Pirooz 1

Danial Pirooz

Mr. Koroshec

English 110: 2

23 October 2018

Society’s Stigmatizing Stereotypes

Throughout history, problems surrounding and focusing on both genders have constantly

been prevalent. Ideas such as false and unrealistic stereotypes formed while societies with elitist

and unorthodox social structures were made. Many people, uneducated on the inaccuracy of

these stereotypes or inequalities of the structures, often believe or follow these ideas and

societies. This feeling of otherness doesn’t allow one to truly learn about the side they are

opposed against, and therefore further enforces the false stereotypes of people. Both American

author Paul Theroux, in his essay “Being A Man”, and American journalist Anna Quindlen, in

her paper “Between the Sexes, a Great Divide” discuss the constraints and confines that gender

expectations have on individuals; however, while Theroux complains using a bitter tone and

generalizations, Quindlen encourages us to dance, despite the difference.

In his essay, ​“Being a Man”​, Paul Theroux writes that society has created a flawed

stereotype for masculinity in men. Theroux claims that society’s stereotypes have made it so that

in order for men to be considered “manly” or “masculine”, they must partake in athletic activities

and display certain masculine qualities or traits. To add, Theroux touches on females as well and

writes about how femininity has caused the belittlement of women due to the stereotypes that

force them to become mature and polite, while men can remain childish. He argues that

masculinity is like “having to wear an ill-fitting coat for one’s entire life” (166). Theroux shows
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the constraints and lack of freedom that society’s idea of masculinity gives men since they are

constantly being bombarded with expectations based off of unrealistic stereotypes. These

expectations include having defined and toned muscles, not having any emotional breakdowns,

or being confident. Later in the essay, Theroux juxtaposes masculinity’s uncomfortableness with

“an oppressive sense of nakedness,” found in femininity (167). In doing this, he figuratively

displays how femininity in society seems to strip women of their rights, power, and opinion,

almost to the point that they can be considered “naked” while also stating that women are being

objectified and aren’t considered people. Theroux continues that our conception of manliness

and femininity could affect the adolescents of our age, asserting that this thought of masculinity

will result in our children disassociating themselves with women, causing for a lack of

interaction between the genders. The ideas of girls having “cooties” or of girls being “wimps”

causes interaction between the genders to diminish. A sense of otherness is detected in all of

these scenarios. The men, women, and children are all submerged into misleading thoughts and

expectations that our society has created. Because society has made it so that a man has to have

lean abs and bulging biceps in order to be viewed as so, men without these features may become

depressed for not fitting the standard.

Gender expectations are not only discussed in Theroux’s text, but also in other ones as

well, including Anna Quindlen’s short essay, “Between the Sexes, a Great Divide”, Quindlen

writes that difference is something that will constantly be prevalent in our world, and prejudice,

which is constantly being shown, is evil and repugnant since it creates false stereotypes and

generalizations. Later on in the essay, Quindlen writes regarding the problem society is facing,

that “prejudice is evil and can be fought, while difference simply is,” (165). Quindlen is
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essentially writing that difference is a natural occurrence and that everyone is different in their

own unique way. However, once we develop prejudices and harmful inferences, it becomes toxic

and unacceptable. Quindlen brings up an anecdote involving her family, completely consisting of

men, and an amaryllis bulb. In this story, she puts an amaryllis bulb in her bathroom, but upon

doing so, is questioned by the men in her family. The act of putting the amaryllis bulb is

questionable to the men and causes them to develop false inferences of women, such as “Mom.

Weird. Woman.” signifying their judgments of women (165). It could also develop new ideas of

femininity, proving all the stereotypes that women enjoy petite and “girly” things. However, this

same thing could happen to the men, where the women think “Husband. Strange. Men.” since

they don’t appreciate the same things they do (165). These thoughts and opinions could alienate

the genders, only enlarging the divide that Quindlen opposes. This lack of interaction between

the genders that Quindlen writes of coincides perfectly with the opinions of Theroux, thus truly

showing the magnitude of these problems in today’s society.

However, their responses to this otherness differ greatly. Theroux begins to create

generalizations that undermine his arguments. For example, Theroux claims that if we assume

that all men have to be strong based on stereotypes, then we can also assume that all sports

athletes are “moral degenerates, sadists, latent rapists and just plain louts” (167). In doing so,

Theroux creates generalizations that contradict his argument. Throughout his essay, Theroux

argues that we shouldn’t make generalizations, but now he is making his own, thus negating his

argument. This, in turn, will only cause the divide between people to enlarge. In addition to this,

Theroux creates generalizations on writers and writes that “one cannot be a male writer without

first proving that one is a man,” (168). Theroux essentially states that in order to become a
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writer, you must be a man. It is necessary to have the experience, qualities, and stories of a true

man in order to become a writer. Theroux writes that since fiction-writing produces money,

which is seen as masculine, or that the idea of a drunkard is seen as manly and that “the

American male writer is traditionally proud of his heavy drinking,” (168), then writers can

certainly fit the ideas of masculinity. In doing so, Theroux effectively states that all writers must

be masculine to succeed, otherwise they cannot be a writer. However, Theroux creates

generalizations again by writing that all male writers must be masculine, despite there being

plenty of successful male writers who do not drink or make large sums of money. Theroux again

contradicts his argument, thus causing for the divide between people to increase.

In contrast, Quindlen’s response is to bridge the divide. She begins her paper with a

hypothetical situation: a school dance full of life that is separated in half by the men and women.

After some time, the gap is broken when “one of the girls would brave the divide to start a

conversation on the other side,” (164). This initial scene shows the already created divide

between the sexes. Additionally, rather than naturally engaging in friendly conversation, it’s

strange and unheard of to speak to the opposite gender. Since talking to the other sex is

abnormal, many unjust and false assumptions exist about the girl, much so resembling the

argument Theroux makes when discussing the fraudulent stereotypes constantly being made of

men. In the end, these false allegations and assumptions develop into a great sense of otherness

with the children judging the female without learning her side of the story. Rather than creating

generalizations and judgments like Theroux, Quindlen believes that we should “do the dance”.

She views the dance as a way to bridge the divide. Implying that the dance will allow us to

understand those that are different from us and to learn to accept their difference. At first, it may
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seem strange and clumsy since they don’t know the steps, but with time, their dancing will

become effortless and smooth, referencing that they will learn the difference and in doing so

reverse prejudice.

Our world is full of unjust stereotypes and expectations that only cause us to alienate

ourselves from each other. We develop this sense of otherness that doesn’t allow us to relate or

understand those around us, not allowing us to truly be universal. Should we choose to ignore

these judgmental ideas that surround our lives and, instead, listen to the victims of such

assumptions, we would understand more about the world around us. If we don’t constantly

define ourselves based on society’s expectations, then we may learn incredible lessons and

become truly at peace with ourselves. Until then, this sense of otherness will ultimately cause us

to develop perceptions that influence those around us. Without the stereotypes developed by

society, we may have thought differently than we do today.

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Works Cited

Quindlen, Anna. “Between the Sexes, a Great Divide.” ​The Norton Reader: An Anthology of

Nonfiction.​ 14​th​ ed., edited by Melissa A. Goldthwaite et al. W. W. Norton & Company,

2016. 164-166.

Theroux, Paul. “Being a Man.” ​The Norton Reader: An Anthology of Nonfiction.​ 14​th​ ed., edited

by Melissa A. Goldthwaite et al. W. W. Norton & Company, 2016. 166-169.