American Midnight /barr & Lynch 1

American Midnight /Barr & Lynch 1
AMERICAN MIDNIGHT
by
Brandon Barr
and
Mike Lynch
CHAPTER 1
Rain thrummed against the Cessna’s windshield like thousands of little steel pellets. Both
engines worked to keep the plane at an altitude of four thousand feet, but they struggled. Helen
Peters stared at the thick canopy of trees extending to the horizon. In the midst of tangled
foliage, a clearing several hundred feet across drifted into view. A dozen huts were huddled
together in the middle of a grassy field. It had to be a Huaorani village.
She turned to Steve Myerson in the pilot’s seat. “If the vaccine we’re carrying doesn’t stop
the epidemic in time, those people down there won’t stand a chance.”
“I’ll see if I can coax a little more out of the engines, but they're already straining against a
sixty-knot headwind. This storm is getting worse by the minute.” The plane suddenly jerked to
the right. “Whoa!” Steve exclaimed as he held firm onto the controls. “That was a deep one.”
Helen grabbed her seatbelt tight. “A deep what?” she asked above the whine of the engines.
“Air pocket,” he replied after checking the artificial horizon. “I expect it’s going to be a
bumpy ride all the way to Xoacatil.”
Helen's countenance dropped. “Do you think we’re in…any danger?”
Steve didn’t respond. He sat rigid in the pilot seat, staring out the window.
Without any warning, high-pitched alarms exploded in the cabin.
“Blast,” Steve exhaled. He leaned forward and stared at the flashing red light in the middle
of the panel.
“What’s wrong?”
“Oil pressure in number one is dropping.”
Helen turned towards the left engine. Black liquid spurted out from under the cowling. “One
of the lines must have broken. Oil is leaking onto the wing.”
He snatched the microphone out of the holder and pulled it close. “This is Cessna HBQ117.
We are presently traveling one-two-five miles-per-hour...heading 175 degrees, north by
northwest from Simon Bolivar Airport. We are experiencing engine trouble. Do you read?
Over.” Static. “Can anyone read me? This is Cessna HBQ117. Over.”
The same static hiss filled the cabin.
A sudden gust slammed into the plane and it violently pitched downward. Steve pulled hard
on the controls, but they fought him. “Come on, come on,” he said over the roar of the engines.
He brought the nose up, but the tree line below was still coming up on them fast.
“We need more altitude.”
“I'm trying!—but these down drafts are really vicious.”
Black smoke belched out of engine number one, and a terrible grinding noise shook the cabin.
All at once the prop froze. The plane shuddered then banked hard towards the ground.
“Steve!” Helen cried out.
“We’re losing power.” He pressed the microphone button. “Mayday, mayday. This is Cessna
HBQ117 going down approximately twenty-five miles from Simon Bolivar Airport. We are on a
heading of...” His words trailed off.

“Oh God in heaven—help us,” she prayed.
The right wing of their plane sliced through the top of a tree, and then another, and another—
“Tania!”
***
“Mother!” Tania shrieked. She bolted up from her bed, breathing hard. A cocoon of blackness
surrounded her.
Tania dug her fingers through her hair. She‟d had that dream again. That dream...her mother.
Not a dream—a nightmare.
Slivers of light streamed ghost-like through her bedroom‟s slatted windows. When her
breathing eased, she stared at the dimly lit walls. It was so vivid, that dream. Like a memory; it
even held her mother‟s scent, a smell she hadn‟t encountered in three years.
Tania missed her mother all over again.
Raw emotions stirred inside. Her anger; a sense of betrayal. God, where are you? You’ve left
me.
Suddenly, the thought of being alone overwhelmed her. She reached for her cell phone and
pounded out a number. “Nick, it‟s me. I really need you right now.”
“So you‟ve changed your mind about the party.”
“The party? I don‟t think now would be—”
“Look, you said you wanted to go. So do you or don‟t you?”
“Okay, okay. Just get here,” she said and closed her phone.
Tania threw off her covers and tiptoed over to the door. She turned the knob slowly, opening
it just a crack. The lights in the hallway were dark. She breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone was
asleep.
After slipping back in her room, she took down a black dress hiding in the darkened recesses
of her closet. She had promised her father weeks ago she would get rid of it: “Too revealing,” he
declared. Tania thought he was overreacting. So what if it extolled her natural assets? She
quietly laughed. Nick had used that same phrase of her figure once. She‟d blushed redder than an
apple then…but that was in the first few weeks they were together. She was a different girl now.
After a couple of brushes of her hair and a dab of lipstick and mascara, she was ready.
She went to the window and checked outside. Nothing. Where was he, she wondered, and
began to ache with disappointment. Maybe he's not coming.
Two rounded, pinpoints of light appeared at the end of the street. “Nick, finally,” she said
aloud.
She placed her palms on the underside of the window, and pushed up, forming an opening just
big enough for her to slip through.
Straddling the window sill, she extended her foot into the darkness, stopping when it brushed
up against the lattice holding up her father‟s trumpet vine. She negotiated one crossbeam at a
time, until the firmness of the ground met her toes.
The passenger door of Nick‟s red Camaro swung open as she reached the sidewalk. Even in
the darkness, Nick‟s eyes glimmered. His arm reached for her and she fell into his embrace,
kissing him long and hard.
“What took you so long?” she complained after pulling back. “I was beginning to think you
weren't coming.”
A long, idle grin blossomed on his face. “Hey, I got here as fast as I could.”
He started up the car and screeched down the street.

Nick flew through a number of red lights as he made his way to the other side of town. The
entire drive he was quiet. Something else was on his mind. She didn‟t care though. As long as
she was away from her house…at least for a while.
They barreled down the road until Nick hung a sharp left at an intersection. A lone house
appeared out of the mist. Shadowed silhouettes of cars lined both sides of the long, narrow court,
and synthesized bass pumped out a steady boom, boom, boom into the night air.
He pulled into a spot just big enough for his Camaro. “Looks like Lane‟s got a killer party
going tonight.” A broad smile glided across his face, and he grabbed a case of beer from behind
the seat.
Tania found her head moving to the rhythm of the beat. She basked in the sensation, until an
unsettling question crept upon her. Why was she there, at the party? The girl she was four
months ago would never have sneaked out in the middle of the night. Back then she was still
going through the motions of her Christian life. Tania hesitated. But why should she live like that
when she no longer had faith to believe any of it? Besides, what would she be doing right now
without Nick? Sitting on her bed feeling miserable and alone.
She let the question slip away. “Come on. Let‟s go inside.”
Nick nodded.
Tania counted a dozen people hanging out in the front yard. Some of them were talking, while
others were holding each other close. It was hard to see who they were in the shadows, but she
was determined not to be outdone by them, and pulled on Nick‟s arm, bringing it around her so
his hand rested on her hip.
Inside, the living room was crammed with people, all bumping and pushing against each other
as they danced to the music.

“Dude!” an unknown voice called from the crowd. “You made it.” Someone Tania had never
seen before wedged his way through the throngs.
Nick's eyes lit with recognition. “Lane. You know I'd never miss one of your parties.” Nick
grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him back with ease. Tania was impressed. A big guy like
this didn't pull back easily. “So where do you want the beer?”
“Just leave the case with me.”
“You got it, but I think I'll take a couple here to get things started.”
Nick popped a beer open for himself, then handed one to Tania. She flipped open the tab, took
a quick swig then grimaced. “Something wrong?” he asked.
“No,” she shouted over the noise. “I still haven‟t gotten used to the taste.” She paused a
moment, and then added, “But like you say, after the first one it‟s all good.”
He winked and pulled her into the middle of the room. She pressed close him and moved to
the fast-paced beat of the music. It all felt new to her still. The parties. The beer. Dancing in a
way that made him desire her.
It felt good to be wanted like that.
After her third beer, the people around her moved and dipped together like waves on the
ocean. She felt warm inside. And free.
A slow song brought the frenetic energy in the room to a halt. Seeing Nick standing there in
the opaque light, she threw her hands around his neck and pulled his lips into her own. His eyes
focused on hers and his hands touched softly around her waist.
Nick whispered in her ear. “I think tonight should be the night.” His voice sounded soothing,
almost hypnotic.
Tania brushed back her bangs. “I don‟t know.” She looked around the room. Her words
slurred, “All these people here.” But that was only half the truth. Half-foggy notions from her old
way of life passed through her head. Phrases like, save yourself for marriage, and wait for your
husband.
But why? She loved Nick. Why should she hold anything back from him?
Nick did not relent, his hold on her remaining just as resolute.
She fell into his gaze, and felt her fears slipping away.
He bent towards her again. “You said so after class today,” he whispered in her ear. “It‟s your
time now. You‟re not a little girl who does everything her father tells her anymore. If you didn‟t
want to do it, you wouldn‟t be here now.” He paused. “I promise, it will be a night you‟ll never
forget.”
Tania‟s eyes met his. The desire pulsing through him fed hers like fuel for a fire. She moved
her lips under his chin and brushed them along his husky neck. Everything he said, everything he
did felt right. All those little objections faded further into the recesses of her mind. “You‟re
right,” she replied. “It‟s my time now.”
A huge smile parted Nick‟s lips and his blue eyes grew focused. “Lane said he would keep his
parent‟s room locked, so no one from the party would trash it. I‟ll go get the keys.” He spun
around and made his way into the kitchen.
Though a hundred or so people slow danced around her, it was like she was the only one
there, her mind a torrent of anticipation mixed with fear.
And just like that, Nick returned, keys in hand.
Taking hold of Tania‟s slender fingers, he led her upstairs. Her heart began to thump more
loudly after each step. She didn‟t say a word, her thoughts a cacophony of conflicting emotions.
But one thing she did know. She was about to give her all to him—her mind, her body, her
soul—everything. And once given, nothing would ever be the same.

CHAPTER 2
A gust of wind blew through the congregation when a man wearing a Stetson hat and dusty
blue jeans stepped into the foyer. His cowboy boots clomped heavily against the century-old
floorboards of Calvary Community Church, set in the heart of Midian, Iowa‟s historic downtown
area.
Tania Peters paid the distraction little attention. She had a bad hangover from partying with
Nick the night before, but more than that, she was still coming to terms with what had happened
last night.
Joanna Kreisman leaned over and whispered into Tania‟s ear, “Hey, another cowboy at six
o‟clock.”
Tania smirked at Joanna, grateful for the diversion. Her friend‟s jet-black hair glistened in the
light beaming down from the stained glass windows. “And look,” added Tania quietly, “He‟s
even wearing flannel.”
Joanna did her best hillbilly impression, drawing back her lips and crossing her eyes.
Tania let out a high-pitched laugh—louder than she anticipated—and it made her wince in
pain. She barely noticed her father‟s look of disapproval when he shot a glance at her from
behind the pulpit.

“Shhhhh,” giggled Joanna softly. “You‟ll get us into trouble.”
“I‟m still feeling ripped from last night, so stop making me laugh.”
Joanna leaned close to her. “It‟s your own fault for drinking, stupid.”
Her friend's verbal jab hit a sensitive place. She didn‟t want a lecture. Not now.
“That makes three parties in three weeks. How many beers did you have last night?”
Tania shook her head. “I don‟t remember. Too many apparently.” She shut her eyes tight, her
head a firestorm of emotions. Nick promised her their first time together would be something
they‟d remember for the rest of their lives. But in the span of a few short hours, what they shared
had already become hazy, like a dream fading away. The whole thing felt like a cheat.
Tania forced out a quick, frustrated breath. She was tempted to close her eyes and sneak in a
few winks of sleep, but Joanna never let her hear the end of it. Joanna the vigilante; that was her
friend, trying to keep her on the straight and narrow.
She sat back slowly and gave her forehead a gentle rub. Her discomfort eased, at least enough
for her father‟s sermon to attract her attention again. It was almost over anyway.
Her dad‟s eyebrows flared and a sincere smile spread across his face. His voice was warm but
powerful. “Jesus answered his disciple, saying, „I am the way, the truth, and the life,‟” Daniel
Peters bellowed. “„No one comes to the Father except through Me.‟ You see it here plainly—
Jesus, the Son of God, is the only path to the Father. The Apostle Paul tells us in the second
chapter of Philippians that He voluntarily shed his glory and came down to his rebellious
creation, lived a sinless life, and died an agonizing death on a Roman cross so that our sins
would be forgiven. Ponder this, friends. Why did Christ cry out on the cross, „My God, My God,
why have You forsaken Me?‟

“I will tell you why. For the first time in all eternity, the fellowship between the Father and
Son was broken—because our sins were literally on His shoulders. He did this for us, friends.
There is no greater act of love. He did what no other man could do...Jesus is the way to life. He is
the only way.”
A sudden chill went down Tania‟s spine. She hadn‟t heard her father preach like that in years.
Something had happened. Then a distressing thought pierced through the haze. Did he know?
Envy sparkled in Joanna‟s eyes. “Girl,” she whispered, “your dad really gets into his
sermons.”
Tania rubbed away the goose bumps on her arms. “Yeah, he does. But they're not true, none
of them. I used to believe stuff like that once, when I was younger...before—” She clammed up.
Old emotions stirred inside her. Tania had promised herself more than once she was going to
stop talking about the loss of her mother. But here she was, doing it again.
Joanna leaned over. “What do you mean it‟s not true?”
“I mean all that stuff about God being good and caring. Just look at my perfect family.”
Joanna seemed to study her a moment. “Just because things have gotten tough doesn‟t mean
God isn‟t there for you.” A playful lilt entered her voice. “Look on the bright side, you still have
me for a best friend. Life can‟t be that bad.”
Tania offered a half-hearted smile. Life certainly didn't feel that good, either.
***
Daniel Peters breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled his station wagon into the driveway.
Tania‟s car was in the garage. That meant she was home, safe. It had been a long time since the
two of them had sat down and talked, too long. He sighed, closed his eyes and turned the car
engine off. In the silence, Daniel listened to his own breathing. He remembered the sickly smell
of alcohol that had hit him the moment he stepped into Tania‟s room to wake her for church.
Please God, not her.
Daniel tucked his head into his hands. How could he approach her about it? He felt so weak.
The confident man he‟d once been was gone; dead and buried with his wife.
He followed the stone walkway up to the front step. There was no putting this off any longer.
His hand gripped the front door. It took every ounce of strength he had just to open it. When it
slipped shut again, silence filled the entryway. He lingered by the stairs and stared at Tania‟s
bedroom door. Both shoulders dropped, like a great weight had been lowered onto them. He
willed his legs to move, but they wouldn‟t.
No, his fears whispered, you’ll only make things worse.
He shuffled down the hallway. Now was not the best time. He needed to think more about
what he would say to her; maybe offer a prayer or two. Yes, it was a good lie; one he could
embrace.
Daniel found the remote on the coffee table in the family room. The roar of cheering crowds
filled his impromptu sanctuary the second he turned on the TV. Football was just what he
needed. Daniel fell into his recliner.
Slam!
The bang of the front door startled Daniel, but he didn‟t get up. It was probably his son,
Jeremy. A familiar voice called out. “Dad? You here?”
Daniel immediately straightened. “Greg, I‟m in the back.”

Greg sauntered into the room. He wore his customary checkered Converse All-Star‟s, a large
encircled “A” printed in the middle of his frayed black sweatshirt, and faded black jeans. His
chiseled jaw hinted at a five o‟clock shadow. “There you are.”
Daniel offered a quick smile when their eyes met, but he couldn‟t completely mask the
disappointment. One of the biggest struggles in Daniel‟s life had been his son‟s faith in God, or
lack of it. Greg was a man ruled by doubt, and no amount of evidence seemed to satisfy. His
quasi-acceptance of Christianity stayed with him into his early twenties. But the day of his
mother‟s death all that changed.
Greg rested his hip against the wall and smirked. “A little sports and the worries of the world
fade away.” Greg didn‟t hide the sarcasm. Ever. “What‟d you preach on this week?”
Daniel did his best to keep his voice warm and friendly. “John fourteen, you know—the
section where Jesus—”
“I am the way, the truth, and the life,” he interrupted. “Better translated, I am a way, a little bit
of truth, and one of many choices for a dreary religious life.”
Greg‟s poisoned words cut deep. Daniel turned away from his son and stared through the TV.
“Sorry, Dad.” Though his words were apologetic, his tone wasn't.
Daniel muted the TV. “What do you want, Greg?”
“Just some of my old junk in the basement. I‟m ditching the apartment and my teaching job at
the junior college.”
The news got his attention. “Where are you going?”
“A house just outside Kansas City, in the suburbs. „Bout as big as this one.”
Daniel took it in with a slow nod.

“Kansas State hired me on as an adjunct philosophy professor. I‟ll be doing all the intro level
courses at first. Not too shabby for just turning twenty-five.”
Daniel tried to look happy. “I'm proud of you, Greg. You've earned it.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
Greg put his hands behind his head and leaned his head back against the wall. “There‟s
something else. About your sermons...you need to be careful.”
Just once, Daniel wished, he and Greg could have a conversation without it breaking down
into a combative exchange. “What do you mean, careful?”
“Have you been keeping up on the news, or just watching sports?”
Daniel met Greg‟s sarcasm with a smirk. “I‟m not sure what you‟re getting at.”
His son hesitated, as though weighing out his next words carefully. Then a strange expression
suddenly crossed his face and he pointed at the TV. “That‟s what I‟m talking about.”
Daniel lifted the remote and turned up the volume.
“For the past three years, President Allen has kept every one of his campaign promises,”
intoned a fiery voice as images of the President meeting with people flashed across the screen.
“Lower taxes, cleaner air, violent crime cut in half, and a stronger national defense. But the work
he started is just beginning.” Daniel‟s attention drifted up towards his son. Greg didn‟t move; his
attention fixated on the images flickering on the screen. Then a different voice came onto the
TV, one that parlayed a strong sense of self. “The Unity Party I began eight years ago has
brought America back from the brink of ruin. We have come far during my first term as
President, but we still have a long way to go, and I need your help to do it. On Election Day,
remember to vote Allen...vote Unity.”

“That‟s what I‟m talking about,” Greg said. “The Unity Party is making changes for us all.
Good changes. You know how involved I‟ve been with the party the last few years. I‟m on the
inside now, and I can tell you, big things are coming.”
“What does that have to do with my sermons?”
A dark cloud settled over Greg. “Your sermons are polarizing—and you know it.”
“I preach what the Word of God says. Truth is truth.”
“Others might believe that, but I don't. People like you are divisive, Dad. The President wants
every citizen to set aside their differences with other citizens and focus on what they have in
common. That is what Allen stands for. Half the Democrats and Republicans have already
jumped over to their side and if you don‟t get on board, Dad, you might find yourself on the
outside.”
For the sake of his son Daniel fought to keep his cool. “The Unity Party comes out of
nowhere only a few years ago, and now...it‟s as though we can‟t live without Allen and his
followers. Mark my words, Greg. When any one side has too much power, things can take a turn
pretty quick.”
The muscles on Greg‟s face drew taut. “I hope things turn, and keep turning. If Allen wins a
second term, just imagine how far he can push his agenda across the country.”
The last part of his son‟s rant almost had a threatening air to it. “Sounds like you‟ve given this
matter a great deal of thought.”
“Changes are coming, Dad. For the sake of our future, we need to embrace new ideas, new
ways of thinking. Not what you pre—”
“Preach,” his father interrupted.

Greg took a threatening step forward. “What has God ever done for us?” He pointed at his
father‟s Bible on the coffee table. “Brought us nothing but false hope and pain.”
Daniel threw his hands up in frustration. “I can‟t turn my back on His Word. He is the one
who is Lord, not some politician who claims to have all the answers.”
“How do we know any of it is true? The Qur‟an, the Torah, the Vedas, plus a dozen other
holy books—they all claim to be inspired by God, sent down from on high.” He let out a snort.
“Yeah...God is real clear.”
Daniel ground his teeth together. His son's hatred of Christianity he had accepted, albeit
forcefully, but his flippant, unprovoked attacks were shots at him, and Greg was aiming at old
wounds. “Get your stuff and get out! You've hurt this family for the last time.”
Greg's smile turned bitter. “That's my pop. I knew you had it in you.” He spun around and
stormed out of the room. “Go, get yourself arrested. Lose your church—see what I care.”
***
Tania sat on her papasan chair, legs folded, a computer in her lap. One of her mother‟s Celtic
mood CD‟s played through the speakers. It was funny, she thought, but she didn‟t feel like her
normal rock music self.
What had she done? She and Nick had been dating for only a few months…and she had slept
with him.
The phrase made her cringe. But so did the saying, lost her virginity. It made her feel…guilty.
But why should she have to wait for marriage? That was for “Christian girls”—a title she no
longer cared about. So what was it about her virginity? Why was there something inside her that
wished she had it back? <<do u want to get together after school tomorrow?>>
She knew what that meant. Whenever he asked her this, it meant they‟d find some out of the
way place to make-out. The park, his parent‟s house or one of his friends' homes, wherever they
could be alone. In the beginning it was just kissing and talking, but after a while he pushed
further.
Tania stared at Nick‟s last message on her MySpace page for the fifth time. Even though her
feelings for him were as strong as ever, she didn‟t want to see him, at least not right now.
Everything about last Saturday night felt wrong. He had promised so much, but in the end, the
big moment had been nothing more than a few minutes of passion, followed by unrelenting guilt.
Fortunately, Monday was family night, and her dad and Jeremy expected her to make dinner.
Her fingers tapped quickly on the keypad. <<i‟m not sure that‟s a good idea. i have to b in b4
5. u know, mondays>>
A knock on her door startled her and she closed her laptop. “Come in,” she called.
When her father stepped into her room, she zeroed in on the reticent expression on his face.
Her fears from earlier that day grabbed hold of her. Did he know something? “Hey Dad, what‟s
up?” She squirmed, then became self-conscious of her actions.
“Oh, nothing much. Mostly just want to tell you how much I love you.” A hint of sadness
resonated in his voice.
“I love you too, Dad,” she replied, but it came out awkward. “You alright?”
“I‟m okay. Been talking to Greg and—”
“I know. I heard.” Tania‟s eyes narrowed. “He treats you like crap. You should know better
than to take him seriously.”
Her father sighed. “I know, but I love him.”
Tania set her laptop on the bed, walked over to her father and hugged him.
“Honey, I want you to know I pray for you all the time. God has big plans for you.” He gazed
at her with warm eyes. “Tania, He holds your life so precious.”
It had been a long time since her father had spoken to her like this. Not since Ecuador, before
her mother‟s accident.
“I‟m just glad you and I still have our faith.” He looked up, as if he needed a small measure of
reassurance. “We‟re both doing okay, aren‟t we?”
Tania thought of several ways she could answer the question. On the one hand, she was still
his little girl. On the other hand, she wasn‟t. Deep down, she knew she still wanted her father‟s
protection, his approval. But would he approve of Nick? Would her father understand? Tania
looked deeply into his eyes, but all she could see were deep wells of pain. Probably not...at least
not yet.
“Of course we are.”
He caressed her cheek with his hand then turned to leave. Apparently, those four words were
all he had needed to hear, that everything was okay between them, and rightly or wrongly she
had convinced him that it was.
Her father offered her a soft smile before closing the door behind him.
She stared at it for a long time before flipping open her laptop and logging back onto
MySpace. Her previous entry lay in the talk box, ready to go out. No, she couldn't, not after what
her father had just said. Tania typed out a new entry and hit send before she had a change of
heart <<i think u and i need to talk. pick me up tomorrow night at 11, after my family‟s asleep.
we can go to memorial park and talk there.>>

CHAPTER 3
Tania climbed out her bedroom window and made her way down the trellis. A stilted silence
hung over the empty street until Nick‟s Camaro rumbled around the corner.
She slipped inside and quietly shut the door.
Two blocks from her house, he punched the gas and peeled out onto McNally Drive, leaving
the still, quiet neighborhood with a good-bye squeal of rubber.
“Are you crazy?!” Tania shouted, checking the road behind her. “You probably woke up the
entire neighborhood. If my dad finds out I‟ve left—”
“Relax, babe.” He gritted his teeth, and then took a hard right onto the interstate. “I‟ve never
seen you so uptight. We‟re already long gone.”
The car‟s engine roared out into the darkness. Nick gave Tania a quick sideways glance. That
same idle grin gleamed a second time. “So, your dad still doesn‟t know, does he?”
“Are you kidding? He‟d never approve me dating a non-Christian.”

Nick visibly tensed. “What a bunch of garbage. I can‟t imagine living under all that—all those
stupid rules.” Tania didn‟t respond. She didn‟t know quite how to.
When they reached the other side of town, Nick pulled into Memorial Park and found a dark
parking stall under a burned out streetlight. A heavy mist hung over the grassy field in the
distance.
“That God thing is just a guilt trip to hold over anyone who wants to have any kind of fun.”
“It‟s not like that.” She shifted her eyes to the floorboards. “My dad doesn‟t just make up this
stuff about God to get us do what he wants—he believes it. And I used to believe it too. When
you believe, it‟s not a guilt trip, it‟s just doing what is right. It‟s like there‟s this line, on one side
is everything right, and on the other, it‟s sin.”
“Well at least you realized its all BS.”
Tania looked out at the fog hovering over the park. “I wish it wasn‟t. I wish there was a God
who cared about me. Someone so powerful, all I had to do was trust him because he‟d know
what was good for me and what wasn‟t. But if that God were real, my family wouldn‟t be
broken...my mom would still be here. It‟s been—” Tania stopped herself. She was doing it
again—dredging up the past.
“Hey babe, forget about all that now.” He leaned over and ran his hand over her leg, “Come
on, let‟s have some fun in the back seat.”
Tania flinched. “Nick, not now. That‟s not why we‟re here. We need to talk.”
Nick drew back and stared at her with hardening eyes. She had never seen him look at her that
way before.
His features softened, and he leaned over again and twisted her hair playfully with his index
finger. “Come on, I need you. We can talk afterward.”

For a moment, she was at a loss for words. “Nick, no. I‟m going through something right
now. It‟s hard to explain.” Her head dipped. “That night at the party, what we did…it‟s got me
thinking.”
He put his hands on the steering wheel and stared forward. “You feel Saturday night was a
mistake?”
There was pain in his voice. She placed her hand on his. To her relief, he didn‟t pull away.
“I feel like we‟ve been moving too fast. It‟s only been four months, and—” She stopped and
ran her fingers over his hand. “Everything‟s been so physical. It‟s like we‟ve gone further and
further…until last Saturday. Now I‟m not sure what we did was a good idea.”
Nick let out a short breath and pulled his hand away. The physical distance felt a lot more
than the twelve inches between them. “I just don‟t get you. You agree to take our relationship to
the next level, and now you‟re backing off.”
“I‟m not saying that at all. Why does the “next level” have to be sex? Why can‟t it be
something deeper? We‟ve never talked about our futures. You don‟t know my dreams, what I
want after high school. And I don‟t know what you want either. There‟s a lot we don‟t know
about each other.”
He sat stone-faced.
“All I‟m asking is that we slow things down a bit.”
“It‟s your dad, isn‟t it? He‟s putting these crazy ideas in your head.” He squinted, staring out
at the darkened park. “I think maybe I made a mistake getting involved with a preacher‟s
daughter—too many hang-ups.”

The disappointment tinting his words pained her. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt
him. But on the other hand, she also couldn‟t deny her feelings. “I‟m just not comfortable where
we‟re at right now. I‟ve got to sort it out for myself.”
“There‟s nothing to sort. You care about me and I care about you. Who‟s to say what we did
was right or wrong?”
“That‟s easy for you to say. You weren‟t raised in my house, where your father is the pastor
of a church.”
“Man,” he scoffed. “There you go, bringing your father‟s religion into everything. I tell you,
it‟s narrow-minded people like your dad who cause more problems than they solve.”
Tania may have drifted away from the certainties of her father‟s beliefs, but he was still her
father, worthy of respect. “Please, don‟t talk about my dad like that.”
Nick stared at her a long time, and she glared right back. He had made it a regular practice of
trashing her father‟s beliefs whenever they clashed with his. It always bothered her and she
wasn‟t going to back down, not this time.
“Fine,” he snorted. “Feel that way. I‟m done for tonight.”
He threw the car in reverse.
“Nick, please—”
“I don‟t want to hear it, Tania. You‟ve said enough already.”
***
Jeremy Peters drove down Meridian Avenue at a crawl, ignoring honking drivers that roared
past him. He hated the attention he had drawn, but he couldn‟t risk missing Silas.
Jeremy didn‟t know the man‟s last name. No one in their cell knew last names. It was
supposed to be that way.

He spotted a hand waving by the bus stop. Silas. His black shoulder-length hair and 6‟ 4”
stature stood out in a crowd. Jeremy spun the steering wheel and stopped curbside at the bus
stop.
“Finally,” Silas slammed the door shut. “I‟ve been standing there for twenty minutes. What
took you so long?”
Jeremy hit the gas. “Sorry. The teacher went long in physics. And I hit just about every light
on the way over here.” He paused for a second, glaring ahead. “That bus stop wasn‟t exactly a
bright idea. Too many people. You never know what information might slip out in casual
conversation.”
Silas‟ head fell back as he groaned. “Not this again.” He gave Jeremy a piercing stare. “Man,
it‟s like I said a dozen times before. The best way to blend in is to be in a crowd.”
“I still think some out of the way place would be better.”
“You worry too much. We‟ll give the Devil his due soon enough.”
“You mean tonight‟s meeting?” Jeremy felt his chest tighten. “Everything‟s set?”
Silas nodded. “Eight o‟clock at the old Miller Barn. You should be happy with the choice. No
one around for miles.”
Jeremy‟s concerns eased. “Good. I‟ll be there. My dad has his weekly meeting with the
church elders tonight. I shouldn‟t be missed.”
“Perfect,” said Silas.
“I‟ll be glad when...” Jeremy‟s words trailed off when something in the distance caught his
eye. “Silas, do you see what I see? Over there on the right.”
Silas scanned the area outside the car just as the light ahead of them turned red. “What? You
mean that rundown strip mall?”

“Yeah, next to the old Dollar Store.” A lump formed in Jeremy‟s throat as his eyes fell on a
dilapidated two-story building. “I can‟t believe it,” he said coldly. “Here, in our own town?”
A fresh coat of paint on a piece of plywood read in big, black letters: Unity Party
Headquarters. Five men fitted in Party uniforms unloaded boxes from a moving van parked by
the side entrance. On the second floor, a couple of workers stood on a scaffold, hoisting up cans
of paint and brushes.
“What do you think about that?” Jeremy asked in a whisper.
Silas pulled out a notepad from his pocket and jotted something down. “I think tonight‟s cell
meeting just got a lot more complicated.”

CHAPTER 4
A stillness hung in the air outside Midian as the heat of the day ebbed from a high of ninety-
seven. A billowy line of clouds hung in the west, hugging low-lying hills ten miles away. The
sun slipped past the distant horizon, casting the entire landscape in a fiery glaze.
Tania and Joanna followed a worn path through a cornfield planted by Joanna‟s mother.
Stalks eight feet tall and higher rose up above their heads like sacred Mayan statues. Tania let her
hand brush each stalk as she passed them.
A half-mile later, the path spilled into a clearing. There, the East River wound past a low rise.
Fall leaves clung to the mirrored surface, drifting by like little red stars. Several cottonwoods
hung over the riverbank. Tania and Joanna sat in the knee-high grass beneath Crooked Chief, a
tree they had named when they were both five, whose top half, bent and gnarled, leaned out
almost parallel to the meandering river.

“I already know what you‟re going to tell me,” Joanna revealed, peering down the
embankment where small ripples of water lapped over an exposed root. “Why else did you ask
me to come out all this way?” Tania sat Indian-style and leaned forward, elbows on her knees,
head propped on her palms. “I‟ve seen it in you all week. You can‟t keep secrets from me, you
know.”
Tania stared at her friend in amazement. “When did you first suspect?”
Joanna gave her a tender, but reproachful look. “Sunday...at church. So, when did it happen?”
For some reason, the question struck Tania as being in bad taste. “Saturday night, at the party.
It‟s still kind of fuzzy. I think I enjoyed it.” The words felt uncomfortable coming out of her
mouth.
“Hmmm,” Joanna nodded as her gaze fell to the grass beneath Tania. “But now you‟re having
second thoughts.”
A ripple of anger passed through Tania. Am I that transparent? “Joanna, if you could put the
shovel away for once and let something be.”
“I‟m trying to help you,” said Joanna with a touch of fire.
Tania looked away. “Sometimes I wish you‟d just listen and shut up.”
Hurt exploded on Joanna‟s face. “Don’t tell me to shut up,” she said sharply.
Both girls stared forward. A minute crept by and the words slowly drifted away in the breeze.
Tania let out a frustrated sigh. “I‟m sorry. I take it back. I‟m just real emotional right now.”
She hated it when she let her feelings get the better of her. “But you were right, I am having
second thoughts.”
Joanna shook her head. “I should have said something to you before last Saturday. Something
inside told me this might happen, but I kept my mouth shut. I‟m sorry.”
“You had nothing to do with it. Don‟t apologize.”
Joanna squished her mouth to one side. “I saw where you and Nick were headed,” she
repeated, “and I didn‟t do anything to stop it. I just let it happen.”
Tania reached over and hugged Joanna tight. “I‟ll forgive you if you forgive me.”
“Okay,” she smiled. “I don‟t think I can ask for a better deal than that.”
Tania let go of her friend and dropped her chin into both palms. She sighed this time. “I don‟t
know what I‟m doing anymore. I remember what I used to dream about when I was a little girl.
You know, a white picket fence, a couple of kids playing in the yard, me sitting with my husband
on the porch swing.” Tania reached down and picked a dandelion out of the tall grass. The head
was filled with ripened seeds, ready to detach and fly away. She brought the puffy weed up close
and stared at it. “I think those things can still happen—and nothing can take them away, not
Nick, not my mother‟s death, nothing. And I can go to medical school, and become a nurse like
my mother.” She smiled at Joanna. “And I still want you to be my next-door neighbor so our kids
can grow up together and marry each other. I don‟t want to give up those silly little dreams.”
“If that‟s what you want, it‟s nobody‟s place to say otherwise.”
“I had this picture in my head of Nick proposing to me after high school. I still do.” She
paused and lingered on her last thought. “Now I‟m not so sure anymore. I saw all these things,
all my dreams, and the stupid thing about it is I haven‟t told them to Nick. I had sex with him,
and now that we‟ve come this far, I‟m afraid to tell him. I‟m afraid if I even mention the word
„marriage,‟ he‟ll wave goodbye and be on to the next girl. Maybe that‟s why I did what I did. As
if giving in to him would make my dreams happen. Boy was that stupid.”
“I‟m sure the beer didn‟t help.”
Tania scowled at Joanna‟s dig. “Yeah...you‟re right.”

Placing her index finger to her chin, Joanna said playfully, “I think, when I graduate, I‟m
going to go to college and become a psychologist.”
A picture of her friend in a doctor‟s office flashed in Tania‟s mind. “And I‟ll be your number
one patient.”
Joanna giggled and gave a quick nod.
“I should tell Nick about my ideas for the future. If our relationship means anything, I at least
owe him the truth. And if he doesn‟t feel the same way, it‟s over.”
“That‟s my girl,” Joanna shouted. “GRRRR. Nick, shape up or face the teeth of the tigress.”
Tania rolled over backwards with laughter.
Joanna‟s lips thinned into a playful smirk as the sun lit her face. When the two of them fell
silent, she said, “God is like the sunset. He shows us enough beauty and majesty in those few
brief moments to keep hope alive through the long darkness of night.”
Tania shut her eyes and tried to believe in those words. She wanted so badly to feel the way
she did before the plane crash. Back then God had been a loving Father, and life was full of
hope. Then she remembered her nightmare from Saturday night. “I...I had a dream about my
mom. Even though I haven‟t had one about her for more than a year...this one felt different…like
I was really there.”
“You still can‟t recall anything about that day?”
“No. Nothing. All I remember is the school bell ringing and heading to class. After that it‟s a
big black hole, until I woke up at the hospital.”
Joanna shook her head. “That‟s so freaky.”

“It felt like I watched the whole thing happen from someplace else, like I was floating above
my mom. It seemed so real. I think I actually heard my mother‟s voice out of my broken
memory.”
Tania grew quiet, lost in her thoughts.
Joanna turned and stared as the water drifted by, dream-like. After a while, she rose to her
feet. The sun had slipped behind a growing number of shadowed clouds, and a sudden chill
stirred in the air. It was time to go.
***
Tania arrived home later than she anticipated. She found her dad asleep on the couch in front
of the TV. Rather than wake him, she turned up the stairs and noticed the light on in Jeremy‟s
room. She knocked, then poked her head through the slight opening. Her brother was on the
floor, back to the door, leaning against his futon. The faint roar of a screeching guitar blasted out
of the headphones covering his ears.
She called to him: “Jeremy.”
He didn‟t respond.
Tania went in, intending to tap him on the shoulder. Her shadow fell across the pages of a
sketchbook he was jotting on.
Jeremy bolted to his feet and tore the earphones from his head. “How long have you been
standing there?!”
Tania reared back. “Only a second. I came in to see what you were doing.”
“Did you see?”
“See? No. Nothing.”

The edge dropped from Jeremy‟s features. He tossed the closed sketchbook onto his desk.
“It‟s something personal, that‟s all. Private. Anyways, where‟ve you been all night?”
“I was at Joanna‟s.”
“Good to hear. I thought you might be out with that football lowlife, Nick.”
Tania‟s eyes went wide.
“Thought I didn‟t know, huh? A hundred people went to that party. They all saw you go
upstairs with him. You think juicy gossip like that isn‟t going to find its way around? From what
I gather, you aren‟t the little angel we think you are.”
Words failed her. If her father found out she‟d had a boyfriend under his nose for months—
that they‟d slept together—he‟d be crushed. He was already so weakened by Greg‟s rebellion.
She couldn‟t stand to be the next smashing blow. “Jeremy, please don‟t tell dad.”
“Tell dad? It would tear him up inside. I won‟t tell Dad. But there is something you need to
hear. You‟re on the same road as Greg. From what I read on the Internet, they‟re all saying you
had a tumble in the sack with that jock. If that‟s true, then you‟re no better than a harlot in my
eyes, and in the eyes of God.” His gaze bore into her. “So...is it true?”
Jeremy‟s words slit her heart open and Tania felt her body begin to shake. He had never
spoken to her this way before; how he described what she did made her feel cheap, dirty. Tania
dropped her head and stared at Jeremy‟s shoes, fresh tears clinging to her cheeks.
“Sis, I‟m sorry. I—” he clenched his teeth and turned his head. “It‟s just that I thought you
were solid, and then I find out about this.”
“How can you say such terrible things?” she asked.

“We‟re in a battle, Tania, and I don‟t want to see you on the other side of the field. The world
is going to Hell, and the Devil wants to take every half-hearted Christian with him. We have to
fight because he'll take down a lot of people if we don't.”
Her head still churned from Jeremy‟s initial response. She turned for the door, wiping her
eyes. “Calling me dirty names and making me feel like crap doesn‟t show you care.” Tania
suddenly stopped. “Did you talk to Greg this way too? That‟s why he never visits anymore, isn‟t
it?”
Jeremy‟s stare bore into her. “He needed to hear the truth as much as you.”
“You made him feel worthless, Jeremy. Think about it.” Tania went to her room and lay down
on her grandma‟s white quilt spread across her bed.
I know Jeremy cares about me. He’s hurt just like the rest of us, and he’s trying to cope. But
why does he have to be so extreme? She stared up at the magazine cutouts that littered the ceiling
above, but the solace she sought from those colorful images didn‟t come. Maybe he feels Mom’s
death was some type of punishment from God. Like a wake up call. Jeremy used to be the rebel
of the family. He had smoked pot for a while, gotten in fights, and received all the detentions.
Tania suddenly felt she‟d found insight to Jeremy‟s radical side.
Does he think Mom’s death was his fault?

American Midnight /barr & Lynch 1

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American Midnight /Barr & Lynch 2

together in the middle of a grassy field. It had to be a Huaorani village.

bumpy ride all the way to Xoacatil.”

Helen's countenance dropped. “Do you think we’re in…any danger?”

Without any warning, high-pitched alarms exploded in the cabin.

“Oil pressure in number one is dropping.”

We are presently traveling one-two-five miles-per-hour...heading 175 degrees, north by

The same static hiss filled the cabin.

“We need more altitude.”

“I'm trying!—but these down drafts are really vicious.”

“Steve!” Helen cried out.

heading of...” His words trailed off.

“Oh God in heaven—help us,” she prayed.

Not a dream—a nightmare.

Tania missed her mother all over again.

“So you‟ve changed your mind about the party.”

“The party? I don‟t think now would be—”

“Look, you said you wanted to go. So do you or don‟t you?”

began to ache with disappointment. Maybe he's not coming.

big enough for her to slip through.

time, until the firmness of the ground met her toes.

kissing him long and hard.

He started up the car and screeched down the street.

she was away from her house…at least for a while.

without Nick? Sitting on her bed feeling miserable and alone.

his hand rested on her hip.

as they danced to the music.

seen before wedged his way through the throngs.

“Just leave the case with me.”

a quick swig then grimaced. “Something wrong?” he asked.

way that made him desire her.

It felt good to be wanted like that.

ocean. She felt warm inside. And free.

right,” she replied. “It‟s my time now.”

around and made his way into the kitchen.

there, her mind a torrent of anticipation mixed with fear.

And just like that, Nick returned, keys in hand.

soul—everything. And once given, nothing would ever be the same.

even wearing flannel.”

behind the pulpit.

“Shhhhh,” giggled Joanna softly. “You‟ll get us into trouble.”

friend, trying to keep her on the straight and narrow.

why have You forsaken Me?‟

the only way.”

Joanna leaned over. “What do you mean it‟s not true?”

me for a best friend. Life can‟t be that bad.”

Please God, not her.

willed his legs to move, but they wouldn‟t.

No, his fears whispered, you’ll only make things worse.

needed. Daniel fell into his recliner.

Jeremy. A familiar voice called out. “Dad? You here?”

Daniel immediately straightened. “Greg, I‟m in the back.”

chiseled jaw hinted at a five o‟clock shadow. “There you are.”

mother‟s death all that changed.

section where Jesus—”

of truth, and one of many choices for a dreary religious life.”

Daniel muted the TV. “What do you want, Greg?”

the junior college.”

The news got his attention. “Where are you going?”

Daniel took it in with a slow nod.

courses at first. Not too shabby for just turning twenty-five.”

something else. About your sermons...you need to be careful.”