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Riley Flint

Dr. McClanahan

CMST 250

5 March 2019

Relationship Maintenance Theories

Relationships are an essential part of everyday life. Whether it be relationships with

family members, romantic relationships, relationships with friends, coworkers, etc. No matter the

type of relationship they all require a certain degree of maintenance. The closer the relationship

the more work is required to maintain it. There are several theories on how to maintain a

relationship most effectively. Two major theories that support Relationship Maintenance include

Relational Dialectics and Communication Privacy Management. In order to understand these

theories, one must first understand what Relationship Maintenance entails.

Relationship Maintenance is very important in keeping a relationship alive, especially if

that relationship is a close one. In order for a relationship to be long-term and satisfying to both

people involved it needs to have four specific characteristics. These characteristics include

liking, trust, commitment, and control mutuality. The first three characteristics are pretty self

explanatory and are usually expected in all types relationships. However the last one, control

mutuality, may not be familiar to most people. Control mutuality is defined as “the degree to

which partners agree about which of them should decide relational goals and behavioral

routines”. (Griffin, et al. 134) In simpler terms, both people agreeing on who is going to be the

more dominant partner in the relationship and being satisfied with the decision. Certain

behaviors need to be acted out in relationships in order to promote the four characteristics
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discussed above. These behaviors include positivity and openness in the relationship, affirming

talk about the future, spending time together with friends and family, and working together on

tasks such as chores and assignments. Relationship Maintenance is an ongoing effort required in

making a close relationship last.

The first major theory the supports Relationship Maintenance is Relational Dialectics.

Relational Dialectics is a communication theory that focuses on close personal relationships,

specifically the tensions and struggles brought on by contradictions within the relationship.

There are three highly prominent and reoccuring contradictions in close relationships.(Griffin, et

al. 139) The first one being integration versus separation. This is the struggle between partners

wanting to be connected, but also having their own freedom so they do not lose their individual

identities. Another contradiction in relationships is stability versus change. This is the constant

struggle between wanting stability and certainty in a relationship but also wanting spontaneity

and surprises. The last major contradiction in relationships is expression versus non expression.

This means both partners expect the other to be open with each other, but at the same time

wanting their own privacy. It is common for people to believe that these contradictions are

damaging to their relationship, but the Relational Dialectic Theory explains that these

contradictions are actually very constructive. These struggles in relationships are essential in

maintaining a close relationship.

Another theory of of Relational Maintenance is Communication Privacy Management.

Communication Privacy Management is a research theory made to create an understanding of

why people choose to either reveal or conceal personal information. (Griffin, et al. 151)

Communication Privacy Management presents that there is a system when it comes to revealing
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private information. This system can be broken down into four parts. The first part is ownership

and control of private information. (Griffin, et al. 152) Meaning they have complete control of

how much information they want to reveal and who they are revealing the information to. The

second part is rules for concealing and revealing.(Griffin, et al. 153) When revealing private

information a person must make the decision of who they will be revealing to. Revealing private

information might strengthen a relationship with one person, but revealing the same information

to a different person might put stress on your relationship with that person. The third part is

disclosure creates a confidant and co-owner. (Griffin, et al. 155) Once somebody reveals private

information to a person, that person is now responsible for that information. The fourth and final

part is coordinating mutual privacy boundaries.( Griffin, et al. 156) This means that the person

who revealed the information needs to have a discussion with the person they revealed it to.

They need to discuss whether the information remains between just them or if they are able to

tell others. Revealing private information can be a tricky thing to do, but according to

Communication Privacy Management Theory, following these rules will make everything run

smoothly.

Family Identity Disrupted by Mental Illness and Violence i​ s an article written by Karyn

Sporer and Paige W. Toller that applies Relational Dialectics Theory to families dealing with

mental illness and how they identify themselves. The purpose of this article is to explain how

people with mental illnesses do not communicate in the same ways as others. This article is

qualitative because it studies families in their normal routines and does not focus on specific

statistics. Living and taking care of an individual who suffers from a mental illness is stressful

for everybody involved.( Sporer, Toller 92) Relational Dialectics is all about how there are
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contradictions present in every single relationship. However, these struggles make the

relationship stronger because individuals discuss their issues and work to solve them. A person

with a mental illness struggles even more when conflicts arise in their relationships. Often times

they act out in rage and violence instead of communicating effectively. This article proves the

Relational Dialectics Theory is not effective for all relationships.

Revealing or Concealing Polyamory in the Family i​ s an article written by Valerie

Rubinsky that applies Communication Privacy Management Theory to real life situations. The

purpose of this article is to discuss a study that explores how much information individuals in

polyamory relationships reveal to their families. This article is quantitative because it uses

numbers and statistics to prove a point. Polyamory is the practice of having multiple sexual

relationships with the consent of all people involved. (Rubinsky 17) Some people in polyamory

relationships find it challenging to reveal their identity to their families. Revealing this

information can be challenging for them because a polyamory identity is counter to traditional

understandings of what it means to be in a relationship. Communication Privacy Management

plays a useful role in this study. According to Communication Privacy Management, people own

the right to either reveal or conceal their private information. One factor in deciding whether to

share information or not is the potential risk for danger. (Rubinsky 18) If a person with an

polyamory identity opens up to their family about it, their family may reject or even abandon

them. On the other hand if another polyamory individual opens up to their family, their family

may accept and celebrate the individual. This is where Communication Privacy Management

comes into play. Knowing how a person will react to your private information has a strong

influence on how much information you are willing to reveal.

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Both articles approached the theories in different ways. The article that applied Relational

Dialectics to mentally ill individuals did not have measurable proof for the argument. The article

just asked peoples’ opinions, which is not always reliable. However the second article that

applied Communication Privacy Management Theory to individuals who identify as polyamory

was much more useful. The second article used scientific facts and numbers to support the

theory, making the article stronger than the other.

Relational Dialectics Theory is more useful and effective than Communication Privacy

Management Theory in Relationship Maintenance. Relational Dialectics is more useful because

everybody experiences conflicts of varying degrees in the relationships. Knowing why these

conflicts typically occur can be very useful in managing the problem. If people understood that

conflicts in relationships are unavoidable due to natural contradictions they would not give up on

relationships so quickly. Communication Privacy Management theory is not as useful because it

depends a lot on the person as an individual. Some people are very open to sharing their private

information with others whereas others are more closed off. Communication Privacy

Management also has a lot of specific rules that would not apply to every person and their

individual relationships. Therefore it is not as useful as Relational Dialectics.

There are many factors involved in maintaining a close relationship with another person.

Relationships are constanting changing and require varying amounts of maintenance.

Relationships will not be strong or long lasting if both partners do not put in the effort. Relational

Dialectics Theory and Communication Privacy Management Theory are both excellent theories

the support Relationship Maintenance. Relationships are an important and necessary part of

human beings’ lives and without proper maintenance they will not flourish.
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Works Cited

Griffin, Emory A. et al. A First Look at Communication Theory. Boston: McGraw-Hill, 2006.
Print.

Rubinsky, Valerie. “Revealing or Concealing Polyamory in the Family: Cultural Rules for
Communicating Polyamory to Family Members.” ​Women & Language,​ vol. 41, no. 1,
Fall 2018, pp. 16–38. ​EBSCOhost​,
navigator-esu.passhe.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&
db=cms&AN=132687648&site=ehost-live.

Sporer, Karyn, and Paige W. Toller. “Family Identity Disrupted by Mental Illness and Violence:
An Application of Relational Dialectics Theory.” ​Southern Communication Journal,​ vol.
82, no. 2, Apr. 2017, pp. 85–101. ​EBSCOhost​, doi:10.1080/1041794X.2017.1302503.