SFXRATEDMisc
Commander Shepard of the
spaceship Normandy.
VIDEOGAME
MASS EFFECT
First part of universe-spanning space opera trilogy
Xbox 360 • Microsoft • £39.99 • 23 November
HOW TO CLASSIFY A GAME AS BIG
as this? Mass Effect is Halo 3: the
roleplaying game. Mass Effect is Gears
of War with a plot. Mass Effect is a
space opera along the “purple alien
mezzo-soprano with the keys to the
universe buried in her gut” lines. It’s the
cheesy science fiction game, right
down to Chesley Bonestell vistas,
anthropomorphised aliens with
AUDIO CD
DIRK GENTLY’S HOLISTIC
DETECTIVE AGENCY
Douglas Adams’s other creation brought to life
BBC Audiobooks • 220 mins • £15.99 • OUT NOW!
STARRING: Harry Enfield, Billy Boyd, Andrew Sachs
HAVING USED UP EVERY LAST PIECE
of source material for Hitchhiker’s radio
adaptations, Radio 4 has turned its
attention to Douglas Adams’s other
major creation. No, not the Meaning of
Liff (though that’d make a great round
on I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue). We’re
talking Dirk Gently, the holistic
detective of Transylvanian extraction.
Adapting the Gently books was
always going to be a challenge, as most
of the humour comes from Adams’s
prose flights of fancy – and there’s no
120 SFX MAGAZINE Christmas 2007
SFX164.misc 120
personality issues, and the swelling
sounds of ’70s synths.
Moreover, once you’re past the linear
opening levels, this is Star Trek. You’re
Commander Shepard, captain of a
ship that can go anywhere in the galaxy
and land on any habitable planet, and
which has a remit to deal with any
problem. The only difference is that
your mission is to save the universe, not
just bring peace and harmony to every
corner of it (though you can do that
along the way).
handy device like the Book to frame
them. But Dirk Maggs makes some
brave choices in adapting the first
Gently novel, and the results feel
authentically Adams-esque – which can
be a double-edged sword.
So, it’s an endearingly rambling tale
about time travel, murder and cats that’s
rarely laugh-out-loud funny, but always
amusing. A lot of liberties have been
taken with the plot – sensible ones in
terms of dramatisation – and the cast is
uniformly strong, especially Enfield, who
gives a very individual take on Gently
(think Inspector Gadget meets Moss
from The IT Crowd). The main drawback
is that it demands you pay attention to
get the most out of the gags and
occasionally they simply aren’t strong
enough to repay your commitment.
Adams purists may be horrified and
Adams newcomers may be baffled, but
if you sit somewhere in-between this is
mostly harmless. DAVE GOLDER
Adams shamelessly recycled ideas from two of his
own Tom Baker Doctor Who scripts (“City of Death”
and “Shada”) for the plot of the book.
Friend? Foe? Play the
game to find out.
Of course, though you can explore
the universe from space, where you
can actually land is a lot more
restricted than that. Once landed, the
Mako, your Aliens-style dune-buggy/
tank, is probably the most enjoyable
element of the game, as you bound it
over icy wastes, burnt-out dunes and
mammoth ancient structures or fight
giant alien worms.
When you actually enter inhabited
areas, the game changes into Bioware’s
standard talkathon, with intrigue galore
and side-missions endlessly leading to
someone’s death. In the first 15 hours
we saw three suicides and many
murders and killed hundreds ourselves.
Yet the biggest difference between this
and the brilliant Knights of the Old
Republic (also made by Bioware) is the
change to real time combat, which
works perfectly.
The replay value is pretty damn
enormous too. First, as you’ve chosen
your character’s background,
appearance and gender at the
beginning of the game, this changes
AUDIO CDS
SARAH JANE ADVENTURES
Bedtime stories from ageless companion
BBC Audiobooks • 70 mins (one CD) each
• £5.99 each
Also available for download (£3.60 each)
READ BY: Elisabeth Sladen
THE LATEST ADDITION TO THE
rapidly-expanding Doctor Who family,
The Sarah Jane Adventures mixes the
shiny and modern – urban slang,
texting, single-parent families – with the
reassuring innocence of a ’70s teatime
serial. And what could be more innocent
than a bedtime story – as told to us by
Sarah Jane herself, in the form of the
eternally youthful Elisabeth Sladen?
Justin Richards’s The Thirteenth
Stone ( ) – in which a dormant
evil is re-awakened in a circle of ancient
monoliths – hits the ground running
with some snappy dialogue and spooky
pagan mysticism, but is never allowed
to be quite as scary as older children
might like, and the Big Bad’s booming
threats quickly become tiresome.
Stephen Cole’s The Glittering Storm
( ) – which adopts what already
feels like the standard SJA model of
aliens using a local business as a front
for their nefarious schemes – gets off to
Don’t much like
the look of this fella.
key plot elements later on. Second, how
you approach tasks affects two scales
you’re being measured on: Paragon
(consensual, Dixon of Dock Green-style
intergalactic policing) or Renegade
(Punisher-style shoot-’em-first-ask-
questions later), which in turn
determine how humanity is judged by
the intergalactic community and what
endings you get.
Beautiful to behold, intelligently
plotted, and cheesier than a pound of
cheddar wrapped in a gym sock, Mass
Effect promises to keep you enthralled
for months. DAN GRILIOPOULOS
DNA SCAN!
More choices than
Argos – 30%
Shooty/talky bits – 25%
Planet-roaming – 20%
Sci-fi vistas – 15%
Twisty plot – 10%
Mass Effectt is the first part of a trilogy, with the next
two parts due out in the next four years on Xbox 360
(and likely on PC too). Assuming anyone buys it, that is...
a dreary start, but
eventually picks up the
pace with an inventive tale of slug-
like intergalactic gold-diggers.
Sladen throws herself into both
readings with gusto, and succeeds in
capturing the spirit of all the regular
characters – her “street” voice for
Clyde being a particular highlight.
Whether today’s attention-deficit
generation can be bothered to sit
through what’s essentially 70 minutes
of someone talking remains to be seen.
Maybe the Beeb are hoping their
regular army of Who die-hards will be
tempted to be tucked-up by Sarah
Jane? We can think of worse ways to
spend the night... PAUL KIRKLEY
Sladen’s Who audio work goes back to the ’70s,
when she was in BBC Schools series Exploration
Earth and LP spin-off Doctor Who and the Pescatons.
www.sfx.co.uk
5/11/07 17:32:21

VIDEOGAME
THE ORANGE BOX
It’s very a-peal-ing. Oh, forget it...
PC • Electronic Arts • £35
Also available on Xbox 360
THIS IS, HANDS DOWN, THE BEST
value game purchase you can make this
year – and quite possibly ever. For the
princely sum of £35 (less if you buy
online) you get five really good games.
Three of them are Half-Life 2: the
original game and the bewilderingly-
titled sequels Episode 1 and Episode 2. If
AUDIO CDS
DOCTOR WHO
Stories old and new… and Tom Baker’s return to Who!
THE MIND’S EYE
Big Finish • 120 mins (two discs) • £14.99
THE CURSE OF
PELADON
BBC Audiobooks • 120 mins (two discs) • £13.99
THE DINOSAUR
INVASION
BBC Audiobooks • 247 mins (four discs) • £17.99
www.sfx.co.uk
SFX164.misc 121
Team Fortress 2: that’s
one helluva weapon.
you’re not already familiar with the
adventures of Gordon Freeman, particle
physics’s answer to Chuck Norris, then
now’s the time to start: it’s a brilliant rush
through jaw-dropping setpieces
interspersed with surprisingly affecting
emotion. If you are then you’ll be
delighted to hear that new addition
Episode 2 is another extremely polished
on-rails adventure, leaving the post-
apocalyptic dystopia of City17 for a
breakneck blast through the countryside.
The fourth entry is an online-only
THE GIANT
ROBOT
BBC Audiobooks • 221 mins (four discs) • £17.99
SOMETIMES, IT’S NOT ENOUGH TO HAVE A GOOD
idea – you also have to know what to do with it.
Big Finish’s latest outing for Peter Davison’s Doctor
starts off with a great concept that’s highly
unusual for Who, with the TARDIS crew apparently
having gone their separate ways without any
explanation. Naturally, there’s still a link between
them – in this case, a particularly dangerous breed
of plant that a group of scientists is keen on
exploiting – but while The Mind’s Eye initially
seems set to be impressive, it can’t stop itself from
SFXRATEDMisc
multiplayer: Team Fortress 2, a shooter
seemingly styled and scripted by
Pixar and built around nine very simple
classes. Each is extremely and
hilariously specific, from the stealthy
backstabbing of the French-accented
spy to the sledgehammer “I KEEEL
YOU, KOWARDS” of the minigun-toting
heavy, which makes it simple enough to
pick up quickly and deep enough to be
endlessly replayable.
The star of the show, however, is
most definitely Portal, the world’s first
comedy first-person puzzle game. As
an unnamed test subject in the sinister
Aperture Science Enrichment Center,
you’ve got to complete a series of
challenges using the Handheld Portal
Device – a gun that creates linked holes
in reality. It starts with simple tunnels
and ends with head-spinning exploits in
perpetual motion.
The crowning glory is GLaDOS, the
deranged AI that monitors your
progress: sounding like HAL 9000’s
drug-addled little sister and possessing
all the warmth of an electric chair, her
increasingly obvious madness adds a
beautifully threatening comic edge. Oh,
and it manages to make an inanimate
cube more loveable than a dozen
infuriatingly drippy sidekicks. It’s a
brilliant combination, and not to be
missed. JON HICKS
Portal started out as a student project called
“Narbacular Drop”. Developers Valve liked the idea
so much they offered all its creators jobs on the spot.
running out of steam. The central twist isn’t strong
or original enough to generate serious shocks;
instead we get plenty of routine intrigue and over-
familiar double-crosses. The pace is high, the
performances are fine, and the sound design is
excellent, but ultimately The Mind’s Eye veers
towards the forgettable.
Making up for this is the one-part story that
accompanies it. In Mission of the Viyrans we finally
get an explanation for the virus-related links
between Big Finish’s previous one-parters. Packed
full of weird and chilling material, it’s a brilliantly
disturbing tale as a surreal incident at a party sees
companion Peri (Nicola Bryant) doubting her own
sanity. The plot peters out slightly at the end, but
otherwise this is outstanding stuff that hints at
some fascinating developments in future
adventures. SAXON BULLOCK
DESPITE HAVING EXHAUSTED THE RECORDINGS OF
missing stories, BBC Audiobooks’ soundtrack
releases rumble on. Jon Pertwee’s The Curse of
Peladon is a minor classic. Set on a quasi-medieval
planet about to join intergalactic federation, it’s both
a charming, kid-friendly fairytale and an allegory
for Britain’s entry into the EU. Sadly, the medium
deprives us of the sight of its exotic cast of aliens,
including the unforgettable Alpha Centauri – a
tentacled, one-eyed green phallus!
Katy Manning (Jo Grant) provides linking
narration, talking us through the Doctor’s trial by
combat with gusto. A bonus interview (19 mins),
reveals she had a crush on co-star David Troughton
– only discovering much later that it was
reciprocated! Who knows what might have been...
Finally, two more unabridged readings of the
ALSO OUT
LEGO STAR WARS:
THE COMPLETE SAGA
Lucas Arts • £29.99-£39.99 • OUT NOW!
Both of the irresistibly cute
Star Wars games (the
original trilogy one and the
prequel trilogy one), now
combined into a single
box set. Available for
Nintendo DS, Wii, Xbox 360 and PS3.
DOCTOR WHO
SERIES THREE
Silva Screen • £9.95 • OUT NOW!
AVAILABLE FROM: www.silvascreen.co.uk
Another 28 tracks of Murray
Gold’s incidental music,
including “The Stowaway”,
a new song performed by
Yamit Mamo, who plays a
singer in this year’s
Christmas special. Go to www.myspace.com/
silvascreenrecords to hear it!
TALES OF THE
SUPERNATURAL VOLUME THREE
Fantom Films • £12.99 • OUT NOW!
AVAILABLE FROM: www.fantomfilms.co.uk
Readings of four classic
MR James ghost stories.
The readers include Murray
Melvin, whom you will
probably know for
playing creepy time
traveller Bilis Manger in Torchwood.
novelisations. Nowadays, the only reason to read
them is to enjoy the ways they diverged from the
broadcast versions. Dinosaur Invasion scribe
Malcolm Hulke always made significant changes.
Here he adds a delicious prologue to his tale of a
dinosaur-infested London, with feckless Scot
Shughie McPherson only venturing outside when he
runs out of whisky… Hulke tells the tale from
multiple perspectives (even getting inside the
walnut-sized brain of a Stegosaurus), and Martin
Jarvis provides an impressive range of voices. Freed
from the glove-puppet effects which made the TV
version a byword for shonkiness, its possible to
appreciate the story’s strengths.
Doctor Who and the Giant Robot is read by
everyone’s favourite mad uncle, Tom Baker.
Securing his chocolatey tones for this range was a
coup – it’s just a shame there’s such a paucity of
first-rate material for him to work with. Of the 39
Fourth Doctor books, 29 were knocked out by
Terrance Dicks, who saw his role as simply
replicating the TV broadcast (he’s the anti-Hulke!).
So, while this retelling of Tom’s debut
adventure fills in the odd gap (like the Doctor’s first
thoughts on waking from a post-regenerative
coma), you’d probably be better off saving yourself
two hours by watching the DVD. Should Baker
return to the mike, we hope it’s to record
something by David Fisher – he added lashings of
humour to his adaptations of “Creature from the Pit”
and “The Leisure Hive”, which we suspect Tom
would relish. IAN BERRIMAN
The Mind’s Eye features Thomas Sangster (Tim
from Who’s “Human Nature”/”Family of Blood”),
and Owen Teale (who played a cannibal in Torchwood).
Christmas 2007 SFX MAGAZINE 121
5/11/07 17:32:34