100

E P I SODES
 100
H OUSE-I SMS
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 1

“On average, drug addicts- Three
are stupid.”
Stories

“The great thing about telling somebody they’re dying is it tends to focus
their priorities. You find out what matters to them. What they’re willing to die for.
What they’re willing to lie for.”
- Three Stories

“
Cuddy – Dr. House! Need you here. ”

House – “No thanks. Lotta sick people. I might catch something.
- Kids
”

“She has gone from the 25th weight percentile to the 3rd in one month.
I’m not a baby expert, but I’m pretty sure they’re not supposed to shrink.”
- Babies & Bathwater

“Did you make a pass at Cuddy? I told you, she’s only -got thighs for me.”
Babies & Bathwater

“ By rush, I meant fast. Stat’s the word you doctors use, right?”
- Role Model

“Are you comparing me to God? I mean, it’s great, but so you know,
I’ve never made a tree.”
- Role Model
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 1

“ You are the most naïve atheist I’ve ever met.”

- Role Model

“
Bill – His name’s Joey. He’s my only brother. ”
House –

“
He’s important to you. Got it. No placebos for him. We’ll use the real medicine.
- Mob Rules
”

“
Cuddy – I need you to wear your lab coat. ”
House – “I need two days of outrageous sex with someone obscenely

younger than you. Like half your age.
- Control
”

“She was uncomfortable doing any more tests.

Wilson –
I had to convince her just to do that one.”
House – “You get that often? Women who’d rather die than get naked with you?”
- Control

“A secret club. What’s the secret, they’re all morons?
- Cursed
”

“Foreman, how are you fixed for cash? Steal any cars lately?”
- Sports Medicine

“You always trust me. It’s a big mistake.
- Detox
”
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 1

“
Foreman – You assaulted that man! ”
“
House – Fine. I’ll never do it again. ”
“
Foreman – Yes you will. ”

House – “All the more reason this debate is pointless.
- DNR
”

“Like I always say, there’s no ‘I’ in team. There’s a ‘me,’ though, if you jumble -itDNR

up.”

“ Candy canes? Are you trying to mock me?”

- Damned If You Do

“Her leg

hurts after running six miles. Who knows? Could be anything.”
- Occam’s Razor

“Treating illness is why we became doctors. Treating patients is actually

what makes most doctors miserable.”
- Everybody Lies (Pilot)

“Everybody lies.”
- Everybody Lies (Pilot)
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 2

“ I always say if you’re going to get shot, do it in a hospital.”

- No Reason

“Tonight, ‘L Word’ marathon.
- Forever
”

“Unless Chase broke his neck falling off his polo pony,
he had no reason to be in the ER.”
- Forever

“I ask you, is almost dying any excuse for not being fun?”
- Forever

“Ideas are not soda cans. Recycling- Forever
sucks.”

“Oh, Level Three. Have you called Jack Bauer?”
- Euphoria, Part 2

“Everybody’s great when they’re half-dead.”
- Euphoria, Part 1

“ No, if you talk to God you’re religious. If God talks to you, you’re psychotic.”
- House vs. God
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 2

“Cuddy said you should do it. You’ve got a gift. People thank you for
telling them they’re going to die.”
- House vs. God

“Only way to confirm this, inject the rat with her blood and wait for it to
get all botulistic on your ass. In the meantime, I’m going downstairs to
browbeat a scared, dying teenage girl until she breaks down like a scared,

dying teenage girl.
- Safe
”

“ Dying people lie too. Wish they’d worked less, been nicer, opened
orphanages for kittens. If you really want to do something, you do it.
You don’t save it for a sound bite.”
- Hunting

“You know me. Hostility makes me shrink up like a…

I can’t think of a non-sexual metaphor.”
- Spin

“What makes a guy start drooling? Chase, were you wearing your

short-shorts?”
- Spin

“Welcome aboard the good ship ass kisser. Nice day- TBforor Not
a sail.”
TB
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 2

“You ever Mother

notice all of the self-sacrificing women in history, Joan of Arc,
Theresa…can’t think of any others, they all die alone.
Men, on the other hand, get so much tang it’s crazy.”
- TB Or Not TB

“Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven’t slept with. I -am that good.”
Humpty Dumpty

“I’m happy to report that we are now so in sync, we’re actually wearing
each other’s underwear.”
- Humpty Dumpty

“Union rules. I can’t check out this guy’s seeping gonorrhea this close to- Autopsy

lunch.”

“ Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person?”

- Autopsy

“What’s with hiring a male secretary? J-Date not working out?”
- Acceptance
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 3

“ Did you give an angry Cuban my home number?”

- Human Error

“How come God gets credit whenever something good happens?

Where was he when her heart stopped?”
- Human Error

“ He can’t ignore the blood because it’s a minority, can he, Foreman?”
- Resignation

“The only value of that trust is that you can manipulate- Family
them.”

“That was awesome. I gotta start pretending to- Family
care.”

“Some idiot gave me two tickets for a play tonight. Saved his life.
Apparently worth $186.”
- Act Your Age

“No, Cameron had concerns. Chase just agreed with her because
he didn’t want to lose his all access pass to her love rug.”
- Fetal Position
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 3

“Even- Fetal
fetuses lie.”
Position

“And find out the truth about who he’s been dating. No way a
Marine goes a year without getting some blood on his bayonet.”
- Top Secret

“If you’re considering grabbing my ass, don’t start anything you can’t- Halffinish.
Wit
”

“Could have left the scarf at home and just told him you’d be wearing
a look of desperation.”
- Insensitive

“You guys are still thinking like doctors when you should be thinking
like plumbers. Come on, I wanna see some butt crack.”
- Needle in a Haystack

“I thought I’d get your theories, mock them, then embrace -my own. The usual.”
Merry Little Christmas

“If I’m in a buttload of pain, I need a buttload of pills.”
- Finding Judas
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 3

“ Everything’s conditional. You just can’t always anticipate the conditions.”

- Son of Coma Guy

“Deep inside, Wilson believes that if he cares enough, he’ll never have to die.”
- Son of Coma Guy

“You get married at twenty, you’re going to be shocked

who you’re living with at thirty.”
- Fools For Love

“Sorry. I already met this month’s quota of useless tests for stubborn idiots.”
- Fools For Love

“Go up his rear and get a smear. Which reminds me, kinda feel like a bagel.”
- Lines in the Sand

“The kid is having nightmares. Only happen at night. It’s right there- Cane

in the name.”
and Able
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 4

“I had a heart attack this morning. I can’t do any more drugs

‘til at least lunch.”
- Wilson’s Heart

“

Your biggest problem is I don’t know what your biggest problem is.”
- House’s Head

“Don’t

blame me, blame my gender.”
- House’s Head

“

Thing is, hope’s for sissies.”
- Living the Dream

“Half the people I save don’t deserve a second chance.”
- Living the Dream

“People don’t change. For example, I’m gonna keep on repeating

’people don’t change.’”
- Don’t Ever Change

“
This isn’t just about the sex. You like her personality.
You like that she’s conniving. You like that she has no regard for consequences.
You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves...

Oh my God… You’re sleeping with me.
- Don’t Ever Change
”
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 4

“ -
How’s our mental Yentl?”
Don’t Ever Change

“The notion of picking one time of year to be decent to other people

is obscene because it’s actually validating the notion of being
miserable wretches the rest of the year.”
- It’s A Wonderful Lie

“Gifts allow us toAnd

demonstrate exactly how little we know about a person.
nothing pisses a person off more than being shoved
into the wrong pigeonhole.”
- It’s A Wonderful Lie

“You got three choices in life: be good, get

good or give up.”
- Games

“I need you

to bring me the thong of Lisa Cuddy.”
- You Don’t Want to Know

“If youAndwant fair, you picked the wrong job, and the wrong profession.
the wrong species. Treat this patient just like he’s just another
really, really, ugly kid.”
- Ugly
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 4

“You think your dad wants to kill you because you’re so ugly?
Be grateful, anywhere else in the animal kingdom, your parents

would have eaten you at birth.
- Ugly
”

“So, um, if I need them, where exactly will Dr. Foreman be keeping

my balls?”
- Mirror Mirror

“Did you get a raise? Because then you’re a whore. Or didn’t you?

Because then you’re a stupid whore.
- Mirror Mirror
”

“I’m a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself- Guardian
from lawsuits.”
Angels

“I can’t ask the black guy or one of the chicks to do it; it’d- Guardian
be insensitive.”
Angels

“If your organs dangle, you’re the Confederates.

If your sex organs are aesthetically pleasing, you’re the Yanks.
- 97 Seconds
”

“By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone.

As will twenty-eight more of you. Wear a cup.”
- Alone
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 5

“My standards of fun are not the norm.”
- The Social Contract

“I hate spunk.”
- Joy to the World

“Most people don’t have the guts to admit they’d rather be pretty
than healthy. Income‘s better and you get more action.”
- Let Them Eat Cake

“This is a level of risk-taking beyond anonymous girl-on-girl action.”
- Last Resort

“If your life’ssign

no more important than anyone else’s,
your donor card and kill yourself.”
- Last Resort

“I want you to stop thinking that acting inscrutable makes you

anything other than annoying.”
- Emancipation

“Just because we call something ‘poison,’ doesn’t mean

it’s bad for you.”
- Emancipation
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 5

“Our job is to find what’s killing patients,

not treat them for chronic idiocy.”
- Emancipation

“Anyone can hate humanity after being shot. It takes a big man
to hate them beforehand.”
- The Itch

“There’s a reason we evolved the feeling of awkwardness;

it tells us not to talk about things.”
- The Itch

“What they don’t confess to is almost always more interesting.
- Joy
”

“Sleeping Beauty has a jones for Snow White.
- Joy
”

“Looks like the kid thing’s working out great for you: all of the shopping,
none of the stretch marks.”
- Joy

“Aww, yeah... Penthouse forum meets medical mystery --

maybe there is a god.”
- Lucky Thirteen
 HOUSE-isms SEASON 5

“ Thirteen, go stick a needle in your girlfriend’s pelvis -- and no,

that one’s not a metaphor. Suck out some marrow. That one was.
- Lucky Thirteen
”

“People interest me. Conversations don’t.”
- Lucky Thirteen

“Another life saved by girl-on-girl action.”
- Lucky Thirteen

“My patient’s still fighting in the feminist trenches, but the war is over.
Yesterday’s sluts are today’s empowered women, today’s sluts
are celebrities -- if that isn’t progress...”
- Dying Changes Everything

“Your conscience bleeds more- Dying
freely than my head.”
Changes Everything

“I like you better -now that you’re dying.”
Dying Changes Everything
DIA GNOSES
 HOUSE DIAGNOSES SEASON 1
“Everybody Lies” (pilot)
Neurocysticercosis – A parasite infestation of the nervous system.

“Paternity”
Subacute sclerosing panencephalitis – A progressive encephalitis that affects primarily children and young
adults, caused by a persistent infection of immune resistant measles virus.

“Occam’s Razor”
Colchicine poisoning – Colchicine is a highly poisonous natural product, has been used to treat gout.
Colchicine poisoning has been compared to arsenic poisoning.

“Maternity”
Echovirus 11 – Echoviruses are found in the gastrointestinal tract. Exposure to the virus causes other
opportunistic infections and diseases.

“Damned if you Do”

Copper allergy – A severe long-term allergic reaction to a copper IUD left in patient.

“The Socratic Method”

Vitamin K deficiency – Bacteria formed in the intestines. Hepatocellular carcinoma – Primary malignant
cancer in the liver. Wilson’s disease or hepatolenticular degeneration is an autosomal recessive genetic
disorder in which copper accumulates in tissues; this manifests as neurological or psychiatric symptoms and liver
disease.

“Fidelity”
African trypanosomiasis or Sleeping Sickness – A parasitic disease of people and animals.

“Poison”
Phosmet poisoning – An insecticide used in plants and animals.

“DNR”
Arteriovenous malformation – A congenital disorder known for its occurrence in the central nervous system.

“Histories”
Tuberculoma – Infectious disease that attacks the lungs. Rabies.

“Detox”
Naphthalene poisoning – Naphthalene is the primary ingredient of mothballs. It is volatile, forming a
flammable vapor and producing a characteristic odor that is detectable at low concentrations.

“Sports Medicine”
Cadmium poisoning – Cadmium compounds are extremely toxic. Acute exposure to cadmium fumes may
cause flu-like symptoms including chills, fever and muscle ache.

“Cursed”
Anthrax and leprosy – Anthrax is an acute disease in humans and animals caused by the bacterium
Bacillus anthracis, which is highly lethal in some forms. Leprosy varies but primarily affects the skin, nerves and
mucous membranes.
 HOUSE DIAGNOSES SEASON 1
“Control”
Congestive heart failure onset by bulimia.

“Mob Rules”
Ornithine transcarbamylase deficiency – A rare metabolic disorder, occurring in one out of every 80,000
births. OTC is a genetic disorder resulting in a mutated and ineffective form of the enzyme ornithine
transcarbamylase.

“Heavy”
Cushing’s disease – An endocrine disorder caused by high levels of cortisol in the blood. It was described by
American Dr. Harvey Cushing in 1932. Secondary to pituitary adenoma. Cushing causes weight gain, heavy
sweating and thinning skin.

“Role Model”
Delayed-onset Common Variable Immunodeficiency (CVID) – Secondary to phenytoin-mediated Epstein-
Barr virus infection. The result of this deficiency is that the patient’s immune deficiency fails to protect them
against common bacterial and viral infections.

“Babies & Bathwater”

Lambert-Eaton myasthenic syndrome (LEMS) – A rare autoimmune disorder which affects calcium channels
of the nerve-muscle (neuromuscular) junction. LEMS is secondary to small cell lung carcinoma.

“Kids”
Thrombotic thrombocytopenic purpura secondary to pregnancy (TTP or Moschcowitz disease) – A rare
disorder of the blood-coagulation system, causing extensive microscopic blood clots to form in the small blood
vessels throughout the body.

“Love Hurts”
Fulminating osteomyelitis – Infection of the bone or bone marrow.

“Three Stories”
Streptococcal infection (farmer) – In addition to strep throat, certain streptococcus species are respon-
sible for many cases of meningitis, bacterial pneumonia, endocarditis, erysipelas and necrotizing fasciitis (the
flesh-eating bacterial infections). Osteosarcoma (volleyball player) – Osteosarcoma is the most common
type of malignant bone cancer. Thigh muscle infarction (Dr. House) – An infarction is the process resulting
in a macroscopic area of necrotic tissue in some organ caused by loss of adequate blood supply. Supplying
arteries may be blocked from within by some obstruction (e.g. a blood clot or fatty cholesterol deposit), or may
be mechanically compressed or ruptured by trauma.

“Honeymoon”
Acute intermittent porphyria (AIP) – A rare autosomal dominant metabolic disorder affecting the production
of heme, the oxygen-binding prosthetic group of hemoglobin. Symptoms of AIP may include abdominal pain,
constipation and muscle weakness.
 HOUSE DIAGNOSES SEASON 2
“Acceptance”
Methanol poisoning – Methanol (also known as methyl alcohol, carbinol, wood alcohol, wood naphtha or
wood spirits), is a chemical compound. It is the simplest alcohol, and is a light, volatile, colorless, flammable,
toxic liquid with a distinctive odor that is somewhat milder and sweeter than ethanol. Pheochromocytoma –
A neuroendocrine tumor of the medulla of the adrenal glands.

“Autopsy”
Thrombosis – The formation of a blood clot (thrombus) inside a blood vessel, obstructing the flow of blood
through the circulatory system.

“Humpty Dumpty”
Endocarditis due to psittacosis – Endocarditis is an inflammation of the inner layer of the heart, the
endocardium. Psittacosis also known as parrot disease, parrot fever, and ornithosis – is an infection that is
spread by birds (parrots, sparrows, pigeons, etc.).

“TB or Not TB”

Nesidioblastoma – A uncommon cancer of the endocrine pancreas. Tuberculosis – A common and often
deadly disease caused by mycobacteria.

“Daddy’s Boy”
Cavernous angioma – Also known as cerebral cavernous malformation (CCM); a vascular disorder of the
central nervous system that may appear either sporadically or exhibit autosomal dominant inheritance. It can
also occur in other locations, such as the thyroid gland or the liver. Radiation poisoning – Damage to the
organs due to excessive exposure to radiation within a short period of time.

“Spin”
Air embolism – A gas bubble in the blood stream. Pure red cell aplasia – a type of anemia. Thymoma – a
tumor in the thymus. Myasthenia gravis – Causes severe muscle weakness.

“Hunting”
Echinococcosis – A potentially fatal parasitic disease that can affect many wildlife animals, commercial
livestock and humans. The disease results from infection by tapeworm larvae. Patient got years earlier by
handling dead foxes while hunting.

“The Mistake”
Undiagnosed hepatoma – Hepatoma is a malignant cancer in the liver.

“Deception”
Clostridium perfringens – Component of decaying egetation marine sediment found in the intestinal
tract in humans. If digested causes food poisoning. Münchausen syndrome – A psychiatric disorder in
which those affected fake disease, illness or psychological trauma in order to draw attention or sympathy to
themselves.
 HOUSE DIAGNOSES SEASON 2
“Failure to Communicate”
Cerebral malaria – Malaria is a vector-borne infectious disease caused by protozoan parasites. Cerebral
malaria is a widespread disease of the brain.

“Need to Know”
Ritalin use and hepatocellular adenoma – Hepatocellular adenoma, also hepatic adenoma, or rarely
hepadenoma, is an uncommon benign liver tumor which is associated with the use of types of hormonal
contraception with a high estrogen content.

“Distractions”
Serotonin syndrome – A potentially life-threatening adverse drug reaction that may occur following
therapeutic drug use, inadvertent interactions between drugs or the recreational use of certain drugs.

“Skin Deep”
Male pseudohermaphroditism and testicular cancer androgen insensitivity syndrome (AIS) – Also referred
to as androgen resistance syndrome; is a set of disorders of sexual differentiation caused by mutations of the
gene encoding the androgen receptor. We find out that the supermodel was actually a man with testicular
cancer.

“Sex Kills”
Brucellosis (Henry) – Also called undulant fever, or Malta fever, a highly contagious zoonosis caused by
ingestion of unsterilized milk or meat from infected animals, or close contact with their secretions. Gonorrhea
(Laura) – Highly contagious STD.

“Clueless”
Gold sodium thiomalate poisoning – Sodium aurothiomalate (gold sodium thiomalate) is an organogold
compound and is used for its antirheumatic effects to treat rheumatoid arthritis.

“Safe”
Tick paralysis – The illness is caused by a neurotoxin produced in the tick’s salivary gland. After prolonged
attachment, the engorged tick transmits the toxin to its host.

“All In”
Erdheim-Chester disease – A rare disease characterized by the abnormal multiplication of a specific type of
white blood cells. Onset usually occurs in middle age. The disease involves a generalized sclerosis (hardening)
of the long bones.
 HOUSE DIAGNOSES SEASON 2
“Sleeping Dogs Lie”
Bubonic plague – An infection of the lymphatic system, usually resulting from the bite of an infected flea. The
fleas are often found on rodents, such as rats, and seek out other prey when their rodent hosts die.

“House vs. God”

Tuberous sclerosis – A rare, multi-system genetic disease that causes benign tumors to grow in the brain
and on other vital organs such as the kidneys, heart, eyes, lungs and skin. Herpes encephalitis – Brain
inflammation caused by herpes simplex.

“Euphoria, Part 1”
No diagnosis.

“Euphoria, Part 2”
Induced Legionellosis – Bacteria infection. Primary amoebic meningoencephalitis – A disease of the central
nervous system caused by infection from brain eating amoeba such as Naegleria fowleri.

“Forever”
Pellagra – A vitamin deficiency disease caused by dietary lack of vitamin (B3) and protein, especially
proteins containing the essential amino acid tryptophan. Celiac disease – an autoimmune disorder of the small
intestine that occurs in genetically predisposed people of all ages from middle infancy. Symptoms include
chronic diarrhea, failure to thrive (in children) and fatigue. MALT lymphoma – A form of lymphoma involving
the mucosa-associated lymphoid tissue (MALT), frequently of the stomach, but virtually any mucosal site can
be afflicted. It is a cancer originating from B cells in the marginal zone of the MALT.

“Who’s Your Daddy?”

Haemochromatosis – A hereditary disease characterized by excessive absorption of dietary iron resulting in a
pathological increase in total body iron stores. Excess iron accumulates in tissues and organs disrupting their
normal function. Zygomycosis – A rare yet serious and potentially life-threatening fungal infections, usually
affecting the face or oropharyngeal cavity. Zygomycosis is often caused by common fungi which can be found
in soil and decaying vegetation.

“No Reason”
No diagnosis (hallucination by House).
 HOUSE DIAGNOSES SEASON 3
“Meaning”
Addison’s disease (Richard) – Causes adrenals to shut down. Scurvy (Caren) – A disease resulting from a
deficiency of vitamin C, which is required for the synthesis of collagen in humans. The chemical name for
vitamin C, ascorbic acid, is derived from the Latin name of scurvy, scorbutus.

“Cane and Able”

Chimerism – Absorption of twin in the womb, causes left-over clumps of cells with foreign DNA. Treatment is
removing twin’s cells.

“Informed Consent”
Amyloidosis – Congestive heart failure secondary to senile cardiac amyloidosis. Refers to a variety of
conditions in which amyloid proteins are abnormally deposited in organs and/or tissues, causing disease.

“Lines In The Sand”

Baylisascaris raccoon roundworms – Treat with benzimidazole to kill worms and laser photocoagulation
to fix eye.

“Fools For Love”

Hereditary Angioedema – Defective DNA keeps the body from making a critical protein.

“Que Sera Sera”

Carcinoma – A malignant cancer that arises from epithelial cells. Carcinomas invade surrounding tissues and
organs and may metastasize, or spread, to lymph nodes and other sites.

“Son of Coma Guy”

MERRF Syndrome – Myoclonic Epilepsy with Ragged Red Fibers syndrome is a mitochondrial, an inherited
condition that causes muscle weakness and poor night vision.

“Whac-A-Mole”
Chronic Granulomatous disease – Genetic disease. Body is unable to fight off certain bacterial and fungal
infections.

“Finding Judas”
Erythropoietic Protoporphyria (EPP) – A common symptom is very painful photosensitivity, manifesting itself
as a burning sensation on the surface of the skin, or simply, allergic to light.
 HOUSE DIAGNOSES SEASON 3
“Merry Little Christmas”
Langerhans cell histiocytosis – A rare disease involving abnormal cells deriving from bone marrow and
capable of migrating from skin to lymph nodes. Clinically, its manifestations range from isolated bone lesions
to multi-systemic disease.

“Words and Deeds”

Spinal meningioma – Obstructing blood flow to brain causing false memories. Meningioma primary tumor
of the central nervous system.

“One Day, One Room”

Chlamydia and pregnancy due to rape.

“Needle In A Haystack”
Swallowed toothpick, traveled through body, punctured organs.

“Insensitive”
Diphyllobothrium latum – A fish tape worm found in humans, absorbs vitamin B12, causing symptoms
including abdominal discomfort, diarrhea, vomiting and weight loss.

“Half-Wit”
Takayasu syndrome – Takayasu’s arteritis is an inflammatory disease of unknown etiology that affects the
aorta and its branches. It is an autoimmune disease normally found in Asian women. Treat with steroids.

“Top Secret”
Hereditary hemorrhagic telangiectasia – A genetic disorder by definition, it is inherited in an autosomal
dominant manner.

“Fetal Position”
Mirror syndrome (Emma) – A rare disorder affecting pregnant women. Its name reflects the fact that
symptoms in the mother reflect symptoms in the fetus, and it presents significant risk to both. Congenital Cystic
Adenomatoid Malformation (CCAM) – Usually an entire lobe of lung is replaced by a non-working cystic piece
of abnormal lung tissue (Emma’s baby).
 HOUSE DIAGNOSES SEASON 3
“Airborne”
Decompression sickness (Peng) – A person exposed to a decrease (nearly always after a big increase) in the
pressure around the body. It is a type of diving hazard. Methyl bromide poisoning (Fran) – A recognized
ozone-depleting chemical used as a pesticide until being phased out by most countries in the early 2000s.
Mass hysteria (other passengers).

“Act Your Age”

Precocious puberty (due to externally applied testosterone) – Early puberty (pubic hair, breast or genital
development) may result from natural early maturation or from several other conditions.

“House Training”
Staphylococcus aureus infection – The most common cause of staph infections, it is a spherical bacterium,
frequently found in the nose and on the skin.

“Family”
Histoplasmosis – A fungal disease that primarily affects the lungs. It is common among AIDS patients because
of their lowered immune system.

“Resignation”
Bacterial infection due to suicide attempt (patient drank drain cleaner).

“The Jerk”
Haemochromatosis – A hereditary disease characterized by excessive absorption of dietary iron resulting in a
pathological increase in total body iron stores. Excess iron accumulates in tissues and organs disrupting their
normal function.

“Human Error”
Congenital heart defect (infected third coronary artery ostium) – A congenital heart defect (CHD) is a
defect in the structure of the heart and great vessels of a newborn. Most heart defects either obstruct blood flow
in the heart or vessels near it or cause blood to flow through the heart in an abnormal pattern.
 HOUSE DIAGNOSES SEASON 4
“Alone”
Allergic reaction to cephalosporins, a class of antibiotics, in misidentified patient.

“The Right Stuff”

Von Hippel-Lindau Syndrome – An inherited genetic condition that causes small tumors.

“97 Seconds”
Strongyloides – A human parasitic roundworm, complicated by Spinal Muscular Atrophy.

“Guardian Angels”
Ergot poisoning – A type of fungus found on certain grains (patient ate organic rye).

“Mirror, Mirror”
Eperythrozoon (a type of bacteria) – Infection due to exposure to pig feces by selling farm equipment.

“Whatever It Takes”
Thallium poisoning – Given by unethical doctor.

“Ugly”
Lyme disease – Complicated by facial deformity.

“You Don’t Want To Know”

Autoimmune hemolytic anemia – Type of lupus where the body’s immune system attacks red blood cells.

“Games”
Measles – Complicated by rocker lifestyle.

“It’s A Wonderful Lie”

Breast cancer – In displaced breast tissue.

“Frozen”
Fat embolism – Obstruction of blood vessel from unrepaired broken toe.

“Don’t Ever Change”

Nephroptosis – Floating kidney, which causes intermittent symptoms based on patient’s body position.

“No More Mr. Nice Guy”

Chagas disease – Caused by tropical parasitic protozoa.

“Living the Dream”

Hypersensitivity vasculitis – Damage to blood vessels due to Quinine allergy, a common ingredient in tonic
water.

“House’s Head”
Air embolism – Obstruction of blood vessel from prior dental work.

“Wilson’s Heart”
Poisoning by Amantadine – An antiviral drug taken for the flu, which dialysis nor failed kidneys (nor a kidney
transplant) could clear; complicated by injuries sustained in accident.
 HOUSE DIAGNOSES SEASON 5
“Dying Changes Everything”
Diffuse lepromatous leprosy – Also known as “pretty” leprosy, makes the skin look younger, smoother.

“Not Cancer”
Cancer stem cells – Resembled local cells.

“Adverse Events”
Interaction of multiple experimental drugs taken in pill form, which were intermittently absorbed and released
by a bezoar, a mass of undigested food in the stomach.

“Birthmarks”
Pins in the brain left from an attempted infanticide.

“Lucky Thirteen”
Sjogren’s syndrome – An autoimmune disorder that attacks the exocrine glands (which produce tears and
sweat), affecting multiple organs.

“Joy”
Familial Mediterranean fever – An inherited inflammatory disorder, originating from people in areas around
the Mediterranean sea.

“The Itch”
Lead poisoning – Due to an old bullet wound.

“Emancipation”
Acute promyelocytic leukemia – A type of cancer of the blood and bone marrow; complicated by suspected
arsenic poisoning from pressure-treated wood.

“Last Resort”
Melioidosis – An infectious disease caused by a type of bacteria that can be found in tropical regions.

“Let Them Eat Cake”

Coproporphyria – An inherited genetic disorder; complicated by low-carbohydrate diet.

“Joy To The World”

Eclampsia – A life-threatening complication of pregnancy, which occurred after delivery of the baby from
hidden pregnancy and abandoned infant.

“Painless”
Epilepsy – Causes various forms of seizures, which spread to sensory region of the brain, causing extreme pain.

“Big Baby”
Patent ductus arteriosis – An artery that bypasses the lungs before birth and closes upon first breath, which
failed to close; complicated by intermittent high blood pressure.

“The Greater Good” (Episode 100)

Endometrial cells accidentally spread through body due to prior surgery, which “menstruated,” or bled, during
menstrual cycle.
 NO TABLE
G U E ST STARS
 H O U S E NOTABLE GUEST STARS
Season 1
Brandy – “DNR”
Nestor Carbonell – “Cursed”
Ever Carradine – “Maternity”
John Cho – “Love Hurts”
Sarah Clarke – “Control”
Carmen Electra – “Three Stories”
Scott Foley – “Sports Medicine”
Currie Graham – “Honeymoon”
Peter Graves – “Love Hurts”
Leslie Hope – “Histories”
Harry Lennix – “DNR”
Chi McBride – “Control,” “Mob Rules,”
“Heavy,” “Role Model,”
“Babies & Bathwater”
Joe Morton – “Role Model”
Danny Nucci – “Mob Rules”
Dominic Purcell – “Fidelity”
Daryl Sabara – “Cursed”
Bryan Singer – “Sports Medicine”
Sam Trammell – “Maternity”
Robin Tunney – “Everybody Lies” (pilot)
Sela Ward – “Three Stories,” “Honeymoon”
Season 2
Mackenzie Astin – “All In”
Diane Baker – “Daddy’s Boy”
Andrea Bendewald – “TB or Not TB”
Dan Butler – “Distractions”
Charles S. Dutton – “Euphoria; Part 2”
R. Lee Ermey – “Daddy’s Boy”
Elle Fanning – “Need to Know”
Currie Graham – “Spin,” “Hunting,”
“Need to Know”
Greg Grunberg – “Sex Kills”
Mel Harris – “Safe”
Howard Hesseman – “Sex Kills”
William Katt – “House vs. God”
Elias Koteas – “No Reason”
LL Cool J – “Acceptance”
Ron Livingston – “TB or Not TB”
Samantha Mathis – “Clueless”
Cynthia Nixon – “Deception”
Michael O’Keefe – “Failure to Communicate”
Cameron Richardson – “Skin Deep”
D.B. Sweeney – “Who’s Your Daddy?”
Michelle Trachtenberg – “Safe”
Tom Verica – “Skin Deep”
Sela Ward – “Acceptance,”
“Humpty Dumpty,” “Spin,” “Hunting,”
“The Mistake,” “Failure to Communicate,”
“Need to Know”
Julie Warner – “Need to Know”
 H O U S E NOTABLE GUEST STARS
Season 3
Jane Adams – “House Training”
Charles S. Dutton – “House Training”
Patrick Fugit – “Whac-A-Mole”
Joel Grey – “Informed Consent”
Kadeem Hardison – “Words and Deeds,”
“Que Sera Sera”
John Larroquette – “Son of Coma Guy”
Dave Matthews – “Half-Wit”
David Morse – “Words and Deeds,”
“Merry Little Christmas,” “Finding Judas,”
“Son of Coma Guy,” “Que Sera Sera,”
“Fools For Love”
Piper Perabo – “Resignation”
Kathleen Quinlan – “Meaning”
Anne Ramsay – “Fetal Position”
Tyson Ritter (All American Rejects) –
“Fetal Position”
Kurtwood Smith – “Half-Wit”
Pruitt Taylor Vince – “Que Sera Sera”
Katheryn Winnick – “One Day, One Room”
Season 4
Anne Dudek – “The Right Stuff,”
“97 Seconds,” “Guardian Angels,”
“Mirror, Mirror,” “Whatever It Takes,”
“Ugly,” “You Don’t Want to Know,”
“Games,” “Frozen,” “Don’t Ever Change,”
“No More Mr. Nice Guy,”
“Living the Dream,” “House’s Head,”
“Wilson’s Heart”
Fred Durst – “House’s Head,”
“Wilson’s Heart”
Jason Lewis – “No More Mr. Nice Guy,”
“Living the Dream”
Michael Michele – “Whatever It Takes,” “Ugly”
Janel Moloney – “It’s a Wonderful Lie”
Laura Silverman – “Don’t Ever Change”
Mira Sorvino – “Frozen”
Azura Skye – “Guardian Angels”
Frank Whaley – “Mirror, Mirror”
Season 5
Diane Baker – “Birthmarks”
R. Lee Ermey – “Birthmarks”
Sherilyn Fenn – “Joy to the World”
Zeljko Ivanek – “Last Resort”
Breckin Meyer – “Adverse Events”
Lori Petty – “Let Them Eat Cake,”
“Joy to the World,” “Painless”
Natasha Gregson Wagner – “Last Resort”
Michael Weston – “Lucky Thirteen,”
“Adverse Events,” “Not Cancer”