Running head: Domestic Violence in Same-Sex Relationships

Investigating the Dynamics of Domestic Violence in Same-Sex Relationships Neffer-Oduntunde A. Kerr Chicago State University

Running head: Domestic Violence in Same-Sex Relationships

Not very long ago, when people would hear the term domestic violence it was usually primarily associated with the physical abuse of a man towards a woman. In most cases a married couple. We now know that there are many more dynamics between individuals that constitutes an intimate relationship. Socially, our acceptance and understanding of couples in various types of relationships has evolved. Due to this evolution, better terminology has been implemented to cover the complete scope of relationships as they pertain to violence and abuse within partnerships. Intimate Partner Violence, or IPV, is defined as violence between sexually intimate couples of almost any age, education level, marital status, living arrangement or sexual orientation (Barnett, Miller-Perrin, & Perrin, 2011, p. 647). Intimate Partner Violence does not simply affect one group of people. It is one of those aspects of human behavior that encompasses the entire spectrum regardless of the things we use to separate ourselves. With this now being acknowledged, researchers and psychologists have begun investigating the very different aspects of intimate partner violence as it related to nontraditional relationships, (same sex in particular). This is because there has become a realization that it simply does not occur just amongst heterosexual couples. Like any group of people, lesbian and gay couples have to deal with many misconceptions and stereotypes. This also includes stereotypes about IPV within the Lesbian and Gay community. Although the dynamics of Intimate Partner Violence varies between male to male (gay) and female to female relationships (lesbian), the reasons for remaining silent about the abuse consist of both differences and similarities to their heterosexual counterparts. There are a great deal of legislative and human rights issues

Running head: Domestic Violence in Same-Sex Relationships that also come into play that most heterosexual couple dont even have to consider. This too, greatly impacts the decision for a victim of same sex IPV to remain silent.

Myth: Domestic violence doesnt exist among same-sex couples. Fact: At least one in four gay and lesbian partners will experience domestic violence in his or her lifetime, according to the 1998 domestic violence report by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Projects (NCAVP). (Lehmann, 2002, p.22). This is a very popular misconception that abuse does not exist within same-sex relationships. Truth of the matter is Gay and lesbian couples experience the same issues of power and control as heterosexual couples. This may manifest itself in physical, sexual, verbal, and economic abuse, said Noyes (Lehmann, 2002, p.22), because of this, there is the same amount of opportunity for stress and abuse to infiltrate the relationship. It should be noted that as with their heterosexual counterparts, there are also instances where the individuals may have been exposed to or victims of childhood and/or family abuse. As research shows, in many of these situations the learned behavior becomes repeated regardless of sexual orientation. This is both prevalent in men as well as women, but manifests itself differently in lesbian versus gay relationships involving IPV. Cook (2009) highlights one of the primary myths surrounding lesbian Intimate Partner Violence: Another frequently mentioned assumption about domestic violence is that male dominance is a casual factor in producing wife abuse. Stated another way, if society did not condone male dominance, fewer women would be battered.

Running head: Domestic Violence in Same-Sex Relationships Women who are free of male dominance should then be free of domestic violence. (p.36)

Of course, it is now understood that this misconception about lesbian relationships is NOT the case and that IPV does occur in female to female relationships, not simply male to male ones. I have personally witnessed firsthand the level of possessiveness and violence that occurs within both groups. It has even been statistically shown that 3.4% of women who commit homicide, killed their (female) mates (Cook, 2009, p. 36). Research has shown that abuse is usually already pre-existing in homicides within any intimate relationship between two individuals. Studies show that as many as a third of lesbians have been victims of sexual assault or coercion at the hands of another woman(Lehmann, 2002, p. 22). It should also be noted that in a case study Ristock (2002) cites 66% of 189 women had reported being victims of intimate partner violence within their same sex relationships. In the case of gay men one might assume that a man will simply not allow another man to hit or abuse him. Ironically it is same sex gay relationships that have the highest rate of intimate partner violence. There is a great deal of research that confirms that intimate partner violence is more prevalent among gay male than heterosexual couples (Tjaden, Thoennes, & Allison, 1999, p. 413). While women are perceived as having catty or possessive tendencies, men, because of the levels of testosterone are naturally more aggressive with one another. Also because n woman is involved some abusers report feeling like they arent doing anything wrong because they are not putting their hands on a woman. This warped mentality allows many gay males who are abusive a

Running head: Domestic Violence in Same-Sex Relationships

false sense of justification in abusing their partner. Whether gay, lesbian, or heterosexual physical abuse is physical abuse and can never rationally be justified. Abuse in same sex relationships have been known to take many different forms. It could be sexual abuse where raping ones partner or forcing sex without protection is the vehicle for abuse. Verbal abuse could manifest itself in emotionally or psychologically damaging language or simply the threat of disclosing ones orientation or health status to others. Physical abuse is the same as with heterosexuals and in many cases goes selftreated by the victim. It is also not uncommon in these types of relationships that the abuser is also financially more dominant than the victim. These types of abuse are simply the tip of the iceberg as we learn more about the difference in this type of IPV compared to those in heterosexual IPV. Although there are many similarities in the patterns of abusers within same-sex and heterosexual relationships, there are some different reasons and factors why the abuse goes so unreported within this community.

As with any form of IPV, whether adolescent, same sex or otherwise, there are many reasons the abuse goes unreported and/or the victim does not leave. In the case of same sex relationships domestic violence has even higher chances of going unreported because of deeper feelings of isolation, the lack of support for victims, and the politics surrounding social perceptions of same sex relationships. Verbal abuse plays a major role as well. In many cases the victim is threatened by the abuser using their HIV status or disclosure of that status to others as a mechanism to control and keep the victim quiet about the abuse.

Running head: Domestic Violence in Same-Sex Relationships Although being a gay man or lesbian woman is much more accepted than it was

20 years ago, there is still much scrutiny and many negative connotations associated with that label. Many people who prefer same sex relationships understand this too well and feel as though because of this, they automatically have one societal strike going against them. As a result, there is a very high level of altruism amongst the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered (LGBT) community. It is understood that camaraderie and support within the group ensures safety, community, and a sense of acceptance and security. As helpful as that is in terms of a social network, it has been found to be equally unhelpful in cases of IPV within that community. There are more cases of abuse that go on unreported because many individuals are afraid to air issues of gay and lesbian battering (in fear of provoking homophobic attacks on a micro or macro level). The less additional attention caused to the group the better because speaking on abuse would simply add another strike to being a member of the LGBT community. There is also the feeling of isolation that is quite interconnected with being a member of this group. Many gay and lesbian people have been disowned by family and friends, scrutinized at work and even ostracized or harassed once their sexual orientation became known. A lot of times for this reason they may have become isolated to just the LBGT community in which they operate (no different than an abused woman who doesnt live near any family or friends). It may simply be the case that a victim of Intimate Partner Violence doesnt leave or report the abuse because (like that woman) they simply have no where to go or no one to turn to for help.

Running head: Domestic Violence in Same-Sex Relationships Unfortunately, for those who do wish to leave an abusive relationship, there are very few networks and support systems that not only exist, but are equip with the proper training, sensitivity and understanding to deal with same sex IPV.

Another issue in regards to why a lot of this type of abuse goes unreported has to do with the many political variables surrounding same sex relationships. As a result of having to fight so hard to be treated like any other human being, many members of the gay and lesbian community operate as though they must prove themselves worthy just to receive the same treatment, rights and services that are allotted to heterosexual individuals. This includes things like the right to marry, health coverage for partners and of course adoption. These are serious matters for lesbian and gay couples, and in most cases legislation is contingent on the perception of that community as well as their fight for those rights. So it is not uncommon for victims to stay silent in cases of abuse as not to draw negative attention to issues within the group because they know it will be magnified and a possible stigma attached (i.e. the gays beat each other).Once again, altruism. This take one for the team mentality has been identified as one of the primary reasons as to why so many cases of same sex IPV go unreported. Overall study findings suggest that intimate partner violence is perpetrated primarily by men, whether against same sex or opposite sex partners (Tjaden, Thoennes, & Allison, 1999, p.413). While we now have a better understanding of the dynamics of intimate partner violence as it pertains to same sex relationships there is still a lot of compassion and understanding that must happen as well if we are to deal with this form of abuse as seriously as IPV that occurs within heterosexual couples. Victims need to have places to go to for counseling that will be able to not only assist capably, but

Running head: Domestic Violence in Same-Sex Relationships respectfully of the situation. Victims must be able to trust that they will be treated seriously and not be discriminated against while seeking the help they desperately need. Those affected by intimate partner violence need these things and more to even have the option to leave an abusive partner. On the other hand, the abusers need mandatory counseling tailored to same-sex relationships. This is not yet something that is common place or even trained to counselors who should be equipt to dealing with all aspects of IPV. The bottom line is that abusers are the same across the board regardless of the sexual orientation of an

individual. The reasons for remaining silent about the abuse transcends to not just the two groups, but heterosexual IPV as well. The dynamics of Intimate Partner Violence when it comes to same-sex relationships have a great deal to do with stereotypes, fear and political issues that affect the gay and lesbian community as a whole. If it is desired for this type of abuse to stop being underreported then it is vital that New theories of violence and models for intervention must be developed if same-sex domestic violence is to be confronted (Elliot, 1996, p.1).

Running head: Domestic Violence in Same-Sex Relationships references Barnett, O.W., Miller-Perrin, C.L., & Perrin, R.D.(2011). Family violence across the lifespan, an introduction 3rd Ed. Thousand Okas, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc. Cook, P. W. (2009). Abused men: the hidden side of domestic violence. Westport, CA: Praeger Publishers. Elliot, P. (1996). Shattering illusions: same sex domestic violence. Jour Gay & Lesbian Soc Svcs, Vol 4 (1),pp. 1-8. doi: 10.1300/J04v04n01_01 Island, D., & Letellier, P. (1991). Men who beat the men who love them :battered gay men and domestic violence. Binghamton, NY: Hawthorne Press, Inc. Lehmann, C. (2002). Domestic violence overlooked in same-sex couples. Psychiatric News, Vol 37 (12), p. 22. Lundy, S.E., & Leventhal, B. (1999). Same sex domestic violence: strategies for change. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc. Renzetti, C.M., & Miley, C.H. (1999). Violence in gay and domestic partnerships. Binghamton, NY: Hawthorne Press, Inc. Ristock, J.L. (2002). No more secrets: violence in lesbian relationships. New York, NY: Routledge. Tjaden, P., Thoennes, N., & Allison, C. J. (1999). Comparing violence over the lifespan in samples of same sex and opposite sex cohabitants. Violence and Victims, Vol 14 (4),pp. 413-425.