SNOOKI IS JOHN BOEHNERʼS SECRET LOVE CHILD

I agree that our country is having serious economic problems. The question is how do
we solve them? The Republicans pavlovian response is to cut taxes and gut all social
programs. A cursory examination of Rep. Paul Ryanʼs plan reveals that it will compound
the problems rather than solve them. Ryanʼs proposal would enlarge the federal debt by
eight trillion dollars over the next ten years. The plan would continue to generate
deficits, by some estimates, for at least 70 years. So much for our children and
grandchildren.

This plan is nothing more than a repackaging of Reaganomics. It didnʼt work then and it
wonʼt work now. Ronald MacReagan idea was huge cuts in government spending,
drastic cuts in taxation (specifically income for the wealthy), a decrease in the deficit,
and a balanced budget by 1984. How did that work out? 1980, the last year of the
Carter administration, the government spent $591 billion. 1986, the last year of the
Reagan administration, the government spent $990 billion. A 68% increase. The deficit
at the end of Carterʼs term toped out at $74 billion. In 1984, the year Ronald promised to
balance the budget, the deficit was around $200 billion.

Facts are dismissed by the Republican right as ancient history. But, those who ignore
history are bound to repeat it. This would bring us to “W.” When Bill “Big Dog” Clinton
left office our country was experiencing a surplus. (Note to Republicans who are
unfamiliar with the concept, “an excess of income or assets over expenditure or
liabilities in a given period.”) Bush II put an end to that. The ballooning deficit was
deemed “not important,” or “not meaning anything because we owe it to ourselves.”
Jack Abramoff could not have said it better. Some ill informed Republicans (redundant)
blame that on the fiasco in the middle east. That too is in inaccurate because these
military actions were never included in the budget. None of this should have come as a
surprise. Each business endeavor Bush began, using someone else's money, ended in
bankruptcy. “W” himself pledged to do for the country what he did for Texas. (i.e. turn a
surplus into a deficit.) One of the few campaign promises he made good on.

It is clear what this country needs is some fresh thinking and new ideas. I have some
modest proposals.

1. Eliminate pay for members of congress. They really only work part time. And after all,
itʼs a privilege to serve.

2. Congressional staff would be reduced to one secretary and one aid for each state.
(unpaid)

3. Office space in DC is at a premium. Rent the congressional offices to people who can
afford them. There are some perfectly good FEMA trailers that can be brought back
from New Orleans and used as offices. They also make make great living quarters, and
could be parked close to work. A definite perk considering the price of housing inside
the beltway. Sure there might be some formaldehyde, but it poses no danger. What
does the EPA know?

4. Eliminate health care for members of Congress. If they get sick they can go to an
emergency room.

5. When homeless people die, their bodies will be sunk into the La Brea Tar Pits as part
of the Fossil Fuel for the Future Plan. This will serve the duel purpose of eliminating the
cost of burials for the indigent, and decrease our dependence on foreign oil.

6. Now this is a small thing, but little things add up. Why not fill all the water cooler
bottles on the hill directly from the Potomac River. Pollution wonʼt be an issue if we
dump the EPA.

I agree with John Boehner that the American dream is in danger. I was moved when I
heard him sob in an interview that he couldnʼt go near a grade school without crying,
because he feared children would miss out on the American Dream. Iʼm not sure, but I
think he is advocating that kids should be put to work sweeping floors in bars. Perhaps
the tear apparent was saddened by the restraining order preventing him from going
within a mile of any school. (not intended to be a factual statement.)

One final point that begs to be addressed. Snooki is John Boehnerʼs secret love child.
(not intended to be a factual statement.) They are both the same color, and operate at
roughly the same intellectual level. (intended to be a factual statement.)