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The Gospel of Sarsour

Found among the Palestinian Dead Sea Scrolls, The Gospel of Linda Sarsour is
one of the most ancient documents attesting to the existence of the
Palestinian nation, descendants of the Canaanites, Jebusites, and Hittites, who
fruitlessly resisted the Ashkenazi Zionist invaders, funded by the Rothschilds
and armed by the British Empire.

Hillel the Elder: In a place where there are no Palestinians, one must strive to invent
Palestinians.

Shammai: But If Jesus was Palestinian then Linda Sarsour was the Inaccurate Conception.

Hillel the Elder: Judge not Sarsour until thou standest in her place.

Shammai: But I cannot find this place Palestine on the map, where is this place upon which I
must stand?

Hillel the Elder: Thou needeth a newer map; the Zionists call it “Area A”.

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Hillel: And Noah built an ark of cypress because he was a righteous Palestinian and God
chose him to live.

Shammai: But he drowned anyway, because of Israel’s naval blockade of Gaza.

Hillel: Moses kidnapped Jethro’s Palestinian daughter, feasted on culturally appropriated


unleavened pita, and then opened a SodaStream factory on Mt. Sinai, which was originally
named Mt. Arafat, until the Jews occupied it and constructed a Haredi Mikvah at its summit.

Shammai: But Moses was Palestinian. And when he saw the Burning Bush he decided to one
up God, so he left him a burning tire.

Hillel: And Jesus spake "let he who casts the first stone..." and thus began the first intifada.

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Shammai: Jesus was a Palestinian and Judas was a greedy Zionist. Pontius Pilate was a
Trump voter. We know this because archeologists found a MAGA hat buried near the
Western Wall, site of the second Palestinian temple. It must be true, because it is in the
Quran.

Hillel: Jesus was a litter bug. And he never paid his fines for overdue library books. Also, he
constantly farted and then blamed it on his disciples.

Shammai: And the Palestinians executed Jesus for drinking SodaStream?

Hillel: Yes. He betrayed his people for a cream soda.

Hillel: During the Revolutionary War, (((George Washington))) banned Palestine Airways
from American Airports.

Shammai: We learned this from Donald Trump. And it is in the Quran.

Hillel: Around the World in 80 days wasn't a novel. It was an instructional manual from the
Elders of Zion for the conquest, enslavement, and Orientalization of Palestine and all people
of color.

Shammai: And A Tale of Two Cities is about the Apartheid Wall.

Hillel: Yasser Arafat was a Holocaust Survivor. It is mentioned in the Gospel of Mathew.

Shammai: And it is in the Quran.

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About the author: Linda Sarsour is a Palestinian who by all accounts knew her fellow
tribesman, Jesus the Christ. She studied the Quran with Hillel and Shammai at the Madrasa
of B’nei Barak. She received an honorary degree in rubber combustion from the Toronto
branch of Canadian Tire. She is presently a Resident Fellow in Jewish Conspiracies on the
Steven Salaita Schoolbus. Most significantly, she is Woke. And like Jesus, she constantly
farts and blames her disciples.

Brought to you by A Yid in Dixieland


Follow me on Twitter: @ayidindixieland

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