The Way Out of Alcoholism by Jack Boland

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By Jack Boland
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I drink to your health when Iǯm with you
I drink to your health when Iǯm alone
I drank to your health so very much
That I had no health of my own
My name is Jack Boland and Iǯm an alcoholic, Iǯm also a minister. I just said a no-no. I
saw it disturb a couple of people when I said I am an alcoholic. We know that when
we speak the word of a thing it becomes an established thing. And therefore we do
not wish to be identified by speaking the word of anything that we do not wish to be
a part of our life. Therefore, how can you reconcile the concept of Jack Boland, the
minister saying, ǲI am an alcoholicǳ. Well this evening I hope to be able to put our
minds at ease because there really is no conflict here when properly understood.
Well, we are going to try to harmonize two ideas in which there really are no basic
differences. Then weǯll talk about how to recognize the practicing alcoholic, how to
identify the symptoms of the dis-ease. The disease of alcoholism and show its
progressive stages and tell what to do with and for the practicing alcoholic. We will
go into the process of recovery and regeneration. How and why. What to do. And
when to do it.
Alcoholism is here to stay, its on the human scene, it exists. As a matter of fact, in
this eveningǯs edition of the Kansa City Star, there is a full page, three stories about
alcoholism. I dare say that many newspapers around this nation this evening, or
yesterday evening, or tomorrow, the same focus will be given to this problem that
is probably our nations number one health problem. The AMA said a number of
years ago that alcoholism was the third major health problem that we as a nation
were experiencing following heart and cancer. But, Iǯd dare say that alcoholism is
the number one (1) problem if we unearthed all of the alcoholics. I have attended
the funerals of many alcoholics, not one of whom was ever identified as an alcoholic,
nor was their death attributed to their alcoholism. and yet without this
identification it is still the third major health problem.
I was on one of the local television programs doing a ten-minute spot, midday,
following a news broadcast, I was talking about alcoholism, and in the news
broadcast the announcer was talking about the drug problem in our nation. The
announcer pointed out the alcoholism is the nations #1 drug problem. Did you know
that? It is not the hard drugs anymore, its alcohol, especially among young people.
Alcohol is the most abused of all of the drugs. And, it is a drug. You see we have not
yet declared it to be a drug and a dangerous drug. We think of it as the ǲsocial
lubricantǳ that innocuous thing that has so many exotic names in the cocktail
lounge, but can produce so many strange experiences in the lives of people. Turning
our backs isnǯt going to make alcoholism go away because we are rapidly producing
a whole new generation of alcoholic young men and young women. There is a
tendency for us to think of the alcoholic as the person who lives under the bridge.
That man or women who is so unseemly in their conduct, so embarrassing, so
beyond hope that we do not wish to be identified with them. Have you thought that
the alcoholic might be that young person who just graduated from high school, the
one who is awarded the recognition of his or her class that they might be the one to
be the most likely to succeed. You bet, that happened to me. I was the one most
likely to succeed and I believed it myself. I did not doubt it. I was quite certain that
if anyone there succeeded it would be me.
The alcoholic could be that sweet young six-year-old grandchild that you love so
dearly. And will be, someoneǯs grandchild! So we are talking about people, dear and
sweet, and precious people; beautiful expressions of God. That is whom we are
talking about. People who do not know what their experiencing. Most alcoholics do
not know what is happening to them. Nor does their family. Their physician is
almost always the last one to know. The alcoholic is really the last to know. There is
no such thing as an anonymous alcoholic. Only to ourselves, I was the last one to
know what was happening to me. I could not believe it, I thought, as a practicing
alcoholic, that I did this thing better than my friends. I did it longer and by that I
mean, I drank longer, I started earlier in the day and drank later in the evening. And
when the party was over I was still standing there wondering what happened to the
party. That group of killjoys that didnǯt know how to live, but I did. I did not see that
alcohol was the problem; I saw that it was my friend. I could not see the subtle
changes that were taking place in my life; the progression of the disease. The
deterioration, all the things that I had formerly said that I would not do were
happening so slowly to me that I could not see them. Then one day, with the
passage of time, I found myself in the city of my birth, really a small town of just
over one-hundred-thousand population then, living a skid-row existence. I, the one
who was most likely to succeed, and almost had it seemed. One of the symptoms of
alcoholism, I think, is that alcoholics keep falling up. They are the only people on the
face of the earth that can fall up. I kept falling up. Good things kept happening to me
and I kept getting the credit. I got the credit. I worked very hard. I was going to do
something with my life, something important, something beautiful. Something
beautiful, to me, was called earning money, lots of it and living a life of luxury or
near luxury. I had it all mapped out in my mind; I want go into too many details with
you this evening because this is not my story about my life. But. I do want you to
know that Iǯve been there! I, in that town of my birth, spent some period of time
living a skid row existence, slinking up and down the streets hoping against hope
that no one that knew me would see me. I was always bumping into someone I
knew, we would stopped and spoke to one another, and I would tell them some
fantastic story of what was happening to me in California. Offering that I had just
come in from California and was, immediately, going back to California. Then I
would cross the street and try to bum a quarter from someone else hoping to get
enough to buy another drink. Even then, I did not know that I was an alcoholic.
I spent long hours seated in the park, watching the squirrels and wishing that I could
be a squirrel. Now, youǯve got to be a ǲlittle nuttyǯ friends before you want to be a
squirrel. I really wanted to be a squirrel because they had it made. The sun came up
in the morning and they just came out, stretch out on a limb and relaxed; they had
no problems. They came crawling down the side of that tree and there were acorns
and peanuts that people had left.
Their life was not the way my life was, filled with anxiety, fear, apprehension, shame
(although I could admit that shame was there), remorse; so much remorse I could
not describe it to you, And a sense of guilt, unspoken, but a living hell, a living
torment. Obviously, my friends, the squirrels did not feel that way, they ran and
played. The boy squirrels chased the girl squirrels; I didnǯt see anything wrong with
that either. Where I was inside myself there was only hopelessness, not only for me,
there was hopelessness for you; you just didnǯt know it yet! That was alcoholism.
That was the world of my alcoholism.
Religion would probably have tried to help me on its terms and with its language
and with its understanding; which was neither my terms, my language, nor the
understanding that I needed. And so I was alone, there was no help. Not only was I
an alcoholic, I was an atheist. And, not only was I an atheist, I was a smart-aleck
atheist and that is the worst kind. Here I was unable to manage my own life, but I
new exactly how to manage yours and the world. If you would have asked me any
question, Iǯd have given you an answer. But. One night I ran into something that I
did not have the answer to. One of the symptoms of alcoholism is this; the alcoholic
cannot bear to look upon his or her condition or see whatǯs happening. And one of
the defenses that we employ is to select a person who is really an alcoholic, unlike
our self, and say, ǲIf I ever get as bad as ǲJoeǳ is, Iǯll quitǳ. Every alcoholic, every
practicing drunk has a ǲJoeǳ who is quite unlike himself because the patterns of the
alcoholic are as different as there are people. As there are alcoholics.
There was a certain person in the city of my birth that was an alcoholic. I knew Joe
was an alcoholic. Everyone knew that he was an alcoholic. I would carry Joe home.
Now in my drinking days, carry someone home meant to drive, but not when you
carried Joe home. Yes, you did drive him up to the front of his house, but you also
carried him home. I would carry Joe home and put him on the bed, take his shoes
off, and stop in the living room and talk to poor Jean who was sobbing and crying
because this was never going to happen again to Joe. For he had just promised Jean,
last Saturday night that he was never going to come home drunk again. I would feel
sorry for Jean and console her, Then, I would go right back down to the bar that I
had carried Joe out of and say, ǲIf I ever get as bad as Joe is, I will quit drinkingǳ.
This night, this Sunday night in the city of my birth I was bumming quarters at the
post office. The reason that I was bumming quarters at the post office was that
business was bad elsewhere. The post office was the last place I wanted to be
because this was the place that my friends, my former acquaintances, salesmen
would come on Sunday night to drop their expense reports. This night, business was
even bad at the post office. I was stumbling across the street. The hopelessness that
was in me had robbed me of the energy just to walk myself across the street and
around the corner, but, finally, after many minutes, I was able to do it. And here is
the grace of God in action in my life; I turned the corner, and there with four or five
other people emerging from a doorway, and I knew what the letters on that
doorway, AA, meant and there was Joe. My Joe, my ǲif I ever get as bad as Joe, Iǯll
quit drinkingǳ Joe. He was coming out of an AA meeting. I said to myself, ǲPoor Joe,
heǯs an alcoholicǳ. I felt so sorry for him. But I felt even more sorry for me. He came
across the street and we went around the corner to a bar and he bought me
something else to drink. But I could not get this off of my mind, about two weeks
later, I called him and asked if he would help me, except that I did not say it that
way. Like most alcoholics, asking for help was almost unbearable. I would have
rather died. And so I said to Joe, ǲJoe, there might be something wrong with meǳ. Can
you imagine that? There might be, there probably isnǯt, but there might be. Joe knew
what was wrong with me and so did the world. He said where are you? I told him
and he came. That was my introduction into the spiritual life that is called Alcoholics
Anonymous. And AA was able to help me because it is a spiritual system with a
specialized approach to a specific need and I had a great need. It spoke the language.
It permitted me to come into the program under its umbrella even though I was an
atheist. And then some beautiful things began to happen to me. Incidentally, today,
in our society, there are many sources of help for the practicing alcoholic. Our
Federal government, most local governments have rehabilitation programs, there
are other rehabilitation programs, and you can look into the yellow pages of the
telephone book where you live and you will find there some specialized source of
help. You can also get in touch with the National Council on Alcoholism, it has
chapters in most areas of the country. Almost ever family has a member of the
family or friend who has recovered or is in the process of recovering from their
alcoholism. If you have an alcoholic problem in you family, get in touch with such a
person and they will be helpful in directing your alcoholic into a recovery program,
but, by all means, call on a specialist. Because this field of recovery requires
specialized help from people who understand: usually through their own
experience. But, if not through their own experience, certainly through the
specialized educational processes that are available today. But help is available.
The Program of Alcoholics Anonymous is recognized as that program that has been
the most helpful to recovering alcoholics that our society and the world has ever
known. Incidentally, I forget to give you the figure for the number of alcoholics that
who probably exist in our country today; no less than ten-million, quite possibly as
many as twenty-million alcoholics. A rather large segment of our society! Last week,
one of the ministers was telling me that he had recently become aware of how many
members of his congregation were members of Alcoholics Anonymous. And he went
down the membership roll and that from those he knew were members of AA, he
further deduced that about twenty percent of his congregation are members of
Alcoholics Anonymous. He said, ǲThere may be more than thatǳ. He went on to say,
ǲIt is a strange thing, I as a minister have not been able to help one of those people
into their sobriety. He further surmised, ǲI think I help them greatly after they have
recovered, but not while they are in the process of recoveryǳ.
Now, Alcoholics Anonymous is an unorganized spiritually oriented group of over a

million people who are suffering from an incurable disease. A disease, that should
they not recover, brings death or confinement in an institution of some kind is their
probable destiny. Here you have more than a million happy people who are using a
system of thought, a system of ideas and they are recovering dramatically. Miracles
are happening in their lives and invariably the idea is the AA is a spiritual system.
And, that what is happening in their lives is not ǲfromǳ them, but from a power
greater than themselves; a source of energy, strength, wisdom, and guidance.
Let me tell where Alcoholics Anonymous came from. Now, this is not a talk designed
to promote A.A. per se; we are talking about some ideas and I want to come full
circle with those ideas. In 1910, a Presbyterian minister, Frank Buckman, was on
missionary taking the message of Christ to the heathens of China. As a minister he
was not doing very well, he was homesick for his beloved England, he longed for his
support system, he became discouraged, transportation available to him was
terrible bordering on nonexistent, and he became more the recluse. The more
discouraged he became the weaker his mental, emotional, physical and spiritual
health. With his dislike for China came more worry, apprehension, and dysentery.
Finally, he cried out for help. As a result he had a remarkable experience, he had a
spiritual experience likened to Saul of Tarsis. In this experience his mind was
changed. There was a great displacement of concepts. So many of the things that he
had believed firmly to be true all of his life were pushed aside. HE was given a
system, he saw the truth and felt the presence of the living God who spoke to him
inside himself with ideas and feelings. He went back to his native England,
whereupon he gave up his ministry as he had been practicing it and for a period of
several years he began to try to teach this system which was based on the Six Tenets
of The Oxford Movement that you have in the folder that I gave you.
Now one of the people that became a student was an Episcopal Priest in America by
the name of Samuel Shoemaker. As the result of the system that Buckman taught
Shoemaker, he also had a spiritual experience. Sam was a young priest who talked a
great deal about God, but had had no experience with God, However, as the result of
this system, he had a conscious contact, an experience, that changed his life.
About 1921, Buckman was lecturing at Oxford University to a group of young

students and his ideas seemed to catch fire and swept around the world. Within a
very short period of time there were several hundred thousand members of The
Oxford Movement. You have heard of it, if not, certainly your parents and
grandparents heard of The Oxford Movement. It ideal was that if you were a dis-
eased or dis-stressed person; you might be able to establish your conscious contact
with God. For, most people who think, ǲThey are doing very well, thank you,
everything is alright with meǳ! These people do not have much of a chance seeking
or experiencing this conscious contact because they Ǯwill notǯ be changed. They want
to find God within the framework of their concepts, of their ideas and, yet, God
cannot be contained within these concepts or ideas. For it is only in the
surrendering, and frequently the surrendering that comes from great distress,
anxiety, or worry that can be utilized in a very positive way by those who are willing
to be changed at depth themselves. You see, one of our great problems in life is that
we want God to fix the world around us, but leave me alone. Produce the miracle in
my life that will keep me from worrying God, but do not do anything with the
mechanism of worry. You get the point, donǯt you?
There were remarkable things that happened in The Oxford Movement in Americaǯ
The occurrences were located mostly in small cells or groups within the Episcopal
Church and Sam Shoemaker was the leader in America of The Oxford Movement.
People were healed of all kinds of diseases, just like in the days of the New
Testament & Old Testament. They believed in the laying on of hands and that the
Holy Spirit could do fantastic things in the life of a person who would admit their
own personal powerlessness and would come to believe that the power of the Holy
Spirit could descend upon them and heal them because they believed. And because
they were willing to admit their defect and their shortcomings. It happened. And it
happened and it happened and it happened and it happened and it happened
around the world. Even drunks were fixed and they are the worst kind to fix. If you
can fix an alcoholic my friends you can fix anything.
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Now, one of the ideas of The Oxford Movement was that if you had a healing or a
recovery or an experience wherein a solution came to you. In order for you to keep
it, you had to take no credit for it because if you began to take personal credit you
would loose it. In other words, the ego had to remain dead. The next requirement
was to find someone who had a similar problem and carry the message of your
recovery to them. In other words, one was required to go out two-by-two, so the
drunks went out and got a drunk, the people that had been healed of cancer went
out and found someone else who had that problem, and they brought people back
and they two were healed in the most dramatic way.
However, in the 1930ǯs The Oxford Movement began to fall upon hard times due to
politics within the framework of the movement. People within the organization
started vying for power and more than that Mr. Buckman himself, by his own
admission, made the mistake of preaching against the church. He said, ǲThe church
doesnǯt have it, we doǳ. Now, it just happened that they were using the churchǯs
meetinghouse to conduct their meetings. They began to be against something rather
than for something and immediately they lost their power.
Here were the poor drunks who said, ǲWell, they can quit if they want to, these other
people, but we canǯt because we need the maintenance. We have a disease called
alcoholism and we need to continue this process of recovery. We must stay in this
consciousness stream of spiritual thought and power. We must maintain our
conscious contact and in order to do that we must be closely knit and drawn
together in the spirit of harmony that has healed us in the first place. With that
awareness they became frightened as the movement fell apart. But, God is good. The
alcoholics in the Oxford Movement had discovered Emmitt Fox in New York. The
Sermon on the Mount, by Emmitt Fox, became ǲBig Bookǳ of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Members of the program, when they found a new alcoholic would say, ǲHere, read
this book and ǲitǳ will fix you. Come to the meetings.ǳ
This program that we call ǲAlcoholics Anonymousǳ is merely an extension of ǲThe

Oxford Movementǳ that came out of a spiritual experience of Frank Buckman while
in China. It was based on the idea that the healing process is a very natural one; that
the activity of spirit in the lives of people is to be expected and desired, but that one
must fill the conditions for that healing. The conditions must always be fulfilled and
is that not what prayer is? The process of changing oneǯs own mind! Prayer is not
calling upon God to fix something. Prayer is the process of getting your own mind
reordered; knowing and feeling the truth inside yourself. Being raised up so that,
like Jesus, we can say; I have fulfilled the law. I have made the proper spiritual
connections inside myself. And, it works! It really works and has continued to work
in the lives of a lot of people.
You see, the Creator has our ultimate good in mind, but strangely enough, has a very
difficult time trying to get us to cooperate with that ǲGoodǳ. As a matter of fact, God
has a difficult time trying to get our attention at all. And frequently, that which gets
our attention is not so much our desire to experience God, but our desire to stop
experiencing some unpleasantness that exists. How many times in your life when
you were feeling just absolutely great, and marvelous and things were going well
did you fall down on your knees and really thank God? Itǯs usually when its the other
way that the heart reaches out and speaks Ȃ and becomes sincere Ȃ and is turned in
the direction within oneself towards spirit.
This idea of recovery called the Tao goes way back into antiquity. Tao means ǲthe
wayǳ. The way out. It has come to man many times throughout the history of the
race and in many forms. ï is what we refer to here as ǲThe Twelve Stepsǳ. The
system, a system, that system has come to us n several forms, but the Holy Spirit is
always bringing to the race, at special times, ï ; it is really the way out of
our human condition and into our spiritual condition. You see, man is a spiritual
being who has fallen away from the awareness of his true identity. He, man,
believes many things about himself therefore that are not true. In our human
condition we see ourselves as limited beings. And if we think of ourselves as limited,
we see our fellow man as even more limited than we are.
Most of what we believe about ourselves is completely untrue or, at best, only
partially true. That is true of you and me; even at this very moment. If we could
know the truth about ourselves, the real truth, a fantastic thing would begin to
happen to us. What you think come to pass. Now, you may not know that you are
thinking it, but it comes to pass anyhow. You may be thinking it in a part of yourself
that you have turned away from and, as such, do not see or feel. But, it is coming to
pass.
The image that we have created of ourselves as an individual is coming to pass. Now
we may not be admitting that that image exists, but it does.
And so man, that means you and me, cannot escape our role as creator. It does not
matter that we think in error; the universe must respond to our thoughts, to our
impressions that send into it. Every moment of our existence we are using the
creative mechanism of the universe. What we think about ourselves will and is
materializing. And the only thing in Godǯs Universe that can change it is you-for-you,
me-for-me, and the two-of-us and the more-of-us working together to stop believing
the things about ourselves that are not true and to begin to believe the things about
ourselves that are true. Changing from the one to the other.
Now I had told you earlier that was going to try to harmonize a certain concept; the
concept of ǲHow can you say I am an alcoholicǳ? ǲLessons in Truthǳ by Emily Cady is
a basic textbook and I will call your attention to the chapter on personality and
individuality. And let me read to you from page 72: the words personality and
individuality present distinct meanings to the trained mind, but by the untrained
mind they are often used interchangeably and apart from their real meanings.
Personality applies to the human part of you. The person, the external, and I will add
another word here, the false personality that part of us that is concocted by us; not
created by God. It belongs to the region governed by the intellect. Your personality
may be agreeable or disagreeable to others. When you say that you dislike anyone
you mean that you dislike his or her personality, that exterior something that
presents itself from the outside; it is the outer changeable man. It is what the word
soul, small s-o-u-l really means. The soul of you is not the part created by you, your
soul or your personality are your identity convictions. Your identity convictions -
remembered and unremembered, it is all the things that you and I have said we
were throughout all the days of this life and perhaps life experiences that preceded
this. We have accumulated these identity convictions, they are there, functioning.
Now individuality is the term used to denote the real man. Oh, you mean there is
another self here? Another person in us? Yes. The more God comes into visibility
through a person the more individualized he becomes. By this I do not mean that
oneǯs individuality is greater when one is more religious. Remember God is wisdom,
intelligence, love, and power. The more pronounced the manner in which any one of
these qualities, or all of them, comes forth into visibility through a person the
greater his individuality.
John the Baptist, represents the illumined intellect; the highest development of
human consciousness. We may think of him as standing for personality at its
highest, the highest development of personality, the personality that can say, ǲWell. I
am not really the individuality, I am not really identified with my individuality yet.
There is one that comes after me. There is another identity. There is another
consciousness. There is within me another self that is coming and I know it, I can see
it, I recognize it, I bow before it, I am not worthy to tie his shoestring. He is the giant
self. I must decrease so that he might increase.
There is a side of us that at its very highest can do nothing. Wow! Now u

represents the highest intellect that can admit that the Christ exists and can
begin to follow Him. But prior to that time the personality, the intellectual identity
wants to be very spiritual. It does not admit that it cannot be spiritual; it can never
be spiritual because it is not of spirit. It is a concocted arrangement of thought forms
and ideas, most of which are negative in nature. The personality can never ever have
a spiritual experience. There is only one thing that you can do with personality and
that is to diminish it, to decrease it, to deny it. Now, immediately someone is going
to say, but if I do that I will loose my identity, oh no you want; you will actually begin
to gain it. Because it is in our individuality that we find our real universal self.
Jesus said about John the Baptist, ǲJohn was a real nice guy, that isnǯt exactly what he
said, but thatǯs what he meant. He said, ǲJohnǯs alright. At the human level, heǯs the
greatest. You canǯt get any nicer than John. His intentions are excellent. Heǯs really
very bright, John is, but he doesnǯt know very much and he hardly understands
anything, but thereǯs one thing that John does understand and that is that he is not
the one. He understands that he must work to develop his spiritual nature.
Just before I stepped to the lectern tonight someone gave me a copied brochure
from a conference that was attended by many great minds. It was held at the
University of Utah School on Alcoholism and Other Drug Dependencies and one of
the presenting Doctors was Howard J. Clinebell. And to that group of gathered
experts he offered this statement; ǲDisease is the lack of growthǳ. Disease is the lack
of growth and to that statement I agree. Personality cannot really grow. It is only the
individuality that can grow except that it cannot grow because it is already perfect,
it is already fully formed. It is the part of us that never changes. But we must put it
on. Paul said put on that mind that was in Christ Jesus. Put on that identity that is
already in you. Put it on. Now in order to put it on, you have to put off the one that is
not likened to it. And here is the process now of the John side of us beginning to
admit that it is not I, but the Father who dwells within me who does His works. Of
myself I can do no thing. Fantastic! But there is a self within me that can do all
things. Oneǯs individuality is that part of one that never ever changes its identity. It
is the God Self. And the God Self of you has never ever been an alcoholic, it has never
been an addict, it has never been anything except what it is pure and perfect and
kind and whole. It is the whole-self of you. Always has been, always will be. And it is
the only part of us that can say, ǲI amǳ.
Now, the process of recovery from anything is always the admission of the condition
that exists. If I am going to leave something I must know what I am leaving and what
I am moving towards. As a matter of fact I have my plane ticket from Detroit. They
would not sell me the ticket until I told them where I was going. They simply would
not! I said I wanted to buy a ticket and they said where to? And I had to tell them,
the guy just stood there and looked at me until I told him where I was going. Now he
already knew where I was departing from, because he was standing there. If you are
going to go anywhere you need to know where you are starting. We do not want to
admit where we are. Yet, we have to see clearly where we are. Not so that we are
identified with where we are, but so that we can get a ticket out of that place.
The protocol son, who was the worldǯs greatest drunk until that time. Look what he
did. He took half of what his father had and went out and spent it on riotous living
and wild women. And ended up, guess where he ended up, a Jewish boy. Tending
pigs! Eating what they left. He didnǯt even get to eat with them. Read it. Now, if you
donǯt think that is hitting bottom friends you tell me what is. And one day right in
that pigpen, right in the middle of that pigpen, he came to himself. Himself. He came
to his real self. His real self awakened and said look what I have done to me. I did it.
And I can admit it. I am no longer worthy. He did not say that I am worthy. My name
is ǲI amǳ and Iǯve done nothing wrong; I am the perfect son. He didnǯt say that. He
probably said my name is ǲWhatever it wasǳ and I am an alcoholic. I have done these
things and I will arise and go to my father. Now this does not mean a journey in time
and space. This is a journey in consciousness. This is one who can admit what has
been happening to them by their own hand, by the misdeeds of their own
unawareness. They did not know it was happening until this moment. He went out
to succeed, to have fun, to enjoy himself; did you not? I did! You think I intended to
end up in that park in the city of my birth wanting to be a squirrel? Not me friends.
The one day I came to myself, as an atheist, I said I will arise and go to my father,
that really happened to me after I was dry. After I could do it. And immediately, his
father came out to meet him, this is the law of recovery. When we can admit where
we are and not ask God to come and fix the condition, but to repair us. Heal me.
Change me. Iǯm not worthy of it. This personality side of myself will never be worthy
of it. Never can it be.
And what did the father say, this is a principal, this is a universal law. It has
happened to you a thousand times and you may not have recognized it, but it is
happening to you at this very moment. The father saw him a long way off. The
father-mother God, I think it was the mother side of God that saw him a long way off.
Love, feeling, joyousness came out to meet him and put its arms around him and
comforted him and did not blame him. It was the boy that said I am not worthy. I am
no longer worthy to be called your son. And the perfect parent, the Father-Mother
God said, ǲShh! And turned to the servants, the universal powers, and said, ǲQuickly,
bring sandals for his feet. He has been walking down a long and rocky road; his feet
are cut, he is tired. Bring a robe, put it on him, and clothe him. That robe symbolizes
every thing that he needs, everything upon this earth that he needs. And here, put a
ring on his finger, the symbol of eternal life. The symbol of his spiritual identity.
Restore to his consciousness an awareness of is individuality, of his oneness, of his
right to be here. He is not a servant, but a child. Go and kill a fatted calf, let us eat and
drink. No alcohol for this one, but coffee! Letǯs have a party, thatǯs what God said.
Letǯs have fun because life is fun and recovery is fun. Recovering from what ever
your problem is, is fun. But, you can not recover from your problem if you cannot
admit it. If you are so spiritual friends that you canǯt have a problem, I feel sorry for
you because you canǯt recover. Did you know that being upon this earth in this
human form is the greatest of all diseases! Being in our human condition is what we
are recovering from. Moving into our Spiritual or Christ Consciousness is the
destination. That is what the ticket is for. Whatever it takes to bring us to our senses,
whatever is your dis-ease or dis-stress that can bring you to that point of admission
and of desire and of movement, and momentum again. Because the spiritual life is a
process that requires great movement and motion that must come from feeling, but
a renewed feeling; not the feeling of dead emotions, but the feeling of wanting to
return to life. The excitement! And strangely enough the people who have been the
most diseased can regenerate that feeling of the joy of life. The excitement of life, life
begins to mean something to them again, right here in their gut; right where they
live and feel. And you do not have to have a major problem to cause this to happen
to you, but if it hasnǯt happened to you, let it begin to happen to you this evening
while you are here. Get the feeling for life and the excitement about the possibility
that you too might rise up into that experience of a conscious contact with God.
Itǯs the personality of us that is dis-eased. That is an alcoholic. Or, whatever the
problem is. And so when I came into Alcoholics Anonymous and came into my sanity
there was some conflict. And then I realized that words are merely symbols, are they
not? A word has no meaning or power except the meaning that you assign to it. In
our language we take certain sounds, words, or symbols and assign meanings that
we all agree upon. We agree that a certain word means a certain thing. And even
though we agree there are variations in our understanding of what each word
means.
Now, when I say to you that I am an alcoholic. I am saying to you that my recovery is
the most important thing in my life. That God is good, alive, and well and I am
moving toward Him. I am not identifying with a problem, but with a solution. And in
that process of identification with a spiritual solution I can say to another protocol
like myself; come and join me in the solution. Letǯs leave the problem behind. Letǯs
move forward into this larger experience.
You see, the destination in Alcoholics Anonymous is not sobriety; itǯs sanity,
spiritual sanity. Spiritual sanity. Sobriety is not the goal of AA, did you think it was?
No, not physical sobriety. A spiritual experience! The end result of those Twelve
Steps is to have a spiritual experience from which the most amazing things can and
do take place. So, if I can admit that my personality has no power, then Iǯm following
in the footsteps of Jesus Christ who admitted the same thing and taught that we
have a side that must be decreased so that another side can be increased. And the
side that is increased is the side of us that is real and permanent. And knows God.
And is the Child of God. And was created in the image and likeness of God. And never
ever had a flaw.
And so when we are dealing with an alcoholic we do not judge by appearances, but
this does not mean that we turn away and say that there is no alcoholism. Not
judging by appearances does not mean that you do not love, or see, or recognize
whatǯs happening to personality and do not take an action there. But even as you
take that action, and weǯll talk about some actions that need to be taken in our
lecture tomorrow night, even as you do practice tough love; you see beyond the
appearances and behold the ǲChrist, that perfect oneǳ of this blessed person.
So it is!
c

The movement that we experience in the world outside ourselves is always the
result of movement that takes place inside ourselves. In the Sanskrit of language so
old that it hasnǯt been used in a few thousand years, the oldest recorded words are:
ǲIf you would change your world, it really says the world, first change yourself.ǳ
Huh! Isnǯt that fantastic! That is the last thing that I thought needed changing. I
knew some people that needed changing. I had a list: I had never actually written it
down. But, I knew who they were.
There was a time in my active alcoholism when I attended my funeral regularly.

Now you have probably never been to yours, but Iǯve been to mine. And, I didnǯt
mean to tell this, itǯs just sneaking out. But, Iǯm going to let it sneak out. I had made
my transition and I was in the most beautiful casket that youǯve ever seen. There
just has never been one like it. And it was up in the forepart of this beautiful room
and I stood in the back where I could observe the casket and the people in the room.
The flowers, well, you never saw so many beautiful flowers. Gorgeous flowers! You
can understand that canǯt you, they were for me. And there was a long line of people
that came in somewhere to my right. I could not see the entranceway, but the people
were streaming slowly through this doorway and down the side of the room. And
there I was in the casket, now I never approached it to look at me, but I knew that I
was there. THEY had put me there. You do understand that donǯt you. And as they
filed slowly by, speaking, crying, sobbing, with tears streaming down their cheeks,
they would say such things as: ǲPoor Jack, if only I had understood him he wouldnǯt
be hereǳ. And my comment from the other part of the room, it was strange how I
could hear everything they were saying My comment was, Thatǯs right, you son-of-a
gun. Now that isnǯt exactly what I said. And then the next one filed past making their
comment and I responded with mine, and then the next and the scenario was
repeated as each paid their respects. ǲTheyǳ had done it, somehow the total of
responsibility for this experience and transition that had been mine had added up to
about 500 percent their responsibility. I did not see the person, Jack Boland,
standing in my place. I did not see that I had done it. This is one of the symptoms of
my alcoholism. Not only could I no see what was happening to me, but I had to
believe that my experience was coming to me from the outside. Were my intentions
not perfect? Of course they were. And so I blamed and I judged. I did not know nor
understand. This was my alcoholic insanity, I did not know that excessive drinking
was but one of the symptoms of alcoholism; it is not the total disease. There is an
inner change or condition that happens in the mind. My dis-ease had become my
experience. But, in some measure is that not the experience of many people living
upon the earth. We talked about this idea, this concept, of the personality being the
lesser or defective part of us. It is that part of us, it is that self of us that we have
been seeking to escape, to escape into the larger self. All through history mankind
has felt intuitively that there is a way out. If only we could find it!
You recall the old fairy tales where the story is told again and again. Aladdin had a
wonderful lamp. Have you not in your fantasy wished that you had Aladdinǯs lamp?
Remember that he rubbed it and received the things he wanted. And that fairy tale
was actually ǲHigher Intelligenceǳ speaking to you and me and telling us that we
have Alladinǯs lamp inside ourselves, itǯs the creative word. Our experiences come
from the words we speak; from the ǲI amǳ.
Cinderella was in the kitchen, she was miserable and unhappy; she was so much like
so many Cinderellas that I know trying to escape the kitchen. Something happened.
A pumpkin turned into a carriage and a pair of white rats turned into a team of
horses and so on. But there most have been a change in Cinderellas consciousness
first donǯt you imagine. Something happened first inside Cinderella before that can
take place and do you know that I know some real life Cinderellas. I do! I know some
Cinderrella stories that would make that story look like a fairy tale.
Always, Men and women have felt intuitively that there is a way out. That it is not
necessary to be angry, and mean, and resentful, and bitter, and critical, and judging
as I was. I knew that there must be a better way, but I had not been able to find it. I
knew that it was not necessary that man should fight and grab for prosperity and
food. And that his days should not be as dark and as hard as mine were becoming.
And what I life worth if life is to be a constant struggle? And you know that I take
such joy in your joy. You that are here. Growing, changing, excited. And one reason
why that I take such joy is that I have been on the other side of that joy myself; and I
know that there are many people out there that need us. There are many people this
evening, in the world, that need you. And they need your joy, but they need you as
the link that can reach out into life and touch them where they are. Not blaming or
judging them. Nor failing to recognize their need. They need us to come with our
joy, not to join them in their misery, but to reach out and understand. And, my
friends, that is the greatest thing in the world; to be where you are, growing and
changing in your life. And to be the bridge that allows someone to walk across into
the spiritual life and into his or her fulfillment. So that, somehow, you have had a
small part in their Cinderella story.
If your own Cinderella story, if your own fairytale, is for you alone it will never be
good enough. Because whatever it is that you have achieved; you can not really
enjoy it or can you keep it permanently unless you have discovered the system of
giving it away. Your life must have meaning to other lives because you are a spiritual
being filled with power and glory. And great magnetism. And attraction. And when
you are lifted up you should draw al the people who need you unto yourself.
Weǯve known that God means for all life to be noble, creative and joyous You are a
divine being in your individuality. I dare say that youǯve not always acted that way.
And, Iǯll dare say that there is someone here today that has not acted that was all
day. Was I right; well of course I was. And you do not need to be embarrassed about
it because if I can catch myself being what I am not; then at that moment I can
correct it. But if I play a little game that I am not that way I am powerless to change
it. Before you change your state of consciousness nothing else can change. Nothing
can change until you change. And this change is not really creating a new
personality; thatǯs just moving the furniture around in the room.
The change that we are talking about is putting on your individuality; that perfect
spiritual nature that has always been there. Sometimes lying dormant. Remember
the story wherein Jesus was crossing over to the other side, he was talking to the
crowd, and got into the boat with his disciples and went over to the other side. What
is the other side? Thatǯs the promised land. And thatǯs the new experience. And a
storm came up. Anytime that you start to move into the new good; anytime you
make a decision to move forward into something that is new and exciting; it might
be new job, a new marriage and you are so excited about it. You are crossing over to
the other side. And I promise you that in a little while a storm will come up; it wonǯt
be outside either. The sun may be shining brightly. The storm will come up in you.
All kinds of negative emotions will begin to surge and the waves will just about sink
your boat. And the winds will blow and strange ideas will come into your mind. The
knowing of this might not be so pleasant, but it is the known. And there is a
tendency to fall back into it. And then a beautiful thing happens. That which appears
to be negative; that storm that arose is what awakens us. It awakens this
individuality so that it can take charge, it can go to the front of the boat and say, ǲBe
still to the negativityǳ. Awh, it is beautiful.
But suppose we say that we werenǯt really asleep. Suppose we play this pretending
game. You see we have to begin to observe ourselves and see ourselves and to see
this present duality that is in us. This human side of ourselves that is competing
with the spiritual or ǲChristǳ side of us. And life is a process. And your life is the
perfect laboratory for you to discover yourself. To discover that part of you that
needs to be buried. Iǯm so glad that I attended my own funeral. There are some
things tha t I hope never get resurrected. Iǯve buried them because Iǯve seen them
and I did not like them. And you would not have liked them either.
Your state of consciousness is your soul state. And your soul is not a constant state.
Thatǯs soul. Thatǯs not like your spirit or your individuality. Itǯs the conditioned state
of your subconscious mind. And this conditioned or programmed level is sometimes
referred to as conscience. Have you ever heard someone say let your conscience be
your kind. Donǯt you dare let your conscience be your guide. Because your
conscience is that programmed part of yourself and a great deal of what is there is
either wrong or, at best, only partially right. And it cannot guide us. Your conscience
cannot guide you anywhere except into the ditch on the right-hand side of road or
maybe on the left.
We want to turn our lives over to the care of a power greater than ourselves. Donǯt
we? Of course we do!
Divine Intelligence, Divine Order, that Infinite Presence that is within each one of us.
Available, if we can but turn to it. If we can awaken. So often, it takes a dilemma.
Now, I am not at all trying to indicate that you go out and create a crisis so that you
can awaken. There are some people that are not happy unless they are miserable.
And they continue to create misery so that they can feel good. Donǯt do that! Thatǯs
not the way. But, if in your living experience; if in your moment-to-moment
experience, if you feel some dis-ease; check it out and you will find that it will help
you to become aware, to awaken and to make a corrective movement or adjustment
in your life or in your thinking in that particular moment.
Now I said to you a moment ago that the way out lies in the spoken word. In the
Bible, the word ǲwordǳ means any definitely formulated thought. Not just the
drifting thought that floats through your mind. Not just those thoughts that come to
you and sail through your mind that frequently are not your thoughts at all. You may
be picking them up from the person seated across from you in the room. It is
possible for us to impinge our consciousness, our thoughts on other people. We do
it often.
Your thought is important, what you are really thinking down inside yourself is very
important. You see ǲthe wordǳ is creative and it doesnǯt have to be the spoken word.
The most creative of all words is ǲI Amǳ. Whenever you say ǲI Amǳ you are calling
upon the universe to do something for you and it will do it. It must respond to that
which you say ǲI Amǳ to. And if you say ǲI Amǳ tired, or sick, or poor, or fed-up, or
disappointed, or hurt you will get an equivalent response.
A person who says I am lonely may never say the words ǲIǯm lonelyǳ; they just feel
lonely. And that is their ǲI Amǳ. And the universe responds by creating conditions in
which they can continue to be lonely. The universe says you love to be lonely. Okay,
we will keep it fixed so that you will be lonely. Oh, did you hear that you lonely
ones? And so the way out of that is to stop being lonely. But how can you stop being
lonely unless you can catch your loneliness acting itself out. You may never speak
the word, ǲI Am lonelyǳ, but youǯre a speaking it constantly because the word is the
vibration that you are sending into the universe every split second of your life. You,
at this moment, are sending out the word of you and imprinting itself on the
universe. And that word is a many faceted word, it is not just one word. You are
saying this is what I am. And the universe says, ǲVery well, I take you at your word!ǳ
And until you change your word, remember that you do not have to use the
grammatical form ǲI Amǳ because each time you associate yourself in thought with
anything, or think of yourself as having anything; you are using a form of ǲI Amǳ. The
verb ǲto haveǳ and the to have is part of the verb ǲto beǳ. In the very ancient
languages there is no verb ǲto haveǳ. This is a modern improvement. I have means I
am, because you always have what you are. All that you can have in life is what you
are; is what you are. And, you always do what you are. You keep doing what you are.
What you believe yourself to be what you are; thatǯs what you do.
Its fantastic, amazing, its beautiful. And when you change your word, your vibration,
your soul-state, and frequently people to not verbalize their soul-state, they just live
it. But it must be seen to be changed.
And then the process of changing that, remember when Jesus said, ǲLet your word
be Yea, Yea or Nay Nay.ǳ There are some things that I want to say Yes, Yes to and
some things I want to say No, No to. Some of the things that I formally said yes to I
now say no to them. No, that is not for me! And one of the things that is not for me,
as you know because you have heard me say it, was giving up a dependency on
alcohol and all other chemicals.
Now, I have been speaking about the word and telling you how much it means to me
and how dynamic that word is; how powerful that word is. Our how our total
experience comes out of that word. How can I equate that and I going now back into
that little bucket of worms that I opened up last night by saying that I am an
alcoholic. How do I equate that? Well, when I say that or when most of the people I
know say that, they are saying, ǲI am a recovering person, I am a joyful person, I am
a sober person!ǳ That is merely a word symbol that stands for a many faceted
phrase that is completely and totally positive. It is an identification with a spiritual
life and with spiritual law.
Let me read to you from the book called ǲAlcoholics Anonymousǳ on page 83. ǲThe
spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it. As God's people we stand on our feet; we
don't crawl before anyone. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development,
we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new
freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on
it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far
down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit both
ourselves and others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will
lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip
away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of
economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations
which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could
not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being
fulfilled among us -- sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always
materialize if we work for themǥ. We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next
function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter.
It should continue for our lifetime.ǳ
Isnǯt that the way that you and I feel about it?
ǲContinue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop
up, we ask God at once to remove them. We discuss them with someone immediately
and make amends quickly if we have harmed anyoneǥ. What we really have is a daily
reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day
when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities.ǳ
Now, that is a well-defined spiritual program. I want to see somebody that is going
somewhere, someone that is in movement, someone that is excited. Someone that is
willing to grow, change and put off their little self, their little me and put on that
giant self that you and I have experienced in larger moments. So, how do you
program these new Ideas, these power concepts, these invisible patterns into your
mind? I said it to you; it is by the word that we speak; by what we believe. And word
means thought coupled with feeling. Thought, thinking in your head, a concept, an
idea, but that concept or idea is a seed sown on hard ground that Jesus talked about
until it is sown into the receptive feeling nature. Until feeling agrees, until feeling
becomes excited, until there is an excitement about the newness of your life an idea
has no power. And you think the idea and think the idea and think the idea. Nothing
happens. Let your feelings become receptive and responsive. Let your feelings take
the idea into yourself; the idea that I am a growing, dynamic, changing person. And
then it becomes the word. The positive word. This becomes oneǯs image of oneself, ǲI
Amǳ. My image of myself is my Iǯm-age (I-am-age). This is what I am and feel myself
to believe. And your outer experience will be nothing more or nothing less than this
programming of ideas. You know that the unconscious mind or, to use a more
concise term, subjective mind (because there is no unconscious mind for it is
subjective) must respond to your thoughts. Must respond to what you speak and
visualize, and feel into it. It is like a giant computer and whatever ideas we program
into remain forever or until they are programmed out. It can not say no. It is so
subjective to you that you can put an erroneous thought pattern into it and it cannot
reject it. It says that you are the lord of your own being. That you must know what
you are thinking and feeling. And the thoughts that you have thought and the
feelings that you have felt it accepts into itself and records them there, where they
remain. And others are added to them and they grow in power. They are alive. Just
as much alive today as the hour they were received into your subjective mind.
Because in that part of you there is no time, no space, no distance. Not only do they
shape your moods and your reactions to each person and event of today, but these
hidden concepts actually draw into your experience the kinds of persons and events
that will become your life tomorrow. It is the most fantastic thing; I moved to
California because I did not like my life in Virginia. Thatǯs reasonable isnǯt it? It was
all the way across the nation from one coast to the other. You canǯt get much more
space than that between you. And I was really excited about it because I knew things
were going to be different in California. I was a little upset with myself because I had
not come up with this idea any sooner than I did. That was my only problem; I
should have come up with this idea more quickly as bright as I was. Now, in
California an amazing thing happened to me. In spite of my great expectations. In a
period of time that was so short that it would have probably surprise you I had
reproduced with little effort I had recreated te experience that was equal to the one
I had had in Virginia. THe people even had the same shapes and said the same
things. And I thought how could this be? I came here (California) and there they are.
And I did the same things. In California, can you believe this, I was exactly the same
way as I had been in Virginia. I even lost my temper at the same things in California.
And I thought it was the things, but that is what I thought t was in Virginia. You see I
was drawing to me the equivalent of myself. Was I not? Constantly
Listen to the words of Bishop Sam Shumaker, the Episcopal priest that I told you
about last night, the former leader of the Oxford Movement in America. A man
around whom the movement of Alcoholics Anonymous literally grew up and
without him it might not have come into being. And Dr. Sam said; ǲHave you ever
been drastically dealt with by anyone? Have you ever dared to be drastic in love
with anyone? We are so official, so polite, so ready to accept ourselves and each
other at face value. I went for years before I ever met a man that dared get at my real
needs and create a situation in which I could be honest with him and hold me to a
specific commitment and decision. One can find kindness and even good advice, but
that is not all that men need. They need to be helped to face themselves as they reall
y are. The people in A.A. see themselves; theyǯve been forced to see themselves as
they are. I think many of us in the church see ourselves as we should like to appear
to others, not as we are before God. We need drastic personal dealing and challenge.
c

How many of us have ever taken a fearless moral inventory of ourselves and dared
make the depth of our need known to any other human being? This gets at the pride
which is the hindrance and sticking point for so many of us and which, for most of
us, has never even been recognized; let alone faced or dealt with. This is the thing
that has driven so many young people up the wall with their parents and with
others in organized religion. They would not look at themselves or examine
themselves and make the necessary adjustments or changes in themselves.
Therefore there was no growth.
You and I, as people dedicated to the spiritual life, have declared ourselves willing to
launch out on a new course of rigorous action in an effort to become a new kind of
being or person, to follow the Christ. To follow means to emulate; doesnǯt it? It does
not mean to bow down to, it means to emulate, to be like; to have the qualities of.
But are we willing to go to any lengths to establish our conscious contact with God
and thereby experience whatever it is that His loving creative presence and power
and intelligence has in store for us. Because all that the Father has is ours. And we
have only touched the hem of It and experienced the least part of it yet.
And here comes the real, first test in our lives. Because our lives are pretty easy until
we get to the point of where it becomes necessary, vital and crucial to begin to
examine ourselves. Unless we are willing to make a strenuous effort to face and be
rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us from moving forward.
Joshua said to Aken; ǲMy son, give glory to the God of Israel and make your
confession, tell me what you have done.ǳ
Aken replied; ǲI have sinned against the Lord, God of Israel. For I saw a beautiful
robe that was imported from Babylon and some silver worth two-hundred dollars
and a bar of gold worth five-hundred dollars. I wanted those things so much that I
took them and they are hidden in the ground beneath my tent. But the silver is
buried deeper than the rest.
Oh, Aken, I love you. You honest child.
And you know some of us have some things buried deeper than the rest. Some of the
things we havenǯt really buried at all, but down deep there are some things that have
to be uncovered, they have to be admitted because they block us.
The 32nd Psalm: ǲWhat happiness for those whose guilt has been forgiven. What joys
when sins (And you know what sin means Ȃ it means missing the mark, falling
short) are covered over. What relief for those who have confessed and God has
cleared their record. There was a time when I couldnǯt admit what a sinner I was,
but my dishonesty made me miserable and filled my days with frustration. And all
day and all night your hand was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water on
a sunny day until I finally admitted them to the Lord. And you forgave me.
Matthew the 3rd Chapter: ǲAnd when they confessed their sins he baptized themǳ.
James, the 5th Chapter: ǲAdmit your faults to one another and pray for each other so
that you may be healedǳ.
The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results.
Fantastic!
1st John: If we say that we have no sin we are only fooling ourselves into refusing to
accept the truth. But, if we confess our sins to Him, he can be depended upon to
forgive us and to cleanse us from every wrong.
Feels good, this is growth. This is not negative. This is watching, observing ourselves
moment by moment and catching ourselves in this process of living when the
smaller self tries to come forward and play its little games, and we catch it and we
turn to that Spiritual Power, in whose presence we always are and say did you see
that I did it again. And spirit says thatǯs okay, youǯre fixed.
Plato said, ǲThe unexamined life is not worth living.ǳ
And. Iǯll tell you that the unexamined life will be painfully lived. The person who has
lived it will not really know where they have come from or where theyǯre going.
They will not really know who they are. They will have little inner identity, however
is that not what we are seeking? Are we not going into the east, wherein the word
ǲeastǳ in the Bible refers to going into oneself and seeing what is there.
Well, life is so good. I have not talked much about alcoholism tonight.
, so with that said, it is time for me to talk about that very important subject. In this
room tonight is a beautiful, beautiful person who was in A.A. and dry for 9.5 years.
Her minister said, ǲDonǯt you dare believe that you are an alcoholic.ǳ In time she
dropped her association with Alcoholics Anonymous and her friends who went
there. After nine-and-half years, just three months ago, she got drunk; like really
drunk. Ended up in a drying out institution, while there she heard about the
schedule dates for this series of lectures that you are hearing. She called here and
found out the program was booked to capacity. Then Margaret heard about her
telephone call and called her back and informed her that a place would be reserved
for her. She has been at present for the series and, in our brief conversations, she
has begun to make her piece.
The lack of understanding that took this person out of the program of recovery is
something that I have been wanting to speak about. You would be amazed at the
number of people that have come up to me during this lecture series and stated that
they were alcoholics, or my husband is and has been dry for 17 years, 10 years, or 6
months. What a beautiful lifeǯs been had after finding this program of Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Many other people have approached, however, and stated that my son or daughter
is an alcoholic; what can I do for my son, my wife, my father? This problem or
condition exists somewhere up close, up tight in the life of almost every person that
you and I know. Almost every person here in this room; its not just limited to lay
people.
Last year, I was on a panel talking about outreach and I happened to mention that
some of the speaking that I do is to outside groups, Parents Without Partners,
Alcoholics Anonymous and I said, as a matter of fact, Iǯm a member of A.A. And after
the panel discussion was over, another panel member, a minister, came up to me
and stated, ǲGosh you were brave to to say thatǳ. I said, ǲNot at all, you just get a
crowd together and Iǯll say it if it serves a purposeǳ. And I was so delighted when he
said, ǲI got sober a number of years ago through Alcoholics Anonymous and I
recovered; then the spiritual life became so important to me that I wanted to
become a minister. After I joined A.A. and was sober, I joined the church and the
spiritual life was the way for me. I was ordained, but Iǯve been ashamed to say that
Iǯm an alcoholic. I did not know that the two could fit acceptably. Today, I realize
that I missed my true identification with the people I serve. I want to go back and
hopefully be the bridge for some people to connect to their recovery and into the
spiritual life that I have found.
Near the end of our conversation, a lovely lady walked over to us, excused herself
for interrupting, she asked me a quick question and turned and walked away. I
turned to my new friend and said, ǲYou know her quite well donǯt you; sheǯs in A.A.
And see that minister walking in the door? Heǯs in A.A.
About a year ago, my telephone rang, there was a mother on the other end talking.
She offered that I did not know her, but she had been coming to the church over the
past year attempting to listen while blending into the background. You do not know
me, but I know you. I need some help with my child, with my son. Can you help me? I
offered that I would try. She stated that he stays out late at night and appears to be
drinking excessively. He wrecked the car the other night, we could not find out
where the car was or damages incurred. He does not communicate with us anymore.
He will not work. And she had some other things to say. And I like to know who Iǯm
dealing with, so I said, ǲBy the way, how old is your son.ǳ And she said, ǲForty-threeǳ.
I said to her, ǲThatǯs what is wrong with your son! Heǯs still your little boy. He hasnǯt
been empowered to go out into his life and face his life. You are still there picking up
the pieces and putting his life back together whenever you canǳ.
About two years ago, a young man called and stated, ǲI understand that you can help
meǳ. I retorted, ǲGosh! I donǯt know whether I can or not. Tell me what your problem
isǳ. He said, ǲWell, Iǯve got lots of problems. First of all, I put my last coins in this
telephone to call you. Iǯm in a Chinese restaurant and I donǯt have enough money to
pay for my lunchǳ. He said, MY family has disowned me. My father has asked me to
never come home. My fiancé has given the ring back and she does not wish t see me
anymore. The manager has locked my apartment, so I can not get into my apartment
to get my clothes. The finance company is seeking my car to repossess it. The
Federal government has an indictment against me. Letǯs start with thatǳ. And I said,
ǲGosh, you really do have a problem, no wonder you called meǳ. He said, ǲThatǯs not
why I called you!ǳ And I said, ǲWhy then did you call me?ǳ He said, ǲI just opened my
fortune cookie and there was nothing in itǳ That young man is an alcoholic. And it
took everything that it took to get him to begin to see the devastation of his life. And
it was the opening of that fortune cookie that stopped him in his tracks. That is a
true story. Canǯt you just see someone who is already desperate and they are
opening their fortune cookie, hoping to read the solution for their life and there was
nothing there. And man, when there is nothing in your fortune cookie it is time to
ask for help.
I said come on over here. He said I canǯt. I said okay you stay where you are and Iǯll
come and get you. About a year after that encounter, I was privileged to perform his
wedding ceremony. It was not the girl who gave the ring back, but another girl who
was and is a living doll. And out in front of our church he drove up to his wedding
ceremony in a long, sleek foreign car. He not only found sobriety, he found the
ability to cope with life, he found himself, he found joy, he found his real identity, he
found his place in life, he made his spiritual connection to life. Got the picture? But,
he had to seize what was wrong, the excessive drinking, the unacceptable behavior,
and come to the realization that his life was an empty fortune cookie. One does not
need to be an alcoholic to have that experience, you could just be goofy. Their
different kinds of goofiness, you know! You select your own! But, if youǯve got it,
admit it! And do something about it. Call upon the power of the universe to help you
in your distress. And it will happen.
Alcoholism is a disease and it does have symptoms. Before a person can be helped
these symptoms must be identified and recognized. There are stages in the
progression of the disease of alcoholism.
The early Phase as outlined by the Jellinic System:

YÊ Pre-addictive or Pro-dromal Phase
pÊ Loss of memory Ȃ the alcoholic anesthesia that takes place Ȃ this is
not passing out, this is having memory black outs after relatively
moderate drinking. If there is anybody listening, if you hve ever had a
blackout, a period in which you drank and did not remember what
happened, but others reported that you appeared normal and rational
Ȃ let me assure you that you have taken a giant step forward in the
direction of an acute and chronic case of alcoholism, that hasnǯt
happened as yet Ȃ youǯve not reached the addictive stage, but you are
on your way without exception Ȃ this does not happen to the so-called
normal drinker Ȃ it is not know to happen to a normal drinker Ȃ this is
an indication of an abnormality in the mind or body of that particular
person leading
pÊ Sneaking drinks
pÊ Gulping drinks- I want to get this one, so I can another
pÊ Unwillingness to admit or discuss oneǯs drinking
pÊ Pre-drinking Ȃ Having one before the party, priming self to be ǲripeǳ,
social drinkers do not do this (I didnǯt know this until 29 years old)
pÊ Guilty feeling about drinking (doesnǯt mean you got drunk)
pÊ More frequent memory blackouts
pÊ Periods of abstinence because of guilt
pÊ Flashes of aggressiveness Ȃ alcohol speaking for you
pÊ Grandiose behavior patterns-begin to develop
pÊ Others begin to disapprove and question drinking patterns
pÊ Arguments begin around the subject of alcohol
pÊ Persistent remorse
If one continues or persists with their drinking, of which, most alcoholics do not
stop at this phase. Only occasionally does one stop. One needs to become perceptive,
admit and see what is happening.
Then the middle phase begins.

YÊ The Crucial Phase: the onset of addictive need
pÊ Drinking pattern changes
pÊ Other interests decline and become secondary: family, goals, sports.
pÊ Devaluation of personal relationships to people that were formally
good close friends. Their not good friends anymore. I wonder why I
ever thought that Joe was my friend. He doesnǯt understand. Seek out
ǲother friendsǳ who like to do what the alcoholic likes to do.
pÊ Geographical escape mechanism begins to take place-person begins to
dream, if only was somewhere else, like California or dead
pÊ Suicidal thoughts begin
pÊ Decrease in sexual drive
pÊ Protection of supply (trunk, toilet, basement, attic)
pÊ Marked self-pityt
pÊ Job changing
pÊ Stress increases Ȃ personal and familial
pÊ Unreasonable resentments
pÊ Alcoholic jealousy - Irrational jealousy
pÊ First hospitalization (first drying out or detoxification required)
Chronic Phase begins
pÊ Morning drinking
pÊ Ethical deterioration Ȃ stealing, ǲborrowingǳ (not left to the indigent)
pÊ Drinking with inferiors
pÊ Prolong binges
pÊ Impairment of thinking heightens
pÊ Loss of tolerance (now, only takes half as much to get drunk Ȃ
metabolize of alcohol compromised be disease)
pÊ Drinking
pÊ Indefinable fears
pÊ Vague desire for religion or God
What can you are I do to help such a individual. Be able to see, understand, admit,
and to know the process of addiction. And then, if possible, where possible begin to
set-up barriers. By barriers, I mean, confront or be able to confront; not to blame or
judge. I know if you are of an alcoholic family that it is so difficult not to blame or
judge. Alcoholism is hell, it not only hell for the person going through it, but the
people living with you suffer an equal amount, if not more. Another symptom of the
family succumbing to the dis-ease is that they will protect the alcoholic just like the
alcoholic has been protecting him or herself. You see the protection is really about
control about not admitting, this subsequent environment is about building walls so
highly protective so that no one dares say that Jack drinks too much
In almost twenty-five years I have not seen one alcoholic recovery until life said that
ǲyou are drinking too muchǳ. Life or spirit in the form of a spouse, employer, judge,
boss, friends, or a combination of these. It happened to me in the eyes and concerns
of some other people those moments of truth, which without them, I could not have
made it. And, there might be some alcoholic in your life that needs you to go to them
and say, I love you. I love you so much that there are some things that I must tell
you. Ȃ You are an alcoholic and I have know it for some time now. I have observed
you. Iǯve watched you. Iǯve loved you. Your alcoholism is no longer your own
diseased because it has become the disease of your family, friends and those who
love or care for you. Now, I must tell you and you can react in anyway that you want
to, but Iǯm going to tell you because I love you. Iǯm going to tell you what I see in
hopes that it will shock you so that I can help you to break through the defenses that
you mind has constructed.
This is love. This is love speaking. This is beholding the Christ in that person because
in back of that physical self is this beautiful, exquisite spirit that I behold in you, that
is your joy. But I also see, and we must see, that in the outer expression is this
person that is on a self-destruct path unable to help themselvesin the beginning, and
they need us. They need to truth. They need our love supporting them. You can tell
that alcoholic, if you make the decision to do something about your drinking Iǯll be
there with you every step of the way; all the help you need already exists and we
will find it. And it does exist. And with the power of God acting through your love
they will find it. There is no question in my mind that they will find it. And so it is!
c

There was a man who lived several hundreds of years ago. And has long since been
rated at as saint. And you or I are not going to let that cause us to be biased or to
scare us off of the fact that because he, like us, went through the emotional wringer.
Iǯm quite certain the he would have been surprised to discover that he had been
classified as a saint. I canǯt prove it, but I have suspected after a little research into
his life, that he was really a drunk. He sure acted goofy enough. His father didnǯt like
what he was doing; actually disowned him. Many strange things happened to him
along the way. And he was changed, dramatically changed as the result of a spiritual
experience, a conscious contact with God. Following that experience, he did not
seem to forget his roots, the cause of that change. He never lost the common touch.
You know him by his prayer:
ord, make me a channel of thy peace;
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
ord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;

to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.
Amen.
You know him. All those things that he sought to give to the world and to the people
around him were things that he had experienced. He came out of the darkness and
wished to carry that light. He came out of despair and wanted to bring hope.
Consequently, the darkness and despair of his life was the great strength of his life.
For to have turned away from that would have been fro his to turn away from the
opportunity to bring it back to the people who, by themselves, could not find it.
Thomas Carlyle wrote, 'The older I growȄand I now stand upon the brink of
eternityȄthe more comes back to me the first sentence in the Catechism which I
learned when a child, and the fuller and deeper its meaning becomes: "What is the
chief end of man? To glorify God, and to enjoy him forever."'
And Thomas Blake in ǮThe Searcherǯ wrote: I looked for my soul, But my soul I could
not see, I looked for my God, But my God eluded me, I looked for a friend, And then I
found all three.
The first time I looked for a friend; I did not have the ability to be a friend. I was not
looking for someone to be a friend to because I had not yet reached the point to
where friendship was within me, but I looked for a friend who could hold out their
hand and say; ǲHere am Iǳ. Someone that could help me to move forward into their
experience. And you know there are lots of Saint Francisǯ around; there are a lot of
saints around.
The best definition that I have ever heard of a saint is: ǲOne through whom the light
shines.ǳ But, if that light is only shining on your doorstep, if your illumination is only
for yourself; or if that light does not shine out on your brethren where they are and
enlighten their footsteps then your light has no brilliance.
It is our living experience upon this earth that causes us, many of us, most of us to
want to reach out and help others that have been or who still are where we were.
Life is good. You may recall that it was the fall of man in the garden when Eve, our
feeling nature, bit of that bitter fruit of good and evil. AS the result, life began
dividing into two sections, the part we call good, which I like, and the part we call
evil, which I donǯt like. All life is good. The best things that ever happened to me
were the worst. That does not mean that I wish to go back and repeat them. But, I
did learn from them, they shaped my life, they gave me direction. And they gave me
movement away from where I found myself. So, they were good. Today, I no longer
classify my life by those categories of good or bad; for it was all-good. It took
everything that it has taken to bring me here to this place and to tell you that my
name is Jack Boland and I am an alcoholic. The greatest thing that ever happened to
me was my alcoholism. Take that away from me and you take away my strength.
You bet! It shaped me, it was that experience that finally convinced me that of
myself I can do nothing. It was that experience that proved to me, no, more than
proved, produced for me as a living experience the presence of a power greater than
myself. In whom I did not believe until the experience occurred.
God was not an intellectual idea that I gargled around in my mind for a period of
time weighing and finally agreeing with. God became an experience for me as the
result of the experience that had preceded that experience. So, I call it good. All of it!
I rejoice and I have no shame.
Many of you, some of you, well, at least a few of you still are concerned because I say
that I am Jack Boland and I am an alcoholic. And they say, ǲWell, one day arenǯt going
to not be an alcoholic?ǳ And I say, ǲNo, Iǯm going to an alcoholic. Iǯm just going to
keep on being one!ǳ To me, that is a very positive statement; other, however, see it
as a very negative statement. So, we talk a little more as if they are looking for words
to change my experience.
Do you know what a Hosanna is? Iǯm reading to you from ǲThe Revealing Wordǳ by
Charles Filmore. - Hosannas--Represent the joyful obedience and homage that all
the thoughts in one's consciousness give when an error state of mind is overcome. -
And when I say to you, my name is Jack Boland and I am an alcoholic; that is a
Hosanna. It is my exclamation of praise. It is another way of saying Hallelujah. Now,
in my whole life I have never given out the glad shout, Hallelujah. If I did right now,
you might think that he is a little weird for saying Hallelujah. But when I make that
statement what I am really saying is that I am a person who has had a spiritual
experience that has separated me from an error state on mind in which I lived in
darkness and death for a long period of time. Now, I rejoice in power of presence of
God that brought me out of that experience and keeps me now in my right mind.
That is what I am saying when tell you that I am an alcoholic. You bet. I donǯt know
how to say anything more positive than that. There is no way for me to express
more gratitude than to say to you that I am an alcoholic. I am a miracle of the
recovery process. Then someone will query, ǲWell is it an incurable diseaseǳ? and Iǯll
say yes.
Yes, but Iǯve been delivered from the experiences of the disease. Delivered from the
desire to drink, the need to drink, everything that I ever sought in the partaking of
the drug. Remember that alcohol is a drug, and classified as a dangerous drug. I do
not need to be cured of the inability to take a dangerous drug into my body. All that I
need to be is delivered from the desire to use it and to be fulfilled with all the things
that I thought the drug was producing in my life. That is all! That is enough!
When I say that I am an alcoholic, Iǯm saying that Jehovah is my deliverer. I am Ȃ the
ǲI amǳ of each of us Ȃ is Godǯs name in man. And by use of ǲI amǳ we link ourselves
with outer seeming conditions or we make conscious union with the Father, with
Spirit, with abiding life, love, wisdom, peace, substance, strength and power. The
Kingdom of Heaven is within us. Blessed are those who deny ignorance and fear and
affirm the power and presence of the ǲI amǳ. That is what I am doing when I tell you
that I am an alcoholic. My use of the word alcoholic is not negative at all.
Helen Keller until the day of her death was deaf, speechless and sightless. Wasnǯt
she? She did not recover from those physical conditions, you did not expect her to,
you did not need for her to. You accepted her because she became one of the most
remarkable people that has ever lived upon the earth. She touched me, when I was a
child I marveled at what she was doing because she overcame, she rose above, she
found her larger identity as the result of overcoming the negativity of that other
experience. The moment that she stopped resenting her condition is when she
started experiencing her real self. That is what happens to those of us who are
recovering or are overcoming any condition that exists in our lives.
That so called weakness can become oneǯs strength. Having found strength, meaning
and purpose should I turn my back away and say, ǲThat never happened to me?ǳ Oh
no! Oh, no! It is not in that world that I wish to walk. All of us need to be healed
because we live in our human condition. That is what we are being healed from, did
you know that? You donǯt believe it? Let me ask you this. Be very careful when you
answer because you may deceive yourself. Do you want to be healed? Do you really
want to come alive? To really be alive. Now, I suggest that you sit down and think
about it, really think about it because there is not one of us who is fully alive yet. Not
one. No, not one who has fully explored, demonstrated and brought forth into
visibility the fullness of that power of aliveness that I behold vibrating in you and
feel in me right now . Your first reaction might be, ǲOf course I would like to come
alive, I would love to be healed, if there was anything wrong with me I would like to
be healed. If I needed fixing, but I donǯt need fixing. Why is it that some people have
to be at deathǯs door before they develop an intense desire for life? Why? For the
fullness of life and all the joys of life could bring and would bring if we would only
come alive. That is our problem, is our inability to really come alive. To be what we
already are.
Most people on this earth are working very hard at not living. They are developing
all the attitudes of thought and emotional responses to life that lead to a static state
of nothingness that they will not admit of or see when pointed out. Having created
this condition, they desperately hold onto the things that are killing their livingness.
They would rather have those things than to be healed. To be healed means to be
made whole. Iǯm still an alcoholic, but hopefully I am in the process of being made
whole. I donǯt have to drink to be made whole, do I? So, in that sense, I am healed. All
that I need is to return to that original spiritual condition to be restored to my right
mind. To be restored to my spiritual state. To be delivered from the greatest disease
that we have and that is our human condition. Yet, this is the part of us that we
defend the most. And, protect the most.
We will not find healing or solutions to our problems or joy or happiness or

livingness in our purely human condition. Your human condition is not where it is. It
is your spiritual condition. Anything that happens in your human condition that
makes you want to move into your spiritual condition, rejoice! Hosanna! Thank God!
We must get up out of that state of mind, but most people do not want to do this;
they want their healing or their solution to take place where the problem is and
while in the state of mind that has produced the problem. In that state of mind, there
is no solution that can be identified with the five senses. That intellectual sense
consciousness that looks to the outer or exterior for the stirring up of its solution or
healing.
Let me tell you a story about that idea. As a matter of fact Iǯll read it to you from the
5th chapter of the book of John; ǲNow there is in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate a pool, in
Hebrew called Bethzatha [Bethesda], which has five porticoes (or covered porches
[These five porticoes stand for the five senses, thatǯs the sense consciousness]). In
these lay a multitude of invalids, blind, lame, paralyzed. (Bible interpretation
referring to all of us who are living from our purely sense consciousness alone are
blind, lame, or paralyzed in some form. Weǯve got something wrong with us. And it
is coming out as an experience. And, weǯre stretched out prostrate)
One man was there, who had been ill for thirty-eight years. (In the Bible, the number
40 means the period of time necessary to complete a process. [I drank for forty
years. I was twenty-nine years old when I quit, but I drank for forty years. That was
the period of time necessary to complete a process; to get sick and tired of being sick
and tired. Thatǯs the forty years of the scriptures.] Now this guy had been stretched
out laying there in his condition for thirty-eight years meaning that he was almost
ready. Now you know what thirty-eight means in your own life, not thirty-eight
years of age; but youǯve been into it right up to your eyes and you can hardly stand
it, but youǯre not quite ready to turn loose of it yet because you still think you can fix
it Ȃ Thatǯs thirty-eight. You really know that you canǯt, but you got to try just one
more time. Now, this fellow had been stretched out there for thirty-eight years,
meaning his was almost ready.
Now, Jesus walked on to the scene, here were all of these people stretched out with
various diseases. You can imagine him walking around some, stepping over others,
while assessing the crowd, yet, and walking over to this one person. Why did He
ignore the others? When somebody is ready to be changed you know it. Until they
are ready to be changed you cannot fix them. Donǯt try to fix anybody that doesnǯt
want to be fixed! It will turn him/her off. Get your own first and then become a
living example so that ǲGeorgeǳ can look up and say, ǲWhatever happened to herǳ
And subsequently, they will want to follow in your footsteps. Ȃ Now, Jesus walked
up to this person because he knew he was almost ready to change. He still needed a
conscious shock, a confrontation, an intervention to his thinking. Remember our
conversation from the other night when we were talking about confronting that
person who wasnǯt ready to get sober or to find their solution, yet? And so here is
the confrontation.
When Jesus saw him and knew that he had been lying there a long time, he said to him,
"Do you want to be healed?"
The sick man answered him, "Sir (Now, canǯt you just hear the self-pity), I have no
man to put me into the pool when the water is troubled, and while I am going another
steps down before me." (Doesnǯt that sound like us? Poor me, no one to help me, Iǯm
all alone in this world. Iǯve tried so hard for so long! And there is no one to help me,
even God himself has turned his back! Ȃ You see he wanted his healing on his
conditions. His own way.
Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your pallet, and walk." The Living Bible says: "Rise,
take up your pallet, and go home quickly.ǳ Ȃ Rise! Rise up out of your condition. Rise
up out of your negativity. Get up off of that bed of concepts (Now you thought I was
going to say something else.). Get up off of yourself. Rise up into your spiritual
condition. Rise up into your right mind and go home.
And at once the man was healed, and he took up his pallet and walked: and on the
same day was the Sabbath.
The Jews therefore said unto him that was cured, It is the Sabbath day: it is not lawful
for thee to carry thy bed.
He answered them, He that made me whole, the same said unto me, Take up thy bed,
and walk. (He seems to be putting the blame on the ǲother guyǳ.)
Then asked they him, What man is that which said unto thee, Take up thy bed, and
walk?
And he that was healed wist not who it was: for Jesus had conveyed himself away, a
multitude being in that place.
Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made
whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee. (If heǯd been an alcoholic, he
would have said to him, ǲDonǯt take another drink or something worse will befall
you.ǳ He said your healed, but donǯt take another drink.
My name is Jack Boland and Iǯm not going to take another drink because I am an
alcoholic. That is consistent with the metaphysics that I interpret in the Bible.
Your living experience, your life upon this earth; every bit of it has great value. It can
be used and it must be used in your life. When Jesus said to the man at the gate, ǲGo
straight home.ǳ, you noticed that he didnǯt go quite straight home and home is not
the house in which he lived. Home is his spiritual identity, his Christ consciousness.
Home is that spiritual place within you where the Father, Mother God awaits. Home
is where the prodigal child returns. Did you know that you canǯt go straight home,
itǯs impossible, you canǯt walk straight to the door? And if you should get to the door
and then to your car, you canǯt drive straight to where you are going. Do you think
you do? Watch yourself. Watch yourself make a series of corrective maneuvers as
you go. You canǯt go straight anywhere.
Even light does no travel in a straight line. Einstein proved, in theory, that if he could
shine a laser beam straight out into the universe and stand there long enough, that
laser beam would come back around and hit him in the back of the head. Now, it
would take about five billion years, but it would happen. So, perhaps there truly are
no straight lines. Even light does not travel in a straight line. We get to where we
want to go by constantly correcting our course.
In Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, youǯve learned that man has a built in goal
seeking device. Your mind is a goal seeking device. Yes, that human mind that you
are constantly using. The word ǮCyberneticsǯ come from a Greek word meaning: the
steersman. Because our scientist were able to understand how the mind works, they
were able to create servo-mechanisms that automatically steer their way to either a
goal, target, or answer. These servo-mechanisms grope their way to the target, the
solution, or home. They do it by using positive and negative feedback. Negative, in
this case, does not mean negative in the sense we use negative. This relates to the
polarity of the universe, positive and negative. If we wish to do anything, to achieve
anything, to accomplish anything we must use both polarities to navigate our way.
This mechanism does not respond to positive feedback, for if it is heading straight
for its goal, the mechanism doesnǯt need to do anything, it is on target. The moment
that it moves off target it receives negative feedback which causes it to take
corrective measures to put it back on target for its goal. So, when it commits an
error, gets off course to far to the left or right, the mechanism automatically sends
corrective signals to send it back in the opposite direction. The mechanism
accomplishes its goal by moving forward, making errors and taking corrective
action from negative input. The mechanism zig-zags it way forward to the goal.
The errors are necessary to alter the direction that we are going. So it is with the
mind. It is through understanding of this system that we can implement a similar
mindset as a means to align our self more quickly with our own goals. Now suppose
that yu are one of those peopleEWWWWWW that never make mistakes. Wow, what
a problem that is if you never make mistakes. If you can never catch yourself
making a mistake. There is no negative feedback. I used have a saying, ǲI may not
always be right, but Iǯm never wrong.ǳ And that lead me into the ditch, let me tell
you. And it would be just as incorrect to say, ǲI am never wrong, I am always right.ǳ
In that case I would not be able to supply the mind with the negative feedback that it
needs for reaching the goal or home. I want to go home. I want to get there as
quickly as I can. I want to follow the shortest and easiest method. I can do this by
groping my way, by continuing to take an inventory, observing myself, and finding
my way there.
Suppose a person does make mistakes and these mistakes depress you terribly and
you canǯt bear to face these mistakes. That kind of thinking continues to produce its
negative feedback, but if the person will not examine that negative feedback it can
not help them get to where they wish to go. So negative feedback is a healthy,
positive, and goal producing mechanism that every human beings needs to function
accurately and successfully on this earth.
Santayana once wrote that those who failed to learn from history are doomed to
repeat it.
I, Jack Boland, would say he that has not made peace with his past is doomed to
repeat it. Remembering it is one thing, using it and then making your peace with it.
You see our past has a way of continuing on to become our future unless we correct
it. Unless we can correct ourselves by utilizing our past and our present
experiences. Your experiences are not by chance. The fact that you are here upon
this earth and events keep happening to you is marvelous and designed by the
Creator to be used in a very positive way. So when we call these things that happen
neither good nor bad, but utilize them to move forward to the goal that we seek.
Letting all events, all experiences to become an asset and letting nothing become a
liability. Then your past can become your monitor, your guide. You can use it.
Let me read to you from Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, ǲAll servo-

mechanisms, by their very nature contain ǲmemoriesǳ of past errors, failures,
painful and negative experiences. These negative experiences do not inhibit, but
contribute, to the learning process, as long as they are used properly as Ǯnegative
feedback data,ǯ and are seen as deviations from the positive goal which is desired.
However, as soon as the error has been recognized as such, and correction of course
made, it is equally important that the error be consciously forgotten (forgiven), and
the successful attempt remembered and ǲdwelt uponǳ.
It is important to dwell upin the successful attempt utilizing the negative attempt;
remember when Jesus said, Let your word be yea yea or nay nay. Our errors,
mistakes, failures and, sometimes, our humiliations were necessary steps in our
learning process. However, they were meant to be means to an end Ȃ and not an end
in themselves. When they have served their purpose, they should be forgotten. If we
consciously dwssssell upon the error, or consciously feel guilty about the error, and
keep berating ourselves because of it, then Ȃ unwittingly - the error or failure itself
becomes the Ǯgoalǯ which is consciously held in imagination and memory. The
unhappiest of mortals is that man who insists upon reliving the past, over and over
in imagination Ȃ continually criticizing himself for past mistakes Ȃ continually
condemning himself for past sins and continually experiencing the past experiences.
Fantastic!
We want to go home. Where is home? Itǯs a place where the answers are. Where the
joy is, where the peace is, where the beauty is, where the sense of the now is, where
the presence of God is, where your real identity is, where purpose and meaning flow
forth moment-by-moment-by-moment. That place exists within each one of us. In
the mind, the intelligence, the love, the power of the universe that has created this
place within us has given us a system of discovering or uncovering or experiencing
our conscious contact with ǲHomeǳ, with this Ǯhomeǯ that is within us. One of the
names that has been given this system has been TAO. It has come into life many
times throughout history; its had certain variations in itǯs form.
Tonight, you received, ǲThe Twelve Steps to a Spiritual Experienceǳ. It came from
the six tenets of the ǲOxford Movementǳ and this is a form of the ancient system of
TAO. The way Home, the way into your spiritual consciousness, your real identity,
the ǲI amǳ identity of each of us. I would like to go through these principles with
you. Instead of using the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, I will use ǮThe
Twelve Steps to a Spiritual Experienceǯ, they are the same steps, but Iǯve changed the
words slightly.
Step One: I admit that I am powerless to improve my life that I need help. Did that
sound like a negative statement? Let go of the little self and take hold of the big self. I
am reading to you now from ǲI AMǳ, not my will but thine be done. The little self of
me admits that it is powerless to do anything to improve my life and I need help.
THe peace that comes when one first makes that admission is a marvelous
experience in itself. If all that one had was the peace that comes, that would be
enough, but something always follows. Especially, if in that moment, I come Step
Two.
Step Two: I come to believe that available within me is a creative intelligence and
power that can completely change my life. It would be a negative statement if I
admitted that I was powerless and there was no power that could lift me out of my
condition or could heal me or restore me or do for me the things that need to be
done by me. Notice that each of these steps is a Ǯmind setǯ, a posture, an attitude, that
must consciously be arrived at before moving to the next step. I come to believe that
available within me is a creative intelligence and power that can completely change
my life.
Step Three: I make a decision to place myself completely under Godǯs direction and
guidance and become willing to be changed.
I become willing to be changed, not just to have my life changed, not to just have
the outer circumstances changed, not just to have Mary Sue or George changed,
not just to have them fixed, but me. I am the one that needs it and I become
willing to be changed; if nothing else happens, I am willing to be changed
Step Four: I get honest with myself as never before. I take a written inventory of my
mistaken judgments and negative emotional responses.
I get honest with myself as never before. So honest that I am willing to pick up
pen and paper and begin to write describing myself to me. Especially my
mistakes in judgments, those things, that Iǯve been trying to hide for years. I am
willing now to admit them and to see them. Why? Because I want the negative
feedback that come from them. And more than that I want these things to be
removed from me. I want to be healed, changed, and I Want to go Ǯhomeǯ. Now.
There is a fallacy about positive thinking. There is an old story about how to
clear up a bucket of muddy water. You let clear water drip, drip, drip into the
muddy water and eventually the muddy water in the bucket will be clear. The
clean water will replace it. Now that is a cute story and it is a true story as far as
it goes. The problem is that it does not go far enough. It is one of those half-
truths that cause so much trouble. The mind requires more than positive
thoughts dripping into it. The muddy water is a problem, of course, and the
fresh water is necessary. The real problem is the debris at the bottom of the
bucket. Suppose you had some old rusty nails and a few bricks in your bucket.
Every time you got clear water in your bucket it got muddy and rusty again
from the debris that was already there beneath the surface. There was
something there, but you could never ever quite get your bucket clear. All of
that water dripping in is not going to get rid of what is in the bottom of the
bucket. Running water or dripping water will not float a brick or rusty nail to
the surface. And positive thinking is no substitute for introspection. One must
see and become willing to have removed from within themselves those things
that are there.
Now, there is another fallacy about healing; the assumption that everyone who
needs to be healed, wants to be healed. Have you thought that; that everyone
who needed to be healed, wanted to be healed? Donǯt you believe it? A person
who is really in distress has actually made a very positive demonstration that
disease is something that their mind has willingly consented to. However, a
healing requires a changing of consciousness, changing of the mind. The
willingness to get the bricks out of the bucket. The willingness to let go of that
mindset that has been producing the problem. And this is not something that
just happens, this requires a searching and fearless inventory, the looking
within oneself, with the willingness to be changed, the willingness to be healed.
Step Five: I admit to God, to myself and to another human being exactly what I
have discovered to be wrong with me.
Oh, now that I found it out I cannot keep it to myself. No. I must go and admit
it to God, to myself; why to myself? It is possible to see many things about
oneǯs self and not really admit them. Not really bring them out. Not really see
the. Not really be shocked, but when we admit to another human being, when
we put it right out on the table, there is a movement in the mind that cannot
be described; you can only experience it. A freeing, a freedom, something
happens that otherwise does not happen. You do know where these steps
come from in essence, from the Surmon on the Mount in the book of James.
They were part of the Jesus Christ system of recovery, of experiencing a
miracle.
Step Six: I now become entirely ready to have God remove all my defects.
Step Seven: I humbly ask Him to change me at depth making me over into the
person I was created to be. Establishing within me my individuality, my
spiritual nature
Step Eight: I made a list of all persons whose lives I had harmed and become
willing to make amends to them all.
Become willing to make amends to them all. Notice that it does not
say, ǲI make a list of all the people who have harmed me and go to
them to get their apology. No! This process requires that we forgive
them, The first act that we do is to take all blame from all other
persons whoever they might be, Remember when Jesus said, ǲBefore
you pray if you have ought against another go to him Ȃ this does not
mean catch a plane to California. It means: go to him inside yourself,
close your eyes and go to him and you will find him there and you will
find you there giving him a hard time because of what he did. Inside,
go to that place where you have been wounded and hurt and release
that experience, release it and set yourself free. Set them free. Ȃ Set
them free! And then to free ourselves by going to them and saying, ǲI
did that, I did that thing and I am sorry, and I will make restitution,
and I will go to the people to whom I lied about you and I will tell
them what I did. Ȃ Now, if you donǯt think that is an ego reducer
friends, if you donǯt think the ǲlittle meǳ doesnǯt like that, try it
sometime. Ȃ Only the large self, only the Christ of you, the ǮI Amǳ of
you, can fulfill the conditions that are stated here. This is not negative,
this is the most positive series of statements that I know because only
the large part of us, the giant of us, the Christ of us, can do these
things.
Step Nine: I proceed to make direct amends to each of these persons

wherever possible, except when to do so would further injure them or
others.
Step Ten: I continue to observe my actions and my attitudes and when

I am wrong I promptly admit it.
Remember when Jesus said, ǲStop doing it unless a worse thing
befall youǳ. If we are in the process of making this correction
and then we can begin to observe ourselves in the moment that
we begin to fall back into the old way, our negative feedback
comes and we begin to steer again straight toward the course.
This is an exciting system of working with oneǯs mind.
Step Eleven: I seek through prayer and meditation to improve my
conscious contact with God, desiring only Godǯs direction in all things
and the understanding and strength to follow Godǯs will.
Step Twelve: Having awakened to the reality of the spiritual life as the
result of these steps I freely share what I have found and continue to
practice these principles in each new situation.
I continue to share what I have found, the experience that

comes, the joy that comes, the sanity that comes, the
excitement that comes, must be shared. You and I must find a
way to go out into life and find someone who needs what we
have and share it with them. The beauty of it is that you donǯt
have to go very far, as a matter of fact, the moment that you
become willing to share what you have as the result of this
movement of spirit inside yourself, you will draw to you the
people that you need, the people that you can help. The people
that become a part of this new link, this new chain, this larger
experience.
In the mTwelve Steps and Twelve Traditionsǯ published by
Alcoholics Anonymous Publishing Company, I read, ǮThere is a
direct linkage among self-examination, meditation and prayer,
taken separately these practices can bring much relief and
benefit, but when they are logically related and interwoven the
result is an unshakeable foundation for life. Now and then, we
may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality which is
Godǯs Kingdom. And we will be comforted and assured that our
own destiny in that realm will be secure for so long as we try,
however falteringly, to find and do the will of our own Creator.
As we have seen, self-searching is the means by which we bring
new action, vision and grace to bear upon the dark and
negative side of our natures. There is a step in the development
that kind of humility That makes it possible for us to receive
Godǯs help. Yet, it is only a step.
We will go farther. Life upon this earth is an exciting experience. That

experience can never be separated from the interaction of men and
women, of people in movement, in motion. People are changing from
something to something. Always, that something lies within us. Your
own heart, your own mind is in the flow of that movement to acquire
knowledge and information. Yes, but more than that, to become what
you know yourself to be; a living, breathing, moving, loving expression
of this glorious universe.
When you leave here in just a little while walk out through the rose
garden slowly and feel yourself, feel the glory, the majesty of that
larger self of you that is looking out through your eyes. As you look at
the sky, you can feel life loving that sky through you, you were created
to be a channel of its expression. Nothing that you have ever done
upon this earth or any other earth like it can separate you from the
experience that is yours. As a matter of fact, everything that you have
ever done can be used, not to be identified with, but to be separated
from. We do not identify with our past as we move away from it. We
do not identify with our lower nature as we move toward our higher
nature, itǯs a positive identification because when we are moving
towards our goal no correction is necessary. It is only when we move
away from it that correction is necessary and the more quickly I can
find the means that my mind will report instantly to me that I have
made a deviation in thought, in feeling, and in attitude. If I forget my
origins and my experience, I will have lost the most valuable tool.
If I forget my people and who are my people? Ȃ You are! Do you have
to be an alcoholic to be my people? No. Most of you are just as goofy,
in your own way, as any drunk I have ever seen in my life. I can
understand you and you can understand me, we can speak the same
language when we get honest with ourselves.
Does this mean that we talk about negative things Ȃ not one time this
week have I or have you gotten into the negativity of our past, we
have not discussed it at all. Yet, because of that we are so close that
sometimes I feel that we live inside the same skin. We are one.
And we are one because I am shock proof. I am so glad that I am an

alcoholic because you cannot shock me. Tell me what you did, this
thing that you cannot bare to reveal to the world, tell it to me! Iǯve
already done it or thought it! So what! This is a necessary part of our
experience.
We are in this world, but we are not of it. And man came into his sense
consciousness only to have the experience of rising out of it. The
glorious experience of working with his mind and with his God to be
lifted up to the higher part. As we walk upon this earth for the day, let
us enjoy it. You bet.
Let us know that we are people. There is nothing wrong with being
people. I like people and you are people.
Do not be so spiritually smug that people can not come to you when
they are suffering. Saint Francis was not. He remembered his roots. He
said, Oh God, take me to them and let me put my arms around them.
Last night here, at the meeting of A.A.ǯs and Alanon, we had the joyous
experience of being present when a woman discovered that her
husband admitted that her husband was an alcoholic, he had admitted
it somewhat and she resisted the idea. The joy of being able to admit
what the problem was so exciting. So freeing, because if I can admit
what the problem is, the solution is the next step I can move from it,
especially if there are people present who understand and can touch,
comfort and love. Not only do we understand the truth, but we
understand where people are and meet them where they are and love
them where they are.
To me, its not the truth you taught, to you so clear, to me so dim, but
when you came to me you brought an overwhelming sense of Him.
Do not come to me with your words if you do not come to me with you
love and understanding.
Do not come to me unless you have your arms around me
Peter Marshall wrote a poem that I dearly love, He wrote:

I know father that I must come to you just as I am,
But I also know that I dare not go away just as I came.
Often I have known failure, failure in the moral realm, failure in
ethics, failure in my attitudes, failure in my disposition.
I have confessed all of these defeats to you
And you have graciously forgiven me.
Yet, I know, God, that merely to forgive me will not suffice
For, unless I am changed, I shall do these same things again.
At last I know God that only You can correct that within me
which makes me do wrong
Where I am blind you must give me sight.
When I fail to heed your voice, you will have to do something
about my deafness, even where I deliberately choose to do
what I know is wrong, you will have to do something about my
will.
So God, I acknowledge my total dependence upon you. Make
me over into the person you want me to be, so that I may, yet,
find that destiny for which you did give me birth.
And for your help, and for the help of my wonderful friends
who are plenteous in their mercy, I give you my gratitude.
Hallelujah! Hosanna!
Iǯm an alcoholic. Praise God! Life is good! And so it is!

The Way Out of Alcoholism by Jack Boland

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The Way Out of Alcoholism by Jack Boland

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c

Now, Alcoholics Anonymous is an unorganized spiritually oriented group of over a

About 1921, Buckman was lecturing at Oxford University to a group of young

This program that we call ǲAlcoholics Anonymousǳ is merely an extension of ǲThe

There was a time in my active alcoholism when I attended my funeral regularly.

Oh, Aken, I love you. You honest child.

Plato said, ǲThe unexamined life is not worth living.ǳ

The early Phase as outlined by the Jellinic System:

Then the middle phase begins.

ord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;

We will not find healing or solutions to our problems or joy or happiness or

Let me read to you from Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, ǲAll servo-

Step Nine: I proceed to make direct amends to each of these persons

Step Ten: I continue to observe my actions and my attitudes and when

I continue to share what I have found, the experience that

We will go farther. Life upon this earth is an exciting experience. That

And we are one because I am shock proof. I am so glad that I am an

Do not come to me unless you have your arms around me

Peter Marshall wrote a poem that I dearly love, He wrote:

Iǯm an alcoholic. Praise God! Life is good! And so it is!

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The Way Out of Alcoholism by Jack Boland

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The Way Out of Alcoholism by Jack Boland

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c 

Now, Alcoholics Anonymous is an unorganized spiritually oriented group of over a

About 1921, Buckman was lecturing at Oxford University to a group of young

This program that we call ǲAlcoholics Anonymousǳ is merely an extension of ǲThe

There was a time in my active alcoholism when I attended my funeral regularly.

Oh, Aken, I love you. You honest child.

Plato said, ǲThe unexamined life is not worth living.ǳ

The early Phase as outlined by the Jellinic System:

Then the middle phase begins.

ord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;

We will not find healing or solutions to our problems or joy or happiness or

Let me read to you from Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, ǲAll servo-

Step Nine: I proceed to make direct amends to each of these persons

Step Ten: I continue to observe my actions and my attitudes and when

I continue to share what I have found, the experience that

We will go farther. Life upon this earth is an exciting experience. That

And we are one because I am shock proof. I am so glad that I am an

Do not come to me unless you have your arms around me

Peter Marshall wrote a poem that I dearly love, He wrote:

Iǯm an alcoholic. Praise God! Life is good! And so it is!

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c