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Draft Two:
His heart,
was elsewhere.
His heart,
no longer belongs with her.
Draft Three:
The sun was generously radiating its healing rays, a blanket of remedial joy cast over
the singing neighbours, the kids running after each other around the cul-de sac,
careless and free. It was the prototypical perfect day. She took a moment to appreciate
it in all its glory before locking her car and heading inside. She continued with her
routinely tasks, passing by her bedroom to go wash up, as usual. She realized a small
He took her hand as though she was the only woman in the world. He leaned in for a
gentle kiss that confirmed to her that she was the only woman in his world. His gaze,
warmly familiar and breathtakingly exhilarating all at once. She didn’t like change;
her life was bound by routines and pre-meditated strategies and schedules. But she
knew things would always change. He made her fall and hooked her on the bottom of
the ocean with the resilient anchor. - Nice descriptive line, especially the description
before it would also help to emphasise the idea of the ‘finally’ if it’s further into the
They walked past the blissful crowd, hand-in-hand. The breeze was calm, his grip
tight on her. For an instant she felt invincible. Nothing could ruin this moment. They
continued to walk, each prizing look he stole recharging her sense of purpose. Each
This one time, however, his glare lasted for more than a couple of seconds. She tried
to fight a smile creep up onto her face and could tell her face was starting to heat up.
She looked back into those deep, marbly eyes of his. Deep enough, she thought, for
good measure. She had never known eyes to hold as much power to immerse another
being completely. She was completely comforted, slowly slipping into a smitten
daze… until the contact broke. His gaze shifted. He slowly let go of her hand and
watched another woman walk past, as though she immediately did not exist anymore.
- Expanding the start of the story before the ‘finally’ line could add to the effect
The sun was generously radiating its healing rays, a blanket of remedial joy cast over
the singing neighbours, the kids running after each other around the cul-de sac,
careless and free. It was the prototypical perfect day. She took a moment to appreciate
it in all its glory before locking her car and heading inside. She continued with her
routinely tasks, passing by her bedroom to go wash up, as usual. A small halt in the
spring of her step. She realised a small note pinned to her door.
The note read, “ Date night! Pick you up at 7:30, be ready xx”. So smiling she went,
the spring restored in her step, full of excitement she began the familiar process of
preparing for what she anticipated to be a delightful night. Meticulously applying her
makeup, and her short red dress that she knew he loved. Like always, she was late.
He awaited her presence patiently, until she was finally ready by 8:00pm.
He took her hand as though she was the only woman in the world. He leaned in for a
gentle kiss that confirmed to her that she was the only woman in his world. His gaze,
warmly familiar and breathtakingly exhilarating all at once. She didn’t like change,
her life was bound by routines and pre-meditated strategies and schedules. But she
knew things would always change. No matter how much they did though, she knew
she would always find a sense of home in his eyes. The world would warp around her,
against her will more often than not, but the way he looked at her was the source of
constancy that was enough to counter-balance it all. All he had to do was cast his eyes
upon her in that oh-so-endearing way, and somehow everything was going to be just
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Aisha Elachrafi- 18028586
okay. The drive to the pier was nothing less than perfect. She was floating on waters
They walked past the blissful crowd, hand-in-hand. The breeze was calm, his grip
tight on her. For an instant she felt invincible. Nothing could ruin this moment. They
continued to walk, each prizing look he stole recharging her sense of purpose. Each
This one time, however, his glare lasted for more than a couple of seconds. She tried
to fight a smile creep up onto her face and could tell her face was starting to heat up.
She looked back into those deep, marbly eyes of his. Deep enough, she thought, for
good measure. She had never known eyes to hold as much power to immerse another
being completely. She was completely comforted, slowly slipping into a smitten
daze… until the contact broke. His gaze shifted. He slowly let go of her hand and
watched another woman walk past, as though she immediately did not exist anymore.
A pit of emptiness in her stomach grew and grew as she incredulously watched him
continue to observe someone else. It soon engulfed her, taking over what was
It was supposed to be a romantic night out by the Pier. The atmosphere set the ideal
mood for the many couples enjoying the cold night out. And the scenery… it was the
prototype for a perfect date night out. But that was all it was. A prototype. She came
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Aisha Elachrafi- 18028586
to see how her rigid, boxed-in view of life was failing her, yet again. “You’ve gotta
have a fluid approach to things, to life,” he would always tell her. Fluid... She looked
out at the waves. They were fluid. But no matter how far they were dragged out into
the great blue, they always came back, time and time again. She was mesmerised by
their movement. There was an element of sure security the waves possessed that she
envied. She looked back at him, her field of view changing from the known to the yet
Something was irking her though. Something was telling her that from today, things
might not be the same. The view of him watching the thumping waves of the shadowy
indigo waters was still great in a way: great, but also greatly different. This time, even
the sand sunk under their weight differently as they rest upon it. It put up more of a
unfathomable distance while sitting right besides each other. It was insane how the
smallest of details, the most trivial of actions, a look, can onset waves of realization
and sends an entire world crashing down. As she looked at him and back at the waves
again, she was beginning to see everything for what it was. It was as if a false veil of
comfort and security had been lifted from her eyes – an undistorted vision of reality.
He turned to her. Again, he took her hand, just as gently as he had done before, but
not as stably. Something felt weaker. He took her hand, but this time to break the
solemn news of why everything felt different, why it was all soon to be over.
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Aisha Elachrafi- 18028586
The robust framework that she was convinced was the beginning to their lives
together was destroyed in an instant of combustion. And it would take years to repair
The Rapid Turn Over is a creative and imaginative prose that explores the emotions
and realities involved with a nameless young girl who has been heart broken. The
the topic of ‘love’. Through the lengthy process comprised of the important aspects of
planning, drafting, editing and publishing, I have been able to compose a finalised and
structured prose.
The process of planning is crucial when composing any writing task. This procedure
is significant as it is the initial and foundational stage of forming and collecting ideas.
The piece originated from a quick in-class exercise which involved filling out the
blanks of the above table, known as the ‘Lune’. Commencing the writing task with
this pedagogical strategy allowed the task to be made less difficult as it did not require
prose. This fundamental activity allowed for a writing idea to be created and
eventuate into a transformed prose and short text (Beard, 2009, p.65). The Lune made
it easier for thoughts and deliberations to be mapped out. For example, describing the
setting of a place that causes one to be world-weary and describing the feeling
involved with that place you desire provided an advantage for beginning the task in
that the writer is able to gain a multi-dimensional understanding of the people and
places involved. For some students, having to write a prose or creative piece ‘off-the-
bat’ may be overwhelming as some students lack confidence in their writing skills. By
array of students, regardless of their academic levels, are guided successfully through
the process of writing a prose. Using the Lune scaffold for my own prose writing has
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Aisha Elachrafi- 18028586
assisted me to better communicate and express my intended ideas and thoughts in
order to begin the prose. I will therefore support and implement the use of the
confident writers.
The process of drafting is the stage that allows students to organise and structure their
ideas into a coherent format. Another process that was used to finalise the piece of
prose was peer reviewing, which is also known as collaborative drafting. Peer
reviewing is an effective form of drafting as students are able to identify the strongest
qualities of another student’s writing piece, as well as recommend any alterations that
could be made in improvement. As new ideas were introduced via the process of peer
forms of descriptive and emotive language. The instructive strategy of peer reviewing
allowed for my piece of writing to be translated into the expected structure and format
of a prose. As evident in Draft three, there was not an extensive use of descriptive
language and concepts and moments were not explained in depth. However, through
the process of peer reviewing I was able to gain feedback suggesting the addition of
more evocative language throughout the length of the prose. The feedback also
suggested to expand the plot of the story in the primary staged before ‘finally, we
arrived’ as it provided more context to the scene, resulting in a more effectual turning
graphic and vivid language, creating a vision for the story. I also included additional
description and building moments at the beginning of the story before the culmination
point. The process of editing also consists of revising the content and correcting any
A considerably significant change made would be the synthesis of the ideas and
plotline at the forefront of the story before the interaction between the couple. In the
first drafts, including the poem, there was not much information or substance
preceding that certain point in the story. I created more of a foundational background
to support the upcoming and unfolding events. Building on these ideas allowed for the
Forming a stronger initial context to relate the events of the story to creates a deeper,
multifaceted engagement and understanding for the reader. Adding this bulk of
events to follow rather than the drastic jumps from scene to scene in draft three.
more sophisticated syntax. Throughout the drafts it can be noted that concepts became
more refined and well articulated. The increased use of emotive language as well as
the addition of the extended metaphor of his gaze being her source of comfort adds
eloquence and depth to the piece. I prolonged the duration and explanation of the
critical and major determining points closer to the end of the story to emphasise the
piece that was much more intricate and was able to successfully and extensively
able to develop their own piece of text while strengthening their writing capabilities.
The NSW syllabus (2017) outcomes outlines that students learn to respond to and
compose texts where students are able to shape and arrange textual elements in order
to express thoughts, ideas and emotions in order to compose a written piece (p.3). As
evident when writing my own prose, the NSW syllabus (2017) also engages the
concepts of planning and drafting when beginning a writing activity (p.4). The
reinforcing their ideas or thoughts in order to compose a literary piece. The vitality of
the process of drafting is demonstrated as it is a skill that students are taught from
original ideas that they begin to refine and improve progressively. The pedagogical
By being able to complete the composition task and conduct my own piece of prose, I
have been able to identify the important features of a writing task, as well as the
Beard, R. (2009). The SAGE handbook of writing development (pp. 65-79). Los
Angeles: SAGE.
https://syllabus.nesa.nsw.edu.au/english/english-k10/content/897/
https://syllabus.nesa.nsw.edu.au/english/english-k10/stage-5-activity-2/