The Limited Power that Controls

the World
by Sophie Davis

Submission date: 10-Dec-2018 09:08PM (UT C-0500)

Submission ID: 1054752570
File name: PENELOPIAD_PAPER_2.docx (20.08K)
Word count: 872
Character count: 4553
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Missing ","

R/O 6

Missing "," 8
 9

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12 Missing ","

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C/S
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C/S

C/S

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The Limited Power that Controls the World
ORIGINALITY REPORT

8 %
SIMILARIT Y INDEX
6%
INT ERNET SOURCES
3%
PUBLICAT IONS
8%
ST UDENT PAPERS

PRIMARY SOURCES

1
Submitted to Higher Education Commission
Pakistan
4%
St udent Paper

2
Submitted to Centennial High School
St udent Paper 4%
3
Submitted to Northern Valley Regional High
School - Old Tappan
1%
St udent Paper

Exclude quotes Of f Exclude matches Of f

Exclude bibliography On
The Limited Power that Controls the World
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

54
PAGE 1
/60

Comment 1
cool title.

Comment 2
good, but how about an opening hook to ease us into your topic.

Verb T his verb may be incorrect. Proof read the sentence to make sure you have used the correct
f orm of the verb.

Article Error You may need to remove this article.

Possessive T his word may be a plural noun and may not need an apostrophe.

Possessive T his word may be a plural noun and may not need an apostrophe.

Comment 3
consider connecting the clauses dif f erently ; however, or some other structure.

Comment 4
citation comes at end of sentence, not necessarily right af ter the quote.

Comment 5
 passive structure. but does it work here? Are you using it on purpose? what's that purpose?

QM Missing ","
Missing comma:
T hough it may not always be grammatically necessary, a comma can of ten help to prevent a
misreading. When a sentence opens with an introductory element (a phrase, clause or word that
is logically related to another phrase or clause in the same sentence), it is a great help to your
reader to place a comma af ter that introductory element. Such phrases will of ten begin with
words like "because," "while" or "although," as in the f ollowing example: "While everyone was
f ighting, the bear wandered away." As you can see, without the comma, the sentence would be
conf using.

QM R/O
Run-on sentence:
T he sentence contains two or more independent clauses. Separate the clauses with a period or
semicolon.

Comment 6
not sure what you mean by this.

Article Error You may need to use an article bef ore this word. Consider using the article the

Comment 7
maybe revers this order to make it more linear.

QM Missing ","
Missing comma:
T hough it may not always be grammatically necessary, a comma can of ten help to prevent a
misreading. When a sentence opens with an introductory element (a phrase, clause or word that
is logically related to another phrase or clause in the same sentence), it is a great help to your
reader to place a comma af ter that introductory element. Such phrases will of ten begin with
words like "because," "while" or "although," as in the f ollowing example: "While everyone was
f ighting, the bear wandered away." As you can see, without the comma, the sentence would be
conf using.

Comment 8
but does this happen in the Odyssey or in the penelopiad.

PAGE 2

Comment 9
You make some good points, but let's look at the structure of the paragraph. Consider the topic
sentence. Is everything you discuss organized around one idea, the idea in your topic
 sentence?

Wrong Article You may have used the wrong article or pronoun. Proof read the sentence to
make sure that the article or pronoun agrees with the word it describes.

Possessive You may need to use an apostrophe to show possession.

Comment 10
Not really, and it's just the suitors....remember this is a play, a drama, a presentation by the
maids to make a point. If you use this as evidence you need to make sure you are addressing
this.

Possessive You may need to use an apostrophe to show possession.

Comment 11
Incomplete sentence.

QM Missing ","
Missing comma:
T hough it may not always be grammatically necessary, a comma can of ten help to prevent a
misreading. When a sentence opens with an introductory element (a phrase, clause or word that
is logically related to another phrase or clause in the same sentence), it is a great help to your
reader to place a comma af ter that introductory element. Such phrases will of ten begin with
words like "because," "while" or "although," as in the f ollowing example: "While everyone was
f ighting, the bear wandered away." As you can see, without the comma, the sentence would be
conf using.

Comment 12
review punctuation pattern sheet f or correct punctuation. here is R/O sentence.

S/V T his subject and verb may not agree. Proof read the sentence to make sure the subject agrees
with the verb.

Comment 13
Incomplete sentence...edit caref ully.

Frag. T his sentence may be a f ragment or may have incorrect punctuation. Proof read the sentence
to be sure that it has correct punctuation and that it has an independent clause with a complete
subject and predicate.

P/V You have used the passive voice in this sentence. Depending upon what you wish to
emphasize in the sentence, you may want to revise it using the active voice.
 QM C/S
Comma splice:
A sentence must have both a subject and a main verb in order to be complete, but it cannot
have more than one subject or main verb. A comma splice is a variety of run-on sentence that
occurs when two complete sentences, each with its own subject and verb, are joined mistakenly
by a comma. T here are generally three methods of correcting this problem: 1) Replace the
comma with a stronger mark of punctuation such as a period or semicolon, 2) use a
coordinating conjunction ("and," "but," "or," "nor") to join the two constructions, or 3) make one
of the two sentences a dependent construction by linking it to the other with a subordinating
conjunction ("if ," "when," "so that," "although," "because") or relative pronoun ("that," "which,"
"who," "whom," "whose").

Frag. T his sentence may be a f ragment or may have incorrect punctuation. Proof read the sentence
to be sure that it has correct punctuation and that it has an independent clause with a complete
subject and predicate.

PAGE 3

Comment 14
does this support thesis?

Article Error You may need to use an article bef ore this word. Consider using the article the

QM C/S
Comma splice:
A sentence must have both a subject and a main verb in order to be complete, but it cannot
have more than one subject or main verb. A comma splice is a variety of run-on sentence that
occurs when two complete sentences, each with its own subject and verb, are joined mistakenly
by a comma. T here are generally three methods of correcting this problem: 1) Replace the
comma with a stronger mark of punctuation such as a period or semicolon, 2) use a
coordinating conjunction ("and," "but," "or," "nor") to join the two constructions, or 3) make one
of the two sentences a dependent construction by linking it to the other with a subordinating
conjunction ("if ," "when," "so that," "although," "because") or relative pronoun ("that," "which,"
"who," "whom," "whose").

Fused You have written two words as one compound word. Change this word to two words
instead.

QM C/S
Comma splice:
A sentence must have both a subject and a main verb in order to be complete, but it cannot
have more than one subject or main verb. A comma splice is a variety of run-on sentence that
occurs when two complete sentences, each with its own subject and verb, are joined mistakenly
by a comma. T here are generally three methods of correcting this problem: 1) Replace the
comma with a stronger mark of punctuation such as a period or semicolon, 2) use a
coordinating conjunction ("and," "but," "or," "nor") to join the two constructions, or 3) make one
of the two sentences a dependent construction by linking it to the other with a subordinating
 conjunction ("if ," "when," "so that," "although," "because") or relative pronoun ("that," "which,"
"who," "whom," "whose").

Comment 15
the exception to what?

Comment 16
Come meet with me so we can go over correct punctuation.

Comment 17
punctuation

Article Error You may need to remove this article.

Prep. You may be using the wrong preposition.

Comment 18
; nevertheless, they.....

P/V You have used the passive voice in this sentence. Depending upon what you wish to
emphasize in the sentence, you may want to revise it using the active voice.

Comment 19
Sophie,

You make a lot of great points and you show some very complex and sophisticated thinking.
You will want to work a bit on organization and punctuation to make your essays stronger. I
suggest you come to meet with me so we can go over it.

PAGE 4
RUBRIC: 9 TH-12TH GRADE ANALYSIS

CLAIM/FOCUS Developing
Claim and Focus: Make a clear claim about the text(s) early in the essay and f ocus on proving it.

ADVANCED T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s) based on the strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay
maintains f ocus on analyzing the text(s), using the whole essay to develop the claim
and thoroughly address the demands of the prompt.

PROFICIENT T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s). T he essay maintains a f ocus on the text(s), but may stray at times f rom
developing the claim. If more than one text is being analyzed, the essay demonstrates
a good balance between or among the texts and addresses the demands of the
prompt.

DEVELOPING T he essay makes a claim about the text(s), but may not connect the claim to the
strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay may maintain f ocus on
the text(s), but not the analysis (or vice versa). If more than one text is being
analyzed, the writer may neglect one or more and may not f ully address the demands
of the prompt.

EMERGING T he essay does not have a claim about the text or about the strategies, techniques,
or devices of the text(s), but may instead of f er overly general f acts as a claim. T he
essay does not develop a claim throughout the essay and does not address the
demands of the prompt.

ANALYSIS/EVID Prof icient

Analysis and Evidence: Choose the right evidence and analyze the evidence's purpose and ef f ect.

ADVANCED T he essay cites the most appropriate and valid evidence to support its claim and f ully
explains how the evidence cited leads to the message or purpose of the text(s). T he
essay demonstrates insightf ul reasoning and f ull understanding of the strategies of
the text(s).

PROFICIENT T he essay cites appropriate evidence to support its claim and f ollows up evidence
with explanations of how it works to achieve the author's message. Summary, if
present, is balanced with analysis. T he essay demonstrates some reasoning and a
basic understanding of the text's or texts' strategies.

DEVELOPING T he essay relies too heavily on summary and of f ers only vague analysis to support
its claim and evidence is not f ollowed up with analysis. T he essay demonstrates very
little reasoning, and instead includes assertions about the text's or texts' strategies.

EMERGING T he essay does not use evidence f rom the text(s) f or the purpose of analysis. T he
essay may incorporate summary without analysis, neglecting to f ocus on the
f eatures of the text(s).

ORGANIZ AT ION Developing

Organization: Include an engaging introduction and strong conclusion. Use transitions throughout the
essay to make connections clear.

ADVANCED T he essay incorporates ef f ective transitions and an organizational structure that

enhances the analysis. T he essay includes an ef f ective introductory paragraph and a
concluding paragraph.

PROFICIENT T he essay's transitions and structure make it clear and easy to f ollow. T he essay
includes an introductory paragraph or statement, as well as a concluding paragraph
or statement.

DEVELOPING T he essay's transitions and structure may interf ere with a f ull understanding of the
writer's claim. T he essay includes an attempt at an introduction/introductory
statement and/or conclusion/concluding statement.

EMERGING T he lack of transitions and structure make the essay hard to f ollow. T he essay is
missing an introduction or conclusion of any kind.

LANG/ST YLE Prof icient

Language and Style: Use specif ic, interesting language and clear sentence structure to communicate ideas.

ADVANCED T he essay has an established, f ormal style and objective tone that is maintained
throughout. T he essay uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and uses
precise language and domain-specif ic vocabulary in a way that addresses the
complexity of the topic. Few errors are present, and they do not interf ere with
meaning.

PROFICIENT T he essay has an established, f ormal style that is maintained throughout. T he essay
uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and generally uses precise language
and domain-specif ic vocabulary in way that generally addresses the complexity of the
topic. T he essay may have some errors, but they do not interf ere with meaning.

DEVELOPING T he essay attempts to establish a f ormal style that may not be maintained
throughout. T he essay attempts to vary sentence structure and uses some precise
language that may be domain-specif ic at times in a way that may address the
complexity of the topic inconsistently. T he essay contains some errors that may, at
times, interf ere with meaning.

EMERGING T he essay does not establish and/or maintain a f ormal style. T he essay uses little
variety in sentence structure, and the language is general and not domain-specif ic.
T he essay contains errors that interf ere with meaning.