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Boy howdy what a fun place to fight a massive fucking insurrection in. And whats that on the other side of the
Alborz? Why its the jungles of Hyrcania! Some of the most dense forests in the world. This lovely combination
of landscapes is an insurgents wetdream and has made for some fun history.
Medieval accounts of struggles to bring the region to heel typically describe what we would today call guerrilla
warfare, in a time period where that wasn't much of a thing. Arab commanders marched armies in and their
mace-crushed skulls were thrown back out. Fun.
Ok so Tehran is a nightmare, what about that Esfahan place, surely it's not as bad? Conceded, its landscape isn't
as hostile as the Alborz:
The Zagros range is only as bad as most of Afghanistan. How about Tabriz?
Pretty sure you knew the answer at this point. And the answer is fucking mountains.
Ok so you're looking at this topographic map of Iran and you notice that this Ahvaz place isn't in the Zagros
range and is in some nice flat-STOP! You remember all those marshes Iraq used to have? Well they're pretty
fucked up here too, but they still exist.
The poor fuckers who get sent here can get their very own Vietnam experience marching through the oil
polluted mudflats of Khuzestan! Which for the past while have also gone through a massive drought thats raised
a shit ton of dust storms, while not actually making the ground any less mudflatty.
Alright. What about that Mashhad place way up in the Northeast? It's Irans second biggest city and the
mountains seem less dense and and and-
No.
There's no relevant area where the terrain isn't hostile as fuck or would even grudgingly tolerate our presence
the way the Shiite areas of Iraq did. We'd probably lose more people in the initial government toppling than in
the entire War on Terror to this point. It'd be impossible to hold without massive Vietnam level death-tolls, and
even then I'm not actually sure we could. Due to having a million different fronts it'd be mind mindbogglingly
expensive, to the point that it might actually cause the US to go the way of the French Fourth Republic. Don't
fucking invade Iran.