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[Heading, title and pagination nicely done]

Dr.Delaney

English 1101

7 November 2018

Resistance By The Campfire

[Capitalize only significant words in the title]

Martin Luther King Jr was one of the most influential men of the Civil Rights Movement and

was the leading force in desegregating America. The main way he went about creating this

change was through the way of [wordy] nonviolent resistance and using his words and his

peaceful actions to pave the way for desegregation. Nowadays, it might seem that non-violent

resistance is futile, and nothing can be done in the government without brute force but, [When a

word like and, or, and but (called conjunctions) joins two independent clauses (i.e., clauses that

could stand alone as sentences), you should put a comma before it. ] [, but] many events have

proved this method of resistance has been effective in creating change. For example, the protests

across America defending gun control after the school shooting in Parkland have made a dent in

the government’s choice to have gun control. Another example of the effectiveness of nonviolent

resistance must be Gandhi’s use of non-violent protests in India to receive independence from

the British colonists. Non-violence resistance has clearly created some of the most influential

change event though it was long and hard. [A most interesting introduction. Be careful,

however, that you do not bury your debatable claim (“Nowadays, it might seem that non-violent

resistance is futile, and nothing can be done in the government without brute force, but many

events have proved this method of resistance has been effective in creating change.”) in a

mountain of information and the reader has to search for it.]

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Non-violent resistance is effective even in the present time since “Actions speak louder than

words” as stated by the sixteenth President Abraham Lincoln. This idiom can be simply defined

as people make judgements based on what a person does instead of what they say. Many of the

non-violent resistances have been with the protester creating an obstacle the opposing side has to

forcefully remove. For example, the infamous act of Rosa Parks not moving to the back of the

bus for a white man to sit in her seat. By simply just sitting in a bus seat Rosa Parks created a

ripple in the Civil Rights movement. Actions really do speak louder than words in this instance.

Another main reason why nonviolent resistance is effective is because it brings the debate of

any topic to the simplest form of an argument and allows for only actions and words to be seen

and heard and not the violent actions of others envelop the society. This is demonstrated by the

recent Black Lives Matter protests in Pittsburgh where a man drove right through a crowd of

protestors blocking the road to protest what they believe. Another instance where violence

became ineffective was the protest in St. Louis where after the main peaceful protest occurred, a

small group of protestors stayed to wreak havoc that night to prove a point. By doing this though,

the overall message of the protest was diminished by this violence.

Violence in many protests have always ended in the cause these many movements such as

Black Lives Matter, Civil Rights Movements and many others not having their voices be as

prominent. These voices being put down and being marginalized by a single group. Non-violent

protests these days have shown to greaten their cause and make more change in the long run. For

example, with Affirmative Action 2.5 percent of people will support it (Mazumder). [Nice

citation]

Non-violent protests even today can make an impact based on the past even though the 2018

society is very much an argumentative society, many have seen the effects of non-violence in
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multiple facets of their lives. Non-violence also helps the message of each individual movement

be heard in the grand scheme of everything as shown by the recent success of the legalization of

gay marriage across America. Years of peaceful protest and some violent protest has created a

society where it is allowed to marry whoever a person wants to marry.

[You do not have the required three different sources specified in the prompt; this will cost you

five points. And your references are not listed in a hanging indention]

Works Cited

“Bloomsbury International (UK) Ltd.” Quality English School in Central London -

Bloomsbuty International, www.bloomsbury-international.com/en/student-ezone/idiom-of-the-

week/list-of-itioms/1589-actions-speak-louder-than-words.html. [Did not see an in-text citation

in you paper that corresponds to this source]

Mazumder, Shom. “Yes, Marches Can Make a Difference. It Depends on These Three

Factors.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 27 Jan. 2017,

www.washingtonpost.com/news/monkey-cage/wp/2017/01/27/yes-marches-can-really-matter-

these-three-factors-make-the-difference/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.1a3628d3494a.

Kealan,

As I mentioned on your first writing assignment, you are an effective writer. Though your
debatable claim is a bit obscure in this paper, it is still there. You also use appropriate grammar
and sentence structure. I noted improvement in your diction or choice of words and with the
exception of the error in your number of sources noted above, a nice Works Cited as well.
Please take note of the change in due date (now Dec. 4) for your portfolio. Also, review the
prompt for essay 3, which as sent via class email and is now posted on CougarView
“Announcements.”

Dr. Delaney
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Student: Kealan Neal-farr

Teacher: Dr. Delaney

Paper # 2 Special Assignment Requirements: Argumentative

Standards highlighted in red indicate weaknesses. These should be given attention before the
next writing assignment.

30 1/3 Competent/Credible/Complete
If you meet these first three standards, you are writing competently and you will earn a grade of “C.”
(70-79)
1. Unity
 Contains a center of gravity, a unifying and controlling purpose, a thesis or claim, which is
maintained throughout the paper.
 Organizes writing around a thesis or according to the organizational requirements of the
particular assignment (e.g., summary, narrative, argument, analysis, description, etc.)
2. Evidence/Development
 Develops appropriate, logical, and relevant supporting detail and/or evidence.
 Includes more specific, concrete evidence (or details) than opinion or abstract, general
commentary.
3. Presentation and Design
 Follows Writer’s Reference guidelines for standard English grammar, punctuation, usage, and
documentation.
 Meets your teacher’s (or the MLA’s) and the First-year Composition program’s requirements for
length and/or format.
29 1/3 Skillful/Persuasive
If you meet all of the competency standards above and, in addition, achieve coherence and exhibit
audience awareness, you are writing skillfully and you will earn a grade of “B.” (80-89)
4. Coherence
 Uses words and sentences, rhythm and phrasing, variations and transitions, concreteness and
specificity to reveal and emphasize the relationship between evidence and thesis.
 Explains how, why, or in what way evidence/detail supports point/claim/thesis/topic/ideas.
 Incorporates evidence from outside sources smoothly, appropriately, and responsibly.
5. Audience Awareness
 Demonstrates a sense that the writer knows what s/he’s doing and is addressing real people.
 Reflects a respect for values that influence ethos (e.g., common ground, trustworthiness, careful
research).
30 1/3 Distinctive
If you meet all of the competency standards, achieve coherence and exhibit audience awareness, and,
in addition, demonstrate a mastery of one or more features of superior writing, you are writing
distinctively and you will earn a grade of “A.” (90-100)
6. Distinction
 Your writing stands out because of one or more of the following characteristics: complexity,
originality, seamless coherence, extraordinary control, sophistication in thought, recognizable
voice, compelling Purpose, imagination, insight, thoroughness, and/or depth.
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Essay Grade 91 +/- + 1 Points for special assignment requirements 92
Penalty for not adhering to the prompt for three different sources -5
87
Extra Credit Points for Assisting Instructor +5
Final Score 92