Effective Listening

"We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening
is twice as hard as talking."
 INDEX

1) Brief Theory of Communication

2) LISTENING vs HEARING

3) IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING

4) SOME INTERESTING FACTS

5) Types of Listening

6) How to become a better listener

7) THE FIVE R'S OF NOTE TAKING

8) Sources of Difficulty by the Speaker

9) Irritating Listening Habits

10) Poor Listening Habits

11) Reasons for poor listening

12) Behaviours

13) Tips for speakers: How to make your audience listen

 Brief Theory of Communication

Expressing our wants, feelings, thoughts and opinions clearly and effectively is only half of the
communication process needed for interpersonal effectiveness.

The other half is listening and understanding what others communicate to us. When a person decides
to communicate with another person, he/she does so to fulfill a need. The person wants something,
feels discomfort, and/or has feelings or thoughts about something. In deciding to communicate, the
person selects the method or code which he/she believes will effectively deliver the message to the
other person. The code used to send the message can be either verbal or nonverbal. When the other
person receives the coded message, they go through the process of decoding or interpreting it into
understanding and meaning.

Effective communication exists between two people when the receiver interprets and understands the
sender’s message in the same way the sender intended it.
 LISTENING vs HEARING

Often when a misunderstanding occurs on the job, it is attributed to a lack of communication, which
most of time implies that whoever was delivering the message did not do an effective job. But what
about the other side, the listener?
The contrast between hearing and really listening can be as different as night and day. And in a
business environment, not listening effectively to customers, employees, and peers can mean the
difference between success and failure.

To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. We hear sounds
around us but often we hear them without really listening to them. So listening is a very different
process from hearing:

* Hearing refers to the physical fact of receiving sounds; it is a passive act which happens even
when we are asleep.

* Listening on the other hand, is an active process which means work. To listen we must not only
hear but also pay attention, understand and assimilate what we hear. Listening involves interaction –
have you sometimes felt that someone was hearing what you said without really listening?

Listening involves a conscious effort on your part not only to hear but to understand. Learning to
listen is only achieved by sustained and conscious effort. The more you try to listen, the more you
will understand.

Listening is the most difficult skill to learn, and the most important to have.
 IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING

• It helps us to understand the people and the world around us.

• In our society, listening is essential to the development and survival of the individual.
• Relationships thrive more on listening skills than on speaking skills.
• A good speaker may sometimes find himself unwanted in a group, but rarely a good listener.
• A good listener is always in a better position to deal with his problems and relationships.
• Being listened to means we are taken seriously, our ideas and feelings are known, and, ultimately,
what we have to say matters.
• Being listened to spells the difference between feeling accepted and feeing isolated.
• A good listener rarely involves himself in controversies and misunderstanding.
• Listening skills are critical to effective leadership.
• Good listeners are often some of the best speakers because they have taken the time to find out what
people are truly interested in.
 SOME INTERESTING FACTS

1. Some studies indicate that we may be listening at only a 25 percent comprehension rate.

2. How much of what we know that we have learned by listening? 85%

3. Amount of the time we are distracted, preoccupied or forgetful? 75%

4. How much we usually recall immediately after we listen to someone talk? 50%

5. Amount of time we spend listening? 45%

6. How much we remember of what we hear? 20%

7. Amount of us who have had formal educational experience with listening? less than 2%

8. We listen at 125-250 words per minute, but think at 1000-3000 words per minute.

9. Number of business studies that indicate that listening is a top skill needed for success in business?
more than 35
 Types of Listening

1. Competitive or Combative Listening

It happens when we are more interested in promoting our own point of view than in understanding or
exploring someone else’s view. We either listen for openings to take the floor, or for flaws or weak points
we can attack. As we pretend to pay attention we are impatiently waiting for an opening, or internally
formulating our rebuttal and planning our devastating comeback that will destroy their argument and make
us the victor.

2. In Passive or Attentive Listening

We are genuinely interested in hearing and understanding the other person’s point of view. We are attentive
and passively listen. We assume that we heard and understand correctly. but stay passive and do not verify
it.

3. Active or Reflective Listening

It is the single most useful and important listening skill. In active listening we are also genuinely interested
in understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling, wanting or what the message means, and we are
active in checking out our understanding before we respond with our own new message. We restate or
paraphrase our understanding of their message and reflect it back to the sender for verification. This
verification or feedback process is what distinguishes active listening and makes it effective.
 How to become a better listener

1) Establish eye contact with the speaker

Studies show that listening has a positive relationship with eye contact. In other words, the better eye
contact you have with the speaker, the better you will listen. And while eye contact is especially important
in relationship listening, it is also important for the other kinds of listening: informative, appreciative,
critical, discriminative.
There are several things you can do to establish positive eye contact with the speaker:

a. In one-on-one or small group settings, sit or stand where you can look directly at the person doing the
speaking.
b. In large groups, sit to the front and center of the audience. You can more easily establish eye contact with
the speaker from this vantage point.
c. Don’t get so involved in taking notes that you fail to look often at the speaker. The speaker’s gestures,
movements, and facial expression are often an important part of the message.
d. Resist the temptation to let something about the room, or objects within and around the room, distract
you. Focus on the speaker and the message.
e. Don’t look at others who enter or leave while the speaker is speaking. This practice not only interrupts
your train of thought—it adds to the distraction of the speaker.
f. Speakers sometimes exhibit a visual aid too soon, or neglect to remove it when they have finished using it.
Focus on the visual aid only when it is an asset to the point being discussed.

A final point deserves discussion: Never sleep when someone is talking to you! This point may seem self-
evident. But let’s face it—in the “busyness” of our lives, we tend to become passive whenever we listen.
Passivity promotes reduced attention, which in turn allows drowsiness to occur. In most cases, it is better to
stand up, or even to leave the room, rather than fall asleep.
2) Take notes effectively
Some people recommend that you not take notes so you can focus your attention wholly on what the speaker
is saying. This practice works well for listeners who are blessed with a great memory; most of us aren’t.
Taking notes will not only help you remember, it will help you organize what the speaker is saying. And it
may even aid your understanding and retention—after all, effective note taking will require you to think.

There are many different ways to take notes; for example, linear outlining, mindmapping, and key word
methodology. Ask different people what method they use, then find what works best for you. Whatever
method you select or devise, several things are worth considering.

a. Don’t attempt to write everything down. As mentioned earlier, effective listeners focus on the key ideas
or main points.
b. Write clearly enough that you can understand your writing later. If not, make certain that you allow time
to decipher your notes before they grow “cold.” It’s disheartening to review your notes two weeks later only
to find that they make no sense.
c. Don’t rely on listening later to a tape of the speech. Think! Will you have the time? Looking at your notes
for five minutes is generally sufficient, and is much more time-efficient than listening to the entire speech
again.

3) Be a physically involved listener

Just what does this statement mean? As you have already seen, listening requires more than just hearing.
You have also seen that making eye contact and taking notes will help to keep you from becoming passive.
But there is more: Active listening takes energy and involvement. Here are some physical behaviors that
will ensure your involvement and help your listening.

a. Use good posture. Sit up straight, yet comfortably. Good posture aids breathing and alertness. It also
communicates positive interest to the speaker.
b. Follow the speaker. If the speaker moves, turn your head or rotate in your chair to maintain eye contact
and attention. This movement also aids in keeping you alert.
c. Don’t be a deadpan. Facial expressions, head nods, and tilts of the head show your involvement and
provide positive feedback to the speaker.
d. Use your hands not only to take notes, but to show approval by applause when appropriate.
e. Participate when audience involvement is encouraged. Ask questions. Respond when a show of hands is
called for. Be an active listener.

4) Avoid negative mannerisms

Everyone has mannerisms. Watch anyone for a period of time and you will be convinced of this fact. If your
mannerisms do not cause a negative reaction, don’t worry about them. If a mannerism is positive or
encouraging and brings a positive response, make a mental note to do it more often. Unfortunately, some
mannerisms are negative or distracting.
Here are some examples of listener mannerisms that either hinder listening or have a negative impact—on
the speaker or on other listeners. Avoid these mannerisms.

a. Fidgeting, tapping a pencil, or playing with a rubber band or some other object. The effect on you may be
neutral, but such things distract other listeners and are an annoyance to the speaker.
b. Continually looking at the clock or your watch.
c. Reading a paper, balancing a checkbook, rearranging items in your wallet, or engaging in other behavior
which takes focus away from the speaker.
d. Displays of arrogance, superiority, or lack of interest in the speaker and message.

In short, any mannerism or behavior that detracts from the speaker or the message should be avoided. Such
things hinder the speaker, divert the attention of other listeners, and prevent you from being the best listener
you can be.

6) Develop a rich vocabulary

Finally, “s-t-r-e-t-c-h” your vocabulary. We’ve said this before, but nothing will pay greater listening
dividends. Learn the meanings of new words and acronyms. Listen to and read material that contains
challenging words. Keep a dictionary nearby. Look up new words as you read them, or jot them down as
you listen so you can look up the meanings later.

The more words you know, the greater will be your capacity to listen and understand. The bigger your
vocabulary, the greater will be your capacity to absorb and assimilate the complexity of thoughts.
 THE FIVE R'S OF NOTE TAKING

1. RECORDING. Get down the main ideas and facts.

2. REDUCING. To reduce is to summarize. Pick out key terms and concepts. You can make from
your notes what students sometimes call "cram sheets." These are sheets that list, usually in outline
form, the bare bones of a course. You will use them in reviewing by using the key ideas as cues for
reciting the details of what you have in your notes. On each page of notes you take, allow room to
write down these cues.

3. RECITING. Review lecture notes as soon after the lecture as possible. But you will also want to
review your notes before an exam and from time to time during the semester to keep them fresh in
your mind. Do so in your own words. That way you will know that you understand.

4. REFLECTING. Something that many students don't grasp is that ideas from college courses are
meant to be thought about. It is easy to fall into the trap of reciting ideas by rote. One of the main
purposes of a college education is to help you think. Then too, if you reflect about what you are
learning, you won't be surprised when ideas turn up on examinations in an unexpected form.

5. REVIEWING. One of the real secrets of successful studying is knowing when, how, and what to
review. But however you do it, reviewing is essential. Even the accomplished performer--the pianist
or the stage performer--knows that a review, no matter how well he or she may know the material, is
essential to a professional performance.
 Sources of Difficulty by the Speaker

• Voice volume too low to be heard.

• Making the message too complex, either by including too many unnecessary details or too many
issues.
• Getting lost, forgetting your point or the purpose of the interaction.
• Body language or nonverbal elements contradicting or interfering with the verbal message, such as
smiling when anger or hurt is being expressed.
• Paying too much attention to how the other person is taking the message, or how the person might
react.
• Using a very unique code or unconventional method for delivering the message.
 Irritating Listening Habits

1. Interrupting the speaker.

2. Not looking at the speaker.

3. Rushing the speaker and making him feel that he’s wasting the listener’s time.

4. Showing interest in something other than the conversation.

5. Getting ahead of the speaker and finishing her thoughts.

6. Not responding to the speaker’s requests.

7. Saying, “Yes, but . . .,” as if the listener has made up his mind.

8. Topping the speaker’s story with “That reminds me. . .” or “That’s nothing, let me tell you about. . .”

9. Forgetting what was talked about previously.

10. Asking too many questions about details.

 Poor Listening Habits

1. Calling the subject uninteresting

2. Criticizing the speaker &/or delivery

3. Getting over-stimulated

4. Listening only for facts (bottom line)

5. Not taking notes or outlining everything

6. Faking attention

7. Tolerating or creating distractions

8. Tuning out difficult material

9. Letting emotional words or ideas block the message or get us of track

10. Wasting the time difference between speed of speech and speed of thought
 Reasons for poor listening

1. Not focusing on the message.

As listeners, we can mentally handle more than 400 spoken words per minute, yet the average speaker
produces between 125-175 words per minute. In the excess time, the listener begins to think of other things.
We often bring into the communication setting our past, our feelings, our values, our attitudes. Sometimes
the speaker will present a thought or word which triggers a past experience. At that point we start to think
about the experience and soon forget the message being presented.

2. Passive listeners
Being passive is much easier than concentrating on the speaker’s message, but, unfortunately, it leads to
ineffective listening.

3. A physical communication setting that works against listening

Just as your other thoughts can invade your internal perceptual field, so also can distractions outside your
body invade your external perceptual field, drawing your attention away from the speech.

4. Listener’s own needs that may compete with the speaker’s ideas
Perhaps you didn’t sleep well, have a cold, or are hungry. All of these personal factors compete for your
energy and focus. Again, your physical needs as an individual win out over your intellectual needs as a
listener.
5. Unfamiliar language.
It takes mental and physical energy to deal with words or concepts that we don’t know, it is easier to turn off
the listening process when the speaker uses unfamiliar language. Unfamiliarity requires energy that listeners
may not be willing to expend.

6. Preset ideas about the topic, the speaker, or the occasion

Many speakers are not given a fair hearing because the audience accepts conclusions about them or their
topics beforehand.

7. Formulating and listening to your own rebuttal to what the speaker is saying.

8. Listening to your own personal beliefs about what is being said.

9. Evaluating and making judgments about the speaker or the message.

10. Not asking for clarification when you know that you do not understand.
 Behaviours

One of the best ways to begin to improve your listening skills is to have a better understanding of some of
the most common behaviors you and others demonstrate when not listening effectively. Keep in mind that
the following listening blocks should not always be considered bad. In certain situations, they can be
effective at helping an individual achieve a particular result. The key to their effectiveness is to be aware of
when and why you are using them.

Rehearsing

Your whole attention is on designing and preparing your next comment. You look interested, but your mind
is going a mile a minute because you are thinking about what to say next. Some people rehearse whole
chains of responses: I'll say, then he'll say, and so on.

Judging

Negatively labeling people can be extremely limiting. If you prejudge somebody as incompetent or
uninformed, you don't pay much attention to what that person says. A basic rule of listening is that
judgments should only be made after you have heard and evaluated the content of the message.

Identifying

When using this block, you take everything people tell you and refer it back to your own experience. They
want to tell you about a toothache, but that reminds you of your oral surgery for receding gums. You launch
into your story before they can finish theirs.

Advising

You are the great problem solver. You don't have to hear more than a few sentences before you begin
searching for the right advice. However, while you are coming up with suggestions and convincing someone
to just try it, you may miss what is most important.

Sparring

This block has you arguing and debating with people who never feel heard because you are so quick to
disagree. In fact, your main focus is on finding things to disagree with.

Being Right

Being right means you will go to great lengths (twist the facts, start shouting, make excuses or accusations,
call up past sins) to avoid being wrong. You can't listen to criticism, you can't be corrected, and you can't
take suggestions to change.
Derailing

This listening block involves suddenly changing the subject. You derail the train of conversation when you
get uncomfortable or bored with a topic. Another way of derailing is by joking.

Placating

Right . . . Absolutely . . . I know . . . Of course you are . . . Incredible . . . Really? You want to be nice,
pleasant, supportive. You want people to like you. So you agree with everything. You may half-listen just
enough to get the drift, but you are not really involved.

Dreaming

When we dream, we pretend to listen but really tune the other person out while we drift about in our interior
fantasies. Instead of disciplining ourselves to truly concentrate on the input, we turn the channel to a more
entertaining subject.
 Tips for speakers: How to make your audience listen

1. Overall: Make connections to what they already know.

2. Planning tips
a. Cover the issues that are important to the audience.
b. Use a pattern that makes sense to the audience.
c. Use previews, transitions, internal summaries and signposts to make the structure conspicuous.
d. Use support material that is memorable and valid.
e. Limit non-essential details that may throw listeners off track.
f. Stick to their expectations—length, format, topic.
g. Give an agenda and stick to it.

3. Make it interesting
a. Set realistic goals.
b. Get their attention and keep it interesting at all times.
c. Use variety,support, delivery—everything
d. Use stories and examples liberally. It is better to say a lot about a little than a little about a lot.
e. Whatever tires you will certainly tire them.
f. When speaking to a non-technical audience, generalize at a level that makes you squirm.
g. Be fluid in your delivery.
h. Use nonverbals that support your message.
i. Make your delivery appropriate to the topic and occasion.

4. Make it fit the audience

a. If things aren’t working, change—even in the middle of the presentation.
b. Add examples, comments, etc. that are unique to your audience or occasion.
c. Put yourself in their seat—remember what it’s like to be a listener.