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The table illustrates the changes in the number of visitors to 


Ashdown Museum between the previous and following period of 
refurbishment, and also the two pie charts examine the levels of 
these visitors’ satisfaction during the similar periods. 
 
The main message is that there was a growing degree of 
satisfaction at the museum, correlating to the considerably 
increasing number of people accessing to this establishment. 
 
As for the year prior to Ashdown Museum’s renovation, there 
were 74 000 people paying a visit to this. If we look at the 
survey on visitors’ feedbacks, a significant proportion of them, 
40% said they did not feel satisfied and this was four-fold the 
figure of/for those who were very dissatisfied. A similar but 
smaller proportion of visitors, however, thought the opposite. 
Specifically, nearly one third of them enjoyed themselves with 
their visit to Ashdown. In addition, one out of every ten visitors 
there was really satisfied/contented/glad with their visit. Only 
half of this figure did not give any responses at all. 
 
After/Following the upgradation of Ashdown, the influx of 
visitors to this place of interest increased considerably=a 
considerable increase in the influx of visitors/tourists to 
Ashdown was recorded, by nearly one-fourth, reaching 92 000 
people. Exactly three-quarters of the visitors said that enjoyed 
their visit, with 35% feel very satisfied. The figure of those who 
were not satisfied, in contrast, falling sharply to only 20% in 
total, with only one-fourth of them were extremely disappointed. 
The proportion of those giving no response remained 
unchanged, at 5%. 
 
One 
Duong Pham  Son Tran  Mai Nong 

The table illustrates the number of people who The table reveals the number of people visiting The table provides information on the total 
visited Ashdown museum in the year before and Ashdown Museum, and the pie charts number of visitors to Ashdown Museum 
the year after ​its​ refurbishment. Visitors were during the year b ​ efore refurbishment a ​ nd the 
compare the changes in the levels of
surveyed about their satisfaction during their visit, year after refurbishment while the two pie 
satisfaction of Ashdown Museum’s tourists,
the pie charts indicate the result of the surveys in charts compare the results of surveys of 
the same two periods.
over the a two-year period. → between the
previous year and the following year of visitor satisfaction in the same period​s​ above. 
renovation.  
→ Hơi dài. Có thể rút gọn lại như sau:
Looking as a whole, there was a significant 
The table illustrates the changes in the number 
of visitors to Ashdown Museum between the 
increase in the proportion of visitor 
It is clear that there was an increase in the satisfaction after Ashdown Museum was 
previous and following period of refurbishment,  satisfaction of visitors, relating to the rise in the
and also the two pie charts examine the levels  refurbished, which led to the growth i​ n​ the 
number of people visiting Ashdown Museum in number of visitors to it. 
of these visitors’ satisfaction during the similar  the year after refurbishment.
periods​.   
  During the previous year w ​ hen​ it was 
Overall, it can be observed that the museum was In the first year of the period, there were 74000 refurbished, the percentage of visitor 
more successful in terms of the number of visitors people went to the museum. ​However, the satisfaction was 45%, specifically very 
the year after refurbishment, taking into account figure had increased to a higher number of satisfied and satisfied visitors account for 
that the figure rose from ​74,000 visitors to 92,000 92000 in the following year. 15% and 30% respectively. The same but 
visitors. → Nếu em đang muốn đưa ra bức higher proportion of visitor dissatisfaction 
tranh toàn cảnh - BIG PICTURE/OVERVIEW, was recorded and o ​ nly/a mere​ 5% of the 
em sẽ KHÔNG ĐƯỢC PHÉP đưa chi tiết cụ Before refurbishment, 40% of people asked
visitors did not respond. 
thể. Cái này sẽ nằm ở đoạn thân bài đầu tiên - felt dissatisfied about their visit, higher than
 
detail paragraph the figures for satisfied and very satisfied
After Ashdown Museum was refurbished, 
levels, about 30% and 15% respectively. After
people seem​ed​ to like visiting it more because 
The main message is that there was a growing refurbishment, these figures increased to 40%
the number of visitor rises from 74000 to 
degree of satisfaction at the museum, and 35% respectively, while only 15% of
92000 and the proportion of visitor 
correlating to the considerably increasing people said that they felt dissatisfied about
satisfaction increases up to 75%. The 
number of people accessing to this their visit. And the figure for very dissatisfied
establishment. percentage of dissatisfaction reduces 
visitors decreased from 10% to 5% through the
considerably to 20%. 
given period, being the smallest proportion of
According to the survey​s​ conducted ​during​ the  
five levels. 
year before refurbishment, 40% of the people who This piece of writing shows a flexibility in 
visited the museum were dissatisfied, whereas writing style.  
30% were satisfied. The other figures were well
below the aforementioned ones: the number of
very satisfied is 15%, the percentage of very
dissatisfied and no response in turn 10% and 5%.
After the restoration, the number of visitors
increased markedly from 74,000 visitors to 92,000
visitors, the number of visitors to the museum felt
satisfied increased from 15% to 35%, more than 2
times. Moreover, the number of tourists who felt
dissatisfied from 40% down to 15% is also a
significant figure.
Cách diễn đạt còn khá đơn điệu, toàn bộ là số và
hơi máy móc liệt kê.
Tuy nhiên bài viết khá, có khả năng tiến bộ để đạt
điểm só tốt hơn.
 

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