"Retarded by religion", this phase first came to me as I

wrote to an old friend via email. The email was a response to his
accusation that I was mistaken in my understanding of the true Name
of ABBA my Divine Father.
Perhaps he is right. Perhaps I have been so "retarded by
religion" I do not know the Sacred Name that has been given to men,
that we might be saved. If that is the case then it stands sure that I
am not only lost but that many others are as well.
I am fairly sure that my ABBA; my Yahwah does indeed
know my heart and know that I in all serious consideration have
dedicated myself to Him. It is, after all, by His Grace, through faith in
His Finished Work that I can even know Him.
Yahshua my Messiah, is my Yahweh, my Abba.
Yahshua is my Salvation and my hope.

(as a side note here....my husband, my most most severe critic,

says that by using the Hebrew terms for God and Jesus I may
confuse some "normal" people..meaning perhaps I am NOT normal,
but that is neither here nor there. So to clarify I will add that our
Divine Father is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. The Creator
of the universe and He prepared for Himself a body and was born to
a virgin girl named Mary. Immanuel, God with us, also called Jesus
by the English interpitation, is in fact Yah Shua....[Yah meaning God
and Shua meaning Salvation]....so now we understand that
"Yahshua" is our Messiah...our Christ, the Anointed One that all of
Israel looked forward to. The English transliteration Jesus Christ is
the common understanding of His Name, but a deeper understanding
reveals that HE IS the I AM of Moses and the Creator, Elohim of
Gensis, the Adonai of

CHAPTER 1

Let's look up the word; "Retarded" and see if I am on the

right track to say that religion has "retarded" me.

Retarded; Hindered in motion; delayed

1. To diminish the velocity of motion; to hinder; to render more slow
in progress; as, to retard the march of an army; to retard the motion
of a ship. The resistance of air retards the velocity of a cannon ball. It
is opposed to accelerate.

2. Todelay; to put off; to render more late; as, to retard the attacks of
old age; to retard a rupture between nations. My visit was retarded by
business.

Yes, I would say that "retarded" is the right word for the
problems I have encountered in my walk with my Savior Yahshua.

I am thankful that He loves me anyway, however I am not

content to stay in this place of lack and unfruitfulness.

It scares me to being to recongize the love of YVHV. By

drawing close to Him as Abba, I am opening myself up for more self
analysis.

I am convinced that it will only prosper me spiritually to turn

away from organized religion and turn to my knees in supplication to
ABBA. Crying out to Him for help in understanding and wisdom.

Organized religion has opposed acceleration for almost

all the true believers and has instead offered a steady diet of "pep
rallies" and "self help" tips that have nothing to do with the Glory of
Yahshua our Messiah.

If we are honest with ourselves we do not really want to

draw any closer to ABBA because it would require a deeper look into
our own hearts. A demand for righteousness that causes us to give
up many of our shallow ways.

About the time I am comfortable in my self righteousness,

someone is sent to me to challenge my beliefs. This is the true love
of ABBA. He will not leave me or forsake me.

Lately I have grown restless and unsettled with the role I

am now caught in. The role of layman in a church of "same ole'
,same ole" rountines.

Visiting other churches have not satisified me for I find almost the
same theme in all of them, and none of them seem willing to "Lift up
the Name" of Yahshua our Messiah, but are instead lifting up the
name of the church, or the pastor, or the president or ex-president.
Programs and meetings to set and talk about the harvest of money
and the growth of building plans have caused me to almost give up
on my search for Truth.

After a Bible search for the word "retarded" did not return anything in
the King James version, I looked up "delay" and the first place it is
used is located in the Book of Exo. "Thou shalt not delay to offer the
first of thy ripe fruits, and of thy liquors: the firstborn of thy sons shalt
thou give unto me."(Exo 22:29)

It does not take long for anyone to find out that according to
the New Testament book of James...Of His own will begat He
us with the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits
of His creatures. (James 1:18)

We are His Firstfruits and we offer ourselves in all fullness

to Him. Not the programs and building funds, not the new
dresses and sharp new suits, but our hearts and our minds.
What has dismayed me and caused this personal reflexion is
a simple study on the Name of our Savior Yahshua.

Seeking His face in prayer has caused me to burn within

in a way that can not be ignored or denied. Baptised with
fire that burns in my bones I am determined we are missing
"it" in our common congregations.

From the first occurance of "delay" in scripture, the literal

translation is from the Hebrew word; 'âchar
aw-khar' A primitive root; to loiter (that is, be behind); by
implication to procrastinate: - continue, defer, delay, hinder,
be late (slack), stay (there), tarry (longer).

Am I the only Christian to feel like I am "behind" that I

have "loitered" my time here on earth, focused on
unimportant events and circumstances, and have not put
effort into the actual important things of my Father?. The
things of the Spirit and not of the flesh are the important
things we have become "slack" about.

________________________________________________
___

Chapter 2

My heart breaks and it is really appalling to think that

the spirits of all the people who have been misinformed in
their belief will also end up in hell.

People who have attended church for years and years

because their families may have attended the same church,
or perhaps their anestors helped to build the church. Good
people who have never openly lied, or stolen from anyone.
People who strive to do what they are taught in the church
they attend. Being taught a lie, and believing that they can
be good enought to earn their way into heaven.