Before we begin,let’s watch a video about one father’s struggle for his children.

Now picture yourself in this position; You’ve not only just lost your children or been
restrained to seeing them on holidays and weekends but you’re also losing your house due to
debt caused by lawyer fees and you’re drowning in a depression you can’t get out of. This is
what many fathers feel in the process of fighting for custody of their children, children they
helped bring into this world. As you just heard from my own father who has embarked on this
journey, it takes not only a financial toll but a toll on your mental health. I have been researching
the gap between assistance for fathers versus mothers for a couple of weeks, and my findings left
even myself astonished, and I’ve seen this problem first hand. The number of single fathers is
growing year by year, and yet their assistance is the same if not diminishing. As I present my
findings to you, I want you to keep asking yourself one simple question: What would you do in
this position? This is a problem we need to address and it’s one we need to address now. Without
acting quickly this problem is going to continue to grow.

I said previously that, this problem, if left uncorrected will only continue to grow, let me
show you why. Let’s start at the beginning. You’re a father separating from your long-term
girlfriend, and you have children. In most situations’ parents can come up with a custody
agreement on their own. However, let’s say you can’t agree, and you go to court. In an article
published by family.FindLaw.com it is stated that “When the child's parents are unmarried, the
statutes of most states require that the mother be awarded sole physical custody unless the father
takes action to be awarded custody. An unwed father often cannot win custody over a mother
who is a good parent, but he will usually take priority over other relatives, foster parents, or
prospective adoptive parents.” Now let’s say you are married and getting divorced. Another
article published by erlichlegal.com/blog “22% of divorced fathers see their children once a
week and 29% of fathers see their children less than four times per month.” Only seeing their
children once a week or four times a month seriously diminishes the relationship the father has
with his children. When you read the article I previously mention by family.FindLaw.com one of
the criteria a judge considers, should a custody case go to court, is the relationship with the kids
and who performs the most parental duties. How is a father supposed to get custody or fight for
custody after only seeing his children 3 or 4 times a month?

This leads me into the next problem single fathers have when fighting for legal custody,
legal assistance. A simple google search will reveal most of the information you need on this
topic; however, I will elaborate. When you do a search for legal assistance for single mothers,
you are likely to get 5-10 law firms in which a mother can receive legal assistance free or
reduced. Conversely, when you do a search for legal assistance for fathers, you get 3 law firms
that offer reduced prices for single fathers. This alone is an issue. One of the examples here in
my own community is LASSD (Legal aid society of San Diego.) They offer free legal aid for
mothers but not fathers. I contacted them to try to get an interview as to why this was, however
they declined to comment. As you saw in my video, my father’s first recommendation to any
father fighting for custody is to get a lawyer, but with divorce fees, alimony, and a number of
other things that males already pay for in the process of divorce, how can they afford a lawyer to
fight for their children and why don’t they receive the same legal assistance as mothers?

Now that we’re discussing lawyers, let’s talk about the percentage of father’s who
actually are awarded custody. I had a difficult time finding a statistic for this specific question.
Upon digging further I came across my favorite article I’ve read in the last three weeks called
“Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support.” In this article they state that “Fathers
have become more likely to be custodial parents over the past 22 years, increasing from 16.0
percent in 1994 to 19.6 percent in 2016” Now, I am ecstatic that the number of fathers getting
awarded custody is on the rise, however, those numbers are still absolutely DISMAL. According
to the article “The impact of Fathers on Children’s Well-Being” published by the University of
Florida, “While the role of fathers has changed historically over the years, fathers can play a
crucial role in the healthy development and well-being of their children, beginning as early as
birth. For example, fathers tend to play with their children differently than mothers do. Mothers
often emphasize nurturing while fathers spend more time engaging in stimulating playful activity
and promoting independence (Rosenberg and Wilcox 2006).” My question now is, if father’s
have such an important role to play in their child’s life, why is there such a low percentage
awarded custody?

The article I mentioned in my previous paragraph has some wonderful statistics on the
next topic I want to discuss. As you can probably guess by the name of the article, the next topic
I am going to discuss is the lack of child support that fathers get versus mothers. It’s hard to go
into all the details that this article shows on this issue, so let me show you.

When looking at these statistics, 52.7 percent of custodial mothers have a child support
agreement, and 44.9 percent get the full amount of child support. When you look at the father’s
statistics, 39.6% have child support agreements, and only 35.5% receive the full amount. These
numbers are drastically different and this is the part that I mentioned before that astounded even
me. I knew that a low percent of males were awarded custody, and I knew that an even lower
number of those got child support but I had no idea it was that low. When I asked my father why
he thought these numbers were so different, he said “when a father is awarded custody, he’s
satisfied with that victory alone. He isn’t going to want to bring the mother back to court for
child support and risk reopening the custody battle.” I highly encourage you to read the rest of
this article there are quite a few other statistics on the topic that would shock you.

Mental health is another major issue that I see single father’s lacking assistance on. When
you’re in a pile of debt, your family has been torn apart and you’re trying to fight for your
children the last thing you can afford to pay for is counseling. This process leaves a long term
effect on both the parents and the children. As a child of separation myself, I can honestly say
there’s a number of things that I wish I could have seen a counselor about. Few adult males are
going to seek out help in this area, however with the bond between them and their children being
strained by limited visitation, I believe it would be helpful to offer counseling at either a
discounted rate or for free to fathers going through divorce. As with my other topics, I did a
Google search of mental health for both mothers and fathers. There were numerous options for
mothers, however, the fathers were severely lacking. When reading the various articles that come
up when searching for mental health assistance for single mothers, almost all of them go into the
mental health struggles that single mothers face. When looking for the same thing for fathers,
there was nothing. Why as a society do we feel that mothers in general face more issues both
financially and mentally?

This gap exists, as I’ve shown you and the number of single father’s is not decreasing in
fact it’s increasing. According to the article The Rise of Single Fathers by the pew research
center “The number of single father households has increased about nine-fold since 1960, from
less than 300,000 to more than 2.6 million in 2011.” In case you’re like me and can’t picture
those numbers there’s a graph that goes with those statistics to show you.
 As you can see, the number of single fathers is on the rise.
With these statistics, how is it possible that of fathers whom are awarded custody, only 39.6%
have a child support agreement but 52.7% of mothers do?

This problem isn’t going to get solved on its own, and by no means can one person solve
it. My hope is that by presenting you with these astounding facts, this problem is brought to light.
I want society as a whole to begin working to correct this issue. I would like organizations to
offer assistance for both fathers and mothers, I would like law firms to offer free legal aid for
both sides of the divorcing parents, and I would like counselors to offer reduced cost or free
counseling for divorcing families. These few minor changes in the way a few companies operate
would make a world of difference to a single father who is in an already mentally, emotionally
and financially draining situation. It takes two to bring a life into this world; I hope one day
they’re treated with equal value.
Works CCited: Livingston
Gretchen.
“The Rise of Single Fathers | Pew Research Center.” Pew Research Center's Social &
Demographic Trends Project, Pew Research Center's Social & Demographic Trends Project, 24
Sept. 2013, www.pewsocialtrends.org/2013/07/02/the-rise-of-single-fathers/.

Johnson, Ashley. “One Father's Struggle for his children.”

“Child Custody Basics.” FindLaw Thomson Reuters, family.fFindLaw.com/child-custody/child-

custody-basics.html.
Grall, Timothy. “Custodial Mothers and Fathers, and Their Child Support"2015.”: Census Bureau
QuickFacts, US Census Bureau, 25 July 2018, www.census.gov/library/publications/2018/demo/p60-
262.htmlwww.census.gov/library/publications/2018/demo/p60-
262.htmlwww.census.gov/library/publications/2018/demo/p60-262.html.

Erlich, Denise. “Custody Lawyers | Child Custody Statistics.” Erlich Law Office, 14 Mar. 2016,
erlichlegal.com/blog/single-fathers-single-mothers-child-custody-statistics/.

Ellis, Sarah M., et al. “The Impact of Fathers on Children's Well-Being.” EDIS New Publications RSS,
Agronomy, 18 Sept. 2017, edis.ifas.ufl.edu/fy1451.