Learning How to be reconciled to Disagree

I deliberately chose to discuss the topic of "reconciliation" rather than the topic of "compromise",
since I do not want to speak about a process of mitigating disagreement. There are cases –
both in religious matters and worldly affairs – where the continued existence of disagreement is
unavoidable, or even something healthy and essential.

In a number of situations, if disagreements did not exist, people would lose out on a lot of
things that are good and beneficial. Allah, in His wisdom, gave us our various languages, colors,
and so many other differences.

Reconciliation means to capitalize on our differences in a positive way instead of allowing those
differences to develop into disputes and conflicts. It means to unite the people's hearts rather
than their minds.

Reconciliation has a moral impetus and a comprehensive outlook. It is not limited to simply
increasing the knowledge of the people who disagree. There are many issues where differences
of opinions, attitudes, interests, and outlook are not removed simply by knowing the "facts" or
understanding other people's points of view. However, the various conclusions that we reach
should not harden our hearts towards one another.

Reconciliation means to put greater focus on the areas wherein we agree and to cooperate in
humanitarian efforts wherein we all share an interest. There are enormous opportunities for
positive engagement with others in such matters. The same thing can be said within the
religious sphere.

These cooperative efforts are entitled to warrant our time and attention. The Qur'ân and
Sunnah call us to conduct ourselves in this way. Past experience – both good and bad – show
that working with others in a spirit of goodwill and reconciliation is for the best. It sows that we
should work together on the basis of share principles, common beliefs, and the public good.

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We should not forget our differences, whether they be substantial or minor, however  we should
not be so sensitive to these differences that they dominate our thoughts and dictate our
affections. We need to strengthen our relationships with each other so that our differences will
not cause those relationships to fall victim to dissention, scheming, and falseness.

Life is not a battle. Reconciliation means to disagree politely and to agree with commitment. It
is a moral stance and an informed one. It is what distinguishes between the legitimate rights of
the intellect and the deceptive passions of the ego.

Reconciliation is a victory in the perennial conflict – the conflict each of us must wage with our
own base desires and ulterior motives which sometimes masquerade themselves in the guise of
"noble commitment" or "faith" so their true natures are hard to discern.

Allah says: "Indeed, the human being transgresses all bounds, in that he sees himself as
self-sufficient." [ Sûrah al-`Alaq: 6-7]

Glory be to Allah who knows the intricacies, compulsions, ad subtleties of human nature:
"(Allah) knows of (the tricks) that deceive with the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal." [ Sûrah
Ghâfir
: 19]

Purity of heart is essential to start with. Then reconciliation with others requires us to be humble
before our Lord, to honor the rights of others, and a willingness to pardon offense even when
the offence is directed against you.

We must keep in mind that words are easier than deeds, and if we are to make progress as
individuals, communities, societies, and nations, we need to raise ourselves above petty self
interest and strive for honesty and integrity in all of our efforts.

We all should invoke the following supplication from the Qur'ân: "Our Lord! Forgive us, and our
brethren who came before us into the faith, and leave not, in our hearts, rancor (or sense of
injury) against those who have believed. Our Lord! You are indeed full of kindness, most
merciful." [ Sûrah al-Hashr: 104]

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