As an author, your highest priority is to effectively communicate with your audience.

And as an author of fiction, you need to communicate clearly without sacrificing creativity in

your writing. This can be challenging because what you as the author believe to be clear is not

always perceived as such by the readers. In Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace, Williams and

Bizup point out that “clarity is not a property of sentences but an impression of readers” (35).

Considering the readers’ impression of clarity is important because, as John R. Trimble remarks

in Writing with Style, “A prose style may be eloquent, lyrical, witty, [and] rhythmical, . . .but if it

lacks clarity, few readers will stay with it for long” (8). So then the question becomes, what

principles of writing help readers perceive your writing as clear? Here are five specific principles

that you can apply to your writing to make it clearer without sacrificing creativity.

These suggestions are adapted from Williams and Bizup’s Style: Lessons in Clarity and

Grace, and the data comes from a study I performed in October 2018, which surveyed

participants for their impressions of clarity in passages from J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and

the Sorcerer’s Stone.

Get to the Main Verb Quickly

Reaching the main verb quickly is important to readers because it allows them to identify

what is happening in a sentence. You can get to the main verb quickly by avoiding long

introductory phrases and interrupting the subject-verb connection.

Long introductory phrases, although often used for creative descriptions, can be

problematic because readers must remember all previous information before they even encounter

the subject and verb. Williams and Bizup suggest moving such phrases to the end of the sentence

to aid in clarity.
 Interrupting the subject-verb connection poses a problem for readers because it “forces us

to hold our mental breath until we reach the verb” (Williams and Bizup 142). This interruption

can be moved to the beginning or the end of the sentence to make the relationship between the

subject and verb clearer.

When I applied these principles in my study, 74.42% of participants indicated that the

passage that maintained a close subject-verb connection was clearer than the passage that

reversed this principle. Participants commented that the reversed passages were hard to follow or

didn’t flow well. Getting to the main verb quickly can help the passage flow and help readers

better follow the information in the story.

“Old-New” Presentation

Using the “old-new” method for presenting information is the best way to ensure that

readers think your writing is clear, according to my research. The results showed that 95.29% of

participants thought the passage that followed this principle was clearer than the passage that

broke it. This overwhelming majority indicates just how essential sentence cohesion (how one

sentence ends and the next begins) is to clarity in writing. Clearly, readers recognize when

information in a narrative does not follow the “old-new” principle and prefer this presentation for

clarity.

There is a simple rule to ensure the “old-new” presentation of information in your

writing. Begin sentences with information that is familiar, or old, to your readers. This old

information is typically the new information from the end of the previous sentence. End

sentences with information that is unfamiliar, or new, to your readers. Doing so links your

sentences that the reader can clearly follow them.

 Participants in my survey also noted that when a passage failed to follow the old-new

principle, the sentences often felt passive, even when they were grammatically active. If you are

struggling with the old-new principle, look for passive sentences and revise them to be in active

voice. Usually, this will place your subject, which is often already familiar to readers, in the

“old” spot, near the beginning of the sentence.

Use Affirmative Phrases

This is kind of an adaptable principle. You see, the results of my survey actually showed

an almost 50/50 split between passages that applied and reversed this principle of using

affirmative phrases. The main idea behind this principle is that readers have an easier time

understanding affirmative constructions over negative constructions. Williams and Bizup suggest

revising phrases like not different to the same and not careful to careless (126). Their suggestion

is applicable in some circumstances, like when you need to be more concise in your writing or

the phrase contains many negatives that could be misunderstood. However, the comments on my

survey suggested that when it comes to using this principle in creative fiction, word choice is the

more important factor. It doesn’t matter to readers if the construction is affirmative or negative;

readers care about how the word choice makes them feel.

So while Williams and Bizup advise revising your negative constructions to affirmative

ones, I recommend doing so only when it benefits your purpose and tone, seeing as my survey

indicated that affirmative phrases are less a matter of clarity and more a matter of word

preference.

Use Subjects to Name Characters

Using subjects to name characters is a really simple practice that will help your readers

clearly understand your writing. The main characters who are doing the actions should be
identified as “simple subjects,” instead of “abstractions” (Williams and Bizup 47). Williams and

Bizup suggest that you simply identify who is doing the action and ensure that the character is a

simple subject, rather than an absent character or an abstraction, which sometimes occurs as a

nominalization. Nominalizations, or nouns that are derived from other parts of speech, can

almost always be rephrased in a way that allows readers to quickly and clearly determine the

actor within a sentence. Additionally, characters should be inserted when you find that they are

absent from a sentence.

When subjects were used to name characters, 75% of participants in my study indicated

that the passage without nominalizations was clearer than the passage that used abstractions or

absent characters. Additionally, 80% of participants preferred the passage with the simple or

present character. Using simple and present characters in your sentences will help readers think

that your writing is clear.

Use Verbs to Name Actions

In direct connection with using subjects to name characters is the principle of using verbs

to name actions. The two go hand in hand each time because the simplest and clearest way to

present a sentence is by making sure that the character who does the action is the subject who

does the verb. So after you have identified the subject and ensured it is a present and simple

noun, you need to look at the action and ensure it is a verb, not a nominalization. After any

necessary revisions, put the subject and the verb in proximity to each other and voilà! you have a

clear sentence.

According to my survey, 69.77% of participants identified the passage that used verbs to

name actions as being clearer. Readers are more tolerant of nominalizations because the action is

implied within the nominalization. However, a passive feel often accompanies nominalizations,
even if the construction itself is not passive. Avoiding nominalizations can help your passages

feel more active, which readers often prefer.

Conclusion

The mark of good fiction writing is knowing when to break the rules for a good purpose.

Your readers may get tired of your writing, no matter how clear it is, if your sentences come

across as formulaic. As important as it is for you to understand and apply these principles, you

should also understand that you can break these principles when it better serves your story or

purpose. If you want to add some mystery to a sentence, reverse the old-new principle. If one

character is intentionally being verbose and confusing, add in few nominalizations. If you need

to obscure the identity of a character, make the character abstract or absent.

If you artfully apply these five principles to your writing, you will find that your readers

more easily understand it and perceive it as being clear. When readers feel that your writing is

clear, they will stick with it and keep reading, fully appreciating the fictional reality you have

created for them to enjoy. For a more in-depth analysis of these principles, I recommend

Williams and Bizup’s, Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace, which I referenced several times

herein and in my study on clarity in writing. For the full report on that study, visit my website,

courtneylarkinediting.weebly.com/writing-2.html.
 Reference List

Trimble, John R. 2000. Writing with Style: Conversations on the Art of Writing. Upper Saddle
River, NJ: Prentice Hall.

Williams, Joseph M., and Joseph Bizup. 2017. Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace. 12th ed. New
York: Pearson Education.