THE POWER OF

CONVERSATIONS
AT WORK

by
Joel Henning, Principal
Henning-Showkeir & Associates
A PECULIAR E-MAIL
This peculiar e-mail was sent to
the Senior Management Team of
the GoodJeans Company on the
4th of July in 1996. The author
was never identified. At the time,
the Team was working its way
through an
unexpected,
significant and
prolonged
business
turndown.
They were
doing what
management
teams do
in these
circumstances -
cutting expenses, reducing head-
count, rearranging structures,
reengineering processes and
searching for techniques to
manage all the various
constituencies impacted
by the changes they would
propose. I was consulting
to the organization as they
worked their way through
this downsizing process.
Their preliminary findings
had been released the
week before in a series
of meetings with
employees. The news
was bad. The meetings
had not gone well.
The e-mail provoked
considerable curiosity
from Team members.
Comments like, “Huh?”
and “What’s this about?”
were typical. Almost
everyone concluded
© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates
that the comments were too odd It didn’t work. When we rolled
to clearly understand. The strange out our grand plans we were met
e-mail was soon forgotten and with indifference, objections,
dismissed as irrelevant. ridicule and hostility. We were
None of us imagined that the dumbfounded and angry.
success of our work
would hinge on We believed that change is only an issue
grasping what was of rearranging things while making
written to us.
The author was
people feel good about it.
teaching; we were
not listening. Time, frustration This article is about what this
and failure would change that. e-mail and experience taught us.
Lost in an instrumental The learning transformed our
mindset; ignoring the reality understanding of how change
of personal freedom; seeking occurs and what is fundamental
packaging techniques to get to proposing and sustaining it.
“buy in” from the masses; we We learned to recognize and
forged ahead. We believed appreciate the power of the
that change is only an issue of ordinary person to change the
rearranging things while making world. It taught us the importance
people feel good about it. of individual freedom in grasping
how things work. Finally, it made
Th e GoodJeans Company clear to us the impact of words
To: and conversations in creating the
The Senior Management Te
am reality we call life and culture.
Fro m: Me
Date:
LEARNING SOME
July 4th, 1996 HARD LESSONS
Subject: Some Thoughts
on Change Our fumbling and bumbling led
Before you ever see me, be us to three conclusions:
fore you conceive of
ways to understand me, be
fore you ever name
me anything, I find myself 1. We had lost or denied the
in the world with
choices to make and a future
to create. Before
first person perspective -- I, me,
I am a name or number, an we, and us -- in thinking about
employee, a part
of the pro cess or system or a manage people, organizations and change.
I am anything you may say r-- before
about me, I am in We wanted employees to “buy
the world deciding what to in”, “sign up”, “enroll” or “get on
make of my life.
I decide what to make of yo
u and your plans for board”! These phrases represented
me. I decide what meaning
you will have in my the limit of our interest in them
life. I will decide for myself
the future I pursue
and your place in it. These and concealed our unstated wish
things are not in your that they simply comply with
hands. You cannot demand
my commitment,
passion or determine my de what we were designing for their
stiny. I choose or
reject these things for my ow lives. We believed we could bring
n reasons.
about change by securing “strong
11
sponsorship” while “rolling out Organizational change viewed Embedded in an instrumental
programs” and “getting individuals from the first person perspective perspective, we ignored the will,
to sign up”. is the gain or loss of opportunity intelligence and intentions of the
We deluded ourselves. It is or security. It is cause for people for whom we were design-
not that simple! disappointment or a chance ing a world. We were foolish.
for personal advancement.
We learned the hard way that 2. We didn’t know how to talk
It can either strengthen cynicism
people hold success or failure in about change from the first
or evoke commitment to service
their hands no matter how slick person perspective. We were
and contribution.
our theories and plans. superb at creating words
If they want change to and language to talk about
fail all they have to do organizations and change
is say, “No!” -- be it from the third person
with a fist or a smile, perspective. We failed to
with a loud voice or do the same for the first
silent resistance. person perspective. We
We learned we could understood the language
not create sustainable of design and understood
change by adopting a little about the language
utilitarian viewpoint of personal engagement.
and demanding The way we talked and
compliance with a thought – used words
smiling face. and concepts – created
We adopted a very limited view a reality in which there was no
People decide for themselves the
of change. Organizational change room for the person at work.
meaning of change. They resist or
looks very different from the third
welcome it based on the meaning 3. Sustainable change would
person perspective than the first
they confer on it. In the end orga- require us to give up programmatic
person perspective. From the third
nizational change only succeeds if intervention and engage the will,
person perspective – he, she, it,
the individuals impacted choose freedom and intelligence of the
and they – we saw roles, costs,
for its success. If they bring the people with whom we worked.
tasks, systems, structures andoutlook of a cynic, bystander or It required us to seek and invite
processes. From this perspective
victim, change will falter and suc- commitment, forsaking the heavy
cumb. How can success be built hand of demand.
How can success be built on a on a foundation of hopelessness, If we wanted to create sustainable
foundation of hopelessness, detachment and helplessness?
change -- change based on each
detachment and helplessness? If change is seen as the chance person choosing accountability for
to gain advantage over others it making things work -- we needed
grand plans are created to is put in jeopardy. The welfare of to change the way we engaged
reengineer the organization in the whole is lost in a sea of indi- people. We would have to
hopes of improved performance. vidual ambition. To dismiss, change our conversations with
The view is instrumental -- people ignore or ridicule the outlook them. The challenge was to
serve as the means, or as an agent, and power of the individual is speak with the voice of the artist
for implementing someone else’s foolhardy and ill advised. Success and poet, inviting intimacy and
plan for the future. and failure are in their hands. involvement. Forsaking our

© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates 22

preoccupation with control, go to meetings, hire consultants whole requires each person to
consistency and predictability, and create management schools. make the business their own.
we would have to embrace and This means throwing themselves
There are three factors that
enter an unpredictable world into work with hands, head and
consistently appear to forcefully
where freedom is sacred. heart. Such “leaps of faith” do not
impact the capacity
occur because they are demanded.
of an organization
If we wanted to create sustainable They only occur as a personal
to succeed in
change -- change based on each person achieving results. act of choice.
choosing accountability for making The first is the These strengths can not take root
things work -- we needed to change the ability of the and flourish within a management
organization to strategy committed to control,
way we engaged people. consistently give consistency and compliance as
original and unique the “primary” way to run things.
MAKING BUSINESS SENSE responses to its customers. The heavy hand of demand simply
This is about work and The second is the capacity of will not create an organization
organizational change. As the the organization to create new marked by resourcefulness,
reader you deserve a credible knowledge and apply it
and relevant business argument successfully to products and The heavy hand of demand simply
to support what is proposed here. processes. The last factor is will not create an organization
You also deserve pragmatic tools the ability of the organiza-
tion to create a workplace marked by resourcefulness,
that convert theory to powerful
and productive action. where each person chooses inventiveness or imagination.
accountability for making
Hard truths face organizations the entire enterprise successful. inventiveness or imagination.
every day. Primary among them Consolidating power and issuing
is the absolute necessity of To create new knowledge, to grant
orders falters. A few deciding for
achieving positive results. each customer the exception they
the many, while holding people
Whether results are accountable, mandating
market share, return programs, doing
on investment, cycle performance reviews
time or some other and crafting corporate
measure, the demand visions – comes up
for results is unequiv- short in creating
ocal. Every organiza- the passion, artistry
tion must create and dexterity to
more value than it succeed.
consumes however
that is measured. If we want to give birth
This is not an to a workplace that
epiphanal insight. supports and sustains
We all know it. such a choice we must
The urgent question do at least three things.
is always, “How?” First, we must engage
In search of answers to that want and to encourage everyone people in radically different ways.
question we rack our brains, to choose accountability for the Secondly, we must forsake our

© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates 33

utilitarian implementation –
thinking about implementation
in favor of inviting engagement
as the means of creating change.
Finally, we must deliberately
let loose the reins of power –
committing to a broad and
deep distribution of business
literacy, choice and accountabilitytions we define who we are and
throughout the workplace.
The Conversations referred to
happen in bars, boardrooms,
cafeterias, offices, training
classes and on factory floors.
This article is primarily about
changing how we think about
and engage one another at work.
It offers a framework and skills
that are an alternative to the
utilitarian view of people,
change and work in which we
are so well trained.
I will use unfamiliar words and
concepts when talking about
these issues. Words like stance,
disappointment, worth and
self-indulgence are a few
examples. Traditional language
is too limiting. If we want to
change how we think and what
we do, it is likely we will have
to change how we talk.
THE POINT AND PURPOSE
This article is about change, more
specifically about awakening to
the importance of the first person
perspective in creating a future
and sustaining change.
It is also about the power of
conversations -- the common and
© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates
conventional talking we do with
each other. It is in our conversa-
tions that we create and disclose
to those around us the future we
are pursuing. Through our con-
versations we invite, demand or
manipulate others to join us in
creating a future. In our conversa-
what we choose to become as
individuals and together.
Conversations create,
disclose, invite and sustain
the culture in which we live!
The Conversations referred to
happen in bars, boardrooms,
cafeterias, offices, training
classes and on factory floors.
They occur in formal deliberation
about weighty matters and as
“small talk” in casual settings.
The participants are you and I,
along with customers, vendors,
managers, workers and others
who come to work.
Finally it is about choices -- about
what each of us chooses to believe
is real and worth pursuing in work
44
and in life. It is about our
individual freedom, choice and
what we think is possible for
others and ourselves.
Worth, ordinary conversations
and the first person perspective
are not the issues I talked about
in my consulting work. I ignored
them or thought of them as
irrelevant to the work in which
I was engaged. Large system
change strategies, organizational
designs, empowerment and
restructuring processes are the
subject matter about which I
talked. The instrumental mindset
was never far from my thinking
and lips. Nonetheless these
“peculiar themes” persist in
pursuing me and seem evermore
pertinent to the business of
change. It was this strange e-mail
that triggered a fundamental
transformation of how I
understand change.
My fondest hope is that you the
reader will affirm and validate
the relevance of this thinking in
your own experience. It is also my
wish that it makes business sense
and provides new and powerful
possibilities for understanding and
action in your own circumstances.
ENGAGING CHANGE
AT THE STREET LEVEL:
THE FIRST PERSON VIEW
I know that whole system models
are a necessary part of looking at
large and complicated organiza-
tional change. A third person
perspective is useful. We could not
function in a complex community
without the language, concepts
and models that let us look at an instrumental view of people participate in creating and
the whole. They are powerful is almost irresistible if the only sustaining a future of someone
and necessary. They help us way we see and talk about people else’s choosing is the goal -- this is
see things clearly. is from the Top. what “signing up and getting on
Lost in this thinking, our conver- board” means. The key question is,
However, when we take these
sations about personal freedom, “How do I make this happen?”
abstractions and symbols to be
concrete reality they can distort
and obscure. Words, concepts
and models are ways we talk
about life. They are not life!
Talking about life is not the
same as living life. Life is not
lived in an abstract, detached
and disembodied place. It is
lived on the Street. This is where
life is created and lived -- with
all its uncertainties, messiness
and contradictions.
What is the first person
perspective? How does it differ
from a third person perspective?
The Street view is an alternative
to third person views of work,
organizations and change -- the worth and meaning become Words and conversations are
view from the Top. Viewed from foolish and irrelevant. used as techniques to shape and
the Top the individual person is move others toward ends of my
When you or I are seen only from choosing. Selling, promising,
reduced to a footnote or deleted the Top -- when the reality of the
altogether. You and I become bartering and threatening are
Street is denied -- strange and all examples of instrumental
distorted plans take shape. conversations.
Selling, promising, bartering and
threatening are all examples of ENGAGING OTHERS The ends and means of the
IN THE STREET instrumental viewpoint are
instrumental conversations.
What then does it mean alignment and compliance.
to choose engagement over an Contact with others only has
an object -- he, she, it or they -- instrumental view of people meaning in light of my agenda
manager, blue collar worker, and change? It means, above all, and goal. I pay attention to those
executive, employee, professional a radical redefinition of how we people important to the outcomes
or union member. The third understand people, language I strive for and ignore those I
person perspective can do away and our own purposes. see as irrelevant to what I value.
with you and I altogether. We are From this point of view engaging
no longer you or I, or even he or From an instrumental point of view people only has value if it
she. We are an insignificant part people are the means or agents of contributes to the ends I pursue.
of a process or system that needs achieving an outcome someone In this context conversations are
fixing. The temptation to embrace else designs. Getting others to not an invitation for engagement.

© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates 55

 This is why in so many instances
the promise of employee participa- and pursue mutual commitment
tion is a fraud -- participation is to a future of our joint creation.
used as a technique to achieve
alignment and compliance.
Can any worthwhile work be
done if freedom and meaning are and
denied or seen as irrelevant?
To choose engagement over utility
in relationships creates a very
different picture of reality. The
other is not an “it” to be shaped
and manipulated. The other is
free, makes choices, seeks his or
her own future, pursues meaning
and is always about creating a
world of their own choosing.
It is recognized that
the other was not
born and does not
exist to fit in a world
of my choosing -
anymore than I see
myself as existing to
fit in a world of their
choosing. They are
just as capable of
seeing me instru-
mentally as I am
of seeing them in
that way. The key
question is not,
“How do I get my
way?” The key
question is, “How
do we each employ our freedom
to work together and create a
worthwhile future?”
Words and conversations are not
techniques to manipulate others
to achieve my ends. Rather they are freedom has gone underground.
the way we invite one other to
© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates
disclose heart, mind and soul
Conversations are the event where
we confront as a group or
organization questions of
meaning, choice, accountability
where we seek to build
community based on choice.
Through the eyes of engage-
ment freedom is not the
enemy threatening a world built
on the pillars of control and consis-
tency. Rather, the exercise of
freedom is the only road to create
a sustainable future for which we
all choose to be accountable.
It is true that the world of engage-
ment is messy, unpredictable,
frequently conflicted and
unceasingly frustrating. At times
the apparent quiet, serenity and
organization of utilitarian
thinking becomes very attractive;
unfortunately, for the most part,
it is an illusion. The noise of
66
Viewed in the short term,
there is no question that strategies
of engagement frequently seem to
fail and that instrumental strate-
gies often seem to work. The
larger question is, “Can strategies
of change and transformation
based upon seduction, manipula-
tion and fear create anything of
sustainable worth?” Or put
another way, “Can any worthwhile
work be done if freedom and
meaning are denied or seen as
irrelevant?”
HOW? GETTING PRACTICAL
Inevitably the How question is
posed:
•“If I want to pursue engagement
as the means to create and
sustain relationships,
organizations and
change, how do
I do it?”
•“How do I avoid
making conversations
a means of manipula-
tion and make them
instead events that
involve others in
deciding how to
use their freedom?”
•“How would I justify
pursuing my work
in this way to the
powers that be?
What are the business
reasons for it?”
•“What do I do if others will
not go along?”
And so on and so on. What
follows is a preliminary effort at
developing answers for these
questions. The effort is neither
 comprehensive nor complete;
it is a beginning.
• Understanding Stance
• The Core Skills of Engagement
• The Most Difficult Conversations
• Words and Worth at Work
CHANGES OF THE HEART
The pursuit of engagement in con-
versations is not just a technique.
It is also the intention to:
• Recognize and publicly acknowl-
edge others as whole human
beings fully capable of exercising
their freedom, defining meaning
and choosing for accountability.
The power of our conversations is in
conveying to others what we think Stances are usually
“is” – and what we believe will be.
• Build community and purpose
based on commitment and
consent over compliance
and demand.
• Resist caretaking, prescrip-
tion, over-promising and
threat as the means to
managing relationships.
• Abandon barter as the
primary means to create
and sustain relationships.
• Choose telling the truth,
confessing doubts,
extending forgiveness and
seeking reconciliation over
retribution as the means
for creating and sustaining
relationships.
• Persist in the face of
indifference, rejection,
hostility or ridicule.
© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates
• Live with doubt and ambiguity When disappointing experiences
about outcomes. are transformed into a conclusion
• Confront issues of stance in that life is disappointing, experi-
yourself and with others. ence has solidified into a stance.
UNDERSTANDING When disappointing experiences are
STANCE
transformed into a conclusion that
The power of our conver- life is disappointing, experience has
sations is in conveying to
others what we think is –
solidified into a stance.
and what we believe will
be. When we speak we disclose I then expect events and life to
our version of life and solicit be disappointing. Occasional
others to join us in seeing it that moments of joy, celebration or
way. We use conversation to do intimacy are seen as the
this. It is powerful stuff! The stance exceptions to the rule.
we carry colors what we pay atten- I project into the future life as I
tion to within an event and expect it to be. I prepare myself
what we expect from it. for a future I have created through
projection. In a very real way
formed from experience. the cause of my current behavior
For instance, over becomes the future I expect.
time each one of us Once formed, stances are powerful.
experiences disappointments. Our stances determine how we see
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To order this book or request information
The Future of Staff Groups is a relevant reference for anyone who sells professional
expertise and cares about the impact they make. about The Consulting Skills workshops:
Call Henning-Showkeir & Associates at
The Author
(908) 232-9994
Joel P. Henning is a principal in the consulting firm Henning-Showkeir & Associates.
Fax us at (908) 389-0211
For over 30 years, he has consulted to large and small corporations, insurance and
E-Mail us at: henning-showkeir@att.net
banking organizations, and manufacturing companies on long-term change efforts.
77
the possibilities of life and I see others in the same light - The preoccupation is always with,
how we invite others to see either victims or oppressors “What’s in it for me?” Wealth,
what is possible. Stances are not living in an unjust world. privilege and status are the ends
predetermined. A stance is chosen. Life-as-Disappointment ends in I value. From this stance I lay
Stances can be changed. spiritual suicide. The cumulative claim to omniscience about how
There are three primary stances. weight of constant disappointment things are and how they should
Life-as-Disappointment; becomes unbearable despair. The be. I pursue the power to make
Life-as-Gaining Advantage; and spirit withers and dies. I lie down it so, always putting my welfare
Life-as-Creating-Worth. in the graveyard before my time. and myself at the center.
Life-as-Disappointment Life-as-Gaining Advantage The world is viewed instrumentally.
People and events only interest me
From this stance I view life as This stance is self-interest run to the degree they threaten or
fearful. I am vulnerable and amok. I choose to believe all provide the opportunities to gain
helpless; held hostage in a life people and events are intended personal advantage. The common
that is unjust and discouraging. to serve the ends I value. good is a secondary consideration.
The preoccupation is
I pursue and develop
with what I expect from CONVERSATIONS relationships
the world. I consistently A Workshop Presented by Henning - Showkeir & Associates
based on
predict that the world We believe that ordinary conversations create and sustain the culture of the
bartering and
will respond to me with organizations in which we live and work. It is in the ordinary conversations
individuals have with one another that the success or failure of change efforts the advantage
indifference, disapproval are played out and determined. Talk is not cheap. It makes all the difference.
it may
or rejection. I know The purpose of this workshop is to reawaken and make clear the power of the provide me.
that the answer to my first person perspective in engaging change. It is also to develop and practice
conversations that engage others in creating deep and sustainable change. Engagement
deepest wishes is, “No!” Change only works when people are involved individually as persons, and not
I anticipate failure in treated as “targets”. The importance of the first person perspective is the central cannot be
love, work and relation- theme of the Conversations workshop. pursued if this
This workshop teaches people how to have high impact conversations to create is the starting
ships. I try to barter sustainable change in their organizations. There are generic elements that make
with the world in good conversations powerful: place. From
faith and am betrayed. • Telling the Truth – Creating a World We Can Believe In this stance
I seek safe harbors in • Self-Disclosure – Bringing Heart, Mind and Hands to Work engagement
• Framing Choices – Seeing Alternatives to Helplessness
leaders, lovers, ideolo- • Extending Goodwill – Choosing for the Success of Others only has value
gies and withdrawal, • Naming the Difficult Issues – Saying No to Cosmetic Conversations if it is useful
• Acknowledging Doubt, Anxiety and Guilt – Choosing Authenticity
knowing all the while, • Making Promises and Offering Guarantees – Putting It On The Line in gaining
that in the end, I will There are also specific business situations that require special applications of advantage.
be disappointed. these key skills, including:
• Creating Beginnings – Getting Started on Change At the end of Life-as-
I participate in life • Raising Difficult Issues – Telling the Truth When it ís Difficult Gaining Advantage
as a bystander, cynic • Confronting Stance – Engaging the Cynic and Victim is nausea -- feasting
or victim. I boast • Seeking Exceptions – Managing the Expectations of the People in Charge
• Initiating Endings – Creating Endings that Work on and consuming
about how well I • Engaging Performance Issues – Dealing with Issues of Individual Contribution the world to the
endure and suffer In this workshop participants practice how to manage these difficult conversations point of sickness.
in a disheartening effectively. The target population is very broad. These skills are relevant and timely
for managers, supervisors, executives, consultants, core workers, teams, and Life-as-
and unfair world. project managers and members.
If you would like more information, please contact Henning-Showkeir & Associates,
Creating-Worth
Not only do I see at 908-232-9994 – fax us at 908-389-0211, e-mail: henning-showkeir@att.net.
my own Life-as- To see life as the
Disappointment; opportunity for

© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates 88

contributing to a common good
without the expectation of a
return is Life-as-Creating-Worth.
The preoccupation is with what
I offer others. I pursue generosity
in service of sustaining, enlarging
and increasing the possibilities
of life. There is no assurance of
success, appreciation or recognition.
Creating worth persists in the face
of disappointment and discourage-
ment. This is a stance taken
without barter. It is chosen as
an act of faith.
From this stance I work to do
that for which I have passion.
Knowing I am accountable,
I pursue the possibility of liveliness,
joy, giving, and compassion as the
intention and practice of my life.
I forsake surrender.
The end of this stance is to “lie
exhausted,” as George Bernard
Shaw puts it, “on the scrap heap”
Stance is a central issue if we want to need of caretaking,
freely engage each other in deciding we will make it so.
what futures we will create in building
relationships and community.
having chosen to be a “force of
Nature instead of a feverish selfish
little clod of ailments and grievances
complaining that the world will not
devote itself to making me happy.”
STANCE MAKES IT SO!
Stance is a central issue if we want
to freely engage each other in
deciding what futures we will
create in building relationships
and community. Stances are
chosen! In a concrete and real
way stance creates the world in
which we live. Conversations
are the means by which we
convey our stance and recruit
others to join us. If we describe
our workplace as disappointing,
unjust and insensitive it will be so.
We make it so
by naming and
characterizing
it in this way.
If we describe
others as helpless
to change
anything - we
contribute to
making it so.
If we constantly
depict work as
impersonal
drudgery where
the only value is
personal advancement and a
paycheck, we will make it so.
If we depict employees as limited
and in constant
What follows is a
story that makes the
power and relevance
of stance apparent. It occurred at
TheNewsCompany Corporation.
TheNewsCompany
I was working with one of the
large city newspapers - The Voice -
- owned by TheNewsCompany
Corporation.
Like many newspapers The Voice
had fallen upon difficult times.
Circulation and revenue were
down and costs were going up.
The corporate owners at
TheNewsCompany were not
happy campers.
I had reluctantly agreed to
do team building with the
senior managers of The Voice.
In preparation for the two-day
off site event I had
interviewed the
ten members of
their management
team. For background
information I had
also gone to the
corporate offices of
TheNewsCompany
to interview the
senior managers
that had oversight
responsibilities
for The Voice.
With few exceptions
there was general agreement
about two things. One, The Voice
was in serious trouble and in a
“financial free fall” with no bottom
in sight. Two, Jack Flack, the
Publisher, was managing things
badly – very badly. Executives
from TheNewsCompany regularly
collected disparaging stories from
The Voice’s senior managers about
Jack’s incompetence. They eagerly
carried these to Jim High, the
CEO of TheNewsCompany. They
didn’t have to pull teeth to get the
stories; people from The Voice
were eager to contribute. By the
time I got involved with The Voice
Jack’s job was clearly on the line.
Of course Jack knew nothing of
this. He fully understood the
difficult issues the newspaper
and he faced with the “folks” at
corporate. He assumed, however,

© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates 99

that the people he worked with
at The Voice were supporting the
efforts being made to turn things
around. He also assumed they
were telling him the truth.
These were the unhappy
circumstances facing the “team”
when we convened for a two-day
team building session. I was
not looking forward to it.
During the first day the group
talked about their relationships
and the future. It was minimally
useful but did not confront or
acknowledge the collusion
between members of the team
and the executives at corporate.
I had a sleepless night.
The morning of the second
day I was due to give feedback
to the group about what I had
learned during my visit to
TheNewsCompany headquarters.
I expected what I had to say
might bring the team building
to a premature end.
© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates
In short this is what I said, “The When Jack goes to Metroplace
people at corporate are unhappy, to report a plan the very next day
very unhappy, about the perfor- people sitting at this table undercut
mance of The Voice. They see this and attack it. It becomes only
paper floundering with no credible Jack’s plan or no plan at all.”
plan to turn things around in sight.
“The executives at corporate told
They see your relationships in
me that none of you will tell Jack
what you really think because
“What makes all of this particularly of his temper, ‘There is just
upsetting to senior management at no way to talk to him! He will
TheNewsCompany is that this not listen!’ Almost everyone
group has no plan.” I interviewed at corporate
told me identical ‘Jack stories’.
There are about six or seven
shambles. They are most disturbed
of them. They are all negative and
about you, Jack. Your job is on the
they all were collected from people
line. There are no more chances
sitting at this table. In short, that is
left.” I went on to name some
where things stand. Does anyone
of the specific business issues:
want to comment?”
union negotiations, loss of
circulation, advertising strategy Jack was the first to respond,
and employee morale. “You mean that for the last year
I have been talking to Jim and the
Then to the most difficult
others down there about our plans
problem, “What makes all of this
while everyone here was tearing
particularly upsetting to senior
them apart when they talked to
management at TheNewsCompany
corporate. Do any of you have
is that this group has no plan.
any idea of how foolish I feel?”
He seemed stunned. It was the
voice of someone betrayed,
abruptly realizing he had
been living in a fictional
world for the last year.
He looked around the
table and fell silent.
Denials, confessions,
justifications and accusations
followed from others for the
next fifteen minutes.
I thought it was a good
time for a break.
I went to the cafeteria to get
away and have a cigarette.
I was sitting in a booth
10
10
pondering what to do when Jack
slid into the seat across from me.
He asked, “Do you mind talking?”
“No, not at all,” I responded.
He looked at me. Jack is a proud
man, almost aristocratic. He enjoys
the station and status of being the
Publisher of one of America’s
premier newspapers. Looking the
fool did not rest easy with him.
This was a very difficult moment.
His voice was calm and even,
“I feel so stupid. I have no idea
where to go from here.”
I sympathized, “I’m sorry all
of this happened. I don’t have
any “pithy” advice. What are
you thinking?”
He paused for what seemed
like five minutes, “I could call it
quits and tell Jim and the group,
‘OK, I get it. I give up. I’m out
of here. Who needs this kind
of craziness and deception?’ ”
I imagined myself pursuing
that course if facing the same
circumstances, ‘Yes, you could
do that. I think anybody
would understand. I hope
you would give yourself some
time to think about it before
you make any announcements.
It’s hard to reverse if you
change your mind.’
Again there was a long pause.
“I could go back up there
and take their heads off. I have
some stories about everyone of
them that the people at corporate
could add to their horror story
collection.”
© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates
“You could, but my guess is it
would reinforce everyone’s view
that they can’t talk to you -- you
know, the ‘temper thing’. I get
that it might be satisfying, in some
ways justified, but I am pretty sure
it will not help anything -- for you
or them.”
He pushed himself back from
the table and started to get up.
Just before he stood he looked at
me and said, “Or I could go back
up there and start all over with
them -- from the beginning.
I don’t know what I’ll do,”
he ended the conversation.
Without waiting for an answer
he thanked me for listening and
11
11
headed upstairs. I followed in a
few minutes. The meeting started
with Jack saying, “We can’t contin-
ue like this - this intrigue is going
to kill us all along with this paper!
We’ve got to find a way to tell the
truth to each other. I know my
temper is a problem. I will do my
best to catch myself and stop it.
I am asking you to help. Tell me
when I’m doing it. You have got
to stop excusing yourselves for not
telling the truth. We can not live
with it anymore. I want to start
from the beginning and forget
about the past. I hope
each one of you is willing
to start over. I realize each
of you has to decide for
yourself. I don’t want to
rehash what happened
earlier. That’s my offer.
I’d like to hear from
each one of you.”
In that moment Jack
taught me about stance,
its power in conversations
and its impact on business.
He could have returned
from lunch seeing Life-as-
Disappointment -- unfair,
unjust, abusive, full of
betrayal. He could have
surrendered and resigned.
The data tempted and justi-
fied taking such a position.
In so doing he would have
invited everyone in the
room, including me, to
join him in that stance.
He could have returned to the
room full of anger and retribution
escalating the fear and apprehen-
sion already in the room. He could
 have put the wrong done him at
center stage, adopting a stance of
Life-as-Gaining Advantage. Once
again the data tempted and justified
such a stance. Self-righteous anger
and retaliation were fitting under the
circumstances. Again, in so doing
he would have
invited everyone
in the room,
including me,
to see the world
and these circum-
stances from
this viewpoint.
He did neither.
He chose starting
over -- beginning
again. It was an
act of faith in
Life-as-Creating-
Worth. The act of faith was to
choose the action that contributed
to the possibility of healing and
Naming the issues, confessing doubts,
confronting and changing stance are
practical activities in conversations
based on engagement.
reconciliation -- the rebuilding
of relationships and community.
There was no promise of a return.
In fact, at that moment, there
was little reason to believe there
would be any positive response.
The greater probability was that
it would be met by silence,
indifference or quiet ridicule.
He did it anyway. In so doing
he invited everyone in the room,
including me, to see the possibility
of Life-as-Creating-Worth.
© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates
The subsequent resurrection
and recovery of The Voice began
on that day and in that meeting.
Naming the issues, confessing
doubts, confronting and changing
stance are practical activities in
conversations based on engage-
ment. They contribute mightily to
building relationships, community
and a worthwhile future.
THE CORE SKILLS
OF ENGAGEMENT
Conversations aimed
at engaging the other
require both intention
and technique. The commitments
listed in discussing the “Changes
of the Heart” are all issues of
intention. What follows are
skills, methods and techniques
that are useful for encouraging
and creating conversations of
engagement. The list is neither
complete nor comprehensive.
The point is to get practical.
• Telling the Truth
Telling the truth is the foundation
of engagement. Without disclosing
12
12
the truth, as we know it, nothing
else is possible and engagement
will fail. When we offer spin,
distortion, omission or lie as a
substitute for authenticity, we create
worlds we can not believe in or
sustain. Even more damaging, we
affirm our belief that
relationships cannot
bear the simple light
of truth. To tell the
truth with goodwill
is an absolute
affirmation of faith
in relationships.
• Self-Disclosure
Asking yourself or
others to fully engage
work with hands,
heart and mind is
impossible without
offering and encouraging
discussions about feelings and
issues of the heart. Choosing and
inviting emotional transparency
creates authentic relationships and
integrates the person with work.
• Framing Choices
Framing choices is the alternative
to prescription, caretaking and
other techniques that try to
“get people to do something”.
Conversations aimed at engaging
the other require both intention
and technique.
Naming the choices you see
for yourself and asking others to
do the same makes issues of
freedom, accountability and
meaning immediately relevant
and compelling.
• Extending Goodwill
Goodwill is not a feeling. It is
an intention. To choose goodwill
toward the other is to offer a
contribution to their success
and the success of whatever joint
ventures you are pursuing.
Goodwill does not require you
like or love the other. Goodwill
bases relationship on commitment
to contribute, even in the face
of disappointment.
• Taking and Supporting
the Other Side
others in powerful conversations
Extending understanding to
the other by publicly embracing
their position is one of the most
powerful ways available to
deepen a relationship, validate the
value of the other and move the
conversation. It is the alternative to
arguing, attacking and treating the
other cosmetically with statements
like, “I understand but....”
• Naming the Difficult Issues
Unnamed and unresolved
resistance, conflict and cynicism
debilitate organizations draining
it, and individuals, of energy,
optimism and the belief they can
deal with confrontation. Avoiding,
denying and rationalizing the
issue rarely fixes anything. Publicly
naming these issues with goodwill
and inviting engagement is central
to getting unstuck.
• Acknowledging Doubt,
Anxiety and Guilt
Confessing doubt, anxiety and
fault does not come easily to any
of us. No one welcomes anxiety,
© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates
vulnerability and responsibility
for harsh realities. Yet nothing
speaks louder for the value and
power of accountability. Nothing
does more to encourage the same
act in others. Expressing our own
doubts, fears and contribution
to problems is a skill that invites
everyone to embrace accountabili-
ty for the whole and for creating
a common future.
There are some particularly
good opportunities to involve
about work, relationships,
accountability and the future.
• Making Promises and
Offering Guarantees
Few of us are eager to abandon or
close all escape routes. Nothing in
organizational life is quite so rare
as someone who insists on offering
accountability and giving guaran-
tees. The skill to do this in forming
work relationships with peers,
customers and other constituencies
13
13
is one of the most powerful tools
available for using conversations
to change the culture.
THE DIFFICULT
CONVERSATIONS
Not all conversations are occasions
for significant engagement.
However there are some that are
particularly good opportunities
to involve others in powerful
conversations about work,
relationships, accountability
and the future. What follows
are some specific opportunities
that seem to present particularly
positive openings:
• Proposing Change
Shifting markets, increased
competition, cost pressures
mergers and acquisitions, the
introduction of new technologies
and other changes create ideal
openings for conversations
based on engagement.
• Creating New Beginnings
When things have gone badly,
when projects or new ventures
have failed, when relationships
are conflicted and stressed,
when things need to be “fixed”,
significant opportunities for
engagement are created.
• Confronting Stance
When organizations or
individuals become lost in
helplessness, hopelessness,
cynicism, detachment or
exaggerated preoccupation
with status, privilege and
entitlement, critical moments
are presented to invite changes.
• Seeking an Exception
Control and consistency are major
preoccupations in most organiza-
tions. It causes almost everyone to
seek safety, approval and permis-
sion from people in powerful
positions. When an individual or
group wants to “march to the beat
of a different drummer”, powerful
opportunities are created
to engage and confront The typical response of organizations What went wrong? People diag-
issues of accountability.
to demands for change is as familiar nose the situation, scratch their
• Initiating Endings to most of us as the inevitability
Coming to terms with
ending “things” is one of
the most onerous tasks at
work. The possibility of closing a
plant or department; the potential
resignation or termination of an
individual; the threat of losing a
valued customer or vendor
create moments that invite
authentic engagement
• Dealing with Performance
There are few things in organiza-
tional life that create as much
anxiety and complaint as perfor-
mance reviews. Cast as a parent–
child dialogue, these discussions
are rarely satisfying to anyone.
Group or individual performance
discussions create powerful
opportunities to change the culture
by changing the conversation.
WORTH AND
WORDS AT WORK
This thinking began with the
“peculiar memo” from an anony-
mous employee at the GoodJeans
Company. They were protesting –
they were saying “No!” to a grand
scheme that defined everyone
instrumentally. They were saying
© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates
“No!” to people and a plan that
ignored or denied their freedom.
In an attempt to shake our way of
thinking they wrote in an unusual
way - from a radical first person
perspective. In the end it worked.
The typical response of organiza-
tions to demands for change is as
familiar to most of us as the
of change itself.
inevitability of change itself.
The environment is scanned.
Threats are uncovered. Meetings
scheduled. Gurus sought.
Programs selected. Leadership
solicited. Design teams appointed.
Goals defined. Targets designated.
Timelines and budgets determined.
Training sessions designed. Slogans
invented. Coffee mugs, pens,
plaques and posters distributed.
“Buy in” solicited. Mandates
issued. Compliance demanded.
Evaluations conducted.
The organization
makes serious efforts to For the most part we do not control
change. Everyone in the the changes we face in our lives,
company is aligned and
committed. The change
is initiated and seems to
be working. Six months
later everything is back to what it
was a year ago or something totally
unexpected is created. The goal
of the transformation has failed.
A few posters with their change
mottos are still on the walls, but
in everyone’s mind, the company
14
14
is once again the same old
company it has always been.
A year later, some new change
program, even better than the last
one, comes along and everyone
gets excited about it. The organi-
zation tries it, gives it their best
shot. But six months after the
new program kicks off, things
are back to business as usual.
heads, puzzled about the cause
of the failure. Some blame it on
upper management, others blame
it on the rank and file, still others
blame the training staff or the
consultants, and of course some
claim that the new methods
were flawed.
These efforts do not realize
their potential because we ignore
the Street perspective. We have
thought about the change with
words and phrases like sponsor-
ship, systems, alignment and
enrolling employees. The voice
of the first person perspective
is not present.
only the way we take them in
and respond.
And yet change is inevitably and
inescapably about each of us, one
at a time. It is a truth easy to miss
in a world so saturated with our
abstractions -- paradigms, strategies,
models, programs and techniques.
Change incessantly and persistently
reminds us we are vulnerable and
at risk. Change also instructs us
about impotence. For the most
part we do not control the changes
we face in our lives, only the way
we take them in and respond.
From aging to the death of
someone dearly loved, from
falling from grace to falling in love,
changes like ocean waves keep
coming at us. Too much has
been written about organizational
change. The inevitability of it has
been pronounced so frequently
that it causes even the most eager
listener to lapse into unconscious-
ness. Markets change, products
become obsolete, new competition
appears, costs go up and more
is always required. Accepting
it is not the difficult issue.
Understanding the relevance
of it to my life and grasping the
choices it creates for me -- that
is what is important. Each of
us will choose a stance.
When looking at the future each
of us will take a stance born of
disappointment, the pursuit of
advantage or creating worth.
Nothing I do can replace or
substitute for the starting place –
finding myself in a world with
a stance and future to choose.
No matter what I name others
or am named myself, no name,
notion or concept will rob or
relieve me of the freedom and
responsibility for taking a
stance and pursuing a future.
No one changes you or me.
Cultures, organizations, strategies,
techniques, programs, visions,
values or leadership do not
transform us. We, in the end,
change ourselves.
© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates
All these things present themselves power and reality as we confer it
to you and me. It is you and I upon them, for whatever reasons
who decide if they are useful or have meaning to us. In and of
threatening to the future we themselves these are impotent
want to achieve. Programs, ideas, and without force. The freedom
changes and theories are always to respond to these experiences is
not a right or privilege granted.
We are stuck with it. It can
not be abandoned, forfeited
or seized.
All of this is misunderstood,
denied, discounted or abused
by theories and strategies,
which lay claim to omniscience
and omnipotence. Do not trust
anyone who only talks in the
third person. Abstract theories
should be viewed with caution.
It may be that the idea of
people as free and the architects
of their own futures spawns
too much anxiety in a world
where control, consistency and
predictability are so dominant.
If work and our institutions
matter and if we want to
coming at us. We ridicule, change and transform them in
embrace, ignore or roll our eyes
ways that build the possibilities
depending on how they mesh of life, we are well served to see
with the future we are committed
clearly who we are -- individuals
to living out. We will view who find ourselves in a
world with a future to
Grand designs, great leaders, values and choose. Change has
visions only have power and reality as been, is and always
we confer it upon them,and for whatever will be personal.
reasons that have meaning to us. The point is to bring into
being organizations within
them through the prism of disap- which everyone embraces
pointment, creating worth or the accountability for the whole
pursuit of gaining advantage -- and commits to creating worth.
and decide. The method is to engage each
person in conversations about
Grand designs, great leaders, meaning, accountability, worth
values and visions only have and freedom.
15
15
 Henning-Showkeir & Associates
Personal Engagement Strategies for Business Results
Reflections On Naming Things
We create a reality for ourselves and others when we name things. People and things become
what we call them. There are dangers in exercising our genius for using words to create truth.
Primary among them is granting our abstractions a reality of their own. We breath independent
life into these names and labels – forgetting we created them in the first place. We frequently
end up subordinating ourselves to our own creations. We project power on these creations and
allow ourselves to be defined and ruled by them. We become convinced that we are what we
are named. We believe the world and existence is what we call it. We become captives of our
own concepts. In so doing we distort reality and deceive ourselves. We lose consciousness of
the world and the person that existed before they were what we named them.

It seems we are clearer and more knowledgeable about the abstractions we have invented
than we are about ourselves.

When we do this we begin to believe that the names we have given to people, events and
activities are reality. For example, we begin to believe that somewhere there is a corporation
or organization with a heart, soul, flesh and blood that possesses will and pursues purposes.
We are convinced that visions, programs and strategies – all inventions of our words – have
the inherent power to transform people and institutions.

All of this distracts and deceives us. Seeing people as the organization – employees – or
targets of change – who are merely waiting to be transformed by leadership, programs,
or visions deludes us. When we label a person we create an identity for them and when we
exaggerate this application we start to think of the person as the label we have given them.
Absorbed in manipulating words and concepts, we focus attention where it won’t help.
We have entered the Land of Oz – the land of imagined and fictional omniscience and
omnipotence. It is the land where words and names are the only reality – where existence
that precedes anything we call it is forgotten. It is a powerful place to find oneself.
Everything changes simply by calling it what we choose.

What is real – is the flesh and blood of the other person. We find them standing in front of
us with their dreams, possibilities and history. If we want to change things it is this person
we must engage – not some abstraction we have made up.

Henning - Showkeir & Associates

7 Mohawk Trail • Westfield, NJ 07090
Phone: (908) 232-9994 • Fax: (908) 389-0211 • E-mail: henning-showkeir@att.net
© 2000 Henning - Showkeir & Associates
 Joel P. Henning
Joel has been engaged in complex long-term organizational change efforts for almost 30 years.
His work spans a broad range of organizations from public schools systems facing desegregation
to large corporations reinventing their future in the face of changing
marketplaces and competition. Among his clients are Levi-Strauss,
Equitable, Met-Life, Sandia Labs, Ford, Bank of America, Stanford
University, Knight-Ridder Inc. and Chase Bank.
Early in his career Joel was involved in the desegregation and merger of
the Louisville and Jefferson County, Kentucky School Districts. Later Joel
worked extensively with Levi-Strauss. This work focused on the transition
issues created as the leadership of the organization underwent change
and constructing survival strategies for domestic production plants
facing stiff offshore competition.
Joel also consulted with Sandia Laboratories at the conclusion of the
Cold War helping them face an uncertain future in a profoundly altered
world. Joel worked with Sandia to implement a dramatically altered
mission in this changed world.
More recently, Joel worked with Knight Ridder Inc. in pursuing changes,
which increased the capacity of their newspapers to survive and prosper in the rapidly changing
marketplace with ever increasing and diverse competition.
Joel’s work is guided by the viewpoint that an organization’s capacity to navigate change and
succeed is determined by its willingness to develop individuals through the intentional distribution
of power – business literacy, choice, purpose and accountability.
He recently authored The Future of Staff Groups: Daring to Distribute Power and Capacity
published by Berrett-Koehler.

James D. Showkeir
Jamie has over 25 years experience in education, management and
organization development. His work is focused on developing organiza-
tions as communities of people where accountability for success is chosen
by all. Working in education, non-profit and large corporations, he treats
the organization – its people – as partners in creating powerful personal
learning and growth experiences that directly impact business results.
Jamie worked at the Buick/UAW Employee Development Center,
TRW, and Ford Motor Company in various management and
organization development positions, working extensively in
labor-management partnerships and Joint programs. He served
as President of the Autism Society of Michigan and has devoted
considerable consulting time and energy to a variety of other
non-profit organizations. Jamie was Dean of the School for Managing
and Leading Change, which provides in-depth, long-term learning experiences where distributing
power is the basis for managing, organizing and structuring successful businesses.
Jamie’s clients span a variety of commercial markets. They include: First Union, 3M, Ford, Philadelphia
Electric Co., Tucson Electric Power, The Miami Herald Publishing Co., Philadelphia Newspapers Inc.,
San Luis Obispo Herald-Tribune, Knight-Ridder Inc., Hewlett Packard, Benedictine Health System,
Cigna, Kaiser-Permanente, Trigon Blue Cross and Blue Shield, Met Life, British Airways, and The FAA.
Jamie’s work is grounded in the belief that the individual’s life-world experience is the essence of reality.
In order for organizations to change the first person experience must be engaged. This engagement
requires intentionally distributing organizational power and confronting issues of accountability and choice.
For additional copies or
further information about the
workshops and consulting of
Henning-Showkeir & Associates,
contact:

Henning-Showkeir & Associates

7 Mohawk Trail
Westfield, NJ 07090
Phone: (908) 232-9994
Fax: (908) 389-0211
E-Mail: henning-showkeir@att.net