Marketing – the perfect Balkan occupation

By: Jagoda Radojcic

„Please don't tell my mother that I'm in the marketing business, she thinks I'm
pursuing prostution''. These words can be used to describe the discomfort felt by any
relatively decent individual working in the marketing business when asked about
his/her occupation. In the twisted world of today, where criminals are treated as
national heroes, and cortisans as superstars, the business of lying, cheating and
deceiving has become as legitimate and legal as any other decent business in the
world:
- Your honor, when I approached the simple peasant and told her that I'll marry her
and take her to Germany, followed by my stealing her money and running away, I
was no marriage impostor as despicably suggested by the prosecutor, but an expert
in marketing – a marriage impostor would self-confidently say if charged in a Croatian
court, while being deeply aware of the fact that neither the court, nor the prosecution
or the state can touch him. If Croatia should start punishing all the false promises
uttered to achieve unlawful financial gain, we would lose all our politicial, economic,
science and art elite over night.

Anyone can pursue marketing in Croatia. This occupation can be perfect for
hairdressers, lawyers, masseuses, frustrated academics, failed sportsmen,
prominent homosexuals, pharmacists, make-up artists, criminals, former ministers,
journalists, national champions' children, matrons, students who never graduated,
doctors.... Although there are no precise data, according to the estimations based on
public information from the court and trading registries, marketing is the trade that 36
thousand people reported as doing, either independently or along with some other
trades. If we take that number and add another 20 thousand that are in the business
occasionaly, and the 50 thousand that constitute the so-called „dark number of crime“
(they are pursuing marketing, but haven't yet been discovered by the police), we will
get approximately 80 thousand people, which is actually 2 percent of the total
population.

Even though people dealing with marketing usually disguise their reaI occupation
with various titles (research experts, market consulting etc.) in civilised environments,
this profession still makes uneducated masses enthusiastic. This is probably
because of the word's English origin which makes it sound classy and mystical (at
the beginning of the 20th century, the founder of social psychology Gustave Le Bon
identified vague and unclear words such as democracy, marketing, independence,
integration etc. as being made up by feudals to manipulate the masses of illiterate
peasants more easily). „He's in the marketing business“, a proud old lady selling
vegetables at a stand replies to her colleague at he next stand when asked if her son
was out of prison. And this would clear everything up: he is no longer a criminal and
a low-life, not a marriage impostor or a burglar; but a decent citizen, an expert in
marketing.

If you think about it, it really is a perfect occupation for every Balkan individual: you
can lie, cheat, deceive, make up stories, steal, trick your fellow citizens all you want,
and all this while making a lot of money and not having to fear police or customs
officers. Our people have used marketing for centuries to deal with occupators,
aggressors, tax collectors and feudal masters, it's just that they used different terms
for these activities then (stealing, robbery, witchcraft). A thousand years worth of
experience in scamming plus the newest science breatkthroughs in the field of
marketing resulted in these incredbile catchphrases: 'A little country for a big
holiday' , 'A hero, not a criminal', 'A writer, not a cortisan', 'Let's move forward!', 'Be
proud', 'The washing machine washes better', 'We'll ensure a 100 thousand new
workplaces!' Which Croatian intellectual giants came up with that? They are creme
de la creme of the Croatian people. They make the world envy us. Where they go
with their marketing, the grass doesn't grow. Thanks to their versatile efforts,
marketing has become the connective tissue of our nation, our country, economy,
history, science and art. Without marketing we would be nothing, and everything we
are is – marketing.