Barger 1

Brianna Barger

Mrs. Cramer

College Comp I Pd. 5

7 Dec. 2018

Collateral of Cohabitation

A close family member of yours is twenty-six and is rapidly approaching the average age

for marriage in the United States. She brings up to you that she and her boyfriend are thinking

about moving in together. She wants to know your opinion. What would you say to her? 1 This

idea is called cohabitation. Cohabitation mean living together and having a sexual relationship

without being married. Over the years, more and more couples begin living together before they

are even married. These couples have abusive and unhappy marriages. Cohabitation is

detrimental to one’s mental health and often leads to divorce.

First of all, the marriage(s) that follow cohabitation are unhappy and typically lead to

divorce. Couples wants their marriage to be happy and successful and cohabitation could be

ruining that dream for you. Cohabitation has been found to negatively impact marital happiness

in the marriage(s) that follow the cohabitation and lead to divorce (James and Beattie).

Cohabitation directly correlates with conflict in marriages. When cohabitation happens, it is like

a trial-run marriage. The couple is living together, going about their daily lives together, and

doing everything a married couple would do before the couple is married. In the first years of

marriage the couple gets used to that feeling, so typically there is some newlywed conflict, but

because they already went through that while cohabitating, they have new issues to deal with.

1 Anecdote- This is a short story that makes the reader think about what they would do if they were put in the
situation presented in the story.
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Cohabitation makes more conflict because they are basically going through the first years of

marriage twice. A fairytale wedding and a happy life is not what the couple will get with

cohabitating. The couple will get marital instability and it will be like World War II all over

again2. Marital instability is when the marriage erodes to far past the point of saving. This

happens because cohabitation is typically brought upon young people because of a situation that

is now out of their control which could include pregnancy, getting kicked out, and more (James

and Beattie). This means the relationship was not healthy to begin with, so later in life it will just

get worse and the eventual marriage will be going downhill from the beginning. Without

cohabitation, there would be more happy families with two parents instead of one because

couples would be happy and content in their relationship.

Cohabitation is typically a situation that is caused by unpreventable things. Some of these

things include but are not limited to pregnancy and getting kicked out. If these situations

occurred cohabitation would make the couple’s lives easier because with pregnancy, they would

be living together as a family and with being kicked out it would give the one who was kicked

out somewhere to stay(“The Problem"). Though these situations may make cohabitation seem

like it’s the best choice, the situation and other factors make it impossible for the relationship to

be happy and last. If the cohabitating couple is younger than the age of twenty-five the chance of

the couple becoming divorced increases 3. If the couple cohabitated with anyone else prior to the

current cohabitation, then the divorce rate increases. Just because cohabitation seems like it

would be the best decision at the time it may not always be the best in the long run.

Cohabitation is just thought of a harmless act that the couple is doing to get to know each

other better. It’s not that simple. Cohabitation is confusing and difficult to make work (Morse).

2 Allusion- This represents an allusion because it compares cohabitation to World War II, a well know event.
3 Logos- This represents logos because it is a statistic about cohabitation and it appeals to logic.
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Most people imagine that living together before marriage resembles taking a car for a test drive.

The "trial period" gives people a chance to discover whether they are compatible. Here's the

problem with the car analogy: the car doesn't have hurt feelings if the driver dumps it back at the

used car lot and decides not to buy it. The analogy works great if you picture yourself as the

driver. It stinks if you picture yourself as the car. Half a commitment is no commitment.

Cohabiting couples are likely to have one foot out the door, throughout the relationship. The

members of a cohabiting couple practice holding back on one another(“The Hidden”). They

rehearse not trusting. The social scientists that gather the data do not have an easy way to

measure this kind of dynamic inside the relationship. Cohabitation may seem fun and easy but in

reality, it is a strenuous task.

Cohabitation is detrimental to one’s mental health and overall wellbeing of everyone

involved. Stress and other mental health issues can be a result of the toxic relationship that is

cohabitation. A relationship that is that conflict-oriented can have detrimental effects on the

health of the young adults involved. It can cause chronic stress, which in turn leads to brain,

immune, thyroid, and even weight problems. Some other problems that could occur are heart

problems such as a heart attack or a stroke. A relationship should not lead someone to health

issues and chronic stress, but it should lead to a happy life and future (Moore). Cohabitation has

a negative effect on the child’s development. Cohabitation has a major effect on the

development of the children involved in the situation. A young child’s development depends on

how the family functions (Moore). In cohabitation, the family doesn’t always function properly

like a stable family. There is typically conflict and the parents would not have that strong of a

relationship and a responsibility, since they were not legally bound to the relationship. Also,

cohabitation typically leads to an unhappy marriage or an unhappy relationship in general. This

kind of relationship means that the child would not have a happy home life because the parents
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would more than likely be continuously fighting or just not being affectionate with each other, so

the child would have to deal with all that and be in the middle of all that. If the parents don’t

have that much love for each other, that love would carry over to how much they love and care

about their child and if a child does not grow up with enough love and care in their childhood,

the child will grow up always lacking that piece of development. A happy childhood sets the

path for the rest of one’s life and sadly, cohabitation takes the happy life option away from

everyone involved.

Cohabitation is not a needed step before marriage because it has a negative impact on

one’s mental health and leads most couples to one or more divorces. With cohabitation, life just

isn't as happy as it should be and if it is, that’s a miracle. The couple’s children may have

development issues, the adults may have health issues, there may be issues between the couple

and there may be issues between the individuals in the relationship and their families. All of

these issues can be causes by cohabitation. Is it worth throwing away a lifetime of happiness for

one relationship? Remember that family member who asked for your advice? You would want

that family member to have a happy and stable rest of their life, so the best choice would be to

tell the family member to wait until they are married to live with each other.
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Works Cited

James, Spencer L., and Brett A. Beattie. "Reassessing the link between women's premarital

cohabitation and marital quality." Social Forces, vol. 91, no. 2, 2012, p. 635+. Student

Resources In Context,

http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A312725488/SUIC?u=pl1949&sid=SUIC&xid=98f8af17.

Accessed 18 Sept. 2018.

Moore, Kristin A., et al. "High-risk subsequent births among co-residential couples: the role of

fathers, mothers, and couples." Fathering, vol. 7, no. 1, 2009, p. 91+. Student Resources In

Context,

http://link.galegroup.com/apps/doc/A198409850/SUIC?u=pl1949&sid=SUIC&xid=83bd76d6

. Accessed 18 Sept. 2018.

“The Hidden Risk of Cohabitation.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers,

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201407/the-hidden-risk-cohabitation.

“The Problem With Living Together.” Focus on the Family,

www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/preparing-for-marriage/test-driving-marriage/the-

problem-with-living-together.