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Whatever Is Taken for

Granted Will Eventually
Be Taken Away
By Mai Pham

“They say ‘you don’t know what you’ve got until

it’s gone.’ The truth is, you knew exactly what
you had. You just didn’t think that you were going
to lose it.” ~Unknown

She was a mother of eight children. She lived with

her family in a small village in the countryside.

Living in a poor family, with eight mouths to feed, she

worked every possible job from dawn till dusk, from
working in her family’s own rice field to accepting
gigs from anyone who’d hire her.

Many people told her not to put her children in school

so she could have some help with work. But she
insisted on letting her children be educated so that
they could have a shot to live a better life than hers.
It meant working ten times extra, but she did it
anyway.

She lived more strictly than a monk. She didn’t eat

enough, because the less she ate, the more her
children could eat.

Fast forward nearly forty years later, she suffered

from heart disease, blood pressure problem, and
many serious illnesses. According to the doctor, the
main reason was that she’d neglected herself for so
long.

In the last couple months of her life, she couldn’t

walk or talk. She became paralyzed and she forgot
her children and grandchildren. Later she died in the
arms of her family.

That was the life story of my grandmother, the

woman who sacrificed her entire life to take care
of other people and expected nothing in return.
And everyone took her for granted.

It’s not because we didn’t love her. But we were just

too busy with our lives. And most importantly, our
society raised us not to express our love and feelings
to others, because it was considered a sign of
weakness.

I remember just a couple hours before she died, we

were all expecting it and we gathered together to be
with her.

My mom said, “Grandma is so weak.” I hugged her.

It was the first time I saw her cry.

A couple years later, my aunt told me she never

hugged my grandma and told her how much she
loved her. She didn’t know better at that time. She
does now, but she’ll never have that chance again.

They took her for granted. And now she’s gone.

My grandma’s love and sacrifices seem to repeat

themselves—with my mom.

A mother of four children, she found herself in a

familiar situation.

She raised her four children herself while her

husband was away to work for many years. She
never had good food because she tried to save
money to provide for her family.

And honestly, I also took her for granted.

She was always there for me when I needed her.

She never left me when I got sick. She fixed my
clothes and bought me some pretty shoes when I
asked for them, even though money was tight. She
provided me with everything I’ve ever needed. And
magically, she still managed to do the same for my
siblings.

She was a superwoman to me.

It was not uncommon for her to do all the household

chores while we just sat around, studying, chatting,
or playing.

I knew she worked hard, but I also thought that’s

how all moms were. I never remembered to say
“thank you” to her. She plays a huge part in my
life, and for a long time I just didn’t realize it. Until
she was diagnosed with cancer.

My world collapsed. Life was so brutal.

When she was in the chemo, the house was a mess.

No one cared to clean, cook, or talk. My family and I
only talked about Mom, who was becoming weaker
by the day.

I remember when she finally came home after the

first chemo session, we kept asking her what food
she could eat and how she felt. That was the first
time she received so much attention.

I also remember she got up, ran outside the room,

stood in the dark, and cried. She cried not because
she was scared of death, but because she was
scared that no one would take care of her children.

I had taken her for granted, but I still had a chance.

Since then, I learned to take care of her as well as
she took care of me.

Even after my mom was cured, the fear of losing her

still scared me to death. But it also makes me realize
that we all tend to take people around us for granted,
especially the people who are closest to us. We only
remember to cherish them when we are about to lose
or after we lost them.

I now make it a goal to never take anyone for

granted. I make sure I appreciate everyone around
me. If you think you might also be guilty of taking
people for granted…

Remind yourself that nothing is

permanent.

Nothing you have today will last forever. Not your job,
your house, or your car. Not the people who are
closest to you. Not even the people who vowed to
never leave your side.

Take a moment and accept the fact that life is short

and you don’t have a lot of time to be with your loved
ones. Someday all those people will no longer be
around you, and you can’t possibly know when.
Cherish them while you can.

Expect nothing. Appreciate everything.

No one is responsible for you and your life. No one is

obligated to show you affection and kindness. Even if
they are the people you love, it doesn’t mean they
must love you back. They don’t have to do anything
for you, even the smallest things.

So when they do, recognize their efforts and thank

them for everything they do for you. Everyone
appreciates knowing they’re appreciated.

Express your love with little gestures.

Born in a third world country, I wasn’t raised to

express my feelings for other people. Many times I
struggled to tell my mom how much I love her. I
thought she knew because she is my mom. But it
doesn’t mean she would not feel happier if I chose to
share how much I cared.

It was strange at first, but now I call her every day

and kiss her over the phone camera. I send her
random text to tell her I love her and arrange flowers
to be delivered to her house.

Even if you’re busy, put in the effort to show how

much you care. It doesn’t have to be anything big. As
Robert Brault said, the little things are often the big
things.

Stay in the moment.

Sometimes we are so busy with our work, our

hobbies, and our relationship problems that we don’t
focus on the people who are right in front of us.

But if you don’t, when you look back on those

moments, you will regret not being in the moment
and enjoying time with your loved ones.

Make a commitment to yourself today: Stop worrying

about things you have no control over. And if you
can’t stop worrying altogether, at least vow to put
your worries aside for a while every day so you can
be there for your loved ones, both physically and
spiritually.

It is easy to get used to all the sweet and kind

gestures people do for you. But don’t take them for
granted.

Go ahead. Call your mom, dad, or someone else you

love. Tell them how much you love them and thank
them for everything they do.

Send a text to your significant other, if you have one.

Thank them for cooking a big breakfast for you, or
even just for listening.

Buy a bouquet of flowers and send it to your spouse

or friend, along with a note to tell them how much
you appreciate they little things they do for you every
day.

“Smile big. Laugh often. Never take this life for

granted.” ~Unknown

About Mai
Pham
Mai Pham believes we
can create our own
happiness. She helps
overwhelmed and
frustrated people to ditch
their stress and enjoy
their lives again. Grab her
free actionable
cheatsheet: 5 Simple Tips
to Release Stress and
Bring You Calm in Under
5 Minutes and join her
free 7 Joyful Days
Challenge email course.

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Ardianto Sony
− ⚑
4 months ago

Lovely article
△ ▽ Reply

Kaśka Bielak
− ⚑
a year ago

Wonderful article. It made think about how much my

mom does for me, I am grateful, I always say thank
you, I help when i'm asked to do so. But I never do
things out of my own initiative and I never say I love
you. It would be weird and hard to start right now,
but I will try, because I do love her and I want her to
feel that. Thanks for this!
△ ▽ Reply

Junna QuackQuack
− ⚑
a year ago

wonderfully written. thank you for the refreshing

insight :)
△ ▽ Reply

Marié
− ⚑
a year ago

My experience being involved in an old age home is

that the example you show to your children by
caring for your mother and older family members is
the thing that will teach them to do that and
appreciate their mother. If you neglected your older
family members to providein every need of your
children they never learn to care for some one else
except wanting more for themselves.
△ ▽ Reply

Naynay > Marié

− ⚑
4 months ago

That is so true. I see it more in today's world than

I did growing up myself 60 years ago. I want to be
a positive influence on my grandchildren and this
has hit home for me.
△ ▽ Reply

Mai Pham > Marié

− ⚑
a year ago

I agree. Thanks you for your advice.

△ ▽ Reply

Stacey
− ⚑
a year ago

Thank you for sharing. What powerful reminders.

△ ▽ Reply

Mai Pham > Stacey

− ⚑
a year ago

You are welcome. Thanks for reading.

△ ▽ Reply

Ramesh Bonigi
− ⚑
a year ago

Wonderful Articule
△ ▽ Reply

Mai Pham > Ramesh Bonigi

− ⚑
a year ago

Thanks Ramesh
△ ▽ Reply

Tony W
− ⚑
a year ago

Great advice. Make sure you create great memories

with family and good friends while you can. One day
the great memories may be all you have.
△ ▽ Reply

Mai Pham > Tony W

− ⚑
a year ago

Thanks Tony!
△ ▽ Reply

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