CHAPTER I

A. Background

Personal value are those traits we see as worth aspiring to, and that define
our character. And it’s evolves from circumstances with the external world and can
change over time. Integrity in the application of values refers to its continuity;
persons have integrity if they apply their values appropriately regardless of
arguments or negative reinforcement from others. Values are applied appropriately
when they are applied in the right area.

The example of personal value is personal relationship. As we as a human,

we need other people in our live. For the example, we need a doctor if we are sick.
It’s means that we can’t life without someone else.

B. Problem

The main problems that will be elaborated in this paper are all about
personal value, all about friend and friendship, and all about leadership.

C. Purpose

Based on the problem above, generally this paper can explain many things,
such as :

Explain that what we should know about personal value, definition of friend, circles of
friends, mobility and friendship, instant friendship, male-female relationships and
intercultural friendship

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 CHAPTER II

A. Personal Value
Before we learn about personal value, it is better if we know about value. Value is
a belief, a mission, or a philosophy that is meaningful. Whether we are consciously aware
of them or not, every individual has a core set of personal values. Values can range from
the commonplace, such as the belief in hard work and punctuality, to the more
psychological, such as self-reliance, concern for others, and harmony of purpose.

The key point to keep in mind about values is that implementing them energizes
everything concerned with it. For an individual, committing to and applying values
releases fresh energies, which always attract success, achievement, and well-being.
Likewise, when companies or other institutions adopt values, individuals working at the
organization become energized, as do its customers, its products and services, and
everyone and everything else associated with that organization.

Without values or beliefs, we would be mechanical-like beings, driven here and

there by the vicissitudes of life. Without values, we would be creature-like, compelled to
action solely by our urges and passions. In this inhuman existence, there would be little
consideration for truths we hold dear, let alone implement them to ennoble and enrich our
lives. In this reality devoid of values, we would live unconscious lives, without meaning
or purpose. On the other hand, when we take to values, we live a purposeful and dynamic
existence -- i.e. we become truly human.

Values are actually a very special power in the universe. It is one our minds can
grasp for the purpose of uplifting life. Values are actually spiritual skills -- a divine gift
that comes to us from the infinite Source of things. The highest of principles -- such as
Oneness, Love, Beauty, and others -- descend from the heavens, and are reinterpreted as
values by our minds. For example, the spiritual principle of Oneness is recognized by our
minds as values of cooperation, integration, teamwork, and others. Likewise, the universal
principle of Love expresses through values of goodness, selflessness, self-givingness,
openness, tolerance, respect for others, and a number of others.

Values are psychological objects. Although we cannot see or touch them, they are
every bit as real as any physical object. People may dedicate their entire lives or even give

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up their lives to pursue their values, as so many loyal patriots have done fighting for
values of freedom, equality and human rights during the past two centuries.

We all have values that determine our decisions and guide our lives. Those who
value their individuality take responsibility, are self-reliant and act with self-respect.
Those who value truthfulness cannot bring themselves to tell a lie. Those who value
family or friendship sacrifice their personal interests for the good of others. Those who
value goodness cannot bring themselves to do something they know is wrong. We express
values in our relations with other people when we are loyal, reliable, honest, generous,
trusting, trustworthy, feel a sense of responsibility for family, friends, co-workers, our
organization, community or country. On a more physical level, we may place great value
on cleanliness, punctuality, orderliness, accuracy, quality, and physical perfection in
whatever we do.

Personal value is come from with personal and value. Personal is concerning or
affecting a particular person or his or her private life and personality. A value is a belief, a
mission, or a philosophy that is meaningful. Whether we are consciously aware of them or
not, every individual has a core set of personal values. Values can range from the
commonplace, such as the belief in hard work and punctuality, to the more psychological,
such as self-reliance, concern for others, and harmony of purpose. It also means concept
that describes the beliefs of an individual or culture.

Personal values are those traits we see as worth aspiring to, and that define our
character. And it’s evolved from circumstances with the external world and can change
over time. Integrity in the application of values refers to its continuity; persons have
integrity if they apply their values appropriately regardless of arguments or negative
reinforcement from others. Values are applied appropriately when they are applied in the
right area.

Personal value is very important because without personal values or beliefs, we

would be mechanical-like beings, driven here and there by the vicissitudes of life. Without
values, we would be creature-like, compelled to action solely by our urges and passions.
In this inhuman existence, there would be little consideration for truths we hold dear, let
alone implement them to ennoble and enrich our lives. In this reality devoid of values, we
would live unconscious lives, without meaning or purpose. On the other hand, when we
take to values, we live a purposeful and dynamic existence -- i.e. we become truly human.
And personal value also gives you structure and purpose by helping you determine what is

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meaningful and important to you.

For the example, Powerful people also motivated and driven to implement them in
their lives. In fact, the most successful people are constantly evaluating their personal
values, and are continually driven to turn them into a living reality. For these individuals,
values are an inexhaustible source of inner power that energizes them to no end; driving
them to the heights of success, while bringing about deep fulfillment in their lives.

Our personal values are made up of ends and everything that has happened to us in
our life and include influences from: our parents and family, our religious affiliation, our
friends and peers, our education, our reading and more. Effective people recognize these
environmental influences and define and develop a clear, concise, and meaningful set of
values / beliefs, and priorities, once definite, values impact every aspect of our life.

For example, if we think about our goals and life purpose are grounded in our
value. The values we believe in and than define our character and help to be the person
that we want to be and it will help us to accomplish our goals and dreams. Personal value
comes from the choices we each made. No body knows when the time exactly we use our
personal values. It cause our personal values are automatically used. It’s just like a
mechanism that has systemized in our selves.

Some people that affect our personal value in our learning process are :

∂ Parents
Our parents are the evaluator for everything that we have done. So they will tell us
that we have done are true or not.

∂ Friends

They play roles in our learning process as the biggest influence whether it is right
or not.

∂ Environment

Because majority play roles as the adjudicator, that limit ourselves with their own
view.

A personal value system is a set of principles or ideals that drive and/or guide your
behavior. Your personal value system gives you structure and purpose by helping you
determine what is meaningful and important to you. It helps you express who you are and

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what you stand for. If you are unaware of, or become disconnected with your values, you
end up making choices out of impulse or instant gratification rather than on solid
reasoning and responsible decision-making.

They impact every aspect of your life including personal and work behaviors, your
interactions with family, friends and co-workers; your decision-making processes and the
direction you take in life. This is why it is so important to know what you value and what
is important to you.

Four Categories of a Personal Value System

 Personal Values
Personal values are those traits we see as worth aspiring to, and that define our
character.
 Spiritual Values
The values that connect us to a higher power and give us a sense of purpose
beyond our material existences
 Family Values
To love and care for those we are close to; our children, our parents, other family
members, and our friends.
 Career Values
The best used and expression of our talents and skills for the purposes of
contributing to society and for monetary compensation.

B. The definition friend

What is meant by the word “friend”? The dictionary defines it as: “one attached to
another by affection or esteem.” Americans use the word freely, that is a friend may or
may not be a person to whom there is a great attachment. A friend might be a casual
acquaintance or an intimate companion. Friends may have known each other since

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childhood or they may have recently met. It is difficult to formulate a precise definition of
this word as it is used in the United States, because it covers many types of relationship.

a. Friendly Relationship and Friendship

You are introduced to someone and suddenly both of you are involved. Seeing
this, an American would be puzzled and would probably ask, “Have you known her for a
long time?” And he might think you are being dishonest if you said, “That was the first
time I had met her.”

Indonesian had known for their hospitality. Inviting guests to lunch or dinner may
happen on any occasion without a formal invitation in advance. The expression, “Mari
makan seadanya,” (Let’s enjoy whatever we have) indicate that the host or hostess indeed
wants guest to eat with his or her family. Is the guest a close friend of the family? Not
necessary so.

Personal relationships in the American culture are entirely different. They really
distinguish a friendly relationship is almost the same as an “acquaintanceship”
Indonesians do not distinguish friendly relationship from friendship, and therefore, they
might have difficulties and as a consequence they will consider the American friendliness
in a friendly relationship as an offer of friendship.

A friendship is a relationship without formal roles. A friendship is more a pleasant

companionship with emotional support and affection. It requires both sides to provide
extensive commitments of time and energy. However, people do not drop in at mealtimes.
In small town, neighbors might drop in, but people usually reluctant whatever they are
doing in order to visit with a friend. In big cities, it is common to call ahead to because
people do not generally open the door to unexpected visitors as a matter of security and to
discourage door-to-door salesman.

In the Indonesian culture, it is not common for the people to call ahead since not
every home has a telephone. Moreover, hospitality in this culture allows people drop in
whenever they want to. Again, the culture does not allow the host, however busy he is at
the moment, the openly said the visit really disturbs him. Sometimes this “conflict” can be
very funny. Sensitive guest may see nonverbal language signaled by the host showing that

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he is busy. But when the guest says he is to leave, the host will stop him. The appropriate
thing to do is that guests impose his leaving.

b. The Kind of Friendship

When we are young we have playmates, classmates and later office-mates or

neighbors. They are friends for Indonesia people. An acquaintance can visit without any
appointment and sometimes dines with the host or the family. On the other hand, a close
friendship may easily change because of mobility or financial problems. Most Indonesians
have difficulties in distinguishing these kinds of personal relationship. Many people who
though they had had many friends are deeply hurt when they realize they have no friends
in need.

Americans clearly distinguish these kinds of friendship. They have three kinds of
friendship: the expedient, casual and close friendship.

Expedient friends are related because of need for mutual assistance. Neighbors
who are in a friendly relationship may sometimes become expedient friends.

A casual friendship is a relationship among people who share mutual interest and
enjoy the same activities, such as a member of a team or a club or an association. They are
not responsible for giving emotional support or affection and their friendship is easily
withdrawn at any time without hurting each other.

A close friendship has a strong commitment and responsibility. They are willing to
sacrifice their time and energy when the partner need some help. However, Americans do
not like dominance nor dependence within this close friendship and each part knows how
to limit themselves in this matters. Therefore, Americans usually have few close friends
and many casual and expedient friends.

c. A Matrix for Friendship

A matrix for friendships is a place or situation where things are happening and
people can meet. It might be a class a church, a bridge club and the like. A good matrix
for friendship must be a place for several people, give the opportunity for communication
and enough time for the audience to know each other.

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 A library is a place where scholars gather to read or study, but it is not a matrix for
friendship. People do not communicate nor socialize there. The best matrix for friendship
is the one allows repeated encounters. “Arisan” is one of the best matrices in the
Indonesian culture.

d. Circles of Friends

It is common for Americans to have different “circles of friends” such as church

friends, work friends, or sport friends. A person may choose not to involve members of
different circles in the same activity. People have different types of friends. One may have
many good friends and one best friend. Best friends are usually two people of the same
sex who have known each other for a long period of time. People usually have more
casual friends than close or best friends. Indonesian living in the small towns may not
have circles of friends. Everyone knows everyone. The office friend is also the neighbor
or the support friend.

e. Mobility and Friendship

Americans are geographically mobile and learn to develop friendship easily and
quickly. Approximately one out every five American families moves every year. People
relocate because they begin new job, attend distant colleges, get married, have children or
simply want a change in their lives. Perhaps as a consequence of this, people form and end
friendship quickly. Student attending two or three universities during their undergraduate
and graduate years may change their circles of friends several times.

Relationship based on a common activity may fade or end when the activity end.
Students might meet in classes and remain friends for the duration of the course and then
stop seeing each other after the final examination. The same holds true for neighbors who
are the closest of friends until one move away. In these friendships, shared daily
experiences form the foundation for the relationship. Enduring friendships develop when
individuals have similar interest and a common outlook on life. The high rate of mobility
in the United States can explain a great deal about transient friendships.

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f. Instant Friendship

It is easy to be misled by instant friendship which may appear to be deep and

personal but are really superficial. Friendship and friendliness are not synonymous.
Friendliness characterizes much of American daily interaction but is not always an
indication of friendship. Strangers may share life histories without any intention of
pursuing a relationship. Characterizing friendships is the appearance bond between them.
Brief encounters do not always imply desire for further contact. Many people frequently
smile and say, “Have a nice day” or “See you later”, or even extend an invitation as part
of cultural pattern of politeness. Such expression do not always suggest an offer of
continued friendship.

g. Male-Female Friendship

In United States men and women socialize relatively freely and develop a variety
of relationship. Single people of opposite sexes may be close friends and with share
personal problems with each other without romantically involved. There are no fixed rules
romantic or intimate relationships but there are restraints. Men and women interact in
varying degrees of intensity. Dating may be serous or casual. A couple may terminate a
relationship three after three dates or may date steadily and exclusively for a long period
of time. They may date with or without the intention of getting married. Alternatively,
people may choose to have multiple dating partners so as not to become seriously
involved with one person. The commitment and obligations of people who are dating
depend principally on the couple’s attitude.

Marriage men and women sometimes consider each other best friend as well as
applause. They also socialize with members of the opposite sex either as couples or
independently. This does not mean that there are no constrains of the married men and
women. The limitations of these relationships are not always visible but they do exist.
Most, but not all, married American couples practice monogamous relationship.

Indonesian women never bother with these kinds of courtesies. It has never been a
part of the culture. Traditionally, it was the men who were respected and it was the task of
the women to serve the men. When the values change, and men and women have the same
right, the men are not longer “ndore” (the master) but they do not feel it necessary to
adopt western courtesies.

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 Changing values among Indonesians also make the male –female relationship mare
free. Student of opposite sexes going out without dating has become more common and
common. The same is with educated and career women, especially in big cities such as
Jakarta and Surabaya. However, most traditional people cannot understand it yet.

h. Dating

Dating is the special kinds of friendship between two people of the opposite sex
that may lead to love and marriage. The purpose of the dating is to allow the two people
to know each other better.

Three kinds of dates are the single date, the double date, and the blind date. The
single date involves the couple, a double date is where two couples go out together, and
the blind date is when the third person arranges for two people to meet for the first time.

American dating does not differ much from Indonesian dating, except that the
single date is the most common, and Indonesian men are usually responsible for the treat.
It is the man who is supposed to take the initiative, such as asking a girl out and deciding
where to go and what to eat. A sensitive woman has to take into consideration the finances
of the man she is dating.

Do Indonesian women have no desires? They do, and they are often able to get
what they want. Most of them know how to reveal what they have in mind through subtle
verbal.

Americans are supposed to be direct. They are not used to hiding their feeling.
They are not like Indonesian women, who are expected to wait.

i. Intercultural Friendship

With foreign visitors, American doesn’t always to be the first ones to begin
friendships. It is possible that some Americans, because of their linguistic and geographic
isolation, are hesitant about interacting with foreigners. However, it’s important to know
that Americans are receptive to developing friendships with international visitors. In
general, it is advisable to approach American first in order to initiate friendships. One
foreign student, after having live in United States for several years, said that most

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important more advice he could to newcomers would be, “ don’t be passive when it comes
to making friendship with Americans. Begin conversation, extend invitation and make the
first love.”

A characteristic of American personal relations is the absence of the fixed rules

governing them. Therefore, a variety of friendships are possible in United States. Even
within a person’s own culture, recognizing when a relationship has the potential in
develop into a friendship is not always easy. When one is living in a foreign country, one
is faced with unfamiliar friendship patterns which and to the challenge of initiating and
maintaining meaningful relationship.

C. Theories of leadership
Leadership has been described as the “process of social influence in which one
person is able to enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common
task”. A definition more inclusive of followers comes from Alan Keith of Genentech who
said "Leadership is ultimately about creating a way for people to contribute to making
something extraordinary happen." Students of leadership have produced theories
involving traits, situational interaction, function, behavior, power, vision and values,
charisma, and intelligence among others.

a.Trait theory

Trait theory tries to describe the types of behavior and personality tendencies
associated with effective leadership. This is probably the first academic theory of
leadership. Proponents of the trait approach usually list leadership qualities, assuming
certain traits or characteristics will tend to lead to effective leadership. Shelley Kirkpatrick
and Edwin A. Locke (1991) exemplify the trait theory. They argue that "key leader traits
include: drive (a broad term which includes achievement, motivation, ambition, energy,
tenacity, and initiative), leadership motivation (the desire to lead but not to seek power as
an end in itself), honesty, integrity, self-confidence (which is associated with emotional
stability), cognitive ability, and knowledge of the business. According to their research,
"there is less clear evidence for traits such as charisma, creativity and flexibility".

Although trait theory has an intuitive appeal, difficulties may arise in proving its
tenets, and opponents frequently challenge this approach. The strongest versions of trait
theory see these “leadership characteristics” as innate, and accordingly label some people

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as "born leaders" due to their psychological makeup. On this reading of the theory,
leadership development involves identifying and measuring leadership qualities, screening
potential leaders from non-leaders, then training those with potential.

b. Leadership and emotions

Leadership can be perceived as a particularly emotion-laden process, with emotions

entwined with the social influence process. In an organization, the leaders’ mood has
some effects on his group. These effects can be described in 3 levels:

1. The mood of individual group members. Group members with leaders in a positive
mood experience more positive mood than do group members with leaders in a
negative mood. The leaders transmit their moods to other group members through
the mechanism of mood contagion. Mood contagion may be one of the
psychological mechanisms by which charismatic leaders influence followers.

2. The affective tone of the group. Group affective tone represents the consistent or
homogeneous affective reactions within a group. Group affective tone is an
aggregate of the moods of the individual members of the group and refers to mood
at the group level of analysis. Groups with leaders in a positive mood have a more
positive affective tone than do groups with leaders in a negative mood.

3. Group processes like coordination, effort expenditure, and task strategy. Public
expressions of mood impact how group members think and act. When people
experience and express mood, they send signals to others. Leaders signal their
goals, intentions, and attitudes through their expressions of moods. For example,
expressions of positive moods by leaders signal that leaders deem progress toward
goals to be good.The group members respond to those signals cognitively and
behaviorally in ways that are reflected in the group processes.

In research about client service it was found that expressions of positive mood by the
leader improve the performance of the group, although in other sectors there were another
findings.

c. Behavior and style theories

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Managerial grid model

In response to the criticism of the trait approach, theorists began to research

leadership as a set of behaviors, evaluating the behavior of 'successful' leaders, determine
behavior taxonomy and identifying broad leadership styles.

In Indonesia, a leader might not be someone who get honour in society because as
Indonesian people understanding, they think that a person who lead this country is just not
more than a corruptor that take their rights so the value of honourable of the leader has
decreasing as the time goes by. It because the indonesian culture which can`t work well as
their job description. They more concern about how to get the prosperity as higher as
possible when they still at that position. This tradition maybe has good side because
people who did corrupt generally think about their family`s life in the future. So they keep
the investment as much as they can for their children or their`s wive needs. But they do
not think about the others people.

In America, every person knowing that corrupt behaviour is not good so the
percentation of corruptor in western country especially in America is not significan as
Indonesian have.

d. Criticism of the concept of leadership

Noam Chomsky has criticized the concept of leadership as involving people
subordinating their needs to that of someone else. While the conventional view of
leadership is rather satisfying to people who "want to be told what to do", one should
question why they are being subjected to acts that may not be rational or even desirable.
Rationality is the key element missing when "leaders" say "believe me" and "have faith".
It is fairly easy to have people simplistically follow their "leader", if no attention is paid to
rationality. This view of Chomsky is related to his Weltanschaung and has no solid
psychological basis from the consensus of the establishment. A further challenge to the
concept of leadership is that it creates a sense of 'following' in teams and organisations.
The concept of employeeship however, is a recent approach to developing responsibility
at the work place by focusing on the skills and attitudes that each person has in common
rather than separating out leadership as an entity.

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 CHAPTER III

CONCLUSION

In america FRIEND means : “one attached to another by affection or esteem”. So,

friends may have known each other since childhood or they may have recently
meet.American also known about the matrix of the friendship or the good place where
things are happened and people can meet. American commonly creates a different circle
of friends such as church friends, workfriends, or sport friends. It’s a common to them to
not involve member of different circles in the same activities. In fact, one of every five
american families move every year for a new jobs, attend distant colleges, get married,
have children or simply want a change in theiir lives.

The consequences is, people form a relationship and end relationship

quickly.Relationship based on a common activity may fade or end when the activity end.
With foreign visitor american doesn’t always to be the first ones to begin friendship. In
United States men and women socialize relatively freely and develop a variety of
relationship. Single people of opposite sexes may be close friends and with share personal
problems with each other without romantically involved.

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 So the American and Indonesian thinking about the value, which it friendship or
leadership are totally not in the same way. American more regard the value independently.
Like when they choose a friend they might be very selective. And they can differ which
that they can trust or just to having fun with. They will not doing everything to their best
friend easily like Indonesian do. The point of leadership in the American mind is someone
who can lead them into the top of succesful and its true, but in Indonesia the leader
commonly betrayed what his people gave to him.

Many aspect that make Indonesian and American different in their view of
personal value are the background of education that they have, the environtment, the
moral of each person and many others that can distinguish both of them. But the
differences may not just make us look fools in front of them. We can make it as a kind of
motivation to us to be better.

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