Calm, Conquer and Convert your ANGER

by Clive Simpkins

I often hear people say "He made me angry!" or "I couldn't help being livid!" or  "It just happens
before I even know it!" These statements put the blame for becoming angry
on someone else, or circumstances. The good news is that you can, if you       
      and
wish, minimise anger almost immediately. With a little time   effort you can
overcome it and manage or convert the energy you might have wasted on anger,  
into something more useful.

Anger is the result of frustrated desire. The steps to it are short and swift. You
start off by having a desire or wish. Nothing wrong with that, but when you add impetus, energy or
concentration to that desire, it develops quickly into a demand. As soon as the demand encounters
frustration, you're into anger. The simple solution would be to say, "Then don't be demanding."
But as we all know, that's a lot easier said, than done.

It's helpful to go back a few steps in the observation of our thought patterns. Some of our "thinking"
is not at conscious brain level at all. We have lots of parcels, audio and video tapes, CD ROMs,
flash discs, e-mails, memos, letters and documents in the subconscious mind. They may have
been recorded, filed, archived or stored there, years ago. Yet they can still negatively influence our
thinking and responses in certain situations.

Whether or not we're aware of it, any behaviour starts off with thought. That thought creates a
second level of activity, which is feeling or emotion. At that stage, we may "feel" angry, depressed,
humiliated or whatever. But the feeling was preceded by a discussion. Perhaps along the lines of,
"How could he speak to me like that? He's got some nerve!" We might not even be aware of this
internal dialogue, but we'll experience the result, as emotion.

Our emotions inevitably translate into a third level - behaviour that's visible to others. 
In some people, it's like viewing a synoptic chart. A high pressure system here, 
a depression there! 

The sequence then, is thoughts-feelings-behaviour. Much like an

archery target. Thoughts in the centre, surrounded by feelings or
emotions, with behaviour being external and the biggest, most visible
circle of all.

Thoughts are like bubbles at the bottom of a fish tank. As they first
peep out of the sand, they're tiny, travel slowly and can quite easily be
caught. As they rise and the water pressure reduces, they grow larger and
travel faster - until they explode through the surface. What's needed, is
consciously to become aware of our thoughts, at the earliest stage
of their formation.

When you're upset, you're out of control, low on constructive

resources, illogical, and it may take hours to return to a state of
equilibrium. Meantime, you may have caused significant or even
irreparable hurt through what you said when you were angry.

Here's a suggestion. Start noticing which comments or thoughts

irritate you. What it is that makes you flare into anger. Become aware of
their presence in your mind - only sooner than you did previously. That
you even notice them now, is a significant step forward in the
direction of anger management, control or conversion.

You'll reach a stage of awareness where you'll catch the thought

early enough to make a conscious decision not to get angry. You'll
choose an alternative to stay in balance, equilibrium or harmony.

Having observed and then caught the thought bubble, you'll be into the
management phase of your thinking. Instead of other people or
circumstances "pressing your buttons" or "making" you angry, you'll now
enjoy a choice in your response. One choice is not to be angry. If you are
angry, it'll be because you choose to be.

You won't have an immediate one hundred percent success rate. This is
an incremental self-awareness and growth exercise and hiccups will
occur. Control of your thoughts, emotions, behaviour and mind, will
though, be taken out of the hands of other people, and given back to
the rightful custodian - you. It'll be a relief and an energy saver.
Anger, anger everywhere
A recent UK-based YouGov survey revealed that most people believe that as a nation, we are
getting angrier. More than one in 10 people say they have trouble controlling their anger, but
of these people fewer than one in seven admit to seeking help for their problems. This may
mean that anger in the general population is severely under-managed and as a result may have
detrimental effects on family, work and overall wellbeing for a great many people.

What gets your goat?

Everyone gets angry about different things. In today’s society, rush hour travel, technology
failure and turbulent relationships with friends, loved ones and work colleagues are common
sources of anger. Although these situations are modern, the underlying triggers for anger are
much the same today as they were for our ancestors. For example, you may become angry if
you or your loved ones are under physical threat, if you’re losing a battle for resources, or if
someone attempts to destroy a principle you hold dear. Anger has evolved to keep your body
and mind stimulated and ready for action in stressful situations.

Seeing red
When something makes you angry you can feel a wide range of emotions. These emotions
have a direct, physiological impact on the rest of your body: your heart starts to beat faster;
your blood pressure and temperature rise; your breathing rate increases; and you sweat more.

Different people express their anger in different ways. You may react immediately to
whatever has prompted your anger or suppress your feelings completely. Built-up anger may
cause you to explode when faced with difficult situations – some people describe this feeling
as ‘seeing red’.

Most people are able to keep their anger under control, but if you feel you’re unable to cope
with your temper or if it’s affecting those around you, see your GP for advice.

Anger – one letter short of danger

The physical effects of anger can affect your health both in the short and long term. Regular
and intense periods of anger may lead to problems with your:

 digestion – contributing to the development of conditions such as ulcerative colitis

(inflammation and ulcers in the lining of your large bowel), gastritis (inflammation of
the lining of your stomach) or irritable bowel syndrome
 immune system – making you more likely to catch the flu virus and slow your
recovery from accidents or operations
 heart and circulatory system – increasing your risk of coronary heart disease or a
stroke
 mental wellbeing – including depression, addiction, self-harm, compulsion and
bullying behaviour
If your anger is causing problems then you may be recommended treatment, perhaps
including medicines.

Don’t blow up, let it blow over

Self help
Life can often be stressful and it’s easy for pressures to build up. You may find it helps to try
and make small lifestyle changes if you have problem anger. For example, a lack of certain
nutrients can make you feel irritable and weak. Try to eat a healthy, balanced diet, get enough
sleep and give yourself treats and rewards for positive actions, attitudes and thoughts. Also,
don’t drink alcohol excessively or use illicit drugs (especially stimulants such as amphetamine
and cocaine), as this will increase your risk of developing problem anger.

Even simple things such as a relaxing bath, a walk outside or reading a good book can help.
Exercising can prevent tension building up in your body and improve your self-esteem. Try
doing something you enjoy such as dancing or jogging to let off some steam.

Anger management programmes

These are planned sets of sessions designed for people who may have had a single violent
episode, or who have been violent in the past and now feel unable to make changes to their
behaviour. You may be offered one-to-one counselling or group work to help overcome your
anger issues. Some courses are one day workshops and others may take place over a period of
weeks or months.

Professional help
Cognitive behavioural therapy is a type of counselling that helps you change the way you
think about certain situations and behave differently. It doesn’t just look at your past
behaviour, but also focuses on ways to improve your coping mechanisms for the future.

Action points
 Calm down. When you start to feel the first stirrings of anger bubbling up inside you,
stop and think for a moment. This will give you time to reflect on the situation and
consider how best to respond. As the old saying goes: ‘Hold your breath and count to
10 before you say anything.’
 Walk away. If you feel you’re too angry to speak or are considering being violent
towards another person, it may be best to remove yourself from the situation. Try to
work out what makes you angry so you know when to leave things alone.
 Resolve unfinished business. This is important for you in the longer term. If you’re
able to understand why you get so angry, you can try to resolve past issues and
prevent anger building up in the future.
 Be constructive, not destructive. When you’re irritated by something, take ownership
of your feelings and tell people why you’re angry. If you talk slowly and clearly and
make requests rather than demands, others will respect your argument and listen to
what you have to say.