Resonant Leadership Notes

Resonant Leadership
Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee
Book Notes compiled by Jane Sigford

Chapter One: Great Leaders Move Us

 Leadership has changed. World is more unstable than ever before.
Organizations are more complex. Hierarchies don’t work any more.
Therefore, leadership that used to work is no longer effective. And many of
our leaders cannot sustain the effort over time because they burn out with
because they do not practice renewal.
 Great leaders, resonant leaders, are awake, aware and attuned to
themselves, to others, and to the world around them. P. 3 They commit to
their beliefs, stand strong in their values, and live full passionate lives. They
are emotionally intelligent, and mindful. They work in full consciousness of
self, others, nature, and society and they face the world with hope.

Resonance or Dissonance: The Leader’s Choice

 Great leaders of today are resonant leaders p. 2
 Description of Resonant Leaders:
o Have emotional intelligence, have empathy, read people and
organizations, demonstrate compassion, blend financial, human,
intellectual, environmental and social capital into a recipe for
effective performance, p. 5 Are emotionally intelligent, Face the
world with hope
o Engage all people in organizations
 Resonant leadership difficult because: must give of self constantly.
Currently, we don’t allow for ways of renewal or that help us face unending
challenges. In fact, we over-emphasize those things that lead to burnout—
et.al long hours. being hyper connected to cell phone.
 In addition, we have additional pressures to create predictable results.
Have leaner organizations, therefore, more work to do.
 However, if we sacrifice too much for too long—develop Sacrifice Syndrome.
Over time we burnout and Dissonance becomes default.
 Dissonant leaders create havoc, not accord.

Cycle of Sacrifice and Renewal

 Much more stress now—called Power stress. Leaders have always had
stress but there seems to be less recovery time now. What can we do? We
need to manage syndrome of sacrifice, stress and dissonance—and not be its
victims. P. 7

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 Leaders who can rebound engage in holistic recovery, uniting mind, body,
spirit, and heart. P. 8
 Must focus attention on developing intellect, understanding, and managing
emotions, taking care of their bodies, and attending to the deep beliefs and
dreams that feed their spirits. P. 8

Mindfulness, Hope and Compassion: Keys to Renewal

 True renewal comes from 3 key elements:
o Mindfulness—living in state of full, conscious awareness of one’s
whole self, other people, and the context in which we live and work—
Means being awake, aware, and attending—to ourselves and to world
o 2nd—hope—enables us to believe that the future we envision is
possible.
o 3rd—compassion—ability to understand people’s wants and needs and
feel motivated to act on our feelings. P. 9
 The dynamic relationship among mindfulness, hope and compassion enables us
to stay resilient in face of challenges. P. 9 But this doesn’t happen by
accident.

Summary: leaders face unprecedented challenges. To counter this we need to

engage in conscious process of renewal both on daily basis and over time.
To stay in touch with those we lead, most of us need to pay attention to how we
manage ourselves and others.
We need to combine mind, body, heart, and spirit, and bring our resonance to
people and groups around us. P. 10

Chapter Two: The Leader’s Challenge

 Why don’t old strategies of working hard, dynamism, and charging forward
work like they used to? Because the workplace is much more complex, [Can
read case study of Eduardo PP 13-16 of someone who was effective]
Organizations are more democratic, groups may work more informally,
relying less on established hierarchies. P. 16
 [notes mine: Organizations are taking on the needs and characters of the
expectations of Generation Xers and Millenials, instead of Boomers. See
Generations at School: Building an Age-Friendly Learning Community by
Suzette Lovely and Austin G. Buffum and Generations by Willliam Strauss
and Neil Howe. See my Appendix A]
 Emotional reality of the community is vital. Leader must recognize that

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Informal meetings and conversations are key means for bridging gaps of
understanding between previously opposing sides. Relationships need to be
healed and rebuilt before any formal plan can be conceived.
 As complexity of situation increases, it is increasingly important to focus o
relationships, not outcomes. P. 16
 Can get caught up and victimized by Sacrifice Syndrome when it is necessary
to rebuild emotional and physical reserves.
 Too often we get caught up in “fast track” and get caught up in dealing with
sacrifices by oversimplifying tasks, doing minimum required to get job done.
Therefore, we miss real goals
 The Result=Dissonance --more common than resonance, poor leadership
evident more often than good. Dissonance has become default mode.
 No one wants to fail or create dissonance but we need to learn to manage
the inherent stress of leadership over time.

Flying High

 [Case study of creating Southwest Airlines pp. 19-22 as model of building

resonant leadership. Colleen Barrett (voted one of 50 most powerful women)
 Recognized that effective teams, and powerful, positive organizational
cultures do not happen by accident. Takes time, effort, planning and
strategy to create and sustain healthy working relationships and norms that
foster effectiveness. P. 30
 Research shows that the way people feel about the climate, can account for
nearly 30% of business performance. P. 21.
 Resonant leaders bring out the best in us. People follow resonant leaders
because the leader’s heart is clearly in the work.
 Is your leader resonant? Ask these questions:
o Is the leader inspirational?
o Does the leader create an overall positive emotional tone that is
characterized by hope?
o Is the leader in touch with others? Does the leader know what is on
others’ hearts and minds? Does the leader experience and
demonstrate compassion?
o Is the leader mindful—authentic and in tune with self, others and the
environment
.
Resonance is Contagious—and so is Dissonance
 Research has proven that emotions are contagious. We are literally “wired”
to pick up subtle clues from one another—and therefore, we are dependent
on one another for our emotions. P. 23 We gauge our response on the
feelings we notice in those around us.

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 Our bodies respond in subtle ways—facial expressions, tone of voice,

flushing, paling, and posture.
 We are not always conscious of messages we are sending or receiving about
emotions. P. 23 We actually catch emotions of people around us even when
communication is completely nonverbal. P. 23
 Especially true with leaders as we watch them carefully. They have power
over us and we want to be able to predict, as best we can, what they want
and what we should do. P. 24
 If leaders are excited and hopeful, we feel invigorated and motivated. P. 24
People want to be around people like that and join in whatever they are
doing.
 Research shows that subordinates’ blood pressure went up dramatically when
dealing with supervisor whose style was not respectful, fair, or sensitive to
others. P. 24
 Contagious nature of resonance—It translates into what we call “intangibles.”
It’s a way of life, not abstract goal. Common sense and caring prevail and
are expected, p. 26. Information flows freely. P. 26
 Dissonance also contagious—If we sense leader’s discomfort, we simply
adjust behavior by trying to catch leader’s mood or trying to protect
ourselves from whatever is disturbing him or her. P. 26
 Emotions indirectly affect people’s judgment about social situations and
impact their behavior as well. P 26
 If we are confused by someone’s behavior, we avoid them, play their game,
collude with their pretense and begin to engage in less-than-authentic
behavior ourselves.

Emotional Intelligence: A Good Place to Start

 Emotional Intelligence—accounts for 85% to 90% of difference between
outstanding leaders and their more average peers.
 EI—4 domains: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and
relationship management.
 1st 2 domains—determine how we understand manage ourselves and our
emotions.
 Last 2—dictate how well we recognize and manage emotions of others build
relationships and work in complex social systems
 EI important in excellent leadership but intellect is also important. P. 28
 Leaders need to be smart to deal with complexities and challenges, to see
patterns, understand strategy, markets, finance, and technology, and be able
to communicate with others
 Systems thinking and pattern recognition are indicators of intelligence and
have strong relationship to leadership effectiveness.

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 Need to have cognitive abilities to be a leader but the difference of how one
functions in the role, depends on how you use knowledge, how you use your
EI, more than how you use your cognitive abilities p. 30
 EI key more than ever because it allows us to monitor our “hot buttons.” P.
30
 Organizational resonance means minimum hierarchy, premium on individuality,
[in line with needs of Generation Xers’ and Millenials note mine,] individuality
respected and celebrated along with collaboration and teamwork. People
know each other as people and for what the can do. Personal relationships
encouraged. P. 31
 EI not enough to sustain resonance. Must be done by attending to yourself.
 To do that, you must pay attention to mood, and feelings, mindful of personal
ups and downs and take care of personal emotional needs yet having care and
concern for others. P. 33

Chapter Three: Dissonance is the Default

 [Case study of “Karl” pp.35-38.] Rules changed and what used to work, no
longer did. Ignored cultural messages, just tried to work harder but didn’t
relate to people. Everyone reacted negatively to him. —created dissonance

 Karl’s industry had changed and he reacted by the cycle of power stress,
sacrifice, dissonance, and more stress. Went to habits that used to work
but no longer did.
 He was out of touch with how people viewed him. Put career in jeopardy. P.
39
When Stress Becomes Dissonance

 We wonder how people can fall and not see what is happening:
 3 reasons:
o Sacrifice Syndrome takes over when power stress goes unchecked—
when leaders try exercise influence or power with and over others.
Stress then becomes chronic.
o Two, to cope many people develop defensive routines—bad habits that
keep us in denial about what is really going on. P. 40,
o Three—organizations actually create their own dissonant behaviors
 For some, being an effective, independent leader actually contributes to
Sacrifice Syndrome. We give too much ultimately becoming ineffective.
Over time and unchecked, the physical and emotional toll limits ability to
sustain high performance.
 Good leaders need a lot of self-control so that “chronic stress doesn’t lead
to acute stress.” P. 41.

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Resonant Leadership Notes

 When leader under stress, amygdala aroused which increases release of

hormones of “fight or flight” response.
 Stressful work environment mirrored from stressful global environment.
 Neither mind nor body was designed to deal with such relentless stress. P.
42 Net effect: Many are fighting stress most of time and it can wear us
down physically and psychologically.
 Constant stress—elevates blood pressure, which means that brain
simultaneously shuts down neural circuits that keep us open, flexible, and
creative.
 Other hormones are released—which inhibit healthy functioning of body’s
immune system and shuts down our ability to learn. Hence we feel more
stress, anxiety.
 Situations of uncertainty naturally arouse stress. P. 43 We begin to see
world as more threatening which contributes to more stress.
 Research shows that sooner or later, most of us will burn out or burn up and
begin to create dissonance, even when we do not intend to. P. 43.
 Once we are caught in spiral of Sacrifice Syndrome, we find our selves
caught in seductive negative spiral. P. 44

Defense Routines and Negative Spiral.

 In negative spiral we revert to create ineffective habits which are coping
mechanisms to protect or distract us from discomfort of current emotional
state.
 Some people overreact so they can feel powerful. Some become cynical,
some find excuses and blame others which puts us in more distress
 When in downward spiral we often end up playing and replaying mental
“tapes” that actually accentuate negative emotions
 We make the mistake of burying our feelings, avoiding issues and attempting
to continue as before.
 Many successful leaders bury themselves in work which compounds problem.
 Adopting a façade is common tactic for people grappling with Sacrifice
Syndrome, p. 46
 Successful people fall into trap of believing that their accomplishments are
solely their own doing, and failures are result of other’s mistakes or
environment. [Opposite of Good to Great by Jim Collins in his description of
Level 5 leader. A Level 5 leader takes the blame when things don’t work out
the expected way and gives credit to everyone else when things do work.
Note mine]
 When we do this, we venture into black and white thinking and lose ability to
see ourselves and those around us realistically, p. 47
 Some people get depressed, and stop feeling

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 We end up using ages old defensive strategy—playing a role, diving into work,
blaming others, and tuning out irritating messages that tell us something is
wrong. Takes tremendous psychological and physical toll. P. 47
 In the end can’t hide from ourselves.

How Organizations create their own Monsters

 Organizations actually create dissonance in 2 ways—
o One, overvalue achievement and tolerate dissonance if short-term
results seem to be there—until there is big problem.
o Two, often impossible for leaders to get the message that they
are creating toxic environments and most change because no one
tells them.
 Too often managers are rewarded for getting short term results which
feeds into the dissonance.
 Difficulty—when environments change rapidly and goals are no longer
clear.
 People do not treat those with power the same as they treat others. So
they don’t tell them the truth. P. 50

Slippery Slope
 When we finally realize something is wrong, we may deny that anything is
wrong. Stress almost always leaks out.
 Prolonged stress makes it increasingly unlikely that leaders will sustain
resonance in teams and organizations or among family and friends. P. 51
 It’s surprising how long it takes for us to recognize the slide into dissonance.
P. 52.
 Best practice—stop Sacrifice Syndrome before it starts by maintaining
health, both physical and emotional as well as intellectual top form.
 However, for ineffective leaders who slide into dissonance leaders they
should not be in leadership roles and are so mindless they do not even
experience the responsibility of their roles. Habitually misuse power, single-
mindedly pursue personal goals or ineffectively manage their own, and
other’s, focus. P. 53
 These people are carriers of dissonance—inflict stress on others around
them.
 Fortunately, organizations are becoming far less tolerant of extremely poor
leadership.

Exercise on Sacrifice Syndrome: Where am I
Am I:
Working harder with less result?
Getting home later or leaving home earlier each day?

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Feeling tired, even after sleeping?

Having trouble falling asleep, or waking up in the middle of the night?
Finding less time (or no time at all) for the things that used to be enjoyable?
Rarely relaxed, or only really relaxed with alcohol?
Drinking more coffee?
Have I noticed changes in my relationships, or myself such as:
 I can no longer really talk about my problems with my spouse
 I don’t care what I eat, or whether I eat too much or too little
 I can’t remember the last time I had a long conversation with a trusted
friend or family member
 My children have stopped asking me to attend their functions or events
 I no longer attend my place of worship or find time for quiet contemplation
 I don’t exercise as much as I used to
 I don’t smile or laugh as much as I used to.

Do I:
1. Have frequent headaches, backaches, or pain?
2. Routinely take over-the-counter antacids or painkillers?
3. Feel as If nothing I do seems to matter anymore, or have the impact I want?
4. Feel as if nothing I do seems to matter anymore, or have the impact I want?
5. Feel as if no one can understand what I need to do, or how much work I
have?
6. Sometimes feel numb or react to situations with inappropriately strong
emotions?
7. Feel too overwhelmed to seek new experiences, ideas, or ways of doing
things?
8. Frequently think about ho to “escape” my current situation? P. 54-55

Chapter Four: Waking up to Resonance and Renewal

 Case study of Niall Fitzgerald, chairman of Reuters who hasn’t always been a
resonant leadership. 57-59 Niall—went into disengagement and denial
 An antidote is renewal. We need renewal, not just rest—Renewal— Induces
brain pattern and hormones that changes our mood, and returns bodies to
healthy state. Releases different hormones than stress—experience “sense
of well-being.” P. 62 Renewal, a way of life is made up of 3 things—
mindfulness, hope, and compassion.
 Positive cycles lead to experiencing, hope, compassion, and mindful attention
to self and others. We need to remain hopeful.
 How to become aware? Can experience wake up calls—can be big life
changing events—divorce, birth death, colossal failure at work.

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 Not always linked with life events—Often traced to cycles, such as 7 year
cycle alluded to in Old Testament or discussed in works by Erik Erikson, Dan
Levinson, or Gail Sheehy.
 If wake up calls are not drastic, we may not pay attention to small indicators
but it’s only when we are burned out that we pay attention, p. 65
 There are clues to heed—usually emotional or physical but need to pay
attention—
 You have to become aware that you are not aware.

First Wake-up Call

 Usually a failure at work but no one in organization tells leader the truth.
Second Wakeup Call
 People, who supported before, stopped calling. Previous friends “disappear”
 Then personal life turmoil hits. P. 68
Third Wake Up Call
 Try to make solutions or compromises at home.
 As realization dawns, people begin to seek solutions, not Band-Aids and
compromises
Final Wake-up Call
 Can be as dramatic as a life threatening illness or a friend with a life
threatening issue that reassesses what life is about and what lessons one
has gained
 Niall faced with words from friend who was finding peace with his upcoming
death. Niall began to wake up. P. 70

Resonance and Renewal through Mindfulness, Hope and Compassion

 Richard Boyatzis’ research indicates that individual change not always easy,
doesn’t happen by accident, and for real change, one must engage in process
over time to capture our dreams and chart a course toward them.
 Need to look at selves realistically and identify aspects that we know we
must change or enhance, and need to plan an agenda for learning and need
support of people around us to change P. 71
 Renewal is dynamic process to counter destructive effects of power stress.
 For some ability to experience renewal seems natural and effortless.
However, it is not a single characteristic but a variety of experiences and
processes that any person can learn, engage, and practice. P. 73

First Part of Renewal--Mindfulness

 Mindfulness is living in state of full and conscious awareness of one’s
whole self, other people, and the context in which we live and work.
Means developing our intellect, taking care of our bodies, using power of
emotions, and attending to spirituality.

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 Mindfulness is being awake, aware, and attending. Mindfulness stops

Sacrifice Syndrome before it stops us.
 Too often leaders are coached to focus on rational mind and mechanics
of business and leave such soft stuff alone. However, that makes us
disconnected from colleagues, customers, and ourselves.
 Leaders who pay attention to whole self—mind, body, heart, and spirit—
can literally be quicker, smarter, happier, and more effective than those
who focus to narrowly on short-term success. P. 74

Second part of Renewal--Hope

 Hope is emotional magnet. P. 75 Binds people together. It’s contagious
 Renewal sparked by positive emotions—Hope and compassion actually cause
changes in brains and hormones that allow for renewals of minds, bodies and
heart. The experience of hope and compassion are basis for leaders’
creating resonant relationships with those around them.
Third Part of Renewal: Compassion
 Compassion is contagious. We must also receive, as well as give. P. 77We
need to know we are not alone.

 Lesson to be learned—whether it is to help you hear a wake-up call or to

reaffirm your core values as a basis for entering renewal through
mindfulness, hope, and compassion, it is useful to review what your values are
from time to time. [Demonstrates the value of being a reflective
practitioner note mine]

End, and Beginning of Niall FitzGerald’s Story

[continuing case study, pp. 79-80]

Exercise A: Is that a Wake-up Call?

Have you experienced any of these in recent past or experiencing them now?
 Divorce or separation
 Move to new home
 Death in family or support network
 Promotion
 Significant medical diagnosis
 Physical injury
 Significant loss of physical capacity
 Anniversary of significant event
 Car accident
 Marriage
 Significant job change
 Job loss

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 Birth of a child
 Significant financial loss or gain
 Life cycle changes (children leaving home, et)
 Significant success or failure in a project
 Change in amount/type of medication
 Significantly more time away from home (e.g. travel for work)
 Significantly less quality time with family or friends
 Important new relationship (love, friendship, boss)
 Noticeable gain or loss of weight
 Sense of boredom or frustration with life or work
 World events that have impacted me personally (psychologically or
otherwise)
 Disruption or dissatisfaction with an important relationship (spouse, child,
friend, boss)
 Completion of major project
 Change in lifelong habits (e.g. exercise, spiritual practice, hobbies) pp. 80-82

Exercise 2: Your Moral Core:

 P. 83. List of values, beliefs or desirable personal characteristics. Identify
the 15 or so that are most important, then identify the 5 that are most
important and rank each of the five from 1-5.

Exercise 3: Rhythms in my Career

 P 85: Worksheet for recording personal career history with horizontal and
vertical lines. Examine number of years between major changes. Can you
detect a rhythm in cycle of interest and boredom? Where are you now?
When might you approach a transition and listen for wake-up call?

Exercise 4: Rhythms in my life

 Sheet of paper with current year at top of left hand side of page.
Underneath write years in descending order from this year all the way back
to when you were born. List important events. Will flow differently than
career history. List number of years between major life events. Is there a
pattern? Is there a rhythm and a wake-up call to heed?

Chapter Five: Intentional change

 Meaningful and important changes do happen by chance. We may not be
aware of them for a long time. They may appear discontinuous.
 With increased mindfulness, process of change seems smooth or even
seamless. Part of challenge of leaders is to recognize, manage, and direct
one’s own process of learning and change.

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 Boyatzis’ research—Intentional Change Model can help engage in personal

transformation successfully. P. 87
 Research shows that sustainable change occurs as we focus on 5 major
discoveries:
o Ideal self-what you want out of life
o Real self—how you act and are seen by others
o Your learning agenda—capitalize on strengths and closer to personal
vision
o Experimenting with and practicing new habits—reinforce and affirm
strengths
o Develop and maintain close, personal relationships—
 If we don’t move to resonance intentionally, dissonance is the default.

Step 1: Finding your ideal self

 1st step is to identify dream for yourself, life, and work [work of book Dream
Manager by Matthew Kelly]

Step 2: Confronting Real Self—Finding Strengths and Weaknesses –next step.

Requires deep self-awareness and willingness to be vulnerable. Becoming clear
about oneself and how others experience us is difficult and takes courage. P. 92
Our defense mechanism tries to protect our psyche and may lead to delusion of the
image of who we are. We often miss clues about who we really are and people don’t
always tell us.
 Takes courage to change patterns that have always worked well, to let old
behaviors and attitudes go away. P. 95. Takes inner strength to look at real
self. That is why you need to look at ideal self first. P. 95
 May want to collect feedback from others perhaps through 360-degree
feedback.

Step 3: Create Learning Agenda

[Case study of Ellen pp. 98-100]
Challenge is to become mindful of others and work on goals. Major threat to
effective goal setting is that we are already busy and cannot add anything else to
our lives—However, must say “no” to some current activities.
 Good idea to choose only a few key things to work on.

Step 4: Experimentation—and Practice, Practice, Practice

 After agenda is pointing you in right direction, you have to practice to get to
mastery of new habits. Must find ways to learn more from current or
ongoing experiences
 Most effective if practice is done is “safe environment” --Good coaching can
be very helpful here.

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Step 5: Don’t Try this Alone

 Need to involve others. Connection essential
 Relationships are essential part of environment and are key to sustaining
personal transformation. Relationships and groups give us sense of identity
and guide us as to what is appropriate and good behavior and give us good
feedback
 Relationships are mediators, moderators, interpreters, sources of feedback
and support. P. 104

Resonance within yourself= Resonance with Others

 Resonant leaders—manage strengths to leverage talent and energy to inspire
passion and create resonance.
Exercise 1: Taking a Fantasy Job—Imagine fantasy job—What patterns do you see
Exercise 2: My legacy—What would you have as your legacy in life
Exercise 3: Developing Personal vision: Choose a year in future (at least 5 years)
and imagine what you will be doing at this time. P. 109

Chapter Six: Mindfulness

 What is mindfulness?—capacity to be fully aware of all that experiences
inside the self body, mind, heart, spirit—and to pay full attention to what is
happening around us –people, the natural world, our surroundings and events.
 In defining mindfulness—use 2 traditions: cognitive psychology and Buddhist
philosophy. Ellen Langer uses word mindfulness to describe healthy state of
cognitive openness, curiosity, and awareness. Buddhist traditions—“moment
to moment awareness. “
 Mindfulness enables us to counter effects of Sacrifice Syndrome and is
first step in renewal.
 Means we are constantly and consciously in tune with ourselves. Catch
problems before they become serious.
 It takes effort to train oneself to be mindful—can use meditation, prayer,
listening to music, aerobic exercise. Need to spend time alone as well as
learning with others.
 Blend of ancient wisdom and common sense: deep understanding of ourselves
allows us to act in ways that are not only meaningful to us but inspiring to
others. P. 114
 Must wake up to inner experience and attend consciously to these insights.
 Must pay attention to newness and variety, notice what is relevant, and
adapt to constantly changing situations. No two situations are the same.
 Difficult to stay focused and attentive to your “inner voice” or the wider
environment when you have lost a contract or disappoint a client. P. 117. But
it is crucial to truly attend to the issue

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Resonant Leadership Notes

 Being open to learning, especially learning from failures requires courage,

and resilience.
 Mindfulness is antidote to shutting down (and creating dissonance) and also
necessary condition for resonance.
 Difficult to be vulnerable and open self to new information and solutions.
Some leaders shut down to protect from vulnerability.
 Important to have people around you to support you with shared values.
 Need more information when vulnerable. Need to stay calm.
 Following tenets important:
o Build trust through clarity and consistency
o Make sure you never profess beliefs when people are watching, only
to act differently when temperature rises and pressure is on.
o Know that you will feel uncomfortable, even vulnerable in the midst of
real change because the rules aren’t clear
 Mindfulness starts with self-awareness.

Understanding your environment and the People around you.

 For a leader every conversation is an important opportunity to gather
information about people, groups, and cultures while building relationships
and resonance. Noting subtle patterns in people’s behavior is very important.
 Important to attend to all people in group, not just loudest and most
powerful. Note the conversations, how people interact, and subtle signs
within group.
 To succeed one must scan the environment
 Subtle emotional and physiological responses are important source of data.
We need to pay attention to infinitesimal changes in facial expression and
body language.
 Paul Ekman formerly of UC San Francisco concludes that if we attend
carefully to others we effectively minimize distortion. We see their
feelings more clearly without imposing our own filters.
 Leaders who read their world this way can more easily avoid uninformed, bad
decisions. P. 123
 Outcomes of this kind are at once obvious and subtle because people know
that the leader will be hands-on who cares about experiences and day-to-day
reality of the business. This type of leader gets a quick sense of the
emotional reality of the organization.
 When one finds allies in unexpected places, a leader is more likely to avoid
cultural and relational landmines that exist in any organization.
 Mindfulness gives us an edge but we have to learn it; we are not born with it
and we can lose it to become mindless if we don’t pay attention. P. 125

Slipping into Mindlessness

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Resonant Leadership Notes

 Several ways we slip into mindlessness.

o 1—pressures of job are such that sometimes it is easy to get tunnel
vision—we over-focus on some things to the exclusion of others.
o 2. Many find ourselves on path of “should dos” rather than attending
to our deepest held beliefs and desires.
o 3. Leaders are vulnerable and facing huge business risks daily, many
people choose coping strategies that cause them to shut down.

Tunnel Vision and Multitasking: Gift or Curse?

 Many execs feel that multitasking is badge of honor—skip vacations,
constantly attached by phone, etc.
 However, research has shown that the ability to stay intensely focused
declines over time. When we train ourselves to narrow our attention and
sustain focus for protracted periods, we are training our minds NOT to
notice what is going on around us.
 When focused too narrowly, people have little tolerance (or mental space)
for unrelated thoughts. We ignore extraneous data. Therefore, we miss a
great deal. Miss new opportunities or subtle signs
 Unexamined, intensive focus can cause problems and can lead to
mindlessness. Our brains try to order and make sense of things when we live
in a more complex, more chaotic world.
 Patterns of analysis, when they become routinized and habitual, can be
unrelated to real information.
 Then we begin to see what we are looking for, and nothing more.
 Mindful attention helps us make better judgments about what is truth, what
is perception, and what is somewhere in between.
 If we devote greater mindshare to one aspect of our life or work, we may
leave less room available for others. May miss creative solution, new way of
doing things. P. 131

When Shoulds Lead to Compromise

 When we are caught up in the “shoulds” of our role, and the notion of a lock-
step type of the path to leadership, we begin to lose touch with ourselves
and our understanding of what truly matters. We don’t attend to ourselves
or live authentically. People hang on to outdated roles and expectations
instead of changing.

Fragile Self-Esteem and Imposter Syndrome

 Some successful people use the common defense of taking a key strength,
such as, self-confidence—and use it as a shield. P. 134 They become brittle

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Resonant Leadership Notes

and self-protective which takes a lot of energy and depletes one’s reserves.
P. 135
 When you encounter people who seem to need to prove their worth
constantly, we begin to suspect they might be quite insecure and
overwhelmed. P. 135
 It is often that those who seem most self-confident are the people who are
actually the most fragile. P. 135 They are constantly protecting, being
fearful of being found to be inadequate.
 Fragile high self-esteem can be byproduct of success. People who excel at
school and work get tremendous amount of feedback—maybe more than they
deserve.
 The more mindful one is, the less likely that one will let insecurity drive
them to bad behavior. But it requires connection to other people
 Shutting down is exactly opposite of what a mindful leader should do. P. 136

Defining your practice: Cultivating Mindfulness

 Mindfulness is practical application of self=awareness, self-management, and
social awareness; means developing emotional intelligence. P. 137
 What can we do to develop mindfulness? Combination of reflection,
practice, and supportive relationships.
o Reflection: Finding a way to systematically reflect, whether through
meditation, exercise, walking etc. Reflection important because
managing stress and power takes a lot of self-control. If you do not
have time for yourself, to reflect, to find peace, you will become lost.
P. 138
o Need to find time to stay calm and centered so that this create
resonance with others. Need to practice reflection
o Authentic relationships can also provoke mindfulness—Authentic
connection to loved ones and friends provides us with safety and an
accurate reflection of how others see us and we see them. Need to
pay attention to other people and world around you. Very difficult (if
not impossible) to do by yourself. Must check things out with others.
 However, don’t turn mindfulness into the end goal. No one wants to hear of the
continuous personal journey. Mindfulness is not self-centeredness

Look, Listen and Ask

Exercises to practice mindfulness:
Exercise 1: name that Feeling: Stop 3 times a day for a week and concentrate on
how you are feeling.

Exercise 2: attempt to surface your own almost unconscious “sense making” about
others’ thoughts and feelings.

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Resonant Leadership Notes

 Select 2 or 3 people you see regularly. Note their facial expressions, tone
of voice, etc but don’t analyze.
 Watch carefully for a week
 One or twice a day jot notes about what you have seen.

Exercise 3: Check it out: Begin to test your assumption in casual conversation. Ask
a question such as “How do you feel right now about that?” Check their answers
with your interpretation. P. 146

Chapter Seven: Hope

 Case study of Mrs. Zikhali’s vision to create a school, p. 147-150
 Overall positive emotional tone crafted by resonant leaders is characterized
by sense of hope.
What is this thing called hope?
 Physiologically, hope has been show to leader to other positive emotions,
more positive thoughts, superior coping abilities, and less depression.
Positive emotions impact our openness and cognitive flexibility, problem-
solving abilities, empathy, willingness to seek variety and persistence.
 Hope is an emotional state accompanied by clear thoughts about what the
future can e and how to get there. P. 152
 Leaders who demonstrate power of hope every day have 3 key lessons:
o Leader needs to have dreams and aspirations but be in touch with
those people around him/her
o Leader needs to be optimistic and believe in ability to make change
o Must see desired future as realistic and feasible. P. 152
o
Effect of Having a Dream: Positive and Negative Emotional Attractors
 Negative emotions have negative effect on the body and psychological
impacts. Likewise, positive emotions have constructive effect on
neurological functioning, psychological well=being, physical health, and
personal relationships. Therefore, hope is good for us.
 Hope acts as a magnet for other positive emotions and affects our
perceptions.
 Cynicism and resentment focus energies on things that are wrong. Need to
focus on positives, not negative. For example, instead of focusing on losing
weight, which is negative, focus on a healthy body.
 Focus on negative is common in organizations. To make changes in personal
and organizational behavior, need to start with positive emotional attractor
to mobilize energy in positive fashion.
 Not everything will be positive all the time but if management focuses on
positive direction, the organization can maintain a positive focus.

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Resonant Leadership Notes

Dr. Ghannoum and his Dream

[Case study pp 157-160]
Even Bad News can Spark a Dream
 Under tough times some leaders leave the “soft stuff” but it is necessary to
spark resonance even in tough times. People need to be excited about being
a part of going the right direction.
Dreams at the Collective Level: When “Vision” Isn’t
 A personal vision important as a guide. However, it is important to build
images of a collective dream. You cannot inspire others about a vision if you
yourself cannot articulate it. P. 164.

Believing the Dream: a Primer on Optimism and Efficacy

 After inspiring hope, the next step is to believe in your dream. Optimism is
a way of looking at life. There are leadership actions associated with
optimism, that seek opportunities and eliminating obstacle. Thee actions are
key to emotional intelligence.

I Think I Can
 Link between hope and ability to achieve desired outcome? Self-efficacy,
the belief that we can do, impact, and control is one of most important
predictors of what people will actually do and how successful they will be in
accomplishing their goals.
 Self-efficacy important addition to hope. Also, resonant leaders develop
collective efficacy.
 Spiritual practices contribute to renewal and resonance p. 168

Can Hope Hurt?

 Real hope cannot hurt. Those leaders, who create the illusion of hope, are
not resonant leaders. They are manipulative and seeking personal gain, not
the gain for the group

Seeing the Dream as Feasible

 Physical presence of calm and positive leader during a crisis is reassuring.
 Often difficult to inspire hope once crisis is over—people often experience a
“crash. What they are looking for is a sense of camaraderie. If the leader
knows this, s/he can use vision and hope to drive them forward.

Exercise 1: My Hopes and Dreams

1. Think about your ideal life 15 years from now and write about it
Exercise 2: What I want to do at some point in the future
 Number a paper 1-27. List all the things you want to do

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Resonant Leadership Notes

Exercise 3: What would I do if?

 What would you do if you inherited a large sum of money
Exercise 4: Themes: Look for patterns and themes

Chapter 8: Compassion
 Leaders who are resonant have resonant relationships and are in touch with
the people around them.

Compassion Defined: Empathy in Action

 Compassion is empathy and caring in action. Enables us to connect with
people, to deal with power stress and sacrifices inherent in leadership. P. 178
 Has 3 components:
o Understanding and empathy for others’ experiences and feelings
o Caring for others
o Willingness to act on those feelings of care and empathy. P. 179
 True compassion does not expect reciprocity or equal exchange. Means
giving endlessly
 Not same as feeling sorry for someone. Compassion is empathy in action.
Acts of compassion lead to other acts of compassion. “Pay if forward.”

Compassion in Action
Study of Morgan Lewis Bockius, pp. 181-184
Business Case for Compassion
o Compassion helps body recover from power stress. It’s also good for
business because it decreases stress levels and improves leaders’ overall
effectiveness.
o 2nd if a culture is not based on understanding, it usually backfires. Negative
techniques or strategies to drive favorable performance results rarely
engage leaders or people around them if not based on compassion and hope.
o Compassion sustains one’s effectiveness as leader, manage, or professional,
will be restorative, mentally, emotionally, and physiologically, leading to
positive emotions.

Cultivating Compassion: Starts with Listening

o Deep listening can lead to mutual understanding, manifestation of compassion
and more effective leadership
o One way leaders can grow a culture of compassion is by personal example. It
creates a focus for people’s attention on caring for, helping, and coaching
others.
o Leaders’ ability to foster compassionate behavior throughout their
organizations directly affects bottom-line performance during difficult
times. P. 190

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Resonant Leadership Notes

o [Case study—Rudy Giuliani, p. 191]

o Compassion can spark renewal through coaching which is one of fastest
professions in world. Good coaches provide guidance, support, and counseling
on many issues.
o Benefits are for both the coach and the coached.
o Leaders who are coached regularly they experience regular renewal and stem
effects of Sacrifice Syndrome.
o Coaching is NOT trying to force subordinates to fit into organization’s
culture or serve the needs of the company.
o Coaching helps others in their “intentional change” process. P. 194
o Coaching also makes leaders more open to others and to information around
them.
o To be a good coach, one must have appropriate boundaries. Good coaching is
not collusion—when coach takes on subordinate’s issues and tries to solve
them.
o To be a good coach one must also be aware of patterns to make sense of
what may appear to be random information.
Exercise 1: Who Helped Me?
Write down names of people who helped you and ho and what you learned
Then think of people you have tried to help, manage, or coach over last two years.
What did they do?
Reflect on both and how it affected you.

Exercise 2: Compassion Practice: Imagine Someone Else’s Day—Pick someone you

work with or live close to. Imagine them in their day. What is important? Who do
they care about? What are their hopes? Stressors
What did you notice from this exercise?

Chapter 9: “Be the Change you wish to See in the world” (Mahatma Gandhi)
o People who think they can be truly great leaders without personal
transformation are fooling themselves.” P. 201
o Personal transformation is not easy. Honesty with you breeds vulnerability.
o The job of being a leader itself actually creates many of the obstacles to
becoming a great leader.” P. 202 We can easily get lost, giving of one’s self
too much. Great leadership comes as a result of hard work and a bit of luck.
It requires discovering our own noble purpose, living it every day, and being
fully aware of ourselves and other people as people. P. 202
o Resonant leaders live their values and truly care about people. P. 202
o Are you a resonant leader:
o Am I inspirational and
o Do I create an overall positive emotional tone that is characterized
by hope? And

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Resonant Leadership Notes

o Am I in touch with others? Do I know what is in other’s hearts and

minds? Do I experience and demonstrate compassion? And
o Am I mindful—authentic and in tune with myself others, and the
environment?
o It all starts with you. P. 204

Appendix A: Power Stress, Sacrifice Syndrome, and Renewal Cycle

Demands of leadership trigger pattern of power stress and sacrifice syndrome. In

resonant leaders this destructive combination is transformed by engaging certain
specific experiences—such as mindfulness, hope, and compassion, that result in
renewal. In essence leaders are able to sustain resonance through managing the
Cycle of Sacrifice and Renewal

o Leaders can create their own stress. Can create power stress but can also
exercise control.
o Leadership requires regular exercise of self-control
o Chronic stress arouses sympathetic nervous system—fight of flight
response causing physiological symptoms such as heightened blood press
This chronic stress leads to physical symptoms Therefore, very important
that leaders seek renewal. P. 210
o Cycle of renewal—Can come from many sources, hope, compassion, and
meditation lead to mindfulness that will counter the effect of chronic
stress.
o
Appendix B: Additional Exercise
o Following are some additional exercises:
Exercise 1: Insight into you Operating Philosophy
Exercise 2: Responding to a Wake-up Call: Where can I open to my vulnerability
Exercise 3: Morning Mindfulness Check In (a 20-minute exercise)
Exercise 4: Holistic Balance Exercise
Exercise 5: Identifying Defensive Routines
Exercise 6: Watching the Dance (Observing Relationships_

[My Appendix: Generations at School: Building an Age-Friendly Learning Community

by Suzette Lovely and Austin G. Buffum.

Training Template: Table 5.3 Meeting the Needs of a Mixed Crowd

Participant Class Setting Style of Substance Worries &

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Resonant Leadership Notes

Presenter Aversions
Veteran Traditional Unemotional & Large print Being called on
classroom logical materials and not
Stress free Credible Reader’s knowing
Opportunity to experiences Digest facts answer
practice skills Older, more and summaries Stories that
privately mature Actual are too
Adequate Coaches in examples personal
breaks tactful was Minimal Overly
techno-bells technical
and whistles information
Coddling
younger
participants
Rudeness
Boomer Organized for Recognizes Easy to scan Looking foolish
group them for what Well organized in front of
interaction they already Icebreakers; others (role
Chance to know teambuilding play)
network Comes across exercises Content that
Open-ended as a friendly Case studies doesn’t apply
discussions equal (never to current
Participation in call them assignment
setting the ma’am or sir All the work
agenda Uses personal piling up back
examples at school or
office
Generation x Structured so Gets right to Bulleted to Reteaching
they can work the point highlight key them what
at their own Informal and points they already
pace fun loving Headlines and know
Distance Earns their lists Beating a topic
learning and respect Role-play to death
independent Doesn’t hover (unfazed about Using
study Gives lots of looking clumsy) overheads
On-the-job feedback Boredom
and just as
needed
training
Millennial Versatile Positive and Retooling what Moving too
Combines upbeat they know to slowly
teamwork with Makes adapt to Lecturing

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Resonant Leadership Notes

technology purpose, workplace Out-of-date

Ability to get process, and changes technology
up and move payoffs clear Music, art, and Implying they
around room Listens; games can’t do
when tasks are validates ideas Ideas for something
finished Recognizes life dealing with Criticism
long learning parents

Lovely, S & Buffum, A (2007) Generations at School: Building an Age-Friendly

Learning Community. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.

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