Keep it Simple.

By Mark Aubrey.
 2
Contents.
Chapter Page.

Part One: Tales from the Lone Warrior

1. Seeds of Doubt 6

2. Unexplained Stuff 15

3. First Light 22

4. Long Interlude 33

5. Big Jigsaw Puzzle 49

6. Experiments 57

7. Deeper Still 77

8. Big Red 86

9. Kundalini 105

10. Wider Horizons 114

11. Time Out 137

12. Transformation begins 151

13. Being Your-Self 171

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Part Two: Keeping it Simple

14. Beliefs 190

15. Perception Boundaries 193

16. Where are we going? 200

17. Even Conspiracies 211

18. Simplicity in Action 213

19. The White Light Method 215

20. Dealing with the Dark side 217

21. Big Love 220

22. The Guides 222

23. The Higher-Self 225

24. Meeting your guide 229

25. Blocks and rocks 233

26. Your place 236

27. A little thing called karma 239

28. Relating 241

29. Helping Yourself 248

 4
30. Reincarnation 252

31. Soul Mates 257

32. Remember 260

 5
Introduction.

This book was conceived of when I was fifteen years

old, when I knew it was to be a book showing others that
spiritual growth doesn’t have to be the difficult road we’ve
always been led to believe it should be. As such, the book is a
recapitulation of the people and events that brought me to a
bigger picture awareness of us as Eternal Spiritual Beings. It
also illustrates the difficulties we face in our growth to
awareness and how they are created by the exact things we
believe about ourselves and reality.

As an autobiography it also leads us through the different

stages of growth, the levels of inner fear and turmoil we all face
when we hold the intention of sharing what we know is already
inside us. And it illustrates the ridiculous nature of our
brainwashing; the mould we are created in by our respective
cultures. This book seeks something from the reader; it desires
you to grow for yourself to your own higher awareness, without
the restrictions often placed upon us by belief pressures and
acceptable mores of our culture. To do this, the tale takes you on
an adventure through unbelievable events and situations that
were, in fact, very real. The book also asks you to suspend
judgment while it illustrates other realms and realities that we
have been allowed to forget, so we don’t wake up. Lastly, this
book was written for all people to know it is themselves who
have power and choice in their lives on this world. For you to
know, all that’s needed to make positive change in the world is
more people like you standing up for change and not allowing
our real power as a population to be drained away. This book
asks you to take your power in life, look outside the box, look
inside yourself for every answer and live as the great being you
truly are.

Mark Aubrey. 2006.

 6
Seeds of Doubt.

“There is only one thing faster than the speed of light

and that is the speed of doubt.”
- Sandman. ‘G.N.W.’

1967, mankind’s competitive nature was causing him to

race headlong toward the moon and our world was giving birth
to a new sub-culture that came flowering forth into almost every
home on the face of the planet. I was seven years old, my outer
Melbourne suburb seemed as far from the latest trends as any
human civilization could get. Yet life was exciting, with every
morning came the hope of finding racing-cars or Apollo Mission
models in the cereal box and thoughts of what fun I could find
for myself. During this time the two most interesting events of
that seven short years occurred, they have stayed clear in my
mind for every day that has passed from then until now.

The first came about when my mother was getting us

ready to go out one morning. Mum succeeded in dressing me
against my will and sent me outside to do my sulking. She
reminded me to not get my good clothes dirty and said, in all
seriousness, that if I did not pull my bottom lip up a bird would
shit on it. I stormed outside, furious with mum, and looked up at
a squawking seagull while it dropped a silky strand of white
behind it. Splat! From forehead to jaw, I was covered in warm
seagull droppings with the worst being reserved for my sulking
lip and open mouth. When I looked at her, my mother was
laughing at what she had just seen through the bathroom
window. Right then I wondered if mum was really a witch,
making it happen just to teach me a lesson. Being furious didn't
help matters, I was now embarrassed, peeved that mom was so
right, and still wearing the stuff. Mum came and cleaned me up,
chuckling to herself all the while. I don’t remember ever pouting
again. Why take the risk of a repeat.
 7
The second event came after an average type of day,
nothing spectacular happened until after mum tucked me into
bed with a kiss goodnight, she turned off the light and soon
enough I was asleep. It didn't seem like I had been in bed long,
when someone began calling me to wake up. “Mark.” I open my
eyes to find the ceiling inches away from my nose and gently
rolling over to the right presents the view of somebody sleeping
in my bed. Gazing down from this vantage point I notice that
this ‘somebody’ is a grey, clay statue of me. At least it looks a
little like wet clay.

When I thought of getting down to the floor, I am there,

standing at the foot of my bed watching the lump that lays
asleep in it. There comes a hunger deep within that I feel
absently as the need for food, immediately moving me out of my
room toward a hall connecting the bedrooms to our living and
kitchen areas. Looking at the floor shows that my feet aren’t
touching the ground, I am gliding along on the air and here in
the dark I can clearly see a glow coming from me. It lights up an
area all around. This doesn’t feel like a normal dream, there are
no emotions, only a soft lightness and something else.
Something so vague as to barely register and yet it is not vague.

The reality of this experience dawns on me as I stop at

my sister’s open door, to see through her window, the
milkman’s horse and cart doing the rounds. So I watch the
horse’s sure-footed gait as he plods along and expels his breath
into the cold winter air, creating long plumes of condensed
cloud. Meanwhile, the milkman rushes about from cart to
doorstep and back again, exchanging empty bottles for full in an
endless run throughout this chilled night.

“Mark.” Comes the calling, softly, almost feminine, yet I

do not hear it with my ears. Moving on along the hallway I turn
left into the kitchen and come to a halt at the refrigerator.
Instinctively, I reach out for the handle to open it as I have done
 8
so many times before, but it does not open. My hand, as solid
to me now as ever in the day, slips through the handle giving me
an exciting, tingling sensation. I enjoy it, so repeat the action a
dozen or more times with the handles and knobs in our kitchen,
to find the same result. By this time I am curious with my
findings, the feeling of hunger has gone and is replaced with a
yearning to understand this.

“Mark”, again the calling. “Yes, I hear you, I am

coming”, I answered in thought and realize that I heard the
calling as if someone had gently whispered inside my mind.
Thinking it is my mother calling me, I decide to go to my
parent’s room. The gliding resumes back along the hall and into
their bedroom. Mum is sitting up reading by the light of a small
headboard lamp while dad is curled up and snoring - a male
family trait. Trying to communicate to her I think, “Yes mum,
I’m here.” She didn’t seem to hear me so I tried again. “Mum”,
I yelled at her. This is very annoying, why can’t she hear or see
me? Mum still reads on oblivious to me and I don’t understand.

“Mark come.” Inside my head the voice is vaguely

familiar, caring and tender. Then I understand that I must follow
this feeling, again I glide effortlessly back into my own room, to
see, waiting for me is the caller. No fear rises up, only a sense of
something long past, a knowing without details. Across the
room where there is normally a solid wall, I see an undefined
shimmering area and halfway between floor and ceiling, in this
area, is a man old beyond time. He sits cross-legged in the air as
if this was the most simple thing to do, and he wears the long
white robes that I know, I too have worn. His long silver white
hair and beard frame a face with large, deep, almond shaped
eyes. And I sense unremembered feelings bubbling up,
threatening to burst fully into my awareness. His smile brings a
warmth of Love that floods me completely, increasing my glow
to a radiant light. “Do you remember?” he smiles lovingly. “Yes
my old friend, yes I do know you”, I think to him and a deeper
 9
recognition urges me to flow past this moment until I know no
more of the night.

Waking up to the growing light of a new dawn brings an

inner joy which buoys me so much, I cannot wait to tell my
family. Full of enthusiasm, I found it difficult to hold my tongue
until all the family were at the table for breakfast. “Dad”, I
began smiling, “Guess what happened last night?” As the tale
unfolded, I saw mum suppress a smile while dad continued
eating, apparently listening intently. I was still feeling elated by
the events of the night and was expecting positive feedback.
When finished the telling of my story, I looked to my father for
his understanding, as surely he must if we all experience these
things. What followed was an extended pause as he frowned a
little, perhaps trying to find the right words to reassure me.

Minutes seemed to slip by during this quiet, no-one ate

until his frown relaxed, then carefully placing knife and fork on
the table, he took a sip of tea before turning to me. With an
expression of concern on his face he said, “It was just a dream,
that’s all. Don’t tell anyone else!” Strike one for the boy. That
was that, discussion finished. If dad said it was a dream, just a
dream, then how could I disagree. He was, as my authority
figure, the person who must have known best. Yet deep within I
knew the truth of the experience without question. Here was the
process we all undergo, of socialization, impregnating young
minds with the imperatives and acceptable doctrines of western
culture. To the disadvantages of Self Knowledge.

Three years later, in another part of the country, events

began to occur which again brought western beliefs to
loggerheads with the spirit, the real Experiencer. The setting was
a few miles west of a picturesque township on Queensland’s
Sunshine Coast, where long summer days seemed to go on
forever and where a ten year old boy was soon to discover new
surprises. For whatever the reason, on this day I was home
 10
alone, amusing myself by shooting home-made Lantana
arrows with my old fibreglass bow. Soon enough I ran out of
arrows, targets and therefore interest. Being bored by this turn of
events I moped around trying to find something to fire my
interest up, when I spotted a box of matches. That was it for me,
before I had time to think, I was outside trying to light the long
grass between our house and the nearby pineapple plantation.
Surprisingly, the grass refused to burn but I knew how to fix that
with a piece of scrunched-up paper. Very quickly, the
smouldering pile became a much bigger fire, a real fire, as if the
grass had decided for itself to burn with all it’s might. About
now, I realized what was happening and dashed around to the
water tank in search of a bucket. I could not find one, but our
Labradors had their water bowl handy, so that would have to do.
Breaking into a run, I spilled more water than I could splash
onto the flames, as the tall grass burned higher and faster. Tears
were streaming down my face, I knew I was in for some serious
punishment.

Suddenly, as I was halfway to the fire, I stopped. Not by

choice, I had been overcome by a strange calmness that was
accompanied by an electric sensation racing up my spine. The
fire raged on but I could not move, I cared nothing for the
consequences as my mind was stilled, empty of thoughts. Then I
felt it, the overpowering urge to turn around, it was something I
could not fight for I was being turned by a force outside of me.
Two hundred meters away I could see a chrome dumbbell, two
shiny balls connected by a tube, each sphere absolutely dwarfed
the large ‘Queenslander' style house on the hill near it. Passively
I watched it float in the clear summer sky and saw that the air
around it was hazy, having a different texture from the rest of
the blue. It turned toward me, all I could see was one sphere
slowly approaching while I stood transfixed. Maybe I passed
out, because there is no memory of anything more except that at
some time later I found myself standing at the water tank, dog’s
 11
bowl in hand. A few seconds passed by before I thought of
the fire, panic set in as I raced around the tank, to continue my
task, only to find that it had burned a few metres more than I had
last seen and was now extinguished completely. After giving the
dogs their water bowl back I investigated the sight of the fire,
where to my horror I found an unexploded WW2 mortar. It was
only one step beyond the patch I was responsible for having
burnt out. Then I realized how close to disaster I’d been and
possibly why ‘they’ had come to visit. This all started to worry
me, as I had no idea how to deal with it, especially the sighting
of the craft seemingly only minutes before. Looking back to
where I had last seen it I was not surprised to find only clear
blue sky, as empty as ever. Picking up the mortar, I took it
upstairs to place it on a soft pillow, for safe keeping, until I
could show it to my father when the family got home. Luckily,
my wait in purgatory was short. My family must have thought
me half-crazed as I came running down the stairs blurting out
something about a bomb on the pillow! Dad came into the
house, took one look at the mortar comfortably resting in the
lounge room, shot me the ‘your in big trouble’ look and took the
offensive article back outside. He finally calmed down after
administering a stern punishment and then demanded the full
story. I gave him the unedited version, Fire, Thing and Mortar,
in that order. Once the ‘playing with matches’ punishment was
out of the way, we got down to the matter of the thing. Dad told
mum, “That boy’s got a real problem, maybe he should see a
shrink.” To me he said, “You just imagined it, it wasn’t real. So,
don’t tell anyone else.” Strike Two!

Most of the family forgot these events quickly, their

intent being normality, but strange things laid in wait. We had
moved to a different area of the coast and were living in a shed
on acreage that had a bulldozed track around it, miles of
rainforest and a beautiful mountain at the back door. This place
was idyllic, with plenty of things to do to keep children
occupied between school hours and bed-time. It was also the
 12
perfect place for strange things to spring their ambush.

Once again I was home on my own for the day, nothing

unusual occurred until nightfall. As I was listening to the local
radio station ........ I hear two cars roaring up the gravel
driveway, it sounds like they are racing around the track. An
inexplicable fear grips me, they are here for me, but how do I
know that? Now I am petrified. Finding dad’s rifle took seconds,
I loaded and cocked it on the way to a makeshift push-out
window and gathered my courage to look out. They are there,
but not racing around. “F--k off, leave me alone or I’ll shoot”, I
scream at them. Four bright lights shine directly onto the area of
the shed where I am, which makes me wonder how two cars
could park sideways on the track like that. Something moves
across the beams of light and I notice two things, firstly, there is
no dust in the air and there should be. Secondly, that moving
‘something’ is short and has company. More movement, I see
small toddler-like figures silhouetted against the lights. I am
crying, desperate and panicked, unable to understand what is
going on and why I feel this way.

Suddenly a voice is yelling at me, it’s my father trying to

wake me up, while the rest of my family is standing around the
bed that I am now lying on. This is very confusing, the rifle still
sits propped up at the foot of the bed where I had yelled
abusively out the window. Dad is angry that I found his rifle and
had left it cocked with the safety off. So again I am trying to
explain something to my parents that I don’t even understand
myself, while they sit with agonized expressions on their faces.
They do not believe me and I feel even further removed from
the rest of the world. Why can’t anyone help me, I know these
things are real because I’ve seen them with my own eyes. Why
don’t my parents understand, surely other people get these visits,
somebody must know something. And of course, the next
question I asked was, Why Me? I had enough of feeling like a
freak who is destined, apparently, to spend his life-time in the
 13
mad-house, whether I was crazy or not. The next day, my
father asked our neighbour if he had seen or heard anything
unusual early the previous evening. “He must have”, I thought,
“His house is so close and in clear view. The neighbour will
prove me right.” When dad returned he looked a little annoyed,
so I was expecting to hear his apology. “Well, I asked the
neighbour,” he said, “he was home but saw no cars or anything,
he heard no noises. You just imagined it, I think we’ll take you
to the shrink if you don’t sort yourself out soon.” Strike Three!
Here and now I learned the value of keeping my experiences to
myself, I wondered if anyone else had these things happen or if I
was alone in this. The thought crossed my mind that dad might
be right, maybe I did have a problem. But these things were
happening, so how could I be crazy and sane at the same time?
It seemed to me that the real problem was in believing that I
could tell others. My way of dealing with these things was the
same as my family, try to forget it by not thinking about it, at
least I could get that right.
Another year passed by, the family had moved from the
shed to what had been our neighbour’s house, one bonus was we
now had a grove of fruit trees that could be enjoyed at will. It
was nice and normal to live in a proper house again with my
own room; I felt that those strange things had left me for good,
even though I still didn’t give them any thought. Just in case.

Would you believe it, as soon as my guard was down,

good old strange things undertook an interesting sneak attack.
On this night all was routine until after bed-time, as if we were
following a script. I had been asleep for a good while, when I
found myself outside, across and down the road from our house.
The cool wet dew on my bare feet let me know that this was
real. On the road sat a large glowing object that illuminated a
sizeable area, in my twelve year old mind, I thought it must have
been some type of car stopped on the skinny old road. Standing
on the grass beside this object was a group of those little figures
I mentioned earlier, all milling about being busy. Strangely, this
 14
time I felt no fear about their presence and had no real interest
in them. From out of the vehicle came a tall, slender woman
with long, wispy blonde hair. She was very appealing to this
young lad. What I do find confusing is that I don’t recall seeing
her face, yet everything else was perfectly clear. The thing that
happened next is something that I’ve rarely shared and won’t
here. About ten minutes later I was back in my own bed, still
wide awake, agitated and yet pleased with this contact.

You can well imagine that I was not about to tell anyone,
anything, concerning the night’s activity. The following day,
although still confused, I went about my daily business with an
inner knowing, even though I wasn’t sure exactly what it was
that I knew. I couldn’t talk to anybody about this, it was Crazy.
Strange things just kept getting stranger to me as the years
moved along. While this experience was one hundred percent
real, I began to look back at it like it was a dream and as time
passed I called it a dream, to myself. A fuzzy, but very well
remembered dream.

Now I am in no doubts about it and I understand that I

saw it as a dream because I was always told that my extra-
experiences where only dreams or my imagination. The
reinforcing effect of being told that this was always so, was the
mechanism by which I altered my own perception of this
particular event. The seeds of doubt do grow, silently, beneath
the surface of our lives.
 15
Unexplained Stuff.

“Each of us shines in a different way, but this doesn’t make our

light less bright. “
- Unknown.

For a number of years during high school I tried hard to

be like everyone else, to be normal and even if I do say so
myself, I was getting better at it with the exception of enjoying
my time alone and occasionally sitting in trees to think.
Fortunately for me, we moved around a lot, therefore I wasn’t
required to uphold anything long term. Dad eventually sent me
off at fifteen to find my own way in the world, something that in
hindsight I can thank him for dearly, at least he didn’t send me
to the shrink. So in 1975, I was flying back to Queensland with
fifty dollars in my pocket and a note with directions to my
grandmother’s guest house. I quickly learned the value of
finding work and being moved to another guest house. Realizing
I was free to make my own choices, I chose to be as average as
possible by following the trend of drinking in pubs with ‘the
boys’, and, I did fairly well fitting in with the assortment of rev-
heads, biker types, and their hangers-on. Basically, I was happy
to be accepted as normal by these groups and to be included in
the activities of the time. Little did I know what was in store,
just around the corner.

At a friend’s place one night a number of us decided to

play with a Ouija board, to see if anything would happen. To our
surprise we received a name, “Zadok”, and an incomprehensible
message which spooked us all a little, since not one of us had
any idea of what we were playing with. We thought it was scary
fun until I felt something very energetic and saw one person
turning ghostly white, as he tried in vain to push himself further
into the apparent safety of his chair, where he curled up tightly
 16
with a look of terror on his face. The sensation I felt became a
knowing, a presence was right behind me, the back of my neck
positively prickled as every hair stood to attention. I looked at
my friend who was staring directly behind me until I felt the
presence leave, after which I asked him, “Crock, what did you
see?” He slowly composed himself and trying to hide the quiver
in his voice he answered, “It was the devil, no joke. I saw satan
standing behind you. You bastard, you nearly scared me to
death.” Crock’s family were very religious and we were
involved in an un-christian endeavour, so the odds for the visitor
being seen as the good guy are very slim. Or maybe I’m still
judging his vision due to my fear of the possibility that Crock
was right! That was the limit of our playing, the board was put
away and each of us no doubt had many sleepless nights
afterwards. We weren’t aware of the consequences of our
actions and may have opened something that should be closed at
the end of proceedings. For a short while after this, there were
some reports by the participants that sounded decidedly spooky,
but they were insignificant when compared to what strange
things had planned to do next.

It must have been keeping this event as a surprise. On a

clear summer night in 1976, some of the boys decided to
investigate a rumour we had heard concerning an old graveyard
near a small suburb on the way to Brisbane City. Here it was
said, an angel statue would bleed at midnight from wounds on
the neck and wings. These damaged areas were the result of a
rampage through the cemetery by drunken youths. We duly
arrived prior to midnight and were fortunate to park the car in a
position where we could flood the statue with light. To our true
amazement, a warm, dark substance was bleeding from the
wounds and I believe that right then we all wished we had gone
to the toilet before leaving town. Every night sound stopped,
creating an eerie silence just in time for us all to hear church
bells toll midnight. This really spooked us, as we knew there
were no churches anywhere nearby that could provide these
 17
sound effects. Around this time each of us must have decided
to leave post-haste, but this evening was not finished with us
yet. As the last peal rang out, we heard a piercing scream from
the oldest section of the graveyard. Our friend Mike had
screamed and collapsed, by the time we reached him he was
growling like some wild thing, and was becoming stronger. It
seemed to me that his strength was growing in quantum leaps.
Five of us attempted to lift him to his feet but he kicked and
struck out at us, so we dragged him back to the car and
unceremoniously dumped him in the floor space between the
front and rear seats of the old Holden sedan. Frantically we left
the graveyard, pushing the tired six-cylinder engine to it’s limits
in an attempt to get Mike to a priest for help. During this
journey he became too strong for the people who had been
holding him down with their feet. Automatically, my right arm
reached over the back of the seat and lightly touched him,
making him calmer as soon as he was touched. This action was
repeated a number of times as we sped to town. I had no
explanations for this when asked, in no way did I intentionally
make the move. It was as if my arm had a mind of it’s own, like
an autonomous entity attached to my shoulder.

Along that highway is a concrete and steel pedestrian

overbridge with each end support jutting out into the verge of
the road. We were approaching this when I became aware that
our driver was glazing over, literally, his facial features took on
an unusual appearance. I also noticed he was steering us toward
a high speed collision with the bridge supports on the left side of
the road, my side, since I was sitting in the front passenger’s
seat. Once again my arm moved without me directing it,
touching his arm with my fingers released him from whatever
had taken control. He then looked at me with fear written large
across his face, for a fraction of a second while veering back
onto the road proper. “I don’t know what just happened, but ‘It’
wants to kill you because you can stop it,” he informed me. I
could find no words to respond to him.
 18
The remainder of the trip back to our home town was
virtually uneventful after that, but the night was nowhere near an
end. We made a bee-line for the first church in town and
proceeded to bang on the minister’s door at around one o’clock,
until the poor man had to get out of bed to see what all the
commotion was about. He listened to our story then slammed
the door saying, “Take him away please, I won’t help.” One of
the boys spoke out loudly for the minister’s benefit, “That’s
great. So what are we supposed to do now,” and as an
afterthought he added, “Did you guys see how scared he was?”
We continued our quest. Knocking on the fourth door that
morning we all expected the same responses; you might say that
a pattern had been established. A kindly face topped with grey
hair appeared in the doorway and listened to our well rehearsed
tale, he then flung the door wide open and standing to his full
height, he commanded, “Bring him in while I prepare.” We
could not believe our luck, someone would try to help Mike.
Dutifully we dragged our wild-eyed friend out of the car,
through the open door and down the hall to the minister’s office.
Thinking that we had all done our bit, we turned to leave, until
the priest intervened. “You boys wait out at the car,” he ordered,
then turning to me he added, “You are to stay.”

He then continued saying, “We will do an exorcism for

your friend.” Strange feelings and a large dose of fear raged
through me as I responded, “Yes Father, I will help.” But I
thought, “Why did I say that?” Without getting a reply from
myself, I followed his every instruction while the animated
creature before us babbled on menacingly, in a language
unknown to me. Over a period of hours this contorted person
slowly transformed into my friend Mike, much to our relief.
Mike had no memory of the events leading up to the point where
he was being blessed by the minister, as dawn began filtering
through the windows. I was then asked to take him out to the car
where I found only the driver had remained, fast asleep behind
the steering wheel. With Mike deposited in the car and now
 19
asleep also, I returned to the office to thank this man for
helping us. He thanked me for my help, commended my courage
and blessed me, then looking deep into my eyes he asked, “Did
you know that you had been touched by the hand of God?”
What? Why say something like that? And just what did he mean
by that? He continued, “You are indeed fortunate to be chosen.
Your friend will need further help, you will do what is required
without need of me. Go in peace my boy.” That was enough for
my brain, it refused to come up with any questions and retired
for the night.

It was to be the last time I saw this person, I hope he

knows how thankful I was for his help and eventually for his
comments that took another twenty years to start understanding.
Just as predicted Mike did need more help. I honestly could not
tell you how many times people came looking for me with the
same request, “You have to come, Mike’s gone strange again.”
When I was taken to him, he was behaving in the same manner
as the night of our cemetery trip. Every time I would find the
courage to walk up to him, while the sceptics laughed, and put
my right hand over his heart to speak the words that came. And
every time Mike would quickly slip out and into consciousness
then say, “G’day mate. How did you get here? Hey, what’s
going on here mate?” Every time.

Most people would decide that this story was totally

unbelievable, a figment of a fertile imagination or perhaps just a
spooky story and certainly not real. Although the people who
lived this event would strongly disagree. For me this would
illustrate how, as a society of individuals, we make judgements
about unusual occurrences other people endure as part of their
life’s realities. Perhaps, if we could suspend our judgements and
criticisms, we may see that outside of our own box of
experiences, there exists complex and infinite other possibilities.
Not having experienced you getting out of bed this morning, I
cannot in all honesty make any judgement on whether you did or
 20
didn’t. I simply don’t know, so therefore, it is not my right to
pass any judgement upon you. If only we all understood this and
then practiced it. Our judgements are barriers that we assemble
around us, underpinning our entire society and preventing other
people who have had extra-experiences, from telling us all about
their deeply suppressed stories. Thereby creating further
problems that need to addressed by the wider community, as a
whole, instead of turning a blind eye to it. And I for one look
forward to the days when our societies finally do open up and
even consider that other people’s experience of reality is every
bit as valid as the next persons. I might be waiting for a fair
while though!

Consciously shutting ourselves off from the wider

realities confines us, and also defines us, as only a portion of our
greater being. It is like constantly living your life on a highway,
never stopping to look at what is all around you, while travelling
at 400 miles per hour. This is of course, too fast to see the
signposts, turn-offs and especially the scenery. My seventeenth
birthday was cause to celebrate as life had settled down
sufficiently after Mike’s troubles, everybody’s nightmares had
probably stopped and they were back to living as if nothing had
changed. Rev-heads still drag raced down the main street every
night, bike riders were doing the same things and the hanger’s-
on, well, they kept hanging on. Being one of the latter, I was
hanging around the town post office late one night idly talking
with friends, when a powerful urge to go home rose in me. The
intensity of this feeling was what stood out to me as unusual.
Under normal circumstances I would have walked the few miles
home but this night I called a taxi and patiently waited. When
the cab arrived I checked the time on our post office’s clock
tower, it read 10:50 p.m. Knowing this clock showed the correct
time, I thought it funny that I was going home so early as well
after midnight was normal for me.

Within five minutes we arrived at the house and while

 21
paying the fare I noticed the house lights were still on. This
was out of place for the family I stayed with, for as devout
christians, they would always be in bed well before this hour.
Instead of walking around the back to let myself in with my key,
I just knocked on the front door. As the door opened I saw the
family sitting in the lounge room and so I commented, “You
people are up late tonight.” Mr. C. looked at me, “Late? It’s
eight-thirty and we are going to watch tonight’s movie.” Hastily
I checked all the clocks in the house to find them reading 8:30
p.m. give or take a few minutes. I felt a little confusion,
shrugged my shoulders and said, “Oh well, good night.” and
went to bed as if nothing was amiss. In the morning I was fully
aware of one fact, I had gained over two and a half hours
somewhere during the couple of minutes riding in the taxi.
Although I could not recall anything else about it. It felt strange
but my mind could only shrug it’s shoulders and think, “Oh
well.” I spoke to my friends who all agreed on the time I’d left
in the taxi; they thought I was joking them around! After them, I
spoke to Mr. C. who assured me that I had arrived home at 8:30
and that I seemed a little confused at the time, so he had prayed
for me in case I’d been drinking. For many years I told no-one
about this event. Even when much later, after hearing about
people reporting lost time, I thought candidly that gaining time
must be an impossibility despite having lived it first hand. Those
seeds were growing again, and to this day I don’t know what
really happened, why it happened, how long, or the two
thousand three hundred and eighty-four other un-asked
questions I have had.
 22
First Light.

“ The Great Spirit obliges no creature, human or otherwise,

to do anything against it’s will.....”
- ‘ Thao’, ‘Abduction to the 9th Planet.’

Leaving Queensland, I travelled by road to Western

Australia on a journey that covered five states plus one territory,
and was reunited with my parents for the trip. We made a work
stopover in Canberra as the winter of 1977 was setting in. Our
political capital is a beautiful place that afforded sight-seeing
outings on our time off, which I enjoyed immensely. A time of
change was at hand so I left behind everything to concentrate on
living life as it came. On completing the trip, I found Perth to be
a breath of fresh air and far from the shanty town I’d been
expecting. In eight months of living there, things were normal, I
worked, played and got my driver’s license. Now I was mobile,
riding my Yamaha was the greatest passion in life and it was a
teacher of gentler handling. This time was destined to be short
as I was again moving on, leaving behind a glorious city, it’s
friendly people, lifestyle and weather. Towards the end of the
year, I joined the Air Force and was sent to Adelaide for the
recruit intake. A vastly different set of opportunities were
opening up to me.

Shortly before Christmas of that year I was invited to a

public swimming pool while on weekend leave, it was an
invitation my intuition accepted for me. Lying on the grass in
the company of other recruits, I happened to look up to the top
of the high dive tower and there I saw the Goddess. She was the
single most attractive girl I had ever seen, not forgetting that I
had known some ‘cuties’ in my short time. To my surprise she
also saw me, climbed down the tower and came straight over to
introduce herself as Debbie. While listening to her lovely
 23
English accent, part of me wanted to peruse her body but I
could not drag my focus from her deep brown eyes. I felt
entranced by these pools that seemed to connect our two souls.
Before leaving, she invited me to her home for Christmas Eve
and again I accepted as instinct demanded.

Being only seventeen, I was cautious of meeting her

parents, but the moment I walked into the house I felt a non-
ordinary sense of comfort. Once preliminary introductions were
out of the way we sat down to lively discussion about the armed
services, families and many other normal topics. Debbie’s
mother was an attractive English woman with the most
incredibly intense, blue eyes that I thought could see right
through me. Sylvia was her name, she showed in her demeanour
that she enjoyed life, loved her family and relished a good
humoured laugh. Her husband Ian was obviously a very
intelligent man, quick witted and he drank from the largest
Brandy balloon that I had ever seen. Things were rolling along
nicely, Debbie cornered me, out of sight from her parents and
gave me the warmest cuddles and kisses that I could recall. I
was very happy with our progress and the way her parents had
welcomed me into their home, so to me, everything reeked of
normality.

And this allowed me to slip into my comfort zone with

ease. The last thing on my mind was the strange events I had
experienced. Out of the blue Sylvia asked me, “Do you believe
in reincarnation?” This rocked me like a bomb had just gone off
deep inside, and the lady, who I was sure had X-ray vision, was
patiently waiting for an answer. Feeling under pressure, I tried
hard to avoid answering but she asked me again. I ‘ummed and
ahhed’ trying to decide if I would follow past lessons and keep
quiet about different things, or simply be honest. Sylvia kept eye
contact and firmly asked her question for the third time. Looking
into her eyes, I knew evasion was useless and that I could never
lie to her because she could ‘see’ me. She had me opened up and
 24
both of us knew it, so I answered, “Yes I do believe.” Right
then I thought I’d never get to see Debbie again as I was
expecting the usual derision. Sylvia surprised me by saying,
“Good, come over here and lie on the floor near me, we will try
something.” Relief flooded me, part of my self was aware that I
had found acceptance for what I was and not for what I tried to
be. Life had taken a new twist, right there in that lounge room,
and all in the space of sixty seconds.

We began with a breathing exercise once I was lying

near Sylvia’s feet and it wasn’t long before she instructed me to
describe what I was seeing. Being my first attempt at anything
like this, I didn’t understand what she really meant by that until
it became blatantly obvious. Before me was a white-washed
building nestled into the mountain that had protected it for
centuries. What got my interest were the windows, they did not
have glass in the frames and I knew that it was designed this
way. Imagine my surprise at learning that this vision wasn’t a
static one, it dawned on me that I was in two places at once!
Feelings of recognition began to stir, this building meant
something to me, but what? Sylvia’s voice came into my mind
saying, “Time to move on, you’re doing well, keep going.” I
could feel a drifting, or maybe it was a tugging, until another
building came into view. This one was made from large, hewn
rocks and I could see very tall, thick pillars. Information
bubbled into my awareness from somewhere, it was an
important hall or library, much older than the Egyptian or Greek
cultures, and in some way very significant to me.

After this experiment I felt immensely comfortable with

Sylvia and told her about all of my experiences, but she was not
the slightest bit surprised by anything I said. She assured me that
these things were part of an on-going process and that it was
nothing to be afraid of. For the first time in seventeen years
someone could accept my realities, and more importantly, could
provide some answers that made sense to me. When I asked why
 25
this was so, she readily replied, “We have all the answers
within us. This truth within recognizes the truth outside of us.”

An awakening began for me, a small one, but an

important one that would set the stage for experiences both
normal and strange. I was given some Lobsang Rampa books to
take home and read, they captivated me by stirring up many
strange feelings from I don’t know where, of other places and
times. He wrote about things that I already seemed to
understand, without ever being exposed to them, at least as far
as I could remember. Instead of being intrigued by everything I
read or was told by Sylvia, and motivated to dissect it, I went
with it. Not being concerned with how I already knew about this
stuff made things simpler for me at first. What followed was a
steady stream of thoughts that all said the same thing, “Yeah. I
know this.” At the same time, many things Sylvia told me would
seem to go in one ear and exit the other without leaving a trace. I
was still prone to silliness, young and naive in the ways of the
world and it’s inhabitants. Because of my naiveté, I thought
Sylvia must have been an adherent of the Tibetan religion. After
all, she spoke about the same things and meditated using a
beautiful golden Buddha, so I took for granted that she was. This
judgement of mine was laughed at by other people who knew
the lady, I figured they were laughing at me but I could not see
what was so funny. The joke was on me for not clarifying my
assumption with the person in question, first.

Sylvia went to great lengths explaining the existence of

the higher-self, the basics of course, and the notion that this
great spirit could have any number of incarnations on our world
simultaneously. She did a rough drawing to show that it was like
a puppet master handling a variety of little performers on the
stage of life. This was one of the reasons why we could meet
people with who we felt an immediate connection, as if we had
known them all our lives. And it was also one possible
explanation for soul mates, but, it wasn’t the only explanation.
 26
It was so refreshing to have someone talk openly to
me about this type of thing and because of that, I learned that
strange things weren’t really strange at all. One other change
that flowed on from our talks was I no longer felt the fear of
talking to people about spiritual things. If the truth be told I was
over confident, leaping into deep and meaningful discussions at
the drop of a hat, showing just how little I understood. My
perspective had been changing too, for even now I could see a
little clearer while gaining an historical view, one showing me
that our culture had moved away from the understanding of
spirit, in order to embrace materialism and all that it could
provide. Our main drives had become the desire for wealth, with
its possessions, comforts and a supposedly easier life. We had
forgotten as much about our true selves as we had gained from
our material pursuits. At the same time we removed ourselves
from personal involvement with the earth under our feet, and
any responsibility for her maintenance.

One other thing Sylvia touched on came about while I

was sitting at the table sketching a face that I saw in my mind’s
eye, it was something that today we would recognize as being
alien. She looked at my picture and asked, “What colour is the
skin and is there body hair?” I responded without thinking,
“Their colour is sort of yellowish, with no hair.” As Sylvia
walked out of the room she said, “Very good.” I waited but no
explanation was offered, little did I know that it was up to me to
find out how things fitted together, and that could take a long
while. It never occurred to me how I knew about the physical
details of an alien race that I certainly didn’t remember coming
into contact with. Some time later, she took me aside and
informed me that her ‘mothership’ was returning soon and she
would have to leave. She expressed great concern at possibly not
being here to see Debbie grown up and well married. This was
said in all seriousness. For most people this would be very hard
to believe and I can easily understand why. Yet I accepted
Sylvia’s words without questioning them, because she had
 27
proven to me at our first meeting that other realities do exist. I
could not argue against the validity of that initial experience
with Sylvia, having been there and found out for myself. This
brings us to something worth remembering, we cannot truly
know something without having the experience of it. By
applying this idea into your own views of our world and
everything else, you will help yourself to be more open and
tolerant of the other people who come in and out of your view,
as you walk through this life. And it would be great to be treated
in this way by those same people as they walk in your life.

Two months later Debbie and I went to the cinema and

saw ‘Close Encounters’. We came away excited at how the
visitors were portrayed, both of us knew these things as realities
even though I was always reluctant to admit it. More
importantly, the other people at the cinema seemed just as
excited and accepting, making me realize that things were
slowly changing. I had an emotional rising then, my eyes
watered past the point of normal male embarrassment. The
thought pre-empting this emotional tide was that maybe I wasn’t
the freak I had grown up to think I must be. Debbie’s mum was
happy for us both when we told her and she displayed great
understanding, which helped us to feel good about ourselves.

In my time learning from Sylvia I enjoyed many extra-

ordinary events despite my own predilection for stupidity. Some
would happen without preparation or any input by me
whatsoever. One night while travelling home by bus, I felt a
strong need to close my eyes and the moment they were closed,
I saw a picture of my bedroom. Not a photographic image, but a
definite ‘I am standing in my room’ scene, where I saw a note
on my bed with my name on it and a short message about
mum’s heart attack. It was signed ‘Dad.’ Immediately I put the
thought out of my head, saying to myself that it must be my
imagination. Who watered those seeds again? Arriving home, I
unlocked my room and stepped in while turning on the light,
 28
only to find that my ‘seeing’ had come true. Without
hesitating, I picked up the note my father had left for me as he
passed through Adelaide that weekend and read it aloud. This
precognition had been completely accurate, obviously being a
lesson to have faith in what you are shown. Although I must
admit that my understanding of this didn’t come until much
later.

After choosing to be discharged from the services I

managed to find a job with the city council, as the work’s depot
tea lady! One of the duties was to make a courier run through
the city twice a day on a motorcycle. I was in my element.
Though now eighteen years old, I was still brash, prone to acts
of silliness and eager to have fun by not following the direct
route as instructed by my boss. Instead, I would hunt the
council’s two-stroke Suzuki through the back streets that would
eventually become the Formula One circuit there. While
preparing to do the courier run, I would have my own route
mapped out in my mind to fulfil my desire for excitement. On a
luscious spring morning as I was going through this routine, a
subtle inner voice told me, “Do not go that way today Mark.”
This stopped me in my tracks for a moment, I thought about it as
I sat on the bike, turned the key and kicked it into life. Once the
twin cylinder machine was warmed up sufficiently I decided to
ignore this unprecedented warning and continue with my fun
plans. The seeds of doubt were winning their fight for survival
as I rode away from the depot. Everything went well on the trip
into the head office, I blitzed my old record time, did the duties
and roared off for more fun on the return run. Halfway back, I
sped up to an intersection, indicated to turn right, saw the road
was clear and made my move in the best grand prix style.

A truck was pulling out from the line of cars that were
obeying a stop sign, on the side road I was just entering. He was
on the wrong side of the road and continued moving forward
into the section of road that I was still aiming at. The only
 29
option left to me was to flip the bike into a left turn attitude
and attempt to reach the gutter ahead of this truck, hopefully
then to resume the right turn and slip down the side of him.
Good plans, but they were lacking in their ability to inform the
other driver of these alterations to my path. In fact, the other
driver was not the slightest bit aware of anything smaller than a
car approaching him. We collided in the silliest way, with my
foot caught between the truck’s bumper and the bike. At least I
didn’t damage the council’s property. Had he been going faster,
I would not have been able to keep the bike from falling over
with the impact. After convincing the truck driver that I was
unhurt, I continued riding back to the depot with a growing pain
throbbing in my shoe.

Back at work, I learned that I could not put my foot on

the ground due to the agony it produced, which made getting off
the bike and putting it on the centre-stand a complete farce.
While hobbling into the office I kept thinking, “If only I had
listened, this would not have happened.” But did it stop me from
being brash or silly? No.

During April of that year, I began attempting to astral

travel while retaining awareness, with mixed results running the
gamut from reasonable success to outright failure. On the first
few occasions I would reach a point where my body was totally
relaxed, warm and comfortable, when a stream of faces would
appear to me. So many faces, some with feelings of recognition,
but no details. Other times I would get to the same state and then
push that bit further towards a tingling sensation in the
extremities. My breathing would become laboured with a
pressure build-up in my chest. Instinctively knowing that I
needed to relax through this point, I tried not to be afraid that I
would stop breathing. There is an irony in that you can use
breath control techniques to bring yourself to the threshold, but
you must be able to let go of the control and allow the process to
flow along. I knew that we all astral travel at night, it is natural,
 30
but there still had to be an easier way.

Successful experiments were few and far between, they

happened almost accidentally, in spite of the effort and focus
involved. One such success came out of nowhere. I had reached
the required point of relaxation, while keeping all attention
focused beyond my brow, the tingling began followed rapidly
by an odd swaying sensation. A faint but audible ‘crack’ came
and I was weightless in the dark, looking at a light in the
distance and still not realizing that I had done it. Upon reaching
the light through a long, bright tunnel, an entire world opened up
below me as I floated over spires on the golden roofs of
buildings. Settling to ground, I looked around and saw that I was
in a park, then it became apparent to me that I was really
standing there on solid ground. All the trees, shrubs, flowers and
grasses were vibrant, more life-like than I had ever seen.
Looking up to the sky, I was to learn that even though it was
daylight here, no sun was shining to provide the light and
warmth. What is more, the air seemed to have a harmonics, a
melodious vibration, and it was definitely soothing. Exploring
these new surroundings, I stepped beyond the shrub-row
immediately in front and was astounded at the panorama before
me. Stretching for miles around, the park had a glorious lake at
its centre with all kinds of water birds and plants, on, in and
around it. People I saw too, not just ordinary one’s like you and
me. Some were bird-like, insect-like and others like nothing I
could describe, truly, there was the widest possible array of life
from the cosmos. All of them were making their way around one
end of the lake and continuing on to some place unknown to me.
I did notice that everyone seemed to know each other for they
were talking together as they walked. Floating back up to where
I had entered this world, I returned along the tunnel to join my
heavy body and with a deep breath I sat up to ponder over what
I had seen. Very early the next day I telephoned Sylvia to give
her the full story, to which she replied, “You are very fortunate
to have been shown that.” No explanations or assistance with
 31
nutting it out came forward, so it must have been up to me to
work it out, again.

Twenty-two years later I was fortunate enough to begin

understanding the larger implications of what I was shown that
night. All life in the cosmos moves together, in the same
direction and toward the same goal.......Re-unification. We
became minute portions of the universe’s awareness by the
process of it’s continual diversification of itself. Therefore, the
‘road home’ is one in which all the portions reintegrate to
become the whole of it’s awareness, adding the sum total of all
their experiences to that awareness.

Life was providing clues, but at eighteen, no one could

tell me. I didn’t know that I was supposed to learn from, and
apply these experiences, or even why I should. Being a hot-
blooded male, I had a mind running on a minimum of tracks, if
it was fun I was into it and if sex was involved, then nine out of
ten times that would be the dominant track. My lack of thought
for others became my undoing with Debbie.

Warning, downhill learning curve approaching. What

can I tell you about that downhill slope? Well, it was fun and it
introduced me to another sub-culture, the recreational pot
smoking one. This was a lifestyle I relished as nothing was
expected of me and I could easily commit to living life behind a
veil, so to speak. My time with Sylvia drew to a close, due to my
own actions. I was moving on into new territory again, but one
more journey was needed, and I didn’t know this either. On a
sticky summer night a little later that year, I was lying on my
bed trying to go astral when invisible ‘somebodies’ grabbed my
arms and pulled me out abruptly and then deposited me
somewhere, it was pitch black for a short time until a light with
no source came on. Below me was a large round garden, with a
pond as it’s centrepiece and standing beside that circle of water
was a tall figure dressed in a white robe. The figure was shining
 32
and waited for me to come down to join her, which I did and
somehow I knew it was Sylvia. I began to feel like a very
naughty boy who was about to get his just desserts. She talked to
me about the choices I was making and their long term effects,
as well as explaining for me what abusing pot could do to my
soul. Only the feelings stood out to me for they were not nice,
and I do not remember the words.

As I write this I can feel them all over again and it still
hurts. This dressing down took a long while and my emotions
were becoming mixed, until I was dismissed and returned
forcibly to my waiting body. I cried and cried for hours, not
even aware that I was doing my best poor me. The memory of
this stayed with fierce determination, no matter how hard I tried
to put it out of my mind, it annoyed me, digging away at my soft
inside. I was angry too, very angry, maybe it was the result of
guilt but right then I didn’t care, I was hurting and wanted to
lash out. But I could not bring myself to abandon pacifism and I
did not want to cause anyone I loved grief, so I must have
decided to hurt myself. Rebellion should have been my middle
name for I was a master at it, and with this natural tendency in
place it was easier for me to fight against conforming.
Everything pointed to a direction that I did not want to go right
then. Why couldn’t I go back to choosing mediocrity? After all,
it was my life to do what I wanted to with it, and no-one was
going to stand in my way or coerce me. Now I had a cause that
was united with my ability to rebel and it was being fired up by
my own fears and self doubts. I did my ‘look what I’m doing
just to spite you.’ So, did I get into the pot-head lifestyle then?
Yes. What better way to not have to face up to self
determination and take responsibility for my actions. Smoking
more would help me to forget and it would be a whole lot of fun,
or so I thought.
 33
Long Interlude.

“If one does not stand in the darkness,

he will not be able to see the light.”
- Jesus, in “Dialogue of the Saviour’, The Nag Hammadi Library.

Being slow on the uptake, I took my time learning to

listen to the inner voice or feeling. There were times, and still
are, when I chose unwisely to ignore the warning and thereby
invite the consequences. I have learned now that ‘cause and
effect’ is a real operating system. The self-evidence for this was
that effect always followed hard on the heels of my causes.
Instant Karma, just add me.

Spring was the most enjoyable time to go motorcycle

riding in the Adelaide Hills; it was never so oppressingly hot as
their summer. Some of the old roads were the most fun you
could have on a road bike, unless your path crossed with a short
rain squall. Slippery, isn’t the right description to apply to those
roads after a two minute shower has brought ancient oils and
road grime to the surface. While riding in the hills on a day just
like the one I’ve described, cause and effect were waiting for me
at the tightest, wettest corner they could find on my path.
Cheeky aren’t they? Unfortunately I had a pillion passenger on
board and it was his first time on a bike. Maybe the two villains
in hiding had a score to settle with my passenger as well.

This day had started with Des trying to convince me to

take him for a ride, although my plans were simple, find female
company. His persistence paid off, so I planned a fairly short
ride for him and an exciting one for me, later. Five minutes out
from our destination the rain came and while I don’t have a
problem with getting wet, I do with riding on warm ice. The
feeling hit me as I accelerated up an incline and past a sign that
 34
was obscured by bushes, but I ignored it and began the turn
into the next curve. Only to find that this was a hairpin corner, I
wasn’t going faster than the speed limit, although I was carrying
too much speed for this turn. So putting my left foot down, I
tried to ‘speedway’ the bike around the corner, it was working
too, until I felt Des sit up straight then lean to the opposite side.
At that moment, my rear tyre lost it’s grip on the situation, due
to the extra stress and we slid across into the opposite lane. Over
there became here, and here there was a car going the other way.
Fortunately the combined speeds were low, so we could look
forward to non life-threatening injuries. A loud ‘bang’ sounded,
Des screamed in fear and pain while I heard the sound of my
back break, as my bum hit the now reversing bike seat. Then
there was silence.

Disengaging myself from the wreck was far easier than

trying to get the four girls in the car to comprehend that I wanted
them to get out of the car in order to move it off Des’s legs.
‘Magic’ mushrooms were clouding their heads and they had
already forgotten that they were still holding plastic bags full of
the little trippers. By the time they did get out of the car, I had
Des extricated, pulled to safety and sitting against a post with a
cigarette in his mouth. A person driving past had telephoned the
police and ambulance for us, but it was hours before they
arrived, probably because we were fifty kilometres from the city
along an old country road. With my fingers jammed into my
back, I was able to stay standing long enough to do all that
needed to be done at the scene.

The police arrived first and told me that it was my fault,

because my bike had crossed the dividing line. “You must have
been speeding,” they said. I couldn’t blame them for thinking
that, the road had dried out well before they could make their
examinations and the four girls could not help with the
enquiries. One officer told me, “They must all be in shock.”
With Des in the back of the ambulance, I had to sit in the front
 35
seat with the two man crew. By controlling my breath I could
reach a state of awareness that did not include feeling the agony
that was vying for my attention. The officer sitting beside me
was checking my vital signs at the time and pronounced that I
was in shock. “No I’m not,” I told him, “I’m just meditating so I
don’t feel the pain.” “Well, stop it please. I’m trying to help
you.”, was his response. Meanwhile, the driver had radioed
ahead for another ambulance, all for me and so I made a point of
telling him it wasn’t necessary. Procedure, was the word he used
next. At the transfer point, two other officers wanted to take me
out of the seat. Again I said it wasn’t necessary and started to
get out of the vehicle. The ground met me in a surprising rush
while searing pain wracked my body.

Two hours later we were in the emergency rooms of a

hospital next to the Flinders University. Des was on his way to
the wards with a good quantity of pain-killers in his blood
stream while I was being told that I had broken my spine and
would never walk again. My reaction was, “No way, I’m
walking out of here as soon as I can.” I know now that I was
helped in other ways that first night in hospital, because I did
walk out, one week later. Once Des was finished with a series of
operations to both ankles, they sent him home to recover and in
my guilt, I had decided to make sure that he would. This was
accomplished by my first hands-on healing and by retaliating to
his verbal abuse until he had to get up to chase me, even though
he always complained that he could not walk. Well he did walk,
he even ran and in half the time that he was expected to by the
doctors. In this way the healing was confirmed for me and it also
proved that our mental state can easily affect our physical well-
being. After Des recovered I went on my merry way to continue
riding motorcycles and living life with as much gusto as I could
muster. As an example, I did a stunt-man’s training course with
one of our country’s premier stuntmen, while learning to live
with the acute back pain. I simply refused to accept that there
were many things I could not do, with the exception of high
 36
falls. Just standing fifty feet above the ground was enough for
me. While falling, you must roll into the fall position, which
means that you should land on your back and take the impact
out of the landing by applying an opposing force with your arms
and legs. Not my cup of tea.
Something else began to manifest, something for which I
had no explanation and I assumed it to be a form of protection.
On occasions, I would get the new bike and myself into
situations where a probably fatal accident was about to happen
or was already underway. My time perception would slow
dramatically as I sat perched atop the two hundred kilogram
projectile, waiting for the inevitable crunch. Then something
else would take control of my bike and masterfully avoid the
crash; to my astonishment. While out riding with friends on a
Sunday in the city, I was full of my usual ‘Aries’ adrenaline and
pushing my 500 c.c. Japanese rocket along a wide connecting
road heading out of the CBD. The road was clear of traffic so I
accelerated past our small group and was touching 150 km/h
when a car drove out of a multi-level car park to my left. It came
across the three empty lanes and into the fourth, promptly
stopping in front of me in order to turn right. I managed to yell
some expletive before slamming into the car and oblivion. But
wait, just two metres from impact the bike lifted, turned ninety
degrees left, travelled two metres then turned back to the right
and continued down the road. While unceremoniously, chugging
along in top gear at 20km/h. My heart was banging wildly in my
chest, once it returned from it’s quick visit to my mouth, and, I
probably needed to change clothes for cleaner, drier ones. But I
was still alive. The first port of call was a nearby park where I
could sit on solid ground to light my much needed cigarette, and
as my friends pulled in one of them yelled, “We thought you’d
be dead. How’d you do that?” I answered absent-mindedly, “I
didn’t.” They all laughed heartily while I sucked harder on the
rapidly disappearing cigarette.

There is a shortage of explanations for how a motorcycle

 37
at high speed can perform physics-defying manoeuvres such
as this, it doesn’t seem plausible. All I could come up with for
an answer is, that for a short time the bike was not subject to the
normal processes of known physics, and this effect was possibly
due to an outside force. Whatever explanations apply, whatever
force created this effect, I call it protection. It still works for me.
These warnings also came to me for other people’s
safety. The first occasion was at a party in 1980, where I felt an
urging to lie down that was not associated with alcohol or pot
consumption. A picture came the moment my eyes closed, of
being inside a small car approaching an intersection controlled
by traffic lights. When the car entered the intersecting roads it
was hit in the driver’s side by a large truck that was unable to
stop in the wet conditions for a red light. I sat upright,
wondering what it was about when two girls came into the room
and asked, “We’re going to the pub for supplies, does anybody
want anything?” Quickly getting to my feet I said to them,
“Please be careful, watch out for trucks.” They both gave me
the ‘crazy person’ look and left on their errand. After the girls
had gone, I felt a mild panic but tried not to show it as I did not
want to foster the crazy person image among the party crowd.

Around fifteen minutes later the two girls returned

without their supplies and searched for me directly. Visibly
shaken, they asked, “How did you know about the truck?”
Fending the question aside, I pressed them for their story and
was told, “As we came up to the intersection our car’s bonnet
(Hood) flew up. We couldn’t see, so we slowed right down, then
a truck came skidding through. It only just missed us.” Had it
not been for their own protection, the bonnet flying up, they
would be a grille ornament on that truck. I think by me voicing
the message to them, and it then being held in their sub-
conscious, probable injury or death was averted. As happy as I
was with my part in that event, I was equally concerned that
these premonitions would happen without me beckoning them,
and it still wasn’t helping me to feel like a normal person. You
 38
might not be able to imagine what it was like, being in the
crowd and having fun with people, then all of a sudden you’re
acting strangely. People you were just talking to move well
away and refuse to let you join in. You just don’t fit in anymore,
there is no-where you can go to find a place to fit. It is very
lonely.

By the end of the year I was thinking about ways of

helping people for a living. I celebrated my twenty-first birthday
while returning to study at an adult education unit, to secure my
senior level certificate. Fun times kept on rolling as the students
and lecturers became more closely knit during the year, they
really were the best people, one and all. One major difference
between my previous school experience and this one, was that
these people truly cared about your progress. The year sped by
while I was having fun, I passed the exams and entered
university in 1982, where I was supposed to be studying
seriously. Instead, I got further side-tracked. Life started to get
stale, as it does when you’re stagnating. It was time to move on,
nobody wanted to hear about peace or spiritual matters. People
around me seemed to be increasingly more interested in violent
movies, living harder and getting what they wanted. Not being
immune to this infectious mentality made difficult situations
worse.

Moving away from all this meant I needed to say

goodbye to Sylvia in person. I visited her at home and we had
light-hearted conversations with our cups of tea, without getting
into what I was doing or any talk about the spiritual stuff. To
satisfy your curiosity, I can tell you that she did get to see her
daughter married, and she saw her wonderful grand-daughters.
So did I and it really surprised me that Debbie had moved on so
fast, or so it seemed to me. Of course, a handful of years doing
drugs helps you to lose track of the time going by, so it was only
my perspective that let me get upset over it.
 39
Have you ever taken a long distance bus trip? If you
haven’t, then I suggest you try one as it is a unique way to
travel. You don’t have to drive yourself, you get to see
everything as you go past it, and, you get to reach your
destination with a bonus, neck pain. I promise you will never
forget the feeling of your head trying to fall off into the aisle,
while you are asleep.

Brisbane had changed while I was away, becoming more

intense from the swelling volumes of people seeking the good
life in the sun. Mum worked in the city, so she picked me up at
the bus depot and brought me up to date on the long drive north
to her home. Even though my moving was over a long distance
the only differences I found were some individual people, the
scenery and overall weather. I met some good people, some not
so good and a few friends. What I find funny now, is that bad
habits don’t follow you around, they don’t have to. Wherever
you are the part of you that is your habits, is there too. At least
that’s what I found when meeting people with similar habits.
Womanising, partying, work, cars and motorcycles soaked up a
large portion of the next few normal years.

Late in 1984, I was invited to ‘Satsang’ in Brisbane and

my curiosity led me to check it out, as I had never heard of it
before. Still, I could not give you an official definition, to me it
would relate to sharing your experiences. The small auditorium
was half full with people sitting quietly, some appeared to be
meditating and from their expressions I’d say they were
enjoying it. What stood out to me was the atmosphere, it was
warm, inviting and filled the room, which allowed me to feel
more centred and aware. Some people tried to describe their
experiences of the four meditations in the system, and how it
had helped them in their daily lives. No-one could find adequate
words, yet I knew exactly what they were talking about. I was
concerned by their obvious worship of a guru called ‘Mahara-ji’,
who had come to prominence many years earlier as a twelve
 40
year old multi-millionaire.

A respected woman from the sect’s home country was in

Australia giving initiation to those who were ready for it. “Hey,
I’m ready.”, I thought to myself and at the end of proceedings I
sought her out for discussion. She spoke politely, listened
graciously and then said, “I’m here for three months, come and
see me again before I go. You’re not ready yet.” That night I
saw her giving ‘it’ to a derelict drunk who had inadvertently
stumbled into the auditorium half way through the night. I was
very judgemental in those days and had not reached any
understanding of how spirit guides all people to experience what
they need to.

I didn’t think too much about it, just carried on like

usual, until eight weeks later I was telephoning the woman from
India. We made arrangements for an interview later that week,
to which I thought, “Beauty, I’ll get it now.” As the week
progressed toward the day, stressful situations were springing up
all over the place. Finally the day arrived, I borrowed a
motorcycle and visited my girlfriend on the way to the
interview. This involved a ‘breaking-up’ conversation. Under
normal circumstances I would have been upset and probably
taken it out it in my vehicle, which is a typical young Aussie-
male thing to do. But this time, I left calmly and enjoyed the ride
into the city. When I arrived at the big, expensive house, I was
asked to wait in the lounge because the lady was busy. Sitting in
a ‘comfy’ chair at a quiet house induced me to rest my eyes and
relax. After some time, a voice said, “Mark, are you ready?” I
answered while raising my head and eyelids together, “Yes I
am.” Standing at the bottom of a sweeping staircase was the
lady herself, she added, “Follow me.” We arrived at a room with
soft cushions scattered over the timber floor, then she asked me
lots of questions about my life in general, and my feelings in
particular. I answered these calmly as I was still in ‘comfy’
mode from the relaxing little rest in the lounge. She ended the
 41
interview by saying, “Come back on this date, now you are
ready.”, and handed me an appointment card while standing to
indicate that my time was up.

Arriving just prior to the time indicated on the card, I

found several other people waiting in the lounge room. Our lady
instructor asked us to follow her upstairs. She then sat us
comfortably and led us into the four meditations with her
soothing voice. I did experience the things that each technique
provided, like being in your centre, which is characterized by a
calmness, great peace and the ‘Big Love’ feeling. When
finished, we went downstairs to the dining area, although I
faltered at the bottom of the stairs after noticing that the flowers
outside were incredibly vibrant and captivating. This same
condition applied to the vegetarian foods spread out on the
banquet table, absolutely wonderful. The taste of the food, the
smells of a breeze on the ride home, were all so much more.
Now I thought, “I’m there.” How could you not be after so
many marvellous experiences? All that was left for me to do
now was to practice the meditations daily. How simple was that?
The first night I sat quietly in my room to do the practices and
could not get into it, no matter how hard I tried. I didn’t seem
able to replicate any of the previous results, even after two
months of trying everyday. When I gave away the guru’s
photograph the meditations went with it. One thing did come out
of this, which was, I learned that it was my choice whether I was
happy or not. Sometimes it proved itself to me, by my choosing
to be happy when I didn’t actually feel that way to begin with,
and it did work. But, a return to usualness followed in the same
way as before, because I let myself forget that I was the one in
charge of me and my actions. A simple lesson, that I simply
forgot.

In the spring of 1986, my friend Lee, an ex-girlfriend

named Lynn and I went to Lake Kurwongbah, just north of
Brisbane, for a night’s stargazing. Moonlight carpeted the lake
 42
and forest in a soft glow that enabled us to see in good detail
the water’s edge, and where the grass merged with the trees. We
spotted two tiny red lights ambling across the western horizon,
the first one leapt into the night sky to perform amazing
acrobatics. Before any of us could utter a word, the second red
light did exactly the same thing, to which we chorused, “Wow,
did you see that?” Both lights then continued their slow
undulations southward and we watched them intently until they
were out of sight. Lee said, “Let’s see if we can call them to us.”
So we sat in the best circle that three people can make, while I
got a crazy idea to push my energy through the group. Lynn
asked, “Why is my arm getting hot?”, and Lee informed her,
“It’s Mark. He’s sending his energy around for us.” We then
agreed to hold the same thought and see if anything would
happen. The thought, was to imagine that we were pulling them
toward us, in our mind’s eye. This was a pretty easy thing to do,
almost everyone can use their imagination to create images of
specific thoughts and hold it in their mind. We do it every day
without realizing that we are doing it. Some minutes quietly
passed, leading to when we heard a ‘thrumming’ sound. Fear led
me to make a guess, “It’s probably the pumping station”, which
sounded ridiculous as soon as I said it. The pumping station I
had referred to was a disused affair, the modern one was
whisper quiet, and, at least ten kilometres away around the
twists and turns of the man-made lake. I spotted a very dark
shadow moving along one arm of the lake, quite near to us, it
was egg-shaped and much bigger than the old two-storey water-
ski clubhouse that was there then. After telling the girls, we
watched it move into the larger lake area when two spotlights
switched on and criss-crossed the water. “It’s probably a
helicopter”, I offered, knowing it couldn’t be, it was completely
silent.

The huge dark shadow didn’t even reflect the moonlight,

as if it was absorbing every bit of light that came near it. We had
already stopped our experiment, our triangle shaped circle was
 43
broken when we let go of each other’s hands, but the object
seemed to be looking for the source of our energetic
transmission. The searchlights blinked off as the shadow turned
left, and away, yet it was still within 100 metres. Next, it began
to move across the lake in a line directly away from us and we
saw it change from a black shadow, through a streak of colours
until all that could be seen was a tiny red dot on the horizon
again. You can safely bet that we were relieved by it’s going, to
be honest, we wouldn’t have been able to move, it was as if we
were riveted to the spot and scared silly. We did learn that our
impromptu experiment had actually worked, and worked well,
even if it did scare ten years off our lives. Talking about it
helped a little bit, we did a lot of it for the remainder of our time
there. I’m sure that each of us wanted to forget it quickly,
especially after we told our friends and families all about it.
These people watered our seeds of doubt for us and they did a
mighty fine job of it too. Who could blame them, they weren’t
there and did not have a point of reference to go by, so they
could not do anything to help. Everyone concerned just let it be
forgotten and went back to normal life again, which is of course
the only way anyone could help us out of our uncomfortable
position. I wondered a couple of times about what might have
happened if we’d kept strong through our fears, maintained our
vigil and made contact with the visitors. Perhaps I would have a
much more exciting tale to tell you or maybe I wouldn’t be here
to say any of this, who knows? Either way it was exciting stuff.
And again it helped illustrate the gap that existed between us all,
verifying for me that few people considered this reality.

Moving on, I met an eighteen year old girl, Cheryl, and

settled down a bit, some would say too much. We got married in
the spring of 1988, while living in a small cottage next to a
chicken farm that was surrounded by forestry. I had started to
buy rifles as a hobby and for target practice, which I liked a
whole lot, thanks to the armed services. Have no fear, I was a
careful owner and handler, except for the time Ron and I shot
 44
and killed an old car and Yamaha 250. But they had deserved
it. The car because it had always broken down and the bike just
because it was a smelly, offensive two-stroke, that had probably
spat-off a dozen riders in it’s lifetime. They won’t do it
anymore!

Every night a loaded rifle sat in the corner next to our

bed, as we both felt an uneasy need for protection, though there
was no obvious danger to be seen. My partner had started to
have nightmares about ‘the lights’ and ‘they’re coming’. I would
wake her up gently and describe a beautiful scene for her to fall
back to sleep in. The dreams persisted in small groups spread
throughout the year and this diminished the effect of my nightly
stories for her. Some nights I would wake her three or four times
before morning. This year and the next were heavy with an
unreasonable need to feel completely safe, but why and what
from I could not say then. All I knew was that there was an
unknown strangeness to our lives there, making us feel highly
strung most of the time. The weirdest thing about those days, is
we never really seemed to notice the feelings, we just felt them.
I was feeling it and not thinking about it, besides, things were
already hard enough as it was. The frequency of highs and lows
in life felt like it was speeding up and creating a continuous,
mobile, barrage of situations requiring my constant attention. So
why would you want to make it harder by trying to dissect it if
you could?

Early in 1990, we decided to go to New Zealand for a six

month working holiday, only to fall into great jobs in the first
week of being there. So our plans went out the window. That
first Christmas in Wellington, we where given an around the
world trip with all expenses paid. Almost three weeks into the
holiday, we were standing in line at LAX, waiting to board a
connecting flight to San Francisco. While idly staring out the
panoramic windows at the Jumbo we were to board, I was hit
with a terrible feeling, this aircraft had a serious problem and
 45
was not safe. I told my wife, “I’ve got a really bad feeling
about this, Chez. There’s something wrong with the plane, I
don’t want to get on it.” She replied, “You’re just imagining it.
Be quiet so no one else will hear you.” Sound familiar? Did I
follow the feeling? No, I boarded the aircraft like a good
husband. During the first half-hour on board, I noticed all the
missing rivets, sagging trim and generally dilapidated condition
of this obviously early-model 747. I didn’t miss the white smoke
pouring out of the right side engines, or the reek of kerosene
coming into the cabin through the air-conditioning ducts. Our
pilot sounded over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, we are
experiencing a minor electrical fault in our communications
system. You may have noticed smoke, it is normal on engine
starts, and we will reverse the air-conditioning to remove any
fuel vapours that may have entered the inlets. We will be taking
off soon. Thank you for your patience.”

This was exactly what I needed to hear, I had sat and

suffered the shivers, nausea and the strongest feelings of the
need to cry, which I didn’t understand. The pilot’s message had
just broken in to my ‘deep in thought mode’, and helped to rouse
me into action. I knew for certain that I could not stay on this
piece of junk for another minute and had to get off, now.
Grabbing Cheryl’s hand and our on-board luggage, I made my
way to the door, only to have the way barred by three attractive
hostesses. They reminded me that we were about to take off and
needed to be belted into our seats. “No. This thing is going
nowhere, let me off”, I told them while politely pushing my way
through their barrier and we headed back to the boarding lounge
for a cigarette. It took another half an hour to settle my wife
down after I had seriously embarrassed her by my actions. Three
hours later the other passengers were allowed off and the old
flying coffin was towed away for repairs. Cheryl was very quiet
now and I felt great, only because I had been correct in my
statements.
 46
We had missed our flight home from San Francisco so
the airline flew us to Hawaii and put us up at the Waikiki Beach
Hotel, and they paid for everything. All the other passengers in
the same situation took the opportunity to sleep. Not us, we
showered, changed, enjoyed the free breakfast and played tourist
around this famous holiday destination. We had one day to make
it feel like we’d been there for two weeks and we succeeded
admirably. What a day to remember. The next surprise came
when we boarded the flight home, we had been upgraded to first
class. That really was an eye-opener, after travelling three
quarters of the way around the world in regular ‘sardine can’
seating. There was more room than I could use to get
comfortable and it was luxurious too. We let ourselves be
pampered the entire way back to N.Z. I let myself forget this
event for years and my wife never once asked me the big
question. How did I know? This made it even easier to forget.
Back at home, we never had time to think about anything much
except working, paying the bills, getting away on weekends
when possible and generally just getting on with it. It’s no
wonder that most people don’t give spiritual issues the kind of
attention that they should, their lives are crammed full with
things that must be done and everything else that needs to be
remembered in our over-active lifestyles. They must be doing
400 m.p.h. on that highway already.
During our last year there, we frequented a bar that was a
bit rough and tumble, and it was being coveted by the local
chapter of a well known street gang. One night I went outside to
help the manager and bouncers, who were out-numbered, after
which the manager offered me the position of head of security.
The extra money was what clinched it for me as our day jobs
were only just getting us by, due to the high cost of living in that
country. When I arrived at the bar to start my first night I was
scared as hell, the manager met me at the door and informed me
that he had sacked the other two bouncers. Those guys were
supposed to do all the rough stuff and they were no longer there
to help. Talk about being thrown in the deep end, the place was
 47
rocking and had more than it’s share of males looking for
trouble. I had spent the greatest part of my life practicing
pacifism, because of the violence my family had experienced
after dad’s return from Vietnam. Now I had to find something in
me to deal with my new position, it took me one fairly useless
week as a bouncer to get it. It wasn’t so much a searching for
some forgotten ability, more a finding of space, an emptiness
that was the conduit for the force and actions. We lost customers
while dealing with the gang problem but within three months it
had turned around and was packed to the rafters every night. I
had pride in my actions because I never hurt anyone on purpose
and had gained a reputation as a fair man in the line of duty.
Believing my own bravado, I really played up to it when I
wasn’t working, which just goes to show that the silliness I had
as a teenager was still there in my early thirties. And so it seems
that unless you are working on growth, you may not grow much
at all.

Throughout this year I became aware that we were being

visited by the grey, child sized visitors at night. And while I
don’t recall any abductions, I do clearly remember seeing them,
shadow-like, slipping out of the bedroom or poking a head
around the door frame. They always came on the nights my wife
had her nightmares, so I believe that Cheryl was responding to
some sub-conscious cues. These little visitors, I would later
learn, had become known as ‘the greys’ in u.f.o. literature, they
are usually associated with abductions and contacts, as well as
piloting some of the incredible machines that are seen in the
skies over our world.

Toward the end of 1993 something in me changed. I’d

been against having children because of the way our world was
and thought it would not be fair to them, because it would only
get worse. One morning I awoke with a yearning to have
children, it was the most important thing to me at that moment.
Feelings of urgency raced through me, forcing out a memory
 48
that I had stored on a dusty shelf in the back of my mind
when I was fifteen. Back then I had dreamed that I was a
middle-aged single parent, raising my daughter as best as I
could. Again I shuffled this memory back to it’s original storage
space, I didn’t want to think about it, just in case I made it real
by doing so. So I opened the discussion with my wife, who was
unsure of how to react to my change of heart. Eventually the
decision was made to return to Australia where we would help
Cheryl’s grandmother and start our family. We found that
‘drama’ returned to our lives at the same moment we stepped off
the aircraft. It was absent most of the time in New Zealand, and
now it had a friend named ‘strife’. I likened it to stepping back
into the quicksand that we had escaped from almost four years
earlier. This time it ate away at our bonds and slowly drove a
wedge between us. 1994, my daughter was born a Libran and far
more alert than most doctors claim new-borns are. I learned just
how easy men get it, many of us wouldn’t make it through
childbirth if the job was ours. From conception I had been
driven to stay close to her and I knew it would be a ‘her’, in the
same way that I had known the moment of conception. Now that
she was in the world, I had to be with her no matter what ever
happened. When the marriage came to it’s crunch, I tore my soul
out the day I had to leave, all the while thinking that I would
never get to be with her again.

Her mum did not want me around so I had to go, but it

gave me the strength to fight the good fight for her, and
eventually she remained with me while Cheryl and Brad
continued their new life together. Everything I needed came at
just the right time, like housing when I needed it, the right car
and the money to buy it when I needed to and the other stuff we
think we need to make a home. While all this was going on, I
felt like a size twelve boot was kicking me in the butt. Kick, get
on with it! I was single again, thirty-six in 1996, and feeling
compelled to pick up again where I had left off way back in
1979.
 49
Big Jigsaw Puzzle.

“The kingdom is inside of you, and it is outside of you.

When you come to know yourselves, then you will become
known.
And you will realize that it is you who are the sons
of the living father.”
- Jesus, in ‘Thomas’, The Nag Hammadi Library.

As far as old cliché’s go, the one about finding yourself

was probably the most appropriate and more a truism than
anything else. People have used this saying for at least thirty
years that I know of, and it meant nothing to me. Until I was on
the countdown to turning forty and remembering the person I
used to be. Knowing I was not that same person prodded me to
search for who I was, now.

Libraries are brilliant places to start searching because

they have all kinds of books that twenty or more years ago, you
could only get from specialist bookstores. Today you can find
any number of self-help, spiritual or philosophical material in
the aisles of your local library. So go there and look for yourself,
if you are real quiet and attentive, your ‘Self’ will pick the right
book for you. It’s true, try it.

Leading my first assault on the book repository in town,

I turned down the self improvement aisle and wound my way
through the all female crowd, to an empty space where I could
look at the titles undisturbed. As I gazed somewhat intelligently
at the rows of new age style books, one of them seemed to glow
at me, a faint, hard to be sure of glow. So I took this book home
with me and had a thoroughly enjoyable time with it, on many
of it’s pages I thought, “Yes, That’s right.” Raiding the library
became a part of life as I avidly read to feed the need I was
 50
feeling. The u.f.o. phenomenon came first, that was a help,
because a handful of those books are in some way inspirational
for experiencer’s. When you are reading some of the things that
people have experienced, and you know some bits off by heart
as you read about it for the first time, an excitement comes to
you. Later you feel good, now you know for sure that you’re not
really crazy after all. Now you know that you are not alone,
anymore. For me that was always the worst part, the feeling of
absolute solitude even when you are with your best friends. That
is why it is easier to forget and move on, than to dredge up any
of the still confusing images and memories that you are hiding.
We aren’t hiding these memories from ourselves, we hide them
from the scrutiny of others so that we can feel normal in a
society that still sees these things as freakish, or utter fantasy.

The reading continued on through cosmology, which is a

fantastic mind exercise in itself, stretching and creating new
pathways. What a bonus. I moved on to the histories and
religions of various cultures, paying particular attention to their
mythologies. The Celtic culture held me in awe, I felt that it was
part of me, somehow, but at the time I could not see the
significance. The same held true for the Native American,
Egyptian and some other earlier cultures. I even read all I could
find on pre-history and learned some pretty amazing things
about all our ancestors, which helped to confirm my long held
suspicion that they were every bit our equals and in some cases,
advanced humanitarians when compared to us. Many very
ancient cultures were matriarchal, as opposed to our male-
dominant one, and existed for so long because it’s members
worked together in the best interests of the whole. Boy do we
have some work to do to catch up with them.

Imagine what it was like to live in prehistoric societies,

operating within the environment’s capabilities and creating
long term sustainability of that environment and all the
creatures, including people, that relied on it’s provisions. So
 51
called stone age people were living that way, over thirty
thousand years ago, and yet modern man makes trillions out of
destroying the global environment, with hardly a thought for our
great-grandchildren. The big question that this leaves us with is,
who really are the smarter people, us or the ancients? My money
is not on us, that’s for sure. Our culture has already reached it’s
peak and is fast approaching our use by date, as a viable, self-
sustaining system on this planet. This is not scare mongering,
our cultures have passed a point were we’ve made more
problems for ourselves than we can handle. The weight and
nature of these problems will, and already are, stifling the life
out of us. So how long do you think the human race could last in
it’s decline? Why aren’t all the world’s people making serious
changes now, hoping that we could give healthy lives to even a
handful of our great-great grandchildren?

‘The Nag Hammadi Library’ was a long winded read and

yet it was worth it. The extensive cosmologies made sense to me
in many places even though it is couched in the language and
religious bafflements of the day. ‘Thomas’, is maintained as the
record of Jesus’ words and I urge everyone to read them. You
will find many similarities to the accepted stories in the bible,
and some bits that the early church didn’t want us to know. His
messages are not that hard to understand, we only need to see
them without the clutter of our preconceptions, beliefs and
personal preferences before we can appreciate their wisdom
and clarity. People interpreted his words and altered the
meanings that he had intended. More interpreting into other
languages was done, all of it was ordered and re-ordered over
time, largely for the purposes of certain individuals and their
church. Well we do have free will. Christians are not free to
admit that people did this out of greed and the desire for power,
that they did so at their own bidding and not under the direction
of JHWH. The jealous, vindictive, god of the Jews. It must be
hard, believing that God gave us free will and refusing to see
that we used it, freely.
 52
Inside I could feel the drive to soak up everything that
felt ‘yeah’. Besides, it was great for my mind to be pressed into
wider service after so many years out to pasture. This was a big
puzzle, it’s picture began to emerge as boundaries blurred, and
man’s distinctions between previously unrelated information
started to fade. I had always held fast to the idea that u.f.o’s,
with or without occupants, were one thing and had nothing to do
with anything else, until a little realization came. In single steps
I began to see that the spiritual stuff wasn’t separated from
anything, including u.f.o. and alien stuff. Slowly, things were
going together to form a bigger, merging picture that was vast
and mind boggling. Part of the bigger picture showed me that
we pigeon-hole absolutely everything. Our endeavours, work,
living quarters, the things we love, even how we love, how we
teach and communicate, everything. See for yourself, pick
anything that we do and simply observe. Inside our species there
is a desire for order, which we can and do achieve by having
some form of control over things. We humans have a way of
separating things into smaller parcels. The computer I write
these words with has been programmed to separate the data and
allocate a storage space for each bit, the binary code is what
makes having these tools possible. It is a system devised by us
to separate information just the way we do with all the other
stuff. In this way we can attempt to have our desired control
over the ever diversifying pieces. The more separate portions
under your personal control, of all the things that make up your
life, the more in control you feel in your life. Why? How and
when did it get like this? Is this what you really need? And why
am I asking so many questions? If we ask enough questions we
may learn, one day, how to ask the right ones.

Questions that require us to pull information out of their

respective pigeon-holes, throughout diverse fields in order to get
a wider picture, are the kinds of questions that will help to break
down the walls between us all. How? The process would allow
us to see trends and patterns over larger areas of our existence
 53
and perhaps more people would see the ‘same-ness of our
human race. This is also worth remembering, every person on
the planet is just that, a person. Nothing less than you or me and
just as important, every person has the same real needs as you.
Most have the same wishes and fears, all have families and
dearly loved ones. Hang on a minute, am I writing about you?
Yes. All the you’s in the world, because the world is full of
people just like you. All of us were born and therefore must also
die. All of us are souls on a short journey to earth to gain
experience and remember. We are all spirits.

Once again, if you apply this idea to your outlook on the

world and everything on it, you will come to know that people
who appear to be so very different to you, for whatever reason,
really are not. All that is different is their own culture, and most
of those differences should be enjoyed for the wonderful things
that they are. With all the different cultures applying this idea to
their own systems, you should, ultimately, be left with the
greater parts of them. Such a simple thing could change us all
for the better, and in truth, don’t we all really want better? Just
as an exercise, think to yourself about the person who you
dislike the most, ask yourself what would happen if you learned
that they were your soul-mate? Do you think something in you
might soften toward them? Would they eventually seem to be
the same as you in that respect? Could you try to see all people
in the same way? That’s a tough one but please don’t be
discouraged. You can do it, you are a great spirit.

Now let us consider the above questions of how and

when. Thinking about it lets us see that we are taught almost
everything from birth. Someone or something has been teaching
us at all times, our parents, teachers, friends, television, and the
list goes on. Our parents were educated with similar
information, as were their parents, grand-parents and great-
grandparents before them, and again you could go on. This long
pattern reaches back through all our histories, all the cultures,
 54
religions, colours and other such ‘separatist’ forms. We get
the picture that things have been this way for a long time and
nearly everyone who has come before us has added their
impetus to it’s growing bulk. So much so, that it is difficult for
most people to break out of their ‘mould’, with all it’s learned
restrictions, and stop for a little rest before doing something
different. We really do live our lives wearing blinkers, giving us
a very narrow view from our two little windows on the world.
It’s not your fault, all your life you were programmed not to
look too far away from the accepted range of views and the
comforting safe-ness that we learned to feel from it. It’s a bit
like ‘The Matrix’ in a way, so check for plugs or leads on the
back of your neck.

People were coming into my life, bringing their stories,

some helped bring memories to the surface. Some lent
interesting books that gave me a couple of ideas on directions or
affirmed things that I had experienced. I soon saw that all these
people must have been coming in and out of my life for a
reason. As an experiment I began to take more notice of the
things around me. While talking with my sister out front of
where I lived, we saw a man trip over his feet. From this I
learned that everything happened for a reason, cause and effect
were the culprits again, so I told my sister. She disagreed saying
that, “He just tripped, it was an accident.” But I knew the man
had let his attention drift away from the act of walking, thereby
causing himself to have an important reminder to watch where
he was going. It’s very possible that he had his accident in front
of us so that we all could come to an understanding. It was proof
to me, even if I didn’t fully understand the mechanisms, it felt
‘yeah’.

The next day I was back at the library looking at another

glowing book, it was called ‘The Teachings of Don Juan’. I
nearly put it down as I had judged Carlos Castaneda’s use of
mind altering drugs to usher in the opening for his experiences.
 55
After realizing that I had done the same thing throughout the
years, I persevered with it and was rewarded with many more
‘yeahs’, and soon I had digested most of the series. Again, I
understood the cultural perspectives but some of the more
abstract stuff would take years to comprehend, as along with
those ‘yeahs’, I found ‘don’t knows’, ‘maybes’ and a lot of
‘huh?’ Input, more input, could have been my catch-cry as I
began searches of the state library. Many times I noticed that
some apparently differing information were really the same
things, when the overlying man-made monoliths were removed.
So many similar strands run through all the ancient culture’s
mythologies, showing that once we all must have understood the
same things in our own ways. We had attached similar
symbolisms for ease of interpretation. Unfortunately,
somewhere down the line we lost focus and payed more
attention to the edifices we constructed, than to the simple
messages they represented. I refer not only to buildings when
using the word, edifices. As our lapses of focus continued, they
helped to mystify these things over time so that only few people
ever came to know, and even fewer still when you add religion’s
manipulations to the equation.

With this great thirst for knowledge driving me, I went to

a u.f.o. club meeting out of sheer curiosity. I met the most
interesting people and saw contact evidence large as life before
me. A middle aged couple were telling an interesting history of
their events. The lady progressed into describing the long term
effects on herself. I heard her say things that struck a chord deep
inside me which was followed by an intense empathy. When
driving home I was in tears, for I understood this lady and the
other people who spoke up. The club brought me into contact
with some very nice people. The first was my lovely friend
Roma. Here was a lady who helped you along the way and in
many ways. She would be the first to guide me back into my
past lives and I can tell you, my excitement was matched only
by my fear.
 56
Without knowing it, my search was for the catalysts
which would bring my own memories to the fore. The force
behind the scenes was trying to help me learn my place in the
universe, but before I could do that I still had to know who I was
and what had brought me to this point of awareness. So far I
could see how we all got to here and now, but that was only half
of the total equation. The rest of what I needed wasn’t going to
be easy like reading and feeling, it was inside me and I wasn’t
sure how to get to it. I must have unconsciously ordered the
‘small spiritual awakening’ on my menu. Meditation became the
next step somehow. I had difficulty choosing it as an option
considering the experiences I had averaged as a young man, and
now I was thirty-nine, the time between attempts was more than
half my age.
 57
Experiments.
“When we perceived two places at once, total clarity was lost.
But the immediate perception of ‘there’ was gained.”
- Don Juan Matus.

What follows is my first experience since 1979, of going

somewhere other than this reality (3-D) we call here. Three
ladies prepared me for the journey, soon enough I was standing
before a doorway. Making my way through it brought me out
above the earth. I was soaring, feeling the cool of the air as it
passed over me, going through the clouds was exquisite for it’s
moist coolness. A direction came to descend slowly, and upon
touching the ground I saw a white building surrounded by the
thickest mists that I could not penetrate. So I was requested to
ascend again which allowed me to clearly see the coastline and
features of this place, then I landed on a path that traversed a
high ridge. At first, all I could see was the path beneath my feet,
which were wrapped in something resembling slippers. Hillary
asked me to describe the clothes I was wearing,
“Black....roughly made....long pants of animal skins. My feet are
wrapped around in skins sown roughly down to the toes.” The
next question came from Roma, “What is your name?” “Arn”,
then Hillary asked, “Do you want to look around or follow the
path?” The longer I stood there the more detail I could see of my
surroundings, “This path follows the ridge down to the sea on
this side, the other way goes up but it’s foggy that way”.

She asked me to choose a direction and follow it while

reporting what I saw. “Here on my left is a stone building....all
grey colours....plain openings for windows....it’s all tumble-
down”. I wondered where the term ‘tumble-down’ came from,
then noticed that the path turned and went over the ridge. Roma
asked, “Do you want to follow it?” “I can’t, it’s all
misty....bright inside....very thick”. A knot of fear grabbed my
 58
stomach as I walked up the path over the ridge and stopped to
look down, the mist just cleared away, “Oh, there’s a village
down there”. I’m asked if there are any people, immediately a
feeling of dread comes over me, “No....I....I can’t see anyone”.
And the feeling keeps getting stronger, Roma senses this and
asks me to go back to happier times as a boy, then asks, “What
do you see?” “A lad....maybe twelve....white legs....wearing a
kilt, but much coarser.... a rough tartan pattern.... two shades of
green in the main. His hair is the same as when grown to a
man....the village....is mud and daub....roofs like thatch with
small saplings tied together and laid on the top first....over here
on the left is where we keep the animals....in these pens”. Roma
then asks me, “Can you see any crops or is this a fishing village?
Please look to see if there are any boats.” I told her, “Further
down the slopes are level areas we use for growing the grains.”
Here, I look around for the boats that I know we use for fishing
when it’s possible. But, they are not there. Something is very
wrong, I can feel it but I haven’t remembered what it is yet.

This has jolted me back into manhood and again the

dreadful feelings come on stronger, then someone asks me, “Can
you see any other people at all?” “No, there’s no one here.”
Right at this point I am beginning to get upset, I feel the urge to
cry and run away at the same time, it’s very confusing. Hillary
has another question, “Do you know of William Wallace?” The
part of awareness with me on the table answered first, “Yes I’ve
heard the name.”, and then the part that was reliving the events
offered, “No, he is not living here, not in these lands.” I am
asked if I can see forest or trees, the answer came swiftly as
awareness slipped further to the there. “Not here, out over there
on the flatlands I can see forest....but no trees up here....not high
like this ....only scrubby, prickly bushes or shrubs and tough
grasses can live at this height.”

Hillary now asks, “What colour is your skin?” I look at

my arm and lift it up to see better, “It’s dark....not black....like
 59
very well tanned.” I hear one person say, “Pictish”, and I
know that this is right. Another person asks, “Are you negroid?”
“No. Dark, not black.” Then I see tattoos on my wrists and
beautifully wrought gold, double serpent bracelets, but before I
get a chance to investigate these further, another question
comes. “What is your role in the village?” The answer comes as
clearly as the dreadful feeling it arrived with, “I am the tribe’s
protector....their defender.” Another female voice questions,
“What do you protect them from?” “The raiders, invaders”, is
quickly followed by the next question, “Are these raiders other
tribes or do they come in boats?” The strongest feelings flooded
me, physical waves ripple forcefully across my stomach as my
hands, in both times, moved to cover my eyes. “They come from
lands across the waters, these raiders they....they take
everything they want....the women........they rape and kill. They
took all our animals and stores....there is no one left........all
killed. Not me.” Now I remember it, on that day I was down the
bottom of the ridge checking with our fishermen to see if they
had any reports of raiders, and to be sure that they had their
arms about them. The raiders had come and gone with their
booty by the time I’d climbed back up over the ridge to see the
village smouldering way below me. Anguish fills me, I don’t
know what to do, it’s too late for anything I can do. All I have
left is revenge!

“Do you want to leave here and go to one more

happier?”, asks Hillary. I didn’t need convincing, “Yes I want to
go from here.” Roma whispers, “That’s where the guilt he
carries in this life came from.” Leaving the dread behind, I rose
up to soar among the clouds and watch the world turn below.
I’m being told that I am going further back now, and I see the
coast and river delta of northern Egypt approach with the spin of
the earth. A great big smile spread across my face long before I
knew why, causing Hillary to ask if I wanted to go there. “Yes.”
By this time I was homing in on the river as if I was being
drawn down like a kite on it’s string. At ground level everything
 60
was perfectly clear. I could hardly feel my physical body as it
lay placidly on the table, over two thousand years into the
future. The Nile was busy with boat traffic of all sizes and
arrangements of cargo, while it’s banks teemed with more
toiling people. Quietly, I watched a man teaching his smallest
children how to operate a shadoof and bring water to their small
field, and a productive field it was too. They lived in a modest
adobe-like home, with a dry-reed fence running from the back
wall, around a large yard and back to the house. Two bovine
critters lived in the back yard, feeding off the profusion of
weeds and wild grains, and family scraps. It seemed that these
people were quite content with their lives and they appeared to
live well enough, at least as far as I could see. A blissfully warm
day was upon us and I was a busy man too, so I moved on
toward the coast, where I had important business to attend to.
This time I described everything while making my way toward
the city we know today as Alexandria. On the river came a barge
carrying the huge sections of two colossal statues that were to be
placed before the lighthouse. I knew that my business here was
to conduct the sanctifying rights once the statues were in place.
“What is your name and how old are you?”, asked Roma. I got a
word starting with a ‘V’ sound, that I didn’t want to say, and I
was turning fifty soon, which was a good age for a pampered
Egyptian in those days. Someone said the word ‘Vizier’, and I
still didn’t want to admit it, that would be too much. While the
feelings I had were grand, there was something else that worried
me at a deeper level, something that I had yet to remember.

Strolling through the town was exciting as the week long

celebrations had begun for the marriage of a high-ranking
nobleman’s daughter. Her caravan was entering the city through
the east gate, shortly after I passed through it while returning
from my morning walk. She was well endowed, her whole train
of retainers (slaves) and the extensive dowry made a parade for
the crowds in the streets, flaunting her father’s wealth for him.
She also wore the blue eye make-up, signifying her status and
 61
possible independent wealth. Her brand of eye-liner blue was
made from crushing our holy blue-stone, Lapis Lazuli into a fine
powder. Very expensive. I was asked by the ladies in 1998, if I
could see the Library of Alexandria. What a good idea; let’s go
and have a look, “No.” “Who is king now?” Letters appeared
before my eyes, strange letters that I thought must have read,
‘Shalmanasser’, and I got some vague impression of ‘not the
first one’. Roma mentioned the river to me and wondered what
was down that way, this also sounded like a good idea. I felt free
again on my short, fast flight up-river and around the bend.
When I came upon the Giza plateau my automatic brakes were
activated to stop me exactly where I needed to be. Boy did it
look different, it was all in terrific condition. “Yes, it’s the
pyramids.”

In my excitement I forgot to let the ladies know what I

was doing, and had entered the great pyramid through some
tunnels that the ‘I’ in 1998 didn’t know existed. A little blurry
patch happened and I was standing in the main chamber reliving
a different time in that life, cool huh? In here we were
performing rights of passage; to my left was the female anointer,
who felt for all the world to me like Hillary. And I remembered
that we did these activities with a balance of female and male
energies. Hillary chose that moment to ask me, “What is the
pyramid used for?” From somewhere inside me, a deep
powerful voice answered, “It has many uses. Here we are taking
this person through one of the seven levels of initiation. I will
journey with him on his travels.” Looking further to my left, I
could see a tall staff standing in an open doorway that doesn’t
appear to be there in modern times. The staff had a hammered
gold sun-disc above a crescent moon that was lying on it’s back,
and the rest of the staff was gold leaf over timber.

I mentioned this to the ladies who commented that it

sounded like an Assyrian symbol. As I described it, I felt my
physical arms reach out to take it at the same time my Egyptian
 62
arms did, that was the most unusual feeling ever. It lets you
know for sure that your really in there, when you can touch
things and move them in two separate realities, simultaneously. I
heard Roma say, “He’s been in there too long already, let’s
bring him back.” Just as I was about to really get stuck in and do
some serious looking around too. I was asked to ascend, which I
did even though I really didn’t want to and went through the
procedure to return. When I opened my eyes a realization
occurred, I had experienced for certain that I was an Eternal
Being, surviving the many passing-away’s of tired and worn out
bodies. This was precious, and I hoped for all people to be able
to experience it in order to know for sure. So, I had been the
defender of a Pict tribe living in the wilds of north-west
Scotland, and had failed miserably in that capacity. Something
in me was motivated to find out what I could do to make amends
to the villagers and especially my wife and child of the time.
Also, I had been the Grand Vizier of Egypt at one time and
while it appealed to my ego, something else forced me into a
more sober mind-set, something that I wasn’t prepared to look at
just yet.

The ladies had made a tasty lunch which we sat down to

as soon as we were ready, and I noticed that I was still getting
streams of sights and information even though I was no longer
‘in’. Shirley explained to me that the newly re-opened avenues
would stay open and that I should ground myself in order to
bring attention to the now. The lunch was wonderful and so
were the diverse conversations that also helped me to be fully
here. Roma suggested that we try a meditation exercise after
lunch and we all agreed wholeheartedly. As we were finishing
up, Hillary said to me, “I’ve just got a message through for you.
They want me to tell you that they are ready for you.” “Who,
are they?” “They are your guides, they say you are ready to
meet and work with them”, she replied. That was all news to me.

After this, we all sat comfortably in the lounge while

 63
Roma facilitated the ‘Walking in the Mist’ meditation.
Because I had already tuned in it was easy for me to see and
follow the path we were to use, which was a time-line
constructed by Roma as a device to allow us to view future
events. Travelling all the way to the year 3,000 was a blast, and
the possibilities of what can be achieved over the next thousand
years, is truly awe-inspiring. On the way we stopped at a ‘sign-
posted’ 2012 and were told to simply observe, without
becoming emotionally attached to what was going on. My
vantage point in relation to the earth was Africa’s southernmost
cape. Very low clouds glowed with reflected red/orange colours
from volcanic activity, while the whole earth grumbled and
groaned under her strain. Vibrations ran through the world as
tectonic movements created massive earthquakes. Before me a
huge cliff face forced itself up over thirty metres in a split-
second. Hot rocks and other fiery objects screamed in the
atmosphere and glowed through the cloud deck before splashing
into turbulent oceans. I turned around to get a better view of the
seas and saw what I can only describe as, huge ‘Lightships’,
gliding in toward the undulating coastline. Somehow I knew that
they were here to move some people off the planet, for whatever
their reasons.

Roma directed us to expand our attention over the earth

to see what was going on and reminded us again to not get
involved emotionally, a very timely one too because I could
already feel a tugging in that way. I immediately saw heavily
depleted herds of Elephant and Zebra and knew that this was all
that remained of their populations, that’s when I nearly became
emotionally connected. On either side of the northern
hemisphere were two towers I thought must have been cities that
hadn’t collapsed yet, except they seemed to be built from
saucer-shaped segments stacked one on top of the other to a
great height. Twelve months later I saw an artist’s impression of
those exact same towers, while watching a video about some
‘crazy spaceship religion’ in America. Truth does come in all
 64
guises. Continuing along the time-line brought us to 2035,
where everything had calmed down again and life was
recovering well. People had survived, although we had much
smaller populations, which was a bonus to the bands of people
who had come together after the upheavals. We had taken the
initial steps toward effectively using resources without
destroying things in the process. This had become the new
imperative for human survival, don’t make the same mistakes
again. On we went in stages to 3000. The whole world had a
nice feeling now, a harmony, we built among the trees and had
seriously reduced our impact on the overall environment. When
I looked at the African cape again, I was pleasantly surprised by
the changes. Our towns were hard to see from the air which
required me to get down on the street, sorry, path. No concrete
and bitumen streets carving up the earth here, and would you
believe it, no buildings over three stories tall. And those
buildings were very unusual, being made from a crystalline
structure, in the style of the towers I had seen in 2012. We had
finally learned how to programme the growth of a crystal matrix
and were growing buildings, in modular form. The experiment
came to an end, and each of us described our sights. We found
that all of us had seen the same kinds of things from our own
points of reference. This indicated to me that we had seen the
probable future.

I was excited by understanding that we presently stand at

a threshold in the great life-cycle of the earth. So what we teach
our children is very important, more so than at any other time in
our combined histories. If this harmonious probable future is to
be brought about into reality, the changes required to do it must
begin with us. Roma said good-bye to me with this statement,
“You can do these procedures for other people now”, but I was
not sure about whether I could. Watch out for those seeds from
the first chapter dude. Over the next couple of weeks I did
experiments with friends and learned that it was easy to do, I
now felt that I would like to do this for others. Firstly though, I
 65
really wanted to play around with it, and soon I was sitting
home at nights going back to these different times all by myself.
I learned that I could reconnect easily to the lives I’d already
explored by simply remembering their feeling.

A little later I went back to the Pict life to see what could
be done to heal it, but found myself arriving at a different place.
And there was a building, as usual, one with a large portico at
the rear which leads out to a very formal Grecian style garden.
Standing under the portico was my wife Gerta, from the Pict
life; she was a very strong woman in her way, reminiscent of the
ancient warrior women. We talked while we made our way out
to the garden, I apologized to her for my blunder and asked her
forgiveness. She gave it with some reservation and turned into
this life’s wife. I spun-out on that, opened my eyes and leapt out
of the chair. With the ‘F’ word running around in my head, I
went outside for a smoke and to think for a while. Why did she
do that? As my smoke rose into the night sky I remembered that
both women had felt the same to me when I was there. Then I
knew it, they were the same soul, that’s why I knew them. It all
made a lot of sense to me and it felt right, as more bits of the jig-
saw puzzle fell into place. Just because I was not happy with this
didn’t stop me accepting it as reality. Five minutes later I was
back at the house with the portico. Gerta was sitting in the
garden waiting for me, she must have known I had to come
back. We talked about our child Marva and shared some fond
memories before she turned into Cheryl. This time I handled it,
explained my mistakes and asked forgiveness. She didn’t want
to give an inch, but after more talk and time to remember the
bigger picture, she also gave it grudgingly. Then she left Gerta
and I sitting together on a bench to continue our talk. Gerta
grabbed my hand while saying, “Come with me, I want to show
you something.” We walked out of the garden together, through
some misty stuff, and onto the path leading to the top of the
ridge back in Scotland. “Look.”, Gerta spoke in our native
tongue, and with a sweeping gesture of her arm. The village
 66
looked normal, people were doing what had to be done, life
was going on. She kissed me lightly on the cheek and I knew
then that we had succeeded in healing some of the scars from
this pristine place. I was in no hurry to leave, so we stood
together arm in arm, the way we used to way back then.

Following on from Hillary’s message, I decided to try to

make contact with my guide, who she had told me was named
Esgard. The first attempt began by sitting comfortably in a
lounge chair trying to relax before taking three clearing breaths,
placing attention beyond my forehead, while imagining white
light above me. At the same time as I felt a warm sensation
against my back, which was very calming, an idea came to bring
the light down through me. Shortly after, it became apparent that
I wasn’t sitting in my chair, and before me was a shimmering
partition, a long, bright veil, glowing in an expanse of darkness.
Just in front of this was a robed, shining ‘someone’, who parted
the curtain with one hand while beckoning for me to come with
the other. Soon as I decided to go to the curtain, I was standing
in front of it where the ‘someone’ had opened it. The edge of the
veil gave gently to my touch, I could feel it against my hand
although it had no weight and closed quietly behind me as I
stepped forward. Some exploratory steps showed me it wasn’t
totally bereft of light, I was glowing. And it was bright enough
to make out an area of around four metres.

Unfortunately I didn’t get a further opportunity to

explore this light as I sensed things approaching me. Vague
shapes began coming into my lighted area, somehow I knew
they were curious about the light and were checking me out. If
that wasn’t bad enough, most of them looked like enormous,
weird, ‘monster thingies’ from a thousand ‘B’-grade movies, so
I moved on quickly. Another curtain could be seen off in the
distance so I knew I was getting somewhere, or I was doing
circles in the dark. This walk between curtains felt like a few
hundred metres, as I stared down at my feet so I wouldn’t be
 67
frightened by seeing the ‘thingies’. Quickly I made my way
through the second veil only to find more darkness, in fact it was
so dark I could not tell how far the darkness went. A bright light
came on and illuminated the base of a Mayan style pyramid with
it’s stone steps leading up into the dark. ‘Someone’ was standing
at the bottom quietly urging me to climb the steps. That was
enough for me, standing in this place not knowing where I was,
who or what was ‘someone’ and what would happen next.
Forcing my eyes open to stop the experiment, I saw a large
white glow in front of me. Gradually my sight returned to
normal, assuring me that the journey was ended. The glow was
from my Siamese cat lying across my lap, purring like an Italian
sports car. I realized then that I had seen her energy field with
the eyes of spirit.

It was time for a coffee and cigarette outside to ponder

over these events, and rest assured I didn’t understand much at
first. One thing I was sure of, ‘someone’ wanted me to go
somewhere, possibly to show me something, and, I would be
afraid. I wasn’t sure what my next move should be so I asked a
couple of my friends who have had some experience with these
things. After discussions the next night with my friend Jayne, I
decided to try again, as it was now obvious that ‘someone’ was
my guide, and was also the warm feeling that had helped me to
get there. Once again I sat calming the breath, seeing the white
light over me, and did as Jayne suggested by going up into the
white light. Another crazy idea came to me, one that I had
played with as a kid, which was to imagine accelerating myself
to light speed. It was simple to begin with, I felt an immediate
rush that must have reeled me out.

Before I realized what was happening I saw a nun with

another woman standing behind her, but I was still travelling at
a zillion miles per second and shot straight past them while
trying to slow down. I eventually came to a halt in front of a
lake. The lake was in a park, I saw steeply sloping banks leading
 68
into a stone-lined canal that was crossed by an ancient stone
bridge. As I walked toward the bridge I could see people sitting
on park benches talking together, it felt to me like each person
was conversing with their advisor. A robed man appeared on the
path across the canal and walked toward the bridge, and as soon
as I saw him I instantly recognized his feel from the experience
in 1967. The charge of energy that I felt was overwhelming to
me and so I forced my eyes open again, to end it.

Ten minutes passed while I sat outside puffing away on

another cigarette, as I thought about what had happened. As
soon as the smoke was finished I went back into the lounge to
continue the experiment. Remembering the feeling of standing
at the bridge connected me up again, so I walked across it, sat on
a bench and waited for my guide. He waisted no time in coming
up to me, but all I could see was a thick cloud of light. I asked,
“Please, how can I connect with you?” A large gnarled hand
came out of the mist, I took hold of it with both hands and was
pulled forward along the path. I could not see my guide in the
cloud, but I could see the flagstones passing beneath me as I
flapped along behind him. This was when I panicked and let go
of him and forced my eyes open again. What I learned from
these experiments was that, in no way did I know what I was
doing and this park was the same one I had accidentally
‘touristed’ to in 1978, so I knew it existed in some reality. This
was also the second time that I had been confused with the white
mists and a little idea began to creep slowly into my mind.
Thinking back to the Pict life and all the trouble I’d had with fog
there, made me realize that I was creating the mists myself to
mask whatever it was that I didn’t believe I was ready to see.
This is how I thought of it, my conscious part wanted to know
what I was here to see, my sub-conscious was lounging around
the back room and mumbling to itself, “Uh-uh. I’m not telling
you anything, and I’m not going to look at that.” Abracadabra,
the mist magically appears!
 69
Another friend, Lee, offered to help me to contact visit
my guide. I arrived at her house on time, nervous and excited.
Ok, it was more like mildly shitting and no excitement, but at
least I felt the fear and did it anyway. Let me make this clear,
while spiritual endeavours are not meant to cause fear, and most
times they don’t for most people, I was feeling my fear, even
though I knew there was nothing to be afraid of.

Soon I was lying under a blanket getting toasty-warm

while Lee talked me softly through her relaxation technique,
“Take yourself to the spot where you feel the best, your
favourite place.” I remembered a sunny hillside, and laying in
the long grass soaking up all the sun had to offer. That little hill
on the edge of my home town was where I liked to go for time
out and to think about nothing. Lesson one, his turned out not to
be ‘my place’. The effort required to make the image stay in my
mind’s eye, even though it was only a product of recall,
convinced me that it was not the spot. Letting go of trying to
construct the scene, allowed me to relax further into a fuzzy
feeling. As the good vibrations increased I also let go of
thinking about it. A stretch of white sandy beach grew out from
where I was sitting under the shade of some lovely old trees,
looking over tropical water at white clouds sailing across the
blue sky.

“Where are you?”, Lee’s voice came up from the

background. The question had made me think again, but the
beach didn’t fade away like my hillside did. “On a beach, at the
edge where it meets this forest....the water is so clear.” She
asked me if I would like to go for a walk, “I’ll sit and look
around a bit, first.” “Look over there.”, she said, while pointing
to our right. Which is the precise moment when I learned that
Lee was also present in some form, she continued, “Is that
someone walking this way?” Something in a light coloured robe
was visibly approaching along the beach, as he came closer, an
old, withered hand was offered from the deep sleeves. I didn’t
 70
need to see that, I could already feel him. Standing up and
taking his hand in mine, we then hugged like the oldest of
friends, which of course, we are. Lee asked me, “What name?” I
put the question to him and he pronounced in my mind,
“Aesgard.” Lee mentioned to me that he wanted me to walk
with him, I wasn’t going to disagree. While we walked hand in
hand along the beach, I had the opportunity to look around and
saw that it was part of a large bay. Behind the trees I had sat
under was a steep slope that went up to a thin ridge, which then
led onto a high hilltop. We talked and got better re-acquainted,
for about a kilometre, then Esgard stopped and turned to face
me. I took the time to ask some basic questions which he
answered calmly and honestly. “I think he wants to show you
something.” came Lee’s voice again. A part of me had already
become aware of the presence of others around us as Esgard and
I had talked, so that part must have known what was going on.
“Yes. The others are here now.” This was an interesting feeling,
knowing inside what was happening yet not so aware mentally.
Turning around let me see a semi-circle of shining, ‘people-
thingies’.

Who should be the first one? None other than the nun I
had sped past in my earlier experiment, so I apologized to her
for my ignorance. Throwing my arms around her, we hugged
while I began to remember, Sarah was her name and she had
helped me often. I knew that she would give her motherly
advice when I asked for help to understand the dynamics of my
daughter and myself. Esgard asked me to move on around the
group, which I did, to be re-introduced to three hazily-formed
male energies, Mathew, Michael and Lucas. Next came a vague
figure with a small something in front of her, I recognized her
feeling as Cheryl / Gerta and moved on again.

Another woman came to my attention, she showed

herself as Native American then morphed into a Celt, which
stirred up emotions in me. Moving closer to her, I took her face
 71
in my hands as tears ran down my real body’s cheeks, she did
the same, and together we said, “It is you, I thought I lost you
long ago.” We held each other tight and remembered together
that we had been all things to each other many times before.
Raven told me that we would meet again on the world, ‘in the
not too soon’. Lee asked me to narrate the proceedings, to fill
out the feelings and sights that she was getting. Under the
circumstances it was quite difficult, I had only now come to
understand that my long, unknowing search for love in this life
was due to Raven’s and my extensive history together. And it
made sense to me now, why Debbie was one of the few women
who had deeply reminded me of Raven. They both felt very
similar to me, so I didn’t stand a chance of not being smitten.
Even though Raven is in the world at this time, we had not come
across each other and now I knew that we would.

I continued with the greetings and saw two more fuzzy

figures followed by a definite and different one, who I sensed as
having a wonderful humour. This recognition raised feelings of
our long, fun friendship. Lee asked me, “Can you describe this
person, he feels like a happy soul.” “Well, not human to begin
with, short, about four feet tall and possibly as round. He has a
large mouth set in a face that looks a bit like a frog caricature.”
‘Gilgar’, sounded in my mind and I knew him then as a great
companion over many ages and on innumerable worlds. I told
him I would come to talk with him again and in return he hinted
that we would work together soon. A feeling came upon me as if
I had forgotten a most important person and Lee spoke, “I think
someone is upset with you because you overlooked them.
Knowing this I added, “She’s a bit upset that I didn’t see her
before, it’s the little one.” Returning to where I had sensed
Gerta, and looking there properly, I saw a small girl-child aged
around three years who was watching me expectantly. Kneeling,
I put my arms out to her, she jumped onto my lap and hugged
me so tightly that it hurt. As our energies mingled, I
remembered that she was my Pict daughter, Marva. She did not
 72
blame me for what had happened, which allowed old,
suppressed feelings of guilt to flow out of my being and be
replaced by a far greater love. It was at this time that I knew she
was the same child who was with me in the world today, and I
marvelled at how we had all come together in this lifetime to
work through our old problems. With a sickening awareness, I
learned that the leader of the raiders, who I had tracked down
and killed, was also in the world now. I call him Brad this time.
The connection we have this time is just as uncomfortable and
competitive, although that was not of my logical mind’s
choosing this time. Rather, it was a continuation of the old
wounds we needed to work on. ‘Click’ go the puzzle pieces,
again.

Esgard called me to walk on with him so I asked if

Marva could come some way with us. Besides, she had no
intention of letting go her hold on me so readily. Again we
walked and talked, while I assured Marva that I would not leave
her for so long and that I deeply loved her. She was happy with
this, so Esgard said to her, “It’s time to return to your mother
little one.”, she kissed me then happily raced off to join Gerta.
Lee left the room saying, “I’ll leave you two to talk together.”
We walked along the beach a little further before turning onto a
small path leading into the cool forest, and then bringing us to
two stone benches that faced each other across the path. After
sitting on opposite sides, I held Esgard’s hands in mine and tried
to see his face. But all I could make out was what I imagined a
tiny insect buzzing around your face would see. Everything was
large, so large that I could only see one detail at a time as my
vision passed across his enormous features. “Do not be
concerned with seeing me yet, ask your questions.”, he told me.
Firstly I asked, “How do I contact you easily?” He withdrew his
hands and this world began to dissipate until he took my hands
again. So, I only needed to reach out for him, which really was
simple.
 73
Since my attention had been diverted onto this little
revelation, it became possible for me to see him clearly. And, he
looked exactly as I had remembered from 1967. Esgard sat
smiling at me and was aware that I could now see him, then he
split into two distinct individuals, which caused me to ask, “Is
this a different aspect of you, or is this someone different?”
“Different aspect, yes. I choose how I appear.” Then he gave me
an entire concept in one hit. One part was the main entity or
higher self, with another portion of itself appearing as a skull-
capped Druidic figure. “So this is what was so significant about
the Celtic study.” They both smiled as more pieces of the jigsaw
puzzle clicked together along with the Druid’s name, “Tayesin.”
I knew then more study was in order to learn about this person.
They continued. “The little one who is with you now in the
world, has an important task in this life. What and how you
teach her is also very important”, they told me. “Do I ask you
any questions about her?” The reply was, “You can, but speak
with Sarah for she will help. You will know how to find her
later, when you need to.” We also discussed some of the things
that I had been up to in the last twenty years, then we finished
this visit with hugs all round.

Afterwards, I joined a couple of friends on Lee’s back

steps for a cup of tea and a comfortable chat. I had learned that
this wasn’t the difficult stuff I tried to do as a teenager, it was
simple, the main problem was I tended to make things far more
difficult than they needed to be. Being a relatively complex
person allowed me to see the complexities in many things and
because of this I always dissected everything in order to
understand it more completely. This is why I never saw black
and white about anything, noticing instead the many shades of
grey. While there is nothing wrong with trying to see and
understand all these areas, problems arose when I applied this to
things that were simple and needed no dissection. You can
watch the years slide by while trying to dissect the un-
dissectible!
 74
These experiments must have revitalized dormant
parts of me, as ‘Sight’ came again, when I least expected it.
While visiting Lee’s, an image superimposed itself over the
view that I had up until then, been enjoying. It was of an
ordinary stick, which was gradually and graphically worked into
a Staff, of all things. I felt it to mean that I should make this
staff, for whatever it’s purpose. Lee agreed with my deduction
after I described the vision to her. The next thing I did was to let
go of the whole thought. I figured that if I was supposed to
create this, then the means would become available. Within a
week, the raw stick presented itself at my favourite picnic spot
while Lee and I were taking the kids bushwalking. That night I
sat quietly in my chair holding the stick and ‘seeing’ the changes
which occurred around the tree that had produced this gnarled
piece. I don’t know how old the tree was but I now knew it had
lived through many changes. Seven days later the staff was
completed. It had been worked by hand and blade, with a quieter
mind almost as if in meditation, which offered me an acute
awareness.

I was weaving energy into it with my thoughts and

movements, all of which were deliberate, calculated and
conforming exactly to the original plan I was shown. Some
greater part of me had known what to do, how to make smooth
holes where necessary, how to fit the right piece of rock-crystal
into a hand made recess at the top and even how to bind the
hand grips. The end product was a clone of the one I had seen,
it’s simplicity and form are unpretentious. What I didn’t know,
was what I should do with it. Did this staff have a purpose or
was it something Spirit tasked me with to get my attention?
Pretty good questions don’t you think? The thoughts that went
into my staff’s making were very important, as I had learned
that thoughts are energy forms we create. Every second of the
day we create them, they are energy, so they have power.
Thousands of powerful but separated thoughts are radiated, so
try to imagine what we could achieve globally, if most of us
 75
united some of our thoughts daily.

Once the staff was finished an urge came to name it, but
I didn’t know why or what sort of name to choose. I had not
been back to see Esgard for three weeks and so the search for a
name became the motivation behind the next meditation. By the
time my daughter was asleep I was ready to make the journey.
Following the same process as before, I reached out to find
Esgard’s hands waiting for me. The Druid Tayesin was present
again so I asked them both what name I should give to the staff.
Smiling that expansive, loving smile of their’s, they answered,
“What is in a name?” Hoping for a straight answer I told them,
“I don’t know, what exactly do you mean by that?” Esgard
offered me this fact, “It is your choice. You should know the
answer, which is why you were asked this question?” Not
knowing how to pursue this line, I turned to speak to the Druid.
For the first time Tayesin spoke of his own accord, “Come, I
will show you something.” He then turned his back to me, which
I found confusing. How could he show me anything with his
back to me? Esgard whispered in my ear, “He is waiting for you
to step into him. Do it now.” What a weird feeling!

As I stepped into Tayesin, I could feel every particle, his

distinct size, posture, and age. I could see an old castle across a
tree-lined lake and felt recognitions simmering inside me. They
came flowering into my awareness as memories. From this I
learned that we are the same soul, the same portion of spirit and
I had been Tayesin in an earlier incarnation. So many things
came to the fore that it was like having an entire life’s-worth of
them come at one moment. Esgard had showed the Druid at our
first modern encounter to try and usher the memories. Tayesin
was part of my history, a part of my higher self that incarnated
one and a half thousand years ago. Very slowly, I deduced that
if he was part of my higher self, and I was part of Esgard, then
both of them must be part of me. That blew me away, what a
huge concept to get so early in the proceedings.
 76

Their question to me asking what was in a name, had it’s

answer surface at the same time that I was having the memories.
It was related to specifying what you were after. Naming is
important, as it ‘tags’ an energy and is a vibration. Whether
spoken or thought a name does therefore, have power. The name
for my staff came from a novel Jayne lent to me, ‘The Circle
and the Cross’, by Caiseal Mor. My staff was named Mawn, for
balance, which all fitted nicely with the feminine aspect of the
tree it had come from and with the male/female quality of the
crystal that resides in the top. It became a reality for me when
un-balanced people held it in their hands.

My friend Ron, who was trying to get to the bottom of

his self-imposed rut, grabbed it without asking permission. His
body shook with the intensity of the energy that drove into him,
until he returned Mawn to it’s proper place. He then looked at
me saying, “Wow man, that was wild. Did you see that? It was
great. I could feel it run up my arms then it hit me. Wow.” The
following day, Ron was far more lucid in his thoughts and
receptive to the information I had to give him. But, Mawn
seemed to be drained by Ron’s impromptu actions, or so I
thought. I decided to work with it, to re-energize it again.
 77
Deeper Still.

“On the path of knowledge we are always fighting something,

avoiding something, preparing for something; and that
something is always inexplicable, greater and more powerful
than us.”
- Carlos Castaneda.

Two months later I was invited along to a Sunday group

where the opportunity for wider experience was offered. A lady
had come to the group seeking an answer to her most pressing
question, why does my mother hate me? She had been told that I
was an excellent psychic and would be able to help. I rejected
this description of me, how could I be something that I didn’t
know anything about officially? The word psychic had, for me,
pre-supposed ideas and I was severely uncomfortable with them.
Those Seeds again.

As we were led into the meditation, I clearly saw a

woman dressed in 1940’s style clothing walking home at night.
This lady was set upon by a German soldier and then quickly
overpowered as more soldiers joined in the act of raping her. I
was horrified by the clarity of my vision and felt emotions rising
in response to it, only to have the scene change to a modern
time-frame. The woman was now old and withered as she lay on
a hospital bed waiting to die, in a sense she was relieved by the
prospect. She had lived with the memory of how her child was
conceived and it had festered inside her to such an extent that
she was never able to show the love she felt for her daughter.
Every time she had looked at her child, she was painfully
reminded of her experience with the soldiers. The flood of this
woman’s anguish was intense for me and I needed to get out of
the meditation, so that I could fend off my growing need to cry
and find a way to deal with the pain I had taken from this
person. When everyone had finished, Roma asked me what I’d
 78
seen and knowing not to be backward in coming forward, I
told all. To the lady with the question I explained, “Your mum is
dying and she needs to be released from her pain. She needs to
know that you do love her because she really does love you, just
not the way you were conceived.” That didn’t go down well at
all with the woman who wanted a different answer. Most people
in the meditation had seen something similar to me so I knew
we were ‘seeing’ true. I still had no idea what to do with the
anguish I had taken from the old woman. Taking the coffee
break as an opportunity to go outside and sit on the grass for a
cigarette, I heard Esgard say to me, “Know that what you have
done this day you will do for others. You are not yet ready for
those, you were ready for today. Find a suitable tree to release
the pain.” I got up and walked along a track until I found the
lightly glowing tree, just like the library books. So I went up and
explained to it what my intentions were and did what I was
urged to do. Those feelings poured into the huge tree and freed
me at the same time, which was a huge relief. After that I
thanked the tree for it’s wonderful service and hugged it while
the ‘great love’ feeling expanded. As I turned to leave, I found a
feather at my feet that had not been there only two minutes
before. It reminded me of another time when a large Eagle
feather was presented by spirit, floating above the ground in a
stiff breeze that did not move it, after I had followed directions,
so I took this one too.

Lunch was very nice. After which, we went on to do

past-life work with some of the people who were present. By
now I was getting clear images of what the subjects were
experiencing, most times it seemed like my awareness was
almost floating beside them in their old life. You know,
journeying into past lives can be very enjoyable once you have
gotten over the initial surprise. So it wasn’t long before I was on
the table preparing to travel in time. Once prepared and
everyone concerned is ready, I ‘whoosh’ through the door to
have a play with flying. Now this type of flying is fun, you can
 79
go almost wherever you choose and I found that you will
know when it’s time to get serious, you can feel it. Gently
touching down to earth, I hear ‘Maya’ and see very steep
mountains all around. There is a paved stone path leading off
into the slopes and back the other way are large stone
foundations topped with smaller rock structures and buildings.
The first question is, “Who are you, what do you do?” “I am a
messenger, I run. Sometimes long distances, and sometimes two
or three days to the next messenger.” “What are you wearing?”
“Bear feet, a type of loin-cloth and this belt.”, I say while
touching the wound gold belt around my mid-section. “And do
you have a weapon?” “Only this small knife,” was my reply
while holding the curved hand grip of my dirge, as it sat
concealed in an internal scabbard behind the main belt clasp,
“It’s bronze.” Roma asks if I am aware of the penalty for bad
news, I can only respond with a cautious nod of my head.

“What about your families, tell us about the children?”

“Our children are with the elders, their grand-parents, until
they are four or five years, so the strong and healthy can work.
After, they learn how to grow food here, then they will study
how we sustain the production of those foods. When older, they
are helped to pursue their strengths, be it labouring, metallurgy,
astronomy, healing and music. The brightest will be taken for
instruction.” Turning and walking to the outside walls, I
continue the narrative, “At the entrance are two unusual pillars
we must go between before stepping up into the city. As you
walk into that area you can feel some kind of field that senses if
you belong here.” Now I extend my walk to investigate further,
“There are sewerage pipes down the slopes that pours the waste
into the downstream river, below and away from the city. Here
are the flowing water troughs for everyone to use.” I did say
water troughs? How did we get water all the way up here? It
must be nearly one thousand feet down to the river below, and I
know of no man-powered bucketing system.
 80
I was very interested in how this was done, for as
messenger-me, I had no idea because my only concern was to
run. Curiosity got the better of me and so I went in search of the
answers to my questions, “Beyond the plaza, I’m walking up
curving steps into a room with three ‘slit’ windows. The floor is
set around the top of a very large rock that has been ground
almost flush with the floor. Going back out of the room, there
are more steps leading down and around the outer walls of the
observatory. There is an opening carved out of the rock below
that room. Stepping into the hollowed out
interior........um....there are two shiny machines consisting of
twin tubes connected to other things. They are pumps......and
this will sound silly, but, they are powered, somehow, by the
huge rock in the centre of the room. This is the same rock that
has its top in the three-windowed room above. It is also the
source of the energy field that I passed through when entering
the city.” This was as much a revelation to me as it must have
been for the other people who were listening in to my journey
and I wondered if they felt as curious about this as I did.

Continuing on, I went outside the city by following the

well-trodden pathway, while answering more questions. The
next thing I saw really didn’t surprise me. Three ‘scout-ships’
flew out of the nearby range and assembled in formation at a
point four hundred metres away, before exiting our world’s
atmosphere in unison. It was for me, in that life, the most normal
thing to have seen because I had interacted with their occupants
many times. I spoke directly to Roma, “Did you know ‘they’
were here?” She responded, “Who is there?” The answer, “The
visitors from the stars.” stalled her only momentarily. Then she
eagerly asked, “Can you tell us about them please?” The
memories surged back to me, I could not answer her because I
was struck dumb by a paralysing fear. They were our overlords,
a particularly nasty breed of character, who enjoyed plenty of
human blood-letting. These were the ‘gods of old’ who
demanded many sacrifices for them on a daily basis. Emphasis
 81
on the words, ‘for them’. I was then helped back to calmness
before returning to the present time and again I had a play on the
way. In this way I could free myself from the feelings, so I
would not be affected by them again. At the end of the day
Roma asked me if I could remember what had happened to the
Mayans. I could not, even though I had some images leap into
my mind, so she asked me to investigate further by journeying
back at my leisure. So far, I have not been back to look.

This life was much earlier than the Egyptian one and
demonstrated to me that an advanced Mayan culture had existed
further back in history than is usually accepted. I knew we had
built a city in the mountains on top of huge stone ruins that had
been there since before our time. We did not question this, but
gave thanks for the solid base on which to build our own city.
As you can see today, cities like Machu-pichu were built with
smaller stones and much of the city has survived the ravages of
time, probably because of these monolithic foundations.
Shortly after, Lee and I did a joint meditation. We
walked along the sandy beach and found some stone steps
leading up the slope to the ridge, exactly like the ones Esgard
had tried to show in my first experiment. So we climbed them.
Near the top of the ridge was a larger stone slab, like a small
landing, with a faint trail heading off into the overgrown shrubs.
I rested here while looking up to the higher ground and noticed
that it was brighter up there, so I wanted to keep going. Lee
pointed down the disused trail and said, “There’s an old cave
over there, do you want to go in?” Without waiting to find out
why I felt weird about the cave, I headed straight up to the high
spot. We found an ancient carved stone standing at the centre of
the small plateau and while I scouted around, Lee mentioned,
“You know, there was something like thin cardboard covering
the floor of that cave. Let’s go and check it out.” Still feeling
weird I said, “I want to play around a bit. How about we meet
back at the steps?” With that I took off, literally, as flying
around was the easiest way to see everything.
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The ridge we had used to reach the high ground turned
out to be one of four arms. Each arm appeared to radiate, cross
like, from the summit. So from the air it took on the appearance
of the Tao, an ancient symbol that has been used to signify the
name of God and a hundred other things. We did meet back at
the steps for the return trip and afterward we shared our separate
experiences. Lee had carefully gone into the cave, found a
window-like opening in one wall that faced out to sea and had
watched me buzzing around outside. I learned that you can fly
through the water, in fact, you can do anything you set your
mind to. There’s the biggest clue. For some reason I didn’t want
to get too serious yet, besides, I was having the best fun. I knew
that I would have to settle down and take a good look at things
soon, but not right now.

Another friend, Mark, had just been to see a psychic who

had given him a very interesting esoteric reading. She had
recorded the session and given him the copy, which we listened
to that night. I strongly felt she had broached things that Mark
and I had nutted out between ourselves over the previous year.
On the strength of Sante’s reading for Mark, I decided to go to
her and see what she had for me. Walking in the door to her
room, I asked, “How are you feeling today?” She turned to face
me with a look of surprise and said, “In the twenty years I’ve
been doing this work, no-one has ever asked how I feel!”

During our session she spoke about my guide by saying,

“The ancient seer who stands behind you is showing me the
colour red. Do you know why? Oh, it is something that comes
out at the point of anger, do you understand that?” I said, “No
idea.” Then I got the idea that it related to the incredible power
that resides deep inside all of us, and one that I feel when angry.
Sante mentioned that she saw me jumping off a cliff to fly
around and also made the point that I went there regularly,
whether I was aware that I did or not. Continuing on she said,
“There is a cave, the floor is covered in a paper, like cardboard.
 83
I see you going there, finding ancient icons and particular
objects buried in the dust of the floor, and you are asking,
“Who’s are these?” Your Self says, “They are your’s, do you not
remember?” She informed me that it was I who had put the
covering on the floor, in order to cover my tracks from the past.
It made no sense to me at that moment.

Esgard had showed me the steps to the cave during my

first experiment with meeting my guides, while Lee and I had
found our way to the cave by ourselves. Now it had come up
three times, blatantly indicating that this cave was important to
me and investigating it must therefore be my next step. So a
couple of days later I was jointly venturing off to the cave area
with Lee. Finding the steps without going the long way around
the beach took me a little while, as this consciously directed
journeying was still new to me. From the bottom of the steps I
could see a shining person near the top. When I reached the
landing, a tall warrior woman was waiting there, she spoke,
“What took you so long, I’ve been waiting for ages.” Lee and I
then made our way into the cave, in the half-light I could barely
make out a window across from me that let in a lighter, softer
light. Low stone benches curved around the walls and on them
sat carved stone objects covered in thick dust. On the floor there
really was a thin cardboard layer, forming a circle around the
central stalagmite and stalactite. Stepping backward to the
entrance, I knelt down to get a better look at the first carved
object to my right. Removing most of the dust layer showed me
a stone icon in the shape of a vulva, which was covered in swirl
symbols. I instinctively knew that it represented the earth
mother in her fertility.

As such, it also indicated to me that it came from a very

early time in human history. Moving along and dusting as I
went, allowed me to see two more stone objects. The first was a
beautifully carved and detailed Celtic cross which left no doubt
to it’s time frame, and the second was an equally lovely
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Egyptian Ankh. Placing my hand on the first one to trace the
swirls with my fingers brought some more jigsaw pieces
together. These objects would require me to make many more
visits to the cave so that I could remember what they meant to
me. For a reason that I did not understand at the time that
thought left me a little chilled with my own fear. I would have to
discover why for myself. We didn’t stay much longer and I was
out of the chair, reaching for a cigarette well before Lee had a
chance to open her eyes. I was excited about the meditation and
at the same time apprehensive for no great reason that I could
say. It was awesomely exciting and wonderful stuff, granted, but
the part of me that knew what was really happening had begun
to get nervous. Mind you, I was not yet fully aware of that part,
only the nervousness. It was time to give myself a few days off
before doing more ‘dimensional orienteering’. I use that term
loosely, because the word meditation cannot convey the true
meaning of what we were doing. Together, we travelled to
places other than our Earth, experiencing things that few people
could imagine. We really were pioneering, in the truest sense of
the word, as anyone who does these things can probably attest.
To be more specific with a description, these were Shamanic
journey’s, irrespective of anyone else’s concepts of what that
entails.

Making the next visit alone gave me the chance to

remove the cardboard from the floor and do a little cave
cleaning. What came to my attention first, was that I found
many more icons under tons of dust, some which I had a small
working knowledge of and others that had me stumped.
Especially those that were obviously technologically advanced,
when compared to anything we have in the world today. In the
process of cleaning the piles of dust and dirt from the cave’s
floor, I discovered some interesting things. The first was two
bracelets, made from gold and bearing a striking resemblance to
those I had worn in the Pict life. Both of them consisted of two
intertwined serpents forming the band, between their heads sat a
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sun disc. Workmanship was easily on a par with today’s
standards, which is all the more fascinating when you think that
they could have been very ancient, originally. Scratching further
in the loose dust and dirt produced a ring with an unusually
faceted Lapis, in a heavy gold setting. On each side of the stone
was a detailed wing embossed on the band, in the style of
Assyrian or Egyptian Cultures, among others. From behind me
Esgard said, “Do you remember them?” “I have seen the
bracelets before but not the ring.” Esgard and a smiling Gilgar
walked around to where I could see them, we hugged then
Gilgar said, “When you return to your cave next I will work
with you to help bring the memories.” I felt a strange
disturbance in the pit of my stomach.

Esgard told me, “Your body is restless, you must go

back.” Opening my eyes, I looked at the clock to see how long
I’d been gone, forty-five minutes had elapsed. How could that
be? My time at the cave was only about ten minutes. I could not
account for the time difference. Outside my house, on the
footpath, two drunks were fighting over the telephone booth. No
wonder the body was restless, my daughter was in the front
room asleep and I hoped to keep it that way no matter what was
causing the ruckus outside the house we lived in. In just a
handful of months I had come along like a rocket on lift-off,
giving me a very steep learning curve. It had been such an
intense time with all these experiments that I decided on some
time off, to soak up all the information, and for some recreation.
My new, growing awareness about what this was all heading for
needed some time out too.
 86
Big Red.

“In each of us there is another whom we don’t know.”

- C.G.Jung.

One month had passed since my last journey and I had

enjoyed the break very much. During the interim I’d had
enough opportunity for the information to soak-in from those
previous meditations. The internal drive was revving-up again,
so time had come to take the next few steps. Lee asked me if I
wanted to do some more journeys together and I agreed that we
should.

On our next visit we walked around outside the cave and

Lee found an old Native American man sitting on the rocks
above it. He held a small cup containing fire and a miniature
sword. She narrated her walk-about for me while I was looking
through the cave’s window. Instantly I knew what the flaming
sword in the cup symbolized. Lee said, “I think it’s for me.” But
I knew the old man was showing what was on offer here, it was
something that I vaguely remembered from many ages ago.
Through the window I could see that a little owl was sitting on
the floor in the middle of the cave, which got my curiosity
going, so I went in to investigate and called Lee to join me.
Inside was mildly disappointing because the owl had left the
building, having done the job of getting us in there. Lee
suggested that we sit down and see what we were here for, soon
she continued, “I’m being told you need to sink down into the
rock. Ready? Let’s go.” Fear was strong in me as I slipped, ever
so slowly, into the rock floor. At one stage I got myself stuck
with only my head poking above the ground, scared that I could
not breathe if I went any deeper. “Don’t be afraid. Watch me,
you can breathe in the rock,” Lee assured me. Trusting that if
my friend could do it, then anyone could, I pushed down a little
further. Guess what? I could easily breathe. As that first fear
 87
faded, I felt a much deeper one and had no idea what it meant.
We moved around in the rock for a short while, probably so I
could get used to it, and I did. Getting over-confident, I shot up
through the rock to a great height above the cave before turning
around and diving straight down into it again, at high speed.
Going much deeper this time, I saw a red glow further down and
felt a wave of fear jar through me. Curiosity got the better of my
fear and I went to have a cautious look. Upon closer inspection,
the light appeared for all the world like a Red Dragon, curled up,
asleep. If I thought that I’d ever felt fear before, I was mistaken,
this was fear. It propelled me out of the area and the meditation.
Inside I knew what this dragon was and what needed to be done,
but my fear was absolute.

Jayne loaned some more books that made me aware of a

new phenomenon. I could feel the power rising in me when
reading sections where ancient rites were being used to
empower high-magic in the story. Those feelings came fast and
strong and took me by surprise. ‘Mists of Avalon’ by Marion
Zimmer Bradley had that effect, while also introducing the
character of Taliesin to me. I wondered if this Taliesin was the
same as my Tayesin, I would find out. Reading the books in the
series brought more pieces of the puzzle home to roost. While
reading a certain passage about how Taliesin had become ‘the
Merlin’, my head prickled with the energy I felt, at the same
moment that my stomach went into ‘metal butterflies’ mode.
Something big was trying to get my attention, by hinting at a
secret that the knowing part of me had been hiding. My intuition
was telling me that Taliesin was an historical figure and so far I
had good reason to think that this was so.

I went back to the library to see what I could find out

about the man and his life. Following the same trends, the next
few books continued and then confirmed my suspicion that
Taliesin had been a real person. It seemed to me that Tayesin
was the phonetic pronunciation of Taliesin. Many of those
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‘yeahs’ jumped out at me when looking at photographs of
historical English sites, and while reading histories of that
region. I was on to something definite, my experiences so far
had taught me that I had been Tayesin and it was possibly being
affirmed, in a historical sense, by the life of Taliesin.
These books also helped me to answer my questions
about time differences between the worlds. I learned that most
other places of existence vibrate at higher levels than ours and
therefore have time constructions relative to their specific rates.
In a similar sense, the common fly has a heart rate much higher
than ours, as do many animals. Because of this it lives a much
quicker, and therefore shorter life, when compared to us. And
yet one short life for a fly is still an entire life. It’s simple; time
is only relative to having a perception of it.

Two weeks later I decided to venture off to the cave

again and Lee came for the journey too. A raven was in the cave
and outside on the path to it sat a white crocodile! That was
confusing and a bit scary too, even if I sub-consciously knew it
was here to help. I was glad to see the black bird sitting on a
perch halfway up the cave’s wall, and I was in no doubt that it
was Raven. The bird felt exactly like her, so I could not doubt.
From this I learned that Raven is part and parcel of the long term
process there and here. This time I went straight down to the
dragon despite my fears. ‘Red’ was still sleeping so I decided it
was safe enough to have a look about. He was more than just
big, that is not the right word for it. Ten or so metres of living,
breathing dragon laying right beside you can only be described
as ‘oh shit’. Maybe we will simply call it bloody huge, and
move on. It was curled up the way a cat does when they are
cold. As I walked around to the sharp end, I could feel awe for
this critter and took my time checking it out. At first I had not
seen the faint golden glow in it’s chest, and when I looked
closer, I found an answering glow coming from me. I put my
arms around the dragon and could feel ‘big love’ between us, so
I cuddled it for a longer time. When stepping back, I noticed that
 89
it was stirring from its slumber; one very big eye was staring
at me intently. Fortunately, the fear wasn’t stronger than the
love I was feeling for him. “I will come back my friend,” I told
the dragon before backing away to leave. Later, Lee and I sat on
the veranda sipping tea while I described my meeting with Red.
Now I did know something for sure. This dragon and I would
merge one day, even though the prospect of that frightened me. I
had remembered that this was something I’d done once or twice
before in past times. A huge responsibility would come with
doing this and it was up to me to learn how to deal with it, that’s
if I intended to continue any further along my path. And I was as
sure as I could be that I really did want to continue, the other
option was to remain in a limbo state between mediocrity and
success. Deep inside I could tell that my learning curve was
about to go ballistic, again. Sante’s message about the colour red
meant something to me now, so I decided to continue with most
of the journeys on my own. Intuition was telling me that ‘Red’
was symbolic of an immense power that lies dormant in us most
of the time, and it was also a representation to me of times past,
indicating the path to a wider understanding of who and what I
really was. I would have to feel my fears and do it anyway. Back
at the cave, I wasted no time in searching out the remaining
icons and dusting them off. I found a carved bull, an ornately
created cup, and numerous other stone objects that each related
to different times and cultures in Earth’s long history.

It didn’t take me long to realize that if this was my cave,

these icons were mine also. They indicated to me that I had lived
at least once for each of them and if I wanted to know my-self,
then I would need to remember the lessons in them all to
understand what paths had brought me to here. With this
understanding freshly entered into my awareness, I chose to test
an equally new idea that had just ‘popped’, fully-fledged into
my mind. To the left of the cave’s mouth, I had found a small
Stele that was carved with the most ancient symbols, and so it
was that this one should be the first to undergo my test.
 90
Kneeling before the icon, I vaguely saw an energy
surrounding it which I breathed in through my nostrils. Mists
circled in my mind’s eye for a moment, before clearing away
and letting me see that I was in England, standing beside the
Stella in it’s original place. I’m not sure of the time period but I
could see a heavily thatched building across the dirt track which
separated us. I knew that over the centuries, many traveller’s
had stopped at this spot to ask for favours of safe keeping and to
pay respects to the Spirit that was represented by this Stella.
Knowing that I was the Spirit these travellers had been asking
for safe passage from, had to be diverted so Ego would not run
away with the concept.

“This is so cool,” I said to myself. Despite my

excitement at getting to this place so easily, I decided to leave
and do more investigating inside my cave. Since I didn’t fully
know what time I was in or how I should return, I simply
‘intended’ to go back and was quickly returned. This is how I re-
learned to ‘connect with’ the sights and memories that these
icons represented to me, and also how I could travel to places or
events of my choice. Just at the moment I had that thought,
Gilgar entered the cave in his usual smiling way and said, “You
should wear the two bracelets when you come, you have earned
the right to do so, long ago. It is best to come prepared. This
time we will work on the ring, put it on please.” I had found a
unique ring earlier, while cleaning the cave. Slipping the ring
onto my finger and breathing in it’s accumulated energy took
me to a time when I was a Bard in service to my King. The first
crusades were just getting underway and many of the crusader’s
took their mission as a licence to kill and pillage at will,
particularly if the local king and his subjects still followed the
old ways.

It was in this climate of madness that I had learned

through my ritual ways, of an impending attack. My duty was to
the King and so I approached him with plans to secrete his
 91
household in a place known only to me, until the danger had
passed. Mists moved me along to the night of celebration, after
those crusader’s had left the castle to continue their mission
elsewhere. The King was speaking to me in formal tones, before
all the gathering, “And so I bestow this gift upon you Druid, for
saving us from the christian hordes.” He then continued, “It has
been in my family since time out of mind and is made from your
holy stone, is it not?” “It is Lapis, my lord. A holy stone none
the less and I accept it in the way you have given.” “Will you
play for me tonight my good friend?”, he asked, just as formally.
When I looked in front of me I saw a harp was being readied for
my touch. “Can I play the harp?” I asked myself, because I
don’t have that skill in my present life-time. “ My lord, it will be
my greatest pleasure. I will play a lament for those who were
not so fortunate as we.” And with that, my hands went to the
strings and played a music that not only moved me emotionally,
it also had that effect on the people gathered within the King’s
hall. It was a lilting and yet powerful melody that wove it’s way
to the hearts and minds of those present. Needless to say, I was
pretty excited at learning that not only could I play one of these
harps, but I could play well.

Gilgar’s face came into my mind and asked me if I

understood what the ring meant, and after I replied that I wasn’t
sure, he said, “Connect with it now, in the time you are in.” I
really did understand the lesson within his words about time
perceptions and did as he suggested. Once again the mists
whirled in my mind until I was back in Egypt again, in the life
of Ahmhet (spelling?) the Vizier. I remembered that this
particular ring was made under my direction for the Pharaoh, to
symbolise to him the levels of initiation that he had completed,
and it was my pleasure to help him to know this. Once I had
remembered, I returned to the cave where Gilgar and Esgard
were waiting for me. “Do you remember?”, they asked in
unison. I explained to them what I had learned from the journeys
so far, “Good”, was all they had to say about it. Gilgar suggested
 92
that I try the same connection technique with the gold
bracelets and was soon transported to the Pict village. Only this
time I was a lad of seven, sitting with the tribe while important
decisions were being discussed by our elders. I strongly
disagreed with one decision, showing that I did not know my
place in the tribe’s hierarchy, and was chastised for it. Our ‘holy
man’ stepped over to me and said to the gathering, “This child
speaks true. I wish to take him for instructing in the ways.”
Mists came again. When they cleared, I was about thirteen years
old and being prepared for a ritual at an ancient mound we
called ‘Dragon’s Lair’, that was at a weeks walk from the
village, down on the flatter lands amongst the ancient forests.

The preparations included me having to drink a vile

potion my mentor had made for me, that was intended to help. I
couldn’t see how it could help if I didn’t keep it down, which
was demanding work. As the concoction took effect, I was
carried to a cave inside the mound and vaguely recall hearing
instructions through the drugged haze I was experiencing.
Everyone left in a hurry, and some time through that night
another visitor came. This one was huge and looked exactly like
‘Red’ as it approached me menacingly. My stupor left me
instantly as I remembered the instructions, “show no fear lest
you be eaten by the Dragon.” Standing as tall as possible I faced
the monster and said, “You will not devour me, my friend. I am
the one chosen for this and so I am here. Let us begin.” I felt
his hot, moist breath as he stood over me, mouth open, poised to
strike if I so much as flinched with indecision. Now was the
time, I turned my back to let him step into me. In a fraction of a
second I grew thirty feet tall and marvelled at my ‘new’ wings,
then I felt it’s power rising up inside. It rose to test me already.
Next morning I awoke to being splashed with cold stream water
from skin-buckets, and while still very groggy from the potion,
my sight was clear enough to see fresh tattoos on my wrists. I
remembered them as the one’s I had noticed at my first visit to
the Pict life and now knew how I had come to have them. My
 93
wise old teacher came forward and handed me the two gold
serpent bracelets, saying, “They are old as time, having survived
the great destruction. Wear them always.”

More mists, and I was back at the cave with my two

smiling guides. “What is your understanding?”, they asked. “I
learned that time is not real. All there is, is the now, no matter
where you are. And, I’ve done this same thing before, so I’m in
the world to do it over again.” That’s when I got a further
inkling into what my greatest fears were about, I had done this
before. Esgard hugged me then said, “It is time to return to the
flesh.” I did not want to return to my body because I was
enjoying this journey immensely, but Esgard was right, I could
feel it and so I hugged them both before heading back to open
my eyes. Checking the clock showed me I had been gone for
two and a half hours this time. In that time I had lived a day and
a half from the Pict life, ten minutes from the Egyptian one and
about an hour from the time as a Bard. Another thought came to
me, I was glad not to have had these experiences as a child in
this life, otherwise I may well have ended up in a sanatorium.
Thirty years has made all the difference to me, because now, it
does not matter if most people I tell don’t believe me. Now no
one could tell me I was crazy and have me question myself
because of it. Now I knew. I only sound crazy to people who
have no concept of other realities apart from their own. Once
again I felt encouraged to continue.

On the following night I journeyed to the high ground

near my cave where Esgard, Tayesin and Gilgar met me. We
stood in a circle holding hands for a moment before gently
raising up from the ground and gravitating to the cave entrance,
in time for another twist in the plot. The white crocodile was
lying in the way and did not seem interested in moving so that
we could go in. Gilgar spoke first, “He is here to test you, do it
well.” “A test? No one said anything about tests.” “Why are
you here?” sounded clear and strong in my mind. “To continue
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the remembering.” “What is your purpose?” “To know who
I am.” He then went silent but still did not move, which
confused me initially. Fortunately, Gilgar helped with, “He
wants you to make Manna. Remember, then do it.” “Manna?
How do I make that? I don’t know how.” Again Gilgar
whispered to me, “Quieten. Be still and you will do it.”
Shutting-off my jabbering mind, I instantly saw how to reach
into the air with my hand while using awareness to gather small
particles, which then converged in my palm to form a tiny,
round white-cake. I even surprised myself! “Where did I learn
to do that?” No answers to that question were forthcoming.

Offering the cake to my examiner caused a stomach

flutter that soon vanished, along with the white crocodile and
it’s meal. It had left so abruptly that I was taken back a bit.
Gilgar smiled at me and I heard, “It must have been ok. But, you
will do better next time.” At least we could get inside the cave
now. As I walked in, I was not prepared for this next twist; it
really did come as a surprise. The old Native-american man Lee
told me about was sitting cross-legged on the bare floor of the
cave. He still held his hot cup in his hands and was smiling like
the others in the cave with me. We sat in a circle while Esgard
probed my understanding, “Do you know what it is you see in
his hands?” “Yes”, I replied while holding the entire concept of
what I understood in my mind for him to see. “Very good.” The
old Indian offered the cup in my direction and I accepted it with
all the reverence that I could feel. I took the sword of fire out
and placed the lovely little cup into the larger ‘cup icon’ I’d
found earlier, then held the sword aloft. As I did so, it grew full
size and the cave’s ceiling seemed to give way to the blade,
allowing me access to the vastness of outside.

It felt good in my hands and I knew then that I had also

held this sword in some age gone by. Some of the sword’s
abilities came to me as memories, so I spiralled up into the air
and used the blade to cut away the strings that bound me, like
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anchor chains, to newly insignificant moments of my current
life. Once back in the cave I discovered that I had a large rope-
like strand around my mid-section, which had been there for so
long that it had worn it’s way into my spirit-body. I stood up and
carefully cut away at it with the sword but could not remove all
of it. Esgard said, “When you remember how to use it
effectively, you will be free from many things.” I then thanked
the old native man for his gift and in return he gave me another
entire concept, and included the suggestion, “Use it wisely and
guard it diligently.” Esgard asked me if I understood the last
instruction, and honestly, I didn’t comprehend too much of it.
He then told me, “Others will come looking for that one. It is
given to you for service and not to others for their’s. You must
hide it well.” “Hide it? Where can I hide a sword this big?”
“That is your choice, choose soon.” Again I stood up to look
around for a safe place but could not see anywhere suitable, an
idea came to put it in me. This was easier done than said, and
the sword disappeared from view. Esgard looked at me with a
bigger than usual smile and told me I was doing very well, only
then did I realize he had included a test in the course of our short
talk. Now the urge came to go home and open my eyes, so I
gave everyone a big hug and promised to return the next night.

During the next day, excitement filled me with

expectation for the evening’s journey, so I never considered that
my expectations may have no place in the events that were to
come. When my daughter was sound asleep, I prepared in the
same manner as before only this time I travelled to another
place. The weather was dismal, soaking rain, mud everywhere
and through the haze I saw an Asian man carrying heavy
bundles as he made his way along some memorized path.
Looking about me showed that I was in a village during Japan’s
feudal period and by the lack of spark in the villagers, I would
say it was dark times in this corner of the land. To my left was
an animist religion’s shrine, similar in style to early Shinto
shrines. I heard a quiet squelch sound, like a heavy person
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walking on the mud. When I turned to get a clearer view I
saw a warrior in gloss black, full armour, and I wondered for a
split-second if it was shiny from the rain or from polishing.
Before I had the chance to finish this thought, he drew a sword
and took stance in front of me, clearly indicating what his
intentions were. I ducked left and dropped to the ground as he
made his exploratory move and then I thrust my feet into the
back of his knees, which brought the heavy opponent crashing
backwards to the ground.

How I wished for my own sword to defend myself with.

To my utmost delight, the sword appeared, fully-weighted in my
hand. Taking advantage of this situation I rested the sword point
gently on his throat, as a hopeful bluff, and waited for his sign of
acceptance. His arm muscles tensed at the moment he was about
to let rip with his blade and I finished it by leaning heavily on
the hilt of my sword, I did not want to kill anyone and was
pee’d-off because I was forced to do it. I felt terrible as I
watched his blood drain into the mire, but my mood included
awe when I saw an emaciated, green dragon wisp out and away
from the corpse. “Wow, I have to see Esgard for a talk.”, I
thought to myself and began moving straight away.

He waited for me at the high ground and was ready to

listen, when I ended my story he asked, “Do you see why you
could not have your highest choice in that moment?” “No. It’s
not fair.” “By your act of self defence you freed one of the
dragons that was being severely abused, is that a wrong thing?”
What a good question! I did something I loathed to do and found
that half of the result was a positive, so was what I did wrong?
On the one hand it was a despicable act and on the other it
produced an excellent result. Just because I was beginning to
understand what Esgard was getting at, didn’t imply that I felt
good with it. All this was a bit much for me so I said my
goodbyes and headed back to my lounge chair.
 97
Esgard made sure to inform me that I had used the
sword effectively, but I was under my own perception of what
could be classed as a good use. I knew that one of the sword’s
characteristic uses was in discerning the truth, but was this truth
only that I could not have all things the way I wanted? Hell, life
in the world had already taught me that, so what else was there
to see? A little thought entered my mind and said, “Do you think
this sword may also discern truth in action, is it not the flaming-
sword?” “Well yes, it is the flaming sword, Esgard.” Small parts
of the concept that the old man gave to me began to merge into
my awareness and I realized that even though I may wield this
sword now, I am not its master, only its handler. The knowledge
entrusted in this lesson of the sword would take more time to
filter down into me.

Now it was time for more R&R and a few days break
from the meditations again. So far things had gotten even
weirder than before, from the ‘normal world perspective’, and
although I was getting clearer about it I still needed the break.
At least I knew when I needed to give it a rest, for my own sake.
Spending time with friends always recharges my batteries and
this time it helped me to relax enough for a wider picture to
develop. This sword business was a little like the dragon stuff,
they shared a common trait, immense responsibility. Great, just
what I needed, more of that. Then again, I just might grow into
it.

Play-time was over, the bell had rung and it was back to
lessons for me. This time I went straight to the cave entrance to
find the white crocodile was back. “Why are you here?” “To
continue the work in my cave.” “What is your favourite
colour?” “Blue.” He left as speedily as before while I laughed
to myself about the last question. It reminded me of a scene in
‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’, when the knights wanted to
cross the bridge of death. “Yes, the thought was implanted in
the writer”, came the crocodile’s voice, though it was nowhere
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to be seen. Gilgar walked out of the cave and said, “Come, we
have much to do.” He gave his biggest smile yet while
pretending to open a door for me with a flourish.

“Gilgar”, I asked, “Why did the crocodile ask me what

my favourite colour was?” “To see if you would answer with
honesty, despite it sounding like a silly question.” He got
serious about our work and asked, “Have you looked closely at
the two golden icons?” “No, I hadn’t got to that yet. They do
interest me, I’ve not seen things like them before, that I can
recall.” “Go to the holster and connect please”, he politely
asked. Sure enough, there was something that could be
described that way, and it had what resembled a model of a
golden lightning-flash inside the holster. Not only did the mists
swirl this time, I could swear we went through three things that
appeared like grids, before coming to a halt outside a very
interesting city. All their buildings were made from a crystal-
like matter and looked like a fairy tale or science fiction style
city. One of the first things that came to my attention was this
city had a protective dome-shield around it. Then I saw why.
Dinosaurs roamed the areas outside the city. I have no idea what
era this was taking place in. The next thing I learned was that
this culture had spread over the Earth and they had outposts on
nearby planets as well.
“Please put the holster on now”, Gilgar’s voice came
over my shoulder. When I did it, I could feel my body changing
as my chest became longer and more cylindrical, arms and legs
elongated until I stood a good three metres tall. In an instant I
remembered that we had the ability to create anything at will, to
travel vast distances through space by altering our structure and
recombining at our destination. “Look closely at the city before
you.” These people were in trouble, some of them were killing
the huge beasts for ‘sport’ and cooking the meat just because
they could. That made no sense to me for a race with these
abilities. People began to quarrel in the streets, which was
unprecedented in the history of this culture. Further along I saw
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larger bands of people warring amongst themselves, this
eventually led to the destruction of the cities and ultimately the
whole civilisation. From my vantage point I watched the
marvellous buildings crumble and fall, signifying the end.

I felt the tug to return and joined Gilgar and Esgard in

the cave, where they wasted no time in asking what I understood
about this. “We had the ability to create and through our own
greed’s, we destroyed ourselves and lost the gift.” Esgard
informed me, “Very good, you are doing well. The human race
on Earth is about to move up a step. And it is at this threshold
that the gift will be made available again. You must tell others
so they can understand what happened last time, in the hope that
they will not do the same.” “More responsibility?” “Yes, you
chose this and you must know that you did not do so lightly”.
Continuing, he said, “These are the things you intended for this
life and you know that you are strong enough.” Giving each of
them a hug first, I left the cave to go home. Elation and
disappointment coursed through me, I didn’t want more
responsibility in my life, which was why I chose mediocrity as a
path when I was eighteen. I really wanted to go forward into my
tasks here but not at what I thought was too high a cost, which
sounds absolutely ridiculous now. What to do? I know, I’ll take
more time out from the meditations and see how things go for a
while. So I did just that for a few months, despite the growing
urges from my inner self and the other helpers. And I really
enjoyed the time not taking anything too seriously although I
noticed that I wasn’t feeling so strong or happy as I do when
regularly meditating.

Jayne called in for a visit one day and gave me a

collector’s plate with a picture of a Native american on
horseback. The psychic Sante had mentioned just such an entity
to me and explained that he was helping by leaving small clues
for me to find. I looked at Jayne and asked her how she knew it
was for me, she replied, “I was told by my guides to give it to
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you and you would understand.” Later that evening I asked
guidance how I could contact this entity and was answered with,
“Go to the high ground and you will meet him there.” So it was
back to meditation again, but I hoped it would follow a different
tack for a little while.

At the high ground I found an old fire circle made of

rocks and sat down to see what would happen. To my surprise, a
pure white horse came trotting over, although there was no rider
with it. I felt that it was much more than a horse and suddenly it
dawned on me that this was like Epona from early legends in
Britain. She nuzzled me and we shared ‘Big Love’ while I asked
for her name, she replied, “You know me as Arane (A-rar-nee),
I am the Mother Spirit some call Gaia. We are here to help you
in this time, we support you.” At that moment, a Native-
american walked over the crest to join us. This new visitor wore
the clothes of a Plains Indian and hailed me in the traditional
way before sitting at the rock circle and lighting a fire. He
introduced himself in his native language, which translated in
me as ‘Great Oak’. Once we were all present at the fire, I asked
him what he was here for and why he was important to me. He
replied, “I have come to help you. This is an agreement we both
made before your incarnation on the Earth world.” I asked,
“How long will we be together?” “Until my task with you is
complete.” “Will we meet again after that?” “Only when you
have completed this current life, for now, I will leave small
things for you to find. You will work them out and continue
onward in the journey.” “Okay, so where to from here, my
friend?” He leaned to one side and used his eyes to indicate a
direction for me to look. Behind him a snow-capped mountain
peak rose in the darkness until it dwarfed the place I had called
‘the high ground’. “Wow! And I thought that this area was the
highest place.” Now the enormity of the task ahead came to my
awareness, I had to work my way to the top of that incredibly
high peak, and it looked like a long, hard climb to me. We
smoked his pipe while talking about some specifics, then I
 101
remembered to ask him an important question. “Great Oak,
did you leave the glowing Eagle feather for me to find, after
asking for and then following the guidance?” “Yes brother”, he
smiled.

Back at my lounge chair I was a much happier person

after this meeting. I was now aware that there was support for
me in the task here that was comforting. In fact, it was so
comforting that I decided to cut short my intended long holiday
from the meditations and get back into it the following night.
The batteries were obviously recharged and I was feeling good
about it again. Next day was a busy one with running around
town to pay bills and get some shopping done, all the while I felt
strong again, directed and ready for anything that might come in
the night’s meditation.

The meditation began in the normal way with making

my preparations to leave the world’s reality behind. Before the
move out of body Esgard said to me, “Let us do something
different Mark. Please go deep into your body, as if you were
the size of an atom.” I thought this sounded like a great idea and
I found it was very easy to do. “Start the process in the base
chakra. See how this energy point effects and controls the
organs around it, and please notice the blockages you find. Next
time, we can work on clearing them away.” I did as he asked
and was rewarded with an incredible journey through my own
body, that worked it’s way from the base chakra all the way to
the crown. Never before had I considered exactly how the
chakras effect and operate the human body, or how distasteful
blockages in the energy flow can look. So I was keen to come
back the next night to clear away the dirty-looking blockages
under Esgard’s guidance.
Next night’s meditation was far more intense than I had
imagined it would be. The blockages were relatively easy to
clear up with guidance, although the work was prolonged and
mentally tiring. When finished, I returned to the pineal gland,
 102
the area of the third-eye chakra and saw that there was a
small tunnel-like object that turned toward the rear of my skull,
and it too was filled with gunk. So I cleared it out and was
amazed at just how clearly I could hear guidance again. I had
found the Causal chakra where the voice of the divine speaks to
us. This process showed clearly what you get when you don’t
treat your body as the vessel for the spirit that we really are. And
once again, I did not know that this process was prelude and
preparation to something else.

Processing had left me feeling drained and so I chose to

rest for two nights before continuing on with the work. On the
second night, as I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom, I felt
the presence of an entity close to me. I slowly turned and in my
peripheral vision I saw a large, black blob-shape, less than one
metre away from me. As soon as I tried to look straight at it, I
could no longer see it, so I closed my eyes in order to see it with
spirit-eyes. That’s when things got crazy. It spoke to me, clearly
and threateningly, “You can not defeat me, I am too strong for
you.” Fear rose up while I thought to myself, “Holy shit, what’s
happening?” Sensing that it was feeding off this fear energy, I
got my responses under control, and approached it. I opened my
eyes to show that I would not be afraid even if I did see it, and
spoke out loud, “I am not here to defeat anyone or anything. I
am here to accomplish my tasks and to share Love. I mean you
no harm.” Then I walked over and put my arms around it, which
let me know that it was real because I could feel it, and poured
Loving energy into it. Guess what happened next? The thing
simply softened and left, this was when I learned the most
important key.

Big Love is more powerful than anything else that exists

in the cosmos, nothing can overcome the pure energy of it. But,
it can only be this effective if you are not coming from fear,
otherwise it is not Big Love in it’s purest form. See the catch
22, the duality and purpose in it? Isn’t it truly awesome?
 103

For the next meditation I went to the high ground to see

Arane and Great Oak for a quick chat and was told, “Come
prepared to this place with what you have earned. Go now to
your cave.” On the way down the ridge path that leads to my
cave, I noticed that I was wearing different clothes and
jewellery. I stopped to get a better look and found that I was
wearing a robe and cloak of dark purplish-blue, the two wrist
bracelets and my ancient ring. This was a little strange, as I
really could not see the relevance of the clothes, but that’s how
it was and so I continued on to the cave. At the entrance was the
shiny crocodile again, only this time he did not stand in the way
or ask any questions. So I decided to stop and talk with him.
“Who are you and why are you here?” I asked it. He morphed
out of the crocodile shape and grew to a human-like figure that
stood around two or three metres tall. “I am Absalom. I am here
to give assistance when necessary and to ensure that those who
are not suitable do not gain entry to your cave.” I wondered why
this cave would be important to anyone else or why they would
want to come here. He gave me a concept that was large enough
for me not to be able to comprehend in the moment, but I
understood that few would find this place exactly as I find it.

Esgard, Gilgar and Tayesin were already waiting inside

and so I sat with them for a short while before noticing that a
new icon was in place. But, this wasn’t a carved icon like the
rest, it was a large, perfectly formed slab with one tiny blemish
in it’s exact centre. Strangely, I didn’t think anything more
about it. The guides and I simply sat and revelled in each others
company, shared some memories from our past existences and
then I decided to go outside for a play with flying. As I flew
along the arms that radiate out from the high ground, I found
some other caves that looked almost identical in outside
appearance to mine and something else that was very
interesting. It was the largest and purest quartz crystal that I had
ever seen, and inside it was someone buzzing around doing their
 104
own thing. “That’s cool”, I thought and went up to look in. I
noticed the person in there was under instruction from someone
and so I headed home to my comfy chair. Just before opening
my eyes I asked Esgard, “What was the significance of the giant
crystal?” “It is for learning. You will go there to use it in
crystal-consciousness meditations some day.”

During the next week I went to the cave most nights to

look at icons and talk to whoever was there, and to play. Suffice
to say that I wasn’t putting myself to the grindstone. This waned
off over the next two weeks while I concentrated more on the
things of the real world. Until the day I was sitting on the toilet
thinking about nothing in particular. Just before reaching for the
first sheet on the toilet roll Esgard came into my mind saying,
“Tonight is the night for it Mark.” “The night for what?” No
answer, only a deeper than deep feeling that this night’s
meditation would be very testing and if it went well, I would be
doing fine. I did not let myself think too much about the feeling
that came, instead I tried to relax and cruise through the rest of
the day. Nor did I spend a lot of time asking the ‘what if it
doesn’t go well’ question.
 105
Kundalini.

“Something sleeps inside us –

The sleeper must awaken.”
- Frank Herbert, ‘Dune.’

As I put my daughter to bed I was beginning to get a

little more concerned about “tonight’s the night”. The feeling
had intensified since early evening and I was most definitely
reaching something I feared. Intuitively I knew that this was
make or break time for me, whether I went back to mediocrity or
moved on, depended on this one meditation. Just the thought of
not making it was scarier than any thoughts of success. My
daughter fell asleep without any of the usual ‘dramas’ and I was
quickly free to prepare for the meditation. I took particular care
to ensure all the chakras were clear and clean before taking the
next step. Soon I was flying over the high ground and circling
down to the cave entrance where Absalom was standing outside
doing what he said he would and so I stopped to talk a little with
him. He was wearing an unusual headdress consisting of a band
that held three upright horns, which made him appear powerful
and fearless. He invited me to enter the cave and offered, “Do
well.” Esgard, Tayesin and Gilgar were standing just inside the
cave, waiting for me.

At the time I wasn’t sure why, but I felt different and

seemed to know what needed to be done in preparing the site. I
walked over to a bright spot on the cave floor and slipped down
to where Big Red was asleep, before coming back up and
clearing an opening to the cave. It was here that I asked the three
others to sit guard for me, in case I needed to escape and seek
their help. Next I went to the cave entrance to be sure Absalom
was still there, which he was. All the while I was chattering
away to the others before realising that they were silent. “Hey,
 106
you guys, why aren’t you saying anything? What’s up?”
Esgard looked at me with a straight expression and explained,
“This is your task, It is up to you now.”

Down to the Dragon again and this time I found a long

staff lying near him. So I decided to pick it up and bang on the
rock ‘floor’ three times while saying, “Wake up my friend. I am
here now, it is time, let us begin.” He opened that one big eye
again and studied me for a moment before leaping up to stand at
his full height. I thought to myself, “Shit, look at the size of
him!” He leered and lurched forward until I said the words,
“You will not consume me, my friend. For I am the one who is
here to do this and I will succeed.” Three more bangs with the
staff brought him to a halt and then I turned my back to him,
ready for the wildest experience in this life. He stepped into me
and I felt a familiar feeling of strength, a swift growth in height,
weight and immense power that flooded through me in a flash of
red light. Now I banged the staff a further three times and ‘as
one’, we spiralled upward through the red and into an orange
glow. At each stop we turned three times, banged the staff three
times and I noticed that the red light was still wrapped around
us, it had flowed upward with us on our spiral journey through
the related chakra levels. The kundalini energy was being
steadily raised to higher and higher levels within the physical
body during this adventure. This is where the experience
became incredibly interesting and harder to describe. Red light
flooded the third eye chakra and was quickly joined by an
intense white light that opened me up from the inside.

I felt a transitioning, some type of movement was

happening. This had the feeling of being spread apart, as if every
particle of my being was separating to fill the cosmos. When it
settled, I was aware of all the universe. It pulsed through me and
I through it as if we were one thing. At this point I decided to
test the validity of this experience by ‘feeling-out’ worlds that
supported life. I knew them all, every little detail, every piece of
 107
information was part of me. Before I could formulate a
question, I already knew the answer in complete and utter
totality. The clarity was so much more than I could explain to
you, I was in ‘oneness’ and words do no justice to it. Now I
knew without doubt that at the time we re-integrate with the
creative awareness, we will not lose our unique portion of the
total awareness. We will simply be all that there is, in a fusion of
our individual awareness’s. For some time I marvelled and
enjoyed this experience, before I could feel me coalescing into
me again. Now I stood at the high ground in a blaze of light,
feeling power surging through every part of me and radiating
into the cosmos. From somewhere inside and all around, I heard
these words, “Know that what you have done has sent a wave
through the Universe.” No-one had appeared to say the words,
yet I know that it came from the creative awareness that we refer
to as ‘God’. This was a most amazing turn of events, as far as I
had previously known, ‘God’ had never talked so directly and
firmly to me in this life. And here is another very interesting
thing about that, when ‘It’ communicated this direct way, I was
enveloped in the strongest Loving feeling that I had ever
experienced. This is what I refer to when I say Big Love.

My attention was drawn up to look into the sky and there

I saw a huge circle of lights and three ‘alien’ ships forming a
triangle shape within it. Inside I knew that each light in the
circle was another soul or entity and so I went up to join them.
Making my way around the circle, I stopped from time to time
in order to communicate with some of the entities. In doing so I
learned that I was seeing the wealth of support that I do have for
my life here. Exploring the three ships became my next move.
At the first, I simply went into it and jokingly thought to myself,
“Permission to come aboard Captain?” Didn’t I get a surprise
when I came face to face with the ‘captain’. He was unlike any
visitor that I recall seeing before and yet there was something
very familiar about their unusual appearance. From his friendly
response I learned that they knew me.
 108
Now I knew something else, I understood what Jesus
meant when he talked about knowing yourself and then
becoming known, as I was experiencing this first hand. My
excitement was growing and so I entered their drive unit to see
what I could learn about it. As I was admiring some sort of large
purple crystal type thingy within the power plant the captain
said to me, “It is not safe for you to be exposed in there”. I got
out of there fast. But this didn’t stop me from investigating the
other two ships, and this time I asked for permission before
entering them. I won’t go into detail here of the conversations
with each group, suffice to say that each ship came from
different races, although two races did show similar initial
genetic heritage. One that had many eons to effect the changes I
was seeing, this allowed me to get a firmer grasp on how some
things would indicate such long ‘time-frames’.

After all of this excitement I decided to go to the cave

and see where the guides were. Gilgar smiled as I entered the
cave and hugged me before he had to leave. Esgard and Tayesin
were sitting in the centre waiting for me with the most radiant
smiles. I searched their eyes and saw only one thing, it was
myself that was reflected there. We hugged and I knew for
certain that Esgard was my higher-self.

Tayesin merged with Esgard, then I merged with him,

becoming the total being. I heard these words ring out in the
silence, “Two become one.” And then I was alone in the cave
and yet not alone. From here I decided to go up to the high
ground to speak with Great Oak and Arane, who were sitting
around the fire singing. Great Oak was wearing pure white
clothing, which I found very interesting. “Great Oak, why are
you dressed as if you are at a special occasion?” He stood to
greet me and answered, “This is a very special occasion my
brother.” Then he reached down to the fire for a small stick to
light his pipe, which told me his words were true. I would
usually light the pipe for him as a mark of respect, but tonight he
 109
lit it and passed it to me in ceremonial fashion. I thanked
him dearly for his gift. We sat around the fire for some time
sharing the silence, the light and good company. All too soon
the evening came to it’s conclusion and I needed to return to my
body after being absent for over three hours. Back in the real
world I discovered something that few people could truly know.
Although I had just done one of the most incredible things
possible, and was knowingly changed because of it, the world of
mankind had not changed even the tiniest bit. And this
realisation was the beginning of the hardest part of my life here.

The next morning I decided to mow the grass, which had

me apologising for the terrifying ordeal that I was inflicting
upon it. I kept reminding it about how beautiful it would look
when I was finished. You may think that this was the act of an
in-sane man, and you may have been correct, although you
could not know what it was like to feel the grass’s pain. Later
that day I was enjoying a coffee and cigarette in the shade of an
awning out the front of where I was living, and found my
attention taken by a young girl aged about ten years. As she
passed by, I ‘got’ a horrific insight into her life, from physical
and sexual abuse to her morbid thoughts of being worth-less.
Her pain was immense and it flowed into me like a river at full
force.

Fortunately I let it go back to the Universe so that neither

of us carried it any further. By late afternoon my daughter and I
were gardening, when the young ‘tough’ men next door began
playing ‘Gangsta Rap’ at high volume. I sent my little girl inside
so that she would not have to hear the language in the lyrics.
Then I decided that it was not acceptable, so I went over to ask
them to turn it down. They were having a good time and I
explained as best I could that it wasn’t suitable for young ears
and would they please turn it down to a decent level. At first,
they did turn it down and so I thanked them before heading
home. They thought it was hilarious to turn it up as loud as
 110
possible the moment I reached my yard. If I ever thought
that I had felt the power in anger before this, I was far from
right. The Dragon within me rose up and spread it’s wings,
forcing me back to the neighbour’s while I fought hard to gain
control of the energy. I spoke to the leader of these men with a
measured force that I could ‘see’ go through him, as the power
was at it’s strongest level and coursed through me like lightning.
He withered away in front of me, breaking eye contact
immediately.

His friends quietly left him at the same moment he

turned the music off. Two hours later he came to apologise and
ask if he could play some music, quietly. Now it was time for
me to feel awful, so I explained that I did not want to stop them
at all, only that they should show the same respect for me as a
neighbour that I had always shown them. He was happy with
this and headed off to his home to play music again. Poor boy,
‘Big Red’ had scared the daylights right out of him, and me.

So what do you think I learned from that first day of the

rest of my life? That I would now have to learn how to control
this power so that it did not destroy my life, so that the Dragon
would not consume me! It was not going to be easy at all, every
day would be a series of tests and I would need to learn control
of it. Also, I learned that I had to understand how to use the un-
asked for insight gift so that it too would not over-power me.
Both went hand in hand, both brought great responsibility with
them. And I finally understood that Enlightenment was not like
a trophy you would always have, you were not always
enlightened from that moment on. It was something that was to
be worked at, and with, in every moment so that it could be put
to beneficial use. The last thing I learned from all of this was
that I finally knew what my greatest fear was all about. I had
been in positions of secular and spiritual power in a few
previous incarnations and in at least two of them I had abused it
for my own means. In one of those lives I had been responsible
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for the deaths of thousands of innocent Egyptians, and even
though I paid a penalty by way of my death, I had repeated the
abuse of this power again. Now I was afraid that I might do the
same thing this time and have to come back to do it all over
again in even more difficult circumstances. What a tangled web
we weave with cause and effect!

I waited two more nights before going back to my cave,

just to let things settle in me a bit. This time I had no
expectations of anything, although I was a little concerned that
Esgard wasn’t there when I arrived. Just as I was about to go
into a poor me routine, I remembered that he was with me,
inside. It was a simple matter to reach in and bring him out so
that I could see him face to face again. We sat on the cave’s
floor and talked while waiting for Gilgar to join us, and he
didn’t make us wait for long. He waddled in and smiled his huge
grin before sitting down to form a circle with us. Esgard began
by pointing to the new stone block with the minor imperfection
at the centre. I stood up and walked over to it for a clearer look
and noticed that the imperfection was actually a small symbol
that at first I thought must have been a quarry mark. Gilgar
spoke first, “Detach it and connect with it if you desire to know
the details.” I reached down to the mark and gently intended for
it to come out of the block, which it did easily, and then
connected with it. It didn’t take me anywhere, not to any
previous life or era, only to the present moment. I was about to
question this when I felt the expansion again and was soon
everywhere in the Universe for a second time, before hearing,
“It is a new Dragon sign for the age to come. You are a
Dragon and this is your symbol.” Quickly I was returned to
the cave and Esgard asked if I understood. I only smiled and
nodded, before putting the stone back together. At this moment I
remembered some words that said, “Who knows the meaning of
the un-hewn dolmen?” Gilgar and Esgard both gave me ‘the
really big smile’ that always indicated some form of realisation
or event, while they walked over to me as I kneeled at the block.
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Esgard said to me, “You know what to do so do it.”

Firstly, I had a bout of the doubts before getting a grip on

myself and remembering what to do. I then shaped the block
with my hands, into a very specific form that I had seen during
early meditations. The stone seemed to chip and shave away as I
passed my hands over it and the debris fell to the floor for me to
clean away when I was finished. Once completed, we returned
to our sitting circle while I remembered that I had carved each
Icon in the same manner. This settled for me any questions
about how many incarnations I have had on Earth, and also let
me see that the Human lives were only a drop in the eternal
bucket of all existence. All of us are ancient, really ancient, and
none are new souls, only new to this world of experience. Now I
could see that we have been all types of life-forms in the
universes, and had chosen to come to this system when it came
‘online’ for experience.

This knowledge allowed me to see that when we are

finished here, we will go on to other existences in other places
as we make our way back to the source. It also let me see that
we were so much more than we had been indoctrinated into
believing we were. We weren’t those little insignificant Souls
that all the spiritual people talked about, we were Great Spirits
in our own right. Only we had forgotten this important detail.
The bigger picture just keeps getting bigger. From that moment
on, Esgard is within me and I am within him. We are one and
the same, even though I can have my awareness focused on
worldly things while the high-self that is Esgard is active in
many other realms at the same time. Tayesin is also an active
portion of the higher-self (Soul) and does assist others when the
need is there. I was then able to experiment far beyond the astral
planes, regularly venturing in what I called the Soul Level
Awareness of higher-self and even further to layers that I have
never heard or read about, nor has anyone else so much as
mentioned anything about such awareness levels. The next
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awareness layers above the Soul level are what I now refer
to as the ‘Oversoul’ levels. At writing, those further realms are
easily reached but much more difficult to comprehend.
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Wider Horizons.

“We priests must live in two worlds, the world of form and the
otherworld of force, for true enlightenment lies balanced
between them. Let our goal therefore be: To live and thrive amid
form and force, being in the world but not of it.”
- St. Cornneille , ‘ The Yellow Book of Ferns’.

For a number of months I continued going to the cave on

an almost nightly basis and because there were so many more
experiences, I will only share with you a few of the most
interesting. While early in this phase, I was sitting in the light at
the high ground and noticed an energetic feeling approaching. A
reddish, rugged glow of energy could be seen in the darkness
outside. I called it to come in, it did. An alien figure around 7
feet in height and coloured a purple/black, came into the light
and sat near me. He looked into my eyes and thought to me, “I
have come to tell you that my race will be in force on your
world soon. Not all of my kind will choose to do what you call
the evil things, there is ‘good’ and ‘bad’ in all things my friend.
Some of us will work with you, as a ‘resistance’. Do not be
fooled into thinking that you cannot harm us, you have the
ability. You will know by the eyes when one of my race are on
your world, some already are. You must tell others, be very
careful who you tell, it is a dangerous time.”

OK! I sat motionless for what must have been ages,

mulling over his words. As I watched him I became curious
about his features and asked if I could ’check him out’. He
freely offered his consent. His skin was tough, a little scale-like,
but not rough. Their arms, legs and torso are longer than ours,
with muscles like a well trained athlete. Eyes were a reddish
colour, very hard to describe, and set in a hairless face that
looked like a series of small shells arranged in order to form slit-
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like nasal holes and thin hard lips. Very unusual. I was
getting the sense from him that they’re almost reptilian in a way.
He showed me his hands which were huge. Very long, wide
fingers ended in nails very much like dog claws. This continued
for minutes as I took in every detail of his body, much more
than I wish to say here. I asked him for his name, he replied with
a guttural series of clicks, whistles and pops, which is an odd
sound to the ear. As he finished, a word filtered into my
consciousness, his name. In all fairness to him I can’t tell you
what it was. He asked me not to use it, so I won’t. When I was
finished he gave me a feeling of friendship and floated upwards
into the air, which let me see that he was attached to a cord. And
yes, it was a Silvery colour, confirming that he was ’Astral-ing’
from where-ever his body was. First thing I needed to do was to
see if I could get more answers from the Creative Awareness
about this dark visitor. I questioned and the answer came,
“Know Mark, this one asked for contact to give the message.
Do not see him as an alien to be feared, he is a brother. You
both chose this work before incarnating, in is time.” Wow,
what an answer.
Alright, this was sounding just a bit too far out for me. A
feeling began stirring up inside me, it was quite unpleasant and
when it came fully into my mind, I knew another race helped me
as a new born with Cystic Fibrosis. I clearly remembered lying
on a see-through section of floor inside the ship while looking
down on the roof of the hospital I was born in. The line I
followed from there showed me they had been with me all of my
life. And, my biggest human fear was of up front contact in the
world. It was much easier for me to accept aliens here in the
spirit’s realms, but I’d freak if one called into my home! I asked
the Creative Awareness (C.A) to give me a real contact so I
could have the fear and get over it. ‘C.A’ said, “Remember
Mark, you have asked for this.” “Oh no, what have I done this
time?”
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Weeks passed, the journey’s decreased and life in the
world needed more attention from me. Roma asked me to help
find out what the cause of a friend’s Stroke had been. We went
to lunch at the person’s home and while he was busy we
‘scanned him with our attention’, to find that in the lower back
area of his brain there was something foreign. Later that
afternoon, we agreed to ‘journey’ to his house at night when he
was asleep and see what we could do about it. Roma and I went
to work at 9:00 that night. It was easy to journey there and go
inside his head to the area in question. What I saw when looking
deeply into it was a greyish mass wrapped around an object that
was powered by the environment and had malfunctioned due to
this man having become severely dehydrated at one time. I was
stimulating the area with energy while Roma was doing
something that I could not see, yet I saw the results.

This confirmed that both of us were there doing the

work. The next day we talked on the phone and Roma asked me
if I would go and speak to the beings responsible for this
implant. So that night I prepared myself and wondered how I
could find the group I needed to ask. Once on my way, I
discovered something, we must know where everything is
because I simply went to where I needed to be. Upon arrival I
learned that a small group of three different races was expecting
me at a meeting place. They seemed to answer my questions in a
way that was frustrating to me, as if we did not share many basic
concepts, although they did answer with technical data that was
simplified for me. Then one said, “He arranged this with us, he
is supplying valuable information for this unique study.”

I was still taking that in when they moved aside and let
me see that another being was present. It was the big guy, not
god, well I hope not, otherwise all the Christians are going to be
very disappointed. Someone or something very much like ‘Jabba
the Hutt’ was in charge of this place, and although he seemed
wise and benevolent he did not come across as the biggest big
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guy. He said to me, “Your request has been approved; it is
up to you now to do your part.”

About one month later I saw a visitor ship while at a

friend’s place and reaching out to touch them with ‘concentrated
attention’ caused the craft to make avoiding manoeuvres much
to my playful delight. That night a very bright light woke me as
I slept on my friend’s sofa. Opening my eyes, I sat up to lean on
my elbow so I could get a better look at the visitors that where
entering the room. A contingent of small greys was filing into
the children’s bedrooms and more headed to where the other
adults were sleeping. One tall, pale grey, Grey glided over to me
from his position near the light’s source. He spoke, “Is that okay
Mark? You can go back to sleep now.” “Okay”, was all I said
while relaxing back into the sofa for more sleep. As I did so, I
knew that this alien and I had been acquaintances since my
birth. In the morning no-one was aware of any dreams or
occurrences, they all slept soundly, even the three year old who
usually wakes up fairly consistently through the night. I felt a
little short changed, as this is what I asked for but it came in a
way I hadn’t expected. A concept came to my mind, the full
contact I had asked for would not come if I didn’t get healthy,
strong in spirit, clear in direction and prepared to do what it is
required. By this time I was used to referring to my previous
dark coloured alien visitor as one of the ‘dark ones’, and him in
particular as an emissary. While he was giving me his message,
he also gave me a concept about his race that took a fair while to
sink in. It was that his race are consumers of energy, and
therefore, consumers of all things. Since we already know that
all things are made up of energy, this makes perfect sense.

At the next UFO and Paranormal Research groups

meeting, I ‘felt’ something out of place and looked straight at
Roma, she was feeling it too, so I checked the room to see what
it was. Only one other person was feeling it. In the middle of the
room sat an old man and it was this old man who was causing
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the feeling. Immediately I looked back to Roma and an
unspoken communication passed between us. So at least we
both knew where the problem was coming from. Halfway
through the meetings we stop for a coffee break and those of us
who smoke go outside to indulge. As I walked out the door, I
overheard Roma saying to the other person who had picked it
up, “..so you weren’t imagining it then.” I said, “Cool, so none
of us imagined it.” They both turned to look at me and at that
moment I saw another look of concern on Roma’s face and felt
someone behind me. It was the old man. So I turned and stood
with the other two while this man approached and started telling
us a joke. This was an opportunity to observe him at close range.
The first thing I noticed was that his body was elongated in the
same way that the ‘emissaries’ was, the skin on his neck was
soft and firm like a babies, his ears were lower than us humans
and he forced himself to dribble as he talked. I saw his tongue
pushing saliva up and over his teeth so he could appear as a
doddering old dribbler. But, he forgot to stoop, walk and talk
like an old man!

As soon as he finished telling his joke, he walked back

inside, leaving us to think about what we had just witnessed. An
inspiration came to me then and I said to Roma, “When we go
back in to start the second half, you get his attention and I will
come in last so that I have to walk in front of him and apologize.
That will give me an opportunity to check his eyes.” Roma
agreed on this course and we finished our cigarettes. I waited a
few more minutes and entered the room, made my way past him
and apologized, he looked into my eyes and I saw that his
seemed different somehow. So I sat down in my seat and
thought to Roma, “Come on sweetie, get his attention back
again.” She responded quickly and asked him if he had any
UFO related experiences that he would like to share. While he
answered her, I took the opportunity to see if I could find
anything out from his energy field. Just as I saw the jagged
energy emanating from the top of his head, I felt something
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touch up against me, like a silken material caressing my
skin. At that precise moment he quickly turned his head and
glared at me. “Shit, he’s on to me”, I thought, and stopped what
I was doing. This really concerned me as I had no idea what to
do now that he knew we understood he was not a human. More
importantly, he was aware of our lack of trust in him.

We continued on with the meeting, all the while acting

as if nothing further was amiss, which was very difficult under
the circumstances. At the end of the meeting he stood up and
walked out the door. Shane, the other person who had picked up
on what had happened, said to me, “I’m going to follow him out
the door and watch him.” With that he hurriedly left the room
and walked down the ramp to a paved area that turned left, to
continue on to the entrance gate. Within minutes Shane was
back saying, “You’re not going to believe this. I was only ten
feet behind him as he turned the corner at the bottom of the
ramp. So I walked faster to see where he would go when he got
out the gate. Well, he was already gone. I checked up and down
the street and looked at the cars, but he was gone. He
disappeared completely.” Of course we were stunned, unsure of
what to make of this even though it seemed to fit in with what
we had discovered about the visitor. I decided that I would
research further in the vast array of UFO literature to see if there
have been other contacts with this race. So it should come as no
surprise that there are records of modern interactions with this
particular species, both in their natural form and in the
humanised form. Some of the reports referred to the differences
in the eyes of the humanised ones, as being with little white
showing and a starburst type of pupil. Well I’ll be a monkey’s
uncle, that was what I saw in our visitor to the group’s meeting.
So now I was getting further confirmation of my conversation
with the emissary, and I knew then that he was being honest
with me about the fact that some of his race really are here. We
decided that this old man was probably at the meeting to see
what we knew about them. At least that appeased our inner
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turmoil a little, in a very strange way.

During the next journey to my cave, I was met by some

well wishers who advised me to be careful about passing on this
knowledge and to ensure that I checked the eyes of anyone that I
would tell. To date, I have not told many people. And that is not
because I found more of the humanised forms here, it was
simply that I did not know how to share this information and
still be seen as a sane person!

Some time later, the group was given a video to watch

that was quite disturbing in many ways. It was concerned with
the research of David Icke into the ’One World Order’ scenario,
and included a lengthy interview with a woman who called
herself Arizona Wilder. Roma viewed the video first and phoned
me to talk about her concerns relating to the information
presented and how it could have detrimental effects on some of
the other group members. We both agreed that I would also see
the video and after which, we would discuss whether it was
suitable for the group. I had no problems with David Icke’s
information, it was well researched and presented in a way that
all people could understand. And, what he spoke about
resonated truthfully within me. The interview with Arizona was
very interesting, thought provoking and I did see in her eyes that
she believed what she was saying. The trick was in working out
how much of her story was fact and how much was brainwashed
dis-information.

We already know that dis-information is usually based

around a thread of truth. So the hard part was discerning what
was truth. What she had to say about the dark ones being the
leaders of the one world order also resonated truthfully within
me, but, the remainder of her story is something that I choose
not to make a judgement upon. I can not say how much of it was
truth, only that some of it confirmed what the emissary had told
me.
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Around this time I was getting a lot of visions and
communications from spirit that were very definite and precise
in their nature. The impetus behind this was to know what part I
must play in the coming events for the world. Counselling
people, so I was told, would be some of my work here and so I
avoided doing that as much as possible. It was not a role that I
would choose if I had any say in the matter. So in this frame of
mind, I sat down one night to prepare for another journey to my
cave, only to be disturbed before getting going. Suddenly a
whole movie was playing out in front of me. It showed my
daughter and me arriving at a place on a hillside, with enough
daylight left to pitch two tents and prepare some food. Then it
moved into the next day where I was building small platforms to
sit the tents on so that an influx of animals could not gain entry
so easily. I wondered why this would be so, but the movie
continued on, showing me building a wattle and daub tepee
under the branches of a large tree. Again I wondered why I
would be doing this, and no answers came. As the movie
progressed I saw that the tepee was a place for us to live while
other people arrived in droves to join us. The movie continued,
showing that many people would come to this place. Together
we would build a village. Now I was confused, what was this
place? The word ‘Sanctuary’ sprang to mind, reminding me that
as a young adult I had dreamed of building a stone and timber
place to live. A place where people could come for have time
out from the chaos of the modern, western lifestyle. It too was
called Sanctuary. During this movie, I saw a group of us
walking down the side of the hill in search of usable materials.
But, I was not ready for what I saw next. We moved out of the
tree cover and stood at the edge of what looked like a huge lake
or sea, only with one very important difference. In front of us
was a debris line consisting of all man made objects smashed up
against the side of the hill. I could really smell something foul,
so I looked around in the movie and found bloated dead bodies
floating amongst the debris. Then I remembered in the movie
that most of the east coast had been wiped out by tsunamis, and
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that easily explained what I was seeing. This also explained
the influx of animals and people to the area.

We had finished salvaging anything usable and returned

to the task of building simple dwellings for the crowd of
survivors. In that time I saw myself counselling people who had
their entire belief systems ravaged by what they had seen prior
to and during the Upheavals. Our world had also been ‘openly’
visited by the dark ones and most people could not handle the
reality. I saw that those of us who were doing the counselling
would only have one short opportunity to help each individual
as there were so many that needed the help. This made me
wonder at where the techniques for such quick and effective
processes would come from. The hardest years would be in
surviving the raids by other groups for food and women, it was
here I learned that we would also live through a time of avoiding
the ‘dark ones’ while they went about hunting down survivors.
The years continued to roll by and in this movie I saw myself
getting older, living the life of a shaman, and fulfilling the role
of village elder, healer and protective force. It was very much
like ancient times but with a modern flavour to it. The last part
of the movie showed me sitting cross legged inside a building
under the ground performing powerful rites at the age of eighty
years, and also doing the same kinds of things while standing in
a circle of trees that formed a particular pattern when viewed
from above. Then the movie ended.

I jumped up from my chair and went outside for a smoke

and a think. While the cigarette disappeared I asked the Creative
Awareness about what I had just seen and was answered with
more visions. So I asked where this place was, the answer came
in an unusual manner. What I took to be a crow flew over my
head and called out three times before crossing the road to a nest
that I had never seen before. The words ‘Crow’s Nest’ came to
my mind, so I immediately thought that this must be the town to
the south of here with the same name. I asked, “How will we get
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there?” This question was answered with a vision of an old
Ford F100. I thought out loud, “What the f..k do I want with a
four wheel drive?” Immediately I was shown the same vehicle
bouncing along over rough terrain, loaded high with fuel drums,
tools, and anything else that would make survival easier.

The next day dawned sunny and bright so I went outside

with my morning coffee to enjoy it. An old F100 with off road
wheels, low slung LPG tank and Ford painted in blue across the
tailgate, slowly rumbled past my place and turned around before
coming past again. Would you believe that it looked the same as
the one I had been shown, so I took that as another affirmation.
Although my fear and trepidation at the thought of the coming
events really took hold at the same moment, this was going to be
real events in the real world.

Over the next few months I had hundreds of lucid

dreams about the events that lead up to this point. Most were
very scary, but showed that survival was part of the overall plan.
And, it also showed me that what we will live through for a
time, is not too far from a ‘Mad Max 2’ scenario. Some groups
will be trying to do it right and a large percentage of others who
will choose to steal what they can to survive. The latter group
was a major force that will kill in order to have more for
themselves. This brought an interesting question to mind and so
I asked the C.A for an answer to how we should deal with them.
It said, “Do not respond with force for that is the way to
certain death for all in the village. You must lovingly share
what you can.”

Within days, Lee asked me if I would like to come to a

pot-luck lunch at our town’s Community Centreplace, it
sounded like a great idea, so along I went. The lunch was
absolutely yummy and as usual after a meal, I went outside for a
smoke. Sitting on the top step in the warm sunshine was lovely,
and I soaked up as much as possible while it relaxed me into a
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nice fuzzy feeling. I looked out across the valley to the
foothills and admired the view, which suddenly changed. What I
was seeing was the valley full with water and the same debris
line along the hills, so I rubbed my eyes to check if it was a real
scene or a memory from my previous visions and dreams. It was
still there, then it changed just a little so that what I could see
was now standing water with no more debris line, and people
were fishing from makeshift boats.

This was an interesting development so I asked the C.A

how this could be so. All I got as an answer was this, “A forty
metre subsidence will occur.” And along with this reply came
another vision of the east coast during a massive earthquake that
caused the very ancient fault lines to shift and subside in a
domino effect. That was enough for me; I went back inside to
enjoy some dessert and to forget what I was shown this time.
But I was not allowed to forget, as that night I had a phone call
from Jayne telling me about a dream she had the previous night.
Her dream was of the Great Barrier Reef subsiding into the
ocean during a huge earthquake. Ok, so this too was another
confirmation of the probability of what I was shown in the
visions. Every time I drove down to the coast for a shopping
expedition, I was seeing us driving along a road under thirty to
forty metres of water, and I can tell you, that was a very weird
feeling. It was two years before I could be free from this unusual
phenomena and simply enjoy the drive down without feeling
like we were fish. So I tried not to go on these shopping trips to
save me feeling uncomfortable with the sensations.

Another set of visions began manifesting during this

time and they were even more disturbing than the last. Sitting at
a park in town while the children played happily, I looked to the
east for no apparent reason and saw a group of three alien ships
come in from the coast and hover over the town. They were very
distinctive looking ships, having a thick cross section on what
was a disc shaped object. Each one was about thirty metres
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across and still dripped sea water as if they had just come up
from the ocean, and, were also partially covered in silts or soils
from being under the sea bed. This gave them the appearance of
a wet, ruddy-brown type of colour. I had to wait until I was
home before phoning Mark to tell him what I had just seen. He
was not surprised because he had seen similar kinds of things
four years earlier during his own visions. We spent many hours
that night at my place running through all that we had seen and
piecing together a cohesive scenario that fitted beautifully with
what we were shown.

The scenario goes something like this….. at some time in

the near future, earthquake activity would increase around the
globe to a point where massive earthquakes would be occurring
close enough to the surface to create the various effects that we
had seen. The visitors would make themselves known to all the
peoples of the earth, sometime around the foreseen earth events.
We both felt that these visitors would come and do the, “We are
here to help you”, thing. Their real intent is more likely the
complete opposite. But, to what degree they would create or
scavenge from the upheavals was a complete unknown. With
further work we could see that if this scenario was to play itself
out in the real world, it could make sense of why we both felt
that a time would come when we had to hide from the dark ones.

The pieces began to fit together more easily and with

greater speed that we could have imagined. This left us with two
opposing feelings. One was concern for the world’s population
and what they would experience from these events, while the
second was a growing awareness and excitement at knowing
that our tasks would truly begin in those times. Doesn’t that last
line sound truly insane? I got over my fear and began to tell
people about these things, qualifying my remarks by saying to
them, “Well, if this stuff doesn’t happen, then it only means that
I am crazy. And, I can live with that.” Now we were left with
observing what was happening in the fields of Seismology and
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Ufology to see if certain trends were occurring that may lead
up to what we had seen. The Ufology research was the easiest
because we were already members of an organization that had
it’s fingers on this pulse. We found and heard of many local
reports from fishermen, holiday makers, and local coastal
residents who were seeing large ships coming in and out of the
water in the same way that we had seen in our visions. So it
appeared that on this one level, reality was confirming our
precognitive sight. This served to heighten our previous feelings
of concern and excitement, while reducing any worry we had of
being crazy. It would be at least another year or two before I
found the means to observe the world’s seismic activity.

Most of the journeys to the cave and other places

continued on with the theme of remembering who or what I was.
The whole time it was peppered with more and more
realizations, visions and dreams. On one particular journey I was
doing further investigations around the arms of the high ground
and stumbled across a large group of beings who had a teenage
girl tied up to a post. What I felt from this was that they were
performing a ritual to enable them to use this girl for their own
means and I could not stand by idly and let it happen, as it was
very obviously not of the girl’s choosing. So I intervened and
freed the girl, who seemed to be in a trance like state, which
took some time to clear from her. She told me that they had been
preparing her from childhood for something that we would refer
to as an evil thing. I took the time to explain to her that she need
not be afraid of them and that from now on she could choose for
herself what she did. From there I led her home to her new
found sense of freedom and personal power. Little did I think
that I may have made some ‘enemies’ from these actions.

While preparing for a journey on the next night, I had

just finished putting a protective barrier around my body when a
being came and opened it up as easily as a hot knife through
butter. He peered in and smirked at me in a way that was a little
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frightening. That was enough, I got up and went outside to
think and smoke again. Creative Awareness told me ‘It’ had
shown me that I was not yet ready to handle a being with that
much power, although a time would come when I would. It was
a timely reminder for me that we live in a Universe with many
beings who choose to use the light for darker purposes. Wasn’t
that nice of him to do that for me, even if it had scared me
somewhat?

Much later that same night, Jayne phoned me to say that

she had been asleep and dreaming. A being had come to her in
the dream and his dark feeling had forced her to wake up. When
she did wake and sit up, she saw a shadow on her curtains that
matched the being she saw in the dream. This being was
standing outside her bedroom window, which indicates that it
was powerful enough to go wherever it wanted and also project
in to Jayne’s dream. Guess what? It was the same being that had
come to interrupt my meditation. He was in male form, with a
pockmarked face, dark clothing and a wide brimmed hat. Some
beings go to great lengths in their choice of how they manifest.
We ended up talking about this and other things for a few hours
before we came to the conclusion that we were being ‘checked
out’ by the other side. And this may have been because we were
directly working with the light to prepare for our tasks.
The eternal struggle between the forces of light and dark
had now included us into the battle. Perhaps all our lives we had
already been involved, having only become truly aware of it
through our choices of Self realization and empowerment. Our
tools for defence consisted mainly of awareness, hopeful clarity
and the big gun of Loving energy. It doesn’t sound like much of
an arsenal to go into battle with does it? And so it began to look
as if another vertical learning curve was on the menu. It was
now 1999, the sky Signs had come and gone without any effects
in the world. Most people let it be forgotten and continued on
with their normal lives. A friend showed me a very simple little
desktop published book called ‘The Native American
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Prophecies’ which had an interesting quote from the Hopi
tribe about the sky-signs and what would or would not happen.
In essence, it said that the signs would come, serving as markers
of where we were in the big cycle and that nothing would occur.
The prophecies for the time would not come and people would
get disillusioned because of this. Then everyone would go back
to living their lives and forgetting the prophecies. After we had
all forgotten, the events would come. This was worth taking
particular notice of, to see if that is what would happen. And so
began another phase of observation.

Lee also lent me a series of books called ‘Conversations

with God’, that highlighted the ability we all had to
communicate directly with the Source, or Creative Awareness. I
was so impressed with what I read that I decided one day to test
it and see for myself if it really worked. So I relaxed myself,
cleared my chakras and payed extra attention to the Causal to
ensure that I would clearly hear something, if something was
going to talk with me. At first, I simply wrote, “Hello my good
friend, please take this opportunity to communicate with me.”
Within seconds I had the faintest feeling of words coming into
my mind, words that were not mine, not generated by me. With
that first faint onset I began to write the words that came, and
with it came the warming big love feeling. This helped me to
know what the source of the contact was. Over the remainder of
that year I had these written communications on a daily basis, I
tried and tested, tested and tried, always checking to see if there
was something fallible about it. The only thing I found fallible
was when I generated the words. When I did this I never did feel
the big love, yet when Creative awareness spoke to me I always
felt it.

So that was how I learned to distinguish between my

own input, Creative Awareness’s and other entities who may
have tried to add their bit. This didn’t stop me from testing it as
much as possible though and in one very memorable written
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conversation I was asking some questions in a very round
about way, trying not to give out certain information. But
Creative awareness tripped me up, not only did I get the big love
feeling, I also got a huge surprise when it told me exactly what it
was I wanted to ask. It never made anything a drama, always
spoke truth in the simplest way for me to understand and always
answered every question while advising me on my path. I
eventually got tripped up by my own Ego with this too. “I talk
with God”, was what Ego was saying to people, because I had
given it free reign to do so. This had door-knocking religions
sending older men around to my place to judge whether I was a
tool of Satan.

That was an interesting few months I can tell you. And

yet they could not say that any information I supplied them with
from my written conversations or from their testing questions
was Satan’s doing. One day it dawned on me what all this was
about, I was being tested and partially failing, partially
succeeding, while learning some very important lessons. This
was not the way for me to go ahead, it had already been done.
There was no need for me to continue with it. Ego was not to be
given free reign either. And, I learned the methods that religion
uses to indoctrinate people. The man who was sent to test me
was very upset with me when I told him so. He said, “We do not
indoctrinate people.” I replied, “Are you not teaching Doctrine
to me?” “Yes”, he said. “Well my friend that is indoctrination.”
He left my house, and I can tell you he did not seem to be very
friendly to me at all. The next few months saddened me, as
every time we crossed paths in the street he would not talk to
me, yet I thought that during the months we spent sharing and
studying together that we had become friends. Again there was
another lesson in all of that, we were friends as far as I was
prepared to follow the way they told me to, otherwise there
could be no friendship. I felt like a hot potato for a little while
and it affected my faith in others. Fortunately, these things don’t
go for too long and soon enough I was back on my path again.
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My daughter was attending pre-school so I was
meeting mostly mothers while taking her there and picking her
up. One of these ladies I became friends with as I thought we
were of similar minds. Over the next year we became good
friends and shared many interesting stories about our various
spiritual experiences. She once gave me a large pile of new age
magazines that I decided to read. Within a few days I was again
saddened. I could not believe that the new age movement had
gone down the same road as most other human movements,
meaning towards the accumulation of wealth, prestige and
status. In the years that had passed between my late teens and
my forties, the fledgling movement had gained momentum and
had become a huge thing in it’s own right. Back in it’s infancy I
had hoped that it was a way forward for the world to come to a
clearer understanding of our nature as spirit and how things
could be made more simple for all people. What I read was
mostly confusing, still shrouded in complex terminology and
worst of all; it was priced at the top end of the market. That last
bit really upset me. How could average people pay for any help
from most of those who advertised in these magazines? This
started a downward spiral for me as I got further depressed at
what I was reading. I stopped reading them, the New Year came
and went without any Y2K problems, and we began 2000.

One thing I had noticed during this year and the next was
that my intuition was getting much stronger, I put it down to the
fact that I was working in the light. I was still travelling to the
cave fairly regularly, learning, remembering and continuing to
build inner strength. This helped me to get over my little issue
regarding the new-ager things, at least to the point where I
began to wonder if there was an opening for what I wanted to
do. So I made up some small notices to see if anyone would be
interested in experiencing their own past lives, and the phone
started to ring. I wasn’t inundated with calls, but I did get
enough to make me go out and start doing it. At the time I
decided to only do past life work and to steer as far away from
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counselling as possible. Of course this was a plan developed
to help me stay within the bounds of my own comfort zone. The
first few went very well, and I got the reward of seeing the new
sparkle in people’s eyes when they sat up after their experiences.
I knew, just as they did, that they had experienced the fact of
their own immortality, and it was a truly wonderful thing to see
the realization occurring in the people. As the work progressed,
the simplicity of what I wanted to do was decreasing, and not by
my choice. Each new person who wanted the experience was
heading me further and further into Guided Journeys and
Counselling. My fear factor began to rise along with it, as I still
did not want to go that way and I really doubted my ability to
succeed at that level. Little did I realize that this would not be
happening if I was not capable of it and so my self doubt
increased to the point that I stopped doing the work completely.
Another learning phase was underway, and I just had to go with
it.

And another year slipped past, Christmas, New Year

again and we were into 2001. About this same time I met a
group of ladies who walked together in the mornings after
school had started, it seemed like a great idea to join them and
do something about my growing weight. On the first day I
started, only one other person and I showed up, so away we
went. I could feel that this lady and I had something of a
connection but did not pursue it unless it was seen as being
something other than what it really was. We were only about
five minutes into our walk when the conversation flowed into
spiritual matters, so I immediately felt that our connection was
working for us. The lady named Felice was telling me about her
Teacher, the insightful organization he was involved in, all the
various courses and seminars he had told her she should attend
for her growth and just how much it had cost over a two year
period. My ears pricked up while she was telling me and then I
was mortally shocked when she told me how much all this had
cost her. I had to ask, “So have you met your Guide yet?” “No,
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but I have learned a lot”, she responded. As you could
imagine, I wanted to tell her that I would gladly introduce her to
her Guide for free and save her a heap more money in the future
that way. But, something helped me to think better of that
approach and I let it drop. Which for me was a big step all on
it’s own, the lesson being to let people have their own stuff
without me needing to change it.

Felice and I walked every day for three months; I did

start losing weight rapidly and feel the benefits of the regular
exercise. Each day I wanted to tell her that she did not need to
spend so much to find her answers, especially when she told me
about more seminars she was going to attend on channelling and
other new-age pursuits, and particularly when she was saying
that she had no idea where the money would come from to do
these courses. One of those weekend courses cost over four
hundred dollars, so I had to ask what they got for their money.
Felice explained that they had watched a woman channel
messages for the first day and then had a wonderful vegetarian
meal. On the next day they were grouped into pairs and asked to
help their partner find whatever it was that they believed they
were missing in their life. Each person was given a straw to suck
up the missing things and give it to the other person!

Some of what Felice told me seemed fine as much as

they had an opportunity to experience another reality, but I was
still very judgemental about the fee charged for what they got.
So I again asked, “So did you meet your Guide yet?” Felice only
shrugged her shoulders at me and continued telling me her
opinion of how wonderful the course had been. This informed
me that I could not get her to accept that little old me, who had
never paid for any spiritual experience, had never been tutored
by such a recognised Teacher, was never going to be able to
help her in any way. As expected this led me down the spiral
again. All the while I was thinking to myself, “Why have the
Guides helped me learn so much and told me to share it, if no
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one wants to hear it?” While I pondered over this, Felice
told me about an old Native Shaman who was coming to our
area to conduct traditional sweat lodges. The urge to attend
came so strongly that I could not contain my excitement and
immediately asked to be included in a group. To my surprise I
was accepted and looked forward to the night with trepidation.
What exactly I was afraid about was beyond my comprehension,
so it must have been something that would surface on or near
the night of the sweat lodge. The weeks passed slowly until I
was at the place waiting to meet this Shaman, experience what a
sweat lodge was about, discover what was behind my feelings
and worrying over whether I would be able to handle the heat. I
did not want to pass out or be seen as weak by anyone else. Ego!
On the night many people showed up, some I knew, some I
didn’t and one I had met years earlier in the town where I was
separated from my wife. It really is a very small world.

Many of us had been sitting and talking inside the house,

when Grey Wolf arrived. Suddenly everyone was filing out the
door to meet the man while I decided to wait inside and not be
so excitable. Just as suddenly, I felt myself jump up and move
outside, but just as I was going through the door I came face to
face with him and nearly collided. Didn’t my Ego think I would
have looked foolish at that point? Everyone then followed the
old man inside as I wondered what had driven me to that last
action. We followed the old man’s directions for making prayer
parcels, which I found I could do with my eyes closed as if some
ancient memory was performing the task. And of course, it was.
After everything was ready we made our way down to the sweat
lodge and lined up to be ‘smudged’. I was already judging this
ritual use of sage as just an old, unnecessary thing that had no
great purpose. Then it was my turn. As the fire-keeper began he
said to me, “Breath in the smoke while I clear your aura.” Well,
I did as he asked and was totally blown away with the power
that rushed into me. Only a few times before had I felt this kind
of power rush, and it found a resonance inside me that made it
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much stronger. He asked me to turn around slowly, while I
felt the power peaking within me. As he finished an equally
powerful voice came out of my depths without me making it
happen, “Thank you brother.” I opened my eyes and met his
looking back at me with a wondering, questioning nature about
them. In no way had I intended to say anything, it just came up
and out, surprising us both.

When looking at the lodge I wondered how all of us

would fit inside it and noticed the entrance was facing the West.
I asked Grey Wolf about the entrance direction, he replied, “It
was built before I got here. Normally I build them to face the
East, but this is done. The West is the female direction, so we
will go with that.” It made a lot of sense to me then why we had
an equal number of men and women in tonight’s co-ed sweat
lodge, fourteen people in all. Numerologically, that fourteen
equals five, the number for female energy and balance. So it
seemed as if everything was perfect. Then the time came to
enter and begin the ceremony, we all filed in through the low
entrance and made our way around the inside using a clockwise
direction, as instructed. Grey Wolf came in last and explained
how the ceremony would run and that if we felt we could not
bear the heat, to speak up and we would be allowed to leave.
Now he called the fire-keeper for the first glowing rock, and it
immediately appeared through the small flap. I can tell you now
that the heat coming from this football-sized object was intense,
feeling like a miniature sun moving into the centre of our small
group. Man was it hot, you could feel it burning your face as it
was placed in the centre.

We began the first round with Grey Wolf telling us a tale

that related to the energy of the first direction. The heat built up
quickly, and we all had in our turn something to add from our
own experience. At the end of each round we were asked to go
out into the cold night air for a short spell before the next round.
After the heat of that rock, the outside was refreshingly cold and
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exceptionally clear. By the end of the second round I was
enjoying the heat, the sweat and all that had been shared within
the little lodge. While standing outside in the cold air I happened
to get a smell of vanilla, this made me wonder who had worn
perfume. It had been expressly forbidden to use as we would all
be in a very confined space. I didn’t have to wait long to get an
answer to my mental question.

At the beginning of the third round Grey Wolf told us he

had smelled Vanilla. This was what always told him a particular
force or being was present. It made my ears prick up with
interest, and he continued the explanation. This being, he said,
was the manifestation of the Mother, the Turtle Island Mother to
be exact. He asked if anyone else had smelled Vanilla and to my
surprise no one else had. Of course I began to wonder why just
this old man and I had smelled it. The round began in the now
normal way with Grey Wolf starting off the sharing. One
woman began to talk about her lessons in life, how difficult they
had been for her and how spirit demanded everything from her
in order to fulfil her task here. She sounded very bitter about it
and talked for some time on the subject, until she ended with
these words, “Why me?” At this last voicing I felt something
delve deeply into me and rip at an old wound, this caused me to
become short on breath and stamina. I had to put my face to the
Earth floor to feel any form of relief from the heat that had
seemed to rise as the lady had spoken her last words. Tears came
to my eyes and I felt my whole self shudder in silent sobbing.
During all this, the sharing had gone around the circle and it was
now my turn to speak. Do you think I could remember what it
was I thought I had wanted to say? The answer to that is no.

Everything I had organised in my mind was gone and

replaced with this intense feeling of overwhelming sadness from
within. I tried to get back some form of composure but could
not, this thing inside me demanded it’s release here and now. So
I began to speak, I thanked the lady for saying those words and
 136
then allowed all that was inside to come out in it’s own way.
Words fell out of my mouth along with the tears down my face,
it all came, all the grief of feeling as if I had never belonged on
this world, all the pain I felt at the visions of future events,
everything. Then the lady beside me placed her hand upon my
leg and I felt the great comforting one human can give, it helped
me to calm and see that this sharing was what I had come to the
sweat lodge for, to voice it and in so doing, free myself from the
inner turmoil of it. I thanked my neighbour and relished in the
emptiness I then felt, as if this sharing had torn out the roots of
that previously unrecognised pain.

The third round came to an end and I immediately asked

Grey Wolf how he had dealt with the things he knew he had to
do but did not want to do in his life. He said, “I wrote it down,
all of it. Then I burned it.” This little gem was way too simple
for me to grasp in that moment and I continued, “Okay, it’s just
that…..” Grey Wolf turned his back and walked away. In that
tiny moment I realized how I had just displayed my ignorance.
He had given me exactly what I needed and I had not seen it,
until he walked away. But, at least I did get it even if it had not
been immediately. So now we were called in for the final
session, the heat seemed no-where near as intense and the
feeling within the circle was light-hearted. Grey Wolf began the
sharing of thanks and it quickly moved around the circle with
each person expressing their gratitude at having shared and
heard others say things that they thought only they were feeling.
The joy of sharing had many effects on us all, that we were not
really aware of until Grey Wolf gave his last sharing, “We are
done, and many balls have dropped tonight, even with the
women here. We all had issues of maleness to deal with, to
bring into our awareness so it could be balanced. You may have
a headache for the next day or two, don’t worry about it as it is
only the healing working on you.” And the man was very much
right on that score, the headache I had lasted four full days.
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Time Out.

“Everything serves our highest good if we make good use of it.”

- Dan Millman.

Next time Felice and I went walking she told me about a

dream she had. In that dream we were travelling along a rough
road in a small four-wheel drive vehicle and came upon a
rushing river of raw sewage that blocked our way. She was so
concerned that we could not continue, until I suggested we roll
the vehicle onto its roof and use it as a boat to reach the other
side. We did that and righted the vehicle once we were safely
across and again continued our journey. I had an immediate
‘seeing’ into the dreams meaning, although I felt I could not tell
her at that moment. So I asked her what she thought it meant
and she replied, “I have no idea, other than I would come across
a “shitty-something” that would prevent me continuing along
the path.” The time was not right to share my insight because
she was not ready for what I had to say on that matter, so I let it
drop. What I saw in her dream was that Felice and I would come
to a point where ‘effluent’ would get in the way. This effluent
would be ego-based, about who was more spiritual and
deserving, based on the effort and costs put into growth. This
was the river of raw sewage. My solution of turning the vehicle
upside down was symbolic. The vehicle represented how we
move in this world by our beliefs, and it was my idea to turn her
beliefs upside down in order to cross the effluent river.

The days rolled on into weeks, my journeying had

decreased to very irregular intervals and I was not getting any
more visions and dreams. The road to this point had been so
incredibly intense that I decided on an indeterminate amount of
time out. I felt like I needed time to allow all that I had
experienced to be digested, and I needed to have some fun to
help alleviate the nagging feelings I still had about the new-age
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movement. With this as my aim I smoked some weed, then
some more and really began to enjoy it again. This really was
more like déjà vu than I realized.

One of my friends began a relationship with what I

would call a New-Age Entertainer, which allowed me further
insight into the movement and the attitudes. He seemed to be
really ‘out there’ to me, and that is a big statement coming from
someone with my background. I was concerned that he was
making so much money from things that didn’t do anything to
get people to a clearer understanding of themselves and their
spiritual nature, instead what he was providing let people enjoy
their inner child’s joy for a small amount of time. While this is
valid for the experience, it did nothing as far as I was concerned
that was really important. Of course I was being Judgemental.
But I had noticed that he was the person who got the most out of
it, as he was the centre of attention and therefore was getting
everyone’s concentrated attention directed to him. This means,
he was ‘getting off’ on the energy he received from all the
people. At my place he acted like he was always on-stage, never
able to relax and feel the vibrations that were real, a little like an
adult A.D.H.D. sufferer.

At my friend’s place one night he showed me a fire

dance that lasted about ten minutes, was extremely dangerous to
the children he forced to sit near him and then finished with the
statement, “Well, what do you think of that? It has to be worth
$350.” I was dumbfounded. Never did I feel comfortable in this
man’s presence. Even when he took the children for a swim in
their dam, I was very concerned. My daughter had Glue Ear and
was waiting for an operation to install Grommets, so I told him
to make sure she only waded and at no time was she to put her
head in the water. While they were away I felt the old mild
panic inside and waited for them to return. When they did I was
not disappointed by my intuition, he had made the two girls
swim across the dam before letting them out of the water. He
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had the attitude that as he worked mostly with children and
that he was always in communication with the Divine, then he
knew what was best.

A few more little examples of this attitude were to come

my way from his relationship with my friend’s children, and in
the end I was forced to end that friendship altogether. I knew
that I could not judge the whole new-age thing from the antics
of this one person, but it concerned me that he was well
accepted in the roving new-age circus known as ‘The Psychic
Expo’. This expo was to provide a new insight into the
movement, many thousands of people flock to it as it travels
around the major cities of our country and all of them part with a
heap of money during the weekends that it is operating.

My friend told me before the end of our friendship that

she had talked to many stallholders who had no qualms with
telling her how much they had made on a particular weekend,
and it was in the region of thousands of dollars. From what?, I
had asked her, she replied, “From psychic stalls and selling t-
shirts, relaxation music and all the other cool stuff.” I wanted to
know if anyone was teaching people how to reach their own
Guidance, unfortunately the answer to that question was a
definite no. Now I could feel the old downward spiral speeding
up again. What could I do to help make a difference here? Was
there room for me to do what I really wanted to? And why did
everyone expect me to charge for what I wanted to do? I was
deflated completely.

Somehow I had to find a way to do something that would

be of help, something that really made a difference in other
people’s lives. The urge was not to become wealthy, to become
famous, or even well respected in any one circle, rather the urge
was to make a difference, to help people see with a wider
perspective that they had all the choice and to help them come to
a deeper understanding of their true nature as Great Souls
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without the various feel good distractions of the new-age
hype. Unfortunately, I still could not see how to do this; I knew
where I wanted it to take me but just could not see how to bridge
from here to there. Meanwhile, the sea of darkness I lived in was
getting deeper and darker. I had felt that my place was a refuge,
an island in the sea of shit that surrounded it. Many people had
come there to seek guidance, deeper communication with
another human and all other reasons that we humans can find.
Yet none of it was truly satisfying to my inner self, I needed
another outlet, a deeper injection of life-energy to help me out of
this self-imposed rut. Then I happened to dream of moving into
another house out in the country. It was a very specific house,
one that I was sure I could find when the time was right, so I
began looking in the ‘to lease’ sections of our local paper. But it
was not there to be found, so I gave up on it.

All of this was interrupted when I had a most interesting

lucid dream that seemed so real as to feel as if you were really
living it, yet still being aware that it was a dream. I was on my
way to visit a friend and had to pass an airport. When slowly
driving past it I noticed some pilots wearing white shawls who
were about to board the aircraft. Somehow I knew that they
intended to crash the plane on purpose, and I rushed on to my
friend’s place to tell them. While there I saw the plan take-off
and watched in horror as it swooped around to crash into the
buildings. Then the dream ended with huge pieces of airplane
raining down over the area, causing people to run for safety. The
next day I told some people about the dream, making sure to say
that within the next few weeks there would be a huge plane
crash, and that it had some military significance. They all
ignored my offering.

Everyone around me had been getting a most terrible

strain of influenza that seemed to get better then come back with
a vengeance. I bragged about not getting it because I had not
used antibiotics for a couple of years, yet within two weeks of
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that dream it hit me and it hit savagely. This left me rugged
up and lying on the sofa for a week just watching television and
feeling miserable. One memorable morning my mother phoned
me to say, “Turn your T.V on, you need to see this.” I argued
that I did not want to watch television, as I was not feeling good
at all, in fact, I was feeling the worst I had for many years and I
did not know why. In the end my mum convinced me to turn on
the television and I sat on the sofa to watch just as the video
replay of the first plane crashing into the World Trade Centre
was shown. I said, “I dreamed this. Oh no, this is the start of it
all, this is the sign mum.” Mum let me hang up and watch what
was happening. Suddenly I got the urge to phone Roma and tell
her to watch it too. When she picked up the phone she asked,
“What’s wrong, you sound upset?” “You have to turn on your
television, this is it. It all starts here.” Roma had her friend turn
on their television and I heard them both chorus, “Oh no!” We
quickly chatted about our deepest concerns then I let her hang
up and watch. I curled up on my sofa and understood why I was
feeling so terrible that morning, and then I cried. I sat on the
sofa and cried for four days! This was the beginning of what I
knew was coming and the realization of it wounded me more
than just the visual stimulus of the event. Nothing would be the
same for me in my world, nothing would be the same for anyone
deeply moved by what we were watching or affected directly by
the event. The deepest fears of what I had known would come to
our world was beginning in reality, and I was not ready for it in
the slightest.

About three weeks later one of the ladies I worked with

at the school tuckshop told me she was moving away and also
asked if I would come to mow the grass at her place before she
left. She had offered to pay me for the work and I accepted it as
the few extra dollars would be a great help. On the day I drove
twenty kilometres out of town to an area called Glastonbury.
Inside I felt something about the name but did not bother to
pursue it as I was in working mode, which for me then, meant I
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was switching off awareness in order to function fully in the
here and now. As I drove up to the house I wondered if it was
the same one as in my dream, it looked similar, was laid out on
the block in the same way and just seemed to have a subtle feel
to it. The moment I stepped inside I knew without a doubt that
this was it, and it had a most welcoming feel to me despite the
atrocious conditions the woman was living in. Once again I
began to get excited, this was the house from my dream, I was
meant to move into it and see what I was supposed to be doing
here. With a bit of red tape and a lot of faith, we extricated
ourselves from the Housing Department home and moved out to
the old house.

Now we were in Glastonbury, all the while I was not

sure if we could survive at full market rental on my very meagre
single-parent pension. So it was an exercise mostly in faith, with
lessons to be learned about effectively using my money. Would
you believe the take-over day was Christmas Eve? We moved
everything on that day and within a few hours I had the place
looking like a home, providing you didn’t walk up the hallway
and look into the bedrooms. That night my daughter and I made
a make-shift Christmas tree of lights and decorations pinned to
the lounge room wall, it looked wonderful with the house lights
off. Christmas morning dawned and I watched my girl open up
her few gifts, all the while feeling as if I had my present already,
the house. I so loved the feeling, the freedom to walk around
naked in the back yard if I wanted to, and for the first time in my
life I did. Not even the birds were offended. This led me to
dancing in the yard anytime I wanted, to yelling out if I wanted
and had the most comfortable feeling of Home.

It didn’t take long to find that the message I had received

about living at Crow’s Nest had actually meant this place was
the first step, the place where the crow’s nest. There is a large
nest in a tree not far from the window I look out while typing
this, although it is not the nest of a crow, it belongs to a pair of
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large Blue-eyed Australian Ravens. She started
communicating with me, waking me up at six in the mornings
by banging her beak on the back door. By being quietly aware, I
discovered that these ravens were the rulers of the other birds,
ordinary crows acted subserviently to them, always waiting for
the ravens to finish eating before coming in for their share.
When the eagles came across this raven would be the first and
last to signal danger to all the other birds. I began to see the two
mated Ravens as the Queen and King of the area and they lived
up to my silly notion.

Living at this house had so much more going for it than

anywhere else I had lived, we have a family of Wallabies that
come and feed around the house, which gave us the opportunity
to see things that no one else could. One morning as I watched
the mother feeding, a small head poked out of her pouch and
started to nibble on the grass. As the weeks went by the little
one would start to get out and hop about in search of tender new
blades of grass. I got to see the most amazing thing, he was
happily eating when his mother decided to hop away to the
shade of a nearby Pine plantation and he bellowed before
following her. The next thing I saw really surprised me, he
hadn’t followed her to the Pines at all, he had started to then
decided to hop as fast as he could around the old milking shed
and yard. It was the funniest thing, this tiny little Wallaby
hopping at full speed and leaning over to make the corner just
like a Grand Prix motorcycle rider. I thought out loud, “Wow,
you would only get to see that sort of thing once.” But this little
fella went around three times. How I wished for a video camera
to record these types of activities.

So there we were, living in a new area, not sure if we

could afford to do it, not having any ideas about what I was even
there for, but there anyway. Once all the excitement of the move
and Christmas was out of the way, we got down to preparing for
day to day living over the remainder of the school holidays. It
 144
was fun, we went to picnic spots, swimming holes, and
anywhere else that let us enjoy and soak up the time until my
girl returned to school.

Those holidays went so fast that my head must have

been spinning, because in no time at all I was at home on my
own, just the way I thought I still liked it. What a surprise it was
to find that I was not interested in sitting around playing with
time wasters like the Playstation. Now I had to start thinking
about what I was going to do with myself, and wondering what
it was that I was supposed to be doing. That was the really big
question in that New Year. So I started writing this book by
hand in a journal then typing it up on the Library Computer,
which is when I discovered that a computer really was the way
to go.

By late March I had turned forty-two, and had just

bought my first home computer, an old but still operating
computer. I also found a few new time wasters on it, so I did
waste some more time playing various card games and the like,
although the first real pages of this book began to be produced
and was ready to give to Roma for editing. Then I hit another
block, which lasted about six months. I could sit down in front
of the computer to write and end up playing cards or pinball for
a few hours until I tired of it. Roma told me that if I sat down
and actually started writing I would find it work itself out and
move through the blocks, she was right again. Over the next six
months I managed to write about half of the book and have it
edited, that’s when I hit a big block. One of my biggest hurdles
was that I was waiting for Raven to appear in my life. She had
told me herself a couple of times that she would be with me
soon, but I had no patience for soon as I wanted her here sooner,
now in fact. I was pretty certain that I had met her at Lee’s
house two years earlier and had kept running into her a couple
of times a year since then, each time seeing in her eyes what I
already knew. But, Lee had informed me that she was not the
 145
one for me and I was unsuitable for this woman, seeing how
Lee had known her for longer I decided to trust her and doubt
my own knowing. There was a good lesson, one that would take
another year or so to really learn well. By this time I had given
up trying to find Raven in the few woman who fitted her
description and was simply waiting for her to come along even
though I was sure I had already met her. Have you ever noticed
how quickly we dis-empower ourselves when we doubt what we
do know inside?

The year rapidly flew by and before I really had a handle

on it we were facing another Christmas. My power year was
coming to a close and I had not found what I had expected to
find, although I knew that the next year, being a nine, would
help me to complete the cycle I was in, so I had some further
expectations too. You would think that having already learned
that my expectations had no place in reality would have helped
me here, but it didn’t, and maybe because I had not truly gotten
to know that lesson well yet.

Christmas raced past followed closely by the start of

school, which was when I started to notice that my daughter was
growing up faster than I had been able to realize. I sat on her bed
while she slept and wondered where had my little girl gone so
rapidly, as in place of the tiny body was a kid who took up
almost all the space in that bed. Now I also realized that I
needed to make some fundamental changes in the way I was
dealing with her simply because she was no longer the small
child I had started out with. That would take some doing, firstly
I had to understand exactly what had to be changed and how I
could change it without hitting brick walls at one hundred miles
per hour. I am still learning how to do this and not always in the
most effective manner, or with the ease that may be required as I
was still full of my own blocks and issues too.

Just prior to Christmas I had been voted in as President

 146
of the local UFO and Paranormal Research Group which
was a responsibility that I had not wanted for more than five
years and now it was thrust upon me. The first thing I decided to
do was to try and get more participation from our members so
that they were not simply coming along to be entertained by
guest speakers and the like, which would also help to increase
our very meagre finances. Unfortunately, no one wanted to have
any input over and above the standard ‘think tank’ discussions
we have every meeting. Although, those discussions were
always the highlight of our meetings. I had tried to include more
spiritually oriented exercises into the group and it was met with
mediocre response by the members. So I then tried to get us
looking at bigger picture questions relating to where we as a
race were heading, but that too fell on deaf ears.

It was now 1993 and I was quickly losing the fight to

keep up with time as it shot by at an ever increasing pace. There
was so much to do and seemingly little time left to do it in. I was
full of questions and very little in the way of answers, as every
time I got an answer it only served to raise more questions.
What was the biggest question? There wasn’t one question that
stood out amongst the many that spun around in my mind on a
daily basis. How long do I have to wait to be with Raven? Will
this book ever be published? How am I supposed to make ends
meet when my income is unable to do anything more than keep
us from starving? How can I make a difference in the world?
How do I bridge the void from where I am to where I would like
to be? And, have I left my run a little too late, or maybe a lot
late? It was these questions that started to drive me forward and
sideways, in the search for answers. What I did know was that I
had something to share with others. And that so far the way had
seemed to be blocked by those who were already in the field, as
if there was no room left for me. No way for me to bring what I
had to share into the light for others to see. I approached Lee
with these questions and was sorely disappointed with her
answers. To my question of what I was meant to be doing for a
 147
living, her card reading ‘provided’ the answer of auto
detailing, which is something that having already done it when
much younger I would not choose it again. Then I started to see
something, something that I was not happy with and began to
understand that our twenty year friendship was really over, only
neither of us where taking any notice. My friend had allowed
her need to be ‘better’ or more ‘spiritual’ interfere with her
ability to help find real answers. So I began to spiral downwards
again, feeling totally unsupported by friends and family which
left no where else to turn except inwards.

Being a nine year for me meant that I had a lot of stuff to

clear and finish with before I could move on into the next new
beginning year, which also meant that this year would be a Big
One. And I was not the slightest bit prepared for what it might
bring. My longest friendship ended when I finally decided to
speak up and tell the things that I had been keeping to myself,
and in so doing I found that it was not possible to end it on an
amicable note, much like the end of a long marriage. I wanted
no part of the new-age style activities, nor it’s pre-occupation
with making megabucks for myself from sharing what I had. It
seemed that I was even further removed from what was
happening in the world around me, which is a very scary place
to be most of the time. Somehow I had to find a way to share
what I had, to also make a living for myself and daughter and to
move forward when the way became clear. And that appeared to
be the biggest immediate hurdles that I could see. All of this had
become overwhelming for me. I tried to go out and do the work
but every time I put up notices they were pulled down, so in this
way I kept banging my head against the wall.

Once I got onto the Internet I figured that it would be an

avenue to share so I merrily joined various spiritually oriented
forums and was immediately set upon by a small number of
people. Strangely enough, these people had joined straight after
I had, as if they had been compelled to join and judge what I
 148
tried to share. So I spat out the dummy and left, for a couple
of days then crept back to see what was happening in my
absence, only to find that my sharing had been attacked. Not the
message, mind you, only the messenger. Now I decided to fight
back, to not give up when the going got tough. In this way I
learned a valuable lesson and for that I am truly thankful as
before this I had always given up as soon as things got tough

About this time I met a woman at the UFO group, we got

along famously, although I knew it was not a love type
relationship. Somehow there were more lessons to learn from
this lady, and so I took it on faith. Soon enough I was
overwhelmed by the woman attempting to find the way into my
heart, and I was not enjoying it in the least as I felt smothered
with no way out but to be completely open and honest, whether
that hurt her feelings or not. One particular and memorable day,
we were sitting out the back of my place while we went through
‘what was going on discussions’. The woman was upset by my
responses and decided to go for a walk. While she was away one
of the Ravens that live here came down to the fence, faced me
and began to talk in a way that I had not heard them using
before. I was just thinking to myself, “I wish I could understand
her language”, when I felt a calmness come over me and
suddenly I heard her words in my language. She said to me, “Do
not go with this one Mark, she is not the one. You must be
patient, she is coming soon.”, and then she pointed out the many
places that have been disturbed by us humans and asked me to
heal them. As soon as she finished talking to me the other
woman returned, the Raven turned to her, screamed, then flew
away. That was all I needed, now I knew what I had to do here,
finally. From that moment on Raven was in my mind, I could do
nothing to shift her from it, so I let her have her place and just
enjoyed it. A few weeks later I was asked to paint a house down
the road from where I live and seeing as how I needed money to
upgrade my failing car I took the work. I met a woman there
called Black Crow Walking and we had some interesting
 149
discussions, including the topic of ‘Raven’. She said to me,
“Who knows, maybe she is just around the corner for you.” The
next morning after checking e-mails I decided to look at my
online stars for the day, which I would not normally do. It spoke
about finding my Soul Mate and to “look for the face in the
crowd”, to which I thought, “Oh yeah, what crap.” An hour
later I was merrily painting away when a number of cars arrived
and people began to crowd around looking at a tepee that is on
the property, and I could swear I recognised the back of one
woman who stood in the crowd. Would you believe that she
turned around and saw me too, then she walked over and we
talked. About four or five years earlier I had met her at Lee’s
place and had an instant feeling of something very strong, it
seemed to be mirrored in this woman’s eyes as she smiled back
at me then. Over the prevailing few years we had bumped into
one another regularly and each time I felt the same thing while
turning into a nervous bumbling idiot right in front of her.

Also during those years Raven and I had a few more

conversations, one in particular in which I had been trying to
find out if this woman at Lee’s was Raven. I asked for her
description only to be told that I already knew what she looked
like, which was true. She was a petite, dark-skinned, sensuous
woman who would have money but act like she didn’t, she
would not be into commitment and was older than me. All these
things would be a dead give-away in the small town where I
lived. So many times Raven told me that we would be together
again in the world and that all I had to do was be patient, which
was a difficult thing for me to do at the time. All that I wanted
was to know for sure if this woman was Raven, and then
hopefully to meet her again so that we could walk forward
together. My expectation was, since we were what could be
called Soul Mates, we would have to develop a Loving
relationship in this life too. Little did I know that it would not be
as easy as I had imagined it to be, as I had not given any thought
to the idea that this Lady may decide to do something very
 150
different. Well, we do have free will. So I told her that she
had been in my mind for a few weeks and she said, “Wow, you
have been in my mind too. I met a nice man and every time I
tried to think of him your name came to my mind.” And so that
was how Raven came into my real world life this time.
Foreknowledge of our connection would make things hard.
 151
Transformation begins.

“ ..we all have free will and it is up to us to Discipline

ourselves in order to improve spiritually.”
- Thao, ‘Abduction to the 9th Planet’.

The Internet turned out to be an excellent avenue

to share what was inside me, as after learning the lessons from
being ridden by some forum members I continued to make posts
in the same forum. Soon enough I had a few people who wanted
to see if I could be any help to them. During this time I had been
talking with a friend over the Internet on an instant messenger
program, she lived in Brisbane which was about 200 kilometres
from my place. This allowed us to try a little experiment to see
if it was possible to ‘Project’ awareness to her place and attend
to an entity that was present there. I tried to send my focus along
the connection and within seconds I felt my face coming out of
her computer, which was interesting as I could see her looking
at the screen as I emerged. Immediately I could see the entity
standing back away from my friend and so I approached it, only
to have it leave. So I went over to my friend and thought to her,
“Okay mate, it’s gone now. Can you sense me here?” Then I
opened my eyes and typed to her, “How was that?” A few
moments later came the reply, “Yes, I felt you come around my
right side and the entity left straight away. I felt you next to me,
you were saying something.” What an excellent result to that
little experiment.

An opportunity to push the boundaries a lot further with

this type of activity came within the next week when a man in
Ireland asked me to come and help him with a similar problem.
Ireland! That was much further than Brisbane, so I wondered if
it was possible to project such distances in the same way. We
made arrangements for the next night, which fitted into his day
 152
routine. I found it was quit easy to push the Focus to his
home and again I immediately saw that an entity had attached
itself to his energy field. This time I followed the inner guidance
I was getting and removed the entity using the Golden Light
energy, then worked on his chakra points to cleanse and open
them so that they could function properly. He reported instantly
feeling much better. So another excellent result came and this
made me wonder if the same methods could be used to heal a lot
of other people. I decided to try. And as soon as I made that
decision many requests came from people with Psychic Attack
problems. At the same time there were others who wanted me to
help them get out of body so they could Astral travel, I figured
that each would be individual and need particular variations to
the basic methods I intended to use. After four reasonably
successful attempts to get an American man out of body and
travelling, after projecting to help five people over a three week
period, I started to get the messages coming to me again. It was
time to knuckle down and do the work as well as do my own
practice for myself. The next of my own journeys came
immediately after finishing projection work with some of these
people.
There were three connections on my computer screen,
the guy in Ireland, the first projector in America and another
woman also in the U.S, who was having on-going Psychic
Attacks. It was very taxing to my energy working with all three
so I wound each up and said goodbye to them, thinking that I
would have a sleep to re-energize myself. Something else
wanted my attention, I could feel the strong connection on my
forehead. The tension always indicates to me that a part of me is
in contact, working, or that I have an entity near me. The only
way to sort it was to open up and see what was there. A man
about fifty years old came into my mind and began to berate me
for interfering in his work, this surprised me enough to want to
‘scan’ him to know what and who he was. As it turned out he
was the person responsible for the Psychic Attack I had been
 153
working against and he was a part of a government program
that involves mind control. My first thought was, “Geez, what
have I got myself into this time?” The next thing to happen was
inside me as I decided to do the work anyway and to hell with
their program, so I told him, “I am not interfering with anything,
I am simply helping someone who has asked for it. You are not
needed here anymore, you may leave now.” He did start to
leave then threatened me saying, “You are going down, you will
lose.” “Yeah, right!”, I thought in return.

When he left I was expecting the feeling to go as well, it

didn’t, so I opened up again to see what else was there. An alien
face came into my mind and said, “You must come to us, we are
ready for you now.” I only responded with a promise to do so
that night and that feeling also left, although the connection
feeling stayed with me. It continued for the next two hours.
Later that day I received an e-mail from another man in the
states that I had been doing projection work with, he was
thanking me for helping him during his sleep to get out of body
and remain aware. He thanked me for the huge energy boost I
had given him that enabled him to be fully alert during his
journey. Funnily enough, it made sense to me. Now I realized
something else, something significant and it blew me away.
Other levels of my awareness were also working whether I was
aware of it or not, although this time I was aware to some degree
that something was happening. This helped gel the concept of us
being Great Spirits in our own right, if we are able to be doing
amazing energy work in the various realms while we are only
partially aware that some part of our higher-self is doing it.
Around this time also, I noticed that I’d get strange feelings
coming and going over a day or two, so I had to isolate them
from my own feelings and discovered that I had a connection to
the lady who was Raven. Whenever she had a down day I would
feel it inside my body as a unique energy and at first I thought
that it was romantic in some way.
 154
That night I waited until I was able to give my full
attention to the alien contact. At 9:15 pm my time I sat and
began preparing to Journey out and see what this alien wanted
from me. Gilgar came to me and said, “We do not have time for
that, we are late already. Just project your awareness for now,
let’s go.”, and we were soon approaching the largest ‘ship’ I had
ever seen, it was massive, about the size of the first ships
depicted in the movie “Independence Day”. I really wanted to
check it out but had no time for play. My Guide led me into the
ship and the first thing I noticed was a human male dressed in a
uniform who bowed to us, when I questioned why a human was
aboard this ship I was told, “This is a federation ship. There are
all kinds on board.” We quickly moved on to something I would
describe as an elevator and entered it while my Guide said he
would wait for me to return. The elevator rose at phenomenal
speed if the lights on each level were any indication to go by. It
very quickly came to a stop, the door(s) opened and there
waiting for me was a tall, pale-grey alien who telepathically
said, “Come with me, we are ready for you now.” He led me to
what looked like a normal office type board-room, with oval
table and chairs all around it. One other being was waiting and
he refused to speak with me, I got the feeling from him that he
was not particularly friendly to us humans. Within a couple of
seconds I heard my name called and noted that it wasn’t the
name I have in this current life. One wall of the room slid open
to reveal a huge auditorium sized room, circular in shape, with
seating around the outside walls. In the middle was a massive
round table in the centre. I heard, “Please take your seat.”, and
immediately knew what seat was mine; I could see it clearly, as
if I had sat there many times before. Circling the table I went to
my seat and calmly sat while waiting for something to happen. It
was extremely quiet except for my thoughts, which seemed to be
the loudest thing I could hear. That was when I was reminded to
screen my thoughts because they were like me yelling out in the
room. The meeting continued as I tried to do so.
 155
A being from a race that I had seen once before
during my first Kundalini raising stood up and approached the
table at the same time that an approximately thirty foot diameter
hologram of Earth appeared above the table. What took my
attention were the hundreds of red dots all over the globe. The
being who had stood up began to communicate to the gathering,
explaining that the red dots indicated where the
underground/undersea bases existed for the ‘reptilian race’. And
that their plans for processing human inhabitants, was well
advanced. This meeting was to find a way to deal with the threat
that would not cause an escalation of hostilities. One being
suggested simply attacking and destroying the Dark Forces, but
this was answered with, “Should we choose that option they will
respond with a full force attack upon that world and us. We do
not have sufficient numbers here as yet to deal with such a
situation.” Another being asked, “Could we not destroy them
one ship at a time when we see them?” And the answer was,
“That action will also provoke a full-scale attack. How we deal
with this situation must be very well planned and not make any
provocations.” Then I was asked to stand, approach the table
and present my message that the Emissary had given to me at
the High ground. I did as they asked, concentrated and thought
out the words of his message from the night of our meeting, and
then took my seat again.

What follows is a little of the discussion I ‘heard’,

apparently, these ‘reptilians’ were actively working at bringing
about the Armageddon scenario as described in our Bible, they
were also actively involved in producing numbers of
earthquakes including some large ones around the planet and
were here in massive numbers, although the larger main force is
on standby within our Solar System, in ’cloaked ships’. They
told me that my services would not be needed for the remainder
of the planning session and I could return to my world. I left and
met the tall, pale grey one who spoke with me about a number
of things that are happening in my life and left me with one
 156
over-riding thought as we reached the elevator. He said,
“Remember this”, then gave me a huge input of Loving energy
while saying to my mind that I must remember this is my
weapon. Into the elevator I went and within seconds found
Gilgar waiting for me as he said he would. We returned to my
place and I spent some time talking with Esgard to ensure that I
understood and to know that I am strong enough to deal with the
dark-haired man who had threatened me during the earlier
communications. This turned out to be just the kind of support
and encouragement I needed right then, as I was a little spun-out
by this Journey. Who wouldn’t be?

You could imagine I was very excited by this turn of

events, in no way did I doubt the reality of it as the Guide Gilgar
had been present, which is something that indicated to me the
experience was very, very real. That was true, even if it seemed
crazy. And this experience certainly vied for top position on the
‘Crazy-meter’, so I shared it in the forum. It was read by over
4,500 people and had more than 160 replies, although not all
were on topic. A few weeks later a new section was added to the
forum where the Reptilian’s were apparently being channelled
by some members who had been trained by a man to channel the
‘Pleiadeans’ and Zeta greys.

The Zeta stuff had me concerned as it seemed to be

guided by some force that I could not quite put my finger on,
and so I asked them for answers to some trick questions that I
KNEW the answers to. Low and behold the answers I got back
were vague and showed little or no knowledge of the subject
matter, including the visits I had as a child from the Greys. So I
decided then and there that it was hogwash designed to get us to
think that these aliens were actually the good guys. And this
same idea came through the Reptilian section of the forum
saying, “We are misunderstood, only a small minority are doing
the terrible things you hear about.” For sure dude.
 157
Meanwhile, Raven and I were meeting for coffee and
lunches as a slow but steady way to grow a relationship. Over
the next four months we had the strangest relationship that you
could imagine, a massive roller-coaster ride that had wonderful
highs and terrible lows. The lady was just beginning a spiritual
awakening through the meditations we did together in a small
group, and in each I could see the reality of what I already knew.
She had travelled to the area where her place is, which is a
stone’s throw from my cave and already had a number of
experienced-for-herself confirmations about who she was. Each
week I would feel as if we were building a special relationship,
then we would suddenly be back to being ‘as friends’ again and
I would fall into a gut-wrenching state. I knew that I did not
want to be in that state, all I wanted was for this lady to step out
of her ‘box’ and walk with me into a solid, equal partnership to
grow and build a new life together and I was very ready.

Through this work I started to get an insight into the

fears and issues that were stopping her, they were very strong
and she would not let me help her with it in any way, as if I was
something to be feared. Maybe it was something I had done to
her in a previous life together, as she was able to move from
warm and loving to cold and clinical at will, doing so as if it was
enjoyable and I deserved it. Perhaps I would never know what
we were supposed to be working on this time because she
refused to move and the box shut me out every time. There was
no way to go forward here and I tried one last effort in the hope
that she would be shocked into looking at herself without the
rose colored glasses of the ego’s comfort zone. That didn’t work
either and she did something much like I did at eighteen years
old, she rebelled against it as hard as she could while I moved
out of the way to let her go, sadly.

Even though I knew without doubt she was Raven here,

the human being she is in this life wanted to do something
different. And so the ways parted, free will again. Needless to
 158
say I learned some valuable lessons from the experience too
and hindsight proved to be a powerful tool for seeing what was
in it for me. There was a lot, much more than I had bargained
for in fact. I got to remember an old lesson about not jumping in
head first, hold back some and see what was there, and I
remembered that some things are not good for you no matter
how good you may feel at the time. Most of what I learned was
about balancing things within myself and setting my boundaries
again.
A couple of days later I was surprised in a journey as I
had expected to have a nice little look around near my cave. I sat
and began to prepare myself to journey, and was going slow
seeing as how I had not done this for some time. Once the
chakras were opened, I saw the high ground below me and went
down to it, where I walked around the central stele and then
approached the fire circle. Here I piled up some wood and raised
the Kundalini up into my right hand to throw at the wood and
start the fire. I felt my hand get very warm, and then the fire
started. Arane approached and was accompanied by a woman in
Green. With curiosity pushing me, I wanted to talk with this new
entity but Arane kept putting herself between us and nudging
me. So I listened to what Arane was saying, she wanted me to
hop on her back. I did and she trotted off the edge of the high-
ground, heading in the direction of the higher peak I had been
shown before. Once there I dismounted and went into a small
cave opening that had some very strange looking objects in it. A
fire was burning within a circle of about 8 beings, so I went over
and sat in the empty place. A tall pale, gray Alien spoke to me
saying that I had to focus on getting clear and aware. This was
reiterated by the other members of the circle, and after about
three minutes I was told to proceed to my cave. Arane took me
back to the High-ground and left me to see the Green Lady. I did
not ask for a name. Instead I took the opportunity to view her,
she wore a flowing dress that seemed to be made from soft
green leaves and her hair was auburn with what I was sure were
 159
Autumn leaves through it. With this came the feeling of her
being a part of something much larger. Then I asked her what
she was, she replied that she was not a manifestation to me of
the Earth Mother Spirit, but she was a part of that spirit. It made
sense to me about knowing she was part of a larger spirit.

She took my right hand and began to walk while saying,

"Let's walk together to your cave." We went about half-way,
around 50 metres, when she stopped. You know the feeling,
when you are walking in a mall holding hands with your partner
and she spots something that takes her fancy. You're still
walking and talking, then you’re jolted because she has already
stopped. Well, that's how it was. I looked around to meet her
eyes and she said, "Prepare yourself ", then I got the message
she gave. It was like being told, “In the manner earned.” So I
opened up, brought in more light and found myself wearing a
the robe and cloak. This is maybe the third time in 5 years that
this has happened, each time the trigger for it was different. We
walked silently down to my cave and she entered, then I spoke
with Absalom, who guards the entrance. It was all very natural,
as if she had walked many times with me. Inside, she stood in
her place around the circle of support, and I thought how cool to
have her on my side. Each supporter stood in front of an Icon, as
if they represented that time to me.

Esgard said, "Choose one.” Raven was standing there so

I went towards her, but Esgard said, "Choose another", and I
replied, "This is something I want to do.", while walking over to
Raven. We held each other in our arms and cried to release our
sorrows, I learned that it will be okay between us when the time
is right. Then I walked around the circle to have a look and
noticed a guy resembling ‘Yahoo Serious’ with the wild hair and
I hugged him. He said his name was John, then he moved back
to show me the Icon he stood with. This was one I had not seen
before in my cave, so I leant down to it and breathed in it's
energy. Soon the mists cleared and I was standing on an
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elevated outcrop of crystal formations. They were huge,
larger than buildings and then I saw a very small cave entrance.
Being so curious I crawled in and found it to be quite small with
a number of strange Icons inside it. I have never seen anything
like them before and was just about to look at one when I felt
and heard a telepathic communication. The big ’voice’ of
Creative Awareness was telling me that this was my original
place, almost like a womb in a way. It continued on saying that I
was an "early creation" of Itself. My mind didn't like this
information as it is always concerned that Ego could get a hold
of it. It gave me some further insights, which I do not remember
now and soon I was back at my own cave. Esgard asked if I
understood what I had been told, and I let him know that
insights into this had come to me already. Then he said, “You
must continue the work and preparation, it is Time.” He finished
by telling me I could return to my body, which I did.

Before the final move away from Raven, the person, she
did some quick spiralling into self destructive behaviours as
many of us do at times, wanted no help and seemed happy to go
that way. I remember feeling the same in 1978, thinking to
myself, “No, they were wrong, I’m happy now”, and doing
whatever my Ego wanted while thinking how clever I was, then
learning fifteen years later that I was wrong and had lost much
for the gaining of the lesson. I knew this lady would also
eventually start to see clearly and that it could take weeks,
months or years. And I was not going to put my life on hold to
wait and see, as I was starting to feel free and unencumbered by
the raw weight I carried when with her. Once through that
period I realized that I’d actually found the strength inside me to
stand up and ensure I would never again be used, toyed with, or
otherwise mentally-fornicated with. This realization was exactly
what I needed. I was finally getting over the hurdle I created
during many relationships and would never again bring that
experience to fruit in this life.
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So here I was, over four months further down the
path and it was now very early in 2004. Where had the past
seven and a half years gone? Those years had seemed like three
in my mind and now I was racing towards being forty-four years
old. Amongst that time I had experienced a wild ride of legal
battles for custody, growing urges to learn and read all I needed,
a massive increase in spiritual growth and other related things, a
two year self-imposed “hermit period’, a daughter who grew
faster than the years and all the rest of day to day life. What a
ride it had been. This was one ride I had to have to help me
grow and complete some things. And this brings us to something
else worth remembering, sometimes the destination’s
importance really lies in the way you got there, what you
learned or remembered of your journey. In this time I had been
doing some Journey work with people and a few friends. There
would not be much on this world I like to do more than guiding
people on Journeys to find and awaken to their inner Self. One
small circle had begun at Raven’s house, allowing some nice
people to experience some of their true Self through simple
methods I had learned along the way. After quite a few sessions
with various people I realized this work was meant to be, I only
needed to put some effort in to make it grow and prosper. The
best thing was that I loved doing it.

Very obviously, I was in a new phase of moving on and

not completely sure of which direction it would go. Things
where on the drawing board for this year, for the first time in a
few years I had real plans. One idea came to rework the Journey
practices I had been doing into a course designed to bring people
into direct contact with their Guides. It seemed the perfect
answer to one of my major questions about creating self-
employment while also doing the spiritual work that I loved.
And I could do it without charging the high prices that many
others do. It was a perfect idea, now I had to bring it into reality.
This would be a test. Another thing I had planned was to
complete this book and be sending it to publishers, but that was
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a little difficult because I was now living it and writing about
it straight afterwards. No longer did I have the luxury of writing
from memory and old pieces of paper, this was going out live.
At the same time I was putting myself through mind induced
stress and heartache over the process of letting go of Raven. I
could not relate to how this soul I knew and loved for so many
lives had manifest in the world this way. It was confusing since I
already knew the answer and refused to look at it. For almost six
months she had been in my mind constantly, so it was a difficult
period to force myself out of. The process I started to use
whenever I caught myself thinking about Raven was very
simple, stop, and then focus only on what I was doing at that
moment. I could see that this was useful for teaching myself
how to stay in the here and now, so I widened the process to
include all thoughts that were not NOW. It was to be a very
difficult process all on it’s own. Many opportunities presented
themselves immediately, some simple like stubbing my toe,
forgetting important paperwork and being touchy, to motoring
moments. During one short drive to a local town I was
constantly reminding myself to keep thought to right now. In
fact, about every two or three minutes I was busy reminding me
about it! This illustrated to me just how difficult a process it was
going to be. Imagine the energy required to keep your focused
attention on every moment as a choice. As the trip progressed I
was getting better at it too and was entering a park area near the
town’s small bridge, while being in the moment only to have
two very large dogs appear out of the long-grassed slope
immediately to my left and into the front of the car. I heard the
bang as I mashed the brake pedal to the floor and we slid along
in a cloud of blue smoke for twenty feet, before being able to
back up and park off the road. The dog was huge and dearly
loved by the couple who ran over to her. All that came to my
mind was to explain how they just jumped out right in front of
me and go to the poor animal as it lay on the road. She had died
quickly, which was the only bonus I could find while I fought
back the urge to cry. Her owners offered to pay for the damage
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to my car, although I had not even thought about that yet.
After we put the dog into their wagon to take home for burial, I
apologized as best I could in a situation that no words can effect.

On the way home I tried not to cry in front of my

daughter and her friend, all the way wondering what that event
was about. An hour or so after arriving home I started to see that
it was a finalizing lesson to what I had been learning with
Raven. The reminder being, sometimes there is nothing you can
do. Sometimes you just have to accept that things will go a
different way to what you would have wanted. Even though I
already knew that, it was driven home with a force this time.
One week later a small Wallaby jumped out onto the road in
front of me, which gave me enough time to hit the brakes and
watch the animal go under the car. I heard it roll once under the
car and did not see it in the rear-view mirror in the cloud of dust
from the dirt road. As soon as the car stopped I jumped out to
look for the injured animal, I could see where it had impacted
with the car, but there were no signs of the animal itself. My
daughter and I spent half an hour searching for the Wallaby and
did not find it. So I began to wonder why this had happened, I
was travelling slowly on the road, was in the moment and not in
my thoughts and still could not find an answer. My daughter
said, “Gee Dad, that’s two now.” I told her to not count them, I
didn’t want to have number three.

Why was this happening? If I knew anything at all it was

that everything happens for a reason. So what possible reason
could this have, was it about my life’s direction? Was it my
attitudes and behaviour? I was at a total loss to explain why
these things had happened. The first accident with the Great
Dane had been weird. The day I went to talk with the Dog’s
owners, I found that I was carrying a lot of emotional pain over
the killing of this beautiful animal and I could not hide it no
matter how hard I tried. It’s definite in my mind that the people
and animals involved in this accident were all contracted to be a
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part of the event, but for what purpose? I had a damaged car,
they had lost a prize show dog and we were all hurting. Honesty
was also a victim that day, so I learned that most people still saw
‘little white lies’ as being fine to use, and this was also one of
the things I got to remember with Raven this time.

There comes a time in our lives when we have to take

stock. Ask ourselves what is really important. We have to be
more honest then, than ever before. The reason for this is, now
you have to be honest to your-Self. It is easy to be dishonest, it
only takes a person the split-second to decide on being honest or
not. Being honest is the hardest choice, as it is almost alien to
our culture these days. So many people choose to be not-honest
and most see it as nothing more than ‘little white lies’ or
information on a need to know basis. Total honesty, to Self and
all others comes when you no longer fear not having some form
of control.

Without that control you need to be ready to own any

truth within you, be prepared to own your ‘worst points’ up-
front. Being yourself is made easier by aligning with complete
honest living. You may no longer fear what any-one thinks, nor
care who knows what about you. You know you and that is
more important. And you will find control is yours, not over
other things, over the biggest thing in your life, You. If we
choose to live completely honestly we learn self control and
integrity. And these two attributes are sorely depleted in our
world today. Predictably, the changing that was occurring in life
was also mirrored inside by the raising of issues, one in
particular that became ever present as an increasing ‘feeling’.
This indicated to me that the time had come for me to take a
good look at it. I really didn’t want to though, it was such an
intense feeling already and I knew it would be deeply anchored.
So I avoided it as much as is humanly possible. Even when I
made arrangements with a Lady who was well practiced in
methods to help with this issue, I still avoided. I decided that the
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way through this for me was to feel it and get serious about
the tasks in this life. This would also be a way through the issue
as it was about the doing and succeeding of these tasks. In the
meantime the ladies and I were meeting for a weekly meditation
and as each week passed I found that it was all heading towards
the same things, doing the tasks here. This was some relief to
me, seeing as I was doing it anyway and had plans to make it
grow further.

The lady with the healing methods turned out to be the

one I was shown at the Akasha (Akashic Record) who was
coming into my life while Raven walked away. At the Akasha I
had seen her walk into the scene from behind me, as I was still
looking in the direction Raven had taken. Lynn turned out to be
someone who had shared a couple of lives with me and this time
we would help each other again. As a friendship developed we
found that we had similar ‘friends’ in the astral and beyond, we
even understood the same things in much the same way and
recognized the sameness of our tasks in this life. Emotional and
mental issues began to jump up for attention as we talked and
spent more time together, each of us having memory flashbacks
to times, events and issues in this life. Many times we would get
the same white-light carried message or awareness, which I
found to be extremely interesting as I was starting to actually see
the light with my physical eyes while it came into us. Something
big was happening ‘behind the scenes’ and it was getting
stronger, much stronger.

I also reworked the journeys into a cohesive course,

making it eight weeks long when done as a class of seven people
meeting weekly. Flyers were designed, printed and posted all
over the town. Each week I would check them, replace the
removed ones and see how many phone number tags had been
taken. As the week arrived for the classes to begin, I was so
nervous and worried because no one had phoned about it. A
week earlier I had journeyed to the Akasha again with the group
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of ladies and been shown that the work needed to be begun
through one of the already existing spiritual organizations. I
wanted it to take off in the direction I had planned for it. In the
end no one came for the class, and, I had an interesting
discussion with a man who was in the process of changing his
nature and behaviours. So I still had to learn to just accept the
way I was shown to go instead of trying desperately to do it my
way. The realization of this was instantaneous, and I knew then
that I needed to just go and do it.

But did this stop me from trying to go in a direction that

I wanted with the work? No it didn’t. In fact, my
disappointments with the lack of interest in the course motivated
me to modify it into something more palatable to those who
search for truth. I made it a one day workshop, because the
workshop format is what people seemed to want to do. At the
same time I was beginning to see that most people do not really
want to put any effort in to their awakening, in fact, they mostly
seemed to want to be told the information they seek by Psychics
and Mediums. While what I offered helps people to get into
their higher awareness levels through their own efforts using
very simple and effective methods. It really did appear that what
I wanted to do here was an idea whose time had come, but it was
advanced for the time and place I was trying to work it out. This
left one other direction open to me before surrendering to the
way I saw at the Akasha.
Any ideas how the Workshop worked out? It didn’t
work. No one came. Then I knew that one way remained; the
perfect path it seems. So I decided to check out the Free Energy
Days at a hall in the town. Something interesting happened
when we walked into the hall. We were treated as equals by the
people we spoke with. That might not seem like a big deal to a
lot of people, but for Lynn and I it was a breath of fresh air
given what we had become used to by new age offerings. Lynn
was about to fly out to journey in sacred spaces at the heart of
Australia. Uluru’s power brought a deep connection with the
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Self, our abilities, and a deeper understanding of what
supports us in our tasks here. We had discussed how the lady
who was running the tour was actually a ‘reptilian’ that had
probed Lynn after establishing phone contact the night before
her tour started. I felt the probing while showing Lynn how to
mirror the connection back to it’s source, which worked very
well and also gave ourselves away to this Dark One.

The first time I went to offer my services at the hall, four

people came to me for various things; each one was unique and
tested my ability to go with the Flow. Funnily enough, the first
was a strong willed and strong minded lady, a brilliant mind
made sharp and lucid by her growing age. She got to experience
meeting her main guide, even though they seemed to ‘rub her up
the wrong way’, meaning she felt an Ego related thing. As
expected, this lady got it instantly when I asked her, “So you
know now that the main guide is really you, the Higher-Self that
You are?” As the day progressed I found myself getting further
into the warmth of my inner power, and felt the Helpers around
the hall. It was a beautiful feeling for sure. One lady needed to
know that she was strong, so I showed her how to bring in the
Light and sit in it. She got to feel herself filling up with Light
and handing me her pain from the very recent marriage
separation, and she commented on how she had actually felt the
pain leaving her. This was very nice work to be doing. The next
lady had been driving past and saw the sign outside, so she came
in looking for a Psychic to see if the daughter she couldn’t
contact on the phone was okay. You can bet I was looking
around for someone else to do it. But there was no one else,
there weren’t even any Tarot cards lying around. So I asked her
just to think about her daughter so I could find her, while the
energy helped me find the woman about to cross a street in a far-
north Queensland city. What I got from this connection was
swift, I saw her daughter was angry with men because she had
chosen poorly from the male-pool, was also happy with ending
the ineffectual relationship she was in and she was okay. Then I
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saw a little further ahead and there was another man about to
come into her life. He wore dark green work shirts, was a hard
worker and a genuine good guy. Babies came into view then, a
girl first, followed quickly by a boy and all in the next two
years. I told her what I saw and she left happily but rushed to get
to her phone and check. Now I realized that I was not meant to
close any options on what I am here to do, and I really should go
with the flow more often. I could see the truth of an ancient
Druid verse, “Never name the well you won’t drink from.”

Within the next week we were asked to clear a house of

the remains from the passed over original owners. Strangely
enough it was very easy to pick up on what was there from the
moment we got out of the car in the driveway. I could smell a
beautiful flowery aroma in the air and looked for the bush to see
what the flowers were. There were no flowers anywhere in view
along the street, and I realized it was the old tree next to the car
hat was the source of the smell. We went into the house and I
felt where a small child had been, knowing this was one we
would help over. The work itself was interesting as Lynn and I
worked with the house owner so she could see and learn from
the experience. We even had a little old foxy terrier come to us
so it could go with her owners. When finished I felt something
else was there that needed us to come back to finalize within a
couple of days. Lynn felt the overwhelming sensations that
come with the first time we take the pain away from others, and
I showed her the way to give it to the strong tree to ground. Yet,
there was still something hanging onto her. And when we did
finalize the work at that house, Lynn knew it to be the old lady
having an emotional attachment through her to the remaining
child.

Next thing on the agenda was the UFO and Paranormal

Research group’s monthly meeting which I was to run in my
capacity as president. Things went a little off course that night.
During our discussion period we were following the question of,
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‘What are the perceived differences between Soul and
Spirit?’ I felt the power building around me and I was replying
to Guidance’s input of ‘thoughts in concept form‘, the only
problem was with me actually speaking out loud when talking to
them. Then the power peaked and I was explaining the things I
knew to answer certain questions about the Universe’s
possibility of being one god, as this Universe, and another
Universe being a different god. Some people thought I was
channelling, which I disagree with because I knew what I was
saying and was aware of me saying it from my own experience.

Did my old adversary Strange Things have more in store

for us? Yes it surely did. Now we were asked to help two ladies
who lived an hour away from us, who had reported something
like Psychic Attack from those people who ran the local
Spiritual Church in their area. We found many things were
happening there on different levels, from the family abuse and
control to Hooks being imbedded in the lady with the real
problem. While dealing with the Hooks I was approached by a
man who is involved with spiritual magazines, an Institute for
esoteric workshops, Medium and Psychic development courses,
and, was the same man Delise had been calling her Teacher. He
was also the man behind the spiritual churches that I was
avoiding becoming involved with because Instinct had
demanded it of me. Later that night the man came to Lynn’s
place in Spirit and attempted to hook me while his mother
hooked Lynn. I eventually found a motivation to Love him for,
while he worked at dis-empowering me. The motivation was; he
is being used by higher powers that he wasn’t fully aware of.
From there it was easy to pour the Loving Light into him and
watch him recognize something profound for himself. Lynn
needed to have the hook removed from her, as it was cold to feel
and she observed different thought patterns emerging in her
mind. Now my sword came in handy as I cut the strings and
then removed the hook, which left healing the damage done as
the last thing needed to complete this contact. Our cover was
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blown big-time and now we could not hide who and what we
where, anymore. This was the final remembering in this stage of
growth. To be who we are and to do what we came her for,
without flinching or fleeing. It was Time to step up to the plate
and not look back.
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Being Your-Self.

"There is a big difference between knowing the path

and walking the path."
- Unknown.

With this decision made, it was back to the drawing board to

begin looking at what I really wanted for me in this life. To see
if I could bridge the huge gap from where I am now in the world
to where I desire to be, and the first step had to be in deciding
what it was I wanted. That was the easy bit, because I’d worked
this one out a couple of years earlier as you may remember.
Next was working it out on a plan to see what was do-able and
what would be fantasy. Funnily enough, none of what I desired
was actually fantasy.

At a friend's Internet forum I read a reminder saying not to

shrink back and minimize ourselves to save the comfort zones of
others. I laughed about it because I had forgotten how true it
was. So with this newly re-remembered truth in my hands I
continued posting and did not shrink back when it came to
absolute honesty about what we are as Soul. This required
having to go outside my own comfort zones to achieve. Not
surprisingly the words got jumped on here and there. And I
made the silly mistake of forgetting another truth; that I am only
responsible for planting seeds, not for insuring that they grow.
My responsibility stopped when the seeds were planted.

Lynn and I also began going to another weekly meditation

circle with my friend Roma. This allowed us to work more with
groups, which was what was needed in this time. It was during
this we all did another journey to the Akasha to see what was
there for us. Lynn and I both saw us up in the mountains near
the rural town of Warwick, just a stones throw from the Great
Dividing Range, and the year was 2006. This meant we really
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had little time to do much else except organise ourselves
more effectively and to go for a reconnaissance of the area.

Christmas came and went as it does, followed immediately

by the sign we all needed that things were getting much closer
and time was now of the essence to do what had to be done. The
massive earthquake and following Tsunamis that devastated
huge areas on December 26, 2004 was the last thing I needed to
see as it confirmed my knowing even further and left only one
path to follow. With this in mind, Lynn, my daughter and I went
looking for the area. We knew where to look but were not fully
sure of how to go about it. We eventually followed the flow and
found a house in a small country town that we both felt was
about to boom, and we thought it a good idea to get in on the
ground floor there before the place really took off. Little thought
was given to how our perceptions may have altered the meaning
of our seeing.

A house was purchased, leaving us only with the need to get

ourselves sorted and move all of our stuff. What was really
happening? It seems like we were being led to what we were
meant to do, and in the exact locations we were meant to do it
in. It all happened so easily, everything just fell into place. We
did know something important was going on behind the scenes,
and we had let ourselves flow along with it and learned or
remembered that this is how things work when it is meant to be.
The house number was a nine, which brought up a feeling that I
tried to ignore. It signified to me the end of many things and my
concern was it would also mean the end of this new relationship.
It was a possibility; one that I didn’t want to look at.

After the move, I felt an urge to offer psychic and

medium services that I fought against as best as I could. It was
something I had always closed off in myself because I had
issues about other people’s perceptions on what these things
meant and entailed, and, because my own seeds of doubt were
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still there all these years later. To begin with I decided to see
if I could just do the awakening methods with people, as I
figured this was far more important to each person than simply
giving people their answers for them. Do you remember me
doing the same thing at free-energy days while living at
Glastonbury? One day I went to Warwick in the hope of finding
a place to offer these services, so it required me to allow spirit to
guide me. Within ten minutes I had turned a corner and found a
small new age gift shop glowing at me. After some exciting
discussion with the shops owner, who we had been warned
about before we moved, it was decided I could come and do
what I wanted to at a new holistic centre that she wanted to open
up next door.

A number of things then presented themselves once the

centre was up and running. Flyers were made up including all
the services provided by the people who had offered to work
there, which immediately brought a conflict when the owner
claimed that another service provider with a Christian belief
system wanted my spiritual offerings removed from all
advertising. It was made so. Naturally I was concerned about the
power one person could have over the rest of us who intended to
work there, perceiving it as yet another injustice of bias. The
only way for me to go was to make up my own flyers and
continue offering services. Meditation classes were the next
thing I offered and a circle quickly came into being. Once again
the same problems from previous circles were apparent; mainly
that most who attended didn’t take their experiences seriously
and seemed unable or unwilling to grasp the importance or value
of what these things meant. Another thing arose during these
meditation sessions, people who had died and as yet had not
passed into the light were coming to the circle seeking to pass
on messages and be assisted in their next step. I enjoyed this
immensely, yet some others in the circle felt fear at the very
thought of ‘dead’ being there.
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Soon enough I was presented with a dilemma, either
to try and do what I wanted to or give up my resistance to doing
the psychic and medium work and step forward. After some
difficult times in the personal relationship I was sliding downhill
again and Spirit chose this time to give me the ultimatum. I must
have made the correct choice when deciding to drop the
awakening services, for the time being, in favour of doing the
psychic/medium stuff. Apparently this is what the centre’s
owner had wanted from me and bookings started to come in
more frequently. At the same time I had a brilliant idea to build
on my growing knowledge of computers and offer repair
services in the small town. In order to do this I needed to get up
to speed and learn more about computers. This was achieved
quite easily through further education. Once again I realized that
I was cruising through the course, not studying and only doing
what was absolutely required to get a competency grade that
would bring the qualification I needed. Hindsight wasn’t
involved in this realization; I knew it as I did it. Somehow I felt
that I was short-changing myself through choice.

The relationship didn’t last much longer, leaving me to

ask myself if this was what I had been working towards. Yet I
knew that it had not been my intention during the relationship
and had wanted it to grow through the tough patches. I was sure
the Akashic vision of two years with Lynn could be changed. At
the same time there was a little voice in my head reminding me
of a story Sante had told me during her reading way back in
1999, which had the important question of “how much is
enough?” as it’s central theme. For me, enough had been
reached and staying longer squashed the feelings I did have. The
moment came to leave; I took it and began to feel my strength
gradually recover. I was also aware that Lynn and I needed to
stay friends for some higher purpose that I couldn’t put my
finger on. Further down the track I would begin to see what my
issues were and how I may have played them out in the
relationship.
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My daughter had somehow grown up more and was now

eleven years old, which I found confronting. How could she
have grown up so fast in that two year time-frame? It was then
that I realized my attention had been constantly on Lynn, for
many various reasons and I had all but ignored my child. Now
we were living in a small cabin at a caravan park and she needed
more from me. I vowed to give what I could in the years she
would remain with me. Yet, the atmosphere was depressing with
no room for privacy or quiet, no place to yell if I needed to, no
space I could call mine and the constant knowing that I was not
in a position financially to do anything about it as I had nothing
other than a new-second hand computer and the fifteen year old
car Lynn had bought for us to explore the mountains. My own
older car had been sold to finance the move to the area two years
earlier. It was a darkish place for me at that time, although my
daughter seemed quite happy most of the time.

Now I was given another ultimatum from Spirit. Very

simply, I was informed that I couldn’t do both the computer
business and the spiritual work. I had to choose one direction
and do it wholeheartedly. The spiritual work won that toss. Now
I was looking at advertising in regional towns to assess the
demand and arranging accommodation as well as a place to do
the work. This was going to cut deeply into my meagre income
and if I was to keep the fee I charged to a minimum so that
everyone could afford to come for these services, I would need
to have at least ten bookings per day for the weekend to cover
all the costs and make a little something for my efforts. Being
rich wasn’t my goal, I just wanted to do the work and make sure
anyone could afford it. Although to not have to worry about
where the money would come from to pay this or that would
have been a blessing. Do you think there was something here for
me to look at? What had been the overriding issues for me to
remember? Firstly, I needed to remember that what you see at
the Akasha or in vision are only possibilities and probabilities
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that our actions can change. So in each moment we do have
the power of choice, the power to change what we do. We
certainly have the power to decide how we will feel at any
moment, since it is our thoughts that give birth to our feelings;
believe it or not. It also seemed I needed to remember that our
needs really are met, even if we don’t think they are. That’s a
hard one to get your mind around when you are forced to sit still
for days because you have no money to do anything, and you
still have bills to pay with no idea how you are going to do it.

Timing was the next thing I remembered, that all things

come in their own time. And I started to wonder if some things
are a probable percentage of destiny. You readers know I dislike
the concept of Destiny because everything is made inevitable by
it. The things in particular I thought about were those we seem
to have no control over in the bigger picture. Piece by piece I
saw a clearer, bigger picture emerge, one where choice in the
moment and ‘destiny’ may be merged to form the life-flow. This
works if we consider destiny to be the things we chose to
experience in this life and not as something we have to
experience.

More reminders began to flood in. Sante had told me I

was not to give my power away when I got into this
relationship; yet I had at the very start and it was to create many
problems that couldn’t be overcome. We tend to think of things
as obstacles for us to triumph over, yet some are created so that
they eventually change the course or flow. This was one of those
course changing obstacles and I had needed to experience this
reminder to know completely that it was something I had almost
always done in relationships. Of course there had been bright
moments when I had tried to take my power back, and while I
had recognized this at those times and felt the strength within
myself again, I had always allowed myself to fall back into that
same rut.
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The control aspects of feminine wiles and perceived
male-dominance are something that I’d always had difficulty
with due to the fact that my own up-bringing lacked any
learning about human interactions. It can be a debilitating thing.
Trying to make someone else happy when it seemed that
nothing you could do was good enough unless you did exactly
what was wanted and did it how they wanted it done. These
control aspects use a few distinct tools; the Victim, which
solicits sympathy and thereby flows power to them; the
Interrogator, which forces you to answer for everything you do
or don’t do and therefore flows power to them; the outright
Controller, which gives ultimatums and undermines you to make
power flow to them. Lastly the most seditious weapon of all is
the giving or withholding of sex, which is used against most
males and many women on the face of this planet to gain control
where other forms may not be successful. Those who do really
need to give up this intense desire to have total control by any
means. In fact, most males do use the same or similar avenues to
gain control, although “might is right” seems to be the most
prominent avenue. Males tend to think in old fashioned ways
when it comes to relationships. We seem to still hold on to the
old concept of being ‘King of the Castle’, with many using
physical and emotional control mechanisms to continue this out-
dated concept. It’s a comfort zone thing that most men haven’t
worked through yet. Change is scary for guys too.

I was often told in this time that I only needed to have

faith, everything was as it should be, have faith that it will all
work out. Well I knew things always worked out one way or the
other, but I really wanted them to work out and be the outcomes
I felt I needed. Always being broke, getting further into debt
because you have to borrow money to make up your shortfalls,
isn’t my idea of working out! I was aware that the financial
situation was helping me to move away from some habits, so it
was in my highest interests, it just wasn’t fun. All I’d had left for
me were cigarettes and take-away foods. And this was the
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problem over the previous few years, I had thought of pot
and cigarettes as things for me, the last remnants of my ‘normal’
life, the last things I hung on to. Now I was being forced to give
everything up. It seems the German lady at Grey Wolf’s sweat
lodge was very correct; spirit takes absolutely everything from
you. While I could understand this process from a higher
perception, I was desperately in need of something remotely
similar to my concept of normality, something just for me,
anything to help me feel like I was part of this society. I know it
sounds stupid since I do dislike the way our society is and the
way we live in the world, yet it is a hard thing to live outside of
‘normal society’.
Right at this point my phone rang, and I was asked to go
and do a reading for a woman at the centre. Of course I went and
was presented with another person who was having such similar
things happening to make her awaken and step up to the plate.
Spirit really does give you what you need! I was able to help her
by sharing my own experiences and assisting her to have her
own Guide introduction, which again told me to take my own
medicine. Again I had to ask myself how often did I need to
have these same reminders and why was I making it so hard for
me? These would have to be the acts of a truly stupid person,
and it illustrated to me that I really hadn’t changed that much
over the previous thirty years in spite of all the truly wonderful
and amazing experiences I had been blessed with. Somewhere I
had lost the flow again, the plot had gone right out the window
and I was floundering, or wallowing, depending on your
perspective. Its funny how I could help other people to find
direction and answers yet seemed totally unable to do the same
for myself. The fact that I hadn’t been journeying or working
with guidance on my own path was something that stood out to
me like the proverbial dog’s testicles. Once again the messages I
was getting were being ignored. And it truly surprised me that I
would have allowed myself to continue to do this. Again I was
at the same crossroad I had been at when I was eighteen years
old, where I had put myself into a deep rut because I refused to
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walk the path and wanted to do what I wanted to do. Free
will is a strange thing and my stubbornness is genetic!

A lot of the new age material you can read about free
will states that since we are one, co-creating, we are able to
choose anything; absolutely anything. I beg to differ. For a few
years I had been thinking about free will, I wrote many posts
about it in forums seeking some form of clarification on it but
always got the same accepted line of thought. Because the
slowly growing concept I was coming to clarity on is vastly
different to the accepted views, I was not able to find anyone
who could help me come to terms with it. For me free will
didn’t mean we could choose ‘anything’, it was more about us
only being able to choose from the options we included in our
life-plan before coming into the world. I even had a mental
picture of the life-plan as a tube-like matrix or structure filled
with criss-crossing and intersecting lines, each representing
possible and probable options to change direction and make
things manifest within that whole framework. Meanwhile, the
‘chooser’ is freely floating along towards the one inevitable
finality of bodily death. While it allows us to change track at
millions of points within the overall framework, it does not
include many choices if we didn’t plan to have them in this life.
So it was similar to how we plan out our holidays, we choose
where we want to stay and what activities we want to experience
while taking the vacation, but it may not allow us suddenly
leave the holiday and fly to the other side of the world on a
whim. This was my dilemma; I wanted to be able to choose
something different to what this life’s plan had included, and, I
didn’t want things forced onto me because of my Soul path. And
I wanted to be able to make the choices in my own time, when I
felt ready.

Omissions in those new age concepts stood out to me.

They mostly hit the mark where our higher realities are
concerned, and also in the statement that we as humans do have
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the power to make changes. What was missing from their
concepts was Mechanism and Agreement or abiding. That there
are astral planes existing in higher vibrational layers beyond this
third dimension is a truth and one that most of us do not argue
over, yet most aren’t aware that the astral isn’t everywhere in
the Universe. It can only occupy ranges that resonate at those
specific vibrational rates and the higher vibrations exist
alongside and beyond those limited planes. The astral layers are
‘mechanical’ means by which we souls agree to enter the
process of experiencing 3D worlds. We agreed to abide by the
laws of this mechanistic system in order to experience what is
on offer. Because of this we cannot choose anything that goes
against those mechanisms and the laws they operate under. But
we can make positive our thoughts to effect manifestation and
also grow into our own higher awareness, toward soul, and find
the way that we can be that here in the 3D and make a
difference. And this was the bind that I found myself in, how to
be my-Self in this world in the here and now?

Another lady came to the centre for a reading and within

a short time I realized that she too was one of the thousands
awakening to their Soul’s purpose for this life in this particular
time. As I’d done with a few other people, I asked her some very
pointed questions, knowing that the responses would lead into
reminding her of what she really knew already about the bigger
scheme of things, why she was here and why she was
experiencing such difficulty with every aspect of life. Again it
was also my own medicine. This knowledge didn’t actually
make anything easier; it only served to make us feel a bit better
about it all.

Something else was happening. Questions people were

asking during the readings etc, built up from direction and
answers type to more important issues. The next client asked me
if her fiancé was going to die. In that moment I wondered about
the outcome and quickly remembered not to get emotionally
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involved. I saw that after a struggle he would undergo an
operation to cut out the effected part of his liver. And he would
survive. After the lady left the centre I hoped it was the right
answer. During this timeframe some earlier customers reported
success with the information that came through me. One early
‘prediction’ was, one main partner in the business would leave
in about six months; this happened and I was told, “It’s exactly
six months and three weeks since you said it.” I had some
trouble with my perception of Responsibility relating to
answering the client’s increasingly important questions, and it
was something that needed to be dealt with within myself. What
was obvious to me, surprisingly, was the feeling of just being me
and going with what I got when it came. This pointed to another
thing to look at, the ‘just being me’ bit. The key was the Feeling
of it.

Fairly obviously, this was the direction of energy flow,

and I was finally starting to see it. I had always fought to do
things my way, even if circumstances didn’t allow; meaning the
flow wasn’t going that way. Lessons I already ‘new’ were being
replayed in my mind, urging me to remember what I knew.
Sounds silly, yet each of us do the same thing. Most times we
ignore it out of habit. Yes, one habit I had for sure was not
letting me be me. Not without deep analysis beforehand and
usually for some time after. Oops. We all do that too. Way down
underneath all our learned habits there is a movement going on
as larger cycles and energy fluctuations occur around and
through us. We are being urged, more than ever before, to
Awaken and see what we Remember on the inside. All the
growing feelings over the previous eight or nine years of
urgency, as if time was running out, made fresh impact on me
now. Inside I knew that the things I had Seen were a lot closer,
mainly because that amount of years had passed since my
becoming aware of them! Time did look short to me then. “How
long?”, I wondered, because I wasn’t fit by any standard and it
would take six to twelve months to reach what I thought was a
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necessary fitness level. “Time ladies and gentleman, please.”
say the cosmic cycles.

It’s as if we must or will accelerate the rate we are

dealing with our own ‘Issues’. There was another quality to it,
and I saw it was obvious because I already knew it. Many
people are awakening more quickly by letting go and allowing
things to flow, rather than slogging through their baggage to get
clear. We will still move through our issues, but the pace is so
much quicker as if we’d all jumped into a pressure cooker.
Acceleration is occurring, the flow is the force behind our
Awakening and we can’t deny it any longer.

The cycle which began with the start of this chapter was
now to coming to its fruition, and in doing so it clearly
illustrated the speeding up process around us. Going with the
flow was the message of two years ago and now it was reiterated
by coming full circle. Much more understanding was growing as
I finally started to get it. A huge life-change was in order for us
all, although each of us would go through it in our own time and
in our own ways. We all avoid the inner niggling we feel, and
most of us choose to stay in our comfort zone. This is ‘normal
life’, and we are now being urged to grow out of the ‘Cultural
Dream’, to wake up and be the great soul that we are. To be
your-Self.

And all we really need to do is allow it, let it happen by

our choosing. Remember to look at everything from your higher
perspective; your own bigger picture. Let yourself feel things
completely as they happen and avoid creating or strengthening
existing baggage issues. Growth is natural change in-motion; it
is inevitable because there is nothing you can do to stop change.
So we are left with one option, to go with it and see what it has
to offer us, to see what growth is being supported and to allow
ourselves to actively take part in it. As the old saying goes,
“When only one path remains it is the perfect path.” Coming to
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this understanding was a massive effort over many years.
Even though I had always known this as a mental-concept, I
didn’t really Know it until I began to experience it. Living it
mindfully might require far more from me and again some old
habits fought against their deaths.

Weeks were rapidly passing into months, again.

Readings were picking up and I started to wonder if I should
make some more changes to the way I do the work, because I
felt that some were not as effective as they could have been.
Sometimes I seemed to work hard and other times it would all
come together. Yet it was the harder ones that made me wonder
about the way I did them. A new thought came to me as I wrote
this; each reading is highly personal and maybe many couldn’t
conform to my ‘way’ of doing it. It seemed that I needed to
bring my new “go with the flow” lesson into focus during
readings. How typical of me, to try and make it happen my way.
How typical of Spirit to agree to bringing it into my experience
to remind me, again. If this book is to be remembered for
anything it may only be for the cycles of behaviour and
choice/options it illustrates have occurred while I was not taking
up the issues and making the necessary changes.
One particular reading was very different; as I knew the
lady client had a vast store of knowledge and could express
things without any attachments to belief-systems. What a gift
she had, although, she didn’t really believe this about herself.
Does that sound familiar? I was unable to give her answers that
said, “You must do this or that... .” So the lady felt more
confused after her reading which is a fairly unusual result for me
so far. I wanted to charge her half-price, hug her, and a billion
other things all that the same moment. Well I got as far as
getting a hug from her but forgot to get a contact number or
arrange the reduced fee. During the reading I kept getting
blanks, whole minutes where I got absolutely nothing for her.
But I had soldiered on trying to make it work and get some
response, to do it my way. And this perfectly illustrates that I
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wasn’t joining the flow at all. Today I feel I would like to
have shared the white light method with her and maybe a guide
introduction if needed.

So it seemed obvious to me that I was missing the boat

you could say. Just this moment I have sat down to write about
something that happened only five minutes ago. As I was
standing on my veranda I had a sudden realization and it was
made more real by the feeling of warm energy coursing through
my heart. Spirit told me, “You are here to give Love.” Knowing
this was true, I had a moment. It was then backed up by a
second helping of that energy boost. The message was repeated
clearly. So I had another moment. Next thing I know memories
are running through my mind. Times with my daughter when I
wasn’t as loving as I would have liked to have been, times in my
childhood when I learned behaviours from elders, times when I
had been loving and how it had felt to me. I missed that I
couldn’t hold my little daughter as I used to because she was
grown from two or three to be an eleven year old looking
forward to turning twelve. Whoosh, came a feeling of how I
should have given her more hugs, shown her how to do things
beyond the basics and been more generous in my interactions
with her. A rewarding feeling came with the concept that I still
had some time to teach my daughter what she needed to help
herself. Another feeling opened me up a little so that I could feel
the other people in the area and how I loved them too. Message
three came in saying something along the lines of, “You are to
give Love. Show it, and do it. Succeed.” I was still feeling The
Feeling, so those final words may not be an exact replica but the
meaning is there.

With this in mind I began to change the way I interacted

with others, my daughter responded immediately and became
less argumentative. The readings really flowed when I stopped
trying to make it go by how I ‘do’ the readings. Instead, it was
replaced with the knowing that this is how I started doing the
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readings in the first place, working with what came to me.
And today I realized that an old ‘mental program’ was still
running in the subconscious, all by itself, that allowed me to
wait until it’s too late to walk through a door that has just
opened to an opportunity. I thought then and was able to
remember that I’d done that a million times already. It sure
seemed like the time had come to dispense with that rather large
issue and one way to do that is to be aware that you now know
this about yourself and Action something different. Show by
your choices that it has no place in your life now. You will
discard the need for it. Now I needed to make some phone calls,
post off those articles I wrote for a new age magazine, get the
working with guides course actually running since there was
easily enough people now to run two classes a week. Boy, had I
been letting opportunity go its own way without me.

That wasn’t being Self. It’s said that we come to know

what we are by experiencing all that we aren’t, yet I see it now
as the simple process of awakening to being the balanced
Highest Self you can be here. We come to know what we are by
being and evolving through all the things that make us up, even
the things we don’t like about ourselves.

Lynn and I have taken over the old centre, jazzed it up

and gave it a new name. Right from the start it is more
successful than the old centre with the previous owner, and I
take that as an affirmation that we are on track. While I work
doing readings and mediumship I also get to teach the guide
course that hadn’t taken off when I tried it before. This time it is
working well in small groups where we can work through
whatever blocks and issues the students experience while
learning how they open up and connect to higher guidance for
them Selves. I’m learning more about how to work with
individuals in small groups when they are working at different
stages to others in the group. While I do understand higher
knowledge, it doesn’t stop me from learning more about
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practical and effective ways to assist people in working
through to clarity.

At the same time I am learning to adjust my theories and

perceptions according to new information that resonates with
me. An example would be my theory about the life matrix and
free will, which has been undergoing alterations recently due to
watching a movie called “The Secret”. This film brought a heap
of separate realizations that I had over a few years and made
them gel into a cohesive whole that felt very much like a ‘YES”.
Because of this the theory had to be modified to mesh with this
concept so I could see how it fits together in an even bigger
picture. The alterations still don’t allow for us to choose
absolutely anything, but it does allow for us to manifest
experiences that work within the overall life-framework; like
creating abundance instead of lack, etc.

The upshot of all this is that I am working along the path,

being aware of that, learning and sharing what I learn with
others for their personal growth, and very slowly merging closer
to being my Self through these processes and growth
opportunities. Finally, learning to be me has taken all my 46
years of this life, so far, even though I was already being me
when I was a small child! What we forget is as important as
what we don’t forget, just as what we don’t do is as critical as
what we actually do. Be in the moment of now and be aware,
then you will be closer to being your true self, at least you will
show that you are open to the possibility.

Within weeks I found something important inside me.

Something I could connect to at any time. During the time on
my veranda when spirit gave me more direct insight into my
life’s tasks, I was given something to strengthen me. This
appeared in my minds eye as a framework of gold that supported
and integrated unconditional love within me. From that moment
on I found that all I had to do to change my feelings was to
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focus for a second on the area near my heart charka. What I
get is an immediate filling-up of a loving feeling that spreads
and radiates outwards. For the first time since I was a teenager, I
became unreasonably happy, meaning that for no reason that
was external to me, I felt joy. And when I walk along the street I
find this has become a natural way for me to be, just as I was
many years ago. It is my hope that the contagion of a loving
smile effects others who see the smile, notice the look in the
eyes and then smile also as they go on with their walking.
During all my Journeys over these many years, I found that
Love really was the answer to every situation, and now I intend
to live my life according to this most simple knowing. I intend
to be myself, the soul that I am.

Because of the difficulties left over from the recent

relationship, I was not able to work at the new shop for long and
seven months after opening I had to leave. This left me with
wondering what I was going to do. It took a few months to deal
with the negative bombardment that I was under at that time.
But, it illustrated first hand for me that directed hatred does have
a profound effect on a person and one needs to work at it to find
the most effective method to deal with it. I used the mirroring
method and found relief immediately, as well as seeing clearly
how the negativity was being communicated. It drained my
energy, making me feel seriously depressed and ill. Once I
recognised these effects, I was then able to handle it and work
on how I felt each day. This was a great learning period for me.

Another thing came to my awareness at this time. My

work was also in a stage of growth. The psychic readings
evolved into counselling sessions based around the activity I
perceived in the client’s chakra. This was a new phenomenon
for me and I found I could more easily connect to the person,
although that doesn’t mean I flowed with it! There were still
times when I played dumb because I doubted the information
and insights I received during the sessions. Often I wondered
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why I did that. I know we all doubt ourselves at times, and
that without an over-active ego controlling things I was prone to
self-doubt, still. So this became the indicator for more growth
where I would not doubt what Spirit provided me with when
working with clients. Again this pointed towards the acceptance
of the inner self being the one who really knows best. And so I
tried to flow with this push to be my-Self.

At this time I am working freelance while building the

work up again. In the shop I saw eighty-six clients and so far
being freelance is slow due to not having a place for clients to
come. So I am doing house-calls for work and this has begun to
open other doors for me, although at this point in time I do not
know for sure where this will lead. Honestly, any concerns are
of secondary importance to me right now. I wanted to become
involved in psychic expos and the like because I see them as
steps towards expanding and working with larger numbers of
people in symposiums and this may be the direction things are
heading.

In small groups about one or two people really ‘get it’,

so I imagine that larger groups of people could provide an
increase in the number of those who do get it. I foresee that the
energy developed in larger groups of one hundred or so could
‘power-up’ the experience of more people and so increase the
success rate. So this is the direction I am looking, getting into
the mainstream to do more work and assist more people to
experience directly and begin to awaken to their higher self. In
so doing more people will start the process of being them-selves.

Being ourselves includes doing what we know to be

most effective for us in as positive a way as we could. Physical,
mental and emotional strength are of great importance to being
what you really are in this chaotic world. If you think of the
weight we carry in our ‘Baggage’, it shows us how important it
is we get clear on all that, so we can do what we are here for.
 189
The Nike Company said it all, “Just do it.” It really is that
simple, and, it really is trade-marked by the company.
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Part Two: Keeping it Simple

Beliefs.
Believing in things is something we all do. We believe in
many things without finding out for ourselves if they are valid,
we just accept a few of the beliefs on offer. Over the years I
began to wonder if every belief system one could choose was a
box of beliefs. If they were, then they must have a boundary
where the beliefs end. Historically, every culture had its own set
of beliefs to do with our spiritual nature. Now of course, we can
choose from any of those belief systems, we can check them out
and decide which one comes closest to what we think. Then
‘TA-DA’, you’ve got yourself a Belief System in a Box, just
like a new stereo unit. And you get to have a good experience
with it, well, at least until you get to the boundary; read as stereo
warranty runs out.

Eventually I came to the conclusion that this was an

observable phenomenon. I saw it in everyone, everyday. People
attached to various belief systems for a variety of reasons, and
most are indoctrinated into the belief-systems that are prevalent
in the culture. These indoctrinated beliefs form the basis of our
culture and therefore the foundation for our lives. This is why
we have so much difficulty looking into other offerings that
compete for our ability to believe in them, and why so many
people think that others are crazy if they have different beliefs.

Belief requires no effort from you. It demands that you

accept everything it has to say about life, its purpose and
beginnings. It is easier to believe than to put in the effort to find
out for ourselves! Life is so much easier for us if we accept the
cultural beliefs we are born into, and go about our day to day
life not looking beyond the boundaries. Even if we had the
luxury of time to look, most people would not put in the effort
needed to get to the bottom of it because modern life requires all
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our attention in mindful and mindless ways so that we don’t
have the energy or inclination to look. Sammy the soul showed
us this same problem, although he had the courage to look
outside the box of his culture. And, he was rewarded with
unimpeded growth, even though it also put him at odds with the
world of man around him. We recall Sammy got a little down
about it then.
It seems odd to me that almost everyone wants to have a
box of their own, if that box comfortably fits with some other
people's boxes. Very few people are breaking out of the
traditional and newly-contemporary moulds. What is worse,
people argue over which box is the correct one. As if any one
box of beliefs could be the right one. We know we do this, we
even know better inside, but it doesn't stop many people.
"Gimme that box of beliefs on East meets West spiritual
foundations please".

Through my own experiences over more than 20 years,

conducted without expectations and pre-formed beliefs about
what I should and should not believe I came to an understanding
that this Box business was very human, and that the time had
come to help end its reign here. I realized that all of the old
belief systems and most of the new-ish ones had no place of
reference for where we are heading. In short, they are mostly out
of date now. Sure, some pieces of each system are valid; we
know each has a part of the whole GEM inside it. So we need to
find the gems that work, and completely discard all the rest.
Wow, no belief systems, that could be very intense to have to
stand ‘as if naked’ in the light of our Soul's nature. It would be
confronting to most people and not at all comfortable. In order
to grow beyond our belief system's boundaries we will need to
discard the Box and all, so we can start fresh on being and
experiencing ‘what is’ for each of our souls. And maybe we will
find each little ‘what is’ could be the same for us all at the same
awareness 'levels'.
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For me, knowing from direct experience is more
effective for growth and understanding than just believing. Even
now, people think I am talking about my beliefs when I share
knowledge from my experiences. There is a huge difference
between knowing and believing. Most of us never look at what
we believe, and more importantly, why we believe what we do.
We simply accept the beliefs of our culture and leave it at that. I
suppose this is more about trying to get people to challenge what
and why they believe what they do. To ask them to try stepping
out of the Box and just experience for yourself without forming
beliefs about it. After all, who really knows? For all we do
know, “The Matrix” may have been an insight into our human-
life reality. In some ways it is. Only you have the choice to
change that.
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Perception Boundaries.
While we think about the bigger pictures we can run out
of Perception when coming to the boundary of our own
understanding. It’s usually up to faith in a belief system to fill in
the blanks as the pictures grow larger. While some of us can feel
content with this scenario, many of us want to know more.
There are a vast array of different offerings from around the
world to fill those needs; we read channelled messages that
grow in number by the truckload, we get readings done to seek
our own answers, we read books and articles from famous
authors, we practice a variety of religions, we seek growth in
meditation and now we have the luxury to choose what belief
system matches our concept of the bigger pictures. Through this
we grow, and we add more weight to the belief systems we
attached ourselves to.

Historically, most of the belief systems we accept have

been mechanisms for cultural growth in societies; they took us
from feudal cultures to our modern lifestyles. Since those beliefs
replaced the ones existing before them, we could wonder if our
belief systems are to be replaced. All ages and belief systems
have boundaries.

Today we don’t have that pressure to conform to belief

systems, or do we? I’ve known four people in my life who aren’t
attached to historically accepted belief systems or any of the
new age ones on offer. The experience of non-attachment to
beliefs is a lifelong affair giving different perspectives and new
grounds to perceive from. So looking at accepted belief systems
shows their boundaries or limitations as much as their
similarities.

If belief systems have limitations to what you can or

should experience, then they don’t allow you to see the bigger
pictures. This is also true for new age offerings where much on
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offer does not empower people; yet provides valuable, but
short-lived, feel good experience. This is giving the poor man a
fish to eat. Many offerings have belief systems attached to them.
Some are similar to what we know historically. Some are new,
in comparison; offering angels, aliens and any number of
ascended beings in a wide range of names and origins. One
famous channelled being claims to be incredibly ancient at
35,000 years old, and thereby has a higher spirituality over us
lesser beings. Personally, I find this a hilarious state of affairs
when at 35,000 years of age this being is really just an embryo
in the bigger pictures.

There is much disinformation out there. And this is

perfect for the times we live in when, “there will be many false
prophets in those days.” We are told to discern when thinking
about what belief system we want to attach to. Be vigilant in
your discernment. I think Bruce Lee said it best, “Use what
works for you and throw away the rest.”

Experience has shown that the simplest methods, with no

belief attachments, can be very effective for spiritual growth in
awareness. This allows you to go as far as you intend, beyond
the boundaries of belief systems. Then the poor man becomes
the fisherman who feeds himself, and then shows others how to
fish for themselves.

At the start of this book we were introduced to a very big

perception of what you are, as a Soul, and what mechanics may
be involved in entering into life in this world. Now we will look
at the opposite end of the spectrum to see how most of us came
to have the perceptions we hold so dearly to.

We know that two people can look at the same object

and both will see it differently! Doesn’t that seem a little odd to
you? I liken it to moths looking at a light, each moth has a
slightly different angle of view to the light and so each moth
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will perceive that light slightly differently to every other
moth. But, if one moth chose to sit with the light and observe all
the other moths then we could say this one moth is able to
perceive a clearer picture of the whole scenario. We could also
say that all of us humans are like those moths, and that
occasionally one of us will observe the bigger moth picture and
most of the other moths will not believe you because they don’t
have a basis to understand from.
If you live in a western culture then you may find that as
a whole we have fairly homogenised perceptions of the world,
this also applies to other cultures too but we are focussing on
our culture at this point in time. Why are our perceptions
homogenised? How has this happened, you may ask. To find
answers to these questions we have to look at the processes we
have grown up with that created our perceptions in the first
place.

From the time you were born you have been learning;
you learned how to get the attention of your parents when you
needed and wanted it. Of course your parents taught you from
birth that the universe revolves around you, and then they spent
the rest of your life trying to teach you that it doesn’t. And so far
all of this has happened well before you started school! You
were told that this or that is not the right behaviour, and you
heard the word ‘no’ so often that it may have been the first word
you spoke to your parents. Yes, your homogenisation started at
home before you cold even speak your mind with any clarity so
that people could understand what you really meant by the
things you said. Most of you will have had such a wonderfully
natural ability to perceive clearly at a very young age, until your
socialisation process began. At this point we were like Pavlov’s
dogs, the things we wanted came about if we gave the right
responses and of course we didn’t get many things because we
did not show the appropriate behaviour in order to be rewarded
with what we really wanted. Don’t forget though, that you were
still operating as if the universe revolved around you. But, this
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was not your fault, nor was it your parent’s fault because
they were just operating from the procedures that they were
taught during their socialisation processes.

The closer you got to school age the more this

indoctrination process deepened, so that your actions would fall
within an acceptable range and you could then be moulded into
a useful member of society. You may have had ‘imaginary’
friends, and if you did you may have found that you weren’t
able to see them any more after a certain age that related to the
time you were in the first few years of schooling. At school you
were right in the thick of the indoctrination/socialisation process
and you altered most of your behaviour to fit in with the rest of
the kids, and you eagerly did this so you would not be left out of
things. Who could blame you? Nobody wants to feel like a
misfit, an outcast, marginalised or viewed as a fringe-dweller
that doesn’t fit with our society. We all want to belong.

So now we are starting to perceive that we have been

indoctrinated into the social conditioning required by our
western culture; we’ve been made to fit a mould, one that only
allows for us to look at what our society finds acceptable, and
does not allow you to look for long beyond the accepted beliefs
and patterns. In a sense we could say it is like living inside a box
where we aren’t able to perceive anything that exists outside of
that box. Everything our society has indoctrinated us into
believing is inside that box, it is safe, comfortable and
reassuring for us, and in this way we become more content to
stay in that comfort zone. I am not saying that our society is to
blame for everything, although when we open our eyes and look
at the world today we are better able to see just where our
society is leading us, that’s if we have the time to look while we
speed through everyday in the chase for more of everything.

What things did we learn from this indoctrination or

socialisation process? Some of the things we learned can be
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stated in this way; we are small and insignificant things in
the bigger picture, we have no real power to make changes that
aren’t sanctioned by our powerful leaders, we have fewer and
fewer rights as individuals, we have been raised in societies
based on one belief-system, we have a cultural imperative to
follow in the footsteps of those who came before us, and we are
mostly denigrated if we speak out against the indoctrination and
homogenised perceptions. But what is the main ‘homogenised
perception’ for most of us?

Could it be we are indoctrinated into believing that the

meaning of life for us little people is this; you get an education,
leave school and get a job, get married, have 2.5 children and a
massive mortgage that can force you to stay in the same low-
paid job so you can afford the over-priced house, which your
children are expecting to be given when you die, and at
sometime you will retire to enjoy the good life when you are too
old to enjoy the things you dreamed of? I for one think this
cultural dream needs some modifications to it that allows for
something else we can choose. Presently, the only other option
is to go against the grain so that you have little or no material
possessions and may well end your life as a bag-person, a
homeless street bum with no chance of ever making your way
back to the mainstream. There is no middle ground. Are we then
not that different to other cultures we see as oppressive? Can we
modern westerners even see another option for those who wish
to break the mould?

It would be fair to say we don’t allow much room in the

dream for those who want to do things differently; in fact, I
think that a little deviation is acceptable in our society but only
to a certain extent. After that you will have no other option than
to be perceived as opposing the cultural expectations and
thwarting your own chance at the dream. A few things are at
play here so that most of us will keep to the well worn path we
might call ‘normal’. Even after our indoctrination processing,
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we are barraged with images of normalcy through the T.V.
and every other media avenue so that we are always reminded of
the ‘proper path’ for us westerners. As parents we are
bombarded by our children to work within those oppressive
confines of normalcy, as they believe that they need all the
trappings of modern life and so put their efforts into making us
tow the line so that they can be normal in their culture. Do you
see how much pressure we are all under? Wouldn’t you like to
have a break from all that pressure? I would.

If we think about it, the indoctrination process is alive

and well in our schools, religion is taught as a subject which
makes the smaller kids think the people exposing them to
religion are actually school teachers and so they must be right in
what they say! It works this way; get them while they are young,
mould them, bring them to the belief that you want them to have
and never allow them to have the slightest opportunity to look
outside that box while they live under your roof! So where are
the religious instruction ‘teachers’ for Buddhism, Taoist
philosophy, Islam and the other various religious offerings?
There aren’t any you say. Why not? Why is religion even taught
in schools when it is the job of parents to awaken their children
to the spiritual side of existence? And, how many parents are
there who could adequately offer an expansive view of spiritual
reality so that their kids can make more effective choices for
their soul? Very few indeed who haven’t been indoctrinated and
are more than content to tow the cultural expectation-line.

We are lost for choice, even though we think we live in

an expansive culture offering us all a wide choice for life
options to choose from. In reality, we are ‘allowed’ to think that
we have a great number of choices and we are frowned upon if
we look outside the accepted box for too long, even though in
our western culture we do have more options than our grand-
parents did. But, the control still only allows for a specific
degree of variation before it starts to shut doors in your face.
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Have you not noticed the dramatic loss of individual
freedom that we as a race have really only had in the past 30
years or so? Doesn’t that seem like we are handed something on
one side and it is taken away from us on the other side? Are you
happy to let this continue?

If you were raised in a society that allows you to

consider anything outside its box of beliefs then you could
choose to be an artist even if your family didn’t have the money
to send you to art school, because the society would assist you in
reaching your dreams. The society would know how important it
is for each person to feel as if they can achieve what-ever it is
they are driven to do, and in so doing that society would benefit
from supporting people who wish to make a difference and
achieve something that would also be valuable to the society.
Everyone would be able to pursue their inner goals, to rise up to
their biggest picture of themselves and in so doing I think
societies would find great benefits like the absence of crime. If
crime is the result of people who feel left out and wanting in a
society that does not care about them, that makes no allowance
for improving their lot, then a society that loves and cares for all
the people should be basically free from the majority of crime. It
makes sense doesn’t it?

At this point we can see that it is our societies and the

imperatives of our cultures that keep us locked into the mould.
We see that we have been indoctrinated into certain ways of
thinking and that thinking is specifically designed to keep us
dis-empowered as the little souls it says we are. And we can see
what some changes could provide for our societies, to see the
benefits of doing things differently to how they have been done
in the past. While the examples in this chapter have been pretty
basic, they do help us to see a clearer jigsaw puzzle by providing
a different perception. The next chapter explores where these
indoctrination processes are leading us if we all do nothing to
change it now.
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Where are we going?
An article & presentation from 2000.

It may be time for every person to ask themselves,

“Where are we going?” It’s certainly time to take a look at the
world as it is now, noticing the effects of long term human
occupation. We can already see that the system is faltering under
its own weight. Our present methods have generated problems
that we still haven’t found suitable solutions for, so the system
slowly bogs down in the muck of its own making. But this isn’t
anything unusual, all cultures before us reached their peak and
declined in due course, so why should ours be any different?
The way we go about living on the Earth is obviously not going
to continue forever. The ‘always more’ is running out. If it is not
sustainable it’s not viable. In some far of day will we also go the
way of the Dinosaurs? Or are we going to make some changes
first?

We are faced with questions. Do we want things to

change or are we content to let everything run its course? What
could we do about it? And if we are going to make changes for
our future, which ones, when and who is going to do it? Do we
have enough time to make effective changes so that our great
grandchildren’s children can live and prosper in a healthy way?

I would like answers to all my questions, like this one;

why does the majority of Earth’s population have the least say in
where we are going? The sheer numbers of that majority could
easily take the steps needed to make important changes now.
You only need one thing to start with, Unity. My idealistic
theory is that we can achieve unity by understanding that we
really are the same, despite our apparent differences. We are all
Human Beings, People. We are all in this boat together so we all
need to row together. The benefits of sharing as a global
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community far outweigh our traditional system with its
limited individual benefits.

We’ve all heard about Globalization in the past few

years, where a very small percentage of the world’s population
will reap the largest rewards while reducing real incomes and
conditions for the rest of us. It’s Market Globalization, driven
by the desire to further increase the personal wealth of the few.
So why don’t we change it? Let’s make it a humanitarian
globalization that puts the needs of the people, and the world
that supports us, before Net Profits. Ok, how do we do that? I do
not know all the answers, but I can tell you this. It won’t happen
if we do not make it happen soon. If we are to reach unity we
must put aside some of our personal wants in order to serve the
beset interests of the whole. That is a difficult issue in our
present societies, particularly in the west.

To do this takes a maturity that seems beyond the

capabilities of Governments and the elite power-brokers who
still cling to the outmoded idealism of “Might is right”. Well
might is not right and the proof for this is that most people on
the face of this planet still live in medieval poverty! And it is
this way because not enough people stood up to change it, we let
it happen. If it hasn’t worked effectively for all people in the
last five to ten thousand years, why are we still doing it? We
know when large groups of people unite for a cause that great
things can happen, so why aren’t we getting together in huge
numbers to bring real change? For how much longer will we
choose to let other people suffer because of our choices? Most
of us know that in many countries people are forced into
debilitating work to support our lifestyles and culture, yet we
still let it happen. At the same time some of us are recognizing
that our lifestyles are becoming more suppressed by those in
power. Most people are having a hard enough time now just
surviving in what has been an increasingly more hostile
environment. And it is hostile. You only need to look at the
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world-wide scale of changing weather patterns, increasing
economic woes and the deepening rifts between various
cultures, races and nations. People are still starving, we still
pollute the Earth in increasing amounts every year, we still rely
on fossil fuels for our energy when that technology is clearly
outdated and still too few people are standing up for change.
There are so many messages for change that you would think
everyone must have seen or heard about it by now. Some
messages do get heard, some are watered down for our
consumption by the governments and many messengers are
silenced by the very government agencies that are meant to
protect them! This sounds like human history in a nutshell, and
it is. Wouldn’t this imply the need for change as soon as
possible?

If we take a short look at our environment we see that

many problems exist, some are not our doing but the rest is, and
none of those problems have effective solutions. Left unchecked
these problems can and will have detrimental effects on us
humans if it isn’t already, and we do know now that it really is.
These problems include nuclear leftovers; a billion other toxic
creations; dead and dying waterways, rivers and lakes as well as
the removal of Earth’s Lungs, the forests. We think we are so
clever that we discovered nuclear power, made it a weapon and
used it twice on other human beings then decided it was safe to
use in electricity production. Smugly, we built the power
stations and hoped to discover how to decommission them
before we needed to, of course we didn’t learn how to do it so it
would last as long as the radiation, so we use stop gap measures
that might last one hundred years. Witness the fact that measures
taken to isolate the Chernobyl reactor are already breaking down
and posing a new threat to human safety.

Meanwhile, scientists argue over the existence of all the

problems while governments turn a blind eye for a while longer
and indirectly fund half the scientific debate. And yes, money
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can still buy specialist opinion. Obviously they will not
commit to effective change while there are still squillions of
dollars to be made from current exploitation. As an exercise,
imagine that we do nothing and allow everything to continue on
over the next few generations. Let yourself imagine that for
about thirty seconds.

Did you imagine something a little like this

scenario………. History tells us that the world’s problems
multiplied, no one did enough to stop it. The sky is a different
colour blue than what the pictures in old books show. And
anybody would be thought insane to actually swim in the sea or
rivers; it’s hard to believe that people did those things back
then. They must have been crazy to want to go outside for
recreation; we only go out there when we have to. People are
dying of old diseases faster and at younger ages than ever
before and there is no medical system like the old days, so we all
have to suffer through it until the end. The last wars took many
lives and left more in terrible poverty with all the health
problems that go with surviving modern warfare. Even the rich
are falling like the rest of us, and they thought their money
would buy them freedom from the fall. Grandma said her own
Grandmother had told her when she was very little, that water
came out of a tap and it was clean enough to see through. We
didn’t believe that. She said lots of women had babies in great-
grandma’s time, we didn’t believe that either. In one of her old
books it shows people walking around in cities without wearing
protective suits and respirators. We all laughed about that.
Once, we talked about what life must have been like to live in
the old days, to have freedom to move, express your opinions
and be able to breathe enough clean air to actually feel good.
We blamed all the people who lived before us for letting things
get this way...

While this sounds very gloomy it is also very probable.

People say we humans have only added 10% to the world’s
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ecosystem, and that figure may be correct. If the world’s
ecosystem was operating at 100% efficiency before our meteoric
rise to the present, and we have added 10% to that, wouldn’t our
ecosystem then be changed? If we put 10% more water into an
already full glass it will upset the balance and make life hell for
the microbes living in the glass, much like our ecosystem. Look
for yourselves and you will see the effects. When a group of
scientists can walk on bare rock in the Antarctic that only twenty
years ago was covered by hundreds of meters of ancient ice,
when the world’s glaciers are melting at phenomenal rates, with
sea temperatures and currents altering from year to year, and we
can record reduced Oxygen levels in the atmosphere that are
lower than only 100 years ago, then we start to get the picture
that things aren’t really fine at all. We become more sure of this
when we learn that at the current rate of forest depletion, we
have about 25 or so years of breathable oxygen in the
atmosphere. Our 10% is a significant change. Perhaps my
gloomy scenario is not too far from the probable reality ahead.
We could stir many more variables into the equations but they
would only adjust the outcomes a little either way. If the
predicted cataclysmic Earth changes do come then at least we
won’t get the opportunity to strangle all life of this small planet
we currently call Home. If they don’t happen, then we are
staring down the barrel of a slow and ugly demise for the human
race if we let things continue on the way we do now. But what if
we actually got the populations together, forced the issues, made
the necessary changes and worked towards a longer term
existence for the human race? Could we then cushion the
effects? This is the variable that I would choose, although it
does come with its own set of problems. Whatever we do from
now on is already unfashionably late in the bigger scheme, and
prone to being marginally effective because of this. And yet it is
painfully obvious that we need to do something and it needed to
be done yesterday, last decade or last century!

Let’s take a short peek at human relations these days.

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The trend is towards more separation and isolation, with
more people out to get what they want, exclusively. We are
forcing the children to have less of a childhood because of the
frantic pace we choose to live at and the growing expectations of
our lifestyles. Children need a childhood to grow into
balanced productive adults. They are expected to grasp adult
concepts and cultural ideals before they are ready to, and we
inflict this on them as a matter of course. We give them more
unhealthy foods and then complain about their behaviors,
without thinking about how the chemical ingredients are causing
these problems. We want them to accept adult responsibilities at
the same time that we are poisoning them with substances! How
can we allow them to grow into healthy, empowered and self-
directed adults with balanced perspectives on the world if we
don’t try to model what is needed for them to do so?

Our growing ranks of older age people are expected to

be happy with being regarded as dispensable to our needs. We
no longer give them the respect that they are due as people who
have lived for longer than us and therefore have a wealth of
important experiences that they can share. Many older people
are sent to live in retirement villages and homes so that we don’t
have to care for them in their weaker years. Doesn’t it seem like
we have forgotten what things are really important?

Most of us keep on trying to get ‘better’ this or that to

make ourselves feel better about ourselves, all the time trying
hard not to realize that we will be old one day too. Who will
care for us then? Will our children and theirs also send us away
to some expensive detention center (retirement home) so that
they can continue trying to get more personal belongings in a
vain attempt to find happiness? It is up to us to decide what we
want and how to go about making the changes.

We can see a pre-occupation with violence in our

society, and seem happy to accept it as normal reality. I began to
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see the changes back in the late 70’s and early 80’s; when
explicitly violent movies became the trend and we sat back to
watch them without wondering why there was a need to increase
realism and bloodletting. Twenty years on we have a society that
has no ability to deal with the violent youth we raised! We can
see and understand the mechanisms that have brought this
reality into being but we lost sight of the means to change it.
Violence is an indicator of deeper problems in our societies, it
exhibit’s the lack of respect for people and property, as well
as showing that this is because there is no respect for Self. The
dis-empowerment bug has run rife throughout our cultures and
this then hints at a solution to the problem. Our youth are feeling
dis-empowered in a world of increasing Chaos; they are
further distanced from what they perceive as the good life,
which they also believe they deserve as a right! We gave them
everything, video games, as much entertainment as was wanted,
most of it was violent in nature and because it was given without
requiring anything in return it taught them to expect that they
should get everything they want. And if they don’t get it, they
think that they are hard done by, missing out, not worthy etc.
The growing numbers of these disaffected younger generations
could easily spiral into mayhem in the near future if we allow
this trend to continue. Do we want these urges to play
themselves out to their inevitable conclusions? Should we wait
and see? Will we make the same mistakes again and allow our
world to continue with warring, exploitation and destruction? I
would hope that we don’t.

The problem of feeding our children with tainted, over-

processed foods will only grow if we do nothing to stop it. Yet
we are being passively led down a path toward corporate control
of the world’s food production within the coming decade. We
know that this production will be based solely on trademarked
Genetically Modified foods, so that we will not be able to grow
healthy, untainted, live foods for ourselves. In recent years our
own national government asked for input on the G.M. debate
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from the population of Australia. But, they insured the
notices were very small and inconspicuously placed in the media
were most people would not notice them. Basically, they were in
small print, buried halfway through the papers in ad-space. Who
controls the media? Powerful money is forcing the modified
foods issue on to us and our governments are keeping us in the
dark about it. Have you noticed there has been no further talk
about this subject in the national media quite a few years? What
are we going to do about it?

Usually the differences between the cultures are blown

out of proportion, so that we can then be led to see other
cultures as something less than us. This makes it easier for
some of US to shoot at some of THEM. We are told that this
group or that are the Bad Guys and we are the Good Guys. Our
governments and the elite power brokers manipulate us through
all forms of media to insure that we have homogenized opinions
on a situation. We can see this in play right now, it’s the good
versus evil scenario that we are expected to accept, it is the same
process that’s been used throughout history. You’d think we
would have had enough of this by now. We are treated as if we
are unable to make informed decisions for ourselves. This is part
of the game that these power brokers play with us. They keep us
misinformed so that we can’t make important decisions and
make effective changes. Once again, this process dis-empowers
us and most of the time we don’t see it happening, we are made
to not rock their boat. Ask yourself this, what if our boat’s
captain is only interested in what it can squeeze out of us
without us realizing it?

If we look back over the last century we can see certain

trends and patterns that we can use as indicators in our modern
framework. The most obvious are the events leading to war. It’s
as if some people decide to have a war, but not straight away,
the players all need time to build up their military strengths,
first. Look, the same thing is happening now and has been
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building for some time. You can see many countries,
including ours, have and still are allocating massive increases in
funding for all things war. If there is not going to be another
War, then why do we need to build up our war machines as if
there is? What are we to deduce from this, is the world moving
closer to another major war and if so is it on schedule?

Most, if not all the wars and skirmishes, are brought

about by power brokers using governments and alliances to
further their own interests. They stand to gain the most
benefits from the miseries of War and Suffering. They create the
right atmosphere for war by actively providing armaments and
funds to both sides of a potential conflict, while stirring the pot
with their political alliances. We even know this as Fact.

I ask you, why should anyone die to provide the elite

with more Wealth and Power? If ten percent of the world’s
known military funding was diverted into humanitarian
projects, starvation would end in the first year! But, that
won’t happen because we let it go on, as long as we are
comfortable and unaffected. What about the Power Brokers
themselves? We know they have detestable plans for control of
the population as a means to reach their goals, which will see
them reaping huge benefits from our suffering. We know this
has been the case for the majority of human history, which
makes us feel powerless to do anything about it. Governments
may come and go but the power brokers game stays the same.
It’s a long history.

Maybe if we refused to play their game we might slow

them down long enough to get some change happening.
Unfortunately most people would not give up the necessary
things to make that difference. Things like our reliance on
Banking, our very comfortable lifestyles, all the nice little must
have things, credit cards, television and other media, plus all the
rest of the trappings of modern Western culture. Ask someone in
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the street to give up any of these things for the betterment of
the human race and you might get laughed at, abused or worse.
Doing these things will hit the Elite controllers right in their soft
spots, we will slow them because they want us to not think, to
not ask the big questions and to not rock their boat. They know
that if the majority of people got together to make important
changes, then their own time would come to an end. And they
can’t let that happen. This is why they treat us like Mushrooms,
they are afraid of us Waking Up and changing it.

Look at our own recent history in Australia, during the

early 90’s we were asked as a nation if we agreed to have Smart
Cards, Employment Contracts etc. The voters gave a resounding
NO. What happened next? We were allowed to forget them for a
little while, then ‘Employment Contracts’ went around to the
back door where our Government let them in, making us
capitulate when it was obviously too late. Smart Cards were
evolved into many forms so that we would accept them without
knowing that they were the same thing. Doesn’t this mean we
cannot trust our own government to do our bidding? Can we
trust our future to this publicly elected public service? I would
think the answer is No.

It would seem then that effective change is needed in

almost every area of our world and that nearly everyone is
content to let ourselves continue along this current path. This is
due to a number factors, the major one being that we are
‘educated’ to accept, to follow the crowd, to not seek our own
answers and to believe that our governments wouldn’t let
something bad happen to us. We are led to believe that
everything is alright, that there will always be more of
everything, that the meaning of life is to work hard for little
reward in order to pay off an overpriced house for our family
unit, and that we will retire to enjoy life when we are too worn
out to do the things we dreamed of at thirty or forty. Everybody
is expected to buy into this ‘dream’, rather than breaking free
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from the mould and being different. Our education systems
reinforce this ideal in our children from an early age, while we
support it with our lifestyles in order to model the required
mediocrity.

So when we look at the world around us we see the

changes humans have wrought upon this beautiful planet and we
see that we cannot go on at this pace for too much longer if the
race is to survive. I’m not advocating a return to living as we did
hundreds or thousands of years ago as that would be as
inappropriate as the way we live here now. All we need is for
more people to see that we are the same, that we are powerful in
numbers and capable of the greatest possibilities. And we need
to see that we must make changes NOW, before we slip further
into the darkness of Hatred and Greed. It must be time for us to
ask where are we going? Maybe we can ask others the same
question and share what we know with them so they can come
to an understanding about their own choices, and the effects of
that around us.

In the end, our choices must make these decisions.

Without enough people making the same choices, change can’t
come fast enough to insure a long survival for us. Without
enough people standing up for change, it can’t come into reality.
We all must choose, and choose NOW.

* A note here; as of 2006/07the world’s awareness of our

environmental situation has been lifted greatly by the wonderful
work of Al Gore and others who fought to bring the issues to a
wider audience against the tide of agendas, money and powerful
industrial groups.
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…even Conspiracies.

Conspiracies do exist at all levels of human endeavour,

they always have. And while it is important for people to know
about these things, they can and do take our focus away from
keeping balance. So there are very definitely times when we
need to see and be thankful for what we do have and accept
what we can’t change. Having said that though, I also feel it
important for as many people as possible to be aware of what
really is happening around us, as it does impact our life here.
And who knows, maybe in the big scheme of things some of us
are meant to rally against the machine!

A large portion of new-agers say not to think about these

things because we will make them happen. I understand the
attitude of ignoring these things and focusing on light and love,
but that too is not balanced. Balance is inclusive of all realities;
it includes the darkness in equal portions to the light. How else
can real balance be experienced? By shunning the darkest
aspects of human existence we are effectively forcing ourselves
to remain unbalanced and dis-empowered as a race, in the wider
perspective. And that is exactly what the power monger’s of this
world want from us; to be dis-empowered so that we give our
free will to the power mongers pulling our government’s puppet
strings.

We are incarnate in this world right now. We chose to be

here for specific reasons that far outweigh the standard little
souls at school concept. So we came here to be a part of what is
occurring on the earth now, in our lifetimes. Together we can
have the power to make very effective changes and prevent the
ridiculous plans from becoming reality. But, we still have not
found the basis for unity, which is the pre-requisite for this type
of action. Surely we can't just sit back and accept that these
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things may be happening but its okay coz I am on my path?
What if your chosen Soul path is to fight against these
conspiracies? And if so, then who can rightfully pass judgments
on another? Balanced perspective requires we include all things
within our realms, no matter how distasteful they may seem to us
or how disconnected they may seem from our perspective of
reality. We live in a duality, and as such all things here have
multiple characteristics to them. So we are really closing
ourselves off to the possibilities we are presented with here, by
refusing to see them when we think 'only light and love'. Those
two things are only part of the whole reality.

Conspiracies are always kept below the level of our

awareness, so that we do not know what is really going on
around us. So you really are treated like a mushroom! I am not
asking you to fight against conspiracies; I only ask that you raise
your awareness to be able to perceive them clearly. In this way
you will be more able to make suitable decisions without being
led to things you might not want to be a part of as we head into
our future. Also, I ask that you do not get stuck on the
conspiracies you do perceive because that too is part and parcel
of how they work. As you perceive more, you will need to move
through the more negative reactions you have so that you do not
carry the weight and can then move further towards clarity and
awareness.

Some people believe there is a spiritual awakening going

on in the world that will see us all miraculously become aware,
and others believe there is a negative fear-based control drama
going on that will reduce us to a worst case scenario. Each
thinks the other is wrong. None of them realise that the two
things are happening at the same time! So when we look at the
future we need to accept this and understand that the outcomes
may be something in the middle as it all balances itself out.
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Simplicity in action.

“When we perceived two places at once, total clarity was lost.

But the immediate perception of ‘there’ was gained.”

- Don Juan Matus.

Now that we’ve had a look forward in time to get a

clearer picture, each of us has a better understanding of the
directions our societies and the world is taking, so we’ll need
something to make us feel better. And, by now you may be
wondering what you can do to help yourself. If you work on
opening up to your higher awareness you will find some peace
within yourself. So, what processes or techniques could you use
to help yourself awaken, become empowered and better able to
make suitable choices? There are so many meditations,
techniques and the like on offer these days that we can fumble
around for years trying many different ones.

I much prefer the simplest techniques as some of the

more complex ones are too easy to get lost in. You know the
ones; “now you see this, then this happens and then you see this
thing and we now do this and that”, etc. It is more effective to
get down to the nitty-gritty as soon as possible and have you
experience your own things rather than following complex and
twisting processes that may not give you anything more than a
fluffy little experience. Fluffy, nice, relaxing, are all valid too
but if we are serious about our growth we will need to get to
work and experience for ourselves.

Because we are powerful beings in our own right, we

have the abilities to make changes, to make decisions about how
we behave, to choose an empowering path to awareness and we
will no doubt discover what we can do in simple terms. So what
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follows are basic methods I teach others to use for their
personal awakening; but we must remember to take our
experiences seriously as they do show us the way ahead for
further growth, if we take notice that is.

It is necessary to point out that this first technique is not

one I invented, but, the use of it is an adaptation a friend came
up with. In ancient times something similar was known to
different cultures throughout the world, such as the Hebrew
tradition of the Middle Pillar Method. It is the first thing we can
do for ourselves to gain clearer perception.
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The White Light Method.

This is a simple method for opening up to the Light.

With practice it is also an avenue for accessing your Guides and
Soul-levels of awareness. Start by sitting in a comfortable chair
and relaxing, let yourself enjoy the feeling and really relax. Take
three deep, cleansing breaths in your nose and exhale out the
mouth. When you are feeling ready, imagine a tube of white
light coming down over you, and see it all around you in your
mind's eye. Breathe it in through your nose.

Next, imagine the light coming through the very top of

your head, the Crown Chakra, and filling your body as it moves
down to your feet. You may feel warmth or tingles etc, as the
light-energy fills you. Stay in it for as long as you choose. It’s
good for you. I regularly ask people to sit in the white light
everyday because it will have other effects that are beneficial to
you. Many people have reported that they feel as if they are
‘home’ or feel ‘loved’ when they sit in the light for at least five
minutes a day and many have discovered for themselves the
clarity they get, the feeling of strength and the relaxation of
being away from the worries of the world. This is the basic use
for the method, and it’s intended for you to feel these things; in
the way you will feel them.

Some people will want to insure their safety, which is a

valid fear to begin with, and so I ask those of you who feel the
need for protection to use this little method before taking the
next step in this process. After you have filled yourself with
light so that it is in you and all around you, and you have sat in it
for a little while, just ‘imagine’ wrapping your favorite color (or
more if you have them), like a strong ribbon, around the outside
ball of light you sit in. Do this quickly and intentionally until it
has formed a thick shield all around you; remember to hold the
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intention of this being your protective shield. You will be
able to do this shielding at any time you feel the need for it, even
when you are walking along a street. Practicing this will make it
much easier for you to just have the intent of doing it and it will
be so. Eventually you won’t need to do this as you become more
self-empowered.
In my experience, sitting in the white light can be the
first step to awakening and journeying in the realms to
remember our-Self. So when you are ready to take the next step,
fill yourself with light and simply relax in it for a few minutes.
Here I ask you to imagine you can exit your body through the
top of your head and go UP into the tube of Light. Allow
yourself to enjoy the feeling of being free and Light as you
speed along the tube. Where you go to from there is up to you.
You may come to an area like a meeting place, or you may see
someone who you vaguely remember. This is the start of you
finding you, of experiencing yourself as a great spirit and
finding the Guidance you have always wanted. Trust in the
process, practice it as much as possible, in little time you will be
adjusting it to suit you and benefiting even more. You will find
that the Soul you are knows what to do and where to go for your
benefit, even if you don’t understand what is going on at the
time! That is important, you don’t need to understand everything
as it happens because the understanding will come later as the
information you gleaned slowly absorbs into you.

With half the equation of duality covered, we need to

look at the other half, the darkness. One small piece of advice
here is this, have no fear. Fear is only a feeling that we use to
quite effectively prevent ourselves from growing further and it
no longer has a place in an evolving reality where souls are
awakening to their higher awareness and purpose. So with this
in mind we shall take a small look at the other half of ‘creation’.
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Dealing with the Dark Side.

Many people have great fear of what is sometimes called

'Negatives' or 'Negs' for short. It is understandable; this fear is a
normal human reaction to something that is perceived as being
an unknown or evil force. Most of us will hardly experience
anything more than the occasional entity provoking thoughts
that we wouldn't normally have. They do this in order to create a
reaction from us that is energetic; they will then 'feed' off the
energy spike we respond with. But, there are many ways to
defend ourselves in this case; the most effective being to not
react with our thoughts. This can be quite hard to do without
practice. So we can practice focussing our mind in order to
prevent ourselves from reacting in the way it is intended for us
to. This is only one way we can deal with this situation. Another
is the protective shield that we can create using the White-Light.

While I personally do not think anything existing was

made with ‘evil’ stamped on it, we must all agree that there are
beings who have chosen to work apart from the light and it is
these that have become known as evil. But we have the most
amazing capacity to deal effectively with those beings that
choose such action.

Within each of us there is a wonderful tool, the greatest

weapon we have in our arsenal. We have been told about this
weapon so often that we simply take the concept for granted.
What is this magnificent weapon? It is Love. Dark Forces don’t
have the ability to cope with this. It may sound a little strange,
as most people would respond angrily or in an attacking mode.
This is of course no different to providing the energy spike that
they are seeking from us. But responding with Love will send
them on their way quickly, as they cannot cope with the power
of Love. One word of advice goes with the use of this tool. Even
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if you feel fear when confronted with a Dark-sider, you must
face that fear and respond Lovingly. It is not easy to do at first,
but with practice you will achieve greater success rates.

The easiest way to practice this method is to first start

with people who you have an angry reaction to. Simply be
aware of what you are feeling and how you are reacting then
choose to respond with Love. You must feel it in order for it to
be effective, so it does not matter what thoughts you use to bring
up the feeling of Love, just as long as you direct the feeling at
your aggressor. And you will see the difference.

How I do it.

When Soul Journeying, I am sometimes faced with an

entity that has dark intentions, I feel my fear then and approach
them while I am feeling it. When I’ve reached them I feel their
energy, look at them and see that they are not completely dark.
Here I make a point of telling them that I can see Light within
them. Then I simply put my arms around them and see a Liquid-
Gold energy pouring out of my Heart Chakra that flows into the
entity. At first I had to use my ‘imagination’ or inner vision to
see the Light, and sometimes I needed to generate the Loving
feeling within myself by simply remembering the feeling of a
time that I felt most Loved. Other times I find it easy to Love the
being for the fact that they do not know anything different or
may even be used by ‘higher’ beings that are pulling the strings.
You will find that once you begin the process of flowing the
energy into them, they will start to sparkle from the inside. Like
a million little stars have suddenly burst into life!

This is the most profound thing that you will ever see, it
is the beginning of an immense change within the entity and
they will leave you very quickly. In this way will you learn an
important truth. The Dark-siders cannot be vanquished for long,
nor can they be destroyed. But, they can be changed in the
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most profound way with this simple method. Another thing I
discovered for myself during many years of journeying in spirit
or awareness was that these beings I call dark-siders are only
souls, just like us, and when they appear to us they help us to
feel fear and then move through it to a state of curiosity and
awe. In this way we could say they are really helping us on our
path of awakening to higher awareness reality and so they can’t
be the evil things that religion has made us believe that they are.
Sure, there are some darker beings that have horrendous
intentions and may seem much more powerful than others, but
the basics are consistent if you respond with Unconditional
Love. This energy of Love is the glue or One-energy of the
universe, the underlying energy of god we could say. If you
remember anything from reading this let it be to choose Love,
Always.

When I speak about this Love energy, I am referring to

something quite specific, and perhaps it is best to take a look
into what unconditional Love is, which is the intention of the
next section.
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Big Love.

What most people call God, I call Creative Awareness.

It’s all around us in every moment; it surges through us so we
are never without it. It has a particular feeling to it that I call Big
Love. These were the only words I could find that seem to give
the meaning I wanted, to explain how it feels when you are in
connection with it. And it is something that I would love all
people to experience. This creative awareness is huge, and exists
throughout our Universe so it is all things and more. So it is also
what we are, what we are made up of and from. Without it there
can be no things, as it supplies everything that’s needed; it
supplies all our needs. So in every situation that we can
experience, the creative awareness is supplying us with what we
need, whether we think it is or not. It can't do otherwise, that
isn’t its nature.

Because this is so, all things must be ‘as they should be

in that moment’, only we do not see it that way and we judge it
as something good or bad. In the bigger pictures nothing that
exists can be judged by us with our human perspective, it
doesn’t have good or bad stamped on it when it was created, it
was just created. So that leaves us with looking to see what was
in it for us, what the Creative Awareness has supplied us with.
This applies to all things, even horrifying events that end the
lives of many people. We see it as an event with victims. We
don’t look and see that Creative Awareness supplied everything
needed for those events, fulfilling Our choices, so the ‘victims’
must have been part of the overall plan. And this can lead us to
another insight about our roles as co-creators with god.

In the bigger pictures, we have made plans for this life,

we made decisions about what we wanted to experience this
time, we made contracts with others to co-supply experiences or
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be a part of events and we included all the options and
various choices we wanted to have. We are living those
contracts we made. So are the people who we get angry with, as
are all the people that we come into contact with. We have
contracts with them all, and on a larger scale the same thing
applies. People who have experienced ethnic cleansings and
huge disasters, all of them had contracts to be there and do what
they did. And Creative Awareness supported our choices
because it was gaining experience of its own capabilities and
self. So how can we judge these people to be victims when they
were showing their own innate Big Love for us by choosing to
be a part of something that helps others to learn? We forget that
the Creative Awareness has helped to bring this for us all, so we
can see the bigger pictures as we grow. This is done for us with
Big Love, from the Creative Awareness; it is done for us so that
we may learn to see more clearly, to grow stronger and more
aware in the times ahead.

When we see without the judgments that we make about

things, we start to see what I call the bigger pictures. We know
that everything happens for a reason, that things happen so we
can learn and experience, and that things are created by the
Creative Awareness we call God. So then it is up to us to see
why things happen, to understand at a deeper level than our fear
based, quick judgments, and to see that we are supported with
Love, a Big Love. It is important to grasp this concept as it
underpins everything in this universe, it is the basis for all
experience, all events, all soul choices and we need to ‘get it’ so
that we can make more effective choices as we co-create the
future.
Now we will move on to the true Teacher within us all.
Do you remember that our hero Sammy discovered the reality of
an inner Teacher? In many belief-systems they have various
names, but we will use the simplest form to understand what
they are and what their tasks are with us.
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The Guides.

So much has been written and said about Spirit guides

and Angels, and so much of that is based on various belief-
system concepts. What I propose to you is that all of the
traditional views are valid up to a point, and that point is the
concept's own boundaries or limitations.

We can go beyond those limits if we have no concepts of

what we should experience and discover as our Truth. The
Guides I came across over many, many Journeys could be
classified, if you had to, into a few loose groups. The Main
Guide being the Higher Self, other guides (Helpers) who have
contracts with you to help during certain periods of your life,
and those who may be very long term Friends also acting as
Guides. You may also be fortunate enough to meet Guides who
are representations of Earth's Energies, such as a manifestation
of Gaia, the Mother or other Spirit forms.

Each one you meet is there for a reason and you can
communicate easily with them all to remember what you are
doing and what you are. Some people will want to include
passed-over family members to this list and this is certainly true
for some people. Many people are even finding that they may
have an alien Guide, even though the concept of ‘Alien’ can be
frightening for us in the beginning of our awakening. As you
Journey more you will meet many beings from many places who
can help you to understand that all types exist in this Universe of
ours. Then you will come to know that all of them are great
Souls just like You, only they are working from different
awareness levels to you and me. They are the same because they
were created by the Universe/God/Awareness exactly like us,
making them and us the same. Yet we are more than just the
same, we are One and the same, manifesting differently because
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of our choices and needs as Great Souls.

When meeting other Beings and energies in Astral and

Soul Journeys it is a good idea to feel them out before jumping
right in. This is not an attempt to scare you, just to remind you
that not all the things you meet will have your best interests at
heart. So a certain amount of caution is advised. But don't let
this blind you to the many important lessons that the not so
friendly energies can help us with, because they too are from the
same source as you. They will and do help us through our Fears
so that we become stronger and learn how to effectively deal
with the more 'negative' ones. This is an important part of the
process of remembering and growing, as it shines Light into our
own dark corners, enabling us to bring together our dual natures
and become whole. In a sense, all the Beings you meet are
helping you in some form or another to grow stronger and be all
that you are a Great Spirit.

There are many misconceptions about Spirit Guides and

what they are ‘supposed’ to do for us. So let’s look at some of
these. Firstly, there is nothing that a guide must do for you;
helpers have contracts with you but this doesn’t mean that they
have to keep pushing when you obviously aren’t the slightest bit
interested, etc. So they are not there just for you all the time
even though the higher-self does have a degree of awareness in
you at all times.

The Higher-self guide and some Helper-guides

will assist in finding your memories from previous lives here.
The reason is to come to know what you are, what paths have
brought you to where you are in this life, to experience your
connection to all things, and more importantly to understand
your personal relationship with the universe/god/awareness. The
aim of this process is to help you grow so that you can open up
to those higher awareness levels, and then learn how you will
operate in this 3D world with higher awareness. It is your path,
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and you are the one who chose it. So therefore it is the
Higher-Self that is the greatest Teacher within you.
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The Higher-Self.

A very simple way to look at the Higher-Self is to

understand that if it is your higher self, then it must really be
what you are, more specifically, it must be You. It is the huge
spiritual force of god/awareness that you represent in your life.
Some people come to understand that what we may call their
main Guide is really their own Higher-Self, and not some other
entity. The thought that guides must be ‘not-you’ is a very wide
spread misconception, and possibly caused by the indoctrination
we received as children that let us think we were only little
things, tiny souls on a blink and you might miss it journey to
this world. It has prevented us from coming to know that we are
very powerful beings in our own right.

This is the important lesson there, we are great Souls, we

have the ability to do many things that we have been educated
into thinking is impossible. We can remember what we really
are by experiencing the connection. When we come to know
Our Self, the Higher-Self, then we will begin to see more
clearly, to gain a wider view from our two little windows on the
world. I was taught that the Higher-Self can if needed, have a
number of incarnations on the world at the same time. This may
go some way to explaining the connections with Soul Mates,
although this may not be the only possible explanation for this,
as many other variations must also exist in the vastness of our
own Universe.

The concept that I am putting across to you is this; You

are a great Soul, a powerful being that chose to incarnate here at
this time, your physical body is only the contact patch with the
three dimensional world you walk around in. Your body is the
smallest part of your being, like a fingertip gently resting on the
book you are reading now. It has the job of moving your
awareness around in the 3D and supplying the means to have
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experience. It is a wonderful little body but it is not the all
that you are, nor the all that you can be.
By making direct, conscious connections with your
Higher-Self, you will begin to remember what and who you are.
You will begin to remember what you are here to do this time;
you can remember all the more easily what lives you have led
prior to this current one, thereby remembering the lessons in
them that brought you to where you are now. You will see and
understand why things in the world are the way they are now.
You will know that all of it is perfect and necessary for the
evolution of the people and the planet. You may even come to
see why all these things that we judge as being terrible or
horrendous are occurring, and then refrain from passing
judgments upon them that will cloud your view again.

Most importantly, all of this will help you to grow and

be stronger in the years ahead as you will see trends indicating
the flow to what will happen. And you will be in touch with
your inner Guidance through all of this. Soon you will see that
the only limits to what you can experience and choose to do are
the ones that you place there in front of you. And when you can
see that, nothing can prevent you from finishing the chosen tasks
you gave to yourself before incarnating here.

Now let’s get down to some specifics about the Higher-

Self, what it is and how it became your main spirit guide.
Thinking back to the story at the beginning of this book, that
huge soul we called Sammy, had to diversify it-self into smaller
and smaller pieces to reach into the denser vibrations making up
our world’s reality. To do that it has moved through a variety of
awareness levels from Soul to the awareness you have in your
life now. If we think of it all as levels from the highest to the
lowest, it will be easier to understand. So let’s start at a higher
level, the Oversoul, which is made up of smaller parts we may
call Souls. Each of these will be having various life experiences
at the same time. A Soul had to make it-self into smaller pieces
 227
in order to reach into this 3D world. Along the trail from
larger to smaller pieces, at every level, there is awareness. The
higher-self is one of those levels of awareness. If we start at the
physical level, there are about seven recognized levels of
awareness ‘above’ that, and they are given different names by
different belief systems, including the ‘subtle or energy bodies’,
which you may already know. These subtle energy bodies relate
to different levels and it is through these that we can come to
awaken. But, if you think that these are the only ways then you
are mis-informed. Some people will rely on actively using their
astral energy body to journey and experience ‘higher realms’.
While this is fine, it also has limitations! The astral body can
only journey in the astral planes (levels), so you cannot
experience anything beyond that while only using the astral
body.

The higher-self is a level of awareness that is ‘above’ the

astral planes of awareness. I tend to think of it as somewhere
around the lower end of the Soul-levels of awareness, and so it
is within reach of everyone’s capability to connect with this
force. It does take on the role of Spirit Guide. In fact it is the
main spirit guide we all have. So it is your higher-self and it is
your main guide. As your main spirit guide it can be contacted,
connected to, communicated with, and eventually merged with.
And yes, there are fairly easy ways you can use to make the
connections with this massive part of your overall awareness.

A number of years ago I was involved in a small

research group and one night we did a meditation to meet our
guides. This was a simple little method, using
visualization/imagination to get the experience started and it
opened up into real experiences for everyone. I ended up talking
with my higher-self/guide, with which I was already having
daily communications and this made me realize that most people
can use this little method to make the initial contact for
themselves. From there I modified the basis of this meditation to
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make it more workable, and so people who use it can get a
clearer understanding of the relationship they have with their
higher-self in order to open themselves to higher awareness.
This now brings us to a description of the method for those of
you who intend to use it and experiment with.
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Meet your main Guide.

This meditation is a fairly basic one that works well for

most people. It is not one I invented but have used since I was
shown it in a group. So let’s begin.

We always begin meditations by doing the white light

method, as this relaxes us, opens us and prepares us for further
work. So please take your time, don’t rush it, and let it happen
for you. When I get the feeling that the group is ready, we ask
everyone to ‘imagine’ that they are standing on the platform of a
railway station. Allow a few minutes for everyone’s awareness
to catch up; we do this by having them focus on their feet, then
slowly look further out around them and noticing the little
details until they can see a complete platform. It doesn’t matter
if there are other people at the station; all that matters at this
point is that the people in the meditation have reached a station
platform.

Once everyone has observed and begin to feel as if they

are at a train station, I ask them to see a train waiting to take
them somewhere. Most people see older style carriages while a
few will see modern ones. Again, once they can see the
carriages quite clearly I ask them to enter the train and take a
seat. Here I make a point of telling them that there may be
others on the train and so if they feel like it they can talk to
whoever is there. When everyone is ready, I begin the
description of the train pulling out of the station and comment a
number of times on how the people can feel the movement as it
begins to accelerate. We usually spend a little time on this
aspect because it enables you to be more fully present on the
train.

When the train is clear of the station, I ask people to look

out of the window at the scenery, noticing how it passes the
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window, and how in the distance you can see much clearer.
Most people will see open countryside although one or two have
seen city scenery. Either way doesn’t really matter, what does
matter is that you do not use any memories of real places to fill
in your blanks! By using memory in this way you will prevent
the experience from growing into a very real thing for you. This
is important. So by now you will be relaxing quite nicely, you
may be enjoying the scenery, the rattle of the wheels on the
tracks and the sensation of movement. I allow this phase to go
for about 2 to 3 minutes, depending on the history of each
person’s meditation practices.

The timeframe is longer for those less experienced and

less for those with more experience. During this I will talk
calmly to help people keep focus before telling them that a long
curve is ahead of us and so we then describe things as the train
makes it way around the curve. You can ask people to look out
of the window and see the Engine up ahead pulling the train
around the curve. This curve signifies a branching away
from the well traveled path or line. Once we are around the
curve and moving straight ahead again, I tell people that we will
be coming into another station; so here I begin to describe the
feeling of slowing down, the clickety-clack sounds become
slower, etc. As the Engine enters the station I say that you might
see the name if this station, and if you do then please remember
it as it will have significance for you.

When the train stops completely, it is time to step out

onto the platform of this new station. So once again the process
of observing becomes the important thing. I ask people to look
and notice if there are others on the platform, then to notice what
style this station has, what colors, what plants, etc. I then
suggest that as we look along the platform we can see a sign for
the station master’s office, and when everyone does it we can
walk towards it. Usually I also suggest that there will be a ticket-
window we can talk to the station master through. Although in
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private sessions with people who are having difficulty, I ask
them to go to the door, knock and then enter the office. This is
one way to keep the distraction level down for those who have
some difficulty focusing clearly. Now that you are standing at
the window, the station master will be available for you to talk
with. Here I tell people to ask the station master anything, any
question they have always wanted an answer for. I also ask them
to hold the station master’s hand so that they can more easily
feel the energy of this being. So while they are talking away
with the being, I allow some quiet time so that they can get into
the experience more deeply. About a minute is usually sufficient
for this introduction process. And now I will suggest a couple of
things to the meditators; one thing is to ask this question and
make a point of remembering the answer, “How do I easily
connect with you?”

The next is to ask the person to spend a few seconds

feeling the being, just to make sure that they have it firmly in
their minds and feeling-memory. The importance of this cannot
be stressed enough, as the feeling is really the thing we are after
in this meditation. With the feeling we will be able to recognize
far more easily when the being is attempting to get our attention
and communicate with us. I usually allow a few minutes for the
talk and the feeling phases before suggesting to the people that
the station master has something for them, so not to walk away
when they are finished their discussion without asking for
whatever it is that they are to receive. Most people will get an
object wrapped in brown paper and twine! While others will
find their ‘gift’ is presented in another way.

After everyone is finished with their discussions and all

have picked-up the parcel or gift, then I ask them to thank the
station master before going out and waiting on the station
platform where I ask everyone to open their parcel and take the
time to check-it-out; to let the feeling of it really get into them.
In the past year I have evolved this to where I suggest that each
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person will understand completely for themselves what the
object really means to them. This suggestion was needed as
most people would always ask me what the object meant, and I
refuse to be the person with all the answers. Since using this
suggestion, the majority of people doing this meditation will get
the understanding and will not ask me to tell them its
significance. This was an important breakthrough for us all. For
the first few years of using this process we would return the
meditators to their original station by a return train trip, but in
the last few years only few of them need to return and the rest
are meant to go forward, not backward. And, each person will
keep whatever it was that they were given by the ‘station
master’, even if they think that they didn’t; it is always with
them, and it always signifies a direction for further
experimentation.

While this may seem a fairly airy-fairy type of

meditation, it’s actually a very simple process that will directly
get you face to face with your higher-self Guide. What comes
next is a free-form meditation where the people will use the
method they were given to re-connect with the Guide they met
at the station, and so they can get immediate confirmation for
themselves. Try it, it works for most people.
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Rocks and Rocks.

Some people will have difficulty with the reconnection

process; it’s usually because they doubt themselves and what
they get. Most of the time, they may not have realized that the
station master was a Guide, so I must tell them if they did not
recognize it for themselves. After this, it will only take practice,
practice and more practice; do it daily! As you use your
reconnection process you will find it modifying so that you will
eventually be using a process that is nothing like the initial
reconnection method you were given. It will have developed
into the way you make your connection.

This is what it’s all about, the way that You connect. We
can all use the same basic methods to begin with but we should
not make it the only way we will do it. If the only thing we can
be sure of is that everything changes, then we have to allow the
processes to grow for us. This doesn’t mean that we will
understand everything we experience though, as many times the
understanding will come later. How much later will depend on
you and how often you practice. It’s that simple really.

Blocks to understanding will come frequently, and this is

a natural part of the process of awakening. If you practice every
day you will grow rapidly even if you don’t fully understand
what you are experiencing. It is not important to understand
everything immediately, what is important is that you practice
and have experiences, and then the understanding can filter
down through you. So be gentle on yourself, do not be critical of
your ability, your state of mind or your experiences. Don’t
forget, we have been closed-off to our higher awareness for so
very long that it should be natural for things to be a bit
confusing for a little while. Know that you are in the process of
awakening and be content with that whenever you do not fully
understand; know also that there is always light at the end of the
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tunnel so you will come to understand all that you
experience. Also, and more importantly, do not compare your
experiences with other peoples as it can lead to a few blocks
along your path too. Feelings of lack or superiority will create
rocks for you to stumble over until you work it out that you need
to come from a place of awe, not from either end of the ego-
scale.
I’ve worked with people that have easily done all the
things I’ve asked of them in meditations and journeys, they have
met and connected with their guides, they have journeyed to the
Akasha and even found their own place that the soul uses in the
realms for it’s ‘reminders’, yet the people will still work in a
place of confusion! Try to avoid this perspective. The more you
expect to know, understand or experience, the more you will be
disappointed in your results. If we accept our experiences as
pointing directions for research, and then act upon those things
while observing, we will come to understanding more rapidly. If
you do not understand something, ask your Guide to clarify
things for you. If they don’t, it will mean that you are meant to
work it out for yourself. In this case, do not let yourself become
depressed, “My guide won’t answer my questions for me”. They
are there to help you awaken, not to give you everything. If it is
just given without your effort it will mostly be worthless. This
you will discover for yourself anyway.

As far as blocks and rocks go, whether you experience

them or not is up to you. Your attitude, your intent and thoughts
about the subject must have an effect. If you think you are
dumb, or something is wrong with me because I can’t do it, then
you will not see and experience clearly until you work through
that block or around that rock. The most effective way to
experiment is to have no ideas about what you will experience,
what you should experience and never think that you will not
choose a certain direction, because if you say NO, then
sometime down the track you will have to go that way. There is
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an old Druid saying, “Never name the well you won’t drink
from. One day you will have to.”

It’s important we talk a little about Intention here. The

old saying relating to this is, “Where your attention goes, your
energy flows.” And I have to say here that this is very correct.
Your intention operates as the beckoner, or creator of your
experiences. It’s a little like making a phone call; when you
place your attention on what you intend to do or a place you
intend to go, then most times this is exactly where you will go or
do. About the only thing I know that can change this is when the
Soul you are needs you to experience something else, yet there
will be some leeway to experiment. I only know this because I
love to experiment, to have a little fun while I journey and really
enjoy the whole experience. Yet every time I have had a play, I
will feel a pulling sensation that tells me I need to go with the
flow and let it happen how it is meant to. Usually I will stop
playing and go with it then.

In the next section we will look at ways of reaching what

I call ‘Your Place’. This place will be where you as a soul go to
when it is working, and there will always be reminders there for
you.
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Your Place.

With this meditation method you also sit comfortably

and let yourself relax. Let yourself think about how it feels to be
completely safe, warm and content, let this feeling fill you up.
Set your intent on finding your place. You can think about the
place that you always felt this way in, it may be in the world or
it may be another place. The easiest way to know if you’re
imagining a scene is by the amount of effort it takes to keep the
picture in your mind. Let go of thinking then; and let yourself
relax further. Use the white-light to centre yourself and relax
into it. Soon you’ll find another scene develops, one that you
didn't have to make and try to hold in your mind. Allow it to
unfold around you.

For some people it’s helpful to look at their feet in the

scene and simply let the rest of it happen; this is an easy way to
bring your focus gently into play without pushing the experience
away. Once the scene has cleared and you can see that you’re
really in it, you can walk around in it and explore. In fact, you
can do anything you choose to while you’re in that place; it’s
your place and you can return there anytime you choose. You
will find that if you sit quietly there, your Guide will approach
and make themselves known to you. It’s important that you feel
them. You will feel their energy and come to know they are your
Guide.

When you have had this experience you can connect

anytime with Your Place, you only need to remember how it felt
and you will return there. And one last thing about this method,
please have fun with it. Spiritual practice is not meant to be too
serious, we are here to enjoy, as much as learn and remember!

This place of yours is unique to you, it really does exist

on another plane and so it is very real, even if you can’t touch it
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with your physical hands. I tend to think we should explore
the area and find what things are there. Many souls keep caves
and when you go there it may take some time to find all the
things you have left there as reminders to yourself. You will see
each one when you are ready for them. These things are
reminders, and their task is to let you connect with important
events and experiences in other lives through various cultures.
Each one is unique to you, because you made them and left them
there to remind you of what you are. Don’t forget, you may have
hidden them from yourself so you will need to explore the area
in depth.

As you work with your main guide, they will introduce

you to your helpers, and they will each have different tasks with
you. Once you have reconnected with your place, you will be
able to work with the main guide and the helpers to get the
information you need to grow. It is more effective to get there
and work along with support crew; as I like to say, “There is no
substitute for having the experience.”

If you go to your place very frequently, perhaps daily,

you will remember and re-experience far quicker than if you
only practice once a week. It’s pretty obvious you could say.
Each piece of a jigsaw puzzle will come together in its own time
as you work with your guides and recover all your reminders to
how powerful you really are.

At this point of the book we’ve covered a lot of ground,

with quite a few concepts to think about and feel. We now have
some basic little things we can do to really help us experience
our spiritual nature for ourselves. And doesn’t it all sound so
easy? Don’t be concerned if it doesn’t happen for you as easily
as it is written here. If you practice, follow any little insights or
ideas you have for altering the methods. Practice for at least
thirty days to give it time to happen before you throw the
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methods away. Experiment, and find out how things can
work for you.
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A little thing called Karma.

We think of Karma as a system of judgement and have

the perspective of reaping good or bad outcomes for our actions
in this and other lives, “If you do wrong somewhere in this life
you’ll suffer the consequences in the next life.” This historical
perspective on karma has served us well.

Looking at the times and cultures we took the concept of

karma from, the generally accepted point of view was we’re
insignificant and bad little souls doing wrong acts who need a
higher power enforcing our just deserts on us. Now look at the
words describing this perspective. We see value-judgements in;
good or bad, what we deserve, wrong acts, etc. And this is how
it has been in a world of duality.

Imagine a god, universe or creative force that doesn’t

judge us in any way; as if it’s only concern was to Experience,
through us, everything it is and can be. Our perspectives on
karma would be a bit obsolete. If we discovered it was us who
‘judge’ our life’s actions, choosing suitable ways to balance the
books, then we would have to widen our perspectives a whole
lot. Maybe we could see other souls as sharing experiences with
us and balancing out our agreements. Imagine then that karma
was only a mechanical system. One where we might recognise
the natural evolution our causes and experience the effects
without judgment. With no value judgement on it, there can be
no ‘only good or bad’. Karma can only be what it is, a flow-on
of each cause to its natural completion.

As our awareness grows, we’re bound to make

discoveries that replace the historical perspectives we’re
attached to. Growth waits outside our comfort zones, so we must
be prepared to let go of our old thinking and attachments to
belief systems. From this perspective Karma should give you no
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cause for concern about your brownie points or the lack of.
It doesn’t put a huge weight on your shoulders; it lets you be
aware more when making choices.
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Relating

When talking with someone, focus on the person’s eyes

and let your vision go out of focus a little so that you can see the
natural beauty of that soul. You will know when you can see it
because they will look younger to you than they normally do.
Now you can flow loving energy to this equal Soul, even if you
do not like the person they are this time. Remember though that
a non-reflective surface cannot give the same thing to you.

When we have problems relating to a person, many

people think it is important to continue trying to find a happy
medium even when it becomes obvious such a thing can’t be
reached with that person. In this case, all we owe that person
when we see them in the street is to give a smile and a “hello”.
You will only keep the problem at the top of your important
thoughts list if you do otherwise. And in so doing you will keep
energy attachments flowing between you and that person. By all
means see that person as another soul, equal to you, but when it
can’t be ‘fixed’ then it is time to shake the dust from your feet!

Most arguments are about the power struggle, meaning

that we wrestle for the energy or power of the other person. We
know this is done in many ways, and sometimes it is advisable
to simply give the person the energy they seek to feel better; but
do not give it when it is sought to have control or power over
you. In this case it is more effective to walk away and to stand in
your own power. There are times when a ‘strategic withdrawal’
is a far better course of action for all concerned.

In current spiritual thinking we are asked to work ever

harder at finding solutions to problems we have with other
people. We are told to look at why we feel a certain way about
that person, to think that they are ‘reflecting’ issues for us as if
they are a mirror to us. Let’s not forget that every person has
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their own baggage! Sometimes another person can mirror
our issues for us to see, but it is not so in every case. Some
people will think the mirroring concept gives them licence to act
like a total pig to us, when it clearly does not. So here we need
to clearly discern what it is that we feel from within rather than
believing the normal line of thought. We can do this by sitting in
the light and getting clarity on our own actions, feelings and
issues relating to this person. Once you have your answers,
remember that they are only your answers and not everyone’s
answers that you have to offer.

It is important to have boundaries. Establish them for

yourself by asking this simple question, “How much is
enough?” So how much abuse, negativity, control-drama etc,
will you accept from this person? If the answer is no more, then
you are very ready to establish your boundaries. In this way you
will make a powerful stand for yourself that is not driven by
negative thoughts about another person. We simply establish the
boundaries and then allow the other person to go about their life
without having effects on us, and, vice-versa. We need to be
aware that not every situation can be fixed and then we need to
address that for our own self. Stand in your own power, not in
an egotistical way, but in a loving and accepting way which
allows for you to have rights too.

Because our thoughts have power to create or manifest

as reality, it is important to own every thought, particularly if it
is a negative thought you have put-out to others. And because
you are powerful, you can recall such thoughts at the time you
become aware of putting it out there. In this way at least you
will be responsible for the things you are creating or not
creating. Let me say here, every thought has an effect; if it is a
negative thought it can and will have a very definite effect on
the target person whether they are aware of it or not. I only
know this from personal experience.
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We might like to think we can help others, so we
have to know what our own motivation is in offering assistance.
So many people only want to be seen as a helper so that they do
not have to look at issues in their own life. And it is important to
remember that people must ask for help before we can give it,
otherwise you are taking on a role that is not meant for you to
take. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it
drink. Many of us are seed-planters, so we must recognise that
when the seeds are planted our work is done. It is not up to us to
ensure the seeds grow! If you try to make sure the seeds do
grow, you will open yourself up to many other problems
including having that person hanging on to your coat tails so that
they can keep draining off the energy that they have become
addicted to. Many times we may take on the role of Knight in
Shining Armour, and this too leads us to many problems as the
person we are trying to help/save will eventually come to
perceive us as the problem in their life. These actions can be a
fatal mistake for many people, and the nightly news is evidence
of this truth.

Once upon a time there were two sheep in separate

paddocks. One paddock was green and the other was void of
anything but dirt. One day sheep-2 made its way through the
fence to the greener paddock where it asked sheep-1 what it
could do to make its paddock better. Sheep-1 told the other that
it could stay a while and learn how to make its existence better
for itself. Time went by, and sheep-1 in the green paddock could
see that the other one had given up its power so that it could ride
on the success of sheep-1. So sheep-1 decided to take sheep-2
over to the fence where it pointed out how green its paddock
now was. Sheep-2 still didn’t get what sheep-1 was on about.
Eventually, sheep-1 had to become assertive and send sheep-2
back to its own paddock, knowing that if it applied the
knowledge it had gained, then it would be fine in the future.
Now sheep-1 let go of all concerns for sheep-2, because it had
done all it could to assist them.
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You are not responsible for the perceptions of other
people. Most people’s perceptions are coloured by the ‘filter’
that they are viewing through. If a person is viewing your
actions through a filter coloured by their sense of not getting
what they want, then they will not be able to come to clarity on
your actions or words. In fact, they will continue to believe what
they want, based on the filter beliefs and not give any credit to
your efforts to clarify things for them. In such circumstances,
walk away. There is nothing that you can do to help the person
to any clarity so you must remove yourself from the equation so
that you are not drawn down further into the mire of their
creations. This also allows the person time to let their thoughts
and feelings clarify so that may come to a clearer understanding.
Take the opportunities that presents themselves, do not wait for
it to get better when years of experience with that person may
have shown you that it cannot get any better! This is something
that has come up in my work, as most clients are unhappily
married women who seek some sort of fix for the problems of
their primary relationship before they look at the only other path
of moving on in their own life.

Most men are unable to move outside of the comfort

zones they have been indoctrinated into having, and as their
wives become aware that they are growing, they will usually
want their husband to grow with them. Here lies a Catch 22
situation. Men in comfort zones where they are the dominant sex
mostly making the decisions and rules relating to their life and
relationships, are unable to, or do not have the tools to move
ahead and grow along with their wives. This will inevitably lead
to a situation where the man perceives at some level that there is
a threat to his comfort zone existence, and so he may ‘pull-rank’
to stop his wife from doing whatever it is that is causing her to
grow. She in turn will respond in frustration to this block placed
in her way. Eventually, many of these relationships will end
precisely because one person tried to control the other. We must
also point out here that control is a tool used just as effectively
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or even more so by the women-folk. Perhaps we could all
observe our actions so that we might see what control dramas
we are using, and what the causes of our personal dramas are.

All said and done, relationships are very tricky things.

And I am not just referring to our primary relationships here;
instead I am talking about our relationships to all things. We
presently can’t hope to have a world where all argument and
discord can be removed easily. Given that the operating system
currently playing out is ‘Might is Right’, we must accept that it
has to run its course before something new can replace it. And
what shall we choose to replace it with? Many women are
looking to the more ancient matriarchal societies as the basis of
the new culture without ever realising that we did it already, and
it didn’t work either. We cannot have one sex being dominant or
having more rights than the other sex. We must choose a society
that really is based on equality so that everyone can develop to
their highest capacity and so that discord between the sexes can
be minimised or totally removed so that we can communicate
far more effectively.
When considering past-life issues we have brought into
this current life it is important to get your own clarity on those
issues instead of relying on what anyone else has to say about it.
This is because your higher-self is the best avenue to get
information about your past-life relationships.

For instance, my previous relationship was very rocky

which is something I recognised very early on but did not act
accordingly to nip things in the bud, before it could deteriorate
into an unhealthy state. The basis of this was that my partner
believed I had killed her malevolently in one of our most recent
incarnation. This made her filter all perceptions through the
belief that I was out to harm her again in any way possible, and
this was the cause of much nastiness in the present relationship.
Because I was aware of our previous life together I decided to
get some clarity on it for myself. I had known when we met in
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this life where we had lived in that earlier life but had no
immediate memory of the event causing my partner’s death that
time.

So I simply went into a meditative state and returned to

that time-life so that I was able to relive the final moments of
her life, and mine. As my awareness came fully into that life, I
found myself running along a path I knew ended at a cliff face
above a river. My partner of the time was running ahead of me
and so I turned my head to see what we were running from. It
was two white-men on horseback who were riding hard to run us
down. At that moment my partner reached the cliff face and
stopped, so as I approached her I knew it was more important to
die by our own hands than to be caught, tortured and killed by
the men on horseback. So I pushed her as I leapt out into the
void above the river. My last glance backwards showed me that
the two men had unknowingly followed us and rode over the
edge too.

This gave me the clarity I needed to face the situation in

my current life, and so I told her what I had relived so that she
could also get some clarity on the whole situation and therefore
adjust her belief and actions accordingly. Unfortunately she
refused to accept what I told her, because the belief she had was
one she had clung to her entire life this time and that had
negative affects on all her relationships.
For me, the events I relived where very real, and because
I knew to trust my own soul as a provider of information I
needed, I had two options. One was to accept this information
and trust what I got for myself from having the re-experience or
I could doubt my Self and allow the disempowerment in the
current relationship to continue. You may guess that I tried to
heal the incident but was unable to, so in the end I realised that I
had done my part in the relationship and its soul contract and
now it was time for me to walk away. I did, but not before
things got far worse. At least the seed of truth was planted.
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This example is given so that you can see the importance

of getting your truth for yourself as a way to understand the
contracts you have with those people in your life who play
significant roles in your relationships. And again, it adequately
illustrates the importance of having your own experiences
instead of accepting anything and everything that you are fed or
told by anyone else, including me.

Because we are running out of time in this present

culture it is very important for us to get clarity before we do not
have the luxury of time to spend in meditation and reflection. In
order to be clear and aware we need to understand what we are
and why we are here in our current life. Understanding the
beliefs behind the flow of everyday life is just as important
because it is those beliefs that direct the course of our
interactions with others. If we don’t get clear on these facets of
relating then we will repeat things over and over until we do
understand. This is shown by how often the same issue arises in
our life. For example, it is why people who have a history of
attracting violent partners seem unable to attract anything
different into their life. It is why we react in the same manner to
the same stimulus, why we think and believe the same things
instead of choosing something else. And all of this boils down to
what you really believe about you, your value and abilities.
These things have traditionally been difficult to get to without
spending years in Therapy, as if the problems are mental illness!
It is simply a lack of knowing yourself, what you have chosen to
experience this time around and not knowing that you have the
power to help yourself.
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Helping Yourself.

There are a few things you can do to help yourself when

you are having difficulty relating with others in your life, and
while these things may sound too simple for you I ask that you
at least give them a try so that you know for yourself that they
do work.

The first is a little process I call ‘Mirroring’, which is

completely different to the mirroring of issues we had touched
on before and that the new-age industry seems to ply as the only
possible truth. This process is something we can do when we
notice that a thought we wouldn’t normally have has come into
our mind, and I use it when a person just ‘pops into my mind’
without me instigating the thought. The idea behind this process
is to work out for yourself if the thought is actually yours or if it
has been planted there by someone else or another force, and, it
is used to remove those that aren’t yours.

When you feel a thought that you wouldn’t normally

have or when a thought about someone you have had difficulty
with just comes into your mind, simply ‘imagine’ or visualise a
mirror wrapped around you. Make sure it is around your whole
body and not just the head, and make sure also that the mirror
surface faces outwards. The first thing you will notice is that the
feeling of the thought or person will weaken if it is a thought
coming from someone or something else! If it does not weaken
then you will know it is your thought and not from outside of
you. Then it is up to you what you do with your own thought.
You can do this little process at any time, even at work or play,
and it will work every time for you without fail. Trust yourself
and the process. You have the power, remember.

I first used this process as a way to deal with a darker

being that wanted to feed off the reaction energy we all have to
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uncomfortable thoughts that are planted in our minds. Don’t
be afraid of the concept of a disembodied being planting
thoughts into your mind so that you will react with an energy
spike for it to feed off, you would be surprised how often and
how normal it really is in our world. I read that the best way to
deal with this was to not come from your mind, to stay in inner
silence, which worked quite well but it wasn’t an active process
for the majority of people who aren’t trained to meditate and
stay in their inner silence. So this little process came into
memory to make it possible for everyone to have the ability to
deal with these little annoyances to our daily clarity.

If you have been experiencing psychic attack where

negative input is directed at you from others (no matter who
they are) then this little process will help you get some respite
from the attack. The basis of psychic attack is to cause the
subject (you) to doubt themselves and become dis-empowered
so that the attacker can have more control over the subject. Even
governments are doing this to people in their populations, so
don’t think this is just a nutty idea; it is very real and something
that I have worked against with a number of people, particularly
in America. It is known as Mind Control and you can research it
for yourself.

This next process developed from something I came

across many years ago while researching mythologies and
beliefs of older cultures. In this process we can heal ourselves of
the strings that others have attached to us and that are held
firmly in our energy centres and bodies by ‘hooks’. At first I
used to journey in spirit/awareness to the people I was working
with in other countries and conduct this process in regular
sessions, but I soon discovered that people who are under
psychic attack will usually be just like sheep-2 in the previous
chapter. Because of this I made a point of telling the people that
they can do this for themselves and not to see themselves as
Victims. Many didn’t like the idea due to the fact that they
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actually had an attachment to the concept of being a victim.
Therefore we could say that half the problem was in their belief
in Victim-hood.
For this process I ask that you sit and relax yourself as
you would for meditation, then do what I call scanning over
your whole body. Here you use your awareness to peruse your
body while looking for energy that does not belong to you, so it
is something that is foreign to your energy. You will find with
practice that these hooks are very noticeable as not being yours.
As you find them, take the hook out and intend for it to return to
its originator. Send it back with Love and do not hold an
attachment to it in any way. Make sure you check your whole
body for these spots or hooks. Some people will see them as
discoloured areas of energy, and so you will extract it and return
it to where it came from. Do this until you are positive that you
have gotten them all, then, bring in the light through your crown
and direct it into those areas where you found the hooks and
energy spots so that you are healing the area and the aura around
it. When you are finished this process you could also do the
Protective Shield as described earlier in this book. And if you
feel the need, do the shielding a couple of times a day as you
slowly build up your inner strength again.

Because many of us have hooks in us from our previous

relationships, including our children, you can also visualise
those people standing in front of you; one at a time. Next, scan
them for energy that is yours and when you find it simply detach
it and return it to yourself. Don’t be surprised if the person who
you recovered it from calls you, or your children try harder to
engage you for your energy. That is fairly normal as they have
been constantly taking energy from you and are as addicted to it
as the psychic attacker or past love partner. By now you will
have returned all energy hooks to their rightful place and
received for yourself the energy that others have ‘taken’ from
you. How do you feel? Do you feel a bit stronger? Do you like
the idea of doing something to help yourself? Good on you!
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In the past when I was working on others overseas, I would

follow the hooks and strings back to their source to discover
why they were planted in the first place. I would not suggest that
you do this yourself as it can create further problems if the
source is one of the ‘programs’ being run by agencies of
governments. I learned that those agencies are very aware of
what you are doing and will try to prevent you from assisting
those who they think of as their subjects. To know more about
the abilities of such agencies you could research the good
material available today about ‘Remote Viewing’ that has been
written by the people who were involved in such programs. This
will give you a good insight into what humans have been
capable of for a very long time as operational units within the
programs.
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Reincarnation

With all the evidence for reincarnation that’s available

you would think everyone on the planet would know the reality
of reincarnation rather than thinking of it as an eastern religion’s
concept or purely a flight of fantasy. Once again direct
experience and confirmation is the most effective way to know
for yourself, while the next effective way would be to read some
of the excellent books on soul’s journeys that have been written
based on studies. Even in the Christian traditions there is
evidence for reincarnation as an accepted fact. You will have to
research this for yourself if you want to know the details, so start
with the ‘higher’ teachings of Catholicism and move on to the
historical perception of John the Baptist as a reincarnation of
Enoch.

So where did the perceptions change? Thinking we only

live one quick little moment on this amazing creation called
Earth is just as egotistical of us as thinking that life appears only
on this dot of a world in the vast universe surrounding it. We
know there is far more chance of life being on millions of
worlds and that we do not yet know how to detect it. So why
would we think in such a confined manner as this about
reincarnation?

If we were to consider the control mechanisms of

governments, monarchs and religions, we would see that it is
imperative for them to keep us in the dark so that we are less
inclined to confront them and to take back our own power.
Historically we have been lied to, we have been manipulated
and we have been killed for confronting the official dictates laid
before us. It should come as no surprise that few people will
stand up to confront these powerful groups. In order for the
Christian church to maintain power over us little people they
had to find suitable ways to control us so that we do not look
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outside the box they present to us. We have become so used
to this that we no longer look far to find our own answers. It just
isn’t a comfortable thing to do when it is much easier to tow the
line in the first place.

Let’s take one example of how truth is covered to appear

the way those in power want it to look; let’s look at Patrick, the
Irish Saint. Being called a Saint shows us that he is held in high
esteem for converting the pagans of Ireland to the Holy Roman
Church. But what is the reality of his converting pagans? As a
son of Ireland he left his home shores for Rome. There he
worked his way up the ladder to become Father Patricius and
then gained support to return to fair old Eire with a couple of
Roman Legions under his direct orders. And what did he do
with all that power, soldiers and arms? How did he follow the
loving teachings of Jesus? He returned home and began a
campaign of slaughter; no one was spared, women, children and
old folk died at his orders if they did not convert there and then.
This is called Conversion at the Sword.

His first act was to oppose the laws of Ireland while

camped near Tara, the ancient seat of high kingship. He then
progressed to desecrating all ancient holy sites and as an act of
total, wanton desecration he ordered and saw to the destruction
of Ireland’s holy groves and then their most ancient and revered
tree of all, the Great Rowan tree. This tree symbolised the
agreement between humans and the beings that lived there
before us, the Tuatha de danaan. Yet hardly any Irish folk today
would know that he was a complete mongrel, egotistical, and a
murderously insane fundamentalist. Why is this so? Because the
church simply took its time covering the truth with a veneer of
holiness, as it has always done.

Now we apply this ‘veneering’ to the concept of

reincarnation and we can understand that the church had
everything to lose if it did not control what we believed. How
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could it keep us seeing ourselves as insignificant and in
constant need of redemption if we knew that we lived many
thousands of lives here? How could it’s God be seen as the all-
powerful and vengeful Lord if we knew ‘god’ to be such a
loving thing that supported us in those thousands of lives to
provide it with experience of its capabilities? How would the
church survive if we knew that we already had eternal life, just
as Jesus did? The answers to these questions are simple.
Most people in olden times could not read or write to
save themselves, so it was a simple matter for the church to use
its priests to tell the people what God expected of them, to tell
the people what God says about reality, etc. This was the easiest
way to keep control; tell the people what you want them to
believe and say it is God’s will! Furthermore, the church told us
that god would hate us if we looked at the old ways; he would
smite us down if we so much as pondered the bigger questions
or thought about the possibility of anything else except what the
church told us to believe. And so the control mechanisms of
those times has provided the church with all the power it has
needed these past 2,000 years; to the point that even today very
few people ever look outside it’s box or so much as question the
most obvious discrepancies!

Why reincarnation? It is the most effective means to

have experiences and since there are so very many experiences
to have in life, we need to have many lives here in order to help
ourselves to every experience. Let’s not forget that each person
experiences the same thing in different ways, and so each of us
will choose to have all experiences available. Why do we do
this? We do this so that the universe/god/awareness can have the
experience of all its possibilities; to know itself through us, its
creations.

The mechanics of reincarnation are fairly simple. At the

Akashic Record we revue our most recent life before planning
out our next one. We have assistance from our mentors (guides
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and helpers) to make the most suitable choices to reflect our
desire for experience. We also make agreements with others to
bring each other more experiences. These agreements are played
out as Karma. Although Karma will also include the choices we
make during lives.

Once we have decided on the basic life-course we wish

to experience, including the agreements with others, we then
diversify into smaller portions to slow down the vibration so that
it can fit into the 3D solid. The next thing you know you are
being born again, having your memory suppressed, again, so
that you will forget all that you knew to that point. And by this
time you are sometimes within the body and sometimes you
remain outside the body as it is a most uncomfortable thing to be
stuck in. This is also one reason why we have astral-travel
experience during the night, so that we can reconnect and be
aware outside the dense physical body. Perhaps this is more a
safety-valve type of activity than a spiritual activity since after
all; we are only using one of the subtle energy bodies to astral
travel.

Reincarnation is what we agreed to here, and elsewhere

for that matter. We chose it and agreed to its mechanics, rules
and stipulations just so we could have existence in this 3Dworld.
And isn’t it a beautiful place to exist? Apart from the difficulties
of life in the world as a human being, this is a truly amazing
world that is so full of beauty and potential that we want to
come back, even when we don’t need to anymore. So don’t be
fooled by those people who say, “I know this is my last life”,
because their ego is saying that to show you how much more
spiritual than you they really think they are!

For me, these are some of the facts. We choose to be

here and agreed to all the limitations of 3D life. We chose to be
here a very long time ago and we did so knowing that we could
be here for rounds of thousands of lives. We will choose to be
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here for many more lives, no matter what your ego has to
say about it. We have all been here before, so there are no old
and new souls; that too is an ego trip to think of your-self as an
Old Soul. Many of us existing here today were here the last time
the earth went through this current phase of quick-changes and
we most probably failed at our missions; so we are here to do it
over again. You know who you are; you have felt it since you
were very little kids in this life.
Even after you do move on from this world (ascend), you
will choose to experience other realms, worlds and existences
that become available to you and some of those may be ‘greater
or lesser’ than what you experience here. At least for a time you
will remember the immense and wonderful being you are before
you choose incarnation again in a world. You are truly beautiful,
even if you don’t believe it about yourself.
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Soul Mates

There is as much misconception about soul mates as

there is about Karma. Most people like to think of soul mates as
being the one person who they must find and have a loving
relationship with in this life. The truth is a far cry from this
perception. Although we cannot discount that we can have
loving relationships with a soul mate.

In reality, we have a number of beings with which we

have these soul mate connections. Each of them has a different
agreement to work out with us, so a soul mate can be the person
who you had a dreadful relationship with but learned not to give
your power away to. They can be anyone you meet in your life,
yet they do not have to be incarnate at this time! Most of them
will come in and out of your life if they are incarnate this time,
so with each you will have an interesting time even if it isn’t the
best of times. So we need to alter our perception of what a soul
mate is.

As a Soul, you have made many friends and some of

these you might even prefer to incarnate with at regular
intervals. So in a sense we could say the word ‘mates’ is not that
different to the Australian concept of the word, which is
friendship! While we would like to meet our soul mates and we
think that they should be like this and that, it is we who hold the
misconception about it. They do not have to be any way. They
only have to be what they chose to be for their incarnation and
we do not have the right to judge them if they do not live up to
our standards.

We only need to accept that anyone we meet can be a

soul mate. At the same time though, we will meet people who
we feel like we have known for ages, and these people can be a
soul-friend. The reason we feel so strongly about them is
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because the energy inside you and the energy inside them
will resonate with recognition. If we listen to this recognition
and not think it has to be the way we want it to be, then we can
more easily accept the experiences that they help to bring for us.
If you do find a soul mate, do not think that all has to be bliss,
because you will be fooling yourself with that perception.
A soul mate can be anyone, even the people you are not
attracted to! There is no rule to say that they must be anything
you think they should be, and so you must not have expectations
regarding them. If you allow them to be recognised then you can
work through the agreements you have with them and after that
you may not see them again until you have left your current
body for good. So do not place so many rocks and blocks in
your path by only accepting that soul mates have to be this way
or that.

I have met three soul friends in this life. One I instantly

knew was a Soul Mate. And I knew she was from the moment I
saw her as I recognised the intense feeling. She was a soul mate
in the traditional sense of the word, but I was still young and
silly, so I did not behave in a way that would have allowed for
us to be together for long. This was due to issues I had brought
into this life as part of my agreements. The next came into my
life thirty years later, and I was aware that she would be in my
life, soon. Soon is also a concept that has no reality base in our
world. We could say that spiritual time ruins differently to
worldly time! This one was a woman who I felt the recognition
with immediately, but had to wait seven years before we could
try to be together. Funnily enough, she had issues that I had
difficulty working through, and with my own issues coming to a
head I was easily distracted to the point that I walked away from
her before we really got going. The last was the one I mentioned
earlier about the past life misperception and the problems it
caused, although I recognised very early that this was not meant
to be a love relationship. So now I am happy to be without a
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partner as I allow the universe to show me the next one I
have an agreement with to be soul-mates.

Simply put, you do have soul mates. But they are

usually not what we think they will or should be. So let go of
your misperceptions about soul mates and allow the universe to
provide these beings as it sees fit, and as it fits with the
agreements you all made before incarnating. If you do have a
loving relationship with a soul mate that is not helping you to
grow in some form, then you are not seeing the agreements
clearly and need to clear the thoughts you hold onto. This will
be a gift for you even if you do not think it is at the time.
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Remember.

“A true master is not the one with the most students,

but one who creates the most masters.”
- ‘The New Revelations’, by Neale Donald Walsch

Sometimes we all too easily forget the things we have

learned or remembered, in our day to day lives and in our
spiritual endeavors. It seems like there is so much to remember
in every second of every day for us to be able to flow through
the day with Awareness. Being aware is one of the things to
remember. Being in the now moment is another, as is trying to
be aware of the decisions we make in each of those moments,
then also remembering that we are the one’s who are in control
of the way we behave or respond to all of those inputs and
choices made. It’s just so very confusing to try and remember it
all when we are required to focus our attention on our daily life
tasks as well. I put myself into a spin over the massive amounts
of things to remember, it was too much. So I had to find a way
around that blockage, which brought me to this little series of
awareness’s. All you can really control in your present life is
what you do, how you respond to input and stress, instead of re-
acting to things you can choose how you will act. Many times
all that is needed to help you not re-act is to take a split second
to stop and breathe, before choosing what you will do, no matter
how you are feeling at the time.

Remember, all you can control is what you do.

It has been said a million or more times in the new-age

industry, and it bears repeating here also, you are Spirit/Soul
having a human experience, not a human having the occasional
spiritual experience. It is important to remember this as often as
possible in your day, as it puts things back into perspective for
us. This perspective is so we do not continue to be led blindly by
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Belief-Systems and Indoctrinations that really do confine us
and then effect what we can achieve in this life. Think bigger,
outside the square, and see how You exist outside of that square
already. You are a huge Soul partially squeezed into that little
human body, so the body is the least part of you. Yet without
that human body you will not experience all that you chose, as
the Soul you are, to experience this lifetime.

Remember, you are Soul. Only a part of you is in

your human body.

You’ll hear the terms ‘new soul’ and especially ‘old

soul’ used a lot these days, as if it denotes someone who is more
spiritually advanced. Usually in the same sentence you will hear
how this person is ‘so spiritual’. This is not the case. No-one is
any more ‘spiritual’ than any other. We are all equal souls and
spirit from the beginning. If there is a difference, it is only that
one person may be more awake to their higher-awareness, or as
is the case also, maybe not.

Remember, we are all equal Souls.

Now comes one of the hardest things to get the mind

around. We spend so much of our life making judgements about
so many things, this is good or bad, this is not right, it should be,
and so on. Those value judgements are made from the human
perspective only and really do not have a legitimate place here.
Experience your own higher awareness beyond Duality and you
realize that good and bad are not natural states for anything, they
do not exist outside of Duality. As strange as that may sound, it
is true. In our lower awareness levels we make such judgements
so very often in each day, yet in our higher Soul level awareness
we know that such values do not really exist, and, that part of
our growth is about coming to realize we are slowly moving
beyond Duality as a confined reality.
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Remember, value judgements of good and bad
mean nothing outside of this Duality! It is only Experience
on offer.

One of the biggest hurdles we can have on our walk in

this life is our Expectations. It has been said that we do not have
the right to expect our next breath. This is correct too. So if we
cannot even expect that little thing we take for granted
(breathing), then how can we expect anything? Expectations are
hard to remove from our system, especially in relation to
spiritual growth. Many people have expectations on what can
and can’t be experienced by themselves and others. I can tell
you this, the only thing that can prevent you from experiencing
anything that the soul you are included as choices in this life, is
what you Expect and Believe about it. So in your spiritual
practices, do so without expectations that will limit what you
can experience.

Remember, the only limitations to what you can

experience of your soul awareness, is what you believe about
it.

The Darkness is now prevalent upon our little world and

it does have fingers in every thing, including the new-age
industry, that are designed to waylay you from real growth and
awareness. This agenda is embedded now in many places
including some Forums, Churches, teachers and such things. It
is just the way of it for now, as the Bible mentioned, there will
be many false prophets in the last days. They are now. In nine
years I met many who seem to be working the Light but are
really pawns of the Darkness, and don’t even know it
themselves! So how are we supposed to deal with it? You could
fight it but that leads you to nowhere. You could accept that this
is so and simply work along your own path with awareness of
the real situation. By doing so you will come to appreciate the
lessons or remembering that the Darkness will provide. Then of
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course you could simply love it for the service it is providing
you and the rest of us here. Love is the key, once you understand
the situation and can still find real Love within you for the
Darkness, then you have grown beyond measure towards true
Balance.

Remember, Love really is the answer. Unconditional

Loving Energy as opposed to love.

Light and love are only half the equation. Please do not
limit yourself by seeking only these two characteristics. Real
growth and Balance is obtained from shining the Light into your
own darkness and accepting what you find as a part of You. The
Soul you are beyond the confined Astral levels is attuned to all
that is, and never would it shun Darkness in favour of Light
only, for that is an unbalanced approach.

Remember, to be whole and Balanced here means to

accept all that you are, even your own darkness, to love it as
your’s, and then choose how you will use the whole you.

So many of us are conditioned into thinking we are so

very insignificant in the bigger schemes. And I’m here to tell
you this is very incorrect. This perception of insignificance was
brought about over long histories, by those who have wanted to
CONTROL YOU. Those in Power here cannot allow you to
wake up to the highly significant being that you are, because
they then cannot control you. Each and every Soul that
volunteered for the life-cycles to this world we call Earth are
important to the outcomes of those missions. Each of you is very
important, even in the bigger picture, without you the Creative
Awareness (god) cannot fulfil its own growth needs through
your experiences. It is a two-way street, even if you don’t feel
like it is.

Remember, You are very important.

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Many people have felt throughout their lives, this time

that they are special in some way. They are. Unfortunately most
have been minimized by the Belief-System Addictions of others
around them, and by the social imperatives that force us to
become homogenised little non-thinkers. This is Slavery! And it
too is about controlling you, so that you do not wake up, but
instead spend effort on trying to fit-in to a society that really
doesn’t take kindly to those who are on special missions for this
life.

Remember, everyone is Special. And those who have

special tasks for this life’s mission really are special.

Spiritual growth really isn’t about rituals or seeking

answers from Psychics and Mediums on a regular basis, as this
too is taking your Power away from you. All anyone needs to
grow towards a more spiritual outlook is to find their own
memories. And there are many ways to do this, so there isn’t
only One Way. All roads lead to Rome, and as the ancients said,
there are many paths to god. All lives ended, return you to
awareness of the ocean of Spirit, so there are millions of ways to
grow. Do not confine yourself by choosing to limit what ways
will or can work for you. All ways are valid for growth. There
are many people who will gladly share methods for you to reach
your memories of what you really are and how you come to be
here in this body NOW.

Remember, never name the well you won’t drink

from, because one day you will have to drink from it to
survive and grow further.

In this day and age, there are so many things available to

us to help in our growth. Tarot cards, Runes, Energy exercises,
books, etc, are all things we can use to aid us in our growth and
that of others when it is required. But, do not get caught in
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thinking that these things are the ultimate means to growth.
They are only TOOLS for growth, not the only means we will
grow by.

Remember, we have tools to use until we do not need

them any longer.

I’ve been told at times that if I think about the

earth cleansing changes which are approaching, I will make
them happen. While this is standard for such thinking processes
and the Theory that ‘what we think we then create’, it makes no
allowance for what the Earth itself does on a natural cycle. Just
as the Theory makes no allowance for the choices others around
us make. It is essentially a way to blindfold ourselves to the
reality we all face right now. Even if the physical changes don’t
happen, we will still choke mankind off the planet in one way or
the other. I am not saying we should all adhere to the doom and
gloom perceptions of Global change. What I am saying is, we
need to accept that the Earth does these things as a natural part
of her own evolution, a part of her own physical cycles, and we
best understand how that impacts upon us, how we intend to
continue the species beyond such events. Turn that bleak doom
and gloom into a positive, by accepting the reality around us that
we can see now, and making some clear decisions for the future
we Intend. Ancient cultures left us reminders in their tales and
myths of when and what things happen when the Earth is in this
part of its cycle, which proves that humans can and have
survived before.

Remember, there is nothing so blind as those who will

not see.

It seems that all spiritual growth, no matter what belief-

system is being used for it, is thought to be about speeding up
“the time we have to be here”. Striving to end the incarnations
so we can Ascend, either to heaven or another variant of it.
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Why? Is the only reason we are here in the first place, to get
out of here as soon as possible by earning the awareness ticket
Home? Maybe the grand scheme of things is much grander than
that?

Maybe, our spiritual growth is more about reaching that

very same awareness of Soul, and then being that here and now
in the world? Imagine what could be achieved here, what
incredible opportunities would open up on this world. Perhaps
this is what the increased growth from 3D to 5D is really about.

Remember, growth comes in its own time, in its own

way. Naturally we will expect it to be different.