ASHLEY OCHI, MA

the potty
files.
@THEBEHAVIORISTMOM
 About
Ashley Ochi is a wife, mother, and Behaviorist based
in Santa Barbara, CA. She has a Master’s Degree in
Special Education and Autism Spectrum Disorders,
and is currently accumulating clinical hours toward
a Board Certified Behavior Analyst credential. 

Before she was a wife and mother, Ashley began

this rewarding career as a behavioral health
professional. She works with children, adolescents
and adults with special needs and other mental
health challenges. She is passionate about breaking
down the principles of Applied Behavior Analysis
(ABA) into digestible pieces to help families initiate
and maintain healthy changes. While insurance
coverage for Applied Behavior Analysis services is
typically reserved for patients with developmental
or psychological diagnoses, this science is universal
and helpful for anyone. Ashley’s mission is to make
ABA-based information accessible to all families,
with and without additional needs.
 Disclaimer
The information in this document is not a replacement for behavior health
treatment or any other treatment. The following information is intended to
be an informative guide. Always consult with a pediatrician or other
healthcare professional for any advice/information regarding behavior or
any other general concerns. If behavior health treatment is needed or
desired, contact a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, your family doctor, or
your health insurance company. Behavior health treatment must always be
performed in real time, face-to-face with a trained professional, and
supervised by a Board Certified Behavior Analyst. This document is
intended to provide generic guidelines rooted in the principles of Applied
Behavior Analysis and based upon the author’s educational and
professional experience. The author is not liable for any damages, injury, or
other incidents related to the use or misuse of this document or any advice
given outside of this document.
Potty Prerequisites

Before initiating any form of toilet training, speak with

your child’s pediatrician to determine developmental
and physical readiness, and to rule out any medical
factors that may inhibit toilet training. Since toilet
training relies heavily on the parent/caregiver’s
ability and willingness to be 100% consistent, do not
initiate toilet training until you are ready and you
have all of the child’s caregivers on-board and ready
to commit to your plan. If you are moving, expecting
a new baby, swamped with a huge project at work, or
anything else stressful or transitional, hold off on
potty training. 
Potty Prerequisites

Next, ensure that the bathroom environment is ready

for training. The environment sets the tone for the
success of toilet training but is often overlooked. The
first step of toilet training depends entirely on us as
parents. It is our job to ensure that the bathroom our
children will be using is:
 Safe

As with any room in the house, your bathroom should

be free of hazards such as sharp corners and objects,
chemicals and cleaning agents that may be within
reach, or anything else that may jeopardize safety.
Additionally, never leave a young child unsupervised
while operating running water, such as in the sink or
tub, to avoid scalding. If you are using a small toilet
manufactured for toilet training, an assistive device
that attaches to the adult toilet, a step stool, or any
other product, review and adhere to its proper
instructions and safety warnings.
 Sanitary

Many children who are just embarking on their

potty training journey will also be new to
learning how to wash their hands and utilize the
bathroom facilities. Ensure that the bathroom is
clean and thoroughly disinfected, hand towels
are clean, and that any products used to aid in
toilet training are also routinely cleaned and
disinfected.
 Paired & Inviting
Before you can begin potty training, your child
must be familiar and comfortable with the
bathroom you’ll be primarily using to train. This
can usually be accomplished by the
parents/caregivers speaking positively about
the bathroom, inviting the child into the
bathroom to “check it out,” and discussion with
the child about how they’re old enough now to
use the bathroom. If possible, take your child to
a bookstore or library to pick out an exciting
book and/or toy that will “live” in the bathroom
and that the child will have access to when
using the bathroom. It is advised that this item
be reserved for use in the bathroom only, to
avoid a loss of interest. The bathroom must be
“paired” with reinforcement, which just means
the child should be motivated to go into the
bathroom. If you are having trouble pairing the
bathroom with reinforcement, review the
section below on reinforcement.
 Free of Shame

The bathroom and all of your interactions around

potty training should be free of judgment, shame, and
undue punishment.

Potty training is a big milestone, and it can feel difficult

and vulnerable for parents and children alike.
Refraining from negative or discouraging talk,
highlighting mistakes or accidents, and
harshly/ineffectively punishing behavior will ensure
that the child continues to feel secure and free to learn
at their own pace, and avoid a build-up of resentment
and frustration associated with potty training.
 Taking the Plunge
START ON A WEEKEND: To have the best
success in the least amount of time, it’s a
good idea to choose a weekend (or better
yet, a long weekend) and commit to
hunkering down inside and focusing on
potty training. Try not to choose a weekend
full of birthday parties, older children’s
sports tournaments or any commitments
that require outings. After designating a
“potty weekend” you may very well find
yourself going into the week with a potty
trained (or mostly potty trained) little one!

THE ENVIRONMENT: Protect your stuff! Place

towels, pee pads, plastic protectors etc. on your
furniture, over your rugs and carpet, and
anywhere else you can imagine an accident
happening. We will be giving our little ones the
opportunity to be in underwear before their
bathroom skills are perfected, so be sure to set
up your environment for success.
 The Potty Schedule

Since young children typically need to be taught how to

identify the sensation of having to use the bathroom and
how to communicate that they need to go, I usually
recommend beginning with a fixed-interval schedule. Many
parents begin with taking their child to the bathroom every
20-30 minutes throughout the day, and gradually extend
the amount of time as the skills of going to the bathroom
are mastered. During this phase, you will likely notice that
your child goes to the bathroom even when they showed
no indication that they had to go before you took them.
This is good! We want to create opportunities for success
so that we can praise and reward them for that success.
Once we’ve had ample opportunities to reinforce going to
the bathroom, we can extend the stretches of time
between trips to the bathroom to give our little ones the
chance to feel the sensation before going, which give us
parents opportunities to start teaching the communication
component.
 Tools
While you’re using the potty schedule, use an audible timer to
signal to yourself and your child that it’s time to head for the
bathroom. If your child tends to resist when you say it’s time to
go, set the timer for a minute or two under your scheduled
interval (e.g. 18 minutes if you’re going potty every 20 minutes).
Children tend to respond well to an audible timer, and it helps us
parents avoid a power struggle because the timer is “out of our
hands”- as in, the timer says it’s time; mom and dad don’t have
any control over that- it’s simply just time to go. As long as you
refrain from giving in to the just one more minute trap, the
timer will be a highly effective tool.

Some parents who are teaching very young children to go to the

bathroom like to start out with a toilet designed for a child. There
are several great options on the market, and these little potties
can even be reinforcing in their own right. For example, I recently
came across a Paw Patrol potty at Target; if your child is very into
those characters, they may be motivated by a potty decorated
with them. These are often great starting points, but I do
recommend “graduating” to the adult potty as soon as possible to
avoid a dependency on the mini potty, even if you have to use an
adapter to make the big toilet seat work for them.
 The Potty Log

I recommend keeping a quick and simple “potty log” in the

bathroom when first starting out. Track the date, time, and
whether your little one went “#1” or “#2” or if they did not go at
that time. The purpose of the potty log is to begin to identify
patterns in your child’s bathroom habits. For example, you might
notice that pee is only happening every second time you take
them (so about once per hour) or that poop tends to happen
around 10am each day. With this information, you can get in-
tune with your child’s needs as you start to move away from
scheduled bathroom trips and teach independent
communication. For example, if I notice that pee only happens
once per hour for a whole week, I will extend my potty schedule
to 45-60 minute intervals.
 Reinforcement: Avoiding
Bathroom Bribery
Rule Number 1: It’s not reinforcement unless it’s
reinforcement. 
What do I mean? I mean that a reinforcer is not just any
given item; it is something that is known to increase a
behavior in the future. So, in some sense, this is
guesswork.  A reward does not earn its title as a
reinforcer until there is objective proof that the behavior
in question increased with that particular reward as the
behavior’s consequence. 

Let me unpack that. Take, for example, small candies as

a reward for peeing on the toilet. Your child may love
those candies, but that doesn’t mean they are a
reinforcer for peeing on the toilet. This doesn’t mean
they’re not reinforcing for your child at all; in fact, they
may be a perfect reinforcer for your child picking up
their toys. Yet, the candies just aren’t increasing the
behavior of peeing on the potty. Why would this be? That
brings me to my next point.
 Reinforcement: Avoiding
Bathroom Bribery
Reinforcement must be: 

IMMEDIATE: The reinforcer has to be the immediate consequence

of the behavior. A good example would be allowing your child to
pick a small prize out of a “potty prize bag” as soon as they poop
on the toilet. A bad example would be “you can have ice cream for
dessert later tonight if you poop on the potty!”

PROPORTIONATE: The reward has to be worth the effort. If

someone offered me five dollars to find a needle in a haystack, I
wouldn’t even consider it. But, if someone offered me five dollars
to do their dishes, I’d be inclined. With toilet training, which is a
high-effort task for your little one, it is often necessary to use that
reward that they would “just do anything for.” In general, I advise
parents to stay away from food as a reinforcer. But, I do consider
toilet training to be an exception for this reason- food is one of our
strongest motivations as humans! 

EXCLUSIVE: If the reward is a candy for peeing on the potty, the

reward must only be given to the child for completing the
designated task. For example, the candy would not have a chance
at serving as an effective reinforcer for peeing on the potty if
there is anything else your little one can do to earn it. If they know
they can earn a candy for going pee on the potty but they can
also earn the same candy for tying their shoes or finishing their
dinner, they will likely be unmotivated to pee on the potty knowing
they can get that same candy later for doing an “easier” or more
preferred task.
 Reinforcement: Avoiding
Bathroom Bribery
Rule Number 2: Reinforcement is NOT bribing. 

A reward is a pre-designated agreement between you and

your little one regarding what (s)he has to do in order to
earn the reward. A bribe is an offer you throw in too late in
the game (i.e. when the child is already refusing to use the
bathroom).

Reward: “You can earn a candy for peeing on the potty.”

The candy is only given immediately after the child pees
on the potty. This one increases the desired behavior.

Bribe: “You can have a piece of candy if you just pee on

the potty” - but this was not pre-arranged, and you just
thought of it and blurted it out in the middle of your little
one’s defiance. Offering anything other than what was pre-
arranged in addition to the pre-arranged reward also
constitutes bribing. This one is not effective in increasing
the desired behavior and often results in power struggles
and negotiation. It will also reinforce (increase) defiant
behaviors, basically guaranteeing they will happen again
in the future when you take your child to the bathroom.
 Remember

What works for one child doesn’t work for all. You already
know that! But, remember to keep it in focus when setting
yourself up for toilet training. I’ve had great success
pairing bathrooms with reinforcement by blowing up
balloons, bringing in exciting toys, and even things like
bubbles and noisemakers. But, I’ve also toilet trained
kiddos who need a calm, underwhelming environment to
feel comfortable and confident. You know your child best,
and don’t be afraid to ask them what they would like to do
with the bathroom and what they would like to earn. This
often takes a lot of the guesswork out of reinforcement,
right off the bat.
 Setting Goals:
Flush with Success

One of the most important pieces of parent homework

before toilet training is to set realistic goals. For many little
ones, “going” on the potty is not going to be the first goal.
Especially for kiddos who already have an aversion to the
bathroom or are already struggling with toilet training, it is
important to meet them where they are. Once you identify
a motivating reward, set up a surmountable task for your
child to complete in order to earn that reward. For some,
this first task will be stepping foot in the bathroom. Once
mastered, the parent could move on to having the child sit
on the toilet, reinforcing that task without even talking
about “going” on the toilet yet. Then, eventually, when the
child is comfortable being in the bathroom, sitting on the
toilet, etc., the whole sequence from start-to-finish can be
the task that earns the reward. Don’t lose sight of just how
many “mini-tasks” are part of being an independent potty-
goer.
 Sensational!
For some children, initiating a trip to the bathroom
will come naturally and the schedule will be naturally
weaned from. But for some children, the
parents/caregivers have to facilitate the weaning
process.

You will need to create opportunities for your little

one to feel the sensation of needing to go, which
doesn't always occur naturally when going to the
bathroom on a fixed schedule.

Start by extending the time between bathroom trips. 

Say, for example, you've increased from one hour to

two. On your way to the bathroom, stop and say
"what are we doing again?" This helps your little one
learn the language associated with asking to go as
well as the sensation they're feeling while
communicating that they need to go.
 Sensational!
Especially if you have
designated a weekend to
commit to potty training,
quit daytime diapers cold
turkey (keeping them at
night at first). It is important
that your little one feel the
discomfort of having an
accident. Diapers are
absorbent, so they do not
allow for this. 

Remember that we're asking our children to break from their fun to do

something way less fun- we need to motivate and also allow for natural

consequences to run their course!

 To Stand or Not
to Stand?
So, you're potty training a boy. Should you teach him to stand to
pee? My answer to this is always: not right away.

Sitting down to go better lends itself to learning all of the skills

associated with going to the bathroom, in a shorter amount of time.
Practice makes progress! If you're only sitting down to poop, you
have way less opportunities to learn the whole process of pulling
down pants, sitting, waiting, standing back up, wiping, flushing. In my
experience, I have found that parents who choose to teach standing
to pee off the bat end up having great success with pee training and
problems with poop training.

Additionally, in the early days of training, sitting down to pee on a

schedule means that at some point, poop will happen incidentally.
When poop happens incidentally, we can heavily reinforce it and
increase the likelihood of our little ones successfully doing it again in
the future! Creating space for an incidental opportunity is much
easier than contriving an opportunity in the case of toilet training.
This takes the "forcing" out of our work as parents and eliminates
power struggle.

When it's time to teach standing to pee, I highly recommend using a

laser target!
 Night Training
I have found the best success with nighttime training when daytime
training has already been thoroughly mastered. Keep the diaper at
night as long as you need to and give yourself and your child grace
as nighttime potty training can be tricky for a little one to master.

Even while still using a diaper or pull-up at night, be sure to take your
little one straight to the potty upon waking in the morning (and even
if they wake in the middle of the night, say because they had a bad
dream) and note whether the diaper is wet or dry at that time. If the
diaper is consistently dry upon waking in the morning for a week,
switch to underwear at night. Use a waterproof mattress protector
during this time to protect your little one's mattress.

If you're finding that your little one consistently wakes with a wet
diaper (when you check the second they wake up), start to limit
fluids in the evening, focusing on good hydration in the earlier parts
of the day. Never deny water to a thirsty child, but try to make sure
thirst is quenched throughout the day so that less water is needed in
the evening. Also make sure to take your little one to the bathroom
as part of the bedtime routine. If nighttime wetting still persists,
speak with your pediatrician.
 Fading: Nothing
Gold Can Stay

Because our ultimate goal is for our little ones to be using the
bathroom completely independently, we will need to gradually put the
brakes on our own intervention and on the rewards. 

Working Backwards: If your child is really little and/or still needs a lot
of assistance, do not be afraid to help as much as needed. You may
start by identifying what your child can already do by simply saying
“let’s go use the potty!” If your child has no idea what that means,
you’ll start at the door. If your child understands that you mean to go
into the bathroom, but they’re not sure where to start when they see
the toilet, you’ll start at the toilet. With each new task that is mastered,
your child will grow increasingly confident and you’ll be able to scale
back your help.
 
 Fading: Nothing
Gold Can Stay
Example
You may begin by walking your child to the toilet, helping them pull
down their pants, lifting them onto the toilet, saying “let’s go potty
now!,” reinforcing their success at going on the potty, then helping
them wipe, flush, pull up pants. Once this routine has become easy and
you see your child growing confident, you can start to increase
independence by helping with every step of the process up to the very
last one, which you ask your little one to do independently. So, in this
example, you would help with everything up until the point where it’s
time to pull up pants, then say: “okay, pull up your pants!” Or even,
“okay, now what?” Have them complete the last step independently.
As each step is mastered, continue to withdraw your prompting from
each step until you get to the very beginning of the sequence.
 
Why work backwards? Your child gains momentum and confidence by
going through all of the motions that they’ll have help with first. This
process boosts their confidence so that by the end of the sequence
they know what to do and are eager to do it.
 
 Fading: Nothing
Gold Can Stay

Fading the Fanfare

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “I don’t want to reward my
child for that; it’s a basic expectation in this house.” I get it. But,
remember that the only reason you meet those expectations yourself
is because your behaviors were shaped with reinforcement and
punishment. The rewards certainly aren't meant to last forever. In fact,
I suggest having a loose plan for how you'll phase out the rewards
already in place before you begin.
 
After a few days of complete mastery of your child's current goal, you
may increase the goal to the next logical and feasible step, making the
reward contingent on the new goal. All the while, you want to be
pairing this reward with verbal praise and affirmation. When the whole
process is thoroughly mastered for at least a week, you can start to
reward every other time they go, then only periodically, then not at all.
But, keep the verbal praise going!
 When Rewards
Aren't Working
If you've hit dead end after dead end and no reward seems to be
motivating your child, or only motivates them once or twice before
losing its power, you may consider a "punishment" procedure. And no-
we're not talking about time-out, yelling, spanking, lecturing or
shaming.

I've been here before and I've had to use this gentle punishment
procedure. Even though I reserve it as a last resort, it is safe and highly
effective. It is considered a "positive punishment," because you are
adding(positive) something to your child's experience that will
decrease(punishment) the future likelihood of having an accident.

Here's how it works.

The child is placed in underwear and informed that diapers are all
done. Because the child is unmotivated to use the bathroom, an
accident will occur. When you notice the accident, say "Oops! We go
pee on the potty." Then, have your child do as much of the work of
cleaning themselves up as they're able. From there, take them from
the accident site to the toilet, have them sit for 10 seconds, flush, &
wash hands. Then take them back to the accident site. Repeat "Oops!
We go pee on the potty." Then repeat the entire process again, 5-7
times in a row. I will not pretend this isn't onerous, but it is highly
effective and reduces power struggles by sticking to the same phrase
and course of action each time, eliminating any room for negotiation.
You can feel confident and avoid "making punishments up" on the fly
 Thank You!
I hope you have found some helpful tidbits in this little guide.

Potty training is a big deal. I can't stress the importance of

readiness enough. You have to be ready and your child has
to be ready (ready and motivated are two separate things,
of course!). You can contrive motivation, but you can't
contrive readiness. Try to avoid comparison. If your little
one's friends at daycare are all potty trained but you're in
the middle of moving, for instance, don't jump in and take
on potty training just because everyone else is ahead.
Starting potty training can be tricky under the best of
circumstances, so hold off until circumstances are as good
and conducive as possible.

Please reach out with specific questions.

Email: thebehavioristmom@gmail.com

Find me on social media at @thebehavioristmom &

www.thebehavioristmom.blog

Ashley Ochi
 Copyright

Please enjoy this guide and feel free to print a copy for personal
reference. Please do not share or copy it electronically, or
reproduce its contents in any way without the author's
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© Ashley Ochi, 2019, All Rights Reserved