4/2/2019 Abyss - Google Docs

Ava Kuhlman

Ms. McDermott

English I Honors (6)

2 April 2018

My Greatest Obstacle

Dear Diary, March 12, 2019

I’ve practiced all my songs countless times now, but this is the very first time I will play in

front of my family. I want it to be good. No. That’s not it. I want it to be amazing. Which is why

I’ve been using up all my free time (and some of my not-so-free/responsibilities

time) to practice these six songs I chose to play. They need to be ready for

March 26, the day of my performance. My mentor, Mia, has been so

supportive of me on my journey and has given me so much fantastic advice,

but I’m still unsure that it will be enough. To improve, I record my playing

and listen to the replay, this way I can notice mistakes and (hopefully) fix them. In the last

recording, I sound choppy and flat. Fixing this seems impossible, and I have absolutely no ideas as

to how it can be settled. But I’ll keep trying until it is excellent. My performance had better be

perfect after all this work.

Dear Diary, March 16, 2019

I’m getting more and more nervous for the big day. March 26, March 26, March 26. It’s

all I can think about! I’ve practiced my heart, hands, and mind out but I just cannot seem to

get the song right. The ukulele is making my fingers and my brain hurt. Six is seeming like

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a dangerous number of songs to play and my task seems to be getting harder and harder the

closer I get to March 26. While the tune of my songs is fixed so they no longer

sound flat, it still feels as though they are super rough and choppy. It seems like I

haven’t practiced at all. But I have. And I know all the songs by heart now, I can

play them without the music! They still don’t sound quite right though. I’ll keep you posted.

Dear Diary, March 23, 2019

ARGHHHH! My performance for my family is only a mere 3 days away, and despite my

continuing attempts to make all six songs flawless, they have flaws. Lots and lots and

lots of flaws. Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating. They ARE sounding loads better than the

beginning, and since my last diary entry, but I’m still freaking out! My nerves haven’t calmed down

one bit. Time is running out and at this point, I’m just hoping for a miracle. Maybe some drastic

event, such as a car crash, fire, possibly a massive explosion of the earth, will take over

March 26 so I won’t have to play. Or a phenomenon where I instantly become the most

talented ukulele player the world has ever seen. I can picture it now…

Dear Diary, March 26, 2019

SHOOT! Even though I’ve practiced and practiced, I feel SO SO SO unprepared!

When I first had to play for Mia, I was just as nervous as I am now, but looking back it

was no big deal. I’ll try to keep the “no big deal” mindset when I perform in front of my

family. I’m trying to stay calm, but I’m on the verge of flipping out. This is bad. This is

very very very bad. Oh no. I have to go soon they are all getting ready to hear me play.

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Whatever. Come on Ava, it’s no big deal. No big deal. Don’t psyche yourself out! AAAAA I have to

go now! Ok Ok Ok, I got this. I’ll let you know how it goes!

. . .

WOOHOOOO! It went pretty good! I messed up on some parts due to my nervousness, but

my performance wasn’t terrible! At the beginning of my show, I was super anxious and messed

up a lot, I just wanted to run under my bed and hide. But I stayed. And by the end of the first

song, I started getting the hang of it. Playing in front of others, I mean. I persevered

through the rest of my songs and I couldn’t be happier. Slowly, as I went through my

song lineup, little by little, my nerves disappeared. Now I feel as though I could

conquer anything, everything! I guess I’ll be back when my next adventure starts...

Dear Diary, March 30, 2019

I found my next adventure. For my final MGE presentation, I have to play videos

of my ukulele songs in front of my whole class. It is kind of nervewracking, but now

that I overcame my fear of playing in front of others, I’m sure it will all turn out

alright. Now it’s more fun and exciting than scary. I’m glad I finally defeated my abyss

and can now truly enjoy playing the ukulele. Until next time!

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