v{ C)'lf.

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uI1aiJit.11ilJ1U; 0,~

DON AND
DEBRA MACLEOD

HIGH -PERfORMANCE QUICKIES TO JUMP -START ASTALLED SEX LIfE

 JEREMY P TA RCHERIPE~GUIN
Pub li,i-.<cl by ,h, P, nguin Grou p
I'<nl:"in Group (USA) In,-, 17l Hud"'n ,;<,,,.,. N<w Yo,J,. ~,w Yo, k 1001• .
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Toron 'o. On'"io M4 P In. Canoda (. di";''''n of I'=>on I'<nl:"in
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• I'<nguin 1",I",d, l ~ S, 5o.ph,n'. G",n. Du blin 2, 1",I",d (. divi ~on of
I'<ngnin Boob l , d ) • I'<ngnin Croup (A"""lia), 2~0 Camb<,-wdl Road.
Camb<<w<II. IT",o '" l 124. Au",.I.. (. d ivi, ion oH"',"n Aun ,..]i. Groop
r" l , d ) • I'<ngnin Boob Indi. Pvt Ltd, 1l Com mun ity C,n'", Pan<h>h<d
P"k, S<w Ddhi_11O 0 17, India • I'<nl:"in Group (NZ), 67 Apollo D, iv"
!loo«ki<. Nort h s l-.n",074~, Auckl",cl, ~<W 7.<.l.ncl (. cliv~",n of r..=n
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I'<n~ u in Book> Ltd, Rogi" ""d Of!K",
80 S,,,,,,J, wnclon ~"ClR ORL, En~a nd
Copy, ido' C 2007 by Don and Dd>,.. Maclrocl
All ,ight> ,. ",=! . No P-''' of ,hi, hook m.y b< "'proclu,«I, "'nn«l, m
di"ril."tod in any p ' int<d '" d""ron" fo, m wi'""n' f'<nn i"ion. Pb .. do no'
p;>rti<ip-'t< in m <nco u,,&< pi"")' of rop yrigh,«I nutorial, in viol"ion of ,1.. To An gela
. u, I-.n,' right>. Purrh= only ,u,ho,i=! «1i, ,,,",

Mo., T",!=ll'<ngnin hook>.", av<il.b i<., 'f'<,ial q<Un ti'y di""un" fo, b ulk Yo u were right----a shol of o il does stop the squeak.
p u,ch... fo, ..I" promotion" p", minm " fu nd _ "';~ n ~, and «1u",ional n=k
Sp«ial hoob 0' hook <><=pt. a],o can h< m at«! '0 fi, >p« ific no«!. . Fo'
cl«ail, . writ< I'<n~ uin Gronp (USA) In'- Sp«..1M"k<t,. 17l Hod"", St"",.
~,w Yo, k, ro;y 100 14

u h",v of Cong''''' Ca ..loging_in_Pu bli"''''n 0."

Mock",!, Don, d,,,,
wh< job. , a wom,n, ~ ui<l< '0
1:"''' main t..,.nc. ",,/ Don and [)d,,..
Maci<ocl
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ISBN,I _4l9l--4S ,ll-O
L Sn in<truction fo, worn.n. 1. Sn. I. M.drocl. Dd>", da",. II. ra,
HQ4 6.M IS6 z007 l007(1t)9S80
611.9'6-------<kll

&ok "'9'" ., A...""" D<wry

N, i,h" ,1-.0 pu bli,h" ""' ,h, .u,""" = en~ in =<I< , in~ prof=ional ad_
vri 0' "" vi<" to ,h, ind ivKhul ",<1<,. The Kk... , procodm<>. and_ion,
<ontain«! in ,hi, bool..'" no' in t<ncl<cl ... ,"ho,i,u", foo- con,"I'ing wi,h ron ,
p h,.,"ian . All m"",,, "'lj',," n ~ yom h, .hh "'qni'" m«!ial >Up",;,ion . N<ith"
,h, au'""" no, ,h, pnbJi'l-.o, >lull h< li.bJ, 0' "" f"'",ibJ, fo, , ny k", m cl.ma&<
alleg«! ly ,,;' ing from ,ny info' m" ion 0' "'W"ion in ,hi, hook
Wh il, ,b, ' u,""" b, ve mad, """y dto" ' 0 provicl< ac,u"," td ' phon. nu mber>
",din",,",' add"""" " ,h, ' im' of pnbJieo'ion, n, i,1.., ,h, pnbJi'l-.o, no, ,1..
""ho" =urn, any "" pon,ih;)i'y fo, <>ro". '" fa< c h a n t'" ~ , hat ocr m aft« pnb-
lie.,ion . Fu"1.." ,1.. pubJi'l-.o, do<> no' h." "'y con trol ov« and do<> not ...
web>i,,,
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 Contents

Infau xi
In trodu ction ""'"

. 'PaId 0 _ .
Manual Stimulation

Lube Joh #I . Spot-Fru Rinu 3

Lube Job #2. The Jump Start 14
Lube Job #3. P",ver Polish-For &ui Girls Only 24
Lube Job #4. Grab a GMr--Part I 3/
Lube Job #5. Backseat Driver 40

Fellatio

Lube Job #6. You~ Got M ale 47

Lube Job #7. The Hot-Oil CIJangc 59
Lube Job #8. Una~r the Hood 75
Lube Job #9. Grab a GMr-Part II: The Detour 83 • tpaIU [l"iPe •
Lube Job # 10. The Engine Soak 94 Maintenance Coupons

Lube Job #2 0. Hassle-Free Maintenance

• tpaIU u , " - , • Sex Coup,ms N I
Accessories
Admowledgmmts 255
Lube Job # 11. The Roadside Check 107 lnd~x 257
Lube Job #12. Leather Seats 127
Lube Job # 13. Zero Visibility 135
Lube Job # 14. The Fast ana the Furious 140
Lube Job # 15. R~mote-Controlled P/~asurt' 149

• tpaIU [1"_ .
Sexual Intercourse

Lube Job # 16. RMding the M ap -

Written Erotica 163
Lube Job # 17. The Cht:CkJist-S~XUdl Positions 186
Lube Job # 18. The Backseat Drive-In-
Sex in the Car 202
Lube Job # 19. Fully Loaded-&....u.:1 Massage 217
 Preface

o u 're writing a book about Ulhat? ~

Y "Urn, well, maintenance sex , ~ we sheepishly repeat
10 friends over a casual dinner.
We continue to speak, 10 elaborate on the book', credi-
bility and relevance in modern relationships, bur the faces
across the lable slare at us in mUle amusement as the words
maintmanct: ux hang in the air. One of our friends swirls
the wine in her glass, then interrupts us with a la u gh .
" Re m em ber Brad?" she asks everyone. " H e was al me
six or seven nights a week." She shakes her head. " He was
n
definitely oversexed.
"Yo u should be f1atlered,n counters a male friend .
"'Wha t's wrong with six or seven limes a week? That's nor-
mal for some guys. H e wasn't oversexed, he was just
healthy. ~

"Yo u only need 10 exercIse three tlmes a week for

health," s.ays another woman . "T h e same should go for
 ..,x. "'bybe b" even. Q uality is mo re imponant than
q uanti ty."
The n'en arou nd Ihe table vocalize a lo ud collective
groan of ~ Not nC'CC..a ril y. ~
Mean wh ile, we mur,gk fo brin g fhe focus back 10 th e
book', ph ilosoph y. Maintenance is an imponanl i", ue,
we say; ii" nOI a joke. BUI it'. no u Th e f100dgat"" have
ope ned. and the opinion. and pund.l in"" are pou ring out.
A co nversalion formerly I1Ued with im ellig<'m discourse
on ......uaIity and the differences belWC'rn men and wo men
is now nddled wirh sarc:asm, laugh ler, and a srcady slram
of horridly too- personal anC'C dofes regarding Ihe too-
Illlrfullihidos of J>M1ncn ~h pasl and prescn l.
~'e kam , for cumpk, 1f...1when ~ Br.o<I wantal.
rrnding. he would spray copious amounts of cheap coIogIK
"down t~· in the hope of Inn pring his gid~nd to go
sourh. ~Iy for him , thi. multal. in more skin rash... than
......ual attention. Donovan lowcn the standard. of co nver-
sallon more by l"CV'Caling his scun main l"nan<:c" regimen:
he waits until his wilhholding wife is askep, th en slips in
a por no and usn her body for frictio n, stating af the KrcnI
until h..'s finishrJ or me wakes. ~ ~'h ichcv.,r com ... fi...r."
he says wirh a 'mirlr. H i. wi& Ioob at him. "Thanks fo r
nol malting mr g<'1 up," she d ron.....
Mainlenanc........ h.as a bad ",putalion, und..... rvcJ, in
our opinion. And whe n il isn'l being o penly ridicu lrJ , it.
bring otherwise sland..red as rhe bane of a woman', sexual
..",isrencr. Unfo nunaf dy, lhe te is a S1.. rrotypical image of
mainl..nancr sex rhae, <kspir.. rh.. jok..., is boll. sexb and
joyl......
_II p•• roe.
""hat d.. you picture when you rhin k of maint..nancr
..,x1 An n hau. trd. wom an lying dutifully under h..r man
in Ihe m i..ionuy posirion1 Perhaps she reach"" out her
arm, 10 mu ndandy read a book 01 no nchalandy amwer a
ringing Idepho n.. while, wirh grear boredom and heary
sigh. , . he endurn his rwo minutes of grunt'S and t hnue,
Maybe .he Ihrows in an around-the-wo rld eye roll for ef-
fect as he announces Ihe approach of his mom en r of gloty.
How roma lllic,
Well. ;KuuJly, it can be romantic ... if you kr il be. l r
all depcn<h o n your al1i N de and yout relarions hip with
your panncr, lf bor h are posirive, rhere's no I'Ca'On an oc-
casional n urs-and -bollS SC'lf ..... io~ an inequirable
onc---can'l be pan of a dcrply loving and murually satisfy_
ing SC'll life. In fact, maintenaner SC'lf ....ved ou r marriage.
Anyone who .... ys having children doesn't kill rhe TO--
mancr cirhcr doesn 't ha.... kids o r Jon,.~ htrw 1rUh. Try
Ih inking sexy though rs whcn your len-mo nth--old i, pass-
ing g.as in his crib like, an over'Stuffal. pigl~ . Tty , ummon-
ing enough energy 10 climb o n lop of your J>M1ner at two
o'clock in rhc morning after your th"",-~--okl has
man:hal. you imo the bathroom for his {Vo'elfth ~ I thought
I had to go" ..... ion of rhc nigh l. Tty getring in rhO' mood
when you r 11""-,,...ar--old has ~n 11. 0' faintest traer of a
f~r. And th.u', ..",e1uding the mu ch -feared lar.....nigh l un·
expected and inrerru plus calls of ~ Mom, Dad. whar arc
you laugh ing abo ur in rhere1" followed by a fran tic ...ard.
for your balhrobes as you h....r the pirter-p:m erof lil1le f 1
co ming down the hall al speed.. you never d reamed a . iz.....
three frog -slippered fool could travel.
pr.roe. . ,"
 All parents experience this child-induced celibacy to
some degree . Increase the number of kids, and the degree
creeps upward as well . We have only one child, so you'd as-
sume we're hanging on somewhere just above room tem-
perature, and today that's probably true. But it didn't start
out that way.
We were married less than a year when Debra became
pregnant. It was a normal pregnancy, healthy and sex-
filled, until one afternoon at seven months when every-
thing changed. D ebra's blood pressure skyrocketed to
stroke levels, and she was confined to a hospital bed with
preeclampsia-without warning, preparation, or negotia-
tion. Without even being able to head back to the office to
tie up loose ends or explain the circumstances to the boss
or angry dients. Suddenly, it was bed rest twenty-four
hours a day, seven days a week. As it turned out, we didn't
even make it a week.
Only three days later, at three o'dock in the morning,
the fetal heart monitor showed the baby was in distress,
which, incidentally, is a more genteel way of saying it was
dying. Less than an hour later, Debra lay postoperatively
in the recovery room while Don stared at his two-pound
son, his bony limbs splayed apart and his red, tissue-thin
translucent skin pulled tight over his tiny chest. At [east he
stared at what he could see of him, for with the tubes and
cords wrapped around him he looked more like an insect
dinging to life in a spiderweb than a child lying in an in-
cubator.
Our son spent two months in the neonatal intensive-
care unit. Because we lived in a city two hours away, Debra
had to stay in the hospital with our son while Don went
." prefa ce
back home to work. Don visited on the weekends and of-
ten during the week, making the trek back home at one or
two o'clock in the morning to be back in the office by six.
Debra spent her days and nights at our son 's side, cringing
every three hours at the Danh Vader-like suction sounds
of the breast pump, and dreading the constant bing-bings
of the baby's monitor as it announced even the smaIlest,
most benign change in his hean rate or breathing.
We made it through those months and prevailed. l\Iore
important, so did our beautiful little boy. But as you can
imagine, our relationship took a backseat to everything
from baby medications to money worries . Sex was a vague
memory.
It was the end of a frozen November when we were fi-
nally able to bring our son home from the hospital, right
in the middle of a particularly nasty winter during which
time every co ld and flu virus known to mankind seemed to
be thriving. For the next few months , we lived in a state of
perpetual fear, for we had been warned by our son's neona-
tologists and pediatricians that contact with the common
cold could lead to pneumonia in his delicate lungs.
Both mom an d baby were under medical house arrest-
for six months , Debra was unable to take our son to any
public place. And her prepregnancy plan to put the baby
in day care so she could continue to pursue her career as a
lav.yer? T hat disappeared faster than a p"ycheck in th e
baby aisle. The risk of pneumonia made day care out of th e
question , and D eb ra lost her job. Within the space of sev-
eral weeks, she had gone from being a professional woman
with a day-timer to a stay-at-home mom with daytime tele -
vision.
p, er a c e
""
 But back to the sex.
You'd think that after havi ng suffered through two
months of forced abstinence we'd be back at it the first
n ight we were in the privacy of ou r own bed . N ot so. N ot
the second, third, or fourth nights , either. When Don
came ho me after work, D ebra didn't greet him at the door
wit h a kiss; she ordered hi m to the sink and hovered as he
scrubbed his hands, elbows to fingertips, whi le sim ul tane-
ously assuri ng her that nobody at th e office had sneezed all
day. He was no longer her husband but a potential germ
vector.
Fear that your five-pound baby is goi ng To get pneumo-
nia is an antiaphrodisiac. We weren't husband and wife
that first month home, and we certainly weren't lovers . We
were just tw o people trying to keep a third person whom
we hardly knew alive . Almost immediately, we fell into a
sexless paltern of hand washing and worry.
It wasn't until a month after the baby was home, some
three months since we'd been intimate, that something
shifted. Debra recalls wa tching a daytime te levision show
about unfaithful husbands and how important sex is to a
man and a marriage . As if by design, D o n brought flowers
home and arranged for Grandma to babysit so we could
have a heart-To-heart about how we hadn't been inti mate
in m onths, how he w as feeling forgotten, and how we were
losing "c s." D ebra didn't wait for another sign . Ar med
wi th her disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizer, she once
again ventured into the populated world outside her front
doo r, in the direction of the nearest lingerie shop.
Debra admits that our first few nights of sexual inti-
macy after that period o f sexlessness were less than satisfy-
prefa ce
""
ing for her (although D on has qui te fond memories of
them) . It wasn't for another week that she began to feel
those old tingles resurface and the cravings begin To return .
It was as though the m aintenance sex was an appetizer that
had whelted her sexual hunger, and soon we were enjoying
fine dining like never before.
We also fou nd that our physical closeness was a catalyst
to reestablishing our emotional closeness as husband and
wife . Fo r us, m aint enance sex was a way to co nnect physi-
cally and emotionally during a time we felt particularly
disconnected. In the mids t of our distractions and d is-
tance, m ainten ance sex was a lifeline that revived our inti-
macy as a couple. Of course, it's possible that we would
have found a nonsexual way to reconnect, particularly
since we'd always had excellent communication, but that's
not how it happened .
l\hintenance sex ca n play an important part in any
long-term loving rela tionship. Per haps you and your part-
ner ha ve just brought yo ur first child home and you're feel-
ing overwhelmed and overworked. Maybe you' re going
through a stressful period at work, or m aybe things ha ve
simply cooled off over time . O r maybe things are as hot
and heavy as ever, and you're just practici ng a little preven-
tati ve care . It is remarkable how many of us share the same
experiences and emo tions, and perhaps you'll get a sense of
this solidarity by reading so me of the couples' stories In
this book.
Regardless of your situation, we hope you'll come to
think of maintenance sex as we do : as a legitimate and ro-
mantic aspect o f a co mmitted rela tionship. We also hope
that you will find enough ideas, information, and advice in
p, era c e
 this book to help you explore new aspects of your sexuality
as a couple and to enjoy each other's sexual company in
undiscovered ways. A good sex life is fundamental to a lov-
ing partnership, and great maintenance sex is a splendid
and sustaining show of love.

Introduction

ven the most mechanically disindined woman knows

E that a car requires regular attention if it is to remain re-
liable. It needs to have its tires rotated, its radiator Rushed ,
its brakes checked, and its oil changed. Ordinarily, a
woman recognizes the imporlance of this full-body, full-
engine attention and is happy to set aside the time and ef-
fort to lake her vehide to a full-service garage. She loves
the smooth ride she gets as a result, and she and her car can
continue their love affair, dodging bumps in the road and
exceeding posted speed lim its with blissful impunity. Un-
like other motorists, she never has to worry about being
stranded on the side of the road, hood up, engine steam-
ing, pride and hope fading.
But what about those occasions when a woman is too
busy, too tired, or simply too btoke to indulge her beloved
vehicle in the full-service treatment? W'hat is a woman to
do when the sticker on the corner of her car's windshield
warm that the oil needed to be changed a thousand miles

._11I prefa ce
 before, but she doesn't have the time to ramper all of her
car', mechanical parts for a full day at a lu x u ry German car
spa? Well, she doe, what all smart, busy women do. She
takes it to the corner drive-thru lube station and spends
ten minutes in the driver's seat with her tall latte and a
courtesy copy of n- Time< while the techies perform a
quickie on the oil filter.
Your man is not so different from a machine. He too
needs full servicing on a regular basis: he needs his motor
revved and cooled with care, his gears greased, and his tim-
ing belt changed. Fortunately for you, he doesn't require
this level of care every day. Sometimes all he needs is a top-
off of gasoline, a quick wipe with a clean cloth, and a slap
on his hood to send him on his way. Lub. Job, is for those
times, times you want to keep his engine running smoothly
with drive-thru speed and efficiency. It ', for those times he
wants sex, but you want ,Ieep.
Even in the healthiest and happie't of relationships,
many women find that their parmers crave sex more often
than they do. T he lube jobs in this book are a great way
to provide regular maintenance sex. They keep your man
satisfied during those times you'd prefer to pass on the pas -
sion while at the same time sustaining your sexual connec-
tion as a couple.
'When it comes to performing maintenance , attitude is
everything. It must never be considered a chore: your part-
ner will catch those vibes and will feel self-conscious, guilty,
and eventually resentful. Ins tead of dismissing mainte-
nance sex as an obligation, embrace it as an opportunity to
show your man how deeply you care for him and how im-
portant his pleasure is to you. By satisfYing his carnal needs
"" In trod uction
and desire, even when you're busy or not in the mood, you
show him that his sexual contentment is a priority for you .
Lub.Job, supplie, a woman with a spicy menu of imag-
inative maintenance sex options she can have at her finger-
tips when she's running low on creative energy. Using
spontaneity and variety as main ingredient', each lu be job
offers a fresh way to satislY a man's sexual appetite without
serving him a dish of bland bed ro o m predictability. Some
are no-nonsense , no-frills maintenance quickie, with no
props or prep time whatsoever, whereas others are more
elaborate, requiring more time and effort.
Lube jobs also boast full -spectrum content, including
seductive scenarios, naughty sexual techniques for hand
and oral stimulation, and tips on the use of sexual aids and
toys. Some may use visual sexual imagery, w h ile others of-
fer written erotica. One may rely on a sexual frenzy of dif-
ferent positions, while the ne xt may suggest the serenity of
sensual massage and hot-"one therapy. A number may
take place in the bedroom, but the closet , car, and office
aren't off-limits. Several lube jo bs can even be incorporated
into your daily routine---from the shower to the supper
table---so that you can get the jo b done without veering
off schedule.
Cutout maintenance sex coupons have also been in-
cluded . Place them in your man', keeping, and let him re-
deem them at his pleasure. With each new chapter, you
can expect a unique, e xcit in g , and practical way to main-
tain your man.
'While it is true that maintenance sex i, blatant body
servicing and your man is the one having all the work
done, there', no reason you can't have fun while on duty.
In tr od uc tion ".,
Lube jobs work besl when performed wilh enthusiasm and
a good sense of humor. Rather than lying dutifully in the
missionary position and stating at rhe clock, dive into the
moment . Challenge yo urself to pleasure yo ur partner in new
ways an d places . Even if your efforts don't always arouse you
sexually, they will likely arouse feelings of tenderness and af-
fection that will slrenglhen you r relationship .
T he m et hodology of main tenance is simple: rhe job
should be performed when you're feeling alert, in a way
lhat's co nvenient, and it should entail a great deal of diver-
sity. Fatigue, dislraclion, and routine are l hree reasons
wo men view m aintenance sex as a chore. Too often, a
wo m an climbs into bed al midnighl, drained from her day
and wanti ng nOlhing m o re than to succumb to sleep, only
10 find that her partner is reaching for her even as her
heavy eyelids close. O r she's finally found rhe time to
lac kle a nagging project, and he swaggers into lhe roo m
like a domestic D o n Juan, hoping for some action . It is un-
derstandable then, maybe even inevilable, that sex becomes
one more thing on her seemingly endless "ro do" list .
Happily, the solution is an easy one. By planning a
playful sexual encounter in advance---when yo u have the
time and the energy-you can treat you r man to a fan ras-
lic release and avoid the dreaded "get it over with" mental-
ity that can wea ken a couple's love life and build damaging
resentment . 'Why leI your m an suffer through his days,
feeling sluggish and neglecled? By setling aside even a few
shorl m in utes (lo nger if you like) for his needs and treating
him to one of these ready-made lube jobs, you can send
him o ff, feeling rejuvenaled and adored. And yo u can be
In trod uctio n
sure he'll be even more eage r to please when yo u're the one
feeling frisky.
It is important to recognize that Lube job, is intended
for devoted co uples in slrong relationships w ho already en-
joy a mUlUally fulfilli ng love life. It is for the sexually
healthy wo man who is dt time5uninteres ted in o r unable to
have sex when her parlner is nevenheless keen . Perhaps
she's endured a particularly grueling day with the kids, per-
haps it's her time of th e m onth, or perhaps she'd simply
rather finish that nagging report she brought home from
lhe office before wa tching a hal f hour of m indless televi-
sion to relax. O r perhaps, as was with us, an appetizer is
need ed to wher the sexual hunger afler a lapse in sexual ac-
tivi ty.
All couples experience sexual ups and downs during
various times of thei r life toge ther. Such phases are com-
pletely natural, and a lube job m ay somelimes be enough
10 ju mp-start a slalled engine or at least to keep it idling
during a difficult srre rch . Lube job , is nol the book for cou-
ples in rela lionship distress, nor is it intended for women
who have prolonged apalhy toward sex, who suffe r from
sexual dysfunclion, or who are experiencing serious prob-
lem s in their personal lives.
We'd also like to say that we are in no way suggesting
that maintenance sex replace the joy and bondi ng that
come from mutually fulfilling or long-session lovemaki ng;
however, lube jobs are a terrific way to keep rhe embers
smoldering when the fire can't burn all n igh t. The occa-
sional short bur intense sex session, even a one-sided one,
can be a powerful r-« of a co uple's love life. The thrill and
In t rod u c ti on
 anticipation of your next encounter---of when or where it
will happen and what you will d o--will keep your partner
guessing and grateful.
The lube jobs in this book will add an invigorating
spark to your sex life, while bringing a stronger, deeper di-
mension to your relationship . You'll be amazed how much
smoother your love life will run after just a few quick
twists of the wrench. It doesn't take much to keep that en-
gine purring, and the ride is worth the effort.
~ 1=
tpallJ, One
tl ~
~
Manual
Stimulation
, ' ,
'0'
,
, .-
,

•• Iv In trod uction
 !Lube !Job #.
iii
Spot ·Free Rinse

lo se your eyes for a moment and visualize your typical

C day.
The alarm sounds. You heave yourself oU! of bed,
.hower, drive the kids to school, and batde the rush·hour
traffic to get to the office on time. You work, have lunch,
work some more, pick the kids up, and drive back home ,
again racing against a city of road-raging, rush-hour driv-
ers who are all fighting the dock as desperately as you
are. You cook supper, clean up, pay some bills online,
watch a half hour of tel...... ision, set the alarm, and hit the
pillow, and in less than a minute you're Rat out, only to be
awakened too soon by the six o'dock alarm.
Notice something missing?
\Vhere's your rartner?
Presumably he's running somewhere alongside yOll In

this ral race, but the chances are good that when yOll visu-
alize a typical day, the time spent with him doesn't take up
much of the picture. Pe rha ps you overlooked him some-
where between dearing lh" , upper dish... and payi ng the
bill•. O r maybe he ,l ipped your mind b=.u~ he', down -
stairs fixing the wash ing machine wh il" you'", up"airs put -
ting the lids to bed. % y is il that Ihe most precio us and
beloved pan o f ou r Ii"", ""'01' 10 blend inlO the back-
grou nd o f o ur day'. routine, almo " as though it doesn't ex-
i" at all?
Well, the answer i. as .imple as it i, sad: The daily grind
has a way of annihilat ing any ""raps of ' pa", or mean ing-
fUl lime we mighl inad""n"nrly ' tumble across &om
wnup to .undown . And as il don, il .ilently chiP5 away at
the couple time thaI every ",Ialion,hi p nenl.. 10 maintain
intimacy. Too often, 1h...1 lealing dish washer takes pra:e-
del>« over cou pk lime (somnimcs evnl when th e ",b-
lio n.hip ~ in as poor condition as the appliancr!l. lhat',
why every now and rben, we need to push a t......,1 und...
lhe dishwasher and kt ie leal n will, as we lake our pan-
ner by the hand and.how him ""', mo", imponanl than a
.mall puddle on the litchc-n f1oot.
Fortunalely, when il comes 10 couple time, quality is
mo", imponanr {han quantity. Thar ' mall but mighty real-
izalion was something that Angd.., a rw..nty-cigll1-yar-okl
wife and mO(M of JWO sma ll child",n, says has made aU
the difr<'nO« in her marriage: ~ I used to th inl we needed a
vacation , a physical bnal from our dai ly rourine, to recon-
necr and get {he .park back," saysAngela. "Bur now I lrnow
ir', rhe everyday liule mo men ts thac co un! mo", th an th e
yearly coupk'. g(1away, ...pc:eially , ince rhO' yeorly getaway
tends to , lip a few yeolS once you have kids."
· Ir', im porlanr for a cou pl" to incorpo rate their own
. pc:eial, int imare routine inro Iheir larger daily routine,~
sdvi.... Co lin, Angela', husband of seven years. "Ir
ohouldn'l jU' 1be aho ur who', going ro tale th e n ash out o r
who'. going to mow the lawn . It has ro he abo ur therwo of
you nperiencing life toget her, nor jusr divid ing up the la-
bor.H you can ger into that m ind -set, yo u've gar it made."
Angela and Colin, rho ugh happ ily married, ad mi r
lhal for ycan th")' ,u/kred fro m the cu..... o f modern
cou plehood-thac passion . layr r--<:a1led rhO' room mate
rue. Perh...ps iIi inevirabl" that every couple d ips into tha r
onleu d itch every now and rhen. Con. idering rbe counr-
less mundane de mand, we all mu st deal with every day, it',
no wonder th...1 we often find ound"", reachi ng for a ring-
ing {d cpho nc 010", o ften than for our pann....
· 1(1 go days wilhoul """n IoolU.ng into Colin', eyes, ~
....ys Angela, "h ', nOl t hat I didn't Im'e him---I\'e always
fdt veery.kcp love for h im-hut sometimes I go t so caught
up in all l!lC Ih ings I had to do, thaI I jun jooked right past
him. He'd be leaning against t!lC count... wit h his:urn. out
ro hug me, and I'd walk right pasl him to phone my son'.
ceech and find ou l wh...1 rime !he game was scheduled for
ont Saturd.ay:
"There was uro sponta neity, ~ Colin adds, kif I wan ted
on, llmw t"" routi ...., and I !mew I would n'r get ir unless
everyrhing was don,,: Ihe IUd, had 10 be sleeping, the cof-
feemaker had 10 be program med. lund"", had ro be in t!lC
fridge for Ihe nnt d ...y, t"" car had to be out, thebundry
hamper had to be "m pty, and An gela'. d o rh... had to be
bid OUI for morni ng, and Ihen . he had ro brush and Boss
her teeth and wash her face. If that routine was co mplered,
in o rder, l srcod a remote chance of gelli ng lucly. It d idn'r
hOlppe n nearly a, much as I wanted it 10. "
l u b e jo b . ,
•

No I;n,e for couple lim e! Go through
your daily dUlies to see which chores
might he more enjoyable will. con'pany. Share a
lon ger sit-down b reakfasl, work oul logelher,
walk Ihe dog hand in hand, o r wash Ihe supper
dishes . ide by side.
"We really were like roommates for a whi1e,~ says An-
gela. "When Colin would come ho me after work, I'd hand
him a bag of garbage instead of greeting him with a kiss.
He was just a helping hand, not a husband . ~
T he turning poi nt came one night when the almigh ty
routine was unexpectedly broken. As she stood in the bed-
room folding laundry, her teeth still unRossed and her face
«m unwashed, Angela heard the strangest, most unusual
sound: running water. Colin was in the shower, but it was
late evening, and his routine was to shower in the morn-
ing.1t made no sense. Angela went to investigate.
"I slid the shower door open and my jaw dropped,~ says
Angela. "Colin's back was to me and he was leaning against
the wall with one hand. The other hand was occupied ...
he was masturbating. It was the first time I'd ever caugh t
him doing it, and I was really shoc ked."
"I was mortified, ~ admits Colin. "Totally hu miliated.
Then that feeling gave way to intense anger. I .lammed the
shower door closed and yelled at her to m ind her own
fucking business. I don't even know what that meant; I just
know I was embarrassed and frustrated, and furious . That
was the first and only time I've ever spoken to Angela like
• lu b . jo b l
tha t. It was completely out of character for me, but I felt
like I was at the end o f my rope. ~
Stunned by her husband's angry outburst, Angela .tood
outside the shower and stared at the closed door. She felt
her own anger Rare in re'ponse to his word. , and she knew
the situation could easily spiral into a majo r battle if she re-
acted in kind . She struggled to keep her cool a. she quickly
analyzed the situation. Her husband, whom she knew she
had been neglecting for weeks, had been reduced to a
covert mastu rbatio n session in the shower.
She pictured the unfolded cloth es in the laundry ham-
per. She though t about her imperfect oral hygiene. She
visualized Colin sneaking off to gratify hi mself while she,
oblivious and preoccupied, folded socks in the next room .
She decided to d o something drastic, something big,
something so far out of character that she was almost un-
recognizable to herself Without giving herself ti me to
change her mind, Angela quic kly too k off her clothes and
left them in a heap on the Hoor as she stepped into the
.hower.
~ I literally could not believe my eyes when Angela got
In the shower, ~ says Colin. "I remember her exact wo rds.
She said, 'N ever send a man to do a woman's job.' She
pre.sed up against me and proceeded to give me the best
hand job I'd ever had . I went from red-faced anger to pure
joy in seconds flat. It was like all my stored-up frustration
just went dow n the drain with the water."
"T hat was a real eye-opener for me, ~ says Angela. "See-
ing Colin like that. I felt like the worst wife in the world ,
and my heart just broke for him . In that moment I realized
how much I'd been neglecting him. I reme mber just forc-
l u b e jo b I . ,
 ing myself to get into the shower, to forget about the
things I hadn't done yet , and to do the most important
thing of all, which was to be available when my best friend
needed me."
Showering together has now become part of Angela and
Colin's daily routine. Every morning, they grab their towels
and head into their private suite---which they had reno·
vated to include a large walk·in shower stall-and lock the
door behind them, leaving the kids to pour their own
breakfast cereal. It's their quality couple time, and they have
it every single morning, before they have their coffee.
When you finally find that p recious
but elusive coupl e tim e, don'l wast e il
lallcing about work, Ihe kids, or (egaJ!) Ih e bills.
Keep the convers alion focused. on you as a co up le,
such as how yo u mel , yo ur favor ite vacatio n, and
your d ream s for Ihe future.
uSo met im es we foo l around, sometimes we're all busi-
ness. Either way, it's our special rime together. And quite
often it's the only time we have all day to enjoy each other's
bodies and closeness, u explains Colin. "It's important. It
reminds me that Angela is a sexy woman, and I want her
more than I ever did. And it keeps us feeling close, so she's
interested in sex more than she ever was. Once you stop
being physically close, you don't see the other person as a
lover, and you start drifting apart emotionally.~
• lu b. jo b l
UAnd that's the beginning of the end, ~ warns Angela.
Angela and Colin, though burdened with the same
daily demands as many other couples, realized that they
did not need a physical break from their routine to reestab-
lish their loving connection. Ultimately, they found their
way out of the roommate rut by working with their rou-
tine instead of working against it. Since they both had to
shower in the morning, not only did they reduce the early
morning stress of fighting for the bathroom, but they also
found a way to transform this ho-hum function into a fun,
intimate activity that each day served to reaffirm their
emotional and physical connection before they headed off
in their separate directions.
'When it comes to maintenance sex, this couple's shower
solution holds particular potential: it', fast, it's fun, and it's
effective. And there's no clean.up! The shower can be a very
sexy spot to share some quality couple time. The sight of
soapy water running over his woman's bare breasts and be-
tween her legs can work a man's libido into a rich lather,
while the nakedness, warmth, humidity, and calming at -
mosphere make it a space that', charged with sensuality.
For best effect, lower the lights. You can either light the
room with candles or install a dimmer switch for those wet
erotic encounters. For better or worse, many women find
that they are most at ease with their bodies when the light.
ing is soft. And since you'll really be working those femi-
nine curves of yours in this lube job, you want to be as
confident as possible in your own soapy skin.
In the shower, be sure you have soap, a thick washcloth,
a loofah, and some hair conditioner. There are some mint
l ube jo b I . ,
 bodylshower gels that leave a delightful tingling effect on
the skin, and if you can find one of those, so much the bet-
ter. This lube job is highly sensual and the more textures
and sensations yo u and your partner can play with , the
more yo u'll both enjoy the experience.
A shared shower facilitates total body
con ta ct, so me lhing that many won,en
need in ord er to feel intimate and become
ar oused..
'When yo u sense your man's gears are grinding too hard
and you know he's in need of a little maintenance, either
join him uninvited in the shower or take the initiative
and ask him to join you for one. Yo u'll get him aroused
just from that! As he stands at attention in the shower
and waits for you to hop in , give him a preview by slowly
peeling off your clothes in an impromptu striptease .
Don't worry about pulling any fancy pole-spinning antics
(o uch!), just let him enjoy the sight of his wo man's naked
body being tantali~ingly revealed in front of him. H e'll be
an easy audience to impress, so snake oUl of those panties
as naughtily as you can and have some fun being a one-
woman show.
Step into the shower and, wit h great exhibition, reach
for the soap or shower gel and begin to lather up your
body---every inch of it---as your man eagerly watches the
sudsy wa ter cascade over your breasts, down your stomach,
between your legs. Use you r warm, soapy body as sexy bait
'0 lu b . jo b l
by gliding your hands over the curves of your breasts, then
slipping a hand between your legs to clean your most pri-
vate area. Most men haven't spent a lot of time watching a
wom an wash herself udown there," so prepare for yours to
be mesmeri""d by the sight. Play it up for full effect by
keeping one hand between your legs while the other con-
tinues to glide over your breasts.
Stand under the water to rinse the soap off your body
and again reveal your naked skin. If you have a detachable
showerhead, you can prolong the rinse cycle by moving
the showerhead all over your body, both to wash away the
soap and to let your man soak in the sight of the w ater
spray on you r skin. Spread your legs (you can even lift one
leg onto the side of the tub) and bring the showerhead
close to your vagina, letting the spray cascade over you r
labia while your partner watches. If you're feeling particu-
larly exh ibitionist , slip a finger into your vagina .
Ask you r partner if he would be kind enough to give
you a second wash , back and front; you're just so-o-o d irty!
Not only wiIlthis prolong your showe r session, it' ll kick
his libido up another notch as he delights in the feel of
your soapy skin under his hands . Ask him to wash you r
breasts and between yo ur legs and tell him how good it
feels to have his strong hands touch you in those soft
If you're tired of yo ur man'. immed.iate
post coital ca t nap , t ry a cool after-sex
shower to rejuve nate rather than relax. It'll keep
him up for round two .
l ube jo b I. u
 places. Rinse yourself off under the water or give your man
the detachable showerhead and ask him to do the honors.
Now it's your man's turn to get squeaky clean. Have
him turn around and face the shower wal l while you stand
behind him and lather up his back. Move from his back to
his shoulders, then down his arms. Wash his bum and
down his legs to his feet, then ask him to spin around so
you can wash the front of his legs, moving up to his groin
but not yet touching it . Soap up his chest, shoulders , and
arms, taking your time to let him fuHy enjoy the feel of
your hands moving so seductively over his wet body. Use
the loofah to give him an invigorating body scrub before
rinsing him off.
Once his body is spot.free, lather a thick washcloth
with soap and get busy scrubbing his man parts. Use the
soapy washcloth to clean his upper and inner thighs, then
his pubic hair, and finally his testicles. Lift his scrotum
with one hand and gently scrub underneath it with the
other. Move the cloth very lightly over the shaft and tip of
his penis until he is hard . Rinse his genitals off-again, a
handheld showerhead would feel exquisite on his penis as
the stream of water pounds it ever so tenderly at point.
blank range.
Now that your man has experienced the relatively
n you use shower power for spontaneous, as· needed tune·
Uro ugh sensation of the washcloth against his penis, a
smoother touch is in order. Ta ke a handful of hair condi·
tioner and slowly, very slowly, stroke his shaft from tip to
base and back up again. Squeeze as hard as he likes and
gradually pick up the pace until you've reached a good
pumping action . When you see he's getting caught up in
it, slow down and let up on the pressure around his shaft.
" lub . jo b l
Rinse your partner off. If you have a bottle of mint
shower gel, now's the time to use it. Rub it all around his
groin area and then rinse it off to let him experience the
tingling effect for as long as it lasts. A word of caution: Be
careful when you apply any new product to your man's
skin and/or genitals. If your man has sensitive skin, stay on
the safe side and use his regular soap or a personallubri.
cant in the shower.
A silico n e· based lube is necess ary for
watery sex play, since the more popular
wa eer -based Iubeica nts will di sappear in the w at er.
The final cycle is now about to begin. Give your man a
wet kiss on the mouth and then take another handful of
the hair conditioner and use it as a lubricant to finish this
lube job. T igh ten your hands around his shaft and pump
him at a pace and rhythm that will bring him to orgasm, at
his pleasure.
This lube job is a great choice for women who want to
find a convenient yet sensual way to incorporate quality
couple time into their daily routine. It's up to you whether
ups, or whether these sexy sessions become regularly
scheduled events to prevent relationship erosion. Mainte·
nance sex has never been so steamy!
l u be jo b I. "

Th e Jump Start
aom i and Kurt are a couple who find themselves in the
N sandwich generation of people caught between caring
for children and aging parents. They're both in their midfor-
ties, together for over eightee n years, with two teenage kids
at home, another away at college , and two sets of parents in
dec lining health. Although their relationship was a happy
one, their sex life had in recent months come to something
of a standstill: the consuming distraction of Kurt's acutely
ill father and the financial stresses of his medical and hos -
pice care had put an understandable damper on romantic
thoughts. It's a situation many long-term, middle-aged cou-
ples are either currently facing or will eventually face.
Because Naomi worked part time and bocause the tasks
were too emotionally painful for Kurt to carry out, the
many details surrounding Kurt's father's care fell to her. It
was a busy time for them, and caring for both parents and
children left them little time to focu, on them,elves or
their intimate relationship. It used to be that they'd crawl
into bed at night and share some sweet pillow talk. Now
they talked about the rising cost of their son', tuilion, the
birth-control pill. Naomi found in their {eenage daugh-
ter'. purse, and Kurt's dad's latest laboratory results.
BUI thej r growing cares didn't cause Kurt's testosterone
levels 10 decline, and Naomi began to sense that he was
feeling sexually neglected, although neither of them seemed
10 have the energy 10 do anything about it. Often when
they lay in bed together at the end of a long, demanding,
emotionally draining day, Kurt would appear affectionate
bur would fade off to sleep before an equally exhausted
Naomi clued in to his sexual cues.
Although she did no! feet the same drive during this
time as Kurt did (in fact, sex was the last thing on her
mind) , Naomi came to realize that her husband', sexual
needs were nor being met. Knowing that Kurt would never
pressure her, particularly after all she was already doing for
him, Naomi decided that the kind est and most loving
thing ,he could do was to take the initiative and give him
what he didn't have the heart or the energy to ask her for.
Naomi decided to take matters into her own hands, so
to speak. In addition to th e emotional turmoil she and
Kurt were experiencing, she knew that their lack of sex was
largely due to simple exhaustion. Since the day drained too
much of their energy, ,he knew that she would have to get
a jum p on it; that i" ,he needed to jump-start the day if
she was going to jump-start Kurt.
The next morning, Naomi woke up early and sprinted
into the bathroom for a quick shower before diving back
under the sheets, wearing nothing but skin and perfume.
She whistled suggestively to wake up Kurt and then asked
l ube jo b U 15

Whil e 51....... is unavoidabl e (so me of it
i. eve n good), a ch ro nically hi gh level of
sUe•• can act like a cold . hower w he n it co me. to
•ex. D on't ado pt stress as your lifestyle. Find ways
to in corporate 51ress-b usting routine. into your
relationship: exerci.e or practice yo ga to gether,
. hare a bath, give each other back rub. , or p ick a
good b ook t o re ad and discu•• in your own book
dub for two .
in her most sultry, .un'.-up voice if hed Iike to work up hi.
appetite before breakfas t. It took a moment for her day-
break temptation to dawn on him, but when it did, a
bleary-eyed Kurt sprang to life even before the automatic
coffeemaker did.
Naomi', efforts, though minimal, meant the world to
Kurt. H e realized that hi. wife still noticed. him , .till cared
for him, and was srill willing to take the time to pleasure
him de.pite their hectic schedules and the fact that .he
wasn't experiencing the same sexual drive that he wa •. For
KUrl , the maintenance quickie. were escapist moment. of
.heer sexual pleasure and a much-needed break fro m hi.
care. and grief. Because th ey usually occurred in the morn-
ing, before their days exhausted them , they were brigh t in-
terludes duri ng a dark time.
For N ao m i, maintenance sex was not a chore or a duty; it
was a gift oflove and understanding from a wom an to a man .
She never approach...d. it as an obligation, and she never acted
as though it was too much work. And, ju.t as importan t, she
.. lub . jo b l
n...v...r perform...d. any sexual act or activity .h... was not com-
fortabl... with. O n the mornings that she .imply didn't want
intercourse, she instead treat...d. KUrlto the best hand job .he
could perform---and he never complain...d..
Of course, maintenance sex didn't solve all their prob-
lem s. It didn't .top Kurt'. father from passing, it didn't stop
them from worrying about their teenage son driving too
fast, and it didn't stop the bills from coming. But it did en-
.ure that during this difficult but temporary period in
their live., their friendship endured and sexual intimacy
didn't slip through the cracks. And, a. naturally as a rive r
flow. to the sea, their live. eventually slowed, their worries
lifted , and the early morning quickies gave way once again
to the late-night marathon. they had alway. enjoyed.
Naomi'. winning logic-to get the job done befo re the
.un comes up--i. a. practical as it is effective. Exhaust ion
i. the enemy of many couples, and if you 're one of them,
why not make use of that precious A ,M . energy for sexual
purpose.? As we all know, fatigue is one reason women of-
ten regard maintenance sex as a chore. But by taki ng care
of business firsr thing in the morni ng, before your day
takes over, you'll have the energy 10 show your man a good
ti me and to make .ure he wake. up on the right .ide of the
bed. H i. m otor might be more in need of a ju mp starlthan
you or he realizes .
As we all know, me n often awaken in a sta te of parlial
arousal. What could make a quickie ea.ier? Your job i.
half-done for you, so you might a. well take advantage of
it and pluck him wh ile he', ripe for the picking.
On the evening prior to rhis morning quickie, .et your
alarm for fiftee n minute. earlier than usual and .tash some
lube jo b U
"

Th e easiest way to fight 51ress is also th e
mo st enjoyable. Sex ..,lelL'i es powerful
endorp hins th at ..,lax th e body, soothe the mind,
and improve th e quality of o ur sleep.
personal lubrica nt nearby. (Water-based lubes are the mos t
popular, since, among other reasons, t hey feel natural and
wash off easily.) The moment the buzzer sounds or the m u-
sic blares, cli mb out of bed to prevent the ever-tempting
snooze bulton fro m seduci ng you back to slumber. Turn
off the alarm and let your man drift o ff back to sleep while
you freshen your breath and body in the bathroom. Scrip
off your rajamas and stand completely naked in th e bed-
room doorway, looking as stri kingly sultry as possible as
the sunlight filters through your bedroom window. Yo u're
going for sexual shock value .
Wa ke your partner with a suggestive "good m o rn ing ."
'When he notices your gorgeous form in the doorway, saunt-
er toward him, pull back the sheers, and ta ke m atters-
that is, his manhood-into yo ur own hands . As he lies
ama""d on his back, tease and tickle his penis and test icles
(over th e lOp of his underwear, if he's wearing them) jus t
briefly before dragging your fingertips up over his stomach
and chest and down each of his arms.
Rerum your attention to yo ur man's groin . Gently
pinch the shaft of his penis and cup his testicles in your
hand, again over his underwear. Rub his penis and test icles
wit h the palm o f yo ur hand: if he isn't wearing any under-
wear, you can slip the sheet ove r his genitals to use the fric-
.. lu b . jo b l
tion of the fabric to yo ur advantage. When you wish, you
can ask him to snake oUl of his underwear so he is com-
pletely na ked .
Lavish your partner's shaft with feat herlike strokes from
your fingertips. Stroke the entire length, then stop and
ligh tly m assage it with tiny circles. Your strokes will have
to be very gentle, since you don't yet have any lubrication
to be firm . Stop st roking and si mply apply pressure to var-
ious points along his hardness with the pads of your fin-
gers. Since you don't want him to become accus tomed to
anyone feeling or motion, make sure th at your touches
and his sensations are u nex pected and unpredictable .
Place your palm on the gkm< (head) o f you r partner's
penis and press down gently. Now turn yo ur hand, as if
unscrewing the lid off a jar. D o this only a few times before
turning yo ur attention elsewhere. To change what he's ex-
periencing, lighdy rug at the soft pubic hair at the base of
his shaft. You want his entire groin area to feel alive.
Now take his testicles in yo ur hand and bounce them in
your palm. Tickle and scratch the perineum (the area under
his scrotum, between the sac and his anus) . Apply gende
pressure as you pull his scrotum away fro m his body and
then roll it up the underside of his shaft. Squeeze to apply
heartbeat-like pressure pulses of pleasure to his testicles ,
and, as you d o, be sure to tell him how incredibly good his
genitals look and feel.
Retrieve t he lube from under your pillow or wherever
you've stashed it, and warm some between your ralms . For
an unexpected sensation, you ca n add a sexy twise to your
hand job by using a warming lubricant to heighten you r
man's experience. These are available at all sex shops and
lube jo b U
"

That's a powerlU l pepp ermint! II'.
believed th at pepp ermint can improve th e
mood. and rejuvenale Ihe body. The next tim e you
feellhose late-day .I umps coming on, pass on th e
caffeine and reach instead for a cu p of peppermint
lea. And to fighl exha ustion in th e bed room! Try
pepp ern'int aro matherapy instead o f floral or
frui ty .cents and a light peppe rmi nt body . pray in
place of your usual perfume.
even some drugstores. They're also the perfect first pur-
chase if you're new to adult novelty .tores-they're inex-
pensive, nonthreatening, and you won't need to ask the
salesperson how to use them.
Downstroke your partner'. shali: with warm, well-lubricated
hands. T hi. initial stroke should be strong, slow, and pur-
poseful. It'. the first time this morning that his penis has re-
ceived this level of direct and sustained attention, and the
effectshould be a powerfUl one, particularly when the warm-
ing sensation kicks in , Wait a moment to get the full effecl,
and then pump his penis a few times using both your hands.
Stop stroking. Make an 0 with the index finger and
thumb of one hand and place the 0 on the head of your
partner'. penis. Push down so the glans squeezes thtough
the 0 of your fingers and then slide your fingers down his
shaft until your index finger and thumb form a tight ring
at the base of his penis . If you wish, you can slide your fin-
gers over and then under his testicles to form the ring un-
der his scrotum instead, although your fingers may not
'0 lu b. jo b l
wrap completely arou nd this area. The idea is to steady his
genitals and provide a sort of natural penis ring that will
. .
Increase sensatJon.
As one of your hands steadies your partner's penis, use
your other hand to apply upward-only sttokes to the shaft .
As his .haft becomes more turgid and sensitive, add variety
to your upward sreokes by occasionally sliding your thumb
or palm over the glans. For additional sensation, with your
stroking hand in the shape of a claw, hook your fingertips
under the coronal ridge (the ridge around the head of his
penis), and pull up.
'When you're ready, release the ring around his genitals
but maintain the 0 of your index finger and thumb. Begin
to sttoke hi. shaft up and down with the 0 ring . 'When
you're on the downsttoke, use your other hand to twist the
head of his penis , again a. if you're unscrewing the lid of a
jar or turning a dia l. It takes a little clXIrdination, but you'll
get the swing of it. And practice make. perfect .
Vary your motions and rhythm to keep your man guess-
ing and gasping. For example, you can rub his penis be-
tween your palms as if starting a fire . 'When you downstroke
him , be sure to press down on his .crotum as you reach the
base o f hi. penis. And don't forget his testicles. Many men
love to have them stimulated at the same time the penis is
Feelin g sluggish! Sit up slra ight. Th e
more you slo uch, th e harder your body
must work 10 deliver oxygen 10 your brain; p roper
postu re can rheeefoee fighl fat igue.
l ube jo b U
being tended to, so use your free hand to softly squeeze his
scrotum and fondle the underside with your fingers .
'When you're ready to make your partner's orgasm
build, adopt a regular, predictable rhythm to stroke by.
Use the pace and amount of pressure that he likes , and
pump his penis up and down . You don't need to do any-
thing fancy at this point; slow and steady can make his
buildup very intense. As you stroke , slide your hands all
the way up and down his shaft from the head to the base.
If your hand coordination and aim are good, let his pe-
nis pop oUl of your grip entirely on the upstroke, then
slide it back in for the downstroke. T h is will m im ic the feel
of total vaginal withdrawal and penetration. H owever, if
you 're not completely confident you have the coordination
to slide his pe nis back into your grip without missing the
mark, don't risk it; stop at the head of his penis on the up-
stroke, then go down again . You don't want an ill-timed
uoops~ to interrupt the wonderful momentum he's build-
ing at this point.
Allow your partner to climax and keep stroking him as
he comes. Kee p st roking afterward as well, although with
less pressure. H e mayor may not want you to touch the
head of his penis, as some me n are ultrasensitive here just
after they come. Gently sq ueeze and massage his testicles,
then lift them and scratch the area of his perineum to let
him bask in the afterglow of his early-morning orgasm.
There , the job's done.
However, if even the negligible amount of preparation
and effort this scenario entails is to o demandi ng before
you 've had your three compulsory cups of caffeine, you
can try another A.M. approach . Before you go to sleep the
lu b. jo b l
nigh t be fore, stas h so me lube w ith in your reach but out of
sight. The moment the alarm goes off, turn your back to
your partner and discreetly warm some lube between your
palms. Roll back over to face him and plant an innocent
good-morning kiss on his cheek while simultaneously slip-
ping a guilty hand down to his penis. Your partner won't
be expecting this rush of pleasure, and it won't take much
effort for you to gently caress him to full attention .
Studies show that men have their sex ual
peak in the early morning ho urs , while
wo me n peak at night. H ow abo ut a com p ro m ise!
Wh en yo u find yourself in th e throe. o f th ree-A.M.
in.o mn ia, t ry in itiating sex with yo ur p artner
instead o f wa tc hing late-night televi.ion. H e'll
think he'. dreaming, and yo u'll power d own
eno ugh to fall asleep.
If you like, you can bring your man to climax under the
warm th of the sheets; you won't even have to suffer the chill
of the early morning air to get this lazy lube job done. Tell
him to loo k down and watch the blankets m ove over his
groin as yo ur hands are hard at work under the hood. Afte r
all, sometimes what we don'tsee is as erotic as what we do see.
Now congratulate yourself on a lube job well done and
head for the coffeemake r and the croissants. With only
minimal effort, you've managed to jump-start your rela-
tionship and you r day. And no doubt it'll be a day full of
fond m emo ries of your erotic early riser.
l ube jo b U
,t r. "101 aqnl
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 grading than letting him come inside? It all depends on
your relationship . I do think some women let men degrade
them, but that's something in them that's lading, and
some women are so hypersensitive about sex that they find
anything but the missionary to be immoral. I don't feel de-
graded w hen my husband uses my body for sexual plea-
sure. Women should be more concerned with whom they're
doing it instead of what they're doing. Any sex act with
someone who doesn't love you is degrading, but if you're
with someone who respects you, anything goes. ~
uT here's something really taboo about doing tr," adds
Frank, thirty-nine, Katelyn's husband of ten years. "It
sounds dirty, but there's something about watching it
come out of me and land on her skin that really turns me
on. It adds an incredible visual dimension to the sensation
of an orgasm that you don't usually have. I especially like it
when it lands on her breasts ... It rolls down the sides,
and ma kes her body look shiny and so erotic. Nasty!"
Without a doubt, the "nastiness~ element factors
greatly into the money-shot debate. After all, if the bad
girls of porn are doing it, should I, a respected wife and
mother who doesn't let her bra straps show in public, be
doing it, too? Only you can answer that question, but it's
one that at least warrants consideration. If your loving
partner wants to watch the hidden mysteries of his ejacu-
lation unfold on your tummy, why not watch with him?
You might be surprised just how sexy the show can be.
You've heard this kind of thing before: uMen want to go
to bed with a virgin and wake up with a whore. ~ ''A man
wants an angel on his arm but a devil in his bed." Basically,
lub . jo b l
"
Adobe Diait al Editions Lube Jobs
they want it all: during daylight hours, they want a good
girl whom Mom would approve of, but when night falls ,
they want her to morph into a bad girl whose sexual
boundaries can't be seen with the naked eye . So why not
push some boundaries and explore the various facets of
your and your partner's sexuality?
This lube job is ideal for a night you 're feeling naughty
but not in the mood for oral or vaginal intercourse. En-
couraging your man to ejaculate on your body adds a nasty
visual and mental twist to the standard hand job, thereby
elevating regular maintenance sex to rapturously raunchy
heights. Combine the money shot with some dirty talk
to really play the bad girl and bring out the bad boy In
your man.
A cream pi e is a money shot in which a
man ejaculates ins ide a woman's b ody-
in her vagina o r anu_ ralher Ih an on it. The
ca mera ca p lures rhe magical moment wilh a d ose-
up of Ih e seme n dripping out of her body.
Climb into bed naked, lube hidden nearby, and sum-
mon your parmer to the sack. When he joins you, spend
some rime complimenting him on his impressive sex drive,
and tell him you're longing to give him some well-deserved
pleasure. You know he's a man who has needs, and you can't
wait to fulfill them. Kiss and caress him for a while, moving
your hands all over his bare body before focusing on his
l ube jo b 13
 groin . Commem on how go..d his cock (...,1.. how big and
heavy his W ls are. and how mas=l ine his pu bic hair {...,Is.
As he harden., respond by touch ing him more e~erly.
Td l your man how lu~ky you bl to have m~h a """y
man in your bcd, how so many women would love to be
lying be.ide him. and how hi. body makes you want to do
all kinds o( nasry things you n.......r rhoughr you'd be will-
ing ro do. He really brings o ut rhe bad girl in you. If you
wam to give him a tasre of o ral pkasure before you begin
the lund job, dis.appc.ar under the ~n and In your
mouth work iu magic for a while.
\X'arm some lubncam ~n your hands and smorhcr
your man'. penis and tnticb with il un til he's slick, Kttp
your hands moving allover his gcnilal.. Move Ihem <J\"CI"
lbe head of hi. penis, around rhe <11'''' ..... (rhe ridge of flesh
where the head of the penis mens the shaft ). th e shaft, the
baso., the SCl'Ol:um, the .fi'ro."J"", (rhe strip of flesh on the
undcnide of lhe penis, where the hc:od mens Ihe shah),
and the perineum. Altemote bo-tw...,n strokes and hand
squcncs as he lies McIr ro b.asI< in Ihe scns.arions that an:
bringing hi. genita.lia rO life. Now rub his shaft bo-tw...,n
your palms like you're sraning a nre, then SlOp q uickly and
tightly stroke downward.
Sianing at rhe base of hi. peni., '"" you r wcll-Iubed
lunds to . uoke upward o nly, one hand immediately after
the other, then <wi reh and suoke downward. apin o ne
bnd q uickly follO\llTd by rhe o rher. Now usc the /lngen of
each hand to form an 0 (index nngen rouching thumbs)
and strok in opposite direcncns al rhe s.ame rime, so that
one ring .lides up 10 the head while the other moves down
to the base. As your one hand reaches the lOp of his shall,
21 h.b . Jo b l
add a twi.t to the head of the pcnis; as your other hand
reaches the ba.... of his penis, rub your palm against his
scrotum. Th is is kind of a pat-your-head-and-rub-your-
.tomach move. so do n't fret if you can't perfo rm it with to-
tal .ynehronidry; you won't hear any com plaining.
'IX'hen you're ready 10 make you r man climax, change
you r strokes so rhey are more pred ictable and rhythmic,
and do n', break the rhyt hm as he ncan orgasm. As he gns
dose, ask him to COme on you r body, and don'l be shy in
your Kqunt. Tell him you wanr 10 fcd his hot come Iarwl
on your skin. you wanr 10...., it glisten on your body, and
you wam to rub il into your flesh. Come on, you can s.ay
it. \X~ tk... you.
You can decide when: you want him to ejaculate, or you
can kt him ehOOSC". \X'e'll give you a few suggestion.. Uc
on your Mek and have your partner straddle your body so
rbr you can stroke him with you r hands and he can come
on your belly o r bR'aSu. O r, pump his penis berween your
breasu so he can COme o n your neck (or your faa- if you're
really game), Arch you r Mek and lell him how hot it fcd.
on your .lrin as he ejaallarn to maximize rhe men ta] and
visual ekmenu of his orgasm, and f1aner him on the amaz-
ing amoum!
You r man may nnd ir pleasurable to pu mp himstl£ He
can qacuhr" on your vagina or you can get onto you r
hands and kncn and kt him come on you r bu m o r kk,
doggy style. \X'h alcver pmition you chOOSC" :lnd whoever
does rhe work, jusr remember to react wirh c:Tger bliss as
hi. ejaculaee lands on your body.
!+. nna! suggntion ... but only for rhe rrally bad girls
among us. To rival rhe antiu of those XXX starlns, why
lub. jo b 13 29
 Want to let your man pretend you're
bathing in his juices but don't really
want to do the deed1Whil e he's in .ide you , take
a handfUl of body lotion and rub it over you r
throat , breasts, and belly as he watches, tellin g
him to imagin e it'. hi . semen. He'll get a ru.h,
and you'll get moisturized..
not throw YOUt man into the middle of a money shot and
let him give you a facial? (Hey, we said it was only for the
really bad girl•.) H ave him sta nd up as you kneel by hi.
groin and ask him to stroke his cock and watch as he
come. in your open mouth. Ju.t like the leading ladies ,
lick him dean a. he finishe•. Obviou.ly this isn't for all
women . If you feel it's a degrading act, or if your partner
make. you feel degraded during the act , simply don't do it;
however, the facia l i. a fanta.y for many men, and if your
man is worthy of having his fanrasies fulfilled, you're the
woman to make it happen.
A money shor is a sexy way to dress up an everyday
hand job, but don't rely on it exclu.ively. Although the vi-
.ual and mental a'pect. are powerfully erotic, part of the
eroticism comes from the novelty and .pontaneity. To keep
this lube job an effective maintenance .ex tool, reserve It
for occasional and unexpected u.e only.
30 lu b . jo b l
~ub,,!Job #4
iii
Grab a Gear-Part I
ave you ever had to work alongside a negative co-
H worker? You know, one of those people who are chron-
ically irritable. They never smile, never lighten up, and
never have anything nice to .ay about anything or anyone .
No doubt someone in the office has commented, "Wow,
that Sean guy really has to get laid." We might bugh in re-
'pon.e, but we're probably nodding at the same time, for
most of us recognize the connection between .ex and
mood. And cold, hard .cience can back u. up.
Sex, especially when combined with love , has remark-
able effect. on emotional well-being. The act of .ex causes
the brain to release a number of neurochemicals, such a.
endorphin., dopamine, and oxytocin, which create a natu-
ral high, no prescription required. When we engage in lov-
ing sex, we experience intense feelings of contentment, joy,
and b.ting affection toward our partner.
Regular sex has other important emotional and p.ycho-
logica l benefits. Not only doe. it reduce mess level. , it also
 help. us manage stress better a. we go through our day. Sex
and sexual intimacy can even alleviate depression: endor-
phins result in a rush of euphoria, and the loving rouch of
a partner generate. feelings of security, acceplance, and
happiness. And as Sean's co-workers know, sex is a fun and
effective way to reduce irritability.
Regular sex improve. mo re th an
enlOtional mood; it also increase.
phy.ical well-bein g. Under-the-. heelS .e••ion.
help in. prove circul ation and lower both
cholesterol level. and th e ri.k of hean disea. e.
The connection between sexual .atisfaction and happi-
ness i. dear in long-Ierm relation.hip•. All else being
equal, couple. tend to be happier, both in the relation.hip
and in general, when Ihey are sexually satisfied . This i. par-
licularly so for the man in rhe relalionship, since men of-
len have a greater need for sexual desire than women do.
That's where maintenance sex come. in. The woman who
help. her man slay sexually satisfied is going to have a hap-
pier partner than Ihe woman who doe.n't. T he formula
really i. that simple.
Jacqueline and Tony, togelher for ten years, are one
couple that has discovered the formula. In facI, Jacqueline
has refined it.
"T he ea.iest way to make .ure your guy i. always sati.-
fied is what I call the H appiness H and Job," says Jacque-
line. "It', a quick fix, nothing more----a tune-up. You can
lu b. jo b l
" "
do it almosl anywhete. I've been doing them for years in all
kind. of place•. The firsl one I ever did was in rhe car,
which I guess is kind of fitting."
As Jacqueline relales, the iniliation of rhe Happine••
Hand Job occurred on rhe morning of Tony'. parents
Ihirty-fifth wedding anniversary: «We were having a .ur-
prise anniversary party for his parent. in our backyard. It
had started out a. a small occa.ion, bur soon friends and
family were coming in from all over the country and we
had all kinds of preparations ro make on really short no-
lice. The party was ro start at fiveo'dock, since that's about
Ihe lime his parents Right was getting into town. It was
in mid-July, and the temperature was over eighty-five de-
gree., so we had rented Ihis huge outdoor canopy to pro-
lect everyone in rhe backyard from the sun. We were
.upposed to pick it up at the rental .Iore just before noon,
which would've given u. plenty of lime to set it up, but
when we showed up 10 collect it, they didn't have it in
.tock."
- t shouldn'l have been surprised, ~ says Tony. "Every-
Ihing seemed ro be going wrong. The relatives I couldn't
.tand had decided 10 save a buck and crash al our house,.o
Ihe ones I liked had ro .tay in hotels . One of my aunt. fed
our miniamre poodle this huge solid chocolate bunny left
over from Easter, and it made him sick. We had 10 rush
him to the vet clinic early on a Sunday morning, and that
meant a vet bill we could hardly lift. Plus, the kid.
wouldn't .top crying because they were .0 worried about
Ihe damn dog. Then we couldn't get the barbecue to work.
I gave my brolher my debit card and had him run out to
buy a new one , which he did . . . for seven hundred dol-
l u be jo b 14
lars. I had to pay for it, of course, even though we didn't
have that kind of money to spend on a barbecue."
T he sweltering heat didn't help, either. ''Tony w as in
the worst mood I'd eve r seen him in," says Jacquel ine.
UT ho ugh nobody could blame him. It was a stressful day,
and nothing was going our way. 'What should've been a
fun time was just miserable. Some of his relatives we re
really demandi ng and expected us to wait on them hand
and foot, in addition to taking care of all the prep for the
party. The heat was a kille r, too. It made everybody extra
testy, just because they felt so u ncom fortable. Tony can't
handle the heat at all, so he was particularly grumpy.
'When they told us the ca nopy wasn't available even
though we'd prepaid and booked it, I thought Tony was
going to completely lose «."
Many studies have de monstrated Ihe link
berween sex and longevity. The nlOre tin' e
you spend doing it, Ih e mo re tim e yo u'll have
10 spend.
UI don't know when I've been so pissed off," explains
Tony. -r can still remember how angry I was . I was just
miserab le. I wanted to go back and tell eve rybody the
n
party was off and they could . . . you know what.
So, with the sun beati ng down on them in the car and
the air conditioning blasti ng out on high, Jacqueline and
Tony began to drive around the city, hitting all the rental
shops in their desperate search for an outdoor canopy. u-.
lu b . jo b l
fortunately, mid-July was prime wedding season, and the
search was proving to be fruidess .
UEvery store we went into just laughed at us," says
Jacqueline. UEverybody in th e state was getting married
that weekend, so there weren't any outdoor canopies left to
rent. It was horrible. We were hot, irritable as hell, and th e
day seemed to be getting worse by th e second. After we left
th e last rental store empty handed, Tony slapped the steer-
ing wheel in anger. I felt terrible for him . It should've been
a happy day, but it was just frustrating. ~
Jacqueline knew something had to be done if the day
was to be salvaged.
" I said, 'Tony, you need to calm down .' H e said, 'Jackie,
I need to get laid.' ~
To Jacqueline's amazement , they proceeded to have an
argument about, of all things , sex.
- t couldn't believe it. We had a houseful of people wait-
ing for us, all kinds of errands still to run, and there we
were , parked in front of the rental store, having a fight
about how lo ng it'd been since we'd had sex . I told Tony we
had more important things to worry about at that mo-
ment, but he wasn't listening to me. ~
" I was so mad that I was just venting all my [nasrra-
tions, u says Tony. " I was letting it all out. I thought about
the last few nights that I'd tried to initiate sex but had been
turned down for whatever reason . I was more pissed off
about that than I was about not finding a big umbrella. I
u
didn't care who got healstroke , I really needed some relief.
-c , didn't have rime to go home and have sex,n ex-
plains Jacqueline. ~AnY"'ay, we had a houseful of guests
wandering around, so there was no privacy. But I knew I
lu b e jo b 14
"
had to do something, or the whole day was going to be ru-
ined. Tony's attitude really needed adjusting. Past."
Jacqueline thought. She remembered the plastic bag ly-
ing on the backseat, the one from the drugstore, and
reached around to grab it . Then she instructed Tony to
drive around the back of the rental store and to park in a
secluded spot behind a dump.ter. Sensing something good
was in the air, he followed orders no-questions-asked .
uJackie started rummaging through the bag,n recalls
Tony. "She pulled out a bottle of her face dean..,r and a
pack of baby wipe., then told me to un~ip my pants. I had
them open before .he finished the sentence. I felt like I had
wo n the lon ery.u
Sex ca n al so improve overall filn ess. A
half hour of vigorous mattre .. maneuvers
ca n burn two hundred calo ries and can ge t that
hean ra te up. So walk r ight by Ih e lreadmill and
wo rk up a sweat w ilh yo ur panner in n ead.
"T har was the first H app iness H and Job I'd ever given,"
say. Jacqueline . "Even though it was improvi..,d, it was
probably one of the best. Although there have been some
runners-up in the years since."
Ult took about three minutes, but it was three minute.
that changed my whole mood . It was like somebody had
released the pressure, and my frustration just dissolved
into the air . I felt almost giddy from the relie f, and all the
thing. that were up..,ning me started to ..,em funny. I was
lub . jo b l
way more relaxed, and I got my sen.., of humor back. I'm
not exaggerating when I say it saved the day.n
Needless to say, the anniversary party was enjoyed by
all ... even jam canopy. But there's no reason you have to
wait for a special occasion to treat your partner to a Hap-
piness Hand Job. Chance. are, this quick fix could be a
valuable part of regular maintenance. It's a fast, conve-
nient, and exciting way to pleasure a man, and it has posi-
tive effect. on both his physical and emotional well-being.
While a hand job can be performed in many locales ,
from your private bedroom to a public bathroom, the car
is a great place to start exploring terra incognita. By park-
ing in a secluded area, you have the best of both worlds:
You get the thrill of doing it in different public spaces, yet
you have the safety of your own ..,cured space. Plus, being
..,xually serviced in the car is one of a man', greatest fan-
tasies. It lets him toy with the idea of indecency, which
in itself can boost a man'. libido. Yet when it come. to car
..,x, don't let your excitement compromise you r common
..,nse. Lock your doors and choo.., a spot where there's no
chance of passersby, be they innocent, dangerous, or on
patrol.
Want t o fighl Ih e Ru! You ca n do nlOre
than pop ech inacea an d was h your hands;
sex als o help . t o nre ngrhe n the im m u ne system.
And if o ne of Iho se nasty cold bug. does slip
through, sex ca n still help ; the adre nal ine rel eased
d uri ng the act is a natural ant ihinam ine.
lube jo b 14
"
 To make sure you're always prepared to perform an on-
the-go lube job, keep a stash of lubricant either in your
glove box or in your purse. A travel pack of baby wipes or
at least a box of strong tissue is convenient for deanup. If
you prefer, there are postcoital wipes available at sex shops
and online that are nice and thick for janitorial purposes.
You'll probably be most at ease performing your first
few in-car hand jobs in totally secluded areas; however, your
courage may grow with time and experience. As far as car
sex goes, hand jobs are relatively low risk. You're not in an
overly compromising position, and if some nosy passerby
does peek through the windshield, you can quickly put that
empty fast-food bag over your partner's lap to cover your
tracks .
After the car is safely in park, tell your man to put his
seat back a little and prepare to be serviced. Unfasten his
pants and push them and his underwear down so that he
can sit back and enjoy the process of having you expose
him like this. If he wants, let him undo his own pants so
he has a sense of power; he may want to pretend he's pay-
ing for the encounter!
As always, warm the lube between your hands before
you apply it to your partner's penis. Scratch his pubic hair
with your fingertips, fondle his testides, then hook your
fingers into the daw position to pull up on his penis.
'When he's hard, you can begin to stroke him in a way that
pleases him. Tell him to lean back in his seat, put his hands
on the wheel, and brace himself for impact as you bring
him to orgasm.
This lube job has three things going for it. First, there's
the spontaneity. You're sei~ing the moment and gratifYing
lub . jo b l
There's n,ainten ance SeI. and then
there's m edicinal SeI. The neIt lime yo u
strain Ih at t ennis elbow, reach for yo ur patl ne r
inSlea d of the ib uprofen . H av in g SeI releases
endorp hins thaI offer nat ural p ain relief.
your man when he needs it most, and he won't be expect-
ing that. Men are accustomed to waiting ... and wait-
ing ... and waiting for sexual release, but this lube job
brings him to the front of the line . Second, there's the nov-
elty of a sexual experience in the car. Since the vast major-
ity of sexual activity happens in our bedrooms, it's an
intensely erotic-and taboo--experience to feel sexual
pleasure beyond the bedroom walls. Third, sitting upright
may be a somewhat uncommon position for your man to
receive a hand job, with lying or standing being more fa-
miliar.
Put these three elements together, and you've found a
fantastic, on-the-f1y way to perform maintenance sex. You've
also discovered a simple yet fim way to add a few sparks to
your sex life. But perhaps most important, you've realized
the connection between sexual satisfaction and emotional
well-being, and you've taken the time to ensure that the man
you love has plenty of both. And why not? The happier you
make him , the happier he will make you, and the more ful-
filling your relationship will be.
l u be jo b 14
"

!Lube !Job #5
Backseat Driver
obody seems to take the poor hand job seriously.
N There are books on fellatio, intercourse, anal sex, etc. ,
bur what about the traditional tug many of us first plea-
sured our partners with? It seems it's been banished to the
outskirts of a couple's sex life, only occasionally called out
of exile to perform ultra-utilitarian, get-it.done duty sex.
Yet as the chapters in this section have shown, it rakes only
good technique and creativity to make this faithful standby
a new favorite. It's time the ancient palm practice of man-
ual manipulation was revived to challenge modern woman
to get her hands dirty once in a while .
The t ruth is, the hand job is a versatile yet simple way
to make the most mundane maintenance sex session into a
memotable sexual experience. Using your hands has defi-
nite advantages: you can manipulate your man's genitals in
precise ways; you can apply very different degrees of pres-
sure, rhythm, and sensation; and you can do it quickly,
easily, and discreetly in all types of locations . A hand job
is only bland if yOll let it be, and we hope these chapters
have inspired you to revisit and revamp thi, maintenance
must-have.
To con vin ce your n,an that you're
enthusiasti c abo ul satisfying him , make
the first move and initiate maintenance sex more
ofren . Why wail for him to b.,r. Beal him 10 ,he
punch and show him ,hat his pleasure is your
priority.
Another advantage of the hand job is that you can see
exactly what you're doing, and, with a little direction from
your partner, you can use your viewpoint to learn a lot
about his body and what pleasures him . In this lube job, he
is the quintessential backseat driver, and you're at the
wheel as he guides you on a journey of sexual exploration.
The next time you're uninterested in sex but YOut man
is making the moves, have him lie back on the bed, naked
and relaxed, with his hands leisurely behind his head. He's
a passenger on this ride, albeit the one holding the map, so
he can kick back while you play chauffeur. H ave some per-
sonal lubricant close by. Straddle his body backward, so
that he's looking up at your back and you're looking at his
feet. Flash him a smile over your shoulder, and tell him
that you want to please him ~xact!y the way he wants to be
pleased, that you want to learn what turns him on, and
you want him to teach you .
Warm some lube between your hands, but before you
 apply it to his genitals, ask him where he'd like to feel it
first . D oes he want it on his balls first? The shaft of his pe-
nis?The head? Now ask how he'd like you to apply it . With
long strokes? With your fingers, like you're rubbing lotion
into his skin? A combination?
After he's slicked up, ask him to lead you through this
hand job. H e should direct you where and how to moke
and for how long; where to squeeze or twist, when, and at
wha t pressure and pace. l\hke sure he keeps tal king
th roughout, even if you're prompting hi m every few mo-
ments by saying "D o you like it like this or like that?
Should I stroke harde r or softer? Fast er or slower? Would a
twist feel good now? H ow does it feel w hen I put pressure
here or tic kle th ere? D o you want me to stroke you to or-
gasm, or do you want ro let it build longer? n
Ca t got yo ur t ongue? Pillow talk is one
thin g, but talking Juringsex is anot he r.
So m e love it, ot hers fin d it downright d istract ing.
Talk to your panner about what yo u wa nt to hear
in the throes o f p assion. At th e very least , an " I
love yo u" or " Th at feels wo uderfu l" should n't be
too ve rbose.
Be sure ro keep your man ta lking as his orgasm m ounts
and even as he co mes . Tell hi m yo u want to learn all you
can about what he's feeling at every point and that you
want to watch his cock and see how it changes when some-
thing feels good . Does it twitch or swell? D o his balls get
"
tighter or raise up to his penis? What does it look like
when he's coming? Lean over to get a closer look, in the
process giving your man a delicious view of your backside
as he ejaculates .
'When you show this intense level of interest in your
man's genitals and pleasure, you appeal to his sexual ego
and increase his arousal. Unfortunately, men are often all
too aware of when they're receiving pure maintenance sex,
which can't be much of a turn-on . Would you feel com-
fortable exposing your sexual needs or seeking satisfaction
from your man ifhe seemed distracted while he was plea-
suring you?
" I always knew when my girlfriend was doing it for
maintenance,n says Trevor, twenty-seven . "She'd start out
okay, but a couple minutes into it and she'd tune out. The
stroking wo uldn't be rhythmic , and her face would be
wrinkled up because she was thinking about something
else. I'd close my eyes and not look at her. I'd just live out
some fantasy and try to get what I could out of it. No, it
wasn't a really good time, and it was hard to stay aroused at
times . The orgasm jus t too k the pressure off. It w asn't ever
n
great.
Even if yo u're t he silen t type during
sex , always speak up wh en yo u wa nt to
gu ide yo ur m an to bener p leasure you. An d m ake
sure he knows the flow of co m municatio n goes
both ways.
 Despite the importance of tuning in to your man's plea-
sure, it's sometimes difficult for a woman to fake sincere
interest and enthusiasm when performing maintenance
sex, especially if she', tired, irritated, or has other things on
her mind . If that's the case with you, this lube job is ideal.
By following his directions, you focus on him only. And
each time you ask him a question about his body- Does it
feel good when I do this? -you show him how important
his pleasure is to you. Chances are, his gratitude will touse
your affection for him, and your mood wiIJ improve. At J:I t
the very least , any guilt you have about not satisfYing his tpaJd, £Two-
sexual cravings will be alleviated.
Letting your man be the backseac driver is one more b. r
way the simple but versatile hand job can outperform the
competition when it comes to maintenance sex. Fellatio
, ' ,
'0
,
,,'
' ,

. lub . jo b l
 :Lube !Job #6
iii
You've Got Male

,. I ' v e been th i n king abou t you a ll d a y.

a bout ho~ you t aste a nd what I ' d li ke t o do
t o you .
» What wouUyou !ikl! to do to me?
,. I ' d li ke t o k n e el down in fro nt o f y ou and
pu t my ha nds o n your hi ps . I ' d li ke to s wal_
l o w t ha t h ard, gorgeous c oc k o f y our s and
Buc k a nd l i ck a nd suc k unt i l I Ca n f e e l t he
ve i ns i n the s ha ft s well a nd t hrob u nd er my
t ongue a nd I know you' re re ad y t o COme .
» And thm what wouUyou do?
,. I ' d s wallow " B mu ch o f your coc k " 8 I cou ld ,
l e tt i n g t he swo llen h e ad stay de e p in my
t h roat u nt il I hea r yo u moa n a nd I f e e l t he
hot COme jet o ut of y ou and b u r n d own my
t h roat . . .
» I'll k homl! in fifteen minutd
,. I ' l l p u t t he baby down f or her napl
 U7/uw.' Although parts of the above co nversation m ight
read like an anonymous exchange in the m urky backwa ters
of an online chat room, it', no such thing. In reality, the
above dialogue is the cheeky electronic sex script between
two loving, longtime partners.
Tyler and Jen n were high school sweethearts who have
managed to dodge the sta tistics by recently celebrating
their fifteenth wedding an niver,ary. M arr ied young ( Jenn
was only eighteen when they exchanged I do's), their rela-
tionship and their m arr iage has had to grow and change
and mature just as they themselves have had to . Like all
lo ng-term couples, their sex life has gone th rough more
ups and downs than they can remember. Like all success-
ful and happy long-term couples, they've ma naged to ride
the ri,es and fall, like kids on a roller coaster: they throw
their ar ms up and sh riek with joy when things are fun and
hold on tigh t when things are scary.
Unlike many co uples, Tyler and Jenn were married
almos t twelve year, before they had their first child. Tyle r
took over the family transportation business right out
of high school , and Jenn pursued a career as a teacher be-
fore becomi ng the principal of an elementary school. A
self-described power couple, they 'pent years earning and
traveling before finally deciding it wa, time for baby-
makes-three statu,.
As all new parents quickly discover, baby starts with a
capital B. For Boss. No longer could Tyler and Jen n actu-
ally finis h a m eal without a wail from th e nursery. N o
lo nger could they watch a m ovie without having to hit
pause for a diaper change. N o lo nger could they enjoy a
cuddle on the couch without having to stop halfway for
. lu b . jo b l
Jen n to haul out the breast pump and duti fully produce.
No longer did Tyler co me firsr. N ow in her early th irties,
Jen n w as all about the baby. Now, maintenance sex, which
had always been a part of thei r sex life, was more impor-
tant than ever.
• THE B REA ST -F EE DI N G B A BY B L UES
The honnones released by b reast feed ing
ca n lead to vaginal d ryness in m any women. If
this unco mfo rtab le side e jfec t of good mothering
is p reventing you from ge tting back in th e sex ual
.addle, ask yo ur n,an to .tim ulate yo u wi t h a well-
lubed fin ger befo re yo u auto ma t ical ly p ass on the
pl easu res of intercourse.
Having chosen to stay home with their new daughter,
Jen n soon found herself feeling insecute for the first time
in her m arr iage. For years, she had left for work, dressed
smar tly in her business suit and pu mps, at the same time
in the m orn ing as Tyle r. Now, she kissed him good-bye at
the door in her ba throbe, the ,ame one she was often In
when she welcomed him at the door th at evening.
She admitted it. She was ge tting the fru mp' , Wo rse,
Jen n felt as though motherhood was replaci ng her wo ma n-
hood and that in the ptocess ,he was losing her sexuali ty.
l\.h ybe it was somewhere in the backsea t of her car under
the cru,hed box of teething biscui ts. M aybe it was hiding
under the top drawer of her dresser under her extra stash of
breast-feeding pads. O r maybe it had sprinted away at the
lu b e jo b 16 .
 sight of the heavy black bags of babyhood that now hung
under her eyes . 'Wherever it was , it was moving further
away from ever being found, and lenn knew she had to do
something to rec laim it. She knew that of all the changes
her marriage had survived over the years , this would be the
biggest and the most rewarding.
Strangely enough, the change came about by electronic
accident . One morning, after Tyler had left for work, Jenn
was checking her e-mail on her home compmer. As she
shufHed her slippers on the floor underneath the desk and
slurped her fourth cup of coffee, she received an e-mail
that she thought was from Tyler's new address at work.
'When she opened the e-mail, it became dear to Je n n
that this message had originated from neither her hus-
band's compmer nor from his mind. T he e-mail was of the
u
Ulo n ger, harder, thicker variety and was accompanied by a
short but provocative testimonial from one of the ques-
tionable product's very satisfied customers. D esp ite herself,
Jenn found herself reading the explicit nature of the testi-
monial and becoming almost ... aroused!
Feeling suddenly very inspired-and frisky---she fired
off a flirtatious e-mail to Tyler at work. Instead of respond-
ing hours later as he usually did (for example, when she
e-mailed to share news of the baby's noteworthy bowel
movements), he replied almost immediately.
To lenn's surprise and delight, Tyler's e-mail had upped
the ante and was even racier than hers. lenn knew imme-
diately that she had tapped into a deep well of erotic
potential. She also rea lized that her husband's almost too-
eager response to her flirtatiousness was evidence that he
.0 lub . jo b l
was not receiving the level of sexual attention he needed .
And so began an electric affair of sorls between a husband
and wife. Gradually, the innocent uI'd love to kiss you right
nows~ turned into hardeore uI'd love to Tasle your come in
my mouth right news." Happily, the baby's gastrointesti-
nal status was no longer discussed online.
Despite the flurry of regular and increasingly raunchy
e-mail Jenn began 10 exchange with her husband, she ad-
mits thaI she ofren participated in this sexy correspon-
dence for the express purpose of keeping Tyler's sexual
interest focused on her. Instead of succumbing to the
frumps-the emotional, physical, and sexual frump s-she
would tease him with an e-mail describing the sexy bra she
was sporting. W'hen he came home, she would of course
Fi ght the frumps with fitness. Exe rc ise
n ot only in.proves o u r mood b y releas ing
en dorp h ins, it also incre""es blood £low to th e
ge n itals, which leads to a rousal. Don't n eglect
your n ether regions during your workou t; Kegel
exercises strengthen the vagina a nd make it b elter
a ble t o g r""p th e p eni s du ring sex.
be wearing it , regardless of whether she was really in the
mood to lift and separate.
'What followed may have been maintenance sex , but
nobody peering through the bedroom window could have
guessed it. Not only did lenn's efforts ensure that her hus-
l u be jo b _6
"
 b..nd remained intere.ted in her and W:15 onually sati5hed,
but they 01.100 inspired her to k.,.,p her though ts and actiom
onu.al. As main tenance on 00 ofte n don, it helped k.,.,p the
ernbers of her own on uality going u nlil she had learned to
merge mo lherhood and womanhood, and could again
wat,h her flames shOO( h igh into the sky.
Ler', lale Ih i. opporruniry to tap inlO Jenn's well of
ele<;tronic ereeicjsm. It's a limely method of foreplay, and
mml: men are more dun lechno-savvy enough 10 play
along. ~'hen Ihey're nol checking lhei r odometers, it
o.ccnu that many men are busychcdJng th cir e-mail. Most
of us arc regular users of a rompuler, aod it'. likely that
sometime during your evening you11 find yoursel f .laring
at tIw: sc:!'ttn, working, surfing, or checki og lboor end! ....
e-mail mcuaga. And lha,'. a good Ih ing, .ioee that'. n-
aetly wh~ you need 10 be 10 g<:"I lhi. strictly main tenance
lube job done.
Before you perform Ihi. lube job, and if drcumstancn
permil, send your partner a few provocat ive e-mail mn-
s.agn during hi. workday. Don'l be bashful. If you're at
home, d~ribe the """y pontin you',." wearing (lie if you
mus!), or tell him about the hot and steamy bath you just
took, hot and .teamy beau"" of ,!Ie t!lin!>, you were
thinking aboUI doing wit h !lim. If you're at wotk, describe
how you're .iuing at you r desk wit!l you t lev crossed to
stimulate yourself while you think abou t all the th ings you
wan t to do 10 !Ii. body ton ight. Say the thin!>, you know
will {urn !lim on and let him stare at the d "",k, willing it to
rele",," him 00 he Can rome home to the delight tha t so ea-
gerly await5 h im . You can cvcn ,reate alter ego e-mail ;K-
52 h.be JOb '
ccunu for ne!l of you, reserved exdusively for the ex-
change of t!l...., very penon al mosages.
If !Ie d unn't !lave a= to e-mail (o r if you don't wan t
10 riJ<. the bo.. intercepti ng this naughty non-busino . -
related connpoodencc)• •lip a ""'Y note into your man'.
poekcr befo,." he leaves for work, or leave a suggestive mn-
sage in hi. lunch box o r brier~ insresd . You <:an cvcn
lnl-mcuagc a 10,,", note o n !lis u-1I phone.
Ikgardlcso o f how they're delivertJ, thnc messagn will
make your man feel genuinely wanted..Just :15 women long
to feel rn..ured and chcriohcd, men thrive when they fcd
needed and desired. For men, the fcding of being needed
by a woman otlen lead. to or enhances hi. onual f.,.,ling'
for her. Usc thi. instinetu.al conllC'Ction to your advan-
Iagc. f-lanC1" him, In him know you need and wan t him,
and In hi. desire for you build th roughout the day. By the
lime he gcn home, hell be rnc:Iy to hunt forth at your
louch.
W'hcn you and your panncr are at l:I5t at home together
and you're -.vtking on t!le com puter. p ull up a blank
screen and diocfft"lly comp""" a raunchy message to your
ponnc:r. Again, don't be shy. Type something like:
I 'v. boten tll1nkin9 ebou t you .11 day .
ebout tekin9 your cock in . , ""utll a nd e ..c k_
in9 it until you buret in . , ..... tll . I've boten
t.a9inin9 your cock pr.teed a9alntt .y lipt,
tll1nkin9 .bout IIov wonderful and lia rd i t
t .. l . wh.n you p"tll it pas t my lip' and it
.ink. into .y moutll. I can· t wait t o s t r o ke
lube jo b 16 U
 a nd suck until I f ee l you erupt down
throat. I can't wait to feel your h i p s roc k
bac k and f o r t h and you r hands clutch my hair
as you come hard a nd fast • . .
Remember, you're trying to get him aroused quickly,.o
don't write about rose petal. and your feelings . Use the
power of dirty talk to turn him on. Write about how des-
perately you want to plea.ure him and about how good the
ru.h of his orga.m wiII feel.
Next, casually call your partner into the roo m and non-
chalantly a.k him to read the message as if it were a frivo-
lous forward from a mutual friend. A. your man'. mind
registers the content and he reali""s that he'. the lucky re-
cipient, .pin around in you r chair and offer him a wicked
grin. Reach out to fondle his genital. (over his pants) to
W riter'. block? Since yo u're on Ih e com-
pUler anyway, .can a free online ero t ica
. ite to in crease your sex ual vocabulary. Ju.t
make . ure you do il o n yo u r own lime and with
your own p c, nol rhe co mp any'.!
arou.e him . When you feel hi. bulge, unzip hi. pants and
pu.h them and his underwear down to ju.t below hi.
bum. You just need access to hi. genitals, you don't need
him completely undressed. Such is the convenience of a
quickie .
Spend a moment in blatant admiration of your part-
. lu b . jo b l
my ner'. manhood before asking him to .pread his legs and re-
lax. As he does , .lip down onto your knee. in front of him:
if you want, yo u can unfa.ten yo ur top few bultons to al-
low him a delicious bird's-eye view of your sexy bra-dad
brea.ts. Gently fondle your man'. perineum and massage
hi. test ides until he is at least semi-erect. H ook your arms
behind hi. bum as if locking yourself to him, and bring
your mouth do.e to hi. groin. Blow hot breath onto hi.
genitals and moan to show how anxious you are to take
him in your mouth.
Ifhe's .oft or if you want to torture him a bit lo nger, be-
gin with some teasing tongue move. before putting hi. r--
ni. in your mouth. Nuzzle your face into his perineum and
lick it. Use the tip of your tongue to trace around hi. gen-
ital•. Starting at his perineum, circle hi. scrotum and then
drag your tongue over hi. testides to the base of his penis.
c-a, the base of his peni., then Aalten your tongue and
lick the underside of his .haft from the base to the frenu-
lum . Because the frenulum is an exceptionally sensitive
area, don't use too much pressure the first time you stimu-
late it. Point your tongue again, flick the tip against the
frenulum, and then trace a complete circle under the ridge
of the glan •. Finally, Ralten your tongue once again and
lick the head of his penis like an ice-cream cone. This ex-
quisite process should make hi. penis erect, or at least
semi-erect, in record time.
'When your partner is hard enough for fellatio, slowly
take about half the length of his penis into your mouth . At
the same time, dutch and caress his buttocks to make what
you're doing even naughtier and to increase his arousal.
Suck and lick his penis very gently for a few moments ,
l u b e jo b 16 .
 hands free, kneading his buttocks and roc king his groin
into your mouth.
'When you're ready to rev his engine harder, allow just
the head of his penis to pass through your lips and then
dose your lips tightly around the shaft. Treat the head of
his penis to a good tongue-lashing while it's inside your
mouth: swirl your tongue around it, circle the ridge, and
then slide the bumpy underside of your tongue over top
of the glans ro vary the sensations he is experiencing inside
the wonderful warm wetness of your mouth.
Now take as much of his shaft as you can into your
mouth, making a show of just how big he really is. Suck
firmly as you slide your mouth up and off his penis , let t ing
your lips pop over the ridge of the glans . To begin the
downstroke, purse your lips and press them against the
glans, offering slight resistance before allowing the head of
his penis ro break through the barrier of your lips and sink
into the depths of your mouth. Stroke his penis a few
times in this way and be sure that your moans and move-
ments express how wonderful he tastes .
Srop stroking for a moment and direct your partner to
hold his penis with one hand, at the base, and to push your
mouth onto it . This will give him a powerful and grilty
sense of sexual control that will add to the «d irt iness" of
what you're doing. Let him be as forceful as both your
comfort zones allow.
'When you want to bring your man to orgasm, hold his
penis at the base with one hand while with the other hand
you squeeze and tug his testicles, gently pulling them away
from his body. To begin a momentum-building rhythm
with good pressure around his penis, form a ring with your
. lub . jo b l
fingers and tightly stroke his shaft while simultaneously
performing fellatio: hold your hand dose to your mouth
and continue to suck his penis while you milk and squeeze
it with your fingers . Adopt the pace, pressure, and rhythm
you know will make him come, and let him ejaculate in
your mouth .
Spit or swallow! Check the menu
before d eciding. Many women claim that
a man'. sem en tastes different afte r he's eat en
certain types of foods.. D airy products, meat, and
alcohol are ge ner ally thought ro wo rsen taste, while
fruit and vegetahles are believed ro im prove it.
'Whether you swallow your partner's semen depends on
you: if you're reluctant to , it's no malter. Simply have a tis-
sue nearby to strategically rid yourself of the evidence.
'Whatever you do, don't make a spectacle of this . The last
thing your man wants to think is that you find his body or
his juices in any way distasteful. If you have to spit, you
can always tell him there was just too much to swallow.
Many men see the volume of their ejaculate as an indica-
tion of their virility, so this may be one way to spare his
feelings and flatter him at the same time. Be discreet and
respectful, while still honoring what you are willing to do
and not do.
Of course, there is a wealth of fellatio techniques avail-
able in this handbook (as well as on the Internet and on
video), and while skill is important and helpful, a good
l u be jo b 16
"
 knowledge of whar turn. your particular ma n on i. far
more valuable. It isn't nece. sary to concern yourself with
using a wide variety of profe••ional porn-sanctioned tech-
n iques during a lube job. In Ihe end, these mai ntenance
quickies work because, fro m your partner's perspective,
Ihey are completely spontaneous and perhaps somewhat
oUl of character for you . His spike of arousal and quick d i-
max don't come fro m Rawless textbook maneuvers; Ihey
come from th e .heer Ihrill of th e experience ilself.
Whal an eyefUl! When you 're performing
fell alio on your n,an , glance up al him
and m ain lain eye co nta ct while yo u suck.
It'. a !Urn -on for n,any guy••
Now thaI you've satisfied your partner, send him into
rhe ki tchen on shaky legs to prepare a po.tfellalio snack
while you power-down Ihe compUler. Working through all
Ihal e-mail may have worked up your appeti te•.
5a lu b . jo b l
!Lube !Job #7
iii
The Hot-Oil Change
o men don't always understand the ma le preoccupa-
W tion wit h The Penis. Is it too small? Too skinny? Too
crooked? Do wom en find it attracti ve? It seem. as if men
are far m ore concerned with these penile issues than
women are . Yet the fairer sex ca n certainly sympathize, for
in this age of airbrushed beauty, surgical nips and tucks,
suctions , injectio ns, lift s, and enlargement., women suffer
from a constant and beural onslaught of culturally im-
posed and co mpletely impossible srmdards of bodily per-
fection and elernal youth .
Popular culture and its co nnivi ng twi n siSler, advertis-
ing, send out a common message to both sexes--your
body jusl isn't good enough. T h e insecurities these calcu-
lating beasts spread 100 often spill into our intimate rela-
lionships, causin g prob lems where before there were none
or few. So where is one 10 find sheher from a storm of
heartless criticism? In Ihe arms of one's beloved, of course.
Now more than ever it is vital to the health and happi ness
 of a couple', sex life for each partner to know that his or
her body is desirable 10 rhe other. Sincere sexual Aattery is
essential to maintaining a good love life.
Just days before starting this chapter, D on and I were
channel-surfing when a major beaury pageant, in rhe full
rheoes of rhe swimsuit compelilion no less, Rashed across
Ihe screen. Don had the remole control, and inslead of
slowing 10 watch he passed by without missing a beal, say-
ing "Those plastics have nOlhing on my wife." I thought
10 myself, 'What woman wouldn'r want a husband like
Ihis? Snuggling doser to him on th e couch, I told him
how much his reaction meant to me : how it made me
feel loved, confident, and very, very, frisky. Most impor-
lant, it made me feel protected from the weapons of mass
demorali""tion that our culture is constantly firing at
women .
Den's response 10 my expression of gratitude was an en-
lightening one, and it actually provided th e impetus for
Ihis lube job. As it turns out, his female-friendly reaction
10 the beauty pageant was in part caused by an incident
that had happened a few years earlier. He reminded me of
a television program we had seen, and allhough it took a
while for me to remember it, it was obviously still front
and center in his memory.
The program was a documentary of sorts, on penises.
Human penises of every size, shape, color, slant, length,
width, and appearance were shown, some hanging down,
some standing up al full attention, a few somewhere in be-
tween , According 10 Don, I responded by watching for a
few minutes with mild amusement and then turning off
Ihe television and gushing about how perfect his manhood
00 lub e jo b l
was, how it was more desirable Ihan any I had seen on th e
lelevision, and how I felt so lucky to be married 10 such a
fine specimen. Little did I know it, but my Iigh thearled
penis praise had actually had a profound and lasting im -
pact on Out marriage. 'While this may seem absurd at first,
if you really think about it, there was great wisdom in my
approach.
We all know that the betler you make someone feel
about himself or herself, the betler that person will feel
about you. In friendship, we're all drawn to people who
build us up, and we avoid those who lear us down . That
simple logic extends to our intimale relationships . No
one in the world has more power over another person's
sexual confidence than does that person's spouse or inti-
mate partner. By consciously deciding to shield each other
from the sexual insecurities that can so ruthlessly invade
our psyches , a couple builds a fortress around their sexual
relationship that nothing can break through . They also
reaffirm the love, devotion , and admiration they have for
each other in olher areas of their life logether. Praise is
power.
It is b ener to give Ihan to receive.
Giving co m plime nu 10 o ur pannen ca n
rem ind u . of their po.ilive trai u and in cr e,""e o ur
su ual d esire for them.
Of course , the real issue isn't whose penis is slraighter or
better looking (or whose breasts are fuller or nicer). The
lub e jo b 17
"
...,..1i...ue is good Slcwar<hh ip. We give rna ..., rh..n just our
bodics to o ur part ner<, We give ou r heans ..nd souls, too ,
..nd whcn th ose aren't handled with ..s much love ..nd ure
u ou r bod ies, thc rel..lio m hip suffen. We women thrive in
...,Ialionshipo when men Iake the lime 10 compli men t us,
whelher ii's 10 tell us Ih.a t we look sny in a d ress, tha t w e're
sm..re, Ihar our .xi n fcd. >oft, o r Ihat o ur h...,uts ....., beau-
tiful. These compliments nee only give us personal con fi-
dence, Ihey ..Iso suengthen our feelings of comm itment
and love for our m..re.
Yet Ihere is somet hing of .. double S1andan!. when it
comes 10 R..nering men , Fot some reason, rhere isn't rhe
same lendeney 10 com pliment a man u the..., is .. woman ,
even Iho ugh-slt any man-a sincen- <;omplimenl c:I.I1
nu.Iu: rhe sun shine hrigh tn- on even rhe darkesr d..~.
Quile often, .. wom..n will make a menial note of how
hand.ome or ony her man looks hut will nonClheless f.UI
10 vocaliu rhe com plimml. perhaps .....uming th..1 sud>
praise isn'r u imperean e 10 him as it is ro her.
Unfonun.;ud y• the f..ilul't'to R..n er our men isn't always
an innocent oversighl' Nicole. a twcnty-cigh t-year--<>k1
wife ..nd mo, her of twO, carne 10 Ihink of com plimcnring
her husban d u .. wmnno, Rcg.. rdless of how good. he
looked or how hard he . tied '0 please her, she with hdd
prai"". fe..ring lhat it migh t go 10 his had. And praise isn'l
allthar she wilhhdd. Sex soon followed.
· 1 used 10 throw the compliments ..round like they
we", going out of S1yle: Nicole sa~ · We w e..., in love, in
the ho neymoo n phase:. ..nd I W U forever Id ling him how
sweel he w:as.•
So what caused the <;hangc?
"Peer prC'Ssu re,~ ..d mits Nicole. "I'u", ..nd simplc. It's
emba er....ing now, but I st..n ed h..nging ..round some
WOmen who ..II bil<;hed nonstop about Ihe men in Iheir
lives. ..nd before I knew it, I beg..n thi nking like them, I
wu no belter th..n ..n imp...,..io n..ble leenager: they'd
shm their n -husb<.nds o r bo,friend" and I'd be right
alonpide them , joining in. AI lin t il was just Iall, bUI
then it st..ned 10 t .. ke root, ..nd my whole ..lti rude dCln-i-
OUted:
"It Was like Jekyll and Hyde,~ says Nicole', husban d,
Many. "Fo r the first fi..., o r six ~ of our marriage she
w:as ...doub le ..nd ..Iw..p said the ni<;est thi ngs.. 1'hcn we
seemed 10 hil a brkk wall. 1 callrh..1 brick wall 'Mommy's
new friends: ·
Mommy'. nC'W fnc mls we..., .. grou p of women Nicole
mn when her younger daughter beg..n I'"""hool. 1bnc
mom. seemed h.annlns enough at lim . so Nicole was
happy when they invited her 10 their~:U" Friday movie
night , which Was hd d ..lone of tIK 'ingle mom', houses.
For the fim scvcnl Fridays., the ouring< w e..., .. w deam e
bl't'ak from her roul ine, ..nd she looked fo rward 10 the <:;1-
m..uderie of having girlfriends around for Ihe lin l lime
since her collegedap. The girl talk, l..ughter. and common
intCTC'SU reminded her of her single dap . before Ihe hus-
band and kids.
· Mosl of Ihe moms w en- divorud o r never m....ried, so
the girl 1..11. was diffen-m rh..n with my happ ily m....ried
friend.: says Nicok. "( h..d .. sense of independence and
frttJom . hat reminded me of whe n I w:as single. Don'l gel
 me wrong, they were terrific mothers to their kid., but be-
cause most of them weren't tied down to a man, the con-
versation .eemed a lot more colorful -youthful-to me,
and I felt more youthful just being there."
But gradually, the girl talk gave way to unadulterated
man bashing. One woman told of how her ex-husband
cheated on her, while another revealed the sordid detail. of
her own string of infidelities. An unhappy wife told of how
her current husband spent more time playing with his
video games than he did with his own kids. Yet another
woman complained that her live-in boyfriend was more
concerned about his ex-wife than he was about her, even
though they were planning to marry and he had been di-
vorced for years.
'When Nicole sheepishly admitted that her husband
was both faithful and very involved in their children's live.,
her comments were met with derision and ridicule: "'When-
ever I said I was happy in my marriage , they'd all laugh and
treat me like I was a naive schoolgirl. T hey'd say the ax
would fall any day and I'd realize all men are alike. I man-
aged to ignore them for a wh ile and just told myself they
were bitt er, but it was like they managed to plant this tiny
seed of doubt that really .tuck."
Peer pressure can be po.itive too .
Surround yourself with happ y, fulfilled,
and well-balanced peopl e to reap th e benefits of
po.itive peer pressure .
. lu be jo b l
Soon, the tiny seed of doubt began to grow into a big
change of behavior. "'When I'd get home after a Friday
movie night, I'd always walk through the door with a chip
on my .houlder, ~ admits Nicole. "If Marty had fallen
asleep on the couch waiting for me, I'd think, What an as.-
hole! Those women are right . Ifhe'd deaned the house and
was waiting up for me, I'd think, 'What a suck-up. What's
he trying to hide?~
And of course , their sex life began to be affected as
Nicole's attitude toward sex changed, too. "Sex was always
a hot topic of conversation on these movie nights. My
friends were always saying how they weren't put on the
planet just to .atisfy some man'. needs, and I wondered if
that 's what I was doing. Marty's always had a really strong
sex drive, and I often did it when I wasn't in the mood, just
to satisfY him. But now I had the idea that satisfYing him
was beneath me. If he hinted that he wanted sex , it just
made me angry. ~
Over the weeks, the situation grew worse. Nicole be-
came increasing intolerant, critical, and un loving. Marty
withdrew to the basement and began to play soliraiee on
the computer instead of engaging with his family. "I didn't
want to be anyv.·here near her, ~ .ays Marty. "Bad vibes
were alII got from her and lots of them. I wouldn't be sur-
prised if we went two months without her .aying a .ingle
kind word to me. Sex was out of the question. Unless
Nicole was "ally in the mood, I didn't stand a chance. It
didn't matter how affectionate I was to her; she wouldn't
reciprocate in a sexual way, although she knew full well
what I wanted. ~
lu be jo b 17 .
 "Marty wou ld avoid me all n ight, the n c raw l into bed
al mid nighl and start rea" hing for me," ""Y" Nicole. ~ I
knew wha t he wanted , h ut I d eliberately withheld il.
Look ing back, il was very cruel, but al the lime il seemed
toully ju ui ficd. l l ho ugh t, 'lX'hal am I, you r""" . Ia",,? I'd
never rho ughl aboux main lenan"e """ like that in Ihe
pul, bUI I w;u ju>! foeuo«! o n "7 ncnJs. no l h i•. The mo re
I knew he needed me, the bigge r the ch ip o n my .houl-
dee gOI:
Thi••immering .itu.llion finally CTUpled o ne nigh t in
the mo<.l di'lurbing way. Nicole Ume home fro m a Fri-
day movie night to find Many ...Jecp on Ihe down.tai..
couch, rhe plaa where "'" n<J'W 'p"m mo<.t of hi> time and
oomctim"" even 'pem rhe nigh r. ~ide I"'" couch. Ihe
OCn:n1 "'vn on ehe compu reT Kn:n1 f1icJ.erC'd. For oome
n:aoon, Nicok reached OUt and clicked I"'" mou.... H eT jaw
dropp<d.
"Porn , porn, porn: "'Y" Nicole. " h w;u Ihe home page
of a porn .ire. wilh a doun WQmCTl in n:ally gnphic do...-
up' and. a fLubing 'Jo in Now' ba nner ouoIling K ...... the
ocrttn. It wu ridiculous, In a split >ea>nd , my married life
k=>e a parhctic dicho!. There ( wu, out wit h the gin.
while my hlUba nd was h iding in t"'" baxmen l, . urling
porn o n Ihe Web. I remember kk kin g t"'" com pu ler desk
;u hard ;u 1 could to Wilke him up. Ma ny jumpnJ. up o ff
rhe couch, an d when he ....w Ihat 1 had discove red h i. di ny
li[lle OC'tret, he jlUt seared at me. He didn't apologize o r ex-
pbi n o r anyth ing. It w;u like he did n't even u re:
"It'. nor tha t 1 d idn 't care," Many explains. "I jlUr
w ... n't up for the fight. I knew it W ;u the ammu nitio n . he
w;u wairing fot. h was the ploof that her girlfriend.. ....ere
right and that I wa. an a..ho le, just like ""cry olher man
ou t there."
"I tu rned arou nd and man:hed oUl of Ihe hou...," ""Y'
N ico le. "I headed tighl ba" k to my friend'. house. The
ot her women were " ill there, and 1 n aned cryi ng an d
yelling, Id ling them whal had happened :
Mom my" new friend. n:Ktcd exKtly ... :-':icole amici-
pared they would. TI.cy told her that Marty "'..... a pen-en ,
a sexual dmam , and that he . houldn·t even be aro un d h i.
<J'Wn kid... They to ld her that .he w... too good fo r h im and.
tlut he ohviou.ly wun't aluaaed to her anymore, 00 .he
might ... well lea...,. They told heT th at if.he Iud any ...If-
rt:""f'CC! '''''' wouJ.d djvcece him ; orheewise she wu noth ing
mere than a ¥onk and fooli>h wo man. They told heT to
pack up hi> cloth"" , kk k him out, and not let him see h i.
kKh umil he'd ~vnJ. t""'... py. They IOld h.....he dncrvcd
better dun a >cx -addia hlUband.
"l think tlut in my hean I knew it w ... wrong,· "')"5
Nicok, "bul t"'" whok mcu seemed 10 rake on a life o f in
own . It had in own mo mem u m. 1 wntl back home. bue I
b.mi..haf Many 10 I"'" ba.emem. I even implicd that he
.houIJn'l be left alone with hi> kid ..--thal" the part 1 still
can't fOrgive my>cl f fOr. 1hcre are oome things you ...y tha i
you can'l take k k; oom e Ihings change the Wily you Ittl
about younclffOn:ver, and tlul w ... one of them. I still fttl
overwhelming . hame fOr tha I. I do n'l lhink 1 co uld·..., for-
given Many if he had ...id those th ings aho UI m e. so I don'l
know how he'. fOund il in hi. hcan 10 forgive me. 1 still
can't believe thal I [cr mysclflosc so much perspect ive:
h w;u d uri ng th i. lime--wilh 1I.h ny seque. terC'd in Ihe
basement and N icole ruling wilh a heavy hand--that an
 unexpected houseguest added herself to the vo latile silUa-
tion. Nicole's mother showed up on their doorstep, unan·
nounced and completely oblivious to the hostile territory
she was entering. She had been waiting to see a medical
specialist in town for some time and had been offered an
appointment after a last-minute cancellation.
Nicole told her mother everything that had happened,
but her mother', reaction wasn't what she had expected.
Instead of automatically joining in her anti.l\.hrty tirade,
Nicole's mother asked a question that took her daughter
completely off guard.
UMy mom asked, 'W'hy is he looking at pornography?
Aren't you putting out?' H o nestl y, I didn't even know my
mom knew the phrase 'p u tting out.' But her question hit a
sore spot, and I started ranting about how it didn't matter
whet her or not I was putting out, he shouldn't be hiding in
the basement looking at porn on the computer."
But Nicole's mother was unmoved by her rant and con-
tinued to question her about what was going on in the
marriage.
- t was so mad at her. I told her that she was my mother,
and that if anyone should stick up for me, it was her. I told
her about how my friends had stuck up for me and what
they had said, and she started shaking her head . M aybe it
was a sixth sense or maybe it was just mother', instinct, but
my mom was instantly suspicious of my new friends. She
ke pt saying 'Misery loves company.' u
Unlike Nicole's newfound friends , her mother was
d ea rly invested in her happiness and genuinely wanted
wha t was best for her. She sat N ico le down and calmly as·
sessed the situation. T he images on the computer we re
. lu b. jo b l
soft-core pornography. T he re was nothing violent, under-
age, or otherwise overtly disturbing. There were only
pictures-no online chatting or friends--and nothing had
been actually saved onto the computer. Basically, Marty was
looking at a few dirty pictures, and, according to Nicole's
mother, that wasn't a hanging offense.
- t {old my mom ,hal men shouldn't be looking at porn
online and that l\hrey was a sex addict. She laughed in my
face and said that if looking at pictures of naked women
made a man a sex addict, then my father and grandfather
were sex addicts too. She lold me my dad used to have a
subscription to a skin magazine and my grandpa had a col-
lection of direy playing cards . I couldn't believe the way my
mom was talking since she was always very conservative
when it came to sex. She obviously knew I needed the hard
n
line to get my thinking back on track.
Pornographic images rea ch hack to
a n t iq uity, g racing walls and vases, a nd
also have found exp ression in scll ip ture. It ..,ems
o llr a ncesto rs felt the same d esire 10 sneak a peek,
hilt they jll st cOllld n't download stone pielll res!
Nicole's mom was even so hold as to ask about her
daughter's sex life, and she was unimpressed when she
lea rned her daughter was w ith ho ld in g sex.
UMy mom said, ''What do you expect, N icole? If you
turn the taps off upstairs, he's going to go downstairs for a
drink.' I hated her for being so rational and especially for
lub e jo b e 7 .
~in g'" ngl". I had turned th" rap' olf. and I wasn'r "w n
sure why. The more 1 thuu ghl about how I'd been Ireating
him , rh" mo r" I slarr«l lo pa nic. Th" hue: sran «l to clear,
and I realiuJ how mi""rahl" I'd b.",n to him . He'd b.",n
rrying"" hard to plea .... m", hu t I'd b.",n mean to h im for
absolUiely no reason, I was rem fied the: ", was no going
k k. My mom o.aid, 'SIan k ing nice. Ir', Ihal .i mple.' "
So N icok S1an«l k ing nice. When Friday cam e along,
she . u y«l home an d . pent l he: movie: nigh l wilh her hu....
I»nd. · 1 rem ed hi, favorire movi", pul ",,"ra bun"r on the
pop«>rn , aed showe red h im with pra ise: as ~11 as apolo-
gies. My mo m was righi , il Was l hal . imp l". In on" night I
started 10 undo a 101 o f Ihe da mage Ihat I had d on e. I told
Many bow foolish I'd been act ing, bow I'd gon"n caught
up in cvaything. and bow I'd nevn take him fOr granted
again. 1~lIy lcJd him how won<InfuJ. he was and bow
lucl<y I was 10 have a man like him. I wem th rough all his
wondcrful qualities.. from good p«M<Jer to F..nusric Ico.=.
H is ~ just: lit up. and I fd l like I cou ld bu m into lean. H"
was likc a lirde boy who<J been ignored for a long time. and
now ""md>ody w;u being kind to him."
"And ,he pUI OUI: adds Many. · Rc:ally well, if I re-
memk r ck arly. I have on " h,,11 of a mother-in-law,"
Som" of us will nevn lose as much pcr.ipccriw as
Nicole d id, ..nd ""m" may have a kCCn<:T ""n"" of when
lhey're bcing led down a d..rk path . Srill, ~ can all cm-
p:uhizc wilh bcing swept up in ""m",hing, and , fOr ..ny
numkr of r.,..5005, we'ee ..II guilty of occasionally ov"r-
looking our p..emer's qu ..lil i.,. ..nd nq;lecring h is needs.
Som"lim.,. it', jU'1 a m.nrer of k ing busy, bUI now and
th"n w" need to slow down and ", infO rc" our p<ll1 n"r's
fed ings uf desirah ility. As w,,'ve said , the wor ld h.., a w..y
of making all o f u, feci inadcquale. You hav" Ihe po wer ro
co nvince yo ur man orh..rwi"".
Ask yoursclf Ih i. qu n lio n: Wh..n was th.. I..st lim.. you
101.1 you r pa n net what a truly wonderful m..n h.. is? When
was the [asr lime you 101.1 him how fun ny h.. is or how w..11
h.. bu ilr that bookshelf in rh.. d C"fl ? 'IX'h..n did you last R..r-
l..r hi, """ ual .kill. and d esirab ility ? If it's been .. while,
do n't pan ic. Thislube job i. a qu ick fix fOr those m..n who
are running low o n .....ual compl im..n". Through .. pI'<>-
ecu of Ran" ry, fondl ing, and fellario, you'D ,""ure your
moUl lha t h i. jewels shine b right... Ihan all th .. OIhe..... and
in so doing, yo u'll ..,..ffinn your love oUId adontion for
h im as a pan nct, bo lh in an d ou t of Ihe bedroom.
FUl1cry, pan icula.-ly ..... uaI Ran..!}; i. a powc-rfUI
aphrodisi.K, Be: honest with yoursc lf. Don't you feci more
desira bl" oUId mo re anran...l. to you r p<ll1n..r when he-
cemmenes o n the- "" ftons o f you r skin or th e pc:rfC"Cl shoo.pe
of your breasts? Be: genc-rous wirh your prai"" and he..rt-
fclr in you r actions. When your partOC"l is in need of..wn-
tenence sex, alwap rna with adrnjrarion inseead of
ieriraeicn. Ralhe:t lhan act ing lik.. his nceds are oUI incon-
vemeeee eo you , . mo lh", him wilh co mplimC"flts ..bout his
. trong libido and lell h im how happy you are ro h..ve such
.. hO( -bloodc:d ma n.
Remember Ihar you have Ihe powe-r 10 build your man
up o r 10 rear hi m down , "" choose: wisely. It'. all in your ..r-
rieude. If you find you r anirud.. i. negati ve, c"x;lIJIine why
and co rrect Ih" prob l"m.
I\: ni. pra i"" i. Ihe most d irect way 10 boose your nun'.
....xual ego, a nd rhi.lube: job is rh.. pe-rfC"C1 vehicle 10 d eliver
h. b. jo b J7 71
 those much-needed compliments. This quickie is also a
great way to perform mai ntenance when you're too tired to
expend a lot of energy; you get to lie on your back the
whole time you play mechani c!
This lube job begins before bedtime. Sprinkle some
compliments throughout the day, perhaps admiring your
man's broad shoulders or commenting on how sexy he
looks when he shaves. 'When it's ti me to turn in, lie on
your back on the bed and unexpectedly pull your partner
down on top of you . Treat him to a long, deep, enticing
kiss to catch him off guard and ge t th ings started quickly.
Gradually move your kisses down your parmer', body,
from his mouth to his neck to his chest, either lifting or re-
moving his shirt as you slither downward . Place feathery
kisses down the centerline of his body and over his bare
stomach until you reach his groin . Reach up to rub his
hips and outer and inner thighs before turning your atten-
tion to his genitals. Give them a massage while they are
underneath his dothing, com menting how good they feel
agains t your hands . N ow grab his buttocks, using them as
leverage to pull your face up to his groin to kiss his geni-
tals , again while they are still underneath his pants.
'When you feel him harden , unzip his pants and push
them down jus t far enough so that yo u can d o your job .
l\Iouth the bulge over the fabric of his underwear, and
then push them down out of the way as well. M ake a spec -
tade of the unveili ng. Squirm undernea th him and tell
him how delicious his genitals look . If you can, use a little
dir!)' talk; it's a far greater tu rn -o n for a m an to be to ld his
cock is beautiful, than his genitals.
lu b e jo b l
"
Fondle his penis and testides for a m oment, then grab
his buttocks again and pull his groin down toward your
face u nti! you can take the head of his penis into your
mouth , Suck and tongue jus t the head. Put your hands on
your m an's hips and keep them there so you can cont rol
how m uch of his penis goes into you r m outh.
Bit by bit, take mo re of you r man's length into your
mouth . Pull down on his hips, giving h im permission to
thrust deeper into your m out h. If hes too eager or goes too
deep, gently push up on his hips to have him ease up. By
allowing your m an to actively penetrate your mouth rather
than just passively receive oral sex, you'lJ give hi m a nasty
feeling of sexual control that he'lJ love; however, if you
don't trust his discipline to obey you r hands-on-hips guid-
ance, have hi m crouch , unmoving, above you wh ile you
bring your mouth up to him .
Come on, try just a bile. Some men
love the feel of so h nibbles along the
length of Ih e shaft an d on the head of the peni•. If
you haven't tried this m outh move before, wa rn
your man in adva nce and, once you have hi s okay,
treat hi. peni. like the del icacy il is.
Take a break every now and then to praise your part-
ner's man parts. Tell him how sexy he looks crouched
above you, how hard and thick he feels in your m out h, and
how yo u can't wait to taste him when he comes.
lu b e jo b 17
 Pick up the pace by letting your man thrust as deeply as
you're comfortable with and at a speed and rhythm you
both like. If you're confident he won't lose control and gag
you, you can let go of his hips and use one or bo th hands
to squeeze his penis as he pumps into your mouth and
nears orgasm.
You can either let him ejaculate into your mouth or, if
you prefer, take his penis out of your mouth and stroke it
with your hands when you know he ', close to climaxing.
(Yo u may feel like you're going ro choke if you're Rat on
your back and he comes in your mouth; only you can de-
termine this. ) At the very least, lift your head or otherwise
shift your position so you aren't lying completely flat on
th e bed when the moment comes. Your man won't notice
some minor last-m in u te adjusting.
Compliment your man on his superior performance but
save a little room for self-flattery, too. You deserve it, for
you're a woman who does more than maintain her man in
the bedroom, as important as that is. You're also a loving
partner who understands the power you have over your
man's sexual and personal confidence, and who has decided
to use that power to build him-and your relationship--
up to towering heights.
:Lube !Job #a
iii
Under the Hood
o me n lo ve romantic dinners. We lo ve the soft music ,
W the sweet ta lk, the cheesecake, and the sparkle in our
lo ve r's eyes as he admires us from across the private, can-
dlelit, linen-draped table for two. Men love what comes af-
ter dinner. Indeed, there's some truth ro the expression
ut he way to a man's heart is through his stomach,n and this
tasty lube job puts a new spin on that old saying by chas-
ing a sexy dish with an even sexier dessert that'll have your
man licking his lips in satisfaction.
Barb and Gordon are a busy middle-aged couple who
own a thriving restaurant in a trendy district of a large city.
Their restaurant's enviable lo ca tio n means that they not
only have a highly successful business, but also that they
cater to a wide and sometimes very unique customer base.
It was the exploits of two of their regular customers that
demonstrate just how sexy a supper can be .
As Batb relates, this particular couple dined in their
restaurant once or twice a month , always late at night and
 always at a reserved private table in the back of the estab-
lish m e nt. T hey would specifically request that the waiter
not disturb them during their meal, and although Barb as-
sumed this was just to emure a quiet meal, she eventually
discovered the real reason. One night, as she stole a quick
glance beh ind the drawn curtain that separated their table
from the rest of the restaurant, she was only mildly sur-
prised to see just her male patron at the table. He was sit-
ting back in his chair with the long tablecloth moving
below him.
Because the couple always acted discreetly (and left
large tips), Barb respected their privacy and let them con-
tinue to get their thrills at her restaurant. In fact, she ulti-
mately decided to serve up a little of what they were having
at her own table.
uG o rd and I spend almost all our time at the restau-
rant, U says Barb. -e, usually eat our suppers there after
closing and then don't get home until midnight or one
o'clock in the morning. By that time I'm too distracted to
think about sex. Gord's usually game, but I'm still balanc-
ing the till and scheduling employees in my head, so I'm
just not into it . He can turn it all off easier than I can."
So, one evening after the restaurant had closed and
Gord was sitting alone at a corner table, munching on
some cold Zllcchini sticks and reviewing the new lease
agreement, Barb served a dessert that wasn't on the menu.
She slipped under the table, and, well, you know the rest .
" I always knew I went into business with the right girl,"
says Gordon, "bur when Barb did that, I knew I married
the right girl too. T here were many nights we'd get home
lub. jo b l
" "
and I'd want to have sex , but I knew Barb', mind was else-
where. She handles a lot more of the business side than I
do. She does the works, everything from counting eggs to
hiring and firing. I'd fed guilty that I was asking for sex, so
I wouldn't push it, but then I'd be kind of frustrated that
she didn't offer. T he night she first went under the table
was like something from a movie. I could hardly believe it
was happening. It was fanrasric."
"I thought I'd reel like an idiot doing it," says Barb,
Ubut I didn't, not at all. It was exciting. Even though we
knew the restaurant was aJl locked up and empty, we could
still pretend we were a couple taking that risk in public.
Sometimes I'd be giving Gord a blow job under the table
just for maintenance purposes, bur then I'd get stimulated
doing it and we'd end up having intercourse right there on
the Roor, like a couple of newly"..eds."
Barb and Gordon's under-the-table trysts are evidence
of a simple fact: one of the easiest and most exciting ways
to spice up your sexual routine is ro have sex in an unusual
place. A change of scenery is sometimes enough to recharge
a waning sex drive, but this doesn't mean you have to join
the mile-high club or go down on each other in the local
movie theater (please don't) . For many of us , an unusual
place is any place outside the bedroom, and the kitchen is
a great place to start.
With a little preparation, even the most utilitarian
kitchen table can become a romantic table for two. T h row
a nice tablecloth over it ro hide any telltale crayon marks,
add a few candles and some low classical music ro the mix,
and serve up a libido-enhancing meal that will satisfy your
 man's hunger in the best of ways. Why limit maintenance
sex to the mattress? That kitchen table of yours holds a lot
of erotic potential you can use to pleasure you r man.
Ca n'l lake another bite? In stead of an
u nde e-rhe-rable b low jo b, give yo u r jaw a
rest and t reat yo ur man 10 a h and job in st ead. P UI
so me lu be in a b owl and use il as a fri sky fin ger
dish 10 st ro ke him 10 climax und er the laMe.
There's a strong association between food and friskiness
that almost every culture recognizes, and you can use this
connection to your advantage. Certain foods are believed
to have aphrodisiac qualities, though whether or not they
actually possess such powers may be irrelevant. The power
of suggestion is often enough to get the juices Rowing.
Belter still, some of the most sensual foods are blissfully
easy 10 prepare, wh ich means you can save your creative
energy for what you serve under the table rather than ex-
pend it on what you put on lOp of it.
For an easy model menu, serve oysters as appetizers ,
steak as the main course, and steamed asparagus dressed in
bulter or olive oil on the side . For dessert, have apricots,
strawberries, and/or bananas dipped in warm chocolate or
co ol whipped cream. Serve wine with supper, and coffee
with dessert. Keep the menu simple but sexy. Of course,
you 'll amend this menu to your tastes, convenience, and
cooking ability. If you're a gourmet, the sky's the limit. If,
however, your cooking ab ility is limited to dialing for take-
lub . jo b l
" "
out, no malter. Order anchovies and shrimp on your pizza
and call it seafood.
Mo ney m ay not grow o n lree s, but
avocado _just pi cture them- are known
as the fruit of the leslicle t ree and are believed to
have aph rodis iac q ualilies.
As you dine by candlelight (perhaps wearing only lin -
gerie), explain the aphrodisiac qualities of your meal to
your parmer. H e'll be thinking sexy thoughts with each
and every bite. Tell him that seafood, including the oysters
he's eating, is believed 10 increase a man's lib ido because
Aphrodite, the goddess of love, was born of the sea. 'When
he bites into that juicy steak, tell him how the protein in
steak also increases a man's sexual energy. Then hold up a
piece of that oh-so-phallic asparagus, and lick the butter
off the tip as you throw him a flirtatious wink. Ta ke a sip
of wine, and tell him how alcohol is the most common
aphrodisiac. It lowers inhibitions and sets desires free. Tell
him how the ancients used 10 have sexual orgies, baccha-
nals , where they'd drink and have sex with whoever they
wanted , all thanks to the god of wine, Bacchus.
As you're delighting in the tastes and smells of your sex
supper, flirt often and openly with your parmer. Play foot-
sies under the table and lean over to let him sneak a peek
at the curves of your breasts. Kee p the dinner conversation
focused on sexual aphrodisiacs to increase his arousal. It's a
fun topic, so you shouldn't have much. difficulty holding
 his attention. You can talk aboUl the millions of dollars
that are spent every year as people search for that magic
love potion in everything from creams ro perfumes to
power drinks.
Abstinence can be an effective ap lu o-
disiac. Every now and then, negl ect yo ur
m aintenance duties for an ntra ni ght to let
your n,an's d esire for yo u really build. J ust don't
sh irk yo ur respons ib ilit ies too o fte n , or yo u'll go
from arousing t o aggravat ing. And make su re
your partner knows yo ur hands-off ap proach is
foreplay, not forgetfulness.
'When it's time for dessert, dip your fruit in chocolate
or whipped cream and teasingly lick it off as your partner
watches. If you're having bananas, dip a whole one in
cream and suck it off. H e'll get the idea. To press the point,
you can dip his fingers in cream and suck them clean as
well. Twirl your tongue around the palm of his hand to ex-
ploit this very erogenous area. Ask yOUl partner ro empty
his coffee cup, since caffeine is a stimulant. Tell him that
you want him wide awake for what comes next.
If you're still in the mood for sweers, take the whipping
cream and/or chocolate with you, and, with a devilish
smile, disappear under the table . Run your hands up your
partner's legs, over his thighs, to his groin . Unfasten his
pants and expose his genitals, then place soft kisses around
.0 lub . jo b l
his groin area, from his thighs and hips to his penis and
testicles, ro arouse him.
uFood can give a person so many enjoyable feelings, U
says Barb, "and I learned to use it under the table, too.
Sometimes I'd pur a warm dessert sauce on Go-d's penis
and lick it off, then I'd pur something coolon it, like whip-
ping cream, just to give him different feelings down there.
It's an erotic thing to do."
If you wish , you can follow Barb's lead and use the
whipping cream and/or chocolate to complement oral sex.
Just remember that the skin on a man's penis is extremely
sensitive, so be careful and don't apply anything that is too
warm or too cool. Experiment by going slowly at first and
only proceeding if your partner likes what's going on un-
der the hood. Spread the sweets of your choice over his pe-
nis and take your time licking them off. 'Why rush a good
meal?
If yo u don't want ro use food on yo ur
partner's p ri vat es, purchase a select ion of
f1avoreJ. l ubri cants and put th em on the table a.'i if
th ey were on the m enu. Let him choose th e flavo rs
you ge t to sam ple.
'When this down-below dessert is finished, you can
bring the meal to a delicious end by proceeding to full-
blown fellatio. Receiving oral sex in this unusual and in-
tensely erotic w ay will be a real thriII for your man, so let
.
 him sit back and lose himself in the sensations. Let him
ejaculate in YOUt mouth to make this the finest dini ng ex-
petience he's ever had, start to finish.
"Ir's a tota l fantasy, there's nothi ng like ir," says Gor-
don . UHaving all those feelings going on down there but
not being able ro see them just takes your breath away. I
can't tell you how good it feels. I sit back in the chair,
spread my legs, and I'm in heaven . It's fairly dirty, too, and
I can't say that doesn't turn me on . My mind wanders, and
I sometimes pretend we're out in public and she's gone
down on me. That makes the whole experience even more
unbelievable. She's done it lots of times, but every time is
like the first. I can't get eno ugh of it, and I think those are
the strongest orgasms I have. ~
But what about the hardworking chef, you ask. 'Where's
the tha nks for making such a mouthwa tering meal?Accord-
ing to Barb, the gratitude you'll receive goes well beyond
the standard twenty-percent gratuity.
uReal gratitude isn't a few dollars left behind by a
stranger, ~ she says. uReal gratitude is the way your husband
looks at you and hugs you when you do somethi ng like
this for him . In my opi nion, maintenance sex isn't a tha nk-
less job, not if you have a good man. And if you're fortu-
nate enough ro have a good man, like I do, you get back
way more than you put into it."
&2 lub . jo b l
!Lube !Job # 9
iii
Grab a Gear-Part II: The Delour
s sexual boredom inevitable in a long-te rm relations hip?
I Does familiarity, as the saying goes, breed contempt?
Ult was the socks that did it," says I\ Iirriam. "Right
there , in the middle of the kitchen Roor. He was standing
sockless by the stove, slurping the last of the white wine
sauce right from the po t."
l\Iirriam and Nicholas had been living together for ten
years, and over the past decade things had become a bit ...
urn ... relaxed.
"I made a romantic 'ten years together' din ner, and we
ate by candlelight, ~ explains M irriam . "I wanted to take
the evening slow, but N ick knocked back his food like he
was late for a Right. After the feeding frenzy I excused my-
self to slip int o something more comfortable, and when I
came back in a garter, he was standi ng barefoot beside the
stove, holding the pot to his lips, guzzling my gourmet
sauce like a cold beer. T he socks were there, lying in a heap
in the middle of {he Roor, almost symbolic .u
 Her partner's fau x pas notwithstanding, Mirriam was
determined to stay in a sexy mood. She asked Nick what
movies he had rented for their special anniversary evening.
uTwo kung fu movies and a horror Btck," recalls M irriam.
" I felt like 1 was trapped in a bad sitcom. The only thing
missing was the fake laugh track. N ick finally put down
th e pot and noticed me standi ng there wearing th is garter
thing. I suddenly felt ridiculous, like 1 was trying to be
twenty years younger than 1 was, but he whistled like a
co nstruction worker and swept me off my feet . He was all
over me , but as hard as 1 tried, I just could n't get into it.
u
Than k goodness for lube .
T he ne xt day, Mi rriam w as rela ting her anniversary an-
tics to her female co- workers, sharing and laughing about
th e Hames-ro-hzzle progression that seemed to characteri""
long- term relatio nsh ips.
" h was unanimous,n M irriam says, "all my colleagues
felt the same way: very much in love, totally devoted to
their partners, but losing those sparks of sexual attraction .
l\Ios t of us had partners o r husbands who were stiII sexu-
ally attracted to us, but we had lost the mo tivation to ful-
fill their need s. I used to get butterflies w hen Nick would
touch me unexpectedly, but that wasn't happening as
m uch . You do your bes t to ge t the spark back, whether it's
buying sexy teddies or going away for a weekend, but it's
hard when your reali ty is socks in the middle of the floor.
You're just so familiar with him---and his underwear-
that it's hard to see him as the stud you first fell for . N ow
he's your life partner and you love him, but you miss those
n
butterfJies .
. .
Fo r some wo men, this is the li me in their long-term re-
lationship when maintenance sex becomes particularly la-
borious, not necessarily because they don't want to do it
but beca use they simply don't ha ve the sexual motiva tion
they once did. Plainly said, th ey aren't as turned on by
their partner as they used to be . This ti me can be fraught
with other dangers as well, fro m emotional and physical
disconnection to rela tionship ambivalence and infidelity.
-.' GONE B UT N O T F O RG O T T E N
The hormon e-charg ed honeymoon
ph ase ca n lasl from wee ks 10 years, but don't
lan,enl its loss w he n it's go ne. Instead , keep it
alive by fondly rem embering Ih e early feeling- ,
excite me nt , and experie nces yo u and yo ur panner
shared du ring this swee t and special t im e in yo ur
relationsh ip.
UI knew my rela tionship was strong,n says M irr iam. "I
knew exactly what was happeni ng. Those sex hormones,
th e adrenaline rush of a new lover were gone, and we were
u
settling into each other.
But Usettling into each other" isn't necessarily a bad
thing. As a relationship progresses, th e erotic tingles of
new ness may lessen, but other more valuable and enduring
quali ties, such as security, comfort, and deep love, thrive .
If a couple is aware of w hat is ha ppeni ng in their relation-
ship and why it is happening, they can take steps to ensure
 that their sex life remams healthy and happy and that
those tingles don't disappear. Sadly, however, not everyone
IS so astute.
uAlicia was a young w ife in our office who was married
for just a year, ~ says l\.I irriam. " Ic seemed soon, but she was
always complaining abourlosi ng sexual interest in her hus-
band. N obo dy was surprised when she began to Hire with
a mal e co-worker. ~
According to M irriam, the new wife's Airta tion started
innocently enough, with a warm smile, a wink, or a sassy
text message . But just as the older women in the office pre-
dicted, the play grew more serious until th e couple was
stepp ing out for long lunches together, exchanging linger-
ing looks across th e room, and finding any excuse to visit
each other's office-behind dosed doors, of course.
-c , all knew exactly what was happening," says M ir-
ria m , uand we knew why. We had all felt the sizzle fade a
bi t in our relationships , but we were smart enough to
know it was natural. We warned Alicia that she was play-
ing a dangerous game, but she jus t waved us off. We to ld
her the sizzle will fade no matter who you're w ith and tha t
you 're w iser to keep it goi ng ins tead of starting it up some-
where else . She said she was just looking for a little excite-
ment and a way to pass th e rime at work. She said her sex
life was better with her husband because this guy at work
gave her a thrill . Bur jus t like we warned, it turned into an
u
affair. The whole thing got m essy and very sad .
Yet th e young co-worker's m isery became Mirriam's
motlvallon .
UWatch ing Alicia's experience made me appreciate m y
rela tionship all the more,~ says M irr iam. " I was so proud
. "
Rather than flining wi th that suave
new co -worker, reserve yo ur efFons for
your man . Flirting doesn't have t o go Ih e way o f
Ih e dodo once the honeymoon's over. Touch your
man often, pl ant unexpect ed ki sses on the back o f
hi s neck, lell him you love him, and lift your . ki n
10 give him a sassy pee k. Keep playfuln ess in your
long-Ierm relationship, and lei him know h e still
turns yo u on, eve n afte r all these years . What a
st ud he muS! be!
of N ick and me for reaching our tenth anniversary and still
being in love, socks on the floor and all. I had renewed
motivation . I wanted to get those bulterflies back and to
feel excited by him . He wasn't asking for =< a. much as he
used to, although I knew he "ill wa nted it . He was sensing
my indifference, and that mus t have been hurting him . H e
deserved bet ter, and I wa nted to give him better. ~
Bur how to get those butterflies back? For M irr iam , it
was a ca.ual t rip to the mall that showed her the way.
Valentine'. D ay was a few weeks away, and the .hops were
advertising their "For Him" wares in abundance. As she
strolled down the aisles of her favorite department store ,
something ca ugh t her eye or, ra ther, her nose.
" I went down t he fragrance aisle , and I was enveloped
by the scent of men's cologne,~ .ays Mi rriam . ult smelled
so good, so sexy. I put so me on my wri.t, took a good
whiff, and within moments I was becoming aroused think-
ing about it on N ick. I've always been turned on by a man
 weari ng cologne, bur I realized it had been years since N ick
had worn any. He didn't even own a borde anymore. ~
l\.Ii rria m bought the cologne, bur she didn't stop there .
She also bought Nicholas a closet full of new clothes, in-
clud ing a trendy hoody, a good suit, stylish jea ns, and a
nu m be r of shirts she knew he'd look and feel handsome in .
~Nick's not the kind of guy to shop for himself, ~ Mir-
ria m says, "bur like any of us, he likes to look good. H e
loved the clot hes and was very appreciative that I'd taken
the time to shop jus t for him . This was just icing o n the
cake, because when he was all decked our in his new
clot hes, smelling so sexy, I w as incredibly attracted to hi m .
I remembered how gorgeous he was and how sexy I found
him. Just seeing hi m in new clothes and smelling him in a
new scent was enough to kick-start my libido. For me, it
really was that easy."
As an extra bonus, N icholas's makeover had an une x-
pected effect on their relationship. Feeling good abour
himself and appreciative of his woman, Nicholas too be-
gan to feel a resurgence of romantic attraction to his long-
time partner. D ate nights beca me w eekly events. O nce, he
even passed righ t by a newly released kung fu movie to
pick a ro mantic comedy o ff the shelf.
Bur what abour the socks?
~T hey're still on the f1oor,n admits M irr iam, «and with
n
any luck, they'll be there for m any years to co me.
'While fam iliarity may not always breed contempt, it
can lead to a loss of sexual interest in one's partner, partic-
ularly in long-term rela tionships . Most women experience
ups and downs in thei r sexual attraction to thei r longtime
. .
partner, bur for many women in otherw ise healthy rela-
tionships, the "downs" can be lifted with jus t a li ttle effort.
For M irriam , it was as simple as seeing (and smelling) her
partner in a new way. H is wardrobe ma keover was enough
to remind her how handsome and sexy he was and to bring
back the tingles .
To keep your relations hip dynamic,
bring new beginnings into it. Fo r
exa m ple, start a new h ealth reg ime together, buy
din bik es and take up the fun spo rt, sign up for a
cooking or wi ne-tasting d ass, or learn a second
langu age t ogether.
If you're in love with your partner yet so meti mes feel
ambivalent abour sex , consider trying the M irr iam M ake-
over yourself. Like irs na mesake, you m ay find that th is
simple strategy is enough to rekindle your attraction to
your man . That in turn may give you the sexual motiva-
tion you need to kick-start your love life and satisfY all your
partner's sexual needs. But don't stop with new clothes or
different cologne . You r approach to m aintenance sex may
need a wardrobe change, too .
Too often m aintenance sex is performed wi thour any
variety: in bed, late at night, either Rat on our backs or
with tired hands tugging away. No wonder women dread
it, and m en don't ge t any satisfaction beyond basic relief.
Instead , save the warm comfort of yo ur bed for long love -
 ma kin g .es.io n. and thi nk ouuide Ihe bedroom box wh en
it co mes to maint en ance. G ive your ...lation. hip a mai nte-
nance <ex makeover. H ow, you ask~ H it t he roa d.
Thi< lu be joh ea plcirs t he exd le ment of <ex in t he car,
hUI unlike Pari I, Pan II u ps the ante by ad di ng oral <ex to
the jackpot. Car <ex i. g...at fOI maintenance since ii's fan,
spon la nco lU, raunchy, and loIS o f fU n. Receiving a blow
joh in the driver's <eat is oomething t hat ~ery man with a
dri ver .licen <e hu fantas iud abou l. so ii's an ideal way 10
t urhoch.ugc your maintenance <ex rou ti...,. You may ~en
fi..d lhal performing mai nlen..nce <eX in d iffe... nt ways
and p lace< will thrill you as much u your panne r d oes.
If you have a long road tri p coming up, sa>.., this lube
job for lbe jaum, Othnwi<e, proposition your partner for
a late-n ight d rive. Choose a n igh t when you kn ..... hell be
loo king for love, Somerimes the simrJ""l th ings in life a,..,
lhe <",",cst: an unplanned even ing drive wit h your man
can be mo,.., romamic tha n an daborate nigh t out. It givn
you the opponunily 10 'f"C3k privalely. wilhou t intcrrup-
lion, and the p hysical doseness ca n be very special It'. dis-
rurhing jlUt h..... link time we aetua.lly spe ..d shoulder to
shoulder wilh ou r t rue [oves. As you',.., d riving alo ng.. reach
down to cal"C<& your pa nner's th igh . gradually moving your
finger< loward h" gro in. Lean dose to h im and rub your
palm ove r h" bu lge until he beg ins to hard en .
R.,member, if your man is becoming aroused he. also
getting diserscred. Find a safe. secfuded Spo l to park an d
pu ll over befo,.., you grab h is gear. Ask him 10 p ush his sal
back ;u you unE...ten his pants and pu .h down hi. under-
w... r. F<><.:IU On h is aro........1 and the exd tement of what
you're doing. The mo re you enj oy the expe rience, the more
.0 h.b . JOb'
tu rned-on you r p an ncr will be. Th e novelry and d irt iness
of what you're doi ng, com b ined with th e muffled sounds
in Ihe car and t he pot ential for expos u.... should have your
hurts poundi ng with pleasu,..,.
c,...... your man's groin with yo ur fingenips an d Ihen
lean OVer int o hi. lap. Breathe hotly o nto the head o f his
pe n", then trace around it wit h the ti p of yo ur tongue.
Lick d .....n h is shaft t.....ard the ba se of h is penis. Don't u<c
you r hand.: jlUl n imulate him wit h your ton gue a nd lips
by licking a..d kissing alon g h is k ngth. M aki ng su ,.., thai
your lips are covering your IC'CI"h . lake the head of his penis
in your mou th and suck o n it befo... swallowing as much
of his shaft as you can. Sud.. as you move your lips bac k up
his kngth . but don'l pu ll your mo urh off as you =oc.h Ihe
lOp . In>lead . keep jlUl t he head of his penis in you r mou th
and spend some lime .udung and licking ir befo ,.., agai n
stroking downward.
Now for l he detou r. Sil back up in your scat and tell
your panner to d rive 10 a I«Ond loca tio n. Or. if h" mi ..d
is no longet focused o n t he road, hop into the driver 's seal
yourself and chauff....r him to the next d""rinarion. It
doesn'l mailer whelC-whether it'. a . pecific add ms o r an-
othe r secl uded d""lination--h ut ler h im know tha i when
he getS 111<,"" you'll be ready to finish what yo u've S1arted .
The dercur will delay hi. gratifica tio n and inc......., the
>I,..,ngt h of h is olgasm. It'll also give you time to anticipate
going back down on h im .
Let the sexual ten.ion mou nl as yo u drive to the ne xt
locale. Vou can make Ihe trip a cha llenge by choosing a dif-
ficult add ...... to find . hUI if you',.., mo,.., mercifUl, select
somcw hc"" quick and easy. As always, use com mon sense
t ub. job n 91
 and discretion when selecting a spot for car sex. It's hard to look in the mirror and see if your relationship is in need of
feel sexy if you don't feel safe. Moreover, the thrill of being a maintenance sex makeover.
watched should always remain a fantasy. The reality would
be em barrassing at best and criminal at worst. Secure, un-
populated areas are your best bet.
H you think an unpopulated area diminishes excite-
ment , think again. Total privacy gives you th e freedom to
open the door, quite literally, to added fun. 'When you're
parked in a quiet spot where you're confident you won't be
busted, jump oUl of th e car and go to the driver's side door.
Open th e door and ask your man to sit sideways in his seat
so that his feet are planted on th e ground, and then kneel
down between his legs to pleasure him in this exposed po-
sition. You'll both love the erotic sense of exhibitionism.
This road trip can take as many detours as you wish to
prolong the pleasure, but don't overdo it. l\hking your
man wait too lo ng for release can go from foreplay to frus -
tration before you even realize it. 'When you're ready to
end the journey, find the sucking and stroking rhythm that
will build your partner's orgasm, add your hands to the
mix for extra friction and pressure, and don't let up until
he comes.
See? Wasn't that more fun than that old why-is-this-
taking-so-long duty tug at bedtime? You had some fresh
air, a nice drive, pleasant conversation, gave a great blow
job, and maybe even had some drive-thru onion rings on
th e ride home. Best of all, you showed your man that you
don't regard fUlfilling his sexual needs as a dreaded chore,
bur rather as an opportunity to have fUn, satisfY him, and
strengthen your loving relationship. So take a good long

" "

The Engine Soak
he n we were writing the proposal for this book, we
W spent a lo t of ti me thinking about which issues neg-
ativelyaffect long-term relationships, love lives , and main-
tenance sex. In the process, we visited a few online message
boards where women meet to discuss com mon relation-
ship problems (everything fro m video-game-addicted boy-
friends to u nfai thful husbands) . O ne topic really had us
talking, no t because it complemented our book', focus,
but because it challenged it . 'Whe n we think of disparate
sex drives , we usually assume the man wants m o re a nd the
wo m an wa n ts less; however, we were surprised to find a
n u m be r of discussions where women were lamenting their
male partner's lac k of libido .
It seemed that the majori ty of the women discussing
this to pic took their mate's drop in desire personally. They
feared t hat their partner was not a tt racted to the m a ny-
more; that they had gained weight, become too boring or
familiar, or weren't good lovers. 'When D on asked me if I
lao would lake the olXasiondl sexual rejection personally, I
had to s.ay yes, desp ite hi. wholehearted assurances that
any number o f things could temporarily distract him from
sex. He said I was being paranoid. I {old him I was being
normal. So, what was it : no rmal o r paranoid?
As usual , I began to make some calls. After all, a con-
sensus among like-mi nded girlfriends holds more weigh t
than a month.long, jury-deliberated, DN A-backed not
guilty verdict. As Don sighed and shook his head, I
phoned every woman I knew: all ages, married , single, di-
vo rced, kids, no kids, pels, no pelS , piercing', no piercings.
Yo u get the picture. I asked each w o m a n the simple q ues-
tion "If your partner sexually rejected yOll to n igh t , would
you take it personally?"
The results of my inherently Rawed, completely infor-
mal, a nd embarrassi ngly unreliable supper-hour telephone
survey? Fi fteen women said yes, they'd take it personally. A
co nfident six-the sexually sage , perhaps----said no, not
necessa rily, since other factors may be to blame. One hang-
up. I guess that translates to my being seventy-one percent
normal, twenty-nine percent paranoid. Actually, I think
that's pretty damn accurate .
Since I don't believe in coincidence, I shouldn't have
been surprised when a short ti me later my m usings we re
put to the test . We had just so ld the book, and I w as busy
scribbling a fim draft. Don was working a grueling over-
ti me stretch of twenty-one fourteen-hour days in a ro w:
gone at six A.M ., back a t eig ht or ni ne P.M . Our son came
down wi th a nasty stomach bug from his preschool; my
mother needed surgery; and o ne of D o n', dearest friends
passed away. It all happened within a short period of rime,
lub e job e l 0 95
 and for the first time since we broughl our son home from
rhe hospital four years earlier, our sex life began 10 fade
into the background. ThaI's right, smack in the middle of
writing a sex guide.
But there was one difference between the dry spell four
years ago and Ihis sudden dro ugh t. This lime it was Don
who was too distracled 10 rhink dirty. Ouch, I was right; I
loo k it one-hundred-percent personally, despi te his asser-
lions that he was just feeling overworked, exhausted,
stressed out, anxious, and a little depressed . It would pass,
he lold me. It was no thing 10 d o with me; he just couldn't
flip the work swilch in his head 10 off. By nexI week, he
said, we'd be back to normal and I'd be beating him away
with a stick.
Give th e man . ome elbow room. Ifhe
con,e. home . tre•• ed or in a foul mood ,
give him ' pace before you . w....m in with
q ueslion. or word. of . up pon . Ou r girlfriend.
might want to . hare and "t alk about it" right
away, b UI our men ohen want .ome alone tim e to
ruminale before d i.c .....ion period begin•. Tell
him you'll he Ihere 10 listen wh en he'. ready 10
lalk , Ihen back off. You'll have hi. app reciatio n
and hi. confidence.
I knew he was right. lr was an u ncharacleristically
stressful time, and we both knew it would soon pass and
our sex life would relUrn to normal. That didn't mean I
. l ub e job el 0
couldn'e try to help the process along, though. I thought
about the many times I had felt overwhelmed, whether be-
cause ofschool, work, or the baby, when Do n had come to
my rescue by sharing my stre••. Whenever I was extremely
distracted, he would do the simplest but s~xi~,t Ihing : he
would run a hOI bath and sit in the lUb wilh me while I
soaked my cares away. (This has to be one of the top five
reasons I love this man!)
Even though he's a devout shower man, I decided to
give Don a dose of his own rub the rapy to help him
Ihrough this stressful but sexless time . Just before we were
ready to turn in for rhe nighl, I slipped into the bathroom
and ran a hot bath. I dimmed Ihe ligh ts and set his favorite
car magazine by the side of the lUb. When he asked if I was
having a bath, I said y.... and asked him to join me; how-
ever, I said I wanted just 10 relax and wind down, not do
anything sexual.
We lay in the balh for some time, while Don read his
magazine to me and I feigned interest in rhe many advan-
lages of air-cooled Volkswagen engines. I didn'l want him
10 think about work, loss, and especially nol sex. I wanted
him to relax in a completely undemanding and nonsexual
way. H ad he felt any pressure 10 perform sexually, I knew
my attempts 10 calm him would have had the opposite ef-
fect. As I expecled, his mood improved. He began to
breath easier, laugh easier, and the world beyond the d osed
bathroom door seemed to d isappear.
Taking a risk, I reached for some papers on the sink and
casually handed Ihem 10 him . "This is a rough draft of
an erotic slOry I'm working on for the boo k,n I lold him .
"Do you want to take a peek? It can wait if you're not in
"

Take care of yourself. Do your best to
maintain a healthy body weighl and
life.tyI e, and encourage your man 10 d o th e . ame.
Health grea tly affect. an individu al'. level of
sexual de.ire, which in lum can affect th e q uality
of a couple'••ex life.
the mood." As I lay bad on hi. body, he began to read it.
'What happened from there stays behind closed doors .
The truth is, men are under a lot of pressure to perform
like .exual machines. lr', a bit of a double standard. If a
woman goes through an occasional period of being unin-
terested in sex, it's no big deal. In fact, it's considered com-
pletely normal and expected. But if a man is uninterested,
well, let the guessing game. begin: Is he impotent? Cheat-
ing? Do I rum him off? I. he looking at too much porn?
Is he getting old? 'What's the problem, dammit? What'.
wrong with you? 'What's wrong with mr.
If your man is going through a period where he seem.
less interested in sex, try not to jump to self-conscious con -
clusion•. Instead, step back and take a look at the big
picture . 'What'. going on at work? Has he just had an argu-
ment with his brother? I. he worried about your finances or
his health? If so , the best thing to do might be nothing at
all. Good communication is essential to a strong relation-
.hip, but sometime. the best communication i. silence. If
you're anything like me, that's an excruciating order, but
the last thing you want to do is compound your man'. stress
by adding sexual pressure to his list of problems.
. l ub e job el 0
Instead, focus on relaxing your man's mind and body. If
sex follows, great; if it doesn't, it will soon enough. Just
don't let on that it's your goal. Think about maintenance
sex in a larger sense. 'While it's u.ually about satisfying hi.
sexual abundance, it can also be about watering his .exual
drought., sheltering him from feelings of inadequacy, and
managing his stress. Like exhaustion and insecurity, .tre••
is a deterrent ro sexual arousa l. 'When your man's mind i.
preoccupied with work or worries, sex is the last thing he
has on the brain . That's why you have to do the thinking.
You know how to best alleviate your man's stress. Doe.
he like golf? Encourage him to .pend a day on the green
with a buddy. Does he like movie.? Pick up tickers for the
latest guy Rid and cuddle in the theater and during the car
ride home, but let him initiate anything more intimate.
Or, send him down to the basement ro hide out and enjoy
a James Bond marathon on his own. You can even try a
soak in the rub, whether solo or partnered. If a hard-core
shower man like Don can gear down in the water, maybe
your man can, too. Just don't girl-out on him: skip the
bubble bath and don't even try to put sliced cucumber on
hi. eyelids.
Curh th e compla ining. Ifhe'. irrilaled
and .ays Ihe hms i. naggin g him , make
su re he doesn't mean you. Suppress that female
nag gene (unless it '. really warranted) and bile
your tongue wh en he yet again ignores th at
drip ping tap in Ihe hathroo m.
.
 Sharing a barh is a delighrful way ro spend so me soorh-
ing yer sensual downtime with your partner in rhe sereniry
of you r own bathroom, and its advantages are many. It 's an
effective stress buster that'll ger you through those une x-
pected life crises, but it's also an equally effective way to
keep stress at bay on a regular basis by preventing those
everyday worri.... and irritations from Raring out of con-
trol. Like the practice of sensual m assage (see chapter 19)
shari ng a bath can also sustain your emotional and physi-
cal connection as a co uple and provide you with an oppor-
tunity to perform so me exq uisitely erotic maintenance sex
on your man.
To get the most oUl of this steamy lube job, you should
first ma ke your bathroom a suitable venue for the event.
This doesn't mean ins talli ng heated imported Italian tile
Roors or elaborate artificial rock wa terfalls . Even the mos t
unadorned bathroom can be transformed by switching off
the harsh hundred-walters and ligh ting so me scented can-
dles . A few tea ligh ts placed at va rious spots in yo ur bath-
room will create a comforting, alluring ambience that is as
romantic as it is relaxing. Bat h kits come complete with
everything fro m ca ndles to milk soaks and ca n be con ve-
n ient one-stop shopping.
Also, inves t in a thick, RuffY bath mat . It'll feelluxuri-
ous under your and yo ur partner's bare feet . Countertop or
wall-mounted wate r fountains are also widely available
and inexpensi ve and, when lit by candlelight, can make
your powder room a priva te heaven . If you don't ha ve a jet
tub, there are low-cost portable jet uni ts that ca n be
moun ted to your bathtub ro add the luxury of pulsing wa-
ter ro the experience .
If you'd like, set tw o glasses ofwine or cups of herbal tea
by the tub. Yo u can even have ready chocolate-dipped
strawberries or another sweet, sexy favorite. A stack of you r
man's favorite magazi nes should also be close by, and it
would n't hurt to have this book within arm's reach, too;
the erotica from chapter 16 ca n heat up th e wa ter if it
starts to cool off. Ru n a hot bath (place a towel under the
door to retai n the room's humidiry) and slip into the sea
with your m an.
Don't rush the festivi ties. Lie bac k on your m an while
he soaks, relaxes, reads, unwinds . Talk about the things
that interes t him . In all likelihood, the mood may natu-
rally turn from sensual ro sexual , whet her he reads the
erotica or not; the warm th of the wa ter and the closen....s
of his wo man's naked body may be more than enough to
stir his desire.
If your partner'. drop in .exual d e.ire
becom e. worri.ome, boo k him an
appoinlment wilh hi . physici an and, jf necessary,
drive him to the clinic yo urself. Th e cau•.". and
treatm ents of sexual problem. are many, .0 lea ve
Ih e diagno.ing 10 rhe pro••
'When you sense your man is getting aroused, m ove
your body agains t his and let your hands slip under the wa-
te r ro care" him . If he seems to want more, ask him to sit
up on the edge of the bathtub and open his legs. Kneel in
the tub, between you r man's spread knees (you ca n ha ve
l ub e job el 0 '0'
 him stand up in the tub if that's easier) and wash his geni- into a nearby washcloth or even into the water, and then
tals. Put your hands on his thighs or hips and hold on to clean your own mouth immediately afterward. As lo ng as
him as you begin to kiss his groin area, particularly his in- you do this with respect and discretion, he shouldn't mind
ner thighs, perineum, and scrotum. Nuzzle your face in his too much, especially if his blow jobs are few and far be-
pubic hair, brushing his penis with your nose, before plac- tween. With all its health benefits and pleasure possibili-
ing wet licks along the sensitive underside of his penis, ties , you may find this watery lube job has you and your
right up to the frenulum. man skinny-dipping on a regular basis.
Ta ke the head of his penis in your mouth and swirl
your tongue around it. Using the warm wa ter and your
own saliva as lubrication, stroke his penis with your
mouth. Hold the base of his penis with one hand and con-
tinue to stroke the shaft with your mouth while you caress
his testicles and perineum with your other hand, even
inching back to stimulate his anus. D rag your fingers
down the sides of his waist, brush your hand across his
lower belly (the small area between his penis and just be-
low hi, belly button), then reach around to caress his bum.
These are very sensitive spots, and if you touch them with
feathery finger strokes you'll increase his arousal.
'When you're ready to release his stress in a big way, use
a hand-and-mouth combination to stroke and suck him to
relief. As his orgasm bui lds , apply steady pressure to either
his anus, if he likes that, or to his perineum. Don't let up
on your stroking, sucking, or pressure until well after he's
finished coming. You don't want to lower his speed until
he's reached his destination .
A bath time blow job is a very sensual form of stress-
busting maintenance ,ex. It's also a good way for women
who do not usually perform oral sex to spoil their man.
Because you're in the water, you can clean your partner's
genitals to your satisfaction. You can also spit his ejaculate

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iii
Th e Road sid e Check

mise control is a handy thing on a lo ng road trip .

C Push in that little button, and your car glide, effort-
lessly down the highway. All yOll have to do is keep one
hand on the steering wheel and watch the road . Since we 're
responsible car owners, we know that the {ires have good
air pressure, the tank has enough fuel, and the brakes are in
good working order. Through regular maintenance, we've
ensured that our car is mechanically sound. If a dee. sud-
denly darts across the highway, we're confident we can lap
the brakes to slow down and that cruise control will turn
off, thereby returning cofltrolto u•.
Unfortunately, we sometimes use cruise control in our
intimate relationships and often far less responsibly than
we do on the road. T hings are going well enough, so we
push in that little button and let our rarmership roll along
on its own momentum. And while this is safe enough in
the car, it's an accident waiting to happen in a relationship .
 'When was the last time you pulled YOUt telationship over
to the side of the road ro ensure it is completely sound?
This lube job gives you the opportunity to do just that:
to pull over, lift the hood, and check that everything is
working. Aftet all, your man may be in need of mainte-
nance w ithout your even knowing it.
Some of the couples' stories featured In this book are
based on material we obtained through a questionnaire.
The questionnaire was designed for couples in marriages
or long-term relationships, and was in three parts: part I
was for partners to fill out together; part II was for the
woman; and part III was for the man , T he questions dealt
with common relationship issues, many of which focused
on the role of maintenance sex in the relationship, such as
the frequency of, the attitude towards, etc. T he answers we
received were extremely helpful in writing this book, but
the questionnaire had an unintended but positive side ef-
fect : it encouraged couples to openly discuss how mainte-
nance sex factored into their relationship.
Both female and male respondents expressed gratitude
for having been given a reason to stop and examine their
sex life in a direct way. T hey also said that the question-
naire gave them a reason and the means to examine their
relationship in general. By answering honestly and then
sharing their responses, they gained both insight into and
sympathy for each other's feelings, stressors, and behaviors.
Some couples even said the questionnaire was a bond ing
exercise . As they worked through the questions , they felt a
sense of emotional and sexual solidarity that they hadn't
felt in a long while.
'0'
Often , our intentions are noble, but our actions aren't
equal to the task. Most of us in committed relationships
want our partner to be happy, but life has a way of pulling
us in so many directions that we don't ever stop to give our
partner our undivided altention or to ask whether he's
truly satisfied with things the way they are. Are there areas
that need work? It's simple maintenance, but when we're
flying along on cruise control, it never seems to get done .
Well , it's time to take your relationship off cruise con-
trol, pull over, and perform a thorough roadside check. Be-
low, we've included a selection of questions based on those
in our original questionnaire. Although some of the ques-
tions have been modified and we've obviously omitted
those regarding demographics and personal history, we've
retained the three-part format of the questionnaire. Nor all
of the questions may be relevant to all readers, so focus on
the ones that apply to your circumstances.
Tonight, instead of surfing the channels on lV, open
the channels of communication with your partner by sit-
ting on the bed and completing this sex questionnaire to-
gether with honesty, with no holds barred, and with no
fear of repercussions.
If you give your man the opportunity to express any
dissatisfaction he has with your sex life-and if you do so
with a kind heart and loving spirit-you'll be able to see
which parts need work and then to fix any damage long
before it's irreparable. This questionnaire will also give you
the chance to express your feelings to your partner in a
nonthreatening way. Of course, it's up to you whether you
want to complete parts II and II I in each other', company.
lu be job .1 1 '0'
It doesn't maner, as long as yo u give each o ther permissio n
to be brutally hones t in yo ur answers and you agree to
share them wi thout prejudice or punishment.
H ere are the quest io ns:
5. What is the averag e lengtl\ of tim e you spend l\a v-
ing se x, includi ng for epl ay?
6 . What time of the day Or night do you usually en-
gag e In sexual activity? What is your usual pr esex
routin e?

( PA RT I ) 1. WIlat l orm does loreplay usually take (e.g~ erotic

massa ge, k issing, sl\owering togeth er)?

8. What are the mos t sign ific ant issues 1""1, nOW Or
I . Sma ll cl\i ldre n and/o r bu sy sc l\e dules can Interf ere in the pa st, l\a ve I'\tIgali vely aff ec ted your relation-
with a co uple's Sex lile. How do you wo rk In li me lor ship (e.g., money wo rries, Job stress, an ex~pouse)?

se x In IlgM of c l\ild ren and/o r bu sy schedules? can you deta il any spec ific Incidents?
Have you made any un U'Sual efforts to ensure you
l\av e time lor se x? 9. WIlat are the mos t significa nt issu es that, now or In
the pas t, have negatively allected your Sex I~e

2. All long -t erm couples experience ups and downs in (e.g., birth of a child, Infide lity, po or health, an argu -
their sex lives. W""t do you do to get the spa rk men l)? Can you d e18il any specific inc ident s?
back ?
10. How did you resolve the abov e issuers) to get your
3. How many times a w_k, on ave rage, do you en- Sex I ~e ba ck on track?
gage in:
11. Other than the bed room, wh ere are you m ost likely
(a) sexual lntereou rse to l\av e sex? can you relay a lavorit e experience
(b) oral Sex that took pla ce outsi de I"" bedroom?
(c) l\and Jobs
(d) mutual mas turb ation

4. Who usually initiat es se x?

lub e jobl lube jo b . 11

'"

( PARTII )
12. Do you ev er l eel overwllelmed by your da ily de-
mands, Including work and/or c hild ren? Specifica lly,
what overwllelms you?
13. Do you lee l the da ily g rind negatively imp ac ts your
.ax life? II so , a ra th er a th ings you r partner could
d o to increasa you r sexual d esire? (Ves, ttwlt can in-
c lude housew ork!)
14. Who Is more In control of whether and w hen you
e ng a9" In sex, you Or your partner ?
15. What are some 01the m ai n o bstacles to Sex In your
ralationship (e.g., rel ationship problems, d iff e r-
e nCaS In lavel oIsaxua l d es ir a, religiou s Issues)?
16. In terms oI l requency, how m ltCh Sex would satisl y
you (a.g., three times a week , onca every two
weeks , never )?
11. Do you ever perform duty or maintenance 'ex just
to p lease your partner ? II you do, how d oe s It make
you l eel (e.g~ used, loving, indiffarent)? W you d o
not, what are you r rea SOnSlor not p erforming ma in-
te nance sex?
lub e jo b l
'"
18. On ave rage , how ma ny times pe r week d o yo u per-
form maintena nc e .ex? What doe. maint e nan ce
'ex usual ly Involve (e.g., fe llatio, intercourse, hand
Job s)?
19. Do you aver l eel your partner wants Sex too oIten?
How d oe s this make you fee l (e.g., irritated , Ilat-
ter ed )?
20. What is yo ur attituda toward maintena nc a Sex in
ge"",ral? Would you enc ou rage Or d iscourag e ot her
women to pe rform it? Why or why not?
21. Do you ever refuse your partner w hen you know he
wants to hav a sex? How oIten and wIlat Is hi s usual
reactio n?
22. Do you ever fee l gu ilty lor not having sex with your
partner w hen he want s to? Why Or why not?
23. Overall , how d o you fee l about your sex lile (a.g.,
satisfie d, d issa tislled )? Why?
24. Hav a you and your partner ever fought about sex?
II so , wtwlt specillca lly did you light a bout (e.g~ fr e-
q uency, trying so mething naw)?
25. Sexuall y spea kin g, wIlat most di spleases you
about your partner (e.g~ he initiates sex too oIten ,
doesr'l't spend enough time In l oreplay)?
lu be job . 11
'"
 26. The task of sp ic ing th ings up in th e b edroom often
fa lls to th e woman in a relationship. Do yo u agree
with this statement, a nd how d oes it make you
feel?
27. Hav lI you live r tried to spi CII th ings up In th e bed-
room? If so, t.ow (e.g ., sex boob, adult films, n_
lingerie, s ex toys)? What was the result?
28 . Do yo u live r worry a bout your partner e ither be ing
attracted to another woman Or b eing un fa ithful?
29. Do yo u liver feel that yo u are not doing e noug h to
keep your partner sexually satisfied? How does
that ma ke yo u feel (e.g ., resentful, worried, Ind if-
fere n!)?
30. Does your partner vi_ pornography? If so, what
kind (e.g ., Int ernet, magazines, adult films)? How do
you feel about th is?
( P ART Ill )
31. Do you ever feel overwhelm ed by your da ily de-
mands, suc h as work and/or chi ld re n? What over-
whe lms yo u? How is your libido affected?
".
32 . How d oe s your partner's attitudll affeet your sexual
attraction to her?
33. Do you ever fe el that your Sex lif e Is c ontrolled by
you r partner? In what way (e.g~ her mood swi ngs ,
lev el of sexual de sir e, fatigue , d istraction, etc.)?
34 . Do you feel more loved when your partner ex-
pre ss es he r appreciation for all that you do? Do
you liver wi sh she would exp ress her appreciation
n»rll?
35. In te rms of freque ncy, how much Sex would satisfy
you (lI.g., every day, th ree times a week, onCe a
month)?
36 . Do yo u liver wi sh your partner would e ngage In sex
more often? If so, do you ever mast urbate In lieu of
sex: (a) never, (b) rar ely, Or (c) regularly?
37. Are you aware wh en you partner is eng ag ing In so-
c alled mainteNlnce sex? What tips you off?
38 . Wllat is your attitude toward mainteNlnclI sex? Do
you think a woman sl'tould regularly practice it to
keep her man s atisfied? Why Or why not?
39. How often do you think a bout Sex (e.g ., livery day,
several times a day)?
40. Wll at is your favorite sexual position Or activity?
lu be job Sl l ".
 41. Do you wish your partner would initia te Se x m ore
ofte n? How would It ma ke you I_I il s he d id?
42. When yo u're ' _ ling s tress, do you wa nt mOre Or
le ss lex? Why?
43. Does you r partnlll" ever rllfuse you when you want
s e x? H so, how d oes this make you ,_ I (a .g ., angry,
rllsentluf, hurt, rejllCted)?
44. Have you and your partner ever lought a bout sex?
II so, wIlat specificall y did you figh t about (e.g ., fre-
q ue ncy, try ing l omething na w)?
45. Do you e va r ,_I sexua lly Irustrated o r u nfullllllld ?
II 10, ho w dollS th at afflICt your mood Or llmo-
tion l (a .g ., I_ I more Irrita b le Or s tress ed, le ss
lOlled)?
46. Saxua lly s paa king , are th."e thingl you want to try
but ara hesitant to s ugg ast? II so, what are th ay
(e .g., a naw position, lex toys, adu llll lml )?
47. In your opi nio n, how importa nt II a good Sa x
to a fas ting re la tionship? Do you I_I llmotiona lly
cl oslll" to your partner w he n you r s e x lile Is l a tis-
lying?
48. What things d oel yo ur partnlll" do that turn you on
(e .g., IlIlIatio, wllllr s a xy ling e rie , flat ter you )?
'"
49. WIlat tllings doe s yo ur partner d o that tum you
011 (e .g., talk about th e kid s , lack s e xual enthu -
si eam, na g )?
50. How do you thin k your Se x lile could be imp rOlled
(e .g., more a dventurous, le ss pred ictable , more Ire -
q ue ncy)?
Once you've completed the questionnaire, get set to
share your answers for Parts II and II I. The insighl you
gain by doing so will make you more sensilive and symra-
Ihic to the nonsexual stresses (such as work, kids, and fi-
nances) that indirectly affect each other's sexuality. Your
man may be surprised to learn how much more sexual en-
ergy you'd have in the bedroom if he would help clean up
in th e kitchen . And you may be surprised 10 learn how
much his stress level at work is reduced when he is sexually
salisfied al home. The more you discuss your answers, th e
more you wiJIunderstand each other's perspective, and Ihe
more you can negotiale changes in your sex life Ihal will
please both of you.
Now that you and your partner have entered into this
new and exciting era of sexual openness, you can safely
I~e proceed to the next phase of this lube job, that is, the sex
itself. After you 've finished discussing what may be some
heavy answers, you can lighten Ihings up by reaching un-
der the bed and pulling out your own personalized tool-
box . W'hat's inside? W'hy, sex tools, of course. T here's no
point identifying those body parIS that need work if you
aren't going to rerair them .
lu b e jo b I II
'"
 Tell your partner that all this talk aboUl m ainten ance
sex has e« you in the servicing mood . Open yo ur sex tool-
box with him and explore the lusty contents. Use a real
toolbox. It's a fun idea and the perfect shape for stowing
away sex toys. Your toolbox can contain anything you'd
like, from a simple feather to high-tech sex toys. Since other
lube jobs in this book feature a penis sleeve , a straight vi-
brator, blindfold and restraints, a remote-conttolled bullet
vibrator, as well as different types of personal lubricants,
massage oils , and bath kits, you may want to include these
Items.
O ther items to consider are: a penis ring, nipple clamps,
a dildo, novelty condoms, sweet treats, and adult vide os and
skin magazines , Slightly more adventurous toys include pe-
nis pumps and a host of anal toys from butt plugs to anal
beads. These will be discussed in turn, below.
Water -based. lubricants are recommended
for nlOst sex 10 YS since Ih eir in gredients
won'l damage lalex or silico ne. They 're also the
mo sl pl easant and wash off easily with soap and
water. And eve n though the bener brands are long
last in g, if they do dry o UI, they ca n be
recon Siitute d wi lh wa le r.
A penis or coc k ring is an essential for any sex toolbox .
This common male toy can be as simple as a rubber circle
or as elaborate as a softly flexible vibrati ng ring with exten-
sions to tease a woman's cli toris during intercourse . You
'"
can buy adjustable or nonadjustable, and even disposables
that vibrate. Regardless of the options, the standard model
is a ring that fits snugly around the base o f the penis, or
under the scrotum if your man prefers. The ring helps a
man maintain his erection by stopping blood flow oUl of
an erect penis. It also adds a significant sense of pressure to
his erect penis , making it feel tighter, more engorged, and
generally invincible.
If you're using a nonadjustable penis ring, pul it on
when your partner is soft ; you can use adjustable straps at
any point during an erection. Use some lube around the
inside of the ring and on your partner's genitals to help
place it around his penis or under his testicles and to avoid
pulling his pubic hair (ouch!).
Once Y0ul man's erection is at high tide, his penis and!
or testicles will feel ultrasensitive. If the ring vibrates ,
waves of pleasure will wash over his entire groin region . In
addition, your touches, licks, suc ks, and strokes will be all
the more intense, so go slowly at first to let him get used to
it and enjoy it to the fullest . Start with ligh t fondling
around the perineum and testicles, then move up the shaft
to brush against the head of his penis. Don't rush it; a pe-
nis ring can help delay ejaculation, so work with it .
If yo u're going to perform fellatio, start with lazy licks
and delicate sucks until Y0ul partner asks you to go harder.
If you're going to use you r hands, warm some lube be-
tween your palms and then gently stroke his shaft with
upward-only fingertip st tokes before fist-pumpi ng him up
and down . And be sure to openly admire his gorgeous
girth as you wo rk on him , H is penis may look larger than
usual , so caress him with compliments too.
lu be job .1 1
'"
 Of course, penis rings can als o be used during imer-
course . To increase your own pleasure, in vest in a vibrating
ring rha t is designed to sti mulare a woman's cliroris during
love m ak ing. These ha ve grea t erotic appeal and add signi f-
icam sensation for bo th partners duri ng sex. H ave your
par tner vary the speed and angle of his rhrusrs umil you
find the co mbination that maximizes the rin g's vibrating
effect . M a ny men reporr that ejaculation and orgasm are
intensified by rhe increased pressure the penis ring pro-
vides , so hold on tighr as he cli maxes .
A final word abour penis rings: If your partner has never
used o ne before, don'r leave it on too lo ng-probably nor
more than several minures--and don't pur it on too
tightly. A misused ri ng can cause serious damage. Like any
new toy, go slow and steady until you ge t the hang of it . If
your partner experiences any pain whatsoever, remove the
ring immediately. Adj ustable straps are great for beginners,
since th ey can be quickly and easi ly removed a t the first
sign of disco mfort . The last t hing you need is a tw o A .M .
trip to the emergency room ro have his new solid-s teel
cock ring sawed offby a troop of lip-biting n urses trying to
avoid eye contact.
As most women know, men are visually sti mulated .
l\hny men are highly aroused by the sight of their partner
in the throes of ecstasy, so yo ur sex roolbox should contain
a few female-friendly toys with which to give him a sexy
show. D o n't underes timate the power of girl gadgets, since
they're often as or more emicing to men than male toys.
'Who knows, maybe they bring out the voyeur in them .
Nipple clamps (they're not all as pai nful as they sound!)
d ip on to yo ur ni pples to create both a tingling effect for
You ma y wan t to avo id oil-b ased.
lubricants , . uc h as pelrole u m jell y a nd
baby oil, . ince their chem ica l. ca n b rea k down
co ndoms a nd.ex to ys . Oil-base d lu be s d o n't wash
away as well as their waler-based cou nlerpan.
eit he r, a nd can leave a coating on Ihe vagi na o r
reclu m that ca n increase your chance o f infeclion .
you and an erotic visual fo r your man . If yo u're havi ng in-
te rcourse in the girl-on-top position, he can look up to
watc h your breasts bounce as never before. Some nipple
clamps co me with a chain, others with tassels, and srill
o thers vibrate . He won't be ab le to take his eyes o ff of you .
To move beyond m ere appearances , consider including
a dildo or strap-on dildo in your toolbox . Some men are
very tu rned on by usi ng these on their woman andlor by
watchi ng their woman pleasure herself with them . Let him
penetrate you with a dildo or fas ten a strap-on one around
his thigh, and let him lie back and watch you lower your-
self o m o it to m asturbate. To really set his bad-boy side
free, ask him ro use the head o f the dildo to stimulate your
anus. You don't have to put it imide since just the idea of
fo ndling you in th is way will spike his arousal. As with all
sex toys, dildos come in as many shapes, sizes, textures ,
co lors, material, and appearances as you can imagine.
Novelty condoms als o have appeal to both men and
wo men , and they too come in a host of colors, textures ,
scents, a nd Havoes . If you're regular condom users, why
not tuck those standard-issue drugs tore rubbers into the
l ub e job .1 1
'"
back of your sock drawer now and then, and surprise your
man by using somelhing with more flair. He can walCh as
his bumpy blue neon manhood thrusts into you . If you
and your parmer don't normally use condoms, slide one
onto him once in a while, just for a change. Yo u don't have
10 keep it on for your whole session. Use it in foreplay by
sliding it over his penis and performing fellati o (use a fla-
vored condom if you like) so he can watch himself being
sucked in a different way. You can always remove it w hen
you want 10 gel back 10 nature .
Silicone-based lubes are the longest
lasling and will st ay sli p pery even under-
water. They 're good to lL'ie with latex co ndo m. or
IOYS but may d egrade silico ne . ex loy• . They're
also a little harder to wash o lr Ihan wa ter -based
lu bes, but if yo u add a bit more .oap Ihey'll
di . appear down the drain.
Sweet treat. are another fun item to include. Of course,
Ihere are the classic edible panties, bUl olher options are far
sexier. For example, Ihere are some deliciously alluring
body dUSI., paints, and gels that smell a. exquisite a. Ihey
laste. You can let him walch while you spread them ove r
your body, Ihen let him lick them off. O r, cove r his body
with them and give yourself a sugar rush . As an appetizer,
Ihere's nOlhing sexier than a bite of rich dark chocolale to
awaken the sense •.
'While not technically sex toys, adult videos and maga-
zines are very effecti ve erotic aid., and they are immensely
useful when it comes 10 m aintenance sex. For Ihose times
you want to pleasure your man but don't have Ihe energy
10 bring him to full arousal, pop in a skin flick and let Ihe
pros do the work for you. Your man can lie down on Ihe
bed or .il back on the couch and watch the screen while
you perform fellatio or give him a hand job. For many a
man, this is pure .exual bliss. Watching pornography while
his own woman pleasures him is like a big, juicy bile of
forbidden fruil . H e'll love Ihe taste . Adult magazines are
similarly useful, though somewhat less intense.
If you want to venture into more adventurous lerritory,
see how your man re.ponds to a penis pump. This is a
popular male masturbation toy that delivers a wonderful
suction .ensation to a man'. peni•. To use, inserl your patt-
nee's penis into rhe cylinder and use the hand pump to cre-
ate a vacuum inside rhe cylinder. Having you work on his
manhood in this way, particularly with this type of tool,
may be a very sexually compelling experience for your
man. Although they're fantastic solely for pleasure pur-
poses, penis pumps are somelimes used to temporarily in-
crease the size of the penis, and the facI that you r man may
briefly appear larger after use may be a bonus turn-on for
both of you .
Okay. Sit tight. It'. lime 10 talk about anal play. Notice
we didn't say anal ,ex; we just said anal pldy. This raboo ter-
ritory has real erotic potential for men and women, but it
isn't necessary to engage in anal intercourse or 10 insert an
enormous dildo to enjoy what this playground has 10 offer.
As we suggested earlier, the mere idea of stimulating a
wom an in this way may be enough to excite your man . But
lu be j ob . 11
'"

Ar e you the sens itive type! If yo u've
purch ... ed a new Iype ofl uhe, put a dab
o n th e in side of your ar m and wait a day to see if
there's any reaction before u sing it in m ore
so uthern climes.
he too can enjoy the sensations the anal region can provide
without the experience becoming too invasive, at least not
in the begi nning.
For many men, anal play is associated with homosexu-
ality and therefore strictly ofl-limio, If you want to explore
anal play or anal sex with yo ur partner, you may first have
to reassure him that the pleasurable experiences he feels
uback there~ do not mean he's gay. The pleasure comes
from biology, not sexual orientation. Just as a woman's
G-spot is stimulated via her vagi na, a man's prostate is
stimulated via the anus, and it's every bit as pleasurable to
find. Once he's convinced of that fact, he may be more re·
ceptive to the idea, but don't expect too much ; this is a
squirmy issue for many people, particularly straight men .
If your man doesn't want to d o it, don't push the issue .
Now that he knows yo u're game, he might surprise you
and bring up the topic again after he's had some time to
think about it.
If yo ur man is willing 10 explore anal play, start off
slowly by simply touching his anal region or inserting the
tip of a well-lubed finger. Tell him not to worry about be·
coming aroused but simply to experience the sensations so
he can become familiar with them and learn to relax .
,,.
Eventually, you should be able 10 insert more of your fin-
ger. The prostate is located a couple of inches in, toward
the front of his body-turn your palm upward and curl
your finger as if calling someone over .
'When your man is ready to graduate from your finger
to a full.Aedged anal toy, consider starting with anal beads.
Because they're less intimidating than a butt plug and less
phallic than a dildo, he may be more wi lling to experiment
with them . A string that offers graduated beads---small to
larger- is best for beginners. M ake sure that each bead is
well·coated with a good-quality lubricant and ask your
man to exhale and relax as you gently push the first bead
into his anus . Follow his cues: if he wants you 10 insert
more or larger beads, d o as he wishes .
Once the beads are in place, it's more or less business as
usual and you ca n turn yo ur attention back to your man's
penis. Regardless of how you pleasure him (w hether via
fellatio, hand job, or intercourse) the way in which you use
the anal beads wiIJ depend on your parmer's preferences.
Some men like the beads to remain in place as they reach
orgasm , while others like the stri ng 10 be removed at the
same time that they clim ax. Part of the fun is finding out.
Now that yo u're a fully certified sex lOy specialist, tuck
Always, always, always use lots ofl u l>e
d uring an al play. There are thicker
wat er - o r silico ne-based lubricants formulated.
specifically for anal sex, and so me even incl ud e a
desen sitizer as an ingredient.
lu be job .1 1
'"
 your tool box away, bUl make sUle your partner knows
where to find it and give him permission to pull it oUl
whenever he feels that he's in need of a tune-up. You can
even let him pick and choose which tool he'd like you to
service him with . An on-demand, strictly maintenance lube
job is one of the best ways to keep your man sexually satis -
fied . It's also a great way to emure your relationship doesn't !Lube !Job # n~
inadvertently spend too much time on cruise control.
iii
Leather Seats

t wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The strippers

Iwere pretty but not supermodel gorgeous, and Conner
spent as much time checking th e score on the b ig screen as
he did staring at th e dancers . ~ Such is the confession of a
peeler-bar initiate , Trina, a thirty-four-year-old wife of five
years and mother of a ten-month-old baby.
uCuriosity made me go," Trina sa)" . "The whole stripper-
dub scene is a subculture I'd never had any exposure to.
I probably never would've gone just with Conner, but
friends of ours told us they'd been going and invited us .
That made it okay, since those wives were going. Safety in
numbers."
Ult felt really weird having Trina there, " says her hus-
band, Connor, thirty-four. "It felt like I shouldn't be look-
ing. She kept whispering it was okay, and once she even
whispered that it turned her on to watch me looking at the
girls . That made it a lot easier. Then it seemed like we were

126 lub. jo b l
 doing it as a couple, and I didn't feel guilty. It was jus t fool-
ing arou nd, like foreplay.u
- t don't know if I'd go again, ~ Tr ina admits . "Maybe I
wo uld , but not for qui te a w hile. It'. a lit tle too up dose
and personal for me . I think that kind of arousal should
happen between two people in privacy, no third partie• .
I'm glad I went just so I know what it'. like, but I don't
think I'd want to make a habit out of it or use it as our reg-
ular form of entertain ment . I prefer dinner and a movie .
We did have fantastic sex when we got home, though . ~
Women d o all sorts of th in gs to add side to thei r sex
lives and arouse their m en . Watching pornography, read-
ing erotica, role playing, sporting new lingerie, using sex
toys, and b uying books like this are common efforts. Fre -
quenti ng strip dubs may not be as popular a choice, but
it'. certainly nothing new, and many couples make the
peelers a regular part of their sex life.
UMy husband and I go at least once a month ," says
Trina's friend Jessie, thirty-.ix. «I find it erotic to watch the
girls move, and the whole atmosphere is really charged
wit h .ex. I'm not attracted to the women in a sexual way,
but w atch ing them take off their dothes always gets me in
th e mood to do the same thing. They always look so sexy."
Pole-dancing classes are the lat en craze,
but th ey are n't witho ut cont roversy.
Advo cat es .ay they ca n help a woman gain
confidence and .e n. ual ity, wh ile cr itic••ay they 're
just anot her way for a wom an t o p lease a man .
lu b e jo b l
'"
But what about jealousy?
"T he strippers are jus t eye candy, UJessie insists. "I'd be
more jealous if my husband were at the bar Ai rti ng with
some dru nken tart trying to get into his jea ns . T here'd be
way more chance o f cheating then . We ha ve a 'look but
don't touch' rule, and that works for us . People have differ-
ent comfort level. and ideas about what cons titu tes cheat-
ing, but I don't thi nk looking is cheating. A m an is going
to look no ma lter what, no m atter where. You might as
well be with him so you know what he', looking at . An y-
way, it can ha ve its advantage• . My husband is the wildest
lover whenever we get back from a st rip club. It lights up
his libido like the Fourth ofJuly.u
Other couples reserve the feather boas for special occa-
sions only.
UMy wife and I go once a year on my birthday," says
Jonathan, thi rty-two. "I don't care to go otherwise . It
doesn't do much for m e if I'm there with th e guys , but it's
fun to go wi th Lisa, It's good to d o erotic things outside
th e bedroom so your sex life doesn't get in a rut, and that's
why couples go to the dubs . It's different w atch ing strip-
pers than porn because it'. right there in real time, but
what turns m e on m ost is the outfi ts the girls wear, all that
leather and lace . I'm more turned on when they're dressed
or partially dressed . My wife know. that , which is why my
birthday gift always includes some skimpy ne w thing .he's
bought for hetself. I know I'm going to see it when I get
home, and I look forward to it all night . Great anticipa-
tion . I get to have stripper sex with my w ife."
ult's all part of the seduction proce..,n explains lisa ,
thirty-five, Jonathan'. wife of five years. "l\.I en are visually
l u b l jo b 112
aroused . T hey see a wo man in a sexy outfit and wonder
what she looks like naked, and th at whole process turns
them on. It', part of the chase. I like it when Jon watches
the girls peel it off, because I know he's wo ndering what
frilly teddy or lace bra i, waiting for him at home . H e likes
it so much that I leave it on d uri ng sex."
Srill not comfortable with your man being entertained
by the sultry gyrations in a gentleman's dub? You're not
alone, and your discomfort doesn't m ean you're insecure or
prudish . It just means that , like Tr ina, you don't want to
subcontract that side of your sex life. But th ere', more than
one way to achieve this type of arousal and to let your man
experience a voyeuristic sense of "the chase." Fo r example,
you can tap in to the raw exci tement of a one-night stand
by parking outside a bar on a Saturday night, jus t before
closing, and doing some mischievous people watching. As
couples leave together, you can imagine how they hooked
up inside, what he said to proposition her (or vice versa),
where t hey're going, and what they'll do when they get
there. The fiction yo u create together can be great foreplay
and ca n give your partner a flashback feel of the chase. It's
harmless two-person fun . O r, park in front of a seedy
hotel----the charge-by-the-hour kind----and study the people
coming and going, imagi ni ng the illicit affairs going on
wit hin . Play voyeur and pretend it', the two of you hook-
ing up for a half-hou r ro mp. As Jonathan pointed out, do-
ing erotic things outside the bedroom is a good way to
ensure yo ur sex life doesn't fall into a rut of predictability,
routine, and co mplacency.
'When you get home from your voyeuristic wanderi ngs,
wherever they may have led you, the sed uction process can
lub e jo b l
really begin. Think you need a pole and a black vinyl bra-
and-panty policewoman's uniform to seduce your man?
T hink again . There's a wo rld of gorgeous lin ger ie out there
that will m ake you feel as ftmme ptale as you look.
Too often, wom en look at the covers of li ngerie cata-
logu es and think, What's the point? I don't ha ve that kind
of body. The fact is, you don't need that kind of body to se-
duce yo ur m an. All yo u need is a new razor blade, a mois-
turizer, a ,plash of good perfu me , and a sexy so mething to
wear . Women know that m en are visually aroused, yet it's
astoundi ng how m any of us let our partners.see us with leg
hair thicker than the trees at Yosem ite and dressed in
clothes we wouldn't send our kids to the playground in.
Sure, we all have days where we want to slum in our
swea tpants, but don't make it a habit. H ere's a thought : use
the buddy system. My sister and I have a b ru tally honest
arrangement that keeps us in check. If I notice she's been
remiss in he r plucking duties and her cursed monobrow i,
silen tly d osing in on her, I hand her the tweezers . If she's
suddenly blinded by my gray roots reRecting the sun , she
suggests I dia l m y stylist. It', easy to slack off, and so me -
ti mes it helps to ha ve an hones c compatriot sound the
alarm . Women need maintenance, too, so kee p your body
feminine.
'When you're plucked, shaved , scented, and soft, pre-
pare to ice the cake wi th some lingerie before you offer
your man a slice . 'When you dress for sex, yo ur partner
feels desired as a man, and he sees you as a woman, not just
his wife or the m other of his kids. Sexy lingerie shouldn't
be jus t for those long roman tic evenings; it's a must for
regular main tenance sex too. If a man i, given two op-
l ub l jo b 112
'"

Is your skin .0 whil" thai il glows in
th.. dark ? For a healthy, year-round
.umm..r glow, u... a moi.turizer Ihat com... with a
.kin-darkening com plex. These are I... . dramalic
Ihan self-lan nen, .ince the glow develops over
.everal days. Th.. hint of color will even oul ski n
lone and make your skin look firmer, Ihereby
increasing your confidence down th.. catwalk.
tions, (a) be pleasured by a w om an in an old T-shirt and
wo rn slippers or (b) be pleasured by a woman in a lace
shel f bra and high heels, wh ich route do yo u thin k most
guys would prefer to travel? Our breasts, curves, hips,
and legs are powerful too ls with which to please our men,
so put them to maximum use when performing m ainte-
nance sex.
Lingerie is available almost anY"'here, from major de-
partment stores to specialty boutiques, and even racier,
stripper-approved items can be found online. Plus-size
shops carry equally ero tic items, so there's a size and style
to suit everyone. If you don't have a respectable drawerful
of saucy wares from wh ich to draw-for shame!-hit the
shops before sundown. D on't was te another night waiting
to lose th ose extra pounds or lamenti ng the gravitational
forces at work on your breasts. Use what you have and find
something that Aatters your figure.
T he classic baby doll is a good option for many figures
as it co mes in all styles, fabrics , and fashions. Go red-hot for
a vixen look, virgin whi te for innocence incarna te, or black
lub e jo b l
'"
for bad-gir l sophisticate. Bra"and-panty sets come in more
cuts than you can count and are ideal for women who need
breast support. Shelf bras are the she-devil's cut of choice
since they lift the breasts nom underneath but don't cove r
them up--talk about titillating! Push"up bras create volup-
lUous cleavage, and strapless bras are very enticing. Open-
cup bras (a sexy version of the nursing bra) allow you to
shamelessly Aaunt your stuff, second only to the infamous
nipple covers so often jostled about in pee ler clubs.
Select a panty that similarly complements yo ur body
type. T here are skirt-type pa nties for those thigh ha ters out
there as well as low-rising/high-riding panties for those
whose best assets are their buttocks. Boy-style panties are
very cute, as are the traditional bikini-cut panties. Thongs
are always popular (for those of us who can resist tuggi ng,
that is) and open-crotch panties are as carnal as they come.
Choose a matching bra-and"panty set with rumes or
lace to go ulreafeminine and pull on a pair of thigh-high
stockings, preferably with a garter belt to combine the per-
fect amounts of vamp and class. Other options include
snug bustiers and corsets, wh ich also can be used with
stockings and garters . O h, yeah, don't forget to toss those
churchgoing pumps and slip into a pair of shiny black
high heels to complete the look of lust .
Finally, don't be in a hurry to lose the erotic effect of
your li ngerie. Since men are so visual , why not do what
Lisa does and remain at least partially dressed during love -
making? Crotchless panties make penetration easy, but any
pair ca n be pushed to the side to allow entry, and the sight
of his penis disappearing into your panties ca n be a sala-
cious show for bot h of you . Yo u can also wrap your legs
l ub l jo b 112
'"

around him, still dressed in fishnets and heels, to accentu-
ate an otherwise bare body and let him feel the sexy fabric
against his skin.
Remember, clothes might ma ke a man, but lingerie
makes a woman. Dress for sex this evening, whether it's
maintenance night or not, and give your visual man a real
eyeful.
~ube !Job #'3
iii
Zero Visibility
oW that we've spent the last chapter urging you to vi-
N sually arouse your man, we're going 10 spend this one
telling you to close his eyes . 'When sight is restricted, other
senses become more acute: lOuches feel more exciting, ca-
resses more consuming, and orgasms surprisingly intense.
A blindfold may therefore be one of the most powerful
and useful sexual aides you can employ. Add sex lOys 10 a
sightless sexual experience, and the body buzz can be elec-
trifYing.
'While any toy can be used in a blindfolded sex session,
the simple straight vibrator is one of the most versatile and
Use a sexy st oc ki ng with a . p ritt of
perfum e o n it 10 blindfold yo ur man.
Stocking. are great for restraints, 100, unl ess you
prefer the harder touch of handc uffs.
 can bring a real charge to maintenance sex. If you're look-
ing for an easy way to grease yo ur guy's gears withoUl actu-
ally having to climb underneath the vehicle, you can use a
vihrator on his genital. during a hand job or blow job for
dramatic results.
W rap the bli ndfold around your man'. eyes, kiss him
deeply on the mOUlh, and then ask him to lie back on the
bed while you apply some personal lubrica nt to the vibra-
tor and his genitals. Turn the vihrator on low and lightly
roll it over his scrotum, then up his shaft and over the head
of his penis. Slide it back down and hold it under hi. scro-
tum .0 that it presses agai nst his perineum. Check with
him to make sure the vihration is at a pleasurable level,
then hold the vibrator in place against his perineum with
one hand while you stroke hi. penis to orgasm with the
other hand .
If you're performing fellatio, you may wish to use your
own saliva rather than a lubricant. In that case, use your
mOUlh to slick up your man'. genitals before you touch him
with the vihrator. Move the vihrator in the same fashion-
When yo ur n,an is lying hack on the
hed, occasio nally . hili: the po.ition of hi .
legs w hile you u. e the vi hrato t on hi. p enis and
testicles. H ave him lie with hi . legs . traight
to gether, th en . pread apan, and then knees bent.
By cha nging the position of hi . legs, yo u can
. uhtly affect th e way the vibra tio n. feel on hi .
ge nita l••
lub . jo b l
'"
ovet hi. hall., up and down his shalT, over the head of his
penis--as you lick and suck him with YOUt mOUlh. Again,
hold the vibrator against hi. perineum as you stroke and
suck him to cl im ax. Yo ur mOUlh, the vibrator, and the
blindfold will work together to give your guy an exqui-
sitely erotic orgasm. If your partner likes to have his anus
stimulated, you can also press the vihrator against this sen-
sitive spot as you suc k or stroke him .
To use the vihrator during intercourse, get in the
woman-on-top position. Remember: it's maintenance sex ,
so you're doing the work tonight. When he'. inside you,
slip the vibrator between your bodies so it touches your cl i-
toris. Once you've done this, you may find the experience
goes from maintenance to mutual. Reach around and roll
the vihrator over his halls and under his scrotum, again
stimulating his perineum with deeply felt vibrations that
may reach all the way to his prostate. Pum p his penis with
your hody as you, the hlindfold, and the vibrator bring
him to a hody-shuddering orgasm. 'What a menage a trois!
To add another guest to the party, you can use restraints
to really keep your man in his place. H elena, twenty-seven,
found that restraint. helped her to overcome her main ob-
stacle to effective maintenance sex.
UMy problem would've made most women jealous,"
Helena admits. "I found it difficult to do maintenance sex
on my boyfriend hecause he wo uldn't let me . H e'. a very
sensitive lover, very considerate, bur there are times when
a woman just doesn't want to have sex no matter how good
her lover is. I still wanted to satisfy him during those times,
bur he was so preoccupied with pleasing me that he
would n't ever relax and just receive pleasure. It sounds .illy
l u b e jo b 1 13
'"
 Yo u can also perform th is lube job while
your man . its o n a chair. Bind his arm.
te th e ar mrests and hi. legs to th e legs of th e
chair. He'. now in rhe perfect po.ilion to feel your
mouth, hand. , and th e vib rator work th eir
wonders o n hi. gro in.

but that can be frustrating, e.pecially .ince I sometimes

n
had 10 fake an orgasm just so he'd let me do my part.
Okay, you don't have to share H elena's altitude, but her
frustration was as real as her solution was effective. should be a hot spot of vibrating, .ucking, and stroking
" I was trying to give him a hand job one night, but he sensations. Make him come at your whim , or climb on top
kept pushing my hands away and kissing my nipples and and finish with woman-on-top intercourse. 'Whatever way
what not, trying 10 arouse me . The harder he t ried, the you bring him to orgasm, he won't .ee it coming.
more irritated I became because I just wanted to .atisfy
him and go to sleep . I wasn't interested in .ex. Then I had
a revela tion . H is tie was on the floo r, so I rolled over to
grab it, then tied his w rists to the bedpost. like I was a pro.
His jaw dropped, but he didn't SlOp me . l lOld him that he
was at my mercy and I was going to ma ke him come my
way. It .olved the problem. H e was turned o n, hi. hands
didn't roam, and it was all over in about ten minutes . H e
n
thought I was being sexy, but I was being pranica1.
Now that's maintenance.ex done right .
To keep the use of restraint. exciting, wrap the bli nd -
fold around your man'. eyes while he'. tied up. You can
also tie hi. ankles to the footboard. 'When he's bound and
blindfolded, use the vibrator to stimulate his genitals as
you alternate between hand and oral pleasure. His groin

lub . jo b l lube jo b 1 13
'" '"

The Fast and the Furious
ong sleeves, shon sleeves, three-quaner.lengrh sleeves-
L your closet probably has them all, bUl for this lube job,
you'll need a sleeve of a very different sort in your closet: a
penis sleeve. In case you've never seen one, a penis sleeve is
a sex toy for men, a rype of artificial vagina (or anus or
even mouth) that is available in a host of sizes, shapes, and
sryles. Some even vibrate. 8Ul whether it's battery powered
or not, a penis sleeve is the right tool for this fast and furi·
ous lube job, and an accessory that no closet should be
without.
Penis sleeves are a favorite male masturbation toy that
you won't have any trouble finding at any sex shop. The
belter models boast natural.feeling materials and various
textures to heighten sensation during thrusting. They're
also adjustable to increase the suction and friction on a
man's penis. Because there are so many brands and options
available, shop around until you find the one you think
would arouse your partner the most . And don't forget to
pick up some water-based lubricant to use with your new
purchase.
Since you'll ultimately be using the penis sleeve in the
dark, you'll want to acquaint yourself with irs shape and
where it will require lubrica tion . When action is immi·
nent, you'll be squirting some of the lube inside the sleeve
itself as well as lubricating the opening through which
your partner's penis will pass, so you may want ro do a dry
run just for practice.
Now that your toolbox is equipped and you're ready to
perform some regular maintenance on your man, choose a
Penis sleeveo are sometimes used as prac-
tice for the real thing-you! So me men
find Ihis t yp e of sex to y is a good tool to fin e-
l une Ih eir ejac ula l io n co nl ro l.
suitable location. A spacious closer is best, although any
dark, en closed nook will do. To avoid mattress monotony,
it's wise to surprise your man with a quickie outside of {he
bedroom whenever possible. Lube jobs often exploit the
exciting unfamiliarity of a spontaneous sexual encounter
beyond the bedroom walls , and this racy closer quickie
may be the best of the bunch.
The timing of this quickie is entirely up to you. You can
perform it just before bed, in the middle of a lazy weekend
afternoon, or the moment your man gets home from
work. Stash the penis sleeve and lube under the linens in
your closet, and you'll be prepared for action anytime you
 please. Just make mre your mother-in-law isn't staying
over, or you'll have questions to answer when she reaches
in for a bath towel.
'When you're ready to tune up your man, lead him with
a wink into the doset and dose the doors. Make up a sexy
story to tell him as you undress the both of you. For exam-
ple, tell him that he's at a party when you, a seductive
stranger, take him by the hand and lead him into a dark,
hidden doset. You undress yourself and him, and then take
his hands and run them allover your body, over the
mounds of your breasts and hard nipples, down to the slip-
pery softness between your legs. You reach down to squeeze
his cock, gasping at how hard and thick it is. Finally, you
turn your back to him and press your ass against his groin.
Desperate, you beg him to enter you . . . from behind.
Sure, this is dirty talk, bur your goal is to make your
partner as hard as possible as fast as possible, so don't waste
time reciting love poetry. If you really want to rev his en-
gine and if you think your partner would be game, tell him
the stranger wants to have anal sex. This will be particu-
larly arousing if you and your partner don't normally prac-
tice anal play; simply toying with the idea of a taboo
activity can be a great way to experience escapist sex and
forbidden fun .
l\.I ove your man's hands over your body and between
your legs. Tell him how good it feels to have him touch
you, then reach out and caress his body and genitals ever so
light ly. 'When he's hard, retrieve the lube and penis sleeve.
He'U know you're up to something, but don'tteU. Let him
guess in the dark. Warm the lube in your palms and then
lub e jo b l
'"
spread it on your partner's penis. As you practiced, insert
some lube into the sleeve and apply some to the opening.
Turn your back to your man and place the sleeve be-
tween your legs with the opening facing backward, toward
him. Ask him to stand dose behind your body and pene-
trate you. As he gets into position, reach around and slide
his erect penis into the sleeve. Again , don't tell him what
you 're doing or using, just let him bask in the new sensa-
tions and wonder what you're up to. Tell him he's inside
the sexy stranger, perhaps inside her uass ,u and ask him to
start thrusting. As he does, hold the sleeve as securely as
you can between your legs, using your hands to hold it in
place as his excitement grows and his thrusts intensifY.
Remember that it's the diversity and unexpectedness of
these quickies that will enraprure your man, not the flaw-
less positioning of the penis sleeve or a Pulitzer-quality
erotic story. Don't get caught up in perfect choreography.
Just relax, hold on to the sleeve , and let your own story-
telling unfold as you like . Take your cues from your part-
ner. If you say something that makes him groan and grab
your hips, elaborate. If you experience mechanical prob-
lem s with the sleeve, laugh it off and begin again. Should
the sleeve prove undoable, it', no big deal . T h row it to the
floor and have your man thrust into your tight-fisted
hands. Adapt, have fun with it, and nothing can go wrong.
There are several forces at work in this lube job that will
likely compel your partner to reach orgasm with fast and
furious intensity. The spontaneity of the encounter, the ex-
citement of the unusual location , the standing rear-entry
position, and the taboo idea of anal sex with a stranger, all
l ub l jo b 114
'"
 combined with your di rty .tory, is a potent formula for a
fantastic quickie.
Of course, the most powerful feature of this mainte-
nance quickie is the innovative and unexpected me of a
sexual aide . If you and your partner don't usually use toys,
or at least not this type of toy, the surprise and novelty of
the experience w ill be just as arousing to your man as the
flood of new sensations the penis sleeve will provide. This
lube job won't last long, so don't worry if dinner's in the
oven. And, conveniently, you probably won't be too far
from a towel for postquickie cleanup.
AM OR O U S A N C ESTO RS
Upper Paleolithic art d ating back J O,OOO
yea rs depicts people using dildo. to pl easure
Ih em. elve. and others. That m eans mankind
inve nte d sex to ys long befo re the wheel. The time
line . peaks t o our p rioritie. , doe.n't it!
As your man catches his breath, tuck the .leeve away at
the back of the closet but not too far back. It might be
back in fashion sooner than you think.
As we've said, variety is one of the most important in-
gredients in a good sex life. The inclusion of a few erotic
toys in your sexual repertoire is an easy and effective way to
add a new dimension to your lovemaking. To prove the
popularity of .exual aide., notice the number of .ex shops
that have sprung up in all major (and not so major) urban
centers. Sex toys, along with adult videos, are now in the
.
, lub . jo b l
maimtream, and the sectecy associated with purchasing
these items is a thing of the past.
Nonetheless, if you'te still he.itant about visiting a sex
shop, hete'. an idea: befote you go , do an Internet search
for ". ex toysu to familiarize yourself with the appearance
and usage of some of these adult items. A little sex-toyed-
ucation in the privacy afforded by your own computer
may boost your confidence before you stroll down the sex
aisles, eye level with the double-ended dildos and butt
plugs. If you're still too uncomfortable to take that vibrat-
ing cock ring you really like to the counter, you can pur-
chase it online and have it delivered to your door in a nice,
safe, anonymous brown box. Your neighbors will never
know what's imide. Unless their anal bead. are being deliv-
ered the same day, that is.
One couple who would never dream of ordering their
sex toys online i. D avid and Amy. Together for seven years ,
one of their favorite foreplay p<!stime. is to visit the sex
shop arm in arm and to take their sweet time browsing the
inventory and choosing the perfect erotic accoutrement to
their evening'. planned festivities .
"We call it retail foreplay,« says Amy. "We take our time
walking up and down the rows, looking at all the different
toys and pictures , and talking about what we'd like to use
on each other. The whole process is a wicked aphrodisiac."
"We're so turned on by the time we get home, " adds
David, "that we barely have time to insert the batteries be-
fore we're clambering to undress each other. It'. very pow-
erful. "
According to David and Amy, the most crucial require-
ment of their particular love life is comtant va riety. They
l u b l jo b 114
'"
 SEX SEllS
The sex-toy in du 5try i. big bu.ines.,
and new erotic acce.so rie. are conSlantly
hitting the shelves. Shou ld you find yourse lf
hold ing a hot-pink, buzz ing, mini pitchfork made
of .ilicone and feathers, ask th e .ale.perso n abou t
in use and whether th ere'. been any feedback
befo re you buy. If you're too . hy to ask in front o f
an a udience, vi.it th e 5Iore on a weekday nlOming
when it . hould be relatively emp ty.
both admit to becoming quickly bored-that'. just their
nature-and they rely on the changing inventory of the
sex .hop. they vi.it to prevent .exual predictability and
routine from creeping into the bedroom.
uWe do get bored quickly," explain. Amy, Ubut it
doe.n't take much to get the .park back. Even experiment-
ing with a new brand of lubricant or ta.ting a Aavored
whipping cream i. enough to .end u. over the edge again.
I guess we're lucky that way."
Fortunately, most couple. don't get bored as readily or
a. often as David and Amy, but their tried-and-true ap-
proach to keeping their sex life dynamic and IUlfiliing
works for them, and that's what maners. In fact, it's a bless-
ing they've found each other and that they are both willing
to do what it take. , together, to keep their relation.hip
thriving. Their communication skill. as a couple are excep-
tional , and they have a profound understanding of each
other'. sexual needs and de.ires.
... lu be jo b l
Watch your body language. Nonverbal
me. sages are a powerful part of a cou ple's
communication. Be aware of th e signal. you're
.e nding your partner and keep them po. itive.
Make eye contact during conver:satio n; . mile
when he comes in the room; and flirt atiou sly play
with your hair when you look at him.
That understanding extends to maintenance. While
Amy i. sated by her three-time.-a-week average, she .ays
that her man rum most .moothly on five or even six rime.
a week. She proudly admits that maintenance sex i. e.pe-
cially easy for her to perform since she already has a toolbox
with enough toys to stock any sex .uperstore to the rafters.
Equipped with this arsenal of .exua l aides--from penis
pump' to fingertip vibrarors-c-she i. able to keep her sexu-
ally driven but easily bored partner more than satisfied.
"I make .ure that I don't rely too much on one thing for
too long,~ .ays Amy. ulf David'. really into it for a long
stretch, I alternate the toys I use on him . O ne day I'll use the
pump. Another day ru use a vibrator while I suck him off."
- t never know what .he'. going to pull on me," David
reveals, "e.pecially after we've been to one of those .ex
trade .hows that come around every couple of years. Those
are total windfall. for me. I give her the credit card, a big
brown bag, and tell her to put us in as much debt a. she
wants to. Money can buy some kind. o f happine••, you
u
know.
As we've said, and as Amy and David obviously recog-
l u b l jo b 114 .,
 nne, va riety i, one of the mo,! important features of a
healthy and happy love life. It is equally important when it
comes 10 the specific issue of maintenance sex . J USl as Amy
has done, yOll should st rive to pleasure yo ur man in new
ways when hi, sex drive slips into overdrive. So the next
time you a nd he pass one of those neon-lit sex shops, why
not take a quick detour inside to see what they might have !Lube !Job #.5
in store for you?
iii
Remote-Controlled Pleasure

id you ever see someone yawn and then yawn your-

D self? It', contagious. I'm yawning JUS! thinking about
it, and yOll might be too. Well, wake up; I'm trying to
make a point, not send you off for a sies ta . Feelings can
also be contagious, and rhis is especially true when it
comes 10 sexual arousal. A low moan fro m the downs tairs
apartment or the neighboring hotel room ca n often be
more of a turn-on than the graphic sight o f frantic porno
pu mp ing. The sigh ts and sounds of another person's
arousal can be a powerful aphrodisiac, and we'll be putting
that face to good use in this lube job. We'll also be putting
to use another accessory from your sex toolbox- a remote-
controlled bullet vibrator.
As with most sex toys , there are infi nite variations of
the bu llet vibrator, sometimes called a vibrating egg m as-
sager. The bullet is inserted into the vagina, and its rype
and speed of vibration is adjusted via a remote control.
T he b ulle" ca n be of varying shapes a nd sizes, a nd some

l~ a lub . jo b l
unItS even come wi th interchangeable bullets . Cordless
models are widely available, and the number, speed, and
variety of pulse setlings also vary from model to model.
You'll also want to ensure that the unit you select has a
good cange and low volume .
The ne xt time you're getting dolled up for dale night,
insert the bullet vibralor before you pull on your panty-
hose. Sometime during the evening, perhaps righ t afte r
dinner, pass the remote control to your partner and en-
light en him on its features. Tell him he's at the wheel.
Close yo ur eyes in ecstasy and m oan under your brealh
whenever your partner exercises his control over your plea-
sure. Circle you r hips and lick your lips to leI hi m enjoy
Ihe sounds and sighls of your arousal, thereby becoming
aroused hi mself. D on't be surprised if he wants to head
home before the dessert menu arri ves.
Remote-control panties are an all-in -one
aher nalive t o an inte r nal bullet vibrat or.
The vibr.lIor is buill inlO the panty il..,lf and there-
fore stays outside the body, providing vih ralions
10 Ih e c1ilor is and outer vagina.
'When you 're bac k in your bedroom, tell your man to
stay at the controls wh ile you u nd ress. Let him watch you
peel off your clolhes as he rando m ly sends pulses and
waves of pleasure through yo ur body. 'Whew! Your man's
heart will be pounding, and his other body parts will be
100. When you're naked, lie back on the bed as he contin-
lu b . jo b l
ues 10 manipulale your body. Not only will the visual of
seeing your body in this way lurn him on, but his sense of
Ihe sexual power he has over you will also ignite his desire .
Ask him to undress, then have him join you on the bed
and touch your naked, writhing body as the bullet pulses
inside you . You want you r man to lose himself in rhe erotic
control he has over your body. When you're ready, ha ve
him get into whalever posilion he'd like to receive fella lio
in , whether iI's lying on his back, kneeli ng, sitti ng, or
sta ndi ng. G ive him oral pleasure as he continues 10 stimu-
late you via remole conttol. N o doubt the two of you will
find your own rhyth m : perhaps the m o re pulses he delivers
10 you, the harder yo u suck on him .
It's up to you and yo ur partner whether yo u bring him
10 orgasm with fellatio or w het her yo u want to move on to
intercourse. If you do want to have intercourse, remove
Ihe bullet and let yo ur partner walCh as you tease your cl i-
loris and nipples with its vibrarions-c-wirh his fingers on
Ihe dial, of course. When your partner final ly penetrates
you (the good 01' missionary position is great for Ihis ), slip
Ihe bullet between your bodies so that it will continue to
stimulate your clitoris as he Ihrusls . Yo u'll bolh feel the vi-
brations , and many women find they achieve very intense
orgasm s this way. M ake sure Ihe remote control is at your
partner's fingertips at all times so that he can play with the
controls as he wishes, Ihereby changing rhe pulsations you
both feel during sex.
This red-hot lube job is a devilishly fun way to recharge
rhe bat reeies in your love life. It s etoticism co mes in part
ftom sexual contagion, since Ihe more atoused your part-
ner sees you, the more aroused he becomes . But rhe erotic
lube jo b . 15
'"
 charge in thi' lube jub abc COme, from .., mething else: the
§cn,., tha ' he has comrol---sn:ual power-over you , even if
it', only make-k lic:ve:,
NowaJaY" then: an: prt'Ciou. fC'W pla.:n when: a man
can S1ill exercise hi, primal masculiniry and con trol. Let'.
face it. Wo men have hOld '0 I1ght IOm h and nail to .i, in
the drive r', seal, and we're somnim... n:luctan' to . Iide
into Ihe pHSCnger'S scat and In ..,mcone d,., uk the
wh«1. pa.rlicularly if thar ..,lllC'One dsc i, a man. Th i. luk
job is therefon: a gn:a' ~hick fOl lcningyour panner play
wirh a sense of power. Let him hold ,he controls o ncr in a
while; he11 fed powerful, and you'll k pampered.
I'owcf slruggles are common in rdalio n,hips. and n:-
ganUcu of how ,hey begin or whar fuel, ,hem , they in-
evitably find a way 10 slip undc-I 'k bedecom door and
cause pmblenu in a couple's on: life. But by king aware of
and addn:uing the power issu"" in your ",Iarion.hip, you
can prevenl ,h;' lug-of.wa l from ,ncaking undc-r the bed.
"'~.
The power ,truggle bu .. cu, MC'Kd ith anJ Ben, a m -
rial couple with rwo prncnool-age child",n, iU"",.... t a
POW" issue IIlOlt ;. increasingly COmmon in tn;. ...·OI'ld of
the successful working woman. For ,!lc fi"" fom ~ of
their marriage, Meredirh worked from !lomc ... a frcclance
g....p!lic artist , making a mod...t ""Iary that did no' com-
pare to Ben', high -salary position as fon:"",n a' a h~
commen:ial con.trucrion com pany. Ah!loug!l !lcr car=r
wasn't as successful as she imagincd it wo uld k , !lcr abiliry
to wo rk from horne nevcn!ldcss gave Meredith the oppor-
m niry '0 "ay a, hoene with hct child",n, which she had
15 2 h.b t JOb '
wan ted to d o. All in all, the arrangement wa. working
well , , , u mil rhe down.izing, that i•.
It was a regular Monda y morn ing w!len Ben d isco"" rcd
thaI his cmploycr had sold thc con.truction company and
that his high.paid posit ion d id nor fi t inro the ph m the
new owners hOld for thc company. By noon he was back
home with a sevcnncr package in hi. han d and a sinki ng
f«ling in !Ii. Slomxh. H e and Mercdith need ed a new
plan, and rbey n«<lcd it f....t . They both kgan job hun r-
ing, and rhey were both .urpriscd when Meredith struck
carttr gold first . Withi n rwo weeks rhey had switched
pUen.: McTcdith Was a working mom, and Ben was a .tay-
ar-hcme dad.
- It was a drcam job.- ""Y' Mcrcdi th. -My univeniry de-
gree was paying olf. my rimc in the fn:dance tn:n<:h.........
paying off. l.nd I }ud the job l }ud dr=m.cd offor ycan.. Ir
happencd .udd m ly, but I w:L\ rcady 10 do it. The kids wen:
a lirde oldcr, out of diapen at lcast. and I ....... starring to
miss wotking oulOidc the !lomc. Pi"'" I knew Ben could
handle rk kids. Hc'. alwaY' bccn a s-« dOld.-
- It wu a da.ss.ic caoc of OCC"mcd-li kc-a-good-idca-ar-cltc-
lim",- says Bcn. -Thc fint fcw monrhs wen: grear. I didn'r
Ita...e to race our of thc house at ott A. M., I didn'r have to
take call. through cvcry mc..!, and I d idn't have rite Slrcu
of big.buc k job. hanging ovcr my head. The kKl.s wen:
aweoom". \11;'" hxl lou offu n and d id all kinds o f things to-
gerher: .....immi ng, bicyding. flying kit"" in the park. you
nam" il. I was a glos>Y postcr for t!lc fulfillcd, well-ad jllncd
, ray-at.hom" dad:
But hew d id r!li. con5truction fon:man rurned do mes--
l u b t jo b . 15 IU
 tic figurehead handle the household duties of cooking and
cleaning?
"He's a better dad than housewife, u jokes Meredith.
-n., kids had never been happier---everyday they did
something different-but the house, frankly, went to hell.
I'd come home at six o'clock, and supper would be spilling
out of pots on the stove. The table was never set. T he laun-
dry waited until the weekend, when I did it, and I don't
think the bathtub was scrubbed for a month . Sometimes,
as a hint, I'd take the vacuum out before I left for work in
the morning, but it would stilI be standing in the same
place when I got home. The Roor was still crunchy. He
didn't seem to do any cleaning at all, and that really got
on my nerves . I hated coming home to a dirty house day
after day. ~
Eventually, l\.I eredith's silent irritation with Ben's lax
housekeeping turned into voca l frustration . If she came
home to a sink full of dishes, she'd sigh loudly and remind
him that she had managed to both clean the house and
care for the children. If the kids were wearing mismatched
clothing, she'd shake her head at his fashion fau x pas. And
if Ben bought something, whether a new pair of shoes for
the kids or a small television for his weight room, she'd
raise her eyebrows and ask how much it cost.
uM ered it h did get a touch of the queen bee syndrome,"
says Ben. -t can understand it, since she'd spent many
years struggling to get her career off the ground. T hen she
got this dream job, and for the first time in her life was
making really good money and actually getting the recog-
nition she deserved. But I can't say she didn't start to treat
me a bit like a drone. Our sex life slowed to a crawl, and I
... lu b. jo b l
felt like she'd only give me sex when I'd performed every -
thing up to her specs. Worst of all, I started to feel like a
kept man, a financial dependent. That doesn't exactly fire
up a man's libido."
Be careful what you wish for. When a
drone (a male hon eyb ee) fin ally m al es
with a qu een bee, in ah dome n is r ip ped open
d uring copulation , and it di es soo n afterward.
UH e's right, I was the queen bee for a while, ~ Meredith
admits. «Ben had never questioned me on the cost of
things I'd buy for myself or the kids, hut I'd grill him. And
he knew I wouldn't have sex unless things were done
around the house . Our love life definitely starred to go
downhill. For the first time, I was the breadwinner, and I
was keenly aware of that. I was going full-speed ahead in
my career, and I was scared to slow down or I'd lose my po-
sition. It was all new to me , and I had a sense of power, in-
cluding sexual power, which I wasn't above Raunting to
Ben. I starred to see my marriage almost as a parent-child
relationship, and that obviously wasn't a rum-on for either
of us . ~
'While many arrangements involving working women
and stay-at-home men are happy and successful, Meredith
and Ben had a difficult time making the transition, largely
because of Meredith's sudden rise to power. T here's no
doubt that women have fought to overcome economic, so-
cial, and political oppression, and that fight is far from
l u be job . 15 .
,
 over . In fact , th e figh l is deeply ingrained in both rhe mod-
ern woman's psyche and reality. Sadly, however, this banle
oflen crosses the work field to invade the bedroom.
Wo men use skill, determination, and hard work to
achieve equal power in the business and polilical arenas .
Yet they often use sex to co ntrol the power balance in thei r
personal rela lionships, where they sometimes strive for su·
periority rather than m ere equality. Who knows, m aybe
Ihey're unconsciously punishing rheir well-inrenrioned
men for the sins of their suffrage.withholding forefathers .
Regardless of th e reason, when a woman uses sex as a power
1001, as Meredith did, a couple's love life will suffer. Rela·
lionship repair comes with empalhy and understanding.
Once each partner is able 10 empathize with Ihe other's
struggles and understand the other's emotional needs, the
damage can be reversed.
Women slruggle with issues of unequal pay, chauvinis-
lie employers, and the guill.ridden boxing maleh between
rhe stay.al.home and working.mother camps. Even today,
women are often judged by their cup size earh er than thei r
credentials, and Ihe pressure to have it all-successful ca·
reer, perfect kids, handso me husband, greal body-is al-
ways on. But jus t as society snubs rhe wo ma n who doesn't
uhave it all,u so does it demean the m an who doesn't climb
Ihe ladder of institutional and financial success. Never
mind that he's a devoled husband and loving falher, whal's
his job title? H ow much did he m ake last year? T his can be
an emasculating cul ture for men . Just as popular culture
belittles women who aren'r a size two, il also marginalizes
men who don't m ake a six.figure income.
"M y queen bee days came to an end in an eye.opening
.
, lu b . jo b l
way,Usays Meredi th . -a-, and I were lying in bed, and he
was doing his best to ini tiate sex. I was peeved that he
hadn't go tten gtoceries that day, so I ignored his advances
and asked why he didn't go shopping. H e told me he didn't
have enough money in his waIlel , and asked if I could leave
u
him so me tomorrow. I co uld «n he was humiliated .
" I fell like somebody had castrated me, u continues Ben.
- t wouldn't be surprised if! acmally looked down 10 ma ke
n
sure my bal ls were slill there.
Pusry whipp~J is a Slate all m en dread.
We mi ght la ugh at the term , but if we
think about the m eaning of the phrase-to be
defeated., punished, con tro lled., conq uered.,
dominated-it loses so me of in humor. In.prove
your vocab ulary and your rel at ionship by focusing
on the n.eaning of words like support, p raise,
~quality, i<>,,~, a nd rupeet inSlea d.
-n,« obviously broke the mood,~ says Meredith. "I
felt like his mOlher, givi ng him lu nch m oney. And I can't
even imagine how he mus t have felt."
- t felt like a loser,u Ben clarifies, "and I did not feel like
n
havi ng sex.
ult didn't take more than thaI m oment for me 10 under-
sta nd how he had been feeling, ~ says Meredith. "I could
«u just by Ihe look in his eyes . H e'd always been an excel·
lent provider, and, to be honesl, I'd always been atlracled
10 that . T hat part of his identity had been taken away, and
l u be jo b . 15
'"
 I began to rea lize jus t how much his sense of manhood was
being threatened, especially since I'd been withholding sex.
We didn't have sex that night either, bur we did talk a lot
about our insecurities and how we could support each
other emotionally. I told him how scared I was to lose the
job I had worked so hard for. I'd fought so long to be taken
seriously that I had to focus on mrning off my domineer-
ing 'boss' side when I got home."
Ult was an excellent talk,n says Ben. uNo rmaHy I can't
stand to talk about my feelings and all that, bur it felt good
to get it off my chest . I told Meredi th how difficult it is for
a man who's always had a sense of control to hand over
the reins. I told her tha t I loved being with the kids but
tha t her complaints about the housework made me feel
whipped. We talked a lot about how it was affecting our
sex life, too. I still felt the urge to have sex, bur , ro be bru-
tally honest, I was losing sexual altraction to her. She doled
ou! sex like a miser doles out money, and I had to beg for
it. I didn't feel like she needed or appreciated me, and that
did affect how much I desired her,"
"l concent rated on giving Ben a feeling of empower-
ment in his life and in his decision to stay home with the
kids," Meredith explains, «which is something he'd always
done for me when I was a stay-at-home mom. I left the
queen bee at the office. At home, I was his wife and my
kids' mot her. I really had to work on keeping those roles
separate at first, but it's easier now and we're both happier.
I made him feel apprecia ted, and I showed him how much
the kids and I needed him. As for the housework, we com-
promised and hired a cleaning service ro come in twice a
week. As for the sex, I made him feel like an irresistible
.. lu b e jo b l
stud in bed. I g uess there'. some wisdom to letti ng the man
be on to p once in a while!"
l\hintenance sex is about more tha n dealing with d is-
parate sex drives . It'. als o about maintaining the integri ty
of the inti mate relationship as a whole, about recognizing
the differences no! only in the sex ual needs between men
and women but also in the emotional needs. Just as a
woman lo ngs to feel loved, secure, and beautiful in her
man's eyes, a man longs 10 fee l needed, powerfUl, a nd ap-
preciated by his woman . If your man makes you feel emo-
lions that fulfill you, why not return the favor?
-.' SI G N ED , S EA LE D , DE LI VE RE D
Mail a th ank-you card to your man at
work, exp ressing your gratitude for all th e things
he does for you. Tell him th e many reason s you're
thankful for havin g hin. in your life. It'. th e male
equivalent of a love lener and a d ozen long-
S1emmed red roses.
'While the remote-controlled bullet vibrator in this lube
job is a fun way to give your ma n a playful sense of sexual
control, be sure ro remember that nonsexual feelings also
affect his pleasure between the sheets. 'Whether he's a
highly paid executive or an underappreciated worker bee,
you have a great deal of control over how he feels about
himself both inside and outside the bedroom. And if you
fulfill his emotional needs as well as his sexual needs, you'll
be the object of his affection as much as of his desire.
l u be jo b . 15
'"
~ 1=
tpaJll, [TouJI,
tl ~

Sexual
Intercourse
, ' ,
'0'
,
,"
,
 :Lube !Job # . 6
iii
Reading the Map-Writt en Erotica

rotica, a word derived from the Greek rro< (love}, is a

E style of w riting that is intended to evoke sexual desire .
Generally speaking, erotica is more tame, tasteful, and
egalitarian or female-friend ly than wrinen pornography,
although the distinction between the two is ofren hazy.
The erotica in this chapter is meant to appeal to an intelli-
gent, mainstream readership who can use it as a 'ort of
aphrodisiac or form of foreplay: by reading these erotic
stories together, a couple can increase their sexual arousal
in a fun, exciting, and nonthreatening way.
For some couples w h o d o not watc h adult movies, w rit-
len erotica is an ideal alternative. Sandra and Bill, a young
couple who found the sounds and vocalizations in adult
movies 10 be nothing shore of thigh-slappingly hilarious ,
weren't opposed to pornography in principle; in fact, they
often enjoyed looking at pornographic magazines to-
gether. However, whenever they tried to watch a skin Rick,
the array of grunts and slaps and oohs and ""I" doubled
 them over with laughter. Turning down the volume didn't
help. T hey soon became so preoccupied and distracted by
even imagining what sounds were being made, that they
simply couldn't separate the visual from the audio. Fo r the
time being at [east , adult movies weren't destined to playa
big part in their sex life.
Eventually, Sandra began to read aloud the erotic letters
that were featured in their pornographic magazines. To
their surprise, reading these letters often aroused them
even more than looking at the images in the magazines or
on-screen . As Bill explained, the arousal came from a com-
bination of hearing the erotic words spoken by his girl-
friend, bei ng immersed in the alluring storyline, and using
his imagination to flesh oUl the enticing details . It wasn't
long before they graduated from ama teur letters to quali ty
published erotica.
W ritten erotica con,es in both fiction
and nonfiction. If yo ur liter ary lasl e. lean
loward the voye ur iuic, choo. e nonfiction to .ee
wh al you r neighbors have been up t o. So m e
nonfiction erotica co llection. focus o n a
com m itted coup le'• •es u al adven lu re. lo gelher,
w hic h m ay be p articularly appeal in g 10 readers.
Al though both Sandra and Bill admitted that they
wo uld continue to view pornography and eventually try to
watch. adult films again, it i. worth noting that both of
them expressed feeling grea ter sexual intimacy and emo-
... lub . jo b l
tional connection while reading erotica rogether than they
did while viewing pornographic material. This sentiment
is echoed by many erotica lovers who find the fantasy
worlds they explore together in books highly conducive to
connecting not only sexually bUl also emotionally.
For those couples who either regularly or on occasion
do enjoy adult films (including the grunts and slaps and
oohs and Mhs), wrinen erotica is a perfect way to add even
more variety to their sexual repertoire. Ero tica can enhance
a co uple'. sexual experience by providing new ideas and
bringing fantasy to lovem aking. Good erotica should be
as escapist as it is arousing, allowing the mind to wander
to forbidden and sexually exhilarati ng places, people, and
possibilities.
Fanny Hill, M nn"irs ,,/ a WOman 0/
PI~tlSUJY i. widely ccmidered t o be the
first erol ic novel . Written by Jo hn deland in
1749 , rhe novel was hanned in the U nited Slates
unlil 1966. And alt h ough it was for m any years
revi led as pornogr aphy, iI's now co n. idered a
lilerary classic.
The three erotic stories we have incl uded here are the
ultimate in escapist erotica. They are also highly explicit
and share a common plot element: an individual perform-
ing an intensely provocative sex dare a. an initiation rite
for m em be rship in a secret sex sociery. Each sex dare is a.
erotical ly thrilling as it is taboo, and each initiate has an in-
lu b e jo b 1 16 .
,
 cred ible story to tell following his or her particular chal-
lenge.
Al though you will likely discover yo ur own way to use
these stories, many couples find that this type of written
erotica is best used as foreplay to sexual intercourse, and
we'd ha ve to agree . Men and wo men find this m aterial
equally arousing, and once the storyline captures the sex-
ual attention, there's nowhere to go but to the bedroom.
'When it comes to m ai nt enance .sex, written erotica can
be especially useful. A literary lube job is a fu n and effort-
less way for a woman to increase her m an's arousal wi thout
havi ng to exert a lot of time or energy herself. We've all
heard it said that the m ind is the larges t sexual organ, and
there's a great deal of truth to that . These edgy stories will
have your man's sexual imagination in overdrive in record-
breaking time .
As a suggestion, try surprising your partner as he lies in
the bath. Sit on the edge of t he rub while he bathes and
read him a story. By the time you're finished and he's clean ,
you·U both be ready to get dirty agai n . O r, hide under the
bed covers and have so me fun reading a dare toge ther by
flashlight. Once you've turned the last page and are ready
to turn to each other, you wo n·t have far to reach .
You can also combine this erotica with sensual massage,
perhaps caressing your man wh ile he reads to let him bask
in both pleasures at once. Better yet, have him m assage
your body while you read a story to him . It's a win-win sit-
uation: he gets fantastic foreplay, and you get a free deep-
m uscle massage .
Regardless of how you perfor m these literary lube jobs,
they offer effortless sexual foreplay at its finest and will
... lub . jo b l
Want to give your eyes a break? Give
aud it ory erOli ca a Iry. Sexy CDs
featuring ero t ic Slories and the sounds of coup les
having sex are quickly gaining popularity. Slip
one into your bedside CD pl ayer, snuggle next 10
your man , and press pl ay. It 's foreplay yo u ca n
actually hear!
likely have yo u combing th e bookstore she lves for the
thickest vo lu mes of erotica available. So, dog-ear this chap-
te r and tuck this book under you r pillow, and the next
ti me you need an easy way to kick-start your man's m oto r,
dare yourself---or him-to start reading.
The Tru ck Slo p
Fem ale, thirty
DES MOISE.>, IOWA
TIJ~ clJauffeur drov~to tlu out,kirts oftoum and then contin-
u~d on to tlu highway. Evmtual!y, WI' pu{{~d into a hug~
tWl'ntyfour-lJour truck ,top. Tlurt" Wd5 a digital dock in the
limoU5in~. and J ,...m~mb~r that it was exactly 3:17 A.M. J
had n~wr b~m to on~ oftlJo,~ big truck ,top, heft,.... tlu rt"ally
'prawling kind, and wlun WI' drow around the building. J
was amaud at th~ numher of,emi>in th~ parking lot. There
wert' row, and row, of them with all kind, of trai/~N and
load,. most Wl'aring out-of,tate p!at~,. Som~ wert'idling. but
many Wl'rt" qui~t.
l u b e jo b 1 16 ..,
 Th~ chll..jfr"r drow "p a"d do..'" tIN roWf slowly, II,"" I
loolud ""t my wi,"""", lit t/~ I'''gr trucits 1lS,.,., pasud by. Fi-
""Uy, ,IN /im"usin~ IflJPpnJ, Il"d Ik driwr t"",,d aro..,"" t"
faa m~. smili"lllS k lV'Vt'alrJ my dAlY: "Thnr aIYpmsti-
tu,n , " k wid, W cllllrJ lot liunls. Thry K" am","" to tntclr
I"'Pl n.vry"ilh, II,"" tliPr S<'X f<) ,Jvdri,,",. H~ smib J ...uJn
W wi"J.u' at m~. 1i> my ""rror. it .."" a wtJ""'''. SIv IoolrrJ
.Ni wid, -c... " H~ h,r"Jd ~ a pagrr. At bllSt I thi,,1r it WIll
• /",p, .Ni u.U ~ 14 prm tk b.. tt,,,,ifl IlUJd bdp. H~
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"ip, ANi t'Ari] - ....inl, ."" I fit /..Irr I ..." i" ." a1Inr
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JlolllJUh .u m.uk ~ ftd a.mpfnd, JUn."","rJ from "!1
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" f] jwmupl «I-J tliftlv f'lwmnrt tlfrJv If"Ut /",rIri"l
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wh.., I ii do. / WIll U> U"llrrJ kii lhe"t At m~ "r u>m~how dmw
attnt,io" '0 m~. My (o..""1t was comi"l from tINfitct thAt
161 h.b e Jo b,
,hn~ t....clu .....r r from fitr au"'y, a"d thAt I war---a"d wtJuU
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mous.
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ronf..mlftr a momntt. "'"' "" r.o:prrssum (hanled UJ a"gn:.
I Ir.""", ..,J"rt sk ..." mAd Abo..t. She the..pt I uw" hooInr
rominl ttl hit .." "" husbAnd "r ""B"nrJ, .NI,k ..."
pitsrJ. / lvarJ ""ycIl t/,r""p tiN glass. ANI / j ..mpcJ do..",
ftom t"" fnlclt.
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nrr~ '" t"" ~. It hod go.... btsJJ, ht NIt IU
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.Ni ,/wt wwJc me ,.,.,,,t t.. "U tiN _rr.
I dlmJ,rJ ..p tJ.r bI_ trudr aNi t.ppnJ .." ,Iv window. I
ilU14n,ly hearJ mowmntt i" the ,,"per; .nd .gai" I 114nd
10 ""'", ..>hat tl.e Jriwr .....p t Ioolt lilte. A ....." i fAa .p-
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l u b e jo b ' 16 It,
 fill. t-« hig: t~ typt Ihat ca" throw you around tht INJ, and
I lilu that. Ht hada "iN' faN'. IO<J. N(JI txMlly handso"". but
ht U'ill rim fu~ "" p U'1'<'st. I Ir" ..... tht J«tJnd I <aw hi",
lhat ~'J IN u,iUing. Ht JiJ,,~ look u'rirJ (J~ cr«PJ or or
,hi"g; ht jUJt IooW lilrt t~ rypr (Jf hut-hIooJnI p ! "k
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,.,.." ""'fT. TIN «>1;Ii"" that Int "",,JJ happ" anJ that wr
bo,h _"t"" il ...... A "'it[ NOU' I C"fIUJJjUJt ID4k i" Ih..t/sriU
ofit aIL TIN hanl !"",., "WI"""" I had.fi=..J mysdfto Jo
IOnuthi"S I """"' J,.,am"" I tvuJJ Jo. tU,J "OU' I "WI "ap-
i"t tis.. sru,.,nI.. Snt " ,it/." tolal '''''''t." i" a pi.ur I'J " ........
,.,.." i""'fi"""- M, "J..>k """" "......" fi" ,,';th A"ti";/",tio",
m,
,1st b..Js of hanl "ippln " ......prrui"S asai...t,.., bra anJ
,.., rlit ...... al""", lta"';"S t.. swrI/.
TIN imUb ..f tlst t....& " .... " ..t .. rramprJ .. I thuutfl it
_ "JJ Ix. TIN t"'Jo his tWnu,.,.. f.uk, ..k"" nu ifI ""lnuJ
t.. Ii.. dow" i" list b.ulr " ,ith hi",. H.. <7'tlwJ..J i",o tlst ,In,.....
anJ I p/"mJ ,Ist /"'S....0" list J..h '"10" / ftllowrJ hi",. Hr
...... drru"" i" y am a1ld a T-J,i,.,. I Jo,," k"ow if 1st WdJ
170 h.b e JOb'
slnpi"g i" his r/"Ihn (J~ had Jm...d /I..hm / k"oclrrd. Ou r
bodi.., I(J..../".J " J"." fI'r bell. di",h..t! i" list btUk, anJ / fll
lilrt my slri" fI"'UJJ b"Tlt i"fo jla....., il W<>J so hut. }= Ir ",Iud
m.. if / "'il"''''' t(J u..trls a ",o"i... anJ I _tiN'd 1st h"" a
s"",U u"'"isi(J" srt i" tlst d«/'". IIr" t"UI it was j llSta" r.aN.l<'
10 l'" clcl<'. iO / "oti.kJ anJ saiJyn.
H.. I/ipprJ" DVD i" anJ tunu-d (J" tht IT My ,'om4Ch
ftipprJ u.;,..." a F"' ftashttl " , " , I I list KT«1/. It was a" i"",p
..f a " ..ma"i 0p" "'r fI,it/. a Ma"i IN.''''' roa",i"S Ixtw«n
thnr.. / .. k"" him ifbr Irtpt this kinJ of"",,,j, wi,h hi", aU
tlst ti", e. Hr 14iJ. itU tbr tim.., bo,,? /t o« Iondy (J" list
..-I. Ii Ma" j l"t......Js. - H.. "';,,W
I ~"sht Ab-t hi", "..,,.bi"t thn.. movin and .....,tur_
bAti"S klr Ih....r 6y hi_If /v.. aI_p """ tunu-d"" 6y
tlst UbA ..f A "",,, Jtr(Jki"S birrudf anJ I i""'fifU"d 1m roush.
rAU""'" ""...Is JUli"S ....... tbr _,Imns (Jf his ......Jr. / fm
lilrt / bnng ,u",prJfi.U ..f I<':'CfUI1 tini" anJ ,IN.t al a")
",..", t I'J"""""... frulr told __ that brpu rnJJ, tunu-d (J"
,.J".,. Isti In,,;,,s fur Io"S ,17rtd.n. TIN vibratio" of tht I<'At
mAffl his /.alit arhr, a..J I,.,. al.. vrys ...;"'" up thi"ki"S AIHr..t
K:Jt. H.. Lt"PJ a"J..a lln/ it "Jind dk-k. ~
/ tk,,~ k"" " ,by "'r Jid.. ., jUJt j"",p ..ad. ..u".,. rit,h,
A",? H.. had Uka how tunu-d"" I ...... pm"S 6y jl<Jl
,1st Uba qf "J",t / "W- doi"t. Hr «JI<1d" ., """" Imoum..
If,," ,robably sF " t ''''' or fiji"" ",i",,'n just chatti"S anJ
u."'uhi"lilst m(Jvi... dl if "'r ,.,...... (In a dat<' or inlnnuJ i"
list""" .
It W4t fairly ""pli"';t po...., "or "aUy my ,ty/<'. uu ..f firl-
..,,-tirl stuff a" J harJ. fdlt jU<-lri"S' I [;U"" that's u>hat [;Up
..,..tIt-rigJ,t t(J tJ".poi"t and tlst di,.,i....tlst brtt<'1'---iJut / v..
"Iwayl b«" 1",."rJ0" by II,.,. idra (Jflnt jUJtas mu..h .. by ,lst
l u b e jo b ' 16 171
 physical act. n- mental dJpect hdJ alwa}' ~xcit~d m~, bP~­
cidlly if 1m doing it <omehow or som~whn-e I shouUn't b~.
Maybe thatJ why I was invited to do tl,iJ dare.
I kn~w Jack wdJ ready becauu hiJ breathingwdJ changing
and he wdJ 5pending more tim~ staringintently at th~ IT At
fir't h~ hadjust glanc~d at it, kind of~mbarrtlwdto kup his
ry~5 on it. But now, lik~ m~, h~ was g~tting so turn~d on that
his desire wastaking owr. H~ Wds lying b~hind m~ on hiJ sid~,
5pooning m~, wben he finally began to touch m~ in a uXUilI
way His han'" 51id down my arm b~fir~ moving to my elmt.
I remember I~tting out a sigh and just lying back dJ lu ~x­
plored m~, offiring my bredJts to him, just giving in to what-
~vt'r he wanted and IJOwt"vt'r he want~d it. God, it Wd5 so
powt"rfUl. I don't remember ~v~r wanting-nuding-----sex so
badly, and I,~re I was, pretending to b~ som~ indiffn-ent
hook~r who, uen it all, don~ it all.
Then I,~ d5k~d m~ how much. n- qu~,tion caugM m~ off
gwlrd, and I had to remind myselfulhat I wdJ pretending to
be. I dJkedhim ~xactly what I,~ wanted to do, and h~ <did, ~I
want it all. " I had no idea what to 5ay or what to charg~. I
toU him I thougM lu was hot, so I'd give him a di,count: a
hundred dollar5. H~ grinn~d. I didn't know ifI wdJ charging
too much or too littl~, <0 I just grinn~d back in tbe 5am~ way
H~ reach~d into hiJ wa/~t, which was tuck~d into th~ 5id~ of
the matfre>s, and took out <ome twenties. H~ put th~m on th~
dd5h b~,id~ th~ pager.
Then, in a jld5h, all th~ pretens~ wdJ gone. He began to
rub my bred5ts, squ~ujng th~m in hiJ han'" and moving
them around, then quickly sat up and pul~d offhis "[:,hirt.
His body look~d <0 good to m~. I stayd on my bad dJ he
In lub . jo b l
pull~d my ,hirt offover my h~ad, then reach~d und~r my back
to unfdJten my bra and ~xpm~ my bred5ts. It fit wond~rfUl.
I wdJ just revt'ling in the ~xposure when his mouth came
down on on~ofmy nipples. H~ start~d bitingat it, and it hurt
just enough to mdk~ the pl~a,ure buiU ft't and strong. I
loohd down when his lip< cam~ offmy nipp~ and <dw how
longand hard it wd5. I fit <0 filthy, just lik~ a prO<titut~, but
I'd newr fIt bett~r. In that moment I I~arn~d <om~thing
about mys~lf I learned that I'd havt' don~ anything that guy
want~d just to fUck his body.
His body wasso unftmiliar that his heavybreathingin my
~ar mad~ my hip< o-o- imlOluntarily. It mad~ it bett~r that
he wd5 a strtlng~r. Ewrything wdJ n~w and un~xp~cted. I
didn't know how h~'d kiss, what hiJ cOt:k wouU look like, or
how he'dfUck, but I couldn't wait to find out. While I,~ wdJ
5ucking hard on my nipple, I p usbedmy hip< up toward him
and presud against his hardnm. The fa ofthat u,ond~rfUl
bulg~ so dou to my pussy drench~d me instantly, and I toU
him <0.
H~ lik~d h~aring m~ talk lik~ that, and be <dt up quickly.
5niZking out ofhisjeans and shorts d5 fdJt dJ he could. I sat up
and pant~d, 5taring at his cock and liding my lips. It wdJ
huge, thick and long and n-ect, and more than I ~vt'r couU
havt'hopdfir. I'w newr really bought into the ~big iJ bmer"
thing, but in th~ beat ofit all, I want~d to set: fir mys~1fifit
wdJ true.
H~ push~d m~ onto my bad and lift~d up tlu ,hort skirt I
wdJ waring, pulling down my pantib with a firc~ and db-
p~rtltion that mad~ m~ squirm. H~ wdJ moving fd5t, which
nOrnldl1y migM ha,,~ scared m~, but I want~d him to tak~ me
lube jo b 1 16 173
and UJ" ",.. '0"..' hims.-If(Jjf H.. fn'uch..d ,"tUYt'" my!..gs.
thn. gnIb,"d my J/tIff'S and .p,...ad th (Jpm. My P"<JY-
pinlt. w.-t. andi,,><J1kn-u'as t(JldUy (Jp.... t(J him. Th..air hit
it, and I ('O"IJp ..1hu "J<'t m(Jv;nx all (JvtT' itsptats. I" a" i,,-
It.znr. I pu hu mouth swlrinX and liclti"X and bitingat it.
I gnIbh.-J th.- ibms and duX t"'" baclt (Jfmy h.-ad inw""
""'tn'nS. "yinx n(Jt w ('0"''' 0 .. hisflU'.-. N(J XUY has.."..,. do....
th..t w ..... 18 ..ax.-r/, b..fi>..... . . . 100uIJp..i his stro"X to"g>«
tirrk my dit.znd sup inw my p",? Jarti"g i" ",""out" ft'w
timn.. n.....".. -Jr i, tluland ,weltd"'yeli' t"'" Ul.........y h.-
'-' .....Jr..J "'y tilS. Ilntil il IlOU thiclt ","" Is"g• .z,"" .zg"i" I
rhoutfr I "",uIJ ""nt.
H.. Ult IIp fi'r ..,tlm....t 'o 'oud! "'y b,...astJ., ","" I ...zutht
a".,,1- tJi",~ ofhi! NAutifiJ .....-It. 1Jv"...ad It-'4J s"."o..",
and I i.....xi...-J ht.w p..J ir ,,_/Jfiri "ohm it finAily split
..... opns A"'; ,...It i..to my bo.? H.. " ....t baeIr doum. And
,.",.." hiJ,....g>« Jipp.-J i ..,.. my,susy 11Ift..J my hiJn,.........,
it. lin hi", ronxw-fuclt fi'rA ,,'/'if... t'- gr<M...-Jfur hi",
lO ....... ojfb«a/lNI JiJn~ " t t...........]d.
H.. SlOp"",, And I. .."..J '--It. t'- gnIbb..Jmy h.zir.znd
p..JI..J my""'.uJ tou",'"hi! <Wi. I _It as ",,,d, ofit asI anJJ
i"to my _uth.z,..; .....1mJ lilt.. ........... b..fi>,.... H.. It..pt uz:P"X
-Oh,..ah. oh"";'. "and t!murinX i"lO my _utI,. ,,,mpi,,x
hi! dicit sh.zfi bm.wn my titht lips. H.. u,",,,t..J it 18 bad that
hi! J..si........... hlmi"x ..... tin ...,.... ""',.... H.. stArt..J tdllrinx
""AUy dirty. Ul,;nx thi"t' lilt.- "lin f...-Itinx pr "",wh".znd
·,in !!,inx to co..... dow" 1""r IhnUlt." "nd his WlJrds mad..
",..frr'"ti...
I X'"I" him t"'" bnt bkwjob "ny "",,, co..1J aslt fur, .z,"" I
.z1x..I..tdy Iowd Joi"X it. I su..It..J h.z,J. , uUi"g hi! It (Jut
ofmy mOllth with a loud pop, th.-n sWdllow.-das m h ofth.-
hardflnh as I could. ,Iidi"g my lip' dow" th.. .Iip"..., .haft
andlappinXth.- thiclt tip u,ith my to"XU". H.. tdst..d J..li";oUJ.
and / cou/J"~,,..t ....(Juth (Jfhim. Hi, IIU" was <WlJl!.." .znd
,...ad,to a ploJ... I SlJu...-ud his balls and r..ggd at th.- IIU" as
I S'UC1mJ his .....-It. "ou!Ipu his ,,>hot.. body .halr...zbo.... ",.. i"
,,"pom...
I U<tU l!'inX'" k t /,;m co.....i" my mo"th. bur"'" sudJnJy
pUJIwi",y hnuI "u'"'y and p<niti(J"..J ..... (J" my h.znJ. and
Im...-s. H..UliJ"... "w"tnl ,., h.z.... .....frr'm Mind. I puu..J
m, slti,., up aou!"'" ....bb..J my oW " ,ith his hand,/«II"X .....
...d. H..puskJhishaNi brluwn "'y!..gs a"';.....It tW<J fi"X"'
<ktp iNW ...... / J,,,,/,/... J ANi gAspnJ at th.. ftJi"x ..f s..J-
J.." pnsm>ltill.., find I fir ",y uWn.-1:J ru" down my thixln.
n..... u·ith 0"" fast ,hrust. "... pUJIwi his whoi.-. huX".....-1t i,,-
sUk. I IlOU" ~ ap«tinx it. ",""IftU fu"""'''' (Jnw t"'" "",mns.
With his ........tiUi",Uk. "... X""bh.-J my hip< a"';p..JI..J .....
J..cIt "p tI",., my Im...-s. H.. ..ou 18 biX sh.zt I COll/J ftd 1m
1v..J_ jiU......., i>lehofmy,....,. srrrk'hinxaNi.tim..latinx
it lilt.. b..fi>rr.
H ,.,,.,..Jp.",.pi"X 18 fllSt tM it wsu aU I couIJ do to
su ad, ...,...IfaNI sUy 0" my Jr....n, r"'" w .. nd of1m X"'''U
"'ouI i" my ........ H........ wry slro"x. .z,"" h.. U<tU 18 hI",,",J0"
thaI"" nt""'" diJ" ~ It_ fir didn ~ ..A,... how h.z'" h.. U<tU ,k..
inx i, lO ",... H.. ,..."..h..J"p ",""X""bh.-J bothof,." J",uIdns,
UJinx tht-m as kv..r.l".. t.. dri....himsdfdnpnand ""rrbr i,,_
sUk ...... It IlOU 18 jiuhy. f...-Jring lilt.. that, lilt.. a"imals. I
U,",,,I..J it,., Imt jVrrwr. / ..w gmi"X 18.... from how hard"...
U<tU hitti"X m... fI ..d my brrasfJ .'-'It ...,ith ... uh "f his thrusts.
AUI co../J hu, ......... m, 0,.", m....1IS, hisX"'"ts, "nd th..ll.z,.
pi"X "f"ur bodin comi..x t<>g.-thn: I Itn.-w nnt,," 0 .... ofIII
"",.../J Imt mweh Io"X.....
 H~ let out a low, longgroan, and lJiJ rapidthrusts changed
to ,low and delibmlte as he erupted imide me. I could fiel
waws o/come jet out ofhis cock and fili me up . It wdS warm
and UHf, and as 500n as I fit it ,lideowr my elit, J had dn in-
tmu 0'X"'m that ,u med to cripple my body with plea,urt'. It
lingm·Jftra long time, and he kept ,liding in and out ofme,
milking himselfto the last drop and letting mt' mjoy him to
the vny end.
w;. lay down be,ide each other and caugM our b"ath.
Jaek told me how good I had filt, and thm got a couple of
hm from d 'mall.fridge he had back theN:. J don't think a
drink hdJ ever ttlJted that good. and WI" just lay back and
drank, with flu porn ,tillplayingon the 7Y. I told him I had
to go, thm grabbed the cash and flu pager and got out ofthe
truck. The sun wdS jU5t 'tarting to com~ up.
Tlu limou<in~ waf waitingfOr m~ ju<ta few yard5 away.
and I collap'ed into tlu back5~at. n- chauffeur congratu-
lated m~, tlun a,k~d me to writ~ out my ~xp~rienu in d~tail.
H~ <aid that I Wd5 now an initiat~ and that my dart: wouU
k ,hart:dulith tlu rest ofth~ group, He abo ,aid that now I'd
g~t to rt:ad oth~r initidtd <tori~,. I can't wait fOr that.
Right now, I fellik~ 1m wakingfom a drt:am ora tranu
and I hall<! '0 many qu~,tion<. I <till know II~ry litt/~ about
thi< organiwtion that I am now a part of, and I c~rtainly
don't know how I had th~ co urag~ to do what I did. I hall~ no
idea what to exp~ct now or ulhats ex1'ect~d of m~, but 1m up
fOr another challmge, anytim~, anywlwy,
Tf,ank you fOr this in=dibl~ ~xp~rimu. I truly hop you
mjoyed rt:ading my initiation dar~, becaU5~ I lowd doing it.
". lub . jo b l
Th e Mu si c St ore
Male, th iny-one
NEW YORK, l"EW YORK
Th~ chauffeur park~d in font of a large mu,ic 5tor~ and
turned around in his ,eat to hand m~ two CD,. My instruc-
tions wert: to go to tlu back of th~ <tore, where tlu listming
5tations we"", and to 5tand k<id~ a womdn listming with a
headut, The chauffiur toU m~ to put on~ ofhi< CD, into th~
player and listm to it, and then to remoll~ whater!<!r di,c the
woman waf li<tming to andput the oth~r CD into lur play~r.
I a,k~d th~ chauffiur what waf on th~ CD" and h~ <aid it
was ,ounds ofpro1'/~ hailing ,ex. Whm th~ ux CD, were in
both player<, I was to initiat~ mutual ma,turbation with the
woman, riglJt there at th~ li,tming <tations.
Th~ consequmus cam~ flooding into my luad, and I was
rt:ally clos~ to backing out. It wtlS way too risky. What ifthe
woman 5<:ream~d or called the poliu? Th~ chauffeur took on~
of th~ CDr out of my hand and put it into tlu limo's CD
play~r. Th~ sounds ofs~x-----groam, moan<, grunt<, and 5igh5-
,ul<!lled imid~ th~ car My fl~,h ting/ed, and I fit a stir of
aroU<al betwem my kg,. I thought how good hand< wouUfi~1
on my groin, and I fit brawr
Th~ promis~ of5ex can make you do anything. Th~ chauf
ftur~j~ct~dth~ CDand hand~dit back to me, I took itandgot
out of th~ limo. It waf warm out5id~, 50 I took offmy jack~t
and sta""d at th~ ,tort:font. I filt more alill<! than I had in
year< and more viri/~ than ~lJt"1". It wouU be worlh th~ ri<k.
My ball< r=rt' tight as I ent~""d th~ stort:, and walking wtlS
l ube jo b 1 16
'"
 uncomfortabk . The li5tening ,tations were at the back, j"'t
like the driller had described: six stations with 5toob and
headuts. The ,tore Ulas moderately bury, and I wandered the
allks until a woman went to the listening stations andput on
a headset. She had ,hort blond hair and was attractive
enough. She was lost in her music, obli,tio", as I came and
5tood right beside her andput my CD in. The JOund hit me.
The50und ofa ulOman gasping in my ear, climaxing. My cock
twitched.
I lifted one of the Mrphone5 offand kaned toward the
woman to catch Jurattention. She smiled and took her head-
5et off "Try this, " I 5aid in a friendly ,mice, as I inurted the
5ff ond CD into herplayer "It's what I'm llltening to, and its
great. ~
"Sure, thanks, "5he 5aid and 5tarted to li,ten.
I held my breath, waitingfor butfaring Jur reaction. She
drew in a 5harp breath. I 5toodfoun, waiting to see if ,he
would run or call ucurity. but ,he didn't mow, and in that
5econd I knew I had her I knew it. My cock got hard, and my
erection ,trained against my pants. She kept li,tening.
I fixed my ryes on her, and she glanced back, shing me up
and weighing the situation. I looked down at the bulge in my
pants, and she followed my gau. Then the incredible hap-
pened: Shegrinned. It was barely noticeable, but it was ddn-
gerous, and I knew she wasgame. Just like that.
That was the single mmt incredibk moment ofmy lift, the
most incredible realhation I'w eoer had: that I could walk
up to a complete ,tranger and appealto that part ofher and
that I could win her It was a rU5h ofexcitement, power, and
pleasure.
I looked upfor security camelW and saw two pointing in
lub . jo b l
'"
the 0Plm;t,. dirution. ~ltl1 newr be risk fee. ~ J told mJ5e/f
"Irll newr Ix completely ,aft. "That was the point. That wdS
the dalY. I rtln my hand down my thigh and thm back up to
my groin. Tlu woman watched d5 I touched myu/f, rubbing
my bulge and toying with my zipper
I Mw herbite her bottom lip as Ifinillly unzippedmypants
and ,lipped myfinger> imide. Theftel ofmy jingm agai",'
my throbbing cock wd< electric, and the thr;li ofpublicly n;-
posing my>clf to a ,tranger made flu , em ation ellen ,tronger.
The luad ofmy cod pushed through, and the cool air of flu
room hit it. Tlu womdn ,ta"d at it but ,till didn't mor~.
I foreed mysclfto redch out and touch the zipper of her
jearn. J expected he to rt'dct in , orne Wd)\ either to ",is! or to
help, but ,Iu did ncither. Shejust ,food tkand ,ta"dat me,
her expm,ion totally bldnk. With both hands, I unbuttoned
her jMns and un:dpped them. She didn't stop me. She was
wearing white cotton pantie5, and a lightning bolt ofpleasure
5truck my cock when I .aw them.
The heavy breathing and moaningin my Mrs and in hers
was irresi,tibk. I don't think anyone could've llltened to it
and kft without rekase. I could hear the slapping ofbodies
comingtogether, the thr",t5 ofa man penetrating a WOmdn,
the uncontrolledgroans ofecstasy, and the wet sound, ofsuck-
ing. It wa, too much.
Driwn on by the wunds, I 5howd my fingers down the
font ofherjeans and pmsed them against herpussy. I could
feel the mOllture ofher juices soaking through her panties. I
felt her clit through the ftbric and maS5aged it with myfin-
gertip. Pa,t thepoint ofturning backor caring ifI gotcaugM,
I twi,ted my wrllt and mowd the crotch ofher panties a,ide
to 5ink two fingers deep into herpUS5J-
lube jo b _16
'"
 The woman couldn't keep up her ,tonefitu anymore, and
,he rocked her hip> toward me, She lowered her body to push
myfinger, deeper into her, and then reachedout and ,queezed
my cock. My God, it was all 1 could do to not bur,t come into
her palm rig'" then. The pleasure bordered on pain. The
filthy ,ounds and the ri,k ofgetting caught made it the most
powerfUIsl'XUal encounter anyone could ewr experienu.
The woman ,pooned my hand with /Jerown until/Jerfin -
ger, werejuicy. Then ,he grabbed my cockand made my,haft
,lick with /Jer juice>. She dipped herJelfa feul more time>,o
her hand ,troked ,moothly, uJ/Jile all the while, 1 teaJedher. 1
tapped her clit,fingered the wet lip, of/Jer pu,sy, then pushed
my finger> up into her
She then ,tarted the most paralyzing rhythm r,le everfit.
Her left hand ,queeud the base of my cock hard enough to
hurt, befOre ,he pulled up with a pinch on the head. Barely
letting me penetrate her closedIllt, ,he again went down my
,haft. Then again. And again. Again.
It took less than a dozen of her ,troke, to make it build.
Only a fw more, and I erupted. The come rocketedout ofmy
cock like netlCr befOre. It racked my body, making me arch my
back and almost groan out loud. 1 knew ,he was coming, too.
She gyrated her body down onto my fingeN, mOIling her hip,
in circle, and breathing heallily. She kept ,troking me the
whole time, ,quee"ing out every drop. 1filt the extra moi,ture
run down my finger>, and 1 knew ,he wasfinished,
She did her pant, up and left quickly without looking
back. I thougM about taking the CDs, but the Jecurity cam-
eras were turning and 1 didn't want to look ,uspicious, '0 I
didn't. Ilefi the 'tore, and the chauffiur congratulated me, al-
lub. jo b l
though 1 don't know how he knew I'd actUdl1y completed the
dare. He told me to write down what happened in the ,tore,
and that ,omebody from the group would be in contact JOon.
The whole thing only took fille or ,ix minute,. Yet without
a doubt, tho,e were the most incredib"', potent minute> ofmy
lift, I'm ,0 glad 1 went through ulith it. 1 look fOrward to
hearingfrom the group and to what come> next.
The Train
Male, fony, and Female, thirry-seven
DENVER,COLORADO
My wift and I were out fir dinner when the waiter ap-
proached us at about ten P.M., and told us that a limousine
was waitingfOr us out,ide. We couldn't be/iew the time had
really come. w;. drove around in the limo fOr a while, until
the chauffeur suddenly pul"'d owr next to a train ,tation. He
,aid, "Your instruction, are to get on the train, find a woman
,itting alone, and propo,ition her fir a threesome," He ,aid
there werea number ofmote" in the area Ule could use.
I could tell by the way my wife was laughing and mOiling
her body that ,he wa, excited by the idea. I definitely was, w;.
got out ofthe limo and took the next train , There were ,ewral
women on it, but none turned my wife on. Ewn looking
around like that was amazing, and my dick , tarted to pound
hard in anticipation.
w;. satat the back ofthe train and talked about /IOW Ule were
going to approach ,omebody. How do you ask ,omebody that?
"Hey, how'dyou like to get a room and haw JeX with u,r Or
lube jo b 1 16
'"
 "Hey, my wife think,you're hot, and its my birthday. . . .~\Vto
didn't have a clue to what u~'d »r when the right woman
came along.
After a few ,top" a woman in a ,hort ,kirtgot on the train
and ,a t down ahead ofus. I knew by the way my wife watched
her that,he could be our girl. \Vto rkcided that it mig'" be bet-
ter if my wife went up to her, ,0 I ,at back and watched a, ,he
mor~d to the Jeat next to the UiOman. It made me ,0 hard
watching my own Ulife do that,just knowing that ,he UldJ try-
ing to find me another woman tofUck. My wifi tried to ,trike
up a conversation, but the girl didn't ,eem to be into it, ,0 ,he
gave up Prt'ttyfdJt. The girl got offat the next ,top.
\Vto were determined to try again. It made u, bra,~ to do it
that first time . After ali, even though the lady didn't go fir it,
nobody had noticed anything and everything wa, ,aft. At the
next , top, a woman in a bu,ineH mit got on and <at aero"
from us. It wa, pelftet. She wa, pelftct. My wife , truck up a
friendly com!t'r,ation, and soon we U!eTe at! chatting. The
woman d5ked where we wert' heading, and my wife ,aid,
"\Vto're j ust lookingfir a little harmleH fUn, but we need an-
other player for what we have in mind . . . Do you have any
plans?"
It took a ,econd to regi,ter, but then the lady got it. She
kept blinking and ,moothing down thefront ofher pant,. My
wife <aid, ''Ifyou're not in a hurry, why not get a room ulith
us, and we'lljust see what happen,?" The lady nodded, and I
, tarted vllualhing myselfpounding her with my wife on the
bed rig'" be,ide us. \Vto jumped off at the next ,top and
cheeked into the fint ,cummy motel we came aero".
The three ofus climbed a rickety flig'" of'tain until U~
arrived at room number ,even. "Lucky number seven,"I <aid,
lub . jo b l
'"
and my "lift chuckledandp ut her hand on the lady, back. W'to
opened flu door to the room, and that broke flu iu: All ofus
kmghrd, ,incr the room wasexactly like the onesyou,et' in flu
moviu. It was 5mall and dirty, with an old INd---no box
5pring-----and a du"pi! black-and-white IV in the ronur
Yet th~ was something about the room that wa, turning
ali of us on , Stranger5 togetfur in a jeedy room fir only ont'
rt'aJon. The room was dirty, but JO "1m our intention, and wt'
wnY: aligetting mort' turned on by flu second. At lemt I know
I was. What guy ham't drt'dmrd about doing it with two
women? We all exchanged g1dnu5, nervou, at fint, but 500n
wt' wt'rt' mort' arouud than anxioU5. We couldn't wait to be-
gin. but nobody wa, SU/7how to start or what wt''d actually
do. ~x iJ a niltural thing, but it's awkward to get something
like that ,tarted.
My wift took the lead and unbunoned her blou,e, then
rt'achedout and ,tarted to undre" the lady. The lady didn't rt'-
, i, t, and her head feli back on her ,houlders, JO we knew ,he
wasgeningoffon it. Soon they wert: both undreHed, and I was
' tanding thert' looking at two naked UiOmen. My wife hd5 a
curvy body with a ,mat! patch of dark pubic hair, but thi,
woman had ,mat! bred5f> with a triangle of blonde hair be-
tween fJer leg" and I liked that they wert'' 0 different. It felt,o
wrong to be looking at them, and that turned me on even
more.
My wife threw herself on the bed and opened fJer leg<,
winking at me. I took my clothe> offand held on to my dick,
which was 'tanding out from my body like a flagpole by that
point, waiting fir what came next. The uJ/JOle thing wd5
mind-blowing to watch. My wife ,pread her leg<, and the lady
, tarted to eat her out. My wife wd5 ,qu irming and moaning
lube jo b _16
'"
 and grabbing the lady's head, pU5hing her mouth onto her
PU5SY. I ,tood looking riglJt overtop and got a close-up ofher
getting tongued. Her clit was more ,wolkn than I've roer,een
it, and the lady kept sucking on it, making her groan really
loudly. My wife wd5 rubbing and pinching her own tits, a
,iglJt that made me lose control.
I climbed on top ofmy wife in the ,ixty-nine po,ition and
toU her to suck me whik I watchedthe other woman eat her
out. I wm pU5hed my fingers into my wife's pU5SJ uJ/Jile the
lady tonguedit at the sametime. w,. did that ftr a whik, all
ofuspoking and sucking, with my wifej hot mouth around
my cock like never beftre. Each time I ,lid myfinger into my
wife, ,hea'suck even harder. I wd5 ,urprisedwhen she let out
a sCrt'dm and camehard, but I couUn'tblameherftr coming
'0 p,t.
My wifepu,hed me offofherand toU me tofUck the other
woman. I'd been achingto hearher,ay that. I pulled thelady
onto her knees and ,tartedpounding herfom behind d.< hard
d5 I couU, not really becaU5e I wanted to go that hard on her,
but becaU5e I couUn't ,top myself It felt '0 different ,inking
my dick into another woman. The sight ofher bare d5s riglJt
in font ofme, with my dick going in and out, wd5 too much
to bear.
I came close to coming a few time" and had to ftrce my-
,elfto slow down, but that tiglJt pussy hugging and'queezing
my dickfelt '0 good, and my wife kept urging me to go harder.
I plungedinto heragain and again, and each time I got closer
to orgd5m. The woman wdS getting closer, too. I couU tell
by the way,he pushed her dSs back into me, My wife reached
under me and 'queezed my balls while I pumped the other
woman's pU5SJ
... lub. jo b l
You couU afmm! ta,t~ tlJ~ ux going on in that room. J was
brt'dt!linghard and doing that wom"n harder than l'wever
done it befim·. She let out d yll as ,Iu orga,medand herpUj'y
contracted around my cock. BetuYm thatfeling and my wift
5quu:dngmy ball" I couldn't ,topfrom coming. J relca.<cd my
loadinto her body. It fit like hot lava,hootingout ofme, bet-
ter and ,tronger than J could eWT haw imdgined.
My wift and I collap,ed onto flu bed, but the womdn only
galkd lue clotlm and almo,t ran out ofthe room , W'to tried
to tel! her to jtily and",ffir a moment, but ,he took off I
don't know ij,he wa, embarrassed or ij,he jU5t got what ,Iu
came fir and thert: wds no rt'd5on to ,tid around. We doud
awhile but wt'17 woken up by a knock at flu door. It wa, flu
chauffiur. He asked U5 to /Ycount thc details ofoue th,.u,ome,
and that i, what U~ ha,~ done,
HopefUlly whoet£r reads this will get ,ome pled5ure out of
it. W'to definitely don'thave any regret, for accepting this dare,
even though we've nroer done anything like this beftre. W'toa'
be happy to do anotherone, d5long d.< were together.
l ube jo b _16 .
,

!Lube !Job # .7
The Checkli st-Sexual Position s
f you've ever ta ken your vehide to a drive-thru lube sta-
Ition, you were probably handed you r car's checklist when
the job was done: it's the ite mized list of services , from the
hot-oil change to the brake fluid top-up, the techs per-
formed on the e ngine. This checklist not o nly informs you
of what's been done, it also reminds the tech of w ha t he or
she has to do . Pe rso nally, I don't seem to ever leave the
house without a list in my pocket: buy a birthday present
for my nephew, pick up Dons contacts at the optometrist's
office, return my son's lib ra ry books, drop off our taxes at
the accountant's, find those drops that are supposed to heal
the fish's eye infection. N o , it doesn't get any more exciting
than that, not even for sex wri ters.
l\.I odern life is lived in the fas t lane, and almost all of us
rely on lists of so me sort, fro m the weekly grocery list to
the everyday «to do" list ; however, some of us have lo n ge r
lists than others. Lyd ia, forty-five, a wife, working mother,
and stepmom, had a list that would m a ke most of us drop
10 our knees in exhaustion rather than admiration . Bm
it wasn't just one list, for Lyd ia had perfected he. own
complex system of independent and interrelated lists tha t
covered every aspect of her home, family, work, and recre-
ational life. This accomplishment had earned he. the tide
of Lydia the Lis! Lady, and it was by this name that her
friends and family often referred to her.
To the dis may of her husband, Neil, forry"four, and the
five teenage children under their roof, Lyd ia's list rampage
had a long reach. Every morning, she would hand each
member of the family hi, or he. own list of things to do,
clean, buy, fix, finish, and so forth . Every nigh t, she would
collect al l the lists and amend them based o n what was ac -
tually accomplished or on whal new items needed to be
added. In the morning, the lists were redistributed to their
rightful holders. Sound effective? Pro bab ly, to some ex-
tent. So und fun?
Lydia a nd N eil had been married for eight years. It was
the second marriage for both of them, and they shared
their ho me w ith the children from their first marriages :
Lydia's three daughters were thirteen, fifteen, and eighteen,
wh ile N eil's daugh ter a nd son we re thirteen a nd sixteen,
respectively. Both Lydia and Neil expressed great satisfac-
tion with their marriage as well as with the blended-family
sltuaUon.
ULyd ia would do anything for my kids, and I would for
hers, too,n says Neil. "Neither one of us did a very good
job picking our first spouses, bur we both wised up with
our second . I ca n't complain about how Lyd ia treats my
kids. Even when she's going crazy w it h her lim , she doesn't
bark orders or act like a dictator. I thi nk she's just over-
lub e job e 17 1&1
 whelmed since she's started back to work full-lime, and
she's desperate to find a way to gel all the little things done .
Everyone adores Lydia and tries to stick to his or her list,
bur she does go overboard sometimes. ~
~ I like things to be in order," says Lydia, -r like the
house to be dean; I like the fridge to be full of healthy
food; I like the kids to be on time for all their different
sports and activities. When you have a house full of five
teenagers you're always alwaY5 alwaY' hopping. Your life is
in the details . Yo u have to maximize every second, and you
have to prioritize, which is why I keep lists for everything.
It's the only way to make sure everything gets taken care of.
As soon as you start slacking off, things get missed . ~
Like sex, for example .
~NeiI's been known to add 'sex' to my list when I'm not
looking,n says Lydia. "I'd usually laugh and ignore it. I
used to think he was just joking and that he was doing it
just to get a laugh more than anything. I never really
stopped to think aboUl the fact that he wasn't getting
much sex, and I'd say I definitely underestimated how im-
portant it was to him . I wasn't missing it, so it wasn't on
my list. That meant it wasn't on his list, either. ~
"O f course I missed it," says Neil, «and there were times
I'd feel bent our of shape about not getting it as often as I
want ed. I'd jot 'sex' down on her list and cross my fingers
she'd get the point, bur she just shrugged it off. Then she'd
be off doing something for one of my kids, so I'd feel like
an ass for getting mad at her."
Somehow, Lydia's listmania didn't alienate her from
her children or stepchildren, although she wonders how
that was possible. «T hose kids had a lot of tolerance for
... lu be jo b l
their ages, n she says. -ra push a list into their hands every
single morning, and they'd JUS! grit their teeth and "'y,
'Th a n ks .'~
In fact, it was Lydia's kids and stepkids who inadver-
tently Jed her to examine he. own list of priorities.
ult was l\.I other's D ay, and we were all sitting at the
dining-room table having de..ert. I was opening presents ,
and when I opened one of the cards, a really long list fell
oU!. T he kids had all gotten together and made a list of the
things they loved about me, and how much they appreci-
ated me. I couldn't hold back the tears. It was probably the
most beaUliful gift I've ever been given, and I remember
exactly how jt felt to be noticed Uke that."
Th ank. 10 Ihe elTo r" of a woma n
nanle<! Anna Jarvis, Presidenl Woodrow
Wi lson declared Mother's Day a holiday in 1914.
BUI AnnaJarvis soon beca me outraged by Ihe
commerdalism of th e holi day and was arrested
for distu rbing th e peace at a convention where
wh ile carna tions-her own mOlher's favorite
flower-were being sold for profil.
The list did more than make Lyd ia cry; it also made her
realize how far oUl of order her priorities really were. "I
had such a feeling of validation and importance when I
read that list. I wanted Neil to have that same feeling of
importance, bur when I started to think about it, I realized
that I wasn't treating him as a priority. I read the two lists I
lu be jo b 1 17 .
,
was working on for him. One was called House, and the
other was Yard. Spring break was coming up, and since all
the kids would be gone to their other parents' houses, I was
planning to get a lot done around our house. The lists in-
cluded things like buy new garden hose, check sump
pump, paint the downstairs baseboards. It suddenly seemed
insane. We had five days together without tlu kids, and I
was thinking abour the sump pump?n
So Lyd ia the List Lady started two new lists for Neil.
The first was called Love, and the second was called Sex.
The Love list contained all the things Lydia would concen-
trate on to show her husband that he was a priority in her
life. The list read as follows :
The Love List
" Kiss you and tell you I missed you when you get
home
" Thank you for working so hard and being a great
husband and dad
" Focus on giving you more love and fewer lists
" Let you have time away with your friends when-
ever possible
" Be less critical
" Rela x and let you relax
" Get my priorities straight
" M ake time for date nights (without the kids!)
" Ask what you'd like to do, instead of always
telling you what to do
" Remind myself often how much and why I
love you
lube jo b l
" Learn more abour your goals for the furure
" Save some time and energy at the end of the day
jus t for you
" Always treat you with respect in front of the kids
" Look my best for you
" Treat you as a person, not just my husband
UI wanted to remind Neil and myself that we were in
love,n says Lydia. Ult's scary how you can almost forget
that, even if you're happy. Yo u have to remember that
you 're lovers and partners as well as parents. Our kids are
going to be gone in just a few short years, and I don't want
us to be one of those couples who stare at each other across
the table, thinking 'N ow what do we d o? Now what do we
talk abour? Who the hell are you, anyway?' A couple has to
focus on staying in love in the midst of all the distracting
n
details oflife.
The Sex list was less sentimental, but just as moving.
"T he Love list was all about emotion,~ explains Lyd ia,
"bu c I knew Neil was feeling forgotten in a physical way,
too. He was a man in need of some serious maintenance
sex. I remembered all those times he'd scribbled 'sex' onto
my lists, so I decided to give him what he wanted in a big
way. I w anted him to be turned on just by reading it, so I
made it a list he'd w ant to get to work on right away.u
To that end, the Sex list contained a list of sexual posi-
tions that Lydia and Neil used to practice or had yet to try.
Being a creative woman, Lydia even crowned some posi-
tions with thei r own unique titles . And although it's any-
one's guess how some of these names looked in action, the
list read as follows:
lube job . 17
'"

The &x List
cf The Battering Ra m
cf Rear Entry
cf Leaning Tower of Pisa
cf Sideways Slam mer
cf Doggy Style
cf Sta nding
cf Sitting
cf The Scissors
cf The Rocking H o rse
cf Bucking Bronco
"T he Love list meant a lot to me , says N eil , "but I
U feeling loved or satisfied? It's a ma lter of getting YOut pri-
m ust admit it didn'l ge t my altemion like her Sex Iisl did .
I already knew Lyd ia loved me , but I was begin ni ng to
think that she wasn't tha t interested in .ex wilh me any-
more. It wasn't merely a turn-on to read the Sex Iisl, it was
also a huge relief. It w as proof that she hadn'l abandoned
me sexually. And I couldn't wait to find o ut how so me o f
lhose moves worked. ~
According to N eil, many women don't truly appreciate
lhe fundamental co nnection between love and sex that ex-
ists for men . uLol Sof guys can go out and have slrictly sex-
ual affairs and love isn't parI of tha t, but in a marriage or a
lo ng-term monogamous relationship, sex and love go hand
in hand . Once the sex starts to disappear, feeli ngs of inti-
macy and love also starr to go away. When Lydia and I
wo uld go two or lhree weeks wilhout sex, ra feel our con-
nect ion slretching lhin. Sex is kind of the glue that holds a
man to a wom an and makes rhe relalionship stick together.
lub e jo b l
'"
We 're not being pigs; it', just how we are. 'When Lydia is
sexual with me, I feel much more loved. And I almosl hate
10 say it, but I'm more aware of my love for her. ~
-n,«, a big difference between men and wom en , ~ says
Lydia. uFor me, the love list is far more meaningful than
the sex list, but I realize that isn'l necessarily so for men .
Keep ing them satisfied in the sex department inslead of
just saying how we feel shows lhem how much we love
rhem . M aybe it's as simple as actions speak louder than
words for men . That's why I now think maintenance sex is
a lot more important than I used to . It never used 10 be on
my Iisl al all, but now it', always at the top. 'What do I care
if lhe garden hose has a hole in it when my husband isn't
u
oritie, sl raigh c.
Well , if a hard-core liSl maker like Lydia can reconsider
her priorities, so can the rest of us. H er checklist approach
is a wonderful way for a woman to show her m an thaI he
is the mosl important part of her life and to give him a
strong sense of worth. Why not make your own Love list ,
lailored to suit your life togel her, and give it to your part-
ner? If you're always on lhe go , lell him you'll try to slow
down and be more affectionate . If he never has any time to
himself, tell him you'Hlry to give him more time to un-
wind , whether it's playing video game, or shooting pool
with his friends. Make sure your li, t lets him know how
appreciated, needed, and re'pected he is as a m an, nol just
as your partner.
Jus t when he thinks things can't gel any belter, give him
a seco nd list- a list of sexual positions-and teH him you
can't wait to start checking off the positions with him!
lube job . 17
'"
 Even if your relationship is a happy one, your man may on
occasion feel more physically forgotlen than you realize . A
Sex list is an erotically effective way to show him that
you've remembered his needs and that you're commitled to
fulfilling lhem. It's also a wo nderful way 10 emotionally
and sexually validate you r man and 10 bulletproof your re-
latio nship.
This lube job describes a number of sexual positions
you may wish 10 include in your Sex liSl, but don't be
afraid 10 jot down a few zigzags yo u'd like to tesl drive. The
excitement of a new or unusual sexual position is an easy
way 10 add a sexy twist 10 lovemaking. M en find it very
arousing to see and feel a w om an's body move in different
ways and especially to experience penetralion at different
angles .
C lea r the d uner off the dresser so your
man ca n wa tc h in the mirror as he
penetrat es yo u in d iffer ent positions. To make
your bedro o m an erot ic fun hou se, position a
number of mirrors aro u nd the bed .0 he can ge t a
J60-degree view of all the act ion . H e'll be the . tar
of hi . own . how.
To use yo ur Sex lise for maintenance purposes, place it
In your man's keeping and «u him 10 present it 10 you
when he', in need . If yo u're energetic, you can complele
rhe list in one sweaty sex session. Or the two of you can
wo rk down lhe list over time, checking off each position as
.. lub e jo b l
you go. 'When you give your man the list, you provide him
with a straightforward yet guiltless way ro express his needs
and ask for sex. T hat's a bigger gift than you might think.
The positions described below are fairly lame (so rry, no
swinging from the chandeliers or Olympic-gymnast back-
flips); however, they should be enough to please or at least
10 inspire you 1o explore a few new angles on your own. Of
course, only you can judge your physical abilities , and if
lhere are moves you don'l feel comfortable trying, skip
rhem or adapl rhem to suit your abilities and preferences.
Consider some of the following moves in your sex list.
If you're feeling creative, you can give each one your own
personali=:! tirIe, as Lyd ia did.
1. From behind: M an lying on top ofwoman.
Lie facedown on the bed, and have your partner lie o n
lOp of you. To help him penetrale you, place a pillow un-
der your body to lift your bum off the bed. This w ill also
make your vagina feel tighle r as he enters you. Your man
can thrust while lying f1al on lOp of you, or he can sit up
and straddle you r body while yo u lie facedown . When he
sits up, ask him to grab your hips or squeeze your buttocks
as he thrusts into you; you'll both love it. And since this
position is a greal one for stimulating the G -spot , you
won't be bucking him off.
2. Woman on top: Ma n lying on back,
woman straddling him.
l\Ien love this one, since they get 10 lie back while you
do all the work. Have your man lie on his back, lhen slrad-
die his erect penis and lower yourself onto it, guiding it
lu be job . 17
'"
 int o your body wilh your hand. If you'"" tall, it might be
.uffici~n l for you to lift and low~r yourso'lf wh il~ on your
Im..,s; hoWC'V~r, if you'"" pcli l~, you may have to ""j1Ll1 and
u.., l"'g powe-r 10 rai.., and low~r yourso'if. Mak~ a .peetad~
of p umpi ng your man in th i. posilion, .in"" rh~ mo"" =-
thusiasric you are-Ihe more you bou n"" and grind---the
rna"" tu rned on he'll be. Lcr him really ger o ff on the . ight
of your naked b""asu and body toweri ng above him: play
wirh your nipples , arch your hack to tnlly gn rh..... b ream
001 rhere. and slide a hnge r down to enjoy the fed o f hi.
penis =t~ring you.
To add "'me K'Xy variny, lean hack un til your body i.
resring on euenerched arms. MO'VC your feet up dO!itr to
your partner's head for otability, lhen u.., your ann. and
kgs to mek up and down , pumping your man', peni•. Thi.
Inn-had; position chang." th" angle of pennration and
....rin se......rion.
J. WOmlln /yint on boult, mIln Jrnnlint.
Lie on your back and uise your kgs otraighl in tk air.
with your feet resting on your man', .houldn-o. To hodp =-
try and make your vagina fn.llight~r, place a Ihick. pillow
under your bum. If you prrlC1". k..,p yuur kgs dOKd and
"",t holh your f= on one of your pannc's shoulders in-
ste2d. He can wr.>p his arm. arou nd you r l~ to .teady
your body as he thrusts into you. He Un CVC1"l lift up you r
lcgs (whether they'"" (10.«1 or open) to r.>ise you r bod y
highe r and play even me re wilh th" angl" o f pennration .
To delou r into an easy variation, opcn your kg. so your
man un l~an forward ever your bod y to ....1 on hi. o ut-
"""[ch«l arms. Th is will bring your I~ up o"" r your
106 h.b s Job s
head, which will in tu rn facilirare . ome delicious deep Peo-
errarion.
After a whil~, you may wi. h to ",turn to your original
d ose-kgg«l po.irion. H a"" you r man kn..,1 back up, the n
bend you r knees and tuck Ihem in d ..... to you r chest.
Your pan ncT can u.., your kn~ for . uppan as he
thrusl' into you. Be .u"" to k""'Pyour 1m""" bent and your
l"'gs ligh tly tognhn-. Slight chang.... lik~ th is :oR" eaoy and,
if made midst ride, will affect th~ way pene lration f..,l. for
~h of you and k..,p your C'l[citMn~nl 1n"'1 up.
4. Sundin:: WOmllni baclt ataimt tIw w.J1
If you'"" abk to pull il off, thi. 0""" nasty. (In the best
way, of courso'.) 'l: 'rap you r I~ around your man and ei-
tber hold on to hi• .hould"n rightly o r """"p your arm.
around his n«1t to . top yuur body from .liding down his.
Your hack .hould be otr.>igh t again" Ik wall. and. if he
presses your body again" the w:oll hard "nough whik ""
thruou, Ihat will also help you from .lipping. Ttll him to
lift you by your bUllOCks u he thrust•. Dont wa rty if you
CUI't Juswn thi. position for too long or un til orgasm; you
CUI always r ralUf~r rhe, fntivi tin to th" floor and h nish. in
anorher posilion.
5. Miu irma'].
l lo" mi..io nary position-with the, woman lying on
h" r back and Ih" ma n lying o n top of h~r. fac"..to-fac..-
hu an un d"",rv..dly bad ""putalio n, nor unlik~ mainl"..
nan", K'X ir.df. Ao long as you don't lie the re like a cold
dead h.h, th" mi..io nary po.irion has g""al erotic poten-
tial. You can look into you r man's eyes to show him your
l.. bs j ob ' 17 107

-.' G ET O UT O F BED
Try new .exllal po.ition. o n th e floor of
yo ur bedroom, bending over yo ur dre••er o r even
hanging off the edge of the bed. The sce nery i.
different from every point, and this . n,all change
ca n bring bi g excite me nt to the experience.
enraptured expression; you can kiss his mouth, neck, face
and shoulders; and you can ru n yo ur hands all over his
back, shoulders, and even his chest when he lifts his body
up a bit. So don't slander this position unnecessarily. Wrap
your legs atound your man's body, run your nails down his
back, kiss his thtoat, and whisper sweet nothings (or dirty
thoughts) into his ear as he thrusts.
For an easy on- the-Ry change, alternate between open-
ing YOut legs wide and squeezing them tightly d osed as he
penetrates yo u ftom above . Or, keep yo ur legs together
and tw ist YOut body until you're more or less lying on
your side.
6. Doggystyle.
Ah, don't you jus t love the classics? Of course, In this
time-tested favorite, you're on all fours as yo ur m an kneels
behind yo u and penetrate. you from behind. H e can grab
onto your shoulders or hips for leverage if he wants to go
harder or faster. To add to your pleasure, have your man
reach around to stimulate your clitoris while he thrusts . To
increase his excitement, as he thrusts push your bum back
against him to show him just how good he feels inside yo u .
... lu b e jo b l
Or reach underneath to squeeze his testicle. or fondle his
petineum. You can also ask him to lift one of your legs and
hold on to it by the thigh as he thrusts. This w ill let him go
deeper and will ma ke your clitoris easier to reach for stim-
ula tion .
7. Sitting: Man and woman faCt!-to-ftCt!.
Like the missionary position, this one lets you and your
man enjoy intercourse while facing each other. H ave your
man sit uprigh t on the bed (or on the edge of the bed with
his legs hangi ng over the side) and swing one of your legs
over his lap so that you're silting on top of him, face-to-
face. Use YOut hand to guide his penis inside you . Either
hold on to his shoulders or w rap your arms atound his
neck to help lift your body up off his penis and then lower
it bac k down . You'JI have to do most of the work, but th is
is such a sweedy intimate position that yo u won't mind .
Take advantage of this face-to-face time by kissin g your
man deeply on his mouth, neck, and shoulders. Gyrate
your hips to add extra sensation.
8. Front to back: M an lying on back, woman
lying on top of him, on her back.
This is another one the boys really love. Have YOut man
lie Rat on his back, then lie Rat on top of him, on your
back, with you r head over his . H e can now reach up and
around to feel your naked breasts and body on top of him .
It may take so me minor maneuvering to slip his penis in-
side, but it's worth the effort. Thrusting is best kept slow
and sure in this exquisite position.
lu be job . 17
'"
 9. W'oman on top: Woman straddling man,
facing his feet.
Have your man lie Raron his back with his legs .traighr
OUI. and then straddle his body, facing his feel. This posi-
lion allows him to enjoy Ihe sight of your naked back and
bum on lOp of him and is a great spin on the slandard
wo man-o n-top. By facing his feet, you change rhe angle of
penetration and the feel of his Ihrum. To play with the an-
gIe srill more, lean forward (Ioward his feer) and push
yourself back onro his penis , pumping. AI; a variation, have
your man spread his legs. Squat between them with your
knees rogether and your hands on his knee., and use his
knees as support to raise and lower yourself onto his penis . The feel and sighr of your bodie. rogether in differenr
ways-moving, touching, thrusting, watching-is what
10. The wheelbarrow: Woman standing on her ramps arousal. So gear your man up for a night of sharp
hands, man standing on his fiet. !Urns.
This one isn't as difficulr as it sounds-hone.tly! (A l-
Ihough it's more of a challenge if you're a 101 shorter rhan
your parmer.) Gel onto your hands and knee. on the Roor,
and then have your man lift your legs up unr il he's holding
you by your Ihigh•. AI; you support yourself on your
hands, he pulls your vagina onto his penis. 'While this
mighl sound like a lot ofeffort, it really isn't, as long as you
aren'r too heavy. And sex doesnr always need ro be a leisure
activity. Don't be afraid to work up a sweal now and then.
AI; you work rhrough this or your own list of sexual rv-
siriom, don'r become preoccupied with perfect form. The
excitement comes from rhe novelty of the effort, not Raw-
less positioning. If you can't bend rhat/hold thatllift rhat!
do that, then Iry something else. If a move jusr doe.n't d o
anything for you or your parmer, slide into rhe nexI one .

'00 lub e jo b l lube j ob .17


The Backseat Drive -in-Sex in the Car
o m e of the most special times a couple shares are the
S result of a last· minute change in plans, a spur-of.the.
moment decision, or an unplanned whirlwind vacation.
Spontaneity is freedom . It reminds a couple that they have
some control over their lives, that they aren't slaves to their
routine, and that they exist as man and woman indepen.
dently of their children or other responsibilities . 'When a
couple takes an unplanned detour they sometimes find not
only that the experience is fim, but also that it creates a
lifelo ng memory that strengthens their history together.
l\.I ost of us have these kinds of memories: that wrong
turn that brought us to the best cheeseburger joint we'd
ever found; that movie we rented by accident that turned
out to be hilarious; that garage sale we decided on a whim
to stop at , only to find the rare stained.glass window that
now adorns the front door to our home. Spontaneous sex·
ual experiences can also be the most memorable. Remem·
ber the first time your man leaned in to k iss you or the
night you shared a ravaging stand-up quickie against the
refrigerator of your first apartment?
Sadly, sexual spontaneity fades from a long-term cou·
pIe's life as the routine of work, home, kids , worries ,
chores, bills, whatever, takes over. Often, it disappears
completely, and the loss is one to be grieved. Fo rtu na tely,
we can resurrect this pale memory from our past and
breathe new life into it. Al l it takes is a playful spirit and a
willingness to throw the almighty routine into the back-
seat once in a while. And nowhere is this attitude more
useful than in the performance of maintenance sex.
Is sex mo re a n noying than arousing? It
might j us t be bad timing that h as yo u
growling. Practice "pla n ned spontaneity" b y
lelling yo u r man know the best a nd wor.t tin'es
to initiat e . ex with you. After date night . good.
On the phone with M om . bad.lfhe make. the
m ove. when yo u' re a p t t o be recep tive, hi. odds
will improve.
Darren and Jenny were a bu.y working couple com-
plete with two adult children, two child·substitute spaniels,
matching laptop., and a frighteningly comprehensive
knowledge of mutual funds who were admitted kiss-your-
feet slave. to a brutal dictatorship routine of work and
play. Sex, however, wasn't part of the regime .
- t was going through early menopause and just wasn't
that interested in sex," admits Jenny, forry.six. "Combine
l u b e jo b _ 18 203
that with a recent job promotion and an extra ten or fif-
teen houes a wee k at the lab, and ( really couldn't have been
less interested in lovemaking. D arren would bring it up at
times, mostly asking if I need ed hormone replacement to
get back in the mood. It was my decision to go through
menopause without medical intervention. Looking back, it
was a somewhat selfish decision . I went months wi thout
wanting sex, and D arren's needs jus t fell off my radar screen ."
So what brough t the blip of D arren's sexual needs back
onto the screen?
U( was in his e-mail account for an innocent reason
when I noticed a subject li ne that read 'Fly away with me!'
I opened it and found it w as from a neighbor of ours. She
was laughing about an occasion when they'd bumped into
each other w hile dog walkin g. They'd taken the alley back
to our street and srumbled across some kids trying to get a
kite out of a tree . I guess D arren dimbed up and got it
down, and then they went back to the park and flew the
kite with the kids for a while. It sou nded like they'd had a
lot of fun. I could n't rem em ber the last time Darren and I
had tha t kind of experience, and ( felt jealous I hadn't
shared it with him . He hadn't m entio ned any of it to me,
and I must admit ( felt insecure about it. I didn't even
know she had his e-mail address."
Jenny had reason to be concerned; the wom an her hus-
band had bumped into was well known among the wives
in the neighborhood for having had an affair with a mar-
ried man . She was no t the type of neighbor the ladies on
the block had over for an afternoon coffee.
"H er reputation preceded her,n says Jenny, "bur I
lu b . jo b l
shouldn't have been worried . T he fact that I was worried
sent my red flags up, and I took a good look at my marriage .
I realized that I, and my marriage, had become boring, pre-
dictable, and celibate. D arren was a forced celibate ."
Many wom en nperience a loss o f
seI Ual d esire during n,enopause or
perim enopau se, primarily du e 10 hormonal
im bala nce. of estrogen, pro geslerone, a nd
leslOsTerone. Vaginal dryness, mood . wi ngo, and
fatigue are also common , which ca n further lowe r
Ih e libido and p UI a strain on you r sex life. H elp
i. ava ilable, 5O .ee yo ur doctor.
Jenny deleted the e-mai l, added the na ugh ty neighbor
to the blocked sender's list, and didn't bring the issue up
with Darren. Instead , she sprang into immediate action .
"Talk is cheap, ~ says Jenny. ''I'm all about results . Any-
way, it wasn't conversation that we needed to engage in . I
stopped D arren on the stairs. H e w as heading to the base-
ment to work out, but I asked him to come with me in-
stead. We got into the car and ( d rove straight to the adult
video store. I parked outside, and he starred laughing so
hard ( tho ught he was goi ng to have a stroke on me . H e
was grinning like the cat who ate the canary. I told him to
go in and pick something and to hurry; it was showtime."
Darren returned to the car carrying his bag of eye ca ndy,
and Jen ny bega n to drive home. It was early evening, the sun
l u b e jo b 1 18 >0.
 w;u ...r ting, ..nd the couple was fully enjoyi ng the ...m.. of
liberty their _pon lanrou. t rip to th.. XXX movi.. store had
gi....n Ih..m when ..n u nnp«1..d d..tour presented. it...lf.
~ D ..rren was Ia ughing a nd re..d ing th.. hack of th..
DVD coven," rec.. lls J.. nny. · W.. w...... gett ing turned. o n
..nd h..ving a g rea r eim.. wh..n h.. reac hed 10 the Roor of rh..
hadu....1 ..nd gra bbed my laplOp . I h..d fo rgott..n it w;u in
th.. car. He wink ed.and took it o ut o finca5e, Ihen inoened.
the DVD. He asked. me wh..n I laol W<"nt 10 .. driv ..-in
movie. Befon: I knew il W<" W<"re dri ving down th.. road
wilh Ih u porno playing:
Instead of Id ling him to tu m il off ..nd wait until they
gO! home, Jenny q uic:kly ~niud. Ih.. C"Iperi..nce for
what il was: an nci ling opponunil)" for OC"Iual . po ntan..-
il)". Wi thout giving he ndf ..nough time 10 recomid..r, .h..
pu lled into lhe b.lck parXing 101of an oul....f-bu.ineso..1.-.:-
Im ni<,:s 'lon:.
"\'I;'e wen: in rh e middle o f the city, bu t the re ....... n0-
body around US, . 1.1lY" Jenn y. " \'1;'.. climbed inl O the hac k-
.....1 wilh the Iaplop and had our own priv..r.. showi ng . I
can 't hdiev.. wh..e 1've beecn mi ing. bu t th..l th.. fi...1
tim.. I ever had imC'TCOUlW in t car. I n even mad..
ou t in .. car whe n I was a leenage-r. Now, at forty-.Ix . I'm
doing il in Ih.. haclueal of a luxu ry .n!"n wilh my husband
an d .. porno. Th..t's u yl..! Aft..r IWe'nl)"-OOffiC" yean of mar-
riage, W<"'n: kids again , and W<"'re loving ir. ~
Jen ny's sl0 ty is a gmt o n.., bu t I....re.. no reason you
h...... 10 ",..it for your man's ..." ....1 needs 10 F.oll off your
radar screen be fo re you Ire..1 h im 10 r he X-ratn!. driv ..-in
the..ter experience . Yo u don'l n...,.j .. luxury ...d..n or .. lap-
top compu ter. eithe r. Even rh.. mo. t utilitari..n , unsexy.
20 6 h.b . Jo bs
socc..r ball- fiU..d, eooki e-. m....red miniv..n cquipped with
th..t eh ild- fricnd ly pottable DVD player in th.. b..cbc..r
can play host to " .i nful night of adult vicwing and m..mory -
making mai m..n..nce ..." .
Once your in-c.ar movi.. so;; ...... n (",fo....h..r .. bplop or ..
DVD) is ready 10 ligh t up rh.. d ashbo...rd, ;uk your man 10
tak.. a mid night d ri..... You might w..nt 10 stash oom.. lube
and penonal cblUing wipe> in rh.. gIovc box.. Aft..r you find
a oaf.., secluded spot, pa rk, lock Ih.. doo..., an d press pl..y.
Th e fin! movie . ........ i n a drive-in
theatn _ as calln!. Wif e &-I..... It pl..yed
;n Camden. N...... l eney. in 19JJ.
It's up 10 you whc1h..r you t to . tan th ing>offin Ihr
from onl and Ih..n migr:u.. 10 t hac k, or whcth..r you
wam 10 amp out in t backsea t from the beginning. If
you u,," in Ih.. from , h.:a you r man pu.h hi. onl all the
way back, lean into h i. hody, and ki.. him deeply o n the
moulh, kiting your h.:ando C"Iplore his chest be fose moving
down to his groin. Knad h is in n.... thighs with yow fing.....
..nd then ru b h is penis ..nd teslides, m..,be adding .. gen -
d.. "'{u«U to gn their full ..cr..nlion. Tell him how badly
you wane h im as yo u unfasten hi. panlS and nepos.- his
genitals. Take a h..ndful of lube ..nd ..pply il to h i. peni.
and testicks. rubbing it into h i••kin ..nd pubic hair.
Sit hac k and und ress you .....lf as your man wal ches by
the ro m..n ric glow of Ihe int..rior light. Swing your lcog ove.
h i. lap anJ .[.addle him. lower you .....lf onto hi. pen is jus t
lu b. jo b tl& 20 1
 a little, just enough to feel him against your vagina. Circle
your hips and press down as if you're going for penetra-
tion, then lift yourself back up, teasing him. Let him antic-
ipate how good it will feel before you finally let him sink
into you and start pumping. If you 're slim enough, tell him
to reach around you and hold on to the steering wheel for
leverage as he thrusts up into you. You can also spin around
so that you 're holding on ro the steering wheel whi le you
pump him.
Climb off your man and clamber into the back of the
car. Pull the rest of his clothes off and lie on your back on
the backseat with your legs open and ready for him. As he
lies on top of you and penetrates you, tell him ro look at
the screen. T he sights and sounds of a dirty movie playing
inside the car, combined with the intensity of this sexual
experience, may bring him ro the finish line faster than
you expected.
'While this drive may have started out as a pleasure trip
designed for him only, its raw eroticism might have you
asking YOut man to slow down and make the ride last
lo nger. Such is the benefit of spontaneous maintenance
sex. It's powerfully effective, and, before you know it, you
might be the one who needs servicing. Eit her way, you've
acquired a sexy memory that neither of you will soon for -
get. And the next time you pop a cartoon into that DVD
player for the kids, you'll be able ro share a saucy smile of
remembrance with your man .
'While we've suggested you choose an adult film as your
drive-in movie, not all couples may wish ro do so. If you 're
not comfortable with pornography, you can always choose
a love story, perhaps one on the racier side, for a more sub-
>0. lu b. jo b l
Can't find a babysitted You do n't have t o
leave home to go to this dr ive-in. Park t he
ca r in t he garage, wa it until the little d ar lings are
asleep, and then slip into the garage for a quickie
performance at yo ur own theater. This i. also a
great al te rnative for th ose who , w he n il comes 10
'eI, p refer privat e prop eny 10 public parki ng.
tie approach . That being said, there are many couples who
do enjoy pornography and who have managed to success-
fully integrate it into their sex lives.
If you're a porn virgin, why not consider dipping your
toes into the adults-only waters just to see how they feel?
Today's pornography industry offers viewers a great deal of
choice in terms of content and style. You don't have to dive
into hard-core orgies and unsavory close-ups. A warm
wade into soft-core sex-perhaps a film by a female pro-
ducer/director-may be a sexier and more female-friendly
choice, especially for beginners. Many adult films are
aimed at the couples' market, offering big-budget, high-
quality movies with entertaining stoty lines and tasteful,
egalitarian sex scenes.
Still, some women have concerns about using pornog-
raphy in their intimate relationship. There's no doubt
pornography, including the widespread practice of Inter-
net sex surfing, has the potentia/to lead to a serious physi-
cal and emotional breakdown in a relationship, but it
certainly doesn't always do so. As with anything, the best
approach is moderation and communication.
l u b e jo b 11 8 >0.
 We all know there are some men who take pornography
(in any medium) to extremes and become obsessed with it,
alienating their significant other in th e process. T hin k of
that guy who risks his job by downloading porn onto his
wo rk compu ter, or the man who destroys his personal life
by spendi ng hours downstairs on his home compu ter,
printing volumes of XXX ma terial instead of engaging
wi th his wife and fam ily. In those instances, the issue may
have less to do with porn and more to do with personali ty
or psychological problems. T hat's another book.
We' Jllimit our discussion here to the committed man
who rents the occasional skin flick or sometimes views
porn online (no chat rooms or cybersex, no underage, no
violence) but wh o still engages in regular and mutually sat-
isfYing lovemaking with his woman. Basically, we're ta lk-
ing about the guy w ho might take the «free tou r" before
bed but who misses no opportunity to ju mp between the
sheets with his woman . H e sees porn as harm less, but she
sees it as cheating. These polarized opinions usually stem
from the differences between male and female sexuality.
Co mmunication is t he path to finding that elusive middle
ground where both people in the rela tionship are respected
and understood.
Let's eavesdrop on a couple's «po rn" talk:
WIFE : Why do you need to look at porn? Aren't I
enough for you?
HUSBASD : Yes, you're enough . You're beautiful, but
guys like to look at naked women . We're hard-
wired that way, it has nothing to do with you . It
lu b . jo b l
wouldn't matter who I was with, I'd still want to
look every now and then .
WIFE : But if you look at those wo men, with their
fake bodies and the best lighting, you'll expect
me to look like that .
HUSBASD : I love the way you look . I'm more at-
tracted to you than to any wo man in the world,
or I wouldn't be with you . I know what I see in
porn isn't real. I know t heir breasts are implants ; I
know their skin is covered in makeup; and I know
they don't really make those sounds when they're
having sex. So no, I don't expect you to look like
that. I don't even want you to look like that. In
the same way, I hope you don't expect me to look
like or last as long as the guys in porn films .
Why do you sneak off to look?
WIFE :
HUSBASD : Because it's fun to look, but I don't want
to hurt your feelings and I don't want you to
think you're not good enough. I also feel that
you'll judge me if I look at it.
WIFE : But if I let you watch it too much, you'll get
addicted to it.
HUSBASD : Everyt h ing in moderation . It', no different
than eating a chocolate bar. Most people will have
one once in wh ile but won't overeat until they're
six hundred pounds. There are those guys who de -
pend on porn to get off, but they're the extreme
and mos t men aren't like that and don't want to be
like that. Most of lIS just want to get our kicks now
and then by looking at porn but think it's pathetic
l u b e jo b 1 18
 to be jerking off in front of the computer instead
of making love to our own woman . You can't
judge all men by a few insensitive and warped
guys. It makes the rest of us look just as weird,
when we're not , and that's not fair to us.
WIFE: What about what's fair to me? I feel unattrac-
tive, unloved, and inadequate when you look at
porn.
HUSBASD: All I can do, as your loving partner, is put
my arms around you and tell you how beautiful
I think you are. But there are differences between
men and women: we like to look, it really is that
simple. It doesn't mean we want one of those
girls or that we feel anything toward them . In
fact, I could never pick one of the girls I'd seen in
a porn out of a lineup. I watch it, get a thrill,
then it's over. I'm not thinking about it anymore.
Women think there's more to it than there is.
\l;'IFE: Don't you think it's cheating to be looking at
another woman's naked body?
HUSBASD: No, I don't. T hat', a matter of personal
opinion, belief, and spirituality, but when I look
at porn, I'm still devoted and faithful to reo . If
one of the stars were to jump out of the tele -
vision and beg me to dimb on top of her, I
wouldn't do it.
WIFE: SO what', the draw to porn?
HUSBASD: It ', just the idea of watching other people
have sex. It 's kind of voyeuristic, and it turns me
on. It's no different than the romance novels
women read .
lub. jo b l
WIFE : There aren't any naked pictures of men in ro-
mance novels.
HUSBASD : No, but there's romance and hidden dirty
scenes , because that's what turns women on. In
porn, there's naked bodies and grunting, because
that's what turns men on. Each medium appeals
to its gender. Let me ask you something. Afrer
you're finished reading a romance novel, do you
fall in love or become obsessed with the musde-
bound, poetry-reciting hero?
WIFE : Of course not.
HUSBASD : Do yOll compare me to him ?
WIFE : No.
HUSBASD : Do you need to think about him to get
turned on?
WIFE : No.
HUSBASD : It's the same thing. It 's escapist.
WIFE : Do yOll want me to look at porn with you?
HUSBASD : I'd like to try it, just like we try other
things like sex toys or different positions. There
are lots of couple-oriented films and websites that
we might find exciting to see together. Maybe
then you'll understand that it's just a small part
of my sexuality and that you're the woman who
keeps me coming back for more. And if we
watch it together, I can reassure you how much I
love you.
Adminedly, this is an idealized conversation. That's
okay, since it', intended to be as instructional as it is in -
formative . Communication is the antidote for almost any
l ube jo b 118
ill in a relation,h ip, an d Ihat inclu des th e issue of pornog-
raphy. If yo u and your pan ner are sn uggling wich porn,
you need to have an honen hearl-l o- hean , fr« of judg-
menC and pu ni.hmem. On o ne hand , you can not expec l
Co overrule you r man's natural sexua liry an d dole a m only
the material you see ht wichouc co mpro mi"" . He's an indi -
vidual, not ju.t you r p artner, and thar milicari"ic anitude
may bac kfire:. Ac the same time, your pannn cannal Ix in-
""m ilivc 10 or di. miosiveo f YOUI ~Ii ng> .... a woman. You
need to know Ihal you are: loved , d ....ir«!, ad ored, and p re-
ferr«! OVC1" any o lhC1" wo man in the wOlld, and Ihe maCe-
ria] hc view> m ust nOI viola ee YOUI values.
Sow llut you an d yout ma n ha.... asanded [Q Ih i. lofty
plan e o f high" co mmunication , we a n gn back [Q Ik
maner al hand, lhal is, maintenan ce sex a nd pornography.
Rtm.,.....bet lhal mai nlmance on i much about mai n-
taining che . uccngth of the "'lalion ip .... it i. ahoul man-
aging d i/Tccren c sex dri vn. \X'cc'", talking ahom rrLtliDrrship
mai n cenance .... of'P""""d 10 j 1 _ .. mai nte nance. If you
an d your ~n net ;(ft' bot h Ii-hcd with a decision [Q go
porn.fttt, you're K"I for sexU.lI RlCCC50. Bm if your m;m i.
cravi ng a p«k and you'roe covrn ng h i. eyes. you may be in
for problems.
Here'. an ide_ in'lead of allowi ng porn 10 divide you ,
why no C«< if it can b ring you d .....l! In the next cha ptet,
you'll «< how sensual m_gcc a n be u...d [Q bridge the
emocio nal, p hr-ical, and sexual d iOlancc IxlW«n partner.;.
By engaging in ""n. ua1 rn.u.....ge while you wal ch an ago=:!-
upon X· rated movie o r . urf a sexy . ice Iogc"chccr, you' ll be
able Co explo it rhe emlids m o f the imago bur snll main-
tain your inrimaee ce n necuo n. Ic's a way [Q lec your man
indulge in Ihis side o f h i. sexuality wichout YOUt fecling
sidelined. If you a n both agr« on the rul", (the type of
maler ial you view and how o lle n you wacch), you'll . how
you r man Ihal cwo-player porn i. a Ixnet game than sex-
ual w lilairc: . You migh l also find chac you acrually like
p laying alo ng on ce in a wh ile.
Imrodudng sen,uaI to uch inlo Ihe porn experience
may creare an au ra ofi ntimaccc exploralion where a woman
who is unce reain about her putnn', pro-porn acrivities
can be com fon abk join ing in. And .... for you porn veler-
;m. OUllhcc"" wh y nm watch Ihe wholccvideo for achange?
Slow down , louch each other (not like that!), and ddigh l
in each o chn 's bodi....bd'o re you n an p laying monkcy-«<,
monkcy-do with chcc Ran on Ihe scr«n.
Th e word ponotlfl""pby <Xlmes from tlse
Gftck word fo r prosritule. 11H Scboo/.f
W1r....J. i:nttnlh-ce1"lrury po rnograp bic
0_1 ....-inen b y Pietro Amino. who is
«u..idend as the fath.... of European porno-
p phic ....-iti ng, In Ih i. witty book, a mot"....
...-ho is an experienced <XlUn ....... leacbes her
daughl.... h..... 10 please .. man,
Purnography ca n al.., Se1"YC" a. d fo n leso forepla y 10 a
no-frill, ma imen an"" quickie. Wcc've all experienced ch.....
areused ....rsu. n hausr..d nigh n when we want 10 telicve
our parmer's sexual pre..ure hu! don'l have the enetgy 10
fu lly rev h im up, O n II...... occa.ions, a few min uc..,. of
lube jo b al& 21$
 pornographic viewing pleasure may be all that is required
10 gel him ready for sexual release. Adding the lusty sights
and sounds of an adult movie 10 even Ihe most dutiful
hand job can turn maintenance into magnificence. Choose
an "emergenc{ adult film 10 buy with your partner and
keep it handy for fasl-and-easy maintenance sex purposes.
'Whether you need to ease into the Xvrared experience
Ihrough sensual {ouch or you're ready to throw yourselves
into the backseat of your car and watch a skin Rick in an
abandoned parking lot, well-chosen pornography has the
potential 10 add an exciting and fulfilling dimension to
your love life. Choose material you're comfortable with,
view in moderation, and press play. l\.I ost important, be
sure 10 use pornography in a fun and spontaneous way. It's
a thrilling, adults-only way to happily maintain a long-
lerm intimate relationship.
216 lub . jo b l
~ub e !Job #' 9
iii
Fully Loaded-Sen sual Ma ssage
ike I am most mornings, I was running Iale. My son
L was dawdling 10 hair-pulling extremes, and we had al-
ready missed the school bell. It had snowed the nighl be-
fore , and my car was frosted. H alf a foot of snow was pi led
on lOp of the roof, the windows were ice, and rhe driveway
was packed with heavy snow that was still falling. I
wrapped a scarf around my son's neck, grabbed his back-
pack, and raced to the car with my breath freezing as it hit
Ihe cold air. T he car's engine turned over---barely-and af-
ler I strapped my son into the backseat, I did a makeshift
job of scraping the ice and snow away before jumping be-
hind Ihe steering wheel and rubbing my hands togelher
for warmlh.
I looked oUl Ihe windshield. The car's defroster was
clearing the frost from the glass, but pounds of snow still
salon Ihe hood of the car, extending all the way up 10 Ihe
windshield 10 cover Ihe wipers. As I put my hand on Ihe
wiper control 10 brush rhe snow away, I heard Den's voice
 in my head: «Don't use the wipers if they're packed with
snow, or you'll burn the motor out. Brush all the snow off
before you turn them on. That motor's expensive to fix. ~
'What does he know, I thought. I'm cold. I'm late.
I turned on the wipers, and the ftozen motor groaned
under the weight of the packed snow. For a moment, it
looked promising: The wipers moved a quarter of an inch
and I had visions of them sweeping upward, brushing the
snow off the windshield to free me from my zero-visibility
vehicular igloo. All would be well. The groaning grew
louder for a moment, then silence. Not normal silence,
mind you, but that special type of silence that accompa-
nies an indefinable sense of defeat. T he wiper motor was
dead; the snow continued to fall.
And the motor was expensive to fix, after all. What's
more, the wipers have never worked as well since the mo-
tor was replaced. Sometimes they come to our rescue in a
downpour; sometimes they force us to pull over until the
douds pass . As some of us learn the hard way, a little pre-
ventative maintenance can avoid a lot of repairs later on,
not to mention money, time, and frustration.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. We
hear this cliche so often that we fail to take it seriously, but
nowhere is this truer than in our intimate relationships.
l\hintenance sex is about more than managing disparate
sex drives; it's also about maintaining th e relationship as a
whole, and that's the focus of this chapter. For once a rela-
tionship has suffered a breakdown , particularly infidelity,
it's a long and sometimes endless road to repair. T hough
th e whys, whens, with whoms, and hews of infidelity are
". lub . jo b l
many, the following story is a good example of how sexual
problems can factor into a stereotypical workplace affair.
In their midthirties and married for two years, D ean na
and Marcus had spent more than halfof their short marriage
trying to have a child. Deanna had battled endometriosis
in her twenties and was now fighting infertility in her thir-
ties, and although she had managed to get pregnant twice,
both pregnancies ended in early miscarriages. T he loss
and the continued disappointment of negative home-
pregnancy tests took their toll on their relationship : love -
making disappeared; baby making took over,
Happier skies seemed to be overhead when D eanna
conceived a third time. The pregnancy, although burdened
with around-the-clock morning sickness, was a strong one,
and Deanna's obstetrician assured her their unborn daugh-
ter was fat and fabulous. Despite the baby's healthy
progress , however, Deanna was preoccupied with her past
miscarriages and sidelined by green-faced, unrelenting
nausea, a combination that resulted in a very stressed
mom-to-be. Sex became even more unimportant, at least
to Deanna.
" Por over a year, sex hadn't been about feeling good; it
had been about conceiving, ~ says Marcus . uProcreat ion ,
not recreation. She'd take her temperature , and if it was
right, we'd do it . If not, we wouldn't. After she did get
pregnant, sex wasn't as important to Deanna. As far as she
was concerned, the goal was accomplished. For the first
couple months of the pregnancy she wouldn't do it at all
since she was afraid it would jeopardize the baby. I knew
why she was so scared, but it was frustrating. T here was no
l ube jo b 1 19
 medical reason 10 abstain, but she still wouldn't have sex. I
look it personally."
As the pregnancy progressed, and Deanna's nausea
wo rsened , M arcus began to feel even m o re sexually unsat-
isfied . ~ I did my best to reassure her thaI the pregnancy
was going to be all righ t. H er belly kept getting bigger,
righl on schedule, but she was still worried . I understood
why, but as time went on, I gOI angry that the sex had
stopped. I would've appreciated a ha nd job, and I wo uld've
bowed down at her feet for a blow job, but it wasn't hap-
pening. Sexually speaking, she was completely tuned out."
Spoon ing i. a greal po.ition for inter-
course during pregna ncy. It keep. rh ar
growing belly out of the way, len yo u stay intim al e,
and doe.n't requi re 100 much energy. If yo u're
worried abo ut having .ex during yo ur pregn ancy,
talk 10 yo ur ob5letr ician to ease your fe...... O nce
yo ur mind is at rest, your body ca n pl ay.
As if Deanna's lack of sexual desire weren't enough to
co ntend wit h , l\hrcus began con tending wilh his own
block: As Deanna's belly grew, so did his ~mo m myn iden-
lity issues . "On Ihe rare occasions that D ean na was willing
10 have sex, I'd look at her belly and think, Wow, there's a
baby in there. It became really difficult 10 see beyond that
and remember she was stiII my wife."
"M arcus is right that I did tune out,~ Deanna concedes.
~I knew that he was feeling neglecled in the bedroom, but
lub . jo b l
" 0
I just put it on the back burner and told myself I'd make it
up to him later. Plus, I had resentments of my own. I was
the one w ho was getting fat, throwing up all the time, and
worrying mysel f sick over the baby. And he wanted m~ to
take care of him? H e wanted me to perform obligatory sex
when I couldn't go an hour without th towing up? The
more I thought about how immature and selfish he was
being, the less I wanted to give him any pleasure. I knew
that he was seeing me in a different light, too, and that
made me feel totally asexual. ~
The discord grew unti! the relationship was stretched to
its limits. W'hat should have been a happy, bonding time
in their marriage became a time of resentment and d is-
tance as the couple becam e physically and emotionally dis-
connected from each other.
~We were livi ng in one house but in two different
worlds,~ says M arcus. ~We were ca ught up in our own
frustrations and we ren't thi nking about the other person. I
know that's true for me . It's bizarre, since we'd finally got-
ten what we'd always wanted, which was a viable preg-
nancy. I have ma ny regrets about the w ay I acted during
Deanna's pregnancy. I was selfish a lot of the time, and I
n
know my attitude led to the affai r.
It was a Friday morning. Feeling sexually frustrated and
forgotten, M arcus lett the house. Feeling emotionally ne-
glected, Deanna watched him go . Marcus drove to work,
parked his car, and walked into the office. The Other
Woman was already there .
-sr, usually worked downstairs, but she 'd recently
been transferred to my department,~ M arcus explai ns . "I'd
known her on a casual basis for a couple years, and she'd al-
lube jo b 1 19
'"
 way" kind of Hirred wirh me, though I hadn't retu rned. her
a1t~ntion. She Was a hig Hin, and t h~R' Wl're rum o n; sh~'d
sl~pt with more than o ne guy in I h~ office:. but this morn -
ing sh~ wa< paniculany fl in u io ul with m~, At I~a<t il
....,med. Ihal way 10 m~, bU I mayho. .h~ wam·t. Mayho. I W"-'
;"'1 Otting what I war ned to Ott."
According 10 Marcus . l h~ fl inuiou. d~rIt kgan 10 dish
ou t some of the a ll~m ion hi. wif~ W"-' n'l ~ ng, Wh~n
he'd walk in'o a room • •he'd .lOp whal lhe, W"-' doing and
nuke ~ contact wilh him and li.. ~n i m~ntly 10 n'n)'
word Ihal carne OUt of hi. mouth. She, was a fresh face and
always Imiling. unlike Deanna. who gr«t...! him fro m rhe
<;:ouch. b.athrohcJ . grttn fKed . and growling, And lhe
orher woman exuded. on:ualiry. whik !Ii. wife K=...!
impending motherhood,
"The orM woman always has that a<h:..magc: says
Man,:",. "She gcu to put he,r hoi face forward, and you
don'l '" all the b.tggagc. It'. unfait. unrea li.ric. and I wa<
100 ..,If.absothcd 10 Ott rhro ugh it, She'd Imil~ U me and
chn;k me out with het era like I W"-' Ihe hom"l guy
around. By lunchtime, I Wa< I!linking t!linp I shouldn'l
have 1>«n. and I was ..,nd ing viho back 10 !I....:
H aving ck ared !lis dnk ....rlier rhan antici pal...!, M....-
CUS decided. 10 Ilan the ,.....·.,J.~nd ....r1y and I........ rhe offic~
by mi<6fternoon, L inle d id he, know that the n~ derk
Wa< rracking hi< path.
" S!I~ .ropped me in IIIe srairwell on 11K way d own ro
tIK p....king 101 and a<ked me if! wan red ro go for a drink ."
says Ma rc",. "You know r!le ....I p"n ~ At rhe moment s!l~
SlOpped me. I was t!lin king abou l .urprising D....nna by
coming hom~ early and raking !In for k~ c~m. I rcmem-
222 h. be JOb'
ber siand ing on rh~ . t~p and rhinking about what I was
going to do, I know all cheater.; say it. but I'd do anything
to have that mom~n l back. 10 rak~ back what I did, AlI I
tho ughl aboul was inSlam gratificatio n."
Th e gratification may !lave 1>«n instant. bu t it d idn'l
1a<1 long. "I foun d oul from ano ther wife,: says D....nna.
-{he wife of Marcus'. busil\C'S.S associal~. Th ~ gos.sip got
back 10 her a WC'C'k ot so lal~r. and o ne morning sh~ j"'t
sho~ upon m y doont~, She was in lears. SIK said she'd
'f'<'nl days agonizing oY~r wltct!l....10 1~1I m~, I kn~ whu
she was going to ""y bdorc she got the, words o ur, Marn.os
haJ been acring S1l:1ng~ silKC' il happ"n...!. and I Irncw
something ....d chang...!,-
Like many worn..... Dean na had always .worn tlur if a
man cheat"'! on hn . shc,'d leave. BUI with h.... fin;t child
onl y twO mom h. away. it wasn'l ehae easy anymorc. She
kn~ he,r deci.ion 10 stay or go would aff~ rhe I'C'St of her
lifc and her daugh r....•• life. so .IK fo rced "'=df 10 think
lhe siruaeio n ou l.
"I h.ad 10 do some real soul seacching," ....ys Deanna.
"and I didn'l like rveryt hing I found. I realized thai our
problenu were nor hing flC'W and rlur I'd always Iud a t~n­
deney 10 push Man:'" 10 Ih~ .iddine!l of m y life. I realized
I had a !li.tory of using him for w....11 n=d...!, IIKn push -
ing him ... id~ when I didn'l n=d hi m. That Wa< th~ <:aSC'
wilh on: even be-fore I beam~ pregnant. but it was Ihe .....,..
in etbe r are.... too. I'm not making exCU5C'!i for him. but
when tile", are o:wo people in a rclalionship. both have 10
look al ehe lOin they play, w~ talked a 101 abour the, kind
of marr iage and family Wl' want"'! and how we could get
there."
l u b e jo b . " 22~
 UN o man has begged for forgiveness like I dtd," says
!\1arclLS. "On my hands and knees. I did everything she
said, and for the first time in my life I did it without think-
ing about myself. The other wom an transferred. I talked to
our priest; I kept my cell phone in my jacket pocket so she
could call me at any time to find out where I was . It took
almost losing it all to make me realize how much I had and
to ma ke me grow up. I don't know who was more broken-
hearted, me or her. I'd totally betrayed her, but looking at
my wife's face also broke my heart. There she was, out to
there with my baby, and I was screwing around. That's not
how my parents raised me. That's not how I want to raise
u
my child.
Eventually, D ean na decided to give Marcus another
chance. She knew that he was remorseful and truly be-
lieved he would not make the same mistake again. It was a
conscious, deliberate decision to stay, but her emotions
wouldn't fall in line.
"I wanted to make it work,~ says D eanna. "On the one
hand I wanted to have sex with him because I knew he was
missing it, but whenever we'd get dose, the tape in my head
would start playing. I'd see them together, having sex. I'd
hear them groaning. It was graphic, and I was obsessed with
the details. 'What was she wearing? 'Where did they do it? In
what position? Did they do it more than once? Did she
suc k him? I can't tell you how disgusting it is to have those
pictures in your head. My emotions swung to extremes.
One minute I'd want to hold and forgive him, and the next
I hated him. If I thought about pleasing him sexually, even
with a quick hand job , it seemed like I was betraying myself
or that I was saying everything was forgiven. ~
lub . jo b l
For D ean na and Marcus, the physical and emotional
disconnection in their relationship seemed irreparable.
Despite their desire to stay together and work things out,
they simply couldn't find a way back to intimacy. Yet
the path was about to present itself in the most effortless
of ways .
uWe were sitting on the couch watching television,"
says Deanna. "I was worrying, as usual, when Marcus slid
closer to me and put his hands on my shoulders.~
-u-, face was tense, and I could tell she was off in an-
other world, worrying about the baby or us. I wanted to
make her relax. It seemed like a natural thing to do, so I
started to rub her shoulders. I wasn't asking for anything. I
just wanted to touch my wife and make her feel better. ~
Touch can be very healing. Whether the pain is physi-
cal, psychological, or emotional, human touch has the po-
tential to lessen suffering. Physical touch can also act as an
emotional bridge, a way to cross the distance between two
people and bring them closer together. That's what it did
for Deanna and Marcus.
St ud ies have .hown that th e sleep
panem., we ight gain, and mental
deve lo pme nt of in fan IS are im p roved by early
to uch . Kangaroo Care is a special form of to uc h
designed for premature babi e. , where a naked
p reemie is n estl ed against the bare . k in of in
parent. Thi••pecial form o f touch ther apy faci l-
itates ch ild-parent bonding and . oothes the infant.
l u be jo b 1 19 n.
 "Ir felt good having his hands on me again,n says D eanna.
uWe went into the bedroom, and he gave me a full-body
massage. It was the first time in months that I felt com-
pletely at ease, not just in my own mind bur also in his
presence. The rest of the world didn't exist. It was just us,
louching and talking quiedy. u
- t could feel Deanna's body relaxing. I could even see
her expression softening. The nexl day I stopped at a holis-
lic store and bought some massage oil they recommended
for calming pregnant women, and I started to give her a
massage every night. I knew after the firsl massage that it
was going 10 be our way to reconnect."
Like lovemaking, physical touch can be a powerful way
10 foster affection between two people. Oxytocin, rhe so-
called bonding hormone that is released by the brain dur-
ing sex, is also released during physical touch. A prolonged
sensual massage session between disconnected lovers is
lherefore an ideal way to Rood the body with feelings of af-
fection, intimacy, and love.
uAfter several nighls of Marcus loucching me, I slarled
10 feel drawn 10 him, and drawn to his body again, U ex-
plains Deanna. "It all progressed very naturally. The doser
we got to each other, the furl her away everybody else, in-
duding the other woman, gOI.n
Eventually, the sensual louch turned sexual.
" D ea n n a was lying on her back, and I was touching her
stomach," says l\.hrcus. "She was so sexy, and once in a
while I could feel the baby move against my hand . I'd
never felt so in love with her. She started caressing my
groin, and then stroking. I wasn't expecling it, bur she gave
me a wonderful hand job. T hat was the beginning, and it
n. lub . jo b l
course agam .
. .
wasn't too long after that thaI we started to have Inter-
- t couldn't have intercourse right away, U admits
Deanna. " I wasn'l ready for lhat, bur I wanted to make
him feel as good as he was making me feel. That in itself
was a big turning point in our relalionship. If both of us
had worked at slaying connected in the first place, the af-
fair wouldn't have happened . Touch now keeps us dose
physically and emotionally. We hug a lot more than we
used to, and erolic massage is a big part of our love life.
Now I feel like nobody can get through the wall we've built
around our relationship. n
'Whether you're on the road to relationship repair or
you 're just practicing preventative maintenance, set aside a
night to experience sensual massage with your man. Choose
a nighl lhal you don'r expect any distraclions. To begin,
empty the house. Send lhe kids to Grandma's (oka y, at
least send them to bed) , turn off th e phone and lhe lighls,
and break out the candles. Turn up the thermostat so your
bedroom is toasry. If you have an electric blanket, set it to
low-m ediu m and cover it with a sheet or towels for your
partner 10 lie on. Toss rowels or sheers into the dryer to
warm them up and have a couple of rolled towels ready for
head, neck, and knee support.
If yo u don't have an electric bl anket 10
lie on, dig out thaI old heating pad and
tu ck il under Ih e h edsheels inSlead. It 's an easy
way to bring cozy w armth 10 a m a.s.sage.
l u be jo b 1 19
 For a more romantic a mbience, play some classical m u-
sic. You want to be connecting with yo ur partner, not
singing along with a top-ten pop song. If you wish to incor-
porate pornography into the sensual massage experience--
as we suggested in chapter I S- have a movie or even a
we bs ite ready for viewing in your bedroom . There are
many adult mo vies that fall under the guise of "sensual
massage for couples,n and they're a tarne way to begin . If
you don't want o r aren't ready for the visual aspect , co ver
the televisio n with a towel a nd jus t listen to the sexy sounds
as backgrou nd until your curiosi ty co mpels you to peek.
T he rype of product you use to m assage your partner
depends on the amount of ti me and money you wish to in-
vest in sensual to uch . At the very least, yo u should have a
ligh t ly scented lo t io n (ta nge rine and green tea are two of
our favorites) to use on your man's body and a personallu-
bricant to use on his genitals (th is is a n opportune time to
use that warming lu be ). If the body lotion is unscented,
b urn incense or a scented candle.
To kick thi ngs up a notch and get the most out of th is
erotic encoun ter, stock aromatherapy in your arsenal of
arousal. Because essential oils co me in all scents and fla-
vors, stop by a holistic store and ask for advice if yo u're a
newbie . Staff in these shops are characteristically helpful
and extremely knowledgeable, and you'll find the presence
of scents can ha ve a more powerful impact on mood than
you anticipated . Fo r example , grapefruit is refresh in g ,
while lavender is calming. An essential-oils specialist can
also mix different oils to create one that perfectly suits your
needs and tas tes. Our lo ng ti m e personal favorite is a m -
brosia . D elicio us.
lub . jo b l
An easy option is to purchase a complete massage kit,
again from a lo ve shop or online. If you have the chance,
it 's best to shop in person so you can be nefit fro m a n hon-
est face-to -face recom mendation from the salesperson. A
basic massage kit will include a selection of essential oils
and sometimes a lubricant, but o thers also include sensual
massage videos , fea thers, and massagers and vibrators .
Some eve n boasc altachments to caress your partner inside
and our.
Now that your bedroom is a passion parlor, yo ur bed is
a sexy spa table , and all your accessories are ready for action,
ask yo ur man to have a q uick shower---solo or parmered-
and to brush his teeth before he joins you in the bedroom .
If he has all his personal grooming done before you start, he
can drift off to sleep after the massage is o ver. 'When he's
squeaky clean, ha ve him lie na ked , facedown , o n the
warmed blan ke t or towels. Tuck a pillow o r a thick, rolled
towel underneath his upper body to raise his shoulders off
the bed . T h is will let him res t his head on his forehead and
kee p his head straight , ra ther than cranked to th e side . It'll
also m ake it easier for you to wo rk on his shoulders . You
can also tuck rolled towels under the front of his ankles to
similarly support his feet a nd help him relax his legs.
Remember that yo u're going to perform sensual m as-
sage, not th e ra pe utic massage, so don't become preoccu-
pied with text boo k technique, sequencing, or the strength
o f you r st rokes . If your man has a sore bac k or muscle in-
jury, he needs a certified massage therapist . Otherwise, he
need s his wo m an , and you don't need a certificate to touch
him in an erotically relaxing way. Use your instincts to get
a sense of what he likes. Concentrate on slow, purposeful,
lube jo b 1 19 n.
sensual strokes and use artistic license with the directions
suggested in this chapter. Different men will prefer differ-
ent things, so be sure to communicate during the session.
After all, this lube job is about connecting. Finally, be
aware of your own limits and use your body weight to lean
into your man's body as you stroke rather than rely on your
upper-body mength.
Ready to rub? First, find a position that you're comfort-
able in. This depends on your preference and on your rel-
ative body size. Youcan kneel by his side, maddle his body
panty free so he can feel your nakedness, or kneel by his
head. In any case, you'll likely be changing positions as the
massage progresses. Start by synchronizing your respira-
tion until you and your man are breathing in time. This
may not last long, but it'll slip you into the same groove
and force you to consciously relax. Next, place your finger-
tips on your parmer's scalp and lightly rake them down his
head, neck, and back, continuing down over his buttocks
and legs to his feet. Start at the top again and rake your fin-
gertips down his arms. This first contact simply awakens
his body as a whole, so repeat it as many rimes as you wish.
Stiffen your fingers and rub your parmer's scalp harder
to get his circulation going. Pretend that you're giving him
a power shampoo. Gently scratch his scalp with your fin-
gernails. Now take some of your massage oil and rub it be-
tween your hands to generate warmth. You're not going to
stroke with any pressure yet, you're just going to apply the
oil to his body. Smooth the oil over the top of his shoulders,
all the way down his back, buttocks, and legs, then back up
to his shoulders again. Spread the oil down his arms.
lub. jo b l
With a slow and deliberate motion, begin to knead the
top of your man's shoulders with as much pressure as he
likes or as you're comfortable using. Tell him to close his
eyes, exhale, and consciously focus on relaxing his muscles.
(I sometimes tell Don to visualize a tight ball of string
slowly loosening and then unraveling .) Fan your flattened
hands outward and rub his shoulder blades and upper
back with smaller circular strokes. Use palm strokes and
thumb strokes to relax his shoulders and shoulder blades.
Lean into his body and slide your flattened hands
downward on either side of his spine to his lower back. Be
careful not to apply pressure directly on his spine. W'hen
you reach his buttocks, fan your hands outward to his sides
and pull your hands back up along the sides of his body.
Repeat this pattern---down his back and up along his
sides-as many rimes as you wish.
Starting at the top of his spine , make a peace sign with
your fingers and place the pads of your index and middle
fingers on either side of his spine. Rake your stiff fingers
down his back in this V shape, with a finger pad on each
side of his spine and again being careful to not apply direct
pressure on his backbone. Go all the way down to his but-
tocks. Make smaller circling strokes on his buttocks with
your flattened hands, then use your fingers to knead them.
Be aware of how smoothly your hands are moving over his
skin and use more oil if there's any friction .
Because limbs are usually massaged upward, toward the
heart , don't continue down his thighs. Instead, begin at his
ankles and move upward to his thighs, moking and knead-
ing the back of his legs until you reach his buttocks. Slide
l ube jo b 1 19
'"
both your hands up over hi. buttocks and keep stroking
upward over his back, on either side of hi••pine, finally
reaching his upper back and .houlders. Rather than contin-
uing down his arm., .tart at hi. wri.1S and move upward to
his shoulders with stroking and kneading motion•.
Treat your man to a few more broad .troke. down hi.
back and up along his .ide., perhaps again raking the mu.-
cles on either side of hi. spine with .tifffingers. Becau.e we
hold so much of our stress and ten. ion in our neck and
.houlders, you may want to return to the top of his shoul-
ders and knead them for a while longer as well. Keep re-
minding your man to breathe regularly and to visualize hi.
mu.cle fibers relaxing. (That ball of .tring .hould be com-
ing apart by now.) And, as always, be con.ciou. of how
easily your hand. glide over him . A good lube job is fric-
tion free, so don't be thrifty with the oil.
Finish this facedown ma.sage by applying long, feath-
ery fingertip .troke. from head to toe. He .hould barely be
able to feel these.
If your panner like. a more invigo-
rating ma......ge, add a chop ping motion
(u. ing th e . ide. of your hand.) or a pun.mel-
ing mol ion (using loose fi.ts) 10 loo. en up hi.
back mu scle•. Again, never work di rectly over hi.
•pin e.
'When you're ready for the Aip .ide, ask your partner to
roll over and lie on his back. Place one rolled towel under
lub . jo b l
hi. neck and another under both hi. knee. for support.
Starting at the top of his shoulders, smooth warmed mas-
sage oil down his arms to hi. hands, then down his chest
and abdomen. Spread the oil over his hip. and down hi.
legs to hi. feet. Don't touch hi. groin area yet, even if he
hint. you missed a spot. Sen.ualtouch wiIl.Iip into .exual
soon enough.
Begin by massaging his face. Move up along hi. jaw line
with your fingers to his temples and massage them in a cir-
cular motion. Use your thumb pads to lightly stroke out-
ward over his cheekbone. to hi. temple., then put your
thumbs together between hi. eyes and .weep your thumb.
up and over his forehead. Pinch his eyebrows softly along
their length. Don'. favorite move is the one in which I hold
hi. ears and very gently pull on them. First, I pull outward
on the lobe, and then I hold the top of his ear between my
thumb and fingers and move the entire ear in small circles.
You can also finger-stroke the groove behind the ear. Fol-
low the face massage by rubbing and scratching his scalp.
Drag your fingertip. down the sides of your partner'.
neck and knead the top' of his shoulders. Slide your hand.
down and gently stroke his chest outward to his sides,
moving down hi. rib cage as you go. Now place your
hands on one side of hi. body and pull upward. T his i. eas-
iest if you're kneeling on the bed oppo.ite the side you're
working on, leaning over his body. A. you pull up on hi•
.ide, .it back down on your heels. Finally, place your hand.
on his che.t again and .troke outward to his .houlders with
gentle pressure, using as much oil a. i. necessary.
Now take each of your partner's hands and arms in turn
and massage in an upward direction. Hold his hand in
lube job 1 19
 yours and use your rhumbs ro srroke from his wrist to his
fingertips. The palm of the hand is particularly responsive
to massage, so spend some time stroking and kneading this
spot. Slide your fingers between his so you're in an inter-
locking handhold---this might be a sweet time to give him
a deep kiss on the mouth-and then continue up his arm.
Use a combination of long strokes and a wringing motion
to massage his arms up to his shoulders.
Drag your hands down his chest to his abdomen, and
massage his belly with large circles in a clockwise direction,
using plenty of oil. Run your hands down along his hips.
You're forgiven if you accidentally brush against something
you shouldn't.
To massage the front of his legs, start at the ankles and
use long, well-oiled upward strokes ro his thighs. Again, if
your fingertips were to inadvertently touch his testicles or
perineum, he probably wouldn't request another masseuse.
So practice a little malpractice.
Now apply sexy squeezes to each of his feet in turn. Use
your thumbs to stroke his soles, moving from heel to toes.
PuH each of his toes and then slip your fingers through his
toes so tha t your fingers and his toes are interlocking. Slide
your fingers out, then slip them through again before re-
rurning to stroke his soles with your thumbs. Cradle his foot
in your hand and teH him to relax his ankle as you gentlycir-
cle the joint through its range of motion. Return to rub the
sole again before serring his foot down on the bed.
Finish this face-up massage the same way that you fin-
ished the facedown: by applying long, feathery strokes
along the length of his body and limbs, using just your fin-
gertips .
". lub . jo b l
Okay, it's the moment we've all been waiting for : the
genital massage. The lubrication you use on your partner's
genitals will depend on what you've stocked. Some prod-
ucts are fine for genital use, so you can continue on your
current course; however, if you're at all uncertain, clean
your hands and use a standard personal lubricant. Warm
the lube between your hands and apply it first to your part-
ner's testicles, massaging his scrotum and gently pulling it
away from his body.
Caress your man's perineum, then slide your hand un-
der and over his scrotum, continuing in a single stroke up
along the underside of his shaft. Place your hand or fingers
around the base of his penis and lightly stroke upward on
his shaft. When he's hard, you can adopt a down-and-up
stroke, maybe adding a twist to your wrist when you get to
the head of his penis. (Incidentally, I've found this to be an
ideal point in the massage ro casually mention any large
purchases you may have recently made.) Don't forget his
testicles as you sttoke his shaft---bounce them in one hand
while the other strokes. Putting pressure on his perineum
during stroking also increases pleasure, so push a thumb
against this sensitive spot while your pumping hand moves
up and down his penis.
Delayed gratification is the guiding principle of genital
massage. The more times you can bring your partner close
to orgasm but stop before he actually climaxes, the stronger
his sexual release will ultimately be. Accordingly, the pres-
sure, rhythm, variety, and pace of your strokes depend on
how well you can read your man and how long you want
to make this lube job last . It also depends on how you
want this massage session ro end. D o you want ro bring
l ube jo b 1 19
him to orgasm with a hand job, or do you want to give
him the full-body treatment and proceed to intercourse? If
you choose to finish with a hand job, instruct yo ur man to
maintai n a deep and regular breathing pattern during his
orgasm to increase its intensity and immerse himselfin the
wave of pleasure.
If you decide to complete his experience with sexual inter-
course, straddle his body (facing his head or his feet) in the
woman-on-top position, and l""'er yourself onto him . Tell
him to relax, breathe through it, and lose himself in the feel-
ings as you do all the work. It's all part of the sensual mas-
sage package, and yo u're a very comprehensive masseuse .
After your session is over, spend some rime lying qui-
etly next to your partner. If he wants to drift off to sleep,
let him . There are few states of mind and body as perfectly
blissful as that following a sensual massage, so let yo ur man
soak in the serenity.
Addi ng sensual massage to your love life has great po-
tential to strengthen the intimate con nection between you
and your man. It also offers opportunities for ongoi ng va-
riety. There are countless m assage oils and lubricants you
can use in yo ur sessions to keep them as fresh as they are
familiar. Another way to ad d some thi ng new to the experi-
ence is to incorporate hot-stone therapy into sensual mas-
sage . 'Wh ile this ancient healing therapy has recently
enj oyed a revival in spas ac ross th e world, it's an easy and
exquisite way to bring a new di mension to your intimate
massage sessions at home, too.
Hot-stone therapy is the process of placing heated
stones on specific places on the body, either directly on the
skin or on a clot h . Fo r example, stones of varying sizes may
lub . jo b l
be placed on the back, on the limbs , on the face, in the
palms of the hands, and between the toes . As t he heat from
the stone penetrates the body, muscle knot s and tension
are d issolved. But stone therapy has more than a physical
effect, as the heat and presence of the stones ca n lull a per-
son into a deep sta te of emotional tranquillity and peace.
The practice therefore creates an ideal sta te of body and
mind in which to co nnect physically and emotionally with
your man .
Like sensual-massage kits, complete hot-stone-therapy
massage kits are also available. Some come with just the
basics (a number of smooth basalt stones); others may in-
clude a warmer and to ngs for the stones, essential oils, and
either an instructional book or video that will show you
exactly where the stones are to be placed on the body. Or,
you may wish to visi t a rock and gem specialty store and
choose your own stones individually. Considering the
popularity of hot-stone therapy, the staff are likely well
versed in t he practice and will be able to advise you which
stones to selecr .
Although you should be able to buy a decem starrer set
of stones (whether in a kit or individually) for the price of
a nigh t out for two , don't be too frugal with your purchase.
Stones of lesser quality, such as those in cluded in inexpen-
sive kits , ca nnot hold heat nearly as well as better-quali ty
stones. Take our word for it, these gems are worth the in-
vestm ent . If diamonds are a girl's bes t friend, hot stones are
her lover's.
As we've seen in this chap ter, sensual touch is a power-
ful tool. N ot only ca n it bridge the emotional, physical,
and sexual distance between two lovers, it can also help
l ube jo b 1 19
 heal a broken relationship. Bur perhaps most important,
sensual massage can help a couple maintain rhe strength of
their loving connection to prevent a breakdown from hap.
pening in the first place.
We certainly don't mean ro oversimplify intimate emo-
tional and physical issues, whether the problem is infi-
delity, arguments over pornography, or something else
altogether, bur the fact remains, it is far better ro prevent
this type of relationship damage than it is to repair it. And
sensual massage may be one way to bring and keep you ~ 1=
dose as a couple. Remember, an ounce of prevention is tpaJd, ETiIJe
worth a pound of cure. Take the time to dear the snow
tl ~
from the wipers before you turn them on. Take the time to
stay connected to your partner before your precious bond
is compromised. Maintenance
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create and customize your own coupon book by induding
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If it so happens that your man wants to cash in a
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honor at that particular moment, don't panic. Instead, of-
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exchange: maybe a slow blow job as he walChe. hi, favorite
television show for that 6bor-intensive precoital massage
or a quickie hand job in the car for that doggy-style romp
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II Rcknowledgments

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------------------------------;
, lI-hny thanks go out to Susan Raihofer, literary agent ex-
traordinaire with the David Black Agency in New York.
r ;-------------------------- Yo ur advice, efforts, and sense of humor have been invalu-

-
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II II
,
------------------------------,• T hanks also to Sara Carder and Kathryn Kimball at

,,----------------------------- Tarcher/Penguin USA for their support and exceptio nal

editorial direction.
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p.nti« ...d . 1, 0
"",ight vib,,,,,,, 1.J7
,ib,,'ing pon i, , in g. 120
w kk . ' ox ...d. 37
w mm um c""",
. bo ut in«emi ti« . 1, ~
. bo ut p<>," ''W. p hy. 210--14
. bo ut ocxu J J i...,i,f"",ion. 111+--10
.phrodi<.i" di n n« com ..",tio n .
7 'f-- ~0
",up l, _'i m< co n" ,.."ion . ~
<roti, , _m.il n "" " ~ ,,. 4 7 -4 ~ .
0<)-, 4
ILtte-<". 27- 29. H 00--<>2. 7{)-7 1.
"
imight !>,ined by. 117
m.n --di«ct<d h,n d job. 41-42
~u io nn,i", lO«oupl... 11{)-l1
~u io nn,i", 10, "un. 114- 17
qu io nn,i", 1O"", m.n . 112- \ 4
",..din<<< '0 " Ik. %
",J..t io m h'p-bui IJ ing voc.bul"y. 1,7
Ju, ing " ,..42- 4.1
w mp l, int<. 9'l
w mp l imon~ .nd fl" te-< j'. 27-29. H
1>0-62. 71)-7 1. N
". Inde.
co m pu""
< n~" m.... ~ ... 4 7 -4 ~ . '>(H4
o nlin< p urr h", of ""',.1 4'
co ndn m,. n = h 121-22
co n'n~. nun " " ".'" o f. 56. 73.
1,1-52
coro "". d d ;n iti,,,, of. 2 ~
coup!< tim <
« ",,,,,,tio n . ~
imp<,,' m « o f ,-=,'doy m om <nt<. 4
n ow ,h,=I "" ti,';,i". ~9
, h,,,,J ,1><>= . 0
, h,,,,J ,h",,=,. s- 13
.~ .,), o w m m u nic" i,,,,
d "l". J i n~ ",xu..l " t<. 2'>---20. 30
d"LyoJ ~ ,"i f"ot i o n . 91-92. 2.1 ,
d", i", . Jo.. of..~ lib i<!tx J rop in
di ld,~ . 121
dirtin...
b.,j_~i d f" " ,,-. in 'i "u J.tion o n
wonu n '. body. 2 b-2~. 30
CO< ",x. 9 1
< n ~ic ....uuil m..... g« . 47- 4 ~ .
,0--5 ~
ind<<<ney .. boo.t '0
libidn . 37
dom in"ion.13 '>---.1"
d"",m~ fo. ",. , S" l in ~e-< i <
d,i",,_in « x. 2< ..... ~
edibl" «<". 10, ocx too1l><,..
122
"!<!< ,"".,, ~ e-< I""uo k _con trol bu ll"
, ';b,"",) .149---51
"j""ul"". ,,," "'~ ,7
"j""ul"ion on wonu n '. body
b.,j _~ i " d , m on' of. 2b-27
m.m p i< , hot. 27
"d"l',.dmg ,cc 2 ' -21>. .1()
money ,ho'. 2 4-2,
p<~i ' i on, md lon,io,", 10,. 2 4.
N-30
, i", ul" i,,,, of. 30
"vi,".1" i", ul " i,,,, . 2 4. 21>.
~ wi, h «m"'<--con ' rol b ull<t ,i[,."to,.
,,_m.iL <ro,i , . 47-4>(. ,O--';~
,mo ,io",1" ..U_b<in g
fulf,lIm <n' of n<ed ,. 1,9
I><~ _"on< th m P"l. 23 7
phy<i,,1 <>om",. '>I
phy<i,,1 to u<h. 22 , -2"
",,,,,I,, ,,, x , .11-3 2
.~ aI,., " "''' ",Iiof
,rot",
. udi,,,,,'. 1"7
Mmy I IiU (Cld. ndl . 1",
" ,o.,<ploy. 1103. 1....
M u, ic StOO'< "' '''y. 177-~1
",,,,f>c, ion , 11>4
""u< p<"n"l" "' O;" 1" .1
", .dm ~ . Ioud . 1l>4---<> ,
wi,h ",n, u,1 m . ", ~<. I....
.<;,1-1 of I ~ ~,, ",J_ . n.- (Amino) .
'"
T",in " my. 1 ~ 1 -~ ,
T, uc k , to p ,to'y. 1"7-7"
fo, u'" in b" h. 10 1
.~ al", po mo~" p hy
,rotic m " ,,~, . S.... ",m uJ m " ,,~,
" hi!>i,i,,,, ..'i...- vi,u.1" i", ul " i, ,,,
" hi!>i,i,,,,i,m. c u ",x . n d. 92
f"", . , j"ul"ion on. 30
Nn")' 11"1 (C1<J..nJ) . I",
f. n,,, i,,. m,n'
b<i n~ w", h ed J mi n ~ ",x , 92
m ' ox . 37. 90
<j" ul" i,,,, o n wo m.n ' f,,<.
so
fotigu ' .I,. 17. 21
f<ll"io
in b" h, u1>. 101 - 3
wi, h b lindfo ld mJ vib,,,OO'. 1_.17
in c u . 90-9 2
<_m,il invi",i,,,, fo.. , 4-\7
OJ'' co n" " du ,i ng. , ~
m.n _, 1x"." po<ition. 72-74
n ibblin g , nJ . 73
wi,h I"ni, , in g. 119
wi, h p< >mo ~" phy. 123
'"
" " " of <j" ul"<. '7
un de-<_th ,,_tobk 7b-77. l«Hl2
f<mi ni n i'y. uuin'on.nco ",', 131
f,m"", ",. 10, im p"""m on' of. 31>
fl" ' ' 'j' .... com pli m on... 43 . l>(I--<,2.
7{)-7 1. N
flit<in g. in k ", ~ _ '",m ",L tio m hil' >17
~
. p brod i, i. c m"nu , 7>1-79
"'>cod<", 79
<J ibl" '''' .~ 10, ",x 'oolbm . 122
on l"n i•. ~ 1
IO"'PI..,.
. uJ ito')" , ru tic•. l 07
d d.,d ~,"if,,"ion , 9 1- 92. 2.J,
n"""lty co"'",m. 122
p< >mo ~" phy. 21 \ - 10
vi.i"o ",x .h"l' 14 i
vi.i"o " "p d ub. 127-3<)
'''Y''m i, ,," 13<'
w,itt<n ,rotic•. 10.1. 1""
IT<nul um , dofm ition of. ~
h . ndjobo
..dv.n"~«. 40·-41
w i, h b li"'fold , nd ,ib",o,. Lib
in ",. _39
mm_J i,,<ted. 41-42
money ,h o'. 2 ~ -29
mo," in ~ j u",p "' ;t. 1>1-22
wi,h p "n i, , in g. 119
wi,h pom "",.ph". 123
du , ing « n," J m. ...g' . 23'>---.10
in . h",,= , 12- 13
un de-< " bk 7 ~
h<ol,h. 1"",,1 of d",i", ..... q ~
hoHton< ,hmp". 2 3b---37
ho'_",,, n nJl«. 1.J9
in f,dd i'y
p<>mo ~" phy " ch<" ing. 210--14
...,ip d ub. " ch,"ing. 129
wo "'pl"" .ff. i" . ~ ". 21'f--2 ,
ini,i"ion of <ox. 41
IndeN
," '«cou " o
in w. 20"- ~
p<n i, ,i ng. 120
pmi'iom. 19 2. 1 95 -2< ~ I . 220
,omott-<ontrul bul let ..ib , ,,,,,. 1;1
IOliowing "mu,1 m.", ~, . 2.10
"" pillow,. 2<'1
" " if<h t ..ib " , ,,,, 137
in' « <" in ,ex. 1000 01 ,~ li bido.
drop in
K",, ,I o«IT;""" . ,1
k itch , n . f,lI " io in , 77 -~2
libido . dro p in
di' b", ,,,i, 01 "xu .d probl, m,.
'"'
h"l,h. 1....,1 01 d"i", md , 01'
du , ing n"n0l"u«. 21J.!.-'
"" u.1 bo «Jo m. ~ 3- ~ "
from " n,,,. %----')7
,u'picio n. ,u,mu nding. 9,
wom ",·, ,en,",",ty conc er omg-
~%
linge , i,
.<c"~ ,, iut i o n ot~ 134
h" . • n d- f"n ty « to. 132
", l<c,io n of. 131- 33
"",ki n!" " blin dfo lolo 0.-
13,
10, ,~ " m il' clu b ,i,i,. 129--30
u" of. 133-34
li« ,..,. wo ,",
F",my lIiIlICl ol.nd). 1",
_o;"WofW1wmI",", lI" I" ,«ino) .
m u",tutb",ion , 121
10<. 1«. < n~ic
hcJruom.93
w . 37. .1' , _92.
2(><>---9
clooct 0' ,nd "",d nook. 14 1
kitc hon , 77-~ 2
o u"ide bo, ot hotol. 130
......u"n'.7t>-77
"" ,hop. 14 <;--4<,
,h",,~,. 9--13
m il' club. 127- 3<'
Inde.
k ",~",i,,·. « x . nd . 34 nil'p lo cL m!". 12<>-21 qu ee n hot, ",,,, dru m,. 1, 4- 19
k ",~ _ «,m ",L tio mhipo n"",I,,·. ,~ 10<.1«. om,i" '0''' 'f"" ii, ~u " ' i on n , i ,,, 10, ...... m en ' of
cot.<x '0 ,...kindl, ""'cOon. 90-9 2
h on e« <xp<=ion of di,,,, i,f,,,,tion .
"'" ~ , ... ", I"ion,h ip
,0-, co u plo. 110--11
109-10 h on « ty in , n,w"ing . 109---10
intt, ,,,L tio m h ip b o,,-,-c<n I"", , nd in,i f<h ' f"in <d. 117
",x. 19 2-93 P« ' p""'"'<. • "i",<1<, md. ,o-, m . n . 1H - 17
'0 k« p "'nom ic. >l9 .~, ,0-, wouu n . 112- 14
I"" 01' 'I""'tonei'y. 2(J.J pen i,. p"i« of. 7 1
pl..,.fuln", in . ~ 7 pen i, l'u ",1' 12.1 ",m ott_control bu llet vib,,,o, . 149--,1
q u« tionn. i", fo, coupk l HH 1 pen i, , in g. 1 1~ -2< 1 I' ,n' i« . nd . 1, 0
q u« tionn. i", h uu n , 114- 17 pen i,,1, ....,. HO'--44 ......u "n'. ,011.tio in , 7fr- 77
q u« tionn. i", h wom.n. 11 2-14 p«in oum. det, ni,ion 01. 19 ....."m'" 13,. 137-.19
",",o ll<etiom of h on oymo on I' h.« . phy, ic..d o""",i«. • m "",d . nd . , 1 m u nn «
~, phy, ic..dh"l,h knet,to of <e x . 32. 34. Lck of cou plo ,imo. 4---t>
«xu.1b o ", do m. ~ .H" 36.37.39 1m , of 'P"""noity. s. 203
wmlrob< n"ke",,,,,. ,7- ~ 9
k~ion. '0
,i mu l"o oj"" uL to. ., 0
phy, ic..d'o u ch. S" ",n, u .d nu"'g'
p i ll ",,~ 10, ",x. 20 1 ,.douuoochi,m.13'>---39
L""" Ii<t. 1'Il1---'J1 . 19 .1 pl,,« . ,<;", 10<..1«. < n~ic _o;"ho,,/ of W1wmI"," , 11.. I"«tin o ). 2 1,
lub,i" nto pol< d,nci ng. 1 2~ ,...j uet io n with lin g«i<. 13 1-.l--1
h . n .d p l. ~ 12 , pm"''!<''l'h, · ",,,,u.1 m...... go
fl ....'m!. ~ 1 in .n'i ~ uity. "9 h eolin g 1""'= of to uc h . 22,
oi l_bo«J. 121 CO< « x md. 20. ,- , h ot-tt<m, th..,.py. 2.Jfr- 37
, ilicono_b",'d. 13. 12 2 choic« of. 2<09 I'0mog"phy ot < n~ico .nd. I"".
, h n_,en,i'ivity '0. 124 c",.m I' io ,ho'. 27 214- 1,
w"m", ~ l u b , i " n ~ . 19--2(1 & .oOom 'o-" with . 2< l ~-14 I' ''l'',''i,m fo.-. 227 - 29
w,,« · b ....d.ll ' om,i" """"'. 163 " connec ti,m th rouf<h. 22fr- 27.
" f"" pl')'. 21 I - I " 237- 3>1
..... "in~. uu""in«. '~ I'''''''W'l'hy money ,hot. 2 4-2" tec h niq uo. 229--.' "
uu k""",., with 0,,1",x o.- Iund j o!>. 123 Sox Ii". 192. 194-9';
l><droo m. 93 with ",n, u,1 m".. ~<. 2 14-1 , . "" ,hop'. 14';--4>l
m.mttn,ne< ",x ",,,,,m,. _ l zzs "" "'0k S.... ''''''
wm lrob<. ~ 7 ->l9 in ",x tooJho x. 122-23 "" u.1 fl"" ,,". 27-29. 43. f>()--<,1.
uu nu .d ,ti m ul"ion . ,~ h , nd job. ,~ aI,., om,i" lU-71. N
m..... ge.,~ , en,u.1 m.....ge p"'itio n, 10, in' « cou" o. 192. "" u.1 in' « cou" o. ,~ in « ITou""
19'>---201 .ll\1 ,h""~,,. >h• ....J. >l-- B
n" ",>p' u«. 20.l-, pow " . nun ', ",n« of..i". 73 . ,1<'<1' q u , lity. ",x . n d. 1 ~
m,nu of .p hrudi,i ,,~ 7 ~ -79 1'> 1-52 S"·M. ,~ ...do n",ochi,m
m i, m " in hcJruom. 194 POW" " ,uW «. 1, 4- 19 'P"""noity. 202 - 3
n ~ m "i oh<~. S.... , j""uL tio n on p" i« md fl.tlety. 27-29. H. f>()--<, 2. "oek in!,>" hlind foldo '" ""',,m~. 13i
wonu n·. body 70--7 1.74 " o , i«- erotic. ,~ "utic>
mood . ,~ om otion.1 ,,~II_being p"l"',nCJ' ""I'_on dildo.. 12 1
M",ic ' '''''' ero tic "0')'. 177-1H .b<tin,nce. 219--21 """ . lib ido . n d. %-99
",tt;cou "" p""tHm. 2 20 ",," ",li, f
n' AA'ng. '19 ,en,u .d m....ge. 226 b" h,. 97 _
n . u ~ h ' i n " , . _0;",di " in... pub lic p l. ",. ,~ Io< .d« . < n~ic b" h_, im o hlow job.. l(~I--103
Inde ..
'"
 .."" , d id (""',.)
Ip"'m ...J". 103
f""' ;to "riv;ri... . 99
H . pp in, ,, H . nd Job. 3<>--37
",!-",1" .<>.3 1-32
m,..-bu" ing m u tin .... 16
.., ip d ub.. 127-30
.., ipt<...., bd" ", ,h"wo" 10
. u bm ;";,,n , 13,-39
" lk , . .... mmmm ;c";o n
" , ,, o f oj" ul",. ' 7
th . nk _y" u conk 1, 9
tot..! bod>, contoet. 10
'. .'0 .1 b<.d,. 12,
. nc;on' u", of. 1 4 ~
co ndom, . 121- 2 2
d;ldO<, 121
ediblo , ,,,.t< . 122
ho , _,.,.," conJl«. 139
lu b,i " n" f",. 11 ~ . 12 1
n, ,.,. in",nt;o n, . 146
n ippl, d.m p<. 121)-21 .
no vd ty '"of. 1 4~
I"n " pu m p' . 12.1
I"n '" i n l". I I ~ -20
I"n " d" ..... 140---4\
purrh"" o f. 14 4---4 ,
,omo" --contrul l.,,net ..ib , " m .
149---51
p.nt;« m d . 1;'()
,h o pp ing f",. 1 4 <;- 4 ~
""ight ..ib ,,' m , . 135----39
' oolb"" f",. 117-1 " 126
T,,;n om,i , ""'y. 1 ~ I -W;
Truck Stop em, i, ""'y. Ih 7-76
und«_th,_..blo fdl . rio . 71>-71 .
!It )-~ 2
262 Inde.
v_gin"! dry n.... 49
w ;«y. ,..... 10<. 1<-.. ,ruDC; 00)" 'f"C"p,
"'""",,
vib,,,,,,,
. n"! p i..,.. 13 7
blindt" lded <ex. 13 <;-39
foll,,;o. 131>-37. 1, 1
h .nd job.. I lb
;n" rro u " o. 1.17. 151
m.n' l o~ p",irio",. I lb About the Authors
m.n' , en", of control. 1, 2
mppl, d .",p<. 121
p,ni, ,;n",. 11>1-20
p,ni, ,1« =. 140
",n ~~<-<ontro l bu llet vib" t"".
14'>-\ I
p.>nti" _n d. 1 \<)
vide<>. , ...... po m",," phy
vi," .1 """i"ion
h ei,," " n in ~ or "'n.... 135----39
<ex ;n d " l d """ . 14 1---44 Maintenance ,ex >ave<! Don
vi," .1 .n m ul. ri"" and Debra Macleod's mar-
d i1Joo . 12 1
oj" ul. rion o n wo m.n' body. 2 4. riage, and LUM Job> i, inspire<!
2h . Z9
linW';,. 13 1- 3 4
by lheir journey back to amo-
rous intimacy after the sexual
m ;",,,, ;n b ed mom. 194
mppl, d.",p<. 12')-2 1 , talemate that folJowe<! the pre-
n "",lty co ndo m,. 121- 2 2
p ,,'no" 'ru u,,1. 12 \ . 14'>-,1 mature birth of their ,on. They
p' "n""''I' h;-. 122- 23 are also the aUlho" of TIv
;n .bow " . I ()- 13
" , i pd u b. 12 ~- 30 Frmch Maid, which ha, been
voreuncu fealure<! in USA Totky, in the
.. p.t< o f ,h,oeduc rion proce ss. 13"
p' "n""''I' h;- 2 12 Style section of Thr Nrw York Timr>, and on lhe "Borders Recom-
w n~en , m~ n 1M mend>" li'l , Th e Macleods live in Albena, Canada.
"",bo;to 'ourr .... , 4
""m kp l.« . If. ;" . "". 21'>-2,
,.,.,itt, n ero ri". ,..... ero ti"