beliefs about negotiation and how they either support or get in the way of
success.

Negotiation Roles
People take on roles when they negotiate, whether it's conscious or unconscious and
sometimes they can get in the way of good negotiations. Here we introduce the technique
of 'levelling' where people practise giving clear, direct messages that cut through the
games people play.

Types of Negotiation Question

A quick exercise that looks at all the different sorts of questions we can use in a
negotiation and the effect they have.

Winning outcomes
Negotiations can often feel like a fight with one side winning and the other necessarily
losing. But does it have to be like that? We take a look at some other options and the
effect of each over a period of time.

Deal or No Deal
The pressure in a negotiation to come away with some sort of deal can be immense. Here
we explore in groups the circumstances under which it might be better to say 'no deal'.

Buying Signals
In pairs delegates come up with the indicators they recognise that someone may be ready
to do a deal in a negotiation.

The Negotiation Game

Here we will set up a negotiation, where one group is the 'home team' and the other the
client. Both sides decide their position and strategy and what they want from the
negotiation, and with some guidance from Impact Factory, will play out a negotiation till
it reaches a resolution.

The purpose is to get people familiar with some of the tools, roles and protocols around
the idea that negotiation is indeed a game.

Awareness of Personal Negotiation Style

To round off the Negotiation Skills Course delegates give and receive feedback on their
personal negotiation style and what is already working for them as a negotiator.

Influencing Styles

The way in which you behave as a manager and the approach you take will have a
marked effect on your ultimate success or failure.

Having a range of approaches and styles of behaviour gives you more flexibility. It
increases your options - and your chances of success.
Natural Styles

Most managers have a natural style of influence which they prefer to use whenever
possible. More flexible managers also keep in reserve a fall back style, used when the
preferred style doesn't achieve the desired results.

However, there are at least eight identifiable styles of influence - not including
aggression, manipulation or force!

Because you are influencing a wide range of people, proficiency in a wider range of
styles will ensure more success. Step outside the comfort zone of your natural style and
enjoy greater success by practising new ways of influencing.

However, do think carefully which influencing style has the greatest chance of
succeeding. Varying your styles too much may give you a reputation for being
unpredictable

The Autocratic Approach

You tell them, they agree

Use the push style when:

o You are looking for a quick response

o You seek only short-term commitment

o You are happy to check up and follow through

This approach works best when supported by power, authority, age, knowledge or
wisdom. Resistance or objections are minimised. You tell others what you want them to
do and they do it.

Do remember though, that autocracy can be a high-risk strategy. It may result in a feeling
of 'You won, I lost'. They'll get you next time.

The Collaborative Approach

You include others in the decision-making process.

Use the push style when:

o You want to maintain long-term influence with others

o You seek a high level of commitment

o You have no time to enforce the outcome

This approach works successfully without you having any power or authority.

A word of caution, democracy takes time and can result in watered down solutions.
Remain consistently collaborative. Don't give up too early. Avoid imposing too many
parameters or conditions - these will create frustration in others.

The Logical Approach

You use clear logical, unassailable arguments, supported by proof.

Use logic when:

o The other person demands evidence and lots of detail

o You are prepared to do your homework

o You are prepared to wait for a reaction

This approach works best when the other person is a logical, linear thinker. Avoid
exaggeration and unnecessary emotion. Offer instead facts and figures.

But, you may find this style long-winded and frustrating. You may even be forced to put
it in writing. Allow time to prepare your argument, time to explain it, time to wait for a
reaction.

The Emotional Approach

You use your natural charm, charisma or enthusiasm.

Use emotion when:

o You want others to feel part of an exciting project

o You want to fire up someone's motivation

o You are truly enthusiastic about an idea

This approach works when your influence becomes a genuine extension of your own
feelings and beliefs. Appealing to the long-term effects of your ideas, you will reinforce
their continuing value.

Do remember though that emotional appeal carries risks. It can leave a nasty taste in the
mouth. Painful memories linger longer.
The Assertive Approach

You ask directly, clearly and confidently for what you want, or don't want.

Be assertive when:

o You want to influence autocratic people, bullies, stick-in-the-muds

o You want to influence behaviours

o You need to act and initiate, rather than react

Assertiveness can have a lasting effect, especially on those who least expect it from you.
Any resistance is met by your persistence.

Assertive influence carries little or no risk.

The Passive Approach

You win the day by being submissive, by not overtly influencing.

Remain passive when:

o You want to influence others through personal demonstration

o You want to avoid unhelpful confrontation

o You have tried all the other approaches

As you quietly demonstrate desired behaviours, others can see for themselves the value in
following your lead. Many potential confrontations with power or authority demand
submissive influence, which can pay positive dividends.

The downside is that your submissiveness may leave you with feelings of low-esteem.
Can you live with this?

The Sales Approach

You use good old-fashioned salesmanship.

Use salesmanship when:

o You know that the other person expects to be sold to

o You need to show the benefits your suggestion will produce

o You enjoy selling ideas

Draw out their point of view, understand their needs, demonstrate that you empathise;
minimise resistance by showing how their ideas dovetail with your own; show how they
will benefit.

Do realise though that logical or submissive people often hate an overt sales approach
and may work hard to wreck your plans.

The Bargaining Approach

You trade concessions in order to reach a mutually acceptable conclusion.

Bargain or negotiate when:

o You are both equally keen to go ahead with the idea

o You are happy and able to offer a few concessions

o You want to reach a win-win conclusion

Don't just share the cake - make it a bigger one. Your success as a fair negotiator will
help cement the relationship.

Aim too low and you'll end up even lower. Over collaborate and you may regret giving
too much away. Always trade concessions.

The Power Of Positive Behaviour

Who has been a big influence in your life? A parent, relative, employer, friend or
neighbour? Chances are that they often did nothing specific to influence you - they just
behaved in ways that you took note of and decided to copy.

The behaviour of others can be influenced greatly when they observe the ways in which
you:

o Deal with aggression

o Handle awkward customers

o Control group behaviour

o Field tricky questions

o Overcome resistance
o Live by your values and beliefs

o Walk the talk

Behaviours that help the influencing process:

o Continuous maintenance of rapport

o Maintaining good eye contact

o Congruent body language which supports your messages

o Appropriate voice tone which underpins what you say

o Flexibility - being prepared to change your approach, when necessary

o Awareness and acceptance of the needs of others

o Lack of conditional words, which dilute your messages

In Summary: Modelling Behaviour

Ok, suppose you don't have sufficient flexibility of style. With practice, it's easy to
observe, analyse and reproduce the effective behaviours of other people. If you've ever
studied any skill under a master, you will already have done this.

Suppose you know a person who uses an influencing style in a particularly elegant or
effective manner. You have identified this as something you would like to improve for
yourself. By closely observing what works for that person and noticing the effect it has
on others, you can begin to experiment by adopting these behaviours and strategies and
making them work for you, too.

Creativity:

What is Creativity?

By Linda Naiman

I define creativity as the act of turning new and imaginative ideas into reality. Creativity
involves two processes: thinking, then producing. Innovation is the production or
implementation of an idea. If you have ideas, but don't act on them, you are imaginative
but not creative.

“Creativity is the process of bringing something new into being...creativity requires

passion and commitment. Out of the creative act is born symbols and myths. It brings to
our awareness what was previously hidden and points to new life. The experience is one
of heightened consciousness–ecstasy.”
— Rollo May, The Courage to Create

“A product is creative when it is (a) novel and (b) appropriate. A novel product is original
not predictable. The bigger the concept, and the more the product stimulates further work
and ideas, the more the product is creative.”
— Sternberg & Lubart, Defying the Crowd

Creativity and Economic Development:

We are living in the age of creativity

The Nomura Institute of Japan classifies four eras of economic activity:

1. Agricultural
2. Industrial
3. Informational... and now through the evolution of technology
4. Creative: constant innovation.

Daniel Pink expanding on this idea in A Whole New Mind (2005) defines Economic
Development as:
1. Agriculture Age (farmers)
2. Industrial Age (factory workers)
3. Information Age (knowledge workers)
4. Conceptual Age (creators and empathizers)

Pink argues that left-brain linear, analytical computer-like thinking are being replaced by
right-brain empathy, inventiveness, and understanding as skills most needed by business.
Pink points to Asia, automation, and abundance as the reasons behind the shift.

Pink says "Logical and precise, left-brain thinking gave us the Information Age. Now
comes the Conceptual Age — ruled by artistry, empathy, and emotion."
What does this mean for future jobs? Winners are designers, inventors, counselors,
ethnographers, social psychologists, and other right-brain folks, while lawyers, engineers,
accountants, and other left-brainers will see their jobs migrate to Asia.

Creativity at Work

Creativity is a core competency for leaders and managers and one of the best ways to set
your company apart from the competition. Corporate Creativity is characterised by the
ability to perceive the world in new ways, to find hidden patterns, to make connections
between seemingly unrelated phenomena, and to generate solutions. Generating fresh
solutions to problems, and the ability to create new products, processes or services for a
changing market, are part of the intellectual capital that give a company its competitive
edge. Creativity is a crucial part of the innovation equation.
Creativity requires whole-brain thinking;
right-brain imagination, artistry and intuition,
plus left-brain logic and planning.

Creativity is fostered in organizational cultures that value independent thinking, risk

taking, and learning. They are tolerant of failure and they value diversity. Open
communication, a high degree of trust and respect between individuals are crucial.

Can creativity be learned?

A study by George Land reveals that we are naturally creative and as we grow up we
learn to be uncreative. Creativity is a skill that can be developed and a process that can be
managed. Learning to be creative is akin to learning a sport. It requires practice to
develop the right muscles, and a supportive environment in which to flourish. Business
leaders are increasingly adopting the principles and practices of art and design to help
build creative muscle in their organizations.

Design thinking can help organizations manage the innovation process and overcome
some of the barriers that prevent leaders from being effective innovators. Art and design
processes help people develop fresh thinking through aesthetic ways of knowing,
imagination, intuition, re-framing and exploring different perspectives. Art-based
processes also help people learn to be comfortable with uncertainty, ambiguity, and
paradox.

Strategies for developing creativity ....

• Skills Training for leaders, managers and staff

• Coaching innovation champions and teams
• Culture Change initiatives

... are based on these findings from global studies on innovation:

• Traditional business models no longer hold.

• Innovation has a higher success rate when it is applied to the business model
• Creative leadership is required for innovation to succeed
• The ability to collaborate at all levels of the organization

Generative Research on Creativity

Generative research shows that everyone has creative abilities. The more training you
have and the more diverse the training, the greater potential for creative output. The
average adult thinks of 3-6 alternatives for any given situation. The average child thinks
of 60.
Research has shown that in creativity quantity equals quality. The longer the list of ideas,
the higher the quality the final solution. The highest quality ideas appear at the end of the
list.

“Behavior is generative; like the surface of a fast flowing river, it is inherently and
continuously novel... behavior flows and it never stops changing. Novel behavior is
generated continuously, but it is labeled creative only when it has some special value to
the community... Generativity is the basic process that drives all the behavior we come to
label creative.” — Robert Epstein PhD, Psychology Today July/Aug 1996

TOP

Myths about Genius

Beliefs that only special, talented people are creative–and you have to be born that way–
diminish our confidence in our creative abilities. The notion that geniuses such as
Shakespeare, Picasso and Mozart were `gifted' is a myth, according to a study at Exeter
University. Researchers examined outstanding performances in the arts, mathematics and
sports, to find out if “the widespread belief that to reach high levels of ability a person
must possess an innate potential called talent.”

The study concludes that excellence is determined by:

• opportunities
• encouragement
• training
• motivation
• & most of all–practise.

”Few showed early signs of promise prior to parental encouragement.” No one reached
high levels of achievement in their field without devoting thousands of hours of serious
training. Mozart trained for 16 years before he produced an acknowledged master work.
Moreover many high performers achieve levels of excellence today that match the
capabilities of a Mozart, or a Gold Medallist from the turn of the century.

Introducing the Management Innovation Index©

The Management Innovation Index (MIX) assists organisations in synchronizing

leadership, management and strategy for innovative and measurable business outcomes.

MIX gives you a snapshot of your organisation’s management innovation capabilities and
capacities at a given moment in time. It does this by surveying your organisational
culture, environment, strategy and practice and your employees’ beliefs and attributes in
relation to management and innovation. Continued here
Defining Innovation

Innovation is the production or implementation of ideas. 3M describes innovation is an

action or implementation which results in an improvement, a gain, or a profit.
The National Innovation Initiative ™ (NII) defines innovation as "The intersection of
invention and insight, leading to the creation of social and economic value."

Key Definitions from the IBM Global Innovation Study 2006:

Innovation is defined as using new ideas or applying current thinking in fundamentally

different ways that result in significant change. There are three types of innovation that
contribute to wealth creation in organizations:

1. Business Model Innovation: Significantly changing the structure and / or financial

model of the business.
2. Operations Innovation: Improving the effectiveness and efficiency of core
business processes and functions.
3. Product/Services/Markets Innovation: Creating new or significantly differentiated
products, services or go-to-market activities

The nature of innovation—the inherent definition of innovation—has changed today from

what it was in the past. It’s no longer individuals toiling in a laboratory, coming up with
some great invention. It’s not an individual. It’s individuals. It’s multidisciplinary. It’s
global. It’s collaborative.
—Sam Palmisano, Chairman, President and CEO, IBM

Innovation at Hewlett-Packard

HP's philosophy for fostering an environment for creativity and innovation:

Rules of the garage:

Believe you can change the world.

Work quickly, keep the tools unlocked, work whenever.
Know when to work alone and when to work together.
Share — tools, ideas. Trust your colleagues.
No politics. No bureaucracy. (These are ridiculous in a garage.)
The customer defines a job well done.
Radical ideas are not bad ideas.
Invent different ways of working.
Make a contribution every day. If it doesn’t contribute, it doesn’t leave the garage.
Believe that together we can do anything.
Invent.
—1999 HP Annual Report

For innovation to flourish, organizations must create an environment that fosters

creativity; bringing together multi-talented groups of people who work in close
collaboration together— exchanging knowledge, ideas and shaping the direction of the
future.

Problem Solving Skills

One of the most exciting aspects of life is the array of choices that we have on a daily
basis. Some of our decisions are simple, like deciding what to eat for dinner or what shirt
to wear. However, some choices are challenging and take careful thought and
consideration.

When we are confronted with these types of decisions, it can be very difficult to decide
on the best option, and we may be plagued by indecision. We may be forced to choose
between two equally good options, or perhaps, we may have to pick between two choices
that both have drawbacks. We may waver back and forth between different alternatives
and may feel paralyzed to make the decision.

This is a very normal reaction to tough choices in our lives, and we all, at times,
experience a sense of being unable to decide on some option. However, researchers have
developed a technique that many people have found useful when they are trying to make
a difficult decision or solve a problem that seems unsolvable. This procedure involves a
series of steps that you can go through on your own when you are confronted with a
decision or problem that needs to be solved. This approach may not work perfectly for all
difficulties, but it may help with many of the problems you are confronted with in your
life.

Step 1: Problem Orientation

This step involves recognizing that a problem exists and that solving the difficulty is a
worthwhile endeavor. It is important that you approach the decision-making process with
a positive attitude and view the situation as an opportunity or challenge. You should try
to approach the situation with confidence and with a willingness to devote some time and
effort to finding an appropriate solution to your problem. Remember, you are a
competent person, and the problem you are facing can likely be solved with a little hard
work.

Step 2: Problem Definition

Before you start to tackle the current problem, it is important to clearly understand the
difficulty and why you are unhappy with the current situation. This may seem obvious,
but it is important that you really think about and gather information about the problem,
and make sure that the problem you are trying to solve is the "real" problem. That is,
sometimes people find a different problem than the one that is really distressing them,
and focus on this one, since it is easier than dealing with the real problem. This step
really involves your thinking about the difficulty you are having, understanding the
problem, and contemplating why the situation is distressing. Some people think of
problems as a discrepancy between what they want and what the current situation is like.
It is useful during this stage to think about how the current situation is different from how
you would like it to be, and what your goals are for the state of affairs. If you are
currently facing many difficult decisions, it may be helpful to prioritize those problems
and deal with them one at a time.

Step 3: Generation of Alternative Solutions

During this stage, you should ask yourself, "What have I done in this situation in the past,
and how well has that worked?" If you find that what you have done in the past has not
been as effective as you would like, it would be useful to generate some other solutions
that may work better. Even if your behavior in the past has worked like you wanted it to,
you should think of other solutions as well, because you may come up with an even better
idea. When you start to think of possible solutions, don't limit yourself; think of as many
possible options as you can, even if they seem unrealistic. You can always discard
implausible ideas later, and coming up with these may help generate even better
solutions. You may want to write a list of possible options, or ask others what some
solutions they might have for your problem.

Step 4: Decision Making

Now you are ready to narrow down some of the options that you have generated in the
previous step. It is important that you examine each of the options, and think about how
realistic each is, how likely you would be to implement that solution, and the potential
drawbacks of each. For example, if your solution costs a great deal of money or requires
many hours of effort each day, this may be too difficult to implement. You should also
consider the likelihood that each option has in terms of your being able to achieve the
goals that you want regarding the solution. As you start to narrow down your choices,
remember, no problem solution is perfect and all will have drawbacks, but you can
always revise the solution if it does not work the way you want it to work.

Step 5: Solution Implementation and Verification

Once you have examined all your options and decided on one that seems to accomplish
your goals and minimizes the costs, it is time to test it out. Make sure that when you
implement this solution, you do so whole-heartedly and give it your best effort. During
this stage, you should continue to examine the chosen solution and the degree to which it
is "solving" your problem. If you find that the solution is too hard to implement or it is
just not working, revise it or try something else. Trying to solve these problems is never
an easy task, and it may take several solutions before something works. But, don't give up
hope, because with persistence and your best effort, many difficult decisions and
problems can be made better!

Decision-making skills

Decision-making skills

Decision-making skills and techniques underpin most aspects of management. Deciding

something means making a choice or coming to a conclusion. This involves a wide range
of personal and interpersonal skills, including fact finding, logical thinking, creativity,
analytical ability, sensitivity to others and assertiveness.
Decision making also relies on a thorough knowledge of a variety of techniques and
processes

What are the key steps in making a decision?

Whether decisions are straightforward or complex a methodical and systematic approach

will lead to success.

• Setting objectives
• Collecting information
• Identifying alternative solutions
• Evaluating options
• Selecting the best option

What techniques can I use when making decisions?

Brefi Group courses will give you experience using a range of decision making
techniques to meet each of these stages.

These might include:

• Brainstorming
• Ideas writing
• Disney method
• Setting well formed outcomes
• Mind Mapping®
• Lateral thinking
• Six thinking hats
• Decision trees
• Ishikawa fishbone diagrams
• Force field analysis
• Future pacing

Emotional Intelligence
What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to perceive, control, and evaluate
emotions. Some researchers suggest that emotional intelligence can be learned and
strengthened, while other claim it is an inborn characteristic.

According to Salovey and Mayer, the four branches of their model are, "arranged from
more basic psychological processes to higher, more psychologically integrated processes.
For example, the lowest level branch concerns the (relatively) simple abilities of
perceiving and expressing emotion. In contrast, the highest level branch concerns the
conscious, reflective

. Emotional identification, perception and expression

• The ability to perceive and identify emotions in faces, tone of voice, body
language
• The capacity for self-awareness: being aware of your own feelings as they are
occurring
• The capacity for emotional literacy. Being able to label specific feelings in
yourself and others; being able to discuss emotions and communicate clearly and
directly.

2. Emotional facilitation of thought

• The ability to incorporate feelings into analysis, reasoning, problem solving and
decision making
• The potential of your feelings to guide you to what is important to think about

3. Emotional understanding

• The ability to solve emotional problems

• The ability to identify and understand the inter-relationships beween emotions,
thoughts and behavior. For example, to see cause and effect relationships such as
how thoughts can affect emotions or how emotions can affect thoughts, and how
your emotions can lead to the behavior in yourself and others.
• The ability to understand the value of emotions to the survival of the species

4. Emotional management

• The ability to take responsibility for one's own emotions and happiness
• The ability to turn negative emotions into positive learning and growing
opportunities
• The ability to help others identify and benefit from their emotions
Measuring Emotional Intelligence

“In regard to measuring emotional intelligence – I am a great believer that criterion-

report (that is, ability testing) is the only adequate method to employ. Intelligence is an
ability, and is directly measured only by having people answer questions and evaluating
the correctness of those answers.” --John D. Mayer

• Reuven Bar-On’s EQ-i

A self-report test designed to measure competencies including awareness, stress
tolerance, problem solving, and happiness. According to Bar-On, “Emotional
intelligence is an array of noncognitive capabilities, competencies, and skills that
influence one’s ability to succeed in coping with environmental demands and
pressures.”
• Multifactor Emotional Intelligence Scale (MEIS)
An ability-based test in which test-takers perform tasks designed to assess their ability
to perceive, identify, understand, and utilize emotions.
• Seligman Attributional Style Questionnaire (SASQ)
Originally designed as a screening test for the life insurance company Metropolitan
Life, the SASQ measures optimism and pessimism.
• Emotional Competence Inventory (ECI)
Based on an older instrument known as the Self-Assessment Questionnaire, the ECI
involves having people who know the individual offer ratings of that person’s abilities
on a number of different emotional competencies.

essing emotion. In contrast, the highest level branch concerns the conscious, reflective

Emotional & social Competency

The ECI measures 18 competencies organized into four clusters: Self-Awareness, Self-
Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management.

Self-Awareness concerns knowing one's internal states, preferences, resources, and

intuitions. The Self-Awareness cluster contains three competencies:

• Emotional Awareness: Recognizing one's emotions and their effects

• Accurate Self-Assessment: Knowing one's strengths and limits
• Self-Confidence: A strong sense of one's self-worth and capabilities
Self-Management refers to managing ones' internal states, impulses, and resources. The
Self-Management cluster contains six competencies:

• Emotional Self-Control: Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses in check

• Transparency: Maintaining integrity, acting congruently with one’s values
• Adaptability: Flexibility in handling change
• Achievement: Striving to improve or meeting a standard of excellence
• Initiative: Readiness to act on opportunities
• Optimism: Persistence in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks

Social Awareness refers to how people handle relationships and awareness of others’
feelings, needs, and concerns. The Social Awareness cluster contains three
competencies:

• Empathy: Sensing others' feelings and perspectives, and taking an active interest
in their concerns
• Organizational Awareness: Reading a group's emotional currents and power
relationships
• Service Orientation: Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customers' needs

Relationship Management concerns the skill or adeptness at inducing desirable

responses in others. The Relationship Management cluster contains six competencies:

• Developing Others: Sensing others' development needs and bolstering their

abilities
• Inspirational Leadership: Inspiring and guiding individuals and groups
• Change Catalyst: Initiating or managing change
• Influence: Wielding effective tactics for persuasion
• Conflict Management: Negotiating and resolving disagreements
• Teamwork & Collaboration: Working with others toward shared goals. Creating
group synergy in pursuing collective goals.

Self Awareness

Self awareness, in the simplest terms, is the discovery of one’s own personality. It allows
us to discover ourselves; our likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, and our own
individuality. John Locke wrote on his much discussed publication entitled “An Essay
Concerning Human Understanding,” conceptualized consciousness, which according to
him determines self identity

What Comprises Self Awareness?

If you want to build a high self esteem and become more confident, you should have a
sufficient level of self awareness. This means you should know these things:
 1. Your goals in life
2. The things and events that make you happy, as well as those that make
you sad
3. Your strengths and weaknesses
4. Your values and beliefs
5. Your philosophy in life
6. Your achievements and how you attained them
7. Your failures and what caused those, as well as what can be done to
prevent them
8. Your way of relating with others
9. Your way of dealing with people, events, and things
10. How you see yourself and others

Importance of Self Awareness

Knowing yourself is essential if you want to change your life for the better. Know where
you are good at, and where you need to improve on. With self awareness, it will be easy
for you to seek a career in which you can excel in; you can enrich your life because you
know in which direction you should go to; you will know what you want, and because of
this awareness, you will be a happier person, living the life you want for yourself.

How to Develop Self Awareness

Self awareness can be enhanced through our experiences. We learn from our own
mistakes, or even from other people’s mistakes. But if you want to get ahead of the game,
there are other outlets by which you can develop self awareness. Among these are:

• Adhering to Good Values. There are certain values that will help you become more
self- aware and these are: humility, honesty, and ambition. If you are humble enough, it
will be easier for you to accept your faults and be more willing to accept criticisms and
corrections. Honesty allows a person to focus on the things that need to be changed
because he is true to himself. Ambition, on the other hand, motivates a person to change
because he has high expectations of himself and understands that to meet those
expectations; he has to do what needs to be done, including pinpointing his strengths and
weaknesses.

• Using Self-Help Books. You will find a lot of literatures on the Internet which will
teach you various ways to be self aware. In these self-help books are techniques which
you can apply to help you be observant of yourself and build insight.

• Getting a Life Coach. There are people who make a living by becoming a mentor to
those who need guidance and help to improve self. These professionals know that change
and improvement starts with becoming self aware. If you are committed enough, and you
have the means to hire a life coach, then go ahead.
Saira Khan On Motivating And Influencing Others

What appealed to you about Beat the Boss, where school children get to compete
against entrepreneurs in designing new products?

I liked the idea of it because it was about children in business. It was an opportunity for
those kids who liked programmes like The Apprentice and Dragon’s Den, to see how
they got on with developing an idea of their own.

What it’s proved to me is that if you give children the freedom to come up with an idea,
they think really big, and very creatively, because they’re not constrained by the fear that
it won’t work.

Do you think it will change people’s perceptions of young people’s attitudes to

enterprise?

I hope so. Even I had certain expectations about what these children could do, and was
expecting them to be limited in some way, but they surpassed those tenfold. It’s just been
an amazing experience and a real eye-opener. I think it also demonstrates that to be in
business, you don’t have to be an adult. You can start at a very young age and enjoy it.

What else are you doing at the moment?

I’ve got a self-development book out called Push for Success [Vermilion, £9.99], and in
it I use my life journey to demonstrate that it doesn’t matter what your background is or
what education you have – although education is important – you really can overcome
any disadvantages, and you can be whoever you want to be.

However, there are certain skills and attitudes you have to have, and you have to be
prepared to put in hard work; you cannot achieve anything without hard work. It’s not a
business book, but it’s about giving people the foundations to think, yes, I can go out
there and do what I want to do.

What kind of response have you had?

I’ve had a terrific response, again from a very young audience, people phoning up and
saying, ‘I read your book and I got the job!’ I give tips about how to do a good CV, what
you should be doing at an interview, that kind of thing.

It’s done really well, and that was a really big milestone for me, because once you’ve got
a book, I think people start respecting you and you’re more of an expert in your field.
Would you say your main focus is on encouraging young people to get where they want
to be?

Completely. I think my whole brand image is about motivation and influencing, and
saying you can do whatever you want to do – that’s my message.

You can overcome any disadvantage, but you have got to be prepared to analyse who you
are, understand that you’ve got to be passionate, have self belief, and take risks; and learn
from other people and cultures, because that’s the way the world is moving – you’ve got
to be in touch with what’s going on.

Our campaign wants to make it easier for young people to make their ideas happen; how
important do you think this is?

I think at a young age it’s very important for kids to understand the value of money.
There is a danger at the moment with the kind of world that we live in that people think,
life’s just about getting on the telly and being a celebrity and then you earn loads of
money.

I grew up in quite a humble background, and money was important, as was understanding
that my mum had to work very long hours to come back to us with actually not that
much, and making it last.

And also, if you do want to make your idea happen, you have to compromise in the early
days. You can’t be expected to wear all the brands you like, do all the things you want,
and expect to have money for a business; it just doesn’t work like that.

What advice would you give to a budding young entrepreneur?

I think the biggest thing that I would recommend is that young people go out and work
formally first. I’m 35, and I would say I’m only just an entrepreneur now. So have the
idea, yes, but you do have to learn skills.

You might be a great potential entrepreneur, and you might have a good idea, but what do
you know about sales, marketing, buying, accounts, PR….? You will get all that training
if you work for a corporate company.

Get your skills, and if you’re still very passionate about your idea, you can start thinking
about it more in depth, and then I think you can become more successful when you do
launch your idea.

I think one of the other problems is that if you start becoming an entrepreneur too early,
you can’t identify with why your business isn’t doing well.

But I’d certainly recommend that if you’ve got an idea, do something like go to a market
every Saturday, see how you could pitch up a stall, start selling things to your family and
friends, talk about ideas, get two or three of you working on the same things; I encourage
young people to do all of those sort of things all the time.

What kind of hurdles did you experience when you were trying to make your ideas
happen [before The Apprentice, Saira was a sales consultant]?

I think the first thing was that I didn’t really know what I wanted to do! Secondly, I
started out as a chartered town planner and I thought, oh, this isn’t really me – it was only
when I landed a job through a friend of mine, in sales, that I thought ‘this is what I really
love doing’ – I like people, I like the fact that I get a buzz from when they buy from me, I
like developing relationships.

And then I did The Apprentice, and someone said, Saira, you’re a natural entrepreneur –
but I didn’t know that I had all the skills until then. So you’re always developing yourself
and learning.

A lot of the time people don’t know what they want to do until they’ve experienced a few
jobs, and then they might think, actually, I really like doing this, this is what I was born to
do.

Were there any hurdles facing you specifically as a woman?

I don’t want to sound negative, but for a woman there are still all sorts of hurdles. You
have to think about your career, raising a family, going back to work…there are still a lot
of conservative attitudes about women going on and succeeding.

And women haven’t had a lot of amazing role models; if you were asked to name five top
business women, you might say, ‘Anita Roddick…. that lady who started Coffee
Republic, er… the one who started toptable.co.uk…’ – you know the companies, but
what are their names? We don’t celebrate them.

But that’s changing, hopefully, because I think there are more and more women who are
setting up their own businesses because they’re saying, ‘look, I’ve had a baby, and I still
want to work, but I don’t want to go back and work under those terms – I’m going to
bring a new idea into play’… and a lot of it is related to children, and they’re doing very
well.

What would you recommend needs addressing, in terms of women’s enterprise? Is there
something the government, or society in general, could be doing to make it easier?

There is a big issue about inequality of pay; we all recognise it, but what are we going to
do about it? To be honest, I don’t think it’s up to the government to get involved in stuff
like that; it’s about women having the confidence to say ‘I want a pay rise’; it’s about
women challenging, and working outside the stereotype and the norm, and working
outside their comfort zone. And I think women are beginning to do that.
As more and more role models emerge, and women see that others like them are
becoming successful and doing it on their own, they will be encouraged to do it
themselves. They also need messages from the media that they can read and relate to –
features in magazines and on television.

It is up to the individual to go out and do it, you’ve got to have belief, passion, and a can-
do attitude. Women have just got to say, ‘look, I’m going to do it’ - and just go for it.

UNIT 2

Interpersonal Relationships
Definition

Interpersonal relationships refer to reciprocal social and emotional interactions between

the patient and other persons in the environment. Almost every mental disorder is
accompanied by problems in this respect. Frequently a basic cause of conflict with other
people is the presence of some psychiatric disorder. Major areas in which these conflicts
may occur include the following relations:

• Family
• Social
• Work
• Religious
• Sexual

Family Relationships

Family relationships include those both with the spouse and with other relatives. Inquiry
into these relationships usually begins with investigation of the marital relationship.
Marital conflicts are often quite subtle. Patients frequently fail to see a connection
between their presenting symptomatology and their marital disharmony, particularly
when the presenting problem is a psychophysiologic one such as asthma or peptic ulcer.
At times the patient is unconsciously resisting seeing such a connection out of fear that
exploration of the conflicts might lead to dissolution of the marriage.

Social Relationships

The circumstances in which the patient is living can be explored with direct questions.
Information should be sought from unmarried patients about relationships with any
persons with whom they share their dwellings. The patient should be asked to describe
recreational activities and community involvement. The physician can then lead quite
naturally into a discussion of interpersonal relationships. Many people have numerous
acquaintances and superficial friends but nonetheless feel quite lonely and isolated in
respect to having close friends. The patient can be asked whether the number of friends is
as great as desired and whether some are persons to whom the patient can freely confide
feelings

Work Relationships

Since work is an almost universal human experience, it is not surprising that it can be an
important source of stress. Gainful employment in American society is so important that
its lack is almost always associated with emotional upheaval and loss of self-esteem. One
must be particularly careful not to be deceived by a patient's statement that work is a
problem-free area. This may be true in the patient's mind, but indirect effects of the
occupation on other aspects of life experience may not have been recognized. Many
people are so emotionally invested in their work that they fail to see the devastating
effects of their long hours and arduous schedule on their family relationships.

Religious Relationships

Most Americans state some religious preference. More than half of all Americans are
affiliated with some church organization, but many Americans have only superficial
contact with these religious organizations. Emotional problems revolving around
religious conflicts are not as frequent as those arising out of marital or work relationships.
Nevertheless, such conflicts occur frequently enough to warrant some investigation of
this area.

Sexual Relationships

sexual history taking there is a grave risk that the examiner will assume too much about
the patient from superficial clues or from the examiner's personal biases. Such
assumptions put the examiner at a great disadvantage and confuse as well as embarrass
the patient. The usual result of such assumptions is the loss of time, valuable information,
and rapport with the patient. It is axiomatic that the examiner cannot be certain about
anything concerning the patient's sexuality from a superficial examination of dress,
manner, or style. Indeed, many patients" dress, manners, and style are deliberate or
unconscious strategies to hide true sexual feelings and attitudes. It is best to approach all
patients with a clean slate and allow them to express personal feelings and attitudes.
Observations of dress, manners, or style coupled with history are extremely informative
but must not distract the examiner from history taking.

INTERPERSONAL NEEDS

INCLUSION: Degree to which we include ourselves with

others

EXPRESS) - WANT others to include us

Deficient: Undersocial

Excessive: Oversocial

Ideal: Social

CONTROL: Degree to which we control other’s actions

(EXPRESS) - WANT others to lead the way

Deficient: Abdicrat

Excessive: Autocrat

Ideal: Democrat

AFFECTION: Degrees of EXPRESSING liking/loving

WANTING others to be close toward us

Deficient: Underpersonal

Excessive: Overpersonal

Ideal: Personal

TRAITS: Your needs ACROSS situations, people

SITUATIONAL: Your needs vary by SITUATION, people, etc

INTERPERSONAL NEEDS

For Each Need:

We EXPRESS or Behave in Ways to Fulfill Our Needs

(active, behavioral, overt)

We WANT Others to Behave Toward Us to Help Fulfill

Our Needs (inactive, internal, covert)

In Attempting To Fulfill Each Need, Schutz Says We

Sometimes Are:
Deficient

Excessive

Ideal

Some Examples of the Interpersonal Needs:

Expressing Inclusion: calling someone on the phone,walking up

to a group of friends
Wanting Inclusion: hoping someone calls you, wanting a
group to invite you along
Expressing Control: giving a group suggestions, deciding
what to watch on TV, driving the car
Wanting Control: asking someone to help you decide,
seeking advice, saying “you decide”
Expressing Affection: touching, smiling at another, taking a
person’s hand, complimenting
Wanting Affection: hoping she/he will sit next to you,
giving someone your phone number

Interpersonal Orientation

Interpersonal Orientation: Orientation towards dealing with issues through

interpersonal contact (e.g. face-to-face, by telephone), rather than impersonally (e.g.
by memo); orientation towards developing and maintaining interpersonal relations
among employees and others.

Description of an Above-Average Scorer:

• Is likely to deal with issues personally (e.g., by calling a meeting rather than
sending a memo);

• Is likely to value the personal side of work and to appreciate the importance of
establishing personal relationships with others;

• Is likely to make an effort, while carrying out his/her daily responsibilities, to

nurture and support others;.
• Is likely to be concerned with resolving conflicts among employees;

• Is likely to seek the advice/input of others before making decisions.

Description of a Below-Average Scorer:

• Is likely to deal with issue impersonally (e.g., by memo rather than face-to-face)
and to interact only when the job requires;

• Is likely to have difficulty in dealing supportively with individuals' needs and

concerns;

• Is likely to focus on "task" or "technical" issues rather than "people"

concerns; probably values work for its achievement rewards rather than its
interpersonal rewards.

Implications for Management:

Employees are more likely to feel trusting of, supported by, and committed to a
manager who speaks with them directly and seeks their input than one who sends
them messages dictating how things are going to be. Thus, an interpersonal
orientation helps a manager to build rapport with staff and win their loyalty.
However, a manager with a strong interpersonal orientation, who focuses on people
rather than tasks, may have difficulty completing tasks and/or find it difficult to
make decisions that will cause discomfort to others.

Compensating for a Below-Average Score:

1. When you find yourself writing a memo or electronic message, stop yourself and
consider whether a phone call or visit would be equally appropriate.

2. Treat the motivations and emotions of others as part of the "facts" you are
dealing with in planning and carrying out your tasks. Make a point of noting these
"facts", and actively strive to analyze their potential impact on the success of your
efforts. Determine how you might respond to these "facts" in order to raise the
probability of your success.

Specific Recommendations for Development:

Courses:

Conflict Resolution: Courses on conflict resolution have been offered by the

following institutions:

Negotiation: Courses on negotiation have been offered by the following institutions:

Active Listening: Courses on active or empathic listening have been offered by the
following institutions:

Alberta: Banff Centre for Management, Calgary Board of Education, NAIT, SAIT,
University of Calgary

British Columbia: BCIT, Sauder School of Business, University of British Columbia

Ontario: Carleton University, Ryerson, University of Toronto, University of

Toronto Continuing Education

Supporting Others: Courses on supporting others and dealing with troubled

employees have been offered by the following institutions:

Understanding People: A course on personality types and culture and gender

differences in communication style has been offered by the following institutions:

DEVELOPING Interpersonal

After reading this segment, you will be able to:

• Work harmoniously with others

• Evaluate and accept responsibilities
• Identify methods you use to respond to conflict
• Work in teams more efficiently
Introduction

You may be accustomed to doing things on your own, but sometimes “two heads are
better than one.” Considering the ideas of co-workers, even if they are different from
yours, leads to creative and effective approaches to solving problems and getting work
done.

Employers appreciate employees who get along with people at all levels; therefore, they
seek employees who have good interpersonal skills, such as communication, problem
solving, and teamwork abilities. Interpersonal skills enable you to work with others
harmoniously and efficiently.

Working well with others involves understanding and appreciating individual differences.
It also means using those differences to your best advantage.

Follow these links to find out more about various interpersonal skills:

Developing Assertive Approaches

Accepting Responsibilities

Resolving Conflicts

Working in Teams

Developing Assertive Approaches

Being assertive involves stating your point clearly and positively. Developing an
assertive approach is an important step in your evolution towards full self-expression.
Ask yourself:

• Can I complain about an unreasonable workload?

• Can I ask questions and make statements without fear of sounding stupid or
incompetent?

• Can I stand up for my rights when a friend or a coworker is rude or unreasonable?

When developing an assertive approach, first think of how you would like to be treated.
Most people respect someone who is honest and direct, but you should be respectful of
others rights and feelings as well as your own. By showing respect for your own feelings
and those of others, you can achieve your desired goals.

When assertiveness is practiced at work, everyone wins.

Resolving Conflicts

Conflict occurs in situations in which there is opposition. Opposition occurs when a

solution cannot be found in a disagreement. Conflict resolution involves identifying
areas of agreement and areas of compromise so that a solution to the disagreement
or conflict occurs.

Many causes of conflict arise due to miscommunication. In these situations, your

assertiveness skills are of special need. For example, active listening will help you to
hear the real message. Sometimes you hear the wrong message due to one or more of
the following factors:

Cultural differences

Differences of opinion

Unclear roles or expectations

Emotional responses to an issue or person

Unequal status

Misunderstanding of the language

Becoming aware of these barriers to effective listening can allow you to work
towards focussing on the message and the intention, rather than on distracters.

There are five methods to handle conflict:

Running away

Being obliging to the other party

Defeating the other party

Winning a little/ losing a little

Co-operating
Working in Teams

The amount of work to be accomplished in today’s work environments has increased

about as fast as the technological advances have permitted. Since the work to be done is
often complex, requiring the expertise of several individuals, teams are formed to meet
deadlines, project requirements, and budgets.

Employers greatly value individuals who can work effectively in teams because they can

• contribute efficiently to the organization’s goals,

• complete complex projects rapidly, and

• respect other team members’ thoughts and opinions.

Listen to what people have to say, and help them in any way you can. Communicate ideas
at staff meetings even if you have not fully thought the ideas through. You may be
surprised that with the ideas and creativity of your co-workers, your idea can be brought
to fruition. Consequently, you may be asked to lead a team project; don’t hesitate to take
charge when appropriate.

Johari Window
Known to Self Not Known to Self

Known to Others

Not Known to Others

The Johari Window, named after the first names of its inventors, Joseph Luft and Harry
Ingham, is one of the most useful models describing the process of human interaction. A
four paned "window," as illustrated above, divides personal awareness into four different
types, as represented by its four quadrants: open, hidden, blind, and unknown. The lines
dividing the four panes are like window shades, which can move as an interaction
progresses.

In this model, each person is represented by their own window. Let's describe mine:

1. The "open" quadrant represents things that both I know about myself, and that you
know about me. For example, I know my name, and so do you, and if you have explored
some of my website, you know some of my interests. The knowledge that the window
represents, can include not only factual information, but my feelings, motives, behaviors,
wants, needs and desires... indeed, any information describing who I am. When I first
meet a new person, the size of the opening of this first quadrant is not very large, since
there has been little time to exchange information. As the process of getting to know one
another continues, the window shades move down or to the right, placing more
information into the open window, as described below.

2. The "blind" quadrant represents things that you know about me, but that I am unaware
of. So, for example, we could be eating at a restaurant, and I may have unknowingly
gotten some food on my face. This information is in my blind quadrant because you can
see it, but I cannot. If you now tell me that I have something on my face, then the window
shade moves to the right, enlarging the open quadrant's area. Now, I may also have
blindspots with respect to many other much more complex things. For example, perhaps
in our ongoing conversation, you may notice that eye contact seems to be lacking. You
may not say anything, since you may not want to embarrass me, or you may draw your
own inferences that perhaps I am being insincere. Then the problem is, how can I get this
information out in the open, since it may be affecting the level of trust that is developing
between us? How can I learn more about myself? Unfortunately, there is no readily
available answer. I may notice a slight hesitation on your part, and perhaps this may lead
to a question. But who knows if I will pick this up, or if your answer will be on the mark.

3. The "hidden" quadrant represents things that I know about myself, that you do not
know. So for example, I have not told you, nor mentioned anywhere on my website, what
one of my favorite ice cream flavors is. This information is in my "hidden" quadrant. As
soon as I tell you that I love "Ben and Jerry's Cherry Garcia" flavored ice cream, I am
effectively pulling the window shade down, moving the information in my hidden
quadrant and enlarging the open quadrant's area. Again, there are vast amounts of
information, virtually my whole life's story, that has yet to be revealed to you. As we get
to know and trust each other, I will then feel more comfortable disclosing more intimate
details about myself. This process is called: "Self-disclosure."

4. The "unknown" quadrant represents things that neither I know about myself, nor you
know about me. For example, I may disclose a dream that I had, and as we both attempt
to understand its significance, a new awareness may emerge, known to neither of us
before the conversation took place. Being placed in new situations often reveal new
information not previously known to self or others. For example, I learned of the Johari
window at a workshop conducted by a Japanese American psychiatrist in the early
1980's. During this workshop, he created a safe atmosphere of care and trust between the
various participants. Usually, I am terrified of speaking in public, but I was surprised to
learn that in such an atmosphere, the task need not be so daunting. Prior to this event, I
had viewed myself and others had also viewed me as being extremely shy. (The above
now reminds me of a funny joke, which I cannot refrain from telling you. It is said that
the number one fear that people have is speaking in public. Their number two fear is
dying. And the number three fear that people have, is dying while speaking in public.)
Thus, a novel situation can trigger new awareness and personal growth. The process of
moving previously unknown information into the open quadrant, thus enlarging its area,
has been likened to Maslow's concept of self-actualization. The process can also be
viewed as a game, where the open quadrant is synonymous with the win-win situation.

Much, much more has been written on the Johari window model of human interaction.
The process of enlarging the open quadrant is called self-disclosure, a give and take
process between me and the people I interact with. Typically, as I share something about
myself (moving information from my hidden quadrant into the open) and if the other
party is interested in getting to know me, they will reciprocate, by similarly disclosing
information in their hidden quadrant. Thus, an interaction between two parties can be
modeled dynamically as two active Johari windows. For example, you may respond to
my disclosure that I like "Cherry Garcia" by letting me know what your favorite ice
cream is, or where a new ice cream shop is being built, kinds of information in your
hidden quadrant. Incidentally, it is fattening, so be careful on how much you eat!

We believe disclosure to be healthy, at least that's the impression one gets after reading
Freud. However, Anita Kelly recently wrote that self-disclosure of personal secrets has its
dangers. We are often better off not telling secrets regarding our sexual behavior, mental
health problems or large-scale failures. "If you give people information about yourself,
you give them power over you," she says. Monica Lewinsky's disclosure to Linda Tripp
and the ensuing scandal that enveloped President Clinton is a case in point. Be
forewarned that most secrets get passed along to at least two more parties. People also
misjudge how others respond to secrets. Sometimes you get negative feedback. For
example, a women who reveals that she was raped may be seen in the future as a victim,
or by men as damaged goods. Now, if you must tell your secret to someone, chose that
person very carefully. Chose someone whose response will give you some insight into
your problem. Unfortunately, such a person is often hard to find. So if you cannot find
anyone appropriate, consider this: that keeping secrets is healthy and tasteful, because it
is a way of managing your identity, and indicates you are secure and have self-control.
But it takes energy, because you have to be on constant guard not to accidentally reveal
something that is potentially damaging.

As ones level of confidence and self esteem develops, one may actively invite others to
comment on one's blind spots. A teacher may seek feedback from students on the quality
of a particular lecture, with the desire of improving the presentation. Active listening
skills are helpful in this endeavor. On the other hand, we all have defenses, protecting the
parts of ourselves that we feel vulnerable. Remember, the blind quadrant contains
behavior, feelings and motivations not accessible to the person, but which others can see.
Feelings of inadequacy, incompetence, impotence, unworthiness, rejection, guilt,
dependency, ambivalence for loved ones, needs to control and manipulate, are all
difficult to face, and yet can be seen by others. To forcibly reveal what another wishes
not to see, is "psychological rape," and can be traumatic. Fortunately, nature has provided
us with a variety of defense mechanisms to cope with such events, such as denial,
ignoring, rationalizing, etc.

The Johari window, essentially being a model for communication, can also reveal
difficulties in this area. In Johari terms, two people attempt to communicate via the open
quadrants. On the simplest level, difficulties may arise due to a lack of clarity in the
interaction, such as poor grammar or choice of words, unorganized thoughts, faulty logic
etc. This induces the receiver to criticize you, the sender, by revealing something that was
in your blind quadrant. Then, if the feedback works, you correct it immediately, or
perhaps on a more long term approach take a course in reading and writing. On a deeper
level, you may be in a group meeting, and while you secretly sympathize with the
minority viewpoint, you voted with the majority. However, blind to you, you actually
may be communicating this information via body language, in conflict with your verbal
message. On an even deeper level, you in an interaction with others, may always put on a
smiling, happy face, hiding all negative feelings. By withholding negative feelings, you
may be signaling to your friends to withhold also, and keep their distance. Thus, your
communication style may seem bland or distant.

And let's not forget the parable of the blind men and the elephant. Our society is
constructed so that many of us get very specialized, knowing only a small academic field
very well, while being virtually ignorant of all others. This specialization is blinding
many of us to what is happening in the world today. According to R. Buckminister Fuller,
this system of education was done on purpose, to channel the most intelligent people into
specialties, enabling them to be more easily controlled. Noam Chomsky has made similar
comments with regards to the manufacturing enterprise, and how Adam Smith's writings
have been purposely misrepresented. See my webpage On Education.

In the construction of this website, I am putting more of my knowledge into the open
quadrant. I am consciously using the Johari model to improve my awareness of the world.
If you see one of my blind spots, please feel free to contact me, and let me know!