THIS IS NOT THE NEWS

The Status Quo Just Got a Little Statuser Volume 1, Issue 1

August 30, 2005

C l a r k A d o p t s B o l d N ew A n t i - Te rro r M e a s u re s
“The Enemy Will Be Vanquished!” Insists President Bassett
Ryan Kelly — As classes are starting and vehicular traffic starting University ID cards at all times.
the University is getting back into full Monday, September 12. And
swing, the Clark Administration has students, faculty, and staff will See TERRORISM, Page 3
announced increased security measures to be required to display their
combat the increasing threat of terrorism.
The announcement came from Doug
Little, Dean of the College, with a press
release from the Office of the President in
support of the measures.
The new measures are in response
to the recently-published Annual Report
Card of Terror Prevention among
Colleges and Universities. This publication
was mandated by the Patriot Act, which
was passed following the terrorist attacks
of September 11, 2001, and was produced
by a coalition between the United States
Department of Homeland Security and the Our Benevolent President Bassett announces Clark’s new security
Massachusetts State Police Terrorism Task measures with Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld at a Press
Force. Conference in Red Square on Thursday. (Photo Courtesy of Emily
Ograbisz )
The most conspicuous change will be
United States Marines, armed with assault To The Reader:
rifles, positioned at 18 locations around
the perimeter of the campus. Downing Thanks for checking out Clark’s brand new alternative weekly. We’ll be publishing
Street, Woodland Street, and Maywood every Tuesday from now on. Some of what we write is true.
Street will all be indefinitely closed to

In this Week’s
I r a q ’s I F T U : T h e N ew ‘ Ye l l ow ’ U n i o n s ? Sexed-Up Dossier:

Troy Hill — Under the rule
of Saddam Hussein, unions,
to the extent they existed,
failed to function as anything
more than an extension of
Ba’athist hegemony. Termed
‘ y e l l o w ’ u n i o ns , t he y
completely neglected
worker’s interests and were
utterly unable to promote
the working class’s economic
and political agenda. Early
into Iraq’s violent
occupation, workers
throughout Iraq’s core
industries began to organize
unions. Many of these
became affiliated with the
Iraqi Federation of Trade
Unions (IFTU). The IFTU
claims to abhor the
collaborationist unions
present under Hussein’s rule,
yet they remain dedicated to
waiting out, and even
Students For Israel 3
extending, the corporate and
Gets Straight Busy
military occupation of their
country. Hugo Chavez and 4
the Pat Robertson
This position is
Fatwa
completely understandable, if
The War on Terror 5
one is convinced that U.S.
Continues
domination offers an
envi r o n me n t i n w h i ch
effective, viable unions might Eh. 6
p r o s p e r .
See UNIONS, Page 2
Iraq’s Not-So-Perfect Unions
( C o n t i n u e d
Perhaps since Iraq’s rulers have
spent so much time on vital tasks like
creating “de facto death squads,” (1)
gr an t in g i m m uni t y t o ci vi l i an
contractors (read: mercenaries), and
restricting the rights of women, they
have not yet had the time to further
workers’ rights. Such a narrative
would explain the failure of Iraq’s
rulers to repeal Hussein’s 1987 Labor
Law banning public-sector unions,
(including the IFTU). (2)
Nonetheless, this narrative would
be a delusion. The Coalition
Provisional Authority (CPA) and
subsequent puppet governments have
focused on embedding free-market
fundamentalism in Iraq and, in keeping
with that theme, have been far from
neutral on the issue of unions. Indeed,
in a particularly insightful
demonstration of American
beneficence (and commitment to “de-
ba’athification,” for that matter),
immediately after the war the CPA
appointed the man responsible for the
1987 labor code as the administrator
of all the Iraqi Port Authorities. (3)
Quite apparently torn between
encouraging unions and obeying the
Rule of Law, the American occupiers
swiftly chose the latter and began a
crackdown on union organizers. On 6
December 2003, U.S. soldiers arrested
eight of the IFTU’s leading officials
(later released without charge) and
shut down their headquarters
American-style, leaving the place in
disarray and even tearing down posters
calling for a genuine democracy in Iraq.
(4)
The IFTU’s bold response to this
egregious intimidation was to cut the
American locks off the doors and re-
open their headquarters while holding
signs saying, “Long Live the Union of
the Workers – Death to Colonialism!”
The offices were soon shut down a
second time and they remained so until
the much-heralded “transfer of
sovereignty” in June of 2004.
| Page 2
) Even after control switched Railroad workers are one of
hands from the venerable L. Paul many groups exposed to routine
Bremer III to the American-approved harassment and threats of
Iyad Allawi, labor was not given a privatization. As one union member
break. This is not surprising, recalled, “a US army officer visited
considering that Allawi’s only criticism our workplace recently and told us
of the U.S. occupation has been that that if we refused to work properly
Washington dismantled Hussein’s and continued to make trouble, he
brutal security apparatus. (5) would bring Indian railway workers to
run the trains.” These threats will
Despite their symbolic
only intensify, as the IFTU has made
sovereignty, Iraq’s rulers have refused
no effort to enact changes to prevent
to stray from the goals initially
t h i s e x p l o i t a t i o n .
outlined by Bremer, with foreign
In fact, the IFTU has responded
corporations salivating in the
to this consistent belligerence by
background. Rules crafted by the
becoming more cuddly than ever with
CPA with palpable animosity towards
the Iraqi authorities. In exchange for
Iraqi workers have been left intact.
being accepted as the sole “legitimate
One such rule forbids contracting
and legal representative of the labor
with Iraqi state-owned enterprises
movement in Iraq” by the former Iraq
(often the only qualified companies).
Governing Council, the IFTU does
US- and UK-based human rights and
not acknowledge the right of workers
labor groups have observed that the
to organize outside of government-
rampant unemployment and
a p p r o v e d u n i o n s .
devastation of the Iraqi workforce is
See UNIONS, Page 4
primarily the result of the (US-
imposed) system of awarding The IFTU is, evidently, much
contracts and the hiring practices of more capable of satisfying its thirst for
the largest contractors. (6) Yet the power than it is at
IFTU has done nothing of substance
(see UNIONS, page 4)
to combat this abuse, showing a
degree of fortitude that borders on
idiocy and class-betrayal.
Fo o t n o t e s
1. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,7374-1683578,00.html
2. http://www.iraqitradeunions.org/archives/000117.html
3. http://www.iraqitradeunions.org/archives/cat_about_the_iftu.html
4. http://www.alternet.org/story/21555/
5. http://www.wsws.org/articles/2004/jun2004/alla-j17.shtml
6. http://www.epic-usa.org/Portals/1/epic_labor_report_2.pdf
7. http://www.alternet.org/story/21555/
8. http://www.socialistworker.co.uk/article.php4?article_id=2724
Contact Us! We’re Cool! We Party!
ThisisNotTheNews@gmail.com
Clark’s New Anti-Terror Measures Keep Us Safe, Happy | Page 3
(Continued) The administration has make friends, all while mastering violent that their children will be safe while
also initiated mandatory combat training methods of resistance – it’s really ideal.” attending Clark.”
classes for all university professors.
Chief of University Police Stephen There will also be increased
Sharon Krefetz, Associate Professor of
Goulet warned of the internal threat technological security. New
Government and International Relations,
Clark faces. “We must be prepared to measures to secure the campus
will be teaching the classes. Krefetz was
accept the fact that there may be network from terrorist activities
chosen to run the classes because of her
terrorist sympathizers operating within were revealed in a campus-wide
extensive training in Jiu Jitsu, Aikido,
our community,” Goulet told reporters email sent by Cheryl Elwell,
Ninjutsu, and a number of other martial
during a press conference. “We must be Director of ITS. “Acknowledging
arts. “We will be starting with basic
vigilant. I encourage anyone who the threat of breaches in
defense training and, as the year
witnesses or expects suspect activity to technological security to the
progresses, will get into more aggressive
report it to us immediately.” When physical well-being of our students,”
attack training,” Krefetz advised.
asked if specific student groups on the email read, “from this point
Philosophy Professor and campus were being put under special forward ITS hereby reserves the
Department Chair Judy DeCew was surveillance, Goulet refused to comment. right to access all files connected to
excited about the classes. “Not only will the university network and to
Student Council President Kevin
this class help prevent a hostile takeover confiscate any hardware on
Ready embraced the measures. “I’m glad
of the campus by terrorists, but it is a fun university property.”
the university administration has finally
opportunity for bonding among the
decided to do something about the In a phone interview, Elwell
faculty,” DeCew explained. “So often
threat Clark faces in the wake of 9/11,” expounded on her email. “The
professors get caught up in their classes
Ready said. “Nobody is safe, and it is information age has empowered
and research, they forget there are so
likely that terrorists will begin to target terrorists a great deal,” Elwell
many interesting people with whom to be
America’s youth, including college explained. “The ease of the
friends! To think we can have fun and
students. Now, parents can rest assured internet allows terrorists to
communicate with those within
Students for Israel Calls for More Brutality, Ethnic campus borders in planning an
attack. This is a grave threat that
Cleansing needs to be addressed, and we
Jake Hess — Clark University Students “The modern system of Israeli apartheid believe this is the best way to do
for Israel held its first meeting of the se- owes its existence to this act.” so.”
mester last week, the purpose of which There are additional measures
“Zionist terror squads destroyed
was to brainstorm action plans for the being put into place that have not
hundreds of Palestinian villages then, so we
coming school year. Organizers with the been revealed. Goulet explained,
won’t nearly be able to do justice to it,”
group were pleased to report that agree- “Obviously we cannot reveal all
Allison Montgommery, the group’s secre-
ment was reached on several different preventative actions being taken.
tary, said. “So it might make more sense
campaigns, and that the coming academic To do so would give the terrorists
to, say, celebrate one of the many massa-
year will likely be “their most active one a roadmap as to how to violate our
cres that occurred, perhaps Deir Yassin,” a
yet.” fine campus. Students and parents
reference to the April 1948 incident when
“Students for Israel was founded to Zionist militias summarily executed 120 can rest assured we are doing
celebrate the virtues of ethnic cleansing, Palestinian men, women, and children be- everything necessary to keep Clark
unspeakable brutality, and apartheid – all of fore completely emptying and destroying safe and preserve the university’s
which are hallmarks of the Israeli state,” their village. liberty and academic prestige – the
said Reginald Maulding, the group’s presi- good university way of life.”
But while the organization plans to
dent. The organization, which includes President Bassett was
remember these and other massacres -
members from all the monotheistic faiths, unavailable for comment.
such as those in the Sabra and Shatilla refu-
has planned a number of activities toward
gee camps in Lebanon that killed upwards Ryan Kelly is a senior correspondent
this end.
of 2,000 unarmed Palestinians in the span for This Is Not The News, and can be
One of their biggest events of the year of a few hours in 1982 - commemorative reached at rtkelly@gmail.com.
will be a celebration of Israeli Independ- events are far from the only items on Stu-
ence Day, which will feature reenactments dents for Israel’s action list.
of battle scenes from Israeli history.
The organization is planning a field trip
“We’re going to re-enact the mass to the West Bank, where members will Submissions? Announce-
ethnic cleansing of 1947-1948, when Israel have the opportunity to shoot Palestinian ments? Advertising?
forcibly expelled 750,000 indigenous peo- children as they sit in school.
ple from their homes in a premeditated ThisIsNotTheNews@Gmail.com
campaign,” Manning said, visibly excited. ( s e e ISRAEL, page 4)
Clark Students For Israel Gears Up!
(continued)
Treasurer Abbot Hock got the idea
when he learned about Ghadeer Jaber Mok-
heimer, a nine-year-old Palestinian girl who
died after being shot in her classroom by an
IDF sniper operating from a fortified en-
campment in Gaza. “It’s great fun, but it
also prevents terrorism, because all Pales- sion open for all Jews, and all but closed to
tinians are terrorists by definition,” Hock Palestinians,” Abigal Brighton, a freshman
said, grinning.
“The tragic thing is that this doesn’t
happen more often,” he continued. “Don’t
get me wrong, Israel kills plenty of Palestin- dorms and walking paths, and working out
ian children – about 645 since September possible measures to hinder the free move-
2000, according to very conservative statis- ment of gentiles to the greatest extent pos-
tics compiled by the Israeli human rights sible,” she said. Checkpoints, walls, and
group B’Tselem – but not always in such a inanimate roadblocks are all being consid-
spectacularly awesome and fun way.”
Iraqi Unions…
(continued)
advancing workers’ rights.
Throughout this sordid tale the 1987
law has remained in place. Its retention has
crippled the ability of the IFTU to get
funding and collect dues from members.
This begs the question of why the IFTU has
been so remarkably concessionary and
patient with such hostile authorities. When
asked about this in March, Abdullah Muhsin,
the IFTU’s International Representative, had
this to say: “We want to see Iraq sovereign
and we want foreign troops out. But we
want all this to happen as part of the
political process.” Quite the optimist, he
placed precious few demands on those in
power and did not seem to consider the
possibility of continued failure on the
government’s part (7).
Also curiously absent is the fiercely
anti-colonial tone present when the IFTU
headquarters were shut down. Despite the
weak rhetoric to the contrary, this anti-
occupation sentiment has reversed; Muhsin
recently gave a passionate speech to British
lawmakers begging them to keep their
troops in Iraq (8). It would seem that his
dedication to using the “political process”
to get “foreign troops out” is as empty as
an American B-52 over an Iraqi wedding.
So let’s get this straight. The IFTU
claims to represent the Iraqi working class,
but has made little (if any) progress in
securing workers’ rights. The IFTU claims
to be against the occupation, yet has played
| Page 4
The group’s main goal is to turn
Clark’s campus into an apartheid-like garri-
son colony based on the Israeli model. De-
tails are still being worked out, but admis-
sion rules and anti-discriminatory measures
are being eyed for reform.
“In particular, we’d like to make admis-
member of the group, said. “We’re basing
that proposal on Israeli citizenship laws.”
“We’re also designing Jewish-only
ered. “It’d be nice if security guards agreed
to carry out arbitrary beatings, arrests, and
a direct role in prolonging it and has not
campaigned against it or the brutality it has
spawned. The IFTU fully endorses Iraq’s
government, which enables the corrupt and
devastating practices of multi-national
corporations in Iraq. At this point it is
worth noting that inside Iraq the IFTU goes
by the same name as its Saddam-era
counterpart.
It’s certainly true that the current
environment is relatively free and union-
friendly compared to the vicious repression
and uselessness of the yellow unions. This
observation, however, is of little value;
essentially every other imaginable
circumstance would be better than the
Hussein-era experience.
In terms of effectiveness at pursuing
the economic and political agenda of the
Iraqi worker, the outlook remains similarly
bleak, with the IFTU failing to pursue even
the most elementary reforms. The IFTU’s
masochistic support for Iraq’s occupiers
and rulers is questionable at best. Sadly,
the IFTU’s brief history suggests that it
could prove to be nothing more than a case
study demonstrating that a violent dictator
is a flashy, but altogether unnecessary,
component of a campaign to repress the
working class by absorbing its instruments
of representation and organization into the
sphere of state control.
Troy Hill is a Senior at Clark, and a Class Rep.
He can be reached at Thill@clarku.edu
other forms of humiliation at the check-
points”.
But non-Jewish members of the
group are likely to object to the proposal,
and doubts persist as to whether the
Clark administration would allow it in the
f i r s t p l a c e .
Jake Hess is President of Suffolk Students for
Palestine. He can be reached at
jake.hess@verizon.net
Robertson’s Fatwa
Eric Margolis — Reverend Pat
Robertson took time off last week from
promoting a new protein pancake mix
and scourging "ungodly" sodomites, Mus-
lims, and Democrats to suggest the U.S.
should assassinate Venezuela's president,
Hugo Chavez.
Unveiling a new bogeyman of far right
paranoia, Robertson claimed Chavez was
masterminding a sinister Muslim-
Communist conspiracy against Christian
America.
The bombastic Chavez seriously bugs
Washington by badmouthing President
George Bush and U.S. policy towards
Cuba and Iraq. He compares "capitalismo"
to Dracula and Jack the Ripper.
However, Chavez is not a communist
but a democratic populist demagogue like
Argentina's Juan Peron. Venezuela is
America's fifth-largest supplier of oil. In
2002, the Bush administration mounted
an anti-Chavez coup that fizzled.
A huge international rumpus followed
Robertson's comments, forcing him to
apologize. The ravings of a religious
crackpot wouldn't merit note, except that
Robertson is a former presidential candi-
date and speaks for many members of the
Christian evangelical right.
A shrewd businessman, he founded
the 2-million-member Christian Coalition,
America's most influential right-wing prot-
estant group. His Christian Broadcasting
Network raked in a reported $200 (See
ROBERTSON, Page 5)

Pat Robertson and Oil Lust
(CONTINUED) million in dona-
tions last year, which calls to mind
George Carlin's quip: "If God is so
all-powerful, why does he always
need money?"
Robertson is even right,
sometimes. He warned Bush that
God had told him Iraq would be a
mess.
But Ayatollah Robertson's
latest "fatwa" brought embar-
rassed silence from the president
and most evangelical leaders. The
best the White House could come
up with was lamely calling his rav-
ings "unfortunate."
Defense Secretary Don
Rumsfeld piously noted, "We do
not assassinate foreign leaders." I
guess trying to kill Saddam Hus-
sein and his family by a Pearl Har-
bor-style surprise bombing attack
in March, 2003 does not count.
Robertson's call to murder
cast a spotlight on the growing
power of the loopy religious far
right, grouped under the banner
of the Christian Coalition, which
has grown into one of the most
powerful political lobbies in Amer-
ica.
Robertson's supporters are
the single largest block of pro-
Bush supporters and a core con-
stituency for the war in Iraq. Nine
out of 10 evangelicals voted for
Bush.
The Coalition has largely in-
timidated the weak-kneed U.S.
Congress. Christian fundamental-
ists now control a third of all na-
tional Republican state committee
posts, and 41 of 51 Republican
senators received a 100% approval
Tell us what you think.
We dare you.
ThisIsNotTheNews@gmail.com
rating from the Coalition.
Not all evangelicals belong to
the hard right. Many blasted
Robertson. But many think pretty
much like Rev. Pat -- and believe
the U.S. must become a Protes-
tant fundamentalist theocracy and
impose dominion over the globe
by military force. Such militant
cultists often sound just like the
most extreme Islamic fundamen-
talists.
These "Christian Zionists,"
who are allies of the Israel's hard-
line settler movement, also urge
expansion of Israel and in gather-
ing all Jews to the Holy Land.
When this happens, they believe,
the "end of days" will occur and
the Earth will be destroyed (along
with Jews and other non-
Christians).
For these cheery folk, there's
no reason to worry about grow-
ing deficit, environmental destruc-
tion or resource depletion. Who
cares? The world will soon end
with a big bang.
We rarely see these militants
because most are hidden away in
deepest Bush Country: Trailer
parks, the backwoods, NASCAR
tracks, remote suburbs, and strip
malls. But they now seem to have
replaced fat-cat country club golf-
ers as the Republican Party's lead-
ing voter constituency.
The above article was originally
run in the Toronoto Star. This Is Not
The News has printed it under the
“fair use” provisions stipulated in
section 107 of US Copyright law.
Pa g e 5
President Bush waves to an eerily enthusiastic crowd in this stock
photograph.
President Shoots Press Secretary,
Kicks Off Global War on Ulcerous
Stomach Lining
Troy Hill — “We’ve become aware that sleeper cells are
now operating freely within our own borders, and now it’s
time to take the fight to the enemy,” President Bush said at a
rare press conference on Monday. The conference was an
attempt to shore up public support for what the President
referred to as “a new offensive in the battle to secure the
homeland,” namely, targeting ulcers. Bush claimed that rene-
gade stomach lining was “challenging the very freedom that
freedom-loving Americans hold dear, and, like other anti-
American groups, they must be either eliminated or de-
stroyed.”
The basis for the announcement was a recent report by
the US Census Bureau, which noted that ulcers caused 4,604
casualties in 1999 alone. Bush was reportedly separated from
his aides late last week and managed to stumble inside the
Census Bureau headquarters. A report, clumsily left open
documented the number of deaths resulting from ulcers, lead-
ing Bush to express disappointment that his aides had kept this
vital information from him.
“Ulcers pose an even greater threat to the free world
than Al-Qaeda! A simple run of the numbers show that 4,604
is much more than the 3,000 souls taken on September the
11th. I knew it was a sign from God when I saw this report,”
since he has traditionally left such tasks to his advisors.
The President spoke from an undisclosed location,
but experts analyzing the background of the video have con-
cluded that it was filmed just outside the hospital room of
White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan. Government
sources close to the President, speaking on condition of ano-
nymity, said that in a meeting just before Monday’s press con-
ference (See ULCER THREAT, page 6)

This Is Not The News
On Newstands Every Tuesday
Bush’s Bold Anti-Ulcer Campaign
(continued) McClellan in-
formed the President that he
was developing four ulcers. This
prompted the President to fire
several rounds into McClellan’s
abdomen while yelling about
“root[ing] out the evil-doers!”
McClellan’s doctor, Simon
Chiras, was flown to Guan-
tanamo Bay shortly after Mon-
day’s announcement. A state-
ment from the White House
said the doctor was undergoing
“thorough” interrogation to
determine his role in the ulcers’
proliferation, and whether he
was part of a coordinated effort
to undermine the administration,
Chiras’s lawyer issued a
statement late yesterday calling
the accusations “unfounded” and
denying that Chiras was involved
in such a “despicable act as aid-
ing and abetting ulcerous sleeper
cells infiltrating the White
House.” The statement main-
tained that Chiras was fiercely
patriotic, citing one instance
where the realization that the
American flags lining his yard
were made in China had inspired
a years-long search for Ameri-
can-made nationalist propa-
ganda. Ironically, his search
ended just days before he was
taken into custody, when Chiras
managed to locate a lapel pin
that was “produced in Mexico
and assembled in America.”
The President will report-
edly meet with Congress in the
coming days to draft legislation
allowing random searches of
stomach lining and funding pri-
vate-sector research and devel-
opment of synthetic stomachs,
what the President called
“freedom-stomachs.” Critics of
the proposed legislation, led by
Samantha Kruf of the ACLU,
have called the searches a “gross
invasion of privacy.” The critics
also alleged that McClellan’s
ulcers are a result of his con-
stant struggle to justify the ad-
ministration’s actions. Admini-
stration officials jumped on this
accusation as evidence of ulcers’
“recruitment, en masse, of jour-
nalists,” a possibility that will be
explored further by military tri-
bunals.
Troy Hill is a Senior at Clark, and a
Class Rep. He can be reached at
Thill@clarku.edu
Page 6
Stop Worrying, My Man: Love the
Bush
Chris Caesar — As a tency, demonstrated a vast
cashier at the local market, I majority of the populace didn’t
was on the receiving end of an support Bush, particularly on
elderly woman’s ire when she, Iraq. Perhaps, I suggested, she
realizing I was wearing an should leave the country. No,
“Impeach Bush/Cheney” pin, she shouldn’t, she insisted.
flew off the handle. Thinking it What a ridiculous idea.
would somehow hurt my feel-
Just what, exactly, is the
ings, she pulled her merchan-
impetus for this kind of political
dise off of my conveyor belt
thought? These Michael Savage
and began to hysterically de-
enthusiasts certainly weren’t
mand a different cashier.
“I’m not going to sit here
exactly jumping ship when Clin-
ton-hate was at its zenith
and be lectured by some kid!” (otherwise we wouldn’t have
she declared, quaking with in- this problem). Nor were they
dignation. with-holding their criticisms of
Clinton when he took us to
“Uh, I’m not lecturing any-
war, simultaneously lambasting
one,” I coolly replied, quizzical
those who did. Most impor-
looks from management muz-
zling some of my more primal
tantly, Clinton wasn’t identified
as America, as the idea would
urges. “Aren’t you slightly over-
be, well, completely ridiculous.
reacting?” This bold rationality
He was a pig; Impeachment
was met with a mantric “Don’t
Now!
talk back to me!” that managed
to repeat itself until she had Don’t get me wrong – I’m
safely retreated to a more ob- not a Clinton apologist, and I
sequious cashier. think he should’ve been im-
peached (albeit for crimes
Later that summer, I was
against humanity in Iraq). I
similarly chastised in a gas sta-
make these comparisons not to
tion while wearing an anti-Bush
illuminate Clinton’s record, but
t-shirt. It was just the standard
to demonstrate just how pa-
“Not My President” fare, noth-
thetic these critiques are. What
ing particularly rash, though it
makes the above anecdotes
caused quite a stir.
noteworthy are their unique-
“What does that say?!” one ness to the Bush lexicon and
of the more obese clerks (at the risk of cliché) that of
asked, altruistically putting her authoritarian regimes. The im-
lunch aside as she deigned to plicit assumptions behind them
talk some sense into the scum deserve to be thoroughly dis-
of the Earth. credited, as they are most cer-
tainly not reflective of a con-
“Not My President,” I said.
stituency eager to question,
I was the man. “Can I get $10
reason, and embrace the de-
on that blue van?”
mocratic ideals it publicly lauds.
“Well, if you don’t like him,
What then, do these Bush-
you can leave the country.”
boosters really believe in? I’m
“Oh…Thanks. That makes not entirely sure. Rest assured
a lot of sense.” they probably aren’t either.
After some trivial dialog Chris Caesar is probably a senior
that I won’t lull the reader to at Clark and can be reached at
sleep with, I reminded the CCaesar@clarku.edu
woman that the latest opinion
polls have, with great consis-