Cheating Mates
By Robert Ing, DSc, DLitt, FAPSc
Dr. Robert Ing is a forensic
scientist, broadcaster and
author. An internationally
acclaimed forensic
intelligence specialist, he
has traveled the world
on behalf of the interests of
governments and major
corporations. Dr. Ing has
appeared on major North
American broadcast news
networks on the issues of
forensic intelligence,
espionage risk
management, privacy,
identity theft, electronic
surveillance and Internet
crime.
For more articles by
Dr. Robert Ing visit
www.drroberting.com
It appears to me that there is an entire industry, even an economy based
on “Cheaters.” You know, “Cheaters” those who mess around with one or
more people behind the backs of their mate. I see television programs
dedicated to catching people in the act; book and magazine articles
dedicated to teaching people how to catch their mate or how not to get
caught, and even instructional videos! There are also several Internet
based dating services that cater to wannabe cheating mates. Gotta love
it. There’s nothing more invigorating or as useful as a self-esteem builder
than seeing people more pathetic than you thought you might have been
on your worst day!
Hardly a day goes by when someone’s mate is caught red handed. The
saga continues when the cheated on mate goes and finds the cheater and
their “bit on the side” and pounds the living crap out of the “bit” and then
verbally deals with their cheating mate.
OK, so let me get perhaps politically incorrect here, well sort of. In the old
days, if you were a member of a certain organized Italian “family” and your
woman or man cheated on you, yes, you would be upset but you would
also have the bollocks to nicely pack their things, give them a one-way
ticket, a little cash and tell them never to darken your life again or else.
By comparison, today, it seems that if you are a member of a certain
organized Urban “family” and your woman or man cheats on you, you get
so enraged and take it as such a sign as personal disrespect that you
“pop” the person who has allegedly led your mate astray or you “pop” both
of them or if they are lucky you inflict irreparable psychological and
physical pain and suffering. Either way, you end up being the toughest,
incarcerated person in your domain and solitary confinement. Real smart.
Why Cheat?
In a genuine loving relationship where two people love each other, not one
of psychological or physical abuse, the primary reason a mate may cheat
is based on insecurity within the individual. An individual is only as secure
as they are content with themselves internally. This is the deciding factor
on their loyalty to their mate, regardless of how much money, power or
fame, or lack of these things they have in their life. Individuals who have
temporal successful relationships with partners, money, power or fame
are not secure in themselves and are often jealous, over-protective and
erroneously concerned with the false sense of self-validating security of
how their mate looks, and the temporal accoutrements of material wealth.
All the while, their own internal insecurity causes them to be suspicious,
jealous and controlling of their mate. This situation may cause their mate
to seek refuge elsewhere (cheat) or their own insecurity may cause them
to cheat so they may temporarily feel that they are secure and in control.
 An individual cheats because they are insecure, thus unhappy with
who they are internally, despite how truly loving or loyal their mate
may be. They have not truly learned to love themselves first and to be
secure with who they are. It is not a fault of their mate (if they are in a
real loving relationship vs. an abusive one) and the person they cheat
with realistically should not be held 100% responsible as the
temptress/temptor/homewrecker - it always takes two to say “Yes” in
this situation.

For people involved in a genuinely loving relationship, the key to

helping a mate deal with their own internal insecurity and in reducing
the risk of cheating, or losing them is simply communication and
understanding. Communication, understanding and respect is what is
required to maintain this relationship in addition to the mutual love
shared by both partners.

While many consider a relationship an equal partnership, there is

always and has to be a dominant partner or if you will, the partner that
has the final say. Sometimes a dominant partner may defer this role
to the lesser dominant out of tradition, culture or simply as a matter of
choice. Regardless, despite outward appearances the true dominant
partner knows who they are, as does their mate. The list that follows
is for the true dominant partner to consider. If any item on this list
describes you (the dominant partner), it is in the best interest of your
relationship that you reconsider “stepping up your game.”

How Not to Nurture Your Relationship

Dr. Robert Ing is a forensic

1) You don’t tell
scientist, broadcaster and
author. An internationally
your mate at least once a day how you feel about them.
acclaimed forensic
intelligence specialist, he
has traveled the world
on behalf of the interests of
2) You never
governments and major
corporations. Dr. Ing has
or seldom have discussions or small talk that last more than 15
appeared on major North minutes at a time on a daily basis.
American broadcast news
networks on the issues of
forensic intelligence,
espionage risk 3) You do not spend
management, privacy,
identity theft, electronic at least half an hour every day with you and your mate in the same
surveillance and Internet room (ie. watching TV, reading, having a meal together). Sleeping
crime.
together in bed does not count.
For more articles by
Dr. Robert Ing visit
www.drroberting.com
 4) You have sex
on average less than two times per week.

5) You go out
together in public less than two times per week.

6) You do not offer

words of support or encouragement when your mate tells you of their
goals, dreams, ideas or projects.

7) You do not give

your mate a little surprise (ie. a card, a personal note, an inexpensive
gift, etc.) at least once every two weeks (like on payday).

8) You do not keep

a record in your personal calendar of dates that are important to your
mate (ie. your anniversary, birthday, the day you first met, the you first
made love, etc.) and you don’t organize a little celebration or
acknowledgment of the event.

9) You don’t plan

Dr. Robert Ing is a forensic a surprise weekend getaway at least twice a year (ie. a trip to an
scientist, broadcaster and adjacent city just to be alone for dinner, etc).
author. An internationally
acclaimed forensic
intelligence specialist, he
has traveled the world 10) You don’t take
on behalf of the interests of
governments and major a day off to be home with your mate when they are off sick from work
corporations. Dr. Ing has
appeared on major North
or school, and if you do, you don’t take care of them but watch TV or
American broadcast news are on your computer instead.
networks on the issues of
forensic intelligence,
espionage risk
management, privacy,
identity theft, electronic
surveillance and Internet
crime.

For more articles by

Dr. Robert Ing visit
www.drroberting.com
 11) You do not
respect the relationship that a friend has with their mate and always try to
subtly flirt or make moves on them. Even though you know this is
disrespectful to your mate and friend, and if you should "win" them over,
what makes you think they would not dump you for someone else like
they did in the first place to be with you?

There are many other things but you get the idea. It’s the little things that
can make a big difference. A strong relationship is built over time with
love, respect and thoughtfulness by both partners.

Now, in the other corner, we have people who do not share a mutually
beneficial loving relationship for whatever reason. This type of
relationship is one of massive insecurity. Let’s get real people. Quite
often one or both individuals in the relationship were never completely
down for the relationship in the first place. They cheat, you have a
choice. Forgive them (but only once) because every one is human and
messes up (unless there is psychological or physical abuse), but only on
the condition that you both agree to talk more and really communicate.
Or, you be nice, pack their bags, give them a little cash, kick their ass out,
change the locks, tell them never to return, call or write and don’t look
back. Forget about the drama, the tears, the “. . . but I Love You’s” and
the photo albums – throw them out and find someone who is really
deserving of your time, emotionally mature and ready for a stable
relationship. Now, what part of this paragraph did you not understand?
That’s it. Read the above again for clarity if required if you are in this
type of relationship.

Dr. Robert Ing is a forensic

scientist, broadcaster and The Relationship Bottom Line
author. An internationally
acclaimed forensic
intelligence specialist, he
has traveled the world Any relationship must be mutually beneficial to both partners. If only one
on behalf of the interests of
governments and major
benefits, the reality is, this is not a relationship. A relationship is one
corporations. Dr. Ing has where both partners benefit, albeit in the same or in different ways. Love,
appeared on major North communication and respect are the triune elements that manifest in trust
American broadcast news
networks on the issues of
which in turn fosters security and ultimately establishes fidelity. There is
forensic intelligence, no one in the universe like you or like your mate. You are both rare,
espionage risk precious and one-of-a-kind. Treat yourself and your mate accordingly.
management, privacy,
identity theft, electronic
surveillance and Internet
crime.

For more articles by

Dr. Robert Ing visit
www.drroberting.com
 About the Author

Dr. Robert Ing is a forensic specialist and LHP counsellor with

appearances on North American news networks.
For more articles by Dr. Robert Ing please visit www.drroberting.com

Copyright © 2005-2011 Dr. Robert Ing, www.drroberting.com

Permission is granted to publish this article electronically or in print, free

of charge, as long as the article appears in its entirety, full credit is given
to the author and a link or reference to the author's webpage
www.drroberting.com is provided.

Dr. Robert Ing is a forensic

scientist, broadcaster and
author. An internationally
acclaimed forensic
intelligence specialist, he
has traveled the world
on behalf of the interests of
governments and major
corporations. Dr. Ing has
appeared on major North
American broadcast news
networks on the issues of
forensic intelligence,
espionage risk
management, privacy,
identity theft, electronic
surveillance and Internet
crime.

For more articles by

Dr. Robert Ing visit
www.drroberting.com