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The

 ABRIDGED  Connection  Toolbox  –    


6  Tools  For  Deep  Connection  

Authors
Bryan Bayer, AMP co-founder
Decker Cunov, AMP co-founder

Note: This is only a partial version of the full


"Connection Toolbox: The Top 12 Practices For Deep
Connection"
When you order the full Getting Her World Program, you’ll receive the remaining 6
practices:
* Get Shared Reality
* Reference Earlier Theme
* Set Context
* Play a Game
* Explore Dissonance
* Genuine Curiosity
For more information and to order, go to: http://GettingHerWorld.com
OVERVIEW  OF  THE  CONNECTION  PRACTICES:  
 
Like an NBA basketball player drills on the basics to make art in the moment, or a
martial artist trains in particular moves, these Connection Practices are your “chops”
for creating deep connection and rewarding interactions.
As you practice your “chops”, you’ll find yourself putting these pieces together, doing
“combo-moves”, and eventually weaving them like a symphony, and as they become
second-nature to you, you’ll find yourself making ART in your interactions…!
THIS IS AN OVERVIEW, NOT A COMPREHENSIVE MANUAL
I could write for days about these practices, but the bottom line is that most of this
stuff is NOT best learned from reading about it. Read through the practices, pick a
couple to explore for a few days, and give it a shot even if you’re not completely sure
how it will land, and then adjust from there.
But first, I’m going to share with you an article I wrote a couple years ago for our AMP
Inner Circle Members that demonstrates several of these practices in a fun
interaction I had with a woman at a house party.
I’m sharing this story with you to show you:
1) How these Connection Practices apply in a real-world situation – even with a
woman who’s pretty feisty!
2) That this isn’t just a “Decker-only” skill – I didn’t always relate to women like this,
but I learned it, Decker learned it, and YOU can learn this, too.
And since I’m an uber-geek about this stuff, I’ll break down the stages of the AMP
Holarchy and the AMP Connection Practices as they come into play during the
interaction – and note them in Blue.

“Intense  First  Encounter”    


 
At a house party I noticed a woman -- she was petite, small features, short curly brown
hair, and cute… but looked tense and hard somehow.
We happened to make eye contact, and I found myself playing with her wordlessly,
making faces at her, exaggerating my expression, while maintaining eye contact…
Me: <solid eye contact> Hi!
Her: >defiantly> Oh, you don’t wanna have a staring contest with ME… I’ll win.
Me: <eyebrow raised> Oh yeah?
And so it begins… we square off, and sure
enough, this girl can hold her own.
[Connection Practice: Playing a Game]
I step closer to amp up the intensity, so we’re
almost nose-to-nose now, full, unblinking eye
contact, in silence… I can feel people in the
party out of the corner of my eye starting to
look at us, like, “What are they DOING?”

After about 30 seconds, I’m feeling tired of this “challenger game”…I’m ready to
change things up a bit.
Me: <gently> I’m noticing I want to feel more of a connection with you, than
competition with you… (Express a Desire [Integrity])

Her: <suspicious, defiant, still holding eye contact> What do you mean?
Me: <pausing to enjoy her defiance>… (Embrace Resistance [Appreciation])
Me: Well, It feels like we’re two plus signs… <feeling the sensations of tension in my
body - Speaking the Moment [Presence]>
Me: And I’m wanting to feel more of a circuit of connection…
(Express a Desire [Integrity])

Her: <nodding, slowly, eyes still narrowed. This chick is HARD>


Me: So… I could soften, and be more yin, more receptive… <doing this as I describe it,
softening my eyes, inviting her into me… I’m going to make MYSELF vulnerable, to pave
the way for more connection… Share Vulnerably [Wholeness] -- I’m enjoying myself,
and the challenge>

Her: <nodding slowly, suspicious/defiant>


Me: <smiling now>… cause you’re SURE as hell not gonna let go… (celebrating her
resistance to opening up…this is fun! - Embrace Resistance [Appreciation])
Her: <face tightening into a tense smile> Damn straight!
<I’m laughing at first, then feeling into her… softer now>
Me: Oh, I see… the times when you’ve let someone in… you’ve been hurt. (PRESENCE,
APPRECIATION of Shared Humanity between us – Offer Reflection [Appreciation])
Her: <lips pursed, nodding, through a tight jaw, face flushing now…> Multiple times.
Me: <Nodding, feeling her> So you’ve hardened yourself with a shell…
<she’s softening now, involuntarily, struggling, nodding>
<I’m totally with her now, very soft and present with her, allowing myself to be
impacted by her>
Me: …to make sure it never happens again…
Me: Wow…I can feel you softening now… it feels really good… (Share Impact
[Appreciation])
Her: Stop it! <tears starting to well up, looking away, struggling to contain herself>
<I’m slowly, with regard, smiling gently, enjoying her…putting an arm out, around her
shoulders, to bring her in for a reassuring hug>
Me: It’s beautiful, your opening… (technically not “owning my truth”, but this is just
what came out)
<Her eyes really tearing up now, pushing me away angrily, but conflicted, half-
heartedly…>
Her: STOP IT!
Me: <pausing, checking, feeling her, staying with her…> Do you really mean that?
Seems to me you WANT to be seen… (Exploring Dissonance [Integrity])
Me: <feeling into her, really starting to see her world> But it’s scary…
Her: <nodding, wiping a tear away, then, almost suddenly catching herself, and
hardening, angrily> I don’t even KNOW you. Why the hell should I trust YOU?
Me: <eyebrows raised, pausing> Good question. You’ve got no reason to trust me, do
you? We just met. (APPRECIATION & INTEGRITY—Remaining Composed, being a YES
to her test/resistance… Embrace Resistance [Appreciation])
Her: <IMMEDIATELY relaxing> Whoah. You’re good. Every other guy I’ve said that to
argues with me, tries to convince me why I should trust him… <pausing, looking
closer at me, REALLY engaged now> Who ARE you? Where are you from?
<I’m remaining silent now, smiling broadly now, REALLY enjoying this interaction…loving
how things are unfolding…>
Her: How old are you? I’m probably too old for you… (she’s getting a little wound up,
not quite sure what to do with herself…it’s adorable…)
Me: <putting a hand out, taking her wrist, to “ground” her a little bit> Let’s slow down
for a moment, and just breathe together for a second… (Offer Direction [Integrity])
<snip>
We had a fun adventure from here on out…

NOW,  YOU  CAN  REFERENCE  EACH  POINT  IN  THE  STORY  WITH  THE  PRACTICE  THAT  
WAS  BEING  APPLIED…  
Plus, we've gone meticulously through every segment of the Getting Her World
Program and listed examples of where each of these practices is demonstrated, in the
moment, with time codes. So if you're looking to train in a particular practice, you can
simply skip to those spots and watch example after example.

Offer  Reflection  
PART  OF  THE  HOLARCHY: APPRECIATION

OVERVIEW  
My friend and former AMP Facilitator Guy Sengstock is fond of saying, “You can’t see
your own eyeball.”
The power of Offering Reflection is that we get to give someone the gift of themselves,
through our eyes. It’s a generous way of living in the world.
Man, there’s a lot that I could say about this practice. I’ll cover some of the main
points:

OFTEN  CONFUSED  WITH  “GIVING  COMPLIMENTS”  


Offering reflection can be confused with “giving compliments”, and they’re very different
in that there’s no inherent EVALUATION inside of offering a reflection, as opposed to
compliments, which are generally “positive”. Whereas the goal of a compliment
“You’re great” “You’re pretty” “You are very generous” is usually to “make someone
feel good”, the “goal”(more an opportunity, really) of Offering Reflection is to have them
feel uniquely seen -- and to speak to the deeper layers of BEING, to that person’s
ESSENCE.
EXAMPLE  OF  OFFERING  REFLECTION  
This is an excerpt from a blog post written by a girl who I’d recently met -- she calls me
“Caleb” for anonymity purposes. It demonstrates the power of Offering Reflection over
Giving Compliments:
--------------
"You have the most beautiful eyes,” DOES NOT BEAT:
"You know what I like about you. You have no filter. You say what you want to say
and it's not awkward or mean. It's just what you want to say." THIS is what Caleb
said.
"Your skin is like...porcelain," DOES NOT BEAT:
"Have you always been this innocent? This full of wonder?" THIS is what Caleb said.
Written down--maybe the innocent thing sounds cheesy, untrue, a ridiculous
exaggeration. But honestly, I am innocent. I am full of wonder. Despite all the men,
despite all the threesomes, despite the recent broken heart, despite the BDSM and
the orgies and the strapons--I'm innocent. I'm full of wonder. I look at this world I'm in
and created for myself and I'm like--ahh. Wonderful.
These are things that Caleb said. Because he was responding to what I was giving him.
----------------
It’s not so much the words as the flavor behind the words…hopefully this helps clarify
the “tone” of Offering Reflection…

Offering Reflection isn’t inherently “positive or negative” – I’ve offered reflection that
most people might consider “negative”, yet they felt seen, and we felt closer as a
result.

TO  A  GOOD  FRIEND  OF  MINE,  I  OFFERED  THIS  REFLECTION    -­‐-­‐    


NOT  NECESSARILY  “GOOD”  OR  “BAD”:
“You know, my experience of you is that you have no morals. It seems that there’s a
part of you that actually doesn’t care about ANY of this. And while that has me
concerned about whether you have my best interests in mind, I also find you incredibly
trustable, because since you ARE so “unplugged” from needing anyone to feel good
about you or to like you, it frees you up to say WHATEVER is really true for you – and
THAT is something I find really trustable about you.”
So, as you can see, it doesn't have to be all “positive”. And you can see that I mixed in
Offering Reflection with “Sharing Impact” – they go really well together.
There are different types of offering reflection, as well. Here are a couple:
TYPES  OF  OFFERING  REFLECTION  
Emotional-Summary Reflections – Feeling into the emotional sentiment behind
someone’s words, and offering the “emotional summary” of what they’re sharing.
Example: Someone’s talking fondly, longingly about their deceased Dad, sharing story
after story… the Emotional-Summary Reflection might be, “What I'm getting is that you
really love and miss your Dad...”
This is powerful for helping people “bottom-line” what they're trying to say, and reflect
that back to them so they know you “get it”.
Acknowledgement – An acknowledgement is an especially powerful type of reflection,
often woven in with the practice of Sharing Impact – the impact and contribution that
they’ve had on you and your life. In our AMP/AuthenticWorld community, we often
honor people at their birthdays with an acknowledgement circle, where we share our
experience of them, and who they are for us in our lives.
Example: “Garrison, I want to acknowledge you for the idea for Getting Her World, and
your level of attention to detail that has it being as professionally produced as it is.
Even as I feel crazy when we spend too much time working together, I've really enjoyed
this project with you. I feel honored to have worked with you on this, and proud to have
you and this program represent us and our work.”
And, there are more types… Speaking The Moment is specific practice that’s a form of Offering
Reflection as well…

Regardless of the type, one important consideration about Offering Reflection is this:

BE  WILLING  TO  BE  HAVE  YOUR  REFLECTION  NOT  MATCH  UP  WITH  THEIR  
EXPERIENCE  OF  THEMSELVES  
Be open to being totally OFF about their experience, and willing to co-explore it with
them. If their experience REALLY doesn’t match yours, this is where the practice of
EXPLORING INCONGRUITY is useful… (covered later in this guide)

MY  PERSONAL  EXPERIENCE  WITH  OFFERING  REFLECTION:  


 
I find myself Offering Reflection ALL the time, with lots of people in my life. My friend
Kal has even commented on it, offering ME the reflection that I tend to Offer Reflection
a lot! 

And, one of the super-powers of our AMP Intensives and our unique “circling”
methodology is that we offer a LOT of reflection. This tends to take people deeper into
their OWN experience, and deepens the level of trust between us when they know that
we’re tracking what it’s like to be THEM, and they often feel safer to go much deeper
than they otherwise would.
GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:

Exploring Incongruity
Sharing Impact

DEMONSTRATED  IN  GETTING  HER  WORLD  (http://GettingHerWorld.com):


• In the bonus video, Intersubjective Meditation Practice, Garrison and Bodhi (one
of our AMP women) go deeply into Offering Reflection, Sharing Impact, Exploring
Incongruity, and Speaking the Moment, facilitated by Decker – an awesome
example of these practices.

Other good examples:

• In Segment 18 of Getting Her World Decker tells Karina, “You’re like most
guy’s dream girl.” And goes on to share why…

• In Segment 4, Decker reflects to Jennifer his experience of how she tends to


override her resistance at times…
Other Examples:

Karina segment 3 (0:54), 4 (0:53, 1:03, 2:11) 5 (0:55, 1:51), 6 (1:23), 7 (1:04), 8
(2:05), 9 (3:00), 11 (2:57), 14 (0:56), 15 (2:54), 16 (0:57, 1:58, 2:23, 4:35), 17
(0:38, 1:45), 18 (0:24, 2:27), 19 (0:41), 23 (4:24), 24 (3:03, 5:11), 25 (0:44), 27
(4:10, 5:33), 32 (4:38), 33 (3:05), 36 (4:10)

Jennifer segment 1 (4:41, 14:06), 2 (1:11, 1:28), 3 (:20, 2:36), 4 (:37, 1:16,
2:57), 5 (4:05), 9 (1:13), 10 (2:54, 5:43), 18 (3:20), 21 (2:45, 4:18, 7:12)

Kendra segment 2 (1:02, 1:18), 4 (2:11), 5 (0:53), 6 (3:44)


Share  Impact  

PART  OF  THE  HOLARCHY: APPRECIATION

OVERVIEW  
Ok, this one is key, which is why I made a whole video about it on the blog --
http://blog.gettingherworld.com/?p=15
When you’re getting another person’s world, you’re asking questions (often lots of
them), to clarify and flesh out what their world is like. Whenever I do this with women
I’ve first met, they sometimes get a little bristly, like, “What, are you trying to
psychoanalyze me?” And while I might joke with them at first (Embrace Resistance,
right) – “Yes, I’m checking to see how crazy you are”, if they’re still wary, I’ll Share My
Desire – that my reason for asking questions is that I’m wanting to understand what
it’s like to be them…
It’s actually two parts…
The first part is being willing to ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE IMPACTED.
This means being willing to feel what she’s feeling. Embrace intense sensations and
emotions (the FULL RANGE) – actually LEAN INTO THEM, relish them, savor them…
retrain your habitual patterns of recoiling from intensity (whether it’s to “plow through”,
dissociate, or withdraw…)… learn to stay present with intensity.
The second part is to SHARE THAT IMPACT
As I mention in the video, this is an important part of balancing the relationship
between you and the person whose world you are getting. Without it, you may come
off as a therapist, and end up in more of a “facilitator role” rather than someone you’re
co-exploring a connection with.
The steps are listed on the blog post, as I mentioned, and it’s illustrated with clips from
the Getting Her World Program, so I will only go into them briefly here:
Step 1: Notice What it's like to be with YOURSELF -- what's the flavor? Sensations,
emotions, etc...
Step 2: Notice what it's like to be with THEM -- what's the flavor? Sensations, emotions,
etc...
Step 3: Find the difference between how you feel with YOURSELF, and how you feel with
THEM
Step 4: SHARE with them the impact that they are having on you.
MY  PERSONAL  EXPERIENCE:  
 
I’ve found that the more I share the impact they’re having on me, the talking “about
stuff” level of conversation drops away, and in its place is an “in-the-moment”
exploration -- What am I noticing? What are you noticing? What shows up in the
space of us, together?

GOES  WELL  WITH  OTHER  PRACTICES:  


 
Share Desire (when they’re wondering why you’re asking lots of questions  )

DEMONSTRATED  IN  GETTING  HER  WORLD (http://GettingHerWorld.com):


In the Intersubjective Meditation Practice, Garrison and Bodhi (one of our AMP
women) go deeply into offering reflection, sharing impact, and speaking the moment,
facilitated by Decker – an awesome example of these practices. This is an extra bonus
you’ll receive when you purchase Getting Her World.
Other Examples:

• Jennifer segments 5 (4:13), 11 (2:05), 14 (1:40), 21 (0:44)

• Karina segments 3 (2:38), 5 (1:05), 6 (1:35, 2:14), 7 (1:16. 1:32, 2:14), 9


(2:32, 3:33), 10 (0:31), 13 (0:19, 1:05), 14 (1:04), 15 (3:05), 22 (0:44), 23
0:44), 26 (2:15), 27 (2:24), 29 (2:03), 30 (1:34)

• Kendra segments 6 (6:50, 10:11), 8 (2:45), 11 (2:29), 13 (4:26)

Embrace  Resistance  

PART  OF  THE  HOLARCHY: APPRECIATION

THE  PRACTICE:  
 
Whenever her closure/protections/resistance/defenses come up, it’s often a sign
that she wants to open up deeper, and is checking to see if it’s really safe to do so.
This protection may show up as testing (jabs, attacks, coldness, defiance, anger,
challenge) – or withdrawal and silence.
So, how to respond to it? Well, first, we recommend that you…
DON’T  “FREEZE  HER  OUT”  
If her resistance is coming up, there are more artful ways of dealing with it than
“freezing her out” -- aka “punish by withdrawing attention” as some assholish pickup
artist “wisdom” propagates.

Instead, we recommend you…

BECOME  A  CONNOISSEUR  OF  HER  RESISTANCE!  


The practice of Embracing Resistance in this case is to invite out and celebrate the
resistance – become a connoisseur of her resistance. Is it more of a “tough girl”
energy? Or more withdrawn, aloof, cold? Or, is it jabby and abrasive, with an
undertone of “You don’t really care about me anyway…” ?
What’s the flavor, the texture, the shape of her resistance?
In any case, there’s an opportunity to explore, honor, and acknowledge this protective
mechanism, it’s here for a reason. These mechanisms are designed to keep us safe,
physically and emotionally, from potentially traumatic experiences.
If we try to convince her, shame/belittle her, “plow” over it, or somehow “get around” it,
we’re shortcutting a massive opportunity for Getting Her World (more intimacy,
connection, juicy depth and richness etc.).

EXAMPLE  OF  EMBRACING  RESISTANCE  FROM  THE  “HOUSE  PARTY”  STORY  


Her: I don’t even KNOW you. Why the hell should I trust YOU?
Me: <eyebrows raised, pausing> Good question. You’ve got no reason to trust me, do
you? We just met. (APPRECIATION & INTEGRITY—Remaining Composed, being a YES
to her test/resistance… Embrace Resistance [Appreciation])
Her: <IMMEDIATELY relaxing> Whoah. You’re good. Every other guy I’ve said that to
argues with me, tries to convince me why I should trust him… <pausing, looking
closer at me, REALLY engaged now> Who ARE you? Where are you from?

Part of the beauty of connecting in a way that “Gets Her World” is that if there’s
resistance, defensiveness, or guardedness, then THAT is what you connect with her
about – an acknowledgement of what’s happening, IN THE MOMENT, including
wherever she might be feeling closed, resistant, defensive. See other examples in
Decker’s interactions with Karina in the Getting Her World Program…

MY  PERSONAL  EXPERIENCE:  
I find this particular practice really easy, if she’s being overtly hostile towards me.
However, if her protective mechanism is one of dismissal or disdain, I tend to get
triggered and reactive, and really have to watch my Composure in those moments.
Decker’s the opposite. He can handle a woman being dismissive, but gets triggered if
she’s being shaming or hostile. So, it varies from person to person. What is the flavor
of feminine resistance that triggers YOU?
DEMONSTRATED IN GETTING HER WORLD (http://GettingHerWorld.com):

• Karina segments 9 (0:18) 11 (1:00) 15 (3:53) 16 1:04) 16 (4:42) 18 (0:57,


2:03) 24 (4:01)

• Jennifer segments 3 (0:49) 8 (:43) 8 (1:57) 9 (:36) 10 (1:36) 13 (1:28) 14


(:28, 1:15)

• Kendra segments 6 (2:32) 6 (3:13), 7 (3:02), 8 (0:11), 13 (2:50)

Offer  Direction  
PART  OF  THE  HOLARCHY: INTEGRITY

OVERVIEW  
This is a fun one! This practice is about taking the lead, taking her on a ride, “making
her feel like a woman”, or “being the banks of the river for her to flow inside of”, to
paraphrase David Deida…
For me, this is about checking in with what I’m wanting in the moment, then feeling into
her, where she’s at, and what SHE’s wanting in the moment, then offering a direction
that would have us feeling more love, closeness, connection, joy, aliveness… whatever
seems to be called for in the moment.
It may look like…
“Let’s play a game.”
“Let’s take a deep breath together”
“Give me your hand.”
“Let’s go get some Thai food.”
“Turn over.”
“Let’s get out of here.”
I’ve called it “Offer Direction” rather than “Set Direction” because at any given moment,
while it may sound like I’m issuing orders, I’m actually doing simply that – offering a
direction, while staying totally open to a different course of action, depending on her
response to what I’ve just offered.
OFFERING  DIRECTION  CAN  BE  WORDLESS…
if you’re walking down the street together, you can be Offering Direction simply by
steering her around…I tend to take whatever bags she’s holding as we’re walking
together, to free her up, and then guide us, arm in arm..
Offering Direction wordlessly also shows up during sex, where you’re directing her with
your arms, your body, and your breathing…

IT’S  OFTEN  ARTFULLY  COMBINED  WITH  OWNING  A  DESIRE  


By vulnerably sharing the intention behind your desire
“I want you closer—come sit by me.”
“I’m noticing I’m wanting to see what happens if we relax out of words for
awhile, and just be here in silence”
“I want you out of those clothes as soon as possible. Come home with me.”
MY  PERSONAL  EXPERIENCE:  
I’ve spent years cultivating this more “masculine” way of relating, and recently I’ve
backed off of it, I realized I’d had it as that the guy HAS to be always the one setting
direction and taking the lead… but if you listen to the recent interview I did (Getting
Bryan’s World – a bonus for the Getting Her World release), I’ve actually had some
pretty profound breakthroughs recently around relaxing into TAKING DIRECTION, being
willing to be led, and letting go of any dogma about how an interaction SHOULD be.
You’ll also see Decker be willing to TAKE DIRECTION in GHW when Jennifer ups the
ante (Segment 16) in the “Color Echo” game Decker initially offers, by suggesting that it
be a PSYCHIC Color Echo Game (much tougher!). And if Decker had decided, “No, I
am the man, I’m the one who’s setting direction…”, they would have missed out on the
incredible “psychic” magic that emerged.
So bottom line is, offering direction can be a fun, powerful way of taking the interaction
to new, deep and exciting places – but as soon as it becomes dogma (that you HAVE to
do it), it’s less effective for joy, turn-on & connection, in my experience.

GOES  WELL  WITH  OTHER  PRACTICES:  


Own a Desire

DEMONSTRATED  IN  GETTING  HER  WORLD (http://GettingHerWorld.com):


• Jennifer segments 5 (3:28), 11 (2:50, 3:02) 20 (0:55)

• Kendra segments 13 (0:50, 1:05, 2:45, 6:40)


14 (2:46, 4:05) - playing games, and Decker inviting her to let go and open
deeper… a very sweet and powerful pair of segments.
Explore  Incongruity  
PART  OF  THE  HOLARCHY: INTEGRITY

   
OVERVIEW  
This practice is often used when she says one thing, but her body seems to be saying
another thing.
Some people would say this is the same as “Calling Her Out”, or “Calling Bullshit”, but
one of the principles of AMP is…
Own Our Truth: We are not the authorities on another person’s experience, only our
own.
So we are staying open to the possibility that we are completely OFF about our
interpretation of their experience. At the same time, we’re not abandoning or ignoring
our own experience, even if it doesn’t match up with theirs.
Calling someone’s defensive incongruence “bullshit” is not conducive to inviting out
parts of us that are tender or vulnerable – and these are the sweetest places to
explore, in my experience! So, if there’s a mismatch between what we’re experiencing
and what they’re saying, it doesn’t mean we let it slide.
It also doesn’t mean we have to use NVC (Non-Violent Communication)-style “own-your-
experience” language, like “I’m noticing a difference between your experience and my
own”. You can put it into common-language. A simple, open-hearted and curious
street-talk, “Hmm, that doesn’t fit for me” can still be a playful way of Exploring
Incongruity, without acting like “we know” what another person’s experience is.
This is a more advanced practice to do artfully, but this is ALSO often where we’ll
discover new things about each other that we never knew before-- exciting places!
GOES WELL WITH OTHER PRACTICES:
Speaking the Moment
Sharing Impact

DEMONSTRATED  IN  GETTING  HER  WORLD (http://GettingHerWorld.com):


• Decker and Karina in Segment 9, where he’s exploring the situation with the
guy who picked her up in the club, whether she calmly told him, “I’m going to bite
you”

• Karina Segment 18, where he explores whether she actually WAS looking
forward to being more available to receive acknowledgements…
• In the bonus video, Intersubjective Meditation Practice… Garrison and Bodhi
(one of our AMP women) go deeply into Exploring Incongruity in part 3 -- facilitated
by Decker – an awesome example of this practice.
Other Examples:

Karina segments 5 (2:57) 6 (0:34), 9 (1:53, 7:21), 18 (1:02), 24 (1:38)

(Not much of this practice with Kendra and Jennifer)

Share  Vulnerably  

PART  OF  THE  HOLARCHY: WHOLENESS

OVERVIEW  
Sharing vulnerably is often used in conjunction with “Sharing Impact”. It’s part of what
balances the interaction from being a one-sided exploration of HER world only…
I’ve included it as an aspect of Wholeness, because it requires us to be willing to
expose ourselves, and be open to being judged, made wrong, or shamed…and this is
made possible through Wholeness --- being completely “right” with ourselves, and these
vulnerable places.

WHEN  IT’S  APPLIED  


I’ve found that oftentimes I’m content to explore HER world without even going into
mine for a large part of the interaction… AND, eventually it seems the conversation will
naturally turn towards, “What about you? I’ve been doing all the talking here…” – This is
an opportunity for you to bring YOURSELF fully, to meet her (if not go deeper) in terms
of the vulnerability of your sharing with her.

MY  PERSONAL  EXPERIENCE:  
 
A lot of what I share in our articles, newsletters, interviews and blog posts are
vulnerable stories about my challenges, edges, and fall-on-my-face failures – in fact, I
often open up our AMP Intensive courses by sharing my story of how that bastard
Decker stole the ballet dancer I’d fallen in love with. ;) All of this is in support of
creating a space of safety to talk about what’s real.
Even at dinner parties or other social situations, I’ll share what’s most vulnerable for
me at the moment, because it sets the tone for the night that it is actually OK here to
talk about stuff you wouldn’t normally be willing to talk about– it creates a safe space
for real and authentic connection, that people can step into. A space of, “Ok, wow,
there’s a lot of places this conversation could go.”

GOES  WELL  WITH  OTHER  PRACTICES:  


 
Share Impact
Own A Desire (when they’re wondering why you’re asking lots of questions)

DEMONSTRATED  IN  GETTING  HER  WORLD (http://GettingHerWorld.com):


• Jennifer segments 3 (1:27, 8:16), 4 (1:52), 5 (0:30), 16 (4:23, 6:10), 18
(0:49)

• Karina segments 2 (0:22), 4(0:09), 12 (2:57), 15 (2:47), 17 (1:13), 23


(3:54), 27 (1:35), 31 (0:40), 34 (1:00)

• Kendra segments 16 (1:35)

Ok,  that’s  it  for  this  abridged  version  of  the  “Connection  Toolbox…  6  practices:  
• Share Impact
• Offer Reflection
• Embrace Resistance
• Offer Direction
• Explore Incongruity
• Share Vulnerably

INVITATION: Pick 1 or 2 of the practices outlined here that appealed to you most,
and take them on for the week – apply them in your interactions – see what turns
up! If you order Getting Her World, you can post your results on the AMP Dojo,
our interactive learning environment for Getting Her World.
Note: This is an abridged version of the full
"Connection Toolbox: The Top 12 Practices
For Deep Connection"
In the full version you’ll receive the remaining 6 practices, with examples of
where they show up in the GHW Program, including:

• Genuine Curiosity
• Reference Earlier Theme
• Set Context
• Play a Game
• Own a Desire
• Speak the Moment

And this is one of several free bonus you’ll receive with your order of the
Getting Her World Program, found here: http://GettingHerWorld.com

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