CHILD DISCIPLESHIP

Preston Graham, Jr.

Lecture Notes

I. A Biblical Mandate Regarding the Parents obligation in Child disciplship:

A. The religious importants of parental obligations may be inferred from many
scriptural truths:
Gen. 18:19 No, for I have chosen him, that he may charge his children and his household after
him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice; so that the LORD may
bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.”
Ex. 20:12 Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that
the LORD your God is giving you.
Lev. 19:3 You shall each revere your mother and father, and you shall keep my sabbaths: I am
the LORD your God.
Deut. 6:1 ¶ Now this is the commandment--the statutes and the ordinances--that the LORD
your God charged me to teach you to observe in the land that you are about to cross into and
occupy, 2 so that you and your children and your children's children, may fear the LORD
your God all the days of your life, and keep all his decrees and his commandments that I am
commanding you, so that your days may be long. 3 Hear therefore, O Israel, and observe them
diligently, so that it may go well with you, and so that you may multiply greatly in a land
flowing with milk and honey, as the LORD, the God of your ancestors, has promised you. 4
Hear, O Israel: The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. 5 You shall love the LORD your God
with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. 6 Keep these words that I
am commanding you today in your heart. 7 Recite them to your children and talk about them
when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. 8
Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, 9 and write them
on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Deut. 32:46 he said to them: “Take to heart all the words that I am giving in witness against you
today; give them as a command to your children, so that they may diligently observe all the
words of this law. 47 This is no trifling matter for you, but rather your very life; through it you
may live long in the land that you are crossing over the Jordan to possess.”
Prov. 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from your children; if you beat them with a rod, they will
not die. 14 If you beat them with the rod, you will save their lives from Sheol.
Prov. 19:18 Discipline your children while there is hope; do not set your heart on their
destruction.
Prov. 13:18 Poverty and disgrace are for the one who ignores instruction, but one who heeds
reproof is honored... 24 Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them
are diligent to discipline them.
Eph. 6:4 And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the
discipline and instruction of the Lord.
1Tim. 3:2 Now a bishop must be above reproach, married only once, temperate, sensible,
respectable, hospitable, an apt teacher,
1Tim. 3:4 He must manage his own household well, keeping his children submissive and
respectful in every way--
1Tim. 3:12 Let deacons be married only once, and let them manage their children and their
households well;

B. Parantal obligation as one of the primary characteristics of the New Covenant!

Perhaps less familiar, but hugely relevant to our own day is the place that parantal
obligation is given at the end of the Old covenant revelation as anticipating the new
covenant.
Mal. 4:1 See, the day is coming, burning like an oven, when all the arrogant and all evildoers will be
stubble; the day that comes shall burn them up, says the LORD of hosts, so that it will leave them
neither root nor branch. 2 But for you who revere my name the sun of righteousness shall rise, with
healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall. 3 And you shall tread down
the wicked, for they will be ashes under the soles of your feet, on the day when I act, says the LORD
of hosts. 4 Remember the teaching of my servant Moses, the statutes and ordinances that I
commanded him at Horeb for all Israel. 5 Lo, I will send you the prophet Elijah before the great

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 and terrible day of the LORD comes. 6 He will turn the hearts of parents to their children and the
hearts of children to their parents, so that I will not come and strike the land with a curse.

Brief Commentary:
Malachi in his last chapter, prepares the people for the long silence of God's
special revelation.
First, Warning: The coming of a great judgment to all except those who "revere
my name..." whereby healing will come instead.
Second, Command: Remember the teachings of God. (Discipleship)
Third: Promise: in due time the Messiah's forerunner, coming in the spirit and
power of Elijah, will usher in the solemn, yet glorious day of Christ, by his
preparatory ministry.
But notice how the prophet characterized the ministry of the forerunner in
anticipation of the Messiah and the New Covenant!
His work was to be prominently a revival of parental faithfulness to disciple their
children!
Next recorded message from God would be in Luke 1:17 to Zacharias concerning
his son who would be the foretold forerunner.
Luke 1:17 With the spirit and power of Elijah he will go before him, to turn the hearts of parents
to their children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous, to make ready a people
prepared for the Lord.”

Point: The New Covenant was to be characterized by an awakening of the parents

hearts to the salvation and discipleship of thier children!
This revival of parantal obligation, according to Malachi, is necessary to prevent the
coming of the Divine Messiah from being a woe, instead of a blessing! Therefore,
God's means to Messianic blessing (rather than judgment and curse) was not merely
the increase of public and outward means only (religous programing and public
worship), but preiminantly the turning of parants hearts to the discipleship of children.
Clearly the scripture teaches the essential obligation of parants to diciple their
children in the Lord!

In fact, one of the signs given to indicate the wickedness of the last days and its
corersponding reception of the curse ushered by the Messiah, is that this
relationship of parantal obligation was being negated and violated.
2Tim. 3:2 For people will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, arrogant, abusive,
disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,

What more could possibly be said to prove the obligation upon parents to actively
disciple their children in the Lord! The relative responsibilities of the church and home
in children discipleship is wonderfully summarized in our Book of Church Order as
follows:
28-1. The spiritual nurture, instruction and training of the children of the church are committed by God
primarily to their parents. They are responsible to the church for the faithful discharge of their obligations. It
is a principal duty of the church to promote true religion in the home. True discipleship involves learning the
Word of God under the guidance of the Holy Spirit both at home and in the church. Without learning there is
no growth and without growth there is no discipline and without discipline there is sin and iniquity (1
Timothy 4:7).

Corresponding Parental Attitude: We are God's agent for the develpment of our
children.
Note: We live in a culture that is largely "anti-authoritarian"-- that doesn' t like
excercising authority or being under authority.

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 Here we see that parental authority IS derived from God. We are under obligation,
whether we like it or not, to excerise parental authority in the discipliship of our
children.

a. Parents are persons under authority, such that our focal point is obedience to
God.
Our power is regulated power, not absolute.
Our authority must be excercised in the way which God has told us.
(let us not second guess God's purposes, methods or goals in child discipleship,
lest we incur God's judgment)
b. We must make it clear to our children, that we are acting on God's authority and
not our own--we have no moral alternative but to do this, it is our duty to God.
(Think about how this will impact the way we interact with our children)

II. Biblical Reality and the Corresponding "Point of Appeal" in Child Discipleship:
The nature of reality in large measure determines our ultimate "point of appeal" in
child discipleship. By "point of appeal" it is meant the ultimate goal or "value" that
is set as the standard as to the how, what, when, where and why we train, correct
and punish our children in Christian discipleship. The "point of appeal" is that
which is appealed to when we explain, for instance, why it was necessary to
punish. Or, the point of appeal is that which is appealed to when we give
instruction, both as to why and what we instruct. Etc. Clearly then, our point of
appeal must respect the true nature of reality.

Excursus: Should not be surprised at the false "points of appeal."

Col.2:8, out of hollow, deceptive philosophies concerning the nature of reality, we
discover corresponding hollow and deceptive "points of appeal" concerning the
nature of parental obligation to children.

Two crucial "reality checks" for Chritian discipleship of Children:

A. Anthropological Reality: (who am I)
1. Our children are living souls:
Soul is that which is known by and capable of knowing God in a personal,
covenantal and submissive way into all eternity.
We are-- all at once, never to be seperated-- a moral, rational, affectual,
volitional and physical being, all of which together is derived from the image
of our creator to be in relation to our creator. Our corresponding purpose in
life is to exist in a personal relation to God for his glory.

2. We (as parents) and Our children are contaminated by original sin:

We are not merely clean slates waiting for impressions, but have inherited from
our first representative a bias against God in rebellion against his righteous
standards.
God's provision for salvation from sin is revealed by The Cross of Christ--
God's only provision for the forgiveness and restoration from sin through
Jesus Christ. Our corresponding response is repentance from sin and faith in
Christ. Therefore, the focus of children discipleship is the truth and grace
found in Christ. All standards are revealed in Christ and have been kept for
us by Christ for our salvation. The end of all Christian discipleship of
children ought not to be mere moralism (doing good so as to get closer to
God) but a deeper dependance upon Christ as we trust in him alone for our

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 salvation from both the penalty of sin and sins themselves.

Point of appeal: (in principle) Does it Glorify God and enjoy him forever
1. Glorify God, Practically, this mean we are to be holy as God is holy.
1Pet. 1:15 Instead, as he who called you is holy, be holy yourselves in all your
conduct; 16 for it is written, “You shall be holy, for I am holy.”
Our point of appeal is that which is according to God's character.
Corresponding virtues: truthfulness, just, kindess, selflessness, loving,
graceful, merciful, faithful, dependable, responsible, etc.
2. Enjoy Him: Practically, this means we are to live in proper response to God
as our soverign maker, ruler and saviour.
1Pet. 2:9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's own
people, in order that you may proclaim the mighty acts of him who called you out
of darkness into his marvelous light. 10 Once you were not a people, but now you
are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received
mercy.
Corresponding virtues: thankfulness, repentance, faith, trust, humility,
obedience, respectful of God and all that God has made, rejoicing, etc.

The nature or our relationships with our children is therefore not fully seen by merely
regarding the infant as a beautiful animal, organized, in miniature, after the kind of the
parents. It is the mysterious propagation of a rational soul that fills the reflecting mind
with awe. When the parent looks upon the infantile smile; he should see beneath that
smile an immortal spark which has been kindled, but can never be quenched, and ought
to be nutured for blessing rather than for curse.

(Compare to hollow philosophy: Says that we are "nothing but" a magnificent

animal at best, or a cosmic cog in a cosmic machine consisting of electronic
stimuli and responses at worst. In such a view, it is imposible to conceive of
humanity in any wholistic sense as resonsible to God, but rather humanness as it
is to survive-- Morality as reduced to that which is beneficial to survival.)

B. Eschatological Reality: (the end, where is it all going)

Present relatity on earth is heading for a future reality in heaven. We are not to
live for this world, but for the world to come! Our discipleship is therefore
training our children for heaven, not this world.
Heb. 11:8 By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to set out for a place that he was to
receive as an inheritance; and he set out, not knowing where he was going. 9 By faith he
stayed for a time in the land he had been promised, as in a foreign land, living in tents, as
did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10 For he looked
forward to the city that has foundations, whose architect and builder is God....
Heb. 11:13 All of these died in faith without having received the promises, but from a
distance they saw and greeted them. They confessed that they were strangers and foreigners
on the earth, 14 for people who speak in this way make it clear that they are seeking a
homeland. 15 If they had been thinking of the land that they had left behind, they would
have had opportunity to return. 16 But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a
heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God; indeed, he has prepared
a city for them.

Point of Appeal: (principle) Does it prepare you for heaven

Our perspective ought to be in laying up treasure for heaven.
Corresponding Orientatoin: lovers of virtue rather than lovers of temporal
pleasures.
2Tim. 3:1 You must understand this, that in the last days distressing times will come. 2 For
people will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, arrogant, abusive,
disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 inhuman, implacable, slanderers,

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 profligates, brutes, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of
pleasure rather than lovers of God,
2Tim. 4:6 As for me, I am already being poured out as a libation, and the time of my
departure has come. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the
faith. 8 From now on there is reserved for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord,
the righteous judge, will give me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have
longed for his appearing.
Practically: We would want to foster attitude of present stewardship in lieu of
future judgment rather than present "success"

J. C. Ryle:
Train with this thought continually before your eyes-- that the soul of your child is the first
thing to be considered
No part of them should be so dear to you as that part which will never die. The world, with all its
glory, shall pass away; the hills shall melt; the heavens shall be wrapped up together like a scroll; the
sun hsall cease to shine. But the spirit which dwells in those little creatures, whom your love so well,
shall otulive them all, whether in happiness or misery (humanly speaking) will depend on you.
-In every thing you do and say to them, you should think, "how will this affect their souls.
-To pet and pamper and indulge your child, as if this world was all he had to look to, and this
life the only season for happiness-- to do this is not true love, but cruelty. It is treating him like
some beast of the earth, which has but one world to look to , and nothing after death.
-A true Christian must be no slave to fashion, if he would train his child for heaven.
-Not content to follow merely custom in world
-He that has trained his children for heaven, rather than for earth,-- for God, rather than for
man,-- he is the parent that will be called wise at last.

III. Corresponding "Manners" of Christian Discipleship of Children:

By "manners" it is meant those "signs" indicating that our children are learning the
virtues that are derived from our "point of appeal." Remember, we appeal to the
virtues, not the manners themselves in our training and discipline of children, but these
are the signs that our children are being discipled.

Excursus: R. C. Ryle, If you would train your children rightly, train them in the way they
should go, and not in the way that they would.
-born with decided bias towards evil and therefore certain to choose wrong if left to
choose for themselves.
Prov.22:15, "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child.
Prov.29:15, "A Child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame."

"Think for him, judge for him, act for him... but for pity's sake, give him not up to
his own wayward tastes and inclinations. It must not be his likings and wishes that
are consulted."
Example: Don't let him decide on what to eat... whats the difference in other
things...

A. Test in Christian: (from "The Little Book of Christian Character and Manners"

B. Manners that ought to be Encouraged in our Children

(not for manners sake, but because of the virtues that manners represent and
encourage)
1. Courtesy:
Point of appeal: Glorify God through Respect for others and selflessness.
a. politeness (excuse me, thank you, please, etc, vs. huhhh, whaaat, etc.
b. Patience so as not to interupt (vs. selfishly demanding attention )
Note especially those times when you are "preoccupied", (phone converstation)
c. Curtesy (when bumbing into someing) I.e. rude is the same thing as selfcentered,

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2. Respect for Life and Property
Point of appeal: Glorify God through thankfulness to God for all good things and
responsibility to God for how we mange them.
a)Reverence for life starts with honor and respect for caring for toys, cleaning a
room, taking care of family furniture, etc.
Would someone want your child to spend the day, or would they fear the results
of that day to be mess and broken things...
b) Hygiene and general cleanliness:
(While all boys will be boys... we ought still require such things as cleanliness
where it counts...

3. Corporate Manner: Illus. Table Manners:

Point of Appeal: To glorify God through self-control, thankfulness, selflessness, etc.
"Poor nutrition is often not the fault of a parents cooking, or low income, but simply a
lack of discipline around the table.
a. Eat all foods that are served as God's provisions for us.
b. Remain seated until excused. (best way to train children self-control is give them
time to be controled, plus the added advantage of teaching children to sit still so as
to participate in family and corporate worship)
c. Pass food, not reach so as to respect other persons who are eating.
d. Be courteous:
1. no boisterous talk or silly play that interupts (can have fun though)
2. chewing with mouth open, smaking, etc.
e. Never allow complaints

4. Corporate Industry: (culture mandate)

a. We are created a corporate people (contra-individualism)
b. We are created a vocational people (childhood ought not to be merely "play")
Family participation and reponsiblity
Help them to feel the burden of family success, they will be less prone to seek
outside idenity...

5. Honesty:
Press upon them at all times that less than the truth is a lie; that evasion, excuse
making and exaggeration are all half-way houses towards what is false and ought to
be avoided. Encourage them to be straightforward.

6. Train them to a habit of faith.

I mean by this that you should train them up to believe what you say. To have
confidence in your judgment and respect your opinion.
R. C. Ryle
"I have heard it said by some that you should require nothing of children which they cannot
understand: thatyou should explain and give a reason for everything you desire them to do. I
warn you solemnly against sucyh a notion.... No doubt it is absurd to make a mystery of
everything you do, an dthere are many things which it is well to explain to children, in order
that htye may see that they are reasonable and wise. But to bring them up with the idea that
they must take nothing on trust, that they with thei rweak and imperfect understandings must
have the "why" and the "wherefore" made clear ot them at every step they take, -- this is indeed
a fearful mistake, andliekly to have the worst effect on their minds.

"There is an alphabet to be mastered in every kind of knowledge-- the day will come, but until,
they must believe you!

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 Therefore, Train them to a habit of obedience
No habit has such an influence over our lives as this. Parents determine to make
your children obey you, though, it may cost you much trouble and cost them
many tears. Let there be no questioning, and reasoning, and disputing, and
delaying, and answering again. When you give them a command, let them see
plainly that you will have it done.

Obedience is faith visible, faith acting, and faith incarnate...

7. Train them to a habit of prayer.

Prayer is the very life-breath of true religion.

Parents, if you love your children, do all that lies in your power to train them up to
a habit of prayer. Encourage them to persevere. Remind them if they become
careless and slack about it. Let it not be your fault, at any rate, if they never call on
the name of the Lord.

8. Train them to a habit of thinking Christianly:

Therefore, the value of catechism training and memory
See that your child read the bible revrently, regularly and all.

V. Hints in Child Discipleship:

A. Resist false Points of appeal:
1. "I didn't turn out so bad"
Point of appeal: Parent
Don't think about it, just do what comes natural.
Rather, the need to "reform" to scripture...

2. Pop Psychology:
Point of appeal: The child
appeal to child's self interest, even at time to the expense of others
a. bribes-
b. contracts- beware of allowances that are contingent upon duties.
1)loopholes can always be found
2) doesn't encourage "social" contract but rather individual gain
3) superficial character, etc.
"Hired hand" or "family unit"
Illus: Wouldn't think of putting your wife on a task/money basis, why, we
are in this together... so too children as they grow ought to more and more
assume reponsibility for the wellbeing of family, not more and more want
more money and use family to get it!
c. Behavior Modification: reward through positive reinforcement

3. Emotionalism-
Point of Appeal- Us
"It makes me feel bad when you do x"
shaming a child to do something
Power moves that gain immediate results but that also harden a person against
love (I.e. point of appeal will eventuall escalate to seperation)

4. Punitive approach-

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 Point of Appeal: behavior (abstract sense, without character/principle)
Threat of Neg. punishment (penal without instruction and training)
Examples:
a. grounding (popular because it is so easy an doesn't necessitate patient
instruction)
b. spanking, when done in frustration or anger
c. yelling

All these still don't address the issue of true character and heart motivation.
Lacks "training" element

5. Irradic ecclecticism
Point of Appeal: none
draws from many sources and combines all the above

What do all these points of appeal have in common?

They do not appeal to the ultimate "point of appeal" which is to glorify god and
enjoy him in preparation for heaven. The focus is not on these corresponding
virtues, but on hollow ambitions.
Postive Reinforcement or negative reinforcement or punishment all directed toword
behavior. Example
I.e. What is appealed to when child "a" yells a child"b"
not the yelling, but the bitter heart that is why she is yelling
I.e. What is appealed to when child "a" interupts conversation at dinner table with
loud noices: not loud noices and but selfishness that is drawing attention to self
rather than serving others
I.e. What is appealed to when child brings home a bad grade? Not bad grade or
even "getting to college" but discovering God's thoughts after him by the study of
science, history, math, humanities, etc.
Example: Stephen's choice of a more difficult equation so as to have a
I.e. I.e. What is appealed to when a child acts up or interupts you while on phone.
Not, you make me mad when you do this, but, you have voliolated God's intention
for you to have self control regardingyour need, or you have violated
God'sintention for you to consider others as more important than yourself!

Remember: "God wants to do open heart surgery, not merely a face lift."

B. Never, never, never respond to blackmail at any cost!

Leach p.124
1. Look for ways to preempt the occasions for blackmail
2. Be willing to get embarrassed
(remember, your child's soul is worth more than your temporary reputation)

C. As Parents, imitate our Father in Heaven

Think of our heavenly father:
1. Train up your child with all tenderness, affection and patience even as our Father in
Heaven
Rom. 8:14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive
the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of sonship. When we
cry, "Abba! Father!" 16 it is the Spirit himself bearing witness with our spirit that we are
children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ,
provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.
1John 3:1 See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and
so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

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 Let them see that you love them.
a. Find common joys that you genuinely can laugh about together.
b. Get physical
c. Get to their level
"Love should be the silver thread that runs through all you conduct.
A readiness to take part in childish joys
Patience, sympathy,etc.
Illus: Psychological Tank needs to be filled!

Note: This kind of love demands TIME,

Make the needed sacrifices.
children, like all people, "are easier to draw than to drive."
"Sternness and severity of manner chill them and throw them back. It shuts up their hearts and
you will weary yourself to find the door. But let them only see that you have an affectionate
felling towards them,--- that you are really desireous to make them happy, and do them good--
that if you punish them it is intended for their profit,... they will soon be all your own."

Like young plants

Linke weak and tender creatures.

We must not expect all things at once.

"Line upon line, precept upon precept here a little and there a little must be our rule.
Illus. Narrow necked bottle, must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually or much of it will be
spilled and lost.

"Just as you must set before your children their duty, -- command, threaten, punish, reason,--
but if affection be wanting in your treatment, your labour will be all in vain."

"Anger and harshness may frighten, but they will not persuade the child that you are right; and
if he sees you often out of temper, you will soon cease to have his respect.

Try hard to keep hold of your childs affections. It is a dangerous thing to make your child
afraid of you.
Col.3:21

2. Be willing to excercise both positive reinforcement and corrective punishment

as our Father in Heaven does for us.
Hebr. 12:5 And have you forgotten the exhortation which addresses you as sons?-- "My son, do
not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage when you are punished by him. 6
For the Lord disciplines him whom he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." 7 It is
for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons; for what son is there whom
his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have
participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

This is the one point of all on which we have most need to be on our guard. It is
natural to be tender and affectionate towards our own flesh and blood and it is
the excess of this very tenderness and affection which we have to fear. Take
heed that it does not make you blind to your children's faults, and deaf to all
advice about them or to overlook bad conduct rather than have the pain of
inflicting punishment.

Three forms of Discipline:

1. Negative reinforcement: with hold postive reinforcement
2. Punishment

Principles in determining type of discipline

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1. Punishment fit to crime
a. Intensity: Severity to the severity of consequence of crime
b. Categorically: Type of punishment related to type of crime

2. Punishment fit to child.

"As to the best way of punishing a child, no general rule can be laid down. The characters of
children are so exceedingly differint that what would be a sev ere punishment to one child,
would be no punishment at all to another. I only beg to enter my decided protest against the
modern notion that no child ought ever to be whipped. Doubtless some parents use bodily
correction far too much, and far too violently; but many others, I fear, use it far too little."

3. When possible, make instructional

Grounding w/ memory work
Reading and reports

4. Resist the "easiest" is better approach

Ex. "go to your room

Excusus: Debunking those who would never do negative punishment (spanking)

Illustration: Penelope Leach Children First
p.118 " "
Her assumption: Existential bias against original sin
An approach of only positive discipline and not "negative discipline"
Therefore against time out, spanking, etc.
(Christian: both! now/not yet both need to be addressed in child raising)
Which leads her to several basic fallacies:
1. Either/or fallacy:
Myth: Life consist of black and white, not grays. Discussion is framed using false
alternatives (question framing)
p. 117, "parental influence vs. power
"warmth of relationship" vs. "clarity of the orders they impose"
2. Beard fallacy:
Myth: Can't discern those things that are on a continuem (I.e. the six o'clock
shadow or beard?)
p.125
3. Fallacy of Definition: "straw man" fallacy
Myth: Make an unfounded assumption so as to debunk it.
p.119, Bible = hellfire
4. Fallacy of Association:
Myth: simply because some bad people do something, it is wrong to do it.
p.117, "discipline" associated with "parade ground" (military) and "puritan
ethic" (which is meant "harsh and cruel")
5. Slippery slope fallacy:
Myth: Unable to make discernment between "spanking" and "hitting"

a. Why it makes sense to punish:

Two fold nature of all children which both need to be respected
a. sinful bias which needs limits that
b. Image of God that remains which needs to be developed.

b. Why it makes sense to sparingly use spanking as one form of punishment

The method of spanking best suited to the less resonable-young children trust
less and reason than in sensory motivation, therefore, spanking is the best way to

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 punish, when done without loss of control in in moderate severity and amounts.
Prov. 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from your children; if you beat them with a rod, they will
not die. 14 If you beat them with the rod, you will save their lives from Sheol.
Prov. 19:18 Discipline your children while there is hope; do not set your heart on their
destruction.
Prov. 13:18 Poverty and disgrace are for the one who ignores instruction, but one who heeds
reproof is honored... 24 Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them
are diligent to discipline them.
Prov. 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by a neglected child.

D. Train them remembering continually the influence of our own example.

Instructions, and advice and commands will profit little, unless they are backed up
by the pattern of your own life.

"to give children good instruction and a bad example, is but beckoning to them with
the head to show them the way to heaven, while we take them by the hand and lead
them in the way to hell."

Fathers and mothers do not forget that children learn more by the eye than they do
by the ear. No school will make such deep marks on character as home.

"Who sins before a child sins double"

E. As they get older, resist tacktics that serve to alienate rather than draw in.
Ex. girl dressed inapropriately

Note: Teenagers: Crisis of moment... neither a child or an adult

I.e. 1. They act old, get chided
2. They act young, they get chided
I.e. Vulnerable and need guidance more than ever, but are more than ever unwilling
to get itovertly.

The Way to a teenager:

1. Be sure to have things you can share together towards "teachable moments"
Genius of "young life"
2. Appeal to their "adult" side since this is what the seek.
3. Don't take offense easily, distinguish between passing customs and eternal
virtues.
I.e. Don't blow your wad on insignificant things. You have a limited wad to give.
4. Interactive Communication: Instruction as a a two way process
Perception of understanding is as important as understanding.
5. Try to make your goals fit into shared goals.
6. Emphasis family/social contract
I.e. rules apply to everyone
Example: Family worship, chores, etc.

F. Resist "legislation always in session"

Make rules carefully and intentionally rather than make rules up in reponse to things.
I.e. Sees coat, From now on... (then comes Dad who feels as strongly about next
place as the previous... )
We need rules that are concise, sensible, etc.
G. Pleasant words promote construction:
Prov. 16: 21 The wise of heart is called perceptive, and pleasant speech increases persuasiveness. 22

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 Wisdom is a fountain of life to one who has it, but folly is the punishment of fools. 23 The mind of
the wise makes their speech judicious, and adds persuasiveness to their lips. 24 Pleasant words are
like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

CONCLUSION:
Train your children with an abiding persuasion on your mind that much depends upon you.

After nature and grace, undoubtedly, there is nothing more powerful than education.
Early habits are everything with us, under God.

And all of this is one of God's merciful arrangements. He give your children a mind
that will recieve impressions like moist clay. He gives them a disposition at the starting
point of life to believe what you tell them, and to take for granted what you advise
them, and to trust your word rather than a stranger's. He gives you in short, a golden
opportunity of doing them good.

Surely the believer who brings up his children without attention to its counsel is
making himself wise above that which is written, and greatly errs.

Note Eli's case with his sons Hophni and Phinehas... great case where a godly man
didn't discipline his children. (1 Sam.2:22-29, 3:13)
Or David's children, Amnon's incest, Absalom's murder and proud rebellion--
Adonijah's scheming ambition: truely these were grievious wounds for the man after
God's own heart... clue, 1 Kings1:6, "His father hadnot displeased him at any time in
saying, Why hast thou done so?" David was an over-indulgent faither, a father who let
his children have their own way, -- and he reaped according as he was sown.

Parents, I beseech you, for your children's sake, beware of over indulgence. I call on you to
remember it is your first duty to consult their real interests, and not their facies and likings-- to
train them, not to humour them; to profit , not merely to please. ... Do not, I pray you, make
your children idols, lest God should take them away, and break your idol, just to convince you of
your folly.

If you do not take trouble with your children when they are young, they will
give you trouble when they are old.

Bolton, on his deathbed to his children, "I do believe not one of you will dare to meet
me before the tribunal of christ in an unregenerate state."

There are no sorrows on earth like those which children have brought upon their
parents. Oh! take heed lest your own neglect should lay up misery for you in your old
age. Take heed lest you weep under the ill-treatment of a thankless child, in the days
when your eye is dim, and your natural force abated.

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