a bohemian

fool

by

andrew waters
A BOHEMIAN FOOL

ANDREW WATERS
 A Bohemian Fool
Copyright © 2010 by
Andrew Waters

Andrew Waters has asserted his right under the Copyright Act 1968 to be
identified as the author of this work.

All rights reserved.

Published in Perth, WA, Australia.

Published by Chargan Pty. Ltd.

www.chargan.com
Introduction
There is never a beginning to speak of, only a mere change of direction or a
rearrangement of attire. In fact, it could be deemed quite different than this,
depending on viewpoints. There is a great deal of wandering, some of us flow
through every tributary and ocean, but it always leads back to here. Simplistically
and categorically, it takes us to places we do not want to be, and it impairs our
ability to not fear for our isolation in this wilderness. Obscurity befits us all.
There is a force that drives us, one that appears to control our destiny; it is
interpreted as external, a guide or some greater force, when in reality it resides
within. Hermes is a blueprint for our madness, an indelible stamp on our every
move, but this plan that layers every cell is not one we show anything other than
indifference to. The insidious scheme that surprises and terrorises us is only due
to our lack of awareness of its hold on us, thus repeatedly astounding us.

The others sit patiently with their thoughts to accompany them. They see us as
detached without reason or belief, but their ownership is only a temporary one
and as they tire and their ageing cells are not replaced and their mechanics falter
from too much movement, they suffer the indignation of a full view of
themselves. Whereas, we fare little better, we have nothing to smile about in our
smug knowledge of one or two minor matters. Our pertinent charm
overshadows our slain and forgotten hope of independence. But it is our peace
we seek, a space with nothing to fill in. One we have searched for in a multitude
of ways.

The cyclic motion that leads us out into the ocean, and rise into the atmosphere,
only later to fall from a cloud, is one that is clear to see. We repeat the process
again and it is one that we cannot negotiate. Our requirements change, our
malnourished anxiety stays with us and our conversations alter. The view looks
different from here. There is no forward move as there is no opposite, it forms
many angles and deviations and who points the arrow is not the man who fires
it again and again.

It is us.
Contents
Chapter 1 - Trznice 1
Chapter 2 - krásná žena 10
Chapter 3 - Orlojem 18
Chapter 4 - Zimni 26
Chapter 5 - Zdravi 34
Chapter 6 - Voda 43
Chapter 7 - Rodina 52
Chapter 8 - Penize 61
Chapter 9 - Svobody 70
Chapter 10 - Laska 78
Chapter 11 - Bratrsky 85
Chapter 12 - Rovnost 92
Chapter 13 - Hlupak 100
Chapter 14 - Nedele 107
Chapter 15 - Snih 113
Chapter 16 - Duchovni 121
Chapter 17 - Zapsat 128
Chapter 18 - Blazinek 135
Chapter 19 - Tuzex 142
Chapter 20 - Neurozumny 149
Chapter 21 - Bohemia to Bondi 155
Chapter 22 - Konec 163
 A Bohemian Fool

Chapter 1 - Trznice
Dominic was a passenger in a car that stopped for a Czech beer and a sausage
along the way at a roadside hut, a Russian man and his friends, who spoke
loudly and gesticulated aggressively, joined him. He then got back in the car and
slept on another time zone as the road narrowed and bent and the holes in the
road disturbed his gentle rest. He dreamed a dream alone. The scenery flashed
by, as he opened and closed his eyes. He didn’t necessarily want to see. He
wanted to reach some destination he had never been to. The 120Km trip took
an eternity, the infrastructure maligned by years of neglect and little funding did
not allow for rapid transit through the ancient green fields. His driver, Vladimir
was friendly but he did not speak very good English. He signed and gestured to
make himself understood. When they reached a gentle slope and descended into
the city, the passenger stared through the window at the old buildings and
moderately busy roads without knowing of their importance, but this was to be
his new home.

A bohemian tale from any source may first appear somewhat contrived, in fact,
possibly even amalgamated from various sources and diluted suitably for
consumption. Unfortunately, any such tale, from what is now part of Czech, is
fundamentally and exactly that, which naturally makes it seem unreliable in
terms of its authenticity or sincerity. However the truth is a rare commodity
indeed, a price cannot be negotiated or its value calculated for such explicit
knowledge. Any story is hard to cite as being true, it could be so superficial or
have no regard for the human condition, it could fragment or lack action. It
might not allow for error or suitable contrast and it certainly will not offer any
ending that will suggest any level of satisfaction or conclusion, as in life there
appears not to be one, it somehow can only be described as a rolling process we
are fixed to. Nevertheless, it does offer bare emotion in all in its glory, its nerve
endings jangle and are exposed in the moonlight and are always visible
throughout.

It was a sunny day, one of the last that still had some warmth, that year. The
people seemed grey and maligned to Dominic as he glanced, as he had come
from a land of optimism and naivety, one everyone longed to visit and maybe
stay. The car ground to a halt on a slight hill, he pulled out his bag, a long green
one with ‘Australia’ blazoned across the side. He’d bought it cheaply, from a
Chinese man in Brisbane, en route; this was fitting as it was made there, like
most things. It was to take his winter clothes in as he had shipped his suitcase
with summer clothes. It had wheels, which made it easier to pull, but this was of
little use as he was led to an apartment up four flights of stairs and he was made
to carry 23Kg to the top. His habitual smoking and lack of activity caused

1
Chapter 1 - Trznice

breathlessness. He felt dizzy and tired from his journey, yet this day he had only
flown from London. It is a mere two hours in the air.

As a destination, the Czech Republic is a place where men have suffered in the
turning tide of history, it was therefore a fitting temporary home for a man
dazed with sorrow and in need of a lifeline of hope. He too, could learn how to
cope, as they had done throughout generations, he could consider what they
might have aspired to, he felt worthy of such a role, to assess others and their
deep misfortune. There are many destinations suited to solving the dilemmas of
our lifetime, but none better than Bohemia with its ancient fields of mustard
and rhyme. One person had had a major impact on others, she had always done
so, but this time the devastation she caused, blew away any hope for the
recipient. The nature of deception it seems, is based on a whim, it undoubtedly
brings misery and suffering and follows an ancient pattern of illogical reason
and lies without any progression or thought.

She disturbed him still, her sentiments were selfish, and troubled even those
who didn’t know her. He wasn’t able to rid himself of these bad feelings that
were fixed in his mind that she had produced so capably. He hoped finally, to
do so. However, the opportunities were rare and the wish less so. So
preoccupied had he become, he saw little, he did less and felt nothing but
sadness. He had to somehow change this or waste another lifetime. He sought
an injection of culture, history and perspective, anything in fact to alter his path.
He longed to function again in a systemic and beautiful way. He wanted to meet
her again, but this would not solve the riddles of the jesters’ tales, so bright his
clothes, so amusing his stories of him, this would surely fail him again. He
wanted to sit in some cafe, He wanted to steal some words and desert from this
petty war until love eclipsed his soul and returned him home.

He discovered quickly that his new city was known for its ability to revive the
health of those who could afford its delights. His driver had informed him of
the great benefits and some of the things he could do in his smiling manner.
Vladimir gave him a magazine describing local activities, some of which was in
English. An array of activities was on offer and numerous historic places to see,
but Dominic wasn’t overly excited about this. For centuries they had come,
aristocracy and royalty, all desiring a longer and healthier life, a rest perhaps
from the traumas of their time. For someone like Dominic, this seemed a pre-
determined, destined and immediate solution; He was in good company, he
thought, as he worked through his troubles, they left a legacy which he could
perhaps cohere to or learn from. He had become quite desperate to find a
solution to rid himself of the pain, it was like a cancer that engulfed his entire
body and soul that destroyed the remaining living cells, rendering all his
attempts at recovery as ineffective. It was as if, a razor blade had been left inside
his spleen after an operation and as it moved slowly through his intestinal
2
 A Bohemian Fool

system, it sliced his tubes and hurt him. Every movement was punctured with
blood that oozed, as he wept, and it gave him sharp and constant reminders of
his loss. The Morpheus, whom he sought or perhaps even morphine, that
seemed to be required to deaden this severe and overpowering pain, might just
be the relics and remnants from the past, in this small city, it could act as an
inducement to rest his weary soul, he prayed.

It was known by different names, this small city, by different people and
popular with Russian tourists who had left and come back in a different form.
Karlovy Vary, Karlsbad and Carlsbad were its Czech and German names. Now
the Soviets commanded housing and not their army garrisons along the border
with the Bavarian capitalists. Much had changed, it seemed, but despite
numerous occupations from the south, the west, the east and once the north in
the hundreds of years that came before Dominic’s arrival, there remained
something that transcended these political changes. There is something in this
city that provides clues to understanding the mysteries, of how and why we
unravel issues in ourselves in our lifetimes, and why there is this long and
bloody history, that there are many tales of. Why are these processes repeated
every time we are reborn, in every generation, in every culture? In this small city
these things seemed intrinsically connected somehow. There was a feeling in
Dominic’s mind that he had discovered this place in some kind of cosmic
accident on the Internet. It was not a coincidence. They seem rarely to exist.

He still lived with the memories of fairer times, fixed in his mind, he knew he
had kissed his own soul in the past and he knew he did not know what to do
now. It was a melting mélange of decaying madness neatly packaged into a daily
nightmare guided by fear and hatred. It resonated consistently through his tall
frame that had become lighter and leaner lately. The question ‘why’ came to the
surface of his daily thoughts, through reason and rationale but there was no
logic he could see, or an answer either, to any of it. He had considered his fertile
and kind nature and assumed it was not required in this world of commodities
and sales. Like others, he had hobbled through life, propped up by delusions
that had now dissolved before his eyes.

Home for him was now the region where healing waters, minor volcanoes and
earthquakes combined to form an active environment. A backdrop that was
laced with relaxing sounds of flowing purity, of piano played with passion by a
knowledgeable soul, a saxophone gliding with perplexing tones reaching out to
obtain absolute clarity. He witnessed sketches of his path that he needed to
follow along each street he walked. He was once told that he must only spend
his time with things and people who were versed in the real world of stars and
universal principles. He must avoid the troubled variety seen exclusively on our
fixed screens of perception, but he had surrounded himself with all the reasons
and methods that had led him here. He would spend no time with any man. He
3
Chapter 1 - Trznice

had not followed this ancient advice and he had paid dearly for not doing so.
The centre for his modern development of thought had arrived in his eye-line,
but even this had yet to aspire to such notoriety, it somehow played its part in
evolving his world and now perhaps it was speeding up in this time. It was not
as if, however, they were separate in anyway. It matters little sometimes as to
why.

Despite an obsessive need to discover the folklore and its music, the magic had
passed him by. There are some things that cannot be influenced or altered
perhaps and he did not believe this previously, but her torment and destruction
taught him this. The delivery of a catastrophic event on every level brought him
to Czech to escape the aftershocks he felt daily, only to be jolted in his chair
whilst he sat listening to her song. His heart and the Czech land would not
divide anymore; no more wars would ravish this terrain, Dominic naively
convinced himself without ever understanding. However, he promised himself
this and hoped for divine intervention. For when humanity loses its compassion
and kindness there is little left to know.

The story of Dominic is one, whose world was incinerated overnight on a

whim, on an act of childish revenge, and it took the recipient on a voyage,
unplanned into the realms inhabited by those who merely reside there. It is a
tale of exploration of that mystical notion of love and what it is and is not,
loosely wound onto its pages. The credit rating of pure devotion was monitored
on a monthly basis and he had not done well lately as repression had taken its
toll on an unsuspecting soul. But, it is a story without a theme, a momentary
glance into the wrong direction and a closing door that led the historical figure
back to Bohemia. This narrative from the past, the not so distant past, where
events conspired so catastrophically, so succinctly, it seemed as if there was, in
fact, little point trying to resist this overpowering force. It was a classic and epic
episode of the destructive nature of people inspired by their own delusion,
where only the brave could even claim to have survived the onslaught the gods
had delivered.

Wave after wave of disasters came without warning and Dominic ducked, hid
and moved about consistently in an attempt to stem the constant anxiety and
anguish it delivered. He had always wandered aimlessly trying to understand
something that was unexplainable. He suffered unspeakable things at the cruel
and unforgiving hands of another who betrayed him consistently through lies
and actions that cut him out of a life they had all shared together. Throughout
this time, a period of two years, he lost any sense of balance or any perception
he had known and everything seen as normal was not and everything that was
obviously crazy was accepted. The truth mattered little; he too, had no place to
call home and nowhere to go after a lifetime of serenity. This ceased overnight.
There were so many times he thought and believed that it could not get any
4
 A Bohemian Fool

worse, but it did repeatedly as the full force of another person’s obvious
sickness changed his life so much, he no longer recognised night and day. The
lies flowed unabated and the fantasies were constructed to rewrite history.

This tale is not a story of love, or great romance, but there was love in
Dominic’s mind. It is not a recipe for revenge either, but it featured in his
thoughts on numerous occasions. It is not an exploration of Bohemia; it is set
there, but only as Verona is for that medieval drama, written by William Bacon.
This contained a universal theme where it appeared that there would be little
recovery or acceptance; the characters limped through the scenes unwillingly.
Old scores were not settled, as in the real world, opposed to the dramatic one,
there are no victors who triumph, there are only people who, regardless of
which side they purport to support, suffer unobtrusively. Balance is only gained
internally and not from reaching out. The blend of a superseded regime and its
successor do feature in a monolithic internal struggle in Bohemia with a demi-
hero and his faltering allies, the two appear to inter-twine in an uncomfortable
collusion.

In its conclusion, there are no beneficiaries as the world is an uncaring place, its
people are divided by varying illusions and the need to compete against each
other in character. Men are cared for in a manipulated manner and dismissed
for their complicity when it seemed that this was what was required. Men do
not know which way to turn or act as they are twisted and confused in their
stupidity. The women quietly, under pressure from others, arrange things for
themselves and their supposed sanity. There is little sense evident for anyone as
it is all soundly based on a nonsensical fairy-tale which may have a hidden
meaning, but it is one that is not clear to the players who perform its rituals
daily.

Towards the end of this two year stretch of a personalised and imposed new
world order, Dominic made a hasty and risky decision to travel to Europe. The
Czech Republic is nestled conveniently in central Europe, this where he found a
small city that sits on its western border. He lay mercifully in pain prior to his
departure, he sat cold in his room with no warmth or comfort in a winter so
long it surpassed all others without money or food. He functioned, wastefully,
without much care or concern and he fantasised regularly on enacting revenge
in detail. He had pounded the streets of Perth in Australia, looking for answers,
crying and barely noticing the moon, or in fact anyone around him. He had to
escape and run, but where was not clear until he discovered an opportunity in
Karlsbad, a place he had not heard of before.

There were some lights in the distance he could see, but couldn’t comprehend.
He packed up what was left and sent it to Europe with the proceeds of sold
items he had managed to hold onto somehow in the storm. He arrived in his
5
Chapter 1 - Trznice

new home after a big fall. It was September. He was in exile from himself, sent
by him to recover from the ashes of his past. Banished from his family and
detached from sanity, he still hoped to return. He was suffering from certain
ailments from this long journey. His eyes were a problem, they hurt and there
were infections. There had been so many tears that had spread themselves
across his cheeks; they had seeped unwittingly without control. He no longer
needed to think of situations that could invoke it, for purposes of acting as
such; there was an understanding of the difference he felt. This was nothing like
the real thing. This sickness was something new he had not felt before; it had
severed all his connections. It had taken over his life. There were other ailments
he was certain would develop into full-blown illness. The thought of being
rushed into medical custody was appealing, as it meant she might come back,
she no longer listened to his words; they were dismissed immediately regardless
of their meaning or sentiment.

Whatever path is taken and Bohemia is only one, it can lead the lost soul home,
a parable often suggests such a notion without giving the method, but this tale is
neither a religious or a philosophical discussion, it is only about emotion. It is
little more than a ramble through the psyche and its luring neurosis as detailed
so eloquently by many in the past. The famous visitors to the magical healing
waters of a spa town had not recited many things with absolute clarity. There is
another version of this, the spa water has obvious properties we as men can
benefit from, but it is unclear how we can. They touch and run down our skin
penetrating the pores of our unclean mask and suit, we ask for more, not
knowing why or what it will do to us. Dominic did not avoid this; he did not
avoid any of the things that destroy men. He felt unable to carry on, many
times, he did not waiver at the thought of ending his misery. Life was only
pretence, he felt, there is nothing of any value that he could see.

Laura had taken everything from him overnight when she fell in love with a
man from Algeria, half his and her age. It was a shock, a frightening one. It had
crippled him and destroyed him, there were no solutions to this, none. He
initially thought it could be resolved. She left him homeless, without money and
hope. She had shipped his entire belongings too, he was left with his clothes
and not a car to transport them, to add to this was a seven year bad credit
legacy. It was planned, he would join her in her Middle Eastern enclave, despite
not wanting to, and he was prepared to do so. His new job in Czech gave him
these things back instantly, a car, an apartment that was furnished and money
too. He was totally depressed; he saw no future without her. All that time they
had spent together, he constantly said out loud, which overnight was rendered
meaningless. It could not be easily dismissed, as it was a major blow to the spirit
and his purpose. He had been betrayed in one moment, as many others had
been previously. He had joined a long list of victims, when he had always felt
above this level of interaction; he felt his friend was there for the entirety of this
6
 A Bohemian Fool

life, despite Dominic really no longer wishing to live her crazy version of reality.
There was always another side to things.

He longed for something he could not define. Nothing was clear, there was
doubt, and everything is always a mix of objectives and perspectives. He wanted
some sanity he could feel, a sanctuary from himself and others, perhaps, a place
where no one could find him. He wanted a tree house at the very top; with
views overseeing land and a sea as wide and as beautiful as the Indian Ocean he
had said good-bye to on its most eastern shore. His castle, which most men
cultivate and sometimes need to retreat to in times of conflict or in times of
assault, had been overlooked by his floating and mercurial nature. This was a
mistake of epic proportions on one level of thinking as he had clearly had his
sanctuary foreclosed. However in another way, it offered a branch to his plant
life nature and the root of his soul, not of his place of birth or country, but to a
place where he once remained in peace, if he could avoid living on the streets,
this had been a closer reality than he would have liked. A place, he, like most
others, had lost sight of in this deep state of confusion, in this very modern and
undefined world we appeared to reside in. The streets were not a place of serene
silence that he could contemplate, he would not survive out there in wind and
rain, or storms that would lower his caste and expose him to the all the
elements.

For some reason he lived through each day, the purpose had escaped him, he
did not fight it. He always spoke of responding, but did little to suggest he
would. By means of silence he accepted his fate. He was never quiet about it,
internally, he moved from this to numbness, he considered many things, none
were as significant as he thought, he wondered if indeed he was happy with his
new life, but pretended otherwise to others. Leaving Bohemia was as easy as
arriving, he suggested to himself, its alien location offered clues to many things
he could discover. Dominic recalled everything he knew about a crusade, but
for what, he did not know. He was like so many others, all engaged in a
personal battle to keep them from themselves. The lack of conflict or strategic
planning was a key factor in his survival, but the war still raged in hearts and
minds. A painter who is unable to mix paints on his palette is one who divides
his reality into compartments and therefore does not see that all colours come
from one pure light. Sometimes, this is a way to survive the onslaught brought
to men by others, without the fight, where you become the enemy. We meander
through the great ocean of Samsara, the Tibetans say; it surrounds every
thought and action, rendering any hope of surviving this flood unlikely. We
become what we oppose in our quest for what is right.

This superficial division of culture we so subscribe to allures and classifies us

and it must seem as if we are no longer interested in its differences. He was not,
after all, visiting Czech as a representative of his branch of the human race, as it
7
Chapter 1 - Trznice

did not interfere with his sadness. This is one thing that he would not give, even
to his enemies, knowingly or willingly. The one world it is was being imposed
on us all slowly in a different way. The same shapes and ideas were being
created everywhere in a grey monolithic Soviet like structure and if this was a
redefining period of time, it did not touch or inspire many. It was as if,
Dominic’s life was also being assembled in this way too. Somehow all the events
that were valued and his own, personal version of the truth were transplanted
by means of hatred and replaced with notions that he had never understood.
This can happen, it seemed, quicker than we were all able to keep up with. The
synchronicity in personal lives and the world that surrounds them is not an act
of collusion; men have always lived within the period of time bequeathed to
their hapless souls.

The world can detonate into chaos without notice to us; descend into war,
economic depravity and a total loss of everything, but was his experience
therefore, likely to be an omen of what was to come? Would he find this island
of the great white cloud that waited for all of us? This is the one that is so far
from Bohemia. He felt that his own personal disaster could be a forerunner for
a series of sinister events which were unfolding slowly in the world. He hoped
his experiences would assist him to survive what was about to come, but he also
realised this might be solely an expression of his imagination which he fired to
counteract the assault. There did exist a need for him to find an answer to many
things, but it required something tangible to hold onto and not something he
could not deny so easily. He no longer wanted to blame himself for failing to
hold onto his family.

Any ship from Bohemia, had to be an empty vessel firmly aground, waiting to
be filled with cargo, as there was little to say that had not been said, no water
reached the shore and no man asked to sail from here. Not one person tried to
discuss Dominic’s dilemma, he was vilified at every opportunity and laughed at
by many. It was not a question of explanation, not many wanted to try to
understand or cared to know, in fact, no one was interested whether he lived or
died. It was certainly easier to not even try, to avoid thinking alone and in his
isolation he sought places to go, Siberia was one, a place where he could not
leave until winter was done, the snow not allowing an easy escape, the Trans-
Siberian Express, the only option. He felt that his life was being shut down for
good this time. He compromised and sought something closer but not so far
away, but it was all an enormous distance from Australia and he was far from
himself. A bohemian lifestyle was preferred in a resort not too far from familiar
places and a few known faces, a thousand kilometres from this place, sat those
whom he had known, not the twenty thousand as before. England, his place of
birth was near.

8
 A Bohemian Fool

However, he sought to go beyond the gates of Hades this time. He was looking
for a Hermes figure to guide him through this afterlife and seek the pleasures
that are promised. He had forced his way into eternity, by design, and he still
needed to find a way out again. He wanted to know the mysteries that had been
kept from him, hidden in many ways and now was a good time to learn of their
value, as he desperately needed some form of empowerment. Was there any
choice involved or was it a gamble which he had no control over the odds or
the outcome? This he had not considered. He saluted the divinity within himself
and others. He saw the mass of bone and water as a vehicle for his journey and
this was enough for him.

Dominic went out to find food, some comfort, whilst retaining solitude. He
found a rundown supermarket and a bar, which seemed fit, only for the down
and lonely. He would not venture this way again in case his ticket to return
would expire and he would be stranded there between life and death. The
apartment was small but held all the things he needed to survive. There was
sufficient heating, natural light from angled rooftop windows, a small desk and a
bed to lie on. There was a Czech style shower, handheld, that he could bathe
under. A small TV with access to Europe’s favourite channels in his bedroom
and his music was contained on a small pocket size hard drive on his small desk.
He would make it comfortable here in exile, he decided.

He lived next to a bus station, named the market, Trznice. Outside, people
congregated whilst they waited for buses and there were a handful of small bars
with machines to gamble on, which were frequented as early as ten in the
morning. It was a curious mixture of people; it reflected the composition of
cultures and race in what was, an ever-changing society. Sometimes visitors
would stop here, lost, asking for directions, cars marked with Ukrainian
registrations plates would pause and five men, tattooed and big would climb out
after many hours squashed together, to get their bearings. The car never had an
empty seat. German families would come at weekends to learn of their former
territory. Russian groups would congregate with their guide and discuss many
things before moving on, Dominic suspected there were new plans for a silent
invasion, perhaps on the daily flights from St Petersburg or Moscow. There was
work here for them all, it seemed, only if they were in need of it, the men
certainly were from the Ukraine. There was a small supermarket named Albert
and a small restaurant attached selling cheap, cooked food. It was busy, always
and offered stodgy, salty, east European food. It was not in any way appealing
to Dominic and its clientele appeared threatening and volatile. This was
unfounded really, but they seemed ‘rough types’ to a new arrival such as
Dominic, it just looked totally run down as Europe does in some places.

9
Chapter 2 - krásná žena

Chapter 2 - krásná žena

On arrival, there is always a natural fear and the seeking of a return ticket. It is
possible to think that perhaps that if you went up and down then there must be
some satisfaction or conclusion to your journey, but the perspective that
surrounds you intercepted your journey. Education forgot to mention the flow
of energy and how to channel it, it can be taken in the direction, which is
perhaps construed, as more constructive, rather than discharging it so quickly.
Dominic did not choose an easy path, in one sense; in fact, he chose a trip that
involved feeling and perceiving things as our ancient predecessors once did.
There were those men and women who tormented themselves with their
understanding and expression of that and did not leave a legacy or ever return
to explain this to us.

Dominic had arrived, in what appeared, a semi-mystical place to the initiated.

However, it is the one that sits in the centre of the past, with its visionaries who
now disguised their intent in the form of street hustlers, offering trips to nirvana
and back in a multitude of ways. How the church designers would loathe this
new religion of fixing temporarily our lifelong suffering. What would those
masons say to us? From their knowledge of the planets and the stars they
explicitly display on their monuments, perhaps they would understand? Surely,
they no longer needed to pretend to us about our place on this earth. We did
not know it, but they might well know more. After all, this is before a gift of
coinage or more and in return, this temporary feeling of euphoria. This can
always happen in any year or season. Do we believe that we can harvest the
seeds we have sown with a scythe? They knew we were caught up in a belief
system that we subsequently discovered had another side, a sacrificial pagan
ingredient we never really understood. This took us away to another regime, and
another set of values and rules we had to comply with, one that seemed kinder
to our hearts. It was born again on suffering but superseded its origin. Dominic
too, had been caught up in someone else’s set of life rules; he’d had his energy
stolen. He had been dragged down to the depths of others, he felt. The seeds he
had planted had strangled his independence and it had left him in a type of
purgatory.

Dominic’s ruling planet had turned direction again, and now it was time to
move forward, it had been stated once again in an eternal cyclical pattern that
went beyond one lifetime. Dominic’s constant consultation with the oracle
helped him decide that it was time to look outward and to try to no longer
reflect. It was time to be a living entity once again. Trznice was close to him; it
is the station to go for local trips, but local ones only. You can go to the
suburbs and back, no more than this. But, this was far enough for him now; it

10
 A Bohemian Fool

was not time to find this mythical island with the great white cloud. He needed
to wait another year, when autumn had passed and winter held him in freezing
conditions with his new coat and boots to warm him. He had to wait until a
Peruvian bird flew into the city and delivered a new heart for him, specially
ordered, gift wrapped and kept in a heart shaped chocolate box and then, until
the transplant was complete and he had recovered. Only then could he plan his
journey from the underworld and return to tell others of life after this one. He
sought to discover it all, to free himself from his earthly pain and sorrow that
Laura had delivered to him. The bird was scheduled to arrive at the time of the
winter solstice; it is when darkness controls the skies more than the light. And
then as winter lingered he would either recover slowly from this operation or
make haste to see Claudia again as early as the Chinese New Year. He had to
wait to see what was best to ensure a full and speedy recovery.

Dominic suspected there was another reason, a developing one. He had hinted
previously, to himself and others in the many public, but private conversations
he had conducted in shelters or in rain soaked parks by means of mobile
technology. Dominic imagined a scenario, where he had to wait for instructions
from Hermes, as he would surely know when and what he needed to do. He
would come to him in many different forms and Dominic felt that he had to be
ready for his visit as it could come at any time. He could not be too drunk or
distracted, as he would not recognise him. He could not labour too intensively
and in his stupidity, ignore his special call. Hermes was the messenger who
could take him back from Trznice to Claudia and Australia. This higher purpose
became a kind of faith, his version of, and he held onto it with a tight grip in
case there was little else, fear drives many decisions and feelings. Dominic was
never sure, he had always wished it was different and this ignoring of the truth
had served him badly. It was a curious situation and not one that anyone could
have prepared himself for. Not Dominic or anyone else he knew.

His self-imposed banishment took him to a new place he had no concept of and
wasn’t interested in either. He had no desire to interact with the Czech people
other than when he had to at work. Dominic was hired as a teacher of English,
He would fulfil his contract, and he would smile incessantly. He knew how to
play this game; He had plenty of practice in the past to call on. How long he
would last in this small city, he wasn’t sure, it mattered little at this time. He
only needed to survive and then he might take to the water again. His job was a
simple one, but he had risked losing the only thing he had left, his friend,
Claudia and he was scared. He was petrified of being totally alone. It was easy to
reach, this stage of life, especially if you have a natural adversity to the world as
Dominic did, indifferent to most things, he tired easily of the incessant
nonsense and the great scramble to survive. After losing everything so
dramatically with no recourse, he no longer cared too much about many things.
He had struggled to support himself and although he limped through the first
11
Chapter 2 - krásná žena

year, it was a pathetic attempt at living. He was always distracted and felt so
tragically lost and empty. He responded as if he had been driven to the outback
of Australia and dumped, before he had even realised what had happened. He
saw a small piece of light through a small hole, whilst he was being driven in the
boot of a car, for many hours and left to die in the searing heat and dust. He
had flies in his ears and he couldn’t hear and he had insects crawling all over his
body. There was no water either. Dominic had commitments to fulfil, he had to
work a minimum of 20 hours and he believed he could fool those people into
perceiving he was happy and he was not a sick man with great sadness in his
heart. He was their answer to breaking through the barriers of learning another
language.

There had been so much history and so much to love about life. There had
been children and laughter; there had been achievement in this world, with so
many things to discuss. Dominic was part of a family, which to him was
important. However, lurking in the background was the danger of insanity; it
raised its ugliness from time to time in varying forms and then got decidedly
worse in the preceding years. He thought that he should have acted to negate its
destructive force but his lack of faith in his own insight stopped him somehow
and he did nothing. He had many opportunities to do so. He allowed Laura’s
madness to dominate the family, as she had installed herself as the centre of it,
when he really should have controlled things more, but this was not his nature
to do so. He had paid a heavy toll for having a kind heart in an unforgiving
world of superficial nonsense. It started, when the children were beginning their
teenage years, Laura coped badly with this change. She interfered with this
natural process; she manipulated the emphasis back to her and gave the children
difficult things to deal with. Her position as zookeeper of the park and of all
things, including the centre of the universe, was under threat. She fought hard
to retain this place within the family. She spied on everyone, it became
obsessive and it created problems. It was at this time the balance and love
started to leave this family and he faced a choice of following her lead into the
abyss, upsetting his special relationships with his kids or resisting and spending
the rest of his life alone. Neither was preferable to him, it was absurd. It was the
commencement of a long and dangerous journey and despite Dominic’s
perception of terror in the local square of Trznice, this seemed a minor issue to
him at this time, compared with the trauma of everything else.

The apartment was small; it was really not big enough for anymore than one
person. This was ideal, as Dominic intended no one else to breach its shaped
and rooftop ceilings and walls. Its laminated wooden floor was ideal to walk
bare foot and the portable robe sufficient to hang his tired clothes from such
movement. The view from his two windows was of rooftops and the grey sky
above. It backed onto the backs of other similar apartments. It was very central
to things, whatever those things were that were required, such as food and beer
12
 A Bohemian Fool

and not always any of them. There was a need for some serious care as Dominic
had already started to show signs of decline, he looked pale and withdrawn, and
he was not noticeable in a crowd as he once was. He slithered through the
crowds. His age was also against him, his eye was swollen too. He knew he
looked ill; his smile was crooked, hiding his decaying teeth. Age was taking its
toll on his body and now he needed to compete in a commercial game to not be
alone, it was a tough proposition.

The local population was restrained and indifferent to another foreigner it

seemed. They had seen too many perhaps in the past to no longer care.
Dominic’s cultural heritage was not theirs. His car was illuminated with
advertisements promoting escape from normality and the world discovery of his
language. It was embarrassing for Dominic, but as it read in Czech, not so. No
one ever stared at the yellow letters on a wine coloured car body, no more than
they stared at the big posters on the sides of buses. The local population
perhaps didn’t want to or could not afford to learn English. The city seemed
run down and old, he felt empathy with its past. There was much to discover
and he hoped not to just sit at home and ponder or just cry anymore. Before
this soap opera commenced, Dominic had the good fortune to have met
Claudia. She had held him in moments of panic and fear and had given him the
strength to arrive here, but in aiding him to survive had conspired to love him
more than anyone had done for some time. He had lost any sense or
understanding in this world and the love within it, his balance had long been
lost when his subjective viewpoint had been wiped clean of all its
misconceptions.

Claudia thought for herself in a fiercely independent way, but she was always
listening to others as he did too. This was in case she was crossing the county
line without permission; no one wants to join the ranks of the street hustlers
with their stretch limousine cars promising the dispersion and theft of your
energy. Some people were resistant to this. Once we have paid, we will be left
with nothing of any lasting value. We will always pay plenty, it was guaranteed.
With what is left, there will be enough for a ride home, we think, but we will be
empty of spirit. There is emptiness and pain we may feel inside, one Dominic
had felt as he suffered under duress from his persecutor. His torture chamber
took away his fear of living and installed a fear of dying, but neither seemed
different, as the cries were as loud. A voice spoke to him one particularly long
night, one that may have built the castle on the hill. Forms of energy will outlast
us all, the master mason stated. We must not allow them to disperse so readily.

Claudia sat at home and waited for news of his trip, she needed to see if he was
completely mad or was just making a concerted effort to provoke reinvention.
No one was too sure which was the truth, in fact, as in most situations both
were likely to be true. It was an auspicious day, but it did not feel particularly
13
Chapter 2 - krásná žena

significant, Dominic wanted to go home or deep in his heart where once there
was calm, but he had lost this place of sanctuary too, there was no longer
anywhere to go. He suddenly discovered how crucial this place was; he hadn’t
appreciated it, so secure was he, wherever he stayed. Yet, now in this foreign of
lands where language was clearly a problem and its people distant and reserved,
he had come to seek some understanding and sense, allegedly, this was not
known to him.

He wrote to Claudia and spoke to her daily on the way, so wonderful were
modern communications. He had isolated himself further from those who
sought to care for him, and ran from those who didn’t understand him. He
wasn’t sure if he had in turn lost her. He expressed his wishful thinking by
means of the telephone almost religiously every day after he arrived, so she
didn’t believe he left her. So she could only think positive thoughts of him. So,
she didn’t take her love from him. Then he would perhaps be left here in this
small city cut off from the forces of sanity, exposed to those age-old principles
once again.

What forces that brought him here were not known either, he had briefly seen
two men before, they both had great troubles which were far worse than his,
they lay spent and suffered, albeit differently. One was his old friend, Tony,
who was dying of cancer and the other, his father, who was extremely old and
becoming frail. He offered little in the way of relief, only sharing his stories the
jester lay before him to deflect a difficult time. It seemed to work, the court
applauded his tales of woe. He opened his heart to Laura and she kept a piece
for her time of 27 years, she held him for a long time and would not let him go,
despite his attempts to leave. She held his strings above his head. But now, he
had severed the limits and the paralysis and he wore the yellow and red of his
jester’s clothes to prove his conviction. He received an award for his survival.

Claudia acted as a small light he followed for a while, she guided him slowly,
sometimes she was annoyed at him, others she loved him and sometimes she
confused him. But then she held his hand ever so gently sometimes and then
other times she pulled at him to take him out of his misery. Her touch was vital
and addictive; her method of caressing and loving was something Dominic had
not experienced previously. He somehow came out of his trance and he didn’t
even know her. He didn’t know why she helped him; he didn’t deserve her
attention when there were others who needed it too. She was his angel who
picked him up, how did he repay her? He left her home, he left her country, he
left her heart, hurt and damaged. He crossed land and oceans from Australasia
to Bohemia to understand how she did this, he needed to know if it was just
more confusion, he was not someone who could be judged with a normal light
of consciousness. She saw this, he thought, there was another aspect to be

14
 A Bohemian Fool

considered. He was tainted with an earthly brush that demons had filled with
dark colours and who washed his lighthouse with oil.

He could see her again, so perfectly formed, young in a sense, but mature in
another, if only she’d touch him again, hold him in her arms, he thought. He
wanted to feel her again, transfer her energy to him, He wanted to take this
from her, but with her, he added, he might offer something in return.
Something she may not have considered. If she had already made a liaison then
she will not look at him, he thought worriedly, these are the rules. If he was
considered too old, too short, too tall, too complicated, not normal, she might
say no to him spending his time with her. And when he stays he will surely need
to leave right now, the balance had now shifted and there were cosmic reasons
for this change. As in the Egyptian period, the heir to the throne chose her
husband to be the Pharaoh, Dominic felt he too had been selected.

Those who know these issues force through their message to the descendants
of the builders of the castle, the men who left clues to all things at the right
time. Dominic’s interpretation was vital to begin with, he had to decipher the
meaning of the code, but this is not adventure with only one possible clue and
answer, there was no conclusion, only a collection of possibilities as to why? If
we take the circumstances of the cosmos into consideration will we feel our way
through this mire of pollution? It could help us make it through to the other
side of this place we are heading. But was Claudia ready for such adventure?
Dominic wondered, does she need to be an adventurer and climb to the top
where there is little oxygen for her to think straight? When it is withdrawn there
is sleepiness and less clarity. The base camp of Mount Everest, where she had
been was only a start, but its altitude was considerable.

He spoke with her just before he went out, a long and deep conversation and
she said many serious words and he listened. “I do listen to you.” Dominic
stuttered. “I do not listen to many people as they do not have anything to say. I
can tell when their opinion or advice is regurgitated from another source and
doesn’t come from their heart.” He concluded. What made us susceptible to
words and customs, the result was, that we were able to change so quickly?
Throughout history there had been manipulation, people had been fooled
repeatedly and made to react to contrived circumstances. It had to stop one day
and when it did stop it would come from an understanding of the past.
“Do you think you could be with me, I mean really be with me? I think about
this, I have been together once, one time when I could think of nothing else.
It’s a long time ago now. It’s time I felt this again, may be with you this time? I
am tired of referring to the past. I want to think about now, what I am doing
this moment.” Dominic rambled to her with little response. But he was
throwing about thoughts which included planning, for he promised himself that
the next year would surpass the last in terms of content. He tried his best to act
15
Chapter 2 - krásná žena

normally, telling her that despite only just arriving, he was already thinking of
returning. He wasn’t sure if this was just to please her, or test her need to have
him return.

Dominic was teased like a child for his tears, tears which caused a problem for
his eye, a blockage to the duct, to complement the one in his mind too, one he
had held for so long. But she did something to him, which caused him to wake
up again. He was well on the way to his winter wishing everyone farewell until
she inspired a revival and a renewal of his faith. Not his faith in the unknown,
but faith in his deepest thoughts, the ones he had when he was alone, the ones
that freed him from the bonds of performance and of life itself. He tossed and
turned at night until she kept him wedged on the edge of the bed unable to roll
without telling her first. This he regretted, not rolling into her arms more often,
but when he lived alone again, he ventured back to sleeplessness and two hour
stints of sober dreams. Subsequently, he made seven hours of which many were
spotted with motionless dreams, so settled had he become. But he was
restricted to phone calls with Claudia and nothing more.

He thought of many moments, he thought of colour, he thought of his own

sadness, He thought of her, always of Claudia, as if she held a place high in his
heart. He knew she would understand, should he fail in Czech and not make a
good life for himself. It was not a time for plans perhaps, he suggested to her,
after making many. She did this for him too. She held him in the darkness,
when he clung only to the misery and loneliness in his heart. Tony and his
father were fading away and he often wished to join them on their journey as
there was nothing left for him to do, but he knew that his licence had more time
to run, he thought once to cancel it, but didn’t have the nerve to stop driving
like this on this bumpy and uneven Czech road. There were things that needed
to be done still perhaps, so he could stay with Claudia and lie in wait? “Can I
watch you take a shower and place a towel upon your head?” His final line of a
conversation was not an end; he suddenly didn’t want it to be this way. Later on
that day he wrote to her, the time difference between Perth and Karlovy Vary
was significant. He missed her.

He was amazed by her reaction to what he wrote, he knew she had no need to
lie, she didn’t want to rub his back and clean his clothes, she wanted to know
him, to show him her world. But he hoped he wouldn’t disappoint her, he
hoped he wouldn’t fail in terms of her expectations of him, he had yet to
complete a monologue and he was yet to come home. But he was not stuck in a
twilight world anymore. This love affair took him away from his troubles but
when he was with her there were too many comparisons and ones he did not
want to make. From a distance, the fantasy balanced the misery, and for once he
felt something other than numbness.

16
 A Bohemian Fool

She lit two candles, one for him and one for her. She wore a celestial dress to
welcome in the coming of a new era for her and them both too. He was not
present at this ceremony as he was engaged in exile elsewhere. In fact he was at
the starting gate waiting for a different siren this time to hail his new era, that
first new moment that was about to begin again. Was it the same as Claudia’s?
Dominic was not sure, but how relieved he felt, how open his heart had become
and so quickly. How he longed to share it with her. But when he lived in Czech
at the close of summer when the autumn sun warms you, but doesn’t roast you,
it is hard to imagine the onset of summer in Western Australia. So it did not feel
directly as if a golden age would fall upon them, at least to him.

He didn’t understand how they met so suddenly and then were thrown together
like it was meant to be as if some profound or divine being had said it would be
so. He had a lot of confusion in his mind. She was like someone he once knew.
In his youth, she was someone he would have wanted to know. From this she
had become a central figure he looked to, relied upon, and he had worried she
would let him down exactly in the same manner as he had been and he knew
this would be one time too many for him to cope with. She told him how she
had seen a vision. One of them together, the other a tale of success in his work,
was this wishful thinking or just some revelation? He liked to hear her story as if
she were his mother tucking him in bed, and one that seemed to be a possibility,
he didn’t care if it was true or a fantasy. But he was locked into a confused
regime and couldn’t feel the warmth or the complicit love that was on offer.

He knew, she too, may sacrifice some of herself for him and in turn change her
world to assimilate with his, but how far could she realistically go. He felt
unworthy of this position and considered many times abandoning their future
together, after all, it was so soon after the dramatics of Laura and the trauma
clouded any life with another woman. He had pushed their new relationship to
the limit by flying to Czech. He had many uncertainties along the way that were
more to do with him than them. Claudia was just different from Dominic. This
was a good thing, he felt. He thought he would wait and discover the best way
forward for himself and in turn them. He wasn’t really sure of any of it, as it was
too much to contemplate in his head full of sorrow and worry. But he could not
wait too long, time was important as another major loss would tip the balance
into the abyss. Dominic knew it. She had her time to adjust from the breakup of
her long-term relationship but Dominic had not. He was gambling on isolation
bringing him home again and he didn’t over estimate his position. He knew his
backstage pass would not last indefinitely.

17
Chapter 3 – Orlojem

Chapter 3 - Orlojem
What were these relationships we aspired to? They were simplistically
conditional and bore no relation to us. In the past these were life long, but this
fact had changed, partnerships as they were now defined, were temporary and
could be dissolved at any time without notice leaving the one who did not
choose this course of action feeling somewhat cheated at his or her investment
into another person being lost. It was as if, we were a product that could be
upgraded or traded in once our expiry date had arrived. When the person we
sleep with no longer meets our needs, he or she is changed. The age of the self,
which in principle sounds a wonderful concept, in truth, takes us further from
the very thing we wish to know. It could mean freedom and no more
oppression, but it became the result of a dip in performance instead. In the
world of credit, we are susceptible to market forces and ratings, it seems our
personal lives are also accountable on a regular basis and we are assessed as to
our suitability and it is constantly reviewed on the basis of trivia.

This brings insecurity to us all, our family unit is broken down further as we are
scattered far and wide from our kin. The fickle nature of life has taken us all
down a level once again, after we had made some progression. Dominic was a
very modern victim of this, aided and encouraged to live a meaningless life.
Freedom for him meant loneliness and sadness, with no support from others.
This was the only outcome for him when his light flashed and his time had
come to be cast out and away from his family. Yet, earlier he had chosen to
leave, believing he was choosing freedom from restriction. Life was like this, a
strange mixture of thoughts and feelings which took us all to places, that when
we arrived there, we wondered why. He thought he would now spend his entire
life in solitude fantasising about having sex and never actually doing this. There
were advantages to this, he felt, such as not having to deal with moody and
child like women who want life all their own way without reference to the
person they live with. He couldn’t imagine having another relationship again,
yet, he had fallen into one almost immediately. He was sceptical about this
naturally. But he was never a person to avoid the possibility of something; he
naturally went along with things to see where they would take him.

His partner and former friend, Laura went quite mad and duly disposed of her
entire family, the children were lost and Dominic couldn’t deal with them, he
abandoned them too. Dominic was in his late forties as men in his position
usually are; he couldn’t see the future held anything for him other than
loneliness. Dominic even saw signs in Claudia that required complicity and he
knew one day she too, would say the same things. He knew that one day she
would once again need a new variety of man, it was how things were. He had

18
 A Bohemian Fool

believed somewhat naively that Laura and him were above this annual festival of
partner exchange. Sadly for him, he was wrong, in fact it was this refusal to
acknowledge basic facts in his fool’s paradise, that helped lead him to such a
catastrophe. He underestimated the influence of others and he mistook signs as
nothing more than a normal problem she would recover from. His immunity
was high but he gambled and lost when everything conspired against him. The
mess that ensued and the suffering clearly appeared immense and not just for
him.

What is this level of compliance that Dominic failed to notice? He believed he

was free, but he was far from this, but if we believe we are free, when we are
imprisoned in our thinking, it is the most secure prison of all. There is a period
where a silent battle takes place. The victor parades her devotee to the world.
This is the opening salvo. She captures her slave and leads him around in
invisible chains. Dominic had forgotten the game he was party to. He lived in a
surreal world and wanted simple things whilst he explored his astral world, he
wanted to spend time together, build a home together, make children together
and if he wandered, he would be back, he felt he was just living his life. This
wilderness of security was not for him. It was a game to him, he could not relate
to any of it. He hoped there were better ways to live his life. He didn’t need a
possessive ‘vaudeville act’ who performed regularly as his ‘raison d’etre’.

Dominic wanted to love, be in love, he didn’t want to own anyone or be owned,

but he wanted real warmth and closeness and a joint purpose and a goal in
everything. Divorce came quickly between Dominic and Laura; she filed it
publicly to validate her actions. Dominic ignored it; it was served from a court
in England via a solicitor in Dubai and sent by email to Brisbane in Australia,
which he bounced back. When it could not be delivered by normal mail, as
there was no address known, it was put through court anyway and sanctioned
without reference to Dominic. It was what she wanted, and she got it via an
expensive lawyer who took full advantage of her need to hold onto what she
had found.

Dominic didn’t flinch at this news as it he knew it was coming; she had
hounded him earlier before he went to Czech for an address, which he never
gave. It mattered little, it was all in her master plan, and it made no difference to
him. Ignoring it ensured he didn’t recognise it. He just felt embarrassed for her
and his children. He had hopes, some silly romantic notions that faded as
quickly as they came. He was alone, separated by his physical body. He was a
different gender and a different nationality, this principle held firm in his mind.
He felt that this was the most realistic situation he had ever been in. His
confidence was low, his self-esteem didn’t register on any scale and now he had
travelled to a foreign land where no one spoke any English. This ensured he
would not be distracted whilst he decided what was next. He believed he
19
Chapter 3 – Orlojem

assisted in his own demise to an extent, he felt guilty in terms of the children
who were 18 and 20 then. He had let them down. He had failed to protect them
from Laura’s insanity.

Dominic looked awful, he felt awful and his pretence that he was fine was
ridiculous. He sat in his apartment, wedged neatly into a roof of an old building,
too scared to go out and too scared to stay in, but he had nowhere else to go.
He put on a brave face to the world, not an effective one, he acted as if he had
just lost his job, or his favourite pipe, an annoying matter, but not such a bad
thing. He felt burnt out from many years of madness; he started to recall much
of its complexity. He needed to go and buy a bus ticket to Prague, for only $10
he could watch a movie, get free coffee and see one of the world’s great cities. It
was enough for now in his ‘baby-step’ recovery. So out he went to the travel
agents. It was not too far to walk, through the small city, past a building where
people queued, but he was not sure why, past a tobacco shop where the woman
inside was rude and curt. She understood English, but refused to speak any. He
turned the corner and next door to a Thai massage centre was the travel agent
who offered cheap tickets everywhere. Dominic wasn’t as inspired as he
normally was by the prospect of travel.

He went inside and after a smile and an exchange of cash, a few hundred Czech
crowns and came out holding a ticket to Prague to leave the next day. He
walked back to his apartment and sat and surfed through the 600 or so channels
on his TV. Many had still pictures of scantily clad women with phone numbers
written over their bodies requesting the viewer call for a chat, the German was
simple enough for Dominic to understand. But he didn’t want to speak with
them in any language. He went back to the sports channels and started to enjoy
ice hockey. He ate and slept in preparation for the 120 km bus ride to Prague
that took nearly three hours on those bumpy and narrow roads.

Dominic walked through a nobleman’s square, he waited for a young girl there,
his tour guide to reality, where was she? It was early and there was coffee to be
found, and it was so cold, he knew the young girl felt as if she was up too early.
But let us trust those medieval men of faith. They kept secrets from us, it was
time for them to reveal their truth, and it is written on the walls of their
everlasting stone, sinking slowly into the ground as we build upon their
foundations. The young girl may coat herself with lighter colours to present a
desirable look, but the young girl only wanted to be his friend, she knew that he
was looking deeper inside her to see her true motivation. Dominic wanted to
see who needed to be honoured and what took him to where he was then, and
was there any conflict or internal grief? Were we given some space that we had
and then had it subsequently filled in. It is always hard to pinpoint this at any
given moment. Dominic knew he was too analytical and focused on aspects too
distracted and removed. It was an incredible time where there existed a high
20
 A Bohemian Fool

level of disinformation. It made everyone unsure as to why we did things. It

made the simplest of meetings pressured. There was danger in case the signs
were misread. Nevertheless, the motivations although, not defined were not in
any way problematical as long as they were not discussed with Petra.

We are as children, and ones who sometimes want to play, sometimes want to
cry and do not want to be responsible for our choices or actions. We betray
others and switch in accordance to fashion and pay no attention to the past or
how it will affect our next adventure or avoidance. If we devote ourselves to
something, then we have closed the gates to other possibilities and pulled up the
drawbridge forbidding our escape. How can we now access the next door that
will open so we can begin our next journey? But Laura didn’t see a moat, and
Dominic didn’t see a gate, this was the difference between them. He looked for
some consideration to the depths of his predicament, she was human, someone
said. Petra is another form of this? No, she is like him, fundamentally, but how
much has been shaped and how much is a natural condition, Dominic found it
hard to discover or imagine. They drank copious amounts of Czech beer, Petra
and Dominic on a cold, early winters day. Australia was discussed in the capital
of the republic as Petra had spent time there and revelled in its new worldliness.
They ate and walked.

He wanted to say to her, that it had been enjoyable seeing her again. He would
take this to any entrance to any room where she remained or where she hid, as a
wonderful day. Dominic sought the young girl out among the vast crowds of
picture takers and storytellers. It mattered little where the young girl was, she
reminded him of his daughter. Of Alice. He saw things as inter-woven in that
everything connected to Laura, Claudia, and Petra and to him and to us all,
when he said that, we all get there together, he meant exactly this. It’s not a
choice we have; our personal evolution is intrinsically linked to each other’s, it is
linked to the man on the street offering golden moments or golden white
powder we could inhale. Dominic saw a hand injecting a leg on the stairs of the
metro. It went straight into a thigh, the syringe, it looked painful to him, but it
was a release for the recipient, it seemed. The hand would not be there
tomorrow, but we can assume it will last a thousand years in some form, like
Prague and its castle.

We each knew what each of us thought about this, it seemed so obvious, a

fatalistic reality, a victim of one type of delusion, but you know that your
illusion might be different, but is it different to ours? He was a monk of the
modern dilemma, the fact is, that it was still the same. We can share our
pathway to delusion. We can prevaricate about so many of today’s facts, but we
are on the brink of another surge of change. The symptoms are ripening and as
our scythe is sharpened in preparation, will we cut or take the blood of other
men, once again in the name of faith? Do you think we should subscribe to
21
Chapter 3 – Orlojem

this? Would you let it go and fight for something that others suddenly believed
in? What would you say? Dominic knew, he saw the futility of this basic of all
human acts as barbaric, but realised it was only some that could halt its progress
and foresee.

The hotel was round the corner and up the hill from Wencelas Square, it was
cheap and secure and his top floor view was perfect, above the rooftops of the
ancient city. There was a bed, small TV and a small desk where he placed his
tiny computer and tried to connect to a free Internet Wi-Fi connection without
success. There were no fire exits and there was no escape, but it didn’t bother
him much despite having been in a fire when he was young and surviving it.

The many shops were closed, there were no people, there were bits of paper
scattered around, blowing down the street, explaining what he could have done
had he actually been there at a different time. He was not unhappy he missed
out on this, but he was sad he didn’t get a chance to choose, he didn’t have this
level of income to punctuate his opinions with outbursts of decadence from the
crowns of his servitude. Dominic didn’t mind this time, working, but he didn’t
want to share his fortune with others. They always wanted to take it all, for
something that had no worth, but he was looking for warmth, as Claudia was
not there, he had to seek an alliance of wool and fur to simulate comfort.

He saw himself in many mirrors all at once, a multiple perspective of his

physical charm, or perhaps an uncomfortable posture, without Laura. She was
there and then she was not, he looked for her and repeated his sentiments as
they performed a rhythm as a reminder of her. Now he was with Petra in the
mirror. This sacrifice on this local level was obviously necessary for him as he
didn’t believe in fatalistic pathways, only doors that appeared as gateways. Ones
that can close and open, he preferred it, if someone would stand at the
crossroads and direct his inclination and grab his attention, it would be
preferable as he might not find his way, if it could not be done, he would be
stuck, paralysed, waiting in an indescribable position. Petra understood this,
despite her youth not permitting this. His oasis could be found without any
subsequent or great revelation, she would learn, but not from him. He had oiled
the moving parts and off he ventured again, tinted with sadness but everlasting
in his journey. If it took another lifetime, he could not make this one end now,
for it would take him to another place where he would sit for another eternity,
wedged in the side of the walls as an ex-visionary, a past master of the art of
thought and subjective feeling. He carved his pain into the sides of these ancient
walls with a knife of his bitter anger.

But, we came here alone and so will leave this way, but someone could hold his
hand while he waits in this room for Claudia, he thought. Petra was able to do
so. Could Petra teach him something he needed to know, how to shift this
22
 A Bohemian Fool

energy into a positive thing when he really wanted to reveal the secrets he had
learnt written on the ancient walls of Prague? It was autumn again, the second
time that year, the leaves fell and turned brown and blew incessantly around the
streets. His time had switched from the bottom to the top of the world, but this
was only one way of looking at this, there were so many others. He had golden
hands like the famous clock, hands that were rich to touch her with, warm to
hold her with, whilst she held his body with her much needed love for him. His
neck would be warm, a scarf would hold it on his head, a green one, like the
former glorious leaves, he once walked on and fell over on, on his path. He was
holding onto something, to some knowledge, there was some hope from the
past; he wanted to believe there were reasons and a purpose for all this
meandering in his brief moments of faith.

Petra and Dominic returned to the station, he took the two steps as it looked on
the map and was suddenly back at home lying on his bed, talking to Claudia,
dreaming of her with him. His thoughts went to another dimension after they
said good-bye, He imagined other aspects he could not even recall, let alone
verbalise, time and space always merged as they were captured in a dream. It
seemed to last forever, it seemed to last a minute, so confusing were these
hours.

He woke to the reality of the picture, a panoramic skyline, coloured red and
green topped with blue. Pastel shades blended subtly for him to smooth out the
wrinkles and lines and make him breathe easier when he walked up the stairs.
The many flights of stairs were causing breathlessness especially if he ran. He
made it back home to the sanctuary of his top floor room. He held a picture of
his discovery and placed it on his desktop. Here he could write to Claudia and
Laura, speak with them, and think of them. He also had a picture of himself
clad in full armour and he laughed at himself as he struggled to walk. The silver
colour of his new astral body caused a breakout, something that had not taken
place for some time. Dominic felt secure in his knight’s costume, as he could no
longer be attacked. He needed no more to take the mortal blows, as he was a
knight with a great reputation for fearless action.

There is so much that has come before us and there is still much more to
unfold in an evolution that has washed us up here on this island of desperation.
The gentle clicking of a clock, measures our blind adhesion to our purpose and
our eternal process. We pontificate on matters known only to some and we
build monuments to please our unknown fathers. Someone wanted to know
this, we hope? Claudia wanted to discover the inner essence of her form, the
one that tormented her and teased her with promises of sanctuary in this cold
morning of our universal knowledge. The touch, albeit a mistaken one, can send
a rush of energy to a disconnected soul. And when it is deliberate it can lead you

23
Chapter 3 – Orlojem

to places that you think you want to go to and you will run hurriedly to where
you have been told to go.

Laura was too old now, she thought, but too young to travel with Dominic
anymore. She created a negative atmosphere with her sorrow. She took him
down to her secret cavern where she kept her deepest fears and pain and she
pasted them all over his astral body and poured it into Dominic’s heart blurring
his vision and releasing his might. He could no longer converse with her about
anything. She could not accept this life she lived, she needed to arrange it from
a different perspective. This, she did, leaving Dominic and the children
floundering and it neither worried her or concerned her.

Dominic’s son expected to go and join this battle, he told him, his life; he
thought was intended to be a short one. Whether this was a young man talking,
or is in fact, a feeling his life is predetermined was difficult to evaluate.
However, if he was right then he would surely have seen this before. Dominic
could not remember such times; he had heard and read of times where sacrifice
was demanded by others who were motivated by the pagan secrets hidden in
the Castle. These secrets he spoke of, only to Claudia, but he was unsure as to
her reaction, he had seen some recent insights into this and he had not joined
the society. She knew this was true, He wrote and spoke, but not from some
pre-ordained position. He could say the word, that is, the ancient city of
Babylon, but never understood its significance.

Dominic wrote to see if Claudia was still there for him? He knew no one saw
this apart from her, but he said to her that even if a small percentage of his
concern reached her, she would understand what had been said and what was
truly planned. A public outcry of emotion would soon follow and he would
climb the final steps to rest with her far away in that last piece of land where the
white cloud lingered over it. Dominic had searched for sanctuary throughout
these years, yet the longer he lived the more it seemed to slip away from him.

He knew he was not sure which path to take, which road to drive on. His son
would call him later; tell him of his plans of cafes and places and plane tickets.
He was not sure what to say, Laura had told him to collect something whilst he
visited Dominic. He didn’t know what it would be like when he came, he might
have had to share a space with his friend Petra, if this friend was still there. He
might call again, he knew, he didn’t tell Dominic he was leaving; he didn’t know
his own plan. He was in a process of being manipulated by his mother, Laura,
to believe that what she did to him and Dominic was acceptable. Dominic’s son
had suffered so deeply, so clearly, that he would not recover easily. It was
possible that Dominic had hampered his efforts to make progress as it was at
the expense of his own. This was not a good thing, a deed worthy of a fool.
Dominic saw a puppet of a fool in Prada, so beautifully made. It wore a jacket
24
 A Bohemian Fool

of bright colours, yellow and red. Entertainers at this time were often dressed
like this it is assumed, one of those many facts we know, but we do not know
how we do. Dominic had never seen a collage. He didn’t suppose he would; he
only saw a reflection of himself, passing as one.

25
Chapter 4 - Zimni

Chapter 4 - Zimni
Dominic told his son not to come, he felt quite bad at not fulfilling his request,
especially as he has been through a terrible period of time too. Dominic
perceived correctly that there had been a change toward him, a tiresome rebuff
to his comments. It’s as if someone made the truth no longer acceptable as it
interfered with the present. It stopped the new acceptance of all things, as they
were wound into the new perception, the new world order, which despite its
obvious failings did not stop its advancement. This was the problem; he could
not take this to his grave, this ghastly denial of the truth. It was not his nature to
do so and neither was it his fate either, so Dominic had to tell him and his
daughter to go too. They could not be seen at his table, pretending everything
was all normal, in their defence they were as much a victim of this new system
as Dominic was, but he would not watch them carefully put things in the wrong
order. The new order caters for all in a debt-ridden manner, not knowing where
this was heading or likely to end; it was hard to discover its purpose or goal. It
was fulfilling Laura’s anxiety, covering her deep-rooted sadness and she acted as
the new leader or pied piper and orchestrator, who led others; unsuspecting
lovers, into this trap of believing it would be their salvation.

To Dominic it was a familiar tale, one of greed and conquest. It’s not that he
couldn’t resist, but he would no longer try as it took all his energy and time to
do so. He would not deal with this regime; he treated it as if it was the enemy
who aimed to injure him. His policy was clear, therefore, ‘if you do, you are
damned and if you do not you are damned too’, He chose the latter. So evil was
this empire in a biblical sense, the Edenites would not overcome King Arthur.
They projected only a negative aura. The programmed media would not pour
their pollution over him anymore. Once all the paraphernalia has been stripped
away and you finally begin to relax, you are left with this, once the fears and
apprehensions have decreased, you’re left with this. When you are alone you are
a sum total of this. If we confront it, we might begin to see its intrinsic nature.
It is what is left when everything else has gone. All the puzzling thoughts that
plague our mind, all the planning and remembering seem to stop us realising
this.

Emptiness.

It is there to have completely in time. It’s part of a legacy. Dominic had felt this
many times, and at first it was a little frightening as he realised there existed a
void in this busy mind he had. Then, perhaps he would be able to rest there, sit
in a place where he was just alive in this. The sky like nature of our minds are

26
 A Bohemian Fool

linked though this, as if a light can be sourced through a narrow crack in a

hastily made stonewall.

Whilst Dominic had been provoking himself into action with thoughts on many
aspects solely focused on him, the rest of the world had been facing the
beginning of something quite devastating, the media hysterically claimed. A
financial crisis, a good financial beating where fortunes and savings were
systematically wiped out. Some say it was deliberate, some say it was through a
natural process as if the financial markets are akin to nature itself, not a likely
scenario unless you are someone who had much to lose. It was clear to Dominic
that the propaganda really did work; it did feel revitalising though to him to
finally see things clearly. Sadly, it was suspected, as usual, that it was another
way in which we would all suffer. Dominic tried to wipe the smirk of
indignation from his face; it could, he thought precede rather more serious
events, he feared the crisis could be an aperitif to war, Dominic discovered it
was an ingredient in a cocktail of fear delivered constantly. This fear began to
encapsulate the people as they clambered for their financial security this time or
in the future protect their health from raging viruses. He looked for an inner
sanctuary from everything. He no longer feared, fear. He was not connected to
this set of events or any others they cared to invent. He had no assets apart
from his body, which would not offer too many rewards in monetary terms due
to its condition, but he could still labour for some shekels. He gazed from afar.
Claudia said Dominic was isolating himself from everyone and everything. She
was naturally, right. He could not fight the ancient monsters that sought to take
him back to those days of conflict.

No one had won this conflict of hearts and minds, Dominic lost naturally. He
lost a piece of his harmonious thought, a song that once they sang sweetly
together, Laura and Dominic, until it was used for other means. Laura became a
talking head of nonsense and all reason merged into an accent of dissent.
Dominic survived this war of the Gods, but only just, only when he clung onto
a falling branch of a tree he had planted at an earlier time. He always had a plan
secretly held in his mind in case of emergencies, but this one came without
warning. It came as a raid overnight, there were no sirens, which called out his
name, ‘come Dominic’, it was a time to run, to escape the mass of lies, that
Laura told them all. The fabricated moments she created to divert their leaking
hearts were so spiteful. These days were long and so evil felt the nights. He
turned away from this feeling, turned away from rationale and deliberation; he
wanted to hold off committing to himself. In case there was still a chance for a
secret attack using his new found knowledge from the writings of Castro and
Guevara, but the other gods were wise to his schemes and did not succumb
easily. He was not the best equipped to handle any conflict, there were many
who would fare better than he. He could only use words as his tools and

27
Chapter 4 - Zimni

sentences to fire, but the enemy was not telling him anything that he wanted to
know.

As men lay dying in this sacrificial process, others were dancing to the sound of
victory, but both are just illusions conjured up by those who are involved. The
dying men wait, the victors dance is only a short one and the survivors lay in
wait to ambush the victors in future times. But the winners get to rewrite
history according to their new philosophy. Who will write this chapter at this
time, in a time of global conflict? The nonsensical delusions surrounded him.
He had walked around a nobleman’s city confident he could no longer function
properly. However, in retrospect it was clear that Dominic no longer had to
perform tricks in public. He was not a juggling act, fit to perform for a King, He
could not risk this chance of failing and falling so quickly again, and he had no
parachute to ease his fall. He could sing, but this was not enough this time. This
was another event thrown into his mix to confuse him further. She had become
deeply troubled and this combination was not a healthy one for either of them,
but it produced a terrifying phase that Dominic lived through prior to his flight
to Prague. Her expectations were not in line with Dominic’s.

It has never been easy, moving people through time and situations had caused
unhappiness, it will surely end when we can all come together and synchronise
our march to the war front. It’s where we are heading again perhaps? The quest
for blood is never ending and our local squabbles will divide us sufficiently to
render our loyalty to the sword as our only means of making it to the next
period of our time. This time, which is really ours, has been stolen from us by
our watchers, our puppeteers who tease us all with promises of a new show
coming soon to a small city near us all. Dominic was not paralysed anymore. He
could only hope to continue some dream in this time on the battlefield and not
raise the white flag, for he knew now it would turn to red within seconds. It
would be torn from his leg into shreds like old and faded blue jeans waiting to
be ripped. The madness Laura gave to Dominic would not always be in his
head. He would forget this war and concentrate on the next one, but this one he
would fight with better weapons and he would be trained for this mission.
There would be no early losses next time or no letters of resignation. He had
nothing to gain. It is written in ancient texts that these wars do not end
overnight, at least until there is some semblance of satisfaction from both sides.
They rumble in the background of his simplicity looking to find their place in
time.

He was dormant and besieged this particular year and more. Yet, he held onto
some rules and one was not trying not to plagiarise his past. This would have
been an error of monstrous proportions and would have resulted in sadness for
lifetimes to come. It was a common error for all learners, this habit or ‘repeat
after me’ method of study. There are others who celebrated this time of year as
28
 A Bohemian Fool

a new one. They were reflecting the past twelve months in some traditional way
and adjusting their inner most plans according to ancient texts written in
Sanskrit. Dominic could not translate this any more than he could understand
the movement of the stars and planets. Yet he tried to feel their impact upon
him, in case he was missing something, He looked for some edge over his
competitors. What he was competing for, he was not sure. But he would stay
awake in case of eventualities. He felt their vibrations pulling him in different
directions. The many hands of his astronomical clock might have signified his
next move, if he had understood its movement.

Dominic was not in a position to see it. It was the most beautiful clock he had
ever seen and he said so, it was the main attraction for him in a mixed city of
appeal. It demonstrated that religion itself was party to the real knowledge of
our life on earth as opposed to the limited version they offered their people, at
least at the highest level. They knew the connections and the stars and what
they meant, they knew of portals to different realms and understood the world.
It was hidden under oath, whilst the congregation was filled with nonsense.
They ruled the people with fear and told us all to have faith. We remained
disconnected whilst they, whoever they were, stayed in control, keeping us away
from the truth. They told us to sit there and contemplate and not ask questions
but accept their wisdom and they all promised a wonderful after life, but
stopped us realising this one. How poignant it seemed?

There was a purpose to this adventure, Dominic recalled some reasons why, he
had an apartment on the fourth floor where Laura couldn’t reach him, and she
could no longer dig deep into his soul and disconnect him from his purpose. He
was protected from her military onslaught, her bombs that had ripped out and
mutilated his previous sanctuary, and then there was her propaganda that turned
white into red. It sent a signal to the others that there was an attack by insane
troopers with rocket launchers wishing to take his land and send us all off to
sea. Dominic was frightened by her, in fact she had terrorised him completely,
although he fought back, he did it from afar, with the protection of the greatest
secret service organisation on earth.

The Russians owned this small city, most of it with their newfound wealth
released from centralised rule. They bought back their losses after this small city
was cast out to a ‘Velvet Revolution’ allowed by someone at a time when the
world supposedly changed? It changed peoples’ lives, yes, it may have offered
more possibilities, but now those opportunities had passed and key elements
had been re-established under a different name. The greater agenda had
continued under a different guise, but the sentiments were unsurprisingly similar
to the model known. This is a pattern under which, we have our suffering
altered and controlled. From the long queues in the little stores to twenty-four
hour supermarket shopping is a remarkable change, but it is accepted that it is
29
Chapter 4 - Zimni

not different from closing at five. It’s a compromise to protect the greedy, or
allow the flow of goods freely through the borders of our ever changing small
cities should you get a chance to supply. The concept of free trade was
dominated by cartels of unscrupulous men who in their great quest for notoriety
had engineered control over all things that made competition, an impossibility
without permission.

It was still cold without Claudia; there was no ‘cartoon character’ blanket as
there was in Perth to cover Dominic. He suddenly lived inside a house made of
ice, it had to be kept cold as the ice would melt and there would be no game,
the arena could always be emptied and eventually there would be a thaw. It
became the same outside now and soon, maybe it would be even worse.
Dominic needed a hat to protect him, he forgot to buy one, he had an old one,
but he gave it away, his East German army hat for the winter to another girl
who gave him a look with a sparkle in her eye. The game could drain from him
to another vein and another routine, so it was time for someone to decide
which way he should go? He wanted to know if it was cold or hot, if he was
leaving or staying, hoping or knowing? He could no longer choose himself. He
had to be told. He saw no difference in choice. Would it be the green team or
the red? He’d take the blue, if only he could. Dominic watched the men from
Zimni in their green shirts and helmets move quickly across the ice until he
understood the calls in Czech explaining the show.

He woke early the next day, clearly there were still memories disturbing his
normally, bizarre collection of dreams. It was still dark and Dominic’s new
friend, the end of season wasp, was not to be seen. When he opened the
window he flew in, He ushered him out until the next time, and sometimes he
tried to sneak in without him knowing. He knew his time was nearly done; it
was October and confirmed as autumn in Karlovy Vary, his tenure was about to
expire. He perhaps wanted to play one last scene before he moved onward;
Dominic would miss him very much. He would miss him just being there, as
winter came to this small city. The snow would cover his home and bury his
heavenly body. When spring arrived it would be gone, devoured by the floor
dwellers to feed their habitual needs. Dominic too felt as if his time might also
be ending, but his survival instinct was as strong as any mans. Neither the wasp
nor him would accept it was over.

There seemed to be little time, there was no time to do all the chores that are
required of a person who lives alone. Dominic didn’t have the currency to buy
essential food and his planning resulted in an empty cupboard space. He should
have found the time to be more practical, but he was struck by a need to meet
someone, He wanted to meet Claudia, but she was somewhere else. He was
alone here in this place. Sometimes it was vital Dominic talked and touched, He
saw another girl, and her body was so soft to touch. A ring of thorns was carved
30
 A Bohemian Fool

into her arm to suggest an attachment to something, which he didn’t

understand. But not everything can be understood. This girl had many names as
the small city did. It reflected ownership, this change in name. Over the
centuries different countries had presided here, different languages too. The
royal decree was passed each time and so different people know this place as
different things.

This girls name was also like this, a name for Dominic and a name for others.
But these girls came from the east, perhaps it’s different there and it was not
known who sent them out to roam; perhaps they needed to head west. But
when the girl contacted Dominic in response, he perspired and sat down at his
desk. He arranged a plan, a better one than his food gathering, his hunting trip
was not organised well, and the supermarket was open all day and night as are
the forests. But the girl said it was a good time to go and see her, so he left.
Dominic rolled around in the grass with her for a short time returning to his
solitude soon after.

Dominic had to say good-bye one day to his wasp and others in some
ceremonial way, a wave of his hand, and a smile from afar. He had to teach this
day, but what did he know that he could share? A multitude of nonsense he had
read in a book. But did anyone want to know what he had discovered? Did
anyone want to know about his wasp? He looked out of the window and could
not see it; it was still too early for him perhaps? It was grey and misty outside,
but at least there was some light. The buildings were old ones, and had been
around for some time; they offered another shadow and protected him from
any bright light. Tony, Dominic’s lifelong friend, had sounded weak on the
phone, the man sounded as if, like the wasp, he too, was about to move onward
on his personal journey and he would not see him anymore. He was not sure
what to do. There was little he could do to alter circumstances, this he had
learnt recently. Some things were like this. A universal law, which exists and is
clearly beyond his remit or knowledge on this planet, it rules the wasp and the
voice heard on the phone, Tony was dying. For Dominic, this was sad as he
would be losing someone who held him, during difficult times in the distant
past when as a young man he was not able to function well. There had been
times like these, periods which were unplanned and where chaos ruled before.

Dominic was told to speak slower to his students as they complained, so he

began speaking to them as if they were stupid. It was only a group of socialites
who played at learning as middle-aged women often do. Dominic was bored
teaching them after only a couple of lessons. They were not much fun, content
with their salvaged lives after a communist childhood and not able to converse
with him in any other way apart from a basic level. One student was pregnant
and about to give birth, the others gathered round in some form of ritual. An
intense class who met daily were a challenge to drive, it suited Dominic’s style,
31
Chapter 4 - Zimni

when he could be bothered, that was. He was a reluctant teacher anyway, all
professions bored him, and they gave no satisfaction to his curious mind. He
needed some method of obtaining tokens for beer and it was one of the least
demanding. There were moments he felt as if he gave something to others, he
taught quite naturally, despite the industry imposing all kinds of measurable
methods on immeasurable notions of language transference. This was in itself a
fascinating interaction. But in Czech, it was slow and tedious.

Another stranger sat in a field chewing a piece of grass, so dark was her hair and
so sharp her face, a pair of hazel coloured eyes stared at Dominic from a
picture. The stranger came from Zimni, from the land the size of a stadium. It
was not a home he looked for, but in this he saw some temporary change of
direction, to gain some insight into another and in turn himself. He saw a light
of hope to free him from his loneliness. But the stranger wrote to him in
German, expressing a wish to speak another way. This sentiment could only be
viewed as a wave of energy he wanted to explore and tap into its ever-increasing
source like a geezer shooting with velocity at his twisted face. Dominic didn’t
speak German or Czech. It was an interruption to his misery, a diversion from
his sadness. It was nothing more than a moment, and nothing was gained or
lost. Dominic suspected his role was that of a free language teacher and nothing
more. Zimni was a place that perhaps needed rebuilding or rehousing, as it had
seen an explosion of interest that year. The most popular sport, ice hockey had
come of age in Karlovy Vary as the team progressed to greater heights on the
ice and a new stadium was proposed. If the stranger really did live there, in
Zimni, Dominic would then have a reason to visit. He could watch the men
skate around at great speed. He would be greeted and hugged; it would be
explained, in a language to him, he might understand. Then, she would watch
him, his older face, aged by time and now by unhappiness that he would try not
to disclose. He could make the stranger laugh; he knew this was his lone skill.
He would be taken from his hiding place and shown the gardens others had
once strolled along together, kissing and holding hands. Dominic knew he
would like to see this too, here in this steep valley. Dominic didn’t want to be
alone in this small city. He had landed in a free-fall style without a parachute,
and there was some damage to his heart.

Laura wanted to hold his hand, still in her heart; she didn’t want to let go.
Someone told her otherwise. Someone said so many things to which she
responded and then it changed her mind and in turn his. These things, she will
wish she had not heard, and her former friend, Dominic felt terrible about her
predicament. One day she would know how she was lured unsuspectingly into a
web of distraction from her source, for the benefit of others. Then the two of
them wandered off in a different direction not knowing why they did. They left
others to flounder unaided, there were reasons given and decisions supposedly
made, but these were merely a cover for the mistake to leave Dominic in such a
32
 A Bohemian Fool

mess, a hasty choice among the deserts of this world. The green field she now
sits in now makes the wind blow through and then spoils her beautiful hair that
was once a highlight, but no longer can they sit there as summer had gone, the
rains were flooding their memories and cleansing their poisoned minds. We
must all go home now to Zimni before it is too late, as it is where we will find
everyone waiting for us in this downpour of rain and strong wind. Dominic
recalled ten years of sorrow that came as a monumental lie. He sketched out
five years of madness after which he could no longer try.

Dominic walked to this place and he thought it would take some time, but he
found a short cut through the trees and across the river on a footbridge, it
looked clean this river and it flowed gently, not restricted with debris or a
thickness coming from deposited waste. He could see Zimni ahead, and he
walked briskly as he always did, it was getting cold too, his hands were placed in
his pockets to keep them warm. He didn’t meet anyone there, the usual crowd
of people with scarves and over sized shirts, some wearing hats, and ones with a
peak on the front. Beer and Czech, (pratak) sausages were for sale, so after the
first period of watching the game he indulged in this traditional activity, despite
his vegetarian instincts. It had become even colder.

The game was good this time, better than before, so good, the home side
dominated and controlled it. When there are two sides one can sometimes take
control, but then often the other finds a way to do the same. This is sport in its’
purest sense, but this night the stranger was not there to sit with him and so he
sat alone. Many would like this atmosphere created by only three thousand
people. It was parochial and noisy, a song played before the start whipping up a
mass fury to ensure support, this home advantage surely helped the local boys
in their green shirts. It helped everyone it seemed, there is safety in numbers, we
all had hopeful outcomes and tonight there were no bottles of discontent
thrown onto the ice. The game progressed accordingly and the score increased
in favour of the home side, leaving the visiting team hopelessly beaten despite
all their efforts, they would travel home across the country in silence after this.

Dominic left alone too, in silence, despite promises of better things he had
conjured up in his mind to fill his day. Dominic thought about Laura on the
walk home, in the darkness and he tasted for the first time a sense of winter and
bitterness in the air, a taste he had tried to disperse unsuccessfully in recent
weeks. Dominic went to a party he was invited to by one of his students. It was
male only and when he got there he duly left after less than five minutes, as it
was too hard for him to stay. A band had been hired and there was some special
winter drink, a punch like knockout substance that only men could take.
Dominic took the long walk home, this night he started to feel ill, it was the
start of a long illness that went on for months, that sapped his energy and left
him vulnerable and made him feel even more alone.
33
Chapter 5 - Zdravi

Chapter 5 - Zdravi
He needed no replacements, he wrote to Claudia, no substitutes in his life. Did
he spend his life looking always for this, a bench full of replacements should the
need arise to take on and off from a game at will, whenever there was a natural
break? He had practiced this foolish thing a multitude of times and he had
indulged in its pleasures and ran from its meaning. Then he slept and despite
losing Laura’s presence in his mind, regained Claudia’s interest in his dream. But
then Laura haunted him, but not in a malicious manner. He had managed to
suppress her voice in the daylight only to succumb to her image and memory at
night. And she was there, in spirit, he felt her presence. It was a very real
connection that was made. She talked to him and he responded and Dominic
and Laura once again held hands, He knew it was so; he woke up as he didn’t
want it anymore. It somehow seemed unfair, for when he woke he knew she
would not be there with him.

He had hoped for a meeting sometime, but she was not able to come. Instead
she visited his dream, as did her friend one time to tell him death had found this
friend and this friend went on to tell him what Laura was doing. What was she
really telling him? What was it she had to say to him, was she expressing her
sorrow? Was she looking for a way out? Was she missing him? He looked for
her everywhere, one night at Zimni, and another day somewhere else. He was
always looking for her, but he did not want to find her if she would sit there and
refute their past. In amongst the foreign lyrics to a different song, he heard her
when he went to sleep and when he was awake she abused him. It was OK, he
wanted to hold her, really it was, there was forgiveness in his heart, and he
would never admit it to her.

Dominic’s friend, who sat and waited for him somewhere further from Zimni,
was still waiting, how long would she wait, would she sit this long before she
became too tired of him? Whilst Dominic searched for something that wasn’t
easily found Claudia had to continue along a road to wherever it had to go.
Dominic couldn’t expect her to wait too long. He thought she could wait until
he finished one song, at least in principle? Would she wait this long for him?
What was it about him that could make her want to even try, when there were
delights and others who would run and even queue for her appreciation and
time? There was still some way to travel on this trip, He had so much to
discover and learn, about the small city, about Claudia and about his place here
before the dawn of Aquarius. This dawn that will signal another dynasty and
another era people may not be ready for. The signs were starting to show, if
only they would care to see, but no one wanted to see as they had been dealt a
conflicting story regarding the historic past, a mentality of trauma and a

34
 A Bohemian Fool

determination that saw them through, but left everyone damaged. Where could
anyone run to this time? Preparation is lacking in all our lives, there is never any
readiness for what is about to come.

Dominic went to bed tired, but could not sleep. He waited for his call.
Somehow he knew it was coming, so attuned to these connections had he
become, eventually it came, very late and it went on through the night. He
dreamed after that of all the family together, he entered a discussion about
Laura’s life but it did not include his. He was not included in her decisions
either and he made his apologies for leaving so soon and struggled with the
outcomes. The following night he entered into another debate with people he
had never met before. A new grouping and once again he was only a neutral
observer and not a contributor. He disturbed the flow of this meeting and was
not asked to return after he had woken for water and a break from his
intercourse with them.

He woke with a headache at it had been a long night. He talked with Claudia the
next night and he learnt of her fears and conditions attached to them being
together again. He needed no tolerance to deal with this; He had been involved
in deeper negotiations, which tore him from limb to limb. But he knew she
meant what she had said, he knew how dark the world would be without her as
if the night continued throughout the day. He could not see himself living in the
northern realms of Norway in winter, without her. He agreed to meet her
conditions and he wanted to hear every second word she said, the first was not
the one that counted. He wanted to see if it was aimed like an arrow or caressed
his troubled soul, or perhaps had the capacity as a separate entity to do both,
firstly to cut him down and secondly soothe him simultaneously.

He consulted his guidebook to see where to go, He had no time really, but
thought he might do something during the weekend ahead as there was plenty
of time. He was invited to Zimni again on the Friday night by two people, with
tickets to enjoy the fray. But, afterwards there would be nothing, unless he
created it for himself and sketched out some detail. The small city was littered
with bars, all of them had tables and you sat with your friends. For Dominic,
this was a problem, as he had to go alone. Taking up a minimum four-seat table
with one person was embarrassing and he was always asked if he could move to
facilitate real people and their social night out. The Czech’s were not over
friendly and like most nationals found foreigners less than fascinating, especially
older ones like Dominic. All the bars were quite boring really, the crowd were
young mostly and Dominic expected little and this what was received. To
protect him from this suicidal misery and absolute loneliness he developed a
casing of metal to keep him alive and kept out the evil spirits that had taken
over his life, this resilience was his second step forward.

35
Chapter 5 - Zdravi

Dominic was the new knight of Karlsbad, chivalry and loyalty was his trait of
character; he was out there looking and reflecting. He felt alive and hopeful and
despite the failures he would always encounter, he would ride on to a gallant
victory one day. He would see Claudia again and she would not recognise him
in his new armour, shining bright. He warned those enemies to beware of their
sniggering and malicious intent. Dominic’s healing was over, he announced and
he would be coming to witness revenge. It would not come from the sleight of
his hand or the information he could provide. Neither would it be the slipping
of something dangerous into a package for her love as he had previously
planned. It would come from destiny and karma delivered neatly and concisely.
To Laura, who shipped people like parcels to another part of the world without
a tear, she would receive an almighty blow. Dominic wished all the universal
forces would gather and lay upon her a lesson no one had dared to teach her
about this life. She would not live through it without feeling its effect, too long
had she escaped the wrath of the gods, but no more he said. No more. He had
plotted with gunpowder and drew up plans to balance this deed, but it was not
his role to act on behalf of the world or deliver universal law. He could not play
one of the gods for he was their servant who was bold, upright and only a
messenger for their love.

How could everyone just sit and say nothing, how could they ignore those
things around us that are clear, how can people be silent for a happy life which
is not happy anyway, they just suffer and are generally miserable. All those
things liked were no longer appreciated. All those things spoke of, are now just
a lie. How mad it was this and how mad it made Dominic, a knight of honour
and of hope. He knew he would return to Zimni repeatedly to catch a glimpse
of something that took his mind to another time. Not one person said anything
to Laura; they didn’t doubt her actions as if they enjoyed the couple’s demise.
Perhaps their arrogance warranted this, but to her face they were silent.
Dominic was barred from any discussion; the now cruel and heartless Laura
demonised him at every opportunity. Dominic’s children said nothing, their
friends merely told Dominic to move on. They forgot to mention the fact he
was left homeless and without a job too. It was somewhat difficult to move on
from this position, emotionally or otherwise.

The truth was the premier casualty as the lies poured like lava from an erupting
volcano out of Laura’s wicked mouth. In fact they never stopped for years. All
those things that were liked were no longer appreciated and all those things the
couple did counted for nothing, Dominic felt it was all one big lie and pretence.
His anger boiled over sometimes, but he was a knight of hope and honour and
would not be dragged to the depths of humanity by a nasty and twisted woman,
apart from the occasions where it clearly got the better of him.

36
 A Bohemian Fool

He came to this city, Karlsbad; like great men from history in search of a cure,
in search of the key to unlock the mysteries of this life and to run through the
depths of his confusion. Goethe the German poet came many times, as many as
the new moons each year and stated that it offered him a whole new existence.
He referred to the source of minerals contained in the spa waters here and it is
assumed also, the ladies of the night, both have their habit of curing men.
Somehow it doesn’t matter why men arrive, only the fact they did.

There were many ‘great men’ who came, ‘great’ in terms of their notoriety and
legacy they left us, much of course we ignore now, but ‘great’ as we know them.
Some are famous for killing others or ruling divinely and unfairly, some for
more creative reasons or even scientific. They are not known, of course, they
come from history. Sigmund Freud would have had his personal computer
taken by special police in 2008 for his thoughts and writings on sexuality and
investigated comprehensively. A hundred years ago, Freud frequented this place
at a similar age as Dominic, unfettered by authority at least until the Socialist
party of Germany despatched this man west. But ‘great men’ always have to
work within the confines of the society of the day that inflicts restrictions and
limits their area of study.

Freud sought a cure from his ailments brought on by a psychological condition

it is suggested, the sniggers of a crowd reverberated in time to Dominic’s
thought. We are not party to know Freud’s movement or his ramblings of
confusion, Freud must have struggled with all this thought and feeling and in
Karlsbad must have contemplated a universal perspective, it is only normal to
have done so. A new perspective was delivered, one that took us all from an old
one. Like all purveyors of knowledge and theory we must respect their position,
despite finding an alternative one in future years based on their discoveries.
Whether their thoughts are stuck in their time or transcend and bridge the
change that follows is not important. What matters is that they shared or tried
to share their moment. It can only be respected, this ability to make a difference
in some way. Maybe they were introduced to the secret knowledge that gave
them an edge and an insight. The secrets, which are written on the walls, were
once ours too, in this city. If we chose to embrace it or, instead carried on
looking towards the past, we would not learn of the infinite wisdom contained
in these ancient depictions of life. Their connection to things we seek.

When Petr the Czar of Russia came here in 1711 what did the Czar find to
compensate his soul or satisfy his instinct? The Emperor Josef had freed the
city, a few years earlier. This opened the city to royal patronage and ensured it
flourished as a place where the proletariat dared not to venture until at least the
20th century. A city founded by Charles IV, King of Bohemia and accorded
rights forthwith, it became ‘in vogue’ as a health resort from the 18th century
onwards when the Hapsburg dynasty from Austria saw its potential for
37
Chapter 5 - Zdravi

reflection and healing. The founder injured himself whilst hunting a stag and
was cured miraculously by the rich waters here; the legend describes to us this
opening as it always does so elegantly. The well connected and socially
acceptable, visited here continuously until the invasions of Germany and Russia
in the 20th century, when the place was apparently opened up to all men.

In turn the Soviets developed the city in their model and vision until 1989 and
allowed certain more decadent aspects to deteriorate. And so, the city of health
and knowledge had taken a downturn and a cover firmly placed over its
prestige. From 1989 onward it tried to regain its former position in European
standing but remains low in its influence and ranking, too many years was it
inaccessible from the entire world. It is merely a tourist destination for the
nouveau riche from Russia, and despite its unique situation, is very much on the
secondary list of destinations in Europe in the 21st Century. Rightly or wrongly,
this is so, until the budget airlines of Western Europe discover its airport on the
hill, that is.

Here, Dominic could fantasise about a past life when he visited Karlovy Vary as
a nobleman of standing linked to the orders of the day, complicit with his time.
He could stroll along the Colonnade tipping his hat to Goethe, Beethoven or
Chopin in the 18th Century or Lizst, Freud, Marx, Brahms, or Wagner in the
19th Century. He may have met Hitler or Gurgarin in the middle of the 20th
Century. But he would not want to meet the collection of movie stars who
occasionally visited in modern times for the annual film festival. The men of
Zimni would be as brief as a stranger chewing grass sitting in an empty field, he
suspected. Casanova also visited, it is alleged, but as in all mythical tales; men
came and went, if the great lover did not come here, he would have liked to and
this is enough to know, a mere possibility is sometimes sufficient. Dominic did
not place himself on this high level of functionality. He just wanted a cure from
this monstrous debacle he lived with daily. If all these great men came to this
city, why would it not work for Dominic, he protested. Half of a cure would be
enough for him, he thought.

The city is a combination of Soviet designed buildings, erected for merely

functional reasons; of which some now sit in a state of demolition, and the
wonderful baroque and art nouveau elegance of the late 19th Century in the spa
region. It’s quite a contrast and one, Dominic’s former colleagues of notoriety
here would not have seen. The horse drawn carts that ferry tourists around the
local destinations, serve as a reminder of a past laced with possibility and hope,
so strong is the smell of the horses’ waste along the way. The contrast between
the hideous buildings from the past 50 years, and the neat way they have been
painted and restored in many pastel colours to resemble villas in the
Mediterranean, is a fascinating one. The block concrete looks restored and alive
after this transformation, the local inhabitants insist upon this decadence after
38
 A Bohemian Fool

many years of suppression. There exists a quiet dislike of the many Russians in
Karlovy Vary by the local Czechs. It was still only twenty years since the ‘Velvet
Revolution’ when the Russians were finally seen to leave only to return in this
city soon afterwards in another guise. They say that they are ill mannered and do
not act like gentlemen, they spit in the street and are aggressive, Dominic saw
this on the way from Prague Airport. But this city had seen a constant foray of
foreign speakers; the majority were German speakers for long periods of time.
It, like the whole region has had a forgettable past in many ways. It was once
part of a region known as Sudetenland. It was then declared separate before the
2nd World War and part of a greater Germany. The ethnic cleansing which
occurred after the end of hostilities was regrettable and although unsurprising,
once again, the herd of the human race suffered. The inscriptions and statues
tell us a different story of a differing past. The majority of Czech families
residing in Karlovy Vary had only been living there for sixty years, before this,
Czech’s were the minority in the area.

Dominic walked along the small river to its liaison with the forest. The Grand
Hotel Pup is at the end of the spa strip; it was famous for the filming of a James
Bond film, Casino Royal. Everything is above this point; a cable car took him
further, to the steep slopes of this valley. This is the premier location and
houses the rich and established as it has always done since the golden period
before the First World War. It is this hotel built between 1896 and 1913 that
epitomises this era. A merging of two grand halls and a fusing of ideas saw a
grand entrance to a fine hotel and it is a wonderfully designed building by the
two Austrian architects, Fellner and Helmer. As the aristocracy from the
Austrian-Hungarian dynasty met in Karlsbad to conduct their social and cultural
life, their power was about to fade, their wealth diminish, yet they had presided
over a splendid set of monuments to mark their reign. They had overseen much
of Europe in this time before the First World War. As in all dynasties, theirs too
was wiped out after yet another major slaughter of men in fields, killing fields.
The endless slaughter of men continues without reference, every empire, the
Ottoman, the Roman, every one, in fact and we always look to the possibility of
more as humanity once again is always about to be put to the sword and culled.

Dominic walked back to take in the atmosphere and the surrounding facade of
housing that are now cafes, designer shops with signs in Russian and hotels with
rooms to let. He waited for Claudia here. He knew she would thrill at the sights
of this city, this small city. He sat outside; it was not too cold this day, at a table
outside the Elefant. It was a famous place where he could only think of her,
where once intellectual men thought their famous thoughts and now it was
Dominic that took his turn, he contemplated on simpler matters. He wrestled
with his anxieties and fears as once perhaps they did too? But surely they were
greater than him, he thought, these men were calm and presentable at all times
from dawn to dusk. It was surely only Dominic that couldn’t find a way to live
39
Chapter 5 - Zdravi

in this world with all its complexities and nonsense; he presided over his lack of
confidence. A simple and pain free life of loneliness is surely better, he
concluded.

Dominic continued to think in a depressed manner. Did they too, those great
men, pontificate on all matters prevalent to their banal lives with shadows
hanging over their thought patterns as they struggled with a set of different
circumstances? He finished with a question to himself. He confused issues and
made them one; this balance or amalgamation and acquiescence of ideas and
thoughts were fraught with danger. He held onto Laura’s memory in memory of
her time with them all. The days merged into one long one, punctuated with
teaching and shopping for food and drinking to dull the aches and sore weary
legs from walking, he outlined the day’s events with excuses for everything he
somehow did wrong. He walked and walked incessantly looking for himself or
Laura or Claudia, he looked for meaning he once knew so well. He put posters
up everywhere, but they were written in English and no one spoke this
language. He needed to try to translate it in a public place or hesitate again, as
he pushed harder and eventually through another door.

He needed to find somewhere soon, but not on this day, maybe another day, he
wondered. He had to pay his bill at the Elefant Cafe, this place where his mind
wandered and then thought only of Claudia. He gave his note to the waitress
who in turn gave him some change. It was time to walk again. Dominic really
missed Laura. It was true. He could not deny he did, whatever she brought and
whatever she did, he missed her company and her child like laughter. Dominic
knew that Claudia failed to understand why he needed to go away and why he
would eventually leave. It just had to be this way for some reason. Once things
changed, it did not matter

Dominic thought that he needed to walk along the Tepla River and ask those
men for some pointers or taste the foul tasting spa water from a ceramic cup to
cleanse his body, detoxify its alcoholic content and disgust at its condition. If it
was a temple he needed to honour, then he had failed in his task. It had been
ransacked and allowed to fall into ruin like a neglected and resulting derelict
building, deprived of love for many years, void of touch and human contact; it
had been fed a mixture of hate and organic fodder. So, unbalanced and wasted
had it become, so hopelessly dumped as a vehicle for his salvation and ultimate
escape from rebirth. Dominic’s confusion, which Claudia promised him, he
could not bring home, was wrapped up in this skin and bone as if he had been
wrapped up in a fish shop. Some of which is liked and some of which is
discarded, like he, commoner and not a purveyor of the knowledge, promised
her. He was a seeker of truth, possibly with some hope in this world, one that
had elements of love and articles of hate.

40
 A Bohemian Fool

The oracles guided him to places he did not understand and they told him
stories of men who felt but did not fare as he had. Their messages placed so
intricately, their pain and sorrow buried in Chateaus to be recovered by future
men. This tale, this place in Bohemia, it is a region beset by its reputation as
breeding non-conformists. It is an unfounded one too, a place of letting go, of
artists and intellectuals gathered to discuss in Dominic’s dreams their plans for
future times. A secret enlightenment stemming from a French perspective, a
travelling band of Romany people from Eastern Europe wrongly thought to
have come from this region. These people were vilified in the extreme. The
word is short of its real meaning now; it means something more, so much more,
a thought and a pathway to take simultaneously. Another mythical tale perhaps,
quite like the stories we knew and new ones we were all about to hear. But in
these chapters of our past there is something, something that breeds the essence
of a real connection. If only we can read through to the other side to where
those with the esoteric knowledge sat and waited for our arrival.

We could take a route up many sides of the mountain, each way has its
hardships, and each way leads to the top one day. But Dominic had fallen and
taken injury, he needed to find a new way this time. He lost oxygen and no
longer could he breathe. He fell hard and fast and thought he could go on no
more. It was not true. He circled around the base camp and gazed longingly
towards the summit. Whether he considered himself Bohemian by nature or
now by residence, no longer mattered, Dominic wanted to aspire only as a man
that was still alive.

Dominic walked the path of the Mill Colonnade, built with Corinthian style
columns in the 19th century; it housed five mineral springs to sample. It is not
an appropriate building in this city, and so described when it was built. It came
from a different concept of design and thinking, however, its difference appeals
as does the communist built Thermal Spa Sanatorium, a grotesque and plain
structure, grey and square but nice inside. This contrast explains the eras that
have passed though this small city. There are rules for sampling the water,
sensible ones perhaps, some of them regarding the rich mineral content, but all
the same, more rules which are ever more prevalent in this society. It is
recommended the water only be consumed after consulting a physician, an
expensive one naturally, consumption must be taken place near the source; you
cannot take it home and bottle it. Only traditionally shaped cups made from
porcelain must be used, to ensure enough are sold and no smoking or drinking
beer at the same time please! You must walk slowly, and feel relaxed, it is a
ceremony and should be treated as so, it was liked this rule. Lastly, please do not
water the plants with the constantly flowing mineral water from the ground. No
sharing with plants and animals please!

41
Chapter 5 - Zdravi

Everyone naturally adhered to these principles of recovery. People like their

rituals and seemed to need them in this life, a path they can follow. Being a
traditional bohemian in the French definition, Dominic struggled with such
things himself. He wriggled to the degree of never wanting to conform to any
rules as a rule in itself. The petty and the mundane were not his home of
thought until Laura took him there, in her sea green boat offshore, to that place
where little boys, to quicken their progress, ride camels. It is where the majority
are slaves to develop a city fit for capitalist kings.

The proletariat, we were once again among their ranks in Marx’s theory, where
we are the asset, we have to offer in terms of our labour. It had no place in a
city for god kings. Dominic was despatched comprehensively on arrival as
Laura decided her future lay there. His, as in the conversation in his dream was
not discussed, in fact ignored, as peasants have no future to consider or ponder
on. Yet, Marx who came here with his daughter and sought a cure, in fact three
times to cure stomach disorders and liver problems had much success in terms
of his health. Dominic once again looked optimistically at this evidence and that
he may too find a cure, in the liquid that bequeaths his name, in the rich waters
of this spa town.

42
 A Bohemian Fool

Chapter 6 - Voda
Dominic was frightened to taste the water as he had heard it tasted awful, a
potion not sweetened as in the many foodstuffs we consume. He watched
others; mostly older Russians religiously take water in their little ceramic cups
with a pronounced lip to ease drinking and avoid burning their lips. The little
cups have a touristy design with pictures of this small city, named and forever a
souvenir, a remembrance of days of health and good times. Dominic too
remembered this well, apart from the disorders he seemed to be afflicted by.
Claudia told him to put her out at sea should her disorders take over her one
day, burn and scatter her were her orders, others have said this too. She had
witnessed a burial and it made her think about the day it would be her. It
seemed a strange request to Dominic whilst he marched along the pathways
several thousand kilometres away. He could only see the times where he stood
and said to himself, how good he felt, how good it seemed to be, the good days
that he felt were real. But these moments of brief happiness were never going to
last, no more than her friends.

It is not part of our process to continue without pain and not be alone in this
dark world. Our positive feelings can also be illusions. We must, it seems,
sample some more of life, whatever our status in Marx’s vision, whatever our
hopes and dreams might well be. Dominic’s status in this city, apart from
proletariat, was a guest visitor, honoured person of English speaking descent.
He had to respect this position and use its possibilities to regain his real status
as person personified, man alive today, incarnate in waiting that had now
exposed itself. What of Claudia, whilst he sat in Zimni, waiting for the next
match, was she too waiting for some sanity and sanctuary? Dominic had
suspected and silicified this substance in his thinking and had taken it from the
sandy deserts to the sulphur based geysers of this small city. He had yet to find
what it was he was looking for.

Dominic continued walking, on and on, looking for a beautiful Russian stranger
to take him home, his Russian stranger could invite him to dinner at a famous
hotel and bathe in carefully selected waters on request. But then he received a
message from his German-speaking stranger; suddenly he had been summoned
to meet later at six. She wanted to meet at a cocktail bar where the bartenders
perform numerous tricks with bottles whilst they poured the blended liquid on
ice, always on crushed ice. It was a moment of excitement, one he had hoped
for since last week. But he was sure that once he was seen; there would be a
change of mind and a lessening of enthusiasm. Dominic could offer something,
he thought, some knowledge and a spread of amusing anecdotes, perhaps? One
look would be enough, his lines and his eyes that have dropped; his loneliness

43
Chapter 6 - Voda

made him lonelier as each day passed. His language was all that was left, which
he could teach or sit opposite a cynical woman of age, misery and hate.

Dominic could not perform miracles to end this lonely stretch, but he could try
as long as he didn’t mind failure, and fail to not go home. Dominic’s depravity
of Claudia’s touch pained him; it allowed only the slightest smile. For Laura it
would never be like this, he knew, it would be business as usual. Perhaps, in just
a different way this time, her entourage of strangers changed from year to year,
but the purpose and the journey continued relentlessly, regardless of casualties
and deserters to satisfy her avoidance of the bottom of the sky. He knew, it
sounded cruel to even say, but it was true and she knew it too, but you couldn’t
stop this expedition to nowhere. It was only going to come back again. The
audience may change but the act remained the same. Dominic’s dreams of
karmic debt were unfounded and unlikely.

Dominic’s meeting was cancelled; it would not have taken long either. He came
home with cakes made with Czech flour and cream, donated by students. He
could tell how it tasted this rainy and miserable evening. Nice and sweet, it
cured his need to do something. He cooked and spoke with Claudia, she asked
so many questions he had no answers to, but he knew she needed answers so he
tried to fulfil her request. After an hour or two, he found a reason she could
understand or at least her tiredness forced her to agree with him. The time
difference took her deep into the night. It felt right, he said, to move to
Karlsbad, alone and unaided. It took courage to face himself on a lonely night; it
took a hopeless situation to make him real again. This solitude granted to
Dominic by public decree would never be seen as acceptable by Claudia. He
was there for his health and nothing more, to gain strength and find a reason to
carry on. He had at least decided this. There were many things that could not be
expressed. There were external decisions and internal ones too which took
Dominic through a mass of confusion. He didn’t know how he had even
arrived at this point, he certainly didn’t know why. He missed his old life. He
always sought to escape it, but when it had gone, he craved it.

Dominic despised those who didn’t care; he hoped one day their world would
collapse. He knew that the world carried a potential to erupt at any time. Our
freedom was evaporating little by little, bit-by-bit, one day we would wake up to
a confrontation, based on survival, when the system had finally collapsed. Then
people’s values would suddenly change as different priorities would stare down
on us all and this was exactly what happened to Dominic. A new order was
delivered without consultation, and dumped upon his mortal soul. Others had
written and hinted negative things about the world. They were immediately
dismissed as lunatics, they were safe from retribution. Dominic was deemed
unstable and unreliable by his peers, as if he had created his own downfall and if
they listened to Laura, he was indeed totally responsible and a homosexual too
44
 A Bohemian Fool

to add to a list of reasons for his social downward spiral. The mentality of Laura
was in question with this accusation, as she suggested his lack of loyalty was due
to his love of men. Dominic was angry, men had murdered for less, he thought.
He looked down at those who were selfish and did not care about his fate. On
this issue he was right, but being right about anything made little difference to
things.

Dominic walked again across the river to the steam of the spa area of the small
city. He took the route past the Thermal building, which contains a hotel,
restaurants and exclusive shops. It was a building he described as ugly, but he
forgot to consider its rounded front and prestige. However, the block concrete,
which was not rendered and left in its pure form, was reminiscent of the same
1970’s design utilised all over Europe, when mass housing was produced for the
proletariat or working class in Western Europe. The Second World War’s
destruction produced the need for rapidly constructed buildings to replace the
rubble. This building is thought highly of in Karlovy Vary and is used for the
annual film festival, for viewing and the awards ceremony. It is nice inside and
the rooms are set into the steep valley but resemble a tower block seen
anywhere in major cities of Europe, where the sheep congregate in their
poverty. ‘De Niro’ and ‘De Vito’ had visited, as many movie stars had, but they
stayed somewhere else.

Restaurants in Karlsbad show pictures in their windows of Hollywood

personnel dining inside, for the suitably impressed. Why the Soviets built a
prestigious hotel complex in this style is baffling to the western visitor,
consequently, since the ‘velvet revolution’, it has housed in its windows, fur
coats for Russian tourists at extraordinary prices by local standards. Outside
there are a handful of market stalls selling the local specialities, wafers,
Becherovka, which is a strong alcoholic, medicinal drink and hand painted
pictures of the small city often by Vietnamese vendors. They came to this
country in a cultural exchange in the communist days and stayed. They operate
the many small shops and market stalls as new migrants always do.

After this, is the park, young couples kiss as they smoke cigarettes, as young
people do. You can hear the horses hooves clattering on cobbled streets as the
procession of tourists continue daily from Hotel Pup to Post Office Square
along the narrow stream and back again. In the park there were painters selling
sketches of fine imagery and colour. A depiction of this city, this small city,
merged in pastel shades. There were pictures of Gentlemen and Royalty and
lute playing jesters in many colours on canvas scribed in oil. The different sizes
suggested an offering perhaps aimed at the tourist, a mass production and all
the same, but it was pleasant to the eye, albeit a tapestry of very cheap items.
Czech men neatly arranged the sale items with their hair tied in varying lengths

45
Chapter 6 - Voda

of ponytails. The pictures were so striking; Dominic thought many times he

ought to buy something, but never did.

On either side of the river after the park were small boutique style shops, many
of them, ones that were out of financial reach for local Czechs, charged in
Euros, Crowns and other currencies. They offered expensive clothes and
jewellery; women who resembled fashion models were the staff. They lured in
men who are susceptible to the look and the thought of possibility. The clothes
were designer labels and of good quality, the sales pitch less so. It was a pleasant
walk and wonderful for window-shopping. Dominic could not afford anything
on this street and after many years of affluence this pained him.

Dominic returned to the famous Elefant cafe, its tables were neatly laid out and
their multi lingual staff were taking orders in Spanish, German and English, not
much Czech was needed. The prices matched the splendour, double in fact
compared to the other cafes. But to keep the company of such great men,
Dominic expected to pay more. A woman gesticulated in front of him to
illustrate a point at a much older man who sat with her. A golden elephant sits
above this old fashioned of places. Its decor, from another era and its facade a
very civilised one. Dominic waited for his coffee, it took some time and he
started to think about things again. He thought that at any moment he could
have stopped this process. The personal demise of Dominic was not a short
journey, before, during and of course after there were always opportunities to
change the outcome. It seemed Dominic chose not to, something didn’t allow
him to, as if he needed to suffer some intense pain, as if he just didn’t have the
energy anymore to face another drama. He assumed that he needed to free
himself from this final restraint and although his life was significantly tougher,
he no longer was required to deal with public arguments or rudeness and more
importantly he no longer had any limits on his growth. He would not be held to
a mundane level, he hoped. He could learn to fly again without fear and
loathing. This level of freedom was intensely terrifying for someone who had
been supported for so long, mentally. Dominic was burnt out. This led to his
permanent indifference with the many things he discovered.

Dominic lifted his head high to view the jet streams above, many planes flew
over this airspace, but they were all at their cruising altitude. The sky was
painted with their white lines as they breezed over Central Europe. Dominic
drank his coffee, which was not in any way remarkable and wondered again, this
time about the past, not his, but the city’s history. He sought inspiration. A
hopeful feeling to take him away from this restrictive life we were all compelled
to live. He thought about the water in the spa district, He wanted to try to drink
some to clear his mind and detox his heart. He was not brave enough. Instead
he bathed his eye, but the water was hot, 60C and it surprised him, burning the
lid of the eye he sought to cure. It was a visitor to Karlovy Vary that once said,
46
 A Bohemian Fool

that none of us are more enslaved than those who believe they are free. We are
all enslaved without knowing we are; it was clear in Dominic’s mind, especially
now as he felt the full force of surviving alone. We are economically, socially,
morally and physically dependent on a system we have little control of.
Dominic’s ‘zeitgeist’ was truly a spirit of his time. It was never realised what was
truly happening to us all, it seemed dream like, it was so far beyond our normal
concept of things, but things were awakening slowly.

In a country like Czech, in the past, it was obvious they were enslaved to a
system as their movement and even their opinions were restricted. But in the
west, we thought we were free, we believed we lived in a democratic society.
Sadly, for us, we did not, there was nothing about two parties changing places
and ensuring they adhered to another agenda set by those not elected. The east
was presented as negative and the west as the only way to live; in truth there
was little difference. It was merely a perception.

Dominic went to the church of Mary Magdalene, of Isis; it was layered with
gold and offered promises of salvation to the needy, but the real worth lay
inside, they had been collecting gold for centuries. Pictures of zodiac signs filled
the interior, sculptured in strange forms. Statues of early Christians, who were
instrumental in spreading this vision, guarded the altar. Its content had real
meaning. Jesus signified the current age of Pisces to those who were initiated. It
featured the turning of one era into another and on the basis of this; they turned
its representative into an organised cult with a deity to worship. This was a cruel
thing to do to the human race. It’s a testament to this religion that its place of
worship occupies a spot half way up the slope high above the river. Dominic
felt or saw nothing spiritual in there; the Elefant cafe offered more insight, he
believed.

Things always remind us of Isis, the queen of our heart. How we love her. We
worship her as our mother and wife and giver of life, lover of nature and patron
of magic. Everything leads us to her, every road heads in her humble direction.
Dominic wanted to be her lover again and follow her. Her tears that flood the
Nile were his to nourish him and end his everlasting wandering. She allowed his
tears to flow into hers. Isis, was Dominic’s lover again in his heart, she had a
kind heart, a heart that opened up to him. It was her, who Dominic had
searched for all his life; Laura was a poor substitute for his queen. This deity of
love led Dominic to believe falsely to trust in things that were not real and also
accept false ideals and dreams, which were not his. Billed as the path, they were
just another collection of intellectual illusions that built upon his confusion.

Dominic looked for threads to link these feelings and the small city he now
resided in. The healing and the hope would stem from there, he hoped. He had
resisted running back to Claudia. He had not seen its negative effect yet. But
47
Chapter 6 - Voda

these great men were blessed with more knowledge than Dominic had ever
known. They were given a proper education to understand real concepts, the
universe, our place, and the falsehoods. They knew of the symbols and the signs
to follow, they took this and used it to progress their field of knowledge to a
higher level and further the causes of those who rule this earth. They were no
different this grey and dark day, still manipulating things, still destroying things
and putting us to the sword. We needed to take this power and reinvest it in
ourselves; first we had to take it away from them, whoever those puppeteers
were? Dominic knew his logical mind perceived this, no sources needed. The
words were written by those who disconnected us from our souls, who sold us
things we didn’t need and averted our right to this earth. They had done this for
thousands of years in many guises it seemed and still it terrified us.

They failed him, Dominic felt so bad about doing this to his son. Laura first and
then him, but he couldn’t do it without her, he couldn’t take the responsibility
alone, he had to run, so scared was he to Czech. Now he was alone and no one
cared too much, conditional to other things perhaps, he was alone now, of no
use to anyone, not even to himself. There was so much pain and sorrow, that he
had endured. Laura said she would join their son, but she never meant it, she
didn’t want anything to do with him anymore either, she had discarded him, her
only son, she had abandoned him. Dominic felt so sad for him. She said if he
wanted her to, she would come, putting the responsibility solely on him, it was
another wicked trick. One that had been played on Dominic previously. Now
the boy had to fend for himself, sent to his sisters with no home and little hope.
His mother had betrayed him repeatedly; he never understood what was
happening. She tried her best to fool him with tales of deception, this confused
him further. He was a lost soul; to be damaged by your parents is the worst
thing of all. Laura’s thoughts rested solely with her surrogate son.

It was hard for Dominic to evaluate this process that destroyed his family.
Nevertheless the signs were there in terms of the likelihood of change. Dominic
felt overwhelmed by clones and drones with their illustrated mimes, and there
was nothing mystical to speak of. He had been sucked into the abyss and he had
no one to speak with about it. He saw a beautiful young girl, braided hair, which
looked so natural. He had no aspirations, it was just a good for him to see, to
sense a young soul in case he wanted to take this soul somewhere with him, for
a journey far away. It was his romantic thought for this day. It was a positive
thought and although sounding nothing much, was significant. It acted as an
agent, a watershed that took Dominic away from his absolute negativity. From
the doldrums of misery came some sunshine, it was nothing more than a
thought really, typical of ones we often have which go as quickly as it arrives,
but it demonstrated to Dominic that life could be better and life could carry on.
It could lead to another place.

48
 A Bohemian Fool

Dominic was starting to believe in himself again little by little. He really was,
despite all the meandering moments, He could be who he was, hopefully and
finally. He sat in his local bar, a small place in a residential area. He saw the
turning of bottles and twisting, as the cocktails were composed. The results
were good, but the method was embarrassing and was fitting only in a circus
especially when no one was watching, except him, but some people were
impressed. So what did he want? Not a cocktail, not the braided blond, no.
Perhaps, he would like Laura to walk through the door. We were alone in this
world, she said, while she was not of course. The showers and quotes that
washed over him were not related to him, they passed through him, but
reverberated inside of him dampening any hope of recovery, as he lived them
and took responsibility for them. He was higher than this in the order of things;
he believed that he had lost his ability to understand and his way. He held a
whisky in one hand and smoked a cigarette in the other, as it really didn’t matter
anymore how he looked, what he said or who was there. Laura said he was a
drunk, yet she knew he was not one before and therefore if he was and this had
changed, then how did this change? This didn’t matter in the new order of
things. Dominic confessed to befriending a whisky bottle. The medicine took
away some of his pain. He looked for no excuses; she used everything she could
think of, as a weapon of destruction. It was successful, it totally destroyed
Dominic.

Dominic fed her reasons to alleviate her guilt in their constant arguments, he
tried to make her feel comfortable with what she had done, and it sounded a
bizarre thing to do. He invented stories to fit the order of her new wave of
reason. He also made a great effort to confuse her, he poured out more stories
that were larger than life to try to confuse her. Dominic didn’t know why, he
didn’t know what to do, he tried all his skills and techniques, but it mattered
little, in her eyes, her family was history, the children were gone, there was to be
no more attention from her.

However, he was still standing, despite numerous glasses of whisky, but it was a
time to wake up in this age, as the Piscean age of war continued unabated.
There was a war being staged on our minds, a war against our souls and then a
war against our physical bodies. We had seen the reasons for this, but no one
ever explained why there was a need to oppress the people of this world, what
was the need to feed them from birth until their death with trivia and no reason
for hope. Education was devised to fill us with disinformation. It deprived us of
our reason to understand. Doctors made our health worse; they fed us chemical
cocktails and suggested cutting our skin to solve every problem. Lawyers
ensured there was no justice and governments took our freedoms away.
Religion kept us from spirituality. Dominic had started to believe this; there was
some evidence to suggest it was true in his disturbed mind. Then there was a
concept of debt and our enslavement to pay off this debt for our entire lives. A
49
Chapter 6 - Voda

system so delicately balanced it ensured we never progressed as our value was

constantly eroded. Within this context, this war on our soul, Dominic had
managed to survive so far, he had taken collateral damage along the way. Laura
delivered a new world order one day, upon a whim, on a notion and left them
all struggling and then she blamed them all for them failing to recover. The
aggressor always blames the victim as the cause of their actions in world and
personal terms.

We can see this manipulated reality given to us; we can see it’s based on the
same principle as the war on our soul. Both were coming, Dominic knew, one
had arrived and the other was yet to follow. Perhaps it was already here without
a clear picture, as it sat invisibly waiting to be revealed. Dominic had no regrets,
he managed to last 47 years with the help of others, he could not survive
unaided, and it was too hard alone. It was never just Laura and Dominic,
together scheming and plotting to last another moment, let alone a day. Her
ambitions were solitary. There were always tasks he had to do, words he needed
to express about these false feelings. Laura remained on a crusade, like the
famous ones of the 12th century, hers were as ill founded and equally as
unsuccessful. But everyone had a good time in the process until the latest one
failed to include the family, so certainly Dominic didn’t complain. The great
celebrations were for abject failures, but no one bothered too much about this.

Dominic went, once again, to the spa area of this small city, it was raining this
time. It meant there were less people and perhaps this time he thought, he
might find the courage to try the water, that special water that could cleanse his
body. The ‘mill spring’ was the one he wanted to taste. The one recommended
by the doctors who had procrastinated about health, but these were from the
past, before the days of the drug cartels shipping their wicked potions to cure
our problems, thus creating new ones. They were different then perhaps, not
under the wing of the new world order, those strange men, who could take us
to hell and back in a moment, upon a whim, upon a smile. The rain didn’t affect
the flow of people and the queues for god’s healing springs were their normal
length. The tourists didn’t carry umbrellas, instead they all wore hats.

“If only I was brave enough to taste, if only I had not done this and that, if
there were no conditions there would be no problems.” Dominic spoke out
loudly to himself. He was now in the company of a Georgian sky goddess who
held his hand and if she would enslave him, as a morning star, then he would
cry no more. Should he escape and winter arrive, its snow would fall and its
wind would chill, she could bring him back to summer again by capturing his
heart. He would adhere to her instructions. He knew she controlled the seasons
of our souls. Claudia didn’t come from Georgia but descended from close by,
so he likened her to this mythical woman.

50
 A Bohemian Fool

Dominic’s mind started to race with too much information flowing through its
unknown matter, he was looking for his Doppelganger, He knew he was there
somewhere, and he knew he had to find him to free himself from him and
himself. He knew that he had followed him here to this small city and had
tested his resolve previously. He knew he existed and not just in his mind. He
stopped off at the outlet named ‘Trzni’, ‘Market Spring’ and sampled its
content; it was too hot to drink initially, so he bathed his eye again. He then,
finally, forced himself to taste it afterwards, and it was surprisingly good. He
walked on down the river over a bridge to the other side, and back and he tried
the water from the famous ‘Mill Spring’, ‘Mlynsky’. This, although slightly
cooler, 56C, did not taste as nice. The cliché that everything that tastes bad, is
good for you, could apply here, as this did not taste anything other than putrid,
He waited for its hallucinogenic properties to kick in. Dominic wondered if he
was being followed today by his double. He wanted to capture him and
extinguish his influence. He looked behind and around for signs, but there were
none and no immediate impact from the water either.

51
Chapter 7 - Rodina

Chapter 7 - Rodina
Laura had become connected to self appointed royalty and their secret service
entourage, who tapped phone calls and intercepted messages, Dominic
suspected he was being monitored as this was something she once said. They
knew who he was, they knew he would not give up; they knew he assembled his
meaning from sources not close to their own. The ring closed in, around the
mind of lonely Dominic, his paranoia surfaced this day, no one was watching
him, but he felt exposed and vulnerable. Dominic caught a falling brown leaf
from a tree in the palm of his hand whilst walking at pace, He knew it was a
sign of his forgiveness, like a Cockatoo on a tree in Australia, his dreamtime
story. It was a signal to end a particular phase, and to be comfortable as a
solitary figure, he was here without his angel to watch over him, without his
double to terrorise him, and a hopeful beginning reigned over him. Soon he
would take a bottle of spring water and fill up for the long journey ahead, he
thought. It would be enough for this long ride he was undertaking.

Dominic spoke to Claudia on the phone, she asked him many questions, ones
that were hard to answer; the questions in each phone call became harder to
respond to. But after, he bounced along the promenade and then Laura phoned
and he ignored her for the first time. Another wench served him a Weiss beer,
so cloudy, but so clear. Her large breasts hung over his glass as it was placed on
the table with an accompanying odour of labour. When he considered how
much he had hidden himself, he realised that although it was always safe, there
was no calm. The boat sailed on choppy waters until Dominic and Laura finally
ran aground and she blamed him for this loss of control. He could not be
blamed for creating the storm; she was not a Georgian goddess. She was not a
descendant of Isis. Dominic was only her lover; he had to kiss the mother of all
eternity. Laura was still able to knock him off his path, too easily, she would
take him away from his purpose, this was always her contribution, but now he
walked along quite happily, away from her miseries and denial. He was a free
man as Claudia pointed out.

After this and yet one more day of confusion, Dominic wanted to be with
Claudia, hold her in his arms, her body and his together. They could bridge this
gap of loneliness if they tried, he thought. It was all these things in this world
that kept them apart. It was not distance, but conditioning and not
understanding the world we live in, he concluded. How Dominic longed to gain
more knowledge and therefore more understanding in this lifetime. Winter was
looming, the sky displayed its differing colour. Dominic waited for the gods to
take him from this place and bring him back to the summer of his life. Claudia
told him that she wanted him to come back to her. It was a welcome response.

52
 A Bohemian Fool

It excited him as he could see something ahead for him, as it had become hard
to imagine any future alone. He hoped it would work out for them, it could, as
they were as dreamy as each other; they just needed to dream in time, tuned in
on the same frequency. But, he knew he was being mesmerised again, this time
by another woman as men frequently are. His loneliness was too great, to stop
it. His lack of independence made him too needy. He knew there were issues
with Claudia, he chose like, Laura to ignore them.

It was Czech Independence Day, it was raining again. He had plans to take the
walk again; a new ritual had been born: one that required him to get wet on this
public holiday to taste the holy water. He thought there might be some event or
public display of national fervour, but it seemed whatever had been planned
would be damp. In Australia, they light a multitude of fireworks, but for
Dominic this was meaningless and he understood little of this, there is not
freedom, as described, always another tyrannous regime replaces the previous
one before it. In Czech, there had been Austrians replaced by Germans replaced
by Russians and for the last few years a local regime that must still bow to their
masters in one form or another, despite their President’s reluctance. The phrase
about elections; whoever wins the Government still gets in, is true in all
democracies. The government, who really serve the hidden leaders of this world
and the interests of those we do not know, they do not serve our interests, no
more than the instruments of social control, the police, this was abundantly
clear. The consistency of policy around the globe had been the most notable
thing; the whole world was being synchronised.

Not being ritualistic in his actions Dominic decided to change his plans. He
stayed in watching various Internet movies mostly about the many conspiracy
theories that currently existed in the world, however one of them had a more
positive take, in that, it talked about an alternative to the monetary system we all
lived by. It made a real change to hear something not negative as he had
become. We knew that awareness of all things was important and the slave
camp we all lived in together in our ignorance needed to be understood.
However, no one ever suggested answers. Dominic had always thought along
these lines himself. The monetary system was one that could not be negotiated.
No matter how anyone tried, the debt would always be outstanding to someone.
Unless, all debt was one day just wiped on a computer screen.

Tony called and it seemed that the pain was taking over his mind, but he
insisted on talking about Dominic, his misery and talked up his future,
denouncing his relationship with Laura and then quoted a ‘bucket list’ of
priorities he needed to see out before he died, he got this notion from some
Hollywood movie. Dominic was on this list; he said, at the top, this was kind
for a man who was clearly dying to think this way. Tony would give him
whatever it took, if he had it, he said. He could not ease his own suffering. But
53
Chapter 7 - Rodina

he thought of many reasons to stay alive, but there didn’t need to be any. Tony
said that he loved his friends and Dominic was one of these. How lucky he felt,
he hadn’t seen him for some time. It brought him happiness when Dominic
went to see him. He had no money now and it was hard to facilitate this trip.
Laura ended up helping him, paying for a hotel. It was all madness; Laura
helped him and vilified him at the same time. Dominic abused her in response,
but she still helped him. But this empowered her and it had to stop. Laura’s
incoherent response confused him.

The spring water he had bathed his swollen eye in, seemed to have an effect, the
lump increased in size and wanted to explode. Dominic iced it like the
Australian he had become and it burst over his cheek and the lump went away.
He no longer needed the operation that the doctor had recommended in Perth
earlier that year and he had navigated his first hurdle of sickness, now there was
just a small matter of calming a disturbed mind and raging bronchitis in his left
lung. Regardless, it was a wonderful feeling, self help was not something
Dominic believed in, a genuine alternative to modern medicine. First, the pretty
girl in the bar he felt some attraction to and now some relief from his swollen
eye. Dominic didn’t feel like the ‘one eyed’ Cyclops anymore. He didn’t know if
it was the water from the spring, but he wasn’t going to ask questions, two
applications was not much, he would accept his lucky break, he waited for it to
resurface, and blur his vision, but it never did. The simplistic moments were in
Dominic’s mind, highly significant.

The German bar had a map on the toilet wall of Karlsbad in 1923, the street
names all ended in Strasse. The bar had pictures and stuffed animals and beer
mugs hanging from the ceiling. There was a gas lamp on the wall and a
horseshoe too. A sign that said ‘Egerland’ hung on the wall above the bar,
written in old-fashioned Gothic script. The meaning ‘be with God’ was an old
one. It was strange how suddenly it all changed, everything, the language and
the names that were eradicated and replaced and this is an analogy of how
Dominic’s life had also switched with ease. It mattered little why. Now there is
Moscow Street remaining where the police station is and not a German street
name in sight. Dominic drank ‘Weiss bier’, it was his favourite cloudy beer. It
was his second visit to this German pub. There were many disgruntled old
people, descendants and members of a group of displaced Germans. From the
slaughter came those who survived long enough to be punished for doing so.
Their claim to ill treatment and theft was as legitimate as the rest around
Europe, but their nation lost the war and so they had no official rights. The
German’s suffered greatly too in this time.

Dominic was taken to a place not far from here by a Czech couple. They were
kind and polite people but their relationship seemed strained constantly by
differing requirements. Despite Dominic’s zero knowledge of Czech he
54
 A Bohemian Fool

understood perfectly their arguments and her requests for attention. She insisted
on controlling him and he resisted this control but took the benefits, it was a
classic relationship and made more interesting to observe without the benefit of
language, as it seemed to free them up to battle out this war regardless of the
fact that Dominic was with them. However, they were wonderful to him during
his stay in Karlovy Vary. They spoke of visiting Australia one day and had
aspirations to move there. They drank beer incessantly together and always at
the Czech couple’s expense. It was a Saturday when Marek took Dominic to a
chateau fifteen kilometres from home.

Dominic saw a golden casket, it was a bright sunny day; inside this 13th century
box were bones of men, men who had delivered early Christianity to the world,
reputedly, or some coded version of something else perhaps? However, the box
glittered and had carvings that depicted their lives, it had been hidden in some
post world war two escape and restored to faith and low light. The symbolism
was striking, as was the value to this world, another clue as to this mystery there
was little understanding of? This is the story of evolution from plant to the
fourth incarnation, where we are now, it is perceived. The men from our past
honoured their inherited knowledge in the form of some breathtaking work and
left us all with a guide on churches and relics such as this. The symbolism we
ignore from day to day still glows without gold, but this box was rich in
messages and rich to all eyes.

Dominic had a daughter who lived with her friend and his son was forced to
join them when Dominic and his son were made homeless. One barmy night in
Dubai, he was mailed from there like a ‘DHL’ parcel as he threatened her array
of lies. He suggested that he should tell the Emirates police authorities about
this relationship, as it was illegal there, he wanted to punch this man. So
exposed, Laura betrayed her only son without a thought for his feelings. A
lifelong commitment was broken that night. Her new man must have told her
pretty lies, to do such a thing. Instantly he took their places, the son and
Dominic. Their words no longer meant anything and their tears were ignored.

She destroyed a decent life that night and guaranteed a lifetime of misery and
difficulty for her son; he wrote on her walls with ink and paint and scratched
her doors and cupboards with words explaining how he felt. He left mementos
that could not be removed by anyone. They were indelibly stamped on his heart.
Dominic’s daughter became ill. Dominic’s son became angry and wanted to
hurt others in response to being hurt so cruelly by his mum, on his return to
Australia. She looked on and didn’t care anymore for him, her daughter or
Dominic. Dominic was left in an empty house with his son; he lost everything
in the same way. He longed for his home and security to be returned, but this
would never happen. He had to create his own and he was too young to do so.
He settled for a while with Dominic’s daughter, and was looked after in a loving
55
Chapter 7 - Rodina

way, which was kind. He felt some security after Laura abandoned him to the
wolves.

Dominic cried as much for him and his daughter as he did for himself as he
could create another life, although this was impossible at the time. With
nothing, he trudged aimlessly for months, lost and deposed, but in his heart
despite his terrible misgivings and fear, it was what he had wanted too, but not
in this destructive way and he allowed a set of circumstances to flow. He knew
where it was heading; it was time to seek some peace. But when the reality came
crashing on his head he couldn’t cope with its ferocity or its intense destructive
power, he was alone and he could not save his son or his daughter from the
monstrous beast. He loved them both but could not help them to survive, the
unit and group were amalgamated only by birth and no longer by friendship and
hope. He was powerless as she controlled them all and sent the ship sinking into
the depths of the ocean whilst she hitched a ride in a speedboat. He had allowed
her too much power and she abused it to its maximum. He could not have
predicted such things after a quarter of a century with her.

It’s not as if he had made plans as he had in other times when he had tried to
leave. He instead created a few possibilities and allowed them to happen
without intervention. Laura said that he had handed her on a plate to the new
boy, as if she was a commodity, but she terrorised all of the family for months
and months afterwards. Her stupidity and selfishness came to the forefront of
everyone’s mind. She couldn’t be honest or look any of them in the face, always,
there were lies and she made up stories. She had no problem walking away after
20 years of their daughter’s life, she didn’t kiss them goodbye, and if she had
been accidentally killed in a car, it would have been easier on all of them. They
could have accepted that this life that was hers was done, but they were
extracted and dumped as if they were not of any use to her cause and this made
their hearts weep. The new boy was so young he could have been her new son.
She had gained a new audience who applauded her performance that her family
no longer wanted to see, Dominic ignored her act, as he was too tired to sit
through another episode. He had seen them all before.

The daughter tried to help Dominic in the best way possible but even she got
tired of his misery. It was known that he was precise about the things he said
but it was also known that no one could do anything to change this. It was too
late. Dominic could say nothing and he always felt he was to blame. He was
made to feel this way by Laura who cited a multitude of reasons for her action.
She met the two homeless people, Dominic and their son in her arrogant
manner at Dubai airport, in her dismissive and deeply deceitful style. She had
decided they no longer mattered as the new boy counted more. They were
history and despite some funding of their lives through debt and many illegal
deals, there was the occasional moment where she actually thought of them,
56
 A Bohemian Fool

which under the circumstances was weird and demonstrated that her madness
was complete. They had been forced to go there after losing their home in
Perth.

Dominic felt responsible for not managing her madness as he had done for
many years. He had not always done this successfully; there were some serious
situations that Laura and he had narrowly escaped with her skills. She was like a
manipulative government who created problems and then claimed superiority in
solving them. She created a mess only to fix it again soon after. She created
something and destroyed it as if she was the only one with power. But even her
power was limited. One day she would surely find an equal match and she
would be exposed as Dominic revealed her dark secrets to her adversaries. He
was not in competition with her for power, Dominic never needed this kind of
power, he utilised hers to function in this world, but he was always better off
without it. It was terribly misguided. She took cash for questions and answers
before an exam at a university; so desperate was she to be rid of them. Without
a flinch she met outside a shopping mall, one of Dubai’s many personal drivers
and collected a classic brown paper bag from the servant of a rich princess in
exchange for answers to a forthcoming exam. This funded the abrupt departure
of Dominic and his son.

When you are raised in a broken family and sent to a home aged six, it builds in
future problems, which resurface at any given time. The violence and the
fighting plus the many events Dominic never knew about. He was sure there
was also some sexual impropriety or abuse present in this family; it is most likely
in this environment. Her frigid and embarrassed attitude to sex told him this. It
handed over her adult life to danger and she needed to run, run away from her
life, herself and eventually even her own family.

If, like Dominic you are blessed with stability, despite motivation that might be
misguided, that is pure with love, you can live with yourself and anyone else as
you have a grounded and stable mind. It has not been split or damaged and
requires no repair. As an adult, if you have been hurt, you constantly seek repair
in some way or other. Dominic sought to heal her wounds, but he became
weary and the last time there was a problem was the last time for him. He would
not join her again. The cleansing that followed although painful was a
separation that could not be avoided. It was so bitter and abusive, there was not
a chance it could be repaired, and this war of the gods would surely continue
another time.

Their daughter found a new way, and their son began to seek a path to satisfy
his soul. Dominic was in Karlovy Vary, alone, reflecting on a period of time
where everything was lost and everything was regained. He was hopeful he
could also find some golden treasure and his daughter could build her own. It
57
Chapter 7 - Rodina

would all take time. His was not there but somewhere else, his daughter’s was
inside her heart, her kind heart. The children had not been damaged until this
time, they could escape a lifetime seeking her in her many forms, but what it did
for them was to put their life on hold. They stopped growing and stayed at the
age when the storms first came. But they would find their Karlovy Vary as
Dominic eventually found his. But he had some support and it came in the
form of Claudia. She, whom he recognised immediately when he first saw her as
someone he would know, as if he already knew, then promptly discovered her
carnal world. Dominic’s son spoke so differently after, protecting himself from
the words that came his way, he didn’t want to hear the harsh things Dominic
had to say. He relaxed when he discussed sport or some social activity. His
daughter was happy when he discussed her life in every little way. They had
heard enough from the jesters and the fools.

Dominic thought his son was settling down again, after he had a relapse and
forgot himself. But this is to be expected, as he had to find a way without
knowing where to start, the difficulty of being young. His daughter had to find a
new way soon, he knew and he hoped it would require no pain. They both have
had too much sorrow in that year, too much and were too young to bear it.
Laura delivered the opposite of love, a hideous introduction to the tainted
world of the damaged soul. But they didn’t need to be this way and Dominic
hoped they wouldn’t need to copy her, for this would be a legacy of great haste
and sadness.

Dominic went to this small city in little pieces fresh from a brawl that had
spanned continents and oceans with no solutions. He had deliberated and
pontificated. He looked for nothing here, no lovers, He thought only
momentarily as he recalled a desire in a passing glance, it represented his past.
There was no meaning there to be found as the answers were not there, they
remained within him. This only left separation and sanity as the two things he
could hope to gain. A realisation of what was happening to him, it worked on
so many different levels. He had found some space to answer some questions in
his mind, not just about his family disaster but everything, as it opened up all
the questions. He no longer needed to plot or chase every woman in case she
was Isis as she was most definitely not. He could see a way to gain some peace
and understanding, as now it was time. Dominic had to seek out his rigpa, as the
Tibetans say, the inner essence of his mind. He had to go deeper into this and
himself. He had cried at the loss of his samsara, his delusions were total and
complete. He grasped at this loss despite knowing he needed to wish them
goodbye.

He hoped Claudia could come on this journey. He knew she might not want to
go all the way, but she was now a friend who wanted to travel with him; she said
it in many ways. It was not a trip for travellers, however as there was no place to
58
 A Bohemian Fool

call a destination. But this is what he saw in her on the fields of Western
Australia. In between shouting and encouraging players in a game, he found
time for her, he knew her. He saw a new family of many thousand people who
would surround them and give to them from far and near. He saw many things
he could not even describe. He saw a retreat from everything and all their fears
would decrease, as would their tears. He didn’t know if she could come on this
journey, maybe she needed permission from someone, but it promised to be an
interesting one. When Dominic met Claudia, he saw a new pathway, which went
in a forward direction, and he followed it in his subtle way, but when it came
first to him he didn’t know what to say. He had become so complacent and so
secure with someone like Laura, he even thought he loved her. But this was
crazy as he had plotted and schemed to get away from her for too many years.
It was his chance to escape, the gates had been opened but Dominic stayed
inside the cage too frightened to leave and he waved at Claudia and kissed her.
But when the great storm came in response, it blew the cage away and into the
wilderness. Claudia caught his hand and guided him but Dominic was so
confused, so totally lost without his mad world.

Tony phoned at night in penetrating agony once more in disbelief at the misery
that illness and pending death brings. He said much about Claudia, and how she
must care for Dominic and give him some peace. Tony wanted some harmony
when he left this world and he wanted to know that all the things he ever did
were not in vain. “Those who are left behind must be secure and comfortable.”
He stated. Tony had never met Claudia, but there is sometimes a knowledge
that surpasses what could be known, he uttered. There was some knowledge of
Dominic and his life and the dreams he aspired to and wanted to know. A dying
man may know more than we allow or want to know. But Tony wanted to say
something to those who were willing to listen. Dominic was someone who
would listen. Many men produce their greatest work before they die, Tony was
not one of these, but he still had something worth listening to. Tony was not
Kieslowski, the Polish filmmaker. Dominic had never met anyone of this
standing, not even in Karlovy Vary.

The family is a large group and full of many important people. It does not just
comprise of blood relations, we are from a larger unit, one, which takes in all
those who feel the way we do. When a man so isolated and with no reason to
live is calling, we know he is part of our clan. We know he needs to be taken in
and cared for in any way we can, by text, in person or by voice. It is important
to know someone cares for us. We must create a network of those who see the
issues the way we do. Tony said Dominic and Claudia would fit together and
one day when Dominic returned to Australia this love would explode on him
and then he would find his peace. The knowledge he gave was as if, it had come
from an oracle. Does impending death bring spiritual insight? Dominic said,
“and if you were wrong, what would I do?” Tony said that he would not know
59
Chapter 7 - Rodina

it, and Dominic could say that Tony knew nothing! But Dominic doubted and
wondered if he was wrong, but somehow it rang true, perhaps because he
needed it to be. He came slowly towards a resolution and his unconditional
offerings could bring much to this world. Dominic thought they would have a
difficult time, as circumstances would conspire against them again. But he
would provide the security Claudia had no idea he could give with insight and
love. Tony knew that Dominic needed it to work.

Dominic had lost touch with many people that he knew, so many in fact, he had
virtually no one to call on when this crisis he promoted came one day to his
house. He didn’t always relate to others well, he could not subscribe to their
view of the world they lived in. He didn’t see life the way they did. He didn’t
care about money or houses. He didn’t want to own anything outright; he felt
he was only a caretaker of this planet, not its owner. He didn’t care for any
profession or a title to share at parties, if he went to one. Who was he, many
people said this, he was under suspicion, but he knew who he was, “I am a
particle that makes up the whole. I am everything. You can see me if you want
to be dancing about in the snow, my snow. Straining my eyes in the sun. Feeling
the earth beneath my feet. It’s me who does these things as they are mine.”
Dominic’s stoned monologue of his life on earth seemed an old fashioned one
in most people’s fixed eyes. Many sniggered behind this fools back. This didn’t
bother him much, it no longer mattered what others said about him, he was
finally free from all that supposition.

60
 A Bohemian Fool

Chapter 8 - Penize
Dominic’s illness took him downward to places he didn’t want to go. It was
very hard being sick and being alone simultaneously. No one would have
known if he had died in Karlovy Vary, one lonely night. Until perhaps, he didn’t
appear for work, then he would have been unceremoniously dragged out, down
the four flights of stairs on a stretcher unable to tell them what was wrong even
if he had clung onto life. It was perhaps a silly thing to consider and not even
likely, but one Dominic suddenly cared about as many others suddenly didn’t
want to know him anymore when she took off from the house. Laura’s
propaganda sufficient, to ensure her version was taken as the truth. As if it was
Dominic that sent Laura away, he didn’t stop her, but he didn’t force her either.
No one likes to get too involved with others in case it might alter their life
somehow, or they, like many people are just plain and simply selfish. It is a sad
fact that certain people do not belong in a family. They will not be invited in
again, whether they are blood related or not. It took a major catastrophe to
discover what everyone really thought. Dominic stood alone most nights, but it
would not be for much longer, he felt.

It is better to avoid those who take from you solely to make their own life
easier. It is kinder not to invite them when you know they are not able to see
you for what you are. Dominic was told a long time ago that Laura would stab
him in a fight, he remembered this, but didn’t realise it would be twisted and the
pain would last forever. His mother forgot that part of her prediction. He had
spent too much time with an audience and it was not him they came to see. He
was merely an accessory for a show he would not pay or choose to see. He was
not in any need to perform for them, as they could not relate to him. If only
they had given him shekels, he would have stayed there and he could have been
seen. When Dominic did perform he wanted to share his song, one that
illustrated some expression and didn’t last too long. The family would grow
again, now it had lost the thorn that stopped its growth. Dominic created a
song. It came from Bohemia with love as its central theme, one about a rising
tide that encapsulated him. He had a voice in his head that misguided him.

The central role was given away when the curtain finally went down. The
theatre was closed when renovations were taking place but it never opened
again. There were no performers left to act in an indescribable way. Its seats
removed and its fittings dismantled, it was shipped off to another land where
the audiences were fresh. They would receive this show enthusiastically and
uncontrollably, marvel at the sheer insolence and the spectacle. And these
people were the best, as they would never see through the facade, like the older
folk before. They would never know it wasn’t natural or didn’t bear some need

61
Chapter 8 - Penize

to share something based on love. They would not see it is a trick, an ancient
one found in jesters all over this Czech land. It was a front for some survival
and born from denial, once again. Dominic saw only the colours of yellow and
red worn in a striking way. The fool sat waiting for another chance to perform.
Where there is no love there is nothing.

Dominic felt as if he had just arrived again, but this time it was a different day in
November. Winter was looming but the days had not become cold yet. There
were signs of what was to come and this concerned him. But this would not
disturb his sanctuary; it was heated well despite the sleepless nights or stories
from home. He had come so far that he needed to tolerate whatever came his
way, weather or tales of woe and loneliness. He was escaping those who sought
to harm him in many different ways. They had shown their hand in endless
correspondence and phone messages he never responded to. He had been
placed in debt and chased thereafter, forever it seemed. His hunters were men
in suits in offices with lists of suspected individuals. He had found his way onto
their list and it wasn’t easy to get off this list once on it. It took seven years, but
he thought his predators would not find him in Czech. He thought that maybe
in their great effort to make a profit, these collectors would never remove your
name. It would just descend down the list as time lapsed.

Dominic was paid in cash and there was no record of his existence apart from
his medical insurance, so he was not was easy to trace. His paranoia was
nullified in this top floor apartment up four flights of stairs. It was another
aspect of his dilemma here alone in this strange country, far from those who
cared for him. No collector would fly to Czech and make it up the stairs, if he
did he would be so jet-lagged and out of breath he would not be able to say his
name. Dominic had rationalised it, he had lived it, yet there were those who
owed him money too and in this liquid obsessed society it was thought about on
a regular basis. It can interrupt our sleep and stop our love pouring all over us.
This was another part of the legacy he had inherited from the instigator of
misery, Laura. Dominic had to cope not only with his emotional loss, but
financially he had been stripped of everything. He was crippled and penniless,
Laura had robbed their savings to fund the life with her third world man.

Dominic wasn’t sure how he would quite handle the day. He was free and yet he
couldn’t function as his head had decided independently that he would struggle
with heavy eyes through four classes. He taught English in Czech to
unsuspecting souls who paid the money from their servitude, well some of
them. Some in fact from the wealth they had accumulated by the labour of
others. But in this society they had been labelled as having done well. Dominic
had quite a range of people to teach, but none of his students were poor or
struggling to pay. He assumed this of course. He was fascinated by their
motivation, all of them. Their ages varied and they all, perhaps, had differing
62
 A Bohemian Fool

reasons for studying in their home country. These were practical needs and
some artificial, some for prestige and some for business reasons. They certainly
represented the nouveau riche of this country, people that aspired and took
opportunities at the fall of the previous regime in 1989.

The English language had emerged from the range of European possibilities as
the choice of us all in cross-nation communication, mostly driven by the United
States in their management of world affairs. It is regarded as everyone’s second
language and the lingua franca in all negotiations between differing speakers. It
makes sense to have a language like this but why English? It is not the most
poetic or refined in the world. Its grammar is inconsistent and lacking clarity in
many areas. There were so many others more fitting. From Dominic’s
perspective it provided a constant method of survival, as he became older, as
the corporate world began to deny his servitude, as he fell out of favour. He
might just have too many opinions and not be flexible enough to work long
hours for less pay than last year.

This amphetamine like existence of long nights was not very pleasant. Dominic
could not switch off his mind; many things were being shifted through its
pulsating cells while he closed his eyes and tried to focus on one thing. Nothing
seemed to work, a beer, another cigarette and not even coffee. A warm room or
a cold room, the aches were increasing again in his shoulders. It was a bizarre
strain, this virus he picked up almost immediately on arrival. He even generated
sexual desire to ward off the gremlins in his mind, but this didn’t work either.
He had no emails to answer and no web sites to ponder on. He had run out of
these useless things to do. At least he could be satisfied that he was not
floundering any longer. He was thinking positively and only in a mildly mad
manner as opposed to being totally mad. This was his normal condition, where
he allowed issues to fester inside of him and he would throw them about
exclusively looking for an answer. This usually came as a result of a trivial
matter that had no importance; something someone had said, or done. It was
never about important things and when the roof caved in on top of him, he
stopped mulling matters over in his mind. He lived through these things instead.
They somehow became him. This was a new phenomenon to his psyche as he
had always managed to remain aloof and detached from these things as if he
was a witness to his own life. Life was like this, some positive aspects and
negative neatly combined to keep the man afloat in reality.

The shift back to Dominic sifting through issues was endemic of the flu tablets.
Dominic needed to show identification for them, so strong were they. However,
he didn’t have this problem before when he had used them to still go to work in
this demanding society that no longer offered sick pay to those not fully
employed. Dominic, once, was susceptible to the influence of drugs; he was
opened up as a young man with hallucinogenic forms, which were still the rage
63
Chapter 8 - Penize

in the era of his youth. It was not recreational either; not as today, where
individuals seek to obscure reality for a few hours of fun - this was no escapism.
He perceived his experiences as profound and meaningful which he had wanted
them to be. They didn’t disappoint in any way. He tried to share this place and
visions he visited then, but it was so hard to describe in terms we use in our
language. There were no words other than clichés that failed to satisfy the
meaning. Other modes of communication seemed to do this better, such as
music, which he tried unsuccessfully. The ineffectiveness of language is
unsurprising, it has its limitations.

Dominic believed these places he had seen were as real as his sleepless nights,
but each one required a journey to get there. He took too many short cuts at a
young age and reached a rather isolated place, at first not alone. It was too much
for a soul unguided by older or wiser men. The lions to the gates roared at his
audacity. He only spent his time with younger men and women who never went
this far. This distance between this and him threatened his ability to manage in
this world. So, he took a safe but lonely option and lived with it for such a long
time. He wanted to go back there on this night, but without a forced entry or
haste. He wanted to get there naturally and assimilate to the rhythm of the
sound in normal time and normal space. He was looking for a guide again; he
hoped the lions would be kinder this time. He once sought such a person, but
was taken off his track by a demanding family and a woman who saw her
partner disappearing out the back door. He would have not run off with
another woman, but a guru or another way of living his life. He was always
dissatisfied with his own despite having it all, in a narrow image and perspective
of the values we hold.

Dominic had come a full circle running, hiding, caring and hoping. It was the
start of a special time, he felt, a time where he rediscovered himself in this mire
of confusion that surrounded him. It was a purpose built model of confusion
that was destined to keep us separated from each other and ourselves, the
thought ran through again in his mind. There was hope, in many ways. There
was a possibility to avoid the fallout from his demise, there was a chance to be
free from tyranny and there was something real in Dominic’s heart waiting there
for Claudia. Tony had said Dominic’s feelings would explode on his return if
the new couple were careful to manage the external issues well. This comment
attached itself to Dominic’s mind as it was intended to convince him to take the
right option. Tony was not foolish.

Dominic went to Karlovy Vary without a clear reason, only known to his
internal guide whom he attempted to listen to intently. He listened for the signs
to show him, which was the more positive way to go. It was telling him to go
back to Claudia more and more each day as if she was a beacon that shined and
he was a ship fearing the rocky coast. Dominic could rest there with her and not
64
 A Bohemian Fool

take more casualties or suffer more troubles. His indebtedness to his guiding
light was truly founded on his love for this light. Love for this enlightenment in
this lifetime. He went off too early, so confident were his thoughts. So stable his
background, so long his lifetimes and numerous too, it had always felt this way.
He hoped his thoughts were founded on something real as he was concerned it
would be another movement he should not take.

Although he was there in that region of Bohemia his tales were from far and
wide. The local stories were plentiful and they had nowhere to hide, but he was
not there to reason or to understand their depth or clarity. Dominic was there,
like all men to feel the water upon his skin, taste its content and spirit. Those
guardians of the secrets had stolen the essence of his world, the one he was so
proud to own from him, and the ones Dominic was yet to define. We knew of
their well-being and we know their names very well, but we didn’t know why
they fooled us and presented this picture and false vision to keep us away from
the truth. We must take their route to get nowhere and waste another life. It
pleases them and we must believe their illusory covering of what is true and fair.
We must adhere to their method of slavery and work for their endless projects
of deception. We can never tune into reality as it is strictly out of bounds.
Dominic brought this into his mind as if it was a revelation he had realised, but
always known.

Why this is was, no one was sure, its purpose unclear, there were few reasons
written by other men. There were many words pointing to this corruption and
evidence suggesting it was true. We turned to established bodies of men who
only offered confusion in our times of crisis and woe. There was no one to
guide us or to lead us from the darkness and we fumbled around wondering,
looking for some clues. The clues to the nightmares we were delivered and the
obligations under which we were placed alluded us. This powerful collection of
circumstances ensured little progress was made. But Dominic, like some others,
was not happy with this, he wanted to break through and he would not accept
any new world order delivered by one person or a thousand men, not on a local
level or a global one.

Dominic received at least five emails a day requesting he contact differing

people regarding a private matter. This meant you owed money to someone.
The most interesting aspect was that the institutions sold these debts almost
immediately if they thought their treasured customer was not going to repay
them. You then had to deal with another company who had bought the debt
and those organisations were the collectors. They pursued debtors to make a
profit to recoup their outlay. It was clear that somehow it was not legal. The
original contract had been nullified so therefore you didn’t owe anything. But
much of the financial world was fraught with illegal activity; there are criminals
in suits and offices who cover themselves with respectability. These third parties
65
Chapter 8 - Penize

were ruthless and relentless in their pursuit of the money you owed them. By
decree, without your consent, you then owed someone else, this could not be
right. No one dared question this illegal practice.

Dominic’s situation had not been created by him, but this mattered little to
those who hunted you; there was no point explaining your life situation to them;
they didn’t care why, only when you were going to pay. Whenever there were
two people involved they hounded the one more likely to respond. Being
overseas made it harder for them; they sometimes hired local agents to collect
on their behalf. It was as frightening as having large and obviously violent men
call at your house. They had the power to take money from your earnings
through courts and they could requisition your goods from your house. It was
not a pleasant feeling. Dominic decided that before he left the small city he
would contact them all and give them his contact details in Czech. They would
forget about him for a while then, he would put them off the scent. He would
let them think he lived there and then they would no longer search for him in
Australia. It meant he could not borrow again for some time, many years, not
even for a car. It was a legacy that was unfair and one he had to live with.

We were encouraged individually to be in debt as this was essential to the

system that propagates it. It guaranteed our commitment to the system and
ensured we continued to participate in a society in the form it was designed in.
Naturally if all of us had said no, we were not going to pay; there would be
nothing anyone could have done about it. But this was the same as saying no,
we were not going to fight in a war, there would be no war. Somehow people
were led like sheep and accepted everything they were told, they failed to
question the basic components of their lives. Money and its designed
indebtedness was a main factor in personal conflict and trouble. It determined
and shaped what we could do and what we could not and it offered us false
hope and promises in confusing forms. Imagine if society was not based on
money, those notes, which even said in England “I promise to pay the bearer”,
would have been obsolete. What a different world we would have inhabited. It
was not to be. Someone created money; someone was empowered to create it
from nothing. It didn’t exist in its own right. It was not naturally a part of this
earth. The system allowed the creation of ten times each deposit for each
institution. And then there was interest too. It was a disgusting and evil system
that ensured competition and conflict to merely survive, it was not based not on
the natural order of things, but the will of once again, our puppeteers.

Dominic was a victim of spiritual suppression; he was a victim of a large

financial burden. He then became the victim of a new world order both
privately and slowly, publicly too; he had his food modified with additives and
chemicals. He had his earth polluted with gases and inefficient energy systems.
He was a victim of his circumstance, but what could he do? Everyone said
66
 A Bohemian Fool

those words, and it was fact, he had to still work to be able to eat. He thought
he would stop being a victim from that moment. It had gone on too long. He
would seek out a different path, he would encourage others to see what he saw,
and he would say no and take the risk of persecution. Dominic had started this
process already, he felt. He had said, no more, to certain things. It was hard
though and the root cause of his total misery at this time. It was hard to be free
from all that besieged us. It was obviously a prison we lived in, although we
thought we were free to wander this earth, but everything was subjected to
someone else’s approval, which could be withdrawn at any time. Your credit
could be stopped at a moment’s notice by a click of a mouse or a keystroke.
Finished. Your house could be requisitioned even if you owned it. Everyone
was just as vulnerable. We were subjected to speculators; they termed them,
who caused stock market downturns. They could reduce your wealth in a
moment. It had no real value but was thought of as being the only value in the
world.

Dominic had lost all his assets and worldly goods and he had little or no money
to call on, no debt either apart from the collectors’ story, he was in the best
position he had been in for years. Those external factors would have less effect
on him than many unless the world was thrown into a crisis, another
manufactured disaster that would empty the shelves of the stores of basic
supplies. We would be herded into camps like the sheep we were for our own
safety. And we would believe their story. The nightmares would then begin for
us all regardless of wealth or debt; we would all be the same. We would all be in
prisons we could see, unlike the previous version that we could not.

Claudia and Dominic had lived through this before, in differing ways. Claudia,
in a constant crisis riddled and torn place where you were always led to believe,
and sometimes rightly, that you were about to go to war or be attacked.
Dominic, more succinctly, had experienced this, when everything was
systematically stolen and dismantled. Together they would make a great team to
survive what could surely arrive one day, should this be the fate of us all.
Dominic didn’t believe in fate. He believed it was those masters of our destiny
who created this. They were the keepers of the secrets who shaped our
experiences to keep us from ourselves. But then there would be another reason
for their meeting; there was always one to speak of. One that, they had not yet
realised. One that would take them both somewhere, to another level perhaps,
or to a higher understanding.

Dominic was teaching an extra lesson at night when he was asleep. It was one
he could not claim shekels for. He didn’t know who the student was as he had
never seen her face. When he thought to himself that he was making it up she
came with someone else and spoke to him, to place this dream in order. Who,
the other person was, he was not sure, other than it was a man who brought her
67
Chapter 8 - Penize

to this special class. It sent some signals of concern and slight fear when he
thought about it. He was not even sure what it was he was teaching; it was
English in some form, the same as the daytime classes, but it had another
component, which he could not define. It was as if he was in another era too, a
Dickensian one perhaps, but he could not be sure. He left messages for her,
with some work to do and it was at this point he did think it was an illusion in
his mind. But there was a presence he could feel. It was not like any other
lesson he ever taught. There was more than one lesson a week but its frequency
was not his choice or he didn’t know when they were next to meet. Her work
was written on a wall, which Dominic could see. He was unclear whether she
was a good student or not. After this lesson was complete, he never saw her
again.

He was unnerved to find in his inbox three emails politely requesting he contact
someone regarding a personal matter. If you telephoned these people, they
would ask you to verify your personal information before they would speak to
you. It was a strange process as you called them and they asked you for your
date of birth and other questions before they would talk to you. If you refused
to give them this information they would not speak to you, despite them
badgering you for months in a multitude of ways to get you to contact them.
Dominic naturally refused to give this information and they always said, it was
in his best interests to do so. To which he replied, ‘no, it is only in your
interests, not mine.’ Their illegal operations netted them buckets full of dollars
and caused incredible heartache to lots of people. When this whole process
started Dominic tried unsuccessfully to continue paying his creditors and did so
at great suffering to himself. But as soon as he was late one day paying, by only
one day, the debt was sold by one particular bank. He telephoned them to
explain that his pay was arriving tomorrow and was surprised when they said
they no longer held this loan. No mercy was shown, but the strange thing was,
he would have continued to pay them whenever he could. Dominic was being
honest with them, but they did not believe or care about his situation. And he
never paid another dollar for this loan. They were thieves in his opinion, all of
them. He once felt an obligation to return debt to anyone; now this was
reserved only to individuals and not institutions that compounded your misery
in times of hardship and stress.

He kept the cash he received in Czech in a tin on his desk; it was rather strange
as he had been the victim of banking for a long time with chequebooks and
cash cards for machines and credit cards. We had been forced to have these
things. We were moving toward a cashless society and this was a serious
problem for us all. The problem was that if someone had the power to stop
your life at any given moment, deliberately they might do so. But, if there was
still cash, there was another way. They changed your credit rating on a monthly
basis these companies. Dominic once stayed in a hotel and discovered this when
68
 A Bohemian Fool

he checked out and his credit card was declined. He had no other means to pay,
as he was overseas. The previous day he had £15,000 at his disposal. this was
reduced to £1,000 overnight as his credit rating slipped because of non-payment
of another bill. He was overseas at the time, which was why the bill was not
paid. So he telephoned the company at great expense and managed to get them
to pay his hotel bill. It was an interesting experience as he saw immediately how
vulnerable he was to the click of a button. He would still be there now at this
hotel paying off his debt in the kitchens had he not been able to persuade them
to pay! He ran up this credit card to its maximum limit and never paid it again,
in his anarchistic manner.

In Ancient Greece debt bondage was outlawed at a time when even children
were taken in lieu of outstanding debt. It has always been a feature of civilised
society. But it was not in any way how it seemed. This society was kind in some
ways and merciless in others. There existed a controlling force, people were
released and then squeezed and held in debt. Many spent their whole life
worrying about it and preparing for it. They squandered nothing and bought
only essential things. These sensible people didn’t appreciate the others who,
lived in a boom and bust combination, but neither way was good for us. It
brought misery to our hearts.

69
Chapter 9 - Svobody

Chapter 9 - Svobody
‘Liberty or death’ they exclaimed!
‘The brotherhood of man must unite, give me equality!’
‘Bear arms and let us fight whoever stands against us.’

Revolutionary cries like these have been utilised throughout history to denote
the opposite of their meaning. To gain freedom we had to fight, to obtain
liberty we had to suffer and be terrorised; to reach equality we had to endure
years of hunger, not one of these was right; we were fighting for freedom this
time from terror. Before, we were fighting for God. The common factor is, we
were always fighting. We were always dying.

Dominic was not a fighter, it was not in his nature, and he was not a violent
man. He would rather fight an internal battle with all the might of the French
Revolution and declare an internal republic void of external influence and
delusion. It was guaranteed that another regime would soon evolve into one and
the same as the previous one. We had all voted for change many times, but
there was none. They played musical chairs in a game, but even they lost
themselves and started to believe it was they that controlled the region
earmarked to them and like Napoleon even more. Even they could be taken out
of the masquerade as quickly as they had risen to power. They too, were prone
to fall to an assassin or a mysterious accident. They were still mortal and more
importantly at the mercy of those powers that be.

Dominic searched and wished for personal freedom, but it did seem as though
we had to all achieve this together. Apart, we were divided and forever ruled
and imprisoned. If he chose not to conform he risked the likelihood of physical
suffering and hunger. Or worse, might suffer homelessness, which was a
horrendous crime to even see, an indescribable disaster that becomes
permanent. This was an ever-present possibility lurking in the background. We
could lose our home and our fortune; it was really possible. Dominic hadn’t
realised this until this time when he found himself one step away from being
released from living in what was seen as a normal way. He had to beg to
survive, which naturally he found disconcerting. Many backs were turned; many
people didn’t want to know any of his troubles. It had to be his fault. This was
the slippery path that was far easier than it was perceived to join and it took you
to living on the streets. Naturally, you were dismissed as an incapable man who
could not function in this world; you were seen as having problems and could
not be helped. The majority who were clearly in denial about their own
instability classified you as unstable.

70
 A Bohemian Fool

It was the first time in Dominic’s life that he ever needed help and there was
none available, apart from one true soul who was a virtual stranger. Claudia, she
took Dominic in and gave him comfort and love. It was Dominic that was a
fortunate man. Yet, he was given freedom and equality. He owned as much as
the next animal on the street as this was what he too might have become,
feeding out of dustbins, and finding tobacco from ends of cigarettes. Asking for
change on street corners and having to fight with other men, who, in his case
would be stronger than him. Looking for somewhere to sleep each night often
on cold city streets. This was an alternative to not conforming to the rules of
this game. There were some sections of society who resisted, such as the
Romany, Aborigines and others in more remote regions; somehow they were
strong as they were together, and the powers that existed worked hard at
dividing them and breaking their family units into pieces. They suffered
immensely and were on the end of constant ridicule and were avoided at all
costs by other members of the so named, normal society. They were blamed for
every crime ever committed and suffered extreme violence and hatred. It was
true in Czech that no one liked the Romany. Dominic learnt of their criminality
and dirty ways from Czech’s, quick to inform the foreigner of the internal
enemy.

You had a choice, conform or be damned, but if you did conform you were still
damned. But you could do it in luxury. You could choose your method of
suffering in your stupidity. You could have a nice car, a pretty wife as attractive
women mostly liked rich and successful men so we were reminded, untrue,
naturally. They were considered suitable to reproduce with, apparently.
Loneliness, homelessness, poverty and being the victim of violence were the
alternatives to being a slave. Many people laughed at this simplistic account of
our lives, but those who cared would remember, it was true. It had no
connection to who we were and what our nature was and is. It was far removed
from this, for while we were busy surviving there was no time for
contemplation or discovery. There was little space left to tune into your cosmic
mind. Your mind had been separated by the complexities of work and families
you had to provide for. It was being programmed daily by many sources. It left
you confused and disconnected. What did you have left after all the tasks had
been completed? When we looked at older men, they sat bemused how life had
just passed them by as if they had had no control over any of it. We had given
away our right to determine our time here in this form. Men had been told lies
and manipulated from the cradle to the grave and what did they do with their
own children? The same, we followed our orders. What would happen if we no
longer did what they said?

If we thought this would happen then it was not difficult to realise there were
forces greater than us and therefore we were submitting to them on a daily basis
for survival and for some peace of mind. There was not any peace as you were
71
Chapter 9 - Svobody

always troubled by some detail. It was all about detail. You were taken up and
down with interest rises and falls, suspected conflicts, actual wars,
homecomings and peace over time. It was all a manufactured movie production,
a reality created to inspire us and terrorise us collectively. There were so many
tricks in this show, but the same masters always controlled the opposite sides in
a conflict. Differing political beliefs were a sham as in reality the governments
did what they were told and this became more overt and obvious. They no
longer hid this fact that they were all singing very much the same song, all over
the world. They would prototype something somewhere and implement it
everywhere; it was a coordinated movement against the people. In fact, this
systematic approach denoted that there was some urgency to move this agenda
along. The Piscean age of conflict was still ever present; we might not see the
Aquarian spiritual revival. But we dreamed of its colourful nature.

It was very easy to get stuck on how these things were done and not why?
There were many of these people who spent hours and hours proving their
conspiracy theories. Laughed at by the majority, they continued unabated as
their role, they thought, was as men who were born to expose this agenda. The
details were not important, although it was something, at least to begin with, we
needed to understand. But to get stuck in this position was no different than
believing the official version of anything. It was all part of the production,
whatever colour of the spectrum you took. Some people looked to concentrate
on higher perspectives and spiritual pathways, not through the faithful versions
found in religions although they all had some hidden essence, but more through
the real insights they could give. Dominic was sceptical, as the movie is carefully
and so eloquently arranged to represent whatever it was you thought you
wanted to discover. This was allowed, to discover anything within the
boundaries and all were taken care of, all parameters had been thought of. To
get beyond this was possible though. This gave hope, to be ready when we
returned, an Aquarian, to go further. As Jim had told us a long time ago, we
needed to break on through to the other side. We thought this meant getting
stoned repeatedly, but we were all wrong.

A siren went off near the apartment, it sounded like a warning of an air raid.
The noise was so deafening, it couldn’t be ignored, Dominic turned up the
music but it didn’t help much. He thought that perhaps, the Russians were
coming back, but remembered they were already there. It was punctuated
afterwards with short burst high pitch sounds. It was a practice but what for, he
was not sure. When he went out afterwards he was not sure what he would find,
but nothing had changed. He had only seen such things on TV and had never
been anywhere where they had such practice runs. He never learnt of their
meaning. In fact, Dominic knew little of anything in the Czech Republic.

72
 A Bohemian Fool

We lived in a decadent, superficial, hypocritical society where people sold their

souls for money and sex, and where mass media and education were devoted to
propaganda and indoctrination. Denied the truth, we were kept in a state of
arrested development, befitting children or cattle. The peoples of the world and
even their governments were merely children under age who needed permission
to do everything. The illusion was so large it escaped normal perception. Those
who did see it were thought of as insane. Dominic joined this list of the
mentally unstable very early in his life, as his ideas were different. Separate
fronts were created to prevent anyone from seeing any of the connections, but
he thought many people were starting to join those obscure dots at this time.
Goals were accomplished one step at a time so as to never arise suspicion. This
prevented us from seeing the changes as they occurred. We were always feeling
inferior, as they stood above us with their experience, as our masters knew the
secrets of the absolute. They worked together always and remained bound by
blood and secrecy.

Anyone who uttered the truths would cease to exist. They kept our lifespan
short and our minds weak whilst pretending to do the opposite. They used their
knowledge of science and technology in subtle ways so we would never see
what was happening. They would put soft metals, which aged us and sedatives
in food and water, and also in the air. Poisons were everywhere we turned; it
formed a blanket over us. The soft metals would cause us to lose our minds. We
were promised that cures were coming on many fronts, yet we were fed more
poison. The poisons were absorbed through our skin and mouths; they would
destroy our minds and reproductive systems.

From all this, our children soon would be born unable to function, we thought,
we were taught that the poisons were good, with fun images and musical tones.
We looked up for help, and we were force fed more poisons. We saw these
products being used in film and we grew accustomed to them and never knew
their true effect. After birth we were injected with poisons and we were fooled
into believing that it was for our children’s benefit. When our minds were
young, we were targeted with what children loved most, sweet things. When our
teeth decayed we had them filled with metals that would kill our mind and steal
our future. When our ability to learn had been affected, we would receive more
medicine that would make us sicker and cause other diseases for which yet more
medicine would be created. This would render us docile and weak before our
masters’ power. We grew depressed, slow and obese, and when we looked for
help, we received more poison. Nevertheless, we survived somehow.

Our attention was focused toward money and material goods so we never
connected with our inner-self. We were distracted by sexual motivation; external
pleasures and games so could never be one with the oneness of it all. Our minds
did not belong to us and we did as we were told. If we refused, ways would be
73
Chapter 9 - Svobody

found to implement mind-altering technology into our lives. Fear was used
against us as a weapon. Governments were established with opposites within, so
we had no voice wherever we lived. One group owned both sides. Objectives
were always hidden, but the plan was always carried out. We performed the
labour for our masters and they prospered from our toil. Our families would
never mix with our masters. Their blood had to be pure always, for it is the way.

We would be made to kill each other when it so suited our masters. They sent
us crazed leaders who in the name of some doctrine we were made to aspire to,
the result was that we destroyed each other. We bathed in our own blood and
killed our neighbours for as long as our masters saw fit. Our masters benefited
greatly from this, we could not see them. Our masters prospered from our wars
and our deaths.

We were separated from the oneness by dogma and religion. We were

controlled in all aspects of our lives and we were told what to think and how.
We were guided kindly and gently letting us think we were guiding ourselves.
There was constructed animosity between us through our factions. If a light
shone among us, it was extinguished by ridicule, or death, whichever suited our
masters best. We were made to rip each other’s hearts apart and kill our own
children. This was accomplished by using hate as an ally and anger as a friend.
The hate blinded us totally, and never would we see that from our conflicts our
masters emerged always as our rulers.

This pattern was repeated over and over until our masters’ ultimate goal was
accomplished. One we were never familiar with. We continued to be made to
live in fear and anger through images and sounds. Our masters had all the tools
to accomplish this. The tools were provided by our labour. We were made to
hate our neighbours and ourselves. The divine truth was always hidden from us,
that we are all one. It had been decided that we must never know. We didn’t
know that colour was an illusion; we always thought that we were not equal.

Our land was taken over, our resources and wealth too, whereby we lost total
control over our destiny. We were deceived into accepting laws that stole the
little freedom we had. We lived in a money system that imprisoned us forever,
keeping our children and us in debt. If we got together, we were accused of
crimes and a different story was presented to the world, as our masters owned
the media. Media controlled the flow of information and sentiment in our
masters’ favour.

If we rose up against this we were crushed like insects, for we believed we were
less than that. We were helpless to do anything, as we had no weapons. Our
masters recruited some of us to carry out their plans, and were promised eternal
life, but eternal life they never had, as they were not part of the masters group.
74
 A Bohemian Fool

The recruits were called “initiates” and were indoctrinated to believe false rites
of passage to higher realms. Members of these groups thought they were one
with our masters, never knowing the truth. They never learnt this. For their
work they were rewarded with earthly things and great titles, but never would
they become immortal and join our masters, never would they receive the light
and travel the stars. They would never reach the higher realms, for the killing of
their own kind would prevent passage to the realm of enlightenment. This they
never knew. The truth was hidden in their face, so close they came, they would
not be able to focus on it until it was too late, so grand the illusion of freedom
was, that they would never know they were slaves.

The reality that had been created for us, owned us. Our reality was our prison.
We lived in self-delusion. A new era of domination would surely begin, but it
didn’t. Our minds were bound by our beliefs, the beliefs that had been
established from time immemorial. But if we ever found out we are were equal,
we would be put to the sword, but we were not this time. This we were never
meant to learn. We only needed to learn, that together we could destroy our
masters. We just needed to find out what had been done to us, our masters
would have no place to run, as it would be easy to see who they were once the
veil had fallen. Their actions would have been revealed as to who they were and
we could hunt them down and no person would give them shelter. This secret
covenant was one by which we were made to live the rest of our present and
future lives, as this reality transcended many generations and life spans. This
covenant was sealed by blood, our masters’ blood. Our masters are the ones
who came from heaven to earth, they believe. But this reign of terror somehow
needed to be stopped.

Dominic had been under siege and we were under siege. It was clear from his
seat in this small town in the west of Bohemia that a global war was happening
at this moment. The Czech’s celebrated 90 years of existence with a military
parade. Yet they were once again being targeted as a battleground for missile
defence systems this time by the United States. In return, visa requirements
were being lifted for visitors. Always in the middle of war zones for centuries,
where did its real identity lie? Dominic saw a crossroads for his personal life and
also the world. He had no right to tie in such serious events with his own
pathetic existence, he knew, it was just timing, the only real connection was
available. His own silly little world was intrinsically linked to the global picture.
The connections to everything were clear to Dominic. His abstention from
‘normal things’ was associated with his awakening to the lies and sacrificial
process we all undertook. We were all waking up at this time, he hoped he was,
he had woken from his deep and disturbed sleep kept under lock and key, but
only to protect himself.

75
Chapter 9 - Svobody

There was a new form of the Internet being developed at this time. The third
incarnation promised to be more secure and offered a new concept of ‘things’.
This basically was the interaction of objects each connected with chips that
inter-relate. Naturally this included people who were being lined up with the
same chip embedded, eventually under their skin. It would filter out unwanted
material with gatekeepers monitoring information and checking its validity. It
promised to be a radical approach to interacting with our world where our
identification will be as crucial as the objects we interacted with. It would also
bring very tight restrictions and assessments, which would tie humans up
literally in many ways. There would be no method of escaping any system, as it
would connect with you at will. As always, computing was a two way and a
multi channel system that was designed to further restrict our freedoms.

With conspiracy theorists and personal opinion blog sites all gone, the Internet
would become as methodical and necessary as our previous bankcards were to
pay for things. Its information would take the form of the established media
and the emphasis would solely be on interaction with others, be they machines,
things we own, and financial institutions. It would cover all facets of our lives.
Who would be micro chipped without their consent? No one, but there would
be good reasons. This method of introducing things slowly would be practised
here, whereas a few years ago it would have been laughable to even suggest this
notion. Pets were chipped to monitor their whereabouts first, then, children
would be for their safety and convicts to protect society. Soon the list would
widen, old people to care for their health, teenagers to ensure they do not
breach curfews and then specific workers for industry. Eventually, all of us
would be chipped. And then those of us, who were left, would discover that
unless we too joined the programme we would not be able to travel, pay for
things, operate a car or even be in employment. This is how it will be
introduced. But despite this obvious incursion into our private life, it will not
stop us lining up. Sheep often know they are to be killed, but it’s warm inside
that room.

How do we find our liberty? Dominic wondered if he had gained it recently

when his secure world collapsed. It proved very timely. Yet, in the face of things
he saw, yes he’d become crazy, there existed a shift in perception. His liberties
were being eroded every day in a different way. Security was the excuse this
time, he had been tested for explosives on numerous occasions, but he had
never seen any in his life. He didn’t know what these objects even looked like?
We were being criminalised more and more. Motoring offences and parking
offences went up by thousands of percent in these years. There was no
reduction in deaths on the roads, it was happening in most first world countries
and previously where it was slightly embarrassing to admit such offences, it
became surprising to meet someone who hadn’t been convicted of this heinous
crime. The police became law enforcement officers and did not police society
76
 A Bohemian Fool

any more. Their role had changed. The numbers of people who had their DNA
samples taken also rose rapidly and this also reflected a pattern of criminalising
all of the population regardless of circumstances or actions that took place. The
adage of ‘if you haven’t done anything wrong you have nothing to worry about’
belonged in a different era. We all had much to worry about as each year
became decidedly worse. It was a slow process that was hastened by certain
momentous and horrific events that acted as a catalyst to deliver this new world
order. Dominic’s new world order did not follow this pattern, his was imposed
overnight.

Celtic culture had this method of grooming talented individuals into ruling
bloodlines to ensure a high quality of leadership, a system far more democratic
and one that even women were elected into. In later times when Nationalism
became the order of the day it was based on an ethnic and a linguistic basis that
gave security to an ever industrialising and changing world. Socialism was a
word of hope in the 19th Century, things that were held in common for the
common good as opposed to democratic liberalism which was based on
ownership and did not reflect the true meaning of the words, liberal or
democratic. Yet we considered this period of time like all others to be
uncivilised and pagan. It is curious to compare it with what we know with more
recent history.

Robespierre, he had a version of liberty, which ended up a severe and disgusting

bloodletting exercise. So what was it that predetermined this reign of terror?
This historical coincidence that occurs many times sees a philosophy utilised as
a reason to terrorise the entire population. The revolutionaries of France sought
to end divine rule of kings, and did so, then replaced it with another model
named the republic. The difference was little in real terms. Our liberty is and
never has been allowed, not at any time in history. A predetermined reign of
terror is not an historical coincidence, and therefore should be placed in context
of all acts of slaughter, on humanity.

77
Chapter 10 - Laska

Chapter 10 - Laska
Dominic walked again down to the spa area, the hot water was still gushing out.
The Russians were still congregating with their little porcelain cups. The cups
were new ones as the old ones had been taken back to Moscow or St
Petersburg. He ate at the German Pub. It still sold his favourite beer. There was
a woman staring at him continually whenever he looked up. His eyesight was so
poor he couldn’t even see if she was attractive or if she was even his age. The
lights were low, so the atmosphere was romantic; this was unnoticed by him and
not influenced by him. He thought he was invisible, until this night. Yet, he
looked awful, so ill had he been. There was no logic to this interaction, he had
never understood, it was firmly in someone else’s mind and not his. He
normally took his chances and used them well, but he no longer wanted to. It
was a significant turning point in his life and displayed a radical change in his
outlook. He no longer needed to supplement his life with others as he had done
for many years before. Dominic always needed excitement and sexual
interaction when he lived with Laura, as somehow, she never inspired him to
really give or love. He was as addicted to sex as the cigarettes he smoked and he
had sought it at every opportunity.

He started talking with many students and trying to work out how they felt.
They were mostly contented. Dominic suspected they might not be revealing
everything to him. However they believed it, their perspective of their own life.
He saw it in their hearts and eyes. He asked what their wishes were, when they
were children and what they might be now and their answers were quite
revealing. The older people longed for normal things we had in the west, such
as bicycles and the girls, clothes and make-up when they were teenagers.
Perhaps, they thought they had it all, Dominic proposed to them a concept.
Their responses were non-existent, as they couldn’t comprehend his western
thinking. They had liberty, they sensed, material possessions and apart from
small housing, they were as contented as anyone you would meet. What is it we
want this time, Dominic pursued and investigated their mindset, but there must
have been something in the Western way of never being satisfied, our prison we
adhered to, which they didn’t understand. Deprivation is a wonderful tool for
creating future superficial happiness. There was always the possibility they were
more contented than their teacher, after all they hadn’t just lost everything.
They had their dachas and their country air; Dominic did not.

Dominic had put aside his doomsday vision of the world in the past and the
present. It was a defining moment for him; these moments were coming thick
and fast. He believed, as if he really wasn’t sure of much or Claudia. She still
needed to share more with him to satisfy his incessant desire to know

78
 A Bohemian Fool

everything and he even apologised in advance. There was a large ocean between
them physically. He felt closer to her than ever before. He was drawn to her this
time, not from necessity, but from a real burning desire to be with her, it fired
up inside him. He believed this. Not when he was lonely, but when he felt alive
and had something to share. He had been concerned about many things, but
these had all been brushed away. He knew Claudia needed to hide sometimes
and he knew she needed to go off sometimes to different places. It would be
hard to hide with Dominic, he believed. He questioned and probed, his verse
was fitting sometimes and not others, but he always knew what was going on,
which wasn’t always good. But, she also, offered a different style of living to
him and he had to adjust too. Who was known in this life, can be thought of as
having been known before in a previous time and incarnation.

The woman Dominic couldn’t see still kept looking. She was German; he could
hear her words. In previous years, Dominic would have been sitting with her,
eating with her and eventually sleeping with her, but he was busy sitting with
Claudia in his mind and Laura was still there too, so he had no need to go over
and get involved. He had a trio to attend to. What it was that changed him was
totally unclear to him. He had lost his playful and flirtatious manner and not
since he had loved for the first time had he felt this way. He never looked
anywhere then, not even once. He was loyal, despite his natural indifference; He
didn’t pretend he was not dependent in his life. Dominic missed an opportunity
tonight as the woman left with her friend. He felt no sadness. His thoughts
were clarifying and enough for this night. He was not tempted despite an
incredible loneliness that hung over him since he lost his friend to the lure of
posterity and false hope. A feeling that weakened his resolve and physically
affected him. Dominic had found Claudia and recently took to her like some
religious doctrine he was determined to follow, but there was no conversion
required or weekend retreats. He felt it then and had done so for some time. He
didn’t need some casual love affair. This kind of love, although highly
satisfactory sometimes, was one of the things that had changed.

He cancelled all his arrangements for the weekend. He could have taken a long
walk from the mountains via various pubs, a drive to a Saxon city and some
night-time fun, and even went shooting in the country. All of those things
might have been interesting but Dominic used his illness to excuse himself. He
didn’t want to go. He had no need to go. He didn’t need to fill his life with
events that had no purpose. The people who invited him would not invite him
again; they were disappointed with his refusal, he could tell. But he preferred to
be alone with his thoughts and his liquid moments, these were hard to explain
to anyone, but he needed no commitment in case his canal barge on a river
needed to navigate another way. He sat in his top floor apartment and he
frittered away the day, the next day and the next.

79
Chapter 10 - Laska

He took to his barge, the exile that he was from humanity, and he tried to
navigate the Aharva River. He could see where it led and he wanted to go with
its flow and outward to the sea. He was tired, as he had travelled too far now.
He wanted to lie down by Claudia’s side and rest for many years, but first he
had to reach the ocean and in turn another land. He found these goals that were
common with all men. He was of pagan origin and this may not have been
received well, but he didn’t mind the reasons, he thought that she could tell. He
had heard many stories that were relevant to others, yet for Dominic, they took
him to the same place. He could see only the stars and the sun and our
evolution. Our love was entwined in this context, where we sat, ran or laughed.
It was an array of bright galaxies we could see over our heads. Now Dominic
was not a saint or guru of light and love, but he could see Claudia, a sum total
of her, it all in one moment, Dominic didn’t want her to be frightened by this
assessment. It just meant he knew. It was good as he was not fooled by
anything and he took her for what she was and not what he or she thought
Claudia might be, he had little concept of her culture a rich and restrictive one.
She didn’t know this about him, he didn’t think, but she knew it was true. It is
why he could not relate to too many people as he could see too much at first
glance. Some termed it judgmental behaviour, but it was not.

Love finds us, we cannot seek it, it’s not a tangible object, we can purchase the
many ingredients of and combine it to produce a perfect solution. This bears no
resemblance to its essence or its source. It’s a chemical connection, which
makes our senses dance. It has been smeared and sold by those who seek to
destroy us; they performed well. It has been polluted and turned into yet
another commodity, but even the blind realise they have been sold something
that was not real and did not make them see. It has been captured and
formalised and its nature mystified for benefits other than ours, its expression
glamorised and turned into an obsession. It had been named a fantasy, to fool
us so we did not even love ourselves. In Sanskrit there are thirty words
describing the word “love”. We are lacking in description and meaning. But the
definition is too broad; we need some extra words to describe the many facets
and interpretations derived.

Dominic could see through this, his ‘mental illness’ sufficient to understand
what was missing. A relationship was based on behaviour and not on feelings.
These were pushed to the rear and were not dealt with after time. Then, there
were complaints and assessments, which were based on recent events that were
completed. We were only as good as our last transaction, in love and life, he had
learnt. We were judged on our recent sentiments, the words we dared to utter.
We were being forced to compete to avoid solitude and like homelessness it was
the only way for many of us. If there was no love involved, Dominic wanted no
one to be with him, but he could always be persuaded otherwise. He had lived
too long like this, putting up with situations he had no interest in and acting
80
 A Bohemian Fool

with people he had no reason to be with. All for love? Even Dominic stood
confused, unsure how to explain what he felt and what this was.

Dominic saw love as ownership and control to ensure one person gets what
they require and in turn, the other. This was not right, so insecure many of us
were. It was very common, where control was like a parent to a child. Surely we
didn’t need this in exchange to avoid facing loneliness and someone to call our
own. People were frightened of losing what they had found, but the strange
thing was, was that it would be lost eventually. It was easy to say, but extremely
hard to practice and that was and still is, to let go and release the other person.
Let them go and they will stay if they feel the same. We do not look for cheap
imitations, real or in solitude. This was the price we sometimes must pay for our
opinion. We do not need a carer or a nursemaid to put us to bed, no
housekeeper to clean our glasses from that smell of wine or wash our clothes.
However, we never refuse such a kind offer. Perhaps men do need a maid.

Dominic needed a lover. He thought he did. He thought he needed this more

than anything. He had taken so many lovers over many years, to satisfy his quest
and soul. Now he was without one for the first time. This obsession had faded
in this year’s autumn rain. He didn’t even look for an opportunity. He didn’t
frequent the drunken palaces of hope. He waited for no one and he looked the
other way. He waited for Claudia. He waited for her call from a new city and a
new life. Dominic wanted love, not a temporary solution. He had tried this
many times and it didn’t work, he bought the book and read the instructions,
which were misleading and false. This time he would try the real thing and test
how it could be. It is for movement and for life. He wanted to live love this
time, not watch someone else or see it on a celluloid screen. He didn’t want to
share his space with someone and spend the rest of his time seeking out
alternatives. This was how it was with Laura.

Love can be acquired by habit, from the imagination or belief or from a

perception of external objects. So states the greatest testament to love, the
Kama Sutra. Dominic sent this sentiment with love to anyone who wanted to
receive it. But the ancient Indian document, fascinating as it is, assumes a high
caste and many wives. Dominic assumed no such thing; one was enough for
him. A lowly caste is fine too; it was another system of division and hate.

But first he had to love himself again, without this he could not love another
person, how could he? How could he love himself, when he had no reason?
This was his first task, to get out of Czech and his misery. He had to draw up a
plan to leave with his head held high, and be healthy and strong. Why would he
want to be, or exist, when he had tried living in this world and didn’t like it
much? It took him to places he didn’t want to go to and he met people he
didn’t want to see. He looked in the mirror and he could not love what he saw,
81
Chapter 10 - Laska

a swollen eye surrounded by an ageing face with hair thin and lifeless. His bright
eyes were dimmed by time and sadness and his smile was fixed with a serious
glare. He didn’t feel good when he went out. He knew he didn’t look good
anymore, his confidence had been wiped and he no longer believed in his
presence and the swagger he once employed. He bounced along full of vitality
and energy, dismissed the world and its troubles, as they were not his. But this
time he owned all those objects and he carried them in a bag up and down four
flights of stairs. They became heavier each trip.

Sometimes he thought that he didn’t know what he was doing, he felt without
control or purpose and that he was just wandering aimlessly from town to town
and house to apartment looking for something he had lost. Dominic had always
been like this. A wandering and lost soul and he thought he needed sometimes
for someone to take him by the hand and keep him captive for a while just to
stop this endless movement. He had been told many times of his Romany roots.
He stopped looking in the mirror. He needed to love within first, without seeing
this mythical body that had deteriorated.

So in the name of Eros and his love Psyche, a woman so gorgeous Aphrodite
was jealous of her, Dominic proclaimed affinity to these deities and symbols of
love, there were no arrows to be fired in his mythical tale. No birds with human
heads to see, no despair or sorrow to share. We saw Venus move about the
galactic sky in search of connections and liaisons. The daughter of air could not
destroy him in his search to find Isis; these names are beyond love and waited
for him to come to them. Dominic followed Venus’s patterns. Our love is
created in the stars, in the sky and translated into our hearts, for our hearts are
merely reflections of the sky and mirror its form and condition. Our love was
translated here in terms of ownership, money and pain. This was not a
reflection of our universe. This was not a mirror of our sky. This was more a
depiction of Dominic’s eye, swollen and filled with delusion until it burst one
day.

He didn’t want a conditional version of reality that had no conversation with his
sky. The mind is a pathway to this sky. Dominic couldn’t perform accordingly
to receive a kiss or touch of a hand; he was not this man anyone needed. It had
to happen naturally in a cycle of intensity and calm and as the storms gathered,
they could be ridden, holding hands as we glided through until we reached the
other side, still together. It is better to pay than to submit to this woeful version
of friends and lovers. It is better to die alone than to live with someone who
imposed rules upon your affection. What were we making of ourselves in this
disconnected stupidity where we build in pain and sorrow which have nothing
to do with their true form. Love is more, a stream of consciousness that is
neither negotiable nor open to interpretation. We lived in the age where we did
not understand its meaning. We aimed to own it, box it and sell it as a
82
 A Bohemian Fool

commodity, we looked for it only in this form and it was never going to work
for us. It was doomed from the start. We sang about it as if it was another
external form we could not control, yet it lives inside us all, waiting to be
activated, we misread it constantly and accepted its spin offs. The concept of
gaining and losing love bore no relation to us. We are love so how can we lose
it?

Dominic’s father was old and his second wife has been quite the controlling
force since the day she met him. Firstly in the name of love she destroyed any
record of his past life with his first wife, Dominic’s mother. She then
systematically dismantled the family home, and obliterated it all, like, Pol Pot,
the former Cambodian leader, created a new order and the year zero began. She
moved house and then again and then threw an old man out onto the streets.
Dominic took him in; he arrived with a carrier bag. He went back. Then he
became ill recently after 15 years of being with her. She immediately shipped
him into a care home, as she couldn’t cope; yet he was not that ill. This is loving
too, this story, as described. He went back for more, there were no alternatives.
What she wanted always came before his health and well-being. What was it that
made people do this to each other in the name of love? Love is conditional on
health too it seems. It was not based on anything other than the selfish and
wicked society we live in, this is not love. It had no meaning; it was about other
aspects too complicated to explain. Was it based on tears that flowed? Did
Dominic’s tears tell him that he loved someone or was he a victim of someone?
This cannot be love as he had seen, not only felt. This is another level of
perception in its truest form. Before we all went to sleep we needed to know
whether it was real or not, this love we felt, or whether it would be judged or
categorised. If it would be demonised later on, it was still ridiculous. It made no
sense, none of it, Dominic would never believe in this concept of ‘on and off’
love as if it were a fashion. As if it were something we hire to please us and
discard. Then it would be cruel and unwise for our souls.

When Dominic met a girl at aged 17 he could think only of her, and when he
held her hand he felt the entire force of love and its energy in the palm of his
hand. He looked longingly into her eyes, he was only young. But, he loved her
more than his own life. She was beautiful in every way, her mind and her heart
and her tales of life. It was real and they stole time to be together. She ran away
and lied to be with him. They hitched a ride in a truck to be together in another
place. She cried in his arms and she came deeper into his soul. He didn’t care
for consequences and didn’t care why or how. But others who sought to stop its
natural flow troubled this paradise. It didn’t fit into their plans. They took her
away to southern France and Menton. Dominic missed her so, and he wanted
her to be with him, they were never allowed to be as one. She taught him many
new things and took him to see new places; they wandered around Hampstead
Heath in London, one day for hours. They listened to music and sang the same
83
Chapter 10 - Laska

song. ‘Beside you’ by Van Morrison. There was silence sometimes as he wanted
her too much and he didn’t know what to do. Dominic knew, she loved him
too. This loss was one he didn’t recover from easily as if his entire life’s hope
had evaporated in a moment. He sought replacements and immediate
reinforcements. It never worked; he went from one to another but didn’t love
them. He lost himself in many parties and lovers but didn’t find this way again.
It only lasted six months and it seemed like six years. So fine and exquisite did it
feel.

He came from a position of pure hope and found someone who was pure in
heart and mind. She warmed to him and him to her, they shared their worlds
and they shared their dreams. It was as pure as it could be. This first love is
named as such and regarded as irrelevant in many ways but the first impact is
harsh on a new and unsuspecting child of love. He knew after this, what was
possible and looked endlessly in case it was her again. It never came, only in
other forms, to suit the order of the day; nothing was as pure as this. It was in
its original form this love they had. It was love. But he knew he could have this
love again, he had lost the art as he had closed himself off and started to think
of aspects that were only expressions of and were not based on feelings. He
looked in the wrong way; he sought temporary satisfaction and switched off
from the love of himself. Dominic now believed this was the answer, to love
yourself. Then if you are love, you attract love. It is as simple as this. If you
looked for components only, on one dimension, you have no chance of finding
anything other than misery and you will only be frustrated. But we were
encouraged to honour the body, and praise the right shaped hips, the formation
and design. If we were not able to fit this criteria, we would be alone, we were
told, and we had to operate to fix these problems. But this was nonsense. It was
nothing more than a sad illusion. We were deluded with our fortune and love
solely being based on our physical look and what we have to offer in monetary
terms.

Dominic was lucky perhaps, as he had met someone who didn’t see the world
this way. She could see further than the missing hair on his head. If she loved
him, he thought, it was Dominic she loved and his silly, playful and fickle soul
and not his assets, or his advantage in this commercial world. Dominic could
always command something he was sure, but Claudia’s interest was not subject
to this or his health or wealth or his experience or looks. No, he could see
through this in her, and he suspected she saw through him. He was exposed to
this love and he could not now pretend otherwise. It was easy to see in him.

84
 A Bohemian Fool

Chapter 11 - Bratrsky
Our brothers were scattered far and wide, they seemed so far from us in
thought and ideas in this time. We could not imagine us all being together. It
was symptomatic of the society we lived in, they were distant and did not share
common aims, and they were lost. We grew up apart and yet we had the same
experiences and had so many similarities to share, but we were cast apart. When
Dominic was young, he sought to bridge this gap. He had stopped trying. We
were separated from our families as they spread across the world. We were
becoming separate, apart and living thousands of kilometres away from each
other, across oceans and although we could communicate better than before,
we talked less.

The subcultures that grew in the early 1960’s presented to the world a different
perspective and a few radical alternatives, the paraphernalia of these movements
were embraced by mainstream culture some ten years later without their
meaning and essence, this was a familiar pattern. Lone dissenting voices spoke
out and were eventually silenced or assimilated. During this time it was notable
that, as one faction after another surfaced, how quickly people were swayed to
its sound. They were either fickle or discontented as they were swept along on
its journey. As it faded they hitched a ride back to mainstream society, their
pride intact and continued along their way. There were casualties and there were
those who refused to see the temporary status of progress and clung onto its
values and feelings.

Where these fads and sub cultures emerge from is unclear as they take root and
grow so quickly from some source. The youth were responsible for this splurge
of colour and ascension to eastern spiritual philosophy, and the east embraced
western values at the same time. In the subsequent legends that evolved, we
were told that an area of San Francisco gave birth to the hippy movement and
the southern states, the civil rights movement. The latter being a political
response to a social situation. This differed considerably to the peace and love
movement, which focused on general issues. The war in South East Asia
consolidated its position but did not inspire its birth no more than psychedelic
drugs, as advocated by Harvard University professors, did. The civil rights
campaigns were orchestrated and organised, they were quite different in form,
political in nature. They were born from repression and the need to change
everyday life. Seen through the rose coloured eyes of video bites with famous
lines and images played repeatedly, in retrospect, it offered little in the way of
reality.

85
Chapter 11 - Bratrsky

Both these two groups existed throughout the same period of time; they were
probably the last known versions of man uniting for a purpose on such a grand
scale. Since this time there was less and less dissent, it was suggested that this
was due to the lowering standards of education and the ease at which young
people, who joined such movements in the past, had become docile and
unmoved by the issues of their time. This was paramount to this shift. There are
many questions that arise, how did these groups form and how were they
popularised, and why was there no longer the need to think of alternatives in
this clearly, savage society that we lived in. There were, occasionally, social
groups who formed out of necessity to fight an injustice, but it remained local
and was easily broken. There were days of solidarity in unions too, but these
were long over, they were dismantled and exposed.

The dissenting mob had been created in the historical past for good reason and
valid notions of being discontent but were then utilised to further a differing
agenda. This was a tried and reliable technique. It was the same as voting for
change in a classic sense. But we were so apart in our thinking and we were
thrown apart by design as we fought for the resources and debt available to us.
We competed against each other for everything and should we have found a
common cause we were in these times ridiculed and broken. Civil disobedience
was dealt with harshly and if ridicule was not effective, violence always was. It
was witnessed on many occasions in many places. It deterred us from uniting
and whilst we were separate from our families and our common goals we were
easily managed.

There were groups that formed, for many reasons, some political and religious,
some to further specific goals, but it seemed they always developed with some
other purpose than stated. These brotherhoods indoctrinated men to see their
world from a specific perspective. It is always about the perspective we are
looking from. These societies promoted hatred and incited discord sometimes.
The peace movement from the past, although quite naive, at least had values of
hope and promoted love between each other. It took on astral forms and
opened up a world to a generation that had been the product of global conflict.
Its concepts were so easy to adopt and quickly spread across the western globe
like a bush fire to Europe and Australasia and further. It was infiltrated to
inspire its collapse, before too many people rejected the model we were obliged
to follow. Its survivors were thought to have contracted illnesses with excessive
drug use. Its virtue dismissed as unachievable and childlike in concept.

The mystical groups, basically, pyramid based organisations, became well known
through literature and they had existed for hundreds of years. Masonic lodges
and freemasonry were notable versions; their special handshakes and their secret
structures were visible but were not debated or considered. Their true purpose
was unclear; there were many theories from the charitable to the occult. There
86
 A Bohemian Fool

were links to other secret societies which was suggested formed the shape and
layout of the ruling elite, our masters. They had historically been inspirational in
major changes and political upheavals, so clearly exerted influence, this was
beyond doubt. The cartels of bankers were said to link directly into these elitist
groups. If this structure was real and we were controlled by such secret groups
of hidden men who were behind the world’s woes and achievements, then this
fraternal group certainly did not include us. We were excluded from
membership and we were not party to its aims.

It is known that we, as people can always get along with each other; we would
never fight against each other unless we were orchestrated to do so. Whenever
the peoples of the world meet there are no problems. We could have easily
helped each other without greed or the need for hunger. But our masters forbid
this, unless they designed it. The nationalistic boundaries did not denote races,
religion or creeds, they were used to fuel conflict, but these boundaries were
falling. The United States was the premier model and now Europe and Australia
had followed. After years of restrictive movement, it was not a coincidence that
suddenly the world was opened and its borders taken away. The border near
Karlovy Vary is some 30-minute drive and became unmanned now to the west,
you can enter Bavaria without question or reason. To the north, Saxony is open
too. A short time ago, it was impossible to leave this country. Then suddenly,
there became free movement which was wonderful, but why was there a
change? What was the purpose of free movement and mass migrations? Should
the threat of terrorism have been real, these borders would have been shut
immediately to eradicate any threat to the nation states.

Rousseau’s social contract of 1762 set out to determine how men could form as
a group yet still preserve their basic freedom. The concept that everyone
invested all his or her power together under the direction of the common will
was a noble one. Each person, therefore, would be a part of the whole group.
By uniting the group, the group had been given life and thus by legislation it
would be given movement and will. But its existence did not determine what it
should do in terms of preservation. This order is outshone by the true nature of
things and this is independent of human convention. Justice comes from God
and we cannot receive such a high inspiration, he continued. There exists a
universal justice born from reason, but this must be equal as natural law renders
human laws as ineffective with men. The people who gained from the fall of the
just, exploited these concepts. The majority would ignore this, look on and not
understand its transgression. He concluded. Like Marx, his work was cited and
utilised as a basis for change, despite it never being its original purpose.

The weekend showed Dominic another side to the world of solitude; he did not
speak to anyone face to face. His brothers were all busy this particular weekend
and after cancelling his social activities for a second time, he was left sitting, a
87
Chapter 11 - Bratrsky

lone figure waving from a top floor room at anyone who would look his way.
He didn’t tune into any specific thoughts or become interested in anything he
saw. He watched some football from England, but to be honest it was boring as
he thought that it was no longer much of a competition. He watched two of the
top four in the league easily defeat the opposition. It was very dull and yet
Dominic once loved watching this game. The news was the same in England; he
could see it in Czech, as it was the last time he went home, and the time before
that. It was armistice Sunday again and this acknowledgment of those that died
on behalf of this country happened every year in the same hypocritical fashion.
It was reported in the same patronising manner and still it didn’t stop the killing.
It still went on at this time, not millions yet. There was only a handful that year.
There were three only in one week in Afghanistan. The same old infiltration by
people which ignored the truth and stopped it ever getting out, why were troops
from Britain there anyway? Dominic could not see a reason. Were they helping
plant poppy seeds for next year’s bumper heroin crop? What exactly were they
doing apart from securing some dirt tracks and mountains roads? It was not
even spoken about, this campaign; they were fighting terrorists who didn’t even
exist. Officers of the armed forces spoke out against this phoney war, but it
never stopped. Perhaps they were preparing a foothold for the future war with
China?

Iraq was a more tangible location albeit an equally stupid one from this era. One
million civilians were dead, it was stated, and this was for what reason? To
capture Sumer and Babylon again? We had never had our intelligence insulted
quite as much, since the towers in New York were imploded. We looked on, as
women emptied their handbags out and handed over nail scissors at every
airport that year. They were placed into large boxes never to be seen again. At
one airport shoes were to be scanned and this was all in the name of security.
There was no logic to this, then we had to place our liquid bottles into plastic
bags and we could not take alcohol into Australia. It just became worse, this
meaningless nonsense. The USA offered a whole new level of idiocy. Eye scans
and finger printing, questions and straight faces. There were stories of people
being detained for hours for no reason as they dared to go on holiday there.

Yet when Dominic arrived in Prague there was no nonsense. They looked at his
passport; there were no glances or suspicious looks. His suitcase was collected
and he left the airport. He didn’t think the country was put at risk by there not
being draconian measures to harass the general population. It empowered the
idiots, this ludicrous and endless checking, that was based solely on the pretence
of security. The Czechs were too hasty in joining the band of clones into
political and economic harmony with the rest of Europe. Things seemed to
work satisfactorily. Keep the currency, take away a few zeros and keep the
banks independent. “So we do not become another bankrupt country at the
mercy of the international Banking cartels”, it was said by many Czech
88
 A Bohemian Fool

nationals. Not all Czechs knew the Russians were still there, but at least the
guard changed more regularly now. They spent lots of roubles too.

Somehow, regardless of any logic that might have prevailed, the government
there took this country exactly down the road they knew was not the right one
for the Czech people. This was because they had no control. To be honest not
one person had any idea what was going on there. It, in many ways felt good to
be cut off from this barrage of information thrown at us daily. Dominic could
have still kept in touch if he chose, but with what? The lies and the misleading
statements? He had heard enough by then. The constant supply of
disinformation, the stories deliberately constructed to confuse everyone,
become too much to withstand and especially when life has taken its toll on an
individual such as Dominic.

Dominic had always been a loner, he liked to be with people sometimes but
more often than not, he would rather be by himself. He was not anti-social, but
he loathed inane conversations and drunken exchanges which could be funny
on some occasions but on a regular basis, quite dull. Our social life invariably
involved drinking copious amounts of alcohol in drinks we sup one after the
other. Then we can discuss the last time we did this and the next time we are
going to do it all over again. Dominic scorned at the futility of his culture, but
he had become as guilty as the next man. He didn’t need this type of escape.
Actually, he found himself making friends with Jim, Jack and James during his
stay in Karlsbad. He told them all his troubles. His medicine was poison but it
was a better poison than some. It cured all; he liked one thing that covered all
the possibilities. Some people needed friends in their life, they felt exposed
without it. Dominic was not one of these. It was not a problem for him to setup
here in this small city. He didn’t know anyone and sadly, really, he still didn’t
wish to, he kept everyone at arm’s length.

He was laughed at, ridiculed and there were sniggers in the background when he
called. He was despised and named as the one chosen to fall. He went from one
day being a part of life to the next where he was on the other side. The change
was too much for him and no wonder he went quite mad. Plans were made,
times and dates which all seemed quite clear. He had not realised that he had
something to fear. He was told not to cry over a woman and to think of a new
life. He had lost his friend and didn’t care if Laura called herself his wife. He
always recalled key moments such as receiving an email in an empty house
whilst his son slept one Saturday morning. It was a cruel method of deceit that
instigated a tyrannical and insane period in his life. When he went to Dubai, she
told him she was no longer his wife whilst she hid behind a wardrobe door,
getting dressed. Dominic was not allowed to see. Dominic no longer trusted
women. It was a mystical tale he told and it seemed completely unreal, as crazy
as the life Laura now lived. If only he had cooperated, she said. If only he had
89
Chapter 11 - Bratrsky

not done this or said this, it was he that apparently did it all. Dominic did
nothing. This was the problem; he did absolutely nothing about any of it. He
was tired. He chased it down for a few weeks but when he saw this major
change he could not do anything but say that Laura had lost her family that ill-
fated day.

He had to wait until he was better to continue this journey that seemed to have
paused on the last frame. He knew it would be too cold to go out for his warm
blood. He had to find a way too; he had the clothes to negotiate its dry burning
sensation. In the meantime he would sleep and nurture his repaired eye, his
stomach disorders, his bronchitis and he hoped his peace would slowly descend
upon him, he dreamed. He was ready for any new ordeals, as the stars had
written in a script for him. He didn’t know what form this would take, nothing
serious, he hoped. But the new moon was in his sign and it was meant to cause
a stir. Something could happen and he might need to run. But to run away from
his new sanctuary to assist the needs of his son or his daughter was not an
option at this time; he didn’t have the resources to fly again. He could only
hypothesise now and hoped nothing got in their way as they had suffered
unnecessarily. He wanted this no more, as he had started to find some sanity, he
wanted them to have some too, but he couldn’t stay and do this, as the concept
would have sank off the coast, the minute he stepped off the plane back in
Australia. It was too hard for him and he felt as if he had let them down. He
hoped they would forgive him one day. He could not keep blaming Laura for all
that she did to the family, he didn’t respond well to this and he abandoned them
too. He took the road that she did and left them alone. He knew that they were
older now and had coped very well, but he did nothing but suffer and couldn’t
lend a hand. As a parent he knew this was not good. They became removed
from reality and wild in their intent as if nothing no longer mattered to them
either.

But he had scheduled a delivery by bird from Peru; his new heart in a heart
shaped box that was set to arrive about this time. Perhaps, he would not need
this. Maybe, his old one could be repaired and he would be able to carry on. He
had to wait and see but it was altering his plans, for a recovery, as if some ill-
fated event was going to shake his bones. He could only surmise, but he needed
to contact the heart company and tell them there might be a delay. They would
ask why and he would not be able to say.

Dominic started to consider leaving; it was in his mindset suddenly. How he

could leave and when and what would he say and do? He had not reached this
far in his thinking, Dominic realised that his children needed him. How would
he pay for his flight and who would come and say goodbye, this he was less sure
of. But, he had to think it all through as soon as he could. Christmas was
coming soon and the previous year he was in the sunshine. This year he would
90
 A Bohemian Fool

be cold. The previous year he wrote of loneliness and this year he would write
of Claudia. The warmth she gave him and the rays he accepted on his skin were
never part of a worship of one who is so named as such. It’s just another deity
based on the giver of light and heat, the god of Vitamin D. It is the most
important one who gives us light. Dominic stood waiting for direction now. It
was clear that no one would ever say that it was time for him to travel along this
way.

Dominic lived in the land of pork and dumplings and hearty stews he had no
desire for. It was where the local people thought it quite acceptable to attempt
to add more money to the bill and give less change in many places. They
assumed all foreigners were fools. It was a disappointing aspect to the mentality
of the people, that robbing guests was deemed a suitable occupation. They were
proud to be meat eaters as if we needed this and it made us strong. A foolish
notion among many, as our intestine is too long for such texture. But this was a
town where Dominic lived and he could not complain, he couldn’t insult or
question the tradition of the local people by showing them how it could be
elsewhere, they were proud of their nationality, but Dominic had two and he
was not proud of either. It was strange how people who had been oppressed
reacted after their release; they still acted in a devious manner to avoid
detection. They remained fundamentally dishonest despite twenty years of
freedom; it had to filter out of their mentality.

91
Chapter 12 - Rovnost

Chapter 12 - Rovnost
Tony called early in the morning, he apologised for calling so early, but he
needed to speak to Dominic urgently. Things had become a bit of a mess. He
had no food in the house, his friend, who was designated as his carer and paid
an allowance for performing this task by the British government had gone
missing. Tony had tried to reach him repeatedly on his mobile phone. He never
answered; it automatically went to his answer-phone. Tony could hardly walk to
the kitchen to make himself food; it took him ten to fifteen minutes to do so.
He was not able to leave the house to shop or buy cigarettes. In his desperation
he asked Dominic to help, this was problematical as Dominic was over a
thousand kilometres away in Czech. He cried as he described the strange
relationship he had with Matt, his friend. Tony said that this wasn’t the first
time Matt had disappeared. He often didn’t contact him for several weeks, this
was not such a problem when Tony could get out, but now this was a serious
issue. Dominic suggested calling his other friend, who was more a reliable
woman who was more mature than the two young men, that Tony called his
friends. He said, that he didn’t want to disturb her, as she was busy, so Dominic
said he would call her and see what he could do. Dominic called Sally and made
arrangements for her to go shopping for him, it was a strange situation,
Dominic having to organise food for someone so far away. Tony was extremely
happy with the outcome. He called again later on and spoke of past times, when
he worked with Dominic and they went to New York on business.

Dominic thought that he needed a long holiday to recoup and recover from the
drudgery and monotony of life in these times, but to take a holiday from oneself
was not an easy thing to do. It wore us all down over time, life. He knew this
was why older people were so miserable. Yes there was the pain and sorrow, but
we were frustrated and then found ourselves close to death without having
resolved issues or having made use of our time and as people we wanted more
than this. What was that all about, we all thought to ourselves privately? It
flashed past us and then we discovered that we had travelled from the cradle to
the grave in rapid time without meaning or purpose. The Tibetan version of the
Buddhist faith focused very much on preparing for death and saw this as
paramount to this life. They perceived it as getting ready for the inevitable
outcome. It seemed logical to prepare for something like this. The necessity to
have faith in your teacher was hard for western thinkers as it required believing
in a man, however enlightened he might be. There were some probably who
were worth listening to, but many were profiteers, no different than Evangelists
in the Christian realm.

92
 A Bohemian Fool

We have equality, we had this despite it seeming as if it had to be on an

inequitable base. Our equality was not based on material goods or money. We
all came from this earth; we are born here and die here. If the society we shared
was based on real values and not false idols, aspirations and output we could
have lived our life equally too. It was not some utopian dream someone had one
sunny afternoon in a park whilst reading a science fiction novel or some drug
induced concept. It was more of a reality than we thought or believed. We were
taught to scorn at the prospect. We thought it was just a children’s story with a
happy ending. We knew in our hearts that we were equal and we knew we could
have this happy ending, despite everything and everyone. There was no reason
why this was not possible, until we considered our structured life; the one we
had little control over. We had to wait always, until our house was paid off, the
kids grown up or until we had sufficient funds to aid retirement. We were
always planning, but somehow we forgot to consider how we would feel and
why we were here on this blue planet, our world, one world was a figment of
our imagination as we had given away any connection to it through fear and
ignorance.

It was Monday again, another one on this perpetual calendar, which felt very
much like a wheel we went round on, the mice analogy, a fine one. Dominic had
spent three days without commitment. It was never enough for him to complete
the endless tasks he had to complete. He had this mentality of getting things
done, making plans and completing jobs, as he never was able to. It was
productive and was fitting in the workplace, but he took this home with him
and mixed the two together. He could not quieten this mind of his, always
stretching to new possibilities, producing new ideas. What for and what purpose
he dared not to even think about it. He woke in the morning sometimes with a
new concept or a different way of doing things. It was always a new way to deal
with an old problem. Perhaps it was all conjecture and also encompassing in
only one moment. It filled our time adequately and kept us from considering
anything of relevance. Whilst we were all busy, there was no time for ourselves,
when we retired we could contemplate the stars. For Dominic this was too late.
For many it was the same.

Dominic dismissed the chef, he had enough of the same old fare, having to eat
the dinner again the next night and then again for lunch the next day was
horrible. He had no replacement and so he was nibbling so delicately. When he
was no longer ill he intended to invite him back and see if he would cook again.
He seemed upset to go. He liked it here, he said and wanted to stay, but
Dominic couldn’t afford his wages and his high supermarket bills. Dominic’s
standard had to drop again for the thirteenth time that year. He slipped slowly
down the ski jump and one day he fell off the end, there was no return from
this descent. He was throwing out his clothes too, as he had this concept of
starting again; he wished he could buy a whole new set to arrive in, looking
93
Chapter 12 - Rovnost

fresh. This would not be possible, but he could at least eject those rags that
were old and boring. He might have more room for more important things
when he left, he thought.

When Laura met her Algerian lover, she decided that Dominic was out of shape
and needed to go to the gym, he needed to eat with his right hand only in the
Muslim tradition and stop looking so old. He could not compete with a man
half his age it seemed. Dominic was relieved he was unable to as the requests
were bizarre and came from a deranged mind. Previously no such things were
ever discussed, Laura was always overweight herself and at times it was worse
than others. Dominic’s body was neither lean nor gross, when values changed
so did perceptions. A new set of rules was implemented by Laura to fit a new
lifestyle. Everyone went along for the ride, including friends and family. Laura
thought it was a major achievement to capture a man half her age. The fact he
had no skills and was illiterate mattered little. His mother was younger than
Laura, those who knew them laughed intensely, so hilarious they found it.
Dominic had persistently refused to conform to the norms of their society, so it
was perceived as punishment. Others dreamed of such a family as this, it was a
special one, Dominic knew however good it was, and it was, it was still another
illusion.

Dominic thought of Claudia, he knew she had already finished work before he
had even began, he was wondering what it was that she wanted from him.
Sometimes, he didn’t understand her meaning from the things she said, firstly
because, she thought differently than he did, and secondly, he didn’t know her
that well, there was a language issue as Claudia spoke Hebrew as her first.
Despite all of this it didn’t seem to be much of a problem. Dominic knew she
would allow him to contribute to the shape of things, but not initially. They
needed to shape things together in Dominic’s eyes. It was important for his
vision of it all, as if he needed to belong to her. He hoped she could see his
sentiment. He no longer belonged anywhere. Not there, in Czech, not anywhere
and certainly not the place of his birth. He was from nowhere. He had no home
and he had not much left in terms of everything else. It was cruel to do this to
him, he felt, to take everything from him like that, was a crime. He had already
lost his children to the natural process of growing up, then, he lost everything
else overnight. It tormented Dominic, the boy from London exiled in Australia
for twenty years.

It is therefore not surprising he felt so lost and without hope. He fell literally
from the sky, Dominic told Laura and she saw this drop in altitude, but she no
longer listened. Why did anyone want to do such terrible things to him? He had
asked this question too many times; there was no guilt either on Laura’s side, as
if somehow, Dominic deserved it. He did not think anyone deserved this level
of destruction, let alone him.
94
 A Bohemian Fool

After work Dominic went and sat in the Zigzag bar, one that was full of
beautiful women. He saw women for every occasion. Young and sexy,
intellectual and sexy and just out and out sexy. Such was the choice, not open
for him, naturally, but for others, Czech people, yes. Whilst having a couple of
beers he pondered on a story he was told earlier about life in the communist
days. The storyteller had a father who was thrown out of the party as he tried to
care for others. He was given a choice, agree with the party or be thrown out of
the party. He chose the latter, and was forced to move town as he lost his job.
His wife lost hers and the daughter, who recounted this tale, was not able to
attend high school, as this was open only to party members. The secret police
watched them and visited their house on many occasions. She was terrified as a
child, but she said it kept their family close together throughout. A party
member was a useful position to obtain as it offered certain privileges. To lose it
was catastrophic, a life threatening event, many people lost their lives failing to
comply with the darker aspects of Soviet rule.

On her honeymoon she went to Yugoslavia and then onto Venice. She had to
leave her passport at the border and it took months and months to obtain
permission to go, the only reason they were allowed was because it was her
wedding. She spoke of a shop named Turex that only took foreign currency,
and it sold jeans and clothes from Western Europe. Girls dreamed of shopping
there. She had an aunt who lived in the USA and she sent her $100 to spend in
this shop. How excited she was when she went there. She also worked for a
travel agents but she was not allowed to deal with overseas bookings, only local
ones. This was because of her father’s dismissal from the party. Dominic’s
student displayed a deep resentment and bitterness telling this tale.

Dominic had always perceived that everyone was equal despite being told
otherwise. He never understood this inequality in men, he just couldn’t see it, he
did judge others, he was as shocking as anyone, but he still thought they were as
good as him. He wrote to his daughter an email where he asked her to try to
understand that despite everything, he did still care and that what had happened,
he didn’t try to stop as he had truly had enough. He asked for forgiveness at his
lack of availability. He was ill, he said. He was very ill for some time. He told
her that this great, but small city had helped him recover and that he was joining
his friend and that only he knew. It was too hard for him last time, but this time
he felt it would be good as he was better now. He had hoped that her and her
brother would be fine again and he was coming back to assist when he could.
She didn’t reply, Dominic thought that his children blamed him for not
controlling the darkening face of Laura. He had done so, but he no longer
could.

The karmic debt now owed by their mother was not one Dominic could
address, not at this time and probably not ever. It couldn’t be ignored and she
95
Chapter 12 - Rovnost

couldn’t run from this, he hoped. It was her legacy, he suggested and his reason
to forget. He needed retribution for this horrendous crime and he fantasised
repeatedly. But this was a sour waste of energy and should not have been his
role. It was always someone else’s to deliver a mortal blow. Dominic could not
deny there was anger and he couldn’t be humble and discuss with Laura
anything ever again. There was no need to do what she did and then pretend it
was his fault as it was never this.

It slowed his recovery as he squandered chance after chance thinking about her
deeds, he wanted to kill her, and he really had never felt this way before. It was
strange for a man who was never violent to think this way. How he dreamed of
this moment when he held her neck so tight and watched the air drain from her
body, whilst watching that foul mouth close for the final time. But this was a
terrible thing to dream and a terrible thing to consider, but he was put into a life
threatening position and he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to bring
equality to her life so it fitted his. It was not right that she had won this war of
attrition she started, leaving the three family members lost and confused. There
needed to be punishment and it was his job to bring justice. It was silly, he
knew, but he felt as if it was understandable as her deeds were too bad to know,
so bad no one believed the story he could tell.

She would never see this in her life, he thought, but he prayed that something
one day would be addressed, something that would remind her that it was not
right to mess with basic attributes and confine others to suffering. Dominic’s
anger demanded that she should suffer too. She would not in this life, he knew,
she had suffered enough this time and this is what inspired her song. But, he
would never forget the faces; the look of regret and the mortified feeling that
tore the family apart. He was told the children were over it, but he didn’t believe
this, this tale of hope. He wished it were true. But he carefully monitored their
actions and their love had drained elsewhere, their actions said other things.
They were a family who loved each other, took care of each other and not one
who pretended how it was. It was real and so there was much at stake which
was lost that day in the supermarket when Laura was exposed to herself and fell
for a peasant boy. It left them all exposed in every way. How sad that day was
for them. Dominic said good riddance to rubbish in the time-honoured form,
but he couldn’t say this for his children as they lost their mother that day. This
was not right in any time or place.

Dominic was moving on, slowly but surely, luckily he was able. He would not
forget or forgive, as there was nothing that was tangible to forgive. It was not a
question of having a choice to move on, it was a moment of pure selfishness,
which was always allowed, but it turned into a nightmare, as it couldn’t be
controlled. It was a shameful act. There were no excuses for this ever. They
would never speak again, he mourned for the loss of a friend who before this
96
 A Bohemian Fool

was kind and forgiving and had time for her family. This was a great loss to
Dominic. Laura had crossed a line, which once crossed meant there was no
going back.

But in every dark day there is always light you can see if you look hard enough.
And in these terrible times, Dominic struggled to see this light. He came across
circus acts that couldn’t spell A to Zee. He found the troubled who propped
themselves up with tablets to control their mood and condition. He found many
things he never wanted to see; he saw things that were coloured when they had
seemed so black and white. He found uncertain things and those who were
stable he couldn’t see either, he, no longer could tell the difference. He was
moved from place to place. He went to Carlsbad and he didn’t know why. The
next move had to be certain; it had to be clear in his one good eye. No more
running from himself and his sick reality and his hatred of those who came
from this place. He would bomb it if he had the ability and wipe away the
memory. It rendered everything meaningless and all those years that passed him
by. He would poison their water to bring equality; He would show them no
mercy, as this was what he was shown. All those who had known him, knew he
would never be able to do this. He had no will to carry it through. But when
you are trapped in a madhouse and you do not know what to do? What do you
do? Fantasise destruction in response, as you do not know what to do. He had
never been down this road before and he was looking for a different way now.
He was looking for some love, he was looking for some understanding and he
wouldn’t take no for an answer or just running away as an excuse. It was not his
feeling to be anymore than of use. No one took Dominic seriously, not then or
ever. He didn’t understand why.

He had struggled to come to terms with this devastating blow; his loss was so
complete there was nothing left to hold onto. He was stripped and stood naked,
exposed and bare. He was given no opportunity to quickly put on a robe. He
was not allowed time to adjust to the ever changing mood of what Laura
suddenly wanted. He was a man who was kind and had a heart to share. He was
sensitive and hoped you all fair well as he knew how difficult this life could be.
He knew this before, despite not being subjected to any callous behaviour. He
knew, so it should not have been a shock, the radiation sickness of persons who
are fundamentally uninhabited. He was in a weird and foreign place perhaps,
but things seemed the same in many ways, couples planning and conspiring to
achieve something somehow. They struggled to make it through the mire whilst
holding a flower. The same game with a different accent and language, but the
same type of people could be seen. They could easily be the same as Dominic
and Laura. Wherever you came from would not change the game. It was not
about Karlovy Vary or anywhere, it mattered little where we were, it was just
another illusion. One we swore by and identified with, but it was just where we
were looking at things from inside the machine.
97
Chapter 12 - Rovnost

We had the right to offer our labour and without it we would starve, this was
our equality. It was the only one he could see. It was not one that could be
negotiated or perceived in another way, it was all there was and there was
nothing more to say. So would we agree then, finally, something we could share.
Is it true that love and life is superfluous to a trip around a new moon. We
could squirm and struggle as we all did and had always done living off our time,
but its unavoidable this commitment that is delivered to us. We had to offer our
ethical ideas and finely tune them, this confused us. When we were finished we
needed to recover but the mother of survival teased us and tempted us to
offload our learned feelings. We were scheduled to be back sooner than we
could imagine, to offer some more of our time, for we knew it would only bring
happiness and permission to buy and sow. Maybe, you could plant some seeds
for our future and ones we didn’t even know.

If we lived two or three hundred years, we could plan for the future quite
merrily and sit and consider our time ahead and not look back or down. But this
was not the case this time, so it seemed pointless to consider such things, as we
would be alone and then gone quite soon. It was a mistake to think Dominic’s
kindness was his inability to be ruthless. He was as capable as he needed to be,
far more enigmatic and he did not show his hand unless he was required to, at
other times he played the fool.

We presented to ourselves a monologue of drivel and an empty can of beans,

ones we had eaten, as we were too lazy to re-hire the chef and cook for
ourselves. We could give everything, it was clear as a bright sunny day, but these
days were rare in Europe in November for the sky had a distant look. We had
to wait for winter now; it was coming later each year. This was the changing
season of our time and we would not look for reason or meaning. This was not
the best thing to do. It was changing and this was enough, here and everywhere,
when winter came earlier we hated its premature call, but now its delay was
careful not to cause an early fall.

The ice was layered on the slopes of our discontentment, even though we stood
tall. There was no rhyme or reason that could explain a lonely word that is
shared daily with every look we could give. But Dominic would take no
temporary solution, as he would wait this time for Claudia, his love that waited
for him in warmer climes that gave to him something he failed to really
understand. Dominic asked not to be told what it was. He had had this
explained to him before and still he didn’t understand. He longed to walk with
her along the eastern sands, so nice the moment, so nice the day and so warm
the night. He wanted to kiss and hold her until dawn forced her out of his bed.
She would not be willing to leave but he would play with her until she agreed to
go, for it was only this moment he could contemplate on. He knew. He was
lucky, he finally had worked this out, and only Dominic could meet someone
98
 A Bohemian Fool

like Claudia on a night like his and survive the fall. It was this fortune that gave
him faith in who he was, untouched by others who wanted to know why. He
had no answers to this or other silly thoughts; it is so simple this existence. We
are here and then we go and then return.

His departure would not be dramatic or cause a large storm, it would be easy for
him and for others who saw this soul drift away and slowly slip away and say
goodbye. Dominic had no problem with leaving, it would be nice to go, in some
ways and not in others, sad to leave, but good to cast off this restrictive body
and mind. He would sail away gently on a calm sea mapped out for him in
advance and this would show his equality to everyone he ever knew. Some had
gone and some would stay, but he would sail away into the sunset on a western
shore. Never be sad he was leaving, he would say. He would find you again. He
was this person this time but only this time and he would return again, there
were things that inspired him to do better this life around. He would not be
coming for hatred and this will not blind his ebb and flow. He was coming only
to love, and to kiss her this time. He would be only there for a time, she said
how he could make her happy, but he already knew, he could do the things she
always wanted day after day. She would not tire of this magnitude or this love
that is endless and complete. It was enough for any person who needed to stand
on their own two feet.

Dominic knew Claudia was vulnerable to certain aspects he had seen, but this
gave him a moment to hold her, see through her and touch her exposed heart.
It is beating just in case there is love for her, and this time there surely was. It
was waiting for her, to find and discover where it was hidden whilst she played
her loving game. She was more than this; she could be this, if only she would
stay the same. With what Dominic wanted there was not much to discuss or
even inquire; it was something indescribable to the mortals who despaired. They
frown for their lack of love, which comes their way and there was no talk of
desire. This is another subject where we can only swing our head without doubt,
as it expresses this motion, it outlines his emotion and leaves him without
doubt. When he came close to Claudia, he left his fears and body behind. He
was you and she was Dominic for maybe one moment, this was enough for
him.

99
Chapter 13 - Hlupak

Chapter 13 - Hlupak
Dominic felt as though there was some symmetry occurring in his life. He’d felt
it for the first time, the previous week. There was a two-year period that was
about to end in the January, since he was left alone and in this time there had
been a casting out to the furthest point west toward the end of last year. Since
then, it was a process of returning east, albeit a long one. This might culminate
in some event that would come quite soon and then everything would change
again, he predicted, hopefully. It sounded as if he was a false prophet speaking,
as if he had a vision and could predict the future with accuracy and precision
accordingly. He certainly felt this sometimes. His indifference derived from his
duality, he took an observation point from afar, so it seemed he didn’t care. He
appeared humble and he needed to be careful what he did and said as things
were likely to happen and he didn’t want to get involved in any of this. He
would prefer to avoid it. He suspected this would not be possible. But, he
looked to pin things into places to bring some order to his chaotic life. He
looked to numbers and time, he was deeply disturbed and he knew it.

He was not sure where it was coming from, but came it did in some form which
blew away any remnants of distrust he had or any doubts lingering in the far
reaches of his mind. He would be forced to join in the affray. How or when he
was not sure. The next new moon when it appeared would cry out and cite the
beginning of the end of the worst period and the best period in his life for some
time. It took him to the gates of the city wall, where Hermes waited for him.
Hermes had to tell Dominic where he had to go next and with whom he had to
speak. This parallel universe he existed in offered both sides simultaneously. So
near and so far had he been to and from himself, skating along the rim of the
oceans from where he could have easily drowned, and from where he might
have seen the sky.

Dominic’s concept of time told him that this linear approach had to end; He
needed to reach out of this narrow perspective and view more. He had been so
locked in this two-year monumental contract he was unable to see the road. He
was cast out only to soon return. It was not in his control as he drifted out from
its effect and haste. He couldn’t explain why this should happen to him at this
time, there was always a celestial purpose that combined a number of things. It
functioned on many different levels too. This started and ended a period which
obviously had to come, but only when he could see it, release it and watch it
drift away, would he be free of its pain. He had been quite sad for two years, as
he had lost his sense to know. He was regaining this intuition he once had and it
was leading him back this way to work through his fear and in his attempt to get
back to Claudia. He was feeling somewhat exposed again. It seemed he was

100
 A Bohemian Fool

opening up to another event for which he had no bearing to call on and

therefore no way to resolve it. This was not pre-empting his destiny, but it
seemed he had to finish the things he was doing before this time, or else fail
once again to complete a task he set out to achieve and reach a special goal.

He was driving up to Nova Role this day to a glass factory where he taught two
marketing personnel. He liked this drive; it took him into the country and the
open road. The suburb he passed through was not pleasing to the eye; in fact it
was very Soviet. It was functional and nothing more. He didn’t think he would
have been a good member of the party here, He suspected he might have taken
a fall. He would have been given the classification of dissident, but not because
he was attempting a coup. More due to his indifference on matters outlined as
important. The sharp bend took him out of the local area, and into air that
smelt fresher and he could see fields and new houses that looked attractive. He
took the left turn at a roundabout and moved along a windy road until he
reached the glasshouse inside another soviet housing estate. He crossed three
train lines one after the other and the security man waved and spoke to him in
Czech. Dominic nodded and smiled, he laughed at whatever it was that was
said. He met his students, whom, he was never sure about. He could not
monitor if they were pleased to see him by their style and approach. But this
was not his concern really; he didn’t need a reason to teach, he didn’t need a
captive audience to preach his gospel songs. He could hold their attention for
90 minutes and the match was not won or lost.

Dominic was getting use to being lonely; he spent so much time alone. He
could actually feel this pain inside of him. If he went out he still sat alone or
with others, he had to adjust his words for them to understand. This was
becoming tiresome and he wanted to relax somehow, but he was not prepared
to step out or ask a favour or two. He dreamed of things he didn’t want to do.
He had no idea now what it was he wanted to do. His motivation before was
based on getting away and being alone. But now it was permanent. It was quite
different as he went through patches and seasons without any input from
above. He may have felt one thing one day and on a different day another, but
no one would know. It no longer mattered what he thought about this and that,
as there was no one to share this view with or speak of the day that passed. He
felt his eyes becoming heavy in the last class this day, it had been such a long
day, Tuesday’s were tiring, as he had to go and teach for a total of 6 hours. It
doesn’t sound much, but add preparation when he could be bothered to do it,
and a bit of travel, the whole day lasted from 1015 until 1930. That was over
nine hours. Yes there were breaks in between, but he had not worked full time
for two years and it always wore him out. He learnt this night what he had
missed out on the previous weekend with the march to ‘welcome winter’. They
travelled to a nearby ski resort and walked for many kilometres, had dinner and
were locked in the pub until dawn dancing and drinking. Forty or so people
101
Chapter 13 - Hlupak

were joined by more and partied all night! Mind you, the student who was
Dominic’s age said she was still suffering today and it was Tuesday! What a
shame, Dominic thought, that he was so ill and was unable to go out. He did
not feel much better this day either.

A glass of Cote du Rhone could have aided him to dance this particular night
away, at least mentally. He was beginning to consider that it might only be him
that suffered the tragedy that no one came running to. Perhaps it was him who
would not be granted an exit visa from Hades’ world. He would not be allowed
to return. He could not say it would bother him much. He had recently,
seriously considered his own departure, as it was getting popular lately. Many
were threatening to leave him. He was not suggesting he made this happen
himself although there was a time where it seemed a good option when he faced
homelessness and loneliness. He couldn’t keep his job, so fickle was his
concentration and it was all far too difficult for a person like him. He had no
wish to die, but wondered if his body would give up this challenge.

Dominic met many of his personal goals but he had not had the love of others.
They were too fine and busy with their stupid and meaningless lives to be with
someone like him, he felt. They were too selfish and conceited to know how the
world is all one. There had been some people with whom he connected with at
various times. It was so nice, but it always offered conflict in his mind, as he
was still, not like them. We all want to belong sometimes to a cult or a clan, but
he rejected his own and never found an alternative. It had always been a lonely
life and at this time, he was naturally and really ‘tout seul’ as the French
deliberate. He felt this deeper and more profoundly than ever before. He held
onto Claudia, his only friend as his remaining connection to this world. If she
changed her mind one day, he would surely fade away; he could not fight
anymore or knock on someone’s door. It was too late for this now. He could
not be like this as he would lose the will to participate and it would not be long
until he ended up on the streets where he would perish one cold night, this
naturally brought him back to ponder on the nature of his new relationship with
Claudia, was it one to survive or was it anything to do with love?

It was strange that he had total freedom and yet he was a prisoner in this
apartment, a self imposed one. His exile from himself continued, he knew he
had thought this a thousand times. Who should he contact about all these
possibilities? The question begged an answer. He had done little so far except
procrastinate about his life and his misfortune and even he became bored
listening to it. He was living in a virtual world still, it was clear to him. His
communication was always and restricted to online and never face-to-face. It
was time to stop most things, dispose of the excess and wait for the coming of
some change. He had thrown off these diversions that kept him amused; his
entertainment for the evenings had now passed. He had stopped these
102
 A Bohemian Fool

nonsensical discussions with equally lonely people looking for salvation and a
ticket to a better life for they would learn he was not so foolish. So there
remained only spaces filled with memories, nothing current to contemplate and
nothing meaningful to suggest more. The connections were all broken and
Dominic no longer wanted to peruse them or make good the break. He wanted
something fresh and something new, not based on things he had known before.
It had to be totally new and it had to be clear and real. Nothing less would
suffice, as he would not tolerate a rewritten version of the past. He had no need
any longer to deal with this. He had no need to want this. He looked only at
himself in a glass tube being propelled into an abyss at great speed. He wanted
to slow this down. He needed to turn his head and feel the space he witnessed
here. Dominic wanted to slow everything down.

Images were flashing before him as he travelled so fast past their stall. They sold
many things and offered them as he flew past. He saw many familiar faces with
their smiles and comforting words. But he had no time to stop or listen to their
deeds and promises he could secure. He always wanted to be somewhere else.
He waved briefly and didn’t have time to say goodbye, he never wanted to stop
for too long, this trip never ended. It went on and on. There was no time for
reason and time to sing a song. There were no outcomes and there were no
rewards as it’s too big a romance to understand it fully. He wrote as if it was a
ballad or a minstrel’s song. He offered only tales of woe, of hope and battles
that never were quite completed. Legends, yet to be canonised are only stories
unconfirmed. Dominic’s life was like this, as yet, not declared official and
frowned upon by those who took a different step and saw an alternative light. It
was hard to make sense of time and its mysterious deceptive nature. He thought
sometimes, when he collected his thoughts, that he was the only one who cared
about them. What were we doing, trudging about in this life with silly ideals and
false hopes? Dominic felt that no one really cared for him. They were too busy
surviving and he had neglected any interest in them too. He could expect
nothing or any support. He had received exactly this. He learnt very quickly that
no one was interested; it had to be his fault. He didn’t manage things well and
even if this was true he couldn’t be trusted anyway. He did nothing to inspire
this, only not agree. His Uncle suggested that Dominic would prefer to sort his
own life out and not get help from him. A message that was clear in its intent.

Dominic was left with nothing as he had put all his hopes in one place; he didn’t
think this would ever change; he was left with only space and thoughts. He had
no money to change things. He was in a dire mess. Czech was instigated to find
a way forward. But starting at zero made it hard to find the motivation. He had
little desire to make things work for him. There seemed no reason to do so.
What was the point? Dominic couldn’t see one, to make and build a new life,
was for what reason? He asked and continued, that he had a life, it had its
problems but it was a life until it was taken one night. So what was the reason
103
Chapter 13 - Hlupak

for a new one? He had yet to find one. This reason to survive as an alternative
was too painful, the choices were limited. Dominic and his children were put
into a quandary without reason, together they were strong, but now they were
weak and divided in many ways.

He had learnt of history and how all stories was one story translated or hidden
in mythology. Where our hero King Arthur is Thor, Zeus and also Adam, the
civilised creator of this world who worshipped the sun and the cross of St
George, which is one cross, and it was adopted by the Christians as their own.
It’s one story from one world, from the Sumerians to the Egyptians, the Greeks
and to the Romans. Our day of rest is Thor’s day, not Sunday or Friday, but
only Thursday. Our adversary is Woden, his day comes before this. This is our
version, of the slaying of the serpent and worshipping him, the blood sacrificing
and ancient men. The Adam and Eve story is the same, choose a hero. It came
from 3380BC. This tale is set in what is now the Middle East. We are only five
and a half thousand years old in this, our civilised world. We are Sumerian, an
Egyptian and from the Gothic mould. None of them are provable, as not one
of them matter. They are the essence of how this world evolved and depict only
this. It doesn’t matter what you believe, yes it has been utilised to confuse us
and keep us from the truth. But the fact is that we did evolve, but we somehow
became disconnected from our world.

Dominic wanted to join up these mysteries into one theme, one world and one
reality. His logical mind told him these stories were all nonsense, but his
spiritual mind told him there was some purity in there somewhere. Now if we
understood that the creation story is in fact the story of when we became
civilised, we now knew and logically made the connections between all the other
stories and the slaying of the dragons of this world. Maybe no one killed
anyone; maybe there were no demonic dragons or serpents assisting ignorance
and negative things. It mattered little if you knew that in a region, which was the
Middle East, we started living differently. What changed, we had yet to discover,
how did we make the leap to a structured society, worshipping the life giver.
Why did these ancient mysteries become hidden in a veil of mythology? Who
gained from this power driven and god-fearing world? We had all been strung
out to dry whilst we investigated the facts, but the facts were not there for us.
They were passed down through certain blood ties and they were known. We
did not know it, Dominic did not either. He was probing into his conscious
mind and researched information among the mass of confusion that existed for
us to divulge.

But we, the amateur experts on theology, historians and gurus had been
listening for many years, trying to understand and disseminate all this
information and disinformation and we attempted to decide which was credible.
A conclusion we could not reach, as somehow we didn’t need one. Dominic
104
 A Bohemian Fool

didn’t want to be a detective of symbols and rituals from the past. Yes, they
existed and yes, they were part of some Masonic cult. There were conspiracies
and there were men who manipulated this world. We were imprisoned and
tortured here in many demonic ways. Dominic did not have the time to waste to
prove that fact and theory were in fact one and there was something else we
needed to know? There was always something else, which took us into another
realm. There were many avenues we could become neatly confused in and
Dominic thought that he would not chose this, not this time.

The fool on the hill sees everything that is before him, he has the power to
create, and he has the will to start again. He carries a backpack with essentials
and a companion by his side. He has hidden the clothes of the jester he once
wore and has taken to wearing a cloak. He has gone from misery and sacrifice
to being adventurous and enthusiastic. He is on the brink of a new age and love
waits for him. His fears have been cast into the distance and now he can let go
and let life evolve naturally. The unlimited potential of his human spirit charges
his open mind and he contemplates a journey he will soon take. He is young
again and despite adversity and a crumbling mountain he has come back to the
top. He has the four elements tamed and surrounds himself with them, the clear
mountain air, the radiant sun, the ice water and the cliff he waits on. He has lost
everything and is starting from zero but he has gained everything in return. His
silent call can be heard as a hesitation before he says what he needs to. He
knows what he will be and this is what he will be. He has the 12 reasons to
guide him through the zodiacal calendar and understands the planets and their
love for him. He is covered with the world and celebrates its virtuosity. As the
potential creator, he adores the energy and refutes the past. He is about to
commit and his potential will be lost. The infinite wisdom of knowing will be
transformed into the action of doing. This is the moment of his purest form,
the final chapter as he buries his failings and looks only ahead. He has finished
telling the truth and ceased acting for his supper. He has a new dawn to follow
and his wisdom is clearer each day. He is about to unfold the plan contained in
his bag for the world and its fool.

His past was long and he had suffered greatly at the hands of other less
enlightened souls, but through this time had maintained his fundamental policy
of preaching the truth through many different methods. He had lived on the
edge of influence and had learnt many things there were to know. He was
laughed at and revered by those who became his adversaries but throughout this
he kept his dignity, but only just. There was always something others could not
define and through the misconceptions and myriad of false accusations he could
stand clear ready to create again. He was reminded at every moment of his days
dressed in red and yellow with a hat to match. The bells rang as he walked and
others cried that he really was a fool. It seemed to be true in his mind too, that
he was of no use to others, let alone himself. He kept illustrating his ideas and
105
Chapter 13 - Hlupak

punctuating the notion that here there was in fact more than we could see. For
others would have lost their lives should they say the things he said, act the way
he did. There was a need to be something, to dampen down suspicion among
Edenite men, as they maintained what pleased them. They enforced their
ancient laws of man against man and performed the duties they did not
understand.

From the Lama monks to Europe, he chose to merge their red hats and yellow
hats into one, their spirituality galvanised and extracted from their mountain
hideaway. But these political formations became extinct and he stood aloof
ready to take the next step again. No longer would he patronise the royal
bloodlines he was once connected to, and no more would he struggle to relate
to those who made up the audience. This had gone now. The harsh justice
handed down would be superseded and overrun by the warriors who had no
name. Their stories would be limited and they would live in their time. He
would tell no more stories that needed to be told, no mention of the King or his
cohorts.

So was Dominic the fool with his foolish ways and his foolish concept of life,
had he been the jester and then the fool. What kind of fool was he to have
loved this life and to have sought some understanding? He had scorned the
homespun philosophy we all admired and its basis of complicity. He knew not
one reason why he needed to hear this again, nod his head as if he agreed with
some nonsensical, not in any way poetic, jargon. He had trudged the road of
uncertainty and taken the looks of those who thought he was in some way
strange. He would take no more, he would breathe simplicity and he would
calmly tell you how he felt, as he had no need for sadness or happiness in this
vein. This was not his type of comfort being taken up and down again; it made
him dizzy and made him attached to things he was being driven through.

Yes the world was a confusing, but beautiful place and he had not found his
place in it. He had been led a merry dance in these dark days, but not from the
courtesans and their friends. No, from deep inside himself, so unable was he to
come of age. So those of you, who changed your superficial curtains that
protected you from the light know they could be taken and burnt in front of
your eyes. Shades will be needed for your eyes and plugs for your ears when
your controllers tell you to run. But your demise was not any concern to you
and he was only stating his vision as he saw it that day. It mattered little to him.
He was a liberated fool who knew no harm or ignorance that stood on the brink
of something.

106
 A Bohemian Fool

Chapter 14 - Nedele
Dominic’s mum stood at the window, a shadow, waving goodbye. Her time was
done. She knew, but could only wonder how quickly it all occurred, how the
clock went round so many times. Her strength of control was fading as she
slipped into a pain filled dream. A hand appeared at the side of her face, a dark
glow became the shape positioned behind a thin nylon veil as she moved it over
and over. She could never believe that she had reached a place so close to the
end. She saw only an end, not a fresh start or an escape. Perhaps this path
would lead her to a realisation, but what for? To suffer was degradation in her
mind. Her unfounded self-belief had not left her in a condition to take what was
always about to come to her. She was shocked and stunned. Her bitterness
surfaced sometimes. When she hid behind the pane of glass she was humbled
by us all.

During this time there were still people left to deal with. They had all been
around at different times. Some people were more sensitive than others, some
were bold and some were too young to know. One person had not even known
he was there in the picture, in the window box. There was a vulnerable little girl
running into the wind. She lived on either the first or ground floor. Her
retention was weak. They all watched and did not want to know. They did not
want to share her demise at any time on the path. It was too real by far, a
continuing instalment updated daily at first and later by the hour. They
remembered the gentle wave and stare coming out of the window box between
the flowers and the rain and then we returned to our own hole in the sand.

Dominic spoke to her on the telephone a few days later and she sounded unable
or unwilling to converse, not wanting to say, protecting them all to the last. He
sat and began to wonder. Was this cloud finally going to burst leaving him alone
to dry without sun? So little time and so much to do and yet we spent all our
time doing very little, waiting for the clock to make its final move. He was. She
was once a woman. It seemed an undignified way to go, but it was far from this.
There were positives arising from the suffering of those who sat. Death was just
a start for those who were more than just that. They all sat thinking that she was
dying and they were not. They were having immortal thoughts. Was she
suffering or surfing through her pain? Did she weave in and out of dark spaces
to interact with those who were dependent on her survival? Her husband could
only be set free, despite his unwillingness to co-operate with his fate. Dominic
would not go along with his fate either. The sun would have no-one left to cry
to when things turned dark and sour.

107
Chapter 14 - Nedele

A few days later Dominic was out collecting some mail, which had been waiting
for him at his box. He saw her squatting on a street corner with a baby in her
arms. The baby was pulling on her lip, learning how to grasp. She kissed the
baby on the forehead and smiled. A tender moment between the two lingered as
Dominic approached. “I was expecting you.” She said, knowingly. He asked her
how she had known what he was doing that day, whose baby did she seem to be
the mother of and why was she sat on a street corner like she was homeless
without any money. “I am always here for you.” She replied with a loving look,
she for once did not hide.

Dominic smiled and said goodbye, walked, wholly confused and bewildered.
His mailbox was full and he had a problem pulling all the letters out. He glanced
at the covers to determine which ones might require reading now, but decided
to return home. As he past the corner where she sat, he saw an empty space.
She had gone. Dominic put the music on she had brought for him the previous
day and went through the envelopes, opening each one to see its content. He
found a letter addressed with familiar handwriting, most were printed, but this
one stood out. Why had she written a letter to him when, he saw her so
regularly? He hadn’t noticed it when he was standing outside the box minutes
earlier. He opened it and read the hand-written note. ‘Do not forget to take
warm clothing with you when you go.’ Dominic was not planning to go
anywhere and that was all the note had said. It was not signed either, she
assumed he would know who it was. It was like all the notes she left on her
table before the tablets took their place. She would remind herself about
everything.

Some time had passed since he first learnt of her demise. He realised that we all
sat on death row, some longer than others, yet because we did not think in
those terms, life was a palatable exercise with all its ebb and flow. For Dominic
though, it was time, he bought a ticket out of this cold and lonely place. Not a
ticket for a pair of the fastest running shoes, but a new environment with some
different diversionary clues. He could do no good deeds in Karlovy Vary. He
would not go too far, he was going away over the hill. He had heard of her
recent change in health, her early morning sickness, her virtual null intake of
food and her inability to walk further than from one room to another.

She knew her physical body had an appointment with the scrap heap and there
was nothing else that could be done to avoid losing tenure of it. It was not like
rust in an automobile that eroded slowly, it was more like sabotage, a takeover
by a third party, ravaging all that it found in its path. There were attacks on all
fronts, which served to destroy, but claimed to liberate. Disease is an internal
war which finds us all on the losing side eventually. We have our victories, but
we never win the war. Our dependence on others is all but lost when they fall

108
 A Bohemian Fool

victims to the purification of our mortal bodies. The disservice that starts this
process can only be defined as it takes us nowhere but home to our self.

Those that are left behind fight on and we find new allegiances. What became
of the essence of our spiritual life, which had served to propel us through these
sixty odd years? We still felt vulnerable to mass change where our structured life
might be washed away in a great flood. Perhaps the biblical stories are all states
of mind that have been cast into tales. However, she sat and waited for all this
to be confirmed to her. Dominic could not really believe until he saw it for
himself. He needed a miracle and then he would believe, at least until he forgot.

Dominic walked down what use to be a busy street. Terraced housing had been
demolished into piles of dirt, dust and a collection of ageing brick and masonry.
There existed bright red lampposts positioned all the way down this street. They
stood out against the backdrop of ruined shells as the sun appeared to light
them once again. They were low for lampposts, as if they were close to an
airport runway. They were not. He stood upon a mountain of concrete and
claimed his territory. He looked around for potential invaders. There were none.
He could see a small bridge across a narrow stretch of water; it had a little
pathway along each side of it that went under the bridge. He walked along the
waterway. He kicked some dirt on the ground as little boys do and uncovered
some domestic refuse dumped. He scuffed his shoes some more. He bent down
to look closer; perhaps there was something valuable. If anybody were to see
him they would think he was a little hungry. Not such a rare sight on the streets.
He lifted some burnt paper, which looked like an official letter. He saw a
photograph underneath which he pulled out, shook and dusted down. It
captured a street scene in monochrome. It could have been this very street. He
was sure the coincidence was too great. A party was in progress. There were
tables in the street, with banners and flags lining the houses. Children were
sitting round the tables, with hats on their heads eating, probably jelly. Men
stood, posing in their battle uniforms, they had survived in while their women
served the children with hats on their heads. Faces were not too clear, but his
impression was they were celebrating something and all having a good time!
One face stood out though, her back to the camera, she had turned her head on
request. He knew that look. He placed the picture by the side of his bed and
looked up. The second glance made it all quite clear. She was a child. Dominic’s
trip to England for a weekend was littered with curiosities. Her illness came on
overnight and joined others waiting to check out of this life. Tony had called
many times this weekend, wondering where Dominic had gone, when he learnt
he had flown to England, he was disappointed he couldn’t visit him, but he
lived in the north of England and Dominic’s mother in the south.

The doors that still separate inside and outside should not be visited. The
unknown quantity that lies behind them can never be determined. What sadness
109
Chapter 14 - Nedele

awaits the caller? What depths of despair can be reached? Where have the
partitions been divided? What is left to see and what is there to hide from? The
disenfranchised cannot look from within a glass window. They must stay
outside the game’s parameters with confines to their expression. What future
awaits their children while they are driven to a place of dark and then fearful
light, an inner suburb of town? Here the twisted, turned and forgotten person
deviates and fights against the incapable, weak or already sold person. With no
memory left to store information, no traffic system without a car and no
capacity to function, there is little left to do. There was a black day followed by
a stormy night. We were assimilated into some new arrangements where there
were no hiding places left; we were cast out from our homes. We are all about
to be flushed out by our disabled and disillusioned elders. We were all about to
pick up a stone and throw it as far as we could. Things were happening; close
family members and friends were all dying. We were all dying and with the
onset, that Dominic believed, of a reduction of two thirds of the world’s
population we would all be joining her soon.

When he returned to England, a few weeks later, she had clearly began to lose
her mind. Her perception of time had diminished and she wandered over the
same topics of conversation over and over again. She spent little time out of her
bed and she did not eat. She showed little resistance to her plight, yet she held
firm to her beliefs. What they were, Dominic was not about to argue with, and
in fact he did not want to involve himself in any contentious issue. He would
not allow anyone else to do so either. Once, someone came and began to give
orders, this person did not think for a minute that there was still a human being
stuck inside that body who, despite her obvious sickness was still alive. It did
not stop this person. Dominic arranged it so it would not happen again.
Dominic telephoned again from his hotel room and she thought she had moved
house. It all seemed the same she said except that it was different. He knew that
she had all but left us.

She died one morning before Dominic had even had his breakfast. He knew
some twenty minutes afterwards when his telephone rang. It never rang so early
normally and he was still in bed. He cried when the voice said she had gone.
What could he say to her husband? He sounded bitter and devastated. He had
lived through all the stages, all the pain and the highs and lows. Now he was
empty, a shell like container unloaded at port. Soon he too would be shipped
out to another continent.

She came to see him one night a few days later before the final goodbye. It
happened in a dream; she spoke to him in her normal way, but Dominic
couldn’t remember what she said. He called it the beginning of a new era or the
start of something a little higher. And so he went on with his life, he cried as he
drove up to the airport and back to Czech, he had thought that he would trade
110
 A Bohemian Fool

tired old Europe soon and return to Claudia. He was once her son, he was once
her child. He was once part of a family. He was, once, he felt.

For Dominic, it somehow all felt different, he was entering another phase of
time. She went and then she went and then she went. It seemed that everyone
went one way or another. It was not something to worry about, this insistence
on having to leave. There was a requirement to not say goodbye, it seemed. It
was the knowledge of hopelessness and the expression that time will go on in
our linear perception we were attached to. Again he felt he wanted to break out
and dismantle the final bow. He wanted to go further this time and not be held
with a gun pointed at his head. He was nearly free of all things now; they all had
their chance to say. But none of them wanted to know him, as he truly was this
day.

Death was never a subject that was allowed to be discussed. In fact, it was
frowned upon as if it was an admission or acknowledgment that we were not
going to be here forever. It surprised us all, how quickly time appeared to pass
by. When we were young this was not the case, but age changed this concept.
Perhaps this was why Laura had to leave him, as her time was running out. She
needed to satisfy some unresolved matter or factor he was never party to. He
had hypothesised and he had analysed every word that was said. It was
explainable but only to those who truly wanted to listen. There were not many
of them. He needed some help on every level. No one was interested.

Dominic had considered his own death in past times, he had walked the road to
understanding how and why, but during this destructive two years he had
forgotten it all. He lost his concept of the world too. He missed his mum and
he missed Laura and then he missed Claudia too. He didn’t understand why
people had to go. Dominic had shown such promise as a young man only to
never bother; the rewards had little consequence and the status less so. Dominic
was seen as radical, the futility he saw in most things fuelled this point of view.
His safety net has been taken down and now he had to face ignorance alone, the
cloud that surrounded him was already weighing him down.

In principle, he had achieved more than many men, but he would prove his
worth to no man. If it wasn’t recognised, then it was never utilised. Some
people viewed him as irresponsible and incapable; this reflected his
unwillingness to get involved in manufactured scenarios full of superstition.

Dominic didn’t want to be judged; he didn’t feel it helped any given situation.
He laughed at pettiness and security sought in things that had no worth. He had
burnt all his bridges on the advice and actions of Laura. None of it seemed real
to him, it was all water flowing under what used to be a crossing. Dominic
stood; arms folded surveying the world, watching himself go by. He had run out
111
Chapter 14 - Nedele

of places to run to, he wished he could be picked up on the street by a kind

person and taken to a pound, from where, if no one claimed him, he might be
offered to a new home, or put to sleep never to upset anyone again.

112
 A Bohemian Fool

Chapter 15 - Snih
Just when Dominic had reached some understanding and found a few
resolutions in his heart and mind he fell from grace unceremoniously. He had
reconciled his self-esteem and boosted his confidence only to suddenly lose it all
in a moment. What caused this was another event allegedly out of his control,
his ghosts crept up on him and reminded him how vulnerable he was and how
isolated he was, more so, as time passed. His mum was gone; a large void
entered his life, which could not be filled, for the second time in such a short
time. He had the power of creation at his fingertips only to destroy this power
and throw away these opportunities; it was not surprising how he fell
systematically again. He felt exposed and far from himself. He sat in a chair
waiting for a knock on the door; he expected to be taken away to be
interrogated. He had failed in his mission and someone would want to know
why. A man in a grey suit inspected the contents of his trashcan; Dominic
claimed he shared this apartment building in his story he invented. He had triple
zeroed his hard drive as he had threatened Laura with unspeakable things by
email, his new misery and sadness he blamed her for, the abuse was stepped up,
hourly emails and calls she would mostly never answer. He wondered when he
would be arrested for threats and other treasonable offences, but he could not
lose anything more, it was gone already.

He believed he was not worthy of the title of creator, but it seemed to most
people that he was more than worthy of the title of fool. In fact, he had proven
this numerous times before and this was why most people had little time for
him as he floundered through life painfully. Under the guise of a respectable
married man, his nonsensical madness surfaced only briefly and only in the
company of family members.

He was not exposed to the public in general and was protected from
demonstrating this whimsical melody he played. There were always curious
looks and doubters among the audience who saw through this facade. He was
the ‘stoned head’ he always wanted to be giggling through life, half asleep, half
awake. The ‘Champagne Charlie’, music halls featured regularly to gain applause,
he truly was.

There were a few people who really appreciated this song he sang, but these
were rare in this busy and industrial campus we lived on. He was never sure of
their intent so wrapped up in the belief that he was a useless and an inadequate
man. How could they have liked him, he pondered, how could they have
wanted to spend time with him? It seemed ludicrous in the extreme. He was not
equipped well for this society; he was not designed to take its ebb and flow. He

113
Chapter 15 - Snih

had all his excuses ready; he was very adept at creating one for every occasion.
He did not seek attention; he did not crave it’s obvious benefits.

Dominic had patterns, which circulated his years. He had obtained the fears of
his mother and the need to hide in a bunker when the bombs were falling. He
had endless situations where he went too far off shore and was frightened in
case he could not return. He had these insecurities which tapped him on the
shoulder as he shouted frantically in the hope of salvation. Laura suitably
exploited these throughout the twenty-seven years. He may have considered too
many things for a simple man and he had already travelled too much for one
life. His mind was awash with uncertainty; it filled up with a confused
concoction of information. He no longer stood on the cliff surveying his
kingdom he was about to create. He had lost his position as host to frivolous
moments. He suddenly wanted to leave the small city and run away again. He
needed to hide away somewhere where he would be safe, the reason he went to
Czech. The pressure had become too much for him as he had involved himself
in things that didn’t concern him. He wished that Laura were dead and not his
mother. He longed for her suffering and hoped he didn’t need to instigate it.

And then the snow started to fall, such large flakes pasting patterns over
Dominic’s clothed body as if a quilt was cut open and the content sent down to
cover him and on impact he became wet. He brushed off the excess ice water
and tried to see ahead as if he had been sent more news to impair his vision and
purpose. From seeing the sun shining above his head and surveying the vast
land around him, he had slipped down and once again hid inside the top floor
apartment unable to venture too far for fear of exposure to the elements. His
influenza, that had become bronchitis officially in this wintery opening flurry,
also brought with it a sanitising and fresh beginning; it’s freezing composition
destroying any lingering doubts. It was clear and deliberately layered upon him a
sense of foreboding. It left open another way forward from this place, he
perceived, from any place in fact to the Island of the long white cloud where it
was summer. But it had been proven that new life could be created in icy
conditions providing the species didn’t contract pneumonia along the way.

Dominic hadn’t made it clear what exactly he had sought. He listened to some
songs and they had predicted this awful time, but they were unable to go to the
next phase. They stopped at the point where he started. He was waiting for
Hermes still or any alternative to guide him through this Nepalese terrain. He
didn’t see anyone who could double as a friend and a Sherpa, the roles seemed
incompatible. It was Dominic that had to shape this next period of time and not
look to others to lead him as if he was unable to see. It was not blindness but an
unwillingness to look, another avoidance to dig a clear path in the blizzard. The
cheap coat he wore kept him alive, but it didn’t deny the fact that he now had
no one to speak of, apart from his guardian angel, who was marooned in Perth.
114
 A Bohemian Fool

Dominic spoke to many people but no one had anything to say. He listened
very carefully this cold and bleak day. He sat and wondered when it would be
his turn, to take the chances and finally learn. What Tony had said, what was in
his head, what was in Claudia’s heart and what was in Laura’s mind? Did it
matter that all these objects and shapes were from afar? How did they place
such a hold on his present condition? His mum asked him to take care of his
children. Dominic let them steer his course as a structure he could relate to or
even hold onto sometimes. If he had been condemned for a crime he hadn’t
committed, he would not feel any different. The injustice, the insanity, and who
would listen then? The same people who never uttered a word of support this
time, the same knowing glances as if he had created the debacle.

Dominic watched the watchers and the doers and they were all busy somehow,
they all aspired to something in their time, he could not have an affinity to their
goal or a willingness to even try. He drifted through a multitude of moments
constantly looking toward the sky. He had paid some interest in everything. He
had considered all things with all men, the mainstream output and its alternative
prose. But neither offered a solution, only reasons as to why it was not so good.
He had sought to understand religion and its hope and its insistence on faith.
He had played with trivia and had fun not caring about a thing. He had brought
up a family knowing it would not be the last. He had done many things, yet he
felt no further forward than last time he spoke or considered his position. He
seemed no closer to believing that life was not a hoax.

He was braving the snow and climbing back to the top to begin again, his
backsliding was surely over, and now he could begin. This time he hadn’t
forgotten the important things he needed to carry in his sack. For these things
were precious and held value to his cause. Without this equipment he might not
be allowed to commence another journey. He would not be able to find a new
tune to sing or a new shirt to cover his back. But did he want to do this? This
he had to decide. Only then could he really leave this small city, only then could
he fly. There was no point leaving if he was just intending to act in the same
vein. He was only fooling himself, the fool with no intent, and the bohemian in
name only; to try to be acceptable to those he wanted to impress. He waited for
permission but did not know whom it was from, as there was no one left to ask.

So while they lay there waiting to disappear, these men, Dominic was
contemplating his selfish actions. He was cheering them all on, but did little
other than applaud. He waited to hear from Laura in case it was a mistake, he
longed to hear Claudia’s voice, and he longed to speak to her succinctly and
sweetly. It was not the answer to his dilemma, but she gave him comfort. He
had seen the bus station to local destinations only; he had tasted the water, felt
minerals slide down his throat. He had looked at what he knew and what he had
115
Chapter 15 - Snih

heard and it just brought more confusion. He had fantasised about

companionship and about love and his loneliness had taken him down the dark
alleyways to find some relief. But it never was the solution, his thoughts and his
ideas and feelings merged into a mass brawl inside his head. Dominic needed to
negotiate a peace treaty among the warring factions and sign a declaration of
intent but he had no witnesses to verify that he would keep to his plan. He was
a phone call away from obscurity and he was a moment away from knocking on
Laura’s door for help. So close and yet so far, he wondered if there was a
meaning or a purpose to this eternal struggle inside and outside his head. How
was it he felt this day, sometimes he was not sure, he responded appropriately
to ensure his survival. Could he for once be honest? Where would this honesty
take him, would it take him back to a place he once called home? But this home
was always in his heart.

Dominic gazed longingly from his window; ice and snow formed a white sheet
over the buildings. The sky was grey and it seemed there was more to come this
winters day. He had travelled from winter to autumn and then to winter in this
long and painful year. His year of sorrow and his year of hope. He came to this
small city to understand who he was, to file away documents from the past in a
compartment and to lose the empty boxes inside his heart. He could not tell
you if this operation was a success. He thought he had been heading forward
only to be dragged back down at news from afar, so sad he was and so sad he
did not want to be. He sought strength to forge ahead and he knew that there
was another stream of thought he seemed to have forgotten. The knowledge of
something more, that sat inside of him, the energy of love that was his to share.
He was not a man of the people, only some people.

His predictions were realised, he was besieged with more anxiety in the form of
flakes from the sky. He felt compelled to sample its fluffy nature, indeed he had
to, he had no food again and no whisky to dull the pain and warm his voice. It
seemed he had nothing left to do but carry on, each day, leading to another, he
didn’t want to consider why any longer or how as it didn’t seem to matter. He
would first try to survive somehow without feeling empty and lost. He would
stop looking for a while; Dominic made a loose plan to do nothing. But as the
winter set in and the virus took a stronger hold of his energy levels and sent him
back to his bed, he received news he could return from this picture postcard
scene complete and intact and start a new life with relaxing days and love filled
nights. He needed to first lose his bout of what had become pneumonia, deep
within his lungs. His plan was altered when Claudia flashed the green light in his
eyes. He slept and dreamed a night with her where she teased his body into
submission and he prayed for a repeat of this moment over and over again. The
next day, he felt happier and connected again despite the illness and loneliness;
He was alive to her calling. The tone of a Siren’s call put up his sails as he

116
 A Bohemian Fool

headed for his tiny and perfect bay. He would risk the journey and the outcome
as he suspected, as other choices were only lonely ones.

He still felt he needed a plan to congregate his ideas and methods, he was on
the move if felt again mentally at least, he had to organise things, but there was
nothing that could be done today, he could only think about it. Dominic wrote
something to give perspective to his thoughts and ideals. He sent it to those
who mattered and he told Claudia. It was a culmination of much thinking and
much internal debate. It gave clarity and he hoped to share it with those whom
he had perpetually confused. If he could move forward, then he could take
others along for the ride. No one needed to go to Karlovy Vary except
Dominic, he proposed, he wanted to inspire a serious vision again. He came to
take stock of a horrific time where everything vanished and everything became
confused and it seemed to work for him, although he was not convinced he
wasn’t fooling himself. He also thought that he may thank this small city one
day but sensed its time was limited. Dominic’s historical friends left when they
were cured and although he had not indulged in the bathing in hot spring water
on a regular basis he had tasted some of the spirit they held. His version of
spirituality was limited to the intoxicating variety.

Dominic was not running away from the winter or this small city, yet he had
said earlier he had needed to. He was afraid his paranoia was quite complete,
but it was clear that this place took him away from the misery and it cleared his
polluted mind as he filled it up with history and the history had a basis that had
not been surpassed. He now felt able once again to decide, he was empowered
again and he could stand at the top of the hill, survey and shape his world. How
did he want it to be, his white sheet of paper fresh and begging to be drawn on
with words and pictures and yet Dominic was not an artist of clarity. He could
add Claudia’s name and her love of him, he could pencil in her home as his, he
could add a list of things they could do. He could get carried away and ride off
into a long white cloud but he had to save this for another time, one he saw as
coming one day. First, he went to the doctors, here he was prescribed a serious
dose of antibiotics that he needed. To avoid insurance claims it was done in
another person’s name, one of the great men from Zimni, those ice-hockey
players. The doctor was his father.

Dominic could sanctify the Czech land as a place that took him home, he could
remember it not for the reasons others had stated, but for reasons that made it
his place to feel warm about and his small city to praise. It would not be for its
entertainment or its exceptional friendly atmosphere, as it did not offer this. It
was not the Netherlands and it was not Denmark, it was still locked in between
things that haunted it from the past when Soviet tanks came to town and stayed
to remind it, that it didn’t belong to the people. It’s owners had changed and it’s
street names had been erased several times, but it held some higher role not
117
Chapter 15 - Snih

known to those who stayed here and collected the crowns unbeknown to its
visitors. It was more than they will ever know. Dominic, in Karlovy Vary could
leave his sexual fantasies and he could dump his tears of shame. He could
dispose of his deepest nightmares and all the wicked things Laura said to him.
He could put aside the things she did and he could look himself in the mirror
and not loathe what he saw. He could smile again and he might not need to lie
again. He could stop being angry and cease seeking revenge. It was not his
nature that led him there, only cruel actions that had taken him from his path
and his reluctance to live. But he had been through many levels of thought and
he had come to realise how we were all vulnerable to so many things. This,
Dominic had witnessed time and time again. So fragile was our hold on life, so
simple our perception of its processes too. We longed for familiarity and its
accepted norm. What Dominic had received was obscurity.

It was possible now that he could cancel the special order, of his new heart
from Lima, the one frozen and boxed that was scheduled to arrive on the winter
solstice. He had to decide if he could live with this damaged one, if he could
heal its gaping wound and repair the arteries, join them up to allow his blood to
flow. If he could do this and not just think he could do this, he could contact
those vendors and tell them the news. It was a short time and it was a long time
for a man to recover. It was not true that men were tougher than women, in
fact many claimed men were more sensitive for if they loved, they loved
completely. Men didn’t have an alternative mechanism, which set them apart
and gave them autonomy. They were addicts to women and any withdrawal was
hard.

It was dark already, the nights came early here and Dominic was wondering if
he should venture outside once more and take a breath of crisp cold air. He
needed something from the shop, as always, yet he didn’t want to venture too
far. The virus was not yet tamed and it reduced his will to do things, he began to
fear its power and where it might take him. He was starting to think about being
with Claudia, he might not be able to travel in his sick condition. Their
relationship could be whatever they wanted it to be and he could again
formulate his opinions and feelings from solid ground and with someone to
hold him, he could relax. He hadn’t relaxed for two years and its effect on his
physical condition was still becoming evident. The pressure and stress had
taunted him to the degree, that he thought, he must become ill, seriously ill, but
he had to put these fears aside as it was not his turn to suffer this degradation
yet. Dominic’s condition worsened and he called his boss and asked her to
come to his apartment; he was checked into the hospital the same night. It was
a strange place; the walls were white and the staff non-English speaking. The
doctor analysed his condition, Dominic understood none of what was being
said. It was the time for others he knew, they went through this phase and had a
preliminary leaving party on a daily basis. The balance between what might have
118
 A Bohemian Fool

happened and what did was often one sided and ill founded. He became
delirious in the room he was placed, his medical insurance utilised this time.

He lay and thought of the alternatives to him heading south into the summer of
his life and Sydney. It’s heat and shady trees and nights of love were not likely
to deter him from going, it was such a liveable city. But even he could see past
this obvious advantage, he could see that this was not enough to take him
through his life to the next phase where he could find some calm on the eastern
shoreline. Whilst he lay in his hospital bed it gave him a light to focus on in the
darkness, but he had to be sure he was not taking this option to avoid dealing
with himself, otherwise he’d be back here again struggling, wrestling with his
fears, illness and anxieties whilst mulling over the things Laura did and said in
her reign of terror. He did not want to go through this again; too many times he
had to. He had to be sure to make the final decision and also be sure it was
good for Claudia and him. He didn’t want to play and toy with her emotions; he
had said he was coming to be with her. He had to make the final ascent to the
action.

It didn’t really come hard to actually choose to leave. Dominic was discharged
after a couple of days, feeling quite revived with a wonderful cocktail of drugs.
The ones he had previously demonised, but they revitalised his soul and his
physical frame. Life suddenly flowed quite easily and this was how Dominic
knew. He just wanted to make sure, he wanted to check if it really was what he
wanted and then didn’t need to agonise further. He had a little, he listened to
the things he had perceived and equated them with his condition at the time. He
had finally found perspective, he hoped. Laura told him, she too, was heading
back home to Brisbane and he was pleased to hear this. Dominic hoped for
reconciliation with her and her children. She had been very destructive to them
too and although relations had improved considerably, there were doubts and
mistrust from their side and in the long term the damage could not be repaired,
Dominic knew this.

After five years of stupidity there might be some chance of a change. In a

family, the children were the ones who caused heartache for their parents, but
this family turned out differently. Laura did this, became the teenager and
turned Dominic into one too. He found himself back at the point he met her,
on the road and without an anchor. It was a strange thing and it took him on a
journey around the world in an attempt to reconcile his bottomless and unstable
life.

What Laura did no longer activated or triggered any more pain as he had found
immunity to her poison. These were key factors in his recovery, without this,
the rest remained an enigma. It rendered his thoughts irrelevant and his feelings
redundant. He couldn’t step over this important point. So, weather permitting
119
Chapter 15 - Snih

he was able to truly move forward, cultivate and create a new world and this
world was with Claudia. How lucky he felt, to create something with someone
like her. He was blessed, his angel who guarded him, had taken him with her for
the next part of his life in the hope she would give him strength, from her love,
as she once gave him a reason to live when he was not willing or able to.

Dominic was not bouncing from one woman to another, he did not feel this
was ideal to trade in one, only to discover another, but this was not how it had
been, he never looked or discovered only to find on the horizon someone who
like him, saw another possibility. He couldn’t confuse the two; it had come to
him as he came to himself. This feeling of simplicity and close proximity had
revealed itself slowly and carefully so now he could believe it’s true identity and
not mistake it for another cause. This time in Carlsbad in the snow and the
hospital had taught him many things he needed to know.

120
 A Bohemian Fool

Chapter 16 - Duchovni
Dominic had hallucinated whilst he lay in his hospital bed; the temperature of
his body and the chemicals pumped into his arm sent him spinning into orbit.
He remembered one night feeling like a satellite travelling at great speed
through the universe of space and time. He felt such movement, something he
had not felt before and not ever again, whilst he sped with haste he was in great
control and could see his place in this cosmos. Dominic was a mere tiny
particle, a spec in the awesome magnitude of all that surrounded him. How this
feeling overpowered him and this euphoric moment lasted a thousand, one
came after the other, each more profound than the last. He could see it all and
yet he saw little to speak of. This inner knowledge had been unlocked and he
could perceive clearly who he was and where he was and it all merged neatly as
if it was always this way. There was no confusion and there was no place he
needed to go or had been to. It was all here right at this moment and then the
next. He was swimming with the salmon upstream.

He connected to himself and in turn to the universe; he was a part of the whole.
How warm he felt inside himself and how grand the world seemed that night. A
colourful array of brilliance dotted with fluid pints of reference. He clung to no
one and he floated unwittingly in a capsule and was protected from the streams
of nonchalant puffs of negativity. He could not be brought down to another
realm, to the kingdom of the animals that roamed the globe fixed to their image
of themselves in their bodies. Smiling inanely at each other and calling
something white or grey or blue. He could not feel their negative vibrations as
he surfed out of reach from their outstretched arms.

He pulled himself away from this lowly castle nestled in a valley. He rested only
briefly on his journey. He met some others passing him by and they grinned
from ear to ear and then he saw a rainbow spread across his sky. It did more
than brighten up the background; it was the background and the foreground of
his mind. He was the rainbow and felt its many merging colours. He dived into
its complexity and touched the connected rays. How sweet it tasted and how he
ate for hours from its source. He kissed the indigo and magenta tone and
carried on his journey.

He pictured holding a hand and he hadn’t done this before, the pulsating blood
pushing through the veins he could feel and hear move. He forgot we were alive
and we ticked like a clock. He remembered there were moments when the
hands didn’t move and we were shocked. He knew of no reason why he
couldn’t stay out and play, but his mummy said if he didn’t come back for
dinner he might not be able to go out again. So he came back and tried to get

121
Chapter 16 - Duchovni

along. He saw visions for many months and many moons did he climb up to
see. He came down to an earthly altitude and he fitted eventually back in. He
never lost this vision and although it is hard to describe or hold onto its value as
he will be there again floating in the indigo and magenta, curling his body to
twist the direction from up to around and back.

It’s this spirit he felt inside him that wanders from shore to land hoping for
some inclusion into his everyday thought and life. It reminded him of what
there is and what is possible, nothing he ever read or saw, when he stopped to
take a look, nothing, he ever knowingly avoided seeing in a book. He looked up,
at and for, but he never knew what it was, this reason that he wanted more,
more of what, he dutifully replied to himself, when he has had all there is to
have. He’s wandered aimlessly and so purposefully in the same second so how
could this be so, it doesn’t fit into anything we know. Dominic could see it now,
this picture he had tried to hide. It was rooted into his memory for three score
years and one and it had yet to be finalised or it must at least have seemed to
have won this battle with himself for his path to true knowledge.

He was not a believer of words and interpreted rhyme. He only subscribed to

what he felt inside of him and this seemed more real than most of the other
things he listened to or touched with a sword. He read all the books that spoke
of sentiment, faith and hope. He didn’t need this idol to follow as it led him
nowhere that he needed to go, only entrapping him in a time zone and ceasing
any ebb and flow. One that he had the privilege to come to know. He sat up
and waited, crossed his legs and held his fingers in a certain way; He cited
mantras repeatedly until he drifted off into a hole. He sat in this place he dug
inside his soul and tried to take himself up into another dimension, one that was
not up or down, a misnomer, if ever there was. It was another frequency we are
all able to dial into, given the tools to unlock the file. We somehow, lost our
connection we once had on our arrival, we turned off this ability to tune into
this reality. A place only few even know, a parallel plain that co-existed with the
one we knew, running at the same time, it was like a movie theatre with 6 films
or more all showing at the same time. We couldn’t always choose which one to
see as we had no time for looking or playing a game, no reason to make this
claim.

There are many doors to enter these particular set of rooms, if you can find one,
you are always allowed in, to not just passively watch someone else transcend
their consciousness, no, you are in this production from start to finish and you
will not know when it will end. There’s no entry fee and no interval to break
your concentration. You are a willing participant and only leave when it’s time
to go home. But the hour or minutes you can watch do not predetermine this.
There is no looking, only feeling, as the multitude of objects scale down and fall
beside you. You briefly feel their gentle fall and it seems it’s truly nothing at all.
122
 A Bohemian Fool

No other people seem to follow your excursion as they are having their own on
another level in this multiplex chase. You wave at someone, which turns out to
be yourself. It’s a mirrored portrayal that recognises the exterior you.

It doesn’t frighten you to see a copy of your face and they’ll all be sitting beside
you in a time-honoured race. We are there, if not in body at all times, we have
been not able to come and see you all at play, we have been busy making
something of our day. It is time we silenced the nonsense and got on building
the road. In our secret cavern we have hidden, to lift the heavy load. We have
carried so much emptiness, which had no purpose; we wanted to carry on
holding it in case we looked exposed. We think now, our job has been
completed, We see it’s time to take a fall, we wonder if it’s too late to make it
back to the liquid moments, we once held onto deep in our heart. For we know
not the way to go forward but there is only one way to go, and it’s neither this
or any other, only it is and that’s it.

Dominic slept in her arms and continued to travel; so much it made his mind
tired and weary. She, the Isis of his soul. He tripped over and over through his
sleep that he thought was a time for rest. It was not this night it seemed, as the
dreams flowed so clear and bright and true. The light was too much for his eyes
even if they were closed and he awoke briefly massaging his sensitive and
welcoming body. He returned to sleep after calling out her name. This particular
sleep was again, as if he had been appointed the cleric of the dance or had been
bestowed the order of the city, this small city, so active was it. Dominic’s insight
was sharp and in good form and he knew Laura was about to leave after two
years of misery she had caused. He had wrestled with the idea of sidelining her
plans. It was far from this high position and didn’t fit in, but he considered why
he should not deliver a huge blow to her pride in response. How could he live
with himself, knowing the deceit and the wicked things she said? Tony told
Dominic, he was over this now and he had to get her out of his head, but he
replied that he did not want to go back, this way only offered balance, for the
terrible deeds that even the Gods were surprised at, such was their incredible
intensity and ferocity.

Going so high to be dragged down with unscrupulous thoughts of evil revenge

broke his connection to the other side. Dominic, tormented with his lonely
moments asleep in his bed, punctuated them with horrors that were not from
the stock film in his mind. He went over and saw the body stripped of its
covering as it lay motionless on the bed, once again it had been stopped and not
for the first time, whereas previously it had been sentenced to be suspended, He
did not know this person or why it had to be carried out or why he had to
watch. He didn’t like this feeling, as once again it happened. He ended this
awful thought and woke up and drank coffee and smoked incessantly.
Dominic’s new appointment as spiritual guide did not alter his requirement to
123
Chapter 16 - Duchovni

drive to Nova Role again, up the hill in the snow and ice of less than zero
degrees. He was a little better now and could work again.

However, Dominic had altered his path and made plans to finally leave as once
Goethe did, as Freud did, after his ailments had faded, but no one had told his
mind of this miracle cure being witnessed, as it drifted into delusion and back a
whole year or more. He had struggled to finally rid himself of this nightmare
and the concept of one almighty blow to finish it forever, but then there is no
forever really, it was likely to come back his way. It was not a direct cause,
followed by effect, only sentiment and who was he to play as one of the gods,
when Dominic was not of this ilk. He had been through this before a thousand
times and once he even tried to be that powerful. He sought balance, not
retribution and he struggled knowing how happy a day it would be all together
again minus him, He’ll be high up in the sky, thinking of them.

These things stopped him returning home, these things had plagued him like
locusts or rabbits, multiplying, something, he must finally lay to rest, but how
was his final decision to be made, for it needed to be done from a high line of
thought. It’s traditional to counter incursions into owned territory or fight back
whilst under attack, but it was not something he was good at and it was not
something he could do without severe provocation, which clearly he had, but it
took his energy away and in doing so took him away from Claudia and a future.
Would he be happy knowing he’d succeeded in striking a mortal blow when he
could be living again in the arms of love and making something for him to
know? Dominic couldn’t answer this perplexing question.

They must not inform him of what it was they knew, as if he was the enemy
who must never be told. It was Dominic that had been disposed of, Laura said
to her children and it seemed cruel and unkind to even say. How should he
respond to this illegal move when it was only him that couldn’t say a thing and
had to shout the truth from the mountaintop to nobody? He needed to decide,
as there was not a soul who he could ask what to do. Should he leave it all to
fate and then wish he had acted in time for the rest of his life. It was unfair as
he was burdened with this responsibility. It was only him that desired no power
like this, to decide for others, as he was not a merciless soldier in a war of hate.
He could aspire to what he needed to be, like many wandering souls, but could
he then live with his actions for a few score years or more, everyone told him to
accept this trick and leave it well alone, move on they said, forget her they said.
They knew nothing of the wicked deeds or the pain handed down.

It came from insanity Dominic said, it came from childhood neurosis. Dominic
wasn’t sure if he should write a story of prediction, would it condemn the guilty
woman. Should he take the illegal money to stem the natural flow, it was for the
arrogant and uncaring he must go. It was a curious decision as he was
124
 A Bohemian Fool

empowered once again, he sat without hope and not knowing who he was,
looking for a reason to try to understand. He needed to rise to this occasion and
take his opportunities.

He went from one side to the other and rocked during the day, at the top of the
snow filled mountain, he decided it was to be, then he came down and changed
his mind again. Then he remembered how he used to be, so young and
extremely carefree. Dominic loved life and he wanted to feel it and caress it and
touch its energy, he wanted to fly through its possibilities. He knew, that he too,
had been difficult and obscure in his method of living with her and therefore he
had no right to complain, it was what he had wanted, this outcome. He knew
the process was damaging and hurtful, it changed his complexion, but the path
to here was one he surely had chosen, so therefore he should never take
revenge. He should not lean this way, it’s not how he was and it was not what
he felt.

He moved onto to another day and still it was cold and still he had little to say.
He hoped for small incidents that could seal an envelope tightly and then he
could say goodbye. No one cared much how he felt, it was abundantly clear to
Dominic. It was not their problem, but his, theirs were different. He should not
create more for them to choose between. He sat and watched the clock turn
again; he received no interest and no calls he could answer. He wanted to lose
this superficial notion of belonging to someone and feeling quite alone. He
thought it was time he finally moved on as advised by the uncaring folk, chance
his luck in some new city and more. Someone might be there to see him,
eventually smile. He waited for another sunset to close off the day.

In his newly discovered Czech manner he went for more money, as it seemed to
stimulate his need to survive. He hoped it would work, but he knew it wouldn’t,
but then it would give him a chance to decide if he should hammer down the
nail or let it rust in its box. It was not a choice from the heart, but a practical
one. He always gave opportunities first for others to do the right thing. Then
when this didn’t transpire he took alternative action. The action he wanted to
instigate to start off with. In a way it was a method of feeling good about
himself and not feeling guilty or unable to cope with the things he activated. He
had witnessed this callous and deliberate attempt to fleece tourists and
foreigners. He had frequented places more than once and still they tried to steal
from him, his crowns of servitude. Dominic too had become like them,
assimilate and take he did.

He did not think the past was littered with such petty thieving and deceit. The
Romany, who looked quite different from Czech’s, more Indian like, really, are
blamed for such bad behaviour. But the soviet period of having nothing had
turned our friends into desperate market salesmen. Dominic had been warned
125
Chapter 16 - Duchovni

of the conduct of the Romany, who stole from you whilst negotiating further
theft. Dominic encountered this one night as he walked home drunk and
incoherent. The indignity of being accosted by two women who grabbed his
testicles and took his cash cannot be measured. This payment for being felt was
not negotiable and he didn’t feel a thing, He was lighter upon arriving home of
a few hundred crowns, not much to lose. He had lost the same in restaurants
and bars here in Carlsbad on different nights before he realised what had
happened.

On the borders of the country are littered ‘nightclubs’. This is not the kind of
place you dance the night away; in fact, it is a collection of brothels aimed at the
men from Germany. There were many on every main road into this country.
They offered the usual fare and they said, nothing off the menu, and prosper
due to the inferior cost compared to their German counterparts. Sexual tourism
is a popular sport and was one of the biggest attractions to the Czech Republic
where it was noted that many women from the east move west to ply their
ancient trade. Forget the beer and the historical castles, the heavy winter food; it
was the women housed in roadside buildings taking cash for copulation that
kept the tourists coming back. This trade, as one of the leading foreign currency
earners, was not restricted. It was therefore not a surprise that the mentality of
taking in one form or another was common practice.

It gives the place a dirty feel, not the nightclubs, as they are everywhere now,
perhaps not on country roads and highways, but the desire to frisk everyone
who blindly visits. Dominic was tiring of his recovery home, He was wishing he
was far away again, in his mind and in his body, perhaps where the sun sets on
the mountains and the sea is ahead of him, so he can see where the land of the
long white cloud really is. He longed to be there now with Claudia, sipping
glasses of wine together, walking together and sleeping together. He wanted to
be free of this incessant quest for cash, the change in his pocket you are most
welcome to have.

“It made me mellow, it made me whole, it made me righteous right through to

my soul.” Dominic sang the words he knew well. He knew he would be there,
He was just tinkering with some scenery, readjusting the surroundings so he
could become him again and as Tony had quite rightly pointed out, that it was
great to see him back. Tony said, “You are all the things that represent life”. He
concluded in another of the many conversations between him and Dominic. All
in one moment they could conjure up a storm, they could reel in the ridiculous
memory of a few years alone. Laura gave Dominic something he thought he
didn’t need, but it turned out different than he first thought to read. He waited
for no one and he intended to be there as soon as he could, after he visited
somewhere, to discover who he was.

126
 A Bohemian Fool

He hoped Claudia would see him as soon as he arrived looking awkwardly

sheepish and too tired to bear some praise, he knew she would be glad to see
him, as glad as he would be, that he went to the eastern shores of Sydney, He
could start the journey soon from the lust filled paper note he saved. It was the
one that was coming to his wallet rather soon, he needed to hide it from those
who preyed upon him and wished to take his story. He must run from their
miserly love, as they claimed to keep him in hope. There was no hope in this, it
was purely recreational and men like to spread their virility from their dull
family life. The monogamous relationship works rarely in truth, if there was no
love that was unconditional to fire up its wood.

But Dominic and Claudia had been through this already and they didn’t want it
anymore. They wanted it to be a first love, where they were so completely
overawed. Dominic didn’t know if they could do this, but he would always try,
He had seen it, the spirit of life unfold so beautifully in his eyes and out of his
eyes. He wanted it to happen again, He wanted to de-tune and realign himself in
a way he needed to, so he could feel, again, every day in a hopeless romantic
manner.

127
Chapter 17 - Zapsat

Chapter 17 - Zapsat
Dominic started to think practically, and considered the things he needed to do.
He drew up a list in his mind, things were moving again, at least it seemed this
way to him. However the boredom and loneliness he complained about
consistently did have its positive aspects. No longer was he answerable for a
solitary thing. It was refreshing in this fact only. We spend so much of our life
conforming to some regime or another and do not actually get to decide much.
Yes, we make and take rational choices, but this only covers the cracks on the
very unstable wall we sit behind. As Dominic had found it was always
crumbling, and eventually it turned into a collapse in one form or another. As
the Icelandic population had discovered, it could turn into the collapse of an
entire economy, bricks and mortar were really no more secure than a wooden
hut in the middle of a cyclone. We were always left with what we arrived with,
very little, in fact. We could measure this in monetary terms and we could
measure this in our selection of friends and lovers, we could assess our life with
achievements and goals reached or some business success. But, whatever you
did, it mattered little, as it was not a representation of anything other than your
illusion. Dominic’s illusions were well-constructed ones, deep and meaningful in
his mind, rich in content and sexual in nature. If his illusion was better than
someone else’s, it made little difference, if someone else’s was better than his,
then it made less.

The careers advisor, Dominic never went to see, as he saw little meaning,
despite his well-meaning intentions, never had an opportunity to push him
along a path. Instead, Dominic aspired to being a monk of the modern dilemma
and a depressed cleric of his sadness. This was a job title worthy of a nobleman
such as he claimed. His amusing anecdote of being switched at birth, deposed
of his high caste status, was amusing but he was born at home. It was fitting in
this small city, where he laid his head in the warmth of his apartment on the top
floor. When he returned home one night, there was a man sitting inside the
corridor and out from the cold, Dominic spoke to him in English and he
answered him in Czech, but both men knew what was happening, so language
wasn’t required. It was minus something outside and he was slightly warmer
inside. Maybe he missed his last bus from Trznice close by. Dominic stepped
over him, said good night and continued up four flights of stairs. He had gone
the following morning.

There were so many words Dominic still hadn’t said, so much to share with
Claudia, but he had to wait, as he was tired now, he became weary of speaking
to those who understood less than a homeless Icelandic man and his family
demonstrating at their loss of assets. Dominic no longer needed to compensate

128
 A Bohemian Fool

as he had done for others and their equally dispirited companions. He had a few
things to do and then he would start to throw away excess items he no longer
required. He had moved so many times in the past two years, he had little left in
the way of possessions. Each time, more was disposed of and he would indeed
feel very north Atlantic in terms of his purified shipment. Dominic found it
interesting how the topic of this country and its demise failed to generate much
interest. Iceland and Dominic had some similarities. He read that this was a
preliminary tale, which would be repeated many times in many places. The
impact of the financial crisis was yet to be fully realised, it seemed. So it was
said, but then so many things were said and as the disinformation flowed, it was
impossible to ascertain the truth. This was familiar too, to Dominic. Somehow
it mattered little what the truth is or was. There were more important things
than this and as much as we care to search for this truth, it sits inside of us and
nowhere else.

Dominic saw a doctor and gladly took the prescriptive medicine he gave him for
a second time, despite his previous assumption of the great drug cartels being
less than scrupulous. His tablets would make him better as he had not been able
to free himself from the flu, having lost the bronchitis, which was only in one
lung, and then pneumonia, which infected both lungs. The other had regained a
healthy status again and enabled him to walk up the stairs in the apartment
building. He felt that he would not miss this incessant nuisance, particularly
when he had to carry things up the stairs. He was set to leave and it felt good, it
had been enlightening, never frightening. He decided that he had resigned
himself to whatever came his way, as it couldn’t be any worse than it was. So
impractical and paralysed, he became giving him another form of resilience.
Dominic could not hate Laura, He tried so hard, there were times he could
deliver mean and nasty words, but his actions couldn’t match this. He didn’t
have the nerve to conduct himself in this manner; she knew it and had probably
exploited it. But he no longer suffered at her miserable and wicked hands, that
fate had provided her with. Recovery is never complete, not really, not for any
of them. She seemed unable to see this whilst she sipped just champagne in first
class.

Dominic still felt lucky somehow, firstly to have survived this and secondly to
have recovered to the point where he could continue his life, albeit differently.
She too was leaving her Arabian home and was heading back to her children,
the ones she had so callously abandoned two years previously. She had married
again very quickly the man half her age, who was a third world man and was
making the transition to first world and first class status. He inspired the whole
adventure, the one that sent Dominic spinning into obscurity and into Claudia’s
arms. It took him to Karlovy Vary, the small city where the winter seemed to
last forever. The horse and carts still rode up and down despite the chill factor.
The horses seemed to care little as they paraded along the river panting and
129
Chapter 17 - Zapsat

making steam appear from their mouth. Dominic was contented to know the
outcome was clear and the thought, he held in his head so many times about
losing this mad woman, ejecting her from his life, had become a reality. He
missed her though, all the same, life is never dull with a crazy person by your
side.

Dominic started a campaign of trying to get her to help him start again in
monetary terms, he wrote to Laura and he spoke with her, but she seemed to
feel as if he was extorting money or at least attempting to. Perhaps it had
crossed his mind, as it was illegal to owe money in the Emirates and gaol waited
for those who could not pay their debts. It is seen as theft in this oil rich
ménage of capitalism and Islamic Sharia law. To Westerners, it all seemed rather
harsh, but to these people it is theft. To him, he too, felt as if he had his things,
his material possessions stolen by her, so he also practised principles, which
were not his own. She was preparing to walk away from the debt she had
accumulated, providing a first class lifestyle to the Algerian. She had shipped all
their goods there and Dominic never saw them again. It was fitting therefore to
ask for this to be replaced, he could take no legal action across the world, as
there is no precedent for such action. He could inform the authorities, she
intended to steal the money that had been loaned to her, and she would suffer
at the hands of Arabian justice.

Dominic plotted and schemed many times to balance this deed she shared with
him, at least only in his mind. He had once tried to enact revenge only for it to
fail miserably. Move on, he was continually told, forget her, but this was not an
emotional quest. It seemed no one understood truly the multiple layered set of
problems he had faced. Homelessness and poverty were the mantras, he cried.
This was not something he could avoid and each day he was reminded how she
had stolen his life. He had hoped to lure her to Czech and he was going to place
some marijuana in the videotapes for her to take back to the Islamic world and
in turn she would face a lengthy gaol sentence. It had not been pleasant. It
frightened him to even consider doing this. He only sought balance, but it was
not possible to discuss seriously any of these real issues, she denied everything,
she argued and stated figures and reasons why she should or should not help.
He had collected some significant email addresses in case he wanted to try to
attempt a coup. It was a question of honour that the gods demanded, not a
desire to destroy something he had lost. He was being practical, he had plans to
enact. He wanted to arrive on an equal footing. What was he to do?

He was not attached to this process, it was merely practical, he persuaded

himself and he knew that once she had escaped the wrath of the Islamic court
he would no longer be able to get any assistance. Many people left this place
under these circumstances, but it carried a certain risk. The money had flowed,
but its source was unknown, He had seen it reach out to the children she had
130
 A Bohemian Fool

left two years previously. To Dominic, it mattered little how or why anymore, it
all seemed like madness to him now. He was unclear whether Laura had always
been this crazy and he hadn’t seen this or she had become insane only recently
when her age had seen her sight an end to her miserable life. It didn’t matter
anymore. Dominic had a vision for himself and it was positive and true. He did
not walk backwards; he did not long or crave what he had lost anymore. He
wished for simple things and an easier path. He had other priorities and these
did not and would never include this person who set fire to the field and
watched it burn whilst he ran and ran to escape it’s intensity. She even
controlled the wind and when she changed its direction it still followed him. But
now the fire had been put out with the water of this small city.

Dominic found that in times of trouble there is little advice or help available.
There is no one to call on, only drugs from a doctor to take away pain. He had
consoled himself with himself and he had cancelled his replacement heart from
Lima. He no longer required it’s fresh life. The provider of the replacement
heart contacted him, she was disappointed that he would not be requiring this
service, the woman who was to deliver it placed a video call and displayed all
the new things she had bought for the trip, she tried on all these clothes and
pulled stockings onto her legs and tried to show him what he was missing. She
then showed him her firm and soft breasts, as she described them. She told him
she was proud of her breasts. He would never touch them, she said. Her garter
belt and see through night dresses were unsurprisingly nice and her genuine
dress made by Channel was a weird design with circles and lines in strange
places, it was old it seemed, an old design too. What possessed her to do this,
Dominic had no idea. It was the strangest thing he had ever seen, she was like
an upset little child. Virtual sex was what she gave instead of a heart, but even
this didn’t interest him.

He had seen something glowing so brightly he wanted to go near and see it’s
white non-reflective sight. It beamed at him so much more than the whiteness
of the snow he crunched under his feet. Each day this light featured more in his
thought. It was magnetic and it sucked him deeper into its clear waters. He
knew that he had to travel there as soon as he could in case he missed the one
chance he had to start again and not live this lonely life, alone. He waited for
Laura’s call, he was hopeful and at the same time resilient. He was not allowed
to discuss the past and what happened and how he felt, he was dismissed if he
even tried. He had had the phone put down on him more times than he could
even count. He had to deal with this alone. There had not been closure to this
process and he struggled with this. He had stopped seeking it from her; she was
not able to give this to him. Instead he sought a different way and he no longer
cried. It was strange, as now, he could discuss, without attachment, the horrific
things she did, he sought compensation and he no longer asked for refuge. This
was not unreasonable. He felt it was, in fact, a good way to get an ending, he
131
Chapter 17 - Zapsat

had required. She had given him all her guilt and he had taken it, digested it and
lived with it. This was too much for him to bear; he needed to offload it
somehow.

It had snowed again overnight, so once again the rooftops glistened with white
powder; the air was cold when Dominic put his head out the window, and so he
closed it again immediately. His once a week trip up the mountain had also been
stopped as the company had gone bankrupt. Another victim of the recent
economic downturn. This was not the only company who terminated contracts
this week as the great domino effect continued throughout the world, how
fragile this system truly was. Speculators can bring down countries and
companies in a matter of minutes, power lies in the hands of the few, it was
clear. Dominic’s new world order had started to materialise and no one could
speculate on his stability, as it would soon not be this fragile. He too, had the
power to bring down a regime of hate and reinstall the government of love into
his heart.

Dominic spoke to Laura and she acted very normally, he sensed fear in her
voice as she spoke softly for the first time in two years. She was categorically
planning to slip out the following week unnoticed and unseen, her creditors
unknowing of her intent. She told him, she was currently trying to sell her car
and if she did she would help him get out of Czech. However, she admitted she
was travelling first class and drinking just champagne whilst he sat in poverty
alone. How did he feel about this, she dared to ask? Dominic was not sure, he
had prepared an email and it was ready to send to her creditors and employer
informing them of her desire to run away. It might stop her and address the
balance of her insane behaviour.

He would not be thanked and probably have the entire population of Algeria
adding him to their death list second only to Salman Rushdie, the author who
dared to criticise Islam in a book. Dominic might have her relations chasing him
too, from Ireland and Germany. But he cared little for this; this was a straight
fight between two old adversaries, one in the red corner and one in the blue.
She, in the first round made his life uncomfortable and won on points, he made
a comeback and the second round was a draw, the third round was a technical
knockout and he didn’t remember how he got to hospital. This was a chance of
a re-match. One, she wouldn’t even know had started. Until, she received the
first blow. But whenever he tried to be nasty it never worked, he was a total
failure at being cruel.

If he sent the email nothing would happen, the matter would be overlooked.
She would convince her boss there was no problem and he was an embittered
ex-husband, he would be easily written off, she would avoid scrutiny at the
airport with her first class return ticket. And up she would go, high into the sky.
132
 A Bohemian Fool

Dominic had previously informed the university she worked for that she had
taken bribes for examination answers and there was some good evidence that
they ignored and allowed her to continue. At his worst moment he tried to
cause problems and failed. It did little for his confidence; she hired an expensive
lawyer and divorced him without his participation, but got it through the court
regardless. The difference was vast. But he had fantasised about this moment
where he could finally take revenge, He dreamed of hiring others to instigate
problems or cause a criminal act. Here he was about to believe her lies again.
She said she would help him.

Dominic went through this matter over and over in his mind, arguing for and
against this act of defiance. He had been subjugated to some horrific moments
and they had never been addressed. But as he had said many times it wasn’t
right that he should enact this revenge. Every sentence contained a lie yet
somehow he thought this time was different, but how could it be so? She knew
the damage he might do to her, she knew there was potential, and she was
smart. How could he do this to the mother of his children? Could he betray her
as she had betrayed him and would it work or not? She would discover his
attempt at scuttling her departure and ensure his own children never saw their
mum again. It would be a selfish act. “I’ll send it, I’ll think about it,” Dominic
thought. He had always said to everyone he would ‘get her’ one day, but they all
looked at him and laughed, they knew he was not a man of such actions. He
was too soft they thought. He knew that if he did this terrible thing, he would
not be thanked or liked by anyone. Yet others can commit atrocities and not
suffer dislike. She was astoundingly able to get away with this, and still thought
of highly, by many despite her disgraceful behaviour, yet Dominic in this act of
true and pure revenge would not be.

It seemed a little unfair, could he live with this, could he walk with his head held
high if she was held in detention in an Islamic country where she would truly
suffer? He had sufficient anger. He had the ability to deliver his final response.
It was tempting, but something stopped him, something held him back this
time, it was not like before when he sat outside a cafe and picked up their
Internet connection and fired off those emails without remorse, somehow this
was and seemed more serious. She had finally intended to come home, but this
was not for the right reasons, he knew it was only for her and the debts she
could no longer sustain.

The more he thought the more he lent toward the side of the final act. The
more he sat alone the more he wanted it, in the name of the gods, revenge. He
thought about what it was for, this revenge. Was it for his son, who cried when
his mum put another man ahead of his needs and threw him onto the night
streets of Dubai? Was it for his daughter who tried to help him and had become
ill in the process with all the worry? Was it for the loss of his home and his life
133
Chapter 17 - Zapsat

when she shipped all the things overseas? Was it for the terrible things she did
to him personally and the lies and deceit? Was it because she betrayed him for
another man? There were many reasons, too many to consider. A catalogue of
atrocities. There seemed no doubt he should act against her. His children would
not thank him; they probably wouldn’t talk to him ever again if he incarcerated
their mother. What was he to do? He always seemed the loser whether he did or
didn’t pull the trigger.

What would Claudia say if he did act? She would understand, but assume he was
somehow still attached to this woman and it may even ruin his future with her.
But he was not attached, only, this was maybe one of his last opportunities and
it was tempting. It was what he had waited for, so weak had she made his
position and so far from her in distance was he. Her being in the Middle East
made it impossible for him to deal with her and he was never allowed to
confront things. It made it very hard for him. He wanted to be clear in his own
mind, he had to decide for him and not for anyone else, not the children and
not for Claudia. Maybe he needed to decide for Laura? He had her life in his
hands like putty he could shape; it was how she destroyed him so
comprehensively. But Claudia hadn’t appreciated it when he fought back before
as he was still attached then, it was true, but things had moved on somewhat.
The rationale was somehow subjected to a different set of rules. It was a totally
new scenario and came totally from a different angle. This time, it was not
coming from a position of weakness, it was pure strength.

A bottle of French wine was duly opened and consumed slowly to savour the
flavour. It was winter so he had chosen red. It was a dark colour but light in
texture and tasted wonderful. He knew it wouldn’t help this choice he needed to
make. But he needed no excuse to sample the delights of this grape crushed
wine. Time was running out, he feared whichever way he went he would regret.
It was one of those decisions that offered no benefit to him. He would lose
both ways, he could have her disrespect him one more time and laugh at him
one more time or he could have the future wrath of others knocking at his
door. If by some accident she fell into trouble there at the International Airport
he would be blamed anyway. The threatening correspondence would be cited as
evidence. It was true, he had been a fool and not reacted well, he had wanted
her to fall as he did in the same manner in a moment, so there was no chance to
react.

134
 A Bohemian Fool

Chapter 18 - Blazinek
Days passed and little changed, the illness lingered like a mist that lay over the
small city, and the low cloud just wouldn’t shift from an ageing body. The
world’s problems continued unabated and Laura planned her escape from the
Arab world in time before the roof caved in on her. Dominic’s emails never
arrived, the ones he had deliberated and agonised over. They bounced back to
him in a manner befitting his state of mind. He couldn’t see her suffer as he had
done. He just couldn’t do it. He wanted to, he talked of wanting to do it. No
one understood the complexity of his emotion or fear. He had no one to share
this dilemma. Perhaps she would have understood, if he told her. But then she
would have got angry with him and would no longer feed him cash to fund his
miserable life. He could not come from a position so low, so quickly, so needed
her injection of liquid freedom. How poignant that, she had taken everything
away only to give it back at this much later stage, after he had suffered this great
loss. It seemed crazy but then nothing was how it seemed in this mixed up dog’s
breakfast he called his life, his stupid life.

He had made a major decision and he was sticking to it. He would leave
Karlovy Vary soon, when the winter solstice came and the light of the day was
at its lowest. He sought refuge in astrology to widen his horizons and the
planets that conspired to take him there. Any insider information would not
alter his path, only serve to comprehend it, but the many interpretations and
meaningless drivel espoused only to confuse the caustic soul he had become. A
man looking for salvation and hope, hopelessly knocking on doors for that
moment of bliss he had once seen. It seemed a fruitless escapade and only
served to frustrate him more, He was really missing a woman by his side, more
so than ever now. He was quite used to this and this period of time without
one, took him further from himself somehow. He was like a bird that flew with
another and was never alone. He was not destined for this solitary confinement
as he had much to share and give another.

He spoke with Claudia incessantly they chatted about issues that came to hand;
some of hers and of course his. There were always many from his side of the
fence, the barrier in between them was long, but not wide. It covered many
thousands of kilometres. But it was not insurmountable this great distance
between them, in some ways it enhanced their friendship and it made them
appreciate their time together via computers and phones, as the waves bounced
through them. He longed to be with her and she longed to be with him, but
they had to wait for more time to elapse. Their love was growing and it became
more meaningful each day. He wanted her so much sometimes; he ached inside
for her touch, to feel her close to him and all over him as she once had so

135
Chapter 18 - Blazinek

emphatically done before. He had left this paradise of warmth and tenderness to
allow it to mature and grow deeper and he knew it would. It was not a fantasy
or a dream. It was happening and he felt it stronger and more profoundly each
time they spoke. Tony had said it would be so, but not until he returned.

Claudia asked Dominic how he felt about Laura returning home and what this
meant for him, he knew Claudia somehow had doubts still about his
commitment to her, but he also knew, that she had nothing to fear in this way.
He was hoping for something better this time, like a first love of old. Something
real meant, he didn’t need to run and hide in other pursuits and games to lure
his mind as he did from Laura. This was never a good way to live and although
it seemed as if he rationalised his fall this way, it was truly better he went into
another direction now. There was no doubt in his mind; he did not want this
madness overtaking his life any longer. He had reconciled the past and weighed
up its misgivings and benefits like an annual return for a business. It had no
future viability or potential growth. This had long gone into the air when Laura
took on another crusade.

Dominic didn’t think they ever made this choice, of being together, maybe
Claudia did, she was drawn to him and him to her, but the planets positioned
themselves it seemed, to make them find a way. But the many crazy events that
transpired tried hard to separate them. They could have finished their friendship
at any time, but no. It never happened to them. The writing was always on the
wall. It was seen by Claudia, she said so, but not initially by Dominic, he saw it
later when he emptied his mind of nonsense and saw the trees lined up again
and then saw her. She was standing there waiting for some wind to bring him
home. He called up the gods to fund this new adventure and a ticket out of his
central European enclave. He knew, forces not in anyone’s control had
sanctioned it.

He thought that he would come with no expectations and he would come with
no haste, only hope. He had told many a tale he now wished to withdraw; now
he had cleared the way to return. It was not easy for him to juggle and smile at
the same time too. He waited for news of Laura leaving Dubai to close a period
of time. He was not made of this substance, which bound this fear, and loathing
together forming hate, maybe you have to love someone to hate them? Dominic
didn’t hate Laura, although he felt that he should. His war with her was over
now, he had surrendered to find some peace, and he had laid down his arms in
the name of love and a plenitude of hope. It came at no price and it came
without reason, it came, as it was his destiny, he had helped shape with the
conditions that surrounded him.

After the solstice came Christmas born of pagan roots and adopted with
religion in mind. We celebrated this day with special pine trees and gave
136
 A Bohemian Fool

presents to each other; we kissed and made friends again after the traumas of
the year. Cities put up lights and icons of association. Karlsbad was no different,
its bridges were adorned with white lights, its shops decorated with glittering
tinsel and the many depictions of the annual theme were spotted everywhere.
The celebration of the birth of the sun of God is a few days later than its
original day as the sun starts its path from its furthest point in the ancient
northern hemispheric atmosphere. Of course, it is in reverse down in the
southern realms the previous inhabitants had yet to discover, Christmas in June
is the suns day there. Despite its questionable rationale and its modern
adherence to consumerism and sales, it was a day where families got together.
This in itself was a good thing regardless of the reason. Last year was a very sad
day for Dominic’s family. It was the first under a new world order and Dominic
and his son went to someone’s house where they were treated to kindness and
lots of food. Somehow it was a difficult day and he tried his best to put a brave
face on the proceedings but the alcohol dragged him down and made it
impossible. His son was brave too; he fared less well on New Years Eve. He
cried that night as Dominic did too, but not at the same time, Dominic didn’t
think his son saw him break down until he mentioned it one day. The family
owned many films of them enjoying this day time and time again. But somehow
it seemed meaningless now; Dominic didn’t really appreciate this day, not then
and certainly not now. It had little intrinsic value to his soul. A fabricated
attempt at speciality was his opinion. Now, he no longer had to care about it,
Claudia did not adhere to this day of western men. She came from a different
place and the rules were different but really the same. She had another day that
had some meaning and structure to these things we measure precisely to keep
us locked in this time. It all means the same in many ways, Dominic had learnt
this recently, but tradition dies hard in all of us.

Dominic had packed and unpacked his things so many times the past year and
he no longer enjoyed it. He once loved practising such movement as if to
escape the cyclic methods of life we live. They didn’t suit him, these patterns we
perform over and over again. He aimed for a freer existence, whilst
contemplating his position with those planets and with others in this ever
flowing and changing world. He had no time for the humdrum of the
workplace or the order of the day. It is as meaningless as the moment that
always passes away. He thought of things in the way of which they came to him
and he didn’t need to make them go away. For he knew he was a spirit of
magnitude, despite knowing he was as small as he could be in the great
mountains he climbed. It was this thought that he could give Claudia, wrapped
in red and green paper for her day, they could mix both days together on
another day and call it their own. He liked this idea more.

Who is it that teaches us not to trust each other or do we learn this from our
experience. Dominic had always trusted others to be true to themselves and to
137
Chapter 18 - Blazinek

others. However, he found that this is seen as a sign of weakness in him. He

was naive and he was unaware, but the thing was, this was not true. He had no
reason to doubt Laura’s loyalty. He admitted to himself that he was surprised
when she betrayed him so systematically. He was not prepared for such
dissuasion from himself. He couldn’t blame others, the whole situation had
snowballed to the extent it became an avalanche and he took several hits as he
fell. So, he sat in the calm before the storm, he could feel it, he had sat in an eye
of a storm before, a cyclone once, and this eerie feeling of knowing that the
ferocious wind will soon be back to destroy us all was unsettling. These winds
might drift up the coast, there is always hope of this, they could hover off shore
and come back in a week’s time. He sensed something would give and he knew
that he might not like the outcome. He consoled himself with the idea that he
could not hide how he felt and ultimately it was never his choice to go to this
place. It was this day that might have been foreseen, the day when in a medieval
city layered with modern attributes he would be at the airport with Laura in the
hope of escaping. Running from himself, would solve nothing.

When Laura left the family and started to persuade Dominic to join her, he
found every reason why he shouldn’t. There were many valid ones but none of
them were his real reason, he never revealed this. Instead he faced a choice, a
highly unfair one with no negotiation. Dominic understood Laura and him
together meant trouble and he knew of the justice system in this land that was
notorious by its harshness. There, punishments still included stoning to death
and whipping, albeit not for westerners, but their gaols were not places for the
feint hearted which Dominic knew he was, definitely. The Emirates were still
somewhat primitive but Dominic knew she would survive anything that was
thrown at her, but he could not. He had been in previous precarious situations,
which did him no good whatsoever and left him feeling nervous and
unbalanced. He couldn’t deal or face another trauma and not in this place. He
then faced a choice, He resisted going and it cost him everything. A high price
to pay, perhaps, but what Laura wanted was too much this time and he could no
longer participate, but rather than admitting she had made a wrong choice, she
instead forged ahead leaving the family behind and eventually crossed the
border to the other side.

Dominic had made a recovery of strength and dexterity no one could deny. He
had struggled so much to be a nuisance to himself, but somehow this small city
had pulled him, levered him from oblivion. Dominic didn’t understand quite
how, the risk was high as he was set to lose his new friend, Claudia. He knew he
would have lost her anyway should he have stayed and got better slowly over
time always thinking of Laura, and always feeling sorrow and anger. He forged
out into the night sky and made an unwelcome and unwanted journey north. It
came as no surprise to him to find nothing at the other end, except loneliness
and more sorrow, but this time he was somehow able to come to terms with it.
138
 A Bohemian Fool

He still felt vulnerable at times and others, fear, but he didn’t feel the void in his
body or the pain that had crippled him. This suffering was secured, whatever
road he took to the Emirates or to solitude. In the longer term he had chosen
the correct way for himself. In the shorter term he was lucky to survive.

He received a phone call telling him that Laura was about to leave; He was not
sure why she did this. There were always many weird things she did at this time,
sometimes she made him feel as if nothing had changed between them, she
would always call like this in the past, they always kept constantly in touch,
many phone calls a day wherever they were. This stopped the day she met her
new Algerian friend. It was the probably the thing he missed the most about
her, just always talking to him, she was his friend and then one day she was not.
Dominic still didn’t believe it was what she wanted, it was a punishment aimed
at him for not conforming to her plan. Her plan that set them apart and broke
the hearts of three people, maybe it broke hers too. She would never say.

Her new man was barely one, had no particular talent in any direction and was
basically uneducated in any sense. A street kid from Algiers who won the lottery
and became a citizen of the first world in one conversation he had with a
vulnerable hormonal woman unsure of herself or her place. It mattered little to
her as to the detail; he fitted the bill, a lost child, aborted when she was young
from another Arab man she had met in London. History seemed to repeat itself.
This boy would have been a similar age now. The coincidences were uncanny
and although Dominic could explain this to himself completely, the attraction,
the psychology and the execution. He could not understand how easily she
found it to walk away from the family without a care or a thought. This part
baffled him and led him to all kinds of negative notions about women.
However, he was sure men were capable of doing the same thing. He spoke to
himself about this matter endlessly without a resolution. He cursed her name
and every derogatory word he could think of came to his lips. Dominic abused
Laura and then he abused her some more. It mattered little what Dominic did
or what he said. Nothing had any impact. Or so he thought. In fact it terrorised
her, but she never said it did. Once she had decided what she wanted the family
had to make way. This was impossible for him to accept. He didn’t mind Laura
leaving him, he wanted this too as he never had the courage to go.

Laura’s voice was strange on the phone, half expecting him to say something,
half worried and in a state of pretence and nervousness. It was too much for
this courageous girl leaving a country such as this. This was a country that
locked up lovers for demonstrating their love in public. It was not made clear if
she had cleared immigration, she had told him different times each time she
spoke of her flight as she assumed he would intervene and stop her departure.
She forgot how he wasn’t able to do so in his heart. He was not like this. She
had lived in the shadows there in the gold palaces of Sheikhs, always hiding her
139
Chapter 18 - Blazinek

thoughts and giving a public display, she had taken their culture seriously and
took it on board and practised their methods. She hadn’t taken their religion,
Her new pet she cultivated and promoted, did pray five times a day as his
mother told him and fasted when he was told to. There was a furore of disgust
at the news among others who, when learning about her demise, assumed she
had been kidnapped or drugged by the dreaded Arabs. However this was far
from true, Dominic suspected she had in fact reeled the unsuspecting boy in
and shaped the future she had now.

Dominic was sad and was not. She took her privileges as he once took his. She
was not a fundamentally bad person, just idiotic and crazy and Laura didn’t
really understand the implications of her actions. She had little idea of the
damage she created. The lies continued unabated, uninterrupted by emotion,
they had rolled for such a long time and there was no sign of them ceasing even
to the children. Every sentence contained at least one false statement, he didn’t
think she was this bad before, but maybe he had always failed to see the true
nature of her actions until one day, he found himself on the other end of them.
There was a racist saying familiar to Dominic when he was a child, when
another kid told a lie, they would say to him or her, that he or she was a ‘lying
Arab’. It’s strange how this sweeping message came through to children so
young without ever knowing its meaning. Culturally they would rather lie than
face or deal with the truth. Dominic learnt the true nature of this saying, as she
became this person, not in culture or language, but in its depiction.

Laura arrived in Australia unfettered by her many hours in the air, the flat bed
soothing her tipsy champagne head and fine dining which was rich in content. It
was a start of a new era for her where she was about to mix some of the old
with some of the new. Dominic sat in his apartment unflustered by the gale
force winds around him. This was not one of those moments he was involved
in, he missed out on this escapade and he was not sad at this. He had made his
choice, he made it clearly, but had gone back on his word, and so keen not to
lose her was he. He paid a heavy price. It was too much for one man to take,
too much for him, all on one Saturday morning. Dominic couldn’t help his
nature, his sky like nature he tended to like a rice field for sustenance. Then, it
was also true that she could not help hers either, a cluttered array of anger and
misconception. He was not better than her, he just lived on a different plane
and he floated hopelessly sometimes in world terms and beautifully in others.
There was nothing new in this; it had always been the same. What changed was,
that he grew tired of her bitchy and nasty games. She got fed up with his
indifference and his lack of interest in her. One encouraged the other as it does.
One day it dies whatever there is between people; in this case, it was not a
natural process. It was forced by circumstances and no more will to bridge the
gap, which was always a gorge.

140
 A Bohemian Fool

Dominic had protected everyone from Laura’s madness but he could not do
this anymore. He suffered as a result of doing things this way. It was his mistake
not to take responsibility for himself in this life. It was not how he wanted to do
things and never did it ever feel right to be this direct or precise. It was love, a
bizarre strain of love that Dominic couldn’t deny, despite living with a lunatic
for years and years.

141
Chapter 19 - Tuzex

Chapter 19 - Tuzex
It was a bright day and the sun shone, it was still very cold to step outside the
building Dominic was camped in. In past days he would have explored the
region and the country and sampled it’s interesting fare. On this day it mattered
little where he sat, whom did he sit with, alone or with Claudia or Laura? This
was the next question in his mind and the only relevant one at this time. Could
he stretch this out another few weeks, his sanity preserved and his equity
balanced? He faced this vexing issue with increasing intensity. It seemed to
become harder this waiting. Yet, it had also came as a bit of a rush. He could
not ask Claudia to wait any longer for him. His bohemian adventure without the
adventure was already nearly complete. Had he resolved the fear and the
loathing that plagued him so vehemently in these months in this small city? He
awaited further calamities to befall upon his sensitive head. He had managed to
stop the rot, there were worms entwined in the wood, and damage, but at least
the process was in reverse to save the tree.

There was no evidence to suggest this was going to happen, however, it would
in the scheme of things generally, if he could let it happen. He had been reading
too many accounts of future times, in the hours of boredom he glanced through
the many interpretations. It looked bad as it had done before, but not on the
same level, disaster was guaranteed in some way. This calm continued but was
always about to break out. He had thought it might come from the desert, a bit
of this was unfounded, He thought it might come from home, but this too, was
largely, just speculation. He thought that perhaps he had got used to this
constant drama and craved some more attention. Not that he received much
last time to consider it a useful practice. But he had things to organise and he
was having trouble doing so. It wasn’t reluctance as much as it was the result of
sheer exhaustion and his not being able to ever relax for nearly two years. He
sought this possibility and he sought comfort again. He wanted the knowledge
he would be safe at home again as he had lost his security.

He needed to get out again as he had become entrenched in some top floor
sanctuary. He went out only when he needed food or had to work. Another job
he had, had been halved as the economic downturn continued to bite. Naturally,
it was used to explain and make changes, which normally would have been
unpopular. This opportunity was not missed, but there were also decisions
taken from necessity, which seemed cruel to individuals. It was a time for
collecting assets and a redistribution of them, only to those who somehow
stayed outside this game. They always won and gained from these hard periods.
As the population had been invited to play and forced to participate, they stood
the chance of losing everything. Back In Iceland, the forgotten country,

142
 A Bohemian Fool

demonstrations continued and demands for the government and banking

management to be removed were made. Their replacements would offer
nothing more, as they were not in control. But people were not aware of this
yet. They saw a local issue when in fact it was far from that.

Dominic had booked a flight via Thailand and there had been some unrest there
too. The main airport had been populated with protesters and they refused to
leave until the government stepped down. They did eventually. The Australian
government issued a warning stating there were terrorist threats to this place,
stay home! They didn’t miss an opportunity either; it was not about anything
other than local rivalry, class and politics and not economics or religion.
Dominic aimed to take this flight without any fear; the only thing to fear was
the constant over reaction to every situation. This had become the norm, so
much so it was never known what to fear. Things could not get worse than they
were in this time; they had deteriorated bit by bit. Dominic was safe in the
knowledge he would be fine again in every way. What the turning point was
hard to determine, what changed things from the epidemic of sadness to some
semblance of normality remained as much as mystery as the whole trip to
Czech. There was no logic here to analyse. Perhaps it was when he decided to
leave Perth and then decided to return to Sydney, Dominic didn’t know why. It
sparked a revival in his life and allowed him to think clearly for the first time,
time was a factor. He had spent so much time alone in this place he hadn’t
noticed the outside world, but this continued on from before when he totally
ignored everything and everyone. It was he that retreated into his shell and hid
for a while. In Karlovy Vary, it was the same, no one bothered him much. No
one inquired into his well being, no one cared either, but he expected nothing
less. It was the norm everywhere, a sad indictment of our society, one that was
reflected by how it dealt and cared for it’s sick and old. This is a primary
indicator.

Dominic once had all the trappings of this life all neatly arranged in the past,
but he had seen fit to dispense with them all for a better life, but he found this
life was fraught with danger living with the demigods and their aspirations. It
was the opposite of what was deemed normal in that he chose to stop trying to
hold onto what he had gained. He was worn out by its complexities and
nonsense that he never was able to relate to. Somehow he was about to find
some energy, he would aspire once again to someone, who is of this life, and he
knew it. He felt it deep inside that his time was not done, there were more
things to explore and feel. He didn’t count on receiving the entire spectrum in
five minutes, which reverberated for such a long time after. Such was his fate he
accepted.

He walked home slowly; he still lacked energy, the illness testing his resolve, the
depression taking his desire. He felt deflated and somehow a failure in the sense
143
Chapter 19 - Tuzex

that, he didn’t have the ability to deliver what should have been forthcoming.
He knew he could not do it, not that they would have taken any notice anyway.
It was a weird society with standards that were flexible when required and
decided by what seemed, self appointed men. Laura would not suffer the
indignation she probably deserved in Dubai. Dominic had received nothing in
the mail, apart from one begging letter from the heart company in Peru. They
told him he could not cancel as he had done. It wasn’t allowed at short notice
and then he was confronted with accusations and abuse. It seemed he had made
the right decision, as he could not see this heart being anything other than a
shadow of the previous model. He would not respond any further to this early
morning abuse, it came in phone calls as early as five and six.

Dominic felt better at home, as if he had somehow obtained ownership in this

short time. It wasn’t too friendly out there in the bars and cafes. He was a
foreigner and they spoke little or no English. He was older than those who
joined him and although most of time it was bearable, most nights it felt lonely
and sad. This sadness was a reflection of the day’s events; he was disappointed,
that once again Laura had got away with it. He knew it was better this way, but
it added fuel to her arrogant train that never came truly off the tracks. It was
depressing to be facing an immortal enemy. Others convinced him she would
fall, but Dominic replied that this was not likely. Her ‘Houdini’ act went on
regardless whether there was a theatre or an audience.

For Dominic, he had much to look forward to, he was joining a woman who
understood him and said things he could relate to. This was a rarity in itself.
Claudia said in a phone call that he was no Hermes, he could not guide others,
but he could open doors and illuminate possibilities. This was an accurate
description of his position. How Claudia had worked this out, Dominic didn’t
know, but he liked her intuitive insight. Many women claim powers of
deduction to men, when in fact they are not tuned in to any wavelength except
their own. Dominic had found someone who was tuned into something. He
didn’t agree with all her philosophy, she said sometimes she sought a guide; he
reminded her this was an unlikely scenario. They rarely exist. We only look for
one, when we are up against difficulties and there isn’t a worse time, as the
search finds traps and dead ends. There is no help available and few guides
either, it all comes from within, the skill is unlocking that door to the inner you,
if you dare. It’s scary in there, Dominic knew, from the past and again this time.
He needed reminding sometimes that it was a good move to go back to Sydney
to be with Claudia. She was the answer he had previously not been able to see.

Sydney seemed an eternity away and the full distance on a minus 4 evening in
Carlsbad in western bohemia. He knew he would get there and he fantasised
about his arrival and what he would say to Claudia. It would be warm too, as
summer found this city in late December. Dominic had come to Karlsbad to
144
 A Bohemian Fool

share the Czech mentality of injustice, they had an incredible past which was in
part, hysterical and fraught with invasions and those here old enough to recall
the communist days were very sensitive to giving up their basic freedoms. They
were sensitive to any suggestion that their liberty be controlled. Dominic too,
felt this great wave of injustice and harm thrown at his soul. He had made an
unconscious choice to join in the revolution and now after a brief sampling of
its intensity, he could return. He would not be giving up his liberty. He started
to pack up his things; he had four boxes and a guitar to ship back to Australia.
Its content made up of computer parts, a folder of music and a few books. It
was little to show for his entire life. It was in fact a travesty that he’d had his
possessions stolen in this manner. There was nothing he could do to erase this
portion of the drama.

Dominic had also received finally a suitcase of badly packed items that were
sent from Dubai. Thrown in a suitcase they were mostly damaged and now of
little use, apart the music discs, Dominic threw the rest away. In a destructive
manner she had taken and destroyed everything, even the things he held onto in
his memory. But her year zero had commenced and Dominic was not part of
her new world order. In fact, he was the enemy to be lied to and cheated as
often as possible. He was constantly laughed at too. He was angry; naturally.
Laura’s words were the famous ones cited by all women who didn’t get what,
they suddenly wanted, she had moved on now. Everything was fine with her, no
remorse and no guilt; in her eyes she had done no wrong. She had just moved
on, they were all expected to follow. We can only move on together, but like the
communist regime here in Czech where some of the party members were a little
more equal than others, some of those involved in this scenario could move on
somewhat quicker than the others due to a slight indifference in their economic
standing. Starting with nothing in the second half of your life is difficult at the
best of times, but having an emotional handicap made it impossible. It had been
this way so far. It had taken Dominic over a year just to feel reasonable before
undertaking the energy-sapping attempt to haul himself from the pits of
poverty. It was a long road, and required optimum focus to do so; again so
difficult when one is paralysed from the head down by the shock and the
sanctimonious finality of everything. The children of this marriage fared equally
as poorly, but Laura didn’t care. It really was a total waste of everyone’s time
and energy; also there has been immense cost in financial terms too. But what is
several thousand dollars lost and owed in this time, the endless plane trips and
the million phone calls? It mattered little now, Dominic knew.

It would not be easy to implement a centralised state not based on language and
borders. There is regional parochialism and then nations to contend with. A
partisan crowd cheers the men from Zimni on every week. Much of the noise is
engineered but here is much local pride and fervour. However, this had been
broken before here in Czech, by many foreigners. What does it do to those
145
Chapter 19 - Tuzex

citizens; do they hide or move, run for cover or perhaps conform to the order
of the day? A major world event would give a decent enough reason, none of us
could argue with, as we would need protecting. This is one way this could be
done, we are already signing up to, ‘cattle like’, identification processes to
protect us from mythical terrorists. The next stage trickles forward, until, we
have given up any semblance of freedom. We could still exercise our freedom
and decide to leave this much maligned state and republic.

Dominic had been christened here again; it seemed to him, he was clear of any
desire to be alone. So alone, he seemed to be, in many ways. He always
struggled to relate but this made everything clear, as clear as the blue sky he
wanted to see very soon. He wanted to see it with Claudia, not alone. Dominic
received another call from the heart company and he discussed life in Lima.
Poor people, he was told, are sometimes forced to leave the country for better
opportunities and there are a lot of racial differences and it is very marked in the
districts where you live, the places you go, it is strange. For instance, Lima is a
big city but you can only move around certain districts and you never go out to
the others, as some are too dangerous. If you have friends from upper and
lower echelons, in what is a divided society, it makes it hard, but upper are often
your life friends and the others are from work or some from school. Dominic
had listened intensely but still refused the heart replacement.

The Tuzex stores were set up in Czech during the Russian occupation to bridge
the gap between the capitalist and communist worlds. They drained foreign
currency, namely American Dollars and German Deutsch Marks out of
circulation in the country. Czech money, the Koruna was not accepted. They
sold luxury western goods, which were not available in normal stores. They
naturally created much interest in a society lacking in consumer goods. The
privileged shopped here during oppressive times. At this same time, Dominic
first met Laura en route to a job on a small island off the south coast of
England. She was as mad even then, but it didn’t stop Dominic following her
call. He was taken on a merry dance for many years. At times he adored it,
others, it terrorised him and left him reeling from the experience. It gave him an
easy life in some way and an impossible one in another. The lows were
extremely desperate and the highs were dreamlike. He thought he loved her and
this empowered her, but he gave her permission. He supported her crusades
that led them nowhere, but their life together was far more interesting than
most people’s and this helped keep it going. Dominic found most people dull
and lifeless, always worrying about trivial things, he found fixations and
struggling, which he did not want to emulate. He used Laura as his connection
to the world; she would love him in return in strange ways. Her damaged mind
meant she could not give herself to him; she always remained aloof and distant.
Her love was silly and childlike and in later years didn’t satisfy Dominic in
anyway. Her obsessive nature spilled over into screams of anger as she over
146
 A Bohemian Fool

reacted to every little event. But strangely, she didn’t react this way to more
serious things.

The couple got themselves into many problems, rows and sticky situations
always eventuated, and she was sacked from work more times than anyone else
Dominic had ever met. She served beer in her pyjamas and threw wine over a
tour guide; she stole cash from a hotel, struck a train guard, all whilst she was
young. She had no boundaries and no fear, nothing stopped her, her
freewheeling adventure suited Dominic, until one day, he couldn’t take it
anymore. She was a singer when he met her, he joined her on stage and they
became a professional partnership as well as a personal one. Their escape from
Austria by train into Switzerland became legendary in their minds, no one
chased them, but it was symptomatic of her need to run away from her
childhood care home, she was dumped into. She checked herself out of hospital
after a few hours when their daughter was born, until she haemorrhaged so
much, she returned. She had the ability to sell anything to anyone, convince
anyone to buy or do anything she wanted. This took her into many areas she
was ill equipped to deal with, she always found herself back outside again.
Hence the sackings, in the lead up to the birth of their second child she
unsuccessfully fought another sacking on the basis of her pregnancy. There was
always a fight with someone going on. There was always a dispute, Dominic
joined in the fun but it led nowhere that was positive, the children brought new
battles to be won and they were supported beyond the required level. One of
the last events was another sacking based on theft, the threat of police and the
impact on Dominic was not a good one. Then the last was another sacking and
another battle, which was lost. It was quite sad to watch as it became less fun
over the years. The lawlessness of youth was a highlight, but not once there
were children to look after. Laura never flinched at any situation; she came out
of everything in one piece, as if she repeated her life over and over as people do.

Then there was the money, which came in huge amounts and then there was life
without any. The boom and bust lifestyle mostly came not from
mismanagement, but from Laura constantly getting sacked and there being
periods with no income. The movement from country to country came with
never paying debts and deliberately obtaining loans to finance the movement,
apart from one occasion when the move from Brisbane to London was
instigated by Dominic, and they kept their house to return to. The debts, as in
Dubai were always enormous and no one ever paid, there were one or two
occasions when the collectors nearly reached her, but another move fixed that
problem. Then once they sailed across to the Netherlands with $100,000 in cash
in a shoebox hidden under the seat of their car, this was a substantial amount in
1987. To them at least, it was. This was the proceeds of the sale of their house.
With so much pandemonium and so much more that Dominic could tell, it was
no surprise that when she ran away for the umpteenth time it was another
147
Chapter 19 - Tuzex

fiasco, it was something that Dominic had never seen, being on side of the
opposition. He had meandered through this madness and contributed a bit
himself, but he was always pursuing other matters, from smoking marijuana, to
chasing other women and at times something spiritual. It sounds ridiculous to
state three things such as these together, but Dominic had no problem equating
them together. It filled his time alongside sport and trying to keep the lid on the
boiling kettle at home.

To him it was not always bad, but there were times that overwhelmed him, it
took him places he had no intention on going to, Australia being one of them, it
was Laura’s idea and execution, sadly for them both, despite their material
success in that country, it was all wasted and disposed of. Good intentions were
always displaced with the goal to achieve something, and this usually ended up
in a war against someone. It was why he couldn’t see it coming, the total
destruction of their family, he was not sure. It didn’t serve its purpose for her
any longer, the kids didn’t need her like they did, they despised her as teenagers
as she embarrassed them and fought with them. She understood little; they were
not interested in her melodramatic moments.

The men from Zimni won a shoot out in overtime and the match was enjoyable
against local rivals, Plzen. Dominic was very cold on the walk home, he
remembered so many things about her, and he was starting to feel that this was
not quite as bad a situation as he had imagined it was.

148
 A Bohemian Fool

Chapter 20 - Neurozumny
Laura never lacked courage and there was not many in this world who
possessed such nerves of steel, she had lost any fear as we all do when we are
confronted with such terrorising moments and for her they came so young and
at her at the most vulnerable time. It was this that shaped her life, it happens to
many people but not always as extreme as this, any form of abuse is stored and
pours out at any given moment. In fact, even on a lighter level, it can produce a
pattern of behaviour that drives a person’s entire life. Being marginalised for
instance in an ethnic way, can cause the oppressed to spend the rest of his or
her life proving their worth. There is a trap set for us all, but this type of mental
blockage stops any advancement in this life, no realisations. Laura was trapped
in patterns of behaviour that even her own children were not exempt from.

Dominic felt the power underneath his skin bubbling and surging as if
electricity ran through his veins. It drove him forever forward, without fear or
doubt, the flames extinguished. He suddenly felt free of all encumbrances and
his actions bore no relevance to anything or anyone. He had given too much
time to things that held him down, and now he could finally act in a manner,
which he could define as his style. Laura however started again to demonstrate
signs of her uncontrollable illness. Her actions had been so predictably
described and their outcomes were truly embarrassing. She had always done
this, embarrassed him with others, placed her curse upon friendships with
people who realised she was crazy. Nothing stopped this great surge of
madness. It fuelled always the next episode. Each one so carefully connected to
the last, yet so disconnected in voice or reason. She had made great claims to
having royal connections in the Emirates, she knew the Sheik, ruler of and his
daughter. She was her teacher of English and remained good friends since, she
even got her to abuse Dominic on the phone once in her cruel manner.
Naturally, Dominic did not miss this opportunity, a once in a lifetime chance to
abuse an illegitimate child of royalty, in response. The girl was naturally
precocious and one whose life had yet to affect her mind. The princess was
covered from head to toe in wealth. This put her above the masses and what
young girl would not respond appropriately to this position. Laura even,
reputedly, had the private mobile number of his Excellency. What other
connection there was, was not clear. It was a mixture of fact and fantasy.

Laura had embroiled herself in other notable misdemeanours; she would receive
favours from the student’s fathers whose influence was great in this ancient of
societies. She made a great effort to involve herself at this level of affairs
through the children. She once claimed to Dominic and his son she was
sleeping with a senior member of the government there, this was supposed to

149
Chapter 20 - Neurozumny

offset the truth. Her collection of credit cards was stunning and her bank loans
extravagant. The money flowed freely in this ‘petro-crazy’ country. This practice
was not frowned upon and quite normal. There had developed a need to
support her new marriage partner whilst he dreamed of being a professional
football player. But this addiction required constant cash to be thrown in his
direction. He had to be kept close by, but more money would always be needed.

She feared the ring of the telephone, answering meekly and pretending not to
be her. Or there was an eerie silence. She had run away from the Emirates and
feared its repercussions. Dominic in response had a haircut and pierced his left
ear again, adding colour to his defiance. Laura in her manic manner had picked
a fight with a man on the street and embarrassed her daughter by hitting her
bosses wife, she splashed out her booty, the pirate had collected in Dubai and
wasted little time securing the trappings of her own royal life. In Emirati, law,
not paying your debts was serious and with her connections to the shakers and
movers in this society, it would not be long before the fear of kidnapping and
forced extradition became a reality. A trial awaited and prison surely would
follow. Dominic had no sympathy but there was sadness for the children, who
had lost their mother to the intrigue and debauchery of the Middle East. She
had many opportunities to redress the balance she so devastatingly tipped to
one side. She refused to acknowledge there was a problem so didn’t make any
effort. Laura always blamed Dominic for everything.

As Dominic prepared to leave and head south, Laura bathed in stupidity and
continued her process of destroying everything they ever built. Dominic waited
always for the next episode, in the soap opera it had become. He was not told
all of them, so many came each day. Laura’s arrogant and malicious nature
always surfaced at times of stress and Dominic did his best to increase these
levels to derail any future normality as a response. She had left Dubai due to a
robbery estimated to be $150,000, not much really, but more than most people
earn in a year. But soon all these things were bound to catch up with her or not.
In her fortunate life they would not. It was the nature of things. If the past were
anything to go by, she would survive.

It snowed again in Carlsbad; it covered everything, the trees and ground and
obscured signs Dominic couldn’t read before. It was a pretty sight and turned
this small city into a palace of delight to the eye. It was photographed numerous
times in light of the desire to share it with others less fortunate. Dominic had a
long conversation with Tony, he told his life story of suffering. Some people
really do suffer. He was one of them and in turn his life dissolved into a mass
brawl of denial and confusion. As a child he was beaten, repeatedly with a cane.
He was made to stand naked whilst his stepfather marked his young body. His
mother watched as this punishment was administered on a regular basis for the
most trivial of misdemeanours. But this act was not for the good for anyone
150
 A Bohemian Fool

other than the stepfather who had the power at this time. The child was
damaged beyond belief. It sent him into a world of dreams and a hiding place in
the woods. He had this wonderful story which no one would never know the
truth of, there were no photographs and no record of a Swiss national who he
met and lived with for some two years before she was tragically killed in a
motor car accident from Zurich Airport, one in which her brother and father
survived. As there were no records to back up this story most people believed
that it was a cover story for his blatant love of young men. He went into deep
mourning for many years, the story went. He struggled to come to terms with
this tragic loss as you would of course. He loved her he said and there was
never another woman. He couldn’t bring himself to love another one. They had
worked together and it made for learning and experience. In return it was
assumed Dominic was his lover, which he never was. There had been a string of
boy lovers before they had met, all denied and all classified as friends only. But
most people knew one thing and that was, even if there were no actual physical
love there was a desire to do so and secondly he seemed to lack experience to
bring it about. Other men who had tried to lure Dominic into their arms were
far more adept at doing so, a fickle nature making Dominic quite a challenge.

The final job he undertook was as a mentor in a school to high school students,
he was accused of touching one of these students inappropriately, suspended
and then investigated. The police on seizing his computer discovered an
undisclosed number of pictures of naked boys and charged him. He was placed
on a register of sex offenders but managed to escape prison. He had become ill
during this time and was in the process of dying. But his friends were those who
were ex-pupils of the school, two of them and one was closer than the other, in
fact he had a picture of one of them on his mantelpiece. This young man, now
21, was his friend for 8 years, he was not a gay man, yet tolerated Tony who was
in pursuit of an obsessive love with young men. He was set to receive the
proceeds of his sold house upon death. It was not a fortune, but to an out of
work unqualified man, this was still wonderful. The number was in the region of
a quarter of a million dollars. A good start in life, it can be assumed. For this he
had to look after Tony visiting him and shopping for him. It was a good deal
and in conversations it transpired that Tony openly stated he loved him.
Dominic pushed for more information but the door came down and he offered
no more other than the usual denial.

Dominic tried to convince Tony to clear his conscience and make peace with
himself but this love of young men had been denied for too long now. He
would carry it to his grave. He was such a lonely man, a vulnerable man. After
being classified as a sex offender and appearing on the front page of the local
newspaper, it made him a target in the local community. His next-door
neighbour wrote abuse on his wall with an arrow indicating there lived next
door, a paedophile. His family no longer spoke to him and everyone he once
151
Chapter 20 - Neurozumny

knew disappeared off his radar screen. It was then he found Dominic again,
after many years on an Internet sharing site, popular at this time. He didn’t tell
him at first what had happened, he was vague in his reply when Dominic
received an email from a mysterious person advising him not to visit him as he
had planned. He was being warned off the money rather than protecting his
exposure to child molesters. However it was then Dominic asked Tony and
learnt about this case. Dominic didn’t find out that the case went to court only
months before he went to see him. It was still fresh in the communities mind.
This didn’t worry Dominic, he was still a human being and it was not a serious
offence, it was only pictures, no contact with under age boys, as far as he knew.
Dominic didn’t judge Tony, he had no right to, he decided, he did not think any
of the boys were under age, not when Dominic knew him, but things may have
changed. It did not do him much good, he had got himself in a typical mess
homosexual men do, hurt in some way, exposed in some way. He had spent all
his life denying and pretending he was straight, but damaged. Dominic never
thought this was true. But as he told Tony, he did not mind what he was and
whether it was true or not, he had compassion for everyone, Laura, Tony and
anyone else. Tony felt deeply sorry for the idiotic things Laura did to Dominic.
A few pictures would not bother either of them much.

Tony really suffered now in every way, he was so alone and spent little time
with others, one of his friends had stolen from him and he no longer spoke to
him and there was only one young man left. Dominic filled this void as often as
he could whilst he was in Czech, Internet phone calls and messenger
conversations. Dominic told Tony, his tales of sorrow and fear. Tony liked
offering help to Dominic in the form of advice and it took his mind off of his
own somewhat more serious problems. His house, Dominic had visited before
he went to Czech on his way, was run down with neglect. Tony made a great
effort to be a host despite his pending death. Dominic hinted for inclusion in
his will as he was in dire need of support but nothing was forthcoming, the
young men were frightened of him sharing his fortune with him.

It was an interesting closure to a terribly lonely and deceptive life. It was painful
with cancer eating away and heart failure that followed. Many questions were
asked and never were honest answers given in response. He brushed over so
many of the important points and focused on things that didn’t matter and at
times Tony treated Dominic as if he was a former lover and he also teased his
new young man with stories of old, involving Dominic. He enjoyed playing two
young men off each other; he had done this when Dominic was young too. But
Tony forgot that Dominic had aged considerably since then and was not fooled
by this trickery. He somehow persuaded his young man and possibly his
girlfriend that they should follow his footsteps and go look for a land in the
southern shores. This was just a dream. One that was totally unrealistic with or
without his money.
152
 A Bohemian Fool

Meantime, Dominic would give up on his quest for more disaster and his silly
games. Dominic decided one day that he no longer wanted to deal with this. He
was vulnerable when Tony contacted him; He was alone himself and struggling
so much. His intervention was timely, but now Dominic had washed away those
flooded eyelids with ice and cocktails, he no longer wanted to listen to his
outpouring of grief which was not for the Swiss girl, but the little boy he once
was, who was beaten regularly with a garden cane. The little boy he lost and was
always trying to find. But he was still standing there naked and exposed as the
cane whipped his pale white skin repeatedly. Every stroke was another failed
relationship. Dominic said to him that it would have been easier if he had
chosen to befriend real homosexual men instead of heterosexual ones. This was
extremely frustrating for him. He didn’t reply and changed the subject
immediately. Dominic intended to visit again one day, but never did.

Dominic had provided a diversion for him for a few months, it kept him going
during this time, and he could do no more as he had to ensure his own survival,
one that was not guaranteed. He too had chased many and found none, many
women came his way only for pleasure, his. It was no way to live a life, grasping
at passing things and Tony had done the same as Dominic. Dominic’s
obsession happened to be female and this made no difference, it was the same
principle. What were they both fulfilling in their own souls? Dominic was not
beaten by a wicked man as a child. But he had to be lacking something if he
needed to fill his soul with lovers. Perhaps Laura was not enough for him, as he
needed so much more. No one person fulfils all our needs but one might be
able to take care of many. She never did, she gave many things Dominic did not
need too. It was known, that Tony’s young men created many problems for
him.

Dominic searched endlessly for some information about his conviction, despite
being front-page news; it was nowhere to be seen on the net, not in the local
newspaper not on local radio, nowhere, as if it never happened. Tony’s young
man, with whom Dominic had spoken to, confirmed it. But once again, like the
Swiss girl, Dominic had only his word and this had proven to be unreliable.
Dominic could never tell with Tony if he was playing another complicated game
that only he could win. It would never be clear what the nature of all these
liaisons were. Dominic should have known as he was one, but he had little to
tell. Maybe there have been others who could tell more and perhaps they were
not all punishment routines, it didn’t matter really. Dominic asked him to
balance his mind with love and understanding before he died. He didn’t need to
believe in reincarnation or an afterlife or Hades and his underworld. He needed
to do it for some peace in his own mind so there was less suffering. Dominic
asked him to calm his mind, and be honest with himself. Tony ignored
Dominic’s call and dismissed any such notion, he was dependent on his young
man and he liked it. He had him where he wanted him, at his beckon call. But
153
Chapter 20 - Neurozumny

when this young man decided otherwise or his girlfriend said no more, Tony
wriggled in agony and became sicker and sicker. Dominic wasn’t sure what it all
meant, we all deny so much, and we all love to a minimum. We are attacked on
every front.

154
 A Bohemian Fool

Chapter 21 - Bohemia to Bondi

Dominic left this small city early one morning by bus and plane and sought the
refuge of a castle in middle England where Richard once waited and recruited
men, men worthy of his cause to re-establish the order of all things according to
the doctrine of the cross of the sun. In the 12th century he gathered his forces
and made for Jerusalem. Dominic too, collected his strength and prepared to
face a long journey to the source of his own being. He had found his Genevieve
long ago and was meeting her again en route from the castle. He hopped from
his Czech home to a pub wedged into a castle wall and onto Charing and
another cross he had to bear. He drank and made a merry song, he shared his
plight and his stories from the jester’s tale again and he wondered if he was truly
ready to travel south again. Vladimir had already kissed him on both cheeks and
hugged him as he said good-bye.

Tony was left forlorn in his emotional misery, this he compounded as he waited
and waited unable to facilitate anything much. Claudia waited too, in an empty
apartment for her things and Dominic. The world waited to continue the great
recession it had started. The holidays would soon be over. The castle walls had
seen this before, it had seen all the tales of woe and all the battles won and lost.
The pain and sorrow of death and loss can be heard in the distance. We wonder
how we mirror and repeat our behaviour time and time again as if we never
learn anything. All our experiences mean little and matter less. In fact, we quite
often go and do the same things over and over to ensure we suffer in the same
way as if we are comfortable with our nightmares.

It seems with all this new freedom we could have changed our style but we are
afflicted by our failure to be in control of ourselves. This was not a normal case
of selfish infidelity, it was far more than this, it was not case of simplicity or
hatred, and it was only the dark and ignorant meanderings of a damaged person
who didn’t understand the impact she was having. England was still there, in all
its glory and degradation. It didn’t fail to impress and disappoint. Dominic had
left two score years ago and longer in his mind; he escaped its restrictive hold it
had on his soul only to discover it was the same everywhere else. He once left
his family and his friends to seek a better life and it seemed good. It came
together in a special way. He met a mad woman and he saw some parallels in
manner and she controlled things to avoid any normal interaction. It struck a
chord, one that could not be easily overlooked. His visit to the castle was only a
short one, He tasted its beer and hearty food and thought as always of many
things and always it seemed now of Claudia. He was heading away from his
fraternal home, with Richard and Arthur’s permission, those mythical characters
of old. He felt as one with them and their stories, as he didn’t know if his was

155
Chapter 21 – Bohemia to Bondi

really true. He thought perhaps that it might end one day. He would no longer
be a fool, one on the brink of another failure. He had not failed, he had not
succeeded either, and there was not such a thing.

Dominic wanted to no longer wander; from Bohemia to the land of the long
white cloud, this was his final trip alone. He could feel it. He could now hold his
head up high, as he walked along the beach holding Claudia’s hand to guide her,
her holding his so he didn’t fall. He felt fortunate to have another chance, as
this loneliness would not pass so easily with others or not. He was not a
superficial man. He was not a man of chance or gain. He was not Odysseus or
any kind of Marco Polo; it was not his fate or his design. He once loved to
travel but it became a necessary aspect of this time. There were still some
outstanding issues that might never resolve themselves in this lifetime; they
would be carried forward to another place and a different scenario. He was
betrayed one day in the desert by the sun; it tricked Laura and left Dominic
alone to find another way. It would not be put aside so easily. He would find it
hard now to trust anyone in anyway, always wary of their motivation he would
be. It was a legacy that had spoiled his mercurial nature, as he liked to flow.

He sang from the mountaintops and thought of many things, whilst he got cold
in the winter. Not many were interested in his tale that took him from the west
to the east and back again, to bohemia and finally to his England. It was a tale
for all and for hope, in the depths of humanity there lays a trigger that can
spank your very soul. He wanted you to come with him and journey with him in
your mind, not through drama or stupidity or through battles or sorrow, no; he
wanted Claudia to come with him. They could transcend the evil and reconnect
their souls to each other. We can all stop playing the games we are told to play
and live in harmony with this universe we are attached to. We can start today,
we can put the jigsaw pieces together, and we can put aside all the nonsense and
the routines of hate. We come from a lonely world where people judge and
gesticulate on the basis of an imposed regime so powerful that we do not even
realise we are in it. Open the curtains and let the light in and as our structure
disintegrates and we descend into the usual round of war against the people and
death on a global scale, we can merge into those northern stars and swing down
to the southern cross. Submit to yourself and not to others.

Claudia greeted Dominic with open arms and loved him the minute he arrived,
it was an overcast morning with humidity in the air, she held him until he felt
welcome and she kissed him until he realised he had arrived. They went for a
walk along the cliff tops of Bondi and she seemed surprised that he had kept to
his word and come home. She showed him, her new world, as she had moved
from Perth and suggested it could be his too. He felt it could, despite feeling
some reluctance to join in his jet-lagged condition. He held his eyes wide open
in case she changed her mind, there was fear that his hopes and desire would be
156
 A Bohemian Fool

shattered so vulnerable he felt. Claudia had bought him his favourite coffee and
made him a cup to drink. Dominic had travelled far and wanted to be with her.
He didn’t know why it was right, but it felt the right thing to do. There were
people everywhere and many voices spoke different words that he didn’t
understand, Bondi was a suburb for tourists. He held her hand tightly wherever
they went and she guided him in this afterlife. It was Claudia that had been his
guide for some time, it was her, he had searched for and yet she was there all
the time waiting for him. She told him that she didn’t understand why he had to
leave her for the spa waters of central Europe. Dominic tried to explain about
an exile he required, but faltered in his response. She said that it was a risky
thing to do.

It, perhaps, was a tough call to make, he risked losing his sanity, and he risked
losing Claudia. He sought some answers to the predicament he found himself in
and he needed to find a way to be with her, and to live with himself. He wanted
to feel good again. He had his sadness lifted in Karlsbad. The magical waters
and the mystical place had done something to him he couldn’t really describe. It
turned his head and he was able to look in another direction. It opened up his
mind again. Energy poured from his soul and for the first time he had managed
to translate this into words. Words, that could be seen, phrases he could do
more with than just sing. Dominic wanted to shout out loud what he had found;
he wanted to tell everyone how it was in the real world. Dominic avoided the
pagan festival of Yule this time round and hoped to do so again next year.
Dominic still couldn’t speak with Laura about anything, there still were many
things to talk about, but this was neither possible nor desirable. What was
important in his mind was not relevant to her and what mattered with the
children she glossed over. She still had another obsession to nurture and her
replacement son needed this care more than her family did, according to her.
This naturally was a serious mistake.

It mattered little now as Dominic recalled the boring years when the sun was at
its highest in the Southern Cross. He performed many days of intolerable
worship to the deity of the actress, Laura. In return he received a free ride he
thought, but this was not the truth, there is no such thing. It was a deal he
neither agreed to, nor really enjoyed. The Celtic culture that was promoted and
shaped was only a beginning to spurn another evolved form, there was a
conquest and despite its consistency and length of time it had to end when it
was overrun in this case by Moors. But Dominic’s new structure was not war
like and it was not going to be subjected to the usual slaying of men, there will
be no victims this time or a massive price to pay. We were not sure as yet, how
this culture would develop or how it would shine. It would bring a new
awareness and a new level of understanding Dominic hoped to see. Laura had
moved to the western isles away from the changes and the invasions by Franks.
We wanted some classical knowledge to soothe our weary souls and let the
157
Chapter 21 – Bohemia to Bondi

young ones fly away. It was time now for some reason. It was time now for a
little application of our love.

Dominic missed his past as Laura probably did too, but it was just this now.
The magnitude of damage when only a word would do was a concept she
couldn’t comply with. Instead she strung him up and left him there and refused
to acknowledge that he would suffer. He had to detach himself from this web
of ignorance and intrigue and eventually he climbed down to safety. He came to
find some solitude among the multitudes, where happiness reigned and the
collection of visitors walked endlessly. Dominic clung to Claudia’s care and their
potential happiness he could see from the cliff top above the beach.

There seemed to be a conclusion of many things, a new world order had taken
over but as the new year approached no one was sure as to its impact and what
it meant for us all. Had anyone learnt from his or her experiences? Had
Dominic wandered sufficiently to now want to stay? Would he still need to hop
and skip over to the Island with the long white cloud? Dominic wanted to know
as always. He wanted to see how it would be when the long awaited recession
came and we looked in empty shops for food or we sought fuel to drive and a
boat to sail. Perhaps it would not be as bad as some said it would. After some
alterations, it would settle down and continue for some time. But the signs were
not encouraging in many places and in many ways. The signs for Dominic were
far more optimistic and the possibilities were endless. He feared the day this
might start again and he heard those words and the look that meant he might
need to go. He didn’t want to.

The most astounding thing is that however bad things got there was always
hope and this was incredible, the thought far worse than reality. When we sit
and cannot see a way forward, there is, if you can wait, you will find a way.
Maybe you need to be lucky or blessed, maybe you can open yourself to those
who know. We are not sure as to why, we are riddled with superstition, we
know one thing, that is, and that love comes if you try not to look back. All
those old sayings of clouds and silver linings, are true. We can now be who we
truly are, who we want to be, we can grow, we can live and love and no one will
stop this powerful force inside of us. Dominic didn’t want things to change, he
was committed for the long haul, and he had completed 27 years and never saw
another way. Its obvious misgivings and madness didn’t detract from the
purpose of sticking with his family. There were times in the past where it all got
too much, many times in fact. When he thought of the past, he knew that he
was reluctant to stay. But, he was loyal to those who cared for him in a real
sense. He was not loyal in a superficial sense, no. If he needed loving, then he
looked for it, He often found it. It was not his way to do things in any other
way. He was not superstitious and he was not locked into a way of living. His
reluctance to conform led him to spend his time with a woman who had no
158
 A Bohemian Fool

boundaries or fear. We must try to never betray another person, to make them
suffer or maybe die. Dominic might have, if his guardian angel here on earth
not taken his hand. Turning a friend into a third party to be laughed at and
vilified is cruel and wicked.

Dominic missed Karlovy Vary; he would always remember it with warmth as it

took him back to himself. It took him back to Claudia and healed his wounds; it
ended a war within him, a fight and a war he didn’t want to wage. One day he
knew that he wanted to return there and walk along the promenade and taste
the water from the springs. He wanted to go with Claudia. He wanted her to
share his city of healing, he wanted her to see how it felt and was. The tears of
his sadness dried up there in that confused place. He stopped being confused.
He learnt how to love again and he learnt to love himself. They were so far
apart but their telephone conversations were rich and helped to keep him in
touch with things. He got confused sometimes but there was something inside
him that said come, wait, and go. He was guided by the Gods this time, to
retreat from someone else’s internal war.

Dominic was a passenger in a car from the airport, the roads were full, and it
didn’t take long to reach his new home, one he awaited with anticipation. He
carried his belongings up one flight to his new sanctuary, unpacked, and then
realised that his fitness was still very low and he went out to find food, he was
comforted by holding Claudia’s hand. He found a small restaurant full of
beautiful people. He had no ticket to return. He found a restaurant called
‘Hungry Czech’ where they served the food he never liked, but the beer he did,
at ten times the price.

The wind blew so strong that afternoon; it took the sand up into the air and
into eyes that looked upon the entrance to the ocean. There was no rain or
really much cloud at first, it was a storm without lightening or thunder that
threatened. The small market across the road closed early and people hid inside
burger restaurants and ice cream parlours. Hats flew across the road from
heads, from hands that were too slow to hold on, it was hard to walk against the
wind as the light dimmed. The threat was enough to send everyone home as the
sky darkened. The ferocity continued but the rain never came. It was
symptomatic of this cove on the east coast of Australia. It felt as if something
was always going to happen, but it rarely did. When the storms did come it
reminded its inhabitants they were in fact still alive and had not passed on to
some heavenly shore. The feeling ran high for those who stayed, but for those
who never came, it was a place to avoid, as there were so many better places
elsewhere, they said. They did not take into their assessment the rhythm or the
energy that flew in from out of town. It gave a different dimension to the
suburb camped on the beach. It promised much and often delivered far less, but
the memories were scattered far and wide. People came and went as they do,
159
Chapter 21 – Bohemia to Bondi

leaving their contribution on a small collection of buildings, housed with

indelibly stamped markings from their time. It had history to attend to and it
had its future to address, but its magnitude could not be categorised in a
marketing plan, for its speciality was not measurable and its development
mattered little to those who came. The issues were simplistic and the costs
associated met by many ways. The reputation of those men with their boards,
large ones partly waxed and proudly carried had not been submerged by the
newest of eras, but the majority watched and swam a little, drank a little and
danced some more.

Normal service resumed the next day, blue skies topped with sunshine to warm
those aching bones and ensure sunglasses were always worn as the light was
very bright, especially by the ocean where it seemed to reflect it more, like a ski
slope in winter, the snow glistening and shining. The beach contained its usual
numbers of young people, playing and displaying their beautiful bodies carefully
tanning each section to emulate a perfect form. Some swam whilst the
lifeguards casually monitored their activities, their notoriety and expertise
paraded weekly on television. They were characterised by the models shown and
needed to now aspire to an edited version of themselves. A reality depicted and
neatly packaged into a half hour production does not show the whole story. The
hours waiting for their service are naturally not shown. The cameras follow their
every move along the beach. Surprisingly, they were still volunteers and this was
unpaid work, dangerous work. However, none of this touched the lives of the
residents, as their lives merged into one long and overdue holiday on a daily
basis. Neither function nor form took precedent; in fact, social interaction was
the primary consideration. Work, a necessary evil that interspersed reality, aided
the expenditure ahead; it was only temporary and did not trouble those
undertaking the labour at low hourly rates.

The odd homeless person could be seen living on the streets, whilst others
begged for money, asking for a spare dollar. A woman sat outside the cash
machine, her hair long and matted in a grey strip. She rarely asked for money,
only looked longingly. This unobtrusive method worked for her and she
received the odd dollar from time to time. She sat reading a newspaper or
magazine. She smelt hideously and begged not to be close to anyone. Another
man stood outside a cup cake shop discussing the issues in his mind with the
window. He carried bags and bags of newspapers, which he placed on the
ground next to him. Another man played the blues on his mouth organ.
Another passed a note saying he was deaf and dumb and could he have a dollar.
They each had a story that no one wanted to hear, at least it was warm most of
the year and they would not suffer from frostbite, only the unwanted attention
of drunken or other street men. At night they were not to be seen and hid from
this threat, but where was not known.

160
 A Bohemian Fool

The rest of the city was like any other, hotspots and low-lights, tourist
attractions and nightlife and incredibly sprawling suburbs that went for many
kilometres until the dividing range ceased the growth with its hilly terrain. Those
who lived within its boundaries considered it a great city, but it was not an
inspirational place for everyone. All who came to its perfectly constructed, but
natural shoreline, did not find the same experiences. The shielded bays of
paradise were available to those who had ventured this far across the globe. Its
original inhabitants dispersed and phased out, filtered and watered down over a
few hundred years. They were replaced with the brave travellers who carved out
a life on this harsh soil. This was the end of the tram line until 1960, which was
also phased out of service, it was the most easterly point in the Eastern Suburbs,
it was a Mecca for the young, from overseas, the visitors that stayed and who
came to discover paradise alongside the local Australian’s who sought to
discover them.

What they found was a different variety of perfection, different to what they
had seen posted on various Internet sites, and another perspective of a world
they were yet to see. The normal attributes mattered little in a place shaped in a
different direction. Notices to this effect were pasted onto any vacant board on
any of its main streets, streets that races took places in the middle of the night
between drunken visitors to expel any energy they had left. Here you could buy
vehicles, go to a garage sale, share an apartment, discover what musical event
was happening or get a lift to Queensland. The cafes and small restaurants were
all full. It was summer on this day. It was the busiest time of year which
stretched the areas facilities to their fullest.

Dominic liked it here, he merged into the background, no-one knowing where
he came from or where he had been, he wasn’t noticed, he was older than the
population in general, but it bothered no one. The apartment was run down, it
had not been maintained, and there were a multitude of problems. The
reputation of the place, pushing prices with a housing shortage well over market
rates. The upside of all of this was it was a ‘cool’ place to live. It gave Dominic
the space to push back to normality under the care of Claudia. Where this was
heading was always unclear, despite them having a need for each other, it was
not clear how long this need would last and where it would take them.

Much time had passed, little had changed for Dominic, except he continually
got better, he had the odd days where gloom returned and he still wrote emails
detailing his feelings. But Laura rarely answered them. She was settled into a
pattern of denial, she had all the reasons lined up and felt no sorrow or guilt;
she had offloaded those years before, to the unsuspecting Dominic. He went
for his walks as often as he could. He rounded the cliffs never daring to
consider jumping off. He didn’t want to miss the coming age of Aquarius and
he was settling down with Claudia in their Bondi sanctuary. It was starting to
161
Chapter 21 – Bohemia to Bondi

feel good for Dominic. There were many positive things happening as he felt as
if he must just follow his destiny now, he meditated again, not every week, but
often to quieten his busy mind. There were times he did it naturally. He was
hoping to go home still, but home for him now was a different place. It meant
different things too, it held precious things higher and not simpler things, it
offered a wider range of possibilities and a broader perspective. But, most
importantly, Claudia loved Dominic so comprehensively, emotionally and
physically, he couldn’t fail to recover. He had never felt more content, he had
stopped looking for Isis, maybe the afterlife was strange, it offered such variety
and things that had been lacking in his previous incarnation.

Now, he had it all, it seemed to him, but still things got in the way, annoying
aspects of the fall out of Laura’s actions, not just in his mind either. There were
the kids, his son moved down to Bondi after another series of unfortunate
events. His daughter shifted in a hurry to Melbourne, Laura began to be
isolated, and she didn’t try to avert it. She was happy to no longer deal with her
kids, she offered little support to them and since the day she met her boy,
husband, nothing had changed. Dominic couldn’t believe this. He found this
the hardest to bear.

162
 A Bohemian Fool

Chapter 22 - Konec
Dominic went from the obscure to the sublime; He decided that Weiss beer is
indeed more useful than the spring water in the small city of Karlovy Vary. It
really is a German town and this country will probably find itself once again at
the centre of the latest political manoeuvring and leave it in the middle of
another war. Ice hockey is as entertaining as football. Winning the Czech
League for the first time was a major achievement. Smoking makes you choke.
Women are people, as a man you love, and then loathe. Selfishness is the root
of all evil, not money. Laura will never be happy without Dominic, but he just
might be. Tony, the man who fell hopelessly in love with young men who were
not gay and were always in relationships with women, as if to punish himself
time and time again in a weird conundrum, died just before Easter, surprisingly,
his young men who were his friends were unable to understand, his will, some
$200,000 was split four ways, Dominic included.

As much as Dominic liked the accordion, he didn’t enjoy old German sing-
along tunes, he thought it was boring whether you knew the words or not. It’s
always about some other place, wherever you are, as it’s not seen, it can be sold
in many forms. Not just holidays, but its products too. The number 13 is really
Dominic’s lucky number. He was set to continue his astral journey, despite
everything, he had been sidelined for 2 years, and a fanfare was played
applicable for a bohemian fool. Living with no sex and ceasing to chase women
was an enlightening and purifying experience. Living without the responsibility
of others and calming storms was truly freedom. Learning to live with himself, a
revelation. A wondrous four months followed by a further period of being
loved was the method to recover. The future looked bright and exciting, as he
no longer needed alternatives to survive. No more diversions were required or
sought just to obtain sanity. He owned his own sanity now in a natural way. He
no longer regretted anything. He no longer tolerated mediocrity in himself.
Ignorance abounded with its usual intensity, but Dominic found a way to avoid
this on a daily basis. He could comfort himself with real things, love, passion
and hope.

Sydney is a beautiful city unexplored as yet, its diversity waits, and he once spent
a paranoid 6 months there as Laura and him escaped once again. He had finally
said goodbye to tired old Europe, its historical sadness and depth of culture. He
sought the new world once again as he had yet to appreciate it. The past or his
life would not shape his destiny. He had moved from the hidden to the exposed
and lost his marriage, which was only a statement of his insecurity. He was no
longer under duress. He was still alive and decided that love itself was within
him. In the words of John Martyn poet and singer who also died during this

163
Chapter 22 - Konec

time, ‘may you never lose your woman overnight, may you never make your bed
out in the cold’. Dominic had one of these events and nearly the second happen
to him and he cried until one day he stopped. His eyes were permanently
damaged, but he could still see.

Laura’s mental health declined to the degree that she was admitted to a hospital
when her new husband left her for a woman his own age. She was devastated.
Under the duress of the menopause and the stress from guilt, she had
previously started to show clear signs of where she was heading. But there was
no one to assist her any longer; her Algerian young boy couldn’t comprehend
what was happening. Dominic was deeply saddened by her demise, despite her
causing his own. He wept for her. He went to see her once in a home and she
pleaded with him to help her run away, she had asked the same question of her
brother when she was six and in a children’s home. She never did run, until she
grew up and she never did stop until she was incarcerated. Dominic was not
able to care for her so repeated history and there she remained, entertaining the
staff with her collection of stories and jokes until one day she fell down the
stairs and went into a coma. It was one she didn’t want to come out of. She
loved Dominic with all her heart, as he once had loved her, but they were
destined to destroy each other it seemed. Her demise came and she didn’t
recover. Dominic did, but always ran with a saddened heart. He missed her, but
it had been a long time since they were together, he leant to live without her,
there was no more madness and no more unrestricted fun.

And so this bohemian tale is complete, it aspired to being a mere interlude of

sentiment, it delivered as promised, it had no conclusion, only a wry look at a
brief moment of time that eclipsed the rest in its value but only at that time, but
it clearly took Dominic into an affray he neither sought nor wished for. Its
benefits were obvious and it’s pain indescribable, but none of these mattered to
those who did not care to know. It was just another tale of the human condition
that continued in some form of ascent into perhaps more delusion or perhaps
not, this time. It was steeped in history that needed not to be explained, it did
not feature any content of note, and it had no story to follow neatly or was not
crafted with any elegant twists and turns. It had sharp edges and clean lines in
which to pin memories upon, it was just a collection of feelings summed up
sometimes in verse and occasionally in a traditional manner and style befitting
its location.

A bohemian life, or a moment or two in the life of Dominic, resident fool,

should not be outside the norms of our perception where we need to classify
them as such, it is just a region layered in history and its inhabitants are people
the same as anywhere, always on the brink of something new. The human
condition is a temporary one, and one; we should not treat lightly as if our
‘reason to be’ is one we dare not contemplate.
164
 And so this bohemian tale is complete, it aspired to being a mere interlude of sentiment,
it delivered as promised, it had no conclusion, only a wry look at a mere moment of time
that eclipsed the rest in its value but only at that time, but it clearly took Dominic into an
affray he neither sought nor wished for. Its benefits were obvious and it’s pain indescrib-
able, but none of these mattered to those who did not care to know. It was just another
tale of the human condition that continued in some form of ascent into perhaps more
delusion or perhaps not, this time. It was steeped in history that needed not to be ex-
plained, it did not feature any content of note, and it had no story to follow neatly or was
not crafted with any elegant twists and turns. It had sharp edges and clean lines in which
to pin memories upon, it was just a collection of feelings summed up sometimes in verse
and occasionally in a traditional manner and style befitting its location.

Trznice-krásná žena-orlojem
Zimni-Zdravi-Voda-Rodina-Penize
Svobody-Laska-Bratrsky-Rovnost
Nedele-Hlupak-Snih-Duchovni
Zapsat-Blazinek-Turex-
Nerozumny-Bohemia to Bondi-Konec