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Journal Confessions

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7/9/2010

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Player, by Angela Khristin Brown

I thought I had a man. A BMW. Ooops;. but he fooled me into believing he was a
good man. You see, I was not good to myself. I was not true to myself when I
trusted my body to be used for free, for good conversation, for lust. I had been
living a lie. I dreamt of the fairy tale wedding, having kids, a house, a good car and
good job if I met the perfect mate. I thought worldly on him but you see he played
me with his mind control act, that I was believing it. I was his slut. You see, the
player was a class act. He had it going on. He was all that. When I thought I had him
wrapped around me pinky, I turned out to be a freak under neath the sheets.
Brother had it going on. He was fine to me. He had a bank roll that he loved to
spend on me. He personality was smooth. His conversation was intellectual. He had
class. If he asked me to jump, I would say how high. For this man I was willing to go
the distance. Sex was so good, I aint lying, I thought he was the one. You see, each
moment of ecstasy was a lie. I was fooled into believing sex would make him
special. Sex would make him all mine. Sex was the foundation of our relationship.
Sex would keep him coming back to me. I had to have it. It did not matter where I
did it. We could have sex in the jeep, sex at the crib, sex on the counter, sex at
work, sex at school. I had an addiction to giving this man what he wanted, wherever
he wanted whenever he wanted it. He wanted it so much, sex was the mind game
we played. He tricked me into believing he needed me. He needed my loving as a
token of chastity. With that said, I found the truth about sex after each child. He
left me bare foot and pregnant year after year. That all those years of commitment,
I was played. That I was a warm hole to pee in. that I was the kick on the side with a
concubine to raise alone, no but by his cousin or maybe he said to give our child to
his girlfriend or wife to raise. He said I was about nothing. I felt like nothing. There
are 3 sorts of women to a man, his loyal wife, his loyal friend and his loyal freak. I
was the freak he came too when his wife was not there to submit to him. Men are
control freaks and if you are foolish enough to believe it, you have been played. I
thought I was good enough for him to come back to me. I was a bag of tricks. Now
all I speak of are commitments and having just one true love. All the men I knew
were like this. I did not ask to be a hoochie mamma playing tricks by a bunch of
high rollers. I wanted to be the innocent virgin who was respected and treated like
an African queen. All I am saying is do not make the same mistake sleeping from
man to man, when you deserve better.
The Gheto Queen, By Angela K Brown

Once upon a time a long, long time, before you were born, there lived a poor black

girl, named Mayia. She lived where there was drugs and prostitution. In the projects

where there was grafiti that paved the walls, garbage trashed the empty lots of

barren vegitation and gun shots alluded death’s calling. Mayia lived in the home of

her grandparent because her dad was in jail for robbing a conveinent store and her

mom abandoned her for a cocain habbit and refused treatment and now lives in a

half way house. Her grandma promised to keep her from living house to house

under adoption that may result to her being homeless once she turned 18. Mayia

was a good kid. She would keep the house cleaned, cooked dinner and read many

books. Reading led to Mayia’s way of escaping the proverty and abandoment. Mayia

could read the powerful words in a book that led her imagination to escape reality.

Mayia knew her grandma loved her very much and would not let anyone hurt her,

not gangs, not violence, not drugs and certainly never result to prostitution. Mayia

had no friends; but had a lot of book smart and it was with God’s gift of reasoning

would lead Mayia to the promise her grandma intended for her to have. Hope and

prayer. Mayia was raised in the church. Mayia did well on school subjects – creative

writing being her best. Mayia ma mia encourged her to write; because, it was her

best subject. One day the teacher called on her in class to read a poem she had

written about her family. She was embarased. When she wrote this poem, she

merely wanted to get done with her assignment. Ms. Scott, third grade teacher,

told the class this was award winning piece.

She stood up in class and began to read her poem, “I can do Bad all by Myself.”
Bless us merciful Lord through this journey where we are carried and our faith is

restored. It is said that Jesus fasted before being tested. When by it was the devil’s

that asked him to feed his people if he were the Lord not to leave them bitter. Jesus

testimony was that people should live by God’s word alone. Question yourselves.

Are you willing to lose your life for God by defending the church belief to be

accepted into heaven. The word of God is this strong. Man shall accept God

righteously to practice his faith. A man went to jail for his beliefs. Jesus wanted him

to repent for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. Jesus made a promise to man to use

faith as a guide and to save lost souls from sin. One must repent his sin to ask for

forgiveness and to ask God the strength for man to forgive other’s sins so his soul

to be redeemed. Jesus chose fishermen to become his decuples. The call to God is

blind. God was willing to accept all sinners into heaven if they believed. “Come after

men, and I will make you fishermen of men.” Fish is good for nourishment. The

fishermen were chosen for the purpose as journeymen. They become followers of

God without knowing what it involved. God asks of you to become practitioners of

faith. God ask you to follow him and use his words wisely to administer faith. God

calls you to listen wisely. He has created the Beatitudes to share. His words is a

revolution of power. It is by example words to live by;. It will be blessed by God for

those who follow. In order to proclaim your faith you have to believe in it. One can

not trust without reasoning. To be a follower in Christ one must practice his faith.

Light is a resource where there is light we can see. When afraid we rely on light for

safety. This is the same way with the church. We need religion as a resource to

guide us to safety. The commandments are God’s law. One must practice law to be

accepted into heaven. We need rules to live by to know right from wrong. It is with

these laws as Christians we have a contract with God. When broken we must ask for
forgiveness and promise to not do this sin anymore. We must change by praying

and admitting our sins to answer his calling. It is good thing to not hold anger. After

time the anger will build up and destroy you inside. No sacrifice is greater than to

give alms to the Lord. One must submit his burdens before God to recompense from

sin. If anger builds up, it will explode. Ask God how to make commends to the

church. Pray for change, through the will of God, ask for God’s guidance to help you

to making the right decision. Ask for forgiveness. Ask for greater faith. Do not hold

in anger. Lust is sinful. It is better to turn from lust than to face its consequences.

Marriage is a commitment blessed by the church. A woman who is loosed is no good

company. A man who lust is just as guilty to sin as the women who is lustful. It is

sinful to look lustful intentions through the media or through action. One should

only be committed their spouse by not cheating through the divinity of the church.

One must not swear in God’s name. It is called blasmophy to profess false witness

on behalf of the church. Be careful who you call a devil worshiper. Those who judge

allows you to be judged. Do not cast the first stone. One can not impose one faith

on others. He can only justify reasons for his faith. If you are disturbed by

infrastructures, God is only testing your faith. If you follow God’s word you will be

saved. God leads you on a journey. You will go to heaven if you live by God’s word.

God will decide at the end of your journey when it is time to die. Then will your soul

go to heaven. Practice what you preach. Ask of others no more than what you want

for yourself. Do not want more than what you can give. A good Samaritan gives all

the time. God is good all the time. It is easier to lead a life through kind acts. Trust

in God to live by his words. Following God is easy. No man is born without sin. The

Lord knows we are sinners. God will test our faith until we die. It is a God’s calling.

Life is a journey where we must chose righteously and learn form our mistakes and
become true followers of God. The devil has many disguises. You will be confronted

with others testimony of faith. You will be tested on how strongly your faith is. The

devil thrust can come upon you like a ghost where you become humbled in God’s

mercy. Proclaim your faith. The house of God is a rock. A rock is composed on a

foundation where proclaiming what is right is justified. Teaching is based on

scholarly wisdom. It can only be broken when the covenant is portrayed, then it is

crushed and must be rebuilt. The divinity of faith is determined by your connection

with God and your fellowship of mercy. Through what you are willing to sacrifice can

be contained with God’s mercy.

The teacher saw Mayia had rare talent and entered her poem in a writing compition.

With enough said, this gave Mayia the confidence to write more poems. She kept

her first poem in the Bible. It meant a lot to have a gift God gave her and this was

her calling. Mayia would read her poems to everyone. It was now junior in high

school she was in the Miss America pageant. Mayia was chosen by her peers to be

there. Mayia thought the pageant would be a disaster where eveyone would laugh

at her and make fun of her because she was from the ghetto. Mayia decided to read

her poem she wrote in the third grade for the pageant for talent. There was

complete silence and after the poem there was aplause. Mayia won the pageant

with the support of everyone. Mayia began to use her spare time writing poems

and sharing them with the church. Mayia vocation was to write if it meant she

would touch the life of a child and maybe create the promise that they too would

use poetry to create insight and to make an favorable impression on the life of a

child. It takes a villiage to raise a child. It takes love and support to make dreams

possible. Note that dispite all obsticles, of proverty, drugs, violence, hate crimes if

you set your mind to it and you believe in your dream it can become a reality.
Gestures

It was imaginable. It was that thing. The notion of remarkable imagery. It was a

mark like no other mark that has an imprint on my mind. It is a mark that has

traveled through out history. A mark of burdens. It represents character. It

describes a movement. It was no ordinary mark. No. It was a mark that was passed

down from generation to generation. It was a mark of indignation. It was a ridicule

of hatred. People have been spit on, cursed at and beaten and that mark

represented a movement. It was a mark of persecution. Where witches have gone

on trial for neglecting social standards. The mark stood obsolete from the pen

marks. A spider’s web draped from the wall. A cob web dangled from the wall

unnoticed. But this mark; represented all the pain my ancestors faced throughout

history to be recognized through this mark. The mark was someone disturbing

because I could not figure it out. It was different. A wall did not disserve to be so

distinguished. It was different than anything I had ever come across. It bothered me

to discover something that represented a right of passage. It was a journey in time.

It described the evolution of man slowly making its mark in history. How a mark

could alluded me so much pleasure. I was pleased to see something different that

reminded me of my past that I could not quite understand the truth behind it. The

imagery alluded my imagination. I stared at the mark on the wall and it had moved

me. It made me feel welcome. No other wall in the house had been so privileged to

having this mark. The mark had a favorable impression to me. I saw my personality

and years of undulation that made me cry, made me angry which resulted in

laughter. The mark on the wall represented the conflict between race and gender. I

know it represented indignation and denial to conformity. To get excited; it

represented the right to protest because it granted me the right to do so. The mark

actually made me fearful. I was scared to reveal this mark to the world. It would

have to be kept a secret. If anyone knew this secret, man would destroy the

purpose behind it. I decided to cover the mark with year of frustration. I would

imagine it never existed. The more and more I wanted to hide it, the power behind

the mark was noticeable. I could not hide it. No. It was to relevant to hide. Other

people have seen the mark. It was prevalent it existed. No one figured it out like I

did. It is amazing how so many people passed this wall and never noticed how

beautiful a mark in history had changed man. No one could relate to it. It never

crossed their minds that such a mark reflected their fate. The mark on the wall will

leave its mark in history and historians will make gestures without psychiatrist

really studying the beauty of it.

Journal

It was a hazy day. It was no ordinary day. A fog overcast down on a small town in

Mississippi. It was predicted the uncertainty of a storm to come. Iycia was in no

mistaken mood of discovery. She was hot. She was together and had it made. Her

hair was always right. Her dress was well cultured. Her attitude was preppie. Iycia

was no ordinary girl. She indeed was special. Today would make a difference in her

life.

It had been mid-noon and a heavy overcast of dark sky set the mood. Iycia greeted

her friends to coffee with a bagel at Starbucks. Diane presently pretended to be

Iycia’s friend. She was on a mission. They had the kind of friendship driven by

competition of who could out speak who, only Iycia could bark the loudest and

Diane could had small talk with a little bite. Each of Iycia’s friends had much play.

They had many boyfriends and believed in playing the field. Iycia never believed in

playing games. Iycia had the same boyfriend since college. “What’s up, chicks?”

exclaimed Iycia. They all replied, “Me!” and they laughed. Kim kept quiet. Iycia

wondered, “What is wrong with you, girl? Why so quiet?” Kim proclaimed with a

long face that she lost her best friend. Iycia knew she acted differently lately and

had to go deeper to find out what was going on. Doris padded Kim’s back, “It’ll be

all right girl. Just wait.” As if she knew something.

Late that evening, rainfall trickled from the sky. Doris found something in Kim’s

journal giving secret information about a bad relationship with Kim’s XO. Doris

found she wrote letters in her journal as if she was talking to (him)? The journal

talked about how Diane crept with Iycia man of 5 years and how she hoped it would

work out and that she did not want to hurt Iycia. She took the pregnancy stick and

was pregnant. Doris called up one of her friends dreaming up a scheme to set the

record straight of events to happen. Her best friend David was gay and acted as if

he knew had to dream of vengeful devious schemes. Everyone knew this about him.

Thunder escaped passes a dust of wind as if rain met its mate. Doris and David

planned to reveal the secret to Iycia that her best friends, Chris, went on the down

low with Kim and were expecting a child. They planned for confessions to be made

at the house party on Iycia anniversary. Dian felt if she had to find out the juice had
to explode at the right time. They planned to show diary and all that happened that

led up to breaking them up hoping she would leave this cheater and ending her

friendship.

Iycia was so in love she said she had planned to marry Chris. Kim was always

jealous of Iycia. Iycia had everything she wanted including a good man. Kim would

embellish attitude at times. Iycia would give Kim the clothes off her back to help her

cousin out. Kim knew this. Kim always felt pretentious. She wanted more. She

wanted what Iycia had and so she stole her man with a baby. How naïve a scam to

get ahead.

Iycia’s friends planned the works, as usual, for Iycia anniversary party. Everyone

would be her guest. It had been cold and snow fell from the heavens above. It was

winter and the day planed had as much doubt and confusion. Champaign was

poured by the host to give a toast to the glorious occasion. To their surprise; Chris

got on one knee when Doris came up with the diary questions to propose the toast.

David exploded with the truth before any more details were let out. Doris got her

face slapped by Kim as she ran outside. Iycia started to cry and told everyone to

leave. “It is not the time for this,” thought Doris. “Well, well,” thought Iycia. “How

could you, of all people do this to me?” Iycia asked Chris, “When I expected more

out of you. I thought you were special?” “And now leave me destitute with an

incubine by your cousin?” By the look of Chris stoic face expression, it looked like he

had some explaining to do. Doris and David scheme was a cold game to play on

family. They knew this now. It was not the right time; but something had to be said.
A cry of silence dispersed energy of the moment to gesture innocence had broken

ties to bitterness. Iycia just did not get it. She knew how much she loved Chris and

had to let him make a decision or the right choice and until he had made a decision

she must wait.

Chris told Iycia that he was sorry. While Iycia was keeping busy, she lacked keeping

company in her man. Chris needed someone there for him and only Kim could keep

him company as a close friend.

Amber planned a baby shower for Kim. Iycia picked up pink and blue clothes she

thought would look right on her great grand niece or nephew. The dark past of

deception left the aria with hope and faith. It was important that joy would

overcome hate in spite what happened. Chris and Kim were making the relationship

work due to the baby.

Many tearful years had passed sine Iysha could be herself again. She kept a keenful

eye on her friends for now on. She had to watch her back from devious friends. It

became hard to trust. Iycia knew she was different and because of that she made

enemies fast. It was this that Iycia found why her friends played the field. They were

waiting to chose from the first real thing to come and then they would have found

true happiness.
Confessions

They say, millions have had some type of abuse in their life time. For me, i have a

dark past. I too was abused in my life time. I vision the abuse. Sometimes the voices

are louder than other times. Flash back. I could have been yet one year old placed

in bed with my neighbor. The abuse can happen with anyone. This time, i was too

young to know how my body was made. I had to have been shown by someone i

barely knew. Doctors say my body had been made that way since child birth. I

never heard of having a body like a whore and being born into it. I had not been five

years old in the hood when some stupid boy wanted to play house. I did not know

how to play house. It seemed to be a fun game, at first. I was misleading into being

the mom and he dad in bed. By the time i was nine years old, my parents were

being sued because i was immature. To prove their law suit wrong i had been

mislead by my brother. It was a critical mistake that would burn my life away. The

neighbors asked to rape me. I did not know how lass Vegas were. I thought all girls

were whores in this city. When i found out none of them wanted to be a whore, i

found my place in the church. Funny, how my mother thought i brought it upon

myself to be treated that way. I was eve that gave Adam the apple, mom always

thought. I asked boys to rape me. I asked girls to call me a slut. It could have been

provoked. I needed more time to reclaim my childhood. I did not ask to be picked

out. It was a curse that stool with me. It is a mistake that could have been adverted,

so critical in my life. A difficult decision that cursed me with the scarlet letter. What

had been done was neglect. People want to now know if i am gay. Why I am not

married and have kids. I never knew a boy who did not want a serious relationship. I

had been afraid of boys. I had been ten years old when the boy wanted to play
doctor. Like house; there is no difference. It was a matter of time before he seduced

me and was caught at it. I was in junior high, when the boys started asking me out.

The boys in the hood only wanted sex. Boys only were about one thing and that was

sex. It was a conversion. He forced open the door and backed me on the couch,

kissing me all over. I thought at first it felt good under stress, only to ask him to

back off. It was not right. My first kiss was my darkest. He spit down my back. It was

infatuation. Mom would tell me that i was about nothing and unless i led on to those

boys i would never amount to anything. The church supports marriage and having a

family. I was always afraid of boys and relationships. My family encouraged me,

only with me, i felt insecure to their threats. I would avoid briefings with boys

behind closed doors with no solutions. It was beyond what appeared to lead on

attentions and appreciations to mislead intentions. It was a lack of communication. I

wanted a relationship with a man, where we would talk and be friends. I needed to

trust him before i gave it to him. I wanted to know i was loved intentionally. That

the relationship was not controlling. I felt mom never taught me how to love. All the

abuse, led to my insecurity. It was something i never knew how to act because mom

never taught me to love. I thought he was after the money. He only wanted to use

me. I felt all he was about was neglect and abuse. I needed him to make me secure.

I needed to grow up and fit this profile of maturation and stability that it was going

to be alright. I was always afraid of being alone. I never was able to move on from

my family on my own. I do not know what it feels like to take care of myself without

my mom telling me how to live. She never taught me the basis of surviving on my

own. That i need to be reminded by god and his religion practices to learn how to

separate our difference and forgive that that concedes my past to assume the

danger and challenges and encounter opposition. And until i learn to do this, i will
be a liberal single. Is there anyone out there for me? I wonder...it is a metaphorical

dispute

Peer Pressure

Diary Journal

I have an anxiety problem. It started at a young age. My teacher will call on me and

my heart beat would pound in fear of answering wrong. I was always afraid of

people. I was afraid of speaking out because of the fear of consequences.

Elementary, I spent most my time against the building wall. No one was willing to be

my friend. It is crazy how children can abuse other children. I wanted to play with

them, only, they ignored me and so I sat alone. When they did pay attention to me,

it was to copy my papers. This was by junior high. They would get good grades if I

let them copy mine. This is how I made friends with them, by sharing my work. I

would often cheat for them. I would change their answers so I made friends. By high

school, it got rough. The students made fun of the poor clothes I wore. I was

humiliated so I stole my mom clothes to wear to school. I was admired for it. I was

from the ghetto and my teachers thought my grades should be like my neighbors.

My grades dropped. I had low self esteem for being poor and stupid. It is hard when

my councilors suggested I made friends and everyone ignored me. I sat in the

library before school, lunch, after school and school assemblies to do work. Dad told

me I did not have to study for poor grades. I realized he was right. Students poured
water in my chair. One student pulled my desk to the front of class. Students would

hit me in my back as I passed by to go to class. Students would like let me turn in

my assignments to the teacher. They were planning on me failing school with low

grades like that. The most a drop out girl could be is a stripper or with children on

welfare. I was determined to graduate out of the ghetto. College was different.

Delusional that I was honors in high school, I worked harder for my grades and it

improved. The voices were still there calling me a loser and questioning whether I

deserved to be a college student. They made comments about my poor dress. I paid

for college with my disability check. I was told I was a loser and I made it that far

because of my parents. I always felt I made those grades because I worked hard for

them. I was not someone they just passed up from special Ed each year. I was the

person who went the extra mile that made the difference. I read the book and did

the homework on my own. I did not want to become an individual; homeless and a

loser. I wanted to make a difference in my life and with the lives of others. I wanted

to become a teacher. I have been harassed. I had food thrown at me. I have gotten

beat on. I never wanted to be a quitter.

Street Sconce

Diary Journal

Growing up in the ghetto street of Vegas can be rough. A friend told me to watch

my back. I was walking to a friend’s house when gangs pulled up beside me and
wanted to take me for a ride. I told them I had a jealous boyfriend. I was too young

to have a boy friend at the time. Girls stared with having boy friends at the early

age of three. I could not walk the street were not safe, a boy threw his toy train at

me and scabbed my head. I ignored it. It was just a boy. My brother and I had been

learning to shoot a bee gun, when the neighbors from the back started throwing

rocks at me teasing sounds. My mom sent him back outside until he won the fight.

With those neighbors, you never know. One day a kid went to retrieve her ball from

the same neighbor’s back yard and I heard gun shots with the women screaming

that anyone dare come to her back yard. She was known as the crazy lady. A friend

warned me of the boys that just want you for that thing. She said that the boys will

ask you for a cup or sugar or water while mowing your lawn or washing your car just

to get inside your house to get next with you. Boys were ringing my door bell like

crazy by the time of puberty. I wanted it to all stop. Boys would buy my friends and

me ice cream for favors. My friend always warned me of strange men wanting give

me rides that are my daddy’s friends. She said they can not be trusted either. Good

thing she told me this. There were grown married men that are my friends that

wanted give old pappy daddy some. The streets are worse feared of prostitution

and gang violence. Just last week people were shot by a drive by at the school. The

boys would practice basketball at the school during the summer. Today, it seems no

one meets there. The streets are not safe. The other day I witnessed a couple of

friend’s die of gang violence in their front yard. Drugs are bad habit in the ghetto.

Family’s are generation welfare or drug addict. Friends told me when you grow up

you have a choice to either be a hair dresser, a stepper, on welfare with kids, a

made, or a cashier. A garage dump and engineering building was built providing

hope to some of the boys who were in prison to get a job. It is hard to survive out
fourth generation poverty. We are decedents of slaves. Many of us attend church to

pray and ask for forgiveness of our sins. Prayer is a light at the end of the tunnel to

hold us together. It is rough growing up in the ghetto. It is hard to leave.

Thought You Had It Bad

Journal

I have never been in love with Chris. Chris was a memory from my past that I

always regretted. It seems to me we were never Involved In a relationship. He and I

were friends. I made a pact with my brother that I would never date his friends, my

girlfriend’s brothers or my girlfriends ex boy friends. Chris was off limits.

I am not in love with Chris. I have mistaken him form a memory of someone from

my Imagination of a make believe love from my dark past.

I had been delusion about my past. I am confused. I remember playing with him and

doing other things. It is all in m mind and not said to be reality.

I feel I have no one in my life. I have my family. At times, my niece is more grown

than I am.
I like to listen to hip hop videos. I like their words and musical back ground.

Listening to hip hop music reminds me of having friends I grew up with. My friends

and I would always dance to music while we were together. I miss all my old friends.

We all moved on.

I like to listen to music. I write music and paint oils. Through my poems I reach out

to others. When I listen to slow music, I have fantasy relationships spending time

with older men.

I blame Chris for destroying my life. Chris did not do anything to hurt me. I need to

stop blaming others for my own mistakes. I am the blame my life is like this. If only

we never met.

I dream of the noble peace prize in writing or getting a Grammy some day. This too

is a fantasy of mine.

I do not remember Chris In a close relationship. I guess Chris wonders where we

went wrong from me keeping from him so long.

I miss Chris. I felt I could really trust him. I had faith in him. I could talk to him about

anything and he was a quiet listener.

I dream of being a celebrity. I want to feel Important. I want to be admired. I feel

more criticism from people against me helping others like Jesus. I hear a lot of

people condoning me for what I write. I am afraid of getting hurt.

It would be nice If Chris did not jack his pennies off every morning. I feel said when

he does this. I catch Chris In action all the time.

I used to masturbate myself until I realized how sick this was. I have changed to a

child of God.

I admit people are right. I used to shop lift. I would steal clothes by changing the

price tag to pay a lower price. I never got caught doing this. This too stopped. I am

a child of God.

I woke up once with Chris lying in my bed. It scares me. The thought of someone

kissing my cheek while I sleep and running away. I imagine a prostitution ring in my

sleep people kissing me and running away and Chris my pomp getting paid for it.
I thought I got pregnant. I do not know who my baby’s daddy is. Maybe its father

came from my sleep. I never visibly saw anyone having sex while I lie awake.

My neighbors would ask me to be a hooker. I thought it was from being In Vegas

life. It was not. Chris told them I would be a good hooker selling my body. The

church saved me from behaving this way. My friends would ask If they could be my

pomp and for me to stand on the corner while they get paid. I just cried and went

home. I would only want to surround me around positive people. I see them no

more.

I have a choice as an adult to either live with my parents or be homeless on the

street. I chose to live with family. It can be harder living on the streets alone.

I would like to be active in school, only, I get nervous around people. I begin to hear

voices in my head. I am not mentally aright to hear the voices. I rather stay at home

in quiet reading or writing poetry.

At one point in my life I thought I wanted to commit suicide. I could never do this

though. I could never overdose on pills. I like living too much. I get sad at times

living my life this way. I like being around people I can change lives.
Chris had a way on turning the heat on my feat in the car that would make me

excited. He could unzip his pants while eating dinner or spiting in my drink that

made me thinks of Chris.

Sometime I would go to the store and look down and my zipper was undone. Men

can be Hippocrates whistling at young people.

There were no records of signs of abuse growing up.

Chris wanted to raise my child as a step child into prostitution. I could not let this

happen. He wanted to raise his children on my Inheritance and not do anything for

my child. Chris gave all my children an abortion. He did not want me to have

children of my own. I would be a base case raising his brother’s kids In and out of

prison getting raped and beat up by his kids and him not care. I could not let this

happen. Mom only liked Chris because he had money.

Mom was crazy about Chris. She would beat me with a belt until my skin had red

web marks all over. She always said it was for my own good and she was doing this

because she loved me. She would slap me in the face and beat me if I did not clean

right. I was beaten for bringing home low grades. I was beaten for not seeing Chris.

If I cried, I was beaten for feeling sorry for myself.

I was a good child. I did whatever mom asked because of my religion. I love my

family and I would do what ever to keep us as a family.

The doctor found a lymph node in my chest. It does not have cancer In It now. It has

to be monitored.

I could not hate Chris for his Intentions. I could only pray for him…

Tears Came

Scene One

Blue black skies

I am one of you

A mistaken identity

Pride, trivia or true

There are various cliques one must achieve to be accepted in college… and when

there is a class of ambivalent scholars, the life they lead is a relic of success.

American life can be judged instead of a shoulder to cry on. It is of scholarship and

rebirth. People yearn to assimilate gift and talent. Making a world of competition a
measure to succeed. What fails to mediate understanding groups tend to find their

own way.

What happened to you?

Could have happened to me

What I can not touch

Blind eyes can see

Blue black skies

I am one of you

A mistaken identity

Pride, trivia or true

The drifters…

There are the drifters who wear black all the time. The drifters are known to be

wired. Drifters love to smoke and eat healthy. The drifters will pierce every part of

their body. They are known to wear tattoos. The world is consumed with wealth in

that sometimes it nurtures its own ability to reason. We are often tied down to

material things that are impartial to the code of life.

A skittle, a skittle, I saw a dirty black cat

With the energy of the sun

Who could run, fun, dumb

And never skipped a meal

And then some…

Blue black skies

I am one of you

A mistaken identity

Pride, trivia or true

The jocks…

There are the jocks and dancers who are in the in crowd…The jocks are the ones

who always have the most fun. Last week they trashed a freshman in the locker for

walking down senior hall. Everyone knows them. Everyone admires them. Some say

they are dumb. Some say they are the most popular. It is the same with the dance

teams on campus. The girls have a reputation for being loose. The girls rule the

campus. A rose is but a rose when embodied by envy and pride. Sometimes it

humiliates the specter from what is desired in life. The security blanket become

within its own diverse entity.

A ticket a tasket I saw a dirty rasket

It went zoom, zoom, zoom

On my junket

Blue black skies

I am one of you

A mistaken identity

Pride, trivia or true

Groupies…

There are the bands that are the class groupies…The groupies are the kind that like

to have fun. Music is what they speak. Music surrounds them. Music is their passion

to rock. Sometimes our world is consumed with differences, in different thoughts

and different ways the meaning of unity is engrained amongst activity. What is

profound is to relate to a commodity of respect.

A shopping spree

A scared dollar

Not a day gone by

Pocket book getting fatter

Life goes on

Without a day past spent

Money replaced by selling since

Blue black skies

I am one of you
A mistaken identity

Pride, trivia or true

Preppies…

There are the honor students that are the preppies…The preppies wear their clothes

differently. Preppies dress is oxford collar shirts with plaid pants and doll shoes. The

preppies have an attitude and an authority to demand respect. In the mist of a

storm, there is a spirit of youthfulness and hope. The spirit only asks to listen to its

humility and to accept its courage.

My back ache

My bra too tight

My hips shake

From left to right

To the left

To the right

To the left, right and left

Blue black skies

I am one of you

A mistaken identity
Pride, trivia or true

Class Clowns…

There are the misfits that are the class clowns…questions the uncertainty of human

spirit. They lack affection in the need of attention. To be mistaken for ignorance,

they anticipate progress. They thrive for salvation a quota of humility and

happiness.

Down, down baby

Down by the roller coaster

Big, big daddy

Don’t let it go

Shimmy, shimmy, coa coa pox

Shimmy, shimmy wild

Shimmy, shimmy coa coa pox

Deep down south

Blue black skies

I am one of you

A mistaken identity

Pride, trivia or true

Losers…

There are the drop outs that are the losers…The drop outs are the ones who are

smart in school but with no interest for learning. The drop outs are there to party.

They are the ones noted for disrupting class activity with intellectual remarks.

I been watching them rome by

My, my, my one caught my eye

The brother had much swagger

I had betrayed my brother

Taken by honesty

To recognize my reflection

Blue black skies

I am one of you

A mistaken identity

Pride, trivia or true

Valley Girls…

There are the wealthy that are the valley girls…The valley girls talk a certain way.

The valley girls are known to set dress trends and the direct the dichotomy of the
school. The valley girls plead for mercy and demand justice. Their perspective

designates truth.

Boom, shaka, laka, shaka

Bam, wana, anna, anna

Met this man

Went way down south

Hollahed rump shaker

Lip, locken, fast talking

Man stalker says boom, boom, and boom

Blue black skies

I am one of you

A mistaken identity

Pride, trivia or true

Drifters, Jocks, Groupies, Preppies, Clowns, Losers, Valley Girls

The presence of depending on one another for help, one must learn how to ask for

help and know how to use others for positive gain. Life is measured by convocation

of communication or the desire to want change. We must learn to immediate

cultural difference to make advances.

Scene Two

Newer Old School Dance, By Angela Khristin Brown Foundation

Everybody Rock 8 times

Feel the beat snake 3 times

Rock 4 times

Snake 3 times

Do the lacasta steps 5 times

Now 2 step 4 times

Rock 2 times

Now butterfly roll

Butterfly one leg

The other leg butterfly

And roll it out 5 times

Now 2 step

Pac man those feet 6 times

Electric dog 4 times

And shake it off 5 times

Feel the beat and wave each arm 2 times

Rock 5 times

Roll 5 times and slide each side 2 times

Hold each time

Do the pee wee herman

And spin

Worm 4 times

Pop lock that spin 4 times

And now double dutch 3 times

And walk it off forward and backward

And slide each side 2 times

And tootsie roll 6 times

Moon walk to the back

Lacasta walk to the front

And jerk and jerk and jerk

Pause

Do that but, that but do that but

And bounce that rock 8 times

Do the freak, pause to the freak

And jump back and forth 2 times

Loli pop

Jump back and forth 3 times

Now cha cha 8 times

Everybody freeze

Now robot, Freeze

Robot and break dance

Dive and surf, dive and surf

And strike a pose

Do the splits and rock, rock, rock

Scene Three

Our Love

How I love thee

As enchanted as time passes

You are forever in my memory

Through every sentiment sigh of retrieval

Compassion expels happiness

Valued in each kiss

I yearn for your warm caress

Missing the sentimental token

An epiphany of treasure unspoken

In captivated by words of choice

That persuade meaning

In how I conceive you

My heart thrust compassion

Consumed in lust

In dire need of every mood

My soul craves harmony

In unity of a companion

Who cares for me

Failing to meet your desires

You beat me with your fist

You curse me with your anger

You train my mind to obey

I can not handle my fate

Before I lie dead in your possession

Mourning over a loss of a love one is a traumatic experience and yet it can pull a

family closer together.

I understand my parents love and care for one another a whole lot. Faith is what

brings a family closer. However; I can recall my youth. I remember the troubled

times like when my parents always argued over money expenses. Mom always

wanted to give the family good things.

She always said it did not make since to live in poverty. Dad only wanted to move in

a house away from the ghetto.

I recall memories of my parents fighting over little things always in arguments that

led to harmony and forgiveness. My mother talked with friends about finding notes

in my father's pockets from other women. She thought he was cheating on her.

Commitment was important for their marriage. It turned out my parents loved each

other a whole lot and they stayed married for 43 years. Marriage was also important

to my great grandparents who remained married for over 75 years.

My parents held down two jobs in my youth to take care of the family. They were

always busy with work. We only spent time on weekends. Throughout the week I

recall my Dad coming home drunk and my mom was at work until 2 am in the

morning. My brother stayed at home to take care of me. Through this ordeal; I feel

they did what was right to live comfortably. It was all about making ends meet.

My family spent Sundays at church. Church was our foundation in spiritual relief. I

would pray for health and happiness. God granted condolence throughout the years

for moral support.

As I grew older, My family began to become more distant. Our values began to

change. My mom let a male friend come between family. I always resented her for

this.

After my brother died I realized that family mattered the most. My mom is my

fathers neck in the family. She convinced us that family is important no matter what

happens that family should bind.

Today; I find my family sharing more and more time together. Dad talks to his

mother 4 times a week. Mom calls her only sister 5 times a week. Weekends remain
family oriented. Family meals are important. It is a time to consolidate and council

one another.

I would never think I would marry. I want to marry and have kids now more than

ever, because, with family I will find spirituality in life through God.

Confusion

Doubt

Emotionaly stressed

Vounerable inherit

Painfuly assist

Damper horizon

Moderatly senced

Mordified solution

Dangeraously admissed

Tranquil upset

Ferverently blessed

Inhale jeapardy

Externally confessed

An imagery, a concept

Figuratively obessed
A silent memorium

A gesture remissed

A time remissed

A time remissed

A time remissed

A time remissed

A time remissed (silence)

I’m out

Infatuation is where one person out of spite does not have the same feelings of the

other person. It is where it appears to be true love to some; but to others it is a fatal

attraction.

I met someone in junior high school who was infatuated over me. Every since

meeting him, my life has been a disaster. I could not breath without his permission.

I could not lead a life unless he approved it was alright.

Since high school, I lost all friendships with everyone I knew. I was sent to a

therapist to talk about my feelings. Family thought I had a difficult time expressing

my love for someone I could care less about.

It is psychotic to not have relationships with anyone. My parents insist that I have

one friend who is his sister and I not date or even conceive thought about marriage

and kids unless it is with him.

And so I live a life as a basket case. I do not want to go back to him because it is a

fatal attraction. I can not allow his family to control me and yet they control me and

he is not around. I live a life of paranoia because everyone tries to remind me of

him.

Everywhere I go I am called immature because I am not in love with this man and I

refuse to encounter any contact with his family.

My real wish is for him to leave me alone. I am not able to enjoy my life because of

the paranoia surrounds me. I escape into a world where I am isolated, so isolated

my screams do not matter.

I wonder am I treating him wrong? If I got pregnant by someone else, am I in such

psychosis they want to steal my child so I can raise his child.

I wonder, is he stocking me? Can I call the police on him and order a restraining

order, while I know he is never around and it is my imagination he is?

If you ever loved someone and they do not feel the same, please let it go.

There is nothing like having a baby with someone you love. I can only imagine

having a baby. What would natural child bearing be like? It would be special feeling

in that you know you care for what is inside you. There is a special attachment to

having a baby form inside of you, grow inside of you, touch you deeply. Every time

you eat the baby is tugging on your cord, kicking inside of you.

You can not say anything bad about the baby's father. If you do you will begin to

imbalance your walk as your foot skips across the floor. If you think bad things

about the baby's father, you will begin to drop things out of your hands, breaking

glasses, throwing papers. An instant reflex. Every morning you will awake to
morning sickness, gagging your throat like you want to throw up and nausea will

come too. Every time you think of the baby's father you will begin to smile as the

baby smiles too inside. Your every action is affecting the baby inside of you. The

baby will miss his siblings, to a prior abortion and you will feel sad, to start to cry, as

the baby cries inside of you. When you are ready for an ultra sound, you can not

hold water. You can not hold water through the entire pregnancy. Often you go to

the bathroom. Let us time your reaction to going to the bathroom to every 30

minutes. A sign of labor pains apart timed to every 30 minutes. You look on the

ultra sound screen and you smile when you see their is a human on the ex-rays. You

begin to contemplate do I want my baby. Shall I start a family. Your life is on hold. I

lost one baby through abortion. Abortion kills. It is unethical to kill human life. The

baby will transform my life from a child to become a women. You begin to shop at

the mall looking a baby clothes. You start to cry. You want children. You begin to

walk at the park where there are children. You start to cry. You want children. Your

niece comes by every weekend and you set up projects like the baby you want to

have. No one realizes what is going on. You wanted a child of your own. You can not

take the thought of your baby through e suction sucked out of you like a vacuum

cleaner to kill your child. God anticipates your next move. You decide, papa don't

preach - I am keeping my baby.

My biggest struggle

Was getting over you

While you controlled my life

I lie in death
Longing for your return

To be fooled our love

Meant something

To both of us

My biggest struggle

Was letting go

I wanted to believe

You needed me

In your life

To make life complete

You left me destitute

Like a prostitute

My biggest struggle

Is to carry on

Like we had no meaning

Missing you

Getting over you

My biggest struggle
Was replacing you

When it seems there is

No better than you

My biggest struggle was

Getting over you

Struggle, la, la ,la

Struggle getting over you

La, la, la

Getting over you

The most enjoyable part of life is your youth. No one shall take away fund memories

created from you as a kid.

I recall memories of playing in the street kick ball and stick ball. The fun of the

games were to see how fast you can run and how hard you can make a home run.

I recall memories of the pap cycle man or rushing down the street to stop the truck

to get the ice cream of your choice.

And I remit the candy lady. Every hood had a candy lady who sold your choice of

anything imaginable.

I recall memories of the curfew allowed you to stay out side until 1 a.m. Where

there would be block parties held late at night on the street or at the park blasting

music and everyone you knew and did not know was there.
I recall memories of playing doctor because everyone knew they wanted to be

either a doctor or a lawyer.

I recall learning the newest dance moves and then making new ones that steps

would be shared around the nation.

I recall memories of having slam books to share dreams with your friends. You

would have to know everything about your friends in the slam book to include who

you were going to marry, how many kids you will have, what car you will drive,

where you will live and where you will work.

I recall memories about the cube that had many combinations with your desire to

solve the cube. And playing table tennis and pac man on the television. Also playing

football on a miniature score board. And also ping pong was a sport and a

challenge.

I recall memories like swimming in the park with church groups and friends while

dunking each other in the pool and diving board stunts.

I recall memories of watching sports like boxing when Mahamad Ali was the champ

and the movie Rocky, Sharks, Star Wars and Saturday Night live was the in thing to

see.

I recall memories like wearing knickerbockers, halter tops and died designer jeans

was fashionable.

I recall memories in school where type writers were obsolete and the computer was

viably new where we used floppy disk and computer paper with holes on its side

were popular. Every thing was hand written in so you may rewrite your paper

without eror many times before you got it right.

I recall memories like Jackson 5, Motown and Madonna were number one artist in

music

All in all memories are relished today as a relic.

It is a family tradition to celebrate a family meal on special holidays and throughout

the year. No meal is prepared with hope like the one celebrated Christmas and

Easter. This is a time to invite friends and family for this joyous occasion.

The table is prepared with the fine china and napkin holders in brilliant colors of red,

gold and green. Before dinner a special prayer is dedicated in honor of the occasion

thanking God for his many blessings and gifts of having family and friends and food.

Dinner is served in a buffet style. People begin to engage on stuffed turkey roast,

corn pudding, candied yams with marshmallows, turnip greens with turnips, home

made rolls and your choice of ice cream and homemade lemon cake or apple pie

made from scratch. It is a pleasure to see everyone indulge in good company and

good conversation with enough food to last the next few days.

Even new year is celebrated with good intentions. Everyone has to have a new year

revelation. For new years, a special dish is made of black eyed peas for good luck,

greens for money and cabbage for good spirits. It is a African American tradition

which is all in good spirits wishing well for the upcoming new year.

I vaguely trace your apearance

A distorted figureen from the past

Blotches of ink splotches accross the canvass

Splotches of oil dances life to an unknown postilant

Imagery emerges a distant path of discovery

Fading fast

True love is not something you can come across easily. True love is reserved for

someone who stands out and is special. I fell in love with my old classmate when I

was 15. We were said to be a match made in heaven. We had so many qualities in

common. He swept me off my feet. I did not know love hit me until many years

later. He was a good man. He spent time walking me home after school. We spent

endless hours on the phone courting. Even if we had nothing to say to each other

we enjoyed one another's company. We studied together and went places together.

He always supported me even if I was too busy studying and could not find the time

for him, he swore I got his heart. Through good times and bad, he remained in my

memory. I still think of him sometimes about what we had together. He is now

married with kids and will never know I still have feeling for him.

Scene Four

HIV Aids, By Angela K Brown

American youth are engaging in sex acts as teenagers. This is dangerous to think

about. Over the years Americans were addressed with Aids, while primary decease

of having herpes, scabs or virginal itching were more aware than Aids.

Confusion

Doubt

Emotionaly stressed

Vounerable inherit
Painfuly assist

Damper horizon

Moderatly senced

Mordified solution

Dangeraously admissed

Tranquil upset

Ferverently blessed

Inhale jeapardy

Externally confessed

An imagery, a concept

Figuratively obessed

A silent memorium

A gesture remissed

A time remissed

A time remissed

A time remissed

A time remissed

A time remissed (silence)

I’m out

Aids was started in Africa where the virus was wide spread and troubling from

exposed monkeys. Aids existed prior to when it was first known. The health care

crisis made aware that Americans had Aids, only, it was not as detrimental as it is

known now.

The epidemic created a natural prevention measures to disturb the spread of Aids.

Red tepid water

drains through building

blocks of slothful thought.

Thrust winds, rain, sleet build

red energy from lightning in

the sky moldering in deception.

A scented red rose with

long thickly sharp prongs

speak of gayety pride.

A red liquid imprint from

an old newspaper personal

dreary advertisement of a same sex ad.

A tornado battled winds blew

down the red old country barn

in derivity of old tired accusations.

Awakening death dreary dark dark dark

black clouds with tiers of

red voices speak of

despair, agony and fear.

Red sun rays piercing

confused signs of life of

a lustful inquiry.

Chilly air rips through

the wear and tear

of a red old

withered

jacket

beaten

and
denied.

It is known that Aids kills. Celebrities like Johnson, made it aware that anyone can

fall a victim from the disease . Aids is active participants with gay men and lesbian

women who do not practice safe sex. It spreads with having multiple sex partners

and unsafe sex. It can be a result from using bad needles intervening in drug

addicts.

How I love thee

As enchanted as time passes

You are forever in my memory

Through every sentiment sigh of retrieval

Compassion expels happiness

Valued in each kiss

I yearn for your warm caress

Missing the sentimental token

An epiphany of treasure unspoken

In captivated by words of choice

That persuade meaning

In how I conceive you

My heart thrust compassion

Consumed in lust

In dire need of every mood

My soul craves harmony

In unity of a companion

Who cares for me

Failing to meet your desires

You beat me with your fist

You curse me with your anger

You train my mind to obey

I can not handle my fate

Before I lie dead in your possession

It is important that people practice safe sex. It was noted in high school students

that condoms are distributed to prevent sex deceases .

We have been taken as an enemy of all

In prison our ability to communicate with God

We have mistaken our old tired lies

Creating fear within our delicate skin

II

Drugged addicts holding us back

Alienating a rafters dark steps

The ghettos furious life sentence

Devious of the calm waters

III

We entrap our minds in dissolute times

An image of a storm perturbs warm waters

A roots bough underneath the soils foil

A shadows emerges a hallow path

IV

To taste its breath of poisoness air

Hovering silence embrace for peace

Time’s client is an admissive stare

Ghostly hands deplete death entrapment

Ghastly sign of escape of insanity

Trying to vacate his unsought welcome

The river trails defeat and defile voices behind

His huge plow hands hold in singes of dirt

VI

His back hold gashes of violet sups of blood

His heart meditates for a savior

The dark night encloses desire to be free

Lord, grant me strength

VII

Perilous dreams deferred

Envious puppets emulate denial

If tears could speak

It speaks of fear

VII

Align the dark shores

To compromise life in deception

Hammering light conspiracy

To position for failure

VIII

A quilt made of old tired jeans

A sewn patch from each generation

A coveted patch woven in gayety

A smoldering vintage kept hot

VIIII

And in the middle of the day

We would all exit

The storm

Amongst a clay of dust

And mother will bequeath love

And nature will provide fruit

And prayer will be inevitable truth

And the new born will never speak in silence

Like Africa, I feel that the Caribbean should protect themselves from a decease that

is detrimental to survival legacy. They deserve expertise advise to over a quarter

million people it could effect. Like Africa, the Caribbean should be involved in

education to make aware of Aids. In the Caribbeans, there should be precautions

where vaccines sent out. In the Caribbeans, medical precautions to test for Aids

should be available whether antonymous or out in the open.

The humble agility

Of a silent verse;

Is the righteous grace

And a humble virtue;

As the Holy Ghost

Is the divine spirit

To my soul.

To consume valor;

To alter loss;

Is an angels affirmation

To the lost and departed.

At the parting of day,

In harmony with peace;

A prayer inhibits

Hope and love.

A young innocent girl, wanted a boy friend. He pressured her into being with him.

He wanted sex. One night after a date, the young boy offered to kiss the young girl.

She thought she show him how much she cared for him. They engaged in a kiss that

led to him having a discussion with her to his next move to take her virginity.

Enthusiastically; he told her he whispered in her ear that loved her. He told her he

was on medication. He told her he had a disease that he may have given her from

swallowing his spit from kissing him. He admitted that now he had trapped her in

being with him because she now shared the disease. She will now be medicated

from this predatory effecting her for the rest of her life. A desease that may take

her life.

The temperament of the body

Is at service to the soul

We consume life through experience

We alter death through salvation

Aspiration is found through desire

And destiny is met through transition.

Precautions are not enough. It is everyone who suffers of victums of Aids. Kids are

born of aids. Aids is a battle ground. Aids causes hostility and addictions. It is clear

this is an argument that raises questions of how to be a good resource to handle the

pressure of safe sex practices. Is awareness consistent with the spread of the

desease in the value of preventing the desease .

Aids, is that a gesture? Are you entitled to pass judgment based

on preconceived thoughts? Is the circulation of thoughts based on

rumors? Do you judge because you do not care to understand my

position? Is it because you never got to know me and do not care? Can

you really tell by first impression that I am different? Is it my outward

appearance, you base judgment that I fit those stereo types? Can you

tell by looking at me, what you do not like about me? Is it my outward

appearance you hesitate to retaliate towards? Must we bargain with a

liturgy? Is it something I said that you’re against? Is it over something

someone said about me that has got you all fired up? Did I not follow

through based on your ideology of reasoning that frustrated you? Is it

right to judge, because of how I acted out that you must try to change

to your preferences? Shall I admit something is wrong with me? How

does one respond to stereotypes? I am who I am.

It is said that the AIDS disease began as an epidemic after a virus from a monkeys

from Africa. In fact; AIDS may have began before then. It was led by people who had

gay/lesbian sex partners or multiple sex partners. It once was common with the

stars and athletes to do so. It spread out world wide. Many Africans Americans have
spread and been effected by this virus for having unsafe sex practices, multiple sex

partners and gay/lesbian sex. It is also known to spread from drug abuse. In fact the

virus can occur from intramural usage from the same needle. It can easily be

transmitted at a doctor’s office from a use of a bad needle or even unsanitary

practice that if a doctor does not wash his hands and the dentist who does not keep

a sterile environment for his patients. The Aids virus can spread easily by coughing

on someone or having immediate contact. It is encouraged that medicine can not

heal but help the spread of Aids. Medicine can sustain healthy living and make one

live longer. In the nineties, Aids became well known, because, so many reported

deaths. There was no known cure for Aids at the time. It would be encouraged to

have Aids education. It would be advised to use condoms while engaging with any

sex partner. Some churches recommend not having sex until after marriage and

being loyal with your one sex partner, your spouse. Commercial ads request that

people having open sex to wrap it up. There are male and female condoms to help

practice safe sex. Some politicians recommend masturbation or using sex tool safe

practices on oneself. There are other alternative than practicing safe sex without

having intercourse to meet sexual arousal. If you had respect for yourself and

others, you would get tested for the Aids virus. If you had respect for yourself and

others, you would inquire about finding out if your significant other has the Aids

virus before you have sex.

May your soul be filled with God’s wisdom

To become an apprentice of faith

May your heart be touched by nature,

To live by God’s words of hope

To encourage others to be followers of God

May spiritual education open the door to a closed mind,

To not be perturbed of evil

To become enriched in fate to guide the blind

So he to may seek holy spiritual freedom

Become a practioner of faith

Where hate is abandoned in fear of God

To be a protectorate from evil

To defend the belief of the Church

Where young minds can understand God’s leadership

For religious purposes of a spiritual creed

That defends the nation against wrongful deeds of hate

Where fate in God leadership to promote world peace

May God protect the female holy veil for equality

Open her eyes, Open her soul to the covenant of God

May men teachers

May men be leaders

May men be role models

Of the family

Of the community

Of the church

May man think of Church as an audacity of hope of the family

To anticipate the love and guidance of social freedoms

God is my Shepard I shall not want

As I walk through the valley of fire I shall fear no evil

God is my temperament

May I profess the faith God gave me

I believe he is the deliverer of my fate

May God guide me from sin

As I live this journal to heaven.

My story is that I kissed a boy for the first time I hardly knew. After the kiss he tells

me he has a virus and has now given it to me. He wants to be with me now that we

die of the same virus thinking I am more committed once he gave it to me. Some

gay people have same sex because of their culture, they have had same sex in

prison or they had bad relationship with the opposite sex. Some people are gay

because of contacting HIV and does not want to pass it on or is willing to marry

outside their race and has rectal sex with their mate. Some gay people after
encountering same sex can not go back to heterosexual sex because they can not

feel it. Some gay people find that after engaging in same sex they want children

and can only have children with a gay person the opposite sex. Aids can be given

easily if a person is not sanitary. The virus then can spread with multiple partners

unprotected. HIV can spread from a cough, a hand shake or even from a bathroom

exposure. It is important that you ask as much about things you are not sure about

Aids.

To love is to embody emotion to penetrate deep down in your soul. It is

the emotion to love oneself; because one must love oneself in order to

allow others to love you. Love is feeling of greatness that you place

God above oneself; because God it the gatekeeper of your soul. Are you

feeling me? Loving oneself means you are blessed that you feel good

about yourself and you are doing right by God. Loving oneself means

that you have an attitude of pride. You represent that feeling of

revelation that you have reached redemption of the mind, body and

soul. The way you carry yourself is how others will judge you. Love God,

love life and love oneself.