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Abstract

The paper attempts to analyse shifts in parenting styles in two films of Hindi cinema-

Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaenge and Piku. One observes how there have been quite a lot of

alterations in the way the idea of parenting itself has been dealt with in the form of visual media.

Parenting, undoubtedly serves the role of shaping the child itself at the end of the day. The

paper identifies the alteration in the idea of parenting in these films of different decades in

relation to the understanding of the notions of gender, ethnicity and visual media and thus,

implying that parenting has become more authoritative rather than authoritarian over time using

the Baumrind’s Theory of Parenting.

Keywords- Parenting; Hindi cinema; visual media; child rearing

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Chapter 1-Introduction

Area of Research

The area of research in this paper are two films from the Hindi cinema- Dilwale

Dulhaniya Le Jaenge (released on 20 October, 1995) and Piku (released on 8 May, 2015).

Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge (also known as DDLJ), the first visual text, falls under

the romantic genre where two young non-resident Indians, living in London- Raj (played by

Shahrukh Khan) and Simran (played by Kajol) end up falling in love during a “Euro-trip”.

However, Simran’s marriage is already fixed with her father’s friend’s son in India. In order to

confess his love for Simran, Raj flies to India where he proposes Simran for marriage. After a

lot of hustle and bustle, Raj wins the trust of her family and eventually they end up living

happily ever after. The film is directed by Aditya Chopra and is produced by Yash Chopra.

Piku, the second visual text, is a story of a girl, Puki Banerjee (played by Deepika

Padukone) and her old father, Bhashkon Banerjee (played by Amitabh Bachchan). The plot

revolves around the journey that the father and daughter take from Delhi to Kolkata via road

along with Rana Chaudhary (played by Irrfan Khan). The overarching theme that is presented

by the director- Shoojit Sircar in the film is that of the nuance relationship between a child and

a parent. The film is produced by N.P. Singh, Ronnie Lahiri and Sneha Rajani and casts various

other actors like Moushumi Chatterjee and Jisshu Sengupata portraying supporting roles.

Visual media, undoubtedly serves as an appealing form of medium where there is an

endless possibility of impressive ideas and interpretations. Exploring something as specific as

Parenting style makes the research interesting in order to note how the personality of a person

is evolved in the due course of the film. Observing how the directors’ use this idea of parenting

is very appealing at the end of the day as one is able to observe and analyse the mind-sets of

the actors throughout and reflect upon the dependency of a parent in rearing a child.

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The research paper attempts to provide a sneak peek into the parenting styles adopted

in the Hindi cinema. It is important to study the kind of parenting that is used by an actor so

that he gets to know about the mentality of both the parent and the child. He understands, for

instance, how a parent, in an Indian context always tends to have quite a lot of expectations

from children (in the films) and how these expectations somehow affect the child’s upbringing.

When a researcher analyses the mind-set of a parent figure in the films which are a part of

two different timelines, he/she attempts to understand how there has been a shift in not only

the parenting style but also the idea of parenting. The research becomes important since the

shifts are now being recorded and eventually they would serve as a lens through which the

issues revolving around parenting could be viewed in the form of visual media.

Undoubtedly one is aware of the fact as to how the personality of the child is mostly shaped

by the kind of upbringing he receives and in the kind of environment he is brought up. When

a viewer observes on screen the nature of the child on the screen, he tends to connect it with

how the character is brought up. Therefore, when such details are recorded as a part of research,

a clearer picture on the aspect of child rearing are provided.

Another important significance of this research is to analyse and thereby record the way in

which the relationships are portrayed in Hindi cinema. For instance, this type of research

describes the way in which the relationship between the parents and the child are projected in

the Hindi cinema over time. Meaning to say that the way parent-child relationship is being

portrayed in the film released in 1995 will be very different from the way in which it is explored

in the film which came out way much later than that.

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Chapter 2- Review of Literature

The following chapter draws a comparison between parenting styles of the two films-

Piku (2015) and Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaenge (1995) respectively. The paper identifies the

alteration in the idea of parenting in these films of different decades in relation to the

understanding of the notions of gender, ethnicity and visual media and thus, implying that

parenting has become more authoritative rather than authoritarian over time using the

Baumrind’s Theory of Parenting.

The reason behind choosing DDLJ as one of the primary texts is because of the presence

of staunch father figure which is very clearly evident in the film. Throughout the film we see

how is very unsupportive of his daughter. He tends to impose his ideologies on his daughter

and has very orthodox and conventional views. As opposed to this, is a film Piku where one

records change in the father figure over time. It is seen how the father figure in the film is

highly supportive and wants his daughter to be independent and doesn’t conform to the

patriarchal discourse. Throughout the film we see how he highly condemns the traditions which

curb the growth of women.

The paper uses Baumrind’s Parenting Theory in order to study the parenting styles

adopted by the characters in the film. The reason behind choosing Baumrind’s Theory is

because the categories of parenting that are listen by Baumrind in her parenting styles fits into

the style of parenting that is adopted by the characters in the films. It also captures the part

where parenting can be clubbed into subsections of Demandingness and Responsiveness which

clearly indicates the two rear ends of the parenting which can further affect the upbringing of

the child.

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Methodology

Baumrind, a developmental psychologist, in her theory identifies and lists out three

kinds of parenting styles that are mostly adopted by the parents-

1. authoritative parenting

2. authoritarian parenting and,

3. permissive parenting

She also talks about how these parenting styles have two dimensions to it- Demandingness

and Responsiveness and talks about them separately in different sections.

Demandingness part talks about how the parents tend to have a control on their child’s

behaviour whereas the responsiveness part talks about the degree to which parents are

understanding and accepting to the needs and desires of their child.

There are multiple ways in which parents can control their child’s behaviour one of them

is by exercising their authority of being a parent and listing the child the do’s and don’ts so that

they get a clear-cut idea of how they ought to behave. Another way in which parents control

their child’s behaviour is by listing out their expectations and further telling their kids as to

what will be the consequences if they do not succumb to those expectations. For instance, in

an Indian scenario, mostly parents decide as to what career will the kid pursue and more often

that not a child is burdened by their expectations and therefore cannot exercise his will at all.

He has to ultimately submit himself to the whims and fancies of his parent. Sometimes, if the

child does not come up to the level of the expectations of the parents, then he/she is mostly

criticised by the parent and referred to as a “disappointment” to the family which lowers the

self-esteem of the child and all the more hinders his growth as an individual.

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In visual media, specifically in Hindi cinema during the 90s, saw the emergence of

films where the parents controlled the life of the children and instead of understanding their

demands, they more often that not were critical of the behaviour their child portrayed. One of

such films is DDLJ, where Simran’s character throughout the film was controlled by her father,

Baldev Singh. Therefore, one also sees signs of lack of self confidence in her character where

she cannot take decisions for herself and is in need of someone else to assist her throughout the

film.

The responsiveness aspect brings into consideration the aspect of understanding as well

as it addresses the issue of sensitivity to ensure that the parent is thoughtful of the child’s

behaviour as well as his needs. In Hindi cinema one sees how there is a gap between the two

generations and the communication trait is almost non-existent. Both the parents as well as the

children are mostly reluctant to talk about pertinent issues, for example, child abuse, drugs,

sexuality, etc and more often that not, topics like these are considered as taboos. It is only with

globalisation seeping into the Indian culture that people started talking about things and

addressing vital issues which govern the Indian mentality to a very great extent. Recent film

makers try to break the long silence by making socially relevant films. For instance, in Piku,

one sees that the relationship between Piku and Bhashkor is not limited to the usual father-

daughter relationship that one sees in films as this duo is absolutely comfortable in talking and

discussing about various social issues which are quite relevant. It is because of this very reason

too that Piku breaks records and becomes an extraordinary work of art thereby receiving

commendation in a number of film festivals, further encouraging more socially relevant films

of such kind.

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Authoritative Parenting Style

The parents who adopt the Authoritative style/ Democratic style of parenting are more

responsive in nature than other parents. They are sensitive to the wants and needs of their

children and therefore aim at creating a positive environment in which they can grow. Certain

behaviours that are said to be found in them are:

• Warm and Responsive: Even though these set of parents have high expectations from

their children, yet they also ensure that they these expectations do not hinder the growth

of their child in any which way. Meaning to say that they create a warm and responsive

environment for their children where the child can talk freely about anything he/she

feels like.

• Open Discussion: More often than not, before making a certain set of rules in order to

condition the behaviour of the child, parents who are authoritative in nature generally

discuss about it with the child and all the more talks to him freely about why there is a

need of that specific rule. This helps the child to be receptive and understanding of

certain set of behaviour which the parents think is important for him/her to embrace.

• Supportive: The parents who adopt this kind of parenting are mostly supportive of the

child. They understand the problems that the child faces and instead of playing the

blame girl, they are affectionate towards his problems.

Note: -

1. The parenting style adopted by Lajwanti, Simran’s mother, in the film, DDLJ, is

Authoritative Parenting Style.

2. Bhashkor Bannerjee is also seen to adopt this type of parenting style since “he sets

rules and enforce boundaries” for Piku but at the same time states and discusses the

reasons of his disagreement with her.

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The children who have authoritative parents encompasses these set of behaviours-

• They mostly appear to be content since they are raised by a set of parents who are

understanding in nature.

• They are quite independent and self-sufficient since they have been brought up in an

environment which has made them more conscious and aware of themselves and their

surroundings.

• They are bright academically because overtime they master the skill of knowing their

weaknesses and strengths which is taught to them by their parents.

• They have high self-esteem as authoritative parents help them to handle situations by

discussing and talking about them.

• They have better social skills because they are pretty vocal about everything that

disturbs them or affects them in any which way.

• Because they are conditioned to be expressive in nature and communicative about their

problems, they show comparatively lesser signs of depression and anxiety which also

accords for their better mental health.

• Lastly, they are less violent in nature.

Note- Some of the above stated set of characteristics are more evident in Piku’s character

as compared to Simran’s character.

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Authoritarian Parenting Style

Authoritarian Parenting Style is quite different from Authoritative style of parenting, in the

sense that parents who follow this particular style of parenting, expects their children to blindly

follow their orders which further connotes that parents have full control on the lives of their

children and they also tend to condition behaviour of their children in whichever way they

desire. They seldom tend to use very stern methods in order to control the behaviour of their

children and are not understanding of their needs. This is unlike the so called comforting

parenting that children of the authoritative parents receive.

Note-

• This parenting style is adopted by Amrish Puri at most points in DDLJ.

• At some points in Piku, Amitabh Bachchan is also seen to adopt this type of parenting

style where he exercises his free will instead of listening to his daughter. However, this

stubbornness can also be seen as a sign of old age as well.

The children who are raised by parents who follow the authoritarian style of parenting show

the behaviours which are listed below.

• They are mostly unhappy since they lack free will as their parents are pretty controlling

in nature.

• They are not independent mostly because their parents tend to take all their decisions

for them.

• They tend to be insecure about things and people because they are grown up in a

restrictive environment.

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• They have issues regarding self-esteem because they lack voice and agency in their own

life.

• They also tend to reflect certain behavioural problems which is again a result of the

controlling environment in which they are brought up.

• Their academic records are poor because of their disturbed mental state.

• They generally have problem to communicate and hence they have poor social skills.

• Lastly, they also tend to face mental problems like anxiety and depression.

Note: - The character of Simran in DDLJ highlights traces of such kind of behaviour.

Permissive Parenting (Indulgent)

The parents who follow the permissive style of parenting tend to set comparatively less rules

for their children. They try to not say no to their children about anything and thereby create a

less restrictive environment with hardly any kind of boundaries.

Children who are raised by parents who adopt permissive parenting style generally show the

following traits:

• They cannot really follow any kind of rules since they are raised in an environment

where parents rarely say no to anything that they desire.

• They don’t have self-control because they get everything without struggling.

• Also, they tend to be egocentric as they are raised in an environment where people do

not talk to them about anything negative.

• Lastly, they face problems in communicating with people because of their egoistic

attitude.

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Neglectful Parenting (Uninvolved)

Parents who adopt this particular type of parenting are reluctant to whatever happens in the

lives of their children and are therefore mostly uninvolved. They do not create any sort of

boundaries as well for their children. One of the main reason behind this act is because at

times they themselves have had mental issues such as depression and anxiety.

Children who are born to neglectful parents tend to show such kind of behaviour:

• They tend to react very aggressively to situations.

• They are mostly not able to control their emotions and are prone to have a nervous

breakdown mostly.

• They tend to get addicted to harmful substances like drugs which also led to the

deuteriation of their health.

• Lastly, they become subjects of mental problems as well.

Cultural and Ethnic Differences

In the article published in 2014, in Indian Express, titled “Only if daddy says ‘yes’ ”,

Parul Bhandari links parenting to the cultural aspect. She refers to Patricia Uberoi”s essay,

“The Diaspora Comes Home: Disciplining Desire in DDLJ” (2006) where she notes that the

film “endorse(s) glamorous lifestyles, and effortless and guiltless consumption”. She talks

about how the film connotes that what is essential to any Indian subject is its connection with

the family and the cultural values. This leads to the construction of India as a country which

gives lot of importance to its culture and heritage and upholds the family values and traditions.

She further talks about how Raj is a “true Indian” because he does not elope with Simran and

thereby prevents himself from committing the heinous crime of bringing “shame” to the family.

She says that one of the scenes which is referred to as “iconic” by the critics, portrays Simran’s

mother, Laajwanti, talking to her about how an ideal woman is a one who keeps her family

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ahead of her own self. She also draws instances from her own life and says that is the duty of

the woman only to carry on the traditions of her family. Even though she is completely aware

of the fact that the society is unjust to the women and they are meted out to oppression of

various kinds at different levels, yet she tries her best to convince Simran about how she should

forget Raj and marry Kuljeet, who is chosen by her father as it is the only correct and ideal

thing to do. This makes way to understanding the idea of parenting itself and the politics that

revolve around it.

In an article, “4 Baumrind Parenting Styles”, the author talks about how parenting styles

vary from place to place. May be, authoritative parenting style might not work in some

countries. A child of sensitive temperament in the east cannot be brought up using a certain

theory that is used in the west. Lot of factors like the socio-economic backgrounds affect the

kind of parenting that is adopted in a particular place. The author gives instances from his/her

research and says that in a study on the students of the African American origin who are raised

by authoritative parents, it is noted that they did not excel in their academic endeavours when

they were devoid of any peer support as opposed to the set of students from Asian-American

origin who had ample support from their peers and who were raised by a set of authoritarian

parents. Also, in Spain, indulgent as well as authoritative parenting styles gave way to good

outcomes.

This draws an understanding of how the three parenting styles that are listed by

Baumrind are not necessarily an ideal way to raise a child as it is needless to say that the

parenting is subjected to change with change in race, class, gender and other socio-economic

factors. Meaning to say that, the parenting style used by a set of parents in America, might not

be suitable for the children who are being raised in an Indian environment. Since this paper

addresses the issue of parenting in an Indian context as portrayed in films, it is important to

note that one cannot really deny the excessive control of men in an Indian household.

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Steve Drene in his article, “Hindu Men Talk About Controlling Women: Cultural Ideas

as a Tool of the Powerful” talks about how men generally prefer to uphold the family traditions

and honour. They feel that their economic success is guaranteed if they protect family’s honour.

He says that since he was an outsider, men were very flexible in talking about their views on

the topic of his research and they were not really apprehensive in talking about topics that

would hinder their so called “honourable place within their community”. They were pretty

vocal about stating how due to their self-interests they restricted the women of their household.

Visual Media Representation

Shivam Vij in his article, “How DDLJ ruined my generation”, in the Scroll points out

that in visual media, the role of the father is predominant. He writes about how even though in

the film Simran’s mother and sister were happy with her choice of suitor, yet her father’s

verdict was the final one. He also points out how in the film Raj instead of eloping with Simran

is keen on impressing her family (most importantly her father) and winning her hand in turn

for marriage. According to Vij, this idea adds on to the patriarchal understanding of how “men

keep family and tradition (read patriarchy) alive, and they keep in check women’s unbridled

desires which threaten tradition”. (Vij)

Sudhir Kakkar in his article, “Family Matters” points out how the idea of family s

represented in visual media. In DDLJ one sees how Baldev, Simran's father is constantly

reminded of India because in foreign land he seems to feel alienated. He says as to how

"Bhaarat" comprises of his own people, (apne log) and his family. He is seen to be missing

home throughout the film. In Piku, Bhashkor Bannerjee does not want his ancestral house to

be sold. Kakkar points out that even though the meaning of the word, family has been changing

over time in the Hindi cinema yet the purpose of it is something that has been constant.

Irrespective of what the state of affairs is, the protagonist always turns to his family for love

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and his emotional well-being. The concept of family is put on a pedestal where it is seen as an

ultimate institution which will provide care and comfort to the individual irrespective of

whatever life throws at him. Even though the boy and the girl elope and live in some far away

land, yet in the time of hardships they return to their family which provides shelter to their tired

soul. Thus, Hindi cinema seldom provides this grand idea of familial love to its audience which

also constructs an image of an ideal Indian family where everyone, devoid of their countless

differences would never turn their backs on each other and thereby uphold the honour and

tradition of the family. Family, therefore, constructs an ideal reality of its own irrespective of

the loopholes and the problems that the idea itself seems to give rise to.

Anuj Kumar in his article, in The Hindu, titled, “Piku: For the Motion”, points out that

films like Piku becomes a part of “progressive cinema”. He talks about how Piku is a story

about “modern-day father-daughter relationship”. This becomes peculiar in the sense that

mostly films in Hindi cinema centres around the male protagonist and it is rarely the case that

a female lead takes charge of her life and plays the role of a strong character. Piku, in that sense

becomes a film which breaks a lot of stereotypes which have been part of Indie cinema since a

very long time. Kumar also points out that Shoojit Sarkar, director of Piku, is also known for

making films which act as an eye opener for the audience and tries to erase all sorts of irrelevant

prejudices that Indian society functions around. Piku’s character is very different from that of

Simran or any other female lead in Bollywood who encompasses qualities of an ideal woman

that is, of chastity, shyness and fidelity. Piku is opposite of Simran in the sense that she is not

really trying to fit in this so called category of an ideal woman as one sees that in the film she

is depicted as a bold and independent woman who does all those things that an ideal Indian

woman would mind doing, thereby highlighting her self-sufficient attitude.

Thus, one notes that the parenting style adopted in Piku is far different and progressive

as opposed to that adopted by Baldev Singh in DDLJ. Mila Tuli in her article, “Beliefs on

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Parenting and Childhood in India”, talks about how it is through education and globalization

that the parenting styles have transformed and it has become more authoritarian than

authoritative as parents began to play an active role in the lives of children by understanding

their dreams and desires instead of bombarding them with a lot of unnecessary expectations.

Child Upbringing/ Parenting Roles

There have been umpteen number of instances where one makes note of how in DDLJ

the parenting style adopted by Simran’s Father, Baldev Singh is an authoritative one according

to the Baumrind’s Parenting Theory. The article, “How DDLJ ruined my generation” by

Shivam Vij in Scroll talks about how the decisions of the life of the daughter are very

conveniently taken by the father which in turn suggests that she cannot exercise her free will

throughout the film and is completely dependent on her parent. The article points out how the

film conveys the message that the child brought up by a set of Indian parents does not really

have the freedom of choice and ultimately has to bow down to the whims and fancies of the

parent. He talks about how various couples face this very problem of confessing their love to

their parents since they are unsure about the way their parents will react. They are reluctant in

telling them as well, in certain cases and end up marring the suitor of their parent’s choice. The

sole reason behind they not telling about their parents is because of the conventional thought

that the families have where they feel that a person ought to marry someone who belong to

their caste or religion and even class in certain cases. This seldom results in the couple breaking

up since they don’t see a future together just because of the hindrance occurred from their

families.

The author(s), Charlie Lewis and Michael E. Lamb, in their article, “Fathers’ influence

on children’s development: The evidence from two-parent families” talk about the roles played

by father figures in contributing towards the development of the child. They quote Christensson

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and write, “However, fathers interact with newborn infants much like mothers do (Rodholm &

Larsson, 1982), for example providing sufficient warmth for neonates.” (Lewis, Lamb: 212)

One can relate this to how the Bhashkor in Piku has a better relationship in terms of

communication and interaction with Piku as opposed to Baldev Singh with his daughter,

Simran in the film, DDLJ.

In DDLJ one sees how the parenting style adopted by the mother is very different from

the parenting style adopted by the father figure. She is mostly supportive of Simran and her

choices and tends to talk to her freely about various things and issues which Baldev Singh do

not really address. She is more like a friend to her than a mother and Simran shares her

problems with her. Even in the beginning of the film, one sees how Simran’s mother reads her

personal diary where she comes to know about the kind of man Simran would want to marry.

Also, in the second half of the film it is portrayed how she asks Raj and Simran to elope and

get married since her father would not agree to their marriage ever.

Tilu in her article, “Beliefs on Parenting and Childhood in India”, points out the beliefs

a father figure has about parenting as opposed to the mother. She says that it is through the

mother that the child tends to communicate his wants or needs to the father. Here, mother serves

as a link between the father and the child. Thus, the mother creates a “triangulation of

relationships” which further denotes that her role is only limited to be a link of communication

rather than having an impactful/primary role in the life of the child.

In DDLJ one sees example of this “triangular relationship” that Tilu talks about where

Simran talks about her wish to go on a “Euro trip” with her mother first instead of her father.

On the other hand, one sees that in Piku, Piku communicates freely whatever she has to, to her

father.

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Gender Inequality

Steve Drene in his article, “Hindu Men Talk About Controlling Women: Cultural Ideas

as a Tool of the Powerful”, talks about how there due to the “culture of power”, Indian women

tend to have a subservient position in their household. The husband tends to have an upper

hand in all the important family matters. They not only control the lives of their wives but also

of the other members at home. He talks about how the women at the house are expected to

behave in a certain manner and have a certain kind of attachment with the household. His article

focuses on how generally in Hindu culture one sees how the movement of women is restricted

outside the household wherein a lot of restrictions are imposed upon her. She lacks agency and

is controlled by her male counterparts be it her husband, brother or father. She has to take

permission of the man of the house before stepping out which draws our attention to how the

hierarchal position of men in the house which leads to the subjugation of women at the hands

of the men.

This can be related to how in both the films there have been instances of gender

inequality, however the context in which they are addressed is very different. For instance, in

DDLJ, Simran becomes subject of this gender inequality where she has no freedom of choice

and on the other hand in Piku, Bhashkor constantly talks about how Piku should not be

supressed by a male figure and she should not give her identity away for anyone.

He talks about how unmarried girls are treated differently in an Indian household and

how several men told him that “girls need to be carefully chaperoned as soon as girls are old

enough to understand that there is a difference between boys and girls. He says that the honour

of the family is determined by the status of the family to which the daughter of the house is

married to. Here, the aspect of class and caste also comes in where the girl is not allowed to

marry anyone who belong to the lower class. In order to marry their sisters/daughters off in a

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nice family, the men of the house, mostly her brother and her father, monitor her behaviour by

imposing a certain set of restrictions and also limit her interactions with other men. He says,

“After their daughters reach a particular age, which ranges from 5 to 13, the men I interviewed

refuse to allow their daughters to play with men”. (207)

Sudhir Kakkar’s article, “Family Matters” also addresses the predominant role of a

father figure in a child’s life. He says that in an Indian family belonging to an orthodox

household, “a daughter's access to her limited than that of her brother”. He sa

There have been memes and various comedian-based reviews of DDLJ where the

unreasonable parenting style in the film, DDLJ has been mocked.

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(Gill, Rath. “Pretentious Movie Reviews”.)

On analysing the above articles, one encounters the overarching areas of research in

field of parenting, child upbringing, gender politics and finally, the visual representation of

family in Hindi cinema. This research paper, thus, explores the shifts in the parenting styles

adopted in the Hindi cinema and how it draws a larger implication that parenting has become

more authoritarian rather that authoritative over time, in films, by making use of the

Baumrind’s Theory of Parenting.

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Chapter 3 - Analysis

This chapter aims to provide critical analysis of the two films thereby aiming to reflect

upon the various themes that fall under the subheadings of- Cultural and Ethnic Projection,

Visual Media Representation, Parenting Styles, Child Upbringing/ Parenting Roles,

Gender Inequality respectively. Baumrind’s theory of Parenting Styles will further be used as

a tool to contribute to the larger understanding of the way the idea of “Parenting” is perceived

in the Hindi cinema. Analysis of the films- Piku (2015) and Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaenge

(1995) adds on to the larger purpose of identifying the alteration in the idea of parenting in

these films of different decades in relation to the understanding of the notions of gender,

ethnicity and visual media and thus, implying that parenting has become more authoritative

rather than authoritarian over time using the Baumrind’s Theory of Parenting.

This chapter has been divided into five sections where in, each section comprises of

specific instances from the films which point out the kind of parenting style that is adopted by

the characters in the films. It is important to point out the fact that the two films belong to two

different decades which enables one to trace the shifts in terms of not only the various film

techniques adopted by the film makers, but also in terms of different varieties of themes

altogether that are portrayed; one of them being that of the parenting style.

The very first aspect that the chapter throws light on is that of Cultural and Ethnic

Projection. This heading encompasses the way the idea of culture is depicted in the films. For

instance, Punjabis are projected to be very loud and hyperactive bunch of people in DDLJ

whereas in Piku, Bengali characters are viewed to be pretty blunt characters. This view gives

way to the understanding of construction of idea of culture and ethnicity in films which more

often than not contribute to the reinforcement of various stereotypes which may or may not be

true in all cases.

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The section on Visual Media Representation comments on the way the visual media

represents certain ideas. For instance, the idea of love in Hindi cinema is generally seen as the

sole purpose of one’s life where the actors ought to fall into love which will further become an

integral part of their existence itself. Various aspects and ideas are represented and tweaked by

the whims and fancies of the film makers which are more often than not subjected to change in

the real life.

Another section on Parenting styles lists out the types of parenting styles adopted by

the characters in the films. These parenting style draw inferences from the theory of parenting

by Baumrind and are classified under the larger headings of Authoritative, Authoritarian and

Neglected Parenting.

The section on Child Upbringing/Parenting roles explore the idea of how parenting

style is affected by the gender of the child in the films. Meaning to say that a girl child will be

brought up in a very different manner as compared to the way a boy child is raised. This section

also throws light on the variations in the parenting styles adopted by the mother and father, and

also, that of a single parent.

The last section on Gender Inequality attempts to address the issue of how a child is

raised differently and is further subjected to oppression on the basis of his/her gender. For

instance, in DDLJ, Ajit Singh raises his children Kuljeet and Preeti in a very different manner

which is pretty evident in their personalities as Kuljeet is presented as this bold, strong character

whereas Preeti encapsulates shy and submissive behaviour.

Cultural and Ethnic Differences

In both the films- DDLJ and Piku one sees how the characters in the films are constantly

holding to the idea of culture and ethnicity irrespective of which generation they belong to.

They are also projecting certain attitudes and behaviours which reflect that their heritage seems

21
to be the most important thing to them. They are upholding the ideas of “Sanskriti” (Culture)

and “Sabhyata” (Tradition) which are exclusive to their identity as an Indian.

In the film, DDLJ, one sees how Baldev Singh is holding on to his identity as an Indian

throughout despite of staying in London. He is imparting the same nationalistic values and

ideas to his children- Simran and Rajeshwari. Even though both of them are raised in a foreign

land yet they have no choice but to stick to their identity as an Indian because of their staunch

father figure. There is an instance in the film where Simran wants to go on a Euro trip but she

has to ask about it to her father who is critical of the West and hates the idea of his daughters

complying to the western ways of living.

In the article published in 2014, in Indian Express, titled “Only if daddy says ‘yes’ ”,

Parul Bhandari links parenting to the cultural aspect. She refers to Patricia Uberoi’s essay, “The

Diaspora Comes Home: Disciplining Desire in DDLJ” (2006) where she notes that the film

“endorse(s) glamorous lifestyles, and effortless and guiltless consumption”. She talks about

how the film connotes that what is essential to any Indian subject is its connection with the

family and the cultural values. This leads to the construction of India as a country which gives

lot of importance to its culture and heritage and upholds the family values and traditions. She

further talks about how Raj is a “true Indian” because he does not elope with Simran and

thereby prevents himself from committing the heinous crime of bringing “shame” to the family.

One also sees that in the film, Simran’s mother, in one instance explains to her that it is the job

of an Indian woman to sacrifice herself for the honour of the family.

In Piku, one sees how Bhashkor Bannerjee holds on to his ancestral house until his

death because it is the only way that he would be linked to his culture and tradition. Bhashkor

Bannerjee seems to break the stereotype that Indian girls should encompass shy and subversive

behaviour when he is constantly reinforcing attributes of an independent woman in Piku. Steve

22
Drene in his article, “Hindu Men Talk About Controlling Women: Cultural Ideas as a Tool of

the Powerful” talks about how men generally prefer to uphold the family traditions and honour

by restricting women of the family. However, one sees how Bhashkor is never restricting Piku.

There is an instance in the film where he even remarks about how the girls should be able to

speak for themselves considering that the society mostly favours the male gender. One sees

that, Piku in the film is depicted as a strong, independent character who is constantly voicing

out her opinions as opposed to the docile character of women that is generally portrayed in

other Bollywood films. There is a scene, in the film where she voices out her judgement in a

meeting instead of submitting to her male counterparts. This also tends to break the stereotype

that Indian women do not really have a voice.

One of the problems that is embedded in the cultural and ethnic representation is that it

tends to create stereotypes instead of informing the audience about the culture of a particular

community. However, one sees that with time, progressive films are being made which attempt

in breaking stereotypes rather than reinforcing them.

Visual Media Representation

This section talks about how visual media aims to project things in a certain manner

which leads to fetishization, in terms of Lacan. Jaques Lacan talks about how when an

idea/concept is reified continuously, and then it comes concretised which further leads to

idealisation. Fetishization thus gives rise to not only stereotypes but also archetypes.

In DDLJ, one sees how it is portrayed that it is because of Simran being an ideal

daughter that she has to take permission from her parents about everything instead of doing

whatever she feels like. This becomes problematic because it constructs an ideal image of a

child wherein he/she is ought to succumb to the wants and desires of the parent.

23
It is also important to note that in visual media males plays an important role of the

protagonist whereas female is seen as the other. Shivam Vij in his article, “How DDLJ ruined

my generation”, in the Scroll points out that in visual media, the role of the father is

predominant. He writes about how even though in the film Simran’s mother and sister were

happy with her choice of suitor, yet her father’s verdict was the final one. He also points out

how in the film Raj instead of eloping with Simran is keen on impressing her family (most

importantly her father) and winning her hand in turn for marriage. According to Vij, this idea

adds on to the patriarchal understanding of how “men keep family and tradition (read

patriarchy) alive, and they keep in check women’s unbridled desires which threaten tradition”.

(Vij)

Piku, as the names suggests, revolves around a girl called Piku who is living with her

father. Her story is opposed to the usual films in Hindi cinema where the girl is saved by the

male. She is thus, portrayed as a self-sufficient girl who is not in dire need of a man.

Another important aspect that comes into picture is that of how family becomes a major

feature of the films in Hindi cinema. In DDLJ one sees how Baldev, Simran's father is

constantly reminded of India because in foreign land he seems to feel alienated. He says as to

how "Bharat" comprises of his own people, (apne log) and his family. Baldev Singh in the

opening scene of the film described London to be the biggest city of the world. He talks about

how even though he has spent 22 years of his life in this land, he still feels like and alien here

which all the more connote how he constantly potrays and holds on to this idea of him being

an Indian who will never consider a foreign country to be his home. He is seen to be missing

home throughout the film. In fact the film itself begins with the song titled, “Ghar aaja Pardesi

tera des bulaye re” (Come back home foreigner as your home awaits your presence).

24
The theme of family love also becomes a part of Piku where Bhashkor Bannerjee does

not want his ancestral house to be sold. One sees that all the members of the family reunite in

that house and have a gala time. Also, the Bannerjee house is seen to hold family get-together

in one instance where they gather and rejoice while talking about the past memories. As Sudhir

Kakkar in his article, “Family Matters” correctly points out that;

“The shift that can be traced here is that though the definition of family has changed

over time in Bollywood films yet one thing that remains constant throughout is the fact

everyone seems to fall back on the emotions/things attached with the family if not the

physical idea of family itself.” (Kakkar, 215)

Child Upbringing/ Parenting Roles

The following section is divided into two parts- Child Upbringing and Parenting Roles

which are further understood in relation to the concept of gender itself. The first part deals with

how the gender of the child affects the parenting style adopted by the parents whereas the

second part comments on how “Male Parenting” is different from “Female Parenting”.

In an Indian society, a male child is raised very differently in comparison to a female

child and the male child is more often than not in a superior position because of the inherent

patriarchal nature of the society. In DDLJ, one sees how Simran is raised in an environment

where she really has to think twice before exercising her free will. On the other hand, one sees

how Raj or even Kuljeet for that matter, is raised in a completely different manner where not

many restrictions are imposed on them. Piku, which was released almost two decades later,

portrays a complete shift where one sees how Piku is not raised in any sort of restrictive

environment which also contributes to the construction of a confident and smart female

protagonist.

25
Gender of the child determines the parenting style that he/she is meted to. Generally, in

an Indian society, girls/women of the house are dominated by the male(s) which is clearly

evident in a film like DDLJ where Baldev Singh controls the women of the house and a sense

of power is associated to his character throughout the film. The film maker creates an

environment for the viewers where they see how Simran at various instances is very reluctant

in talking to her father about a lot of things.

Another important fact that should be brought into notice is that of how many a times

in Hindi cinema a girl is mostly the bearer of the traditions and values of the family. She is

expected to think about the family before anything else as the family’s honour is mostly at the

stake of the decisions that she would take. The task of the men, on the other hand, is to keep a

check on the women by exercising their power and thus, more often than not taking decisions

for them. This in turn throws light on the aspect of gender inequality which will be discussed

in detail, further in this chapter.

It is extremely important to bring into notice as to how the role that is played by the

father is very different from that of the mother. There have been umpteen number of instances

where one makes note of how in DDLJ the parenting style adopted by Simran’s Father, Baldev

Singh is an authoritative one according to the Baumrind’s Parenting Theory. The article, “How

DDLJ ruined my generation” by Shivam Vij in Scroll talks about how the decisions of the life

of the daughter are very conveniently taken by the father which in turn suggests that she cannot

exercise her free will throughout the film and is completely dependent on her parent. The article

points out how the film conveys the message that the child brought up by a set of Indian parents

does not really have the freedom of choice and ultimately has to bow down to the whims and

fancies of the parent. He says,

26
“There are several variations of the marriage problem that men and women on their

twenties and early thirties face. They don’t want to marry yet but do it because their

parents want it. They love someone outside caste or religion (rarely class, these days)

but break up because parents won’t accept it.” (Vij)

This theory is however not applicable in the case of Piku where one can note how

Bhashkor has a better relationship in terms of communication and interaction with Piku as

opposed to Baldev Singh with his daughter, Simran in the film, DDLJ and therefore his wife,

Lajwanti acted as a medium through which they (Simran and Baldev Singh) could interact with

each other. Tilu in her article, “Beliefs on Parenting and Childhood in India”, says that this

“interaction” creates a “triangulation of relationships.”

Gender Inequality

This section deals with how there are various instances of gender inequality prevalent

in both the films in different contexts. Meaning to say that in DDLJ one can point out various

instances where females are meted to unjust behaviour by the men while on the other hand in

Piku, men themselves are constantly seen to inform the women about the basis of this inequality

in the film. Steve Drene in his article, “Hindu Men Talk About Controlling Women: Cultural

Ideas as a Tool of the Powerful”, talks about how due to the “culture of power”, Indian women

tend to have a subservient position in their household. The husband tends to have an upper

hand in all the important family matters. They not only control the lives of their wives but also

of the other members at home. He talks about how the women at the house are expected to

behave in a certain manner and have a certain kind of attachment with the household.

There is an instant in the film Piku, where Bhashkor talks about how women should not

submit themselves to the desires of the males. He further condemns marriage and says that it

somehow restricts the growth of the women as immediately after their marriage; women

27
become subjected to oppression of all sorts-both, mental and physical. Drene also talks about

how unmarried girls are treated differently in an Indian household and how during his research

several men told him that “girls need to be carefully chaperoned as soon as girls are old enough

to understand that there is a difference between boys and girls. He says,

“To protect marriage prospects for their daughters, men carefully monitor their

unmarried daughters’ behaviour to limit their interactions with unrelated men. After

their daughters reach a particular age, which ranges from 5 to 13, the men I interviewed

refuse to allow their daughters to play with men”. (207)

There have been memes and various comedian-based reviews of DDLJ where the

unreasonable parenting style in the film, DDLJ has been mocked.

Fig 1 (Gill, Rath. “Pretentious Movie Reviews”.)

In their series called, “Pretentious Movie Reviews”, one sees how Kanan Gill and

Biswa Kalyan Rath makes fun of how Simran has to take consent of her father so that she can

go on a Euro trip. They relate it to how Indian parents, who mostly follow the authoritarian

28
style of parenting, and thereby control the lives of their children. They further represent in a

comical manner how Indian kids tend to approach their mothers first about something they

want and she further communicates it to their father. This can be related to Tuli’s idea of mother

being a connecting link between the father and children in an Indian context. In DDLJ also one

sees how Simran first approaches her mother and tries to convince her to talk to her father

regarding the Euro trip.

Parenting Style

According to Baumrind’s Theory of Parenting, there are three kinds of parenting styles-

Authoritative, Authoritarian and Neglectful (Uninvolved) Parenting. In the two films, one

sees the contrast in the parenting style adopted by the characters. This contrast could also be

because of the change in the time period in which these films were released in. It is important

to note that with time, the parenting has become for Authoritative than Authoritarian. Meaning

to say that the new age parents, as portrayed in films, have become more susceptible to the

problems that their children face as opposed to the characters who played the role of parents in

the films released in the 90s. It is important to bring in the aspect of “Demandingness” and

“Responsiveness” that Baumrind talks about. One can see how in DDLJ, parents are more

reluctant and stern whereas in Piku, Bhashkor is involved in the life of his daughter and

therefore they have a healthy relationship.

In Piku, it becomes pretty evident that Bhashkor adopts the Authoritative parenting

style because he is sensitive of the wants and needs of Piku and creates a positive and healthy

environment which leads to her growth. Throughout the film, one also sees that Piku tends to

talk freely about whatever she wants to with her father. There is not even a trace of shyness or

uncomfortableness evident in their relationship. They also discuss extremely pertinent social

issues that govern the Indian society. When Bhashkor dies in the film, Piku also talks about

29
how he has prepared her to face the challenges of life even in his absence. This very sign of

self-confidence and trust is symbolic of how the children of authoritative parents are. Piku is

quite independent and self-sufficient since she has been brought up in an environment which

has made her more conscious and aware of herself and surroundings. She also seems to have

high self-esteem as her father helped her to handle situations of all sorts by discussing and

talking about them.

In DDLJ, Baldev Singh adopts the authoritarian style of parenting. He is portrayed at

this stern father figure who controls the life of his daughter in the film. He is quite reluctant in

accepting the new ways of living and mostly wants the things to go his way. This also becomes

one of the sole reason behind the disturbing relationship between him and his daughter, Simran.

He hardly seems to understand Simran and at various points in the film one sees how Simran

has to take his advice before doing anything which further suggests that she does not really

have any sort of agency. Even when she falls in love with Raj and wants to marry him, she

realises that, that cannot really happen since her father has already fixed her marriage with his

friend’s son, Kuljeet. There is a sense of authoritative power that Baldev Singh has which he

exercises on all the other characters of the film too. Therefore, none of the female leads have a

voice and this is also where the aspect of culture seeps in, where in the man of the family

oppresses the women of the house. He also wanted his children to blindly follow all his orders

and thus wanted to attain full control over their lives.

One sees that due to this style of parenting adopted by the character of Baldev Singh,

Simran was an unhappy child throughout the movie, except when she meets Raj, since she

lacked free will. When one compares her character with that of Piku, it is pretty noticeable that

Simran is not at all independent mostly because her parents took all her decision. She is also

seen to be insecure about things and people since she is grown up in a pretty restrictive

30
environment. Her poor self esteem throughout the film was also something that was pretty

evident.1

1
However, it could also be because of the time period in which the film was released since at

that time the images of women as an epitome of chastity and purity were celebrated.

31
Chapter 4-Conclusion

This paper attempts to draw conclusion that analysis of the films- Piku (2015) and

Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaenge (1995) adds on to the larger purpose of identifying the alteration

in the idea of parenting in these films of different decades in relation to the understanding of

the notions of gender, ethnicity and visual media and thus, implying that parenting has become

more authoritative rather than authoritarian over time using the Baumrind’s Theory of

Parenting. Various instances from both the films have been discussed in the paper to prove the

same.

Visual media, undoubtedly serves as an appealing form of medium where there is an

endless possibility of impressive ideas and interpretations. Exploring something as specific as

Parenting style acts like an add on factor to make the research interesting since the personality

of a person is mostly shaped by the kind of upbringing he or she gets. Observing how the

directors’ use this idea of parenting is very appealing at the end of the day as one is able to

observe and analyse the mind-sets of the actors throughout and reflect upon the dependency of

a parent in rearing a child. Thus, the research helps in studying the larger field of Visual Media.

The paper also explored how parenting is influenced by various other factors as

discussed in the sub headings of Visual Media Representation, Gender, Ethnicity, etc. It is only

when one reflects critically that, he/she is able to study the method in which child is brought

up in an Indian setup in films. More often than not, films view the idea of parenting in a very

unique manner. Film makers, at present, tend to break the stereotypes in the present film and

try to explore a variety of nuances that are often overlooked in cinema. As opposed to this, old

film makers attempted to stick to the stereotypes which further led to reinforcement of cultural

archetypes.

32
The culture, undoubtedly affects the upbringing of the child. Bollywood often portrays

films where the characters stick to their culture and perform a certain set of actions whereas on

the other hand, there are also films where this pattern is broken and characters break a certain

set of cultural norms and do their part by fighting their way through the customs of the society.

Sometimes, these films also receive the status of a “Hit” where the mainstream thinking is

challenged whereas other times films also get banned or are a total flop because may be the

audience is not ready to accept the reality that is projected on the screen. They might not be

convinced and probably, also not be ready too, to let go off the set of values that they had been

holding since a very long time. It, therefore, depends on the risk that the film maker is ready to

take. Fortunately, new film makers do take this huge leap of projecting a harsh reality in order

to give rise to a challenging form of cinema which would in turn create an awakening in the

minds of the present viewers.

Lastly, the paper addressed the idea of gender which talks about the major role it plays

in the style of parenting. Parents are more often than not, conscious about how they will deal

with the child depending upon the sex of the child. Gender, too, plays an important role where

one sees that how in earlier films girls were brought up in a way that they turn out to be shy,

chaste and virtuous whereas, on the other hand, boys were taught to be bold and strong. This

itself talks about the discrimination that a child meets at the hands of his/her parents just

because of the gender that he/she has been ascribed to by the society.

Thus, these headings were further related to the two films of the Hindi cinema- Piku

and DDLJ and studied in respect to the various themes that are outlined in the films,

respectively.

33
Works Cited

“4 Parenting Styles – Characteristics And Effects.” Parenting For Brain, 8 Oct. 2017,

www.parentingforbrain.com/4-baumrind-parenting-styles/

Barcellos, Silvia Helena, et al. “Child Gender and Parental Investments In India: Are Boys and

Girls Treated Differently?” American Economic Journal: Applied Economics, vol. 6,

no. 1, 2014, pp. 157–189. JSTOR, JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/43189469.

Derné, Steve. “Hindu Men Talk about Controlling Women: Cultural Ideas as a Tool of the

Powerful.” Sociological Perspectives, vol. 37, no. 2, 1994, pp. 203–227. JSTOR,

JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/1389320.

Kakar, Sudhir. “Family Matters.” India International Centre Quarterly, vol. 33, no. 3/4, 2006,

pp. 214–221. JSTOR, JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/23006083.

knngill. “MOST BOLLYWOOD EVER - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge Review.” YouTube,

YouTube, 6 Jan. 2015, www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOZyX3bv2Hc&t=3s.

Kumar, Anuj. “Piku: For the motion.” The Hindu, 8 May 2015,

www.thehindu.com/features/metroplus/piku-for-the-motion/article7184772.ece.

Lewis, Charlie, and Michael E. Lamb. “Fathers' Influences on Children's Development: The

Evidence from Two-Parent Families.” European Journal of Psychology of Education,

vol. 18, no. 2, 2003, pp. 211–228. JSTOR, JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/23420449.

Online, IE. “Only if daddy says 'yes'.” The Indian Express, 13 Dec. 2014,

indianexpress.com/article/opinion/columns/only-if-daddy-says-yes/.

Tuli, Mila. “Beliefs on Parenting and Childhood in India.” Journal of Comparative Family

Studies, vol. 43, no. 1, 2012, pp. 81–91. JSTOR, JSTOR,

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Vij, Shivam. “How DDLJ ruined my generation.” Scroll.in, Https://Scroll.in, 3 Jan. 2017,

scroll.in/article/692288/how-ddlj-ruined-my-generation.

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