Sample Results and Discussion

PARENTING LGBT CHILDREN
Results
This section reveals the lived-experience of six mothers rearing LGBT children.
The explicated themes expose that though they are all parents of LGBT children, their
experiences vary from each other. Parents’ experiences vary depending on their
children’s economic contribution, children’s qualities, parents’ personal beliefs, and the
environment they live in.
Graziela’s Story: Economically Aided Mother
Graziela is a 47 years old mother from a rural area in Leyte. She is a mother to seven
children, one of them is a lesbian. They are living in a part where the main source of
income is farming. As a family who depends mainly on farming, Graziela believes that
they need more manly hands to help them. For this, she is thankful that her child is a
lesbian because she is able to assume a man role. For Graziela, her daughter’s gender was
able to help them economically. Although Graziela wants her child to be a straight
female, it is alright for her if she chooses to stay as a lesbian because she is helping the
family.
PARENTING LGBT CHILDREN 22
Table 1
Main themes and sub-themes of Graziela’s parenting experiences Result
Main Themes Sub-themes
Getting Suspicious of child’s gender Observed child wearing clothes for boys
Positive attitude towards child’s gender Nalipay

Thankful for child’s help
Gusto mag-bag-o an anak Convincing to change

Kun baga sumige liwat, oo naman
Getting Suspicious of child’s gender
Graziela shared when she noticed that her child is a lesbian. She saw signs that may
have pointed her to assume that her child is not a straight female.
Observed child wearing clothes for boys. She recalled that it was when her child
was in 1st grade when she noticed that her child prefers clothes that are typically for boys.
As a mother, she who lives with her child, these were the behaviors she first observed.
She said that this keeps on going until now.
“Ha akon na nanay tikang han iya grade 1, tomboy na gud hiya kay kun
baga man-mado… Until now, asya la gihap hiya.”
As she noticed that her daughter preferred clothes that are for boys, she had the hint
that her child may not be straight. However, Graziela did not react violently to her
suspicions.
Positive attitude towards child’s gender
Graziela, expressed affirmative outlook towards child’s gender. She repeated how she
is happy and thankful that her child is a lesbian because it is the reason why her child could
help their family.
Nalipay. Graziela said that there is no problem at all and she is happy with her
experience as a mother of a lesbian. She said that there is nothing she should be ashamed
of because she was able to make her daughter grow into a good person that she is. She
expressed her happiness for her child’s help to them in the rice fields which is their main
source of income.
“Ako waray ha akon problema kay malipayon man ako hit akon experience
kun baga. Waray man ako dapat ikaawod kay napadako ko man hin maupay
it akon anak bisan la hiya sugad hito. Malipay pa ngani kami hit iya tatay
kay yakan pa hit iya amay na ano man kun natomboy at least nakabulig ha
panginabuhi dinhi namon.”
Graziela expressed how she accepts her child’s want to be a lesbian. She added how
thankful she is for her child’s help because of the role her child assumed.
Thankful for Child’s Help. She told us that she her child’s gender helped them
economically since she is able to help them in the rice field. She imagined the
work that her child is doing and told us that she thinks that is her child is a straight
woman, she will not do those things. She tells that as an elder child, her lesbian
child is helping a lot. Her child’s help was more helpful when Graziela bore more
children. She recalled that her child assuming a male role really helped them. She
also recalled the time when her daughter went to Manila and helped them
financially by sending money to them. She recalled:

“Waray gud kami problema nga naglalake hiya kay nakakabulig gud hiya
kan iya tatay, amo man it suhag. Kabulig gud hiya pagbabri kay nalugsong
gud ha uma. Hiya gud it suhag, nakakakabulig gud. Labi na han nagsunud-
sunod an ak mga anak, hiya an amon kabulig so lalake hiya. Kun mga kuan,
ngadi ha hagna, panhakot hin gani ngahin kun nagbabari hin humay. Diri
gad as in naghahakot, kuan laba bulig-bulig. An mga tarabahuon han lalake
kaya niya, kaya gud niya. Kay baga diri na gud lapaguan na babaye hiya.
Kaya niya an magbug-at na mga trabahuon, pag-alog kay hadto waray pa
man kami gripo. Naalog man la kami. Hiya ito. An pangahoy kay
nangangahoy man kami, hiya ito. Kay waray paman kami hadto shellane,
iba naman gud yana. Nag-Manila hiya pagsweldo, napadara dayon kay an
iya makabulig.”
Her child helped them economically by working jobs that are typically for man. She
has played a great role as a secondary provider especially when she went to Manila.
Despite these help Graziela still hoped that her child would be a straight woman.
Gusto mag-bag-o an anak
Despite of the help that her child could offer because of assuming a male role, she
told us that she is still hoping for her child to be a straight female. For this hope, Graziela
would talk to her daughter how much she wanted her to change. To fulfill this hope,
Graziela would try to convince her child to be straight.
Convincing to change. She told us how she would still tell her daughter that it is
better if she is a straight female. However, her child would just respond how she is made
that way and that is what she wanted.
“Ginyayaknan ko ito hiya na “Liz, baga maupay gud talaga it tunay kay
kuan amo ini” pero nabaton man nga “Mama, bahala kana mama kun
magkuan kappa ha akon basta kay amo naman gud ini it akon karuyag.”
Kun baga sumige liwat, oo naman. She expressed that if she had a choice and if her
child would allow, she wants to change her child.

“Pero oo naman gusto ko magbag-o hiya, oo naman, oo, oo, gusto ko hiya
magbag-o na magbabaye balik. Kun baga ako liwat it papagbut-on, oo
naman, kun baga sumige liwat, oo naman.”
Despite of this, Graziela would let her child be. She wants her child to be a straight
female, however the help that her child gives them makes her thankful of what his child
is. As her child assumes a male role, it is easier for them because there is an additional
hand helping them in their work.
Mila’s Story: Biased Mother
Mila is a 53-year-old mother from an urban city in Leyte. She is a mother of five
children. Mila is a fulltime housewife. She spends most of her time staying at their house
and taking care of her husband and children. Out of Mila’s five children, two of them are
part of the LGBT community. She has a lesbian daughter and a gay son. These two
children of her are different from each other. She is vocal how she sees the difference of
her two children in terms of academics, obedience, and her feelings towards them.
Because of these differences, there is a difference in her tolerance of her children. She
shared that she preferred her gay son because he performs in his academics well and he is
obedient at home. Despite preferring her gay son, Mila still feels protective of her lesbian
child. She shared how they wanted to get back to the person who hurt her lesbian child. It
shows that she is a mother who cares about her child after all. Mila shared how she still
wants her children to change and be heterosexual. Mila is aware how people look at her
children as joke. She is conscious that they are talking about her children behind their
back. For this, she shared how she is uncomfortable with the people’s thoughts about her
children. She shared how she fears that her son will only be used for his money, making
her want her children to change.

Table 2
Main themes and sub-themes of Mila’s parenting experiences Result
Getting Suspicious that children might Seeing signs of gayness

be gay and lesbian Seeing signs of lesbianism
Favoring the gay child Believing different reasons for children’s

gender
Happy of gay son’s academic performance
while embarrassed for lesbian child’s
Thankful for gay son’s obedience
Nangangalas nga nalilipay
Fear Feeling protective of lesbian child despite

of stubbornness
Fear of gay son being used for money
Disapproval of Homosexual Uncomfortable of people’s remarks on

Relationship child’s relationship
Naasa nga mag-iiba pa
Getting Suspicious that children might be gay and lesbian
Earlier in her children’s life, Mila noticed that her children are showing actions
that are not usual for their gender. It is when she suspected that they might not be
straight. She recalled that it was in their elementary days when she observed these hints.
Seeing signs of gayness. Mila shared that she suspected that her child is gay. She
recalled that when her son was in third grade, he would play and walk in their house as if
he was in a runway show. She tells:
“Mga elementary, amo na gud it hiya. Dinhi nagkukuan ngan it hiya dinhi,
amo it hiya it ira pinaka, ano pa it hiya, iton ngani na mga paso paso, amo
it hiya han gutiay pa. Mga Grade 3 ada or Grade 4. Amo na talaga it hiya.”
Seeing signs of lesbianism. Mila recalled that her daughter started showing her
lesbian side when she was in Grade 3 or 4. She remembered that she suspected that her
daughter is lesbian because of the sport that she is involved in, which is running. She told
how she felt that her daughter preferred pants more than skirts. She recalled:
“Ata kay ngadi it hiya han iya pag-athlete lage mga grade 3 ada hiya or
grade 4. Running an iya sport. Ngada ko gud it hiya hikuanan na aguy ada
baga magtotomboy gud. Nakakaabat ak ha iya liwat na mahilig hiya
magshorts or magsaruwal kontra magsaya. Bisan an uniporme, diri ko it
hiya nauunipormehan han elementary pala.”
These suspicions were proven right through the years. Mila has lived with a gay
and a lesbian child. Having two LGBT children made her realize the difference of rearing
a gay child and a lesbian child. Thus, comparisons are always made.
Favoring the gay child
Mila is vocal about how she treats her children differently. She shared that it is so
because her children behave differently. She tells that her gay son receives more favor
because his actions are pleasing to him and for her husband. Compared to her lesbian
child that is stubborn, her gay child is doing well in his academics and in their home.
Mila states many aspects in which her children vary and how they are treated differently.
Believing different reasons for children’s genders. Mila believes that her
children were LGBT because of two different reasons. She shared that she believes that
her son became a gay man because when she was pregnant with her son, she seemed to
be irritated with gay men. She shared that she felt irritated with them so much that if she
was allowed to beat them, she would do it.
“pero kay diri man kay pinaglihi ko man gud it hiya ha bayot. Waray man
kami inheritance hit bayot. Kay an duha pala ak kabulan naburod amo
nagud ito. Nangangalas na gud ako hin duro ha mga kabayutan. Kay kun
baga pwede la pukpukon, pupukpukon ko.”
On the other hand, Mila believes that she has nothing to do with her lesbian
child’s gender. For her, it is her child’s decision to be a lesbian. She also shared that she
considers that maybe her child just conformed to her group of friends who are also
lesbians.
“Ha tomboy, diri lugod ako hito parte. Baga iya nala ada ito, kumbaga sarili
nala ada na sugad hiya hiton. Amo gud tak pagkuan ha iya, pag-abat. Kay
siguro nakuan hiya hit iya mga kaurusa na tomboy, nakasubad nala it ada
hiya.”
For her, she is the one to blame for her son’s gayness however, she believes that it
is her daughter’s own choice to be a lesbian. This difference of reasoning may have
guided Mila to favor and justify her gay son’s gender because she believes she has
something to do with it, while blaming her lesbian daughter for her actions because she
believes that it is her daughter’s own decision to be a lesbian. This reasoning may also
have affected her perception of her two children, thus comparisons are always made.
Happy of gay son’s academic performance while embarrassed for lesbian
child’s. Mila is vocal how she prefers her gay son than her lesbian daughter because he
stays at home and is doing good in school. She also said that she like it that her gay child
does not always go out with his friends.
“Ada baga nalilipay ak kay baga diri malakat. Nagtutuhay hiya

pagskwela kontra hit adi na usa (tomboy). Diri mabarkadahon.”
Mila admitted that she felt embarrassed of her daughter because she is not doing
good in school. Since her elementary days, Mila’s daughter has been stubborn. She
expressed her doubt of her daughter finishing school because as of now, she has been
repeating 9th grade. She recalled that she has been called many times at her child’s school
because of her child’s performance or her child’s behavior but she did not show up because
she is too embarrassed of her child’s behavior.
“Agi tak tomboy kay pasarawayon nat hiya tikang pan elementary.
Pasarawayon na gud it hiya. Ambot ngani kun makatapos it hiya kay baga
yana ngani balik-balik nala it hiya hit high school. Diri gud talaga it hiya
nagtutuhay hin maupay. Ambot ngani kun yana ngani na Grade 9 kun
makapasar hiya. Kay naawod nala ak hito ha iskwelahan kay balik-balik ha
maestra pagkukuan hit ha iya kun ano nga “mama, ginpapakadto ka ni
Ma’am” sus diri ak nakadto ka naawod na ako kay kun nakadto ngani ak
hit maestra mayakan “Agi ma’am, problema gud tim anak kay sugad inin.”
Amo diri gud ak tigkadto ha iya kay … ginkikinuan ko ngani nga “diri ka
ngani iday magtuhay, bahala ka. Ikaw la it magkukuan.””
Thankful for gay son’s obedience. Mila shared that her children are different in
terms of their obedience. She expressed how thankful she is for her gay son because he is
obedient. She shares:
“Maupay pa it iini (bayot) diri sarawayon.”
Her lesbian child, on the other hand, always disregards her advices and warnings.
Compared to her gay child, her lesbian daughter loves staying outside with her friends.
She recalled how her husband beat and almost shaved their daughter’s head because she
is always outside their house. However, these actions did not stop her lesbian child from
being stubborn.
“Ada uday pasagdan, an akon reaksyon kay okay la unta kun baga maupay
hiya pero kay malakat it na akon tomboy. Iton lugod na ak bayot adi la iton
hiya ha balay, diri it hiya malakat. It iya mga barkada dinhi, diri it hiya.
Waray man mahihimo, pasagdan nala namon. Ini na akon tomboy, duro pa
ito nak paglinanat-lanat, ginlalamba hit iya papa, hapit na ngan iton
kalbuhan pero waray la gihapon. Diri gud natuod asya pinasagdan nala it
namon hiya kun baga ano hiya kun magbababaye hiya or ano hiya basta
diri na gud ako, amo na gud talaga it hiya.”
Mila added how her gay son brings joy to her sometimes. However,
she did not discuss if her lesbian child also does this to her.
Nangangalas nga nalilipay. Mila told us that she seldom sees her son show his
“gayness” that is why when he does, it irritates her. However, as the time goes by she
learned to deal with it. She tells that her son sometimes joins gay pageants in their school
and according to her, she feels irritated and happy at the same time. She told us that she is
irritated and would sometimes tell her son to be a “straight male”, and she sometimes feel
happy when he would tell her jokes. She also added that her gay son and lesbian daughter
is openly gay and lesbian in their home. She recalls:
“Danay ko gud hiya nakikit-an na nagbibinayot bayot asya nangangalas ak

pero yana ginpasagdan ko nalat hiya kay nasanay naman ako. Danay ngani
nabulig it hiya hit mga kuan ngada ha [school], it mga contest ngada RTR
kanan bayot-bayot. Baga danay ak nangangalas nga naliipay. Nasiring ak
nga “agi ini na bayot nga diri nag-aano, nga diri nagpapakalalake” Pero
danay kot hira signgan dinhi na hi kamo pagpakababaye pagpakalalake.
Nangangalipay ako danay kun baga nag-iirintrimis na hira haak. Ladlad
na it hira dinhi ha balay pati ha ira tatay.”
Despite the fact that her lesbian child is stubborn, Mila, as a mother, cannot see
her child suffer. Mila and her husband would still protect her.
Fear
Mila shared how she worries about her children and her fears to the things that
might happen to them. As a mother, she worries about her children’s wellbeing. She fears
about her child’s welfare equally even if she favors her other child.
Feeling protective of lesbian child despite of stubbornness. Mila recalled that
her lesbian child was beaten by an unknown guy. She told us that she told her child that
she must have told her father about this so they could get back to that guy. Mila said that
would have been alright if it was a girl or a lesbian who beat her, but the thought that it
was a guy is unacceptable. Since then, she told her child to avoid staying out at night
however, her child does not listen to their advice.
“Ay kay oo kay an hadi, han yana na October, ginkastigo ngayan ini na
tomboy ha Sampaguita.An iya papa kay nangalas nga kaya ano waray
naman nagsumat? Nagsusumat ka kuno kay ginkakadto nakon. Kakadtuon
nakon. Hesus kay makakakuan ka na naman hiton. Makakatukso ka na la
hit imo papa. Ginkastigo ito hiya diri kami maaram. Nabaro kami han yana
na mga, han yana na mga ano ini, an yana na February na. Tapos lala
pagud ana nagkastigo ha iya, maupay nala kun tomboy pero kay lalake.
Pakasabot namon nag-isog ako nga kaya no man waray kaman pagsusumat.
Dapat nagsumat ka hin timprano na adto kana ngayan ginkastigo. Tikang
yana ayaw na paglinakat uday pero kay diri gud la gihap. Nalakat gud la
gihap. Labi na kun gab’e, kahoman panhuhugas, mawawara. Maabot
nganhi alas 12, ala una. Tak ginhahadlukan kun baga madara hit na mga
drugs or kun ano pait dida. Amo tak problema. Pero ginkikinuan ko it hiya
na ayaw hito iday. Ada man la hiya ngada nag-iinirustambay. Dinhi, dinhi
ha sapit namon labi na ito na amon kapitbahay ngada amo ito it iya buru-
bunyog.”
Fear of gay son being used for money. Mila expressed her fear of the thought
that her gay son will be used for his money. She said that she observed that guys go for
gay men for their money. She states that she doesn’t want that to happen to her child.
“Labi na kun may trabaho na it hiya kay nahadlok ako na pagkwinartahan

la. Diba it mga bayot daw ano, it lalake ginkikwinartahan la hira. Amo ito
tak nadidirian. It iba iton kay ginkikwinartahan la. It aaada ngani ngada na
bayot dida, it iya mga uyab na lalake ginki-kwinartahan la hiya. Nadiri gud
ako na sugaron tak anak.”
Mila’s fear that her gay child will be used for money if he enters a relationship.
This may be the reason why Mila do not approve her children to enter in a same-sex
relationship.
Disapproval of Homosexual Relationship
Mila states that the idea of her LGBT children in same-sex relationship may not
be good. She tells us that even until now that her lesbian child’s girlfriend irritates her.
According to her, if the thought of her lesbian child being in a relationship is
uncomfortable to her, how much more would it feel if it would be the both of her child.
She said that she will not be able to accept it.
“Pero diri ada maupay, malain ada. Kay adi ngani lage, ito nga ikaupat ko.
Kay para kadi man ito nga tomboy na iya uyab, nangangalas ako. Tapos
hira (bayot ngan tomboy) mag-uuyab? Diri ko tanggap.”
Mila shared how she felt about her lesbian child’s girlfriend. She
also revealed that people would leave statements about it. These statements
from the people around them added to the reason why she does not want her
children to be in the same sex relationship.
Uncomfortable of people’s remarks on child’s relationship. Mila told us how
their neighbors would jokingly say to her that her daughter-in-law, her lesbian daughter’s
girlfriend, is there. She expressed that she does not accept that fact and she is
uncomfortable with it.
“Danay ngan ak signgon na “agidaw kunotim umagad, aada na liwat”. Agi

ano na umagad baga diri ko gud tanggap.”
As Mila shared about her sentiments on her lesbian child’s relationship, she also
shared why she does not want her gay son to be in a relationship with the same sex.
This disapproval of homosexual relationship may also exist for the reason that Mila
still wishes that her children would turn into straight male and female.
Naasa nga mag-iiba pa. Mila states that she still hopes that her children will be
straight, especially her lesbian daughter. She believes that if her cousin who used to be
gay was able to marry a woman, her children also have chances of changing.
“Pero naasa gud ako na mag-iiba pa ito hira kay mayda ngani ako patod
nga nag-iba. Baman it akon mga patod nag-iba man iton. Mayda ngan ako
patod na bayot nga nakaasawa hin hapon na babaye, haponesa. Naasa pa
gad ak labi na ini na akon tomboy, ini gud na tomboy.”
Mila, though living with her children’s gender has endured many judgements
thrown by the society. Aside from society’s judgement, she also has to live with her
personal feelings towards her children. Her children are different, and her lesbian child is
hardheaded, nonetheless because she is a mother, she still loves her child and she is ready
to protect her. Mila stated how she perceives her lesbian child differently from her gay
child. She admits that it is not easy dealing with two LGBT children and she hopes that
someday they will be heterosexuals.
Bela’s Story: A Proud Mother
Bela is a 40-year-old mother of Bino. She has been married for more than 20
years now. She is a mother of five children. She accepts laundry from time to time to
receive extra income for a living. Bela expressed how she disapproved her child’s gender.
She shared that she observed her child’s effeminate behaviors which confirmed her
assumption that he was not straight. Upon knowing her child was gay, she admitted to
have hurt her child physically. She even looked for answers to justify her child’s gender
for she cannot accept he turned out like that. Her sharp disapproval led her to be
persistent in exerting efforts to convert Bino back to being heterosexual men. Her efforts
include reprimanding child’s effeminate behaviors and encouraging son to enter

heterosexual relationship. However, Bino resisted her efforts so he did not have a choice
but to live with it. By living with it, she experienced negative consequences such as
living with social rejection wherein she was blamed for whom Bino turned out to be. In
defense, she would flaunt her son’s academic achievement. She claimed to be a proud
mother of a gay child. She expressed how she remained proud because even though Bino
is gay, he excellently performed in school and he is a big help to the family.
Table 3
Main themes and sub-themes of Bela’s parenting experiences Result
Anxious of Child’s Gender Suspicious of Child’s Effeminate

Behaviors
Vicious Disapproval of Child’s Gayness
Denial
Persistence in Converting Child’s Determined to Stop Child’s Effeminate
Gender Behaviour
Encouraged Son to Enter into a
Heterosexual Relationship
Living with Child’s Homosexuality Waray na ako mahihimo
Pained for Being Blamed
Danay naawod ako
Proud of Child’s Achievement
Anxious of Child’s Gender
Bela spoke of her difficulties in accepting her child’s gender. She shared how she
was anxious of her child’s gender. She became suspicious on her child’s effeminate
behaviour. She admitted that upon knowing he was a homosexual, she hurt him
physically because she did not want him to act gay. She also shared how she looked for
answers to justify her son’s gender for she cannot full grasp how he turned out gay.
Suspicious of Child’s Effeminate Behaviors. Bela admitted that her she
observed her child’s effeminate behaviors, she suspected him to be homosexual. She
shared that she noticed her son trying on his daughter’s clothes. She also saw her son
using hair clips and often comb hair in front of the mirror. She also saw her son trying on
make-up which made her doubt her son was straight:
“An syahan ton niya baga nagbabado hiya kanan iya ate. Nagsasaya-saya.
Katima diri na iton nagsusul-ot han..diri na nagshoshort. Oo. Diri na
nagsasaruwal. Nagsasaya katima nagbablouse hiya kanan panbabaye.
Tima ada ito hiya ha ano..ispiho nagsusudlay katima nagkukuro kimpit.
Amo la. Katima nagme-make up. Siring namon iya tatay, “Ano ini na aton
anak?”
Upon identifying child’s gender, she admitted that she strongly disapproved to it
to the point of inflicting physical pain to her child.
Vicious Disapproval of Child’s Gayness. Bela openly shared the ways she dealt
with the fact that her child was gay. She expressed her strong disapproval on his son
turned out to be. Since Bela found out, she was vocal how she did not want her son to be
like that. She admitted that she got mad at her son for acting effeminate to the point of
hurting him.
“… nasina gad ako ba. Siring ko, ‘Bin, ayaw gad pagsusugad kay diri iton
maupay. Lalaki ka man. Nag-ano ka hiton?” “Waray kay girl ako.” Kausa
ginlambahan ko ito hiya kay kuan paman it hiya baga first year.
Ginlambahan koi to hiya, “Ay pagsusugad ha.”
Bela disapproves her child’s gender to the point of hurting the child physically.
She admitted to beat him up whenever Bino acted effeminately. It was a struggle for her
to deal with that to the point of seeking answers to justify child’s gender.
Denial. Bela spoke of difficulties accepting how her child turned out to be. Her
initial reactions manifested how she disapproved child’s gender. With that, she admitted
that she tried to seek answers in order to justify why her child turned gay. She was in
denial that he was why he sought for answers to justify her child’s homosexuality.
“Kay lahi man kuno iton nira. Oo may mga patod iton gihap. Duha it patod
hiton nga bayot”.
She believes that her son inherited a gay gene that is why he became like that. She
justified that her son is gay because he inherited it. Bino has relatives who are members
of the LGBT community so Bela believed he inherited it from them. However, the
answers she sought still did not stop her to let their children express their gender identity.
The process of acceptance was not easy for her. She was even persistent in converting her
child back to being heterosexual man.
Persistence in Converting Child’s Gender
Bela’s initial reactions manifest how it was hard for her to accept her child’s
gender. She echoed her persistence of converting her child’s gender. She shared that she
exerted effort to make that happen. She was encouraged to reprimand child’s effeminate
behaviour and was determined to let son enter into a heterosexual relationship.
Determined to Stop Child’s Effeminate Behaviour. Bela admitted that she did
not want her child to be homosexual so he was determined to reprimand her child’s
effeminate acts. Whenever she saw her child grooming himself in front of the mirror, she
would tell him to move away. Also, every time she observed Bino wearing her sister’s
feminine clothes, she would ask him to take it off telling him it’s not for him.
“Ayaw didto salamin. Ada ka nala’t ispiho angingimpit ka man nga lalaki
ka. Nagme-make up ka man nga kan im ate iton gagamiton, garamiton. Ton
na bado hukasa di ton imo kan ate iton.”
She did not want to see her child expressing her identity so he reprimanded Bino’s
acts related to his being a trans woman.
Encouraged Son to Enter into a Heterosexual Relationship. Bela discussed the
things she did in order to stop her child from being homosexuals. Bela admitted that she
was encouraged to let her son have a romantic relationship with his women friends
because she has hope that through that, her son will be converted back to being a
heterosexual man. She convinced her son to court her beautiful girl friends because she
thought this could be a way to stop Bino from being a trans woman. As she shared:
“Pagpakalalaki gad,’ signgon ko ton hiya. Ingtrimisan ko pa ngani ton,

‘Maghusay tim classmate, panguyabi”
Unfortunately for her, Bino resisted from her efforts of converting him into
heterosexual man. With that, Bela did not have a choice but to live with the fact that his
child is a homosexual. She did not have a choice but to live with it.
Living with Child’s Homosexuality
Bela echoed her difficulties in rearing her gay child. She openly expressed her
disapproval towards it to the extent of persistently converting child back to being
heterosexual man. However, Bino resisted all her efforts so she did not have a choice but
to live with it. As she lived with it, she shared how she experienced the consequences of
her resignation towards it. She lived with pain for she was blamed by the people around.
People would tell her she was at fault for who her child turned out to be. She echoed her
shame every time she receives the negative comments of people. In defense, she would
flaunt her child’s achievement to battle against the criticisms she received from other
people.
Waray na ako mahihimo. Bela shared that she already resigned from trying to
change her child’s gender. She disclosed that she did not force her child too much anymore.
She now lets her be, afraid of her child getting angry at her. She doesn’t want her child to
have remorse on her so she now supports her child’s gender.
“Di ko iton hiya ginpipirit. Kay bangin liwat baga ma..nadiri ako na mabido
hiya ha amo nga kag-anak.”
She added:
“Karawat ko naman la iton. Baga iya kalipay waray ak mahihimo. Waray

na ako mahihimo. Simiring hiya na sugad na hiya.”
Bela did not want to push her luck any more for her son told her he would be forever
like that. She revealed that right now, she just let her son be who he wants to be. As a result,
she had to face the consequences of doing so.
Pained for Being Blamed. Bela received negative comments from the people
around her. She is often blamed for supporting her child’s homosexuality. She expressed
how hurt she was every time she heard people say that. As she stated:
“Danay nag-uul ol an akon kasingkasing. Pero kay nasiring man it amay

nga ayaw ta nala naton paglabti. Mag-ano man kita? Alang paman kuno
iton pagkinastiguhon. Kay mapriso liwat kuno ako. Sugad diri nala ton
namon ginlalabtan.”
Bela echoed her pain every time people blame her for how her child turned out to
be. She was told to be at fault that her son is gay. Though it hurt her, she did not resort to
hurting his child again afraid of getting imprisoned for child abuse.
Danay naawod ako. Bela also admitted that at first, she was really ashamed for
who Bino has become especially that she received negative comments from the people
around her.
“Danay gad naawod ako. Danay ako naawod kay nasiring ako..aww
masiring it mga tawo nga, ‘Alagad hira Ate Bing, waray pa ka kuan kun
baga ha aton waray kadisiplina han ira anak nga..kanugon man la iton na
baltok katima nasugad pa.”
She heard people’s remark saying it was a regret that her son turned out gay. Bela
faced this matter with resignation as Bino resisted from her efforts of converting him. As
a result, he was enforced to live with pain for being blamed and to live with shame for
receiving demeaning remarks from the people around. However, she did not really mind
them for she knew there was so much to be proud of in her son.
Proud of Child’s Achievement. As Bela live with pain and shame day by day, she
flaunts her child’s academic performance to defend the negative comments she hears from
her neighbors. She proudly flaunts her son’s exemplary academic performance. She said:
“Pero nasiring nala ako tak huna-huna, ah kay mayda ko man liwat
ipagmalaki kay nag-aram man hin maupay. Proud gud liwat ako tak anak
kay baga nagtitinuhay hiya pagskwela. Oo. May pangarap niya hit iya
kinabuhi. Bis hiya nasugad mayda niya pangarap hit iya kabugtuan, kag-
anak.”
She expressed how proud she was because her son studies well in a prestigious
school. She conveyed that even though her son turned out gay, she was still happy
because Bino has dreams for his family and for his siblings. Bino promised to help the
family that is why despite the criticisms of other people, she was still happy that she has
Bino in her life.

Girly’s Story: A Pained Mother
Girly is a 42-year-old mother. She has been married for 15 years. She has 4
children and one of them is gay. Since Girly found out her son was gay, she expressed
her disapproval towards it. She was vocal how she negatively reacted to her child’s
gender to the extent of seeking for medical help, sending him to seminary, looking for
women to rape him, and confiscating feminine things. She was determined to convert her
child back to heterosexual male but she failed to do so. Totoy resisted her efforts of
changing his gender. Totoy suffers from a medical condition that is why even though it
was against her will, she was forced to live with his gender. She did not want to trigger
her son’s medical condition for she knew it could lead to a bigger problem again. As a
result, she felt hopeless on most of the times making her live a stressful life. All her
problems came at once which led her to consider suicide to end her pain and suffering.
Girly’s lived experience was never easy but through social support, she was able to live
through.
Table 4
Main themes and sub-themes of Girly’s parenting experiences Result
Suspicious on Child’s Gender Di gajud ko muangay

Determined to convert child’s gender
Persistence in Converting Child’s Sending child to seminary.

Gender Looking for a woman to rape him.
Confiscating feminine things.
Enduring the Burdensome: Pain and Disapproval

Suppression, Pain, and Disapproval Forced to Live with Child’s Gender
Suppression
Living in the Shadows of Stress and Maguol ko

Suicidal Ideation Gusto ko nang mamatay
Saved by Social Support
Suspicious on Child’s Gender
Girly echoed her suspicions on her child’s gender. She shared the hints she
observed which made her conclude his gender. She observed him dance gracefully which
confirmed he was a homosexual. She did not want her child to be gay that is why she
sought for conversion therapy.
Di gajud ko muangay. She recalled the time she observed hints about her child’s
gender preference. Upon knowing his gender, she expressed how she did not want it. She
said that at home, they did not notice anything unusual about his actions. The first sign
she witnessed was when she saw how he dances gracefully. As she recalled:
“… pagsayaw niya. Sa balay di pa naho mapansin. Diri na sa sayaw sa

skwelahan, gipasayaw man sya. Hingkita ko sa picture pagpadevelop sa
picture nga ang action bas a iyang kamot. Ingon ko “Hala mura man ni si
Totoy ug bayot.”
Despite of the signs she observed, she did not mind at first. But as her child grew
older, her hints were confirmed. She told us that her child was in Grade 1 when she found
out he was gay. Since then, he was vocal how she he negatively reacted to his child’s
gender. She was vocal she did not want him to be gay. As she shared her sentiments:
“sa bag-o pa lamang naho sijang nasabtan, parang wala lang sa akin.
Tapos sa nahalata na talaga na bayot sya, nagpray talaga ako nga “Sana
Lord hindi totoo yun. Sana Lord hindi totoo.” Kay ayaw ko talaga ng ganun.
Sana hindi totoo”
She added:
“di gajud ko muangay nga akong anak bayot. Di ko muangay. Di gajud ko

muangay.”
Girly explained why she strongly disapproves her child’s gender. She doesn’t
want Totoy to be gay because as what she can observe in the society, gay men are not
respected. She doesn’t want that to happen to her child so she does everything to stop him
from being one. Girly admitted that it was not easy to deal with the situation so he tried to
seek solutions for converting her child to straight male again.
Determined to Convert Child’s Gender. Girly shared that her husband also
disapproves her child’s gender identity. They cannot accept that it was happening to their
child so they went to a medical practitioner to ask how they could convert their son to
being a heterosexual man again. They brought Totoy to the doctor and had him checked.
“… aho man syang gipakuan sa doktor kung ing-ana ba kanang kuan ba

gajud nang ijang pagkabayot madala pa ba nga ing-ana
mahimong...mabalik sya pagkalaki ing-ana”
According to Girly, the doctor told them that ever since she was carrying Totoy in
her womb, Totoy already have heart and feelings of that of a man and a woman. Also,
Totoy was diagnosed with a heart complication so they were advised not to upset him at
any cause. With that, they were forced to live with their child’s gender.
“Pagpaliwanag na sa doctor na ing-ana sya nga sulod sa tiyan naho daan

na diay pikas, aw, hati ang iyang heart kay ing-ana lage bayot na diay siya”
She continued:
“pagkuan namo sa doktor kuan man gajud kuno siya kanang mao na gajud
kuno ija ba kanang may feelings talaga sija na babae. Nahati..nahati ba.
Mao nang wa na ko makuha sige ato na laman nang dawaton.”
Despite the information the doctor provided, she still persistently tried to convert
child back to being heterosexual man.
Persistence in Converting Child’s Gender
Despite the fact that she needs to live with her child’s gender in order not to
trigger his medical condition, Girly remained persistent to do so. She was determined to
convert her child to the extent of sending him to seminary and looking for women to
temp him.
Sending child to seminary. She discussed the things she has done in order to
stop Totoy from being gay. When her child was in 3rd year high school, she encouraged
him to enter the seminary for him to be enlightened on his identity. However, the Parish
Priest did not approve this because gay was not allowed in the seminary. So he convinced
Totoy to act like a man in order for him to be accepted there.
“Kay pasudlon talaga saho sya sa seminaryo. Kay bawal man kuno bayot
tapos ako sya giingnan nga ipakita mo talaga nga lalaki ka talaga.”
Girly failed his plans of sending her child to the seminary for the church forbade
gay’s presence inside the seminary. Her child was an effeminate gay and the priest did
not like it so his admission was rejected. However, Girly did not stop there.
Looking for a woman to rape him. In addition, Girly conveyed how she
encouraged her son to get married to a heterosexual woman and have kids of his own.
She reassured him that if he will not marry until he gets 30, she will look for a woman to
rape him. Out of exasperation, she would always tell her child:
“Mag-asawa ka, kung ayaw mong mag-asawa sige ako maghanap ng babae
para iparape kita pagmag edad ka. Pag mag-edad ka ng 30 di ka pa mag-
asawa ak maghanap ng babae para iaparape kita.”
Girly continued to threaten Totoy that if he does not marry at 30, she will provide
him a woman to lure him until he got bitten by temptation. Nonetheless, the perseverance
of Girly seemed to be boundless so her efforts continued.
Confiscating feminine things. Girly admitted that at times, she would also
confiscate all the girly things her child owns and leave the manly ones accessible. As she
echoed:
“Aho na gipangkuha ijang mga gamit na pang girl. Kadtong mga make-up,
kadtong mga short na pang-girl, aho na gipangkuha. Mga panglaki talaga
ahong gipabilin.”
However, she said they end up fighting every time she does that so she let him be.
He does not want to upset his child because it triggers his medical condition. He
expressed this in stating:
“Di man gajud mag-away man mi. Pamingon gajud niya. Oo ija gajung
pamingon. Di aho na laman ihatag kay di man gayud ko muangay nga
maguol siya kay bawal man niya maguol siya kay may sakit baya siya sa
puso … Kay kung di kuno naho sundan syempre maguol sya atakihon na
pud sa heart nya. Problema na naman naho. Mao na kung unsa iyang gusto
sundon na laman naho.”
Girly was persevered and determined to convert her child’s gender. However, due
to her son’s medical condition, she was forced to live with her child’s identity. She did
not want stop additional problems to occur so she endured the burdensome.
Enduring the Burdensome: Suppression, Pain, and Disapproval
Girly echoed her difficulties in dealing with her child’s gender. She strongly
disapproved it to the point of persistently exerting efforts of converting child’s gender.
However, her son suffers from a medical condition so she did not want to trigger it so she
resorted to repress her pain and disapproval. She endured the burdensome she
experienced. She was forced to live with it leading her to suffer from the consequences.
Pain and Disapproval. Girly expressed his strong disapproval of her child’s
gender. She shared how hard it was for her to live with her child’s gender. She was
pained by how her son turned out to be. As she expressed:
“Sa nasabtan nahong ing-ana sya nga bayot na, diyos ko Lord. Syempre
mura kog nanghina ba. Mura kog nanghina nga nangluya ba gajud ko kay
sa totoo lang gajud di gajud ko muangay nga akong anak bayot. Di ko
muangay. Di gajud ko muangay. Unja sa nasabtan naho nga ing-ana sya
syempre hinghilak ko kay aroy diyos ko unsa ba ni oy di na ba to
magbago?”
She cried when she found out her child was gay. She felt weak as she tried to
grasp the fact that her son is a homosexual. Though it was against her will, she was
forced to live with her child’s gender.

Forced to Live with Child’s Gender. Girly did not deny her strong want to stop
her child from being gay. In fact, she revealed the things she did to stop her child’s
gender expression. But things are not easy due to some circumstances; as a result, she
was forced to live with child’s gender. It was against her will that was why she
experienced to be hopeless in most situations. She tried to advise her son to act like man
but her son would always disobey him. Her hope subsides:
“ija naman gajung giladlad na talaga niya e. Murag wa na koy kuan na

paglaom na magkuan pa siya. Aho na siyang isotryahan kay mas lalo
kang..ipakita pa hinuon nija nga maging baji talaga siya, basta istoryahan”
She wanted her child to be a heterosexual man but she was afraid she might kill
her child if she upsets him too much.
“Unsaon man kuno kay mao man iyang feelings. Diyos ko … Wa na tay
mahimo. Unsaon man na nato ato na laman nang patjon. Unsa man
atong..sige daw..ato na laman nang ajo-ajohog kasaba unja atakihon sa
heart problema na naman nato”
Girly is afraid she might worsen the medical condition of his son so she let him
be. As a result of doing so, she had to live with fears.
“Mahadlok gad ko..mahadlok ko kay tingalig maguol sya kay kana sya
dayog hilak. Dayon naman nijag hilak nga kanang di ba musaba ba.
Muhilak ra na sya. Tas masabtan ra man na naho ayun na nangigitim na
yung bibig. Atakihin na. mao nang maglisod ko.”
She shared that whenever she sees her child dress like that of a woman, he will
reprimand him to do so. They would even argue about it but at the end, she will give up:
“Muingon ko ‘Masuko lage kung mag ing-ana ka. Ayaw lage pag ing-ana.
Ayaw ba pagpalabi ba. Pero ug mag-istorya ko usa, duha stop na ako. Kay
tingalig maguol ba.”
She expressed her sentiments that every time she gets angry, she hides it from
him. She often ended up hiding her anger towards Totoy.

Suppression. Girly admitted that she suppresses her negative feelings towards her
child’s gayness. Totoy suffers from a medical condition so even though Girly wants to
get mad and lash out on him, she held herself back.
“Syempre magalit ako pero hindi ko lang pinapakita sa kanya na magalit

ako. Tinatago ko lang.”
She openly expressed her strong disapproval towards her child’s gayness.
However, she suppressed her feelings because she is afraid to upset her son for it might
lead to another problem. Girly endured her burdensome. She was pain for she
disapproved her child’s gender but she cannot do something about it so she was forced to
live with it. As a result, she has to live with the consequences of doing so.
Living in the Shadows of Stress and Suicidal Ideation
She lived in the shadows of stress and suicidal ideation as she was blamed by the
people around her. Amidst the struggle of living with it, she echoed shared that she has
social support where she gets her strength from.
Maguol ko. Life became harder for Girly because of the comments she heard
from her community. She is blamed by the people around him. People accused her to be
the reason why his son became gay.
“Isa pa nang nakaluya, isa nang nakaluya naho nga ing-ana nga magstorya
sila nga kuno kanang si Totoy kuno unsa kunoy pinakita nga bayot, mao
kuno na nga mas lalo pang mabayot kay gisuportahan man kuno naho.
Parang ako pa ang sinisisi”
The people around tell her that it’s her fault that Totoy is gay. She ranted how
much she wanted to answer them but she can’t because even the priest of the parish
where she serves as a lector, supports the idea. As she stated it:
“Tapos kay ing-ana kuno si ako kuno murag aho na gajud kunong
gisuportahan ag pagkabayot ni Totoy. Ako maguol ko, maguol ba ko ana
nga storya. Gusto ko sumbatan ag nag-storya ana pero di ko naman
magawa. “
She told us how she was overwhelmed by all the problems she was facing that she
ended up crying:
“Muhilak na laman ko. Usahay musakit ahong ulo kay naproblema ko sa

financial, naproblema pa ko anang mga storya ba.”
She added:
“Kanang bisag unsa ra ba ilang storya. Masakitan ko mao nang hing-

ingon ko nga “Wa na ngani silay ikatabang, nakahatag pa silag sakit sa
loob sa tawo.”
She spoke of her difficulties in hearing side comments from her neighbours which
painerd her even more. She said that instead of helping her get through, the people
around worsen the situation. She was overwhelmed by what was happening to the point
of considering suicide.
Gusto ko nang mamatay. Girly’s problems came at once which made her
consider taking her life. Hopelessness, anger, and pain gave way to the expression of
suicidal thoughts. As she described the experience:
“Naisip ko talaga yun na gusto ko nang mamatay ganun … Namroblema

talaga ako noon. Umiyak ako tapos. Ayung mga storya-storya ba sa mga
tawo.”
Her problems piled up and she thought she cannot take it anymore. Her mother
was hospitalized so they needed financial help that time. Her husband was a problem
back then, too. Then, her problem with Totoy added up to that. As she recalled:
“Tapos na problema ako kasi ang nanay ko sa Negros nagkasakit kuno.

Naghingi ng tulong sa akin. Problema doon, problema pa sa kanya. Tapos
yung papa nya kasi dati nabarkada pa kasi yun. Lahi na karon ban a
nagbag-o na sya. Sauna kasi mabarkada pa. Dili magfocus sa pamilya ba.
Isa pa na nga nakahunahuna ko nga ‘Kalami magpakamatay”
On those dark times she went through, she admitted how she thought that the best
thing to do was to commit suicide. However, she echoed that she found a reason to
continue living. Her social support made her fight her life.
Saved by Social Support. In spite of the painful experiences Girly went through,
she was able to continue living through the help of friends, family and the church. She
was glad to have strong social support which enabled him to continue living.
Girly expressed how grateful she was of the existence of her friends who have
been there for her in her darkest times. She mentioned the wife of the barangay chairman
who helped her through. She conveyed:
“Asawa ni kapitan. Pero karamihan talaga magsusumbong ako ng problem

ko, sya kasi pagmay problema ako, sinishare ko sa kanya, nag-aadvice sya
sa akin. Ganyan ganyan. Maganda kasi yung kasi nag-aadvice sila sa akin
kung anong dapat kong gawin”
In addition, the church and her faith in God also gave strength to Girly.
Girly shared how helpful church was for her to survive despite this endeavor. Her
involvement in the local church as a lector was one of the avenues for her to transcend
difficult times in rearing a gay man child:
“… nagserve na ako sa simbahan ngayon. Mas lalo na akong nagstrong.

Tapos inaadvisan ako ni father nga ganon ganon. Sabi ni father wag lang
bumitiw sa panginoon. Tapos nafeel ko naman na malakas talaga ang ano
ng diyos sa akin kay pagbinigyan nya ako ng malaking problema,
kinabukasan maoon nang lumapit sa akin”
Girly shared that every time she considers death to escape from all the hardships
of life, she would only think about her family to put these unwanted thoughts to halt. She
finds strength in her family especially in her children.
“naisip ko naman na kung magpakamatay ko, kawawa naman yung tatlo

kong anak. Sila lang talaga ang nagpapalakas sa akin. Sila lang nagpalakas
loob.”
Girly echoed that her social support kept her from living despite the hardships in
life that she experienced.
Lia’s Story: A Supportive Mother
Lia is 52 years of age. She resides in Lolita Village, Palo Leyte. She has been
married for 28 years. She is a mother of six children. She has 5 sons and a daughter. Two
of her children are gays. The younger gay child is effeminate while the older one is not.
She is currently working at a government office as a social worker for 30 years. She also
serves the church as a choir member together with other members of the family. Lia
claimed to have accepted her child’s gender. She shared her experience on finding out
Jeter was a homosexual. As she saw her child exaggeratedly wiggle his hips while
walking, she concluded he was not straight. Upon confirming it, she expressed how she
positively reacted to it. She said that she accepted her child for who he is. Thus, she
supported him in ways she can. She raised him like a normal child, she bought clothes
according to his closed-to-feminine taste, and she spared him from doing heavy chores.
However, it was not always good times for her because she suffered from the
consequences of supporting her child. Inside the family, she was blamed for reinforcing
her child’s gayness. In defense, she told them no one can change Jeter’s gender for it was
part of God’s will. Thus, she told them to let him be and uttered “Pabay-i ta nala hiya”.
Her faith was one of the things she holds on to in order to support her child’s gender but
it was also her faith which made her prohibit effeminate acts of Jeter. She experienced a
moral conflict in rearing her child. She believed homosexuality is not a sin but the acts
you do make you a sinner. Her moral belief made her rebuke heterosexual relationship
and reprimand cross-dressing. She was afraid her son would suffer from the negative
consequences of being gay. On the other hand, Lia described herself to be a supportive
mother to Jeter. As long as it’s for the greater good of everyone, she would support it.
She was also happy and proud for whom Jeter turned out to be. She echoed that Jeter
possessed good values and he performed well in school and that made her glad. However,
fear was still undeniably felt. She feared that her son would not be respected because as
what she observed in the society, gays are discriminated. But, she expressed that her fears
are overridden by her happiness. She is proud of who Jeter is right now.
Table 5
Main themes and sub-themes of Lia’s parenting experiences Result
Akseptado ko man Suspicious of Child’s Gender

Waray man ako nadisappoint
Supportive Ako Delighted in Treating Children Fairly

Considerate of Child’s Preference
Sympathetic in Distributing Household
Tasks
Defensive of Reinforcing Child’s You cannot change it

Gayness Pabay-e ta la hiya
Moral Dilemma in Rearing Gay Child Same Sex Relationship: “It’s a sin”
Dislike of Cross-dressing
A Proud Mother The behaviour is good

Proud of Child’s Academic Achievement
Akseptado ko man
Lia spoke of her experiences on finding out her child’s gender. She shared the
hints she observed which led her to suspect her child is not straight. Upon knowing her
child’s gender, she expressed how she positively reacted to it. There was no typical
drama that happened between them. The moment she knew her child was gay, she
showed him her acceptance. Lia expressed how she was supportive of her child’s gender
identity. She echoed how she showed her support to her child. This includes raising child
equal to other siblings, buying child’s feminine clothes, and sparing child from heavy
chores. She was vocal on saying that she raised her gay child equal to her other children.
Fair treatment was given to all her children regardless of gender. She expressed how she
was accepting of her child’s gender to the extent of reinforcing it. She even buys clothes
based on her son’s liking. Also, she shared how she spares her child from heavy chores.
She claimed to have showed her acceptance in any ways she can.
Suspicious of Child’s Gender. Lia echoed the hints she observed in finding out
her son was gay. Her child’s effeminate gestures were her indicators of finding out her
child’s gender. According to her, Jack acts feminine since elementary.
“Han elementary pala hira na-identify ko na an ira gender. An ira mga pan-
gios more on ha feminine … parehas kan Tutin nag-iiwod-iwod … Tikang
pa han elementary, signgon ta 12 mga sugad hito mag-gios, paiwod-iwod.”
Her son at 12, she observed him exaggeratedly wiggle his hips as he walked.
Witnessing that confirmed her assumption that his son was not straight. Upon knowing
her child was gay, she shared that he accepted him right away.
Waray man ako nadisappoint. Lia disclosed her initial reaction towards her
child’s coming out. She shared how she was not surprised her son turned out gay because
since elementary, she observed her son’s effeminate behavior. She echoed how she
positively reacted to that. As she told the story:
“An normal an okay guincocondemn labi na hit mga father pero tak asawa
waray hito. Waray it hiya magsugad. Akseptado namon. He is accepted for
who he is.”
She added:
“Waray man ako nadisappoint kay kuan an akon la ano, whatever they may
be accepted ko ito”
Unlike other parents of LGBT children, she said she did not feel disappointed as
she confirmed her son was gay. She did not condemn her child’s gender. She kept on saying
that whatever her child may be, she will accept him no matter what. Thus, she supported
her son for who he has become.
Supportive Ako
Lia expressed how she supports her child in many ways she can. She described
herself as a supportive mother who guides her child’s dreams and aspirations in life. As
long as it’s for good, she said she’ll support for it.
“Supportive. Kay masupport la ako it ira mga dreams in life. Ira mga
trabaho, supportive ako. Basta la, ayaw la it maraot.”
Delighted in Treating Children Fairly. Lia described her experience of raising a
gay child as normal as rearing her straight children. There was no difference on raising an
LGBT child between raising her straight children. She raised her children equally and
fairly regardless of gender.

“I raised them like a normal kuan [child], waray man pagkakaiba. Just like
the normal child, waray pagkakaiba … It’s just like, it’s just like you are
rasing a normal child. Waray pagkakaiba bisan ha treatment waray,
papreho la iton.”
Lia clarified that she did not see her gay child different from her other children.
Raising a gay child is like raising a normal child. Thus, she was pleased that she raised
her child that way. With that in mind, she showers her support to all her children
including her gay child, Jeter.
Considerate of Child’s Preference. Lia described herself as a supportive mother
of Jeter. In fact, her support for him meant supporting his gender expression. She is
considerate of what her child likes. For instance, she buys clothes with a color, style and
cut of that of a woman’s clothes. She knew her child is an effeminate gay so she usually
buys him clothes in line with his closed-to-feminine taste.
“Mayda ngani time na supportive ako ha ira sugad hini kan Jeter. Hinin
kun namamalit ngani ak hin mga ano, hin mga clothes tas para kan Jeter,
ginpipili ko an clothes na harani ha pagkababaye. It color, it iya katahi
sugad hiton. Nayakan ak ‘ini kay bayot ini, asya ini tak papaliton.’ Sugad
ba hito.”
Aside from buying feminine-styled clothes, she admitted that she often favours
her gay child from the delegation of household chores.
Sympathetic in Distributing Household Tasks. Lia admitted to understand what
her child is capable of doing. She exempts her gay child from the masculine type of work.
She orders her other children not to include Jeter with heavy tasks.
“Ha kuan liwat, ha trabaho. Sugad mga panlalake na trabaho yayaknan ko

ito tak mga anak na ‘ayaw nala it niyo pag-inapiha hi Tutin’. An treatment
ko ha iya kay bagat babaye … It trabahuon para ha iya nga panbabaye kay
panhugas tapos kun pan-alsa liwat ngan it mga mabug-at na buruhaton,
waray iton hiya. Exempted hiya.”
He gives him light work she believes appropriate for women. She sees her child
as an effeminate gay so when it comes to work at home, she treats him as a woman.
However, it was not always a good thing to do for her because by doing these things, she
is often blamed by the people inside their home for reinforcing her child’s gayness.
Defensive of Reinforcing Child’s Gayness
Lia spoke of how she experienced the consequences of supporting her child’s
gender. She disclosed that inside their family, there are still members who do not approve
of Jeter’s gender. She received remarks from her other children blaming her to be fueling
her son’s homosexuality. She revealed that her children consider her support as a positive
reinforcer to Jeter’s gayness. Lia revealed:
“Ginsisiring ngani ako ni Bunny, “Ikaw nanay ginpapatuyangan mo la ito

it kabayot.” Kay sugad hito mga bado. Pero diri gad dress nga kuan. Hira
bunny it nasisina hito”
Every time she receives comment like the one mentioned, she would defend herself
and tell them that it’s okay for nothing is wrong in that. She also believes that her son’s
gender is God-given so no one can change that. Her faith was what kept her continue
tolerating her child’s gender.
You cannot change it. Lia was firm on her belief that her child’s gender is part of
God’s will so no one can change that. She said:
“Kun ano hira, amo na iton. Kay God-given man gihap iton. Basta it akon
belief, what you are is what you are. Ever since na natawo ka. You cannot
change it.”
With that belief, Lia emphasized that she does not want to change her child’s
gender identity. She believes that whoever her son is right now cannot be changed by
anything or anyone for she believes that his child’s gender identity is God-given. In fact,
her faith is one of the weapons she used in defending her child’s gender whenever she is
blamed for supporting it.
Pabay-e ta la hiya. The overflowing support of Lia to Jeter’s gender expression
is fueled by her belief that his son’s gender identity is natural for God gave that to him.
She believes that no one is powerful than God so she believes that Jeter cannot be turned
back into a heterosexual man again. He accepted that her son will be like that as he lives.
Thus, he continued to support him amidst being blamed by other members of the
families. As she shared:
“Nasiring la ako nga, ‘Ayaw la iton kay amo man it iya kalipayan. Pabay-i
ta la hiya. Basta diri la magbuhat hin maraot.’ Waray man it maraot.”
She admitted to be affected of the remarks of being blamed but because her faith
is stronger, she would often tell her family members to let her son be. Her faith is what
keeps her support her child’s gayness but ironically; it is also one of the reasons why she
prohibited child’s effeminate acts.
Moral Dilemma in Rearing Gay Child
Though Lia claimed to have accepted Jeter’s gender, she still recognized that she
has reservations towards it. Her personal beliefs and her family members’ disapproval of
her child’s gender led her to prohibit her son’s effeminate acts. Mainly, her moral belief
made her rebuke same sex relationship and reprimand child’s cross-dressing. She set
limits on Jeter’s gender expression. She reprimands her son from exercising non-
heterosexual activities such as cross-dressing and engaging into same sex relationship.
Same Sex Relationship: It’s a sin. Lia expressed sharp disapproval of child
engaging into a same sex relationship. She believed it to be a son to God so she shared
how she would disapprove if ever her child enters into a heterosexual relationship.
“Madiri ak. Diri ako iton. Clear iton ha ira na nadiri ak kay para ha akon
it is a sin.”
She shared how she openly tells her child she does not want him to practice these
acts for it is a sin. However, she clarified that being homosexual is not a sin but it is the
acts which makes one a sinner, this view being the reason of his extreme disapproval of
same sex relationship.
“Kay it akon ginsisiring na homosexuality is not a sin, it is the act that leads
you to sin. My kids being homosexuals is not a sin, it’s not a sin. But if they
do and act, it will be against God. That’s a sin.”
She expressed how it will make her sad and disappointed if she finds out her son
disobeyed her rules. In fact, she shared how she prefers not to know if ever they defy her
because she does not know how she would handle it.
“I will be sad. I will be disappointed. I don’t know, waray pa man ako dida.
Pero I am sure that I cannot accept that. Diri ako. Maybe kun magsusugad
hira pasekreto nala ano? I wish not to know … Kay I do not like that thing.”
Also, she admitted to have lots of fears. She feared of the consequences her child
would encounter living a gay life.
“Hi ako may fear ako hiton labi na kun mya ginpapatay na mga bayot.
Nahadlok ako hiton. Sanglit ginkukuan ko ito hira na ‘ayaw kamo pag-
engage hin relationship with same sex. No no ito ha akon. Worried ako na
bangin mag-engage hira hin same sex relationship. Amo man la ito tak
fear.”
Every time she heard of news of gays murdered or persecuted, he cannot help but
think about his son. The crimes involving LGBT people she witnessed heightened her
fears for her son’s safety. Thus, she constantly reminds him not to engage in same sex
relationship, clarifying to Jeter that it’s a big no for her. She is worried that those crimes
she heard about will happen to her son if he engages into that kind of relationship. In
addition, she is also afraid that her son would be taken advantage of if he enters a
relationship with a man. She is concerned that the man Jeter will be with will use him for
money. She shared her sentiments:
“Amo la iton. Same sex relationship tas bangin hira pag-inuwaton. Kay
diba usually gin-uuwat man it mga kuan, ginkakwartahan la. Amo ito tak
fear. Amo la ito tak fear waray na iba.”
She believes that homosexuality comes with negative consequences so in order to
protect her child; he set rules her child must obey such as not engaging into same-sex
relationship. With conviction, she uttered that she would disapprove her son’s relationship
with a man. She emphasized how she preferred not to know if ever because she does not
like that thing. She was firm that engaging into a heterosexual relationship is a sin to God.
Moreover, Lia also reprimanded Jeter from cross-dressing for she is afraid of the
consequences it might bring to her son.
Dislike of Cross-dressing. Aside from entering into a same sex relationship, Lia
also believed that cross-dressing is one of the sinful acts she does not want her child to
do. Also, Lia feared that her son would not be respected if he dresses himself with that of
a woman’s clothes. She is afraid people will make fun of her son if he dresses like a
feminine. This fear brought her constant reminder to son not to wear these kinds of
clothes.
“Oo, ginyayaknan koi ton hiya nga “ayaw hiton kay diri ka hiton
rerespetuhon hit mga tawo. Kay diba ginbabastos man it mga gays labi na
kun nagmi-make up, naglolong hair.”
She admitted that there was a time when she saw Jeter wearing a dress which
looked too feminine. Because she did not like it, she ordered him to go back to his room
and change his clothes. She expressed how she did not want her son to look like that.
“Basta mayda ko nakikita nga wrong, sasawayon ko man. Sugad hit

pamado, diri asya, sasawayon ko. Ayaw hito. Natuod man liwat hi Jeter.
‘Pagliwan ayaw hito.’”
Lia often criticizes Jeter’s behaviors or actions that are not appropriate for her.
She was firm to rule that her child must not engage into same sex relationship and must
not wear feminine clothes. She continuously guides him of his actions for she does not
want Jeter to experience the negative consequences he could possibly encounter for being
gay. She also believes that these acts make one a sinner so she did not want her child to
do these things. But on top of that, she was proud to claim she is a supportive mother to
Jeter.
A Proud Mother
Lia claimed to be a supportive mother to Jeter for she is happy and proud of how
she turned to be. She conveyed that her son performed well in her academic and that he
possessed good values despite being gay.
The behaviour is good. Lia was proud to tell us how she lived a happy life
rearing an gay child. She was glad that Jeter grew up with good values and attitudes.
Amidst the stigma that gays are a disgrace to the society, she was beyond happy that her
son’s behaviour challenges that existing stigma.
“Kun based liwat ha gender, tak kalipayan, ha values and attitude, diri man
hiya malabad. Happy ak hito ngaran la hiya sugad nga, nga LGBT, nga gay
ba hiya. The behaviour is good.”
Proud of Child’s Academic Achievement. Other than the Jeter’s good character,
her child’s good performance in class contributed to her happiness. Jeter was a consistent
honor student in school and he graudated Cum Laude in college. These are enough to make
her happy as a mother.
“Agi kadamo. Nakakaproud ito hi Tutin kay pirmi ito honor. Tas nag-
gradwar man it hiya na Cum Laude. Consistent hit iya naperform well. Amo
ito tak kalipayan.”
She shared that parenting a gay man child brings her happiness.
Violeta’s Story: Disappointed Mother
Violeta is a mother of a gay man from a rural community. She is 50 years old. She
is living in an area where farming is their main source of income. Her first husband died
in 2011, leaving her seven children to in her care and responsibility. As a mother with
seven children to feed and take care of, Violeta would work hard in the rice fields. She
even joined the group that harvests rice during yield season, making her the only woman
to join the said group. However, this is not enough to sustain her seven children. In order
to gain more income, she would do other people’s laundry and she would help people in
housekeeping. Because of their financial situation, she thinks that her child would be able
to help them more if he is a straight man doing manly jobs. For her, there is no other way
for his child to help them but to be a man and work like a man. Violeta remarried last
2015. Her current husband is helping her financially and at home.

Table 6
Main themes and sub-themes of Violeta’s parenting experiences Result
Getting Suspicious that child is gay Lami musayaw kay bayot lage
Nalipay na laman
Nalain ko Insulted
Embarrassed
Fear of child going missing Worrying

Disapproval
Disappointed Worried about child’s future

Unhappy of child not being able to help
Thankful that son is acting like a straight
man
Getting suspicious that child is gay
Violeta told us the story of how she noticed that her child may not be heterosexual
at a young age.
Lami musayaw kay bayot lage. Violeta recalls how she first thought her son
might be gay. It was when he was in elementary when he was always chosen to join
dance presentations. Alongside, he also choreographs dance presentation as early as
elementary. With this actions, Violeta already suspected that her child might be gay. She
recalls:
“Daan na gajud na sija sa kuan, elementary pa. Diba sa elementary pa na

sija sige makuha ug mga sayaw. Unja mutudlo sijag mga sayaw sa
skwelahan kay lami na sya musayaw kay bayot lage.”
Nalipay na laman. Violeta added that despite her child being gay, she just felt
happy because he is alive. Before her gay son, Violeta lost her older child because she
drowned. She recalls how she really felt sad and how she was really hurt for the accident
especially that that child is a girl and she has grown already.
“Nalipay na laman ko adto basta kay naa. Kay ag magulang ana lage kay
nalumos man. Magulang nija mura bag subo gajud ko’s nga tanan nga
baji raba to unja dako na unja nalumos… Ahh okay ra man na naho basta
kay baskog lamang lawas.”
Violeta shared how she noticed that her child was gay and how she felt happy as
long as her child is alive and healthy. However, she revealed that she felt uncomfortable
because of the people that are around her.
Nalain ko
Violeta recalled the time when her son was paired with a town councilor during a
disco night. She said that she felt uncomfortable with the fact that her child is paired with
the same sex. She also expressed her disappointment to the people for tolerating the said
act. She recalled:
“Gichacha to sija kaduha diri. Pyesta to, disco, gichacha sija ni Konsehal.
Gi-tango. Unja, mura baya kog nalain ko adto, “Aroy ag pares sa ahong
anak, laki.” Unja gipinagkamalan gajud sa mga tawo nga bayot kay
kasabot sila nga laki, laki pud ag paris.”
Insulted. Violeta felt insulted of the situation. She felt that it was an insult to her
and her child. She repeated that for her, it is not right that her child’s dance partner is a
guy.
“Mura lageg nalain ko adto nga, “Aroy ag ahong bata. Laki man unta laki
pud ag iyang paris.” Murag insulto ba to naho. Insulto sa ahong
kaugalingon, sa ahong bata. Nalain gajud ko adto.”
Embarrassed. Violeta confessed that she felt embarrassed of her child’s gender
before. But she admitted that her child is good at dancing so she would shrug the
embarrassment off.
“Mura baya pud kong mauwaw ana. Oo sa una. Aho na laman tong gi-
lingaw lingaw kay syempre bayot sija. Murag lami pud sija musayaw.”
This feeling of uncomfortability did not stop there. She shared how she feared of
her child’s own life because of his gender.
Fear of child going missing
Violeta shared that she fears about his son’s fate when he goes to Manila.
According to her she would always call her son and would remind him not to act gay
there because he might go missing. Violeta believes that gay men are prone to go missing
in Manila because she knows someone who has been missing and that person is gay.
“Mahadlok ko adto labaw na ug Manila. Kay sige kog tawag adto nga ‘Jo
ayaw ug bayot bayot. Paglaki laki diha kay kining bayot baya missingonon
baya.’ Oo maoy ingon.”
The fact the she knows a person who went missing because he was gay made
Violeta worry about her own child.
Worrying. She would always tell her son that she is worried because he is gay.
She would then remind him that he might go missing. She would pray to God to bless her
and keep her son safe.
“Jo, lisod kaayo nang imong kahimtang murag makulbaan ko. Kay kanang
bayot kasagaran sa Manila, missingon ra sa mga laki. Gikaluy-an ra ko sa
Ginoo nga sige kog ampo.”
Disapproval. Because of her worry and fear, she said she disapproves when her
child shows interest in guys. She then recalls her child’s highschool graduation where she
reprimanded him of flirting with guys and that he must flirt with girls instead.
“Unja paggraduate nijang 4th year ako man lage tong nagkuan nija,
nagtaod sa iyang kuan ribbon, garland paggraduate pa nija. Unja mungisi
man na sa ijang mga classmate nga laki. “Jojo ayaw pag-ing-ana Jo kay
lain tan-awon.” Muingon ko. “Ayaw pag apir-apir anang mga laki kay lain
tan-awon. Ikaw kay laki ka imonstra nang mga baji””
Violeta wants her son to flirt with female. Aside from this, more effort of turning
him into a straight man was pushed to her son. Violeta wanted his son to do “manly”
works.
Disappointed
Violeta told us that she wants her child to do manly job that is why she is
disappointed that her son could not help them in the rice fields. She would bring her child
to the rice field and make him help her in the work like plant, harvest, and carry heavy
woods. The fact that her eldest son turned out to be gay also fueled this disappointment.
As an eldest offspring, the gay son is expected to help Violeta in providing for the family.
And as a son, he is expected to help through physical ways in the household. She said
that she would explain to him that it is a man’s job to provide for his family.
“Mao na lage to nga gusto man gajud kong ma-laki sija. Unja mao to
usahay dad-on paglarot. Aho tong dad-on paglarot para magkuan ba sija,
mahimong laki. Muuban-uban ba sya paglarot. Mura man pud sijag laki
kay maglarot, mura man sijag laki gajud maglarot. Usahay dad-og pang-
hagdaw sa basak. “Jojo, ingani ang pakabuhi nga magani kita, maglarot
sa tagod, manghagdaw. Kay ug maminjo ka, unja di ka katrabaho, ing-ani
na jud nang inyong trabaho. Apil sa treser.” Trabaho, mulukdo pa pud to’g
kahoy.”
Worried about child’s future. She explained that she wants her child to work
manly job because if ever she passes away, her son must take care of his siblings. Violeta
added that she would always remind her son that when his father passed away, Violeta
was the only one who worked for their family to survive. She makes her son help so that
he will know how to earn money as early as now. Violeta believes that if his son does not
know any “manly” work, there will be no other work available for him. She worries that
when this happens, her child’s future would be put in uncertainty.
“Ang aho nga monitor bag storya. “Kining aho unsay inyong pamatian?
Inyong papa patay na. Inyo na laman nanay nahabilin. Mintras nga ing-
ana pa mong pangidara, pamati gajud mo kay paingon sa kuan pareho ba
anang kahoy nga balikog na daan sa gamay pa, hantod padako balikog na
gajud na dili na matul-id.” Maoy ahong ingon. “Pamati kamo. Unsay
inyong pamatian? Mapatay inyong inahan, asa naman mo? Wa nay mag-
alagyam ninyo?” Mao nay ahong ingon. Unya kadto nganing kining aho
karon nga makabati ngani nga istorya nga mao na minghilak na sija.
“Mapatay ko kinsa magbuhi ninjo? Gagmay pa baya mo gibiyaan mo sa
injong amahan namatay na. Kinsay magbinuhi, ako. Nag-apil ko treser para
makakaon ta. Maka-skwela kamo.” Ahong treseran, kan-on namo. Unja
ahong kibong, maoy among suwa. Pangbawon sa skwela. Arang paita
ahong kinabuhi. Oo sa una. Unja kanang way klase si Jojo sabado, muingon
ko “Jo maglarot ta sa tagod kay para muskwela ka sa lunes naa kay
pangbawon.”
Her child would join her in the fields sometimes. However, there are times when
her child disobeys her and would prefer not to help her. Thus, she would feel unhappy
because her child being unable to help.
Unhappy of child not being able to help. She tells that she is unhappy of her
child not being to help her in the field. She told us that sometimes, instead of helping her,
her child would say no and would just continue putting on make-up, shaping his brows,
and putting nail polish on. These things irritate Violeta and told us she hated when her
child would not help because of those. She recalls that her son would not really help
unless she forces him to do so. She recalls:
“Mura mag di ka malipay. Kay di gayud ka malipay kay ang trabaho, dili
man makatrabaho nga parte’g pangahoy, parte’g sa hagna. Dili gajud kay
kadtua ug dili naho pugson, dili gayud maglarot. Pinugos. Mao ra may
trabaho, pagmake-up, pangiskis sa kilay, pangmanicure sa kamot.”
Thankful that son is acting like a straight man. Currently, Violeta’s gay child
is working in a famous supermarket in Manila. She shared that it is a company policy that
no employee must show any form of homosexuality in their gender expression during
work. For this reason, her child is forced to act like a straight man during work hours, but
he could express himself after his work. Violeta expressed how thankful she is that her
child is working like a straight man even it is just at work.
“Di na sija bayot ron. Kay bawal lage sa XS pabayot bayot… og naa lage
sa mga barkada [bayot siya]. Sa trabaho ra. Magpakita sija nga laki sija
sa trabahuan kay bawal man…Unja karon nga nagtrabaho na sa XS,
nanalamat na lamang pud ko nga nalaki.”
Violeta felt fear and discomfort because of her child’s gender. For this reason, she
would always convince her child to be a straight man. One of her ways is making him do
“manly” works like working in the field. However, because of her child’s feminine side,
he would not follow his mother. Economically, this is does not make Violeta happy
considering their financial status. For her, her child being gay is not and will not help
them. For this, she wants her child to be a straight man because it will help them more.
Synthesis
Parents all rear LGBT children but their experiences in parenting their children
vary. Parents’ reactions come from different sources. Lia was a supportive mother who
claimed to have accepted her child’s gender. Mila was a biased mother who favoured her
gay child over her lesbian child for the former possessed qualities of an ideal child while
the latter doesn’t. Bela, on the other hand, was a proud mother who flaunts her son’s
academic achievement to battle against people judgement on her son’s gayness. Violeta
was a disappointed mother for her eldest son turned out gay and as a result, he cannot
contribute to the family’s income which he was expected to. In contrast with Violeta,
Graziela was an economically aided mother who claimed to be happy that her child
turned out as lesbian for she was able to help to earn a living. Lastly, Girly was a pained
mother who has gone through a lot of discomfort in coming to terms with child’s gender.
The study revealed that parents’ experiences vary depending on their children’s
economic contribution, children’s gender, children’s achievement, parents’ personal
belief, and environment. When their children help the family economically, when they
perform well academically, and when parents’ moral beliefs support it, parents tend to
tolerate children’s gender However, they tend to disapprove their children’s gender when
children cannot help the family earn a living, when their environment is not accepting,
and when the parents’ personal beliefs contradict it. The study revealed that though
participants are all mothers of LGBT children, their experiences of rearing their children
are unique from each other.

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PARENTING LGBT CHILDREN

environment they live in.

Graziela’s Story: Economically Aided Mother

Positive attitude towards child’s gender Nalipay

Gusto mag-bag-o an anak Convincing to change

Getting Suspicious of child’s gender

She said that this keeps on going until now.

Positive attitude towards child’s gender

help their family.

financially by sending money to them. She recalled:

Gusto mag-bag-o an anak

Graziela would try to convince her child to be straight.

that way and that is what she wanted.

child would allow, she wants to change her child.

hand helping them in their work.

Mila’s Story: Biased Mother

her want her children to change.

Getting Suspicious that children might Seeing signs of gayness

Favoring the gay child Believing different reasons for children’s

Fear Feeling protective of lesbian child despite

Disapproval of Homosexual Uncomfortable of people’s remarks on

Getting Suspicious that children might be gay and lesbian

he was in a runway show. She tells:

Favoring the gay child

was allowed to beat them, she would do it.

Happy of gay son’s academic performance while embarrassed for lesbian

does not always go out with his friends.

“Ada baga nalilipay ak kay baga diri malakat. Nagtutuhay hiya

she is too embarrassed of her child’s behavior.

obedient. She shares:

“Maupay pa it iini (bayot) diri sarawayon.”

is openly gay and lesbian in their home. She recalls:

“Danay ko gud hiya nakikit-an na nagbibinayot bayot asya nangangalas ak

Feeling protective of lesbian child despite of stubbornness. Mila recalled that

however, her child does not listen to their advice.

“Labi na kun may trabaho na it hiya kay nahadlok ako na pagkwinartahan

Disapproval of Homosexual Relationship

According to her, if the thought of her lesbian child being in a relationship is

She said that she will not be able to accept it.

children to be in the same sex relationship.

Uncomfortable of people’s remarks on child’s relationship. Mila told us how

uncomfortable with it.

“Danay ngan ak signgon na “agidaw kunotim umagad, aada na liwat”. Agi

someday they will be heterosexuals.

Bela’s Story: A Proud Mother

include reprimanding child’s effeminate behaviors and encouraging son to enter

is gay, he excellently performed in school and he is a big help to the family.

Anxious of Child’s Gender Suspicious of Child’s Effeminate

Anxious of Child’s Gender

Suspicious of Child’s Effeminate Behaviors. Bela admitted that her she

make-up which made her doubt her son was straight:

to the point of inflicting physical pain to her child.

child back to being heterosexual man.

Persistence in Converting Child’s Gender

acts related to his being a trans woman.

Encouraged Son to Enter into a Heterosexual Relationship. Bela discussed the

“Pagpakalalaki gad,’ signgon ko ton hiya. Ingtrimisan ko pa ngani ton,

Living with Child’s Homosexuality

disapproval towards it to the extent of persistently converting child back to being

have remorse on her so she now supports her child’s gender.

“Karawat ko naman la iton. Baga iya kalipay waray ak mahihimo. Waray

she had to face the consequences of doing so.

“Danay nag-uul ol an akon kasingkasing. Pero kay nasiring man it amay

Bino in her life.