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WHY I DON’T WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN
by Simona | Dec 29, 2019 | 19 comments

Never in my life did I ever want to have children. Not everyone wants to have
children, and unfortunately some women feel pressured to have them when in
truth they don’t want this responsibility.

I remember when I was reading the book by Elizabeth Gilbert ( Eat, Pray, Love).
She said that before sleep or in the morning (I don’t remember) she would be so
stressed because she was thinking that maybe she got pregnant this time. I
understand that.

Some women, when they see children, they start touching them, they think
they’re so cute, and they become completely different in front of children. For
me, when I see children, they’re like other beings. I don’t get soft or talk in a
motherly way to them.

The thought that a child is growing in my stomach just doesn’t feel right. In fact,
such a thought disturbs me. I would never, ever want to experience something
moving or growing in my stomach. Yet for some women the thought that a child
is growing in their stomach makes them blissed out.

Even my palm shows that I’m not supposed to have children. If on a woman’s
hand the first rascette is bent upwards, it shows the weakness of internal organs
and the possibility of dying during childbirth. The more raised the first rascette
is, the bigger the risk.
 Raised first rascette in a woman’s hand shows difficulty in childbirth.

So actually for me it would even be dangerous to have children, and I see many
women who are not supposed to have them because of their body structure and
the fact that work is their life. But because they aren’t awakened yet, the trends
of the culture have complete control over them.

For me, work is my child. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel incomplete without
children (I know some women do). I provide value through my work and services,
and the gratitude that I feel and receive makes me feel complete. I don’t know if
emptiness would come if I wouldn’t provide service, but I can’t see myself
stopping work because I love it so much.

Listen to “Why I Don’t Want to Have Children | Simona Rich” on Spreaker.

So my articles, videos, books and services are my children. I give birth to them
and I know that they make a positive difference. This keeps me at peace with
myself and the world, and there’s no need to create a physical being.

I believe that many women have children for wrong reasons. For example, I
know a lady in London who had a child because she felt lonely. Is that a reason to
have a child? That’s such a selfish reason.

In India the societal pressure to have a child is much bigger than in the West.
When the woman marries, questions start pouring forth from all sides about
when she’s getting pregnant. And after childbirth she is expected to change the
shape – to become overweight.

If she doesn’t, people start questioning why she’s still thin! It’s very, very
strange, but married women in India are expected to gain and keep weight. Of
course, the very rich of India don’t follow this trend as they look up to the West,
but the vast majority of people in India do.

My dance teacher in Ernakulam kept her beautiful figure after childbirth and
received a lot of slander for that. I know it may be hard to believe for
westerners, but this is really happening in India.

In the West there’s also pressure to have children, and also it’s important to
understand that the body itself may at some point start pressuring to reproduce
itself when it feels its energies declining and the old age approaching. But the
body is not you and you can decide, if you’re detached from it, whether to agree
with the body in having children or not.

I know the bodies have their own intelligence and they want to live through their
children. But I’m not this body and I don’t want to go through the trials of
childbirth and child-raising just because of the biological urge. But this urge in
some women is so overwhelming that it makes them believe it’s their own desire .
Thus, Plato’s advice: “Know thyself”.

My mother wants to see me and my brother’s children, so maybe my brother will

eventually have them, giving my mother some relief. I have such a lovely mother
who doesn’t pressure me to do anything against her will, but I know she really
wants grandchildren.

Many women don’t think of the consequences of having children. They have a
wonderful imaginary picture of what it would be like to become a mother but
they are not willing to look at the reality of it.

The child basically feeds off you until you stop breastfeeding, and you get many
years of your youth lost. Not to talk about body changes that may take place
when another being is growing in you, such as your feet getting one or two sizes
larger, coarse hair starting to grow on legs, hair fall and so many other ones
which you can hear about in this video:

Then your woes are not over. You have to invest around 18 years of your life to
make the child independent. You have to spend a lot of money for the child’s
needs. And it’s a lottery about who that child eventually will grow up to be – he
or she can indeed grow up into a caring and healthy adult, but that’s never
guaranteed.

So having children is painful, expensive and it’s a lottery when it comes to who
they will become and how they will be health-wise. I find this to be a too risky
investment.

Also, many aspiring mothers don’t research enough about childbirth and the fact
that 1 in 3 women are traumatized when giving birth. (In the video I say it’s 1 in
4 women but that was from another research; anyway the number of
traumatized-by-birth women is really high).

Listening to the experiences of women who experienced giving-birth-trauma is

worse than horror movies (just YouTube “Traumatic child birth experience”).
Unfortunately many women do not choose to speak about it, maybe because of
shame as many intimate details would have to be revealed; but this causes
general ignorance about this very real threat.

When deciding on such a huge commitment, probably the biggest one in your
life, it’s crucial to make sure you understand all the aspects of it. This should be
prepared for more than any other life investment such as buying property. Yet
most women blissfully jump into motherhood prepared with imagination and
hopes rather than information.
Many women after giving birth do not feel any love or attachment to the new
being. Some women actually end up wanting to harm the baby that wouldn’t stop
crying. Some don’t realize how much time, effort and sleepless nights they would
have to endure for years.

What’s also something that needs to be thought of is if you would be able to raise
the child as a single mother. Because there are so many single mothers now, it’s
important to not allow your hopes to overshadow the reality.

I have a friend who always wanted to be a mother. Yet the guy she had the child
with within months of her giving birth faded away from her life. And now she’s a
single miserable mother.

She started quickly aging because of so much pressure of having to raise a child
on her own. The child turned out to be highly energetic, requiring all her
attention.

Her days of posting hopeful and happy quotes on Facebook are over. Now she
gets confused reactions as she posts ironical remarks about men and messages
smelling of hate and unhappiness.

Also, many parents do not get prepared for raising children in a healthy way. It’s
such a huge responsibility. Boys who don’t receive enough love from their
mothers may become regular clients of prostitutes. Women having bad fathers
will probably end up marrying bad husbands.

Children who experience violence and other trauma at home grow up to become
dysfunctional adults harming many people. So parents have such a huge
responsibility to research how to bring up healthy individuals. They have to be
excellent as a couple too, so that the child is not harmed by hatred between
parents or their constant fights.

I got much better with children with age but I remember in the past I would get
so uncomfortable when they would approach me as I really didn’t know how to
react to them.

I’m not one of those women who can do baby talk and act with them in a cute
way. I just don’t have it in me. If I have to speak to really small children I just
speak to them pretty much as to adults. I can’t do the mother role.

I believe that if the society awakens and people learn to think long-term, there
will be much fewer parents in this world. I see that both men and women jump
into their imagined reality of blissfully raising kids and then being faced with the
harsh facts of parenthood.

And even thinking about the kind of world we are living in, would I really want to
bring forth a child in such a place? The answer is definitely no. Most people are
hugely undeveloped, thus it’s likely the the child would be traumatized by the
behavior of some irresponsible individuals very early.

FINALLY…

So these are my thoughts on having children. My opinion about having children

hasn’t changed since teenage years, though people would always tell me that my
opinion would change with age.

I believe that if more women would detach from societal expectations and think
long and hard about what they really want to do with their lives, fewer of them
would choose to become mothers.

Yes, there will still be many women who desire children, but with more
awareness those who are not supposed to have children would not proceed with
this and save themselves from torturous years of raising them and children
growing up unloved and unhappy.

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19 COMMENTS
BeijaFlot on December 29, 2019 at 11:49 pm

Respect you views; however, I reckon you’ll be a caring, developing, good,

innovative mother! Moreover, having cute cute cute babies/children … the
more the BETTER…
Reply

Michelle on December 30, 2019 at 12:14 am

Nice point I was thinking about having but the timing has changed it’s
different now children growing different and parents are to be blamed for
what’s happening I’m disgusted my couisn son pointing a plastic water gun
at me and I’m like don’t ever do that point it at your parents same with my
sister kid pointed a nerf gun at me if I didn’t give him what he ask for
which was a toy in my hand he would shoot me I cursed that out like a big
man his mom had nothing to say not the dad they find I should take that as
a joke so I see your point
Reply

Simona on December 30, 2019 at 12:18 am

Terrible indeed, Michelle. These children will grow up into self-entitled
disrespectful individuals.
Reply

Ashley on December 30, 2019 at 8:40 am

I grew up watching my mom be a single mother and then I became a single
mother. It’s easy to do what you know best when you are not sure of your
direction in life but now I am trying to raise adults who make active
choices for their lives rather than passive choices. My daughter’s already
decided not to have children too, they just want to work. That is a good
thing!
Reply

Simona on December 30, 2019 at 4:55 pm

Thank you for sharing, Ashley.

Reply

Hansa on December 30, 2019 at 11:25 am

Just on a lighter note Simona, how would you have come in this world to
experience this beautiful life, if your mother had the same views as yours of
not having the children? Shouldn’t you be thankful to your mother to bring
to this world to have the opportunity to grow spiritually? It’s said in Hindu
Dharma that there’s no growth in nonphysical realms that’s why even
God’s/angels/ avatars yearn for human incarnation to attain the ultimate
perfection. I thought by now you would be knowing that every human being
has a divine purpose to be born in this world. Isn’t it?
Reply

Simona on December 30, 2019 at 4:41 pm

My mother wanted to have children but I don’t. I don’t think this world
is so beautiful but it’s definitely a school.
Reply

Emily on January 4, 2020 at 9:18 am

It’s very difficult to raise children because it’s really an investment.
Many times women are stretched to the limit. I “GET” all of your
reasoning and you can actually age and find some tidbit of parental
softness to you and be useful to all the children who are ALREADY here!
I don’t know where some women come up with the “more the better”
stuff because you know what? There’s already too many people who
think that and those kids need us. Trust me, blood is not an indicator of
caregiving.
Reply

Simona on January 4, 2020 at 2:31 pm

Thank you, Emily, and yes, I’m noticing that I’m becoming more
natural towards children whilst in the past I really was at a loss of
how to communicate with them.
Reply

Carla on December 30, 2019 at 12:21 pm

I always thought that way and I never wanted to have children because of
that. However after my sister had her son and now that my brother is going
to be a fathr I have changed some perspectives. It’s not that I now want
children but I feel less alienated when I’m around them and I have found
they actually like me, just like pets. I think that if somebody happens to be
born through me it’s because it had to be that way, and I would give my
best to raise a mature person. Through my nephew I noticed many things
that helped me understand myself in my early years and how character is
shaped according to early experiences.
If you look closely, they actually teach you a lot and it’s not as draining.
Also, pregnancy doesn’t have to be teaumatizing, many women don’t take
enough care of themselves before and during the pregnancy and that’s why
the body reacts so badly. Some others do and are just easily affected by
hormones. Anyway, it’s perfectly fine if you don’t feel like having a child. I
think the worst is when a baby is not wanted or when it’s had for selfish
reasons.
Kind regards.
Reply

Simona on December 30, 2019 at 4:55 pm

Yes, it’s true that children can teach you a lot.

Reply
 Hansa on December 30, 2019 at 2:47 pm

Further not all single mothers are miserable and not all bad fathers
produce bad children. See for example yourself. From your writings, I
gather that your mother raised you and your brother as single mother and
your father was not a good father but you and your work has been
inspiration to many. So your decision and reasons of not having children
could be personal but not the ones you have generalised for others.
Thanks
Reply

Simona on December 30, 2019 at 4:39 pm

Where did I say all turn out this way?

Reply

Suzanne on December 31, 2019 at 4:32 am

Hi Simona, I feel the same way! I think a lot of women are not interested in
having kids nowadays. I dont see the appeal. There are so many other
possibilities in life.
Its interesting to see that some people commenting are triggered by your
post. Most people seem stuck in their way of thinking and cant imagine
that other people have different view points than their own
Reply

Simona on December 31, 2019 at 4:04 pm

Yes, some people are indeed triggered. They should then become
mindful to understand why. Thank you, Suzanne.
Reply

Igy on January 1, 2020 at 11:09 am

Hi Simona, just wondering is karma working? I believe a person with

no/less karma wouldn’t have children… While a person that have a lot of
karmic debt might have to repay them through their children in their
current life…. Thus hindering their journey to enlightenment… what’s your
thoughts?
Reply

Simona on January 2, 2020 at 8:09 pm

I think in a similar way, that when you are finishing “business” with this
world, you tend not to leave in this world something that would bind you
to it, like children.
Reply

Rs on January 3, 2020 at 10:51 am

!!So spot on Simona!!

Reply

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