One

As she stood in her recently emptied room, Emmy West wondered how things got to be

this way so fast. She ran her hands through her long, dark hair and smoothed her light

blue shirt against her flat stomach. Just two weeks ago this was a room full of pictures

and posters, noises and memories. Now all of that was gone, the walls bare and lifeless.

“Emmy, honey, are you ready?” her mom called from down stairs.

“Yeah mom, I’m coming. I just had a few more boxes.” Emmy replied.

She grabbed the last of the boxes and headed downstairs. She tossed one last glance into

the empty room before turning around and closing the door behind her, saying goodbye

to so many memories. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she was flooded with a

memory from two weeks before, and found herself grasping the locket that hung around

her neck.

“It’s time.” The doctor said solemnly, looking at the faces surrounding the pale girl on

the hospital bed.

“Okay,” The girl’s mom said. “Could you give us some time to say goodbye?”

“Of course, Mrs. West.” The young doctor replied.

After the doctor closed the door behind him, the family surrounded the frail looking girl

with tears welling behind their eyes, each trying to be strong.

“It’s okay you guys, really. I’m ready.” The small girl said to her family.

1
“But Amelia, you’re only 11, you haven’t had time… This just isn’t fair!” Amelia’s sister

cried.

“Oh Emmy, come here.” Emmy and Amelia’s father took her in his big arms.

Each of Amelia’s family members took some time alone with her to say goodbye.

When the nurse told them it was time for them to leave, all Emmy could think about was

what Amelia had told her.

“Always be strong, Em. I never let this stupid disease get to me, and you better not let

anything get to you, either. Just go out there and live an exciting life for once, and take

me with you when you go. Stop worrying so much.”

Emmy smiled and kissed her younger sister with tears streaming down from her light

gray eyes then turned to leave before her sister saw her crying. She stopped and turned

to the small bald girl on the bed.

“Hey Lia,” Emmy said, trying to make her voice sound composed.

“Yeah?” Amelia asked, trying to sound strong.

“I love you”

“I love you too. Oh, and Emmy, wait!”

“What is it Lia?”

“I want you to have this.” Amelia slowly sat up and undid the clasp to the gold chain

around her neck, and handed her sister the locket she always wore.

They hugged tightly and Amelia whispered into her older sister’s ear:

“Don’t forget me.”

As Emmy left the room she answered her sister.

“Never.”

2
The drive to the new house in Oregon was long. She was uncomfortable in the family car,

but didn’t want to complain because she knew how upset her parents already were.

Despite the discomfort, Emmy found herself drifting in and out of sleep when her best

friend Han wasn’t texting her. Emmy and her family had moved to Seattle two years ago,

when they first found out about Amelia’s leukemia, and Han had been the first one to talk

to her. He was about an inch taller than Emmy, with mousey brown, curly hair and blue

eyes. He was skinny, but kept himself in good shape. He seemed popular, but Emmy

later found out that was only because his brother was Nick Grady, the singer in the

popular boy band “Them Apples.”

When Emmy drifted to sleep, she found herself dreaming of Amelia. When she dreamed

of her, she saw Amelia as she was before the treatments. Her wavy blonde hair flowing

past her shoulders, her rosy cheeks bright and warm on each side of her toothy smile. She

would see her and Amelia back in their house in Montana, swimming in the pool and

drinking lemonade, being careless and happy on break from school. Emmy woke up with

tears drying on her face. She hated having to wake up from these dreams, realizing that

Amelia really was gone.

She looked around and realized they were almost to downtown Portland. The

hospitals and buildings seemed to be getting larger as they drew closer. She knew it

would still be at least an hour until they reached the house in McMinnville, but there was

no way she could sleep now.

“Are you hungry?” Her dad asked from the driver’s seat.

3
Emmy thought about it and felt her stomach rumble. “Yeah, a little”

“The next exit has a few restaurants, do you want to stop?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, your mom fell asleep too. I heard you crying, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I was just dreaming…”

“About Lia?”

“Yeah, before she was sick. She was so beautiful, this isn’t fair.”

“I know Em, I’m sorry.”

Emmy turned to look out the window, trying to take her mind off her sister. She thought

about what her new school would be like, if she’d make a friend like Han, or if she’d try

out for drama or choir at the new school. She doubted the last part. She always thought

about it, but she didn’t think she was good enough, and she was shy. She had also never

told anyone, except Han, who knew everything about her, that she wanted to.

They pulled off the highway and drove up to a small restaurant called Lillie’s Diner and

went inside. After they left the homey diner, they started back for McMinnville hoping to

make it there by dark. Now full, Emmy found herself fading into unconsciousness, her

dreams filled with images of her dancing and singing on a stage for hundreds of people.

4
 Two

Amelia watched the butterfly soar and dip in front of her, fascinated by the delicate

patterns etched on the wings. She got up and ran after the graceful insect, leaving her

sleeping sister on the picnic blanket under the oak tree. Emmy woke and looked around

frantically for her younger sister. She saw a wobbling figure in the distance that kept

darting side to side after something in the air. Emmy took after the person in the distance

but her legs felt like frozen rubber. She pushed herself harder, breathing becoming

labored struggling to catch her sister before she got too far away, but every time she

thought she was getting close, the figure would move. “You just have to go out there and

live Em, I mean it.” It was Amelia; she was talking to Emmy, she couldn’t believe what

she was hearing. She reached out for the hem of her sister’s dress, now within reach,

fingers inches away…

Emmy awoke with a start. The alarm was rising in volume, competing with the loud beats

coming from her racing heart. She reached out blindly for the snooze button and slowly

sat up in bed, trying to calm her labored breathing. Once she had collected herself, she

went into the bathroom and stared at her reflection. Dark bags were starting to form under

her eyes. Ever since Amelia left them, she woke up at least three times a night scared,

crying, or confused. She washed her face and then went to her closet to find something to

wear for her first day at McMinnville High. She decided on a turquoise flowery blouse,

dark skinny jeans, and her gray boots. She curled her hair, quickly put on some

foundation and mascara, grabbed a cup of coffee and her keys, and left.

5
Emmy tried to look like she knew where she was going while walking the halls. She had

taped the campus map and class schedule to her notebook so she could sneak stealthy

glances to figure out where she was supposed to be. After searching the map for her

biology classroom she looked up just as she collided with a dark figure.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was walking and… Are you okay?”

Emmy spoke quickly, face reddening.

“Oh don’t worry about it. It’s okay!” The girl Emmy had run into had choppy shoulder

length hair that was blonde with streaks of blue, purple, and pink. She wore black skinny

jeans with a tie dye shirt that had holes and rips, revealing a bright blue undershirt. “I

don’t recognize you, are you new?”

Emmy forgot that they had been talking and quickly answered, “Yeah, I am. Today’s my

first day.”

“Oh cool, what grade are you in?” The colorful girl asked warmly.

“I’m a junior, what about you?”

“Same. What kind of classes do you have?” The girl peered at Emmy’s schedule.

“Honors bio with Kemp, AP English with Ammeter, AP history with Tate, Pre-Calculus

with Hatch, French 3 with Privet, and SAT Prep with Saltzer.”

“Wow, impressive. Looks like Becca will have some competition this year.”

6
“What do you mean?” Emmy felt embarrassed, she forgot not everyone took insane,

challenging classes like she did.

“Oh you’ll see. She’s the student council president. She has a similarly challenging

schedule like yours. I’m sure she’ll try to prove, loudly, that she’s still the best at

everything.” The girl smirked and started to giggle a little, like she was remembering

something funny. The laugh was contagious and for the first time in a few weeks Emmy

felt a smile creep across her lips. “Well, I should get going to class. I’ll see you in

English and SAT prep, we have those together.” The girl smiled and turned to walk away,

then suddenly stopped and whirled around.

“Oh! I almost forgot. I’m Zailah. What’s your name?”

“I’m Emmy.” She said, admiring the uniqueness of the other girl’s name. “You’re name

is really cool.”

“Thank you, I think it fits me well. Oh crap, I’m sorry but I really have to go. If I’m late

to art again Evans will kill me. See you around Emmy!” Zailah smiled and skipped down

the hallway.

For some reason, Emmy felt frozen. She stood in the hallway looking after the colorful

girl that just left her presence. She silently pleaded with the butterflies in her stomach to

calm down. Stupid new schools, she thought to herself. They always make me so anxious.

But as she sat through her biology lecture, she found her thoughts drifting to Zailah. She

saw the dimples she got when she smiled, heard her contagious laugh, running the scene

7
over and over in her head. There was something different about this girl, not just her hair

and clothing, and Emmy told herself she would figure out just what that was.

8
 Three

The first week at McMinnville High flew by in a blur of introductions, directions, and

placement tests for Emmy. She had talked to Zailah a few times in the halls and during

the classes they had together, and Emmy still got nervous around her more than usual.

She tried to shake off those feelings most of the time though, uncomfortable with the fact

she couldn’t understand them.

Her teachers were all impressed at how well she knew the material and told her she

should do well in their classes. Her favorite teacher was Ammeter, her English teacher.

She was enthusiastic, young, and easy to follow. Her last English teacher tried to make

things too complex, and it took full concentration to figure out what she was saying. Her

history teacher Tate, on the other hand, was old, cranky, and mumbled his lectures. She

found it very difficult to pay attention in that class, especially since there was a

distraction she welcomed warmly. Mikhale, a cute guy with a surfer boy style, and

shaggy blonde hair that fell over his bright green eyes, sat next to her. So far, they got

along quite well.

Mikhale would often rip pieces of paper out of his notebook and write a sarcastic or witty

comment about Tate and pass it to her with a smirk that stirred up the butterflies resting

in her stomach. On the rare occasion Mikhale was paying attention to Tate and taking

notes Emmy would study him. His light skin was showered with freckles across his

cheeks and the bridge of his nose. He slouched slightly, and gave off a light air of

confidence. Not the type of confidence that seemed cocky or unapproachable, just more

like he was sure of himself. He had slightly upturned eyes that crinkled in the corners

9
when he smiled, a nose that wasn’t too big or small, but seemed perfect for his face, and

small dimples that could only be noticed when closely looked at. There was an indent

under his nose and above his upper lip, bright, straight teeth, and a larger lower lip that

Emmy wished she could kiss. She doubted Mikhale ever noticed little details about her

when she wasn’t looking, but she wondered sometimes when she felt a pair of eyes on

her when she wasn’t looking. Sometimes, she thought she saw him look away quickly

when she looked up from her notes, but she wasn’t sure.

She still called Han every night before she went to bed to tell him about her day and hear

about his. He always asked her about her dreams since she had told him about the

butterfly dream. She told him how she thought it was weird how things kept moving

forward without Amelia, when it seemed like it should stop. There were even times when

she forgot Amelia was gone.

“It’s so weird,” she was telling Han one night, “how everything is going. My parents

won’t talk about it, and they’ve been whispering a lot and stopping when I come into the

room. What do you think they talk about?”

“I’m not sure, Em. I’m sure you’ll find out soon. Maybe they’re planning a surprise to try

to cheer you up. Or maybe, they’ve heard your shower concerts, and are planning on

shipping you off to some swanky arts school!” Her best friend teased.

“Han...” Emmy started but he cut her off.

“Come on, hon! Give yourself some credit. You have a great voice. I still believe you

should show people that.”

10
“Don’t tease me Han, I’m not good.” Emmy smiled when Han sighed. “You should go to

bed. Another wonderful Monday awaits us tomorrow.”

Han groaned. “Okay. Goodnight Emmy, I love you.”

“I love you too Han, Goodnight.”

Emmy hung up the phone and flopped onto her bed. Talking to Han always made her feel

better. She loved the way he was so confident in her. She tried to hold on to the warm

feelings as she drifted to sleep. She thought about blooming flowers, swimming with

Amelia, and saw flashes of Mikhale and Zailah. She lost the fight to stay awake and

started to dream.

“Emmy, Emmy wake up.”

Amelia’s voice shook her, and she forgot that Amelia was no longer real. “What do you

want Amelia?”

“Come and play with me.”

“Right now?”

“Yes now, we don’t have much time.”

“Okay, where are we going?”

“Shh, they’ll hear you.”

Emmy followed quietly, not understanding who “they” were or why Amelia was waking

her up in the middle of the night, but her urgency made her want to follow. Amelia led

her through a dark passage and through a door that lead to a beach.

“Where are we?”

“That’s not important. Have you been doing what I asked?”

11
“What do you mean?”

“My wish, Em; to go out and live, be exciting and have fun for once. Have you tried?”

“Lia, come on. You know I’m not exciting.”

“Yes you are. You can be; I’ve seen it. You just have to open up and be yourself. It gets

better when you do that.”

“I’ll try, for you.”

“Promise.”

“What?”

“Promise me that you will Emmy. Go for what you want, be risky. Please, I don’t have

much time.”

“Okay, I promise.” She said reluctantly, turning her eyes to the sand. ”But Lia,” Emmy

looked up from the sand she was playing with but Amelia had disappeared. She stood up

and looked around. “Amelia? Amelia, don’t leave me! Please come back!”

But Amelia didn’t come back and Emmy felt a gentle hand on her shoulder begin to

shake her. She looked around sore and disoriented, wondering why both of her parents

were in her room. She sat up and realized she wasn’t in her room at all. Instead, she was

on the kitchen floor.

“Emmy, what are you doing in here?” Her mom asked, looking worried.

“I… I don’t know. I was in my room, I fell asleep, I was dreaming about Amelia and… I

don’t know mom.” Emmy started crying. Why wasn’t she in her bed? Where did Amelia

disappear to in her dream? Why? None of it made sense. She had never wanted to go to

sleep and dream again as bad as she did now.

12
What a great way to start my Monday, Emmy thought to herself.

Emmy fought to stay awake in her first three classes that morning, glancing up at the

clock every five to ten minutes. She felt so exhausted, and apparently it showed because

Zailah asked her more than once if she was alright and ended up telling her they were

going for coffee at lunch. At first Emmy thought she was joking but when she stepped

outside her history class Zailah was already waiting for her, keys in hand.

“I’m driving,” she said and smiled.

Emmy followed Zailah to the parking lot, making note of her style. She was wearing a

busy patterned sweater in multiple vibrant colors, navy skinny jeans, and a pair of tan

moccasins. Emmy came out of her thoughts as they came up to a teal 60’s model

Volkswagen Van.

“What do you think?” Zailah asked, grinning.

“It’s cute!” Emmy replied.

“You think so? My parents were totally against it. Told me that it’s not worth the money

and that it sucks with gas mileage, but what can I say? I love Old Izzy.” While talking she

unlocked Emmy’s door and waited for her to get in.

“Izzy?” She asked, looking at the interior décor of the van.

“Oh yeah, that’s what I named it. Buckle up; we only have a half hour left for lunch.”

13
While they drove, Zailah talked about The Koffee House, the coffee shop they were

going to, but all Emmy could think about was the dream she had and her apparent sleep

walking episode.

“Hey, are you okay?” Zailah asked, startling Emmy out of her daze.

“What? Oh, yeah I’m fine. I was just daydreaming.” She answered feeling a rush of

warmth in her cheeks.

“That must’ve been one intense day dream,” Zailah laughed, “I asked you why you

moved here like three times and you didn’t even look at me.”

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.”

“It’s okay, I thought it was cute.” Zailah glanced at Emmy when she said this and

continued, “So will you tell me why?”

Emmy saw flashes of the past three years, searching for a simple answer to give the girl

sitting across from her. She saw the house in Montana, the doctor’s diagnosis, Seattle

Children’s Hospital, hanging out with Han, packing Amelia’s things, and driving away

from Seattle. “I don’t know,” she started. “It’s a long story really.”

“We have time, tell me over coffee?”

Emmy was surprised by how interested Zailah seemed in getting to know her, but a secret

part of her loved it.

14
You’ll have to open up to someone sooner or later, she told herself. At least this is

someone you like to be around.

They walked into the small, dimly lit coffee shop and got in line. Emmy looked around,

taking in the smell of freshly ground coffee, the music flowing in from the speakers,

broadcasting bands she’d never heard before. In place of tables and chairs there were low

tables and pillows. There were no couches to socialize on, but oversized bean bag chairs

were scattered throughout The Koffee House.

When they reached the barista, Emmy ordered a cheese bagel and a large mocha. Zailah

led her to the back of the shop to a bright purple bean bag and sat down. Emmy let herself

sink into the soft material and took a long, slow sip of her mocha, taking in all the

flavors. Zailah looked at her and smiled, waiting. Emmy took a deep breath and another

gulp of coffee, and then looked to the girl next to her.

“Are you sure you want to hear it? It gets pretty sad.” She warned.

Zailah nodded and told her “I want to know, honestly. I think it will help me get to know

you better. I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Okay, stop me if you get bored or tired of hearing me talk.” Emmy paused to take

another drink of her coffee, enjoying the warmth as it traveled down her throat. She

quickly considered making up a story but knew it would be bad. “Well,” the brunette

started, “it all started with a bruise, really. After my sister fell and hit the piano stool, she

got this huge bruise and it wouldn’t go away.”

15
Emmy looked at Zailah, wondering if she should go on. Zailah nodded and she continued

telling the story. She told her about the doctor with the sad eyes telling them it was

cancer, the first move to Seattle, Amelia’s last few days, packing moving boxes, she even

told her about her dreams. When she was done she felt emotionally exhausted, but also

like a weight had been lifted off her heart. The older girl looked up from the bagel she

had torn into small pieces and saw the outgoing, colorful girl wipe a tear from her face

before turning to Emmy and putting a supportive hand on her knee.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to upset you. I shouldn’t have told you in so many details. Just

once I started, it felt so good to get it out; I couldn’t stop. I should’ve stopped, I’m sorry.”

Emmy said feeling insecure and flustered.

“No, don’t be sorry. You didn’t upset me; I just know what it’s like to lose someone close

to you. Seriously don’t be sorry for opening up to me. I wanted to know, and I’m glad

you told me.” Zailah smiled at her, “I’m hoping we can be really good friends, if that’s

okay with you?” she offered.

“Of course, I’d love that. But, since I opened up to you I expect to hear your story

sometime, and then I can tell you about a happier past.”

Zailah smiled and took the grey eyed girls hand. “Even if everything you ever told me

was sad, I’d still be your friend.”

Emmy blushed and allowed Zailah to help her up and guide her back out to her van, still

holding hands.

16
 Four

Zailah sat in her room after school wondering how she could’ve been so careless. You

can’t do this again Zay, she scolded herself, you don’t even know if she’s straight or

not. She played the scene at The Koffee House over in her head. I really need to keep my

emotions in check.

She stared at the tie dye flag that covered the wall in her room and tried to calm down.

She couldn’t figure out why she felt so strongly about this pretty new girl when all she

knew about her was the heartbreaking story of her sister. The more she thought about

how she had been so openly flirtatious, the dumber she felt. The blonde girl reached over

and turned up her music, hoping to push out her thoughts and get lost in the lyrics and

beats. She jumped when she heard a voice from downstairs.

“Lillian, are you home?” the voice called.

Zailah sighed, she hated her first name. Multiple times she had asked her parents to call

her by her middle name but they refused.

“Yes I’m home Mom, I’m in my room.” She answered.

“Well come downstairs, I haven’t seen you all day.” Her mom replied.

“Alright,” Zailah checked the mirror on the way out of her room, smoothing down the

pink and blue streaks that were falling on the wrong side of her part in her hair. She

prepared for a lecture as she closed the door behind her.

17
“Lillian,” her mom said seeing Zailah coming down the stairs, “why do you insist on

wearing such clothing? And that hair, I thought you agreed to change it to

something normal.” She said this last part like Zailah’s hair was something quite

repulsive. “You know the image of this family is important to my career.”

“I like the way I look, Mom. I feel comfortable and I feel like myself. Expressing myself

outwardly is not a bad thing.” Zailah sighed. Her mom was always bugging her about

how she looked.

“Whatever you say darling.” Her mom said with an exaggerated sigh. “But on Sunday for

the brunch I’d like you to look more presentable please. Wear that bright blue evening

gown and hide the colors in your hair, too.”

Zailah rolled her eyes and turned for the stairs, hoping to go back to her room.

“Wait Lillian, won’t you pick up your brother from school? I simply don’t have enough

time before my meeting.” Her mom asked sweetly.

“Can’t he ride the bus?”

“Oh honey, busses are quite unsanitary, don’t you think? Although that junker of a van

you have might not be any better.”

Taking a deep breath, Zailah held back her anger before she answered her mom. “Alright,

fine. When does he get out of school?”

“3:30. Thank you, I’ll see you after this meeting wraps up. Will you make dinner too

dear?”

18
“Sure Mom.” Zailah agreed, grabbing her keys.

She loved her little brother Zachary, but she didn’t understand why her parents babied

him. When she was growing up, she always rode the bus. Since her dad was always

locked in his office writing something he thought would be the next big thing, and her

mom was always too busy building her political career to be bothered, that left Zailah to

fend for herself. Sometimes her parents would hire a babysitter or a part-time nanny, but

those were always temporary fixes. Now, “Lillian” was used as the 24/7 babysitting

service for her 6 year old brother.

“Hi Zach,” Zailah greeted her little brother. He was smiling broadly, revealing two gaps

where he had recently lost teeth. His orange hair was sticking up in places and his blue

eyes were shining with excitement.

“Hi Zay!” His grin grew wider as he looked at his older sister. Zailah loved how easy it

was to read his emotions.

“How was school bud?” She asked, helping him buckle his seatbelt.

“It was so fun sis; we learned how to draw a pig! Wanna see it?” Zailah nodded and he

fumbled with the zipper on his backpack, pulling out a wrinkled piece of paper with lines

pink paint that vaguely resembled a pig.

“Wow Zachy, that’s awesome!” She smiled and started the van.

“Do you want it sissy? You could hang it on your wall so you could always remember

me. Only if you want though.” Looking eager, Zach held out the paper to Zailah.

19
“Of course I want it!” Zailah took the picture and put it in the visor, taking in the

happiness and innocence that radiated from the redhead in the passenger seat. As much as

she hated being taken advantage of by her parents, she loved the opportunity it gave her

to be close with Zach. The radio switched to an upbeat popular song and Zailah reached

for the volume, turning it up. Zach started to tap his foot with the beat and opened his

mouth to sing. Zailah let the music and her brother’s joy surround her, feeling a sense of

calm content wash over her.

20
 Five

Emmy knew that she was acting childish, trying to avoid Zailah all day, knowing that

she’d have to talk to her eventually. She told herself she was just rushed, but she knew

she was trying to figure out what to say. The feelings inside her were confusing; the mix

of wanting Zailah as just a friend and feeling like maybe there was more. Even though

she had tried to talk to Han about the last part, he only told her things she already knew,

and didn’t want to hear.

The night after they had coffee she had called him for advice.

”Maybe you do like her Em; it wouldn’t be so weird for you to like a girl you know, it

happens. I saw how close you and Kelsey got last year, and even though nothing

happened you can’t say you weren’t attracted to her. Why don’t you give it a chance?

Don’t force yourself to like Mikhale because he has a pretty face and flirts with you if

your heart wants Zailah. Just think about it.” Han had told her.

Emmy tried to work it out in her head but every time she tried she got a headache and

gave up. If she really did have feelings for Zailah, then why? She had never been

interested in a girl, no matter what Han thought went on with Kelsey. Mikhale was fun to

be around, and he always made her laugh. She thought he was attractive, so why did her

mind wander to Zailah? Instead of thinking about these things more, she decided to just

focus on her math homework. She went to the library at lunch, not avoiding a run-in with

Zailah, she told herself, but to get a head start on her French project.

21
“Emmy, I know you’re avoiding me.” Emmy looked up, startled at the sound of Zailah’s

voice and saw that she was standing in front of her, with an expectant and hurt look on

her face. “You came in late to English,” Zailah continued, “left as soon as the bell rang,

and now you’re hiding out in the library at lunch, probably going to tell me you just

wanted to catch up on studying. Look, I’m sorry of I made you uncomfortable yesterday

at The Koffee House, but to be honest, I really like being around you, and I might like

you as more than a friend. If you don’t feel the same I totally understand, it wouldn’t be

the first time I picked someone that wasn’t that way. Just say it and I’ll back off, but I

still want to be your friend. So I want this avoidant behavior to stop.”

Emmy sat, open mouthed and blinking, wondering how to respond. Nobody had ever

been so open and confrontational with her before.

“I…” She started, “I don’t know how I feel, honestly. So much has been going on in my

life lately and I don’t know if I’m ready, or know how, to figure it out. But I do want to

be your friend. I’m sorry I was avoiding you, I didn’t know what to say, and I’m not good

with confrontation.” Emmy smiled weakly and waited for Zailah’s response, wondering

if this is what Amelia meant when she said to go for what she wanted.

“Thank you.” Zailah said, smiling at the look of surprise that went across Emmy’s face.

“For what?”

“For being honest,” Zailah told her. “I expected you to come back with some lie or for

you to tell me you didn’t want to see me anymore. I’m glad that’s not what happened. I

understand that you’re confused, and I’m sorry, I should’ve waited, knowing what you’ve

22
been through. I know everything is messy right now, and I don’t want to add to that. I just

want to be here for you.”

“So, just friends then?” Emmy suggested, struggling with her mixed emotions.

“Definitely, want to walk together to class?” Zailah asked, flashing a smile that

accentuated her dimples.

“Sure.” Emmy picked up her backpack, feeling better that she had talked it out with

Zailah, no matter how fast her heart was beating.

Zailah took a deep breath and told herself to be patient, she didn’t want a repeat of last

year with Hillary.

They both sighed and walked out of the library, each lost in their own thoughts.

23
 Six

Emmy stretched, her hand smacking something hard and cold. She opened her eyes

quickly and looked around. She was in the laundry room, and what her hand had hit was

the dryer. She sighed and wondered where else she’d end up sleep walking to. Ever since

the night she woke up in the kitchen, she hadn’t been in her own bed when she woke up

once. It confused Emmy because she couldn’t even remember her dreams. Sometimes,

right before she woke up she would hear Amelia’s voice, but she could never find her in

her dreams. This morning, she thought she heard Amelia telling her to “Just go for it” but

she wasn’t sure. She checked the clock in the kitchen as she went back upstairs. 6:15; she

had 45 minutes to get ready. As she left, she reminded herself that it was finally Friday,

and she hoped the weekend would be better.

When she walked into history that morning, Mikhale was nowhere to be found.

Normally, he was already in his seat, grinning at Emmy when she entered the classroom,

but today, there was just an empty seat. Her mood dropped and she started to doodle in

her notebook as Mr. Tate started the lesson.

A few minutes in to the lecture, the classroom door opened, and Emmy looked up from

the swirling pattern she had drawn around her paper. Mikhale stood in the doorway,

making the most of the distraction his entrance caused. He waved as he walked to the

back of the class, and bowed when he reached Emmy. He flipped his blonde hair out of

his eyes and turned towards the class. A few of the cheerleaders clapped. Emmy blushed

and whispered for him to sit down.

24
“As you wish, my lady,” he said as he sat down, winking at Emmy. He reached in his

backpack and brought out two cups of coffee. “Coffee?” He asked, “I was running late

and thought I’d make the most of it and go get some refreshments from the coffee shop

across the street.”

Emmy smiled and took the cup. “You didn’t slip anything in this, did you?” She joked

quietly.

“Only the good stuff.” Mikhale replied with a smile and another wink.

“Ms. West, Mr. Gregor, when you’re done with your little chit chat, I’d like to get on

with the lesson, if that’s alright with you?” Mr. Tate called out crankily.

Emmy and Mikhale looked at each other and started to laugh. Mikhale took a piece of

paper out and started writing.

“So where’d you wake up this morning?” He wrote.

Emmy had told him how she’d been sleep walking once when he noticed her grumpy

attitude. “Laundry room.” She wrote back in her neat handwriting.

“That’s a new one. What were you dreaming about?” Mikhale passed back the note then

changed his mind, adding more in his scribbled writing. “Let me guess, you were

dreaming about me, and I made you chase after me, right? ;)”

Emmy smiled and shook her head. Somehow, Mikhale could always get her out of her

bad moods. She replied. “Of course, I just find you way too irresistible and only having

history with you is just not enough for my savage lust.” She rolled her eyes when

25
Mikhale looked up from reading, hoping he didn’t realize that there was truth in part of

that. They passed the note back and forth until the end of class, and Emmy was

disappointed when the bell rang. She packed her backpack, surprised at how fast the class

went by.

As she left the classroom, Mikhale caught her arm, pulling her into the hall.

“Hey, so, me and some friends are going to the football game tonight, want to come with,

since you find me so irresistible?” Mikhale asked her, his green eyes shining eagerly.

“Sure,” Emmy replied happily, “What time?”

“Game starts at 7, but I’ll pick you up at 6:30. Maybe after the game we can get a bite to

eat. Have you been to the Burger Barn off 15th yet?” The green eyed boy asked, smiling.

“No I haven’t, is it any good?”

“Any good?!” He stared at the dark haired girl in mock horror, “It’s the best place in

town, you’ll see.”

“Alright,” She agreed, realizing that she was running out of time to get to pre-calc. “I’ll

see you at 6:30 then?”

“Definitely,” Mikhale said with a smile, putting his arm around Emmy’s shoulders.

The gray eyed girl started walking away before she realized something and turned

around. “Wait, Mikhale!” She called, “How do you know where I live?”

26
“I have my ways,” the blonde called over his shoulder with a smirk, then he winked, and

disappeared into the crowd of students.

Emmy paced her room after school, tossing clothes from their drawers and hangers on to

her bed and floor. Nothing was good enough. She had tried on almost every shirt she

owned, including the hideous sweater her old Aunt Patty had knitted her for Christmas.

She was desperate, and felt her temperature rising with her temper. Slipping on a tank

top, Emmy went downstairs to get a glass of water. When she got to the kitchen, her

phone rang. She answered without looking at the caller ID.

“Hi sweetie,” her mom greeted her.

“Hey mom,” Emmy replied.

“Listen, one of my clients called and needs to make an emergency visit, so I won’t be

home for dinner like I said. Do you want to come to my office and get my debit card?”

Mrs. West asked her daughter.

“No thanks, I’m actually going to go to the football game tonight,” Emmy said and

sipped her water, “My friend Mikhale invited me to go with him and some friends,”

There was silence on the line before her mom took a deep breath. “Okay, well you know

the rules. Home by 11, no drugs, no drinking-“

“And no alone time with boys,” Emmy finished for her mom. Mrs. West was a therapist,

and thought that she also had to be super mom. To her, that meant repeating the rules

27
every time Emmy went somewhere without a parent. “I know the rules mom, don’t

worry, I’ll follow them.”

Emmy’s mom laughed. “Okay, good. Love you Emma-bear.”

Emmy rolled her eyes at her childhood nickname. “Love you too mom, I’ll check in

when I get home.”

“Okay, see you then.”

“Bye.”

There was a click and Emmy closed her phone. She gulped down the rest of her water

and walked to the bathroom for a shower. Letting the water calm her, Emmy let go of her

worries. It’s just a football game, Em. She told herself. You don’t have to look amazing.

Sitting on her bed after the shower, Emmy spotted the perfect outfit. Her favorite jeans

and a sweatshirt she had got from her friend Paxton in Montana. It was cream with a

small, painted, brown bear on the chest. Emmy set the outfit on her bed and pulled on

shorts and a tank top. She sat in front of the mirror and put on her makeup. She dried her

hair and straightened it, enjoying the warmth on her bare back. After her hair was

completely straight, she pulled on her sweatshirt and jeans and admired herself in the

mirror. She felt pretty, and she liked that feeling.

Anxiety took over Emmy again as she walked into the living room. It was 6:15; Mikhale

would be there in 15 minutes. She wondered if she should call and invite Zailah, but

28
decided against it. She flipped on the TV instead; hoping game shows would make the

time pass faster.

After seeing some guy named Hank sing “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” off-key for

$10,000, Emmy checked the time. It was 7:00, where was Mikhale? A sinking feeling

filled Emmy as she realized what this was. She was the new girl, and Mikhale was

playing a joke on her. He had probably planned this all out with his friends. He would

seduce the new girl, make her trust him, and then he’d blow her off and stop talking to

her. Furious, Emmy pulled on her shoes and grabbed her keys. She was going to find

Mikhale and tell him what she thought about this little prank. As she put her hand on the

doorknob, there was a knock on the other side. Taking a deep breath, Emmy tried to look

happy. Mikhale had probably just been running late, or got lost on the way to her house.

When she opened the door, it wasn’t Mikhale that stood there, but one of his friends,

Toby, who was in her math class. His dark eyes looked frightened behind his glasses, and

his frizzy black hair was messier than usual.

“Toby, are you okay? What happened?” Emmy said and motioned for him to come

inside.

He shook his head and stayed on the porch, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“It’s Mikhale,” He said slowly, “he’s been in an accident.”

29
 Seven

Emmy slowly got out of Toby’s car and stood in front of the hospital doors. On the drive

there, Toby had told her what he knew about Mikhale’s accident. On the way to Emmy’s,

Mikhale went through an intersection and a truck had run a red light, hitting the driver’s

side of Mikhale’s car. He wasn’t sure of Mikhale’s condition, but Emmy knew Toby was

trying to comfort her.

“Come on,” Toby urged her, noticing she hadn’t moved towards the doors yet. “Let’s go

inside.”

Emmy looked around nervously. The last time she was in a hospital was when Amelia…

She shook her head as if to erase the images of her sick sister that were flashing in her

mind, and followed Toby into the hospital. He walked up to the nurses’ desk and waited

for the husky, brown haired nurse to look up from the computer.

“What can I do for y’all?” She asked with a strong southern drawl.

“We’re here to see Mikhale Gregor,” Toby told her, turning to Emmy for a moment.

“Are you family?” The brunette nurse said, getting up from her desk chair and exposing a

name card that read Anne.

“I’m his brother,” Toby said, eyeing Emmy to see if he would call his bluff, “and this is

his girlfriend,” he continued when he seemed confident Emmy wouldn’t say differently.

30
“Okay dolls, let’s see,” Anne checked her clipboard. “Mr. Gregor is in room 324B; down

that hall and on your left. Take care.” The nurse pointed down the hall to their right and

went back to her computer.

“Thank you,” Toby called out, walking towards the hall.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Emmy whispered to Toby once they were away from the

nurses’ station. “I hate hospitals.”

“You’ll be fine,” Toby assured her, stopping in front of room 324B. “Ready?”

Emmy’s anxiety level was off the charts, but she nodded anyway. You can do this, she

told herself.

Toby opened the door and looked inside, then turned and faced Emmy. His pale skin

seemed paler, but he was trying to seem confident. “He’s pretty bruised, but he’s asleep.

We should go in and wait until he wakes up.”

Emmy nodded again and followed Toby into the room. She heard the heart rate monitor

beeping, the respirator taking in air and letting it out, simulating breaths. She looked to

the bed and saw Mikhale. He was bandaged in multiple places, including his head, and

seemed smaller than she remembered. She felt her legs growing weaker and sat on the

seat closest to the window. She looked down upon the traffic and took slow, even breaths,

and let her mind drift away.

31
Amelia lay in the hospital bed, waiting for the oncology nurse with Emmy by her side.

Today was a chemo day, and the nurse would be in to hook up her port soon. The port

was like a ball with silicone that was inserted into the skin, and connected to a line that

was threaded into major vein. The doctors had told Amelia’s parents that this was the

safest way to give chemo therapy. Emmy was talking to Amelia, smiling and holding a

wig.

“I’m not wearing that!” Amelia squealed. “I’ll look like a poodle.”

Emmy laughed and put away the tightly curled blonde wig. “You’re so brave,” she told

her sister. “I wouldn’t be able to just sit there patiently waiting for doctors to inject me

with a mix of deadly chemicals, just so I can be sick for the next three to seven days.”

Amelia shook her head. “It’s not just so I can be sick for a few days, it’s to beat this

stupid cancer. And I am going to beat it, so I can’t be afraid of some medicine if it can

possibly return me to normality.”

As Amelia said this, Kali, the nurse that normally helped with treatments entered the

room. “Ready?” She asked Amelia.

“Anything interesting out there?” Toby’s voice pulled Emmy from her memory.

“Um, not really,” Emmy replied. “Did you get to talk to the doctor yet?”

“Yeah, they said he’s not terrible, but he has some healing to do. The impact gave him a

few cracked ribs, a broken wrist, and a concussion. They said he should be waking up

32
soon.” Toby looked at Emmy when he said this and decided he wasn’t going to push her

to talk to him. There was obviously something else on her mind.

Emmy’s heart was beating unusually fast and as she looked at Mikhale’s pale face with

bruising around his eyes, she felt her head begin to swim again. She couldn’t be in that

room anymore without bringing up some intense, unwanted memories. She focused on

taking slow, deep breaths and turned away from the hospital bed, fading into another

memory.

The heart rate monitors steady beeping had slowed and Amelia’s face looked older. She

was pale and fragile looking. Emmy sat in the chair next to the bed with her parents,

holding her younger sister’s hand. Amelia had been slowly growing sicker, and the

doctors feared she was no longer responding to treatment. She couldn’t get a bone

marrow transplant because she was no longer strong enough to survive the operation.

“Hey Em,” Amelia’s voice came out as a whisper.

“Yeah?” Emmy answered.

“Why are you still here?”

“Why am I still here?” Emmy asked, feeling her heart drop. Why didn’t her sister want

her there? “I’m here for you, Lia. I’m not leaving you until you’re better and you can

walk out of this room with me.”

33
Amelia smiled weakly and shook her head. “What about your friends? When was the last

time you saw them? When was the last time you even left this room, or slept?”

The dark haired girl shook her head, “It doesn’t matter, and you need me.”

“I’m okay, you can go. I want you to. I’m the one that’s sick, not you. Go have a little

fun; I’ll be here when you get back.”

“Promise?”

“I promise. Now go home and shower, you smell.” The bald girl smiled up at her sister

and gave her a hug.

“You sure you’ll be okay without me?” Emmy asked and Amelia nodded. “Okay, I’ll be

back first thing in the morning. I love you.”

“I love you too Emmy.”

There was a ruffling sound from the bed, and Emmy wiped the tears from her face before

turning to see what the noise was.

“Ah,” Mikhale groaned, touching the bandage on his head and blinking quickly. His eyes

searched the room and stopped on Emmy, who was standing by the window. “Hey girl,”

Mikhale called, his voice coming out a croak. He smiled and cleared his throat. “Sorry

about out date, I had a little set back. Can I get a rain check?” Mikhale tried to wink, still

smiling, but winced, realizing he was bruised in multiple places.

34
“Don’t worry about it, Toby came to get me and told me what happened.” Emmy told

him.

Mikhale turned to the other side of the room where Toby was sitting and smiled again.

“Toby, my man!” he called.

Toby smiled and nodded, asking “Can I get you something?”

“No, I’m still pretty good on pain killers right now.” Mikhale answered then, noticing

Emmy looked paler than usual, asked, “Emmy, you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Emmy replied, although she was becoming increasingly

nauseous. “I think I’m just going to go far a walk.” She turned and left the room, wanting

to be away from the constant beeping of the heart rate monitor. She felt it mocking her

with the memory of the last time she was in a hospital and the haunting sound of one

constant, frantic beep followed by chaos, and silence.

Emmy reached the bench outside after what felt like an eternity of maneuvering through

the halls and sat down, putting her head between her legs, trying to slow her labored

breathing. She sat back up and took out her phone.

“I’m at the hospital and I’m freaking out,” She texted. “Can you please come and pick me

up? I’m out side on a bench”

She selected the name from her contacts and pushed send.

35
Ten minutes later, Old Izzy pulled up in front of the hospital. Zailah looked out the

window and stopped when she spotted Emmy on a bench.

Emmy walked towards the van, thankful for her rescue, and hoping she wasn’t

completely crazy for what she was about to do.

36