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First Love?
Darkness is never so dark as when a redeemed soul isn’t satisfied in God. The
richness of the Scripture has no taste. The preacher’s sermon deflects off fleshly
armor. Prayers seem to be stamped, “Return to sender.”
Distractions intrude the best attempts to have quiet moments with God. Your heart
sighs. Memories of blazing intimacy with Christ make the soul now shiver. “Prone to
wander, Lord I feel it” rings truer than other lyrics. You may even fear that, after all of
this time, you aren’t really his.
Darkness Deepens
I have experienced several of these seasons during my decade as a Christian. It is a
valley of the shadow of death, a desert wilderness in which Satan comes to tempt and
deceive.
During these times, I’ve wanted to blame God for where I ended up and double down
on my rebellion. But the haunting question God asked his spiritually callous people
shoots down all my excuses, “What wrong did you find in me that you went far from
me?” (see Jeremiah 2:5). When we find ourselves far from God, he is never the one to
blame.
And this makes the darkness darker. I know that spiritual dullness often results from
my treating God like a pigeon in the park to whom I leisurely throw the crumbs of my
leftover devotion after a long day of caring about other things. In such seasons, God
allows my joylessness to snap me out of treating him as a hobby, to learn afresh to
seek his face as if he was, well, God.
They privately were abandoning Christ in their public crusade for truth about Christ.
They were exchanging Christ himself for theological images of their Savior. It is a
scary reality that the road to hell is not only paved with good intentions, but good
deeds and theological precision as well.
And Jesus was going to remove their lampstand if they continued to sled down the hill
that Matthew warned against: “Because lawlessness will be increased, the love of
many will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end will be saved” (Matthew
24:12–13).
But Jesus loves his church and has compassion towards his faintly burning wicks. So,
Jesus counsels them, and us, in three ways:
“Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did
at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless
you repent.” (Revelation 2:5)
1. Remember
The first step God calls us to may be surprising: remember. This is not some great
feat for spiritual giants. It is merely the act of a child looking back upon former days.
Do you remember when God first awakened your soul? Do you remember the
excitement you had when he plucked you out of darkness? How joyful did you dance,
from an orphan to a son, a dead sinner to a resurrected saint, an enemy with God to his
beloved? Do you remember?
Did you once run to prayer, not to take your daily dose of spiritual medicine, but
because your Great Love waited for you there? Did you ever sing in the silence with
the psalmist, “There is nothing I desire besides you” (see Psalm 73:25)? Did you stay
up late to undress your soul before him? Did you rise up early to put on heavenly
attire? Do you remember?
Remember quiet mornings of choosing the good portion as you sat at his feet.
Remember the glory that you saw and the Savior that you sang to when you were
filled with “joy unspeakable.” Remember the time you invested in eternity when you
met with other believers to worship him. Remember.
2. Repent
From the conviction that comes from realizing where you once stood, repent. You
have left Jerusalem for Egypt; the Promised Land for Canaan. Don’t just try to do
better next time. Don’t just feel guilty and hide behind the bushes of good intentions.
Go to your Savior in the blood of his Son and cry out for mercy, confessing your
coldness to him and asking him for grace.
Tell him you’ve grown cold. Tell him you’ve entertained other loves. Repent to your
God for not loving him as he deserves. He stands ready to forgive and restore. Your
High Priest will sympathize with you, therefore, “Let us come boldly unto the throne
of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews
4:16, KJV).
3. Return
Amazingly, God calls us to return to where we once fell. He does not call us to make
up for lost time and be a mile ahead of where we used to be. He calls us back to that
fresh fire of love towards him and neighbor. It is a call to action. It is a call to return to
the habits of grace. It is a command to keep ourselves in the love of God (Jude 21).