TFA onepage

by David Saye

Submission date: 06-May-2019 03:34PM (UT C-0400)

Submission ID: 1125943931
File name: T FA_Onepage.docx (16.04K)
Word count: 318
Character count: 1934
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TFA onepage
ORIGINALITY REPORT

4 %
SIMILARIT Y INDEX
0%
INT ERNET SOURCES
0%
PUBLICAT IONS
4%
ST UDENT PAPERS

PRIMARY SOURCES

1
Submitted to Marshall School
St udent Paper 4%

Exclude quotes Of f Exclude matches Of f

Exclude bibliography On
TFA onepage
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

28
PAGE 1
/35

S/V T his subject and verb may not agree. Proof read the sentence to make sure the subject agrees
with the verb.

Strikethrough.

Comment 2
more of a f act than a thesis...

Comment 3
a bit colloquial/cliche.

Article Error You may need to remove this article.

Strikethrough.

Missing "," You may need to place a comma af ter this word.

Comment 5
a bit redundant "this" what is "this" ? can you rename it?

Comment 6
good analysis.
Comment 7
need a comma here.

Comment 8
review your use of pronouns here...leads to a lack of clarity.

Comment 9
Ilike how you are weaving the quotes into your sentences.

Comment 10
can you f ind a stronger verb?

Comment 11
vague.

Comment 12
awkward....

Comment 13
hmmm...kind of a generalzation...why "should" he? who says? be caref ul of "should" in
analysis.

Comment 14
can you f ind a better verb?

Comment 15
cliche

Comment 16
vague.

Missing "," You may need to place a comma af ter this word.

Comment 17
hmmm...you think so? what law would that be breaking? are parents not allowed to discipline
their children? T his is kind of a weak argument.
PAGE 2

Comment 18
One other thing to start keeping in mind with your writing, in addition to f inding stronger verbs,
is your use of prepositional phrases. you tend to place them at the end of your sentences, kind
a f ormal paper "no no"

as you revise...see if you can f ind some ways to restructure the syntax of your sentences when
you end one with a preposition.
RUBRIC: 9 TH-12TH GRADE ANALYSIS

CLAIM/FOCUS Developing
Claim and Focus: Make a clear claim about the text(s) early in the essay and f ocus on proving it.

ADVANCED T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s) based on the strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay
maintains f ocus on analyzing the text(s), using the whole essay to develop the claim
and thoroughly address the demands of the prompt.

PROFICIENT T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s). T he essay maintains a f ocus on the text(s), but may stray at times f rom
developing the claim. If more than one text is being analyzed, the essay demonstrates
a good balance between or among the texts and addresses the demands of the
prompt.

DEVELOPING T he essay makes a claim about the text(s), but may not connect the claim to the
strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay may maintain f ocus on
the text(s), but not the analysis (or vice versa). If more than one text is being
analyzed, the writer may neglect one or more and may not f ully address the demands
of the prompt.

EMERGING T he essay does not have a claim about the text or about the strategies, techniques,
or devices of the text(s), but may instead of f er overly general f acts as a claim. T he
essay does not develop a claim throughout the essay and does not address the
demands of the prompt.

ANALYSIS/EVID Prof icient

Analysis and Evidence: Choose the right evidence and analyze the evidence's purpose and ef f ect.

ADVANCED T he essay cites the most appropriate and valid evidence to support its claim and f ully
explains how the evidence cited leads to the message or purpose of the text(s). T he
essay demonstrates insightf ul reasoning and f ull understanding of the strategies of
the text(s).

PROFICIENT T he essay cites appropriate evidence to support its claim and f ollows up evidence
with explanations of how it works to achieve the author's message. Summary, if
present, is balanced with analysis. T he essay demonstrates some reasoning and a
basic understanding of the text's or texts' strategies.

DEVELOPING T he essay relies too heavily on summary and of f ers only vague analysis to support
its claim and evidence is not f ollowed up with analysis. T he essay demonstrates very
little reasoning, and instead includes assertions about the text's or texts' strategies.

EMERGING T he essay does not use evidence f rom the text(s) f or the purpose of analysis. T he
essay may incorporate summary without analysis, neglecting to f ocus on the
f eatures of the text(s).

ORGANIZ AT ION Prof icient

Organization: Include an engaging introduction and strong conclusion. Use transitions throughout the
essay to make connections clear.

ADVANCED T he essay incorporates ef f ective transitions and an organizational structure that

enhances the analysis. T he essay includes an ef f ective introductory paragraph and a
concluding paragraph.

PROFICIENT T he essay's transitions and structure make it clear and easy to f ollow. T he essay
includes an introductory paragraph or statement, as well as a concluding paragraph
or statement.

DEVELOPING T he essay's transitions and structure may interf ere with a f ull understanding of the
writer's claim. T he essay includes an attempt at an introduction/introductory
statement and/or conclusion/concluding statement.

EMERGING T he lack of transitions and structure make the essay hard to f ollow. T he essay is
missing an introduction or conclusion of any kind.

LANG/ST YLE Developing

Language and Style: Use specif ic, interesting language and clear sentence structure to communicate ideas.

ADVANCED T he essay has an established, f ormal style and objective tone that is maintained
throughout. T he essay uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and uses
precise language and domain-specif ic vocabulary in a way that addresses the
complexity of the topic. Few errors are present, and they do not interf ere with
meaning.

PROFICIENT T he essay has an established, f ormal style that is maintained throughout. T he essay
uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and generally uses precise language
and domain-specif ic vocabulary in way that generally addresses the complexity of the
topic. T he essay may have some errors, but they do not interf ere with meaning.

DEVELOPING T he essay attempts to establish a f ormal style that may not be maintained
throughout. T he essay attempts to vary sentence structure and uses some precise
language that may be domain-specif ic at times in a way that may address the
complexity of the topic inconsistently. T he essay contains some errors that may, at
times, interf ere with meaning.

EMERGING T he essay does not establish and/or maintain a f ormal style. T he essay uses little
variety in sentence structure, and the language is general and not domain-specif ic.
T he essay contains errors that interf ere with meaning.