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I'm sorry, Colonel Brady. -Yes, Captain.

-I was just coming to get you, sir. -Dr. Lane wants to see you.
-The John Drake case, I'll bet. I thought so. There's a case
I knew she couldn't lick. What do these women think they have
that we haven't got, Captain? Well, I can think of a couple of things, sir. One of
them being the mother instinct,
of course. -How tall is she?
-Well, she comes up about here on me. -That is, with her high heels on.
-A little shrimp, isn't she? I like them that way. -Want to see a picture of her?
-Can't wait. Hey, soldier, how do you rate her? -She says, "Just because I'm me."
-What color hair's she got? -Red. Natural.
-Wow! -Hello, there.
-Hello. Johnny here has been telling me
all about his girl. She sounds like quite a dish.
They're going to get married. -Aren't you, Johnny?
-Yeah. -Well, well, Johnny. I thought...
-Well, Dr. Lane, here, says that I can get a job easy,
and well that was the only reason that I... Of course you can. I told you that
myself. I know, sir, but, well, I didn't believe you. You see, my father
was shell-shocked in the last war. He never was able to get a job... You see,
Johnny didn't understand
the difference. We don't have shell-shock anymore.
It's old-fashioned. War neurosis, or whatever you call it,
you can get well from. Can't you? -Nonsense! You are well.
-Yeah, sure. Now, look, Johnny,
I've got to go back to Chicago tonight, but I'm coming back here
and I don't want to find you here. -No, ma'am. I've got things to do.
-You bet you have. You've got to make an honest woman
out of that little shrimp. -Yeah.
-And if you ever come through Chicago, -remember, I want to meet that redhead.
-Yes, ma'am... Dr. Lane. -So long.
-So long, Johnny. I want to tell you how grateful we are that you've given us these
last two weeks,
Dr. Lane. You're grateful? I have learned
more in these last two weeks. Anyway, this is the sort of work
I want to devote all my time to eventually. Dr. Lane, you think she looks any
better? Well, I should say so.
She's got feet now instead of canoes. Yeah, I guess I looked at natives too long.
They had the darndest feet. -He's improving.
-So is the coordination in his fingers. -Hello, there.
-Hello, Dr. Lane. -I think I'm beating him.
-You know you're beating him. -Am I?
-And how! You'd better get going. Yes. -I don't know which...
-Make a guess. -Well...
-That one? You choose to play that one? -No.
-Well, now, listen, Tommy. I'm an expert at gin rummy,
and I would play that one. Gin! Well, I was wrong, wasn't I?
And you were right. The card you chose was the right one,
wasn't it? -But you said that...
-There you are! I'm an expert at this game, and yet the card you chose
was the right one. Now, the next time you won't have any doubt
as to which is the right one, will you? The king was better then, wasn't it? The
card you chose
was the right one, Tommy. Yeah. Yeah. I was right. Shuffle them. Dr. Lane, that kid
hasn't smiled
since he's been here. It's been three months. Movies, shows, we've done everything
but stand on our heads. Nothing... Well, what are you laughing at?
I'd like to laugh too. It's the Nixie. -The what?
-The Nixie. You see, when you want to do
something and you're scared to, he just whistles in your ear, and... Well, see this
man here is
kind of rich, probably, and important. He'd like to ride on the merry-go-round,
like when he was a kid, but he's too dignified,
and people would probably laugh at him. So the Nixie whistles in his ear
and eggs him on. See? What difference does it make
if people laugh at you, if you're doing something
you want to do real bad? So he does it!
He doesn't care what people think, 'cause he's happy. See?
Like when he was a kid. I see. Well, it's a good thing
he's just in the funny paper. It would be pretty disastrous if he got loose. Why?
Well, if everyone went around
just yielding to their impulses, what would happen to civilization? What's happened
to it, anyway? Well, no one has a better right to ask that
than you have. But I don't think we're going to improve it
any by listening to whistles that... Well, that encourage us to just let go
and obey every impulse. We have to learn to control
our impulses, you know. You see? Yeah, I guess so. I know so. Doctor, you're a
great believer
in personal discipline, aren't you? Why, naturally. On the contrary, there's
nothing natural
about it, especially for a woman. You must have a very deep-seated doubt
about yourself that makes you so strong. -I haven't the faintest idea what you
-No, I don't believe you have. I think you're perfectly honest in your denial. But
I'm a psychiatrist, too, Dr. Lane,
and I warn you, it is a denial. -Sergeant.
-Yes, sir? -Take Dr. Lane to her hotel.
-I'm going to pick up my tickets, first. -I'll show you where.
-Yes, ma'am. And I want to tell you that I was analyzed
while I was a student. And I want to warn you
they found me so normal and well organized,
I almost frightened them. -How long ago was that?
-Six or seven years, I guess. Why? I just wondered.
And I still can't help wondering what a well placed whistle
might do to you, little lady. -The idea!
-And I'll confess something else. -When it happens, I hope I'm around.
-I'm sorry to disappoint you, Colonel, but if there's any whistling to be done,
I shall do it. -Whistling girls and crowing hens...
-...always come to some bad end. I know, but that was written long ago,
when it was a man's world, Colonel Brady. My golly, this Michael Kent isn't
just a cartoonist, he's a tonic. The Nixie again? Yes. By golly, if I only had the
nerve! -For what?
-For anything. Just once, to do whatever I wanted to do. You can't do whatever you
want to do.
Nobody does. -I know I can't, but... Yes, ma'am?
-You have my reservations for tonight? -Dr. Susan Lane.
-Yes ma'am. Chicago, one way. I'm sorry, Dr. Lane, I could only get you
an upper berth. Well, I'm sure you did the best you could.
How much is it, please? Ticket and berth, 44.03. Leaving Grand Central Station,
upper 5, car 10. Thank you very much. Pretty for a medical man, isn't she? I'm
terribly sorry. Did it hurt you? No, no. It's hardly bleeding at all. -I'm terribly
-Yes, I know. So you said. -Gosh. I'm...
-Terribly sorry. I know. Would you mind not helping me up? I'd like to have a few
things I can still use
when this is all over. -Don't be silly. I was just trying to help.
-Yes, indeed. Now, just get out of my life, and let me
forget this ever happened, will you? It's too bad. I've a feeling that
meeting under other circumstances, I would have liked you. Very much. Then I'm glad
the circumstances
were as they were. Yes, sir. It's too bad. Well. -Hello, Mr. Kent.
-Hello. You and the lady kind of got tangled up,
didn't you? -Yes, kind of.
-She took a couple of whoppers, didn't she? That she did.
Were you able to do anything for me? -Well, I got you a ticket, Mr. Kent.
-Good. But I'm afraid you'll have to sit up
between here and Chicago. You see, changing your reservations
like you did... I know. My fault entirely. Mrs. Cassell from the Roma Apartments
wants it back Thursday. The laundry counter's over there.
This is the ticket counter. Excuse me. Beautiful, wasn't she? -Him?
-No, no. The lady I knocked down. Yes, she was. I just got through saying so
myself, didn't I? -Yes, you did.
-It's too bad, too. I have a feeling something
wonderful could have come of that, and, boom, she's out of my life
before I even have a chance to find out! It doesn't seem quite right,
does it, Mr. Kent? -It isn't right.
-Leaving Grand Central Station at 8:00. We have to share it with the laundry.
-Share what?
-The office space here. -Well, charge this to the paper.
-Yes, sir. -Mr. Kent.
-Yeah? Does it mean, now you're going to Japan,
the Nixie won't be in the paper? Sure he will.
Only it'll be his adventures in Tokyo, see? Watch what happens when he whistles
in the ear of that white horse. I was worried about that. -You were?
-Yes, sir. I had some of these made up
for Nixie's special friends. See? Whistle and everything. Thank you, Mr. Kent. Now,
when he whistles, you listen. See? Yes, sir. Mr. Kent, -I'm sorry about the lady.
-What lady? The one that something wonderful
could have come of. -Well, that's life, I suppose.
-Yes. Thanks a lot and goodbye. -Mr. Kent?
-Yeah? What do you think
of this dumb helper of mine? -Me?
-What about him? He had a cancellation
hidden away all the time. -Me?
-Yes. Probably saving it for a friend, or something. Me? Of course, it's only an
upper, Mr. Kent. I'd settle for a hammock slung
between two porters. This train leaves Grand Central Station
at 5:30. Upper 5, car 10. That's really swell. Thanks a lot. So long. -What did I
-You didn't do anything, but I did. I did something I wanted to do. Just once.
-Excuse me.
-Quite all right. -Sorry.
-Certainly. Porter, will I get in your way
if I grab my bag a minute? No, sir. Go right ahead. -Want to get my pipe.
-I didn't get your ticket, did I? No, I was in the diner.
It's even crowded in there. Going to be crowded
in that upper berth, too. -I think I'm lucky.
-Yes, I suppose you do. I suppose I did, too, when I was your age. -Where's the
club car?
-Five cars back. Why don't you have a drink?
You won't care so much. -No, thanks.
-Don't you drink? -Ever?
-Nope. You've got nothing against drinking,
have you? Well, now that you ask me, several things. Name one. Well, for one thing,
I always like to know what I'm doing. No kidding? Never have I been treated as
The wrong car, the wrong drawing room.
Next it will be the wrong train. -Maybe I am not on a train, even.
-Yes, ma'am, you're on... Be still, I am talking.
What is the matter with him? You know who that is? Allura! Come now. You know, that
dancer who wrote that book
Biography of a Blonde. -Didn't you read it?
-No, no I didn't. No kidding? Well, you should. I'm here to tell you
there's a different romance on every page. Her own life, you know. -How many pages
are there?
-Over three hundred. -Can you imagine that?
-She's been busy, hasn't she? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. -Cuba libre, please.
-Yes, sir. You don't always want to know
what you're doing. -I beg your pardon?
-All I said was... -I'm...
-Terribly sorry, I know. -No!
-That's my line. -Now, who wouldn't believe in destiny?
-What is destiny about it? We meet in a ticket office
where we buy tickets. We meet again on a train
where we use tickets. It's a perfectly normal sequence of events. Well, I'll be
darned. Can I buy you a drink? She doesn't believe in it. What are you doing
over the bar, then? It just happened to be the last place
I could lean up against. -I'll get you a seat.
-But I don't want... -Good evening.
-Good evening. I'm sorry. I didn't know, of course. Would you please explain to
your wife
that I wouldn't for the world... You see, dearest, he just didn't know. -What did
you say to that man?
-Shut up. You got a seat, didn't you? -What did you say to that man?
-Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Don't look at me like that.
They think we're married. -You're not married to anyone else, are you?
-I am not. -Good.
-I agree with you. By the way, my name's Kent,
Michael Kent. What's yours? You've got a name, haven't you?
Well, what is it? -Lane, Dr. Lane.
-Dr. Lane! Yes, and I would have bet
that you were of the breed of man who'd object to a woman
having a little sense. I don't mind, if they don't overdo it. What kind of a
No, don't tell me, let me guess. A chiropodist? No, a chiropractor? I've got it,
vet? I happen to be a psychiatrist. No? A mental peeping Tom, eh? -Only by
-I'd like to make one. -I'm going to San Francisco.
-Good. I get off at Chicago. I've got two weeks before I have to leave. Well, I
hope you enjoy them. I'm beginning to feel that
that'll be up to you, Doctor. I'm afraid that would be too much
responsibility for me to take on, Mr. Kent. Kent... You're in the funny papers. I'm
encouraged. Now, I would have bet
that you're of the breed of woman -who never looks at the funny papers.
-You'd have won. -I saw it quite by accident.
-You like my little brainchild? That little fiend goes around
whistling people to destruction? To freedom.
And the Nixie is not a little fiend. He's the life impulse in all of us.
The releaser. Haven't you ever wanted
to spit over a balcony? -Certainly not!
-Nonsense! Everyone has. All right, why didn't you?
I'll tell you why you didn't. Because human beings
are completely surrounded by their own little policemen of convention. They're
armed with clubs and handcuffs, and they only know three words:
don't, stop, wait. But if the Nixie whistles
and calls off the cops, you get to... Charming! Well, not that exactly, but other
things. Now, you want to say something nice
to someone. Do you say it? No! With the compliments of the gentleman
who gave you the seat. -Thanks.
-This is milk. Well, naturally. Drink up. You might be decent about it.
The man did give you his seat, didn't he? But I can't drink milk. I break out. -You
can pretend, can't you?
-How silly do you want me to look? Why should you care how silly you look,
if you make the little man feel good? -That's what I was talking about.
-You were? I were. Drink your milk. There, now you'll feel good
because you made someone else feel good. -That's how it works.
-On the contrary, I shall probably be very ill. But don't let me upset your little
It's all too, too beautiful and misty-eyed. Almost makes one believe in
Santa Claus again and Easter bunnies. -I never quit believing in them.
-Your berth is ready. -How perfectly lovely of you!
-Thank you, ma'am. But it looks like you both think you're lucky. Now, if you don't
mind, Mr. Kent,
I think I'd like to get out of this trap. -Well, we can't say good night in here.
-Why not? Well, what would the people think,
under the circumstances? Now, watch it, darling. I couldn't bear it
if anything happened to you now. Do you mind? Last call for dinner.
Last call for dinner. Just how far are you going with me? Well, I'm beginning to
that very question, seriously. Where do you sleep tonight? -Mr. Kent!
-Don't get me wrong. I just don't want to miss you in the morning. We'll be
different. Our romance
will start with breakfast. Good night. Porter, when you get a chance,
upper 5, please. -Good night.
-Good night. -Hope your wife sleeps well.
-What? Thanks a lot. Do you want a boy or a girl? I'm beginning to think I want a
girl. For the first time in my life,
mind you, I think I want a girl. Girls are nice.
Well, hope you get what you want. -I'll certainly do my best. Good night.
-Good night. Hey. You can't do this. -Don't make so much noise.
-Mr. Kent, are there no limits? It's all right to pretend we're
married to get you a seat in the club car, but we can't overdo this. I... Gee, you
look pretty with your hair all... -Good evening.
-Everything all right, sir? -Wonderful.
-Hadn't you better get in bed? Certainly. I was just doing
my setting up exercises. I got to keep in shape, you know. Never know what you're
gonna run into. Well, I just wanted to remind you that
we're about to come into a fast curve, and you're apt to get thrown off of there. I
hope you appreciate the fact
that I kept quiet until he left. You hope I appreciate? They hang men for things
like this, I believe. And if you insist upon
forcing your intentions on me... Hey, now wait a minute, who's forcing who?
This is my bed. -Well, is that so? Well, I'm in it.
-Well, where do you want me to go? Can't you guess? Did you fall out of your bed?
He did not! He was thrown out. What's the matter here?
Did somebody get hurt? -She threw him out of his bed.
-It is not his bed. It's mine. -Mine.
-Now, look here, I said you'd be crowded, -but you told me you liked it.
-He what? -But you didn't tell me that...
-Now, up with you. -Let's get some sleep.
-He can't come up in this berth. -It's mine. I have a ticket to prove it.
-So have I. Well, certainly you have, both of you.
I know that. -Both of us?
-Both of us? -Why not?
-Well, -there's every reason in the world why not.
-Aren't you married? Well, not exactly. Not exactly?
I never saw this man before today in my life. They're not married! They're not
married. They aren't married. They're not married... No, they're not married. Good
night. It's all right now, you can go back to sleep. Conductor, conductor,
is there a doctor on the train? Now what's the matter? The lady in Drawing Room B
tried to jump off the train, -but I just caught her in time.
-Dr. Lane, upper 5. -Will you kindly come with me, Doctor?
-I'd be glad to, but she's the doctor. -What a trip!
-All right, I'll go along, but I don't believe it. Anybody with a drawing room
all to themselves would never try to commit suicide. Somebody probably tried to
kill her to get it. Can I lend a hand, Doc? Shall I go with you? Heaven forbid! You
better not, mister.
She don't like men at all. -She sounds like an intelligent woman.
-And now let's see if we can get some sleep. Better be careful, Miss Doctor,
she's lost her temperature. Lost her what? She's mad at me
because I tried to save her life. She's mean mad with me
because I won't let her out. That's a perfectly normal reaction.
Just step back. Don't you think we'd better get
a doctor that's more of a man? Don't be silly,
I've handled hundreds of these cases. -I'd better go in with you, Doctor.
-Remember, she does not like men. -I should have known it'll be you.
-Who are you? -What are you doing here?
-My name is Dr. Lane. I thought that... It is none of your business
why I tried to kill myself. In the first place, I don't believe
you ever intended to kill yourself. -No?
-No. You're too noisy.
Noisy people never commit suicide. I am not noisy inside.
I am only noisy outward. -But this afternoon, I read my book again.
-Do you read? Is the writing that bad? -It is excellent writing.
-My mistake. I haven't read it, you see,
but I've heard a lot about it. -Remorse, perhaps?
-Remorse? What for? My mistake again. -I am Bolivian.
-Well that probably explains a great deal. It is a country of very high altitudes.
I hate men! And you wanted a girl. I have loved three men in my life.
The trouble is, they loved me. What was so troublesome about that? -I killed them.
-All three of them? Come, now, the law simply doesn't
allow people to run around loose -who have killed three men.
-The way I do it, the law do not care. How did you do it? I kiss them, that is all.
And they die. Now that does seem
a little ungrateful of them, doesn't it? All my life I have tried to keep away
from men, -but there is something about me.
-That's quite obvious. So I kill myself. I remove me as a menace. Allura, do you
know what a psychiatrist is? Yes, they are people who are always
peeking into other people's heads when people do not know they are peeking. Yeah...
Well, something like that.
I am a psychiatrist, Allura. -Yes?
-Yes. And if you'll let me, I think I can help you. Then you can start
making your book come true. If I could only have page one, for myself. -He was my
favorite of them all.
-Is he still around? -No!
-No? I just make him up from my head.
But he is so wonderful. Well, tell me all about him. He is tall, like all men
should be,
and he has a very cute mustache, and he loves Allura so very much. Excuse me. I
just want to know
if you're coming back to bed? No, I am not. You may have it all to yourself. I do
not want to take you away
from your husband. -He is not my husband.
-No. We just happened to have
the same upper berth. Good night. Good night. Dr. Lane, who is that man? -Michael
-Now I have a name for him. -So have I.
-He is page one. -He...
-I recognized him immediately. Well, I'm afraid you're going to have
to turn to another page, Allura. Mr. Kent is on his way to war.
It's too bad, too. It would have served him right. -This had better go to the
cleaners, Albert.
-Yes, Dr. Lane. -And this, too.
-Yes, ma'am. Maybe it's my imagination,
but it smells of milk. -Milk, Dr. Lane? But you don't drink milk.
-I don't, but I did. I was trapped by a Nixie, Albert. Now,
don't ask me to explain what that means. You wouldn't believe me, even if I told
you. That must be Father.
I'll get it. You look after these things. Hello, Father. -Susan, I'm glad you're
-I'm glad to be home. Thank you for offering to meet me at the
station, but I got along very nicely alone. That I don't doubt. You always do, but
I wish you wouldn't go around proving it. Well, as a matter of fact,
I didn't come clear into Chicago. -I got off at Englewood.
-Why? It just seemed simpler that way. -Have a nice trip?
-All right. A little wearing, but all right. -Wearing?
-A girl tried to commit suicide. That isn't exactly restful, you know. I suppose
you straightened her out? I certainly intend trying.
I start her treatments in the morning. -What's the matter with her?
-A mere nothing, darling. She simply finds it necessary to kill
the men she loves, that's all. -Is that all?
-That's all. Female spiders do that, don't they? The custom always struck me
as being rather neat. -Father!
-It has a nice vitality to it. -At least they fall in love.
-Here we go again. Maybe you ought to be
this man-eater's patient, instead of the other way around. Just because
you have a grandfather complex -is no reason for you to...
-What's complex about that? It's a perfectly normal desire
and I wish you'd do something about it. I'd be glad to accommodate you, darling,
but I'm a little busy this evening. You're a little busy every evening. Someday,
probably when it's too late, you're going to wish
that you'd taken an evening off. -That's positively indecent.
-A little indecency might do you good. Do you mind if I say
I'm a little bored with the conversation? I don't need anything to do me good,
as you so charmingly put it. -Everything is under control, is that it?
-Everything! I beg your pardon, Dr. Lane,
but a young man asked me to give you this. What is it? What young man? But he's on
his way to San Francisco. Well, I'm afraid
he's in the living room, Dr. Lane. -What is it?
-Nothing, nothing at all. -Tell the young man I'm at dinner.
-I did, Dr. Lane, but he says he's got two weeks,
and will wait. -Wait for what? Who is it?
-Nobody. Nobody at all. -Then what are you so upset about?
-Upset? Who's upset? -You are. Send him in, Albert.
-Yes, sir. -Father!
-I just want to get a look at him. I've never seen you upset like this before. You
don't know what you're doing.
He's the most... -Hello.
-Hello. Sorry I'm late. We had a date for breakfast,
but it took me all day to find her. This is Mr. Kent, my father, Dr. Lane. -How do
you do, sir?
-How do you do? -Hope I'm not disturbing your dinner.
-You've been disturbing something -since I first met you.
-Well, then that makes us even. -Will you have a drink?
-May I? -Please do.
-Thanks. Have you known my daughter long? No, no. We shared an upper berth
coming out from New York. -You what?
-We did not. -How do you think that sounds?
-Sounds wonderful! The last part of the trip, of course,
she shared a drawing room with a blonde. You had rather an active night, didn't
you? -Will you kindly explain to my father...
-It was all a mistake. They thought that
she was going to have a baby, and then of course
they thought that we were married. Which came first? The baby. That's when
we were in the club car, you see. Albert... -I'd better go, hadn't I?
-Well, if you feel, perhaps another time... You can't leave now that
my daughter had a baby... -Father, dear!
-Well, I approve heartily. I think it's very patriotic of you. Are you on your way
to war,
or on your way back, I hope. -He's on his way out, I hope.
-What is that gadget there? I've never seen one of those before. -Artist
-Artist? I do a strip. You do? In the funnies. Albert, I'm afraid you've
misunderstood. -But the cook asked me to mention that...
-I'm sure she did, Albert. Yes. -You're sure I'm not disturbing your dinner?
-Mercy no. Where on Earth would you get that idea? Say! Kent, Michael Kent!
You're the Nixie fellow! -Father, don't tell me...
-You know my brainchild? Greatest discovery since penicillin.
How do you do? How do you do, sir? You look like him. Really? I wish I had the
nerve to act like him. This morning he threw an egg
into an electric fan. That reminds me,
we're having an omelet for dinner. All my life I've wanted to throw an egg
into an electric fan. -Why don't you?
-Why encourage him in things like that? -It would make him feel good.
-I suppose that's the answer to everything? Well, if everybody felt good,
then human relationships would be what they were intended to be,
wouldn't they? I've always wanted to meet someone
from Never Never Land. Dr. Lane, I beg your pardon,
but my omelet is sagging badly. So am I, Albert. Never let it be said that I was
responsible for such a thing! Won't you have dinner with us? By all means!
Albert is famous for his omelets. Of course, we could only find four eggs,
but they're large. No thanks. Our date's for breakfast.
See you in the morning. -You do that.
-This way, please. -I'll see you to the door.
-Thanks. See you in the morning. So you said. Thanks for the warning. My office
adjoins my daughter's. In case she mans the guns in her own. Thank you, sir. Good
night. -Good night. Good night.
-Good night, Mr. Kent. Albert, this presents a very
interesting problem in physics. What does, sir? It's never been determined what
happens when an irresistible force meets an
immovable body. -It hasn't, sir?
-No, but we're about to find out now. -We are, sir?
-We are. There's liable to be quite an explosion.
Hang onto your hat. Yes, sir. Yes, I'll do that. Good morning, Pittsy. I hated to
ask you to read that trash. I thought it might help you
discuss the case with me. I'm on page 78.
He's the one she met in Rome. Now I know what they mean by "When
you're in Rome, do as the Romans do." What are you doing down here
at this time in the morning? I have a Nixie snapping at my heels. -Good morning,
Albert. Dr. Lane in?
-No, sir. You see, she was expecting you. So she ran away again, did she?
Well, that's very encouraging. -It is, sir?
-Sure. You don't know
anything about human nature at all, do you? Apparently not, sir. Look, do you think
she'd miss a cigarette if I borrowed one? This way, sir. I'll return it.
It'll give me an excuse to come back. Yes, sir. This is quite a layout here, isn't
it? There must be a lot of crazy people around. Dr. Lane is a very rich woman, sir.
She has a great deal of money. -Yes, she's quite a girl, isn't she?
-Yes, sir. I owe a great deal to Dr. Lane. -Owe her? What?
-She cured me. -Really? What'd she cure you of?
-Wandering. I just wandered.
She said I had no purpose in life. No direction. Just on the move,
outdoors in the sun and the rain. Why I was just an old tramp. Did you like it? I
loved it. Isn't that awful? What's awful about it? -Well, I...
-So Dr. Lane took hold of you -and just straightened you right out?
-Yes, sir. Very wonderful of her, wasn't it, sir? Now, I've settled down,
got a good job and everything, and like I say, I owe Dr. Lane a great deal. Boy!
What dangerous business! -What, sir?
-Just carelessly picking up people's lives and putting them down
where she thinks they ought to be. And I'll bet she's never heard of a thing
called a booby trap. Why must I go to bed to take my lesson? It's simply that the
flow of thought
is easier when the body is horizontal. Why? Look here, I'm the one that's supposed
to be asking all the questions, not you. Your hat, too, please. Now, if you'll just
tell me any thought
that comes into your head. Dr. Lane! Go right ahead, I've heard everything,
believe me! -What is happening?
-I'm just testing your reactions. I thought for that,
doctors hit you in the knees. I'm interested only in your mental reactions.
-Spotlights I react to very happily.
-I suspected as much. -Is that a reaction?
-No. That is my father. Pardon me. Father. Father, I'm working. Father, I am
working! I'm sorry, Susie. I was just practicing. If you would just practice
during working hours, darling. You'll drive people crazy with that thing. The more
people I drive crazy,
the richer you'll get. Really. One more toot on that thing and
I'll stop paying for your lessons. Okay, Susie. Now, I want you to go back,
to the first man you ever kissed. How can I go back to him? He is dead. Well, tell
me the circumstances
under which he died. Did he just drop dead right then,
or did he wait a while? He waited four whole days. Waited four days. Then the truck
run over him. -The truck?
-Yes. I hate men. But you don't seem to understand.
I had an appointment with her, for breakfast. Dr. Lane has had her breakfast. Well,
I have to see her
about something else. Doctors can't refuse to see people
who need them. -It isn't ethical.
-Mr. Kent, I only work here. -Dr. Lane told me definitely...
-It isn't even patriotic. I can't go to war in this condition.
They wouldn't have me. -What condition?
-Well, look at me. I shouldn't be left alone.
It's... My tonsils hurt. -Dr. Lane doesn't take tonsil cases. She's a...
-That's just it. My tonsils hurt, and I haven't any tonsils. Mr. Kent, I have a no
list and a yes list.
You head the no list. Don't you realize you'll go to bed
tonight with my tonsils on your conscience? It's an awful thought,
but I'll try to bear up under it. -Where do I find him?
-Find who? -Her father.
-Turn to the left, down the hall. That's a good idea.
He's an excellent throat man. Well, there's nothing wrong with my throat. Now
listen to me, Allura. Three times men fell in love with you,
three times men kissed you, and three times there were
accidents in which they died. That was a series of unhappy coincidences,
but I assure you, they were coincidences... -But, Doctor, they...
-I know, three times the men belonged to someone else, and you were blamed by those
for their death. -Once a sweetheart...
-Twice a sweetheart! -And once a mother.
-She was so awful. She screamed at me
and said his death was my punishment for taking him away from her. And that was the
final shock
that sealed your neurosis. Don't you see? That made you afraid
to ever go near another man for fear you were taking him away
from someone he belonged to. You would not believe it.
There are no free men in the world. Every man belongs to someone.
Girls, sisters, mothers, daughters. There are so many women in the world
owning men. -You would not believe it!
-No, no, I wouldn't. Because it isn't true. No one can take a man
away from another woman, unless he was on his way
before you came along. Otherwise he wouldn't even see you
when you came along. -He would not? Not even me?
-Not even you. Now, will you give it a try?
Will you kiss a man who's attracted to you,
and take my personal guarantee for it, that he will not drop dead? -What man?
-Any man. You've got to look upon him
simply as a cure, -like a box of Aspirin.
-Dr. Lane? -I am having a terrific reaction.
-You are? It is page one. Right from heaven. I suspect,
he's right from a certain office next door. -Dr. Lane...
-I'll fix him! Dr. Lane, if he were my box of Aspirin... I said once it would serve
him right. Hello. Sorry I'm late. -Come in, won't you, Mr. Kent?
-Me? Yes, of course. I'm so glad to see you. -You are?
-I am. You remember Allura?
You saw her on the train. -Yes. How are you?
-Allura, this is Mr. Kent. You remember Mr. Kent? But I told you, he is page one.
-I'm what?
-Nothing. Nothing at all. Allura says the oddest things all the time.
She's Bolivian, you know? -What do you mean by that?
-Why, not a thing. Mr. Kent, I was wondering
if you'll have dinner with me tonight? -Excuse me. I intended to.
-You did? Well, well, that is wonderful.
Say 8:00, my apartment? You bet that's wonderful.
Nice to have seen you again. -Where did you come from?
-I just rubbed an old lamp. The one next door.
Mr. Kent is having dinner with me tonight. Now you can go to bed tonight
without my tonsils. What did he mean by that? I don't know what anybody means
by anything. I am leaving. I am never coming back.
I will send to you a check. Now, wait a minute, Allura.
Why are you leaving? You have crossed me double.
You are getting into my box of Aspirin. No, no, Allura.
You're invited to dinner, too, don't you see? -I am?
-Yes. I'm the doctor. I want you at my apartment tonight
sharp at 8:00. Dressed to kill! I don't mean that literally, of course. It's just
that I want you to look
very beautiful. -That I cannot help.
-Wait a minute, what's going on here? Dr. Lane is giving me an Aspirin
with a very gay mustache. -I see.
-And if you cure me, I will give you everything in the world. I will even give you
$10,000. My fee is $25 an hour. No more, no less. I'll tell you what,
the day you're well, send me lilacs. -Lilacs?
-I love lilacs. I will send you so many lilacs they
will smother you alive. You will hate lilacs. You ordered a telephone at 8:00
Now is 8:00 sharply. -You turn my stomach.
-I do, sir? -No not you. Her.
-Thank you. -Not you. Him.
-Thank you, madam. -You're not a woman, you're a ghoul.
-Albert, this is Dr. Lane. Explain to my guests that I'm detained
and that I won't be there till later. Experimenting with human beings
like they were guinea pigs. Yes, go right ahead and serve dinner
whenever it's ready. Thank you, Albert. -Now, what were you saying?
-You heard every word of it. Look, darling, I am not doing this tonight
to amuse myself, but to help a girl get well. I'm performing an operation,
just as you would. I'm removing a neurosis, and using Mr. Kent
as the instrument with which to do it. Mr. Kent is not an instrument.
Can't you get that through your head? Mr. Kent is a man. He's a human being.
He can't be wielded like a paring knife... Waiter, would you mind hurrying?
We'll be late for the theater. I've seen the show. -You'll see it again.
-It stinks. Not you. Me. -Good evening, Albert.
-Good evening, Mr. Kent. Dr. Lane has been delayed and she asked me to tell you
to make yourself at home with the blonde young lady
until she gets back. -Blonde young lady? Is she here?
-She's on the terrace. Frankly, Mr. Kent, I'm very glad you're here. -She's a very
disconcerting young woman.
-In what way? Well, forgive me for saying this, Mr. Kent,
but it's the way she looks at one. As if she were hungry
and one were a cookie, or something. -Why, Albert!
-I asked you to forgive me, Mr. Kent. This way, please. -Mr. Kent!
-I know. If you need me, sir, just ring.
I'll remain close by. Thanks. Mr. Kent, the bell's on the table. -Hello there.
-Forgive me for not rising, but the thoughts flow more easily
when the body is horizontal. -They do? Why?
-That has never been explained to me. -Would you like to sit here, by me?
-No thanks. I'm very comfortable right here. -You are not very helpful.
-Helpful? You should remember the man
who let the mosquito bite him. I should, why? -He was a great humanitarian.
-Yeah, but he died, didn't he? Yes, but that is the risk you must take. I don't get
it. You will,
and I hope you will be able to take it. -Would you like a drink?
-To start with, perhaps. -Yes, sir. You need me?
-Looks like I might. -Yes, we'd like a drink.
-Yes, sir. To start with, perhaps. I see what you mean about the cookie. Yes, sir.
You might as well relax.
Dr. Lane will not be here for a long time. I'm relaxed. She will be here for
dinner? Tonight she is an imitation duck. She's a what? What you call a decoy
to lure you here for me. -Thank you.
-Wouldn't you like to sit down -and have one with us, Albert?
-No, thank you, sir. -Well, it was just an idea.
-No, thank you, sir. You are afraid of me! -Afraid? Why should I be afraid of you?
-You have every reason. Would you mind getting up? My thoughts flow more easily
when the body is vertical. -They do? Why?
-Well, that has never been explained to me. -Skål!
-I am not here to skål. -I am here to make page one come true.
-Page one? I wrote a book. You are page one! Really? Now what did I do on page one?
You make love to me. Look, Blondie, I don't want to seem impolite,
but I've got other plans, see? -You rang, sir?
-I... -Yes. I think we'd better eat.
-Yes, sir. -Eat? Coward!
-Definitely. Right away, sir. Dr. Lane will be very disappointed. -Dr. Lane will
-She put herself to so much trouble. -What do you mean by that?
-She prescribed you. -She what?
-To cure me. To cure you? Of what? Killing everyone I kiss. -It is a thing I have
to get over.
-Bad habit. Dinner is served. Dr. Lane, I have a message for you. The foreign young
woman, Ms. Allura, she said to tell you the Aspirin you gave her
wasn't any good. It wasn't? Oh, dear! She was crying, quite bitterly. Crying? For
goodness's sake,
you don't suppose it did kill him? -Kill? Who?
-Never mind. How silly of me. I hope nothing's happened. For goodness's sake, don't
hope that. -Good evening.
-Good evening. I waited for quite a while.
You missed a wonderful dinner. -I'm sorry. I got tied up. I was delayed.
-Yes, I know. -Sit down.
-Thank you. -How do you feel?
-Fine, fine, I always feel fine. -How about you?
-I'm all right. The clerk downstairs told me
Allura left crying. -What on Earth did you do to her?
-Nothing. -Sorry to disappoint you.
-I don't quite know what you mean. I mean, I let you down.
You picked the wrong guy for a trial jump. -I don't know what you mean. It...
-Yes, you do. She told me all about it. She did? Well, now, that wasn't very
intelligent of her,
was it? No wonder you didn't cooperate. That wasn't the reason at all.
I explained it to her very carefully. I wouldn't do as an experiment
because I don't belong to anyone, and that spoiled the whole thing. What did? I
have no mother, no sisters,
no wife, no sweetheart. I'm a free man.
And that's her complex, isn't it? Her fear of taking a man
away from someone? -Yes, I suppose...
-Otherwise I'd have been very happy to help. Of course, it could be arranged... -It
-Very easily. You know I'm in love with you. That way we could
kill two birds with one stone. -What an unpleasant thing to suggest.
-Isn't it? But I thought it was the kind of suggestion
that would appeal to you as so clever. Would that have
a slight overtone of sarcasm? It would. You can't turn people into guinea pigs.
It's against the laws of nature. They're powerful laws. -Not if they're controlled.
-They can't be, by us. Don't kid yourself. We're not big enough. I haven't much
time left, Susan.
Don't send me away without... Mr. Kent... How can I make love to you
if you call me Mr. Kent? -I don't want you to make love to me.
-Why not? Do I have to explain it to you? I have a right to an explanation.
I'm in love with you. -And that makes you a privileged character?
-That deserves an explanation, at least. All right, then.
I don't want love in my life, Mr. Kent. -Mike!
-lf you could see the miserable women who troop in and out of my office every day,
you'd know why. Women who are ill. Women who have lost their pride.
Women who cry and beg. Women who have lost themselves
completely as individuals, and always because of a man,
the right man or the wrong man. -Or no man.
-I couldn't risk that. I wouldn't have it. What about that nightgown? -What
-The one you wore on the train. -What was the matter with it?
-Not a thing. It was beautiful. But women don't wear nightgowns
in upper berths unless there's something inside them... There's nothing inside of
that has anything to do with nightgowns. Isn't there? Isn't there? You can talk
your head off, darling, but every time you open your mouth
that pretty little nightgown calls you a liar. I wish you'd go now. Do you wish
anything more tonight,
Dr. Lane? No thank you, Albert. If Mr. Kent's forgotten something,
I've gone to bed. Yes, ma'am. I wish to see Dr. Lane. I'm afraid Dr. Lane has
to her bedroom, miss. Doctors are not allowed to sleep
when people have trouble. I have large trouble. This way, miss. Please don't bother
me anymore tonight,
Mr. Kent. He bothers you, does he? You admit it? -Allura, what are you doing...
-I tried to explain, Dr. Lane. -It's quite all right. Thank you, Albert.
-Yes, Dr. Lane. He waited for you.
I was sitting in the taxi watching. It is you he wants, not me. -Men are so stupid.
-Yes, yes, aren't they? Well, it didn't work.
We'll have to find someone else. I do not want someone else. I want him. -Well, you
can't have him!
-Why can't I? Well, he explained that himself, didn't he?
He doesn't belong to anyone. The experiment wouldn't have any teeth in it. I would
just as soon have him without teeth. Well, it wouldn't prove anything. It is very
strange. Today you talk me into him,
tonight you talk me out from him. You do not want him, or do you? Me? Want Mr.
Kent? Well, now, really, I've never
heard of anything so fantastic in all my life. -What on Earth would I want him for?
-I only know what I want him for. And if you do not help me,
I will help myself. All right, I'll help you. -How?
-Well, I'll let him think that he belongs to me. In that way we can do as we
Fair enough? He will not suspect it is a trick? No. Men aren't very bright
when they fancy themselves in love. You run along home now
and get some sleep. You've got to keep up your strength,
you know. I have not forgotten about the lilacs.
I will send you lilacs. You do that, when the time comes. -Good night, Doctor.
-Good night. Now, when Mr. Kent comes back,
you're in, Dr. Lane? Certainly not. -Albert, you've been eavesdropping.
-Yes, Dr. Lane. -Albert!
-I'm very fond of Mr. Kent. So is Allura. Dr. Lane,
she's quite a terrifying young woman. She's so blonde, isn't she? Very blonde,
in every sense of the word. But she's also my patient and
I have to be very careful how I handle her. This way she'll keep hands off Mr.
waiting for me to arrange things. Meantime, I'll just avoid him. He'll be gone in a
couple of days
and no one will be hurt. Clever? I hope you'll forgive me
for saying this, Dr. Lane... -Saying what, Albert?
-...but Mr. Kent mentioned to me one time the danger of your running
into a booby trap. I do hope this isn't it. How long will it be
before we can go out to lunch again? This bread doesn't seem very fresh. That bread
is perfectly fresh.
I bought it on the way down this morning. Doors locked, curtains drawn!
What are you afraid of, anyway? -Afraid of?
-These aren't the Dark Ages, for pity's sakes. He won't drag you away by the hair.
You can always say no. Or can you? This bread isn't the only thing
around here that's fresh. Where's the salt? -Your father's probably snitched it
-He's getting to be a regular pack rat. -Would you mind getting it for me, dear?
-Gladly. May I go this way? I can tell there's fresh air out there,
if my memory doesn't fail me. Will you love him, comfort, honor
and keep him in sickness or health, and forsaking all others, keep you only
unto him so long as you both do live? I will. I now pronounce you man and wife. -Is
that all there is to it?
-That's all. Now that you've had a rehearsal,
do you think you can manage the real thing? -I think so.
-Tonight at my house then. -Yes, sir.
-You'll be there? -No, I'd better not.
-No? No, you see Judge Whittaker,
there's just one teeny-weeny catch to this. -Yes.
-Catch? -Catch.
-Catch. My daughter doesn't know anything about it. And we don't dare tell her.
-You don't dare?
-No, we don't dare. You've got to marry my daughter
to Mr. Kent without her knowing it. Without her knowing it? -Without her knowing
-Without her knowing it! Are you dining on fresh air or
are you having just a plain lunch with me? Hello. -Did you get the salt?
-No. Pittsy, what's the matter with you? I think I've been working too hard. And I
think your father's
been working too hard, too. My father hasn't been working too hard
in 20 years. Maybe that's the reason. A person can fall apart mentally
if they're not busy. You tell that to all your patients. Pittsy, are you feeling
all right? I did. But I wish you'd go ask him for the salt
and tell me what you think. You mean to say your daughter is... Do you think we'd
be marrying her this way
if she were perfectly normal? Father... Pardon me. Father, why wouldn't you
give Miss Pitts the salt? -Give who the what?
-The salt. -You took my salt again and Miss Pitts...
-Susan, I'm trying to work. In the first place, I didn't take your salt. My
daughter is always losing her salt. And now, apparently
she's lost her secretary, isn't that so? Well, hardly.
She was in here a few minutes... Wasn't she? -Now I ask you, Mr. Whittaker...
-Judge Whittaker. Judge, excuse me, of course. Judge Whittaker, this is my
Dr. Susan Lane. -How do you do?
-How do you do? Now, Judge Whittaker, I ask you,
has anybody's secretary been in here? Why, no.
Nobody's been here but just us three. -Us three?
-No, us three. Yes. Well... -You've never been married?
-No. No, I haven't. Well, that's very apparent, isn't it, Judge? -I beg your
-No need to apologize. But I do wish you'd think about it a little. -You do?
-Yes. It's really the loveliest thing
that can happen to a person. -To think about it?
-I warn you, Susan, Mister... -Doctor...
-Doctor... I beg your... I mean, Judge. The Judge is just crazy
about marrying people. Indeed I am. I do wish you'd think
about my marrying you. -You? Marrying me?
-Yes. -Well, thank you very much. That's nice...
-Well, pardon me, but she has to
locate her salt first. Don't you, dear? Yes, yes, I do. Darling, don't worry.
I'll be right in with the salt. Thank you. -All I want to know is, did you see it
-Yes, yes, I did. Thank heaven, then I haven't lost my mind. That was the most
astonishing thing
I've ever seen in my life. I call that an understatement. Father has no right
to treat a patient like that. -He needs help.
-Your father? No. Father was obviously
going along with him just to humor him. -He marries people.
-Yes, I know. In all my experience I've never come
in contact with a mania like that. I wonder what's in back of it. This is one time
I wouldn't look,
if I were you. Here's my address.
She is beautiful, but a little... Well, now, don't worry about the license.
I obtained it for her, but don't ask me how. It's very irregular. You're sure
you're gonna be able
to get her out there? Now, leave that to me. -Well, she's pretty smart.
-She's too smart. That's why it's a cinch. Over-confidence always walks serenely
into the simplest trap. Well, if she smells a rat, it'll be me. Everything is fair
in love and war, my boy,
and this is both. -Well, I don't know.
-Now, leave it to me, leave it to me! Just a minute. Maybe you could get
the judge's address for me. It isn't exactly ethical
to take a patient away from another doctor. Susan! Never mind, I'll get it myself.
Ethics shouldn't even have to be considered
when a man's sanity is at stake. -Here's your...
-Now I don't want one word out of you. That Whittaker man is
in very bad mental condition and those pink pills you hand out
are not going to help him. -Susan.
-I want you to bring him in here so I can talk with him. I want you to bring him in
so I can talk with him. I'll do nothing of the kind.
He doesn't know he's... If you want the case
go out and see him yourself. All right, I will. All right, here's his address. He
isn't a judge,
he only likes to think himself one. Tell me. Is this marrying business
the only evidence of his unbalance? As far as I know. He'll marry anybody to
at the drop of a hat. -Susan, your next appointment's waiting.
-Thank you. By the way, I hope you'll be very happy. Would you be going out
I want to make sure that he's there. I might as well get hold of it
as soon as I can. Do you realize this is the first case
you and I have ever worked on together? I'll bet you'll be surprised
the way it turns out. Do you know something, Susan?
I bet we'll both be surprised. Would you mind waiting, please? I was watching out
the window.
I didn't want you to miss it. Thank you, but I didn't know... I know how difficult
it is
for you to find things. Are you alone? Yes, yes, my father couldn't come with me. I
wasn't expecting him. Come in, please. Thank you. I'm so glad you made up your mind
to come. -You're going to be glad, you'll see.
-And so are you. -Sit down, won't you?
-Thank you. -I'll call my wife.
-I think that's a good idea. -Does she know why I'm here?
-Yes. Do you? -Why, of course.
-That's splendid. It makes everything so much nicer. Martha! Martha, she's here,
and she knows why. Martha, this is Dr. Lane's daughter, Susan. This is my wife,
Mrs. Whittaker,
and our neighbor, Miss Downer. -How do you do?
-Pleased to meet you. I use them for witnesses. I quite understand. I'm glad you
But I don't think that makes it right. We talked it over and we think it's
terrible. Do you mind getting me a glass of water?
I'm so thirsty. Not at all. What did you say? I didn't say anything. You winked.
Did I? Well, I do that, it's a nervous habit. -I'm sorry I called attention to it.
-So am I. Do you mind getting it?
I'd like to talk to your wife a moment. Well, now, Martha, don't spoil anything.
Don't pay any attention
to anything my wife says. She has some very stubborn ideas. That's a typical
symptom, you know. They always think
everyone else is confused. Now, how long has your husband been
in this condition? In what condition? Mrs. Whittaker,
try not to evade my questions. -You know why I'm here.
-Yes, I do and I wish you hadn't come. Your husband wanted
to marry me this afternoon. -He still does.
-That's what worries us. Of course it does. But you don't understand.
That's why I'm here. Now, after one of these
marriage binges of his... -Binges?
-Yes, of course. After he's succeeded in marrying someone,
how does he feel? Is he stimulated? -You mean my husband?
-Why, yes, of course. How does he feel afterward? Is there a feeling of let-down,
a period of depression? Well, that all depends on what time it is. What time it is?
Why, yes. If it's the middle of the night,
naturally he feels let down. He's not a young man. You mean to say
he sometimes gets up at night? Naturally. When he has to marry somebody
he has to marry them, doesn't he? What happens if you try to stop him?
Does he become violent? There you are. Your wife's been telling me
that you marry people just any old time. Sometimes in the middle of the night. Yes.
It seems like I've been
doing more of that lately. That's probably very true. Now, if you don't mind, I'd
like to be alone
with your husband for a while. -What for?
-Well, I've got to get started, you know. -It's getting late.
-But we can't get started yet. -There's no point in waiting.
-But you have to wait. I don't have to do any such thing. Now thank you both very
but I'd rather -you wouldn't be present...
-But we're his witnesses. I never have witnesses.
I must have absolute privacy. But I have to have witnesses. No, you don't. You'll
we'll manage better without them. You mean just us three? Yes, just us three. She
did it again.
You are nervous, aren't you? I'm getting nervous.
Would you mind leaving us alone? You see, Samuel?
If you try and marry this girl, -you'll get in trouble.
-Not at all. But if he tries to marry anyone but me,
he'll certainly get into trouble. That's why I want to be alone with him. You and
Hattie better run along, Martha. We won't be far. If you need us, just call. I
will. Now. How about you relaxing a little? Relaxing? Why don't you lie down? -Lie
-Why, yes, yes, right here. You'll get used to it.
It makes everybody feel silly at first. But you'll see,
you'll get so you'll really enjoy it. -It's very irregular.
-Yes. Now put your feet up. That's it. Relax. Where are you going? Don't worry. I'm
right here. It's just that you can't see me
and that makes it better. I can see you. Well, of course you can, if you look at
me. -What are you going to do back there?
-Just listen to you. -Listen to me do what?
-Talk. Now go right ahead and say the first thing
that comes into your mind. No. -Judge Whittaker, I do this all day long.
-You do? I look for things in people's minds.
Sometimes people get lost. You poor thing. You lose people, too? I don't lose them,
they lose themselves,
but I help them find themselves again. Now I'll try and help you find yourself if
you'll just pretend I'm not here
and talk to me. Samuel! Please, you'll have to give me more time. Go away, Martha,
I'm handling this. -It doesn't look that way to me.
-Go away, Martha. I'm lost and she's looking for me.
She does it all day long. You ought to be ashamed of yourself,
trying to marry a girl like that! Now, now there's nothing to be ashamed of. Not
any more than
if you had hives or something. Hives? I never had hives. Of course you haven't.
That's what I mean. And you really don't want
to marry me either. But I do. You don't mind, do you? -You said...
-Not at all. I'm really very flattered. But tonight we have other things to do. No,
I didn't plan
anything else for tonight. I left the entire evening open just for you. Well that
was very nice of you. -Thank heaven.
-I beg your pardon. That's the doorbell.
It means we have customers. Here's the license and everything. Mr. Kent, I can't
let you marry that girl.
She's in a terrible condition. I know, that's why I'm marrying her. Now don't you
worry about a thing.
You let me handle it. I wouldn't agree to this you know,
only Dr. Lane saved my life once. Well, that makes it even.
Now you're saving mine. I'll have to get my witnesses. Well, you'll have to hurry.
I'm leaving day after tomorrow. Hello. -What are you doing here?
-I came to see you. -I've been telephoning you...
-How did you know I was here? Your father, I twisted his arm.
And we were worried about you. Worried about me? Sure. It's dangerous for a girl
like you
running around nights treating maniacs. -Anything might happen.
-He is not a maniac. He's crazy as a loon. I saw him. He took one look at me,
said he had to have witnesses and loped away like an antelope. He has one harmless
little phobia,
he likes to marry people. Yeah, your father told me
and that worried me. -I kind of had you staked out for myself.
-Mr. Kent. Well, shall we get started? I'm sorry we were interrupted,
Judge Whittaker. If you'll come to my office tomorrow
we'll continue with our... That's a good idea. -Good night!
-Good night. Look, but you can't go now. Judge Whittaker, I can hardly do
what I came to do with Mr. Kent here. But we have to have him here
or I can't marry you. Well, you can marry me tomorrow.
How's that? I'll have my father there. -She wants to marry her father.
-No, no, no, no, no. About 11:00? But I've got to marry you tonight. I couldn't go
this far and not do it.
I just couldn't! Judge Whittaker. -Well, for heaven's sake, why not let him?
-Let him what? Marry you? If it'll make him happy,
what have you got to lose? How silly do you want me to look? I told you once
before, what difference does it make
if it makes the little man happy? The Easter bunnies are in again. That settles it.
Any girl that sees rabbits...
Come, Hattie. No witnesses. There you are. You have to have witnesses,
you said so yourself. Hey, driver! Come on in.
Bring that other one with you. -Witnesses.
-I don't want witnesses. Yeah, but he does.
Don't you ever think of anyone but yourself? -You're witnesses.
-Not me, I ain't seen a thing. It hasn't happened yet. -Is this dame giving you
trouble, bud?
-I beg your pardon. She won't get married. Look, lady, don't let them rush you.
If you don't like this guy, don't marry him. Why is it that your appearance every
always causes a riot? I wish your father had let me die. I do, really. That should
make you feel good.
Now he wishes he was dead. -Shame on you.
-So he dies. You can't walk away and leave a man
in this condition. Look at him. He looks terrible. -Look, we don't want to get
married, see?
-Well, we do, see? -Well, we don't see?
-Well, we do. -Wait a minute, wait a minute.
-All right, all right! I'll let him marry me. -She said yes.
-I'll do anything to get out of this and to get rid of you. Lady, you mean you're
to marry this guy to get rid of him? It's been done before. My wife married me to
get rid of me,
we got ten kids. What's that you say, Mrs. Whittaker?
He hasn't come to yet? He's fainted. -Judge Whittaker has fainted.
-Before or after? What's that you say? Madam, you are speaking of my only child.
Albert, it worked! They're married! Father! Albert! Yes, Dr. Lane. -Father, you've
been drinking.
-I've been very, very nervous. -And Albert, too.
-I've been very, very nervous, too. Well, I guess it's just been
one of those days. I'll discuss that insane asylum with you
in the morning, if you're able. I'm going to bed, and I don't thank you
for sending Mr. Kent out there. You'd be amazed
what his appearance stirred up. Didn't he come home with you? No, he didn't come
home with me. My taxi driver didn't like him
any better than I do. No groom. Good evening, Father. What an evening. -Mr. Kent,
let me be the first to...
-She doesn't know about it yet. That was neither the time nor the place
to go into it. You have no idea. She's married and doesn't know about it? It's
going to be an awful shock
when she finds out, too. I'll tell you what, you go tell her. -Me? No, you married
-Yeah, it was your idea. Pardon me for saying it, Mr. Kent,
but shame on you. -Why?
-Scared of a little girl. -And you going to war.
-Where they have bullets. -You'd better not go. You might get hurt.
-Very funny. You think I'm scared to tell her, don't you? Good night, Albert. Drop
in any time. Good night, Dr. Lane. Same to you. Well, I am. -Hello.
-I seem to spend the better part of my life saying, "What are you doing here?" I am
sorry I'm late.
I had to go by and pick up my bag. Come to say goodbye, huh?
You're leaving tonight? No, I'm staying, I hope. -Mr. Kent!
-Mike. Do you realize
this is my bedroom you've invaded? -Beautiful.
-Thank you. Thank you. -Now, would you mind running along?
-Where? What should I care where?
Where you belong. I... I belong here. I hope. Don't tell me you've got a ticket to
prove it.
You used that before. -I have.
-Have what? A ticket to prove it. Well, I guess I can call the manager. No, no, he
was tickled to death
about the whole thing. -He even gave me a cigar.
-A cigar? For what? Well, when you win, you always get a cigar. Do you suppose
insanity is catching? Well, we were together
with Judge Whittaker, you know. Yes, I know.
Only Judge Whittaker isn't insane. -No. No, no, I'm the one that's crazy.
-That's what he thinks. That ceremony was on the level.
We tricked you into it. Your father called it a mental kidnapping. You and me are
married? You and I are married. I was kind of scared to tell you about it
until I saw you were still wearing the ring. -I am?
-I thought that kind of proved something. What about the license? -Your father
signed for you.
-How? Told them you had two broken arms. -What about the health certificates?
-Any doctor can get a health certificate -and your father is a doctor.
-Is a doctor. I see. -How very, very clever.
-Yes, wasn't it? -So now we're married.
-Looks like it. Is it all right?
Please say it's all right, Susan. I think it's wonderful. -You do?
-Wonderful! In the first place, it's just the kind of
a wedding every girl dreams about. In the second place, it's so exciting
being married to a complete stranger. We won't know what to expect next, will we?
-Well, nobody never knows...
-...anybody until they've lived together. I know. It seems to me
I have heard that someplace before. What's your middle name? -I haven't any.
-Well, there you are. You see the fascinating things
we'll discover about each other? Mine's Ellen, after my mother.
You had a mother, I suppose. Yes, I had a mother and a father. There you are.
You see the fascinating things we do... Susan, quit it, will you? -lf you're mad,
-Only very immature people get mad. And by the way I never eat meat.
I do hope you don't mind. I never allow it in the house.
I hope you don't mind. -No, I don't.
-Well, there you are. You see,
we've already cleared the first hurdle. Now, let me see. Yes, I must have absolute
I've always lived alone, you know. Still then we won't have
to worry about that for a while. You're going away, aren't you? Yes, I'm going away
Susan, darling, listen... You haven't told me a thing about yourself. Are there any
I should know about? Yes, I have a touch of asthma,
if that should interest you. It interests me tremendously.
I mean, asthma. What do you do? Go all black? No, I don't turn all black.
I breathe a little hard, that's all. And I don't even do that
unless I get excited. How interesting. Then it should be simple to find out. -Find
out what?
-Kiss me. Just like that? That's the way you married me, isn't it?
Just like that. Susan, don't. Please don't. Not very flattering. No asthma. You
see, there isn't even
an emotional basis for this marriage. Are not you overdoing it a little, Doctor? It
is very clever of you
to have it all arranged so soon. -Have what all arranged?
-This. -What's she talking about?
-Well, I... -I have been watching you.
-Well, I think that's pretty fresh, but I don't care
if the whole world is watching me. It is very obvious
that now you belong to somebody. -Yes, he does.
-So now the experiment -will have his teeth in it.
-But... What's she talking about? Well, a long time ago I told her... It was three
nights ago right after you left. Well, what difference does it make?
I've lost all track of time. Anyway, it wasn't important. Well, what did you tell
her three nights ago,
right after I left? That she would make you think
that you belonged to her. -Go on.
-So that it would prove something if you made love to me. I don't believe it. Well,
what Allura doesn't know is,
what's happened, does she, Mike? You'd never believe it.
Mr. Kent and I got married tonight. -Married!
-Yes, isn't that ridiculous? -So you see...
-You married him for me? I did not think you would go that far. -You are a very
good doctor, Dr. Lane.
-No, no. No, I'm not. I mean, I did not.
I mean, he tricked me into it. That is funny. -Poor Mr. Kent.
-Well, what's poor about him? He fell right into your plan, didn't he? She told me
that the man
who falls in love is not very bright. -Did you?
-Well, yes, I did... Then you set this whole thing up
three nights ago, after I left? -Well you see... I...
-After I told you I loved you? -But she happened to come back that night.
-I had to make sure she did not want you. -And she didn't?
-She laughed at me when I asked her. She said... "What would I want Mr. Kent for?"
Yeah, very flattering, tossing me
back and forth like a beanbag. You take him. No, no, you take him. Now do you mind
if I do
a little coin-tossing myself and make up my own mind who takes who? -That sounds
fairly disgusting.
-Fairly. All right, I've tossed a coin. Do you mind
if I invade your bedroom again? No, not at all. You have every right to. I want to
pick up my bag.
Come on, Blondie! Where are you going? To make that test run. You are going to cure
me? Well, never let it be said
that I didn't cooperate when Dr. Lane went to this much trouble. Mike! I hope you
realize you're risking your life. I can't imagine a nicer way to die. Come on,
You'll find I'm just what the doctor ordered. I hope you'll be very happy, Mrs.
Kent. I should have known you were too smart
to run into any old booby trap. Wednesday at 3:00 for Mr. Lindsay. -I'll see you
-Thank you, Doctor. -Will you step right in, Mrs. Peterson?
-Thank you, Doctor. -I'll be with you in a minute.
-Thank you. You haven't heard from either of them,
have you? No, not either of them.
That's a potent brand of Aspirin you put out. Don't be vulgar. It doesn't mean the
slightest thing to me
one way or the other. Dr. Lane? Yes, I'm Dr. Lane. Those are for you. They ain't
poison ivy, lady. They're lilacs. -I know.
-I'll take care of them. No, no, I'll take care of them.
They were sent to me. Thank you. You know, I'm nuts about lilacs myself. I guess
it's because
they bloom so early in the spring. They always seem like they stand
for the beginning of something. -For pity's sakes, go away.
-Sure. -Lilacs.
-Yes, I see. -This means my patient is well, you know.
-Yes, I know. -This proves I'm a good doctor, doesn't it?
-Yes, it does. Yes, I see. Yes, I know. Yes, it does.
Is that all you can say? And keep my job. -Shall I fix them for you?
-No, I'll do it. Darn this headache. I was beginning to think you'd got lost. Don't
worry about me getting lost.
I know where I am every minute. -You're very fortunate.
-Yes, I know I am. You're going to be just as sure of yourself. All you have to do
keep your mind on the lilacs. On the what? What I told you yesterday. Your
husband... But I'm getting better, Doctor. I'm sure of it. I realized how right you
what you said about... I was more like a policeman than a wife.
It's all been my fault, hasn't it? No, it was my fault. I should have killed the
little policeman. What did you say? About what? I think you said you were going
to kill a policeman. I couldn't possibly
have said a thing like that. I couldn't possibly. Why on Earth would I say a thing
like that? It's wonderful about you and your husband.
It's wonderful. Every woman should be a wife,
shouldn't she? No, Pittsy, I'm not coming down tomorrow.
No, I'm perfectly all right. I'm just tired. Now, for heaven's sake,
will you leave me alone, darling? Albert! What on Earth have you got on? My
tramping clothes. I'm going away. Going away? Where? Into the sun, and the wind,
and the rain. But, Albert,
don't you remember what I told you? Yes, but I figure that a person who
doesn't know what to do with her own life certainly wouldn't know
what to do with mine. -Albert.
-Yes, Dr. Lane? But you're not well.
You might catch pneumonia or something. You're too old to go just tramping off. I'm
not too old for anything,
but unhappiness. Nobody is. Mr. Kent said so. -Who said so?
-Mr. Kent. Don't mind my saying,
but Mr. Kent makes me sick. That's quite apparent. What do you mean... What's very
apparent? Well, you're sick. -What's that got to do with Mr. Kent?
-Dr. Lane. -Albert, you're fired.
-Thank you, Dr. Lane. -You might just as well go this minute.
-Yes, ma'am. That's right. Go ahead and leave me
all alone when I'm sick. I don't care. But I'm not going to leave you all alone.
I'm leaving this with you. Mr. Kent gave it to me
but I don't need it anymore. -And you most certainly do.
-I don't want it. -What is it?
-It's the Nixie. Wonderfully sweet sound, isn't it, Dr. Lane? I'm a little too old
to play with dolls, Albert. Nobody's too old for anything -but unhappiness.
-But unhappiness. I know, so you said. Well, goodbye, Dr. Lane. Bye, Albert. I'll
be very glad to get out where
there's a nice, quiet, well organized war. You needn't shout at me. I was nice
enough to come along
and help you get away all right. The way you've helped me so far,
I'll probably wind up swimming to Japan. -We all make mistakes.
-You're not even sorry. Spilt milk, I always say. And you needn't mention milk
at a time like this either. Stop griping and go to bed. -Good night.
-Good night. A thing like this couldn't happen to me
twice in two weeks. -A thing like what?
-There's someone in my berth. Is there?
Well, come on in and sleep with me. I don't want to sleep with you.
I want to sleep in my own berth. -You can't.
-Why can't I? That marriage was no good. -What marriage?
-Ours. It seems to get married,
you have to know it's happening. Isn't that silly? -Susan!
-Hello, darling. Hey, hey. I said you could sleep with me. Thanks. -I lost my mind.
-That makes us even. We can get married in Nevada
and not waste any time. Next time I get married it'll be
because somebody asks me, besides you. I should think so. Will you marry me? -What
did you do about Albert?
-I fired him. -Good night, darling.
-Good night. What's going on here? I'm saying good night to my daughter.
Do you mind? What's he, an interpreter? In a way. We speak the same language. Is
she your daughter? This lower berth calls
for you and your child. -My child grew up.
-Overnight. Come on, Mike. -See you at breakfast.
-Try and get out of it this time. -Good night.
-Good night.