MODERN FAMILY SPEC "I love Black People"

By By Adrian manzano
Adrian Manzano

MODERN FAMILY

WGA REGISTERED Adrian Manzano

manzanony@gmail.com
320-626-9266
INT. PHIL & CLAIR’S HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY
Claire is coming out of her with laundry basket as soon as
she passes Hailey’s the door opens and out walks Brian, a
skinny teenage black boy.

CLAIRE
AAAAHhhhh!!
BRIAN
oh I’m sorry

Claire catches her breath.

HAILEY
Mom! what the hell! are you ok.

CLAIRE
who is this?
HAILEY
this is my friend Brian

CLAIRE
Oh, nice to meet you
BRIAN
Uh, friend?

HAILEY
Ok my boyfriend.
CLAIRE
WHAT!

Claire realizes her "WHAT!" was too loud. But tries to smile
off the awkwardness.
CUT TO

MODERN FAMILY INTRO

INT: Phil Interview Kitchen:
PHIL
I love Black people. My favorite tv
show growing up was Bill Cosby.
Eddie Murphy, that brother cracks
me up. and hip hop of course, Dre,
Snoopy, Wutang clan ain’t nothing
to fff....(bleep) with. Yea that’s
right I said it.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

Phil tries to look tough at the camera.

CUT TO

INT. DUNPHY KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM. MORNING

Claire is seen yelling up the stairs.

CLAIRE
Ok Hailey yea. Leave the door open
sweety. Thanks.

PHIL
What’s going on.
CLAIRE
Nothing, just Hailey’s new
boyfriend (whispers) he’s black!
PHIL
So. whats the big deal.

CLAIR
The big deal is first it was Dylon.
Then that weird kid. Now we have
Brian. Its like, whats next. You
know I don’t want her to get a
reputation that’s all. Plus if my
Dad finds out he would go nuts.
CUT TO

INT. PHIL & CLAIRE INTERVIEW. COUCH.

CLAIRE
My dad isn’t racist. He just
prefers... Certain races over
others...

PHIL
Honey that’s the definition of
racist.
CLAIRE
Now yes, that maybe true. But he
doesn’t hate anyone. (she looks at
phil) atleast... Not forever.
CUT TO
 3.

INT. DUNPHY KITCHEN

ALEX
I can’t believe you two. Getting
mad at Hailey for her new
boyfriend.
CLAIRE
Honey, now look that’s not true.
PHIL
It’s really your Mom, I’m down.
ALEX
I thought you were bigger than
that.

son enters
LUKE
What’s going on .
ALEX
Hailey’s new boyfriend is black.
LUKE
Cool, does he play basketball? I
need help on my layup.

PHIL
Hey buddy, that’s not cool ok. Just
because he’s black doesn’t mean he
plays basketball. Besides I can
school you on the hoops my homey.

LUKE
Yea sure... let me know when he
stops by. (exits)
CUT TO

INT. LUKE & ALEX INTERVIEW ON COUCH

LUKE
My dad is white, everyone knows
white people suck at basketball.

ALEX
(frustrated)
That is soooo... not... what’s
wrong wit you people!

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.

LUKE
You people. what do you mean you
people.
CUT

INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE

Jay walks into his home to see Gloria on her knees holding
Manny’s feet as he tries to do a sit-up. Glorias amazing
curves are on full display to Jay.
GLORIA
Come on. One more sit-up.
JAY
Oh Gloria, please do me next.
MANNY
(out of breath)
Save it for later Jay. I’m getting
in shape.

Manny runs out

JAY
What happened?

GLORIA
A girl said she couldn’t go out
with him because he was supposedly
over weight. But mi nino is not fat
at all he just has a little baby
fat. Right. Jay tell him he’s
skinny.
JAY
What?
GLORIA
Tell him!
JAY
Look kid, she needs to accept you
the way you are. Be yourself and
everything will be fine.
MANNY
Easy for you to say, Your rich.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.

JAY
Alright we got to go. We’re meeting
everyone for Lilly’s one year
anniversary arrival. Come on you
can work out at the park.

MANNY
Alright, you guys take the car. I’m
gonna run.
Manny jogs out the house. Jay and Gloria look at each other.

JAY
He’s your son.

EXT. PARK BENCH. SUNNY DAY

Cameron and Mitchell sit on a wooden picnic table. Mitchell

sits with Lilly. Cam is unpacking the bags and food.
MITCHELL
Where is everyone.

CAMERON
Their running on GP time.
MITCHELL
Gay people time?

CAMERON
I meant grandpa time.
MITCHELL
Of course.

CUT TO
INT: INTERVIEW CAM AND MITCH
CAMERON
Exactly one year ago we were
blessed with our precious baby girl
Lilly.
MITCHELL
Cameron likes to commemorate
everything, but she can’t get used
to this. It would be like having
two birthdays and double the
presents.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 6.

CAMERON
Oh no, Two birthdays! The horror!
Why can’t we make our daughter feel
special.

MITCHELL
she is special.
CAMERON
That’s why she has two birthdays.

MITCHELL
But that would just remind her,
that she’s different.
CAMERON
we’re all different.

MITCHELL
especially you.
ACT II

EXT PARK BENCH. DAY

Cameron and Mitchel are setting up the park bench. Random
interracial couple walks by.

COUPLE
What an adorable little baby.
MITCHELL
Why thank you.

COUPLE
what is she turning 2, 3?
MITCHELL
two!

CAMERON
Actually its her 1 year anniversary
of being adopted.
COUPLE
Oh well happy anniversary.

CAMERON
Thank you.
The couple leaves.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7.

MITCHELL
We couldn’t just let them assume it
was her birthday.
CAMERON
Because its not.
MITCHELL
I can’t believe we’re---
CAMERON
No Mitchel, let’s not do this now.
MITCHELL
Fine.
A moment of tension.

...
CAMERON
If you’re ashamed ---

MITCHELL
Wooo hold on! It’s not about
ashamed. I don’t want to always
have the responsibility of being
the gay parents poster child. I
just want to be normal.

CAMERON
You gonna start on normal now.
Jay, Gloria, Manny arrive.

JAY
Hey!
GLORIA
Hola!

MANNY
(out of breath)
Hi uncles, Sorry I still got to do
a few more laps.

Manny runs off camera, the adults watch bewildered.

JAY
Kid wants to lose weight.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 8.

GLORIA
He got rejected by a girl because
she say’s he fat, but he’s not fat.
MITCHELL
Terrible.
CAMERON
Awefull.
GLORIA
(to Cam)
Can you talk to him?
JAY
Yea help him out.

GLORIA
I figure you two can relate.
CAMERON
What’s that supposed to mean.

GLORIA
You can tell him that he’s not fat.
JAY
Help him get into sports.

CAMERON
Sure, I’ll do it. But I never had
problems with girls. They always
loved me.

MITCH
You’re Gay.
CAMERON
And fabulous! AND was also the
captain of the Lacrose team. So I
know how to handle balls.
CUT TO

INT. HAILEY’S CAR

Hailey drives her car with Brian riding shotgun.

HAILEY
Look I just didn’t want my mom to
be all up in bizness...

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 9.

BRIAN
So we are dating right?

HAILEY
Yes!
BRIAN
Good, I already changed my facebook
status.

HAILEY
Already? It’s only been a day.
CUT TO

INT. HAILEY INTERVIEW. LIVING ROOM

HAILEY
Dylan and I broke up again last
week. It was the last draw when he
forgot to text me on Sunday to have
ice cream. Brian on the other hand
Texts me ... very often.
Camera zooms out to reveal Brian sitting next to her, face
down texting.

BRIAN
Oh... You’re gonna love this one.
Phone vibrates.

BRIAN
(CONT’D)
Go ahead open it.
Hailey’s a little weirded out reaches for her phone.

CUT TO:

INT. HAILEY’S CAR

HAILEY
Let’s just go in and out.
BRIAN
Cool.
HAILEY
I don’t want to hang out to long,
my Mom’s acting weird.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 10.

BRIAN
Cool. Hey lets go get ice cream
later. I want to buy you the
biggest baddest hot fudge Sunday.
HAILEY
Brian we did that Yesterday.
BRIAN
But you had so much fun. Look I put
the pics on my wall paper.
INSERT: iPhone shots of Brian and Hailey eating ice cream.
Brian is all smiles. Hailey is bored.

HAILEY
Wow, that’s really ... interesting.
BRIAN
I don’t know if I should tell you
this, But I really really like you.

Brian waits for a response. Hailey appears like she’s about

to respond but lets the silence linger. Alex appears from
behind Hailey’s seat.
ALEX
Aaahhh... awkward...
HAILEY
OH! HEY WE’RE HERE!
CUT TO:

EXT. PARK
Manny is jogging and Cam runs up behind him.

CAM
Manny!
Manny out of breath.
MANNY
Must ... keep ... going...
Cameron grabs Manny’s shoulder and they both plop on the
grass simultaneously. They share a few seconds heavig.
CAMERON
So I hear you’re trying to lose
weight.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 11.

MANNY
Yea, I suppose they told you it was
about a girl.
CAM
Yea.
MANNY
Well it’s not about a girl!
Cam looks at him.

MANNY
Ok It is. But it’s more than that.
It’s about being the best Manny I
can be.

CAMERON
But you already are the best Manny.
Look our bodies are what they are.
I know I’m a little husky, but that
didn’t stop Mitchel.

MANNY
Yea but women are more superficial.
CAMERON
You don’t know enough gay men.

MANNY
The girls in my school like sporty
guys.
CAM
Well that’s a good idea. Sports are
a great way to build self
confidence.
MANNY
Yea! I’m gonna be the sports guy!
Just you watch! Becky Sulivan will
wish she never passed on this beef
cake.
CAM
Oh Boy.
 12.

EXT. PARKING LOT TO PARK

Phil, Claire, and Luke are walking from the parking lot to
the park carrying various picnic gear.

PHIL
You know what they say. Once you go
...
CLAIRE
Ewww... no this is just the worst
Day. The worst Day. My Dad cannot
find out about ---
Hailey and Brian walk in arm and arm. Alex behind them
smiling.

CLAIRE
Brian! hey. Good to see you again.
PHIL
What’s up B!

BRIAN
Mr and Mrs Dunphey, I just want to
let you know that you have
conceived the the most exquisite
daughter.

CLAIRE
Well... Thats ... That’s nice of
you to say.
PHIL
Yea, she’s fly. Hey Bri check it.
Luke and I are gonna shoots some
hoops. You wanna play.
BRIAN
Sure... You don’t mind do you
sweety.
HAILEY
No! No! go ahead please. I beg you.
PHIL
Dope! lets go shoot some hoops.
Phil, Luke and Brian exit. Hailey gets on her cell phone you
hear her say "Dylan?" very faint.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 13.

ALEX
Conceived? This guy Brian is
already thinking of conceiving.
CLAIRE
What?
ALEX
Well you heard him.
CLAIRE
Oh my God! You’re right.
ALEX
And did you see the way he was
holding her. Seems like their
getting really close.

CLAIRE
Motherfucker...
Jay and Gloria Enter. Over hearing.

JAY
Cursing now?
CLAIR
Dad! hey Gloria.

JAY
Last time you did that I almost had
to open up a can of whoop ass.
GLORIA
Well the whoop cream (whip cream)
comes in a bottle now.
They all look at Gloria confused but slowly realize she
confused whoop-ass for whip-cream

CUT TO:

INT: INTERVIEW CLAIRE COUCH.

CLAIRE
Ok, when I was younger. I dated a
black guy once. He was nice. But he
had a dirty... mouth. And I started
cursing a lot more. And one time my
Dad heard me and he slapped me. The
only time. After that I broke up
with Jamal and ... I went back.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 14.

Phil passes behind the couch with headphones listening to

loud rock music playing. He dances and plays air guitar, by
Led Zepplin.
PHIL
(guitar solo)
rrrrraaaaarrrrrr
TRANSITION TO:

EXT. BASKETBALL COURT

The Guitar transitions to a Kill Bill style slow motion walk

to the camera shot of Phil holding the ball and flanked by
Brian and Luke. He tries to give Brian a fist bump, but
Brian tries to give him a high five. They switch awkwardly
till Phil finally slaps Brian’s fist.
PHIL
Alright guys, we got the whole
court to ourselves.

LUKE
Dad there’s three us.
PHIL
Ok that’s fine. You two versus me.
I can take both you on.

LUKE
Uh Dad, I don’t think that’s a good
idea.
MANNY
(off screen)
Hey Dunphys!
Insert : Shot of Manny and Cam walking towards the camera in
Slow motion with desperado music. Manny crushes Grape Juice
box. They arrive.

MANNY
So you guys wanna get a game of
street ball.
PHIL
Yea bring it on Esse.
Phil laughs but no one gets the joke.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 15.

BRIAN
We still need one more player.
MANNY
Ok, how about Jay, JAY!

PHIL
oh no.
Jay perks up at the sounds of his name. Manny and the guys
are waving him on.

CLAIRE
oh no.
JAY
What do they want? Play basketball?

CLAIRE
Dad don’t go!
JAY
What why not?

CLAIRE
Because you’re ...
JAY
Old? Let me tell you something. I
may be little grey, but I got the
decades of experience.
GLORIA
It’s true. Some nights he’s goes on
forever.

CLAIRE
Ok eeewww... No Dad, I just don’t
want you going over there.

Jay extends his arms to stretch and twists his waist and
freezes with a crunch sound.
JAY
oooo...

CLAIRE
Oh my God! Dad you ok.
He unfreezes and hop steps towards the court laughing. He
was faking it. Claire clutches her heart.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 16.

GLORIA
He does that to me all the time.
One time when I was on top...

CLAIRE
Ok Gloria, not a comfortable with
this topic of conversation!
Jay walks over to the gang also in slow motion, we hear
Benny Goodman - Sing Sing.
JAY
So we gonna shoot some hoops! I
haven’t played in while.

PHIL
Yea I’m sure. Jay why don’t you I
be captains, so that way you’re not
on my team... I mean we’re not on
the same team.

JAY
ok
PHIL
I’ll let you pick first

JAY
Alright, I got Manny.
PHIL
(Physically grabs Brian
quickly)
I GOT BRIAN!
JAY
Cam.

Cam and Manny High Five and slap Butts.

PHIL
Alright! Luke.
JAY
Game on!
Phil, Brian, Luke huddle.
PHIL
Ok, they may have height. But we
got Flava!
Brian and Phil repeat the awkward Hand-slap / fist-bump.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 17.

PHIL
Ok Luke, if you’re in trouble just
pass it to Brian ok.
LUKE
Thanks coach.
PHIL
And Brian, do your thing, we can do
a couple of ally-oops ...

BRIAN
Ally what?
PHIL
Oops. Ally-oops. Am I saying it
wrong?

They get interrupted

MANNY
Come on we ain’t got all day. Your
ball first.

LUKE
Alright check it.
The ball is checked to Luke. Luke holds it for a while.

PHIL
Alright Luke, remember what I told
you. Don’t do anything stupid now.
Luke reluctantly passes to Brian. Brian dribbles awkwardly
for a second, terribly. And then lunges the ball which goes
right over the back board going out of bounds. Phil deflated
and confused looks at Brian. Brian shrugs embarrassed.
BRIAN
Oops...

PHIL
(under his breath)
oh boy
ACT III
 18.

EXT. PARK BASKETBALL COURT

Jay Shoots and the ball goes in. Its game over. Jay, Manny,
Cameron cheer and high five. Phil soaked in sweat exhausted
just collapses and sits on the floor.

PHIL
I just don’t get it.
Brian sits sheepishly next to Phil.

BRIAN
I let you down.
PHIL
Uh yea! Why didn’t you tell me you
sucked at basketball.

BRIAN
Why did you assume I was good.
PHIL
You look ... athletic.

BRIAN
I play Baseball
PHIL
Now you tell me.

BRIAN
I’ve let you down Dad.
Phil puts his arm around Brian. Father/son moment?

PHIL
Look son. Sometimes life throws you
lemons. And we need to accept
challenges. Every day is a new day
... HEY wait a minute you’re not my
son. Luke where are you!
Luke and Manny and Cam and Jay have left the court and are
back at the park bench.
PHIL
Hey wait up! don’t leave me all
alone.
Phil runs back to the bench.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 19.

CLAIRE
Oh good you got rid of him.
PHIL
Who.

CLAIRE
Brian!
Brian runs back to the park bench.

CLAIR
Oh Hey!
BRIAN
Good game everyone.

JAY
Yea you too kid. Oh here’s your
ball back.
BRIAN
Oh that’s not my ball.

JAY
Oh so what can we do for you.
BRIAN
Nothing right now. Anyone seen
Hailey?
JAY
Hailey? How do you know Hailey?
CLAIR
School! Brian and Hailey go to
school together. Dad You played
really good.
JAY
You see I ain’t so old after all.
Hailey returns.
HAILEY
Brian can I talk to you.

BRIAN
Sure honey.
They walk off.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 20.

JAY
Did he just call her honey?
CLAIRE
Homey. He said Homey. Its like
slang Dad, come on your young and
hip now right?
In the distance we see but don’t hear Brian and Hailey
breaking up. Brian mopes off. Everyone watches. She walks
back.

HAILEY
Sorry, had to take care of that.
PHIL
You did not just... Did you?

CLAIRE
You guys were talking about Biology
right sweety.
HAILEY
No. I dumped his ass.
JAY
That was your boyfriend?
HAILEY
Ex-Boyfriend.
CLAIRE
I can’t believe you.
JAY
Hailey I’m not happy.
CLAIRE
Neither am I. The nerve.
JAY
You really have to be better than
that.
CLAIRE
Yea better than that.

JAY
That boy was really nice.
CLAIRE
What?

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 21.

JAY
You can’t be treating men like
Kleenex. Besides at least he made
an effort to meet the family. I
would have loved to have gotten to
know him
CLAIRE
Wait, Dad, you liked him.
JAY
Yea, I mean I whopped his butt in
basketball but, he showed guts and
tried at least.
CLAIRE
So you’re ok with ... Black.

JAY
Oh course!
GLORIA
Your father is more open minded now
since marrying me. I opened him up
to new experiences. There is this
one position we tried ...
CLAIRE
OK, but still, Hailey darling. I
trust your judgment.
HAILEY
Hey its cool Dylan and I are back
together. Brian was too clingy.

GLORIA
You see Claire, Just because he was
black doesn’t mean anything. We
need to accept each other the way
we are.

HAILEY
Actually he’s Dominican.
GLORIA
But be careful with Dominican’s...
Trust me, I know.
MANNY
Yea Claire, Same way I’m a little
round. And Lilly is Asian, we’re
all different and we’re all family.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 22.

MITCHELL
Your right. You know we’re all
different and unique, and that’s
not something we should shy away
from. We need to embrace who we
are. I’m sorry Cam.
CAMERON
For what.
MITCHELL
For being...
CAMERON
For being Mitch? Yea I’m cool with
that

They Hug.
JAY
Ok now that we had our kumbaya
moment. Lets break out the chicken
and watermelon.

PHIL
Word!
Hailey and Alex roll their eyes.

END OF SHOW
MODERN FAMILY SPEC - I Love Black People.
April 18, 2011

Adrian Manzano
manzanony@gmail.com
320-626-9266