VULTURES ON A CAROUSEL: Christian Tract Review by: Michael Rutschky

For the uninitiated, a “tract” is a short, poorly drawn comic strip booklet that is
handed out by Christians to complete strangers in hopes of converting them to their
religion. As a car hop at Sonic, I see a lot of these come in from customers. Sundays
and Wednesday nights are obviously the worst days. Although I am not Christian, many
of the people that I work with are, and for the most part we all agree that these tracts
are rude, ignorant, and grossly insulting. Tracts seem to want to scare people away
from their own beliefs and into believing in the Christian God. I’ve decided to discuss a
few examples of these booklets, and rate them according to how scary they try to be. I
think we can all agree that putting fear in the people around you so that they become
more like you is quite unethical and, hopefully, very un-Christ-like.

SOMETHING IN COMMON?

The message here is that all members of humanity have something in common:
we’re all destined for eternal flaying and burning unless we become Christian. Doesn’t
that just raise your spirits? The most entertaining thing about this one is the giant arrow
that people walk on as they amble into the pits of Hell. One guy’s shouting “Allah be
praised!” as he walks towards damnation; another person exclaims “I’m a Buddhist and
you don’t exist”. See? The other religions of the world won’t do anything for you but
ensure a place in Satan’s lake of fire. Who needs tolerance when you got Christ?

Scary Scale: 4/10, because it’s only a quick rundown of how much we suck.

THIS WAS YOUR LIFE

Ever admire the beauty of a woman from afar? Tell a dirty joke? Disobey your
parents? Have you ever whispered? Well, bad news. Your eternal forecast is looking
extremely hot with chances of isolated pitchforks. In this story a man dies without
finding Jesus first. After watching a movie about his life with some angel (heaven has a
movie theater?), he meets God, who pitilessly flings him into the fires of Hell. Then, to
really drive the point home, we’re shown just a plain white page with the words “This
CAN Be Your LIFE!” Fine, do I really want to worship a God that won’t even let me tell a
joke? I’m sorry, but if God created Tucker Carlson he surely has a sense of humor.

Scary Scale 7/10, because it makes you afraid of doing everyday things.

MEN OF PEACE?

This one’s the icing on the cake, you can already tell by the cover’s insulting
caricatures of middle-eastern men. In this story we see an old man educating his
granddaughter on the evils of Islam. Christianity and Islam have been fighting for
centuries over who has the real prophet. I don’t think it’s exactly fair for Christianity of
all religions to accuse another religion of not being historically accurate. This pamphlet
is nothing but overtly hateful propaganda, insinuating that Muhammad had actually
received his prophecies from a demon, and his wife convinced him that it was an angel
(once again, Christians point out how much trouble women get us into). Ever hear
about Islam on the TV or radio and feel that you’d like to learn more about it? According
to this booklet, all you need to know is that their way of life is a lie, and you should be
very afraid of them. Because, you know, fear does so many good things for a society.

Scary Scale: 10/10, because it plays on people’s fear of terrorism.