1

00:00:08,084 --> 00:00:09,183

Why are you up?

2
00:00:09,185 --> 00:00:10,484
How am I supposed to sleep?

3
00:00:10,486 --> 00:00:12,386
I've been married
less than 24 hours,

4
00:00:12,388 --> 00:00:14,221
and my wife
isn't speaking to me.

5
00:00:15,525 --> 00:00:18,592
Perhaps you can think of this
in a more positive light.

6
00:00:18,594 --> 00:00:21,162
In one day,
you've managed to do

7
00:00:21,164 --> 00:00:23,764
what it takes many couples
decades to achieve.

8
00:00:26,502 --> 00:00:28,202
Hi.

9
00:00:28,204 --> 00:00:29,336
Hey.

10
00:00:29,338 --> 00:00:30,237
You couldn't sleep either?

11
00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:32,506
Of course not.

12
00:00:32,508 --> 00:00:33,674
Me neither.

13
00:00:33,676 --> 00:00:37,178
But I just had
a tickle in my throat.

14
00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:39,613
Not profound marital problems.

15
00:00:39,615 --> 00:00:41,448
What are we gonna do?

16
00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:42,650
I don't know.

17
00:00:42,652 --> 00:00:44,885
Please, tell me
how I can fix it.

18
00:00:44,887 --> 00:00:47,888
Glad you asked.

19
00:00:47,890 --> 00:00:50,424
As I see it, there's
a simple solution.

20
00:00:50,426 --> 00:00:53,594
Your lips had a dalliance
with the lips of another woman.

21
00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:55,529
It seems only
logical that

22
00:00:55,531 --> 00:00:57,198
to restore balance
to the relationship,

23
00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,267
you should find another man
and dally with him.

24
00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:02,636
And by dally,
I mean some hardcore

25
00:01:02,638 --> 00:01:04,371
mouth-on-mouth action.

26
00:01:04,373 --> 00:01:07,274
Okay, that is the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.
27
00:01:07,276 --> 00:01:09,610
Actually, I think
he's onto something.

28
00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:11,378
Y-You can't be serious.

29
00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:14,315
'Cause I messed up
and made out with a girl,

30
00:01:14,317 --> 00:01:16,750
you're gonna do the same
with a random guy?

31
00:01:16,752 --> 00:01:19,420
I'm currently single.

32
00:01:20,957 --> 00:01:22,756
That's true. You are.

33
00:01:24,527 --> 00:01:26,994
What is happening?!

34
00:01:28,331 --> 00:01:29,964
I will tell you
what is happening.

35
00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:32,266
I am saving
my best friend's marriage.

36
00:01:42,879 --> 00:01:46,513
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

37
00:01:46,515 --> 00:01:49,850
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

38
00:01:49,852 --> 00:01:51,485
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

39
00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:54,021
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
40
00:01:54,023 --> 00:01:56,690
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪<i> We built the pyramids</i> ♪

41
00:01:56,692 --> 00:01:59,360
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

42
00:01:59,362 --> 00:02:01,262
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

43
00:02:01,264 --> 00:02:03,230
♪<i> Bang!</i> ♪

44
00:02:03,231 --> 00:02:07,231
<font color=#00FF00>♪ The Big Bang Theory 9x02 ♪</font>
<font color=#00FFFF>The Separation Oscillation</font>
Original Air Date on September 28, 2015

45
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:12,293
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>

46
00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:16,920
Sheldon, I don't think
you understand

47
00:02:16,922 --> 00:02:18,389
how being broken up works.

48
00:02:18,391 --> 00:02:20,658
The only way
I can sort through my feelings

49
00:02:20,660 --> 00:02:22,426
is if there is space between us.

50
00:02:22,428 --> 00:02:25,396
Every time I see you,
it re-traumatizes me.

51
00:02:25,398 --> 00:02:27,531
I go through the pain
all over again.
52
00:02:27,533 --> 00:02:29,700
Well, hello to you, too.

53
00:02:30,770 --> 00:02:32,469
What do you want?

54
00:02:32,471 --> 00:02:34,638
I understand
we're no longer a couple,

55
00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:38,208
but I would like to remind you
that we made a baby together.

56
00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:42,212
What baby?

57
00:02:42,214 --> 00:02:45,215
A precocious
little Internet show

58
00:02:45,217 --> 00:02:47,785
known as "Fun With Flags."

59
00:02:48,654 --> 00:02:50,287
I'm hanging up.

60
00:02:50,289 --> 00:02:52,423
Great. See you in
about half an hour.

61
00:02:52,425 --> 00:02:56,026
Sheldon, I am not doing
"Fun With Flags" with you.

62
00:02:56,028 --> 00:02:57,194
Why not?

63
00:02:57,196 --> 00:02:59,129
Because we're broken up.

64
00:02:59,131 --> 00:03:01,098
Sonny and Cher made it work.

65
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:02,966
Their variety show
kept going

66
00:03:02,968 --> 00:03:04,034
long after the divorce,

67
00:03:04,036 --> 00:03:06,670
and here we are
still talking about them.

68
00:03:06,672 --> 00:03:09,873
No one's talking
about Sonny and Cher.

69
00:03:09,875 --> 00:03:11,909
You must be thinking
about Donny and Marie,

70
00:03:11,911 --> 00:03:14,545
'cause you and I are clearly
talking about Sonny and Cher.

71
00:03:15,981 --> 00:03:17,715
Sheldon, this has to stop.

72
00:03:17,717 --> 00:03:19,283
I know it's hard.

73
00:03:19,285 --> 00:03:20,984
It's hard for me, too.

74
00:03:20,986 --> 00:03:22,886
But I've seen
and talked to you more

75
00:03:22,888 --> 00:03:24,421
in the two days
we've been broken up

76
00:03:24,423 --> 00:03:27,124
than in the last two months
that we were together.

77
00:03:27,126 --> 00:03:28,792
Well, if you want
to see less of me,
78
00:03:28,794 --> 00:03:31,628
maybe we should go out again.

79
00:03:32,798 --> 00:03:34,965
I can't believe you made out
with Mandy Chao.

80
00:03:34,967 --> 00:03:37,000
Trust me,
I wish it never happened.

81
00:03:37,002 --> 00:03:39,403
And you knew about this
this whole time?

82
00:03:39,405 --> 00:03:40,604
I did.

83
00:03:40,606 --> 00:03:42,639
And you didn't think to tell me?

84
00:03:44,243 --> 00:03:46,577
Leonard asked me
to keep it to myself.

85
00:03:46,579 --> 00:03:48,912
Let's leave Leonard
out of this for the moment.

86
00:03:50,182 --> 00:03:52,716
This is about you and me.

87
00:03:54,086 --> 00:03:56,787
Wait, wait, wait, how is my
day-old marriage falling apart

88
00:03:56,789 --> 00:03:57,888
becoming about you two?

89
00:03:57,890 --> 00:03:59,056
Hang on.

90
00:03:59,058 --> 00:04:01,759
What do I need to do
to make you trust me?
91
00:04:01,761 --> 00:04:03,727
You think it's hard
having one wife,

92
00:04:03,729 --> 00:04:05,195
try having two.

93
00:04:06,298 --> 00:04:07,698
I bet you told Bernadette

94
00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:10,467
all about he was screwing around
with Mandy Chao.

95
00:04:10,469 --> 00:04:11,769
Oh, we didn't screw around.

96
00:04:11,771 --> 00:04:13,237
We just got drunk and made out.

97
00:04:13,239 --> 00:04:16,006
Whatever. It would have
been nice to hear it from you.

98
00:04:29,655 --> 00:04:32,022
What are you doing here?

99
00:04:32,024 --> 00:04:34,458
I'm here to return
your belongings.

100
00:04:34,460 --> 00:04:36,460
That's what people
who've broken up do.

101
00:04:36,462 --> 00:04:39,696
And you didn't do
your compulsive knocking ritual

102
00:04:39,698 --> 00:04:41,298
so I would open the door.

103
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:42,699
On the contrary,

104
00:04:42,701 --> 00:04:46,136
you no longer get to enjoy
my charming eccentricities.

105
00:04:47,473 --> 00:04:50,140
We're not friends with benefits.

106
00:04:51,377 --> 00:04:52,910
Just give me the box.

107
00:04:52,912 --> 00:04:54,778
W-Wait. Don't you want
to go through it

108
00:04:54,780 --> 00:04:56,613
to make sure
I haven't forgotten anything?

109
00:04:56,615 --> 00:04:58,816
Fine.

110
00:04:59,985 --> 00:05:01,718
My old scarf.

111
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,288
You wore it the night
we went ice-skating. Remember?

112
00:05:04,290 --> 00:05:06,190
You mean the night
that I went ice-skating,

113
00:05:06,192 --> 00:05:07,524
and you stood at the rail

114
00:05:07,526 --> 00:05:09,760
Googling the symptoms
of hypothermia?

115
00:05:12,231 --> 00:05:14,898
We made one heck of a team, huh?

116
00:05:17,169 --> 00:05:19,369
Whose bra is this?

117
00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:22,339
It's not yours?

118
00:05:23,709 --> 00:05:25,375
Oh, my.

119
00:05:25,377 --> 00:05:27,544
How embarrassing for both of us.

120
00:05:29,715 --> 00:05:30,848
It's Penny's.

121
00:05:30,850 --> 00:05:32,649
Hey, you broke up with me.

122
00:05:32,651 --> 00:05:34,284
It is none of your business

123
00:05:34,286 --> 00:05:37,354
whose naked bosom I'm smooshing
around like pizza dough.

124
00:05:37,356 --> 00:05:38,789
Good-bye.

125
00:05:43,028 --> 00:05:44,127
Amy.

126
00:05:44,129 --> 00:05:45,562
Amy. Amy.

127
00:05:48,267 --> 00:05:50,367
Hmm. Tables work, too.

128
00:05:50,369 --> 00:05:52,169
Good to know.

129
00:05:54,306 --> 00:05:57,507
Ooh, brownies
for girls' night!

130
00:05:57,509 --> 00:05:59,009
Hands off. I'm mad at you.

131
00:06:00,112 --> 00:06:01,879
Look, I know it's
a lot of money,

132
00:06:01,881 --> 00:06:03,614
but the guy at
the store said

133
00:06:03,616 --> 00:06:06,650
in five to seven years,
it'll pay for itself.

134
00:06:06,652 --> 00:06:08,886
What will pay for itself?

135
00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:16,193
Doesn't matter.
What are you mad about?

136
00:06:17,029 --> 00:06:19,496
I'm mad at you
for blabbing to me

137
00:06:19,498 --> 00:06:21,231
what Leonard did
on the North Sea,

138
00:06:21,233 --> 00:06:22,699
and I'm mad that
I've had to hide this

139
00:06:22,701 --> 00:06:24,034
from Penny for two years.

140
00:06:24,036 --> 00:06:26,937
And you have every right to
be mad about those things.

141
00:06:26,939 --> 00:06:28,939
So, why don't you let me

142
00:06:28,941 --> 00:06:31,475
handle the credit card
bill this month, huh?

143
00:06:31,477 --> 00:06:33,377
I mean, don't
even look at it.
144
00:06:34,647 --> 00:06:36,847
I mean, if Penny finds out
I've known all this time

145
00:06:36,849 --> 00:06:38,048
and haven't told her,

146
00:06:38,050 --> 00:06:40,017
she's gonna think
I'm a terrible friend.

147
00:06:40,019 --> 00:06:41,551
I wish you never told me.

148
00:06:41,553 --> 00:06:43,954
And I wish Leonard
never told me.

149
00:06:43,956 --> 00:06:46,256
He's the bad guy here.

150
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,493
I guess that's true.

151
00:06:49,495 --> 00:06:51,428
And you let
Penny marry him.

152
00:06:53,599 --> 00:06:56,133
Compared to that,
who cares if I bought

153
00:06:56,135 --> 00:06:58,902
a George Clooney limited
edition manscaping kit?

154
00:07:03,509 --> 00:07:06,376
Hi. I'm calling about your
marriage counseling services

155
00:07:06,378 --> 00:07:09,680
and was curious
what your rate is.

156
00:07:11,116 --> 00:07:13,417
Really?
157
00:07:13,419 --> 00:07:15,085
Um, okay.

158
00:07:15,087 --> 00:07:18,322
Is there any kind of discount
for length of marriage?

159
00:07:20,326 --> 00:07:22,492
'Cause we're just
talking hours here.

160
00:07:25,531 --> 00:07:27,364
Hi.
Call you back.

161
00:07:27,366 --> 00:07:28,398
Hey.

162
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:29,933
Can we talk?

163
00:07:29,935 --> 00:07:31,268
I would love that.

164
00:07:35,574 --> 00:07:36,873
All right, look,

165
00:07:36,875 --> 00:07:38,942
I'm sorry I said I was
okay with everything

166
00:07:38,944 --> 00:07:40,077
before we got married.

167
00:07:40,079 --> 00:07:41,511
I hate that we're
going through this,

168
00:07:41,513 --> 00:07:42,946
but I don't know
what to do.

169
00:07:42,948 --> 00:07:45,282
If you don't mind
waiting for a Groupon,
170
00:07:45,284 --> 00:07:47,551
we can try marriage counseling.

171
00:07:48,988 --> 00:07:50,087
Hello.

172
00:07:50,089 --> 00:07:51,188
Hey, uh, buddy,

173
00:07:51,190 --> 00:07:52,456
can we have some privacy?

174
00:07:52,458 --> 00:07:53,790
Oh, of course.

175
00:07:53,792 --> 00:07:56,093
Wouldn't want to intrude.

176
00:07:56,095 --> 00:07:58,428
This is yours.

177
00:08:04,470 --> 00:08:06,103
Okay, when I'm
done with him,

178
00:08:06,105 --> 00:08:08,138
I'm gonna need
more information.

179
00:08:08,140 --> 00:08:09,306
Nothing odd.

180
00:08:09,308 --> 00:08:11,475
I just wanted
to rub Amy's nose in it.

181
00:08:12,745 --> 00:08:14,644
Okay, look, I might
be overreacting,

182
00:08:14,646 --> 00:08:16,747
but how am I supposed
to get past this

183
00:08:16,749 --> 00:08:18,715
when I know tomorrow
you're gonna go to work

184
00:08:18,717 --> 00:08:20,283
and see this woman?

185
00:08:20,285 --> 00:08:21,618
Forgive me for eavesdropping,

186
00:08:21,620 --> 00:08:25,255
but as I see it,
there's a simple solution.

187
00:08:25,257 --> 00:08:28,125
Wake up, wake up, wake up.

188
00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:33,964
Bring Penny to meet Mandy.

189
00:08:33,966 --> 00:08:35,799
What? Why?

190
00:08:35,801 --> 00:08:38,535
Well, right now, Penny's
imagination is running wild,

191
00:08:38,537 --> 00:08:40,404
but if they meet,
that will eliminate

192
00:08:40,406 --> 00:08:42,939
the mystery
and alleviate her fears.

193
00:08:42,941 --> 00:08:46,743
Like when that Sparkletts guy
let me look under his eye patch.

194
00:08:49,448 --> 00:08:53,150
Uh, first of all,
you made that guy cry.

195
00:08:53,152 --> 00:08:56,319
And we learned that you don't
need an eyeball to do that.
196
00:08:59,191 --> 00:09:01,958
Secondly, I can't think
of a more horrible idea

197
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,527
than Penny meeting Mandy.

198
00:09:03,529 --> 00:09:05,595
Really? Why is that?

199
00:09:05,597 --> 00:09:06,863
What, you actually
want to meet her?

200
00:09:06,865 --> 00:09:08,231
No, but now that you're
being weird about it,

201
00:09:08,233 --> 00:09:09,299
maybe I should.

202
00:09:09,301 --> 00:09:10,333
I'm not being weird.

203
00:09:10,335 --> 00:09:11,368
Am I being weird?

204
00:09:11,370 --> 00:09:14,037
Yes.

205
00:09:14,039 --> 00:09:16,706
And that's coming from me.

206
00:09:17,576 --> 00:09:19,309
Fine, you want to meet her?

207
00:09:19,311 --> 00:09:21,111
No, I just want to know
that when you're at work,

208
00:09:21,113 --> 00:09:22,546
there's nothing going on.

209
00:09:22,548 --> 00:09:23,914
How many times
do I have to tell you?

210
00:09:23,916 --> 00:09:25,482
I have no interest
in this woman.

211
00:09:25,484 --> 00:09:26,917
Yeah, well, maybe she
has interest in you.

212
00:09:26,919 --> 00:09:28,385
In Leonard?

213
00:09:28,387 --> 00:09:30,821
Oh, even the Sparkletts guy
could see that's unlikely.

214
00:09:39,916 --> 00:09:42,950
I guess my big problem is
I never saw Leonard

215
00:09:42,952 --> 00:09:45,986
as the kind of guy who would
do something like this.

216
00:09:45,988 --> 00:09:48,656
Anybody can make a mistake
in a weak moment.

217
00:09:48,658 --> 00:09:50,725
What do you think?

218
00:09:51,594 --> 00:09:53,427
Oh, I don't know what to think.

219
00:09:53,429 --> 00:09:56,564
But then again,
I just found out about it.

220
00:09:58,368 --> 00:10:00,501
You know, I fell in love
with Leonard

221
00:10:00,503 --> 00:10:02,103
because he wasn't
anything like the guys
222
00:10:02,105 --> 00:10:03,437
I was used to dating.

223
00:10:03,439 --> 00:10:05,272
I mean, I knew those guys
weren't above cheating

224
00:10:05,274 --> 00:10:08,342
because that's usually
how we met.

225
00:10:08,344 --> 00:10:10,678
Come on, you know
Leonard's not like that.

226
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:12,913
I want to believe you.
I really do.

227
00:10:12,915 --> 00:10:15,282
Am I being naive?

228
00:10:15,284 --> 00:10:16,951
Oh, I don't know.

229
00:10:16,953 --> 00:10:18,886
This is all so new to me.

230
00:10:18,888 --> 00:10:21,822
I'm still processing.

231
00:10:21,824 --> 00:10:24,759
You know, he never would've
done this when we first met.

232
00:10:24,761 --> 00:10:26,026
He's cockier now.

233
00:10:26,028 --> 00:10:28,062
That's because you made him
more confident.

234
00:10:28,064 --> 00:10:30,698
You know, if you think about it,
without you,
235
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:33,000
he never would've grown
into the person he is now.

236
00:10:33,002 --> 00:10:35,803
I mean, sure,
more women might notice him,

237
00:10:35,805 --> 00:10:37,872
but I think it's better
to have a guy be with you

238
00:10:37,874 --> 00:10:39,340
because he wants to be

239
00:10:39,342 --> 00:10:41,609
and not because he thinks he
doesn't have any other choice.

240
00:10:41,611 --> 00:10:43,978
I never thought
about it like that.

241
00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:46,647
Oh, me neither,
not until just now.

242
00:10:48,885 --> 00:10:51,585
Hello. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper,

243
00:10:51,587 --> 00:10:54,555
and welcome to "Sheldon Cooper
Presents: Fun With Flags."

244
00:10:54,557 --> 00:10:57,491
You may notice that
I'm holding a remote control.

245
00:10:57,493 --> 00:11:00,027
That's because my cameraperson
and co-host,

246
00:11:00,029 --> 00:11:01,562
Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler,

247
00:11:01,564 --> 00:11:04,698
has chosen to end
her relationship with me.

248
00:11:06,502 --> 00:11:09,403
I'm going to pause here
to let that sink in.

249
00:11:16,512 --> 00:11:18,078
Okay.

250
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,647
If you need to pause
a little longer,

251
00:11:19,649 --> 00:11:21,982
just click the pause button.

252
00:11:21,984 --> 00:11:24,018
But the show must go on.

253
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:26,687
And thankfully, all the things
my girlfriend used to do

254
00:11:26,689 --> 00:11:29,290
can be taken care of
with my right hand.

255
00:11:36,632 --> 00:11:39,767
Anyway, let's not spend
any more time talking about her.

256
00:11:39,769 --> 00:11:41,035
We're here to talk about flags.

257
00:11:41,037 --> 00:11:42,203
Tonight's theme:

258
00:11:42,205 --> 00:11:44,205
flags of countries
that have been torn apart

259
00:11:44,207 --> 00:11:46,907
and the women I have a feeling
were responsible.

260
00:11:50,012 --> 00:11:52,179
You guys have any idea
how much it costs

261
00:11:52,181 --> 00:11:53,614
to see a marriage
counselor?

262
00:11:53,616 --> 00:11:55,115
$250 an hour. Why?

263
00:11:55,117 --> 00:11:57,651
How do you know?

264
00:11:57,653 --> 00:12:00,054
Bernadette and I have
occasionally gone to one to,

265
00:12:00,056 --> 00:12:01,956
you know, stay on top of things.

266
00:12:01,958 --> 00:12:05,459
And I'm just
hearing about this now?

267
00:12:05,461 --> 00:12:07,328
Dude, just because
we're best friends

268
00:12:07,330 --> 00:12:10,030
doesn't mean that I have to tell
you everything that goes on.

269
00:12:10,032 --> 00:12:12,766
You don't have to,
you should want to.

270
00:12:13,870 --> 00:12:16,103
Oh, great,
there's Mandy.

271
00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:20,541
Why are marine biologists
always so cute?

272
00:12:20,543 --> 00:12:22,510
I don't know,
273
00:12:22,512 --> 00:12:25,713
but I'd like to get lost
in her Bermuda Triangle.

274
00:12:26,449 --> 00:12:27,748
That's not helpful.

275
00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:29,416
Then I won't say

276
00:12:29,418 --> 00:12:32,586
I'd like to cover three-quarters
of her surface area.

277
00:12:32,588 --> 00:12:33,988
Are we done?

278
00:12:33,990 --> 00:12:35,656
Not yet, this is fun.

279
00:12:35,658 --> 00:12:37,424
Ooh, I know.

280
00:12:37,426 --> 00:12:39,860
I'd let her free my willy.

281
00:12:39,862 --> 00:12:41,362
Where you going?

282
00:12:41,364 --> 00:12:43,631
I'm gonna ask her if she'd
be willing to talk to Penny,

283
00:12:43,633 --> 00:12:45,032
tell her she has nothing
to worry about.

284
00:12:45,034 --> 00:12:46,467
Leonard, wait.
What?

285
00:12:46,469 --> 00:12:48,636
I'd like to SpongeBob
her SquarePants.
286
00:12:49,338 --> 00:12:52,072
Now we are done.

287
00:12:53,409 --> 00:12:55,142
Hey.

288
00:12:55,144 --> 00:12:56,176
Oh, hi, Leonard. What's up?

289
00:12:56,178 --> 00:12:58,145
Uh, do you mind
if I sit?

290
00:12:58,147 --> 00:12:59,647
Sure.

291
00:12:59,649 --> 00:13:01,782
So, um, I've been
thinking a lot

292
00:13:01,784 --> 00:13:04,585
about you and me and...
the boat.

293
00:13:04,587 --> 00:13:05,419
What about it?

294
00:13:05,421 --> 00:13:06,654
You know...

295
00:13:06,656 --> 00:13:08,622
what we did,
when we were drunk.

296
00:13:08,624 --> 00:13:12,259
Oh, no,
did I sleep with you, too?

297
00:13:12,261 --> 00:13:14,595
No, we just made out.

298
00:13:14,597 --> 00:13:16,597
Oh. Well, good for me.

299
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,567
So what can I do for you?

300
00:13:19,569 --> 00:13:23,003
Uh, okay, well, um,
I got married recently.

301
00:13:23,005 --> 00:13:24,371
Oh, congratulations!

302
00:13:24,373 --> 00:13:26,874
To Sheldon?

303
00:13:28,277 --> 00:13:29,877
Never gets old.

304
00:13:29,879 --> 00:13:32,580
No, no, to a girl.

305
00:13:32,582 --> 00:13:34,949
Anyway, I told her what happened
between you and me,

306
00:13:34,951 --> 00:13:37,685
and she's concerned about us
seeing each other at work.

307
00:13:37,687 --> 00:13:40,187
It was just a kiss.
Why would you even tell her?

308
00:13:40,189 --> 00:13:43,023
Because I didn't want there
to be any secrets between us.

309
00:13:43,025 --> 00:13:44,491
Is that really the reason?

310
00:13:44,493 --> 00:13:46,660
What else would it be?

311
00:13:46,662 --> 00:13:48,062
I don't know.

312
00:13:48,064 --> 00:13:49,863
Sounds like you're trying
to sabotage the relationship.
313
00:13:49,865 --> 00:13:52,099
No, I don't think so.

314
00:13:52,101 --> 00:13:55,469
Although,
Penny did say exactly that.

315
00:13:55,471 --> 00:13:58,072
Okay, well, that's something
to think about.

316
00:13:58,074 --> 00:14:01,108
You know, on some level,
I've always believed

317
00:14:01,110 --> 00:14:03,143
that I don't deserve
a woman like her.

318
00:14:03,145 --> 00:14:06,080
Oh, you're gonna
think about that right here?

319
00:14:07,984 --> 00:14:10,084
I mean, she's really beautiful.

320
00:14:10,086 --> 00:14:12,086
She could have
any guy she wants.

321
00:14:12,088 --> 00:14:13,721
Which is probably why

322
00:14:13,723 --> 00:14:16,490
it took her so many years
to tell me she loved me.

323
00:14:16,492 --> 00:14:18,993
Maybe you should talk
to a therapist about this.

324
00:14:18,995 --> 00:14:21,328
Too expensive.

325
00:14:23,165 --> 00:14:26,266
You'd think I'd be used to women
withholding their love.

326
00:14:26,268 --> 00:14:27,601
I mean, my mother did.

327
00:14:27,603 --> 00:14:29,403
I mean, no matter
how hard I tried,

328
00:14:29,405 --> 00:14:31,505
she just didn't have
any interest in me.

329
00:14:31,507 --> 00:14:34,074
Imagine that.

330
00:14:34,076 --> 00:14:35,809
I wonder if that's why I have

331
00:14:35,811 --> 00:14:38,178
such a dysfunctional
relationship with Sheldon.

332
00:14:38,180 --> 00:14:39,580
I had a dream

333
00:14:39,582 --> 00:14:42,282
the other night that
I was in a cave

334
00:14:42,284 --> 00:14:45,285
and I was nursing a baby,

335
00:14:45,287 --> 00:14:49,356
but the baby
had Sheldon's head on it.

336
00:14:51,227 --> 00:14:54,261
And your wife is worried
about me?

337
00:14:54,997 --> 00:14:56,263
Hey, Leonard!

338
00:14:56,265 --> 00:14:57,431
When you're done,

339
00:14:57,433 --> 00:15:00,200
we came up with
a bunch more.

340
00:15:03,406 --> 00:15:05,806
Then the Czech Republic
says to Slovakia,

341
00:15:05,808 --> 00:15:08,409
"I don't think you understand
how being broken up works!"

342
00:15:08,411 --> 00:15:10,411
Can you believe that?

343
00:15:10,413 --> 00:15:12,079
You'd think
that the Czech Republic

344
00:15:12,081 --> 00:15:13,614
would try to hold on
to what it had,

345
00:15:13,616 --> 00:15:15,582
given that it's not as young
as it used to be.

346
00:15:15,584 --> 00:15:17,551
And I don't see
any other countries

347
00:15:17,553 --> 00:15:20,654
lining up to invade
its southern borders.

348
00:15:20,656 --> 00:15:22,823
I'm gonna kill him.

349
00:15:23,926 --> 00:15:25,492
But enough
about the Czech Republic.

350
00:15:25,494 --> 00:15:28,162
Let's talk about the time
Moldova made Romania
351
00:15:28,164 --> 00:15:31,031
a birthday cake
and Romania said it tasted good

352
00:15:31,033 --> 00:15:32,299
even though it didn't.

353
00:15:32,301 --> 00:15:34,068
And yet Romania gets dumped.

354
00:15:34,070 --> 00:15:36,670
I'll pause here
while you mull that one over.

355
00:15:38,474 --> 00:15:40,674
I know, right?

356
00:15:44,346 --> 00:15:47,548
So, you said you had
something to tell me.

357
00:15:47,550 --> 00:15:48,916
Okay, yeah, um,

358
00:15:48,918 --> 00:15:50,684
do you remember
when you accused me

359
00:15:50,686 --> 00:15:52,553
of trying to sabotage
our wedding?

360
00:15:52,555 --> 00:15:54,588
Uh-huh.

361
00:15:54,590 --> 00:15:57,524
I've been thinking about it,
and you might be right.

362
00:15:59,061 --> 00:16:03,030
But the good news is
that I'm pretty sure I know why.

363
00:16:03,032 --> 00:16:04,932
I'm listening.
364
00:16:05,735 --> 00:16:07,534
Penny, after all these years,

365
00:16:07,536 --> 00:16:10,304
I still feel like
maybe I don't deserve you.

366
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:13,073
Okay, that is the lamest excuse

367
00:16:13,075 --> 00:16:15,609
you could've possibly
come up with.

368
00:16:16,979 --> 00:16:18,312
But I get it.

369
00:16:18,314 --> 00:16:19,480
You do?

370
00:16:19,482 --> 00:16:20,948
Yeah.

371
00:16:20,950 --> 00:16:22,349
Sometimes I worry
you're gonna wake up

372
00:16:22,351 --> 00:16:24,618
and leave me
for someone more like you.

373
00:16:25,921 --> 00:16:28,789
I don't even understand
why you're with someone like me.

374
00:16:28,791 --> 00:16:31,792
Why would I want to be
with someone like me?

375
00:16:31,794 --> 00:16:33,393
You know what I mean.

376
00:16:33,395 --> 00:16:35,796
And, you know, maybe the way
I've been reacting
377
00:16:35,798 --> 00:16:39,500
was me sabotaging this, too.

378
00:16:39,502 --> 00:16:42,503
Well, how about we stop

379
00:16:42,505 --> 00:16:45,305
being so scared
of losing each other

380
00:16:45,307 --> 00:16:46,840
and just be together?

381
00:16:46,842 --> 00:16:49,576
That sounds nice.

382
00:16:49,578 --> 00:16:50,577
Good.

383
00:16:51,947 --> 00:16:53,514
Because...

384
00:16:53,516 --> 00:16:55,716
I've loved you
since the moment we met,

385
00:16:55,718 --> 00:16:58,886
and I will keep loving you
until the end of time.

386
00:16:58,888 --> 00:17:00,287
Oh.

387
00:17:00,289 --> 00:17:02,289
Oh, my God,
that is the most beautiful thing

388
00:17:02,291 --> 00:17:04,658
anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah?

389
00:17:04,660 --> 00:17:07,795
That's because you're beautiful,

390
00:17:07,797 --> 00:17:12,499
and your beauty fills my heart
with love and song.

391
00:17:14,336 --> 00:17:16,637
It's getting
kind of cheesy, Leonard.

392
00:17:16,639 --> 00:17:17,738
Huh?

393
00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:20,541
If you think that's
cheesy, buckle up.

394
00:17:22,578 --> 00:17:24,444
Penny Hofstadter,

395
00:17:24,446 --> 00:17:26,713
will you please
stay married to me?

396
00:17:27,817 --> 00:17:29,716
Oh, damn it, you topped it.

397
00:17:33,122 --> 00:17:35,556
Should we go to the bedroom
and make this marriage official?

398
00:17:35,558 --> 00:17:37,424
Yes, please!
Okay!

399
00:17:46,587 --> 00:17:49,370
Sheldon, I can't believe
you got us a wedding gift.

400
00:17:49,470 --> 00:17:51,236
I don't know
why you're so surprised.

401
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:54,573
I watch movies;
I see what people do.

402
00:17:54,575 --> 00:17:56,375
What is this?
403
00:17:56,377 --> 00:17:58,377
Plane tickets
and hotel reservations

404
00:17:58,379 --> 00:18:00,412
for a weekend away
in San Francisco.

405
00:18:00,414 --> 00:18:01,713
Oh!
Wow!

406
00:18:01,715 --> 00:18:03,382
That's so great!

407
00:18:03,384 --> 00:18:06,485
Yeah, there's Fisherman's Wharf
and Alcatraz and cable cars.

408
00:18:06,487 --> 00:18:08,020
We're gonna have so much fun.

409
00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:13,692
We?

410
00:18:13,694 --> 00:18:14,760
Is there a problem?

411
00:18:14,762 --> 00:18:17,295
Oh, no, no!
I just, I said, "Whee!"

412
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:22,534
How dare you go on the Internet
and say mean things about me

413
00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:26,104
and compare my genitalia
to part of Czechoslovakia?!

414
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,408
You saw through that one,
did you?

415
00:18:29,410 --> 00:18:30,976
I don't know
what you were thinking,

416
00:18:30,978 --> 00:18:34,112
but take the video down now!

417
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,115
She watched it.

418
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:38,784
I'm gonna get that girl back.

419
00:18:38,786 --> 00:18:42,154
I only watched it
because you e-mailed it to me

420
00:18:42,156 --> 00:18:44,322
with the subject line:
"This is gonna make you mad"!

421
00:18:47,220 --> 00:18:49,140
She was listening through
the door. She wants me.

422
00:18:52,122 --> 00:18:58,622
== sync, corrected by <font color=#00FF00>elderman</font> ==
<font color=#00FFFF>@elder_man</font>